The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #140 - After Earth

Episode Date: November 30, 2013

JAYDEN WILL BE RECOGNIZED. It's the movie they tried to pretend M. Night Shyamalan had nothing to do with: After Earth.  Meanwhile,  Elliott introduces us to the Crypt Keeper's brother, Stuart meets his Phantasm hero, and Dan just needs to explain a few things first. Movies recommended in this episode:Bad MiloBlue is the Warmest Color99 River Street

On this episode we discuss after Earth about a planet destroyed by the power of nepotism. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy. That was Dan McCoy and I'm Stuart Wellington. And that was Stuart Wellington and Dan McCoy and I'm Elliot Kaler. And that was Stuart Wellington and Elliot Kaler and Dan McCoy and I'm Dan McCoy. Well good night everybody. We've seen it. This was the flop house podcast.

The flop house. I was a little late on that one. So Dan, what do we do on the flop house? It's a podcast. Okay. Yes, what do we do on it? You're like, let's do it. Thanks for establishing what we already know,

dumb shit. I'm sorry, that was totally uncalled for. Dan, what do we do on the flop house? Dumb shit. You watch a bad movie That happens prior to the taping yes and during the taping the part that you're listening to now we discuss that bad movie So they're listening to something we taped at a distant past but they're listening to it now Much like the light from a star after earth what after is that that sounds like the title of the movie we watched oh

Boy that's because it is Well, oh boy indeed we watched the movie called after we watched a movie called after birth story of a placenta And what I make it in the big city as a dancer It's called babe to placenta in the big city Discussing Called babe to placenta in the big city It just lays there, lays there on the stage And if you're crying, kid, you want to grow up?

Is that the bulldog that the friends in? The cigar is mong bulldog, but friends with the fetus It's not a fetus placenta Oh, now that's terrible The very different Sure, it's just the, you know, the refuse I don't know how you got on the list of top 10 OBGYNs in the country With that kind of mistaken knowledge So Dan after earth was the movie watched right? Yeah, this is an in-night Shyamalan joint. Oh man number three

We were discussing we've watched this is the third movie we watched that was directed by him and we've also watched one produced by him So it's a Deloader so it's like, he'll be a little bit, so it's like, a little bit, so it's like, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit,

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a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little Shavalan another of night shavalan he wasn't in this one night shavalan and then half of an image I'm on So he am night shavalan's in most of his movies. I don't know about that in most of he's in most of the happening He isn't he's not in the sixth sense Wait, he's got to be in the six sense. I think he is in the sixth sense, but can't remember He's a real Alfred Hitchcock is he an unbreakable? Yeah, yeah, hold on let me let me look it up He's the doctor that like explains to her that her kids fucking bones are made of glass There's no way to explain to a breakable. He's a breakable. No, I think he's the other way around

He's like the actor in the beginning hold on actor of filmography. He was in the happening He was in Lady in the water. He's in the village. He was inside. He was in unbreakable. He was in the sixth sense Albu is in the village who's inside who's in on a breakable who's in the sixth sense. Who is he in the sixth sense? The Ersa, a alien that tracks people by fearsome thoughts. No, that's an after- It was Dr. Hill. Jonah Hill. Everyone's favorite character from that movie.

Dr. Hill, we can all remember his catchphrase. Hey, there's a bunch of spooks. Spook him up, surround here. His catchphrase. Who ordered the ghosts? Yep. So after Earth, so it's, but it wasn't advertised as a directed by M. Shyamalan movie.

It was advertised as the cut on that that spots office points. It was advertised as a Will Smith, Jaden Smith box office smash tent pole film much like the pursuit of happiness except with more spaceships and mumbly language in a future accent that's hard to understand at times. But with the proper spelling of happiness. And you probably saw trailers for this along with trailers to oblivion.

They are not the same movie. No. They look very similar. I get the feeling that I would enjoy oblivion more. They're also not the same as Elysium, even though those trailers look kind of similar. It's got a robot suit, I think. And the costumes are not the same as Game of Thrones, even though they look very similar.

Yeah, there's a lot of double it. A lot of slash leather doublets. A lot of leather doublets. It's harmless. Where are you going to open a new clothing line? There's mostly leather doublets. Steward slash leather doublets. You've heard a slash fiction.

Now you want something that is in a story. It's a piece of clothing. Stuart Slash leather. That's a pretty strong, kind of clunky tagline. You've heard of Slash Fiction. These are the real thing. No, it doesn't make sense though. Well, you let that real. How about you just have a dish.

Doublets, doublets, doublets. Why settle for just one when you could double it? Yeah, you can say it. So anyway, Stuart Wellington slash Lillier double it's soon to be in a gaming or cosplay store near you. In case you want to dress up like a caveman in the year 1,000, your 1,500 VC, which is not when caveman were around, or a space man in the year 4,080.

You all look like a Star Trek guy on the set of next year's Game of Thrones spin off. Yeah. What's next year's game of Thrones? I know I can't get that a Star Trek guy on the set of next year's Game of Thrones spin off. Yeah. What's next year's Game of Thrones? It's Star Trek. I know, I can't get that. It's a prequel. So let's talk about it.

This movie is set in the future after Earth. We open with an explosion on a spaceship, Will Smith and Jaden Smith are in trouble. Jaden Smith is lying hurt in a forest somewhere. And I was like, you know what, this jumped into the action really fast. Like, that's not bad. Then the voiceover started slapping the face. Like being hit with a wet fish. It's not just any voiceover.

It's Jaden Smith doing a voiceover in this like mumbly patois future language that you use. And now, I want us to try to establish some ground rules because Jaden Smith is a teenager. Sure. He's a kid. He's a minor. Let's not hit him too hard. But let's just say off the top of the bat. He is totally without charisma or chops and I refuse to play by your rules. I just feel like we should be fair to someone who is not a legal adult. Well, on like when I make fun of him for his inability to pronounce words in this movie, it's not his fault. It's the director's choice or whoever's choice

to make it is. I think it is. I think it is a kind of future action. It was hard to tell, like everyone had like this weird future patchwad like that we couldn't understand. Let's just say one thing. It was mumbling. It was not patchwad.

Okay, no. A patchwad to me involves like a pigeon language of some kind. They were not using made up words. They were just pronouncing things. They were just pronouncing things as if they were from like a weird language of some kind. They were not using made up words. They were just pronouncing things. They just pronouncing things as if they were from like a weird part of Baltimore or Philadelphia. Yeah, or people were probably just stuff in their mouth. Yeah, where everyone is traveling their mouths and they drop a lot of letters from their

pronunciations. Yeah, but I couldn't, I honestly could not tell a lot of the time whether it was the director's fault or whether Jaden Smith has an inexperienced actor just wasn't articulating as well. It's an interesting accent that as soon as the characters become really emotional, they just forget about the accent entirely. That's something I call Keanu Reeves syndrome. He could be from the south in a movie, he could be English, as soon as something big happens,

he just sounds like a California surfer dude. Okay, so after Earth, should we say talk about the plot briefly? There's not a lot of story in the movie, but there's enough. So, and voice over, it's explained to us that environmental cataclysm, as Wikipedia describes it, has made the Earth uninhabitable, and humans have gone off and colonized space, especially a new world called Nova Prime. Yeah, a lot of stuff we don't really need to know. We could have assumed. Wait, there's even more we need to know.

We don't need to know. A thousand years after that, the United Ranger Corps, which is basically just a bunch of soldiers. It's like the army, led by, I guess, Will Smith's character, General Cypher Rage. That's right. That's an awesome name. His first name is Cypher, and his last name is Rage. Now, Rage has spelled slightly differently. He has an I in it

Yeah, but otherwise his name still sounds ridiculous sounds like like a 14 year olds idea for what his stage name is gonna be when his metal bands It's something when his metal band's bone sex takes off like emnight shaman was sifting through George Lucas's trash can And found the name ciphodias was like, this isn't dumb enough. Let's make it Siphon rage. Siphon rage does sound like a terminator knockoff that you would have seen in your video store, like 1996. He's the hard-boiled space detective who hunts down Elon's, Lee's, Bagu, or whatever.

And everyone has little pieces of metal glued to their face. Yeah. Siphon rage. And everyone lives on the internet somehow. But anyway, there's aliens who attack humans. And to do this, they breed a monster called an Ursa, which is a blind, basically kind of cat monster thing. Yeah, as I go, I don't know. It looks like, it's not a bear, right? It looks if anything

it looks like the kind of animals that were in Wayne Barlow's book expedition. If anyone see that. It's got a bit of a, I don't know, like the bugs from Starship Troopers look to it a bit. Yeah, but there's a little bit of like the monsters from Cowboys and Aliens. It's like a big bald naked mole rat that's huge and it's got big teeth and no eyes and like spikes that it impales Charp crabby hands and it loves to impale people on tree branches like that's its and that's it serial killer ammo Yeah, is that it impales people on tree It looks kind of like like an attempt to be a scarier version of the of one of the monsters from I think it's a spirit of the way Okay, the thing with all the arms and like a big fat body.

I guess so it looks yeah, yeah, I can see that it's like a really low rent imitation of like a Guillermo del Toro monster. Yeah, but the point is, it's like a bad, it's like a bad guy Davis design for BPRD where guy Davis should be like, and this isn't so good and throw it away. It doesn't matter so much what it looks like, but what matters is what it does, which is it senses fear.

It senses fear by smelling fear pheromones that are emitted by people. When they see this hella monster coming towards them. And so Cypher has learned how to and taught the Rangers to suppress their fear pheromones, because as he says, danger is real, but fear is a choice. And so the monster can't smell them, and it is invisible to the monster. This is called ghosting. It seems there's a ghost in the machine, and the ghost name is Cypherade.

Yeah, wait a minute. So, how does it go around the woods and stuff? Does it smell the fear or the trees? Yeah, it just bumps into shit all the time. Yeah. And it does like things to make people freaked out by like taking people at kills and sticks their dead bodies on trees. Yeah, I don't. It's called the ursa signature. It has a tree sense. It has a tree sense. Yeah, there is a part where they're seeing if this ursa is around and there's a computer that detects whether the ursa signature is located.

And it basically just means, are there any dead things stuck on trees? If so, then yes, it's an Ursa. But, Jayden Smith plays Cipher's son named Katai, Katai Rage, who is in Ranger Kid at School and is the fastest runner of the group as we learn in his opening scene. But unfortunately, he's good in exercises,

but in the field, he falls apart, he still feels fear, and he is not promoted to ranger cadet which seems to be like the key skill you need to be a ranger and it's the only way to go to go surround man yeah come on so the movie ghost was about that being able to be seen by an earth that's about Patrick Swayze uh... yeah i could go around and tell that evil uh... that evil guy in the subway play by what's

a space. Yeah, Valley. Yeah, but it's key of Ellie. Ruin his career as a goaster by teaching him how to kick cans right. Yep. And the only thing that could stop Ursa's was pottery-based romance. Yeah, speaking of kicking cans, our hero throws a lot of tantrums in this movie. He certainly does.

It feels like every other scene has Jaden Smith smashing something or getting mad and crying or shouting to the skies. Yeah, I should be a ranger. Anyway, his dad is coming home for the first time in years. He's dad, Cypher Rage. Cypher Rage, who's like a hero to everybody. And he has to break the news to him

that he didn't make it to Ranger School. Cypher Rage goes, they have an argument like dads and sons do. Oh, over dinner. So they made it kind of realistic. Yeah, but they're eating with their three-pronged space chopsticks. Because it's the future. And now, here's the interesting thing.

So much more work seems to have put into the design of this movie than anything else. And they live in this future that's very like white and organic. No, man, I'm linen. I mean, I had a flowing linen sheets and bamboo. It's this weirdly like hippie-ish future. It's not organic enough for it to be like a Kronenberg future. No, it's not like they're living in the gut somewhere of a giant building animal. I was like, they don't like grow guns made out of pulsing organs or anything.

But if they do. But it's all very soft. It feels like this is what this, if like, if women rule the world, maybe this is what the future would look like. No part edges. If Bedbat and Beyond invented a future. Well, that's maybe it too.

It's a future where they chose. They had a scented soap and they said, how do we design an entire civilization around this? But also as I said during the movie, I feel like in a lot of futures, I guess in the future people don't have stuff anymore because everything is so like empty like it's a department's minimal living you know it's this it's this small living movement. Yeah that'll boot us. That thing about

owning a hundred objects and keeping it that way that's the law in the future of after earth. What a dystopian horror. It's a dystopian future where people are not allowed to own too much stuff. Can one of them be a double-ended blade staff? It has to be, because that's the only way you're going to fight an Ursa, because guns apparently don't exist anymore. Sure, which is... We never see one ever. You totally want a gun, because then you could be way far away.

It could smell your fear, and you could fucking blast it. Yeah, come on, just shoot it up. Anyway. You're like a missile mom, man. It's the only way to be sure. So anyway, Cypher and Katai have a fight and Cypher tells his wife, I'm gonna retire after this next mission where I'm going to some planet somewhere to deliver a big thing.

And she says, your son needs a father, so he agrees to take his son Katai with him on this mission. It doesn't even have plenty of time after he retires to spend time with a stupid son. You'd think so, but apparently they need to do it right now. Yeah. So, they go on this mission and Katai is a total crybaby-whose. Everything makes them upset whether it's sitting in a chair or walking up to a big asteroid egg where there's an ursa inside of it.

Yeah, he walks into this area. He walks into this area that has a big sign that says hazardous area only only like like what is it? Rangers only know Jaden Smith's allowed. Basically, I mean, I like rules don't apply to me. I'm the son of the star. Well that's the thing like that. That's the point I made during the movie which was just like, yeah sure Jaden Smith, whatever he's a kid, don't want to make too much fun of him, but you do have to make his character not seem like an entitled kid if we know that Jaden Smith is the guy like the son of the The son of Will Smith huge movie star who's making this movie basically to

Propel Jaden Smith into stardom like don't make him then like the son kind of kid is like whatever signs don't apply to me I'm going in here, you know like so you're saying you already have strikes against him Yeah to get like if they just pick some random kid Like a real Jake Lloyd off the street You know a future star like Jake Lloyd But it's the same way that like this is 40 which I didn't see I got it makes I had no interest in it I feel like a lot of the criticism about it involves like this is just Judd aptown his family We're just watching his family hanging out like there was this extra level of entertainment the movie had to reach to justify

while we watching a movie where Judd Aptos is casting his kids in it. And this is the same way with after Earth like. Jaden Smith has to reach it up to a high enough level where we're like, oh, he does deserve to have a movie built around him beyond the fact that his dad is Will Smith. And he feels good.

He's gonna die and pull this mission off. Yeah, I think, wait, Jade Smith. What mission? The mission of being charismatic. Yeah, but apparently he couldn't. No. So anyway. Elliot, digging into Jade and Smith already.

Chill out, bro. She's got his claws, kitty. Look, he smells fear and he attacks. I can be both, I'm gonna give him some constructive criticism. Jade. Get more charismatic. Maybe you need to focus your ability points in future experience games on a charisma stat. And not on dexterity, which you're very good at.

Clearly, he outruns CGI gorillas and stuff. Let's give your classic shit sandwich as stewards describe it. You're very good. Okay, you're in great shape, Jaden, and I believe that you were running around and being fast. You're not that charismatic. Thank you for that were running around and being fast you're not that charismatic thank you for that for that comment but uh... and you're not well i think you need to express to us the like ability that other people who cast you in this see within you i'm hearing the words you're saying

but you're not making me understand that really mouth patchy looks sort of i'm thinking maybe like smile once during the movie or show us a moment of humor or playfulness. The same thing that has made your daddy a billion dollar movie star. So I could make a couple of jokes, say things like, that wasn't cool and you don't got it dude, et cetera. Exactly, yeah, great stuff, great stuff, Shane.

And now the other end of it, you're a fine looking boy and you're growing to a handsome man. Yeah. So plenty of butt shots of me in this movie, right? Uh, that was the other thing is it seemed like M Night Shyamalan was being paid by the butt shot. There's a lot of, there's a lot of shots from below. It's by the way. It's not directors. That works. It's a bad deal. Certain movie. Yeah. You're making the Keeney Carwash. That's a great way to be paid. Yeah. Or you're making if you're Tinto brass, then yes. Pay them by the bus. Make a movie cheeky. Which is about butts. Then yes, you'll be you'll make a lot of it. But if you're making an action adventure sci-fi film. Wait, wait, wait, you can make an adventure sci-fi film that's also about butts. Yeah, but it would be like it would be like a like a porn like Flesh Gordon or something like that.

You can't make a serious science fiction movie that is about butts. Okay. Unless it's called like, Barbara. Like a buttonvation or something, and there's aliens. It's that that's basically just dream catcher. Yeah. Bingo that on which bit of the movie would have done. That's a pretty serious sci-fi movie.

It was called buttonvators. I mean, I certainly would have, like my expectations would be where they should be, rather than me being like, oh, I'm seeing this high class adaptation. I'm just even king. Oh, wait, hold on, it's about buttweasels. It's amazing that one man's adaptations can, I guess this is the way it is for many authors, but can encompass everything from the shining to Dreamcatcher. And be pretty accurate to the source material

and the others with it. So anyway, they're on this spaceship, they go into an asteroid field. I got into the crash. No, they're on it, I'll go fast. They're in a spaceship, they go through an asteroid field and Will Smith is like, let's avoid this asteroid field. And the guys, I couldn't understand what anybody was saying the co-pilot's this is

the mumbliest lowest mixed part of the movie he's saying let's go through that let's not let's avoid this asteroid field and the co-pilot's are like we're cool asteroids hit the space shuttle they mumble techno jargon to each other for like a thousand minutes it's really takes forever short story. Short story short, long story short, the space of crashes. Short story long. So the gift of the mad jai is a tale. I'll tell you it over three hours. Let me explain first the reference of the mad jai. The mad jai or the three wise men who visited the Christ child. Now the Christ child is, now there's a there's a Messiah character in many different.

Now a child is a young version of a human, a young lady, what do I know the most? Humans are the main bipedal ape, simian descendant inhabitants of earth. Let me back up the big bang. Nothing's bigger, nothing's bangier than the big bang coming soon to a universe new you. It's been a big bang here from the big bang coming soon to a universe knew you It's big in a big bangs the ship crashes the ship crashes everyone on it seems to have been killed except for jayden and will

Will has a Will has had a bad arterial break to his leg. Yeah, and he's spurting blood. They got to get out of their fast Jayden has to get a yes their beacon is broken their emergency beacon He's got to get to the tail end of the ship all the way like a mile away through jungle to a hundred kilometers is it a hundred kilometers okay a hundred kilometers away he's got to access that beacon but they're on earth in the future somehow the atmosphere has changed somehow that makes it harder for people to breathe and he only has so many so the atmosphere change are just humans have evolved differently yeah it's been a while hey look it's been a thousand years people are not going to evolve away from breathing oxygen in a thousand years yeah but if your body

gets used to breathing in a slightly different type of like a amount of yeah of oxygen point point is Jane Smith has these cookies that like basically they look like a like the pill boxes that like basically look like like the pill boxes that like birth control he is little discs that look like round fermentation but they look like the like old people cookies that have raspberry like gel on the top yeah and he has to take one yes we're drinking drink drink drink some like fucking magic look with out of them they make some they make some breathing a licks sir out of them and he only has four that's's four, that's four days of grandma cookie.

That means it's gonna take him that much to get to where the beacon is, but, uh-oh, actually some of them were broken. He doesn't have four, but he doesn't tell us dad that, because he wants to go on this mission through himself. Yeah, so his dad watches him through a magic backpack and communicates with him to give him advice. He takes his dad's collapsible double pointed spear, you know, saber. So he's like a regular Ray Park d'Arthmal with his devil edged thing of a Bob weapon.

And right off the bat, he goes in and angers some beboons for no reason. His dad is yelling at him, stand down and instead he throws a rocket a beboon. He gets chased by them. Yeah, well let's back up and say that. Let's do back up too. Well, no, we just point out that jaden smith's jane smith is the son of willsman jane smith is a star jane smith's journey in this movie is that he needs to learn to not feel fear he needs to learn to grow up and not feel as fear and we

eventually learn that over time we learned to flat flashbacks that there's some backstory to them yeah that will smith had an older daughter, Jaden Smith's older sister, Katai's older sister. Cipher Rage had this daughter. And she was killed because dad, Cipher, was away on a mission when an Ursa attacked their house. And she put Jaden, or she put her home invasion into, she put Jaden into some kind of globe for growing plants and so that his pheromones wouldn't get out. She put a window in the dome. She put it in like under the dome if the dome was big enough to hold one

child and it protected you from urses. So she was killed. So cypher blames himself for his daughter being dead and blames Jaden a little bit, although what was Jaden supposed to do is a little kid. Yeah, he's a five or six year old supposed to fight off an Ersa. I don't think so. Yeah, he's going to ghost all over the place. I don't think so. But more important, Jaden blames himself for his sister's death and he needs to get over that and realize that he needs to, that's that that it was okay for him to feel fear then, but now he shouldn't or some stuff. So anyway, that's his arc, his life goal mission. But that translates him to acting,

him acting erratic and crazy and like a coward for most of the movie. And it's one of those things where like, teenagers act really erratic and they get mad out of nowhere and stuff. If that was what they're playing up, I'd be like, this is pretty realistic. Like, if I had been 15 and I was on a planet and I had to get somewhere, I'd probably act out

and get mad and frustrated. But instead, he just comes off as like, petulent and doing stupid shit. Like, oh, bad boons right there. Why'd you throw a rocket? A hundred bad boons come out and chase him. He runs into a river. He gets a leach on him that makes him all puffy. He's got to inject some magic medicine into him that takes away leach puffiness. And it turns out that the, because of something that we did to the earth every night, it gets freezing cold, which doesn't square with the fact that he's in this lush kind of Pacific Northwest rain forest. Yeah, temperate forest land.

With full of baboons and eagles and stuff. The old growth trees. So how is, so how does it work? We don't know. Nobody did a lot of, I mean, we get one scene of like the plants curling up a little bit of old growth trees. So how is it? So how does it work? We don't know. Nobody did a lot of it. I mean, we get one scene of like the plants curling up a little bit. For the night.

For the night. That scene would have been a hundred times better if the plants had been like loony tunes plants. They'd be like, I'm curling up there, like putting nightcats on. Good night tree. Good night fern. Like someone pulls a chain that turns the sun off. Yeah, sure. Like one plant pulls itself that turns the sun off. Yeah, sure.

Like one plant pulls itself down and it wraps up like a shade on a window. Yeah, yeah. And there's like a mushroom that folds into a tree like a Murphy bed. That would be hilarious. And then they all sing some song from the War of Brothers Song Library that they're trying to promote.

I only have eyes for you or something like that. I only have eyes for you. There you go. That's the song that Mr. Freeze was saying. That should have been in the movie we just watched. Should have been a bit. That was Mr. Freeze's first dance song in his wedding. That's the only of eyes for you. He's a romantic guy.

He's trying to unfreeze his wife. I know. I don't know why he just doesn't stick in the microwave I like ice buns even before because his name His name Carl frees So yeah, that happened did anyone ever make a joke about a movie called they call me mr. Freeze Now they did so it's been done anyway Well, now that you did. Now they did.

So it's been done. Anyway, but one night when he gets to a hot zone, which is one of the bullshit warm areas, the movie made up so that Jayden Smith doesn't freeze to death. And he just runs to him at night. Video game check points. Yeah. His father tells him the story when he learned how to ghost, which was he was fighting an ursa and they fell into a river.

And he was about to drown. And he realized he shouldn't be scared. And he didn't anyone. You told that story much more excitingly than Will Smith did in the movie we just was. Most of that story is communicated. Do we get a flashback? No.

Do we visualize any of this? No. We see Will Smith literally just kind of lackadaisically to sit in there in a monotone talking to the camera. Yeah. Just really slowly telling the story. And this is a moment to say that like Will Smith, one of the most charismatic

Movie stars ever of the I would say ever yeah, I would say you drop Will Smith into the 30s of the 40s And he would have been just as successful like incredibly charismatic and incredibly likeable talented He's a double threat. He can dance saying act with his three But he seems to have decided like oh, I don't want to do that anymore What I want to do is to not be any of those things saying act with this three. But you seem to have decided like, oh, I don't wanna do that anymore. What I wanna do is to not be any of those things. He's, he's stretching by being serious here. And he's playing kind of this Martinette drill sergeant,

you know, a motionless fellow who, he's shut himself off from fear, but does that mean he's also shut himself off from love? But also I feel like there are actors out there. I mean, there's no love interest in this movie right there's his wife he has a life for a year but she's on a different point and jane smith has a love interest a big vulture that saves him sure is vulture but it's a kind of a guess but there are actors out there they're going to vote for a vote for a vote yeah

actors can be like tough and emotional and still have a lot of charisma and i feel like one smith will smith just doesn't seem to know time to do it. Okay, Tom really jump. Yeah, exactly. Two. Uh, uh, uh, uh, really about the Jordan. Okay, that's three. Uh, name four. Um, shit, I don't know. I guess you're right, Ellie. Like, he's with maybe. Okay, plenty of his foot. Yeah. Okay. You're right. A lot of people can do it. And so, well, Smith is playing against his strengths here and not in a way that helps him. And do you think, do you think that was a conscious choice on his part so that he could give his son more the spotlight

I think it was probably but I think so I think that's definitely why he took a passive role in the movie where will smith spends most of the movie sitting down and talking to his son through a camera well, he's about to pass out from blood loss. Why, why could they have not given his computer like a sassy voice to add a little bit of levity to this movie? Any voice. There's, so Will Smith also takes a drug that makes him drowsy because he's dying of blood loss. But it means that you have a movie in which the biggest star in the movie, Will Smith, seems it's a boring movie and he can barely stay awake.

Like the star of the movie is barely fighting enough to stay awake through his film you know. Anyway so eventually he learns the truth that Katai doesn't have enough breath cookies to get to where he's going. He needs four, he needs three and a half and he only has two left so he says abort the mission of board but he's and Katai is on the top of a cliff and they have an argument about was I supposed to save my sister I was just a kid and that kind of thing you were never there for us and you know you valuable breath cookie comes out of nowhere and he's bra, he's wasting breath cookie time and so he says I'm going to finish the mission the only way to do it to jump down from this cliff instead of hiking down.

He can save himself a one and a half breath cookies by the sky jump. He's going to be jumped with the like fucking, he's got like a rocky, the flying, flying squirrel suit on. Because his multi suit, which he's wearing, is which is this magic leather suit that does whatever he needs, and it changes color a bunch of times for seemingly no reason.

Has, it has flying squirrels. The camouflage him from the blind monster that's he smells fear. Mm-hmm. So he should, he should have a suit that releases a pheromone. I just tried to put him on, that seat smells fear. Mm-hmm. So he should have a suit that releases a fair amount. I just tried to get a fair amount. That makes perfect sense.

Like for a sexy lady, Ursa. So the Ursa falls in love with him and wants to bring him flowers and chocolates. That puts on a hat and a bowtie. You know, her, her, her, her, her. You know what? And puts its claw around its shoulder. Oh, fresh. He keeps trying to sneak away, and he keeps dragging him back.

Again, another way this movie would've been better if it turned into a looney, too. If this movie instead of starting Will Smith and Jaden Smith had starred Bugs Bunny and like Bert Bunny, his son, it would've been way better. Bert Bunny, come on. What's a better name for his son? I don't know.

His dad's name is Bugs. You don't want to fight that? That's true. Bugs, better. Bird Bunny, come on. What's a better name for his son? I don't know. His dad's name is Bugs. You don't want to fight that? That's true. Bugs, Jr. BJ Bunny. There you go. BJ Bunny. All right.

I think that's the cure to probably exist. Well, that's BJ Bunny Bunny exists. Anyway, so he sky jumps down, but he's attacked, which just means floating through the air. He's attacked by a giant condor, which Stuart made the point that this is ridiculous, that the kid who's using his sky suit for the first time is more maneuverable than the bird that evolved to fly on this planet. But he gets caught.

He gets caught and he wakes up in an estufal, a little cute baby bird that's being attacked by saber-tooth tigers. And he uses his double-edged spear to fight off the tigers too late. All the birds have been killed in the condor he's not a cat. He's a big condor. I wish he's lying there would have been like I'm really not a cat person. I'm allergic to cats allergic to death and then throws the cat overboard or something. Yeah, but the condor sheds condor tears over its fallen kids. Yeah, it's really sad. He goes to cave. He sleeps next to a magma river

He sees the Lascau cave paintings or some kind of mammoth cave paintings because those have been preserved Excellently end of flying snake and a flying snake. It's a cuddle. We've seen no We've seen no other remnants of earth and a steward points out there's no reason why this movie had to take place How does it have to be on earth? The characters after any fucking planet like it's like oh, it's just a it's just a planet that we Can do lazy animal design and just be like a snake but make it flat Around will make a bird but it's big here's a baboon, but it looks a little different A bunch of buddies Normally baboons only travel packs at 10.

These ones travel packs at 20. That's how you know it's earth in the future. They should have called this planet fear and not have it set on earth. Perfect. Better title, better planet. You should call it planet terror. But you're right.

I sound like they used any actual animals in the movie. It's all CGI. It's all CGI. It's all CGI. It's all CGI. Everything, I I'm Jaden Smith might be CGI. They used a real Ersa though. Oh, okay. Interesting. Yeah. So anyway, he gets out of there.

He's running out of capsules. He's plotting his course. He gets to a river. He builds a raft. He's like a regular Huckleberry Finn. He's going down the river. He falls asleep and he has a dream of his sister. And his sister tells him. He's trying all practical special effects by which we mean the

actress playing the sister is just sitting there. And she tells him basically to stop being mad and get, stop being afraid. It's a real, it's a real like Obi-Wan just telling Luke to do this stuff moment, stupid and you know it's a dream because it's not really a ghost except she's going wake up wake up Katai wake up and he won't wake up and then she turns it she gives him a monster face for a moment Where she's got like a slash on and blood on her face and he wakes up and it's like I got like a PG rated large-marge I mean large-marge was rated PG really? I thought she was terrifying. I watched that Imarge was rated PG. Really? I thought you was terrifying. I thought that was rated X for sure. Yeah, for sex. I watched that scene on YouTube recently again

from Peeley's Big Adventure. And when I was a kid, I couldn't watch it. I covered my eyes every time, just knowing it was... Can I watch the movie all the time? I loved it, but just knowing it was coming. I was like, I got to cover my eyes, now I don't want to see large-marge, and I watched it again. It is the goofy-ish stuff. It's so good. It's two claymation cartoon eyes and a big mouth and you hear like, it's the silliest thing. And as a kid, that's so surprising. It's surprising. I want you to know it's coming. But as a kid, it was right up there with that one ghost in Ghostbusters who's driving a cab and looks like a grosser version of the Cryptkeeper. Yeah, he's like a decaying corpse.

Those were the two things that the kid is. Crypt keeper's brother. He's less attractive, less charismatic brother. Yeah, he couldn't cut in the pictures. Harold's, Harry's caring for a keeper. Yeah, I drive a cab. Yeah, that's my brother who does the TV show in the comics and the movies. He's a real big shot in the family.

Think he goes, he laughs. Oh, whatever. Just because he comes up with puns, I can come up with pines. Yeah. Oh, it looks like you lost your head Driving into a dead end. Yeah, forget about it. Okay. We're gonna tip me away Thanks for nothing pal taxi taxi here who wants a taxi? Oh, there's a guy that she's also riding a petty cab Where you going Brooklyn? I'm not going there. I'm taking a bullet forget about it. I'm dead. I'm not stupid I wouldn't be caught dead over there get it pun. Oh goodbye Boy's by so best or slow Young so best or slow yeah, not John Cassier this case the best or

Yep, not John Kessier. In this case, the best just to know. It's voicing the brother of the crypt paper. The brother who doesn't have a TV show. I don't know why someone voicing him. Well, they started with the brother, and then they worked their way towards the house. A lot of writers will do that when they're creating characters they'll say, before I get started on my main character, what will help me shape him? What's his brother like?

I think that's how Jarrah Tolkien wrote his wrote his main books once billbo's brother like what's sell baggains that would be a bill not dildo the obvious yeah that is it that is obvious so obvious to have even as a kid the first time i read the hobbit i made that you myself and that when i read when i read board of the rings the lord the rings perid you from the national and put in the column dildo I said really you could do better than that come on

Okay, so Katai's ghost sister wakes him up. It's getting cold out. Oh no. He can't escape it It's freezing. He passes out from breath coldness or something. Yeah luckily Covered in a sheen of frost It was my favorite line Stuart Adder's he's he goes, Oh, he's an old man now. He has a white frost in his hair. He has frost in tips. The conduit that turns out saves him drags him to his nest and then dies, covering him with his body.

Because that's the way birds work. If you do a bird a favorite, that one bird, the bird eats it, that's a state dead. If you do a bird a favorite, he'll never forget. And it'll help you in a year on me. You don't thought a dead bird is the death. They stay dead, dude. Yeah, that's the death. If you do a bird a favor, he'll never forget and it'll help you. You don't thought, you can't thaw out a dead bird and it just flies away. No, but the birds have a real code of ethics. If you do a bird a favor, they'll do you want to return but

and always remember this, never ask a bird for a favor or accept a gift or offering for then you will owe them and they will come back for repayment when you least expect it. Sure, what you thought was your own baby is just a baby condor They stole my baby in a place with a condor now you touch that baby condor with some cold iron and he'll tell you his true name That gives you power over him really when a bird asks you for a favor to you is like hey, can you hand me that bowl? Yeah, sure here you go bird our pack is over

Your dad has been repaid. Can you put peanut butter in this pie cone and then put seed on it? Yeah, sure. You got any suet anywhere. Yeah, here you go. Thank you. Your eternal blood legacy is now fulfilled. Anyway, so in any other movie, I feel like the hero after being saved by this giant

condor who gives its life for his The hero would do something to remember that bird berry the bird perhaps Walks away shakes a little bit. He's like, okay, whatever He's like, wait, like he should have taken a feather or something or really said thank you Like he just shakes like when they're flying away He should look into the stars and the stars should form the face of the condor. And then he's a single tear. But he it's like he just shake nudges it to be like, Hey, buddy, time for school. Wake up. Oh, you're dead.

I guess I'll keep going then. And that doesn't even say thanks. I guess I'm not lying into it. Take a bite out of it. I will honor you, my winged friends and your sacrifice. You live on a valley. It's the legend of the condor friends. And ever shall man and condor be allies. friends and your sacrifice. You live on Vowry. It's the legend of the Condor friend.

And ever shall man and Condor be allies. You have, and that was how the mandor became more. You have bought a pledge of friendship with your blood. So he goes out, he finds the tail end of the spaceship, he finds the beacon, but it's not working. There's some ionic sphere layer of dust bullshit. And the book, so he has to get to the top of a volcano for the beacon

running by magma he's like running by i don't know why sneakers are melting but he's fine and the egg the ursa was in is broken and we've already seen the other rangers who are on the space you play a survived and walked away and just left will and jade and smith to die have been killed by the ursa and impaled on trees the ursa signature move sure is finishing move now the ursa and impaled on trees. The Ursa's signature move. Now the Ursa- That's his finishing move.

Now the Ursa follows Jaden up this volcano, which is not good because there's no trees there. What's the Ursa going to do? Carry the dead body back down, stick it on a tree, I guess so. Maybe you'll bring his own tree. He's pretty big. Yeah, I guess I can carry a tree. So the Ursa's chasing him, he's trying to get to the top.

They find a lot. So you're supposed to get to the top of a volcano to set off the beacon right yes but he's screwed because after he sets off the beacon his condor buddies already dead so he can't leave when the volcano erupts that doesn't seem to be a problem the movie kind of ignores that the bigger issue is that an ursa is trying to kill him and he's still afraid so the earths a can smell him and it's like oh no and i can't again the smell fear that was that again two and a half?

Yeah, I don't know. What was 33 and a third? I think I was it. Didn't have a sub-title. Listeners write in and tell us what the subtitle is. It was like, they get guns 33 and a third. The one with men and a cold smith thing. They'll find them being it.

So the last funny one of these. At the last minute, as they're fighting all about, okay, no, Ash, falling all around them, and I assume a tasteful reference to shinler's list uh... suddenly jaden remembers his father's words of advice instantly is able to control his fear and his pheromones i guess suck back into his pores you know the dissonance

he just goes to my crazy and the earth is like i can't see you where are you he doesn't talk but you can see i'll tell you trying to find jaden and jaden's just slashing the crap at him with his double blade and super sword. Can I just take a moment to say like this is this is what I hate the most about this. What I maybe hate the most about this movie is like it's so clearly like, okay, we're gonna make a movie where the theme is overcoming fear. So we're gonna make this one. this one year kid, you're fried to everything. When you grow up, you learn to not be afraid of anything. Of anything. Yeah, you learn that fear is the mind killer, feels a little death within us all.

But we're going to do this in the end. We're going to let the fear pass through you. You will go into it and look behind you and see that nothing is left only you. Otherwise you get stabbed with a gum jibbarrow, you're totally toast. And it's like the poison goes in and you're dead. You're double dog dead. But we're're gonna do this unless you're the mod Deb, Jesus Christ. We're gonna do this in the most obvious way. We're gonna do this in the most obvious way by creating this creature that smells fear But it's so like it only makes sense as a metaphor in a movie like it's so illogical in real life

Like the aliens created this monster that can smell fear but also doesn't have eyes I guess it's a Back up or see where the we're James Smith is continuing the tradition of em night Shyamalan aliens having a very clear Design weakness like being allergic to water. Yes, and then drop a model of planet that's covered in water Yeah, well the the very atmosphere should melt them to do the to be fair that would be fair that was an act of God. Yeah, and God is if nothing illogical I'm just saying make it make make it so Metaportal creatures a little less a little more so the real problem with the movie I mean aside from it being well, let's just say he congresses fear he sets off the beacon that he gets saved the end

Yeah, but everyone's happy and and and James Smith gets here one of three or four joke lines where he goes I want to get I want to do mom's job at the end anyway anyway anyway you want that's the way you need right that's right so they they win in the end but uh... and he saves the day but uh... the real flaw in this movie aside from it being super boring and the lead actor not having much charisma uh... certainly at this stage in his performing career carried entire movie and being very unimaginative and things like that is that they mentioned in the beginning a bunch of aliens made monsters to fight us and those aliens we never see him they never show up we never find out what happened in the war with them is that still

going on like what's happening it's like it's like if you were doing a story about the atomic bomb and it was like by the way we were fighting Nazis in World War II so we made an atomic bomb flash forward 60 years later and be like wait what about what happened to the the war you just tell me that's still happening for people right in to tell us we saw on Wikipedia that this was supposed to be the first of a trilogy we'll understand that maybe that would be developed later but each movie has to stand on so you can't take it for granted that this one mention of something is going to be okay and it's not like a star wars mention

where in the first movie they'll mention stuff well like in the first movie i'm just i'm laughing at dance defense sick it's sick of you people this is not a timecode situation was that what the movie is called in time? In time situation? In time. Was the... Is that 4-quadrant movie? Yeah. No, it's not like... Yeah, it appears all 4-quadrant. People are like looking at four screens at once. Young people, old people, people like... Poor knee people. Bullshit art movies that don't work.

You get to decide what story to follow. No, you do that. Make the movie for me. I actually saw it. I didn't like the biggest. I liked it. Okay. Yeah, the biggest pudding. They call it. But here in Star Wars, they say, oh, my dad fought in the Clone Wars, and you don't need to know more about it. It's just like backstory. Here, I think they might have been going for some of that here in a way that like you're hinting at a wider universe that exists around the story but it's such a major thing that humans are at a war with aliens to never have it have much to do with the rest of the movie is unless like they're bringing this ursa egg somewhere and I don't I'll be I clearly I missed what the mission was are they delivering it somewhere so they can discover a way to kill ursa's like you have-year-old seems to do it pretty well.

First 20 minutes of the movie, I couldn't understand anything anybody said. Yeah, the weird accent was in the mumbling accent. You're gonna have a crazy mumbling accent. Don't have a bunch of loud beeps going off from the weird organic computer console. Yeah. But I have to admit that there are a few scenes

that are well-directed in this from a camera viewpoint point of view. Let's move have to admit that there are a few scenes that are well directed in this from a like Camera viewpoint point of view. Let's move on to final judgments about whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie movie kind of liked Elliot. You're already there. Okay. It's a bad bad movie There's a couple moments where there are camera moves that I like a lot where but literally like two or three of those Where there's like just some neat uses of the camera, but otherwise It's just a lot of watching Jaden Smith, usually from a butt focused point of view, like crawling through jungle, getting mad at things

and fighting animals that don't look real and not overcoming fear and his dad, meanwhile sitting in a spaceship, a hundred kilometers away just kind of talking in a monotone to nobody. It really doesn't, I can see how this could be a really good movie, but there's no sense of life to it. Yeah, I'm gonna say bad, bad movie.

I'll just say boring and mumbly. The old B&M combo. Stuart, what do you have to say? Yeah, I mean, it's a bad, bad movie for the B&M reasons alone. I mean, it kind of feels like structure wise, it's kind of like the gray, but it doesn't have the impact of Liam Neeson fighting wolves. If you told me that there was a movie about a plane crash where a bunch of guys are being picked off by wolves, and there's a movie about a spaceship crash where a kid has to prove

himself courageous by fighting a monster alien. Like, I'd want to see the second one more, but the first one is marginally better. I didn't love the gray. I found it kind of boring too. But, yeah, I think it's a design flaw in this type of movie. But they pull it off a lot, but there are good movies where people are at risk from the elements and there's like an animal or something chasing them. You know, you can do that movie. Animal bounty hunter.

So that is, it's the old, it maybe is to share a Maffuni and hell in the Pacific. They're like, there's, it's a very simple story. And so it sucks when you see it screwed up this badly, you know. Um, so let's move on. How were those final judgments, Dan? I've heard satisfactory. Satisfactory. How do you judge?

What's fun? This is the new segment, final judgments, judgments. You get a 98. 98, okay. No, no, it's with those good judgments, with a bad judgments, when the judgments, he kind of disagree with, Dan. Good judgment. Room for improvement.

A plus all around. All right, so extra credit for being awesome. So, on, quickly, I want to say this podcast, I believe is going to come out on the 30th, so's not a lot of time but I just want to reiterate everything's giving I want to reiterate that the Epihonic House cat music video contrast you got two more days December the first to one day what time are you accepting the buy-in December the first I don't know like evening I'm not really gonna be much of like, like, whatever.

Just get them in. But you're a stickler. They gotta be in by dissonfer. I'm not gonna be a stickler. Right in December 1st. But. December 1st. By midnight, December 2nd.

Those videos better EVN or you are shit at a luck. Ro-Row. Thanks, House Cap. Um, so let's- House Cap. Let's put them to go through a few letters. Just a few letters. Not a lot of time for a lot of letters. Do it fast, but make it last.

Letters for Russ, letters from you. Letters for mall for a little bit of time, not a lot. Let's do it quickly. Just a quick key, some letters real quick, Dan. This letter is from Trevor Lastname withheld. It's titled Five Easy Pieces Cinematic Geographical Epiphany. Dear floppers, I've started listening to your podcast after the gently honorable internet judge, John Hodgman, recommended it so highly.

When he said don't listen to it. Oh, he was very positive. Oh, that was nice one. He's a good guy. I wanted to share a moment of cinematic geographical epiphany with you and choir, if you've ever had a similar experience. I first saw what I have thought of as a masterpiece of

70's drama, five easy pieces around 1988 as a scratch up VHS rental and completely loved it. I'm old. As I've grown older and frailer, subsequent feelings have only enriched it for me. The movie has become too intense and I worry my bones will break if I watch it. Watching the movie a few months ago, I realized like seeing something for the first time that the movie begins in Bakersfield, California. The scene where Jack Nicholson plays the piano on the back of the moving truck was filmed on or near the i5.

The least pleasant stretch of interstate anywhere in the u.s. and the closest thing to a road road warrior theme park one will ever experience unless you go to that doomsday con or whatever that is that people do it's hard it's burning man it's hard to it's a wicker man con it's hard to explain this fear I'm familiar with these terrible places is I many Californians are are what I don't call it. It's like realizing Casablanca takes place in I don't know the East Coast equivalent of Bakerfield. Do you have a post-apocalyptic hellscape of sunblasted strip malls and trailer parks populated by hyper conservative methodics who live on disability and condemn the government?

I'm sorry I love it Bakerfield, but you know it's true. It blew my mind, and yet only made me appreciate the movie even more, as it's grounded in a pedestrian reality I've seen and touched and smelled so many times, genius. Have all some or none of you had a similar experience and would you move to Bakersfield? Trevor Lassane with that, well, I mean obviously,

I'm like if I'm a tourist board of Bakersfield? Well, come to Bakersfield. It sucks. Move here and make it better. Uh, so, well, thanks for those kind of words. Thanks for writing in Trevor about your Bakersfield experience. I've never been there. I will say that I've had experiences, certainly where I've watched a movie and it's felt like or reminded me of places I've been like Midnight in Paris. There was some Woody Allen movie. A lot of it was shot at places I had been not too long before

when I took my first trip to Paris. So it felt like Woody Allen had been stalking me and my wife on our vacation, which is a little weird. But one that hits me a lot when I see it is the movie The Landlord, which I really love, and is set in the neighborhood I live in, Park Slow. And was shot there on location in the late 60s. And like I've walked by the house that it was shot at many times, but what really hit me

was when I saw in the background of a shot a sign for Coca-Cola that up until very recently about a year or two ago was still on the front of a pizzeria in Park Slow. And so seeing it really drove home to me like, I exactly what block there on right now like I know exactly that corner And it really hit hard, you know Yeah, like this is kind of a similar beggar shield hellscape I I remember um my wife my wife and I actually went to a speaking of hellscapes my wife my wife and I went to I hope she doesn't listen to this one then she went we went to a horrific Horrific unpleasant strip club near the what is it the Costco? What did you know I'm talking about sure?

Yeah, it's like the one over and and Sunset Park. Yeah, this is in New York. It's like Yeah, um just just the cdest place you could imagine and then And this was your anniversary gift yes that was what was now uh... it was just regular Sunday night uh... but then years later on the television show louis if you've seen the episode where robin Williams and will and uh... luci care the only two people at this agents funeral

school they go to a strip club where he was apparently beloved that was the strip club this very city place and it's like yep you found the perfect place for this horrible guy to have been a beloved uh... regular i had a louis parents like that because there's one episode where he's meets parker posi and they go on a date and he meets her at a bookstore where the exterior part of it they shot it to make it look like it was in Manhattan but the interior and the immediate exterior are very clearly community books also in Park Slow on a seventh avenue which I've been in many many times. I was

like, I know that bookstore. I've never seen Park Posey working there. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. This TV shows lying to me. Let's do it. What about you? I have never been in a community books. I don't read a lot of books. I mean, anywhere more of a calendar guy. Yeah. Like hot babes and Ferris. Yeah, hot babes and Ferris. It's a hot babe with a gun. Like, so I keep putty. On a car hood. Yeah, when they're so small, they can fit on the calendar page. There's a, one of our co-workers has an animal's calendar, and there's one where it's a horse eating hay, but the hay is like falling out of its mouth.

So it looks like it's just this big, glossy picture of a horse mumbling all over the place. I think it's hilarious. So this... He'll up another letter for us today. My letter is titled Bork, Bork,ork Bork Robert Bork okay delicious make sure of Beven Pork you can buy it at Elijah's Delhi in Parkslow Brooklyn. So many parks.

The letter goes. We beg the question by Bob Figureman plenty of parks low pictures. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh one episode one issue of local. This is not this is not the jabber back and forth This is part where we're talking about letters. Okay. Uh, the letter goes dear flute house

You guys are a super duper barrels ear a head full off laughter Okay, I just read it you can you just read my ear holes? You just read it like a normal person, please? Yeah, I know what it's like I fucking see that it is spelled that way. Lid, it has a big brain fall off of Muffy Analagia. But a teeny, teeny moosa flusa. I don't know what that means. Stuart, probably, Buink's Aussie chick said the bikini car wash, the pert-goi.

Bork, bork, bork. Don is pleasant. That's it. Um, the herdy, that's it. I'm the herdie herdie herdie. In Fieta me over some time and to watch a movie. So is this like a Swedish chef or is it an Italian? I think you guys are me. Maybe a fluke house, a house cat, a jamborea, sincerely, SC.

So that's from SC. So that's your Swedish chef. No, that's this guy's Swedish chef. That he wrote out phonetically. Well, thanks for writing in and for the compliments. Um, yeah, I'm sorry if I seemed, uh, if I, if I lost the thread there in the middle, if it seemed like Dan was having a stroke while reading that letter, but I always did wonder what if the Swedish chef was doing a Borat impression and I guess that's what it would be. Look, I think it's interesting that of the muppets we hear from the Swedish chef and not Statler and Waldorf. Yeah, it seemed to be kindred spirits. They would heckle our heckling or appreciate fellow hecklers. Yeah, you never know. We never hear from Luzeland.

So this last letter I think that we have to offer this evening is from mark last name with held uh... it's titled boy it's a fantastic thing that there are vantasma or some girls boobs fell out of her dress uh... he goes to the total flops

you guys have made passing reference to the classic in 1978 horror flick, Phantasm, a bunch. I think most recently in the Paperboy episode, possibly later since this time. And possibly later, you never know. Please spend, you play a good game, Paperboy. Please spend 10 to 15 minutes elaborating on this. Did anyone like this a test prompt?

Did anyone like Parts Three or Four Did anyone like parts three or four? Yeah, what about that time I'm you and has a oblivion? What about that time I'm mutant version of Angus Scrim came out of a hole in the size of shape of a double pizza box and that girl's back Fucked up right? Sure more fantasam boy. You write a good letter of boy, but now you die. What's that author's name? I'm Mark last name with him.

Mark, thanks for writing in. Stuart, you're the biggest phantasm fan, I feel. I am what they call a fan in the biz. That's built with a pH. Of course, yeah. I was really happy to get to meet Don Cascarelli, director of phantasm, and get an autograph on my fan cast in poster.

Yeah, at the late, lamented 92 white crab. It's a Don Cascarelli, right? Or do I say Dan Cascar late lamented 92 white cracker. I said don't cast really right? Or did I say Dan Casgrove? And it just sounded like Dan. I think you were saying that. Down casgrove. Restort and I had a, Dan, were you with us when we went to that? Yeah, it was there, man.

We saw the double feature of John Dyes at the end and the original phantasm. And I got to stand nervously and line behind a couple of horror geeks getting Japanese VHS tapes autographed. It was adorable to see how nervous Stewart was getting the chance to talk to Don Cascarelli yeah but yeah they're great movies what do you have to say about the sequels yeah I like

all of them it's it's interesting because the second one was filmed so long after the first but it picks right up after the first one and with a different guy with a different guy. With a different actor, yeah. And apparently, what is it? The, I think there was a rumor that originally, Brad Pitt was up for that role to play Mike, but he got passed on and-

He passed on, I'm so sorry. How different would the world be? Megastar Brad Pitt had phantasm too, and is- Well, more people would be aware of it, I guess. Brad Pitt was also in what Johnny Swayed and nobody watches that anymore. In cool worlds. I think Flop has for an Alex Smith watches Johnny Sway a quite a bit.

Well nobody watches Cool World, even though Brad Pitt's in it. Except I think I recommend that for the podcast. Cool World. Really? It's a terrible movie. I'm just trying to get you to say that. I don't want any more to answer.

Cool world. Hollywood, if Hollywood. Yeah. Cool world, the end. One thing I'm going to mention that I like about Phantasm is that the sequels carry the story forward in terms of the spreading evil of the main villain. A lot of horror movies and franchises they reset at the beginning of the next movie. And it's like everybody just forgot there was a fucking maniac running around killing

kids in the last movie. Yeah. But in Phantasm, this evil force is just emanating throughout the throughout the country at a greater and greater. Almost all I can apocalyptic rate. Well, they put the pushing that premise too and it gets to do like this weird science fiction area where you're like, okay, well, the fourth one is basically like a Star Wars movie sort of. I mean, the first one already involves other planets with Ja was running around. Yeah.

And tuning forks, Dan. So many tuning forks. Different levels of spheres. Yeah. So we've lost all of the non-fantasm fans listening. So thanks, Mark, for ruining our listenership. So move on, Dan. Let's move on to the final judgments. Okay Stuart was a good episode. We circled back around. We're gonna have to do that whole

thing again. Okay, after Earth. So this is the last segment. It's where we make a recommendation of a movie that we liked for people to watch instead of after Earth. Stuart, what do you have to recommend? I'm gonna recommend a classic steward well-in-the-for-off house movie. So get ready for something? So gross. Well, I'm gonna recommend the movie Bad Milo, currently streaming on video on demand

from Time Warner cable. It's in Bad Milo, starring Ken Moreno. It features, it's about a guy who has an ass demon that is triggered by stress that goes out in murders. The targets are the causers of his stress. There's a lot of poop slash fart jokes. There's jokes about a demon crawling back up into his butt and you get to see those. There's a lot of scenes of that. There's also a scene where there's a monster, there's monster bites a dude's dick off. So, yep, I think that fulfills all the criteria of a Stewart movie. Yeah, some good character actors. Sure, thanks. Hey, Dan. I'm going to recommend a movie that I saw called Bad Milo.

In the theater, a couple weeks back by the name of blue is the warmest color. Oh boy We all know how I Dan enjoyed this one look. I decided to lean into the purpose of my label No, but I'm recommending a movie. I really enjoyed it. I think you will too. It's called baby dolls behind bars. I mean everyone it's soft core You can find it. It's's a hard soft core anyway Dan continue We lose the warmest color. I mean, yeah, well the thing is like it's very it's people have talked a lot about the sexual content There is a lot of sexual content in the sense that there's a seven minute long sex scene that Is fully just like seven minutes of sex and it's it's it's done Barely explicitly, but like this is a three-hour movie fully just like seven minutes of sex and it's done fairly explicitly.

But this is a three hour movie. So really it's like a one second sex scene. No, I'm just saying that people have focused on this, but it's out of proportion with the full content of what the movie is, which is about this woman's first love and the building of first love and sort of the realization of who she is and then unfortunately the falling part of it which I enjoyed the second half of the movie a little less just because it's a little more emotionally difficult it's sad this is less sex that Paul and there is less sex so there's that too but I thought it was great I so you would recommend watching

the first half and then watching it again. Well, sitting down to it, you know, I was like, I like a lot of- No, there's this gonna go. No, I like a lot of art films. So I have a lot of foreign films. Do I want to watch a three hour French movie? And then once it started, like I was,

like I was engaged in transport of the whole time. So it's a very good movie I don't I don't like the godfather of lesbian love. Yes, I don't love the very end for reasons that maybe I can get into on the The Facebook page so there's no spoilers, but that would be my only criticism Was it all a dream? Yeah It was an autistic boys dream. It was all a dream turns and sees a woman in her bed or was it or Were they all characters inside a John Q sex mind? Yeah Or do the two

That face off Each other it explode the world They're inside of fruit Taylor fans Anyway, go on Ellie. What he's correct in me not understanding that John Qsac is the star Is the star he's not his head that all the rain that the characters are running around in but shouldn't the characters be running around the head of the star The movie no because this that's a twist you'd expect that But no, I'm gonna recommend a noir movie from 1953 called 99 River Street. And I'm not, I don't know why that was.

That's a real fucking special movie, it's trying to guys. I'm not gonna say that it's like the most amazing movie because I really liked a lot. I thought it was really good. But there's, I think a problem when you say like, I've found this little known gem and then people see it and they don't, they're like, that wasn't so amazing. Look, it's not gonna blow your mind, but it's maybe one of the grimest noirs that I've seen in a long time,

and I'm kind of surprised I haven't heard about it for that reason. It's directed by, sorry, I looked it up, Phil Carlson, who else directed Kansas City. No, yeah, Phil Collins, some of his off time from Genesis. Phil Carlson carlson who directed Kansas city confidential which is another one of those more movies and stars john pain as a former boxer who lost the big fight and is now a cab driver stuck with a shrewish wife who thought she was marrying the future

heavyweight champion of the world but now is only made to a cab driver john pain would be a good uh... partner for cipher raid it is a real person he has his friends with an actress and he is finds out that his wife is cheating on him with a kind of small time diamond crook who is not a verse to killing women

who no little too much about his diamond thieving and long story short the tax driver gets a murder pinned on him and has to find the guy who did it before the police find him. So it's a pretty classic kind of wrong man who our story, but it is so dark and so grim. And there's one scene where a character

confesses a murder to another one that's so overwrought that it becomes like frighteningly grotesque in a way. And does the characters are so kind of mean and slimy in a way that even noir movies in the 50s usually held back from. So it just feels like Graham in a way that they usually don't in a way I liked a lot. It's shot really neat all at night. And the ending is so ridiculously upbeat and such a crazy change in tone that it almost feels sarcastic. Like they had to put a happy ending on this movie

Gives the studio movie but they went so far over the top that it's almost like the movie is daring you to reject that ending because the Philosophy of the film to that point has been so like brutally What's the movie you showed a movie like that at your closely watched films that the end of the old dark house What was that ministry of fear history of fear that's really good movie where uh... who it might be my name a land is on the run and he's not sure why not to such a thing in in england in the forties and he's not sure why

and it's like this nightmare this man is being chased and doesn't understand what's going on in people are turning up dead when he goes to them for help and it ends with this ridiculous joke about cake. And it's just like, wait, what? And all they do is- And it's zippy like musical sting, then. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's the same with Raymeland in the uninvited where he has just exercised the murderous ghost of his girlfriend from the house. And it's really like tense. And then she goes, that was close. And he turns her into the wound and wound goes you think that was close for you That was almost my mother-in-law the end Like for some reason these movies had to end you on upbeat endings or jokes But 99 River Street. It's a real tense little nor movie

Do I want to say a little known gem? Yeah, sure I do and I hope you enjoy it So if somebody were to watch all three of these movies in one sitting I think maybe do warm blues, warm is color last. Actually, you know what I'd say, do 99 River Street. Then blues, the warm is color, and then end it with some bad myelons. Cabot off with a butt demon to kind of wash out the taste of ruined romance and murder.

Yeah. Well, guys, I know you guys have a medal show to you, too. Yeah. I know you're going to go see some kind of squealing guitar. Master's a thrash, 2013. So I don't think there's anything else to say. For the flop out of that. But there's so much to say, Dan.

For the flop out of that. Dan, I love you. Dan, I've been holding you back all this time. I got a side off quick. For the flop out of my deck. Dan, no, we've been re-jouder. I've been democoried. Dan, Dan is the warmest color. I was just going to keep. With a flop-ass, I'm going to get a record. Dan, no, we went with each other. I've been democoried.

Dan, Dan is the warmest color. I was just going to keep waiting like you keep faster, you know, Burl- I'm steward-wael, I like them. And I'm Ellie Kaelin. And I have a one. That was a flop-house. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, no!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! My favorite movie featuring Buster Point Dexter. More than Carven Death or Warrior? Okay, you guys are both right.

I like this one. Or where's the one where he gets killed by a cat in the mouth? Dails from the dark side of the movie? It's called Captain Cat in the Mouth. He gets Cat in the Mouth. That's a superhero who kills Crooks by shoving cats in their mouths? That's a marine sandwich, this one. Exactly. Some marine cat witch. Exactly. Some marine catwitch.

Okay. Some marine catwitch everdeen. What a powerful tribute to some ways and a chance.