The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #130 - The Scarlet Letter

Episode Date: July 13, 2013

Ebert was right about you. 0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.0:30 - 8:00 - We take a long time to reveal something that's revealed in the episode title.8:01 - 40:09 - Nathaniel Hawthorne's timeless classic about bath voyeurism.40:10 - 42:01 - Final judgments.42:02 - 1:00:534 - Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:35 - 1:05:53 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:54 - 1:08:11 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

It's the long awaited Roger Ebert tribute episode. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh, I'm still lying. Cue. No, I'm Stuart. No, it's too well, I think. You're a fucking name. And I'm a million fucking times. I'm Elliott Kaelin, the one professional member of the team

I Said my name delightful and then you fell apart into a to profanity Okay, I'm steward Wellington of the flop house podcast Mm-hmm the pop house podcast, huh? And what do we do here? What do we do on the flop house? We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it, which is what we're gonna do. Tonight, for you, the listener. We're during the day, I mean it all. We're doing it all the time.

So, you're mulls. So a while back on the podcast, we. The podcast, the podcast. This podcast is very podcast. We announced that we would, in honor of Mr. Roger Ebert, be, do. Roger Ebert be Do you bear? Yeah a film critic of notes who touched all of our lives and passed away I would say the preeminent film critic of the past 30 years. That's probably true

Yeah, and as much as he was not academically accepted for a long time. I think that's changed considerably He had a late career sort of a Renaissance where it was like Betty White that way. Well, everyone just realized that they loved him. He was like Betty White. Like Betty White that way. Yeah. And he was hot in Chicago.

Do you think it helped that the, like, the people, when he started, a lot of the young people who were reading his stuff just got older and then the people who were older and didn't like his stuff just died. I think that's absolutely yeah. Part of it. So anyway, because of Roger Ebert, what did we do? We took some movies from his... We stole some movies from a local video store.

It was a... It was a... The ruins of a closed video store. It was a crazy heist. we got Taylor Kitch and he broke in from the top yeah you may know him as John Carter or Lord of March we were stealing ten big riggins yeah no we found some movies that were on the list of movies that were in his book I hated hated hated this movie weapon we have watched blue velvet that's in that book yeah which is weird

yeah we we took a a number of those movies we threw them up on the flop house website as a poll and we asked our listeners which of these movies that Roger Evert hated should we watch interview to the great man. Which deserves a thorough flopping. And this was actually suggested. So we call it? Yeah. This was suggested by a fan.

I cleaned it up a little bit. OK. Who, if I was a better producer, I would remember who suggested it. But I don't. So thank you, fan. And yeah, you're not a good producer. Let's all admit it. Maybe let's fan.

So let's just call them fan A anonymous. The A stands for Arthur. Sure. Arthur Nonymous, like what a DC villain or a wrestler. Well, he has a wrestling villain. A wrestling villain called Doctor A Nonymous and his name is Arthur Nonymous. Like Irwin R. Shister, aka IRS. Or E. Nigma, the riddler.

Mm-hmm. Edward Nigma. I don't know. Our famous villain, e.e. Cummings. Yeah, yeah. Anti-Semitic villain. Why anti-Semitic? Wasn't e.e. Cummings? You think of T.S. Eliot?

I am. You're thinking of T.S. You got your initial poets mixed up, Daniel. And me, a English major. But let's, M-E-A, you mean the Mortimer Edward uh originals major English major so uh but let's talk about the uh

I'm just gonna break down what was the nominees I'm gonna break down the uh nominees I'm gonna tell you uh who was not who was not who was not so um coming in at the rear of our pole was been With 4% of the vote. Is that just some guy? That was Ben. No, that was the sequel to Willard. Oh, I see The killer rat movie. Yeah Then and you may remember that for the Michael Jackson song thriller

The two of us are something. I don't know the lyrics to this song. It's weird that the lyrics serve out how he doesn't remember the lyrics. That song. Very strange. It's like the part in a friend of ours has complained that in the Elton John song, what's it called the song is for you? Yeah, this is your song. If this is a song, I was a sculptor, but then again, no.

It's like, well, why don't you race that line with the song and not have you with it? I think I'd like to go ahead. The next coming in next was food of the gods with 7%. Uh-huh. You mean, 7%. 7 pounds. Yeah, that's a song for that one too.

Food of the gods. Oh, God. It's the movie we didn't want? You went there hungry. It's a movie about giant rabbits. Rats. No, it's the giant rabbit, too. Oh wait, I don't think you're mad at the leapus.

You were thinking of all the wrong moves. Yeah. The movie that you where you don't see Tom Cruise's penis all the wrong. I was opposed to his every other movie is ever made. Where you do? Like color of night. That's Bruce Willis. Oh man.

So coming in with 9%. I actually know that was Tom Cruise's penis playing Bruce Willis's penis in color of night. Sure. 9% a little bit in big city. But you've never seen the Tim Allen remake of a French children's film. I thought the Tim Allen movie was jungle to jungle Jesus Christ Why can't I get anything right tonight? No, just keep going. Let's see how many

The correct just having a great night tonight. There's some furious typing somewhere No, but no, there's not typing because all you to thank for Thankfully all the all the flood pass listeners immediately start typing an email and then I correct it and they Delete delete delete delete delete. Yeah, they're I like to think they're using old-fashioned typewriter So that they crumple off the paper every time. Yeah, like in the the Stephen J. Cannell opening It's also a weird pile not opening. It's the clothes of the Passenger no pile but not before it turns into a letter C but Not opening. It's the clothes of the No, pal, but not before it turns into a letter C But a canal this the next one with 10% instinct Not of the basic variety no of the could be good in junior

Anthony Hopkins variety. I remember I never saw that one I remember seeing the trailer and being like oh, so it's silence of the lambs, but you know jungle, but dumb Oh, so it's silence of the lambs, but you know jungle, but dumb Then with 13% return to the blue lagoon with Mia Yovavitch Replacing a bit up to that What's your face brook she'll you a job of it. Yeah, thank you You've been working on that one about a half a second the heartwarming tale of underage island sex. But something's getting warm.

I don't know what's my heart though. Coming in very close to the top, with 24% was an Alan Smithy film, Bern Hollywood Burn. Oh, it's trying to get re-kidle. Yeah, they could not decide on one or the other. It had to be an Alan Smithy film, Colin, Bern Hollywood Burn.

The movie about a director, mad at his movie, in which the real life director became so angry About what happened to movie that he also took his name off it and it was listed as Alan Smithy. Yeah a beautiful irony But because our listeners hate us with 33% They chose we should have made a good old run off the scarlet letter Starring Demi more Lillian Gish Demi less is more. Yeah, Demi Moore who halfway through the movie I realized and Gary left me cold, man

But Gary Oldman is capable of putting in a Robert Presky No, Gary Oldman is capable of putting in a good performance. Whereas, Demi Moore, I looked through her her filmography and she has never been good in anything. What about like, people like her and like the Butcher's wife? I guess. Or what about, I mean, like that movie is not very good.

The movie about the closure that got dist. What was that called? Disclosure. As in this closure. I think Charlie's Angels full throttle That's what I was thinking. Yep. I think actually I think actually of the movies I've seen her in I may have liked her most in Charlie's Angels Full throttle But um it's between that or one crazy summer. Well, I can't I'm well So she's gonna come out of that that mockumentary about, because rumors for a couple years, they were pretending to be married to Ashton Kutcher.

To be like a river. And I assume it was like, yeah, it was like some kind of stunt like Joaquin Phoenix pulled and turning a rapper. Because that was crazy. No one named that, right? It's Joaquin. Joaquin Phoenix.

Joaquin Phoenix. Fast act in Joaquin. So we have burned up 10 minutes or so of this podcast. We're getting almost an actual, well, let's talk about it. So we have burned up 10 minutes or so of this podcast Well based on a book that you might have read in school. You may have read in school. It's called Moby Dick Good one dude the tale of a white whale and two cities Has anyone ever done a dick disparity called sex and two cities? Where it's where it's carry is in Paris and France during the Paris and France

Paris and London during the time the revolution. Yeah, somebody write it up. I'm not gonna do it And she's like writing her columns like it's more like the pick dick cake papers That would be her saucy pun. Yep Well, well men were being beheaded in the streets. Miranda was giving up behead jobs to her own French marquee. Charlotte was enjoying some revolutions of her own. Samantha had great expectations for this date. No, we're doing French Revolution puns. I'm doing Dickens puns.

What are you talking about? Stuart, you're going to have to be the typewriter on this. Oh, man. So the devils less miserable. No. No. It's not even the French Revolution. Meanwhile, across town, is Bernice a character

on that show? Meanwhile, across town. Bernice can use you to knit. Bernice was having her best deals, Storms. Okay. Sex and two cities. I think that I think it was fair to make a dick and joke. I think it was fair.

You're right. Oh, wow. The Scarlet Letter. So it's based on a book on a book by Nathaniel Hawthorne. You know, you may be home from his blackbuster, the House of the Seven Gables. And what's not forget the black veil, that was him too, right? Now, we're not going to talk about what happens in the book first, but it's a story of hypocrisy and social oppression in 17th century Puritan America, which for the movie has been turned

into kind of like a vaguely soft-corey kind of like romance with occasional action elements and some thriller elements, we'll explain. Yeah, it's like a PBS Xomin King. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, it's Xomin King's masterpiece theater, basically. That's the skirt of the letter. So we open, it's the 17th century in the Americas. Which America? Specifically.

This one. Okay. Thank you. Some Indians are causing trouble. Seems the Puritans and this one Indian chief got along, but now that Indian chief is dead and his son does not care for Americans, except for, well, they're not Americans yet. Doesn't care for the colonists, except for one, Mr. Gary Oldman. Yeah, I mean, he's pretty cool looking.

Cut too. He knew that he'd be good in the professional. It's like I like this guy. Oh yeah yeah. Yeah. I love you in the contender even though you took your name off the credits. Uh right didn't he do that I think so. Uh so uh then Demi Moore playing young bewitching Hester Prin.

Uh huh. A lady arrives in the colony. uh... then demimor playing young bewitching hester print and lady arrives in the colony it seems that she is arriving ahead of her husband who's a doctor uh... and she is supposed to go find a house and set it up and the town is she's a little strong willed very strong

but ordered up liberated she wears lace around her shoulders she's a modern woman it will not really. She's a modern-ish woman. She's strikingly modern for the 17th century and that town is a guest that she thinks that she can, I guess, have her own opinions and live in a house by herself.

Yeah, and have a bathtub. Yeah, she has a bathtub and that is scandalous. Yeah, that is very French of her. And she shows off her lovely curly hair, which only men are allowed to have. Yeah, the hair in this movie on the man is Fantastic. Most of it is in their faces All of it looks it all looks like all the men are wearing literal their Lord Fontrolway wigs It's like right before the movie they had all the male actors go into a rickie's and they just went go nuts Get got pick a wig fellas. Really? I think this one looks too fakey. No, no, it's great.

No, no, it looks great. It's supposed to look fakey. That way it looks real. I don't understand what you're saying. Real hair award nominated director. Real hair looks fake on camera. Yeah, it's the only way they'll get picked up by the 3D cameras, right? But you have this long shoulder length wavy hair on everybody from Gary Oldman to Old Faced Robert DeVol. To the guy who looks kind of like MC Gainey. There's one in every movie. To the aforementioned Presky. Anyway, everyone's a gas to her strong willedness.

And this is the Puritan era. Everyone lives by very strong rules. It's very orderly and you know what he is allowed to be different, except that as we see throughout the movie, almost everybody seems to be different. Characters are constantly speaking out about hypocrisy, how bad it is, while the rules are not very good and that kind of stuff. Anyway, we've got Joan Plowright playing basically like a wicking who lives on the edge of town. Yeah, she is playing your kind of Kathy Bates and Titanic, earthy, speaker mind, stout woman.

Yeah, she got a lot of sass. Got a lot of sass, got a lot of sass fresh. A lot of mots in and out of that. When she was a younger lady, she would have been smoking hot. But now she's kind of old and you're like, I'd still do her, but come on. Wow, okay, you had to boil it down, but it's sex thing.

Yeah, I don't, give me any. No, I mean, like, there'd be a lot of love there. It wouldn't just be sex. Okay. The love is what makes the sex hot. It's like a sharing of respect. Me pouring into one cup and her pouring into my cup. Well, I don't wanna know what your cup is,

this metaphor. Okay, but one day Demi Moore sees a bird. She's working in the garden and she sees a red bird. And the red bird leads her on a merry chase through the forest to where she spies with her naked eye and even naked her, Gary Oldman. Swimming in a stream with no clothes on, totally nude balls. Yeah.

In the scene that I... Do you want to see Gary Oldman stuff obscured by water that once in a while? And then suddenly not obscured by water? But I sort of, I have to, I have see Gary Oldman's normal sized, not at all impressive penis. I have to imagine this has to be,

like this has to be on the shelf. Who's the hairstyle down there, dude? This is on the shelf next to Labyrinth and like women of a certain age like this This is what awakened my sexuality. Yeah, I watched this for a book report and suddenly I was a woman Well anyway, she seems scared about labyrinth Report on Joseph Conrads Labyrinth report on Joseph Conrad's labyrinth. Mask of Rainball is so much better in the movie.

So anyway, she is all a flutter by what she sees. Because of course, if you were going to ask women, well, name it a donness, they would say Gary Oldman. Maybe it's... The face looks kind of like a skull covered in skin. Maybe it's his paleness. Maybe it's the fleshiness around the middle, but she is. She's your commissioner Gordon.

That's what I like. She sees him in him, the making of a great witch fighter general in red riding hood. Oh, I forgot about that guy. Yeah, he put people in a big elephant, a little on fire. Anyway, so she sees him naked and she falls in love The next day she is riding she has to get to church on time. Oh, no She's riding through the mud in the forest. Oh really and her cart gets stuck in a mud hole

Yeah, I think you're right. She can't get it out. She's trying to Let's just say there's a lot of scenes of characters riding carts around in this movie. If you were wondering what the main mode of transportation was in the 17th century, look no further. And she's riding that thing balls the walls, dude. Like, she's crazy. She's got me to cart. That cart is road hard, put away away.

To quote a song by a band I don't remember who it is, she wants them to get her church to the church on time. Anyway, it's from my fair lady. It's not even a direct one. Yeah, modern love. They both. Okay, David Bowie. Yeah, I'm not a fan.

Anyway, so. Well, that is shameful. But let's put that aside for after a steege. All right, however, Elliot loves this movie we were talking about. Oh, that's great. A handsome stranger Comes along to help her and buy a handsome. I mean not and by stranger. I mean Gary old man. She was just looking at

Whose junk she was still wet from the bath had it in the same day I like you say all day He was that he was bathing. I he was bathing in a stream. It wasn't a bad shit I didn't ever remember duckie and a lufa and so old days, dude You bathing the stream she has a bathtub It wasn't a bad shit. She didn't ever rubber ducky and a lufan. In all days, dude, you've been in the streets. She has a bathtub. He's bathing Ginny Aguator style and walk about, you know? That's what you hear.

Yeah. Anyway, so he helps her get the coach out. Oh no, she, he doesn't. He gives her a horse and he takes her, he gives her his horse. He doesn't have a horse exchange. She takes his horse. I'm not sure why they exchanged horses. They get to church on time and she sits down time for Reverend dindsdale

Hot body the uh no no time for every dindsdale to give a sermon He steps out Gary oldman's the Reverend yeah, and he gives a very long sermon and we know it's long because there are at least four Dessolves during it. There's no Not even there's at least like 15 dissolve Not even there's at least like 15 dissolve No, I swear to God There's so many dissolves in this self and there's like a giant Gary oldman had floating over a small Here they're very small there's 10 like 70s variety show music acts where they'd have a close up And then they'd dissolve in like a side view of the person. It's

Super cheesy anyway. She didn't realize that she had a crush on the reverend, that she saw him as God made him. And suddenly, they fall in love to make a long story short, and it's a very long story told very slowly. They fall in love, but what are they to do? She's married, she's waiting for her husband. She gives him some books. She gives him some books.

He reads those things. He's flirtatious. Yeah, he accidentally puts ink on his face and she laughs at him in the most Hugh Grant moment you never expected to see in an Evangel Hawthorne adaptation. But then this is great scene of him trying to side whether or not he should read the books and her slowly bathing herself while her serving maid looks on through a people. Yes. And she's masturbating. Let's let's do more is mass weighting in the bath while a cumly servant girl. This is a slave girl that demi more purchased

earlier in the movie the slave girl is kind of like winking at the audience and then looking through a key she she she let out the candle and there's a little red bird in the room always and she watches demi more masturbate and well but the little red bird figures more into the later scene where the slave girl masturbates on her own and there's a little red bird that she keeps gazing at sexily as if like like bird's turning around I guess obviously represents like

yeah it's the red bird diaries every episode is the bird witnessing a different period in having said we talked about this during the movie, like the servant girl feels like she was ported in from a 1970s a manual film because her whole thing is to just to kind of like look at the camera and be like, can you believe how erotic this is? What's happening? She's just, well it's like they would go to another country in the manual movies and there would be like kind of a more animalistic native, you know, like a non-white person who would just their mirror smile of the camera and their presence would make everyone hot and one I've

sex with each other and they'll have sex with Simon LeBon and the jungle. Exactly. So anyway, Demi Moore and Gary Oldman fall in love, there's an Indian massacre of people on the boat that Demi Moore's husband was on and One of his things it seemed it's just like a piece of cloth with his name on it is discovered They assume he's dead and so Gary Aldman goes, oh, we can be together Passion overtakes them and as the serving girl master bates in a tub next to a bird Gary Aldman and Demi Moore have sex on a pile of dried wheat So maybe there's babies beans and oh maybe let's say it's beans all we know is gonna green for the rest of the movie

We assumed that Demi Moore was picking dried gray metaphor It is the least sexy sex scene. I think I might have ever seen in a movie and that's I do I want to say it's counting irreversible Maybe they're just like like okay, that's going too far. But it is, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, board is, it's the 17th century, neither of these people have had sex before. Like, is this how it works? Totally, don't know how it works. They're just kind of, it looks like two. They're just doing what their body's want, right? It's two teenagers who don't know how to make out,

who are just gonna like awkwardly positioning their mouths, they're afraid to touch each other, and then they just gonna plunge in on top of the beans. So that happens, but it turns out, and then Demi Moore is gets pregnant, starts barfing all over. They realize she's pregnant. They throw her in jail for being pregnant, for having, and for being a blasphemer, I guess. And Gary Oldman says, all revealed that I'm the father. And she says, no, don't do Her end, she gives birth to a baby in jail.

As opposed to a story. Yeah, it gives birth to a baby. You know, like an alien. She goes, Like, Bailey doesn't burst from her chest. Yeah, it's not like, it's not like V or anything like that. So she gives birth to a baby. She gets out of jail eventually.

I guess it's a way, I don't remember why they literally out of jail. The colony has been- Yeah, they released on bail. Yeah, it's kind of like that, like a governor comes by and's like, look, your colony looks bad, because you got a lady in jail who's pregnant, had a baby, like, let's cut the shit, okay?

And that's the other thing, so everyone, everyone thinks the guys who are running this town are stupid and too Puritan, and yet they still get to run the town, but then oh it turns out her husband survived He's actually been inducted into the Indian tribe and has crazy Spells where he goes nuts and puts a deer carcass on his head and Local Indians kick him out because he's just too crazy. Yeah, the Indian lady says he has a ghost in him send him away And I gotta say in a kick him out because he's just too crazy. Yeah, an Indian lady says he has a ghost in him, send him away. And I gotta say,

and you're too crazy for the Indians at that time? In a movie full of bad performances, it takes a true artist like Robert DeVal to go way too far. Like, It's almost like his performance is an experiment in how bad he can be. Yeah, yeah, he's probably the worst of them,

but, and this is a movie where it takes a man of talent to be that terrible. Most of the dialogue is like whispered or mumbled or spoken in like a super-stilted accent. Very bad. And Robert Ball tops it all with his like super crazy performance. But it's crazy, but then he'll be really still and dull in other scenes. Not the scene where he's shaving his belly with a weird stone razor. No, that's true. That's a good point.

As Dan put it, he's in pretty good shape for an old guy, right? Yeah, so that he comes back, he confronts Hester Pren, Demi Moore's character, and oh, you've had, you have a baby, huh? Tell me who the father is. And she's like, no, no, get out of my life. And he decides he's gonna come back And he's gonna as a new persona who is gonna start Fomenting trouble in the town. He's gonna put on a terrible way. He's gonna put on a terrible shoulder length wig that

That's a wig of those heroes Some Native American tricky put some like fucking pumice on there. You rub a deer carcass on your head and all of a sudden, you got beautiful hair. It's a fertility spell, dude. With his weird old face and his hair, he looks like Tommy was O from the room. So I just like the thing that Tommy was O was wandering around the 17th century because he's a vampire.

Everyone knows it. Anyway, he's like, Esther, you're tearing me a part, Esther. Uh, he started, Esther gets in trouble again. They put a scarlet, a on her for adultery because again, she refuses to name, she refuses to name the father for child and she refuses to let

Gary Oldman reveal that he's the father for, I guess to prove a point or she doesn't want to own his life. I'm not sure. Gary Oldman is really unhappy. He cuts his hands on a big pillar for some reason in his anger and Robert DeVal decides that he's gonna make everyone believe there are witches in town. So he's a real salm, okay.

And it's almost like the producers were like, hey, is this a movie of the Crucible or the Scarlet Letter? Yeah. I don't remember. Let's just put the Crucible. Yeah, I read them both at the same time in high school, so whatever, just mix it up. It's a major, it's a major. Mashed them up.

It's one of the great. I don't want to see people with weird hats and they're not be a witch, wear wolf, like I guess a vampire mummy or something. I wish a vampire mummy. It's this funny thing where everyone gets the scarlet letter and the crucible mixed up even though they were written a hundred years apart. Yeah.

But just because they're the only two things anyone ever reads that's set in 17th century Puritan American colonies basically. Yeah. Yeah. One has when one doesn't wait. So does Demi more gets? And they're both about like hypocrisy and over, and overzealous oppression of that.

And when Hesterbrinn gets her scarlet letter, then they throw a bunch of stones at her for fertility or something. No, no, that's a lot of... That's a lot of... It's a totally different story. But that's the same thing, right now. It's said modern day, that's what's so horrifying about it.

Mm-hmm. Right. Well, I guess it's implied it's modern day. They know, I don't know that they really explain explicitly what time period it's in. Anyhoo, so. What's the one where there's children of the court? I believe you're thinking of pumpkin heads.

Okay, thanks. No, that's what Elaine's henryxin. Oh, oh yeah, you're right. Star of millennium. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Star of Millennium is sure. And anyhoo, let's keep going. The Scarleta, we're almost. Here's the little sub Bishop of the Millennium is sure and Any who let's keep going the scarlet are almost a bishop We're almost to quarter the way through the movie

So he's fomenting trouble he gets everyone to think that Hester print is a witch He gets everyone to think Joan plow rides a witch and meanwhile the Indians are getting angry about stuff Robert devolves The natives are restless if you will. I will. Robert devolves scalps a man to cause trouble. No, he scalps the guy that he think. I thought he scalped who he thought was. Oh, there's a guy who looks kind of like MC Gainey or Powers Booth or Gerard Dipper do or young chef boy or D. He's in a doublet. Early in the movie, he tries to kiss Hester Prenn and she slapsaps him He goes away for like an hour to hang out. He leaves the movie for a long time I assume he's on a trip somewhere

maybe he was sleeping and He attempts to rape her and she shoves a candle lit candle in his eye and he runs away Until he made a candle motif. Yeah, and I think right and you're think maybe you're right Routvel thinks he's the father and so mumble something about that. that I mean it's tough to say it's so hard to everyone's so mumbley in this It's mumble is the biggest budget mumble core movie. I think ever made It's only mumble core costume film. So Hester print is they think she's a witch but meanwhile the scalping has been blamed on the local Indian tribes They start killing off Indians the Indians are gonna take that so Hester print is about to be hung for witchcraft because it's true most of the witches at the time

were hung, not burned at the stake. Burning at the stake was a European thing. Singing was an American thing. So good work, Roland Jaffee. You got that right. And when I say witches, I mean to say not witches. People who were accused of being witches because no matter what your friend, the Wicked will tell you there were no witches at Salem.

It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been tell you there were no witches at Salem. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away.

It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away.

It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. It's been taken away. You realize that you're making your profiting off of like the fact that your your answers are just killed a much innocent people. That's what this is. You went by a subway and you're like no, I don't want a sand which. They like they got like a big but which statue there.

The which statue. Yeah, I mean like it was donated by TV land, but they took it. They still took it. It's amazing to me that they took it. Yeah. Yeah, free statue. What are we going to turn it down? Sure. Come on. It's not a rubble, but it's okay.

Let me show you. Come on, real. You know, it belittles a much of confused young girls who got killed for no reason, but whatever. It's a good statue. It's a TV land, whatever. It's great show. Aren't we all living in a TV land?

Anyway, so she's about to be hung at the stake. And Gary Oldman says, wait, stop. I'm the father. If you're going to hang anybody, hang me and takes the news off her neck and puts it on his. And the executioner's like, all right, whatever. I mean, I get paid the same either way. It's almost like he's like, look, I got contracted for one hanging.

I don't care who it is. I'm just the tool in the executioner's hand. The executioner's hand you, whatever. Look, either way. Whatever way an ex gonna get snapped. Long as I'm home by two with some money in my pocket, I don't really care for shit. So the executioner is, and he gives him a look like Cox's eyebrow.

Like, all right. Okay, just don't make me look back. And he starts, he starts pushing back and forth the bench that Gary Aldman's standing on. I like to tease him a little bit. He's a real hang T. Yeah, you got to play it out. Real news T. For the crowd.

But then suddenly, Fwack and Arrow hits him in the neck. Awesome. The Indians are attacking the settlement and let me tell you. Blood everywhere. All of a sudden, a Pocca Lippto breaks out. Yeah, the Indians are getting shot. They're slashing people's throats. They're like running over people with flaming carts.

There's a great scene where one of the piratin men is fighting with an Indian over like a flag and then another Indian runs up in chopps as armor. And blood spurt sites like the end of San Giro. This is a spur of blood. It's crazy. This is not anything the movie ever set you up for. Just this bloody Indian fight.

And that's all in the book, right? No. And Hester printing Gary and Gary Oldman, Reverend Dimstail, run around for a while and save Hester print's daughter who, I forgot to mention her. It's like making bullets bend around her with a magic bow. Yeah. I forgot to mention that one of the pieces of evidence against Hester print was that her baby has her birthmark on its belly, which is a sign of the devil according to Robert Vaughl.

Who? Does he disappear from the moon? He hangs himself. Oh, he hangs himself. I missed that part. Yeah, after all of his plots are in motion, but before they reach their fruition, he hangs himself. I don't know why.

That is the ultimate Bond villain assuming his plan is about to go through. That's one step beyond just leaving bond in the trap and going somewhere else It's well mr. Bond. I have you at my mercy. I suppose my plan is finished Kill so you think maybe he was Sure that the news would work when the time came Well, he wasn't you know, you don't make that much money as a which trouble for mentor So he was making us a new tester Let me make sure that news is actually killed people but I mean it's a great

job but I can only do it once lenithins anyway so there's a big Indian fight and somehow the Indians coming in and burning the town down I guess like erases the charges against yesterday because the next thing we see a bigger problem she's kneeling at a grave of someone who was killed in the battle and she's her it was her her husband Yeah, do we know that for sure? Yeah, it's like yeah, you're right Look by that point I think I was paying attention you were paying attention so much closer than me at that point I think my brain was was actively rejecting the film as it is first

It's first house. So, dimsale says don't leave and she says I have to leave and he goes alright, then leave with me and they just do. It climbs up into the coach. Demi Moore takes the... They make out while they're riding around. Demi Moore takes the Scarlet A offer. Her little daughter takes it and then as they're riding away the daughter drops the A out

of the cart and the wheel rolls over it. Take that social more is you just got run over by a muddy wagon cart wheel. The end. So we shouldn't. Well, I should mention the whole thing. There's been voice over narration throughout from Hester's grown up daughter in the future and she mentioned that they went to the Carolinas in that days have a style. The days of heaven narration is poetic and loosely related to what we're seeing. This is like Legion style. All right. Sure.

And at the end, another always told me vampires were real. And, but they're demons. They, according to the voiceover, they had a successful time in the Carolinas and lived happily ever after. There's also a little more demymorse. We pay attention because. There's Louis Proper Demymor says, we came here to make a new country.

Like, now let's make a good enough one for her, something like that. It's so lame. And, but I wasn't really paying that much attention because I was making up stories for all the people that they rode past like fake beard and white hat. And the classic flop house getting more interested in the extras. As they're riding away, there's these two guys walking together.

One has this wide floppy hat and the other has such a big beard. He looks like Andre the giant playing the Sasquatch in that $1 million, $6 million man episode. And he looks like, what's the name of that big monster with the ragged clothes? Uh, sweetens? Yeah, he looks like what's the name of that what's the name of that big Muppet the big monster with the ragged clothes? Sweetems. Yeah, he looks like sweetems and it's suddenly like who are these two who these two traveling con artists? Like kind of hoping that the sequel will follow them right because there's a sequel this year. Yeah, Scarlet Letter 2. Scarlet again Still read Scarlet or two. Yeah better read than did Tagline but Scarlet or two letter B I'm gonna let her to, yeah, better read than did. You took the wha? Tag my. But.

But. So I'll let her to, let her be. I don't think we should dwell on this too much, but because it was well reported on at the time, but this is nothing like the book, the skirt, the book. It's nothing like the book. The book is much more about, she's got the scarlet letter, she committed adultery, she refuses to say who, and the person who did it won't admit it who was it and it turns out that it what it should I just it was it was rather did it still but who is a hypocrite in the book he is one of the leaders of the people who

are pressing and attacking has to print is a bad guy and when he gives his speech at the end it's about the soul crushing guilt he feels because he has betrayed God basically and betrayed the truth. And it's not a stirring speech about how we got to let lovers be lovers and equality for all. It's not a romance between two star cross lovers. This woman had sex with this guy and this guy was an asshole and the hypocrite and tortured her and then um yeah. But also the book didn't have a big Indian attack at the end. I don't think it had a bath

of masturbation scene. I don't know. That's why the book never went anywhere right? Yeah you're right it was a big flop. It's an obscurity the best day. In fact this flop house is not about the movie which is a huge hit. It was about the book, which is a total flop. But this is such a slow, it's a movie that misunderstands seriousness to be the same as slowness. Like if you... Yeah, slap some wigs on some dudes. Slap some wigs on, talking really quietly and batting the shak sense, and take 40 seconds

between lines of dialogue to look at each other and you've got like, I guess, a best picture winner. That was the... Sure, sneaking in some of the horse riding. That's the thing. Like, do some... As Ebert says in his review, he says it was, it's shot in a kind of like playboy fantasy's video style. But it totally is.

I just don't know what they were... Like, I really don't know what anyone involved with this was thinking because anyone who had any interest in making an adaptation of the scarlet letter like why would they then turn it into this movie like why would they then be like uh... you know what uh... let's make it a romance let's make it super sexy let's let's all let's cap it all off of the indian attack yeah well to make it super sexy adds more rubber to fall away and things like the only interesting things about it are the terrible things that were

added though. Like the violent Indian attack and the masturbation in the dub. And the bizarrely erotic slave girl. So here's my theory. My theory is Demi Moore was at a point in her career where she wanted to do a prestige movie. She's a big star now. She wants to be nominated for an Oscar or something like that. She wants something that shows that she's an actress. She's not just a pair of boobs. She is an actress. And so they say, okay, well, what's a straw?

You know what? We've done a lot of movies of the Scarlet Letter. That's a big classic. Everyone's heard of it. Nobody's read it. So it's and this is something Demi Moore said, I think, was that like, it was either Demi Moore or the director or... No, she said that it was like... No one's actually read it, so they're not going to know we made changes. And besides, she also said something about like, if we had an unhappy ending, it wouldn't be true to the character of Hester print, which is crazy.

But that's it. That Demi Moore knows the character better than Nathaniel Hawthorne, the inventor of the character. But anyway, I think that, and then I think they literally went through and said, okay, we don't want to make this type of movie. We want to make us stirring romance. This is going to be Demi Moore's Gone with the Wind. It's going to be a historical costume romance, sweeping passion, epic scope, like a real

portrait of a picture point time in America and a strong-willed woman because it's, we can't have her be too crushed by society because she needs to be a strong woman too. And that just kind of throughout the process, I would guess this screenplay went through a ton of different drafts where they were like inventing backstory, coming up with scenes and like putting in like- And like string Indian attacks. Well, kind of saying like we're gonna need to get asses in seats. We need an action scene for the trailer. Let's end it with a big Indian attack also then we got a pro-Indian message because the settlers brought it on themselves By not respecting the Indians and it's like which is true in real life

They do you know that settlers did not respect the Indians and brought them But anyway IRL yeah IRL the columns did not treat the Indians well But it's that but then they they. But it's one of these things. This used to happen a lot also in old movies much more often, where you would take the title of a story, the barest elements from it, and just make up a whole new story, and that was your new story. It's kind of like all the great Ed Grellen poem movies. Like from hell.

Exactly. Almost none of them have anything to do with the story they're based on, you know. The black cat is a great movie. There's nothing to do with the story of the black cat, you know. But here it's, they just said like, let's just make a kind of a crappy movie, but that will hope will be good.

And what's called Scarlet Letter and do Scarlet Lettery Things in it, you know. So anyway, so that's a behind the scenes look at what I imagine was behind the scenes. So I think that we were there already, but just quickly, this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie kind of liked Elliot. I would say should have been- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no right. Our Roger Ebert was super wrong. I'm gonna have to go. I'm gonna give thumbs up to Roger Ebert's review of this because he was right. It is very boring and bad. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And it is it's one of the, although it's their parts of it. If you could make a super cut of just the scenes with birds in them and the scenes with candles in them, you have a very funny super cut. But otherwise, but there's so much draw in the middle middle it's so slow and me and rain

I'm just getting to that wheat. Yeah, and the Indian attack literally wheat It's like by the time you get to this really super bloody Indian scene It's like too little too late movie and there's so little chemistry between the two leads. Yeah, yeah strangely enough Gary Oldman is not the romantic lead that they might have thought I agree. There's some really great silly scenes is not the romantic lead that they might have thought. I agree. There's some really great silly scenes that are supposed to be sexy. The scene where Carrie Oldman accidentally gets ink on his head and it is delightfully clumsy and demi-more laughs. It's like a Julia Roberts Hugh grant scene is pretty funny for how stupid it is that they have this dumb romantic comedy scene in the middle of

the fucking Scarlet Letter. Yeah, but all in all. I think we can agree. Yeah, we all agree. Roger Ebert was right. It was boring. Bored time. Wait, what's that light over there?

Roger Ebert's soul. It's finished. It's business here on Earth and it's ascending to heaven. Not terrible. Wait, no, it's getting caught in a Ghostbusters trap. No, Dr. Benjamin, he was a good ghost. Oh, God. Oh, now Slimer is kissing him.

Oh, I don't know how I can see inside the trap Horrible Go supposed to just three Rodriguez revenge. Yeah, so Starring Shilabuff I gave him the chair now we're gonna Scalary brothers. I gave him the chair. I got to move on to our letters segment. The Floppyos movie mail bag. The letter this time is a, a scarlet letter. The first letter is. It's really hard to read this letter.

It's a red type on a red background. Maybe you shouldn't have printed these all out in red for the scarlet letter. Yeah, I apologize. This first letter though is titled, The Show Is Beautiful. Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Gentlemen. I love the podcast.

Love it. My wife demands that I stop talking about it. Well, you divorce her. Well, she could put her demands in a pipe and smoke him, baby. I say, no, listen, that rascally, Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra was the flop house house cat and Elliot always yells house cat afterwards like a delighted child. This is so sad. And she sighs. And she sighs.

And she sighs. And she sighs and mutters. Have fun with your weird podcast honey and leaves the room. It is a weird podcast. There's no accounting for taste. As long as we're not as long as it's not that like the scenario where the wife finally listened to the flop house and it was Dan describing or is it Stewart? What are you guys describing of a giant sliding down a banister? Yeah. As long as your wife's experience was not that, we're Dan as commenting on your wife's butt.

Anyway Dan, continue. I've been going through a rough personal time and coming home and listening to an episode or two has gotten me through some difficult times. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I'm legitimately grateful for the last few days. Yeah, Dan loves smoke animals. This is part of his character. Your next movie pitch should be a revenge fantasy, where in Nicholas Cage breaks into Dan's house during a recording and takes you all hostage. He then subject you to various personalized tortures, EG forcing Dan. EG coming, right? Yeah. EG Smith. EG forcing Dan to converse awkwardly with a married gay couple and forcing

a bald gagged Elliott to listen to a prolonged recording of celebrity names being mispronounced. Oh, but I do that. Stuart's personalized torture can be the subject of a listener contest. Make this movie and then subsequently review it for an episode of your podcast. Meta is in these days. Love your work. Absolutely love it. Brandon and last name with help. Now look, I just want to take a note.

Well one thing, thanks Brandon for listening. We're glad we could provide you with someone music out there. Get out of the way before we jump. I'm going to go about it. I'm going to shreds you a new one. No, I like singing out. On the day that we were recording this on the day that the defensive marriage. before damn new hosted we were recording this on the day that uh... that the defensive marriage

act was struck down by the supreme court that's right i'd like to clarify that despite uh... many attempts to put to smear me with the label of homophobic could not be more delighted uh... that that uh... anti uh... homosexual uhosexual legislation has been killed. All right, I don't know suddenly rather than the Rachel Maddo House. But now that I've said that. Is this the flop house with Chris Hayes? Now that I've said that, we can decide what Stewart's torture would be.

Oh yeah, I think Stewart's torture would be... I think that his torture would be that someone yeah, what would I think Stuart's torture would be? I think that his torture would be that someone tried to give him any some sort of microbrew instead of poor life. Yeah, that would be pretty terrible. Or being stuck in a room with Nicholas Cage and not being able to pet his hair. Everybody's tortures. Yeah, your hands are in oven mitts. So you can't touch his hair. And tied behind my back. Yeah. Because my fingers could bust through those mitts and get up that greasy hair Like a like a ghost bus So like so like your fingers are to oven mitts as Wolverine's claws are to his hands. Yeah, it's burst through

Like snicked and then Snick it so so I had not to them so Wolverine is still okay Wolverine is talking about children's author limiting snick it when his claws come out Yeah, no, I use an idea not I need a cover right in Fritzman. And so my fingers bust through those mitts. So they turn into weird wrist bands. Uh-huh. That's what bands.

So that the Nicholas Cage hair sweat doesn't get all over my upper forearms, I guess. Okay. Then I just start petting. Yeah. Okay, so we decided. Uh, what else do we do? Okay. Continue. Next letter, please. know what else we do. Okay, continue. Next letter, please.

Next letter. Scarlet letter. Next letter's titled, Is Stuart Stingdon All Right? Nope. That's it. It's more than all right. It's great.

Dear floppers, this morning I was listening to a local morning show and a story came across titled, Man High on Mushroom, Man High on Mushrooms, Rips Off Part of Penis. The morning show crew was making wise of the situation, but I found no humor in this event. Yeah, that's horrible. High on Mushrooms, nothing new.

Stuart could no longer hold back his need to finally succumb to his fantasy and become the Castle Freak. Sure. Please let me know that. He was looking for the Castle Freak and said in order to find the Castle Freak, I must become the castle freak. Yeah, please I rip off my ding dong and I go to jail. Yeah, what a modern day jails are like castles, right? The closest you're gonna get. Yeah, I think that's where you're gonna find a

And you become a phone freak finish the finish the letter Yeah, people just please let me know that Stuart is okay and his ding dong is holding strong concerned Earth last name withheld now this same news story was also brought to our attention by one Tiko Alhambra apparently co apparently a co-host of the it's on Craigslist podcast and also by a number of people on our Facebook group. Blue and Sarah Wolf. Yeah. So I would like to clarify again. This is not a ding-dong podcast. We have no particular interest in ding-dong news. I think what he's suggesting is that I take my pants off, right? No, no, no, no, it's a gusset. No, don't do it. I mean, only if you're gonna do it. Well, let's examine,

yeah, we should just examine what you got under there. Oh, it's like a kindle down there. Yeah, we should just examine what you got under Oh, it's like a kindle down there. Oh, no, it's all gone. It's all gone. Zip up. I can't bear it. Here's to it. I'll give you one of my two penises.

OK. Sharon share like that's what Elliott always says. Share and share like it's the classic matter. Sharon share like the classic mathematical proposition. Share equals share is the law matter. Sharon share like the classic mathematical proposition share equals share It's the law of conservation of share. You're gonna add sound effects a little bit later, right? I mean, I think you did it. You did sound of any unbuckled your belt and everything. Okay, we'll listen to it Adding a horrified guess we'll have a listening party after the recording

This letter is titled I found gooby and missing It's after the recording. This letter is titled, I Found Gooby. And is he missing? It's from the gas station in the five dollar. It sounds like something that a little kid would say upon seeing dog poop on the ground. This letter's from Chris Lasting withheld. He writes, I'm a family-sized fan of the show and have been through most of the fan.

Family-sized fan? No, I don't know what that means that he's... Family-sized fan of the show and have been through most family-sized fan. Oh, no, I don't know what that means that he's family-sized Fam. Yeah, he's a family-sized fan of the show and have been through most of the episode some of them multiple times Thank you like any borderline creepy slightly too into it divotay I'm careful always to keep my eyes peeled for signs of flop and that's how I found Gooby As the attached image more or less clearly shows he has ended up behind a local greasy spoon Oakland's legendary lowest the pike wing and there he languished for some months as I had frequent occasion to confirm Given that I lived about half a block away and often ran walked or biked by the place I recently moved away

But not before observing that he appears to have moved on. To where I cannot say, but if I find him, I never fear, I will update you. Cher-ché-l'eth-l'op. Gooby, stay alive, I will find you. And he adds a post script. As I was writing this, I started to think,

how many people would knowing what I found Gooby means actually choose to open the email with that subject line? Then I started to think how many people would knowing what I found Gooby means actually choose to open the email with that subject line Then I started to think how sure am I the the flop house team will open an email with that subject line Then I told myself rather sternly to get it together already look we open to email Crang with boobs didn't we here's the photo showing evidence of Is that yeah, is that Robbie Coltr culture in the eye that looks like gooby on by the broken uh... the broken and patio uh... goby scene better days yeah

goby appears to be fenced in the not writing high like he was off the success of the gooby motion picture no he's not yet that was the thing like after the after gooby came out he was certain was gonna be a big hit you started getting cooked up you know like just blowing all of his uh... buzz on prostitutes all of his fuzz so it's paid and he pays them the weird things that the prostitutes would accept the fuzz yeah i don't get it is as he grow golden fuzz i don't understand yeah well that's the magic of gooby if a child believes in gooby then gooby can no you're thinking of bogus

Dr. Fred yeah Yeah, wait, yeah Rick may hold me to kill Rick my house career in America But thank you for letting us know that my favorite Phoebe case movie. No, not at all It's not paradise. Well, that's my third favorite Phoebe Kate's movie. After grandma's one and two, but not in that order. Grandma's two, then grandma's, then paradise, just the scene with the shower. You know, so this last letter of the Princess Caravu, which I've actually never seen.

I actually never seen. I've actually seen princess. I just remember when it came out and was like, oh, Phoebe Cates is back and then Phoebe Cates disappeared again. Happy you're just being Mrs. Kevin Klein. Yeah, who wouldn't? I mean, come on. Good point. That's a good point.

Kevin Klein dream date. Him and his brother Calvin are always hanging out. Having fun and his son Chris. Yep. Terrible and his son Chris. Yep. Terrible and terrible in the Street Fighter. And of course, Grandpa Robert. No, great in Street Fighter. Yeah, amazing in a certain way in Street Fighter.

So this last letter is titled Super. And of course, their nephew, I'm Client Knox Music. OK. This last letter is titled Super Flop House Brothers and it goes like this deer floppers I just finished listening to the Outskross episode in which Elliott was able both to reference rampage in our K-game that is at least 25 years old Yeah, but I'm there when it was new and still sound remarkably like a confused grant parent with his lack of awareness of Critos the protagonist from the God of War series which is sold over 20 million copies in one

several game of the year awards yeah cuz I really follow the game of the year awards I'm not accusing I'm not using it is a wooden embees yeah who gives that out loser in his mom's basement magazine I'm not I'm not accusing Elliot of being a video game poser because he almost certainly has a weirder. Well, I think it's crazy. The idea that I would lose track of video games somewhere but shouldn't rampage and got a war. It's not that crazy. He gets to it.

Okay. I'm not accusing him of being a video game poser because he almost certainly has, like I have, significantly dropped out of the video game past time as he's grown older. His dropout date was probably some date in between when rampage was big and when reaught of war was big. You know what? You nailed it on the head. It was.

What was the last video game each of you remember really enjoying? This email has been written before the summer of 2013 when a re-render dectails game is scheduled to be released. And certainly so I can't say that. We'll re-kindle all of your previously extinguished video game desires. If you would like to offer your favorite video game of all time, that would be great too. If you haven't played the 2013 version of dectails, you may not vote for that, but a vote for the 1990 NES version would certainly be allowed. I know I'm just saving time.

You really saved a lot of time by saying NES instead of NES. Just because you had to explain the fucking thing. Even if it's an NES, you wouldn't have wasted this time. Eric Glass, name, would help. Anyway, the NES Nintendo Entertainment System War Famicom system is what Dan's talking about. Originally sold with that robot. Famicom system is what Dan's talking originally Originally sold with that robot Well, I robot do No, it was gyro bot then who's rob I don't know you fucking friend

Yeah, it's right rob by friend who's a robot anyway, so I'm a rob you might be right I think it was a game. I don't know gyro bot No, the game was Jarrow might with a Jarrow might. Oh, yeah, because it was a cause it was a cause it was a what's happening time. Listeners. That was right. Jarrow might. Please tell right or the about this long. I don't care. Don't write in. Okay, damn, what was the last video game you played that you really like the lot um well uh you know I've got I've played I think I think I think more reason games than Elliott like like leisure suit Larry because leisure suit Larry isn't extreme enough for him I have

I have a PlayStation 3 I responded to Larry I don't play video games that much at all. I have We played that Batman game. I have uncharted to and Arkham City or whatever and like I have not finished either of them just because I like the music games do right like the Well, that's what I was gonna say the rapper the last game which is basically the foundation of the God of War game Yeah, the last game I really, the top-of-the-game, I really, the last game I really enjoyed was probably Rock Band. Like that's, like I'm more of a like a party game guy. He said Rock Man, which is the Japanese name for a mega man. Yeah.

No. I did recently look up the soundtrack on YouTube to Mega Man too, which I think still has maybe the best soundtrack of any video game Now with that that that's that's the game of semi-recent years that I've enjoyed the most I'm a more traditional game that I enjoyed I have probably have to go back to something like Mario Kart or something Yeah, but my favorite game of all time. I don't know like

Mario Kart or something. But my favorite game of all time, I don't know, like I'm an old man, probably either the legend of Zelda or maybe Mega Man 2, speaking of Rock Man. You mean, it is a really great game. What do you have to say? I like the Super Mario Brothers side-scrolling game for Wii I enjoyed, but I never finished it. And I got it as part of a wedding present

almost three years ago, and I have yet to finish it. It shows it, and I was like, I was like, maybe it's time to get back in a real case. It's like slowly masturbating. It's tantric Nintendo. But before that, I don't know, maybe like super smash brothers or something like that, like a game where you can have fun

with a couple other people. And your favorite of all time? My favorite of all time. I don't know, that's a good question. That's a very good question. Maybe like, I don't know, maybe even the original Super Mario Brothers. I don't know, one of the Super Mario games,

I like those games a lot, so. Stuart, you are more current at that. Yeah, I play all kinds of games. You're always playing your mass effects and your bio-shocks, you don't have you? You're your borderlands. And I like the FIOL effects. I Your borderlands. And I like the fighting games. Mortal's combat.

Oh yeah, I like the fighting games. Your DCs versus shocks. Marvel's versus Capcom's. All these things. I do. I think Baby Genius is the games. My favorite, I think my favorite games of all time is probably a tie between, well, I really liked,

I was a big fan of Metal Gear Solid, that was great, any game where the game reads your memory card and tells when it's reading your mind and is like, you really like to play Castlevania. How does the game know that? But no, I was a big fan of the Duck Tales game for Ness. Yeah, Nestle chocolate. But I would say probably no one's ever said that before.

No one ever has. I would not be the only one. I would not be the only one. I really enjoyed it. You know who said that is parents? There's two consonants with a vowel in the middle. Why would you turn that into a word? Because it's not, it's an initials.

I was a big fan of the, I think my favorite was the Gremlins II game from the Nintendo game. That was a pretty good game. I think that was the first game Ilins 2 game from the Nintendo game. I think that was the first game I beat, and I remember taking a picture and mailing it to Nintendo Power, because they had some they said, good job, Stuart. Like, you joked me a fucking nerd.

Go tell it to the Marines. Thanks, Gady. Do you think you're the first one who's ever done this? No, throw nothings out of the mouth. Throw nothings out of the mouth of those games. And I kind of remembered this when I was researching that JAWS thing I did. The JAWS Nintendo game thing I did was how great those old

8-bit soundtracks were. Just hearing that music from the JAWS game, like immediately brought it back. Like it stored somewhere in my retarded brain, not my normal brain. But like, yeah, the old Maribrow there's music, the Megaman 2 music, the Duck Tales music. Like there's a lot of good music in those

Ape it games Just made out of boops and beeps Thank then you had two notes boop and beep So I hope that you enjoyed that and didn't think to yourself what about your fucking old people? At least a time. It's scared my favorite video game was hoop stick It's when you hit a stick with a hoop with a stick. You hit a stick with a hoop, I guess. But it's not much of a game.

It's unconventional. My favorite game was called... It's called a rock and another rock. It's called this pyramid builder. It's where you built real pyramids. This is a bit called Stuart Docks the Two Old Prospects. Yes. Yeah.

It's called the 2000 year old prospect. I remember when I was digging for gold. What are you? What are you? 2000 year old. I remember I said, dang Nabbit Cortez. In 40 years, HBO is gonna be doing like 12 specials about us, based on this big. That's a year old prospect there. So, this is the last segment. I was like, homerobby, what are you doing? I think it's more than that. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, I strung gold.

Gold that tells you, I said to Marcus Aralius About like old but he's like I love the idea of a character from such a specific time But he sold he's not children that I talked to this guy. It's like it's like When you see movies with vampires the vampires keep dressing the way they did when they were alive Yeah, they're in agonist 300 years ago. Sure All right, let's accept that except anyway, you're saying let's speedily go through our last segment of the show Which is recommendations movie that we saw that we actually liked? Unlike the Scarlet letter, which we did not I like the so I would recommend

2,000 year old brassback. During LA at K-Lin. As 2,000 year old. And Dan McCoy is a brassbackback. Well, I've been old man, and I'm a brassback. And I'm old Friday. I'm going to continue with a theme of family-friendly period pieces. And I'll recommend Wild Zero starring the

Japanese band Guitar Wolf. Family Friendly Friendly Period pieces, I recommend your period and you. It's an instructional film for young girls about their first men's seas. Rated R. R. Strong Language and so I am recommending Wild Zero starring the Japanese rock band Guitar rock band uh... guitar wolf there's zombies in it lasers uh... all kinds of weird shit and a love that could not be between a man and i think it transgender character i don't remember there's zombies in it uh... watch it with your mom and dad i'm gonna recommend and i'm gonna continue the thing order

i'm gonna continue the theme of That's an order. I mean, I continue the theme of movies based on works of classic literature and recommend the latest adaptation of Much Too About Nothing, the Joss Whedon-Break-Ted film, which I enjoyed. I still don't think it's as good as the Kenneth Branagh film, but you mean Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

Yes. The Kenneth Branagh film, or did you mean Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Yes. But being a Ken of the Brown Off film, or did you mean Thor? But it's a fun adaptation of much to do about nothing if you enjoy the play. I think that honestly, for the first third of it, it's a little slow. The dialogue that's supposed to be sparkling and fast-paced and almost screwball in the delivery early before screwball existed screwball is a little draggy and screwballs by Shakespeare. And Josuiden directs it a little too much like-

To press or not to press. That is the question. He directs it a little too much in traditional TV style, a lot of close-ups, which- And a studio audience. Which is weird because serenity and the Avengers were not like that. But once it hits the first kind of big comedy scene, the first like eavesdropping scene, everything from that then on really hits well and I found myself very engaged by it. I wonder I think I might have a one-word explanation for why

it's shot that way early on. It starts with a B and it's budget. Yeah. That could be wrong. Now, did it help you? It was shot in like 12 days in his house, so. Well, you're a fan of like, so like, playmate of the eights basically. Yeah, basically. So that was shot in I think two days. You're a fan of like the Weedon verse in those actors. So did that help your enjoyment or? It helped it in a certain sense, but it also like for the first part of it, I'm like, ooh, am I just enjoying it?

As much as I am because I have seen these actors and other things that I've enjoyed. That's not necessarily a knock against it though. That's part of big movie Hollywood acting is being able to inform an actor's performance with knowledge of their past performances. It does, it does, it does definitely stand out. I'm sorry, it's not a knock at the front.

What's your movie? I still recommend it. It just starts a little slow. That's what I recommend, Elliot. And I'm going to continue the theme of women in trouble. Okay. And I'm going to recommend a movie by Vittorio Dessica called Two Women, starring Sophia Loren and John Paul Belmando.

He is not one of the women about a mother and her daughter who are kind of early adolescent teenage daughter who in the waning days of World War II in Italy where the cities are still being bombed. They have to leave them out into the countryside and these two women are kind of trying to find a safe place while being caught between Italian soldiers, German soldiers, American soldiers, Russian soldiers, and having trouble finding a safe space and finally encountering some kind of horrific tragedy that defaults them and having to emotionally push through that. It's a really strong movie. The one Sophia Loren

won her Academy Award for Best Actress for. I would recommend finding it not dubbed for that reason. I know Netflix had it on Netflix Instant for a while and it was a dubbed version. Don't watch that. Watch it with subtitles. Get the full performance. I don't like reading while I watch a movie, dude. Well, you like comic books and that's like reading

while looking at a painting. Oh! So the... I'm not like audiobooks, but you're like a movie for your mind. I do like that when I'm doing the long cross country drive. And it's just found it to be a movie for my mind. A really solid movie about war that isn't about battle scenes or there's a little bit of

that, but it's very much about the people who get caught among a war who are not necessarily even fighting it, but their lives are impacted by it nonetheless and in a way destroyed by it. That was very good Similar to some word of Scarlet letter just kind of like well, and if you think I'm out Indian Wars Yeah, yeah sure so two women with Sophia Loren Well guys, this has been fun except for the fact that we watch Scarlet letter. That was not fun Please please fans if we have another contest Pick the thing on us think about something that we will enjoy. I would say just don't.

You have another contest. You should write in, pick a movie yourselves and then we can watch Robot Jocks and we'll have a good time. The movie so fun, it doesn't even care if it's spelling the word Jocks wrong. I can't tell you how long I misspelled the word Jocks. Thanks for that movie. I want to make a product now that's a computerized underpants. Frathletes called robot juxtap Wait would the strap be spelled with an S or would you just CTR PA

PPPPPPG. It's called like Roberts it are robot juxtap It's called it's like Roberts it are robot jocks the draft Yeah, Robert Zalazni You you guys don't know but before we started saving the podcast do it referred to Zalazni. I think it doesn't times So Roger in a movie Roger not Robert. Yeah, Roger. Sorry. So Roger's a lasnate with that mention Robert Silver. The first mention that anyone has made of that name in God knows how long. People talk about Roger's lasnay all the time. We should sign off. Look, you're gonna write a science fiction and it's like LaPedia. It's gonna be from

Asimov to Zalazny. Yeah. For the plot house. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm sorry, I'm steward Wellington. And I'm the professional Elliott Kaelin who always knows when it's time to say his name and says it correctly. Elliott Kaelin, it trips off the tongue, Bolifluis every syllable of delight, a treasure of letters, Elliott Kaelin, say it won't you, the end.

Another masterpiece.com. I have a bunch of cats. No good relationships though. Let me talk about it for 18 minutes. Wow.