The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #142 - Getaway

Episode Date: December 28, 2013

Go away, Getaway Hawkey Holidays to all the little Flop House boys and girls. Your present is the movie-length chase scene Getaway.  Meanwhile,  Dan takes on the liberal media, Stuart gives one of his patented Flop House asides, and Elliott reminds us all of Dorf's amazing performance in Don't Look Now.Movies recommended in this episode:The Hobbit: The Desolation of SmaugThe GetawayRoninThe Ballad of Cable HogueOur Town

On this episode we discuss the movie that made Selena Gomez an action star. Get away. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. So that was Dan McCoy and I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kaylen and I'd reintroduce those guys where they just said their name. And I'm Stuart Wellington and this is Dan McCoy. And I'm Elliot Kay and this is Dan McCoy. And I'm Elliot Kaylen and over there is This is the Stuart Wellington.

The Stuart Wellington house. The Stuart Wellington house we watch a bad movie. It's a sitcom about Stuart Wellington raising three foster children. He's pretending that he's a gay man living with two hot babes. That's the only way I can get extra money from the government to pay for my pit bull collection. Your collection of pit bull CDs?

Rare pit bull singles and B-sides. We're going to add concerts across the US of it. Right off the mixing board. So the end? Normal. The end. Okay, see later that it's done. So this is a podcast. I don't know the next one. Flop house. Uh, yeah. Flop house. Here's the thing. Not normal. I guess is playing it here in your years. Flop house. So the end. This, uh, this normally would be the most wonderful time of the year. We would be celebrating cage-mas.

Now, yeah, it's December. Christmas is right on the corner and cage-mas is, of course, all month long. But Dan, for some reason you were very adamant about not celebrating cage-mas. No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. There's a war on cage-mas, guys. Oh my God. Who would we wage such a thing?

It's the jolliest time of the year with the best hair. And by best, I mean, worse. I would be commenting on this, but I'm too busy gnashing my god. Who would we wage such a thing? It's the jolliest time of the year with the best hair. Yeah. And by best I mean worse. I would be commenting on this, but I'm too busy gnashing my teeth. Now Dan, cage miss is a time of year for all men of good faith and women to come together in peace and have terrible accents and stupid wigs. Yeah. Celebrate the works of St. Nicholas Cage, who is best known for the miracle of still having a career. saint nicklaus cage who is best known for the miracle of still having a career here's a thing though uh... the war on cage miss uh... the liberal media has failed us

by not releasing another nicklaus cage movie that's good for the flop house surely there must be one there was one she-boy out there there's literally i looked over the i'm db page for nicklaus cage and we've literally done like the last 10 Nicholas Cage movies and the next one is Frozen Ground Oh yeah, Frozen the Disney movie it's supposed to be good. Frozen around. No, no, no. Nicholas Cage is like a goofy snowman. It's with John Qsack, Frozen Ground, it seems like it should be great. Two flop house faves. Yeah, but

it's like paperboy meets, I don't know, Nicholas Cage movie. Word on the street though is that it's boring. Oh, the flop house. That's the kiss of flop house. Our genemesis count boredom. Instead of the evil Eastern European count who's really boring. Okay, listeners, this is called a flop house aside. This is where I take you aside and explain that the flop house hates boring movies

This is where you know it listen takes you aside and makes love to your ears Hey there. I have a cold so my voice sounds awesome We hate boring movies and that's why we didn't watch on frozen ground. Yeah, unfortunately We and so we watch a really exciting movie That's what I'm getting to instead of Mary cage miss we say hockey holidays to you Hockey holidays because we watched either not Lady watch lady We want to eat in a hox

Car movie how are the Hawke the getaway or just getaway actually. It's just called getaway This movie was originally reported to be a remake hot the getaway or just getaway actually it's just called getaway This movie was originally reported to be a remake of the getaway Which had already been a remake of another movie called the getaway, but no, it's just called getaway as in getaway from this movie You will not enjoy it But it's just it's not related to the getaway at all. It's just getaway It's not like an updating like the way the fast and the furious sequel is called fast and furious Or the way that the godfather sequel was called godfather or the way that uh strangely enough Jurassic Park sequels called Jurassic the park

yeah that's weird that doesn't make any sense and the sequel to attack the block was attack block well that was extraneous and then the sequel to ladies and gentlemen the fabulous stains was lady and gentlemen's fabulous stains People hate the word the these days used to be necessary for every title now. They don't want it How are the duck sequel how we're done? Yeah, the popular band the the is now known as Yep, that's what they call now. Yep. I wish you could see that Dan just froze with his mouth over for a couple seconds I wish you could see the dangerous frozen is mouth over for a couple seconds. Yeah. Better for a visual medium, but anyway. So I feel this is actually kind of in the spirit of cage miss because

Ethan August channeling is intercage. He is very much so. By traveling to Eastern Europe. He is a very good actor who is going to Eastern Europe. He is very cock dangerous in this role. That's not Eastern Europe. Not at all he is vulgarity dangerous just like nicole's cage in eastern europe he is

port of call new orlens uh... just like nicole's cage yes he is uh... doing an action adventure movie in eastern europe for probably most of the budget going to him personally and is a good at very good actor wasting his talents on this. And it seems like an outlet for him to relive his classic car.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is, I understand. If I was a Hollywood actor, a guy, what would you name your Hollywood name like a Johnny star? Uh-huh. Channets Blasto. Yeah. If I was Hollywood actor, Channets Blasto. And, you know, like, I was maybe, what about my youth? What about you? Yeah, that makes sense. Bicep Meat Slown.

Yeah. What's his name is? So he's an action star. I like Channets Blasto. Okay, Channets Blasto. But if I, the sci-fi porn star? Yeah. But the thing is, like, I'm entering But if I, the sci-fi porn star. Yeah. But the thing is, I'm entering my middle age.

I'm getting gaunt. I'm getting. You either get gaunt or puffy when you're middle-aged actor. Yeah. Ethan Hawke is going gaunt. Jeans don't quite fit the same as they used to. No. But I do.

I will allow out around the hips. You're wearing doctors of a different size. And maybe I was a more serious actor actor a more quirky actor in my youth but now that I'm you know reaching middle-aged now I want to recapture some of that like youthful vigor and I want to do like a big action movie and I understand why you're saying I was a slap a leather jacket on yeah put a slug put a leather jacket in a baseball cap on and right around the corner. And a glass stow through ballgare.

ballgare in the so fee of Bulgaria the only city that so sharp tongue that it deserved to bear the name of the best golden girl. The uh you also have to grow a little little beard. Well he's I had a little beard for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now if I may have an aside it's time for another episode of

Elliott's theater-going adventures. Okay. Let me just say I've seen Ethan Hawking a number plays now. I don't like this reoccurring thing. He's a really great actor. Like even in plays that are not very good that I've seen him in, he's really good and I've seen plays he's directed. Like he's a really good theater director. And so it's one of those things where it's like he must be trying so hard not to be good in this movie because he's so Non-existent and barely there, but it helps that he has very little dialogue in the movie other than like where's my wife? Oh and most of it is just him driving a car and smashing into this Smash and Selena Gomez going BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-BEE-B J-mail J-mail horse sound horse sound Crackle crackle fire explosion

So this is the point where you usually give some sort of synopsis. Yeah, this is a let me I'll try to do it quick I know I always say I'll try to do it quick and that turns it to a 35 minute rant But this movie was a bunch of scenes this is movie is cut with car chase movie is just a car chase This movie was a bunch of scenes. This is movie of the internet. This is cut with car chase. This movie is just a car chase. It's like 85% car chase. And that sounds great. Like if you said to me, there's an action movie.

It's a lean, low budget movie with a star in Bulgaria that's 85% car chase. I feel like that sounds like it could be great, but it's not. It's really terrible. And the reason for this is a lot of it is in the direction and camera work, which means most of the movie is shot by digital video cameras that

have just been kind of randomly placed around every object in a scene. Yeah, it looks like taxi taxi cab confessions the action film. Yeah, and they they cut between them ridiculously. It's like if cash cab was like an action. Contact taxi cab confessions. I like it. So but we'll talk about it. A 13 year old version of me would like it up until a point and then I realized I was not going to get anything really good out of it. So we're in Sophia Bulgaria where Ethan

Hawk is playing the awesomely named former race car driver Brent Magna. So we'd be a lava man. Either as lava powers or magnetic powers or both. Magnetic lava. He's a double threat i think is what that's called yeah uh... he it there's a montage the beginning that uses both the present and the past cut together to show that his wife was kidnapped well you know getting ready for christmas you know it's a past because they use black and white

just can have fifty years uh... he gets a phone call from a man only called the voice played by john void and the voice and the voice is a competition show which john void sits in a chair and tells you to smash your car into random nonsense and if you like that he turns around in the chair and i guess gets it by an an economy thrown up sure and get wings that the audience and then he throws a baby genius at you i don't know

Yeah, he smashes his bust at the fucking Brad's high school So John Voight tells him you're gonna you're gonna find this car in a parking garage And it's a it's a Shelby car with a cobra in Sydney on it and you're gonna drive it around and do everything I tell you or else I'm gonna kill your wife and what he basically wants him to do for the most part is drive around smashing into things, mainly ramming through Christmas villages. Christmas villages. Let me just say this, Sophia does Christmas up right. There's Christmas all over the fucking town. Everything is Christmas.

They might as well call it Christmas City, which is the name of the city in the last ounce of courage for the last episode. But this was the real Christmas city. It seems every tree is a Christmas tree, every person's an elf, every box is a wrapped gift, every house is a Christmas house, Santa's just walking around doing his business.

There's tons of them everywhere. It's a Santa's version. And every young boy does a green. I was wondering, I was wondering, who and who they are. I wish they had gone as far as saying adapted from the green to stool Christmas. My doctor, Sus. But no, it's not. I also want to say that this is another I wish they had gone out gone as far as saying adapted from the Grinch who stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss.

But no, it's not. I also want to say that this is another like 12 round situation where eventually we don't want to spoil it too fast, but eventually we'll get to what the voice's actual plan is. But before that, he put some through so many hoops where it's just like, wow, you are making it very hard on your own plan like the guy could die before this get arrested every hoop is every hoop is goch drive through a thing or get in a car chase with the Hey if you're a match into that truck carrying a bunch of water bottles yeah

never did I well he's literally saying like ram into that drive over that thing go down those stairs it feels like it's like a grand theft auto mission every single it doesn't feel like a mission it feels like when I would get board of grand theft auto and just drive around running over people and like okay now I'm gonna steal a fire truck and just run around and see when the police catch this or all thrill of running into that fire truck and watching

it explode yeah I have to say I never thought I'd be watching movie and say I miss the clockwork plotting and sharply drawn characters of 12 rounds I have to say I never thought I'd be watching movie and say I miss the clockwork plotting and sharply drawn characters of 12 rounds A movie which is mainly John Sanna Destroying the parts of New Orleans that Katrina didn't get to yeah, but like every this it's like 12 rounds looks like a really good movie next to this like there the rounds are different Competitions you've got carcaddy as the villain and he's like doing funny stuff sometimes. John Cena says things, and like Ethan Hawke

could just kind of mumble stuff every now and then. Yeah, and the villain has like a clear motivation and he wants just some kind of vague thing. Well, the thing is he wants revenge on John Cena and it turns out he wants to rob a bank. So like there's a primary motivation that you know and there's a secondary motivation that you don't know about. Here, the only motivation you don't really know, you just motivation that you don't know about here.

The second of the only motivation you don't really know you just know that his wife is gonna die if he doesn't do the things. Meanwhile Selena Gomez shows up. She's not only as the kid according to Wikipedia and she's like, I guess I guess she looks like one. I've never really seen stuff with Selena Gomez in it and you just see like links on Huffington Post that are like Selena Gomez bikini pics and watching this she looks like she's like 12 and a half like she's got like a really let's just got like a baby face it's really creepy

like a chipmunk face she got a little baby fat puppy cheeks yeah you know make her feel bad I'm not no I know that you know that's really in a Gomez you do not have a shot with Dan McCoy Dan McCoy is out of your league Selena Gomez go back do not have a shot with Dan McCoy. I know that. Dan McCoy is out of your league, Selena Gomez. I know that. Go back to Justin Bieber. She listens all the time. Because Dan McCoy is saying you are an ego. He only goes for tens and you're a two. I'm just not a wow.

A two. Dan said it, not me. I'm quoting Dan McCoy. Well, one would be bottom the barrel. Or this is zero, would you be more like a man? Yeah. I mean, that seems homophobic. There's certain there's certain members. You're not gay. There's certain man out there that, you know, like, yeah, sure.

Like who, Dan, like Stewart, I'd say that, you know, like Harrison Ford and his prime is prime. Not me. That's at least a six, even even per head or sex. So what? Like a palm, yeah, because like Paul Newman is like a ten. Oh man, that guy's that is a hamster. Even when he was old and all gravely voice Yeah, I have financial security with him so it's true because of his popcorn and salad dressing empire a Michael fastbender That's a handsome guy. He's very handsome. Yeah, yeah, check to Mount shame. You know he's got the goods You know these pack and heat and by heat I mean a big penis That's the movie the heat was about right? Yeah, and movie, he was Al Pacino and Robert De Niro?

Yep, it's a licensed of thrill with his penis. If it looks good thrill. Anyway, so... So they gave him the case of The Heat, so it's our Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. It's not the heat. So Selena Gomez is the owner of the car and she tries to carjack up from Ethan Hawke,

but fails. And Ethan Hawke is told by the voice, now she has to stay with you because she can't mess up our plan. And Selena Gomez is a car expert and a computer whiz. And so she uses- But not a car jacket, yes. But not a car jacket expert. No.

And she's using her cell phone and her iPad to eventually help Ethan Hawke turn the tables on John Void. Let's just cut it short one of those like you know she's one of those uh... teenage on this hot teenage women uh... gear head hackers that we've been hearing so much about the yeah we know like your maegan foxes and the transformers movies or uh... angelian july in the movie yeah your girls with the dragons tattoos yeah your uh... your uh... what jam in the holograms? Is she a hacker?

Yeah, probably, right? Probably, right? That's actually close. Your neural man stresses. I'm sure. Your Mona Lisa overdrive, you know, those things. Yeah. Your Mona Lisa smiles.

You know what? Mona Lisa smiles no computers in it. It's like 1857 or something. Anyway, so it turns out that Selena Gomez gomas is the daughter of so feeable gary is largest bank and uh... and they're gonna upload they would they go the avoid john void tells them to go to a electricity transformer and it explodes it explodes

uh... but they're framed for it i guess it blows up real good uh... and then they it turns out that they want to that John void wants to steal something at the bank the assets are being The assets are in a computer and because of the electricity shut down The computer is being moved via a truck to a safer location So that's when they're moving in the truck his motorcycle d henrenchman who it seems could have done all this without Ethan hawk Show up and steal the computer, but Ethan hawk and slin a go They do that they show up fire a bunch of machine guns one handed on their what like motorbikes Yeah, I'm sorry bikes, but it's one of your classic die hard scenarios where the

What what appears to be what's what's going on is actually just a distraction. Yeah, it's like the big heist that's happening. Yeah, you slap some bombs on the armored car that look like the game Simon, the memory game. Yeah, they explode. The game doesn't explode. The game Simon only explodes if you lose 35 times in a row. Parker Brothers recalled all the Simon's that exploded.

Yeah. In the semi-social Darwinism is what it's called. It's called. I mean, if you waste your time with Simon, then you're probably, you're not contributing a lot. Ooh, Simon Burr. I mean, I spent plenty of time playing in the first game. Thank you, game from back in the late 70s, early 80s.

Black and white times. So, yeah, old times. Anyway, so, but it turns out Selena Gomez and Nicholas Cage have turned the tables on the on John. You say Nicholas Cage or Ethan Hawke? I did say Nicholas Cage because I wanted to be Nicholas Cage so badly because I love Cage with so much. It's my favorite time of the year. So Ethan Hawke's going to be Nicholas Cage for the rest of this. Yes, I might call him Nicholas Cage. You know it's Ethan Hawke. I wanted to be Nicholas

Cage. One of them is a date breaker. One of them is a date breaker. A date breaker? Yeah. Is in daybreakers. Yeah, datebreakers. Datebreakers. Where Ethan Hawke makes plans and then breaks the last minute. Don't make plans with Ethan Hawke.

He ruins appointments. Do you think Nicholas Cage would be more or less creepy co-starring with Selena Gomez? Oh, certainly. I know at least because he's co-starred with kids and young women before. Whereas Ethan Hawke hasn't established himself that way yet, I feel like. So he seems at any moment like he might suddenly start hitting on Selena Gomez. What after midnight was the movies and before midnight?

But what happens after midnight? He has sex with Julie Delvie, I guess. That makes sense. After they have their toppless argument, spoiler alert. If you want to see Julie Delphi topless end a pretty realistic portrayal of what a married couple's argument looks like before midnight. Or don't look now. Yeah, well, you don't see Julie Delphi. You'll see Julie Christie topless in that. It's a a Julie also Donald Sutherland totally starkers And murderous dwarf Spoiled and and murderous dwarf tin Conway as door

Let if it's her nut at the end of the door. It was door phone murder. I told you to learn to learn golfing Tim Conway just waddles away Tim Conway just waddles away It's Tim Dorf, no Dorf look now Conway standing in a trench slashing Donaldson as as Harvey Korman just look watches laughing he just cracking up Dorf look now Certainly one of Nicholas Rogues most underrated films Starting Tim Conway as the murderous dwarf And he for Sunderland as Donaldson

It's his star honestly he was the star the dwarf is the donalds other than yeah it's his star to honestly he was the star the dwarf is the star of the original there's no movie without the dwarf and without him it's just a scene of net of donalds other than having a sexual this wife and brushing his teeth new

and beautiful shots of Venice that dwarf makes it a movie and that dwarfs name is door so it is that just like I don't understand the academy's organization, how they would organize a best actor versus sporting actor, but clearly Dwarf wins best actor in perpetuity. Yeah, his thing is usually it's about screen time for the most part, but when the when the pivotal role is that pivotal, you know, for the three seconds of screen time, he really wouldn't win best actor.

Yeah. Tim Conway's, but he would win it as Dwarf. That's the thing. It wouldn't say best actor Tim Conway. It's win best actor yeah tim conways but he would win it as door that's the thing it would say best actor tim conway it's a best actor door uh... it's gonna be tough they as a limit yet he also won best live action short subject for door font fishing and best documentary for the making of door font fishing now you're saying door font fishing is a short subject but the making of

is a full-length documentary yes exactly it was three hours long it was released to theaters. Some people say that much like Heart of Darkness, it really is as good as the movie that it's about. Anyways, it's a darkness, right? Heart's a darkness, yes, sorry. Heart of Darkness is the original start. I was just getting that all the way

before somebody emails us. Which they will. I'll never hear the end of how I got Gizmo Ducks code were wrong. Because I think I literally haven't heard in let's say 25 years Well, we're expecting your resignation to both your job your wife and the flop I just got a new job and a new flop has Like you resigned to your wife. I'm sorry honey

Here's my letter my little resignation. I got something wrong about Gismaduk. You did the right thing, honey. I'm unhappy that it ended this way, but we can't stay married. So anyway, when it turns out, Ethan Hawkins went to see Nicolas Cagegan. Ethan Hawkins, Liam Gomez, have tricked John Void. Using the old speed trick, they loot, see this thing. John Void has all these cameras mounted in the car,

so he can watch them from every angle at all times. And so we, the audience audience can watch shitty like video car chases shot by DV from the side of the car or at one point a camera Behind the gear shift. Yeah, so that you're seeing it's like having an obstructed view seat at a At the giant Ethan Hawkship. Yeah, you want to pay how much does a movie cost nowadays like $75? Okay, so you go to spend them spend that much moving money on a movie movie on a money who cares you spend that much movie you have to pay movies are so expensive now that you have to pay with the movie you know you want to watch a movie that's all shot on somebody's fucking cell phone i don't think not at all unless it was called

basically did unless it was called selfies shot by famous Hollywood actresses of no close on the movie the best thing like apparently America it's a feature-like film. Apparently America. It's a documentary, best documentary. It actually lost to the making of Dwarf on Fishing, but it was very close. It won the Golden Globe.

It was like what, seven to six? What's the voting like? Seven to six. The 13 member council of Oscar Elders. Sure. The Galactic Jedi council that votes on us for movies oddly enough the thirteen chairs uh... kept uh... vacant yeah or one of the i guess for one or the chosen one when he went to his

finally born now you'll keep looking at me as if i you were gonna say something no i know but they're just important now okay america's insatiable desire apparently for movies that look like their home videos. Yeah. Well, it's cheap to make. They want to feel like they could make a movie. Frankly, it's cheaper to make.

Yeah, movies that are just like us. And Dan, I hate to break it to you. A lot of Americans cannot tell the difference between video and film. The same way that like my wife cannot tell the difference when our TV is on the right or wrong aspect ratio, even though everyone looks like squat toad men. Yeah, it's how George Lucas doesn't think CGI looks fake. Exactly. So Vester's alone thinks CGI bullet hits is just as good as actual.

There's a lot of people whose eyes are not don't have the sophisticated eye palettes that ours have. Whereas I see two seconds of a TV that is set to motion-smoothing and that's my brain explodes. Yeah. How can you watch? One layer brain comes back together and we can make a podcast.

You know how in being John Malovich, there's a scene where the chimps memory we see it and it's shot on video and how brilliant that is that he literally uses a different format for the memory of an animal. There's a lot of people who didn't pick up on that subtlety. They're just like, okay, yeah, now this is also shot on the same thing, you know.

So this is a big story. To tell the difference between video. There's been three superior assholes saying, fuck you, a man. To tell the difference between video and film, it has to be like a faulty towers episode. Where it's video, and then it goes to like 16 millimeter on the outside.

Oh, so you're saying the outside world is shot in film for some reason. And I remember as a kid not knowing that those were the reason for that, but being like, why does the outside look different in England? It's almost like the difference between tasting, like knowing the difference between a delicious American micro-brew beer and then a glass of hobo diaries. Oh, the hobo diaries? They hit show?

That's a thing. They can't tell the difference. Okay, so. Luckily, we can with our eyeballs so the bad guys are stealing the computer with the bank money on it but what they didn't know is that uh... eathen hawk and sling on his again i was almost a nigglass cave eathen hawk and sling on his have dot pulled the old speed trick and looped some tape of them in the car

the old speed trick is not the the one where you slam on the brakes and grab the girls boobs, right? No. I think he does that at one point though, right? I don't think so. I'm going to imagine in this movie or in speed. Wait, wait, this isn't called speed. No, no. Speed trick is when you're driving a bus, you're eating popcorn, you put the popcorn over your penis. Yeah, yeah. It makes it so much harder because the bus is jostling. And you're worried about jostling your penis through the popcorn. And then once it's out in the open, you know.

Yeah, because when you jostle a thing of popcorn and penis is full. The feeling of hot popcorn jumping up and down on your penis. Because of course, that's a pleasurable sensation. Everybody loves that. You know what? Why don't you try it at home? Just take some burning cinders out of the fire. It's gonna sprinkle them on your

penis. Because you're in like a castle. Stop drinking grog for a moment. Put down that barwinch. Go to where the where the huge bore is roasting on a spit and take out some cinders from the fire Lift up your guilt. Yep, you're listening to us the scalds Sitting around the hearth fire and you'll be scalded if you do that to your penis anyway So he pulled the old speed trick of looping from the movie speed looping the video so it looks like they're just driving around Selena Gomez and Ethan Hawks show up. They steal the money computer and then there's like Selena Gomez and Ethan Hawke show up, they steal the money computer. And then there's like another car chase showdown and eventually the good guys win, except it turns out.

Yeah, instead of editing techniques, they just throw in car chases. And they're going to meet up to hand off the bank stuff to John Voit and exchange for Ethan Hawke's wife. Bank stuff's the money computer. The money computer. The police show up. It seems like John Voit has driven away with salina go ma's kidnapped e the nox chases him for a long time that is a great scene though the scene where

that the cops locked down the bad guys and even hawk and then salina go ma's is whisked away by evil baddies and even i just wanders over to his awesome car and drive the way the cops are like all of our way out here we have you've been driving been literally we've been chasing you overdue is awesome car and drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away.

And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away.

And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away.

And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives away. And drives this city on Christmas. It's fine. Yeah, no he's got a reason. Yeah, it's almost like in Bulgaria, they have a limit to the number of people they can arrest in any one time. Like up four people got to throw one back, you know, this one's not big enough. Wait till next season. I will say and I thought I thought you were going here. I thought you were having a rare moment of, you know, genuineness. I'd never have those. Yeah, but like the change in the car, I have to cloak everything in irony.

Less I show my telekite interior. The chase at the end of this movie is the closest thing they have to a good chase because a lot of it is done in one single unbroken shot. What's a point of you shot of Ethan Hawks' car as he's chasing what you think is John Voitt's car. Turns the end it's just an old man who looks kind of like John Void It turns out John Void the entire time has been speaking via phone set the satellite phone Yeah, that's the old America. It's the character pumpkin head from the series pumpkin

And the bad guy gets away. It's good. It's turned and John Void's like thanks for helping me It's like wait, but I thought you lost whatever so John Vo void wins and it turns out he was a fan of Ethan Hawk as a race car driver and Ethan Hawk could have been great he thought if only he could get over his fear I guess so he feels like he did him a service by making him do all this stuff but anyway so but there's this last car chase and there's one unbroken shot from the point of you Ethan Ock's car following John Voitz car or the the bad guys van and it's the only good shot in the whole movie yeah maybe like it's a little bit of you you get a tiny bit of a less sophisticated less skillful version of what makes children of men so good like when they do all those scenes in one take and it would there's a real visceral sense of something I also rewatched deathproof recently. And I mean, I always feel like an old man like railing against the future when I say this,

but like flying cars, not in my no way, robot butlers. But it all, dogs running on floating treadmills. The thing is, if you actually do so. When I was a boy we had sex with women, not robots. If you actually, when I'm saying his hand me that robot. You actually spent Gabatka, sexy hand, me that robot, you actually spent come on, sexy robots, please. Let's her number.

Where could I find her? Because I like a woman with no hair and exposed metal. I want a robot that has a butt and the rest of it's just robot. I love saying it. If you actually do something, if you actually stage a stunt for the camera and film it at at length and you actually like the there's a physical reality to what you're doing no it's better will be much more exciting that's why road warrior is still an amazing movie and like I guess the fast and

furious movies are fun but they're just not at the same level and when and when you look at any of the background around getaway, they clearly spend a lot of money on cars, car chases, and like these so much money, like apparently they even create a fucking junkyard of cars. And you would, like, it's almost a disservice to all the stunt that didn't work in this, none of whom got injured, but there's- It's cut into such complete jibber.

It's shot and cut so poorly that like, yeah, a lot of probably really good stunts get lost. It's not to be like hyperbolic, but it's almost like taking, but it's worse than Hitler. It's like taking great, it's like great vocal performances or any performances and just chopping them up,

like seeing a great performance of Shakespeare and then overly editing it so you can't tell what's going on. Yeah. Like these stuntmen put all that work into it and they basically just shout all over them. Yeah. I mean, that was one of the stunts to be shit on. You can do car stunts, great motorcycle stunts, great.

Will you let someone shit on you? It's technically a stunt. I see you're in your special skills section of your resumes. It says, scat. So now is that jazz singing or is that poop? Poop? Great, let's talk. I thought so, it was all in capitals for some reason.

Now you're an MC scat cat. Does that mean you're into Shies of Light? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the wrong cat. Oh, your brother is into it though. DC's cat cat. Whatever you have written under objective is all in windings. Why did you do that? Can I say windings or a winding record? Because of wind. It's in. It's in. It's in. It's in. It's in. It's in. It's in. Nicholas Winding reference. Everything is in Nicholas Winding reference. So it's all. President pauses. It's turnaround. Guys guys looking at stuff and then punching someone in the violence. Uh, when's he making another movie?

I don't know. Please. Uh, but anyway, there's a couple. So this movie is, it's like 85% poorly edited car, car chases. Uh, at the end of the bad guy gets away, which I guess sets it up for a sequel. Yeah, please. But I think my favorite moment in the home movie is in the beginning. Uh, John void is calling Ethan Ock to explain what just happened and he says your wife has been

Taken and there's like a moment where your wife has been Taken and it's also like the movie pauses to be like Get it remember like the movie you liked the success from movie. We're doing that I only made John void uses a voice that is part Dracula and part only john void uses a voice that is part dracula and part very and part vera but uh... it's it's it's it's a good to tell john void had a great time because most the movie is

of his shooting the start was sitting in a bar drinking martini while doing this crazy voice there's one might be one time for you to crash into another scene uh... he's in hawk raman to the at one there's a great shot of him eating a martini olive that just reminded me of an even better shot of John Noble eating Tomatoes in return of the king. So I remember that shot. Yeah, it's all gross. There's a lot of mouth acting from John void

Yeah, it's all mouth acting. Yeah It's great. You only see his full face at the end You see it just as chin and his mouth before that and I wonder or like his back And I wasn't shaved recently so that was cool And I wonder if it was supposed to be like a Surprise like oh that was John void the whole time that voice that sounded just like John void and the chin that looked like John Voids Chin that was John void member him. He was a mission impossible That's his member in yeah, not the movie one

I'm gonna be always coming home member him from an account. He's an Anna Konda expert. Yeah, I'm from runaway train Like they're no that was like why did you say runaway train so quietly like you were shamed of it? I watch it by yourself Did you masturbate to it? Was it like the time I watched Tom Katz by myself and was like looking around to make sure nobody's Was Jerry O'Connell? Yeah. And not Jerry O'Connell. His much more successful, non-existent brother. What you want.

Um. So this is a, this is a movie that, um, that barely exists. It's like a demo re, I was saying it, and it felt like I was watching the demo reel for the handling of the Shelby Cobra. You know, it's like a, it looks like a car demo reel that's poorly made. It looks like somebody filmed Ethan Hawke going to like stunt driving school. Yeah, basically. And it seems like Ethan Hawke probably had a great time making it.

Oh, yeah, stunt driving all day, got paid to do it, got to spend time in beautiful cloudy Bulgaria around Christmas time. Yeah. And uh, and he got to work opposite Selena Gomez, who's an acting powerhouse. Amy Adams, hang up your acting chops. He's like, can we go back and re-edit the after midnight that before sunrise movies to put Selena Gomez in instead of Julie Delpey because she's got chops. I'm sorry. I guess I did not walk away thinking Selena Gomez was the future of film acting. No. She was

spring breaker. She was a spring breaker. Not date breaker cuz that's he's like a high schools musical She what is she from I don't know if you like a digress here an eye card. She was not Lister's right in until it's what the issue was a way to the place. She was not one of the high school musicals The spring breaker was a high school musical was been as a Highton's okay. Oh, yeah, Vanessa Hutchins. Yeah But but so what was she what was Selena Gomez in besides the Adam Stanley? She a rug rat She had Doug she a red and snippy. I'm glad we covered all three cartoons that came out as the same Original original Nick tunes she was in the movie was she a rocker's modern life or an a real monster

She was in the movie Selena starring Jayla. Okay. She was in the movie, but she a Rockos modern life for an a real monster. She was in the movie Selena starring Jayla. Okay, she cat dog. She was a what was it? Is she in all that? Yeah, she's in all that. Is she a good burger? She's a king and a cow. Is she a weenerville? All right. Is she a pinwheel or is it today's special? Make a loady in shows come on. I only got to watch pinwheel when I would stay home from school sick Yeah, but I wasn't sick. I just want to stay on watch pinwheel. Yeah, you had pinwheel fever So so what's this movie drive angry? Yeah, get away get to this is a really forgettable Movie this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie you kind of like Stewart. I'm gonna say a bad bad movie.

It, like I think it could have been a good bad movie, but they spent so little time on the actual like dialogue sequences and the, just the reliance on like the, the, the shitty video cameras that are taped to the outside of the car. I'm gonna agree with Stewart here. This had the potential to be a good bad movie, but the car

chases were just two monotonous and not well done. And there's that it was like 15, 20 minutes of plot expended to an hour and a half. It's a bad bad movie. I agree. It's a bad bad movie. Maybe a Nicholas Cage had been in it. If Nicholas Cage had been in it, it would have elevated. And he had brought one of his like wacky, wacky performances as opposed to said eight per four years.

Instead of Bangkok dangerous if he had like, uh, if he had bad lieutenant into all over the place, I would have loved it. If he was like, ah, ah, I was bugging out, waving his hands around, punching Selena Gomez for no reason. Hey, Dan and Stewart, I'm not wearing a shirt. Do you have a good idea for how I can solve that problem? What happened to your old shirt? I don't know.

Maybe a fire or a bear attack. Let's stick with the problem. I am shirtless. How do I solve it, Dan? Why don't you buy a flop house t-shirt? It has your face on it. That sounds like a red idea. In case I forget who I am, I can look at the shirt.

Can people who don't have my face also buy this shirt? Look, I don't care anymore what happened to your original shirt. Anyone can buy this new t-shirt from the flop house. It's for $25. You should wear it. It feels really good on your skin. And where do I buy it from? You can go to Astoy Merchandas.

Yes, Astoy Merchandas.com sounds like a good name, not like what you said, which sounds stupid. Astoy Merchandas.com, let me buy one. Do do do do do, a couple weeks later. Hey, this shirt feels great. And now I don't have the cold on my nipples anymore. Thanks guys for your great advice, the Flop House T-shirt at Astoy Merchandise.com. Can I have one too, Elliot?

You buy it yourself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh So before we get to letters I just want to Apologize the winner of the hot dog we have a winner. He's's the house cat arthorstheme arthorstheme content music video current this was a music video contest to make a music video to accompany the song of the autumn which means that the song's time is over unfortunately he's the house cat princess arthorstheme created by Stuart Wellington and nobody else Stuart Wellington, Alex Smith the winner is friend of the flopus friend of the good friend of the flopus Mr. Dan last name withheld wait demacoi of the animated version

If you if you've seen the videos his was the weird like Ralph Bakshi ask Animated freak out be more dismissive the one and he won a contest in the lot of work is not dismissive i'm just trying to be descriptive of the i guess i don't know if i was to dam for winning i guess around these parts of ralph back she freak out is yeah pretty big on the yeah i will i'm saying it gets it gets creepy at the end is that i was i mean i was impressed

with a number of the entries there's a lot of great entries and i bought it was a really hard choice which is glad why i'm glad we didn't have to choose. It was decided via vote. But his, I was impressed by the end when multiple people were credited for animation help. And I was like, wow, a lot of people put a lot of work into this. Yeah, I'm really professional. As good as the person who set all the stuff that's in the spot. Yeah. I was overwhelmed. Like I was genuinely, I was almost embarrassed at how little I feel I contributed

to what these people put together. So I think it's great stuff. Everyone who submitted is a winner in the way that they created really exciting and impressive work. So everyone should feel like a winner, but in a larger, more literal sense, there is one winner.

And if you hadn't had a chance to check him out, please check him out there on our website. Yeah, they're really fantastic. I've already emailed the winner about his winnings. Which is what did he win? What was the prize? Floppa's t-shirt. Ooh, in the size of his choice.

And he gets to pick the movie, right? It's a picking movie that we will discuss. He gets one size in the future. Extra small, and he's got pick the movie, right? It's a picking movie that we will discuss. No, he gets one size at one of the two. Extra small, and he's got to put it out in front of a bunch of girls. Yeah. And then he has to flex. Joe Sonnyu, he's Stuart Little sized, and he is ripped.

So that shirt fit perfectly. But he hauled Camini out of it, so we need another one. Yeah, all right. So, and he gets to choose the movie. So think of your movie choices Get three possibilities together because Dan is a big stickler and he's always Nih Not picked yet the fact that I try to get Multiple choices is more about the fact that sometimes there's a question of availability

So there's a question of whether we've all seen something already. So we won't be watching this movie for a little bit, for reasons that we won't get into it. And if you're looking to influence them, please do not kidnap his wife and then make him drive around for a while to pay for it. Because it will be exploring. It will be so boring.

But now, destroy Christmas. Now we can finally get into everyone's favorite segments. Yeah, letters from listeners. Latter from listeners, everyone's favorite segment is this. Latter from listeners, don't pull or hiss. It's your favorite segment because you wrote the letters and we're going to read them. You should know what's in them already. So maybe we don't have to read them.

We'll just answer them. Okay. Here's one with questions Number one the answer is yes number to the answer is blue number three the answer is no For the answer is you the answers are there for the questions you asked so that you know what the things are now Letters from listeners listeners for, listen to letters Dan as Dan reads them out loud be in the crowd out in the cloud, Dan reads the letters out loud. I think that's enough.

The end. Okay. So this is a good long one huh? Yeah, it could have been longer. Dear Daniel Elliott and Stuart. Dear Daniel, though, you know, Daniel. No, Daniel. Can you get my parents back together?

Daniel, Elliot and Stuart. All I want for Christmas is a family. Will you be mine? No, we have families of our own. Let me read this written by Puppy. I was... From from from from from. I was interested they changed to his native tongue after.

He says, first paragraph. I was transcribing the flop house I was transcribing the flop house into a series of meticulously detailed Marble notebooks that I store in my evidence dungeon when I heard Elliott mention that a movie would be it would have been much better If it had been called catch that kid this jogged This jog something deep within the recesses of my diseased mind a quick IMDB search Reveal that this typical bit of flopp house bullshit was in fact an actual yeah There is a movie called catch that kid released in 2000

I'm for a gay one. Yeah catch that kid start Kristen Stewart Jennifer Beals and Max Thoreau and as described as a family comedy crime Caper about a girl and her great great grandson of Henry David Thoreau. I don't know. It's just felt differently Who rob a bank to finance her cure for her dying father? How could this be? I wondered allowed to the headless mannequins. I had seated around my dining room table There's no kid to be caught. Had the flop house inadvertently predicted the last of the catching. I never received the answer I was seeking, however, because suddenly a team of FBI agents

broke the door down and started shouting at me to put my hands where they could see them. And so here I sit. That's flop house buddy in Belmont. Writing this in my cell and aeroen super match prison high above the Pacific Ocean aeroen's aeroen super match prison that was achieved from the hobbit or something lower the rings no you're totally wrong it was aeroen then well I don't know you just made this alone he says that's not really miss her name hold on he says that's no where spelled backwards

oh the same prison featured in the john trove all the nicklaus stage movie face off oh right with the electromagnetic boots and the nature channel shows one last question before a break is in it one last question before lights out is Stewart really that devastatingly handsome person love Jeremy last name with held a K.A. The butcher of adequately Creek Let me answer that one. No. He is a total two undan scale. He's a Selena Gomez. Yeah

No, Stewart is a scale of hottie to naughty. I'm closer to naughty. No, no. He's a total hottie or a TH a don naughty so to the naughty. No, no, you're sort of total hotty or a TH. A Don naughty. So, uh, that'll be because that mean you're from Michigan. I am from near there in order to try to go Stewart, then Dan is a distant second, and then I am in an even distanter third, but I make up for it with my charisma and all my money bags. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, you're talking about Thomas. Yeah. Well, that's a plus four to his rolls. Yeah. And my rolls can be anything from a 22 year old kid just out of college to an 85 year old butler with a secret to tell.

I can play them all. So casting directors remember Elliott Kaelin, charisma 18 for your rolls. I hope that had to your question, whatever it was. So Stuart Hanson. Yeah. He's got those crinkly things on his eyes when he smiles. I hope that answer your question whatever it was. So Stuart Tansom. Yeah. He's got those crinkly things on his eyes when he smiles. Yeah.

He's like a regular Timothy Ollipond. And those feats. They have to wear blinders when we record the show so they don't gaze upon me and then have to tear their eyeballs out. I have a whole lot of same deal. I have a beautiful one that I melt. So this next letter is titled Change a Movie. I came up with a thought experiment.

Can I change getaway to something I liked? I came up with a thought experiment. Suppose you went back in time as let's say a movie consulted for a movie that has already been made in the present. You have the power to change whatever you want about the movie except unmaking it in some way. It's sort of a sound of thunder butterfly effect thing what movie would you pick and what would you change a man to last name with help uh...

what i mean i think uh... i mean this is just off the top of my head so maybe there's a better one but i would say spider-man three uh... i loved spider-man two i like the first spider-man a lot i felt there was a really strong movie to be told about Spider-Man, Venom, and Peter Parker's being coming corrupted and losing sense of his responsibility. But they didn't make that movie. Instead they made a Sandman Venom mash-em-up in which there's a long sequence where James Franco makes an omelet and it's only vaguely saved by the by the Toby

McGuire dance scene. I love the dance scene, but the farther they're just making an omelet, I'm like, what is the fucking big chill? You're just hanging out in the kitchen. Just like Spider-Man comics. No. So I think off the top, I can think of a better one, but in terms of contemporary movies, I'd say Spider-Man 3. In a, in a, I would probably say the one that is most obvious to me is is Terminator Salvation where I feel like they could have done something kind of interesting by focusing on the idea of like I'm like a Terminator that thinks he's a man and post-apocalyptic future and then they threw in like they shoehorned it felt like the the John Connor Christian bail plot was very shoehorned in and I felt they could have made an interesting all self-contained movie with the same wording and stuff which is weird that I would be pro-same

word over Christian bail. I'm surprised. But I don't know I think it had been more interesting. Or you know what I'd make a separation but like as a wacky comedy. You know, in the end, there's like a chase scene through a car wash. Anyway, Dan, you're gonna say. Yeah, we've been pretty genuine. You should throw in some jokes. Yeah. I would remake. Wal-Dorke, two chains of blue. That was a joke.

Like, I feel like I could go three, four, even five chains of blue. There you go. The classic Dan joke. If it's gonna be about a soft core film that played on HBO late at night when he was a kid, it's why do somebody? Blowing. So I it's interesting that the first movie that comes to mind is like a big budget superhero action movie. I'm sure I can think of like a really worthwhile movie that I would made of somewhat of a change to, but the ones that I get really mad at

are where they seem like, eminently, they could have been better is the eminently changeable as the superhero movies or the big budget movies. It's because you and I have sat around day dreaming of our superhero fantasy projects. Yeah, our Spider-Man hobbit crossover film. Man, I feel like, what a board hole. Also, I feel seen projects. Yeah, our Spider-Man Hobbit crossover film. Man, I feel like, what a board hole.

Also, I feel like probably- For the X-Men could meet Star Trek, then this could happen, too. Probably it's less that you want to second guess something and more that like, I don't know, like if I had these like magic movie powers, maybe I would want to see the Magnificent Ambersons as original Wells wanted it to be.

Well, that's the thing. If it's something like that, then there are any number of projects they did where mangled none. Who's got the thief of Baghdad? What's that? That anime movie by the guy who did. Oh, the Cowler and the Princess. Oh, yeah, Princess?

Yeah. Or something like that and the thief. Yeah. Or like, I was reading a book recently, a book from 1972 about Hollywood in the 60s, and it briefly mentioned the concept that would never go off the ground of a Custer movie made by Akira Kursawa, and I was like, I've never heard of this before.

If I have, I forgot about it. And he could make an amazing General Kusters Last Stand movie, Ak Kirakura sawa and it never got made and like I would love to see something like that like there's a number there's a number of movies that never got made that I wish I could use powers to get the main you know to your natural drive to push them forward and take the United Nations or whatever the Marks Brothers Billy Walder project yeah probably wasn't going to be that good.

Yeah, I'd like to see it. I'd like to see it, sure. So moving on to the next letter, I have one question that's been burying into my brain in the desperate hopes like some kind of brainworm. Yeah, like some kind of brain drain. Yeah, some sort of an almer. And the desperate hopes that you would return.

Like to burn? And answer, but alas, you have not. Did Stuart ever redeem his $1 aisle U from Dan following the devil inside, download Fiasco? And if so, what did he spend the money on? I like to believe it would to support a Kickstarter campaign to finally give the Invisible Maniac, the Rich Criterion criteria in addition blue ray release

It's a richly deserves I tried to but it didn't meet its minimum funding goal yours in flop And the minimum funding goal is like $57 Blake last name with Blake likely if I like I believe you're beautiful If I recall Elliot bought that marker off of Stuart. I think I did yeah, no, I thought I bought it off At maybe Stuart bought off of me. No, I think Stuart bought it off of me. Yeah think I did. Yeah. No, I thought I'd bought it off of. Maybe Stuart bought off of me. No, I think Stuart bought it off of me. Yeah. Because he wanted power over you.

Mm-hmm. So I could hold it over Dan. Yeah. I literally, you held it over his head like mistletoe. I think it. I think it's him. I think that there was a, um, as the power of dollar buys me is Dan kisses.

Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. They all know what you are, Dan. We're just negotiating over the price now. I don't know what I did with that dollar. I could have done so many things. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And that homeless man looked at the brown bag liquor bottle he was holding and poured it out on the street There's now he knew he had a future. Yeah, and now he's living in town It's a steward given money. I'm seeing everything Yep, that's it so so later day

I think I just paid him stored a dollar that sounds about right Yeah, so I'll buy that for a dollar continue to the next letter Dan Hey guys, hey is this a letter? Are you just saying hey guys? We've been talking for like almost an hour. I just started listening to the podcast and Thank you for listening and it has rapidly become one of my favorite things in the entire world That's sweet. Thank you very much. However, oh boy here. The Roger Ebert Memorial episode desperately needed a woman to defend the sexy sexiness of Gary Oldman and the Scarlet Letter and pretty much every movie starring Gary Oldman in the 90s.

Even like Romeo was bleeding? I was about a night. He was that I'm long here in that one. Yeah. I was about a naive teenager when I first saw the professional, the movie that made me realize what movies could be. Gary Oldman deeply affected my soul and when I discovered the nude scene of the letter movie, my world was changed. Then I saw him in the fifth element. He was stunning with his plastic on his head and everything. Never again would I look fondly on the 15-year-old movies in my high school classes because i knew what a real man was to this day i'd watch anything he was in including tiptoes

fucking tiptoes love it i want to see tiptoes in last name with health well jen we were actually talking to the movie about the types of actors or actresses that we had crushes on mainly actresses yeah we were fourteen or fifteen yeah i get over having not not that they're not crush on Gary oldman. I'm not a Gary oldman. I'm Gary young man. Uh, wow. The baby version of Gary oldman from Jim Henson's Gary Oldman, babies. Anyway, yeah, we were talking we actually were talking about the girl the actresses we had crushes on when we were like adolescents. And Dan and I, uh, you guys had some similarities a lot of crossover. Yeah. Well, I was big. I had a big Christina Ricci crush. Daniel, you know, to ride a

crush. I also had a thing from a known a rider. You know, you're a big guy. Dark hair, dark hair, girls. Yeah. Achievable girl next door to, you know, the ones who had like something kind of goth the about them, you know, mixed up daddy issues, etc. When I was that age and into my college years, I thought that like, gothie punky girls were the kind of girls that I was into, but it turns out I don't get along with them that well. I get along with like nice people. Well, I mean, it's not to make a blanket, it's a blanket statement.

Not to make a blanket statement, since I'm still friends with plenty of punky girls. But I feel like Gary Olman deserves a big crush on what like jarred departing. Why are you saying Dan looking at me? I haven't say Stewart. Yeah, I totally had a big crush on Gerard Depard to you. I'm like, could you make a man out of mashed potatoes? That I could lick all the delicious potato. I wish he was my father the hero. Wait, but then wait a minute. If I had a crush on him, why would I want him to be my dad? I don't know. I don't know if it was going on in your fucked up mind. So Stuart, who did you have a crush on?

That was the thing is that I don't, maybe I have difficulty putting myself back in the shoes of a 14 year old Stuart. Maybe it's because those shoes would be really small right now. But I always, like I always remember having crusheses on older women, mainly Chesty, topless women from movies. Like Be Arthur. Yeah, mainly Be Arthur's. Be Arthur's. Like your Chesty LaRouge, your... You're like... You're Busty Morgan, you're a booby McShane.

Mainly the woman who takes her dress down at the beginning of repossessed, starring Leslie Nielsen, the exorcist parody. I mean, I don't remember the beginning of repossessed starring Leslie Nielsen. Okay. The extraceus parody. Well, I mean, I don't remember the name of the actual... Is that like the standard of the story? I don't remember the name of the actual... I have watched that movie so many times. You have an emotional connection to this one. Yes, I did.

I don't remember the name of the lead actress in... I walked her from afar and up close when I got close to the TV screen. I remember the name of the lead actress in just one of the guys, but she was also someone I had a crush on. Yeah, totally. Yeah. That was the first food I ever saw, Dan. Why are you looking at me weird?

No, I understand. Everyone, I think, every, she was my cheat star. She was my cheat star, Nate. Your cheat star. She's our the first woman I ever saw, Nate. I would just like to say, I appreciate this letter from a lady listener because when I, I get a real kick out of any letter

that objectifies any man in any way because it makes me feel less gross as a man myself. Because you realize there aren't just pervazinas. There's pervazinas. Yeah, those pervazettes. Oh, pervazettes could work too. Pervazinas sound more interesting in European than I'm comfortable with. Well, pervazinas are pervazettes that I've seen a little bit too much. Thank you. Thank you pervazettes. Please Pervon and brought to you by pricacet the

The the joy the choice of pervazettes I Don't know I'm not one of them Mitchell fucking bird the official drug of drug of herbicides. Yeah, all right. Well this last letter of the letter segment. Yeah, I'm all right It's titled I have based my life on your teachings Oh boy And the family a lot and I find myself Submarine sandwiches and I find myself as they say in Britain a young man without prospects Oh, but my question is if the three of you could appear in any one of these three sequels

Which would you choose appear like at we were actors or we are would turn to the world? I don't know you can choose however you okay number one head of the family to even more head Number two in physical invisible maniac two, T-O-O. Number three, Castle Freak II, the Freakening. That's from Sweet P. Garfunkel. I imagine Stuart being in Castle Freak II, enforcing the Castle Freak at gunpoint to Rip is ding dong. It's gonna happen in this movie. Well, the thing also about Castle Freak is similar to a lot of actors. I would probably pick that movie because it's being shot in a castle in lovely Eastern Europe. Yeah, which I mean come on Like I get a free trip to Europe. Why not?

I used to work with Stuart Gordon. Yeah, that would be amazing But I would imagine if it's a sequel I'd probably be working with Brian Yosna, which would still be amazing It's still be cool. Yeah, Dan. What about you? I think I would choose head of the family too, and hopes that Jacqueline Lovelle would rise a roll. Yeah, I think I'd do invisible maniac. And I'd like to find out what happened to my run. How we got through the house burning down. Because I love movies that have T O O in the title instead of the number two. And also because finally I could achieve my dream of killing someone with submarine sandwich. Interesting.

Would you be like the student of the invisible maniac? Like, you whispers in your ear and tells you what to do? I think it's gonna be like Zapped II, where I find his formula like hidden in a wall somewhere. Okay. And then I use it to do basically the same stuff that they did in the first movie. Exactly, yeah.

Yeah, to wreak some extra zapped on the universe. Yeah. Now they never made zapped three oblivion. But you know, I guess that was in the it was in the makings and I think that's where they were going to make it. It's where they would choose oblivion because oblivion lends itself naturally to a fourth to the fourth. No, like fantasm for they were trying to break the rules of oblivion. Yeah, that makes sense. Actually, like the oblivion of Tom Cruise, which was the fourth movie... With Tom Cruise.

Yeah. It's called Zap 3, The Search for Spock. So, this is the last segment of the show. Oh, so sad. It's like the end of Saturday Night Live, where they're all dancing with the music. And they're like, good night everybody. And they're hugging and you're like,

they probably have a lot of fun times together. They're hugging with the credits, and it's like they're saying to you, we're having a fun party that you're not invited to. You're sitting on your couch and wondering where your night went. You could watch. You could be hugging Bono right now.

You're 14 years old in Saturday night, and you don't have any friends. We have lots of friends. Look at this, I'm hugging the star of some TV show you don't watch. You could have been hanging out with girls and doing all kinds of drugs. Yeah, but nope, instead you're not a SNL.

But this segment is less cool than that. We recommend stuff. This is a segment where we recommend stuff. We do it with your Saturday nights, dudes. What, this is a segment where we recommend the movie. Well, watch SNIC, I guess, right? That you might like to watch, unlike getaway. I think pinwheels on a map.

Yeah, yeah. Pinwheel after it, babe. Yeah, yeah. Pinwheel after dark. Sure. Oh, no. Is there a movie you would like to recommend Stewart? Yeah, I'm going to recommend a little known movie to give it a little bit of support. It's called The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smog.

Smog. Smog. Smog. Smog. Smog. Smog. It's me. Smog. They can't drag it. Like the bad guy in the Smax comic? Yeah. So yeah, it's me. Yeah, the cat dragon

Like the bad guy in the smacks comic. Yeah, it's also my go-to reference for a cat dragon What if he fought the dog luck dragon from the never ending story? Well, I think the dragon from smacks would win because it's like a joyous Like bomb. He has like magic number powers. Yeah fractal and whatnot So I'm gonna recommend the latest Hobbit movie. I am, well, it's tough because I love it. It falls into the only God forgives category for me because it's a movie that I love.

There's a lot of scenes of Ryan Gosling looking at stuff. Exactly. And I have a very deep relationship with these movies. And I don't know if anyone actually, anyone else actually would enjoy it as much as me, but just there's moments in the movie that give me actual like joy laughter, which there's very few movies that come out nowadays that actually do that break through your heart and I watched it with Stuart. I did not like only God

for you. I was in both of you liked it. I apologize. You didn't launch it with us in a theater full of film students. Yeah. And I also did not like the first Hobbit movie despite loving all of the Lord of the Rings, which I still love. But I really had a good time at desolation or smog with with stew. So yeah, I mean, I've, so you recommend seeing the movie with Stuart. Yeah. You say, I recommend to you with me hanging out with him. I'll grab there are I'll tell you stories. Totally grab my arm a lot of the time. We'll get a fire going.

Um, I'm going to recommend a movie that, uh, instead of, instead of get away, why don't you watch the get away, the same, the Sam Peckin-Paw movie, the first one, stirring. Yeah, the stick between. Yeah. And I'll tell you something as mean, believe in Dustin Diamond. I'll be totally honest with you. I don't remember a shitload of that movie. But I remember that I liked it. And I remember that it was a movie called the getaway. That was good.

McQueen's character's name. Team McQueen. So what are they doing in the movie? They get away from something. From something. So it could be anything. It could be a giant story. I feel bad.

It could be an epidemic. It could be a bad marriage. I've seen a shit ton of movies in my time. I just remember that this was a good one. That's what I got to say. I feel bad that I remember scenes from the shitty the getaway remake with a kin basing or an apple. Mostly the better like the nude scenes. Yeah. I remember this way better. And the Jameswood scenes. The nude scenes. Yeah. The new Jameswood scenes. It's like some kind of a guanos naked. Weird. I haven't seen any movies recently that I really liked a lot and so to make up

for that and to make up for Dan's basically just to give you the name of a movie and no other information, I think I'm going to recommend three movies. Hold on to your hats. Three. First, you know that this was a bad car chase movie you know it's a good car chase movie Ronin directed by John Frangett primer it's a strange little movie in that the plot is deliberately opaque it's a bunch of people who are supposed to steal a thing you don't really find out what the thing is you don't find out a lot about the people but there's a certain stylish coolness to it it's one of the last movies

where Robert De Niro seemed to give a shit about what he was doing and the car chase in it, check our chases in it are fantastic. I saw that movie in college with my college roommate and when the, the first shot of niece comes up on the screen, but before they actually have, you know, they give you where the takes place. They say niece at the bottom of the screen. I just remember him in a very stone drawl saying nice. And then I came up on the screen it was pretty amazing.

Well then anyway there's good car chases in that. I'm going to recommend another Sam Peckin Paul movie that I may have recommended before but I'm not sure if I did called the Ballad of Cable Hogue which is kind of a light comedy drama with Jason Rob robards as a drifter in the old west who discovers a watering hole out in the desert turns it into a little business uh... and it's surprisingly sweet for a sam peckin paum movie there's a lot of whistfulness to it and there's a fantastic scene where he sees the female lead a camera named on the head i apologize the female leads

cleavage she's a uh... prostitute in town that he falls in love with. And then he's kind of like almost dazed by it. They're saying goodbye and flashes of the image of her cleavage are kind of not quick enough to be subliminal, but not long enough to be full shots flashing on the screen as he sees her walk away. And it's such a brilliant capturing of what it's like when you catch a glimpse of a woman's cleave,

like where it's just popping up in your mind a lot. Like there's something very honest about that moment, but also funny that I really like and didn't expect from a Sam Pagan-Pong movie. And you said there was a great car chase in that movie? There is not. A character does get run over by a car, but it's not a car chase.

So Ronan is the car chase movie. The Balda Kablehogue is the San Pecum from movie. And then I'll recommend just a movie that's about as far away from Getaway as I can possibly get, which is the 1940 film version of Our Town with William Holden, which is our town, if you're not familiar. It's a fantastic play about kind of life death and the eternal qualities of human existence as shown in a very tiny turn of the century American town. And it's very beautifully done

and they actually change the ending from the play a little bit, but in a way that works very well for the movie. And it's just a really good movie and I think it's in the public domain so you can buy like probably a $3 video cassette of it. So our time. Yep. You've landed your $40 video cassette player. Back in town. Go back in time and get a VCR. Go to the general store. So Ronin, the ballot of cable hug and our town. If you can't find a movie that you like in one of those

three, then I don't know if we can be friends. Or, Dan or my recommendations. Yeah. Come on. I'm just saying I ran the game at Friday. In theaters now. How are you? I'm just saying yours. Yours is the only recommendation that's in theaters now.

Then get over there and watch that shit, dude. It's great. It's got a fucking dragon in it, man. The dragon fucks. No. Uh, in a way, it's hard for me to put into words. So it's been a great year, guys. It has is this is our last Episode of 2013 and let's just say what will you say?

So I'm just gonna thank everybody for listening. Yeah, thank you 2013 I feel like as a year we exploded as an intern Like I was looking at our numbers on the downloads and from the beginning of the year to now It's been a real big shoot up into the stratosphere. I want to thank all our listeners and I want to thank the AV Club, Parade Magazine, Entertainment Weekly for all supporting us. And most importantly, you want to thank us. Yeah, well, you know, the other guys in the Flavaos.

No, no, I don't want to thank you guys. Oh, wait a minute. No, thanks to Martin Dan for putting this podcast together so I could jump on it and propel it to start them. Yep. Yeah. But thanks to listeners for pushing us and really. It's like a car. You're like fucking Ercle. Come on, you're the breakout character. Yep. Yep. And I was, it's like a. You're like, yeah, you're a fucking or go the character from family splatters They porn over Carle win blow not car. Oh, it's low. Yeah, you guys grossing me out. So I think we need to shut it down

So that at Dan, do you want to thank the listeners for anything? Yeah Sure, thanks for listening. Thanks for listening and supporting us We got a lot of great boosters out there and it's mental on to us. Okay, so any of their names been a big year 2014 is gonna be even bigger. Double size episodes, super size episodes, flop house in the aisles, flop house live tour, those things will not happen. But we'll have some stuff. Yeah, no, I try, I very much appreciate the way that we've blown up all based on fans. I don't think that we've actually like, what about all the money we've spent to blow up? Yeah, this is a thing we have not, we have not, we have not published, we have not published, we have not pushed ourselves out of the media, but I think the fans have really pushed us out there and thank you all for listening and

I appreciate it and I hope that 2014 is even better So we should probably sound crazy for the flop house. I've been steward Wellick didn't I? Have been damn the boy and not forgetting my name. I'm Elliot Kaelin. Good night everybody. Good night. There's a new trend among young people, Mike knocking. They find someone named Mike and they knock him over. Sure. Just when you thought your microphones were safe, tune in at 10 to find out what might be happening with teens. Where are your microphones?

Phil met a lemon. Two-minute ten to find out what might be happening with teens. Where are your microphones? Phil Metal-Emin. Alright, um... It's 10 o'clock, DeNoria microphone is. Is it been knocked? Let me explain what that would be though. Knock knock, who's there? A microphone. That's not standing up anymore.

Hi, I'm Brent Dilby. Of Channel 19... Channel 19 investigative news. And Dilby's got him. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da of Channel 19 channel 19 investigative news and Dillby's got him Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun again we talked to jethro scuba of the local radio station now mr. scuba do you know who might who knocked your mic it was day and he was right there he's looking at me right now all right let's in in brother exercise over