The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #141 - Last Ounce of Courage

Episode Date: December 14, 2013

You can have my Christmas when you pry it from my cold dead hand. Hey, remember when we all used to celebrate Christmas? Last Ounce of Courage takes us back to that magical time.  Meanwhile,  Stu is upset at the way Wolverine treated his Christmas gift, Dan fails to have perspective about his knee, and Elliott reveals the Jesus/Ducktales crossover. Movies recommended in this episode:TargetsStokerMy Name is Nobody

It's a flop house holiday extravaganza as we discuss the War on Christmas movie last ounce of courage. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. Hi Appals, I'm Elliot Kaelin. We did it. We succeeded. I'll get all of it. We did it. We did it. I'll get all of it. We did it. We did it. We succeeded.

I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it.

I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it.

I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. I'll get all of it. the sexual misadventures of Harvey Kitelle chapters one through eight only if this is a Jane campaign directed film would that be the case but um this is the flop house it's a podcast where we watch bad movie and then we discuss it so pop your ears something you download on the internet so let's start watching the bad movie turn it on no we watch it already uh it's gone off the rails already it appears my brain has deleted my memory of the film you want to pop some corn? yeah let's pop in corn maybe some skittles you know, let's just eat corn on the cob Like let's just eat corn on the cob like the pilgrims did when they went to the movies They called them flickers

And I think everybody already burns the projectionist as a witch Yeah, because pilgrims were defending their right to be able to watch whatever movies they wanted. Yeah, not just some of those right that we are going to talk about today guys. Yeah, we're, we watched a, we watched a serious movie about serious issues tonight. And that movie was Dan. It was called the last ounce of courage. Now that last ounce of courage is such a stirring dramatic title. I assume this was about a battle of some kind, maybe a struggle of war even. What war would this be?

Like a not without my daughter? Yeah, it is the... No, like a revenge of the nerds. Most dramatic war. A war that has claimed millions and millions of lives, it's the war on Christmas. So by millions of lives you meant zero. Yeah.

Well, Jesus, but I guess that a part of the war on Christmas per se I was the war of a war in early Christianity. There's more of a one-man war on Christ Yeah, it was more like Waited by Pontius Pilate in my new vigilante film early Romans being unhappy with these dissidents in their Mets in fact, I believe I know a song about it. Mm-hmm What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth miracle Miracle, Wonder Man, Hero of Rules, no fighting, no slow, the right, etc. If I had any fear that Andrew Lloyd Webber listened to the show, I would be terrified that Ask Cat would be after us writing this one. Let's just do it.

Ask Cat the weekly improv show of Rises of the Game. It's a good thing for you that Halley's not here, else we would do that whole song from the beginning. So this movie last so it's the war on Christmas. And what I didn't like about this movie aside from the fact that the acting and everything else in it is bad was that it conflated the war on Christmas with the war on terror and the war for freedom and America in a way that I found offensive more as an American than as a non-Christian i think before we get into what you being offended

or you being you wish uh... so what was his movie about it well we open with a match cut because you don't know that's because that's good for nothing but there was darkness and then there was a quote from one of the presidents. There's a quote from Ronald Reagan in the 60s, laid over Vietnam footage, and it said 1961, and then Ronald Reagan, president of the United States, which seems to be implying that he was president

in the 60s, which is not true at all. Okay. Did he ever revisionist historian? No, that's just a historian. Yeah, take your textbooks about evolution and put them in the tarpids You mean the place where we found much of our evidence for evolution Dan high five. I'm over here. Yeah Take it away. Take your duty as it been go. I mean, I don't have to take it I don't we're gonna wait before we brought up Elliot's duty

I mean, I don't have to take it. I thought we were gonna wait before we brought up Ellie and shooting it. Yeah, it really seems like. Oh, yeah. I'm being singled out, being the one Jewish guy here. Last house of courage really, really hype me out. Yeah. I want to go out. Damn, I took this movie to heart. And at the end in the rousing rooftop speech about freedom, he really had that after the characters had just hoisted in Norma's cross to the side of a historic building. I took him a nore and I shoved it up, Ellie, it's ass.

Wow. Yeah, we call that the ninth night, Ahana Cut. Woo! Woo! Anyway, continuing. So then we go straight to home video footage of these two friends and one of the friends, girlfriend, hanging out.

They're regular, all-American. They're on footage side movies. Yeah, it's like Apollo 19, whatever it's called. Chernobyl Diaries. Yeah your blurs which is projects Your paranormal activity So your Rex Or your Rex I thought you meant theodore Rex at first

Which is and I was like that's a found footage. I think it is I think it was. It was like, that's a found footage. I think it is. It would be Goldberg shot the whole thing with a game quarter. Yeah, yeah, handy cam. Yeah. And they used a real dinosaur that was a really wisecrackin guy. Exactly.

Before they put him in a time capsule and sent him back to the future. The stop is parents from not getting together. His way of holding on. His dinosaur space. That's what the guitar Peter Rex is about. Is the dinosaur in a time capsule? No, it's the future where dinosaurs are back again and their cops.

Are they better than ever? You better believe it. He is a no holds barred party dude. A real funosaurus. He does not play the rules by the rules despite being a cop. And also, will be Goldbriggs is a future cop. Now this, the theater of Rex does he wears sneakers. You better believe he does however they are not made for his feet So his claw just burst right through the top right out. He does not wear

Exactly not at all Is it you mean like a little brink? No, yeah, Wolverine's always running around with gloves on and with the fingers all blasted out I Freedom That catchment for Christmas. Why are you trying to put it on? Well, very I'm gonna try to play baseball I wouldn't have gotten you real leather gloves if I knew you're just gonna ruin them with your claws on the busters What I do what I do is ruining gloves? Can I return these gloves? Sir, there are three big holes in the back of both these gloves

I bought them that way Bob, all right You didn't Logan and I know your name because you've tried to return gloves so many times Nope, don't try and put that eye patch on this is like we got a call from the mad rapport branch We know patch and Logan are the same person. Well, what if I say my name's James Howlett again same guy the best I can do a store credit and there reminds me of a sketch that my old sketch partner Brock and I once wrote in which Hulk Hogan is trying to return a t-shirt saying it was already ripped when he bought it and the clerk doesn't believe it because he's trying to return so many ripped t-shirts

and he proves him wrong by taunting him into revealing Hulke Mania. And of course ripping the shirt off his back. Anyway, so three blonde haired blue eyed teens hanging out, then we quickly fast forward through time. The girl and the boy get married. There's the other boy is a friend. They get married and the man, now grown man, leaves his pregnant wife and his father who we've seen as a biker with a, he's a middle aged biker who has a big

American flag on the back of his motorcycle and also and says America on the bike and he has a leather jacket, a denim jacket with the best patches ever with his cut, his motorcycle gain cut. One of the, he's, he's from the Hell Fighters, which sounds like a tough war group, but they're just like Christians, I guess. And he has one patch that says Satan sucks, and he has another patch that says 666 with a cross through it, like the Ghost Bluster sign. My other patch is a Porsche.

He's kind of, it doesn't make much sense. No, there's one that says, if you can read this, then Jesus fell off my bike Because I guess Jesus was riding behind him Well, there was only one set of tire treads. That was when Jesus was carrying him. I say and his bike When Jesus has like a tire for feet like gizmo duck. Yeah, exactly. So it's like gizmo Christ Except in his off time he isn't like an inventor. What the fuck is this today?

He was a bean counter. He was, oh, okay. He's found a magic robot suit. No, no, no, no. The scientist is. The Carol Geerless made it, I think, and he used to, he said, I'm going to use a word. I'm going to use a code word of this universe.

I'm going to use, not his native American. I'm going to use a code word. Thank you, Karek. He said, I'm going to use a code word known whatever say. And I gonna use, not even Native Americans. I'm gonna use a code word. Thank you, Karek. He said, I'm gonna use a code word known whatever say, and I think it was like jumping jelly beans, or something like that. But that's something that Gizmo Duckin'

is civilian identity said as his regular catchphrase, you know, exposculation. It's like an um, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use, I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. I'm gonna use a code word. so I was safe for exactly and so he said it and the greatest American hero where he lost the instruction manual. No, it's not like that at all. Exactly. No, no, it's like Captain America because as soon as the Gismar.com would go on him and not see spy shoots gyro gear loose ensuring they can never build another one.

Another gyro gear loose? Yes. He can't pass on his genetic information. Okay, that's okay that's anyway we're like thirty five seconds into the movie yes there's a family there's a mom and dad the dad is a veteran the Vietnam war and he's a biker who's also a pharmacist and the mayor and man wears many hats and also when he's a biker he looks like what like peter fonda from from easy writer no he looks like peter

fondant now with like a good. No, I know, I'm using like Seattleist. But he's got that Captain America biker look, but he's the opposite of the hippie is all I'm saying. He looks like the kind of guys you see riding motorcycles around on the weekends where you're like, fuck you, like just get off that bike and like get back into the car you own so you can go to your job.

Like you're not a tough biker, you're just some guy who owns a bike. Okay, real judgmentalist guy who owns a bike. Okay, real judge mental this guy. Exactly. Look, I'm very judge mental. That's why they gave me that show Judge Judy. I had to change my name to Judy, which I was not happy about. Yeah. But hey, for my own show, then they changed it to punch and judge duty and punch just hits me all the time. I do not like it terrible bailiff. Anyway, so the sun goes off to war leaving behind his pregnant wife. And at the last minute, they give him a camcorder because that he can, I guess, record his war fund. Yeah, they want some DIY footage. All of his adventures.

And unfortunately, they receive the baby grows up a little bit. Time passes. They miss him. They get letters from him about how important it is that he's fighting for freedom And unfortunately one day they get the worst news that a family can receive that their son has been lost in battle They get a teddy gram It's a call back to an old episode very old episode about world war two telegram Delivery men reading teddy grams to the two the windows of the war did takes a sting out a little bit Yeah, now this is and so they bring They their son has died in battle. They have a funeral. It's really sad and the mother

Moves away with with her son who's a still a baby Leaving behind the family when they most need her to keep this connection with their son flash forward 14 years which means we're technically in the future. Yeah. Yes. Which is, and the only thing that's different about this future is that Christmas seems

to have been outlawed in some way. And everybody looks the same so that when there's like flash forwards and flashbacks, you're like, what time am I in? What's going on? Yeah, you're like Billy Pilgrim. You're unstuck in the chronology, yes. Yeah.

But Christmas hasn't really been outlawed, and that's a big point the movie keeps making, which we'll get to. It's kind of like the purge, but with Christmas and crime. I mean, you say it's the future, but I think the future doesn't seem to be exactly the same. No, no, it has to be the future

because it's 14 years after now. All right. Like we at it's the maybe it's not 14 years into our future Maybe the beginning of the movie is 2003 2002 they're just invading Afghanistan or Iraq and so it's like 14 years from then which is still three or four years in our future they use intentionally vague terms to refer to war yes, they want it to be timely 300 years. When we're fighting the Sontarans on nebula five. They will watch this on their hologram players. Yeah, and they're like, wait, that doesn't look like Sontar.

They're like, wait a minute. You're right. We should be celebrating botmas in the open, because we'll all be robots by then. OK. After we're done talking about the movie, I want you to explain botmas. Well, it's all about Jesus, it celebrates the manufacturing robot genius, or as he's also known,

no, robot genius. Robots aren't geniuses. Well, that was their real. It was a baby genius. It was a baby robot genius, or as he's also known, the Christ isoid. Okay. But that's in the future when we're still under attack by the Zontarans. Okay.

So it's 14 years on the mom and her now grown son, Christian, who looks like some kind of like, and I don't want to make fun of a kid's appearance. He's a teenager, but he looks like kind of like a mannequin who's cheek smelted in and his hair is always frozen in mid-wind swept. Like it's this blonde, highlight, shaggy, wonder-wrap, and hair-trap. Yeah, they stretch too. Like it's the, the old classic beaver-do. Yeah, but it's so shaped that it, like you were saying,

sort of, it looks like he's always standing in front of a fan or there's always wind right behind him. It will look really hip about eight years ago. Yeah, and when I said it, I meant that it looked amazing. Yeah, he, you meant it as the highest compliment, a Wellington and deliver. It's true. So they move back into town and they find that, and when i said it i meant that it looked amazing yet he had been at as the highest compliment owington and deliver uh... so they move back into town and they find that

uh... the dad the grandfather is really surley with drawn from life is withdrawn from all life except for his job as a pharmacist where he provides free health care for members of the hyenas more like a a motorcycle game run by a dwarf kind of like a criminal doctor it seems yes it's a motorcycle game run by a dwarf. Kind of like a criminal doctor. It's

seen. Yes, since a motorcycle guy comes in with what's clearly a stab wound on his side. He goes, I'll help you, but you have to tell me what happened. I was like, I don't know when he makes up some story in the farms. He's like, well, I'll fix you up and nobody has to know about it. Look, I play both sides of the law now. We're a little scratch for the mayor because as we find out much farther into the movie than we should have to he's also the mayor of this town which is in Colorado I think. Yeah, I don't know, but like it is very strange. Not to lose named after the hero Christopher Columbus and his mountain as a pharmacist

doing surgery on a biker and then later on you're like, wait, he's the mayor. Yeah, clearly they don't know about his secret life as the crime doctor. So the family comes back, he's surly, and it turns out that they're, he's still kind of mad over the loss of his son, but he sees that his freedom to celebrate Christmas is slipping away.

There used to be a big Christmas tree on the public square and that they're not allowed anymore. There's some building called the mission, so it's clearly like a Christian mission. Yeah, it's like a private Christian institution. That had a big cross on it that said Jesus saves and that was taken down because of, I guess, public disapproval, but he has it in his garage, like it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I think the real turning point is when the grandparents and mother are called into the high school because Christian is in trouble because he brought a Bible into school. He brought his dead father's Bible. His dead father's Bible. So it's probably haunted or something.

Yeah. That was probably it. It's perfect. It was that the ghosts were bothering students when they were trying to study and study. So it's super in trouble for this thing that is not illegal. Not against. And this is a point the movie keeps making. The principal says to the grandfather, now the grand, the Leonard, the kindly, black janitor says to the grandpa, this isn't, again, they're not even a law against it. They're just afraid about lawsuits,

and he goes into the principal and he's like, is this true? And the principal's like, hey, everyone wants to sue us these days, because who knows what crazy stuff this school is doing that everyone wants to sue them? But everyone wants to sue us, so, because who knows what crazy stuff this school is doing that everyone wants to sue them, but everyone wants to sue us. So it's just better to play it safe. There's no rules against it.

And the movie keeps making this point that the government has taken away your right to celebrate your religion, and there isn't even a law against it, which makes no sense as a message. Like the messages, they're stopping you from doing this, but there's not even a law stopping you from doing this, but there's not even a law stopping you from doing it.

Like it's very weird. So he decides that Christian get, they decide to watch some old videos of the dead son's slash father. They, Christian is inspired by it. Tom is his name, Tom Revere. Tom Revere. And Bob Revere is the mayor. Yeah. So I guess because they revere Christmas

And Christian revier. It's everything's right there in his name. Yeah, and it's also like Paul revier Who and the Raiders what okay, you know the band? made up a former Oakland Raiders players Well if you say so Elliott believe me, I know both football and music. Two things I don't know. So, he, Christian, is like, what are we doing? And he's like, well, I fought in Vietnam and your dad fought more. But what are you doing now for our freedoms now?

And the grandfather's like, hey, you know what? You're right. So, with his mayor powers, he's gonna Christmas the shit out of the the town And he actually puts up a sign in the water tower declaring this Christmas city Far the tank the town Christmas and he does this does not And everyone seems to be unhappy about this until they're happy about it But it brings up the iron of Fred Williamson most people seem to be happy about it other than there are like some protesters who show up on the town square lawn and their

Science saying no Christmas in Christmas Fraud can stay like Christmas busters and there's one reporter who I guess represents like the liberal media Except she comes around to Christmas pretty quick and there's a great scene where she's interviewing the mayor while he's in a cherry picker Because he was putting up Christmas snowflakes or something And he just doesn't get out of it to answer questions He just is He's in the upper left hand corner of the screen tilted Talking to a woman standing straight in the bottom right hand corner

He's in thrown upon this cherry picker. Now everyone's like you can't do this. You'll get in trouble. It's unconstitutional He's like just watch me show me the constitution and he just kind of bulldozes over everyone with his strength of will it's a real triumph of the will if you will uh... it when i you know i've never heard that phrase before but and uh... but then we see in washington that he's pissed off somebody in a building with pillars he's pissed off Fred Williamson who you may know as the star of thousands of Italian low budget films yeah black exploitation movies black exploitation star he's also Mars attacks yeah he's in a lot of stuff you know yeah he's he's also in this movie

and he's also this as working as a garden flower as the villain he plays the leader of some kind of atheist organization and it's never made clear the ACLU they don't say it explicitly but he seems to have the force of the government behind him there's a part where the mayor goes you know like the ACLU wake up Elliott wake up the mayor goes you don't have any gristing Obama she pole the mayor goes you don't have any jurisdiction here and if it's the ACLU they don't have jurisdiction anywhere they're not a legal organization you know they have no policing abilities you know but uh and't have jurisdiction anywhere. They're not a legal organization. You know, they have no policing abilities, you know, but, and they have jurisdiction everywhere because they're a private organization

that operates within the United States, you know, but he decides he's the champion of anti-Christmas. And what's weird is that this is clearly a pro-Christmas anti-secular movie. It is pro putting Christmas in the town square and yet every time Fred Williamson gives his arguments, They are so reasonable and rational and they're like look I'm here to protect civil rights freedom of religion is the same for everybody everybody has to be treated fairly and equally Look you are the you're the mayor of everyone in your town

You should represent all people and the mayor is like we just want the freedom to celebrate Christmas forever all the time everywhere with everybody. And there's a great part where they all another thing they keep pointing out is you know Christmas is a federal holiday. They're trying to stop us from celebrating a federal holiday signed in by Ulysses S grant and U S grant U S grant as the president literally had the same initials as our country, but those weren't even his real initials. His name was Hir emulacies grand no

anyway it's a bit transcription error when you entered west point many of us besides the point the uh... what i like is that they have a clip from the o'riley factor will riley says this it's a federal holiday uh... sign into law by lissie's that by u s grant and then during the credits of the end it says

it says special appearance by bill o'riley it's like no you just used a clip from his show. Like that's not a special appearance. Yeah that's like playing a Beatles song and being like special appearance by Paul McCurney. Now Bill O'Reilly showed up and sang a little drummer boy with David Bowie. That would be a fucking special appearance but Bill O'Reilly. Yeah so wait is this on David Bowie's Christmas special? He's passing along the tradition he picked up from Bing Crosby

You and I bill we you and I bill we're good to sing a little job a boy That was him would go right Yeah, and I was David Bowie with a call Yeah, there's one of the uh, he's one of the peanuts Yep, uh, so any way so anyway, they keep saying that and it's a this is okay one of the uh... is one of the peanuts so any way they keep saying that and it's a this is okay let's just get this straight i hope everybody's listening to the flopphouse who's fighting the world christmas federal holiday basically just means a day people can take

off from work if they work for the federal government it doesn't mean the government officially recognizes this as the birth of the lord it just means because so many people celebrate it we're not gonna work this day. But they seem to mean that, by making it a federal holiday, it means this is a day. This is a pretty serious wrap session we're having here. Look, I'm just trying to, I'm just dropping knowledge.

I'm just dropping knowledge about how federal holidays work. Can you be sitting back? Kids turn your cups here. How do you know I'm not? It's the radio. Well, kids turn your hats around, take out that cigarette and put in some not. It's the radio. Well, get your hands around. Take out that cigarette and put in some gum. Wait, hold on.

Now take the gum out. That's rude while you're in class. Put in a carrot. It's good for your teeth. In your eyesight. Okay, now take out that carrot. Put in a candy bar. Taste better, doesn't it?

Who gives a shit if it's bad for you? It tastes good, right? Pull out your trapper keepers. And put in. Get one of those squiggle right in time. And put in your retainer because your trapper keepers should not be in your mouth. Now pull out your textbook and turn to page 83.

I want answers to all the questions by Monday. Number one, whose pervazoid number one? The answer is Dan McCoy. Number two. Signing homework already. That's kind of weird. We haven't even started the rap session. Why are you giving the answers? Oh, because I want them to pass the test is Dan McCoy number two signing homework already that's kind of weird we have the rap session why are you getting the answers oh because I want to pass the test and my salary depends on this look we're just teaching to the

test and if that means given the answer anyway so he keeps his crusade on Christmas and Fred Williamson is just kind of generally causing trouble by smog and cigars and hotel rooms and complaints of the town council which in the town like lowering the christmas tree and uh... there's a part where they throw a christmas party and it's supposed to be that and their own private home the marina's wife of the christmas and the wife is like

what's been so it's so good to send out at at at at the end of the invitations for this that say christmas party rather than a holiday party like doing for so many years. Yeah, it's like she's added like pull the, pull the, the chains off her arms. It really feels like they wrote her hair and burger on the first, in the first draft of this script. There must have been some kind of like Gestapo, future dystopian police force that police to everyone's Christmases. And then they were like, you know what, that's going gonna be too expensive. We'll just set it kind of nowadays, but we'll keep most of the other stuff So there are these scenes where people act as if They've been little literally unable to privately celebrate Christmas in their homes, which makes no sense The wrong manor character was originally like the Arnold Schwarzenegger character in total recall I would imagine

And he's living in that house. He doesn't know if he's dreaming this war on Chris. Yeah, exactly. He really was a secret agent. Yeah, yeah. And instead of going to Mars, he's going to Bethlehem. I see. The people need prayer. That's what he's saying.

Instead of people in there. There's a prostitute with three crosses instead of his two. And there's a biker with a little biker in his belly. Yeah. Who tells him he has got to start a revolution. Actually, not that far from that part but like for a while looks like there's gonna be no no visitors for this holiday party no guests

and then one of the mayor's best friends shows up with what seems to be a crowd of homeless people and brings them in to the mayor the richest man in town and then an angel gets his wings yep all these letters for Santa Claus you know what yes Virginia there is one jack scallying tin you did do a good job of delivering presents root off you can ride drive by slate at night her be the love bug you're going bananas earn a stop making faces and keep delivering presents it turns out it was norm and dressed to his mother the cranks are gonna celebrate christmas this. The cranks are gonna celebrate Christmas this year.

The crudes are gonna celebrate Christmas even though it's before Christ was born. Literally stop BC. And never stop BC. BC Comics. The Christian caveman comic. It doesn't make any sense. Don't worry characters from Bugs Life. I'll stop eating you. What?

What? You eat bugs? So we were just saying something about movies. I didn't really make any sense what you just said. Don't worry, Fern Gully. Turns out you're not the last rain forest. Don't worry, Dragon. It turns out you're not the last dragon.

He was though. He what? Hey, everybody, the Jedi's are returning. I wish that was the last line of return to the Jedi. And he holds up a crudely photoshopped newspaper that has a picture of Jedi's own and ghosts. Just like how the mayor holds in this holds up a newspaper where they've clearly just pasted a photograph of the actor playing the mayor onto a real newspaper. The actor playing the mayor on to a real The best one the mayor is looking at that newspaper kind of over his own face and then he lowers it

But it's like his own case being low and someone says hey, you're famous dude and he goes dude But they never explain why the hell is in the newspaper But anyway, so while they're having the party somebody, but we know it's Fred Williamson because we see his shoes Anyway, so while they're having the party somebody, but we know it's Fred Williamson because we see his shoes, uses a truck to literally pull down the Christmas tree in town. And this is where what was a really boring movie.

So boring, we haven't even gotten into the best subplot because there was so little of it. We'll get to that. A really boring movie found a moment of magic because they decided this Christmas tree falling down is not spectacular enough. Let's use... She...

She'll be after effects. She'll use Adobe After Effects to add little explosions to it. So that it looks like the Christmas tree lights are sparking and break exploding, I guess. Like miniature fireworks, basically. Yeah, it's like a screensaver got overlay that's out of the field. And then Fred Williamson boots trampoline ornaments, including the angel that was atop the tree.

It's literally the animation level of the opening credits of night court basically And that color scheme. But anyway, it's a little it's a beautiful little moment Meanwhile, there's a subplot going on. We haven't even touched on the school Christmas play. It doesn't exist It's called the school winter space play and it's about It would it's basically about aliens talking about how Christ is born on earth and it's a king that will accept all people. A very, very, very, a feat director. He is. He is dressed like a hecky above from kids in the hall.

He seems to get gayer with every scene. Most of the film is just him sitting in a chair doing his best impression of Cam from modern family, telling these kids how to act in this play. The kids don't like it that they're not being able to do Christmas stuff so they started a mission they call operations sabotage. Let's take a moment to say that the play that they're doing is a play about aliens but is a thinly veiled uh... nativity it's not a thinly veiled they say a king will be born on earth who will who accept all people like yeah that's not even and then as told in the scrolls of Jupiter or something like that,

it's like, basically what you're saying is aliens believe in Christ too, which is if anything more Christian than a standard Christian play. Yeah, it transcends all boundaries of planet, dimension, this isn't just in Earth's nativity. Just accept your fucking alien Jesus allegory. All the planets bow towards the son of Galilee. That's what it's saying. But they think it's not Christian enough.

And I gotta tell you, there's two great actors in this movie. One is the guy playing the theater director who hams the shit out of it. And the other will get to later, but let's just call him cowboy Christ ghost. Anyway, he wanders around in the background until the end when he comes into play.

So we'll save him. But the kids decide they're going to save Christmas themselves by changing this play with Operation Sabotage, and there's an excruciating scene where they meet in an attic and discuss what the name of their mission is going to be. Which for a moment I was excited because it reminded me of this Disney, like made for TV movie about kids rescuing dogs from a dog pound. Parent trap three. But, um, no, they didn't save any puppy. Oh, tell for dogs.

The new parent trap? No, it was not, it was none of those things. It had the dog trap. The guy who played the police chief in matches of the universe as the evil dog pound operator. The shaggy parent trap. The shaggy parent trap. I think actually Dan's onto something.

I think it might have been the shaggy parent But who was shaggy the trap or the parents? No, he's played by shaggy the R&B artists No, it's the guy who wore a lot of uh, what were those? He just kept going it wasn't me And then like, he was waging at the audience And then the police chief was like, likely story shaggy, likely story, take him away boys Police chief, oh Mulligan? Yes, police chief saw so Mulligan

apparently goes to D. Jones shut up and said Merry Christmas to all of us okay wait there's a ghost in this movie I don't remember it at all okay it wasn't really a ghost we'll get to it yeah so meanwhile the mayor is taking his stand and he decides that he's his and there's a lot of stuff about the sacrifices son made a big story comes out that the mayor is not actually

a war hero which you always said he was which he clearly is and he has a fucking metal of honor and a box in his attic you could have made that dude with what is metal press made for him uh... by the opposing side in the war he was fighting uh...

he's a sleeper agent. Have you ever seen Homeland? He's a brainwashed Viet Cong. Yeah. I don't want to set a time period to whichever war he was fighting. I mean, it's very clearly Vietnam. He's pretty much fighting in a deciduous forest. LA at all the flashbacks. In the last minute, it does appear that most of the Vietnam war took place in a park in Connecticut. Yeah, a dry creek bed somewhere. Somewhere in Pennsylvania or perhaps Kentucky.

Yeah. Whereas all of his suns fighting takes place in some in the same dusty warehouse. And let me just tell you this. Dusty warehouse, great artist. Dusty warehouse. Oh, his songs really got to the heart of what warehousing was like. Let me just tell you.

That tells your war stories. No, I don't like to say that I have any sort of understanding about what it's like to be in a war. I spent six days in a war zone definitely not enough to really know what it's like not enough to feel the fear or the the worry or the anxiety the excitement any of those things. But you were a master with a Bowie knife. But I will. Well that was before I left. the worry or the anxiety, the excitement, any of those things that might come. But you were a master with Bowie Knife. But I will, well that was before I left. That was before I left.

Those were the special skills they needed and that I brought on the USO tour when I did my night missions, which was doing Bowie Knife throwing tricks. You know, by day it was comedy and by night it was all knife tricks. But let me just say, it didn't feel like I spent most of the time inside of a dusty warehouse

But apparently that's where the entire war for freedom has been taking place The dusty warehouse is an allegory alien for what The non-dusty where yeah exactly it's a allegory for a working warehouse But it's dusty because they have not accepted Jesus in their lives or Christmas. Oh, I see. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. So you're saying at the end when there's that shot of a clean warehouse. Yeah, now you're getting it. There wasn't though. So there's a story that comes out in the paper that the mayor is not a war hero. And it turns out that there's a mission he never told them about. He says

that his job in Vietnam was leading a special unit that was rescuing POWs. So he's basically like a Chuck Norris Rambo type. I'm not mad. But he talks about a mission he never told about where because he was pushing his men too hard. He or one of them tripped a trip wire, which triggered an ambush, and his men got killed,

and he's never told anyone about that mission. And it's like, I guess that's a mistake and he I can understand his guilt but it doesn't mean he's not still a war hero for all the war fighting he did like it's a weird thing to come out. You find out this story all of a sudden. I assume anyone who looked in the public records of the US military like there's a they have to do a report about basically every battle. It doesn't matter because he's been disgraced the town council council is removed from his daily literally fire it was not a war

hero but they will that the strength to lead them it was just the last straw that broke the camel's back in that camel was an activity same which was really bad if it had been a regular secular camel we would not have had a problem but it was an activity seen how camel uh... would not have had a problem, but it was an activity scene camel. It was a real amall in the night visitor's scenario. Anyway, so he's removed from office in what I can only call a municipal coup. He decides he's going to strike back the only way he can.

By horse, a giant cross to a private building front, and he's single-handedly doing it until his biker friends from the heinus and his son Christian help him. And this somehow is against the law and he's thrown in jail. If he hadn't patched up that overweight biker from the stab wound, that overweight same overweight biker wouldn't have been able to help him place that. I mean, that's good screenwriting. He's like the lion that Hercules pulled the thorn from. Exactly. He's like an apple tree. He's like an apple tree that Johnny Apple tree.

It was not like the use that Pegaspell was talking to me. No, you're totally getting all the stories wrong. He's like a monkey that Paul Bunyan that's not the way it is. The gifts of the match. He's like the monkey that Paul Bunyan The gifts of the match I he's like he's like the tortoise that raised the happy hooker You get all the stories mixed up He's like when Persephone Boy gave Thor no Excalibur no all wrong all wrong though your drawings of interesting parallels between different mythology Let's touch on this comparative this comparative religions class is getting a little bit interesting. Yeah. Oh Boy it is I wish the Herringley story was about him befriending the lion rather than murdering it

So you're saying the grandpa gets sent to jail But only and you're talking about magical figures well But first the grandpa gives a speech about freedom that lasts about four hours. It's very rousing and very wrong. And it's captured on the front of the DVD box, right? I don't know. I haven't seen that. Okay.

I'll pull up the poster. It's not a chick's butt or anything awesome. Like past movie posters we looked at like the fucking Dibbick movie. It would be amazing if there was like the cover for this movie, this family movie about saving Christmas was like a teen sex romp painting. We're like, it's all there, it's like a more trucker style thing or a Jack Davis style thing

where they're all racing around the title. And there's like a cheerleader with her top off that's running and the grandfather's chasing her. And the grandson is running, but there's like a big fat woman who's trying to kiss him. The halls aren't the only thing that are gonna get deck. Yeah. That sounds a courage. Spring break. Yeah. Last down some spring break. But anyway, he gives the speech, he gets arrested, I guess, for speech giving and cross-putting up, which are crimes in Obama's

America. Exactly. Or it's the future. So I guess Hillary Clinton's America future crimes. Future. Future. You've been found guilty of future crimes. So says time judge. Judy. Anyway, so the he gets known in jail, but the movie's not over yet.

There's still operation sabotage to go through. And in jail, he gets to hear his grandson's Christmas play because a helpful cowboy angel in the form of a white long, a white haired long haired cowboy with a beard has a magic radio, which allows him to hear what's going on within the school auditorium. He looks like an old good guy version of the Undertaker from WWE. Yeah, yeah, or like those evil Edgar Winter brothers from that one, Joan X comic. Was that writers of the Worm and such? Yeah, that's right. So he's like, he's like Willie Nelson in the Undertaker, combined into one guy. So he's a Sam Neill from Big Lebowski, Jesus.

Exactly, very much so. Or Sam Elliott, because of his Sam Neill. Sam Elliott, sorry. No, no, Sam Neill Sam Neal and the directors cut where he's playing his character Alan Grant from Jurassic Park and he just Sam Neal from siren sort of character so Sam Neal and make it Australian lady Sam Neal in the Omen 3 Dominion whatever they're like oh boy Sam Elliott. Oh boy. Oh. Go. I realize that my Sam's a real thunderbolt Ross tight. Sam Neal, I know you're listening. I'm apologizing for Dan for getting you confused with Sam Elliott.

Yes, thank you. You're very difficult. I apologize to Sam Elliott for getting confused with Sam Neal. And I apologize to Sam Neal for not being mentioned in this bit. We'll get to you later, bud. Okay, so Operation Sabotage goes off without a hitch this involves one literally forcing and forcing the gay director into and then trapping him in a

closet which is a metaphor i don't know the filmmakers were going for but i it does seem like what's what they're saying is it's very imperative for us to save christmas by forcing gay people into closets uh... then they take off their alien robe costumes and they're an angel costumes and wise men costumes. They tell a story of Christmas and saying.

The line is coming to a stage. Silent night. And then Christian, for some reason, decides to project his father's last video on a big screen, which literally under this father dying in an explosion, which asks two questions. One, how did his camcorder survive that explosion? And two,

it's like Cloverfield. Two, home editing software is so cheap and available why did you not edit out the gruesome death of your father before projecting in front of the entire town for yeah well he's a teenage filmmaker you know he's he's into the shock the the Gore Fettio you're so you're saying it was a real cry for attention yeah exactly so it wins everybody over. They all come out. The mayor is released from jail on bail, I assume. Bill Humm, Hark, the Harold age of sing.

They sing it. And the mayor sees, sees Calvoy, Jesus, Saint of Killers, just walk away from the crowd and literally fade away in white light. So as this movie had no supernatural elements until the very end. And the only way it could have gotten better is if Fred Williamson had then disappeared

in a puff of brimstone. So you won again, son of man, I'll go back to my lane. But, I think you're a humanism, we'll have it today. Presumably this movie's made for people of that are strongly follow the Christian faith. And if I was one of those people, I would be offended if I had dedicated my life to upholding the virtues and the beliefs of like,

of Christian faith, only to see a movie where a biker, mayor guy who saves Christmas is visited by a fucking angel from God. Wait, but aren't you gonna be so excited to see that you're God, it turns out it's kind of a cool Hid me Cowboy. I guess I might be excited if I was like hey, yeah, I've dedicated my life to Christianity I've seen that guy all the time shows up all the time. I'm glad they finally caught him for a movie tell the truth Instead I'm assuming I could be wrong, but a lot of people don't see that I

Don't know. I mean it's speaking as someone who is not a christian i it did the the uh... portrayal christianity and bother me because whatever i don't have taken that it did bug me just that just the assumption that like i like the important thing about freedom is that i get to do whatever i want all the time no matter what anybody else wants it's this weird kind of

selfish sort of freedom. Yeah, this bothered me and we talked about it during the movie. We're like, we should talk about the quality of the film too, which is very poor. But the kid, the kid was like, this is not the MSNBC podcast. The whole point of the video was like a kid being like, what did my dad die for?

What freedom did he die for? And it's just like, well, your dad died fighting for the United States of America, which as one of its founding principles separates the Christian state. Literally the one of the first ones. One of the two first ones. It's very strange. Well, Dan actually that phrase separation of church and state on wall between church and state only appears in a letter by Thomas Jefferson has not in the constitution. Okay. All right. All right. History. He's free to have that awesome haircut that he has. Yeah. Yeah. Able to wear that weird upside down cross pendant. He's wearing it. The kid wears across that.

We're the top and the bottom are almost equal size. So it looks like it's upside down and I guess he's a Satan. He's totally Satan. Uh, well, but he wants that freedom, you know, who knows? But I think we could all overlook this if the movie was of a high quality. Because speaking for myself, someone who has no religious connection with the Christian faith, I often find myself moved by Christian works of art that are of a very high quality. You know, we're of a high caliber,

we're speak to a real human emotion. And this does none of those things. Or even pop Christian works of art of high caliber, such as your Charlie Brown's Christmases. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But this, yeah, this is a terribly made movie. It's so, and really it's so cheap like just amateurish in a lot of ways, but I think my favorite ways that it's a matter of uh...

the uh... well i don't know if i can if i can choose there's the bad acting which is really bad there's the bad editing we just only get a shot of something random all of a sudden you're now in the bathroom were to care to start having a conversation you like how they get there or they follow them in there's it's the first day of school for a young Christian,

because he moved to town like the day before school started. And it's literally an hour, shot at the outside of the school, then like half a second of a hallway where two girls are talking, and then instantly we're in gym class. And it was like, why did we just see that shot of the hall? Like just to prove this was a school with more than one room, I don't understand.

Why are we seeing flashback overlaid on flashback overlaid on flashback over here? is it to hide the fact that the Vietnam sequences were shot in a public park of some kind well i do like the uh... this the subplot that we didn't touch on of the uh... the widow of uh... oh that's right there's another there's a romantic supply the other widow who is i guess having a a brief romance it's with her uh...

a brief encounter. It's, you know, it's, it's Christian's mother who doesn't age a day in that 14 years. No, she looks amazing. She looks great. She's a total... She looks like a pretz. She's a pretz, not aging.

She's a total... She's a smirred her face with Bratz-Jews. She's a total milk. Mother, I'd like to have faith with. She looks, she looks like a bratz-Jew shoes. So where is that saliva or blood or what? She's a raster. You just take a rat and just grind it up. And with rubs, the slurry over her. Just smashing Jade's face with a mortar. Until she can rub it on her skin to be eternally youthful. It's like the dumpling story in three extremes.

It's that kind of chemistry that Jade would appreciate. There's a romantic supply. It's that kind of... Jade would like the science of it. I like the romantic subplot and how, as you pointed out, Dan, how awkward and crappy the flirting is? She's falling in love slowly with her husband's best friend, who's now a police officer. And, Dan, you made the point that flirting might be the thing that bad movies fuck up the most yeah they everyone's so awkward and so weird when they flirt

um... and it seems like that should be like normal flirting when i do it it's totally natural to sell yeah exactly yeah it's like oil poured on the set well when steward does it women's hair sometimes catches flame it's the women sometimes don't even know what happened that it just feels like, oil poured onto set. Well, when Stewart does it, Women's hair sometimes catches flame. It's so ho- The women sometimes don't even know what happened. It just feels like normal conversation and Stewart winks and walks away.

And the woman are like, oh my God, I'm in love and I didn't even realize it. And then the next day they wake up and Stewart's bed and they're like, wait, I went to bed in my bed. And Stewart's like, yes, well, I have a ladder. Exactly. And you have a second floor window. Then I get, then I give Nemo a high five for transporting

them in his flying bed. Nemo from Slumberland. Yeah. But Nemo the fish. Captain Nemo. Captain. Is flying bed the Nautilus? Nautilus. So yeah, that's fairies the mover. That's how it's useful. Like a chair on a sex. Like it's easy to tell how over that that's how it's like like a chair on a sex that's easy to tell how wrong it is just because it's an experience that we've we've all had in life of like talking to someone who you're interested in but like and you're testing the waters but you're being playful and you're realizing there's an attraction there but as you said

that it's it's also a subtle interaction it's a f you're a bad screenwriter you can it's a very subtle and a very delicate thing, and hard to do in real life. So like, I can understand why it would be hard to get on the page, but when you're a bad writer especially, when you can't even write a rousing speech about freedom, maybe the single easiest thing to write a rousing speech about. I don't expect you to be able to write down

the delicate interplay between a widow and her dead husband's best friend as you find your mutual attraction at the basketball court all right so we've been going for a while we should just move on to our final judgments is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of liked all right what you have to say uh... bad bad movie it offended me on a political level not because i'm a liberal but because i have certain feelings about america's basic core values that this movie doesn't share

american carcass i'm a total copypinko who believes that i don't not believe in golems and did it doesn't want to have christmas shoved on my throat as has has been for every year of my life miss god forsaken planet anyway uh... no god bless planet at least god Yeah, there's a little thing called war and hunger, Dan. All right. Look into it. I think you like it. But it's just poorly made and it, this made fire proof look

like a really good movie, which we, we actually talked about fire proof, which we watched recently. We're like, fire proof was just dumb and silly whereas this is like wrong on a basic level where fireproof was about one man using religion in his private life which is totally okay and this was about the need for religion to be a part of our government which is not the way you're so what you're trying to say is fireproof good good movie no but I'm saying is the private quality of that and Kirk Cameron's stunning performance really lifted that one. Whereas Mayor Bob, the pharmacist who soaps up stabbed bikers, did not really carry this movie.

What do you think, Stu? Normally, I would say it's a good, great movie because the features of magical ghosts that disappears at the end when his job is done. Sure. But no, Elliot's right. I mean, as much fun as I watch kids coming up with plans to sabotage the play, a couple of Kimmy gibblers hanging out. Yeah, it's not very good. And I don't recommend anybody watching it ever. I don't even think people who agree

with the message of the movie would enjoy this. No, that's the thing. Like, it would make me even more offended if I agreed with the message because it's so crapily done. Yeah. It makes me feel dumb by association. Like, they should just go watch it to wonderful life again or like RoboCop. I don't even think Dan. I'm going to give it a bit of a good bad movie because like, oh, you were, you, this is, you keep giving them good beds.

No, I don't. But like, this is, we watch so many movies, uh, thanks to our particular purview as, as a podcast that are just mediocre. we watch so many movies uh... thanks to our particular purview as as a uh... podcast that are just mediocre this is a movie that is our course the curse yeah it is incompetent and uh... i laughed more at the stupidity of this movie then i normally do

i also got angry at the middle of you it made me angrier than i like a good mad movie to make me yeah that's the one thing you you You swayed me on food fight. I think you're going to sway me on the last ounce of courage. But if there was more disappearing ghosts, if there was more crappy or Christmas ornament special effects, I would have been all over this. I would actually argue that part of what makes a good bad movie

is that you kind of, it doesn't actually remind you of anything in the real world. It's kind of disposable escape. Yeah. And I feel. Yeah. And I feel that this just makes me mad. And I think you guys should feel that way too since your day job deals with this shit. Well, I think that it's part of the problem.

If I was not as exposed to this at work, this type of like war on Christmas stuff, I think maybe it wouldn't have made me so mad, but it, watching it made me feel like I was at work. I think it's been exposed. We got a quarantine. Oh no. to Christmas disease Oh ho ho ho guys. Oh no, I'm manifesting the symptoms Should we should we before we yeah before we get into a lesson my song we should thank

The AV Club at that the onion at well, I mean, I feel like there's there enough of a And well, I mean, I feel like there's there enough of a Here we go with an energy. I just wanted people to know wasn't the AV club at like George Washington high school. Yeah, we want to Although we thank them to our local high schools AV club for giving us these great microphones But also thank the onion AV club I think they're separate from the onion dam we don't need to make a damn So we want to thank the onion AV club for a big honor. They bestowed upon us. Yeah, we got the fifth best podcast of 2013. We tied for fifth with the bugle.

But here's the thing. But here's the thing. So we... Alright, guys. It meant a lot to me, partly because the AV Club has been a real champion of us for a while now, but also because everyone else, for the most part of the list, and especially five and up, were much bigger names than us. We were tied with the bugle, which stars some English guy from television, right above us was Dan Savage's podcast, above that was Mark Maren's podcast, like these are podcasts

by name people that have much bigger profiles, to be in that company. And they're, it was quite inspiring. They're great podcasts. And they're great podcasts. That's true. Yeah. Everything on the list is a great podcast. Yeah. Especially a podcast called the flop-ass podcast.

Check it out. Tied for fifth should have been first. Uh, yes, so thank you. Yeah, thanks very much, AV Club. Um, and thank you, Dan, for being a friend. Thank you Stuart. And thank you Stuart. Hey guys. Aren't. And thank you, Stuart. Hey, guys, aren't you going to thank me for anything? No. I'm going to thank pain lately. I'm going

to thank what Dan's about to read, which is a letter. So, thank you, letter. He's titled Scary stuff. Scary stuff. Scary stuff. Scary stuff. It's not scary stuff. It's stuff in his head. Oh boy. But what is stuff? Let's find out what stuff is. It's stuff the stuff that's under your bed. It's stuff the stuff that's on top of your head.

It's stuff the stuff inside of the dead. We'll never know. Just where it goes it's stuff it's stuff what is this stuff stuff it's all it's a give it a stop stop it around stop it in town stop it upside down it's stop brought to you by Denmark boys

stupid mouth that can't say things right beware the beware the wall lock and his scary stuff! Alright, okay. I am Stoff, the spirit that eats dreams. This letter is titled... Our Captain Stop here! The letter's titled Scary Stop. Scary stuff in not scary movies.

Hey, Dan Stewart Elliott. Yesterday I caught- That's us if we were one organism. Yesterday I caught- A human sent a beat, if you're gonna- I'm gonna say it. I call a metal. No.

Wait, I mean, Dan's metal. Wait, what? Dan's metal, not metal, I'm touching my nose. Yesterday I caught the second half of the sci-fi comedy romp InterSpace on TV, which I have not seen since I was a child where I aired pretty much every sundown comedy central. I still enjoyed the film and was pleased to recognize a pre-voiders Dr. Robert Piccardo as the flamboyant illicit technology dealer

the cowboy. Yeah, he's in a lot of stuff. But when I was watching it, I was anxiously awaiting the one scene in this goofball, Martin Short, Dennis Quaid vehicle that scared the living shit out of me as a child. And the climax of the film, the main bad guy's robot armed Hevy also invades Martin Short's inner space and dukes it out with Dennis Quaid in the lungs and at the top of the stomach. The Hevy is defeated when he and Dennis Quaid fall into the churning sea of stomach acid as he had to eject from his super goofy looking exosuit and was unprotected from intestinal juices.

After the plunge you get up. Doing any of that stuff was in the first draft of Interspace. No, no, no. At what point did Robot Hedgeman exosuit get into this movie? After the plunge you get a brief glimpse of the heavies melting faceless body, bumping up against dequade subs windows. This scared the ever-living shit out of me when I was a child. When I first saw this, I had to run out of the room and sit outside trying to get the

horrifying image of a gory, disintegrating body out of my mind. So I ask you, what non-horror, non-gory films have you seen as a child or otherwise, that have been out of place super scary or horrible moment in them, then made a terrible impact on you Keep on flop flip of the flop flop. Warme ding dong flop whatever Alex lasting with I think I'm gonna answer for everybody and say the beginning of ghost busters totally fucking freaked me out That wasn't what I was gonna say, but it totally did there were two moments of ghost busters When I saw ghost busters in the theater my mother covered my eyes and just told me it looked like Skeletor.

I know to put it in a reference for me. That moment in Ghostbusters and also the cab driver ghost at the end when they release all the ghosts from the... It's like a horrible Rod Exambi. It looks like the crypt keeper basically. But like way fatter and grosser. And grosser and more graphic. I think we talked about this.

You did and I found it very gross. The crypt keeper's brother. We got into that. But for me, maybe I speak for you guys too, maybe not when I say two words, large march. There's a certain moment in- I'm never, we've never ever talked about large march. A certain moment in Peewee's Big Adventure

that I think we did talk about where it's like, totally goofy, look, I know it as a kid, totally scaredrified me. Yeah. And I think it was just the suddenness of it. And because I just saw something and covered my eyes, I didn't know how goofy it looked, you know, until I think it was just the suddenness of it and because I just saw something and covered my eyes I didn't know how goofy it looked you know until I was older when I was growing when I was a kid my mother showed me a lot of Movies that I probably shouldn't have seen she thought I would yes, she thought I love Robocop, which I did

How many of us are when he saw Robocop? I don't know who's just out on VHS That's when I was 50 years old Kids that that should have that's when I saw it too. And I remember. And the big where the guy gets all well that part was awesome. 80 209. And the the bit where the guy gets all melty with the acid and then RoboCop just runs them right over and it's head pops off. When I was a kid I was totally freaked out. And all the the guy who gets his chest blown the fuck up by 80 209 the beginning with a gunshots, I covered my eyes, but with a guy with the- That stuck with me because now I never wanna work

for a big corporation. Just for that reason. But the radioactive guy who gets splashed, by that point in the movie, I was like, yeah, come on, more stuff. Get the core grossness. The thing that accursed to me, and this is meant to be creepy,

but it's in a non-horror movie film, which is in Temple of Doom, where they go through the fucking like tunnel of bugs. That was totally scareballs for me. What scared me in Temple of Doom as a kid was the eyeball coming up out of the soup. Yeah, sure. That's really gross to me now. Yeah, that's such a great scene in the scene where they just do a bunch of exposition and show a bunch of gross shit. It is like, maybe you won't notice that this is all exposition if we

have a bunch of gross. It is, it is the won't notice that this is all exposition if we have a bunch of grouse It is it is the movie equivalent of Going to a haunted house, but someone is giving you directions on how to drive home from the haunted house Well, you're at the haunted house, so it's like then you take a left at the gas station Here's some witches hair Stick your hand into some spaghetti then you're gonna go about five miles Ficking wet She never brought was she never watched it or maybe she just watched it this was McGatty then you're gonna go about five miles. This is sick and wet. She never brought, was she never washed it? Or maybe she just washed it.

Most wishes know that you should only wash your hair every other day. And here is a bowl of brains. Well, these feel like tomatoes. They're small brains from tiny people. This next letter is letter huh? It's a letter in a nest. Did a bird write it? Sweet, sweet, dear, love house. Can you find me shiny objects to decorate so I can attack, contract a mate? It goes like this. I'll regurgitate food into your mouth.

I love a bird. Tiled Mr. Wellington I presume. It goes like this. I spotlight on me guys. You just got a fancy new pair of high quality earbuds and boy Howdy the frequency response and overall audio quality is that much better than that cheap jack junk from Singapore I was using before which sounds like I was talking about heroin I'm not of course everyone knows that Singapore junk is decidedly not cheap Anyway, I did notice that I can hear a lot more ambient noise on podcasts, most notably yours. And what I noticed was that I, what I initially thought was the clinging of ice in the glass. Then I realized that you all are much too professional to drink during your

highly intellectual discussions of world cinema. Stuart hears as he literally grips a giant mug. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. a brown liquid. It must be steward in moments of elevated emotional distress,

externally losing his eyelid grip on his monocle, causing it to clatter down onto the waterfall crystal bottle of the glass bottom boat from which you record each episode. That, my franches, sheer class, cheers Rob last name withheld. Rob, you're exactly right. Yeah, exactly. My wig flips up off of my head and the monogole falls out of my eyeball. You're dicky curls up. And we all remember Stuart's classic phrase, why I never, as he rips his own ding dong off in dismay. The ding dong in this case clearly decide on the dean of a popular university. inside of the Dean of a popular university. Yeah. We all remember all the classic two-reelers that Stuart did back in the golden days. Oh, yeah, yeah, as elegant well-eggins.

The rich guy who's always being surprised and his sidekick, Dirty Dan McCoy. The lovable roust about who's always trying to catch a glimpse of other men's wife's bottoms. And for fuck's I can't pronounce words. It's a good thing they were silent films. Oh, yeah, that is great But on the title cards the words were written incorrectly. So Dan, what were you gonna mispronounce in this letter? All right, well this letter is titled those with non-babilitating leg injuries need your sympathy and respect Oh, that was pretty good. I used you got that out of amazed I've heard a lot of talk in the podcast lately making light of Dan's knee injury.

Dan is a good host and he's played along, but I believe that the jobs in mockery hurt him more than he lets on. I've been in the position, I know the hidden pain of leg injury that no one takes seriously. In 2008, my special forces team was leading 100 Afghan Commandos. Okay, let's just stop right there. Dan does not have any story that exciting. He was on a ski. But anyway, you're saying Dan, we thank you for your service. Commandos on the slopes of Vermont. Commandos up a steep terrorist

ridge line toward a hostile Taliban-controlled village. As the point man, my buddy John Wade and Walding entered the village. The entire valley opened up on us. Wallding's knee was shot off. Oof, the bone and joint were blown away, but the bottom of his leg was still held on by muscle and skin. John took his lower leg and bent it up by his thigh, tying the limbs together with his belt. He used a turn to get to stop the bleeding, and that situation he then crawled back down to a 200-vertical feet of terrorist rice fields.

He's a robot leg now, and he's fine. Don't worry about him. He's very used to getting attention in Seppity Force awesome story and bad ass injury. Here's my beef. At the same time, I was also shot through the leg. I'll be a few inches lower in my calf. Does anyone give a shit? No. Walden gets all the leg injury blow jobs while I can't even complain about my leg pain. That everyone call him get pussy. That's true. Women lovery blow jobs while I can't even complain about my lake paying that everyone calling me a pussy. That's true. Women love giving blow jobs to cyborgs.

Dan, my minor Lake Entry brother, I stand with you. Our wounds may be a bearable and highly treatable, but the mockery which non-feeling populous heaps upon us can never be cured. Someday all of the silent heroes of non-deblossing Lake Tromble will be able to show their faces in the sun. We will receive the accolades and sympathy which are deservedly ours people will praise us not just for living with these wounds but for overcoming the minor inconveniences of daily life and always is which I'm sure Dan will agree

prove there's either no God or that he hates us all Dan knows what I mean at your heart last name withheld all right well I get what you're laying down I know I get it, I've been wrong. And I'd like to present you with a medal I'm calling the purple leg for people who won't stop complaining about their minor injuries. I think we should do.

We should invite the author of that letter over. We should do a soccer game and the two of you guys will be on one team and LA and I'll be on the other and yet. It's doing I will still lose somehow. I get. Look, I get. I get. We shouldn't to put you in goal, Elliot. I can't run this. I get, I look, I get, I get, we shouldn't have put you in goal, Elliot.

I get, I can't run, it's the only place I can be. I'm so tiny though. I get where you're laying down here, but I still remind you of the old adage that comedy, or like tragedies, when I started to stuff my toe, comedy is when you fall down a manhole and break your neck. Yep.

The old male brook saying mangled and mutilated by a drunk tamacol. Yes, it's manageable, but look, guys, why not? Why not just have sympathy across the board for people who are hurt? No, that's a very good point. Stacking up injuries against some sort of injury death man.

That's a very good point. I would counter, though, by saying there's a certain respect that comes to those who stoically bear their injuries without, you know, telling me about them all the time. On the other hand, you would be surprised at the brief amount of time that comes between sympathy and are you still talking about that? Good point.

Good point. Yet I would counter all of my say. I see you a lot. And so. No, that good point good point yet i would come to all of my say i see you a lot and so that's a fair point uh... but that's a fact that one thank you for writing in and uh... i will save when dan hurt his leg i was very very concerned and i still have to this day uh... but thank you so much for it's a dude writing in and giving down the

support he needs because his leg certainly is it. Well, I have to thank you. That's true. Kicks Dan McCoy. And I would say also. Maybe. Kicks Dan McCoy. Just trying out nicknames, dude. In a movie that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that tear jerking nonsense and used it for a purpose that is unfair to the people who you're actually serving we appreciate hearing from someone who uh... has actually had that uh...

experience and uh... and has a crazy story crazy story and also a story that inspired because of your mention of uh... blow jobs for robot legs my new porn movie robo cop about the cyborg with a robot penis the The thing is, you don't want to give them a low job when it's really cold. And when he says, you're move creep, you should probably change creep to something nicer for the woman.

Yeah, you know, like, you're move, babe. That works better. But didn't only thank you so much for writing it. Yeah, yeah. And thanks to everyone who wrote it. Yeah, thank you so much for going. Also is this is probably dirtier than we need to go but at the end of the end of robo a robo cop when he defeats the bad guy the uh the the the bus goes the bus goes nice fucking son what's your name and he goes murphy and then walks off

yeah slowly because he's got a robot life yeah very slowly and he's getting blown. But, um, is it time? Yeah, I guess that explains how great he is directed by Paul Verblowen. So, um, this is the last segment on the show and it is a segment where we recommend movies that we actually liked, He's not going to do the movie. I want to do it. Hey, let's sit back and watch. I'll recommend a movie that I actually recommended today on our Flap House Facebook page. If you're not a member, why not go and join?

Which is a lot of things that I'm going to do. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. watch i'll recommend a movie that uh... actually recommended uh... today on our flat-bought facebook page if you're not a member why not go and join uh... which is uh... targets is on netflix streaming now the movie uh... target no it's the peter bachdowne which movie uh... his first movie i believe that i think so i think that's his directorial day but um... and it was uh... produced it was produced by Roger Corman and had the odd requirement that he had to use a

much of unused footage from a Roger Corman production. He had to get it in under a certain amount of budget. He had Borscarloff for two days, I think. And he had to use footage from another movie that Corman had been trying to make with Roger Corman with Borscarloff. And he cleverly did it by, it was sort of a, like a kind of a deconstruction of horror movies. He shows this like cheesy, Kormanesque, Boris Carlaw, horror movie,

and it's contrasted with the real life horror of this guy in Texas snapping for no reason that the movie particularly explains going up to a water tower and starting to shoot random people. And it all comes down to kind of a showdown at a drive-in movie theater where this car-off movie is playing. And Bogdanovich, you know, he's a guy who made some really great movies at the beginning of his career. What the paper moon, what does the last picture show last picture show.

But later on did not sort of sort of fade it out a little bit. Well, he still does stuff, but he, well, he, I mean, he never totally recovered from his fiancee getting murdered. Right. His career suffered for some bad projects. He did the catch me out, not that long ago, which is not bad. It's pretty mediocre. I like it. I think I like it better than you, but, but, you know, he, she shows up on a lot of DVD commentaries.

And he is now like the keeper of Orson Welles flame. Yeah. Anything about Orson Welles, you have to have Peter Bogdanovich come along and tell story. He's, okay, so I've seen him speak in public more than once. And I saw him speak before a show of targets. And he was supposed to speak for about 15 minutes, and he said he went out for about 45 minutes.

I think they had to might possibly delay or maybe cancel a later show of targets, because he went on so long. But he told a lot of stories where famous people told him how good he was and things. And he did pull to move that I thought was so amazing where he would say, one last last question and then he'd answer the question and before there's that film form before the film form representative who cut him

off he'd go one last question again so he's answered about 15 one last question. Anyone have a question about where I get my ass cuts anybody anyone wants to know but it's a great it's a fantastic movie and he and the and his great movies are really great. Yeah no he he was a very great film director at least at the beginning of his career and Target's is one of his finest so see it on Netflix instant It's dragging into your queue and click play That's how it works. You don't even have to drag it into your queue and you don't drag them into your queue You don't drag him anymore. No, Okay. Well, do whatever LA just said.

I mean, just click play. Stewart, would you like to go next? Yeah, sure. I'm gonna recommend a movie I watched this past weekend. It's the movie Stoker, directed by Park Chan-Wook, or Chan-Wook, I don't know. The director of Korean. The person with country, you're in.

Yeah, the Korean director who directed the Vengeance Trilogy, he directed. There the vengeance trilogy. He directed. There's that. The JSA joint security area, which was I recommend earlier in the contest. Or on an earlier podcast. This was his American debut, which was interesting to watch after the last stand, which was also an American debut by a Korean director, the guy directed Goodbitten weird, but Stoker is

kind of a gothic horror story about a young girl who is Introverted it's and just after 18 kind of a Winona writer and Beetlejuice type. Yeah, exactly one of those a Lydia Lydia Deets Lydia lunch type. And it's loosely based on a shadow of a doubt, you know, weird way. Or inspired by it. Inspired by it, I would say. Yeah, I think it's a screenplay by Wentworth Miller from Mr. Risen Drake. How I didn't realize that.

And her father passes away and a mysterious yet sexy uncle shows up. And the things I like about it are things that are I wasn't surprised I liked about it. It's shot beautifully, it has some really interesting transitions from scenes. And the use of sound in the movies is really great. It both isolates you and also makes you feel like very aware of the environment. So I really liked it. Stoker. Stoker rated R.

Yeah, it was rated R. He's playing at your house. If you choose times. Whenever. Wow, it's pretty, pretty vague. I mean, if there's no schedule, print it up in your house. Whatever you want. What am I going to tell you what to do?

Make it your way, right away, at Burger King. So I'll recommend a movie as well. So I feel like Dan, you recommended a kind of late stage deconstruction of the horror movie and Stuart Yours is kind of a play on other Previous horror elements sure mine is a movie that also plays on pre-existing film elements, but not horror this time We're tired all together. I'd like to it's a theme week. I'd like to recommend a movie called my name is nobody Which is my name is Earl? My name is Earl. We all think it a people It's a television show about a crazy guy with some crazy problems.

So my name is nobody. It is a spaghetti western. You could summary my name is Earl. It's my name is nobody, which is a spaghetti western, but it's a comedy spaghetti western. And the best of the ones I've seen of those and it's one I've been meaning to see for a long time. It's very heavily surgey, surgey oleone influenced and worked on, but he didn't direct it officially, directed

a few sequences in it. And there's a few sequences that stack up with just about any of his best work, I think, that very much bear his trademarks is a scene where the main character Terence Hill's character, nobody, who's kind of a cunning gunman who true who acts like a kind of ignorant bumpkin to he get people uh, unaware's. He has to drink and then shoot a series of drinks in smaller and smaller glasses and the tension of it is drawn out very long in the way Leon liked to do in the sequences where he was really pouring a lot of his effort into. But in the movie, it's all about nobody's quest

to make become friends with Henry Fonda who is an aging legendary gunslinger. And nobody has this dream of seeing him have a final battle worthy of his talent which would be Henry Fonda against this group called the Wild Bunch, which is 150 gunmen and outlaws, and who seem to just ride their horses around the west, not really doing much of anything, but just constantly ominously riding the horses around.

Is it just a use of a lot of stock footage? No, no, it's very much footage that was shot for the film, and at the end, he does set up this showdown. You know, it's a relatively big budget movie, or at least looks like it. There's some scene comedy scenes that are not that good, but there are some comedy scenes that are very funny and some good action scenes in it. There's an Ennio Morconi score that ranges from great to ridiculously annoying. I'm going to say great to ridiculously great. It's just a really fun movie and I really enjoyed it. If you like spaghetti westerns and you haven't seen it,

I think you'll enjoy it a lot. It plays with a lot of those elements and exists in this mythic fantasy west that never really existed. But they pull it off really well and there's a lot of fun moments and it'll leave a smile on your face if you like spaghetti westerns. And the song in your heart. And the song in your heart, which will be the annoying title theme.

But there's some great, there's some music in it that kind of functions as a reference to movies that hadn't been made yet when the wild bunch is riding around, that he injects a little bit of ride of the valkyrie into the song and I was like, oh, like in Apocalypse Now, except this movie came out six years before a apocalypse now. But like, it works even better as a joke to use that opera music for them because of a later movie,

which I found just interesting. But that's not really has nothing to do with the movie. They made, it's not like they were like, we'll use this as a song now, because in a six years it will be an indelible part of an iconic scene. Ba-ba-da-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-b Serepticiously coughing off microphones since we both are covering colds. What Dan's trying to say is we're recovering from colds Yeah, I mean while my immune system is super strong. Go fuck yourself. Exactly. Ellie. It only gets chipmunk diseases What I have to be kept away from chipmunks. You avoid small rodents Unlike most people who seek out small rodents Is why you rangers syndrome? Yep, I got it when I had sex with Monterey Jack.

Oh. Sure. Wait, I go too far somehow. When I talked about having sex with a cartoonist. It's going to be a fondue party. You got it. I'm kind of crazy. Fondue party.

Two right. How they like cheese, that's why I am. Monterey Jack is obsessed with cheese. A few mustachees go all crazy. That's true. We'll talk more about sex with mice off microphone. But for now, it's like a sanitizer liquid or something.

For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been steward Wellington. And not sick over here is Elliot Caelin. You'd buy everyone. Ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I'm gonna play it for the holidays. Are we gonna record this thing? No, let's do a little bit of a... Get in the pop and... Friend friend ketchup?

No thanks. Hey, congratulations on the AV Club thing. That was crazy. It is. Oh, okay. Oh, we're gonna talk that's I don't want to talk about What does that type of all just thank me? Like it's just crazy that we weren't number one. It is As cool my Top How

Cavalier is you're not a lairist on the best see you Thank you.