The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #139 - Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Episode Date: November 16, 2013

Two is the Cloneliest Number The three peaches spend this episode cloning around about Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, as part of a podcrawl with Read it and Weep (who took on Episode I) and Proudly Resents (who will be taking on Episode III).  Meanwhile, Dan's space gaydar is misaligned, Elliott explains the proper way to steal a cake, and the greatest secrets of Stuart's nerdiness are revealed. Movies recommended in this episode:War WitchInside Llewyn DavisNightwatch

In this, our contribution to the 2013 pot crawl, we discuss attack of the clones. And remember, you only have until December 1st to get those. He's the house cat music video contest entries in. So get to it. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey everyone, welcome to the Fl house. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey everyone welcome to the flop house. I'm Stuart. And everyone welcome to the flop house. I'm Elliot Kaylen. Stuart's last name is Wellington by the way. Like the beef that bears his name. That he. Stured Panken. Uh, a character. Not to remember. Not not not carrot, necessarily the news. Not steward panko, which is the breading you find on a lot of Asian food.

If you're going to make steward tempura, you want some steward panko. Yep. Yep. Oh, good. Oh, boy. This is neither an early days of HBO podcast. Nor is it a cooking podcast? What is it, Dan? Bad movies podcast. Where we watch a bad movie.

Okay. And then talk about it. Yep. Step one. Watch a bad movie. We already watch a bad movie. Step two, talk about it. Now, Dan, I believe this is a special episode.

How so it's a crossover, if you will. Well, this is the episode where we throw off the chains of Dan's oppression of making us watch recently released bad It's a very special episode where we deal with your addiction to angel dust. I don't have a problem. You have a problem I can stop whenever I want. I don't mind if I do All right, well, I guess he doesn't have a problem guys. You know how they get it It's technically the dandruff from angel's heads I lay a turn to angel dust when he was auditioning for that role as a micro-machines

pitchman. Yeah, it's the only thing that could keep me talking fast enough, but it wasn't fast enough. Should've taken Devil Dust. You excuse me, I have to go wig out and jump out of window, allah, Helen Hunt. You sound like a behind the music narrator. It was the only thing that could keep him talking fast enough, but it wasn't fast enough. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough.

He was running as fast as he could, but life runs a little faster. It soon caught up with him. And he was caught in a net of his own devising. A net he tied, and his work as a fisherman. Okay. Um, so. Flash forward. He had hit rock bottom, literally falling to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. You would say, isn't there a river down there? Yes, but it was dry that year. This is a very good way to go. Sticks and

stones might break his bones and they did as the members of sticks and the cast of the TV show bones attacked him It's stones that are not As the members of sticks of their rolling stones broke his Pictures of the members of bones Okay, let's go back at time and change the same stick. Black posters you could get with that saying on them. So what's special about this episode, Dan? This is part of a brand new thing unless someone else invented it, but it's a pop. Still pretty new, I guess.

We're in, we're doing this in concert with two other bad movie podcasts. Number one, read it and we and number three probably resents and we are number two in line and what is it what is a pie crawl explain it uh... pie crawl the idea was we would take a linked series of movies and during a month the in this case the month of november the month we are in now

watch those movies and release them in order. And so last week, we read it and we've watched episode one of the Star Wars films. Yeah, they watch episode one of the Fantum Menace. Oh, the Fantum Menace. and we watched which means no menace right? Just a fan of attack of the clowns and a Star Wars episode two send in the clones probably Material Everybody wants a clone everybody likes a clone so why don't you?

And probably resents in a week or so, we'll do a Revenge of the Sith. We're all watching these shitty Star Wars Requals, 3 Revenge of the Nerds. Nerds in Paradise. That was the second one, right? I think it was like the 50th one. Real quick.

Maybe it was the same one. What was Nerds in Love? That's... Wait, they're all in Love, and all of them, right? No, but there's one called it's a movie about love Okay, and about tricking someone into love by wearing a Darth Vader helmet. Hey Darth Vader He's a character who came out of the movie we just watched yeah, and what movie was that Dan? It was revenge of the class It was the clones Stonewalks episode 2A.

Revenge of the Clowns. We watched Captain EO tonight. In 3D. We watched Robert Zedar Wars. Robert, it's the story of a race of people with huge faces. We're fighting... They have chin fights. They have chin fights.

And at the end, they go... The practical effects. They yell tangle Sto it there were no effects that was his face The ultimate special effect so damn Because Robert's face is the ultimate special effect of the topics to The art of Roberts and our face. I just want to acknowledge something before we get too deep into this Okay, before we get episode two, Attack of the Clones Deep.

We were a little concerned that the Star Wars bone has been cleaned of comedy, then fracked open, sucked of its marrow, and discarded in a trap, in the compactor from the first Star Wars. The bone itself was ground up to make star wars bread yeah for a star giants but um I don't know I mean Stewart we actually watched your db copy of attack of clones okay yeah normally I'd think people would be like Stewart owns that that's nerdy but I know that when Stewart reveals he does something ultra nerdy everyone's like that's so sexy that he plays role playing games that's so sexy that he reads 70s sci-fi novels all these things that would

be nerdy if Elliott did it yeah steward does it it's totally sex of craft novels he's the sexiest man on this story war hammer not yeah it's not fucking war crap not what the fuck out of here? Come on. Warcraft war hammer. They're very different. Yeah, completely. Damn, don't embarrass us. Clearly different IPs. IPs. So, but then as a lawyer would say, where I was getting to this, though, is like Stuart may have seen this movie multiple times.

I believe Ellie and I, we haven't seen this since the theater. I think the theater was the first time I saw this. And it's sad that I remember I guess I'm twice in the theater. Yeah think the theater was the first time I saw this and it's sad that I remember. I guess I'll twice in the theater. But I'm a big nerd. Except that that's the way women are like, oh, he saw Stores episode two twice. Yeah, I don't like, like,

I don't like, I don't like, that's a big amount of nerd. So, but the point is we're coming to this relatively frag. Well, what's weird is that there's so many movies I've liked more that i remember less well and this one which i don't like and i saw once and watching again i was like oh yeah this scene oh yeah this scene

like i remembered it so well and i don't know why it uh... for such a fairly generic movie uh... imposed itself onto my memory so star wars and printed upon you at young age. And that meant that anything bearing that name seemed important to you. I actually imprinted on Star Wars when I hatched the first thing I saw was Star Wars. And so I thought I was a Star War. And I followed it around. I thought it was my mommy. Yeah. I imprinted on it. Anyway, but you're right.

Like so growing up Star Wars speaking for myself, can't speak for you guys, was hugely important. I spent a lot of time reading like the ancillary novels and guides to the various characters and ships and planets. That's interesting. Playing your dark forces on PC and things like that. Yeah, sure. Shadows the Empire for the Ancesti-Fart.

Kyle Katarnes and the dark forces came right in. Yeah. He's the Jedi named Kyle. I wouldn't say that's the other way in that. The first Jedi, the first movie's name Luke. Come on. Yeah, the Skywalker, dude, that's a cool guy. I gotta say, like, I went the other way

in my love of Star Wars, which is I loved the Star Wars movies, but I love them. And because I love them, I viewed other Star Wars stuff as non-canonical, I don't want to waste my time with that. I mean, that seems super nerdy. I did love to get the toys and play with them. See, I never played with the toys.

I loved the movies as a kid, and I read the books when I was in like late elementary and middle school. And it was like, I wanted to learn everything about this universe, and I think I wasn't very handy in later life kind of has in my in my day job Yeah, but when I tell my wife all the time she says when we have kids They're not gonna watch TV all the time and I say look if I didn't watch TV all the time as a kid I wouldn't be able to do my job today. They're gonna watch like fucking space holograms and shit I mean my kids are gonna go up in the next couple of years probably

So I feel like the year 2057, you know with their robo nannies I don't think so. I mean, my kids are going to go up in the next couple of years, probably. So I'd be like the year 2057, you know. With their robo nannies. And in their moon play houses. Anyway, so like, but Star Wars was a big thing, and I learned about every little bit of it. And I think I started to ease off of it before the prequels came out. So, but when the prequels came out, there was still that rush of a new Star Wars thing. I know the old ones so well.

Just hearing the music gets me to shudder in the excited way, brings back those memories. And then the prequels were like. To lay your prostate. No. And then the prequels came out and it was like, well, this was a fun thing when I was a kid. I slowed off childish things for a little bit.

And this is an argument that actually my brother has made to me that he's like, kid yeah like i kind of i i slowed off uh... childish things for you know what this is like this is an argument that actually my brothers made to me that like he's like you know what the originals were still the more as good as you think like well i disagree with that yet will know that i do too but like he's like he wasn't defending the the prequel's per se but it's like

i think he was saying that people were unduly hard the prequel is because they were unduly soft on the original movies but the original movies were silly i agree with that but silly and such a smart away but silly in the way of like this is a fun adventure yes you watch the prequel is and you're like this is a boring like exposition filled slog

and the characters are really late a lot of people sitting around conference tables so many scenes of people sitting around talking about stuff you could say original trilogy had some kind of like a pulp yeah sensibility that also like does let in star wars there's a scene where they're sitting around a table talking in the money and falcon they're sitting around the table talking while they play three-dimensional monster chess which is great in the movies in here they're just sitting around the table talking while they play three-dimensional monster chess, which is great. In the movies in here, they're just sitting around normal tables. Where's the monster chess?

Yes. But where's a visual thing to get your attention or a detail of the world they live in that makes it exciting? Instead, there's been all these crazy battles and planets are... Planets are defecting and we might have to play that. We wish we could show it to you, but we can't. We can't, so I'll just say it right now But it should we go over the plot of this? You haven't seen it that many times and you claim to remember what happens. Well, I mean we also just watched it

Oh, yeah, I had a hard time. I gotta say I had a hard time I've seen it a couple times when I still don't know It's awful because the character motivations don't make sense and the plot is needlessly complicated But let's see if we can figure it out okay together. It's kind of a mystery right? So at the end of the last movie. Little wrapped in an eggplant. Rapt in a special effect.

That doesn't look very good. And the special effects have aged. They then look greater than time. They've aged very poorly. Now it looks all the more like cut scenes. So we'll start okay. At the end of the last movie movie Anakin Skywalker is a little kid they had defeated the trade federation which had blockaded the planet Naboo for god knows that's what reason race of

Asian aliens right the aliens that are Asian stereotypes as opposed to techno fetish as opposed yeah they have a we miss yeah and a lot of them some of them block themselves in their room starting at teenage, and then they live that way forever, forcing their parents to leave food outside the door, while they live more in the virtual world than in the real one. Sure, they're real runners.

Yeah. So anyway, console cowboys. So they're the Asian aliens as opposed to the gungans, which are the offensive black aliens. Okay. Now, it's 10 years later. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. We find that Queen Amidala who was not aged a day. No, amazing.

She is almost assassinated in an attempt that kills one of her body doubles. It's decided. But not her other body double who I was surprised to learn was played by Rose Byrne. I think she's just an assistant not a body double. She doesn't look like her. Yeah, I mean, that's how many of them set up in the first one, right? That's just body double. That's just like a legion of body double. She has a much like Saddam Hussein,

whom Natalie Portman resembles in many ways. She has a legion of body doubles who take her or act as deco. That was one of the funniest things I thought at the beginning of the movie was when the body double gets blown up as she's dying. She talks to Queen Amadal and she says,'m sorry I failed you and I'm like no you did exactly what you're supposed to do get blown up instead of the Queen Amadal

let's do yeah get the gold medal give her the medal that Chewbacca didn't get at the end of the showers yeah you think at the end she should have been like yes I feel like I've done my job and then faded away into a ghost Like the light from heaven shines down she turns into it. I'll be from space heaven The particles like like it sucked into a weird bracelet that I'm a dollar. No, she gains the power of her devil So anyway, it's decided she needs more protection. Well who better to protect her than Anakin Skywalker the little boy she Discovered I guess I don't know And now a padawan to his master Obi-Wan Kenobi

Now here's the thing a Big problem is that it's 10 years later Anakin Skywalker has gone from a child to a young adult Fugity man and Anna Amidala has not changed at all and he has a big crush on her he's been thinking about her every day for ten years so much you do that when you fall in love with someone at age ten and you just keep thinking about them even if you haven't seen them for years and years and years now here the age the age problem is a real issue here because in the first movie Anakin is like nine and amadala is clearly like 20 something but for this movie to work out You have to pretend that Anakin was like

11 and Amidala was like 15 or 16 and so now he's like 21 and she's like 25 26 then it's a little okay Otherwise, it's just the age difference is just much bigger, you know and hey What's to say that a 20 guy in his 20s couldn't be into a girl in her 30s, you know? and hey what's to say that a twenth guy in his twenties couldn't be into a girl in her thirties you know or like thirties come on let's just make this like a sam keith comic where there's a younger guy and an older woman yeah sure i mean it's not like it's your point of reference that is that the most obscure reference i mean it's not like that was it my codex sirfini honest reference for last episode it's not like that doesn't

it's not like that doesn't happen it usually doesn't happen when the lady knew the person one that we're kid like a pornography is taught me anything it happens all of it's okay but you have to with a sponge bath but it usually happens with a clearly 40-year-old guy who has his baseball cap on backwards which is what indicates that he's a that he's like a guy that's 19 years old or something. So anyway. Open chewing gum. Yeah. Not worrying. Underbreeds. So I know that the kids are doing that.

Underbreeds easily removed jogging pants. So anyway, they're assigned as her bodyguards or whatever. And she is attacked by a bounty hunter using some kind of worm robot gun. It's a robot that shoots worms that I guess are gonna poison her or something. Anakin senses it, runs in and very, like a little too excitedly, slashes the worms off of her with a lightsaber.

He could have killed her easily. And that robot's like, oh shit, I gotta get outta here. Yeah, he holds metal butt out of that place, but not fast enough before Obi-Wan can know we can jump on him But let's before we get to the chase scene in Coruscant city. Sure. There's a by this point of the meetings Now it's already been set up that Anakin has a crush on between Amidala and that she sees him as a little boy. And there's a scene, is this before or after she says,

don't look at me like that, it makes me uncomfortable. Like it's very clear already to the audience that he is creepy. Yeah, he's a creepy, creepy. He doesn't come off as like this lost romantic who's pining for the girl of his dreams If only she would notice him he comes off as like a stalker He's less Lloyd dobbler and more what's his name and sliver and the most like as I said like the only convincing line

In the scenes between those two is when she says don't look at me like that. It makes me uncomfortable. Yeah So they but anyway, there's assassination attempt. Obi-Wan and Anakin chase using their flying speeder car, chase the bounty hunter, who they catch, but then the bounty hunter. This only could be the first big set. The first big action set piece where there's a lot of like, here's the role, there's a lot of banter,

but everything's so lazily performed and done, like it's shot as if you're just watching it from a distance most of the time. And Anakin and Obi-Wan are supposed to be in this flying speeder car that is banking at these ridiculous angles and like zooming down towards the ground and the looks on their faces, they might as well be like in a vibrating chair to have a flammar store. They don't look particularly scared. They don't look particularly scared. They don't look particularly excited.

There's banter words like, I hate when he does that, but it's so lazily and so quietly delivered that it's like, was that supposed to be a gag? Like, and Hayden Kreshenson struggles over it. I mean, he's got like marbles in his mouth or something. Yeah, I believe that much like, I believe it was Cicero to practice his oratory. He would speak with pebbles in his mouth to lose his stutter. But I think it's more likely to remove the pebbles. It's more likely that

Hayden Christiansen just mumbles a lot. He's like he's like he thinks he's inventing Marlon Brando's way of acting and sometimes that works for him. Can I take a break to talk about Hayden Christians? Okay, it might be a Dan official timeout. Like Dan just pulled his acmaris said time out pulled out his big phone and called of hadn't stopped it might be premature to discuss this but part of the reason why the romances so creepy is that hadn't christians in number one

as an actor just seems like a petulant guy in this movie rather than like a passionate guy the things that work so well for him in shattered glass, where he is a petulant liar who's been caught in this web of fiction he's spun around himself. Does not work here when he's supposed to be a tragic hero who loves a woman and then falls from grace because he cares too much, I don't know. Yeah, but also like, he looks very strange in this movie.

Let's just like, I mean, I spent, like, as if it's Rat Tail pony tail. That's part, like, I, I mean, I spent, look, as if it's Rat Tail ponytail. Well, this part, look, I, it's a single breed, isn't it? Number one is, is it leather karate? Okay. What?

Well, he has both a ponytail and then a thing that's like hanging off the side of his ear like he went to Jamaica. That's battle on breed, yeah, man. He went to, he went to the beach. Look, I went to St. Thomas. Wait, this is very important. Did you like put in the air?

This reminds me of this very nice day I had. That's how it's done. Me and this little girl were sitting next to each other getting our hair braided. But also, I mean, there's something weird about Hayden Christians' mouth. Far be it for me to harp on someone's physical attributes. But unless it's somebody's wife's butt.

Which is, it's Bob-Ov Bob of who you can shut him up. But like I was wondering through much of the movie, like, is he wearing braces? What's going on? Like there's something weird about like his TV. No, totally. I think he's got an visual on or something. Yeah, he's got space braces. Which I think adds to this like melee mouth, mumble mouth, a marble mouth thing that he's got to go on. Well, blame his astrodontist.

Oh, I hate you so much. Okay, he's not, this is not the right role for him. He's not cast well in this, and it doesn't help that nobody in this movie is good as it acting. But record worse, the good actor is bad in it. Christopher Lee, who I love is bad in it. Frank Oz's voice acting is not so good and I have to blame George Lucas it same old Jackson one of those charismatic energetic actors in movies is like a block of witness and I have to blame George Lucas's

inability to interact with actors basically like everyone is brought down a level in this Joe Edgerton delivers probably my least favorite line in all of movies when he introduces his girlfriend, Baroo. He's playing the young Uncle Owen. And he says, this is my girlfriend, Baroo. And what's great is that in space, they have a different word for child, which is youngling, but girlfriend is still the word they use. This is my life mate.

But like Natalie, I like the guy who likes her, but like Nataliepportman who can act very well in this act very poorly like everyone's a bad actor this it's unfair to judge hate and christensen just on this movie but no it is but uh... i find him i imagine you're about every one of those right yet it's unfair to blame jake and he was and he was the star of the future he

turned out to be a superstar So I went Nova too fast Each true Hollywood story Jake Lloyd Here's the thing like I've seen Hayden Christensen now in two roles that I thought he was really good in one was shattered glass Yeah, I agree who's the other was in a stage production that I mentioned you guys were watching the movie of this is our youth That I saw in London years ago when I was in college where he was playing where he was playing a very unlikable character but I'll tell you who really stole the show and that production go to the theater who really stole this show and that production was Jake Gyllenhaal who was fantastic in it.

There was a scene there's a scene in this is our youth I know no one's in the play where Jake Gyllenhaal's character knocks over a pile of a plate with drugs on it. And he did it so well that people in the audience thought that he had made a mistake. And you could hear people in the audience go like, oh, like, they thought that he had fucked up the prop, but he just did it. Like that happens in the play. Like it's, he just did a good job. So Jake, Jill and Hall, this is our youth. If you can go back in time to London in the year 2001 go do it

like fucking dig up the corpse of ht well somebody's delorean is lying around find the map that he left in his coffin what's where he buried his fictional time machine anyway we're barely into this movie the point is they try no we are like 15 minutes into an hour movie so they track basically they find this bounty hunter who gets killed last minute by a dart you

and McGregor takes the dart brings it to his friend decks who runs the space diver text architect decks who is basically male from from Alice in a with a with a who runs a space diver waitresses name is flow and's something, what's so great about this movie in a bad way is that the old movies have like a little bit of a World War II dog fighting tinged like an old pulp, pulp feel. George Lucas took that here to mean like, so I guess this is like the 40s in the, in outer space,

in the Star Wars galaxy. So it's like everything's art deco, there's a space diner. Like things are just very like old-fashioned-y, but space. It's really, it's not very good. But anyway, that leads Obi-Wan on another adventure. That dart. Lea's I'm on a merry chase. That dart is from a planet called, was it Carmona?

Cariba? Carmona. Caruba. Camino. No, not synchocomal. My least favorite song in the history of the world. Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino Camino protect her there. Go be creepy with her. I'm gonna go over to Kermina Burrana. I'm gonna see what's up with this dart. And he goes there. It goes to the local library first. And so let's and he goes. Oh, he goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. You want to be found in your local library. He goes to the Jedi archives.

Except for the location of Camino, which has been removed from the library. He goes to the Jedi archives and looks for the location of Camino. And it's not there. And the archivist says, if it's not in our archives, it doesn't exist. And she is basically like Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca. Like she is, she everyone in this movie exudes evil in a way that I don't think they're meant to, but like the Senator Palpatine is like, oh, I'm very worried, very worried about the galactic Senate. Something might happen to it.

Like, he basically is everything about him, says evil. And they're like, that's how it means a good guy. You know what? I like him. Let's trust him. You're getting him a gay, our voice. Well, because everyone is also kind of gay in Star Wars movies. Oh, we want C3Vo.

And that was the thing, like, that C3Vo is that kind of gay. We were saying, we, this means something that I had not, I had not thought about in all my years of Star Wars viewing, but Elliott brought it to my mind. It's just that Ben Kenobi's pretty gay. He's very gay. He is very gay. Like I said, we're watching it. He is the Oscar Wilde to see 3PO's Charles Nelson Riley. He is an elderly man who never married. I think it's a place for me when I realize Star Wars, the first one is about a movie, about an old man who takes a younger man to never married. He, I think it failed to place for me in when I realized Star Wars the first one is about a movie

about an old man who takes a younger man to a bar. Like when it comes down to it. And I have to imagine that Obi-Wan like is just going going to that bar and picking up alien dudes, you know, for one night's dance. I feel like he's like kind of like a Stephen Fry kind of gay where he's like he's you know he doesn't really actually have Stephen Fry's great

We didn't want you to find out this way. We wanted to find out I don't know that the acting has Paral relations with men, but like like spiritually. Why not? He's a grown man. Come on No, I'm just I'm just saying let him be a sexual being good shape. I'm tired of denying him I'm tired of this will in gracing. Oh, everyone. Okay. I wanted, I was, I was about to say sit in Nancy when I meant to say will in grace. Never to be very different. Yeah. They die. They die in a hotel room. That's one of them. I'm murdered. Are they other? Maybe not. We will never know. So anyway, he goes, he finds this planet

that was erased from the archives, which he realizes when Yoda asks a younglingling like a little kid What what it was and the only a kid is so devious as to think it could be erased Meanwhile Anakin and Amidala escape disguised as refugees Refugees who happen to be carrying with them are to do to the droid the queen uses This is a robot is on the cover of space time magazine He's merchant that everyone's merchandise. I said he is the house robot of all time. This is the robot who's on the cover of Spacetime magazine. He's merchandise, everyone's merchandise to him. He is the house cat of Star Wars.

Like everybody loves him. He's the original party droid. Was that art? Was that the house droid? Yeah, bleep blar, original party droid. Bleep blar! To you. So anyway, Amidol and Anakin go to Naboo

where he delivers his immortal. You're not like sand, you're soft and not rough speech. She falls for him. We're a little bit about democracy. Instantly, they have a, they have a debate over whether. That is a pantypillar, guys, by the way. If you ever want to, if you ever want to woo a lady, tell her that she's not like sand.

Let me tell you, it is not a potato peeler. You tell a potato, it's not like sand all day. It's not going to unpeel for you. Yeah, no, just sits there. Just sits there, winking at you with his eyes. It's just what you want for that is a $1. peel. You think I'm a bit in the grocery store. You do not want the dollar fifty panty peeler though. It'll break first time you use it. So anyway, so anyway, they have a debate over democracy. They clown around and Anakin

surfs on the back of a giant animal. It's stupid. It's hell is stupid. And that's how they fall in love. And this is such an old-fashioned like George Lucas only knows it from old movies idea of falling in love or it's like yeah I guess you sit around in pretty fields and you talk and laugh and you like progressively talks about how he's in love with the lady until she gets worn down Yeah, and then and talking about how he believes in a political system based around tyranny based on fascism. Yeah So at the same time and talking about how he believes in a political system based around tyranny based on fascism yeah uh... so at the same time

obi one follows the dart to kameena which is a stormy planet inhabited by clones who have buildings and technology permitted monsters yes for the monsters who make the clones and it's see it feels like you know they they don't think they're laid back when obi one walks in the go uh... jet i we've been expecting you the prime minister would like to meet you and he's like why did you expect me

had you know mine how do you know i'm a jet i what's going on and the jet and the prime minister is like well we made the clones you ordered he goes when did i order clothes uh... didn't didn't jet i master sit what was the name okay this is something please somebody explain to me what the fuck's going on. They keep talking about a Jedi master, Sypho DS, which sounds like a very thinly disguised

Darth Sidious, but apparently there was actually a dude named Sypho DS. Because Obi-Wan says he died 10 years ago or many years ago. Yeah, like it's a fucking ghost story or something. But it's so fun, but it's like Obi-Wan who in the in the sequels, let's just call him that, the original movie is a very wise character,

very smart, in the prequels, is the dumbest, clumsy gum shoe, he's basically like space clues though, because they're like, cypher Diaz sent you and he goes, why would cypher Diaz send me instead of lying, like a detective, like playing along. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Did he communicate what he was? Did he tell you what he wanted me to find out of the clones?

I'm testing you. You know, there's a better way to write that because I'm writing off to my head. But like the fact that Obi-Wan answers every question with a question about why Obi-Wan's there is he's like, uh, we are making the clone army for cypher DS. So you make clones here. Yeah. And then the prime minister. And the people who have mastered cloning technology are so gullible and stupid they never see through his story,

which he doesn't even give them. Why is he going to give the story? They're just happy to have someone talk to you. They just want a company. If they gave you even a second of doubting what he's saying, he would just fucking jump kick him into next week. That's true. He does a lot of jump kicks But it comes in and he sees these chandeliers full of babies For instance, for instance if you walked into a bakery and you were like, yeah, you might have a cake for me

They'd be like, okay, what's your name? You can't just go like, well, what's the name on the cake? Because that's my name. Oh, let me look at the display case. That one's mine. I'm Aladdin Really your Disney's Aladdin. Yeah, that's what I meant. I'm Disney's Aladdin. I'm sorry. That was made for a Keith's mirror. That's not So it's so basically Obi-Wan is the worst detective in the world he finds this cloning world where they're making clones of jango fat about the hunter the same bounty hunter that oh that that as a bomb that that that will be that brocco be one can only obama care all these clones that we don't want to my right

that is my plan of to cover clones i'm never gonna have a clone it's the worst thing ever to have to come in until you they have to get a shot them down they're gonna leave the business so jango that's played by popular no zealand actor Yeah, they have to get a shut them down. They're gonna leave the business. So Django Fett's played by popular Nozilland actor Tamura Morrison from Once Were Warriors. That's true. That's true. And he is, everyone was excited. They're gonna see the dad of Boba Fett, everyone's favorite bounty hunter who has six minutes in the original trilogy. And this actor is a great history of being a dad like in

Once Were Warriors, where he plays a sexually abusive father. Yeah, he's a bad dad. Let's just say it. So classic bad soccer dad. Jank OB-1 decides to tell the Jedi he's found this thing in the middle of a storm like he's he doesn't wait to get off planet to make his announcement. Like the terrible spy he is he just announces it out loud in front of everybody. Jangle Fed attacks him. There's a not terrible fight scene. Yeah, that's actually pretty good. One of the better action scenes between DjangoFet and Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan does a bunch of flying jump kicks. Yeah, and meanwhile, young BobaFet is shooting him

from the spaceship. And all these explosions are going off. I'd also learn to skill somewhere. It would like, BobaFet will fire the spaceship guns with your huge or like a rocket. Yeah, design a blow up another spaceship. And it'll explode less than a centimeter away from Obi-Wan and he just kind of like rolls over those He is basically invincible Obi-Wan and it is that part of his character that he is impenetrable he hates flying

Check Invincible. Yeah, he's immune to laser beams and bombs So I'm gonna rad beard He's got he's got a rad beard. Yeah, I think one of the Caminoids called a red beard. Your beard is quite red tonight. What is red? I have a beard. He just can't give his stories straight. Anyway, he follows Boba Fett. Boba Fett leaves. He follows Boba's yeah i mean jango jango and boba son and dad he follows banjo fit and his dad

uh... and your heart on and his dad mango fat so he follows them uh... to another planet there's bombs going off it's called gianosis meanwhile uh... anakin has had a bad dream about his mother about a bad dad no about his mom his About a bad dad? No, about his mom.

His mom, Shmi Skywalker. Which, because it's like, it's like, because all the names were made up by George Lucas in a one, two minute period. Yeah, Shmi, Saboba, Wato, whatever. It's a bad guy. He's in Sidious, Darth Sidious, great. And this is a character, his mom.

What's with the bad guy,opher least character uh... count to cool doesn't sound like poop whatever we got to get this film finished anyway it sounds like Dracula right not really sounds more like poop anyway doesn't matter get the movie rolling but uh... we are hardly the first two uh... point is out but uh... this is a this mom character is it is someone that

he is not worried about in years like he has been free from his slavery he has been training as a Jedi and he's basically forgotten about this like he i guess he's been spending all this time dreaming about pod may and so he doesn't have any time to seek out his mom who he know who has not moved anywhere she's still on that you still in that when he got he has a bad dream about her and he goes we got to find her and i'm a doll is like okay they go to tattooing they

go to his old owner wado the anti-semitic stereotype should they've done this shit right after the first movie yeah they should when he became a rich Jedi he should have done his body is like a rich, low kid in the universe. He's rich, rich. Space rich. He's rich, rich, rich with full of space books. He's rich in mini-chlorian. He's a rat-tail-y rich.

Don't say that shit. That shit doesn't exist. It's amazing how mini-chlorians just kind of disappeared from the series. But anyway, so that's outside of our purview. That's episode one. And I do mean purve view when Dan McCoy is here. Anyway, so classic Caleb cut-ups. He goes to Wato and says, what? Where's my mom? And Wato, I think I call them Quato just then. Wato is one of the first- Oh boy, Pong. Is the first of like- Hey, Andy's down to revolution.

Give it those people some air. So Wato is one of many characters who when they see Anakin goes, Annie, is that you? And I wish there was any moment where Anakin was like, please don't call me Annie. I'm a grown man. Yeah. But instead he just accepts it. Annie is a tiny orphan without pupils. Yeah, I'm blind, sad, really. So Anakin finds out his mom got sold to a vaporiter of a farmer. And Annie loves Sandy, by the way. Love Sandy. The other Annie does not love me.

That's true, because Sandy to her is a dog. It's got a rough, tiny mineral, a granule. Well, actually, Sandy is very rough. You get it like a dog. OK. Anyway, nested. I'm sorry. Nested puns.

Anyway, I can go on forever. So the thing they go find they go to they go to the vaporator farm where they find uncle bear who is girlfriend they uncle on his girlfriend of uh... bear who by july jordan and uh... for a second yeah and uh... he finds out oh no shmi was kidnapped by a bunch of tuskin raiders and then

the guy refers to the mess first the mess tuskins and i want to be like a bunch of Tuscan Raiders. And then the guy refers to them as the first of the most Tuskins. And I wanted to be like, stop the movie. George, you know there are real people called Tuskins, right? They're from Tuskini. Like, that's a real thing. Like, you can't just say that.

And he just lifted their accent completely for the... So I have to imagine... I have to deal with that Tuskins son. I have to imagine that Diane Lane is finding love among these sand raiders Yep, ducking their gaffer's teeth. These sticks scare them off with the occasional crate dragon call Is it the terrifying creature? Diane Lane, we ride single file to hide our numbers. You're right. I am in love

So anyway Luke Skywalker Anakin goes to Anakin goes to in a moment that is so there's a moment in the first Star Wars We've all seen it where Luke is looking at the Sun setting and they play the double Sun is setting John William's music swells And it's this moment of in all of our hearts and probably it's a story It's a it's a very powerful moment this young boy who has dreams of a more exciting life pump he sees it disappearing before his eyes he has fantasies about where his life could take him and he knows it'll never happen it's just out of his grasp

that is most boring place it's like he says it's the far with there's a bright center of the universe this is the farthest placed from it and at that moment you feel like he feels it this is something we can all sympathize with especially Dan growing up in a tiny town growing up I was as good as a farm boy in the back woods of nowhere yeah thinking am I ever gonna make it to the big city never probably never well I guess I'll take the control bolts off of that new droid we bought from them those from can't even go down to Tashi station to pick up the new car.

From those midget druids. You're not fun with your friends later. But instead they use that music here that wistful kind of like I want a better life music over Anakin saying I've got to go get revenge. Like I'm going to go saver and kill the shit out of this. And he goes. He finds his mom just too late. Oh no, she dies.

And his arms are so tight up on a weird like a weird framework. What's going on? My only guess because they never explained it. You're going to go out of safe way right. My only guess. I'm not there's no. You went the creepy way. What did you say? I said, I'm about to say. I say. Wow. Yeah, her safe word was. Because it's a Tuscan radar. by the way never use that as a signal Her safe word was out They kept stopping and she'd be like no keep going out. Wait. Do you want me stop? No, that means it's working. Oh, God

You know what just just tell me to that frame over there Here's my guess here's my guess because it's never explained what they want her for anything that much like many Native American tribes in the in the United States they would Here's my guess because it's never explained what they want her for anything that much like many Native American tribes in the in the United States they would Raid each other's tribes and kidnap members of other tribes and then put them through gauntlets or physical tests as a way of initiating them into their Let me and physical challenges is what they are gag all of the Usually didn't involve digging in a giant nose for a flag Usually didn't involve digging in a giant nose But you know it was like that you know either that they hang you from hooks from the top of the smoke lodge

but So my guess is the sand people under those wrappings are all different species who have been kidnapped and turned into members of the tribe through this induction ceremony You know, but who knows of all the many of all the many cultures in the in the Star Wars universe, the sand, the Tuscan Raiders are never really fleshed out. Yeah. And they're the ones we see on screen. And yet every other alien is represented in the Galactic Senate. You're readers, you're re-ease three eyes. Is there anything about those guys for like five minutes? You're your butt face pond above us, you know. Anyway, so Anakin your darks evas on your wooksy so yes it is so many and grito is a rhodian i know by

the way so anyway the he died she dies in his arms and he gets mad and we and kills all the sand people and he later said one down the trails of the dark side and let her sense to Anakin I killed them all and not just the men, the women and the children too. And she said, she seems to take that news okay. He's massacred those people.

She's into it. She's like, anger is a part of life, Anakin, and it's like, stop right there. He's not anger. He murdered a whole slaughter. He committed genocide, you know. But I mean, we only see him kill like three dudes. So you might have been making up the story to impress her. Yeah, of course. I killed three. I killed like 800. I killed three, I mean 3000 sand people. They

just kept coming and I was like, no way. There was one that was like super strong and he had like seven lights. It was like no way, but it had just chopped him all down. Anakin, I just looked at the corpse of your mom. It looks like she had a lightsaber burn on her. Like, no, no, the sand people did that. So anyway, Anakin goes to, no, sorry, Obi-Wan goes to Geonosis where they're making a droid army. He finds Count Duku is with a bunch of other guys who are leaving the public.

The scene of the movie, which is, is yes a bunch of characters talking around a table But at least they're crazy characters. Yeah, well a couple of them are like venture brothers villains and yeah There's a guy there's like an old old Squidman. Yeah that guy instead of a beard. He's got tentacles. It's great It's crazy. He's like David Jones from a from the parts the Caribbean play if I could piano with it We don't know that. Maybe it doesn't spare time. Yeah, that's the kind of music they listen. We're going really long. Let's just say Obi-Wan makes us an emergency. You know he's ever seen this one.

An emergency transmission, Anakin and Padma pick it up. They go and try to save him. There's a totally unnecessary action scene in a factory assembly line. Where we learn that all of a sudden R2D2 has rockets for some reason. He can fly with his rocket propulsion. We never see this again. Which as I said, as we were watching it, that's like in Superman 2, when all of a sudden Superman pulls his S off and throws it at one of the villains, like, oh, okay, this

is I guess a power you have. We didn't see it before. I'll never do that again. Because it's stupid. I look kind of it and I do it all the time. No, he does not. And so in the yeah, which really would have helped in some of the other scenes in the later movies. Yeah, but early earlier movies that is. I don't get it. Anyway, it's time travel. So the so they all get captured. They get sentenced to as Stuart calls it death by monster by three monsters.

And this is probably the best scene in the whole movie. I love it. I love it. The one part I also around table and talk for a couple of minutes. We're there fighting, they're an arena with a giant cat tiger monster. Some kind of like, praying mantis crab monster.

And a, like a rhinoceros monster. Like a rhinoceros. Like a rhinoceros. And they're fighting each other and The good guys escape a bunch of Jedi show up fighting for some reason a lot of Jedi show up I suppose tummy on an elderly poor and now the boardman's her belly gets a lot of crunch The shirt part of her belly gets her part Like sharing yeah, yeah, she was she got her she governs through crunches and core ball exercises

Yeah, yeah, well she got her like she governs through crunches and core ball exercises I was to course bring on her planet. You they choose their leaders through their course right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no boo. Anyway, so they there's a big fight jet eyes arrived and robot soldiers arrive then clone soldiers Arrived. It's that clone army that the cloners were making and Yoda becomes a general. They graduated from clone high and now they're good fighting. He says the immortal line around the survivors of perimeter create, which is so dumb. Why is that one backwards? Yeah, I mean, as we were saying, Yoda and like empire, like every once in a while,

he would do the fucking reverse syntax thing. Now it's every sentence. Every sentence. The bathroom I must use. And I get it, the clone troopers will take orders from anybody who talks to them yeah but do you think they have the the mental capacity to like translate all of you to this bullshit no way not ever and he talks backwards the worst when he's ordering in restaurants the fish special I'll have she is hold wait so you want the cheese or not

dressing on the side I will take. I don't understand what you just told me. Then the salad arrives and he's like dressing on the salad there is on the side I asked for. Look, I don't understand what the fuck you're saying, you gotta talk, you gotta talk straight. Your name, my name you know. Look, I just saw your credit card. That was a day, Elliot Elliott quit his job at the Olive Garden. I mean space Olive Garden. He called it garden the olive of Where family you are okay Yoda cut cut the line is here your family Family you are here cut. Okay Yoda. Let's get this straight. Look, it's the Olive Garden. We know it's not art. Just delivered the line as said. My motivation

what is? Oh, God, Yoda, it's commercial. Breadsticks are limited. They are. Salad bowl, bottomless it is. Okay, somebody would be more make-up on these young legs. My agent, I must call. Oh, this again. Temperamental you are. Hey, heard that I did. Is it David, guys? Anyway, so we don't have the time, but I want to do Yoda as Orson Wells doing that peak commercial

Star-living actor I would direct this way in Shakespeare I would Start a sentence emphasizing if I cannot Find some way to do it you can go down that's where it is that can't even do it backwards do it still much anyway there's a big battle the clones turn the tide of battle count doo who escapes obi one Anakin and Padme are chasing after him there's a blast and Amidala falls out onto a desert that looks like it's made out of cheeto dust for how bright orange it is obi Anakin wants to stop.

Obi-Wan says, no, we've got to keep going. If it was Amidala, what would she do? And he goes, she'd do her duty. And they go, and when the chase guy didn't count Duku, he can't say they were duty. But they go, they find Count Duku, who is escaping with the plans for the death star. And they attack him.

There's a big fight. He chops off Anakin'sons arms and he gives obi one looks like to be too very cosmetic burns kind of just fleshed in jesus that is anacons starts going fucking by wild to lightsaber but then i can arm of the then here's stewards favorite part of the movie yeah a little guy named yoda stumbles in on his can because of that moment i was wondering who's the man at the end of it turns out

according to a hastily it thrown together commercial a week after the movie opened Yoda man because my haven't seen Star Wars episode two attacking the clones I'm like I'm thinking about going to a movie tonight TV tell me what I should say is there something we're like a little green green gremlin flips around with a laser sword fighting an old man like a fucking manic frog with a laser sword fighting an old man. Like a fucking manic frog with a sword? Something where an old man with a laser sword fights a little, fights a little grim, a frog imp, who also has a laser sword and is wearing a monk's robe.

This is a dumb movie. Let's just say that right now. Every movie can sound dumb if you break it down that way. Our effort to Star Wars earlier, like you remember as a movie about an old man it takes a young guy to a bar. It happens, but this is- I'm sure they're like with a, with. Well, that's how we're turning the Jedi is about a race of space bears

But and also that Star Wars is about a is a movie about a boy who gives a robot a bath It's all true Thanks to your explanation the cops your explanation of the cops will they gonna take you away? You're like, no, they do it in the movie. Come on. There's a space movie. He's not in it till the second movie. Dangar, the space movie.

So anyway. Fifth movie. Sorry. Oh, damage chronology. So the, there's a fight between Yoda and Kanduku. Kanduku Distracts Yoda by making a big machine flying the air. And Yoda's gonna stop it. Kanduku escapes and delivers the Death Star plans to Darth Sidious who we know it's palpatine

I don't know why they're pretending we don't know. He's got a hood over his face like we're gonna be surprised that The guy who has the same last name as the emperor is gonna turn out to be the bad guy Because he's making it for you know generations down the road We're gonna watch the Star Wars in chronological order and not understand anything. And it might as well be fucking bored. They don't explain it. And also the Emperor was moving.

And the Senator was given emergency powers or some nonsense. Anyway, everyone leaves. Anakin gets a terrible looking robot arm and Marys Amidala secretly. And Dioda says the Clone Wars have begun. Yeah, the end. Yeah, so we've gone for a really long time,

so I think we're just gonna skip ahead. Let's just say, let's say what's bad about this movie. The writing, the acting, the directing, the special effects, and the story. Now it's final, so. Some of the music is okay. It's final touches, this thing. Now we might have missed some of the stupid things

about this movie, feel free to write in. I'm sure that in the right email sedan complaining in the decades since his movie was released. It has been cataloged all the stupid. I guess we have the winning best picture probably. It won the Academy War for Best Picture ever. Beating every movie ever made. Yeah. And it's it's it's widely considered the worst of the three, right? I would say so. I'd be in the worst of the three. I think it's the worst of the six. I mean, let's, let's do that.

Obviously, but I think the worst of the prequels, and I feel like by going through the plot, we've only scratched the surface of how overly needlessly complicated it, like the plot is, and how poorly executed everything is, how there's a lot of scenes that seem to be put in just so that you can make a video game based on that scene. It's-

But final judgment's wise. Okay, final judgment's wise. Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kinda like, Elliot continue with your deconstruction? It's a movie that has a couple action scenes in it that I enjoy a little bit, but overall like, it's a bad bad movie. It could be a good bad movie in it that I enjoy a little bit. But overall, like, it's a bad,

bad movie. It could be a good, bad movie if it was shorter. And if it was, it takes itself so seriously. And so that means that the comedy parts are really jarring. And so the movie never, for me, has that like, it never is laughably bad. It's just like, why is this, why is this going on? Except for the space, except for the space diner. Yeah. Actually, you know what? it's good bad. I don't know Here's a space diner and I'm gonna say about this movie is like is I hate it and I kind of like it interesting like they're there's stuff in it that makes me so mad Like all of the all of the romance shit in this movie is so bad. It makes me like it

I don't understand how George Lucas has interpersonal relationships based on these since he has this middle school idea that like if you are angry enough at a person you have a crush on they will come around to loving you yeah the best hair cgi can buy a Christian church way to men seems like such a creep there's so much stupid stuff in this film, but at the same time, like, I can't bring myself to hate it because there's, it does have some of that residual of Star Wars shine on it.

I think you're just, you're getting a mixed up in your mind with your Star Wars feelings. No, I totally am. No, I'm 100% aware of what's happening, but the thing is, while I hate the movie, I can't bring myself to be like, this is, like, I know it's bad, but I can't, like, get rid of it. I can't wait it. Yeah, you wish you knew how to quit this movie.

It's totally a bad boyfriend, like, I know it's terrible for me. And if I had never met this movie, if this movie had never existed, my life would be better right now. Yeah, I would probably be super successful. And we have the best analogy here. Yeah, the sex is amazing. It's incredible. Mm. Uh, but I fucking, as you, as you guys know, like I own this, this isn't the product of

like a fucking Columbia house like splurge purchase where I'm like, oh Columbia's taking up with my mom. Uh, you know, where you fucking buy like a million. For a penny. And it turns out I actually cost a boy mom. No, where are you fucking buy like a million. For a penny. And it turns out I've just cost a thousand dollars. Hey for the moon. No, of course not. You make up like seven different accounts of different things.

So come on, Dan. There's a reason Columbia House went out of business, and it's doing. Yeah, you just got to shack up with like a Fagan S character. They'll teach you how to remove Columbia's. So yeah, I like I, I like this movie. I know I shouldn't, there's no real, I can't defend it. I honestly, there's part of me that wishes I could feel

that way about it, but I think my younger obsession with Star Wars has just faded to the point where I like the Star Wars movies that I like, and I don't like the Star Wars movies that I don't like, and they don't have that connection for me. Yeah, I can't completely separate anymore. It's the it's I guess you guys feel about the same way I feel about like Spider-Man comics where I'll continue reading them even when they're terrible because

when it's good because I love the character so much. As long as the webhead is what's what's like as long as that friendly neighborhood spider-man is cracking yucks and uh... making bucks uh... and found that one uh... trying to think of something jay jona give me some bucks up all out because it's a judge

yeah that's what the jays and sport i think you know what it might be is i, is that the Star Wars universe filled a place for me when I was younger about. I, a universe I could learn every detail of and really inhabit my imagination and just find out every intricacy that I could. And to a certain extent, real history has taken that place in my heart. Where it's like, oh, I can learn all about what America was like in the 1860s or ancient Rome or medieval times. There's a real universe that I've translated that feeling to.

Yeah, you've grown up a little bit and I have not. I don't know if it's grown up, but I've found something else that fills the space that Star Wars once filled. So when I see detourists like this, that I should have a sentimental attachment to, I'm just like, forget it. So, let's know you don't. Let's quickly go through a few letters. I know that we're running long, but let's do a few letters.

It's almost as if we don't have a time for a letter song, damn. It is as if that is the case. But that's not the case. Hey, everybody. You mailed us some letters. That's the most powerful service producer. Where could have sent us these letters? Could we get a letter from Shredder?

Probably not. He's a fictional ninja. But a real life ninja should write in and give us the truth about his tooth. Is there a cyanide pill in there in case he gets caught? Let us. I got thrown off by the big boobs. It's the Star Wars one where we got a droid back in the side. The flat-fouse house droid was really throwing me off. Yeah, Max Rebo, she's the one. You know what? Okay, you know what I mean? It's a good bad movie.

If Max Rebo was in it, if there was a scene where Max Rebo and Sice Noodles were like a struggling music room and you just saw them lugging their amps around. Max Rebo's got like side boots and Sice Noodles out of the house. It's the best part of watching this. The best part, best part of watching this was watching the aliens and being that are from the older movies and being like oh my son Gredo is going to Tatooine. My son Pandababas is also going to Tatooine. I'm getting out with men's student nevazons.

Men's student going out with a resident evazon. Look out for me guys. Is it Java's Palace at teen teen gangster job of the Hut like I would have wanted more references to every character in the series All right, so this first letter is from Laura last name with hell she writes Laura Lennie I found your podcast earlier this year Through entertainment weekly's must listen have been hooked ever since Elliott has long since become my favorite flapper Thank you Lauren, and Ripley's choice With his rapid fire sass and self-professed for reedy tone Although I can't help nice way to put it. I can't help but feel for poor Dan who just wants to read fan mail on his iPad

Still should rip up this letter. I can fast looking forward to Elliott's songs about the flapp house mailbag the most. Thank you Sorry, Dan. I realize if I only encouraged him to first sing a song yet again, didn't I? Thank you, Laura, for the props. We don't have that. Thank you, Laura, for the thing you said about the songs that you love that I'm singing of. Song for Laura. And who can resist Stewart's?

Oh, put this letter back to Gell. I'll send recommendations of Cassafke and his devilish charm me. He did sell his soul to the devil for charm But at last dear floppers I finally come to my question for you guys and it so happens to be this if you ran into these flop house favorites Gerard Butler Catherine Hygge and Nicholas Cage. What would you say to them? I can only hope you would offer them sage career advice. It's only you can from Laura list You mean sage career advice. Yeah, what you can from Lourless to the whole.

You mean, sage career advice. Yeah. What would you say if you met Gremlin Baller? Who me? Yeah. I'd be like, can you guys see him on the show? No, we did not hang around the green room. Oh, okay. The Gremlin Badler.

That's, if I mean if I ran into Gerard Butler, I'd say like, hey, I enjoyed 300. Yeah. When I'd end it there. Hey keep Jason Maverick's Hey keep White housing down or it was a limp is fallen. You would get really mad if you That's true. I ran into Catherine Haigle. I'd be like I kind of liked one for the money Why don't you do more stuff like that where you're not angry? I would say what was it like working with Steven Soderberg on the movie King of the Hill? What was it like to a cat or I stopped making out with me babe? I'm gonna wife you wouldn't go D'Artanian like it was a light making my father the hero

D'Artan, she says it way more like scolding. Yeah TANION If I met Nicholas Cage again, I'd pick a movie I like of his. I'd say, I'd say, keep up the good work. I'd say, raising Arizona from raising Arizona to Badloo, Tannet, Port of Cal New Orleans, you've done some fantastic work that meant a lot to me. You're an A plus man.

I'd say, keep me. Every time someone asks you to do a movie, say yes, so we can flop it. I would say, hey, Nicholas Cage, my car is located over there. Let's go hang out for a while. Keep on keeping on. Oh, I thought you meant because he's like a valet attendant. Oh, yeah, Nicholas Cage, my car's over there.

If you can bring it back for me. Keep on tracking. So this, I'll trust him with my car. He'd go all kinds of crazy with it. Oh, he crashed into it. He's gone in 60 seconds. He's crashed into a castle or something. It's a celebration of castle.

This was a tiny castle. It cost the same as a used car. Or maybe he's just scum on my car. He's taking your car apart and turned it into a castle made out of car parts. This is titled, In Defense of Dan McCoy. It's from Brian Lasting withheld. It says, Dan is not giving the respect he deserves because he has what I call the Shimp Quality.

Shimp Quality, yeah, he's like a Shimp. The Shimp Quality. Elliot obviously is curly. He's immediately the one you notice first and is the superstar of the group. And who dies the youngest? So you appreciate him first. Stuart is Larry.

He's not noticed right away, but once he is, he realized what an integral part, and great party is to the group. He adds to the pot without the flashiness of Elliott Curly, but helps elevate the rest. I think it's the other way around. I think I'm mowing, and he's curly. Dan is the last to be appreciated.

The main reason is that he's the host, and being so he has to harness the personalities of his co-host He understands what makes a host great is stepping back and allowing others to shine or holding down the foundation It is unfortunately the Zepo role. Oh, that's I think you're overestimating Zepo's importance to the Marks Brothers As the straight man is usually not allowed to engage in the zany antics of the others Dan falls into the only same man comedy trope, a straight man who has craziness and wild characters all around him. Examples? Michael Bluth, Frazier, Dr. Watson, Jim Halpert,

Tim Canterbury, Jerry Seinfeld, Agent Coulson. So why do I say- Here's one, Dan, you know what? This will be the overfuel praised by this- You'll owe a bag in Zarthodent. You know, he's the real- I'll take other Dan. No, you know who I compare you to? praised by this. The Lillow Baggins' Arthur Dent. You know, he's the real, real one. That's like Arthur Dent. No, you know who I'd compare you to?

Kermit T. Frog. Thank you. That's probably the best. Yeah. It's almost the best one. I'm Han Solo, Elliot's Chubaka, and you get to be Luke Skyline. I would prefer to eat Kermit the Frog. It's almost like, I'm done a tello.

You're Rafi, I'm Michelangelo, and you're Leonardo. Because we go back to Kermit? It's almost like you're Wolverine on the beast. I mean, you're just like Lofts. So why don't we get the Kermit of the group? Dan has the Shimp quality. Shimp is not the straight man. That role pretty much goes to Larry.

I once read in Jewish culture, a boy becomes a man and we turns 13. In stooge culture, it happens when he learns to love Shimp. Shimp is not appreciated right away, almost totally because he's held up against the impossible shadow of curly. However, once you actually stop comparing shrimp and start looking at him as his own person, you can begin to appreciate and then love shrimp. So the love of Dan McCoy is the more of a slow burn, but because of that it shines the brightest. Well, I appreciate that backhandedist of backhanded compliments.

I mean, this being a shrimp is better than being the zepo. I know it is better than being the zepo. And also, you know, I like being the shrimp because that reminds me of Evil Dead. Yeah. And now they call all the, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the like the standings and the standings. Yeah. So thank you. Whatever gets you through the days, you know, when you're staring into the darkness. Yeah.

Well, if we were ghost busters, what would I think? Well, you'd be, Stuart would be PNR, I guess I'd be, and then what would you be Ernie Hudson? be on and then what would you be Ernie Hudson? You guys slide. What's Rick Miranda's character? You can't even be Ray. Well, not even let me be Ray. I'll just be. Okay, you can be Ray.

You would be Ray, that's true. Yeah, practice here. Cross-eyed blow jobs. That's the receiving of blow jobs, guys. Yeah, from a ghost. I'm not missing Derby's movie. I'm gonna put on Napoleon costume first Lastly, not the dessert the the

Lastly, dear the flop house. This is from Ante last name withheld in sunny Finland dear the flop house What are Warme boners? Do I have one? Well your doctor will be a little bit with that if you think think you have a wormy boner, you should probably see a physician. But Stuart, what would you say? Well, first off, it looks like a curly-gew pig tail. I always assumed that the cryptkeeper has a wormy boner. Yeah, because he's a rotting corpse.

No, you're in all your mental images, because there's no actual images. I think the cryptkeeper keeper is like in his crypt Searching the worldwide web picking allows yeah, I need a prescription for Viagra because I had erectile decomposition Wormary boners. It was pretty good raceway park That's for anyone who listening who used to grow up in the tri-state. He's having sex with Milf's that's mummy I like to fuck. That's basically like in the frighteners right? Yeah. When John Aston has the cowboy ghost as sex with mummy. He likes it when they just lie there. Oh, look

that's not my joke. It's in the movie, right? Yeah. Yeah, you can't be blamed for it. Yeah. I can be blamed for remembering it. Certainly. So thank you for your letters as always. It's didn't really answer the question, but OK.

Moving on. I think we both described it pretty well. OK. The crib keeper looks like a pig's carely detail. All right. I already erased that from my memory. Now, lastly, uh, is not firstly is the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that you should watch instead of a Star Wars episode two,

Attack of the Clones. Elliot, what do you have to say? I'm going to recommend a movie I enjoyed. Uh, well, enjoyed might be the wrong word it was a good movie but it's you know not a not a commoner nothing it's a recent film called war witch came out last year that sounds awesome and it's a it's it's not what you think it's it's a French language movie mostly set in Africa where since sub-Saharan Africa about a 12-year-old girl who is kidnapped by soldiers and forced to become a child soldier.

First they forced her to kill her parents in front of them, and then they induct her. And she seems to be able to see the spirits of the deceased who warn her of danger. And so she gains reputation among the rebels that she's been forced to serve with as a war witch. Is this the movie keep trying to get Hallie to watch? I think Hallie would like it not to keep I recommended it to her once. I feel like I've been in the room at least three times. I don't think so.

But anyway, she sounds like right up Hallie's alley. I know it's a dark love. It sounds with the way I'm describing It sounds more supernatural than it is. It's more about this girl being forced into a very Halle-ish situation. Sounds like a ghost whisperer. It's not the ghost It is the farthest thing from the The farthest thing from the ghost whisper Jennifer love you. It's ghost cleavage show. That's the ghost with the most Whisperers, right? But she it's more about she her trying to escape these men with the help of a slightly older

boy named Magician, who they believe has magic powers, and trying to get away from these soldiers and then trying to live with the things that she's been forced to do. And it was just a really good movie. It was Harsher at times, but it was touching at other times. And I thought they did a really great job of telling the story without being overly sensational or overly modland about kind of the plight of child soldiers after they stopped fighting. Anyway, I thought so war witch, I thought it was very good. I would like to recommend a movie.

I saw an advanced screening of the Corn Brothers new movie inside Lewin Davis. I have been forbidden by Elliot from saying too much because he doesn't want to spoil it. I can't leave the room. No, no, it's fine. I will say about this movie starting at the end. Elliot was not necessarily like he loved the Corn Brothers like I love the Corn Brothers. I think they're great. I think they're possibly the best living filmmakers in America certainly but he's not he was not particularly excited about this film just because the subject matter he didn't find that it's because the folk world of

the 60s I'm not you know I'm not particularly interested in the folk scene of night early 1960s Greenwich Village, New York, that said, I love this movie, Star Defendership, it might be my favorite movie that I've seen released this year. It does have a wonderful soundtrack, even though I'm not a folky by any means, T-bone Burnett, of course,

is known for putting together great soundtracks. And a great steak. But it's a movie that... It's a movie that... Primera. It is a movie that it is not dependent on plot at all. It is a very mood-driven film, and it is sort of an examination of a guy who is a stubbornly

a failure and not because the world is against him often but because he is just a failure by Nate like he makes his own failure in spite of being a wonderful folk musician and it has this bittersweet winery mood about it and it's a character study, it's a studying mood, it's not a heavily plotted film but it's one I think that will stick with you. You see it. So that's my recommendation. I'm going to recommend seeing the next movie in the pod crawl. Mm-hmm. Uh, Star Wars X through the business.

And I'm also going to recommend this stuff. Which you should watch so you can get prepped. You can bone up on your Star Wars bullshit for the next one of these. And I'm also going to recommend a movie. I don't think I've ever actually recommend, but I may have mentioned also feature. It's called Head of the Family. Star Wars star. You and McGregor. It's called Night Walk. It's called a Life Less Ordinary. And it's a like a horror movie thriller story. It's an early you and McGregor. Yeah, based on a Scandinavian film. Yeah, I think I think you're right it does

not feature what is it vampires what's in that Russian one it's not yeah it's not the one about the forces it's about a it's about a about a about a like what a med student yeah by night works as a night watchman at a and a morchow area not a morchow where and it up until up until that the recent Thai West film what is that house of the devil I haven't seen a movie that so perfectly captures that feeling of creepiness of walking around a big building by yourself. Well, aside from mirrors when he goes to that abandoned department building in the middle of Manhattan. Yeah, but that one wasn't creepy. And there is an ACGID man spoiler alert in this one.

And there's a young Josh Brolin who's very good. Nick Nolte is super creepy as usual. And yeah, it's great. I recommend it. All right. So that brings us to the end of our part in the pod crawl as part of the fight crawl If you want to do the first part laser sword laser sword on so low Yeah, if you want to listen to the first part check out read it and weep if you want to listen to the third part in a week

Uh or more. I'm not exactly sure when it comes out. It'll come out at the end of this month Listen to proudly resents and uh... you know it's a trilogy that at least will be on par with the movies that we watch but until the worst one right we have just like in the original where the worst one we want the award uh... but someone throw us in the Sarlaq as punishment. We're going to be we can be digested for a thousand years. Along with I'm assuming a shillow to do back. Just one

dirt. It looks delicious and then you think it's just a giant. I'm saying and then delicious. This enormous teeth tooth sand rectum. Yeah, real delicious. The Anald Intata. Well, that's a big, come on. And tentacles. There's a beacon of special edition.

All right. In the original movies, it's just a rubbery throw. All right, we'll keep arguing about Star Trek ephemera after the Pike Gacha. Star Trek, what the hell are you talking about? You're a scruceless abort. You're going to get us killed. We've got to get out of this neighborhood. After the pie crack with the hell you talk about A board you gotta get us killed we gotta get out of this neighborhood All right We're the podcast I've been damn cool. I've been steward willing and if you're anyone's I'm not Ellie and Kaelin

Good night everyone make it so Warp speed Sorry, I'm really gasping like I'm shit. We're recording. Oh Live mic everyone on the internet knows that you fart that is terrible smelling by the way Wow Yeah That's cuz I think that's cuz the cat more than anything else. Yeah No, no, no, I mean my coffee. Oh, not not cuz of your fart. I think that's gonna cry

My dance could have cried.