The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #125 - Smiley

Episode Date: May 5, 2013

Warning: listening to this podcast may result in a Smiley attack. 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 32:22 - It takes us even longer than usual to work up the enthusiasm to talk about Smiley.32:23 - 39:25- Final judgments.39:26 - 40:51- Keep on pluggin'.40:52 - 1:00:20- Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:21 - 1:07:34 - The sad bastards recommend.1:07:35 - 1:09:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

I have to admit, we did it for the laws. We discuss Smiley. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flap House. Hello, I'm Dan McCoy. Hello, hello Stuart Wollocks. Back to that huh? How are you? I'm Stuart Wollington. Thank you. And I'm great.

And who are you to my left? My name is Elliot Kaylen. Oh, please to me to Elliot. We are not meeting for the first time. We've known each other for many years now. We're here for the Flop As podcast. A podcast. You are a crowd sound effect.

Cheers. Yeah, like a cheer. A pause, a pause, a pause. Where this is a podcast called the Flop House, where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk around it. Just mirror it. Just mirror it.

Sometimes talk of the movie means talk of a hunchback detective solving crimes on the battle-star galactica. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time it's, I don't know, cartoons or like kids sandwitches or whatever. Yeah, we discuss kids sandwiches a lot with the kids reading, with the kids are wearing. Yeah. What kind of sandwiches the kids are wearing these days?

And a lot of frequent listeners may notice that Elliot has taken over part of my introduction. I can only assume that's because I'm moving slowly because of my weird allergy attack that seems to have come on. Yeah, what are you allergic to? Is it lack of sympathy? Yeah. I'm allergic to not getting any letters about my knee. Yeah.

You guys just. Blam, man. It's a vicious circle. I'm baby boy Dan McCoy. I wind and cry all the time. Oh man. Is this diaper wet from pee or tears? Who knows? He made me wonder why I keep doing this. I just created a new baby who uses a cane Well, then baby millionaire Millionaire just as an affectation. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's such an ill tempered baby.

He never he has any money to hobo baby He doesn't need that's the thing he doesn't need the cane to walk he needs it to beat hobo baby as he walks by Yeah, smack him. He's just lucky that he has the motor skills to do that. He's just a baby How did millionaire baby get his money? I think he inherited it when he inherited the castle from the never created cartoon show castle babies. Was that the castle freak animated series or their babies? I mean, there's probably freak somewhere,

but that's a season two plot line. Never realized. This is not Stuart Gordon's Castle Baby. It's Stuart Wellington's Castle Baby. So tonight's bad. It is sponsored by, what is it, that Gordon's fish. Yeah, Gordon's fishermen fish dates. Yeah.

If you want fish sticks that taste like they're prepared by Castle Freak, make them Gordon's. If you want a fish stick that might be a ripped off ding dong But probably isn't Tries to it Gordon's Castle Freak Fisticks make mine Gordon So normally we actually talk about a movie instead of just random gibberish, right? Not really, but what movie do we watch tonight Dan? What what what piece of crap do we watch tonight we watch a film called Smiley and now you use the word film only in the looser sense to mean that we watched moving images with sound attached yeah this was

a horror narrative this was a bit of a shock tober and April if you will everyone will you're of course of christmas in july where uh... we're indulging ourselves and a little holiday spirit of press insurgis as lesser films it's pretty good still it's all right hollowing in april hollowing in april shock lowean at weight

it's not just a little bit and then a roindell you're a frisk shock You're a frisk. Shockly weed. Ha ha ha ha. A collar shocky. So this is a movie called Smiley. Smiley. Now it seems to me a movie, this movie was apparently made by a lot of people who had a lot of experience making videos

for YouTube. And this was their first film. No, okay. It was a YouTube sketch channel of some kind. But the movie, it starts out with it, this is not a great premise, but it's an interesting concept at least that this is a horror movie based around internet culture, you know, message board culture and chat roulette and things like that. Subjects that usually when horror movies touch on them, they do it in kind of a goofy, we don't really know what we're talking about can't wait except for fear dot com that was a first-year

100% and decenniters strange land but usually the internet and harm movies is like we saw the movie untraceable for the flop house a while back with this guy had a snuff film website that was racking up literally tens of millions of views uh... which is the problem is he was untraceable. How are you going to take down a criminal who's untraceable? You need somebody who's limitless. Now, if they may have seen a limitless versus untraceable, and the movie was made as like

kind of a Hong Kong action type thing, that'd be pretty great. That's like one of those how many angels can dance on ahead of pen things like is there anyone 18 angels? Is there anyone out there so limitless who can find someone who's untraceable? That's the only way to ask and of course X and Sever are going to get involved because X versus Sever am I right? Ballistic. Were you answering your own question?

You bet I was. Those two to get together. Bulletin. Now, colon ballistic. The problem is that this movie, it feels like, it just basically throws a lot of internet talk at you all the time and explains it a lot. It feels like it's- Which for me is good because I don't know what the fuck they're talking about most.

Well, it felt watching this with Stuart was like watching this. You're an analog guy. You felt like watching- You're an additional world. Watching, watching, this with Stuart was like watching this. You're an analog guy. You felt like watching the world. Watching, watching, smiling with Stuart was like watching the Matrix with my dad when I had to explain everything to him. But this is like, the things I'm explaining to Stuart are like, what lulls are, what forechan is. I mean, come on.

And what are lulls? Well, lulls postulate that laughter is a unit of currency, which can be exchanged for various extreme acts. And this is explained many times in the movie. The movie uses the word Lulls more times. I'm just going to make this claim right now. The movie has a great opening. It's as we put it, the classic reverse candy man or a green or a reverse candy man

situation. It's a great, it's a double ring. So the movie opens, it's your basic scream type open where a character gets killed by the main killer. Some girl in, I guess, booty shorts. She is that girl. I think it's fair to me. I'll probably go in. Girl in very short shorts.

Yeah. In the main, and I think struggling babysitter can't afford to afford the bottoms of her shorts. There are three great performances. Sqarrily framed for the audience. There are three acceptable performances in this movie and one of the bottom of her shorts. There are three great performances. It's clearly framed for the audience. There are three acceptable performances in this movie, and one of them is by her shorts. Yeah. But she is a babysitter.

The premise of the movie is explained by a wise and old child. And a lot of times these movies, the urban legend or the folklore is explained by an old person. Like a gypsy or something. Yeah, gypsy or the old crazy man and the neighborhood who knows all the neighborhood lore.

But this is the internet. It's what kids know about. So this girl is babysitting for a girl who seems like she's old enough. Like a 12-year-old kid or something. She does need a babysitter. But she and the girl explains to her the legend of smiley. But as she says it, you know, the urban legend about smiley. She explains this in her urban legend.

She's familiar with Jan Harold Brun van's collections of urban legends. She's on top of this. I'm not fast forward to the end, wait, no. So let's explain what smiley is, shall we? Yeah. So there's a chat roulette like site called like chat and chew or something like that, or, you know.

Chat and, chat and, Spittle, I don't know. Chat and Spittle click and talk. And, what a quick talk the tag of day Have a brother like and black and so you go on it and you're just talking to random strangers who knows what who what What connection you're gonna be that sounds like fun unless we do that on the chat roulette One might even say I mentioned chat roulette before some sort of chat. Does that come with that? Yeah, come with that a does that come with that AOL CD that I got?

It does. The one that gives you 400,000 followers. You're plugging your fire in a week. You get on your angel fire and you can do one of those. Now you don't want to wait to hear the modem make a lot of beeps and crackles and that's how you'll know you're on the internet. You beep and poop it out. Now there's an urban legend about this guy, Smiley.

It seems if you type three times into this chat program, I did it for the lulls. Then Smiley appears behind the person you're talking to and kills the... Yeah, and that's what makes it a reverse candy man. You're not invoking candy man to yourself. To carry yourself for some stupid reason. To carry yourself for some stupid reason. To carry yourself for some stupid reason. Yeah, you're sticking him on someone else. Did you guys have a local candy man? Because we did we did I soon you guys have heard of bloody man was Jeff. He's a Older candy everybody. I wasn't sure bloody Mary was like a regional thing or no

Bloody Mary is a sort of a general because I made a movie about it because I grew up with two different bloody Mary's Yeah, there's blood Mary urban legends and the drink no there, there was the bloody marry that if you said her name a couple timeship here, but also at my summer camp, there was a local bloody marry figure who supposedly had worked in the cafeteria and had ground her hand up in a meat grinder by accident and now ran around with a hook on her hand killing kids. She was called Grindy Joan. Yep. I met her once.

She was pretty nice. Yep. And Grindy Joan. Yep. I met her once. She was pretty nice. Yep. And Grindy Joan. Why do you? She killed kids with like a hooker with with the hooker over hand or like with a gun or a gun. She actually had a gun. But no, so I was wondering if you guys had any regional, you know, horror figures. No, no, we had one house in town that was both purported to be a stop on the underground railroad and purported to be haunted and that's the closest thing to a local scare story we I had growing up But um, yeah, we had this guy this guy Frederick Krueger a Frederick Krueger who owned Krueger's hardware. Yeah He was not a child murderer.

So anyway, we're like, we've done a long time without talking anything about the movie. So this woman, she's talking to someone on ChatRulette, he says, Hey, too bad I have to kill you and types in, I did it for the lulls three times. And Smiley appears and stabs her. Cut to our heroine, who is not a guitar sque squeal we get the title of the movie at this point yep says smiley and smiley has a kind of rotesque face which if anything seems like a fat man's belly with eyes and a mouth carved into it and then sewn up yeah it's pretty great accurate so the our main character's name was what stacey no stacey was the first girl Allison

So our main character was named was what? Stacey? No, Stacey was the first girl, Allison. I don't know. Ashley. Ashley. Ashley. Yeah. Ashley is starting off at college and she has a single father, her mother passed at some point, but her mother was also crazy and maybe took her own life. I don't remember. And so that's enough to set up that Ashley can be driven in sane, if necessary. Yeah. That her mom had mental problems, some kind.

She goes to school, she's living in a house off campus with her new roommate, whose name is Proxy. That's her internet handle. But I think that's all that they call her. Yeah, of course. And Proxy inducts her into the strange world of internet people by going to a party at a guy's house, the guy Zane, a kind of...

Wait, Zane of Zane's sex chronicles? No, not of Zane's sex chronicles. Not urban, erotica author Zane. Not Zane Gray, the Kelley author, and unfortunately not Billy Zane, the star of the roommate, and Billy Zane's sex chronicles. We just videos he took of himself and Kelly broke. Yeah, it's good show. But, uh, Zane is just like kind of an internet dick. He's a douche and his friends are all douches.

And they, and he refers, he tells them that his interests are the strange and retarded in that he has a bookcase full of books with names like, what like ancient aliens and stuff like that. And you know, big foot goes to town. The time of things at Dution College would have on his bookshelf.

Yeah, the anarchist cookbook and you're, you know, the Illuminatus trilogy and all that nonsense. Yeah, Zen and the art of, et cetera. Zen and the art of et cetera. Perhaps the most Zen title ever. The laziest of all the Zen and the art of books We all knew I was going Zane and the art of motorcycle maintenance They but they have this they have the you laosiest party ever. There's like six people there

Yeah, and they get on the whole like they're hanging out looking at the computer But what they do on the computer is a summer session right because there's no one hanging around the school Probably but they go on this chat thing and it's revealed that this is how the first girl got killed is that she was chatting with one of the guys at the party and he called up smiley to her not a fly mean it's it's like the movie go where the storylines can overlap a little bit okay like no, exactly, kind of, but in time chronologically too. So she is freaked out, but they're like, hey, whatever, it's just a crazy prank, it's a party, let's get drunk. She's high on weed, I think.

Oh, yeah, also they got high. By this point, they've walked across campus and her roommate has explained to her what lulls are, forechan, the internet, computers, Alan Turing, everything. Yeah. Digital, electricity, Benjamin Franklin, how fireworks, you know, that kind of thing. How fireworks work, and how the movie fireworks directed by Takeshi Katano. Goose.

Elliot made the point that the movie starts out as if it's a Christian film that was made to illustrate the evils of the movie starts out as if it's a Christian film that was made to illustrate the evils of the internet. It has the same kind of weird, stilted, acting, and directing, and a scene where a character goes, you come on, I did it for the lulls. You don't know what that means? Well, on the internet lulls it like it's... Let's explain what the internet is to you.

It's the scene. Which is pretty helpful. It's the scene. How do pretty helpful. It's the scene. How do you not know these things, Stuart? It's the scene in every anti-drug TV show where someone goes, what, you never smoked pot? Well, let me tell you what it's like.

First you do this, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's the expository scene describing the danger of... Feelings of euphoria. And let me also say that I think I think it bears saying that this is the cheapest looking film since speaking of Billy's a memory from the very early days of the Flapphouse podcast. It's even cheaper looking than other internet horror movie fireproof. Fireproof? Is that the one where? The legitimate Christian one? Yeah, that was the one. Yeah, That's the one way. The legitimate Christian one.

Yeah, that was the one. Yeah, that was the horror movie. It wasn't. I thought it was if you look at the internet enough your house is going to burn down. No, it was if you look at internet porn enough your marriage is going to suffer. That's pretty horrifying.

In a lay it's horrifying. Yeah. It's like Sinectokie, New York. Not at all. In no way is it like that. There are both horror stories just for a different point of view. Kind of a horror story. I mean, it's a horror story in the sense that like it forces you to confront your own

more tackling. I call like existential horror, but fireproof is not a horror story. Okay, I think you're getting a side trend. So, Smiley. So, Ashley goes to class and her teacher is played by Tony winner Roger Bart, who I saw in his Tony winning role as Snoopy and your good man Charlie Brown on Broadway. Fantastic performance, kind of sad to see him in the movie smiley.

And he channels a little bit of that. He's the college, he's the professor, receiving the only class she has, which is kind of rudimentary basics of philosophy, reason, and ethics. And he is the method that the movie uses to get deep ideas into the film. Yeah. In and by having him decline them. Just tell them. In those classroom scenes are great because it just shows a lot of random kids with their

mouths half open. There's a lot of shots close-ups of just college students listening looking like real college students like they don't want to be there. They don't know what's going on. They're not paying attention. And Roger Barr is blowing their minds. Yeah. He says at one point, you't want to be there. They don't know what's going on. They're not paying attention. And Roger Vars blowing their minds. Yeah. He says at one point, you guys want your minds blown.

And he totally does it. He blows their minds. Blows their minds. Anyway, to make the long story short, there's a bunch of the characters and Ashley gets deeper and deeper into the smiley mythos. And Ashley. Is he real?

Is he not real? And actually kills someone using smiley herself. Yeah. She feels really guilty and she goes. She goes, well, no, let's slow down a little bit. She goes in this chat, roulette-esque thing. She sees a guy expose his wing to her and her roommate, wing meaning penis.

I don't know if it's like, let's do it. Let's fucking smiley this guy. Let's smile him up. And it's like you got a really, but you got a really wish him dead. And she's like, okay, I got it. I got it. I'm wishing him dead. I did it all for the lulls, typed it in three times and bang. Smiley shows up, stabs him.

Yeah, she feels guilty. She feels guilty and she goes into a crazy spiral where she is hallucinating smiley everywhere. He's chasing after her, he's in her dreams, he's all up in her head, he's in her kitchen, he's just, you know, all of the flatliners. There's basically flatliners. There's something like five scenes where smiley's attacking her and then she wakes up. She spends most of the movie asleep. She's been dreaming about smiling. I think she spent more time asleep

than the main character in the movie Awake. She may be in love with Smiley, the amount of time she spends dreaming about. If this was romantic comedy, she and Smiley would be in love, yeah. And there's so many fake kills. Like if you get killed enough times in your dreams,

does it equal one kill for real? If only. I think for that, you'd have to talk, I guess, some kind of sleep doctor. Okay. Or perhaps a murder doctor. But. Played by Roger Bart. In an award winning role. Roger Bart in.

Murder doctor on Broadway. Murder doctor. Explanation point. Sleep doctor question mark. The open opening song is called killing in the city There's a big New York City backdrop. It's a nighttime. You see your local New York characters There's the cop the hobo the prostitute the three-card Monty guy and a couple rushing home from the theater. Oh, we better get home

It's dark out. You know what happens in the city after dark a shadow figure stabs them both takes off the mask It's Roger Bart audience goes crazy applause and these things the opening song killing after dark in the city The song is four hours long what okay, there's 18 songs in the show each one is no less than two and a half hours So this is like they click the cream master cycle almost yeah, if if Matthew Barney wrote the whole thing and Bjork did the music. Are they still together? Matthew Barney and Bjork. Yeah. I don't know.

Those two crazy kids can't make it work. What hope is there for the rest of us? They are literally the only people I can think of with the phrase, crazy kids accurately describes them. Matthew Barney and Bjork or as they're known by their celebrity, celebrity couple name, Bjorni Oh, Bjorni was cited out at at Laskala and then what's having kids baby Bjorni? Bjorni

Anyway, so with your swan dresses and your gelatinous sculptures So anyway, she's in a depression spiral and a crazy spiral. She keeps dreaming smileys coming after, she doesn't know who to trust, and one by one Zayn's gang of misfits and douches are being killed online. Smiley's not really. And she goes to the police, and for one beautiful scene, Keith David is there as a policeman who doesn't believe her. Because there's a YouTube video of her smashing a computer at the library when she thinks

smiley is on it. So everyone thinks she's not so cuckoo crazy. She goes to psychiatrist, gets a prescription for something. Psychologist played by Paris from TV's Gilmore Girls. Paris, you may know him from the Iliad. He gave a golden apple to the goddesses, thus angrying them. I don't remember how, and then stole Helen of Troy, a face that launched a thousand shits.

I may have misheard that. Later on, it became capital of France, of course. Yeah, he's had a long and rich career, and now he's in Smiley. So anyway, everyone thinks- I can't wear a wall. Everyone. Playing a woman.

Everyone thinks it was the role he was born to play, except that he wasn't. Because he's born of Anne. Yes. And then he wore a land load into this woman, right? He totally wore an eye load. He totally wore land load it up. He said, for this role, I really got into the part

or a land load. I laid it down and laid it all around. Yeah. So people talk about Daniel DeLewis, but has he ever Orlando per part? Never. Not yet, maybe. And then the future perhaps.

He's going to have to, if he's going to play Harriet Tubman, he's going to have to both Orlando and, and, you know, become a black person. All right. You're like trying to think of a non-racist way of something. Yeah, well, what it basically is, I came up with nothing. So he's gonna have to Blurlando.

Yeah. Anyway. That's the black exploitation Orlando. Yeah. This is the same. Virginia moves Blurlando. Yeah, so if someone make a poster for that. Pam Greer and Richard Ranfer.

Sorry. Pam Greer and Richard Browntree with Rudy Rae Moore as Tireesius. Oh, has there ever been a greater contrast between high culture and low culture joke that has been made on this pie? I don't know. But somebody better make a poster for Virginia Woolf's Blurlando. He's a she-sucker.

That's the tagline. Anyway, so she, everyone thinks she's crazy CloudCoucou lands. And basically that's the movie. It's her going crazy. Yeah. She walks around. She imagines this guy with a bottle is it's actually a smiley, this guy who touches her on the shoulders, actually a smiley.

The guy, the computer nerd that runs works in the library that she has a flirtation with is the smiley, his name is binder, because he was named after the first office product, his mom saw when he was born. Yeah, I like to think that she was on the run, but she didn't realize that her child didn't also need to have like... An aliased? Yes, but he was like, oh, yeah, a new binder! His name was almost industrial three-hole punch. So it cuts, basically that happens for an hour and a half,

with increasingly creepy scenes with Roger Bart, and there's one scene and the phrase I did it all for the whole thing. And you hear the scene by every one. Fifty times. You know those commercials I hate them for movies where they have a lot of different characters saying the main character's name. So it's like, you know, Mumford, Mumford, Mumford, who is Mumford? That kind of garbage. Everybody asks that. Yeah. They could have done that ad with this with people saying I did it for the walls because every character says it. Keith David says it. Roger Bart says it. It was in their contract.

They had to say it. Yeah, I read that somewhere. Wait, on the internet. That's where Smiley lives. And even Roger Bart's character says it, which doesn't make sense because he's not, anyway, he's not part of the plot that emerges really. He's just a red herring. Is it me? Or as they would say, as they would say, as they would say, as they would say in Spanish, a herringo rojo. So they basically by the end, she says, you know what? So they think Smiley's killed everybody.

She walks into Zayn's house, Zayn's dead on the floor. She goes, I'm gonna have to take out Smiley. So she sets it up so that she and her roommate, Proxy, are on the chat with that site. She says, type it in three times. She's got a gun she took from Zayn's house because Zayn was just waving a gun around. Part of me was hoping she was gonna travel

into like the weird Hellraiser universe and go try and murder Hellraiser, like the Anna Hellraiser part two. But she doesn't remember that. Or she'd lawn more man up and go into the cyberspace. That would be awesome too, but neither of those two things happen. No, nobody knew romance in this. So there's a knock on the door.

She thinks it's smiley. She opens fires. No, it's binder. Oh no, she's shot him. This is terrible. She goes, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Smiley shot directly in the heart.

In the heart, he's not going to be okay. Smiley jumps up, cuts binder's throat, which seems like overkill since he's just been shot directly in the heart. In the heart. He's not going to be okay. Smiley jumps up, cuts behind her's throat, which seems like overkill since he's just been shot. In-salt danger. She goes, ah, ah, ah, runs in the house. Another smiley pops out, ah, ah, runs to the bedroom. Another smiley, ah, so many smiley's. There's like a room full of smiley's. Miles of smiles coming at her. And see, the only way out is the window. So she leaps

out the window to her death which is when all the smileys turn on the lights take off their masks. Hey it's our it's the whole gang. After we cut in everyone that we saw in the movie. Almost every car from the professor that like explaining like why is it that people do what they do. So they're like I guess the movies over she, she's dead, smiling, gilder, who cares? And before this Roger Bart has also given up speech,

we're talking about how humanity is just, for the neck has created the next step of evolution, which is some kind of computer internet consciousness, taking the form we assume of smiley, which is stupid, because why would a computer take the form of some kind of sonopup fat man, Bailey? Who stabs people? Why was I born? But so but why was I created with the eyes and a mouth and we're then sewn up immediately?

I don't have a nose. Why am I smiling? I have no mouth, but I'm a smile. Why is he using knife? I mean you would think the internet would use lasers or electricity, a virus. Fucking cats or something. Nano-bots. Nano-bots, yeah. A, uh, a nano-cat of some kind. A sort of nano-cat.

Molecule cat. The most has a tiny atomic cheeseburger. Now, for a movie about Lolls, Loll cats were not mentioned once, which is a disappointment. But anyway, so they, like Stuart said, they cut together Roger Bart, giving a speech about why do people do evil things? I don't know. So the way that bad movies do when it's the end of the movie and they want a time more into Lassian and all the smiley's just kind of stand around for a while and talk about how great what they just did was, is she dead? Yeah, she's dead, we killed her.

Awesome, but is she dead? Yeah, she's totally dead. I'm so glad we did this. Why did we do it? Because she's dead now. We did it for the lows and we're part of anonymous, the hacker group, but not really, because that would be weird.

There's a weird, we actually claimed that we're part of anonymous actual hacker group that exists in the world. It's a weird bit where they're like, yeah, this is for anonymous. And they're like, well, wouldn't anonymous not be happy with us doing this? Hey, who's to say who's part of anonymous? And it's like, shouldn't the movie be over my mouth?

Like, why are we discussing your anonymous manifesto? And it's, oh, like, by the way, we hit a bunch of smiley masks in other colleges all around the world. They say there's boxes of smiley masks all over in 20 different colleges it's the first viral serial killer except that since she jumped out of a window to her death the serial killer can't take credit for that the zodiac killer didn't scare people out of windows it's not like Jeffrey Dahmer was just going jumping

out of him and going boo so they fell out of windows so we could eat them. It's not a serial killer's too. It's like it's any fault better about eating. It's like well it's not my fault. They did it. Look man. I gave them an ad. They can't stand. They can't keep themselves from falling out of windows. Then who's the real bad guy? I would just be wasting meat if I didn't need them at this point. Now, can you help me? And I guess so their goal is probably to turn smiling

to some kind of urban legend. Yeah, they're going to wait a minute or a legend at the very beginning of the movie. The girl already explains that smiling is already an urban legend. So what are they trying to do? And but then, so Zayn is talking to Proxy over the computer, because she's the first to do.

And even the girl that they killed in the first scene, Stacy, the babysitter, she's there, she's part of Smileycom. She's part of Smileycore. The, if they can incorporate it, I guess. And, and he's like, oh man, I got a boner, is that weird? And she's like, come on, is she really dead? And he's like, yeah, she's dead. And they're like, Smiley, I got a boner, is that weird? And she's like, come on. Is she really dead? And he's like, yeah, she's dead.

And they're like, smiley is so great. Yeah, we love smiley. And as a joke, he types in. I did it for the lulls to her. And she's like, oh, stop it. And then smiley pops up behind her. But his face isn't a mask. It's really like a, like a, like a family spell.

Like a family spell in a head. And then kills her, stabs her in the the eye and then waves goodbye at Zayn and then breaks the webcam and that's the end of the movie credits role and then there's an after credit scene where Ashley has been lying dead on the pavement opens her eyes and goes and it's like oh so I guess they didn't kill I got a real problem with this either smiley then like is a real thing It's just like what's there or Ashley still alive He can't know because now smiley's got to come back to finish the job for real He's pissed at them that they killed someone they fucked it up. Yeah, but uh, it's their version of the of the first nightmare Oh, not my the first Friday the 13th ending where it was Jason for his mom the whole time. But then at the end, monster Jason comes out of the river and kills that woman.

You know, this is their smiley's real, huh? Can't wait for smiley to the realening. Yeah, but they double up on it. Like, I would define it like smiley's real. It would be like Ashley came back and it's like, now I'm gonna, I'm gonna become smiling. Kill all these bastards. It would be like an came back and it's like now I'm gonna I'm gonna become smiling kill these bastards It would be like an American psycho to do like if the original Friday of 13th After that ending where Jason shows up and pulls the woman in the water at the end of the credits Jason's mom like weights up

She goes to the river she picks up baby gross Jason and takes them off like smushes her head back onto her body up baby gross Jason and take some off like smushes her head back onto her body yeah body's work oh now we don't need to kill anyone else at Christmas like we just live together happily yeah and they play that song hey let me tell you about my best friend they just have just like a montage of them playing in the park wow you didn't even sing the whole thing well I don't know all the words that so it's not like the golden girls theme I don't want to have to ask that we don't want to That's a company that makes hats that put you put on your bus cap. Yeah, that's cap

I Don't know if they really you can't sit down or you crush your hat. That's the problem Yeah, it seems like a way to have yeah, you got to take it off every time you sit down Yeah, Danny Houston and stolen was gonna wear an ass cap, but they thought of his two No, so city wore hat hat. Yeah, regular hat. It's gonna come for regular hat hat. Regular hat hat.

Regular old head hat. Res are also known hats. Hat is actually a portmanteau for head hat. It's the age from head and the at from hat. So the end of the movie, it's so have they called smiley into existence, did smiley always exist? Who knows? We'll have to wait for the sequel, which will hopefully never be made. The sequel, which will star another Tony winner, pressing a tiny lapone and smiley too. You know, guys, we we laughed a lot talking about this move.

Northern Leo butts will be so many Tony winners and Keith David always comes back for one scene. We've laughed a lot, but people shouldn't watch this movie under any circumstance. No, it is a very poorly made low budget badly. And there's some, I mean, I'll give you if it shows up there's some, I mean, I'm skipping the final judgment. I'll give you that. If it shows up on your screen, either through like a Netflix thing or some direct TV or something, just scratch your screen so you can't see it anymore.

Just break your TV and then scratch a cornice. So you never see anything ever again. Just type, I did it all for the walls and do computer three times. And then break your computer. Yeah. hope doesn't work. It comes up and kill the shoes. Watch the mile. There's no laws in this movie. I'll give you this. There's three three three performances. I thought we're good. How many laws were Keith zero laws. Keith David has his scene is kind of fun because he is he's pretty tongue

and cheek and he's just Keith David hamming it up. Yeah. Roger Bart gives it way more than he should because he's a professional and that girl shorts in the first scene don't totally cover her butt. So what you're saying is you would like to see movie called Roger Bart Keith David and short sources. It would be called it would be called Beach police. It would be called Roger Bart and be Keith David and Beach police It would be called shorts that don't cover a girl's butt all the way in the Roger Bart David Keith David adventure

And now Roger Barton Keith David have been kidnapped by the Scarlet skull. He's not the red skull We don't want to get sued. It's the Scarlet skull and he's kidnapped them So they get a lot of scenes where they're tied up on in a chair And they just banter back and forth and the girl who shorts don't cover her butt all the way as a series of clothes losing adventures To save them yeah She has a magical sidekick who is who a talking nude girl Wait a nude girl who talks and she has the magic power of not wearing clothes. Yeah, she's not anime. She's real life, right?

Yeah, like 3D. No, yeah, real live action. Live action. It's motion capture. I like to go all real life. And then they just have a person moving with a camera pointed at them. I mean, Andy Circus did it, right?

No. Andy Circus, I think, trained them and had a move like the other day. But is Andy Circus new to the movie? Yes. Because it move like But it's Andy Circus nude in the movie. Yes, because it turns out the end he's the scarlet skull and he's totally nude. That's in the unrated blue right though. Sure. I will say that in your movie, Ellie. Okay, but this is a it's a poorly took and I'll you go feel free.

$700,000 is the price. So on Kickstarter We only need one backer $700,000 never done you get a t-shirt and your first Price is a t-shirt not a not a t-shirt of the movie just a shirt that I Price is a t-shirt and a nude picture of Harry Andy service He could shave for the picture of you. Oh, Harry Anderson circus. The Harry Anderson circus weekly, a lot of close-up magic comedy. John Larry Kett stops by. I'd love the Harry

Anderson circus. Mel tour may. So anyway, here's some problems with the movie. It's poorly made. It's shot in a very, it's shot in the way that, okay, you know what would make every shot look good? If characters were just in the center of the frame looking at the camera Yeah staring straight into it. It's like a web cam. I mean it does look like it was shot on a webcam Which is in a better movie would have taken advantage of that like a better movie if ever there was an excuse for a Found footage movie made up of like webcam footage This is an okay concept for that and I like like that it's a concept that it's so easy to do a horror movie that ignores cell phones

on the internet because they kind of fuck up horror stories because it's so easy to look up, help, figure out a mystery or get in touch with somebody. It's hard to be totally alone and helpless when you have a cell phone. But and so here it's like, well, let's work that out. But they do it so poorly. And like, I now that I think about it, they barely use cell phones in the movie. Like,, well, let's work that out. But they do it so poorly. And like,

I now that I think about it, they barely use cell phones in the movie. Like, even that, they don't do well. I think the first scene with a cell phone, she ends up slapping it out of a window. She thinks Smiley is calling her. Yeah. And then her roommate's downstairs is like, hey, you threw a phone at me. I do. There was a moment when Stuart invented Smiley's voice, which I thought was a pretty fantastic voice for the character. Hey, it's me! Where do you want that was LULLS? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I a Hannah Barbarra character in the movie. He has no voice because he's not real till the very end. But this movie feels like a movie made by a bunch of like college kids who were doing it for a school project and they got an aff on it. Yeah, let's move on to our final chargements. This is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie,

a movie kind of like Elliot, what do you have to say? Considering we've said nothing but bad things and we almost didn't get to the movie because we had nothing to say about it. It's a bad, bad movie. It shows that it was made by people who don't really know how a movie is put together in a lot of ways. And instead of using its low budgetness and it's kind of thrown together raggedness as a virtue, it tries to be kind of a slick, stylish movie without any style or slickness

and it fails. Yeah, I would say this is almost a good bad movie in that it is so incompetent in a way that we don't... It is incompetent. We don't normally see on the show actually. We actually, because of the format, we see a lot of mediocre films rather than crazy films. And I almost want to reward it for being as bad as it was.

Compared to this, that's my boy is Ron. Yeah. Like, that's the difference. But I do have to say that it doesn't have enough story for it to be a good bad movie. Like, it has about 30 minutes of story for a 90 minute film, and I was too bored for me to go full like good bad. It feels like this could have been an episode of like Tales from the Dark Side or Monsters you know one of those shows. Tales

from the Crypt 2.0. If they should do they should do like they should do an internet tells them called like Crypt Keepers blog and the Crypt Keeper opens it up as a vlog each time and then it goes to the story and the story is kind of set nowadays. I mean, that's a terrible idea, but I could also see it actually working in them. That's a great, I mean, you wouldn't call it the Cryptkeeper's blog. You'd call it like Tales from the Internet or something, but that's not that good either.

I, look, the title's not great, but it's a good idea. What do you say, yeah? I think it was amazing. No, of course, it was terrible. This is a movie where none of the character's motivations ever seemed to make sense. For a movie that already feels stretched, it feels like there's missing scenes that explains why people are acting the way they're acting. It's both full of filler and full of bizarre shifts in character tone.

And a lot of the scenes feel like they have been just lifted out of other horror movies that the director's seen, which I guess isn't surprising from people who make, I guess, very short internet films that are probably, I don't know, don't require a long narrative. Yeah, it's terrible. Don't ever watch this. So you loved it. I loved it. Like when Smiley's barfing blood all over, great. Before we move on to our next segment, I just want to quickly say to listeners, wanted to go over and check out all things.com and you.com that we have a, there's been a

facelift, there's a redesign. The website's all new and all different, all better. Don't be frightened of the internet. Yeah. Smiley might have scared you away. Don't, there is no interface for smiley to get at you I did it all for the all what about like the search You probably you could just you get safe then in there. Yeah, you're typing in once But then there would be no result and I got to tell you I listened to smiley's podcast and all things comedy is pretty good It's funny. It's called doing it lol style It's him and Billy Connelly. Oh really? Yeah, big get. Very big get. He's got a charming accent. Not the comedian

Billy Connelly. No. No. William J Connelly. He's a real estate agent. It's a comedy and real estate podcast. You can also listen to us on tune in now, right? Yeah, all things comedy is now on tune in. The tune in app is some kind of internet radio app. I shouldn't have said some kind of, some kind of like I knew what I was talking about, but all things comedy is now on tune in, so go through the all things comedy website, go through tune in, or just listen on iTunes. Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

All things comedy podcast. First, you listen to your podcasts streaming rather than downloading them. Taking a memory space. Yeah, you can listen to us through tune in. But now is the winter of our disc intent. May Dolores Summer by Smiley. No, it was the best of times. It was the Smileyest of times.

Now you're Dickens. Call me Smishmischmial. It's smiley. It's smiley. You were jumping from genre to genre. Erad era. Yep. I'm like smiling on the lambs.

Too many are lambs. And like Blur lab dope. But this is the time on the podcast where we answer letters from listeners in the Flappass movie mail bag. Today's letter are. OK. Great.

Thank you, Sesame. Well, we got this far and you finally made that joke well I've been writing songs but nobody likes that so sure so this first letter is titled the flopper wives dear the flop house from Joe I'm guessing Elliott either said peshy piscopo or six pack he didn't, he didn't, he didn't even do it. I didn't, no. I was gonna say a different joke, but then I realized it was someone

who was a friend of mine and not a reference. Seeing as you're, seeing as you're all married and being in a relationship myself with somebody who prefers watching television series to movies, it's pretty great, right? I was wondering, seeing as it is the season, if you could share some films that you and Mrs. Flapp has like to watch together.

Like films we've made that other people aren't supposed to see? No, no films that exist in the world. Oh, oh. I mean, this exists in the world. There's one copy. Okay. Also, I was wondering, being in a long-term relationship can take up most of one's free time. That's very short.

And I can imagine what's going on. It's an acting role as per Missouri No. 1. It's safe. Aliens job of categorizing every word that sounds like another word. And stewards repeated daily marathons of Castle Freaking and invisible maniac. There doesn't seem like a lot of time for new films. So my question is, how do you find the time to watch these films that you recommend each week? I can only believe in each of you of these Superman-esque ability to reverse time, but instead of doing something heroic like saving a bus full of children,

you spend the time catching up on your Netflix queue. Yep. Either that or you stay up until all hours of the night, your wives sleep long ago, your eyes suck in a bloodshot. You're trying to wipe the Cheeto dust from your shirt, but it's caked onto your fingers, and it only makes it worse. You go to the bathroom to clean up, only to be greeted with the haggard face staring back at you, lost and confused, as if to say, what have I become? Either way, keep up with the good work. So two questions. What a what a what an indictment. Two questions. What movies do we enjoy watching with our wives and how do we have time to watch movies without our wives So Ellie would you have to say for yourself?

My wife you're in the hot seat starring Dan McCoy as the seat Wellington as Jamie Hoss Time to turn up the heat. Let me see. I crushed my ass cap So sitting on you. Oh, that's a comedy call back. Comedy call back. Hat on your butt. Anyway, trademark.

Trademark and CEO, Elliot Kaelin. The CEO stands for Copyright, OK? So movies that I watch, well, my wife and I actually, we have a couple movies we watch, kind of regularly. We watch, we end up watching filler on the roof about twice a year During Jewish holiday times. It's just kind of a traditional thing for us and a story that means a lot to us Other than that, I mean lots of different types of movies. I don't know it's not like we get together around the u-illog and watch the same movie all the time Yeah, except for filler on the roof, I guess but you know

You've got together on the u, I guess. But you know, uh... You've been married if you got together on the Yoologs since your Jewish. Yeah, well, you know, it's a Jewish Yoolog. It's not Levent. A Jewelog. It's a log made out of jewels. I mean, up in Wally are both favorites of me and my wife that we watch every now and then,

but really Fiddler on the roof is the main one. I know the answer to how you watch more movies too is that you get up in the morning and you watch movies. Yeah, I get up a little earlier than I need to in the morning when I'm getting ready for work and I watch. I don't, I almost never get to watch a movie all the way through, but like I watch about a half hour of a movie in the morning.

And then at night when I'm doing the dishes, I watch a movie then, I watch about 20, 30 minutes. So it takes me more than a day to finish most of these movies, but I found that dish washing time and getting ready in the morning time are good movie washing times. That's when I watch movies that I know Daniel won't want to see because they have lots of blood or are Japanese. Yeah, that's what I would say. Like when it comes to movies that I watch with my wife, like, you know, my wife likes good movies.

She enjoys things that are good. I just try most of the time to steer her away from the movies that I watch that are crazy violent or weird, like, exploitation of securities. That being said, this last weekend, myself and Mrs. Perfosoid number one, watched Prana 3D, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Was it double as much fun as the first one? No, the Prana 3D is fantastic. That's the movie to see on your wedding day. A piece of trivia, Mrs. Perfosoid number one, a big fan of Prana 3D.

I don't know why but for some reason Okay, we've gotten that wrong in the last trivia channel, Joseph Really, I get and in terms of like when do I have time to see movies like I think it's just a question of what your priorities are and my and my priorities are not doing things that are active or useful, but instead spending the time when my wife's not around catching up on films though, might be understood. That's when if my wife happens to be away for the weekend, I usually spend that time just sitting around watching movies.

Yeah, I usually get to watch movies late at night after a bar shift. So like two or three in the morning on nights that my wife has already fallen asleep. So you're just like the guy in the letter? Yeah, I'm exactly like the guy in the letter with extra cheeto dust or cool range Dorito crumbs. And I also get to watch stuff during the day because I usually work nights. So when my wife is off working during the day, I am cracking open another hell razor episode. And finding out what's happening with that cube of his.

What's going on with Pennyhead these days? And of course, my wife does not want to watch anything with too much blood or I don't know if it's too long or slow. We watch a lot of romantic comedies together. If it's a romantic comedy with Catherine Haigle that I haven't watched for the flop house, I've probably watched it at home with my wife. Love ya, honey.

But that's the thing, my wife doesn't like really bloody movies either, but I can watch those movies with you guys. Like, with their movies, I watch with my wife that are more like 30s romance movies that my friends are not gonna wanna watch watch with me, you know, yeah This next email is titled our long national nightmare is finally over And it's from star last name with her old and last name is log 17. I just stop. I don't know he she writes

Jitlman I don't know I don't know. He she writes. Jettelman. I don't know. I don't know that. Gentlemen, ladies, Elliott Burn. Well, I'm the lady. Yeah, apparently. I write to you with news of the utmost importance. The ceaseless horror of our lives has finally ended and our existence has some purpose. For as you can see, the invisible maniac has finally been released on DVD. For a mere $19 Amazon will burn you your very own copy. This means that stewards' recommendations

are no longer cruel hauntings designed to highlight the unattainable pleasure of, quote, a dude murdering another guy with the submarine sandwich and also jumping on a guy's head. So it explodes like a pumpkin and also there are lots and lots of boobs. Also on the subject of Amazon, the bundle deal for head of the family is Castle Freak. Either somebody in Amazon likes the flop house or Stewart has a bizarre and then can't any ability to alter the fabric of reality slash the internet through repeated Dan and Elliot irritating suggestions. He's just like the lay the heaven that way. So, I mean, yeah, no, we should address this. I'm aware of the combo pack.

Of invisible, I was gonna say of the invisible maniac being available. Yeah, you bought a copy for Stuart for his birthday. Now this is an I lamely like a lamemo only got him the Avengers. This is not necessarily an official copy of the Invisible Maniac, because I don't think such a thing exists. This is not an Indie. The Invisible Maniac has entered the public domain and someone has decided to put it out

on DVD. I thought it was on Blu-ray, Dan. No, I don't think so. I believe the original film elements are lost. I don't think we can remaster them into Blu-Ray quality. I do think that the Castle Freak slash head of the family thing is a trick from some of the flops. How would it have happened? I think it only imagined...

Would people be buying the two of them from listening to the podcast? I can only imagine that that's what's going on. Because they're not made by the same people. There's no other reason why it would be happening. It's not the same company that released them, right? I'm smiling knowingly right now Because you ordered seven hundred bundles. We are We are at this point taste makers. We are making taste. We are making tastes. How about like tastes like submarine sandwiches and ding dong's

Yeah, so I look we are Yeah, so I look we are we are Shapingly reality so whose fortunes are going to make or break this time? Smiley I guess yeah This letter Okay, it's from yes David anytime. No last name with help. Okay. Thank goodness Ellie. It's brother David. Anytime. No. Last name with hell.

Okay, thank goodness. Elliot's brother. No. No. And it's titled Brooklyn High School. He says, howdy floppers. I know it's been a while, and I'm sure you were feeling avoid in all of your lives.

No. Maybe not Elliot. No. But he's had to deal with me almost 28 years now, so he's earned a break. I guess. I wanted to bring to your attention a video may have seen, since it's making the rounds on the internet but perhaps you haven't.

If there's one thing I've noticed the trailer for my video and it finally really gives you a sense of Superman. If I've noticed one thing that's nice about this is your deep affection for the fine work of Nicholas Cage but there may be a group of movie fans who like him just a bit more than you. Impossible. As you can see in this YouTube video that was posted recently on film drunken dot oh is this about the people who posted pictures of him all over that school It says it's a it's a clip from a local Boston area high school quiz show

Oh, no, it's not in which the team from Brookline when asked about their favorite movies all make a point to snarkly pick some movie by Nicholas cage Some fun facts about Brookline high school since you were wondering favorite movies all make a point to snarkly pick some movie by Nicholas Cage. Some fun facts about Brooklyn High School since you were wondering. It's alumni include my good friend Louisa. It's not a fact. It's not a fact nor is it fun. Who is it? Ellie's 30th birthday party.

Doesn't make it any better. As well as Conan O'Brien, a dorkly non-threatening former presidential candidate Michael DuCocas, Michael Wallace of 60 minutes, and Ali's buddy John Hodgman. Oh, okay. No good save. Wondering why I haven't mentioned sports yet? No. The alumni also included New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, and former Boston Riftzox,

general manager and current president of baseball operations for the Chicago Cubs, Theo Epstein. Want a movie connection? It's also the alma mater of famous documentarians, Albert and David Maisels. So now that I've gotten through all that bulky exposition. What exp? I mean, that's literally just random nonsense trivia. It's not exposition. This plot is not going to hinge on what he just told us. My question is this. Do you think this for some has a Strong love hate relationship with Nick Cage's you do and for the hell of it which Nicholas Cage movie that you've all watched the Flop house do you think was the worst I look forward to your serious answers

I'm going to say bank I think this also I look forward to your serious answers this question which Stuart will surely not answer because it would be too busy Faining discussed that I wrote in Showed you he can be discussed today to answer your stupid question. I thought he was gonna write about there was a college where these people photoshopped like 700 or 800 different pictures of Nicholas Cage's face on other photos or paintings and put them up in Different classrooms so they were all over the place. I thought that was a pretty good Nicholas Cage prank I did think we should read this because of last week's episode or last Because it was the previous episode cage miss in April. Yeah, and

I would say I agree with you that the worst cage movie we've seen was Bangkok. Bangkok. Dangerous. Terrible. The best worst movie was probably Trespass. Oh, yeah. I know Stuart. I'm not bad for that.

Stole him was pretty good too. Next was really good though. Next was also pretty great in how stupid it was. What was the one knowing? What was the one that was really good? No, no, no. The one where he knew stuff. Until the new stuff in that moment. But Ghost Rider Spirit Evengeance had some stupid good fun.

Drive Angry 3D rated R. Drive Angry 3D rated R and C17 playing now at a theater near you. You have selected, et cetera. That was OK in terms of good badness. It tried a little too hard. I mean the thing is, when a naked woman beat up a naked woman, that was weird. I didn't like it. And the scene where Nickless Cage used to nude woman he was having sex with as a human shield. Though I did like that he had sexfully closed while she was nude.

When his sunglasses still on. Of course he had his sunglasses on. He's so unnaked even his eyes can't be seen. But yeah, I don't think those kids can possibly like Nicholas Cage as much as we do. Yep, let's see if their podcast has Nicholas Cage on his guest star, spoiler alert. I mean, that's not gonna happen. I'm trying to summon him.

Yes, I did it for the cage. I did it for the cage. I did it for the cage. Then he jumps out, and he puts a wig on you. This final letter of the evening, pardon me, my allergies are flaring up. Final letter. Maybe allergic to cranks with boobs? Is that what?

Because one time before our last letter had one of those in it. Because then tight. Because then are you sure not allergic to lulls? Maybe allergic to lulls. I think you have not allergic to lulls? Maybe allergic to lulls. I think you have an allergy to lulls. If you say that word one more time, I'm going to rip my own face off. Just like Nicholas Cage. This finer letter is from Chris Lassner.

This is a finer letter than the ones before. Much finer. But everyone thanks for writing in except David. Don't write in anymore. And everybody thanks for listening we appreciate it. Letters from Chris last name with Elv he writes a letter titled honor Roger Ebert by dishonoring Rob Schneider. Dearest Dan's to and L. It has been sometimes since you guys. Yeah I don't know this guy. Sometimes you guys incited one of your famed contests where in the winner gets to choose a movie for you guys to take to task on the podcast

You should do another one of those however Why let one contest winner rule like a tyrant over as all that's a Let's work democracy main for once in your miserable lives Recently, she's doing lives recently, but maybe not recently by the time you get around to this email, Roger Ebert passed away. As people were reflected upon his death, many of his famed, barbed critiques and movies he despised were trotted out. My proposal was this, take a handful of the movies Ebert had particularly harsh words for, and let the flop house fans vote on which one they want you to cover on the podcast. Let us sort of like likes of Doos Big Low, European Jinniglo, North, and Freddie got fingered.

There has to be some way for you guys to get a pull up on the internet that would make this entry that make this easy for you and for the listeners. Or you guys can hold the contest where listeners have to come up with the best way for you guys to let fans pick a movie for you to watch, in which case, I surely win. Chris last thing withheld. That's a good, I mean, we, because of our recording schedule, we did let Roger Ewards passing pass without comment, unfortunately. I know that he personally met a lot to me movie wise and I think that you guys feel similarly. Yeah, I think this is a pretty good idea. I have to say Freddie got fingers as a movie.

I don't like it. And I haven't seen North since it was in the theaters when I was a kid and I also kind of liked it when I was a kid I've did met. But it was a, it was. And I laughed at least one joke at Doos Bigelow European Journal. So we are all history's greatest monsters. Yeah.

I do think that I think it's a good idea that maybe I could take a gander at the movies that made up Roger Edwards. I hated, hated, hated this movie. OK. White can blue velvet win because I think that's in that book. And I, that's a great movie. a great movie I can put up a few selected ones in a poll on the website What are we really doing this?

Yeah, yeah, why not? Let's do it. Let's let the people decide Should we be in trouble that we review? Okay chill out don't put this much pressure on me It's about looking at me weird. Literally zero pressure on you. You have been asked to do nothing, but what you already do. So I would say, yeah, I'll take a look at what movies might make it their way into such a poll.

And then I'll put it up on the website, www.FlopwisePodcast.com. And let's say by the end of i don't know uh... june that too long that's a pretty long and by the end of the end of may uh... whatever gives you a month yeah give you weirdos a month to vote on it whatever is decided upon will be the movie that we take a look at will watch it

and then we'll talk about it and then will see if Roger see if the late Roger ebert was right and if he was wrong he won't be able to argue with us no that's the best thing about arguing with a person who's passed away is they can't argue with you unless they come back as a go go go go what who's passed away is they can't argue with you unless they come back as a gaga gaga ghost. What? I was wondering, are we going to do a bit about this, sir? I don't think so.

I mean, I thought we were pretty much done until Dan made that stupid noise. Because I genuinely, genuinely sad about his passing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, it cracked through your, uh, your cold robot artistless exterior to the one human organ beating general grievous like within your inhuman metal shell. And that's why you're coughing and sneezing because you're like general grievous. Yeah, I've got an allergy to human emotion and Jedi's.

So that's what it was, his Jedi allergy. Yeah, it's weird because he carries like a million lightsabers, I think. Yeah, you think he knows. Yeah, Jedi fever. So they're going to weird. Yeah, I said it as if it was like a sexy thing. What do we do now? This is the final segment of the podcast where we make a recommendation, a movie that we

actually enjoyed that listeners might want to check out. Stuart, do you have anything you want to recommend? Well, I'm going to dig deep into the Stuart's recommendation. Dig deep to one of the three movies. I'm going to recommend the movie Blood Diner, directed by Jackie Kong. Blood Diner. Blood Diner.

Wait, wait, what did I say? He said blood. Blood Diner directed by Jackie Kong. Blood Diner. Blood Diner. Wait, wait, what did I say? He said blood. He said blood diamond. He said blood diamond. Well, I'm gonna recommend Blood Diner. Directed by Jackie Kong, originally envisioned, I guess,

to be a sequel to Blood Feast. And it kind of- Virtual Gordon Moose phone. Yeah, and it kind of went off in its own direction. And it is a crazy horror movie about two brothers who, in an attempt to raise a, like, an Egyptian goddess or something. They open up this vegetarian restaurant, but they're just actually cooking humans and feeding people human meat.

And it's very over the top. There's a lot of nudity a naked woman with a very hairy bush performs karate on people at least one person gets their head deep pride and then I think knocked off. Wait so still on their body? Yeah of course. It turns into like a giant hush puppy. So if you haven't seen it it is a crazy person's movie and yeah, you should watch it. You can't spell crazy person without STU-A-R-T-W-E-L-L-I-N-C-T. So watch it with your parents, watch it with your wife, who gives a shit? Watch it with your wife's parents.

I would like to recommend, here's a connection. Smiley was a movie I did not enjoy. That was a horror movie that had Roger Barton it I'm gonna recommend a movie that I did enjoy that was a horror movie that also had Roger Barton It's called smiley It's called excision it stars Aniline McCord who you may know from the 9 out of 2 1 O remake And it has an interesting cast it It has Tracy Lords. It has Ariel Wincher who plays the nerdy child on Modern Family. The formation Roger Bart.

It has John Waters, Malcolm McDowell, Marley Madeline, Ray Wise? Ray Wise, that's right. Ray's a proper plural. But Anneland McCord plays a nerdy teen who has weird sort of disturbing sexual fantasies that involve blood and surgery and similar things. And it's a film that is kind of a horror movie, but it's more of kind of a dark teen comedy in the Heather's mold, except for even more dark, I would say. And except for maybe the last sort of five to 10 minutes of it, which turn abruptly into a horror movie that's genuinely sort of disquieting and disturbing. But also I would say about it is that you don't normally see a movie about non-traditional female sexuality in less it's a horror movie. And I don't want to get to like, porno.

Yeah, but I don't want to get into like a whole like weird like feminist discussion about why that is, but it's kind of interesting to see Excision is a movie that sort of, until the end, sympatheticly presents this character who is like awkward teen girl who has

a non-traditional sexuality and that's something that you don't about Poison Ivy 2. Sure. I guess you're right, Stuart. You're right. Poison Ivy 2, the new batch? You're right. I'm back off of my assertion. Poison Ivy 2, the secret of the use.

I'm back off of my assertion. So I'm recommending Poison Ivy 2. The secret of the use Ellie decision that was the name of your ex-sision. Yeah, I'm gonna recommend sounds great to two two two movies in one actually two Very quickly one is called Union Station. It's a noir from 1950 with William Holden and Nancy Olson and Irishman Barry Fitzgerald. And it's a movie that the first 20 minutes or so are a little slow and feel like a kind of wrote crime movie.

And I would say stick with it because at that point it becomes a much more brutal movie than you expected to be. It's about a kidnapping that takes place in a train station and the train station detective has to look into it, played by William Holden, and it becomes surprisingly kind of rough and violent for a movie from 1950 and surprisingly dark.

And the guy who directed it, Rudolf Matei, worked as an assistant with Carl Dreyer and was cinematographer in a bunch of great movies, so it looks really great, and the longer it gets, the darker it gets. But it's a short movie, it's probably about an hour and a half, 80 minutes long. So that's a union station. The other movie I saw recently that I liked a lot was a Japanese movie called Coroto

Kage, which means black lizard. This is not, there are two versions from the 60s of black lizard. I'm talking about the one from... Which one? I'm talking about the 196221, not the 1968-1. And the way you know is if Black Lizard, the mastermind female jewel thief, is being played by a male female impersonator,

that's the 68-1. I haven't seen that. I've only read about it. But the 62-1, where a woman plays the woman character, is this kind of very fun, but surprisingly sad at the end, crime musical, where this mastermind female jewel thief keeps kidnapping the daughter of a jeweler who has this jewel that she wants a lot. And she matches with Kagoro Aketchi, the Sherlock Holmes of Japan, and they pretty much fall in love with their matching which with each other and there are many a number of great musical numbers in it There's a lot of good dancing and there's a scene where black lizard the jewel thief mastermind

Tells a sofa how she feels about it because a catchy is sewn inside of it That was his hiding place to get to her hideout was inside of a sofa And she collette it turns out she collects taxi-derm- taxi-dermied human beings. And so they really have to get the daughter away from her. And I liked it. It's a movie that's pretty weird and goofy, but I found very touching at the same time.

Nice. Yeah, I'm going to rush out to the theater without him. It's called Coroto Gage. We've all recommended movies that people have never heard of and probably won't watch. Or be able to see. I mean, I saw mine on television. You know, it was on Turner Club.

Both of these, I think, were Turner Classic movies. I saw mine on a DHS tape in my parents' basement. In a DDSco. Well, Union Station is... It might have appeared to me. I might have made mine up Union station is is currently streaming on Netflix and is also available on DVD croat de cogge I don't know if it's on DVD but they might show on turn classic movies again all right well guys yeah

knocked it out of the park and other successful over long episode we're barely talked about the movie flop house we left on kind of a cliffhanger in the last episode that you would left to join another podcast. What happened with that? Yeah. It was sort of one of those like renewal situations where I was trying to make sure that the network would be in your heart bargaining with yourself. Yeah, exactly.

I was driving like a hard bargain with myself about how much money I was going to want for the flop house. I see. Before I was letting no money. And now I have bargaining us up to two dollars. Yeah, we did it. We did. We will do it all that money. Season 12 of the flop house is a go guys season 12 we knew in two and a half seasons a year but podcast seasons are weird we'll talk about it off there okay but in the meantime for the flop house I've made Dan McCoy I've been steward well and done I think I'm still Elliot Kaelin but I'm gonna check as soon as we're done good night everyone so I think smileiley drove me to drink tonight. So, your is this a bit, this episode is?

What is this for the lulls? Wait, don't tell me what bit I do. I make them up as I go and they're usually pretty crappy. Guys, is this for the lulls? Wait, what? Okay, come on. What's lulls? Wait, what? Okay. Come on. What's lulls again? How many times we can have to explain you

during the recording what a lull is? The word chain? Let's do this. Set it off. It's stupid thing. Let's set it off with clean Latifa. Yeah, let's tax it. Let's bring down the house.

You got me straight tripin' lulls. Let's bring down the house. Be got me straight tripin' wells.