The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #147 - Devil's Pass AND Awards Floptacular

Episode Date: March 8, 2014

The solution to "Devil's Kidney Stone." In which Dan makes the mistake of thinking that, because Renny Harlin directed Devil's Pass, it would be crazy and weird, rather than draggy and significantly more boring than reading the Wikipedia page about the real Dyatlov Pass incident. Then, we forgo letters and recommendations to offer a condensed version of our usual Awards Floptacular, because no one (including us) really cared much about the Awards Floptacular anyway.

It's a flop house to I'm Dan McCoy. Hey Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Welleyton. And I am Elliot Kaelin, the third in the trio, all for one and one for all. The three flops, good tears, three coins in a flopton. Hooray! Is it weird that of the three, there's the three musketeers, but the most important one is not included in that number. Well, it's because it's about him joining the three musketeers, right? Yeah. Well, mystery sauce.

I guess in cyclopedia bronch, it was the case of the missing Miss Cusca deer. It was all about the puddle of water on the floor. That's where the block ice turned out mules can't have children. That's how you know, bugs mean is plot was fake. We like mules from AD&D's Dark Sun setting. Mules like in the Mule in the Foundation series. Okay. Yeah. He wouldn't have called it the first battle of Bull Run

because at the time he wouldn't have known there would have been a second battle of Bull Run. Yeah, thanks. Battle of Manassas. Close the case. So are we doing something here and what's going on? This is not an encyclopedia brown cast. This is a podcast where we talk about bad movies. We're called the

Flapphouse podcast. Yeah, watch a bad movie then we discuss it. And a little note, a little programming note. Sure. Normally at this time we would be doing our awards Flapptacular. But nobody likes those. No one likes us. We've, but what we're gonna do, we're gonna roll that into this episode. So that you cannot like part of this episode. Sure, yeah. I think our listeners are gonna revolt Dan and burn a Dan-shaped thing in effigy.

Yeah, we're so long in effigy then. We're so like, burn its knee right off. We're gonna find that, oh no, the word plot, tagular is our favorite episode. We wait all year for that. Yeah, he's what they're gonna say and we'll be like And how come the download numbers tell a different story So we're watching we in this case. We're watching movie. We're gonna talk about that for the first half And then we're gonna do a abbreviated words flop so we're not gonna have any

movie recommendations Or letters no movie recommendations or letters. No, no letters, but that means no letter songs. I'm sure you'll figure out some way around that loophole. We'll record a special one. It's not a loophole. Hey everybody, let's make a whole of a loop. Let's loop in a hole. Let's get it our all. Let's something that's I can't do it. It doesn't work. It's gotta be the letters. The only thing you can say about it. That's what it means is my dad's news. Yeah, that's why all the Beatles songs are about letters.

Eleanor letters. Letters on the hill. Yeah, we all live on a yellow letter. Revolution number letters. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. I should have said, wait a minute, I didn't even change any of it. I was gonna say Lucy in the sky with letters then say you expect me to say letter in the sky with diamonds instead I So so totally squatted up that I didn't even put the word letter in there L is participating to which time with me and becoming an incomprehensible Now I can't talk and my tongue is trying to leap out of my mouth and escape Yeah, it's as much fun when I'm the only one who speaks properly around here. Yeah, so Dan, the Queen's English.

Like they're speaking Queens. So Dan. Sorry. Yeah, we watched a movie tonight called The Devil's Pass. It's actually just called Devil's Pass. The Devil's Pass. There is no the difference between the invisible man and invisible man there to very different books directed by a

renfield harland renfield harland descended from the Dracula renfield um... now it's reney harland you may know him from previous flop house uh... movie twelve rounds you may know him for previous flop house bad movie recommendation mine hunter mine hunters Won kiss good night probably That that exercise prequel that cathart island to write the island. Yeah, that was his the biggest Time according to somebody So yeah, he's a guy who knows how to make a big blockbuster

from our own Elm Street 4. He was going to make a sound of the thunder, but he didn't, so nobody else made that. Probably a bit more entertaining, although based on this movie, I think not. No, it wouldn't have. Now 12 rounds, let's all remember, was really fun.

It is a fun stupid movie. Devils pass, it's like some kind of mud. A cast in the shape of a human being. John Sanna. Bashing his way through knowledge. And also a carcadie from the wire. Yeah. But we didn't watch that movie this time. We watched Devils pass, which is Stuart's favorite type of horror movie, a found footage horror movie. Yeah, I can't get enough of that sweet found footage. Everything is- Where do you find it in the fucking garbage I hope? Because it's trash.

Everything in it is as if it was recorded by a group of, they're like college students who go on a quest. They're gonna be on a match-up. Yeah, they went to an inn and the innkeeper gave them shots of some kind of strange order. Well, let's get into the movie before we get to that scene. Okay, so two college students are putting together a movie about the young. The world that they know that innkeeper was actually a wizard because he produced

a plane. We haven't even, he just used like a torch. It's a lighter, really. So there are two college students who hire three other college students to go with them to investigate a real life incident, according to Wikipedia called the, at the dot, deotlov pass incident in which at a mountain pass in Russia, a party of nine climbers was found dead with some strange circumstances about them. They didn't have shoes and were in various states of undress.

Some of them were found to be slightly radioactive and they had horrible wounds that were on the inside but not the outside, in the view of them. And it's never been explained and it is very clear, Rene Harlan, read a book about it and decided to make a crappy movie about it sounds like a fascinating thing to make a movie about it about now let's see how he ruins it by not really focusing on the actual incident allow me to explain that the most interesting thing in the movie to me is that there's a character briefly that you see named doctor kittles which sounds

like a hard movie for kids about an evil veterinarian who like kills kittens, I guess. It was like the pre-cooled Dr. Giggles. It's the cat version of Dr. Giggles. You know how sometimes there's a porn version of some movies, other movies that make cat versions, Cat Man and Robin and so forth. Sure. I just thought that if you were in a movie like say you're watching a movie like an American tale where there are cat characters, there would be all villains of course in the background except for Dom Deli there would be a marquee on one of the movie theaters I would say Dr. Kittles.

Yeah because there's a Dr. Giggles joking. Yeah I mean in an American tale, a children's movie made before Dr. Giggles. Great dad, great yeah. Sorry I apologize to you and everyone. Thank you. Apology accepted and much needed. So there's three, there's five kids. One is the conspiracy nut. One is the earnest, clear dames looking woman who does do so. Yeah. Another is a woman who is their sound expert and two mountain climbing experts get all kinds of women in this movie You've got blondes and brunettes. It's two and Dr. Kiddles who is a woman

But and there's an old woman too. Anyway, not a sentient cat It's not a total road time situation What why do you look at me when you said that? Oh, because you're half-totary. So anyway, they, but it turns out, so we watched their footage and then we cut to news stories saying that a bunch of American teens were found dead and went disappeared, went missing, disappeared in Russia. We see a really fake-looking American fake newscast, then a pretty realistic looking american fake newscast then a pretty realistic looking Russian newscast and then there's something that's like by the way uh they never released any

footage from the cameras that were found but uh some hackers found some of it and here it is and so the rest of the movie is like i guess we're watching like a front line or something this is goes on for a while we're watching like a movie within a movie within a movie. And they show the entirety of the found the recovered footage of this group. And to make a long story short, there are a bunch of young jerks. They go to Russia, they ride a train forever. Not a joke and a lot of flirting. They go, they're a lot of flirting and joke and they go to a little town. There they go to a bar and they drink the same drink that the, that

the original, uh, deatloved partyotlov party drink 50 years ago, which is like saturnian wine. It's treated as if it's like a weird coincidence, but the bartender's like, oh, what are you doing here? Oh, we're gonna go out there and investigate what happened to the diyotlov party. Okay, well, here's a drink that they had.

Yeah. You should try it too. Spooky. Yeah, I mean, how long do you think this fucking guy's been waiting to serve somebody that's drink? Oh, I know. I know.

I know. It's a theme restaurant. Yeah, it's just everybody. It's just party after party goes through looking for these missing, these, the answers behind this mysteriously dead climbing group. And he's like, oh, another one. All right, haul out the spooky sounds. Yeah, it's like going down to Salem and like having like the witch, which martini.

Yeah, having a witchbird here. Wait, witchbird? Yeah, down at a room-hilders. The witch, the infestory restaurant. Yeah, going to a Loch Ness and having like a nessie steak. Yep. It's just a regular beef steak and they die of blue. Like a, like a Sasquatch taco.

And where would that be? It's got like Sasquatch Really did explain that Where's the Sasquatch the restaurant I'm like, I don't know like Pacific Northwest or something I don't know why you're acting as if I'm gonna see any a cry I've got some like yellow fur and other something It does in my way of. It's because you're eating

fur. You're eating fur. You're terrible appetizing. And instead of a lot of more tea, it's like salami or something. Like a huge piece of salami. I guess it says watch lami. Salamy wrapped around fur? That's us again. Is Salvador Dali serving you this? Down at Sally's place, the surrealist restaurant. All the waitresses are nude, but they have telephones for heads.

Here have our cocktail. One perfect hard-willed eggs is spended in a pitcher of orange juice. Oh, and it's so you have to, it's served on the back of a moving cat. So, go for it. Try to find it. Wow, really? You don't have to worry about what time it is because the clocks are all melting. This is a fully formed idea, guys. I like to invest in this idea. No, you should. We're like to invest in this idea. No, you should write it to Salvador Dali courtesy of guy who died 30 years ago. It isn't like 20 years ago. Care of almost played the Emperor in the Dune movie.

This is a weird, I don't know if the post office is going to deliver this. Oh, well, no, I'm just going to steal the money. Okay. Anyway, so these kids, I'm just gonna steal the money Anyway, so these kids are going up to Russia. There's a lot of ominous signs They go I'm gonna say it as quickly as possible. Yeah, you'll camping out in the in the mountains It's basically everything you'd expect to happen happen. They find their spooky noises They're mysterious footprints. They find a disembodied tongue just lying in a weather station It's like some sort of Blair Witch's modding them or something. Yeah, some kind of Blair Russian Witch.

Oh, I don't know what you'd call it, like Blair Witch. That's what it is. Some sort of Blair Witch. Yep. Anyway, and eventually, they find a hidden door that leads deep within the mountain, where I guess Smash is keeping its treasure. How is the Airfucking Oblivion role or whatever? So, around a quest, it's a role-blank game. It's a role-blowing game called Boer the audience Everyone's arguing there's there the the like hunky athletic mountain climber expert

You're using hunky super loosely Well, he's supposed to be the hunky guy it bristles with the nerdy conspiracy guy who is also not that nerdy uh and It's there's an avalanche. And one of the women is killed in the avalanche, the one who's the audio expert, not the one that looks like the lines. The one that's most likely to get topless. The one that she doesn't, it's a PG-13 movie. Well she sleeps with the mountain climber, but you don't see anything, it's a PG-13 movie. Yeah. Anyway, there's an avalanche. She's killed in that. Everyone else is running around. Oh, no,

oh, no. The experienced mountain climber like breaks his leg or something, right? Yep. Yep. I knew it. Chalked that up to a new experience. And well, you learn something no matter what happens. And a bunch of soldiers, I guess, fire at them and the three remaining members. Wait, a bunch of soldiers? Yeah, it was like two dudes showed up, right? Yeah, Russian soldiers show up. And basically the...

But they're off in the distance. We don't know the soldiers, they're Russians. They start firing. But they have bonds, and they seem pretty well trained. But before the firing happens, like one of the leaders of our intrepid band is like this afalanche was caused by the russian government they want to hide something like they said charges off yeah and and the russian soldiers can

sort of confirm this by showing up and uh... shooting at them and there was a there was a heart to heart moment before this where that of the two people instigated this trip. The guy says he once had a bad acid trip where he imagined they were in this place years before he they went there. And the girl says years ago when she was young, she had a dream where she found a door that led into darkness and she went into the darkness. So spooky, I guess anyway, the other mountain climber, this one as a go see gets shot and the three of them Escape into the door in the mountain, but the doors all lock on the outside

So they pull it shut and then the soldiers lock them in and they wander through dark hallway Now I've just skipped about 40 minutes of the movie Which is mostly them walking around in the snow, just kind of doing a bunch of nothing. And making a camp, making camp snacks and... There's a lot of the kind. There's a lot of the kinds of... You're measuring footprints. There's a lot of the kind of details that are supposed to...

Yeah, ever in. They go over the details of the original disappearance over and over again. And a lot of these are like real world details that I think are supposed to make you feel more like this is lost footage. These were real people. We care about them now. parents over and over again. And a lot of these are like real world details that I think are supposed to make you feel more like this is lost footage. These were real people. We care about them now, but instead- Like using the term AT instead of saying Appalachian Trader.

Yeah, but instead you're just like, come on, I know, one, I know this is fake. Two, I, this is supposed to be a harm movie. It's like, let's get with the spooks. Let's get with the scares. But also, we're the jumpers. We're the jumpers. We're more fucking monsters in the background of the shots. But three, for all the time that has spent,

don't use my numbering. Start your own number, please. All right. Oh, hey. Okay, this is better. For all the time that has spent, not doing anything, you expect there to be character development. But these are the most interchangeable group

of nothing people that you've ever seen in a movie. Cardboard, but one like, their characteristics are, one guy is slightly nerdyer than the others. One guy has a terrible goatee. One guy has a terrible goatee and he's the nicer of the two mountain climbers. And he's got like a weird hat. Yeah, and of the women, one is blonde

and the other is not blonde. Yeah. And one, I guess one lady slightly sassier of the other is a little more restrained. I don't even know if that's the case. Well, like the one is the, is like the, like no nonsense, she's here on a mission. The other is just, you know, like a long on, it's just a job to her, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And so anyway, they escape into the mountain. It's a renegade sound girl. I'm only in it for the sound. Yeah, there's one last job and then she can retire.

Yeah. Down the Key West. That need each of $23. Yeah, down the Key West open up a beach bar. For sure you can record all the sound she wants to record. Yeah, just stick a microphone in a shell and record the Seat. Anyway, it's sort of the specialty cocktail that's a pitcher orn's juice with an egg in it. Yeah, I call it the ADR.

It was a sound version. So they escape into the mountain and there are dark hallways and they basically feel like they ran into a resonant evil game. It's just dark hallways and like things skittering about they find an abandoned old Russian army base that has a bunch of records about the Philadelphia experiment. The fabled not real American Navy experiment from World War Two were a ship supposedly traveling time. This is the experiment where Kerry Grant and Jimmy's two emerged together in Catherine Hepburn right? Whoa. Whoa. What was I gonna say again?

So, so just some kind of threesome. It's like, it's kind of crazy chimera. They merged together, thrusting inside. Yeah, they're different. It'd be amazing if there was an early cut of Philadelphia, of the Philadelphia story that included. We're kind of having it like, hold on boys.

I don't need to make a choice. That included it. Just a long, very graphic double penetration scene. And the studio bosses were like, George Cucor, what are you doing? Are you crazy? We can't release this. This is way ahead of its time. This is so cutting edge. I can look into the future and imagine a time where this is commonplace, but not now. Not now. Not no. We're locking it up in the vault. Yeah, and that still exists guys and we got to find it Let's rob that vault let's rob that vault and finally get the cat's going twice

Okay, what am I? Yeah, you're the you're the brains Okay, okay, so we have a car a smart guy and boss Now we got to do is find where the film is figure out how to steal it and we're home free. And then what we're going to do with it afterwards because I think maybe once I can watch the novelty value of a threesome with Jimmy Stewart Kerry Grant and Katherine Hepburn, but I don't know many times after the first time or three times, you just it's hard to enjoy. I also like how Dan in Dan's mind experiment means threesome whereas I would think like something sciencey

The only thing I like they start researching something and then they all have I mean experiment science. Yeah, well the scientific method implies that they just gotta try everything All right hypothesis is that three people will make it extra hot Let's test it So but we need to replicate these results. So they find this down in this place. So they're in this place. There's a lot of there's a lot of old documents and they find some dead bodies. Some of whom would like weird growth to monstrously misshapen in their teeth and whatnot. Sharp teeth. Eventually, it turns out there's a... The guy who's been hurt, they kind of leave behind for some reason.

Yeah, they say they'll come back again. But he's, we were shot and he's lute lost a lot of blood. He's like, oh, you on. Let me just catch a couple of Z's and I'll be okay. Don't worry about me guys, I just, I'm just too tired. I'm too tired. And they said, I'm a rough day. My feet are so sore, I'm just like,

get up my energy. So they're attacked by a bunch of monster people who have that elongated arms, pot belly, you know. You've seen them in like a million movies. They're like the Legion demons. And all sorts of stuff. They don't die as easy as those demons. No, because they can teleport.

Okay. And they're bamping around like Nightcrawl or the beginning of X-Men 2, X-2, X-Men United. Uh-huh. We got, and there's plenty of shots of these monsters like screaming at the camera or like grabbing somebody moving all jittery, doing the jittery gotta say I gotta tell you I've seen this before I've seen this type of movie already. No, why did you make this?

I've seen this type of monster before like as we've been saying it's a real it's a real legion type of monster Yeah, it's a pretty wrote by the numbers, but that that said I Feel like it was actually done better than I normally see it in this movie. Like, it was genuinely kind of freaky when they finally showed up. Yeah, well, the fact that they're in their half in shadow a lot of the time is good. Well, and that they're just, they keep shifting around like they have this thing where they're like phasing in and out of reality somehow. Yeah. That made it a little creepy. Well, I like that description more than what they, what they ended up saying is that they're just

teleporing around. They can just tell. Yeah, the idea of them being unstuck in time is more interesting. Or like the monsters in Front Beyond where they're kind of existing on a different plane of reality and they're like popping in and out of our reality and their own, that's not what it is, they're just teleporting. But Dan's reading is better, so let's just take it that way. Yeah, and from Beyond's grace.

And from Beyond's fantastic, it's all goopy and gross. The guy gets killed by a swarm of bees, and they eat his skin somehow. But I gotta say, like, we haven't gotten to like, the full craziness of where this ending goes, but this movie unloads so much crazy at the end. Right at the end, instead of doing the last 10 minutes. Instead of doing a slow drip, you have a lot of these characters wandering around in the

snow, not doing very much. And then suddenly in the last 10, 15 minutes, it's underground Soviet base, monster men who can teleport. Okay, we're going to open up this cave door. Oh, there's some kind of some kind of time portal that goes to Lord Knows' Ware. And we're going to, we're going to leap through it holding hands. It's a fucking stargate. Yeah, except when they go through it, they don't end up in an Egyptian-based alien world

run by the she-man from the grey game. The Gua-Wooled? Because that one is called... They're the Gua-Wooled, yeah, that's the alien race. It's a tell name. The tell name. Gua-Wooled, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what?

Guardian. Gua-Wooled? The owls of Gu-Wooled, Jeff Galui. So, they think, well, maybe we'll walk through it and we'll think about where we want to be and then we'll escape. And they walk through this portal and the camera goes with them and this is one of my problems that I have with this kind of like Cloverfield Blair Witch movie. Something scary is chasing you. You're going to just drop the camera.

Like, the camera is not going to go with you Because you have to, it's every now and then, they'll do something to show. It's a found footage movie, like they'll put the camera down and you'll be like, wait a minute. So you were running around with your hand in front of your face with a camera attached to it when you thought you were being shot at

or that there were monsters coming at you. Like nobody in the world would just keep shooting. I mean, maybe if you're a professional news photographer or something like that. But worse than that, like as- That was my problem with Cloverfield, though, it was like seriously the guy won't put down the damn camera, and you're saying that? Well, no, like, well, we haven't gotten there yet, but you're about to say that they leap

back into the past. When they go through, suddenly they're dead, and we see through the camera that some people are trying to reach them, but Soviet troops stop them. And these people are the, one of them is a woman who's a young version of an old woman. They interview earlier in the movie who said, even though there were nine people in the mountain climbing group that disappeared, I saw 11 bodies. And it's the two closing the circle are two last main characters.

And we end a Soviet troop picks up the camera. It doesn't know what it is. He's baffled by it because it's the two are two last main characters and we end a Soviet group picks up the camera doesn't know what it is he's baffled by it because it's future technology. Yeah, but with a found footage thing, that's where I was going like, how did the fucking hackers get their hands on like this camera that tell boarded back into the past because at some point, the Soviet government and also get a forward. They've got dreadlocks, even though they're white guys. Fisher Stevens, skateboarded into the past, took it and plugged into computer and there was just a bunch of code falling around, you know, in a haze.

Okay, fair enough. They hacked the world. When they hacked the world at the end, it involved this. Exactly, DJ Kuala figured it out. Also the net. Let's not forget that. Anyway. And Tron, everyone was trining about with

their Johnny Nemanix. Yeah. Yeah. Neural Manzing Open Down dancing on the ceiling, Kung Boop Fighting, walked the dinosaur all that stuff. You know more games, weird science, glasses the Forbidden Project. 2001 Space Odyssey and so forth? Okay, you've convinced me. Yeah, thank you. Anyway, do you want to play a game? No, the only way to move is not to play. Oh, good point. Well, the game was, I hate yourself in the head of this, so you're right. Well, lawn mower man's.

Yeah, there you go. lawn mower man's. Yeah, I can play the game too. De-sniter's strange land. Well, that was a little different. That was not really about computers so much. Or if you're not met. There you go. Untrasable. Brains, Brains game. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Perfect. A lot of stuff with computers in it.

Virtuosity. So here we go. So, uh, he, and we see as there. My favorite wrestlee for fourth spot. Wrestle Crowe? Yeah, it's so Crowe. The WWE wrestler. He's a member of what the Legion of Doom is. Yeah, he's a Russell Crowe slash the Crowe themed wrestler. So it's like Russell Crowe with the Crowe's make up on. And his finishing move is he plays a song from 30 Output of Grond. So I'm imagining this is like an alternate like like when he made Cinderella man

This was the companion piece. He was like an old-time wrestler For some reason he was under his actors name WrestleCrow is gonna wrestle his way out of the great depression. I wish Cinderella man had been just the story of Cinderella But Russell Crowe played Cinderella. Yeah, we're it's Cinderella man. And Russell Crowe is just like on his hands and feet scrubbing his wicked steps. She was through it. And then a little mouse helps him make a dress. That'd be adorable. Anyway, so the Russians troops take, they've gone into the past clearly through this portal. The Russian troops take their bodies and move their modern, weird looking clothes. It is a portal of time, not a porthole of time.

It's way too big for that. If anything, what it looks like is more of a sphincter of time, like they walked into the Earth's anus. It's a call of a time. And they just got spat backwards in time. But and their bodies are hung up on the back. They watch to do a time-sur-life. And their bodies through some weird transformation

through the portal are now half monstery. Yeah, like ghouls. And they start like shaking a little and it's clear that they are now, they have become the monster that attacked them in the future. They've kind of bad ass haircuts now too. Yeah, yeah. They look like they grow the dragon tattoo. And it's sort of, it's sort of vaguely implied that maybe the thing that killed the original people in the past

is the shockwave or whatever of them going back in time. Of our heroes, yeah, emerging into the 1950s. I mean, one problem with this movie is, one that's not going on the one problem. This is the single, it's all the same. It is the one. Is that what it is? I'm saying that one of the many problems

is that it both, uh, it's either. It either spins way too much time explaining something or it doesn't. It causes over something and assumes that you understand it. Yeah. We are told that this and it also, the movie throws out a lot of possible theories early on. Was it UFOs was it Sasquat yeties was it who knows was it local tribesmen and at the end it's like it goes to the cabra it's almost like at the end they were like oh man yeah the poor fucking Chupacabra that

died is now haunting a fucking village yeah he's got to make up for his cowardice in his living life by Someone else to be brave. It's the Cantorville, Tupacabra starring Tupacabra out But it's it's like the movie throws out all these possible explanations and then it finally hits on one of the end that is Way less interesting than any of the others Story you put it best I think that you said this movie was like the I think it was you me was Dan And I was you who said this movie is like the, I think it was you, maybe it was Dan, and it was you, who said this movie is like the descent if the descent was really bad. Well, yeah.

I mean, they use all the, at least leading up to the moment where we're introduced to the weird fucking laboratory. They use every cliche of like, oh, we went to sleep, oh, we'll woke up and there's markings in the fucking snow. Yeah. The snow's all yellow. We need a colorful nutrients. Let's all yellow. We need a wonderful nutrients. Let's eat it.

We heard a weird sound. Let's investigate. There's a tongue for some reason. Yeah, they never really explained why that tongue was there either. No, they do. The monster ripped it off a dude's head. But then why did he leave it in a weather station?

No, they totally spookify people, dude. Yeah, I don't know why it was in the weather station. They do like trying to explain it. Like there's like a show the person who's tongue that was just a soldier. and their explanation was like, oh, you know, if you're gonna like try and keep this secret, when you send someone ahead first to make sure that there's still a secret worth keeping,

and I'm just like, okay, I guess, but then like, the people who ripped this guy's tongue out, then were they killed too, or I guess they were killed, but they were killed by the spook him up, so I don't know. Yeah, it's not really, it's not very clear. So that guy, they've been trying to fire that guy, but that guy is part of the union, so they had to send them along. So mean.

Yeah. That's what, I don't call it something, you need for nothing. Yeah. So they sent him on ahead, make sure the monsters are still killing dudes. Okay, you got it. Reminds me of a talk, I saw Evan Dorking give once, where he talked about how in every monster movie, there's the idiot who just runs up to the monster so that the monster can show you what his power is.

Instead of giving a distance of like shooting the monster, someone wrote, oh, what is it, Halloween, and runs up and gets electrified or somethingified or something yeah I gotta say my favorite moment in the movie is when they're exploring the weather station for some reason she opens the door to the weather station sees the tongue shouts what the and then basically does a fucking flip take what the and then falls over into the snow like nobody has ever done that she is struck dumb by this the only way it could have been less realistic is if all you saw was her feet flying out of the panel as she reacted to the punchline. She just heard from that tongue. Tongue anyone? I think my favorite goofy moment was when the avalanche came and that lady died by like,

she like snowsurfed into a camera where we like see the like the lens of the camera. Shed, like, talk her face, like go fly. Face, slams into the camera, beat and then crack appears. Yeah, it looks like the fucking splat from that paintball of Nintendo game. Uh, scary. But to get to, I mean, I like a good walking around to dark tunnels and there's creepy monsters skittering around and like I like stories that involve conspiracy.

Time loops. Time loops and conspiracies and hidden military bases with monsters and them and stuff. But I felt like this movie did not earn, it set up or earn any of that. It just suddenly was like, are you bored of seeing the characters not having an idea what's going on? Well, you use a whole lot of shit. Let's stop it on you. Okay, gotta go run. Like the movie was trying to, the movie realized it had nowhere to go.

So it just threw a bunch of mud in your face so it could run away before you could catch it. And it's like it. Like, the whole last 10 minutes of this movie was a smoke bomb. A cinematic smoke bomb. But I mean, catch what you don't see. And yet those last 10 minutes were the best 10 minutes. They were. It's not saying a lot. Yeah, they're like, oh, you didn't think those monsters were realistic?

Well, we're not going to show them to you anymore. Well, it's almost like there's no reason why they couldn't have gotten to that underground tunnel like 30 minutes in the movie, 25 minutes in after maybe 15 minutes, then wandering around the snow instead of like 40 minutes. They could have kept more of the hinkers alive to get murdered by the monsters. By the monsters. Yeah, they could go in there,

they could find the monsters, they could be scared by the monsters, they could go back out, they could be chased back into the tunnels by the Russian army. Yeah, I mean, when they go back out. There's so many common elements that you could have like,

it's just the like the lamest version of this movie and they did not earn a time portal at the end. What do you have to do to earn? I mean to just mention the Philadelphia experiment and be like when a time portal shows up in a cave you're like by the way this was always here this is what we meant to always happen and there there are some cave drawings and they're like the monsters probably made these this This is their home or something. And they came in their world or their aliens or what. Like the characters are still spinning theories that are clearly wrong.

And maybe there's a movie in that, like a horror movie where it becomes very clear to the audience what's going on but the characters cannot seem to figure it out and keep spinning out theories that are clear that we know are totally not correct. I think it would be really frustrating movie to watch but still you know.

All right. Well, we should do the same way that once you see an alien on the ex files every episode when Dana Scully is like, I don't know. Like come on. Just we've seen him. I think I think that those great guys, the exiles plays better if you assume that after a certain point Skull is just dicking around with the whole The X-Files plays better to stop watching it after at a certain point that's sure and you just click over and watch Melania

Yeah, the much better millennium watch harsh realm You watch Viper VR5 so Yeah, you watch Viper VR5 so Millennium just mobile and senator's and just walking around doing nothing looking for pumpkin That was yeah, it was about pumpkin heads Pumpkin a brief so this was I wish there's more to talk about this movie, but it's not this is a real nothing of a movie That Dan could not wait to watch well Well, it was shopping at the bed. It was really hard.

It was really hard and it's going to be crazy. But it was not crazy. It may be queasy with all the shaky cam. All right. So do you think in real quick, do you guys think in any way this movie was improved by being a found footage movie? Do you think that if they'd made a non-found footage version of this movie, it could have been better?

I think there's almost no found footage movie I've seen that I wouldn't have liked more as a non-found footage movie. Dan, what are we talking about? Whether or not it being a found footage movie had any positive impact and it was possible it could have been improved by being a traditional. Definitely been improved by a genuine traditional movie. We should just skip ahead to final judgments. Let me just say one last thing about the final movies. You'd say it in the final.

OK, if you're just my final judgment, it was bad, bad. So the thing I'm going to say about the series is that if you were going to make a found footage movie that looked like it, that was told a story through piece together found things from different sources. I'd be more interested in that. Like, kind of... Like, well, like security videos of the Monster Home. Security videos are news stories or personal home videos, kind of like what F4Fake does for documentaries. If you did something like that for a horror movie where it's piece together

from different pieces from different sources, that would be more interesting to me than like, we brought a camcorder with us into a spooky house or a cave or some shit. We're just gonna hold it and all the time, you know. And eventually it's gonna drop and you're gonna have like an unmoving shot where monsters are running around in the background and we'll have night vision at some point.

But to have a, if it was like a story that somehow it was like you were watching a documentary, I feel like getting night vision on your camera is just a bad move, because you know there's gonna be monsters. It's gonna be monsters or someone's gonna see you having sex. And you're gonna have glowy, weird cat eyes. And that's nobody gets turned on by that. The only time that looks good is at the end of the thriller video.

But the, if it was, I would rather see like a spooky fake documentary. Yeah. That was pieced together from different sources, but is genuinely scary than like, like the Bay, did you ever see it? I never saw the Bay, no. But even that used some crappy, like, why is this person carrying a camera around?

Yeah. So, yeah, not a fan footage. Bad bad movie, bad bad. We're all bad bad. We're all bad bad. No, there are no such bad bad. We're all bad bad. We're all bad bad. No, no, no, no, no. We're all world bad. Before we move on to the next bit of the show, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, uh, the, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, uh, the, uh, the, the I just want to spotlight one of our sister podcasts

over at All Things Comedy. In this case, I would like to spotlight the Dork Forest Jackie Cation's podcast where she discusses her favorite obsessions with the Obsessed. And, but yeah, that's a great show. Over and above her podcast, All Things Comedy is starting to release stand-up albums. Original albums.

And for that digital download, for very competitive prices, and things like what, five dollars? Yeah, well, that's just five dollars. I wanted to say Jackie Cation has launched her latest stand-up special. This will make an excellent Horcrux, which is available for a $5 digital download exclusively through All Things Comedy. You can get it at www.AllThingsComity.com forward slash Jackie Cation. And you can get a limited edition tour shirt with the cover art for that same art for that same special at www.jekikation.com slash Horcrux. So check it out.

How do you spell that at the end? You spell it in the way that the Harry Potter books spell it. Oh, I didn't know it was a Harry Potter thing. I thought it was like this is the place the horrors really come together. The Horc Crux. Yep, that's what it is in Harry Potter, too. I remembered one thing I did like in Devil's Pass. Let's leave on a positive note.

Okay, which was- When it ended and we got to- And we got to stop watching. When they're in the base, they find a camcorder and they start playing the tape on it and it's stuff that happened to them and if they fast forward and get to the point on the tape where it is, what they're recording right now. And we've, you realize later they found the recorder, the camcorder that went back in time with them. But there was something very spooky about that in kind of an HP Lovecraft unexplainable

mystery way of, I found a camera here that has a video tape on it that shows what we're doing right now. And I almost wish they had not explained it in a time travel science fiction way and it had just been spooky But that was a genuinely creepy moment for me like oh, okay, that was interesting. Yeah, it played up the whole unexplained Phenomena angle that I think Renny Arlen was obsessed with yeah Yeah, I agree he was obsessed with explaining overall Yeah, I agree. He was obsessed with explaining. Overall, overall, I think a documentary about the original incident would be way more interesting. And also creepier.

Yeah, creepier. Or like a normal movie, but about the original. A dramatized movie. But like being killed by I'm guessing an irradiated wrestler who kills everybody. It must be a radioactive Yeti orangutan, you know, a professional wrestler guy. Yeah, it's real murders in the room or yeah. Murders in the room mountain.

Thanks for it. Thanks for putting that in language I couldn't understand. But I do wish Ronnie Holland had just made a straight documentary about the original thing. But anyway, we're done with that. Bad bad movie. Moving on to. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

live from Hollywood Dan's apartment. It's the flop house, a bridge abbreviated very short, flop-tacular segment. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da wearing. Is that from the Stephen King collection? I'm wearing a gray fleece over what I would call this sort of pullover. And over here that's Stuart Wellington in a Tux-Speed O'Hose, your Tux-Speed O'Buy. It's from Dan McCoy swimwear. You can find it on the Flop House podcast website. I don't think you can. And here's me wearing nothing special, jeans shirt. Yeah, but no socks or shoes. It's a real beach outfit. Nope, because my hobbit feet need to breathe, even on a red carpet.

So guys, what are we talking about? Which awards show? The eight K-place awards, the NAACP Image Awards. The MAKA Play Awards. Yeah, the American Girl Play Awards for the best American girl. The award goes to Dan. Wait a minute. The Academy Awards. The award goes to Dan. Wait a minute.

The Academy Awards. The O-Skars. The police Academy Awards. Best sound effects goes to that guy. The sound effects guy. Not tackled there. No. The only sound effect he does is the cocking

in the hammer of a pistol. Most craziest goes to Zed. Yeah, I mean, why can I not remember the sound effects guys real name? Motorbout Jones? No. Michael Winslow? Michael Winslow, thank you.

So, brother to fictional character, Carl Winslow. Anyway, you're saying Dan? I watched the Oscars. Also, but so all the way through. I also watched the Oscars all the way through. And I was strange lack of enthusiasm for them I thought this was it started out strong Okay, I was a fine Oscars for a long time and then Ellen deGeneres apparently made the decision that she didn't need to write in a material for the last two thirds of the show

She could just wander the aisles offering people pizza three times in a row riff and banter I didn't have any major problems with the award winners. It was kind of like, okay, it was a good year for movies. Nobody really shitty got one of the awards that I could think of. I mean, I had my problems that I always did with the shitty bits. If she was just gonna wonder.

Or shits. If she's just gonna wander the aisles like that, I mean, we reached a point in Oscars history where Just thinking about the times when I go to the bathroom when I just leave a bunch of shitty bits Terrible here by the way We've reached a point in Oscar history where not kid tested neither is it mother approved? And that's not an FDA and that's not a toy in the bottom of the box. It's a part of your balance breakfast

if you want to get hepatitis C. Even the milk turns chocolate. Just part of this unbalanced breakfast. But what the hell is it going to be? We've reached a point in Oscar history where you have these honorary Oscars that went out to people like Steve Martin and Angel Lansbury I would have loved to have seen more about that but they don't want to show that that's shut it off to a different ceremony and because today's viewers don't want to watch that

pizza bullshit well they want to see they want to see celebrities hanging out yeah but understand selfies you could include those honorary awards if you cut out the unnecessary tribute montages, and I'm talking about not the in memoriam my favorite part. Yeah, where we celebrate Hollywood We doubled it up this year for some reason. We had the full in memoriam, which was Tastiful. I mean, I would have liked to have seen a little more actual like footage from the movies, but it was weird that they chose one credit for each person So it was like all right. I guess that was the only movie that Harold Raymus made, you know. But then after that, they're like, and now Bet Middler sing, uh, Winbynith My Wings. Winbynith My Wings, yeah.

And only because the, well, the theme of the night was heroes. And that, that song has a line here. NPC's heroes? No. It's coming back for many series. Great. I don't care uh... i didn't like it the first time but so they they picked a song that said you ever know you're my hero

uh... the theme was heroes but they shoehorned that theme into so much weird stuff and i read something that was saying how uh... the asku winners must have been pretty predictable because to have had a year where the theme was heroes and Matthew McConaughey wins for Dallas Byers Club is makes sense But if like Leonardo Capriode won for Wolf of Wall Street, it's like heroes like this Jackass who made who made millions and did this terrible stuff but wait, where where was it that said that this was the thing at the very beginning?

They said heroes then they had a tribute to animated heroes attribute to superheroes and attribute to real life heroes which I think you pointed out to me included Atticus Finch from Tequila Maki Bird because somebody of the Academy thinks that was a real person who existed somewhere and not a novel character. But so like it was that why I met Matti McHowne was talking about how he was his zone hero. Yes exactly and now the We're thinking about all right. All right. These tributes all right, and I say this is someone who has made an Oscar Oh, we did it. So I'm just saying but I'm just saying I know a lot of hard work in time goes into it They're not easy to do you cut them over and over again to try to get them right and it takes a long time

These were the laziest I I think, Oscar montages I'd ever seen. It was rare that you saw a movie from before, like 1997, in them. There were a few, but they were... If you were not the most famous movie ever, like Castle Blanca or... To Kill a Mockingbird, you were not making it into this. But if you were Superman Returns, you were all... Not some of you. If you were Man of Steel, you were all over it. If you were Shrek, you were all over it. Also, like, it was like each montage they would take one recent movie make that the backbone of it and that scatter a bunch of other recent movies and like one or two old movies.

And the last montage I remember was particularly baffling because it was like, it was all like, basically like superhero or action things. And then all of a sudden, like, at theling because it was like it was all like basically like superhero or action things And then all of a sudden like at the end is like oh and also foot loose. Yeah, everyone remembers If anything he's a more effective hero than yeah, he does bring a steel he does bring dance back to that time Yes, and foot loose is better than manist deal, which is terrible But it was like they had they had Jim carry out, add, live a little bit about Brewster. Then he introduced the tribute to animated heroes. And then it was like, okay, so I guess we're doing the animated categories now?

Nope, we're not. Somebody else came out to introduce, I think it was the costume and production design awards. And it was like, wait a minute. We got great Gatsby's awesome. But why did we waste time with? Just give it to the Hobbit though instead. The Hobbit won zero awards. Well it robbed.

Yeah, it's pockets. Yeah, it's the rob. That's Stuart. You were in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico, yeah. Puerto Rico. Like the transfer. How's that?

Well, I was drinking a lot of beer and not watching the Oscars. Sounds pretty fun. I mean like I said, every year I have beer and not watching the Oscars. Sounds pretty fun. Yeah. I mean, like I said, every year I have the same experience with the Oscars. Although I check the results the next day. And I disagree with specifically one of them. With that there was no hobbits? No, well, yeah, that too.

No, I just don't feel Jared Leto should have won for Dallas-Parris. I thought he did a good job but I've seen that performance before from other people. Yeah, and I can, I'll accept the Matthew McConaughey one instead of Tom Hanks, who should have won for best actor. That was not amazing. Well, he still should have won. But I write in votes. Yeah, I wrote in a couple of votes on the back of fucking cocktail napkins.

And just threw them in the ocean in the hopes that they would reach Hollywood. I don't know how the ocean currents work, but I just got bless you, little napkin. Just threw them into the ocean in the hopes that they would reach Hollywood. I don't know how the ocean currents work, but I just got bless you little napkin. Yeah, that's pretty close my eyes and fucking believe they get there. That's just as long as it goes into Jack Valenti's grave. His ghost will make it happen. See, water goes into his grave. It's a poorly done thing. You're laughing at the voice grave of Jack Valencia. You're a ghoul. You should be in a mountain cave in Russia, you ghoul. What was I complaining about? Oh, Jared Letter.

I don't know. It just didn't feel like. What did you want to win that award? That was actually what I was gonna ask you guys. Who else was nominated for the supporting actor? That's that was actually what I was going to ask you guys. Who else was nominee of Remesporting Actor Jonah Hill? Okay, keep going. I'm a guy from Cam Phillips. The guy for Oh, yeah, I wanted him to win.

The head of the Pirates in Captain Phillips. Yep. Who boy? Because Jared let it wasn't even on screen that much. Jared let it was on screen a lot. He was just this. He was in the movie. There was a. I think was W's just this. He was. No, what? In the movie. There was a.

I think was Wally nominated this year for best. I guess I'm just being a complete. I just didn't feel that first off, I don't think that movie should have because Dallas buyers club is a very straightforward. Dallas personal is a is a crowd pleaser. Clad like kind of class at least. Well, he shouldn't know why he shouldn't know. He should have nominated either. And I was so I have to admit, I feel bad saying this. I was really happy American House of One Zero Awards.

Even though I think it probably should have won like costume design or hair, but that was a movie that I thought was enjoyable, but like so totally overrated. It was a mess. It was a mess of a movie. And so many of the scenes were just the characters yelling at each other in circles and you were like Wow, he really looked the actors just there's a reason that actors needed director to rain them in sometimes and a screenwriter to give them things to say because often you get scenes where it's just characters yelling at each other and

It was just a weird movie like the play for a movie about an intricate sting operation They kind of lost interest in that pretty quick. I don't know why he was bringing his wife, Jennifer Lawrence, to all of these things. It didn't make any sense at all. Well, I think the David O'Rossle expressly didn't really care about the sting stuff. He's like, oh, abscams kind of interesting, but I just want to make another character study, like a kind of a screwball character study. But he even failed as a character study. Like the characters didn't have any dimension to them.

No, I agree. You know, it was very entertaining movie to watch that had no substance. It was like a dandelion puff blowing away on a wind. That's beautiful, Dan. That's gorgeous. And you want to run down the dirt road to catch it but you just can't.

Yeah. Well, now you're making it sound too good. Well, you also feel bad because by blowing the dandelion puff, you've helped it to spread its seed around the world and you're like, did I get tricked into having sex with the dandelion? Is that what happened? You're always getting tricked into having sex with the dandelion.

Yes, inductive bastards. That's where you gotta learn. But overall, I kept forgetting what the best picture nominees were before the Oscars. Like, they were the announcements. And they're like, Phil Amina. So you gotta learn. But overall, I kept forgetting what the best picture nominees were before the Oscars. Like, they were the announcement. And they're like, filomena. And I'm like, oh yeah, right, that was a movie.

But otherwise, I mean, otherwise, I agreed with a lot of the winners. I'm not even agreed, but didn't have a problem with them. I still haven't seen 12 years of slaves. So I can't say whether I thought about that. But I was happy Gravity One for directing and cinematography. I was happy that original song from Her did not win, you know. Oh, the, I like that. I like that.

Okay, just because I like Karen O, but it's a little bit of, it's a slight song. It's a, it's like there's shoving the whimsy down your throat with a, I'm assuming next year's Oscars, it's going to be everything is awesome from the from the Lego movie soundtrack. I still have not seen that. I haven't either, but I want to. I mean, my my kid is really keeping it from seeing the kids movie. So I want to see that frozen. lame. Just leave the kid for the babies that are bro. I will. I think I'll probably do that for grand Budapest Hotel. I've now seen, I really want to see that.

Two, I've now seen two performances of Let It Go. I've seen the Oscar performance and that like Lousy Fallon performance. I don't know, Lousy. And I have not been impressed with Menzel yet. And I have to. So Dan, you're going to want to go on, you're going on the internet slacking, Adina Menzel.

No, I have. That is an unsafe move. You are taking your life in your hand. No, I have to assume that she's amazing in the actual movie. But both of the performances that I saw of her, I think that I think at the Oscars, she was being overpowered by the... By John DeVolta's mispronouncement name.

Yeah. By that and the orchestra. And I think that her doing like the found thing with like the toy instruments is like doing her no favors. I know I do. What is it's like a thing that found does he gets he gets people to get he gets songs and does toy instruments with the roots like it started out with I

think call me maybe with Carly Ray Jepson. It's a thing. You know, all of that stuff is about the internet like playing a Teddy Ruckskin or something. Yeah, exactly. They're playing a Teddy Rubbskin. And a Siamskin. Teddy Rubbskin is the adult version. No kids allowed for Teddy Rubbskin.

You put it, you put it filthy days. Yeah, you have to put the play the tape backwards. And it tells you to worship safe. All right, I'm sure I'm sure. I'm sure it goes great song in the in the actual context of the thing. But I was. But but it happens to me every year that I'm watching the Oscars. I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to tweet about it. I'm just going to enjoy it on a sincere level

and not have to come up with, you know, like, smarty quips. And then I get bored. I get bored. And I start to search tweeting about it. But it's, it happens every time. So you're saying the Oscars needs to not bore you? I think it should be one about the movies. Two, shorter. Three, less of it,

less bad. Less bad, we're trying to do it for better. They do the thing where instead of being what they are, which is an award show for movies, and being that to the best, they kind of chase what they think people are gonna want to watch, and- Which is like celebrities hanging out.

Exactly, celebrities hanging out. It's just like us. And it's like, yeah. If you're not gonna give- The ramen noodles and put their pants on two legs at a time. What? How do you do that?

Is it like the wrong trousers? Yeah, no, you lie in your bed and you stick your legs up in the air I have button eyes Rub your legs with chicken fat keep talking you rub your legs with chalian fat On the sides your pants and he hang on there how do you get him over your butt? Besides your pants and he ain't come on How do you get him over your butt? Well, you took your butt in bed for it doesn't make any sense Dan's right chicken pants for your thighs though. You just suck your butt in

So you're like a concave butt For a moment For a moment Your flip pop Saturday was boy Okay, I'm with you on the boy are youing sounds. I just I don't know how you get to that point It's pretty simple you suck it in yankamon you button that shit boy are you That's the boy that comes post-buttoning yeah, cuz if you boy are youing before you're not getting that button on There's pop right off exactly fly through the air hit him out on the face, he uses his

a monical. You say it knocks the stuffy butler's monical out of his eye. So I never and then maybe like a hip hop lyric or something. Somebody's got baps on the brain. So I had another thing to say, oh, so if if the Academy Awards is not the place to give Angel Land's Ray a Lifetime Achievement Award, and not just on a side note, I can only think of like four movies that she was in that bring her up to Lifetime Achievement level. I'm not sure why they gave it to her. Murder, she wrote. Does that count? It's like a movie, but aside from the mentoring candidate, Beauty and the Beast, Gaslight, and Picture of Dorian Gray, I can't think of another classic movie she was in.

I'm sure there are more, but I just can't think of them. But they didn't show you, they showed you almost nothing. But like, if the Academy Awards is not the place to give her a lifetime achievement, then like, why are you doing it? Yeah. Is the reason to do it for ratings? The awards predates television. You know, like, why are you doing it? Yeah. Is the reason to do it for ratings? The awards predates television. You know, like, come on.

Let's just do it up to do it. And the, the memoriam, like, it was, it was pretty up to date this here. Yeah, like, up to, like, Harold Ramison. That's literally to put Harold Ramison, Phil Pseymour Hoffman. Well, I'll put in that, like, he who died on that horrible ridjects of him. I mean, like, barely, they like sort of like shoved her in as a footnote at the end. I don't know if I'm familiar with that one.

There was a train accident where it got like a sort of production assistant. It was terrible. Yeah. But I'm just bringing the podcast down. So here's what I would tell the Oscar. Here's what I would tell the Oscar. You pick a movie.

You guys bring it a lot, and I bring it back down. I'd say for the Oscars, your time is a- Like a sandbag of a podcast. Your time as a television program is over. Day and back. Unless, maybe, you don't do it live. You have like an hour and a half, two hours cut down version, and then you release the whole thing on the internet.

For free? No, either charge people or you have sponsors, the same way you make money for anything. And then you can do you can include Angel Land's various part of the cast and then you can cut it down however you like for the television prime time, whatever. But then I can see the full speech that Steve Martin gives because I'm way more interested in that than the speech that Baz Lorman's wife gives twice in one night for her great Gatsby Awards. that Baz Lorman's wife gives twice in one night for her great Gatsby awards. Um, so I mean, I think that's pretty much all we have to say about the Oscars, especially considering that only two thirds of us saw them. But in a more general sense, um, this is kind of our...

Probably all watching the Oscars. This is kind of our chance. This is a little bit of Oscar in all of us. Well, there's a little bit of Godzilla in all of us. There's a little bit of Godzilla in all of us. I hate that little bit of Oscar, so yes. But this is... Oh, I don't understand what that means. Why is Dan locking the door?

Yeah! Hey, why is he looking at us and seeing two big chicken legs? No, this is kind of our chance to put a bit of a bow on 2013. So if there's any kind of year-and-review things that you want to... Well, thanks for not giving me time to prepare. Stuart, I think you had your top five movies. Yeah, I know that Stuart had something. So I wanted to... Castle Freak, Castle Freak, number three.

I did jot down like five movies that I felt kind of looked over or were a little overlooked or were just genre movies that I liked a lot. Okay. Pacific brand. Pacific, wow, you guessed it. I know you. Place Beyond the Pines actually, I don't know if you guys saw it, but yeah, I really liked it.

Despite the fact that I felt like it was a little, it had some like, I don't know if I'd say saccharin or like cliché elements. Yeah. Or overall to element. So it had some like, I don't know if I'd say saccharin or like cliché elements. Yeah. Or overwrought element. It's a little, it's over, it's very melodramatic and slow. But there's a lot of stuff I liked about it still. For some reason it worked.

And even though a guy rides a motorcycle inside of a globe cage, you're okay with. A globe of death, yeah. World's End was fantastic of course. And then I would say if you haven't gone, if you haven't seen Ninja 2 or Ninja Shadow of a Tier, you should watch that. That's a release this year. And your next was probably my favorite like, like straightforward or movie of the year. I don't know if you guys have seen that yet, but you should check it out. And I didn't want to point out that there's a couple of, I didn't see a lot of, there was a lot of movies that I haven't seen. I'd still love to see upstream

color, the evil dead remake, and the win risers. And my biggest disappointment of the year was probably Elysium. I don't know if you guys saw that. I also didn't see that, that I heard it was disappointing from you and others. I'll just toss out that, you know, I didn't see a, there are a lot of movies obviously that I did not see, and I feel like we're with every year that passes. I see fewer movies that are released in a certain year. You've been watching a lot more movies released in 30-minute chunks on porn websites.

Sure. Well, 30-minute on porn websites. Sure. Well, 30 minute chunks, huh? Yeah. But because they've been uploaded, they've been stolen from another site and uploaded to somewhere else. Of the films that I did see that were released this year, I think that my three favorites were probably

inside Lewin Davis, the Wolf of Wall Street, and Blue is the Warmest Color of movies that were... I'm in what's seen, do you like the best and Blue is the Warmest Color? movies that were. I ran what's seen to be like the best and Blue is the warmest color. Jesus, there's a three hour movie. It's not all that, but of the movies that were. Well, that was a TV show. And she's all that as a movie.

Yeah. I could pro quo, you're a pervert. I call it with, that's what that means. Of the movies that Stu already said something about, I also very much enjoyed the world's end and upstream color. And here's a movie that I'll toss in as like a left feels. Just a toss it right off, bro. It's a left field thing that did not get a lot of attention.

I saw Brian DePalma's Passion, which was barely released. But it's some negative reviews of it. I very much enjoyed it. I thought it was in the vein of a femme fatal. Oh, okay. It's pretty like a very glossy, campy kind of arch. Scampy film.

I mean, it is super depalary and some people don't like that. But, um, just as a pure like glossy surfaces cinematic, uh, bit of enjoyment, it is a very smart piece of trash filmmaking. True story, the first time I saw a femme fatale, I, I haven't read the, I rented the, the pan and scan version and had to take it like I, I stopped it and took it back to blockbuster and got the widescreen version because pan and scan and that movie was worthless. Elliott, I know that we did spring this on you, but if you have any thoughts that you want to do, uh, not movies, movies. Hey, everybody loves them. From the very beginning, with the workers leaving a factory, the Lumiere brothers made it.

I, I mean, I liked, I liked the world's end a lot. I liked some of the other ones. You guys names inside the wood Davis. I liked a lot. I really liked Gravity a lot, which is lame to say because it was a big hit. No, it's a lot of fun. It was one of the few times. I said negative things about it, but I really enjoyed it. It's one of the few times lately

that I've seen a movie in the theater and been like, one, I'm glad I saw the theater. And two, this is an experience. I'm gonna get at a movie that I'm not gonna get at any other medium. Flying back from Puerto Rico, I watched the last 10 minutes of gravity over somebody's shoulder, they were watching on their laptop

and I still couldn't stop watching it. Yeah, it's a really, it was a really good movie. I'm sure there are other ones that I saw that I liked that are just not coming to mind at the moment. But I also really liked Only God For Gives, which is, which is not, it's one of the things where if you're the right audience for it, I think you're really gonna like it

if you're not, you're gonna hate it. But for all it's kind of slow, overwrought sleaziness, it was just, it was exactly the movie I wanted to see when I watched it. I think in my disappointments for the year are actually upstream color a little bit, which I really liked when it was about people trying to build a relationship

and I didn't like it as much when it got into the more science fictiony stuff, which I was disappointed about because I really liked primer. And I guess if you're gonna go super popcorn-y, whatever, Iron Man 3, big disappointment for me. What do you wanna do? You wanna real magic mandarin with magical rings?

Yeah, that was part of it. If you're gonna, like the surprise twist about the mandarin was, is one of those words, entertaining for a second, and then all you're left with is a fucking another villain who's just another industrialist billionaire. Great. When I could have had a Chinese warlord with 10 magic alien rings that have different powers that are very vaguely defined like cold and black vortex You do make a good point. You're like, oh, this is a clever idea, but I was hoping to actually get this cool

Yeah, I was like, oh, that's interesting take for a second But yeah, I'd rather see like a big comic book movie that doesn't end with That doesn't end in basically like just by turning into the last boy scout with some armor Well, I think there's something to be said about the, about an Iron Man suit filled last boy scout ending. And also that was just, that was a movie that you could tell so much money went into it and so little thought. Where by the end of it it was like, sometimes this guy hits hard enough that things explode and sometimes he just bunches people. Also, Poverpods is dead for like like a second but Tony doesn't really care because he knows she's coming back even though the audience is supposed to know it and

that uh... this thing is really impossible to cure but we cared it just now so pepper could live uh... it's oh he can breathe fire now for some reason also the villains of the movie are wounded war veterans there's so much i didn't like about it but it uh... but it started with that i'm blue song which is pretty great. You're right. I have to change your mind. I started with that terrible I'm blue song.

I like the balls of that. So that was the best movie. It's almost like the movie was going it was being was warning me you're not going to like this. I enjoy that movie a lot more than you do, while acknowledging that all of your objections are valid. Thank you. Yeah, it's like Prometheus, like I understand every single argument. Let's still like it. And I liked Captain Phillips a lot too. I'll see that.

I'm not usually a big fan of the shaky cam, lots of cutie style, lots of of cutie style but I thought it worked really they found it to be a very tense movie which I liked a lot yeah yeah so I think this was a good experiment guys and a wait you mean what you speak but no you mean by experiment it's gonna get weird in a second yeah no I think the you got that beaker a abbreviated flop tagular was a nice next year we could even do no flop tagular. You can try it with our clothes on. It's nice to acknowledge the passage of time as we all grow older and closer to that.

How did that how did this do that? To hear review, I don't know, but it wasn't really. I was suddenly at the think of a couple of movies off the top of my head that I saw. It's the best way to do it. Not really, no. So for the plot-tiles, I guess I've been Dan McCoy. You guessed? Yeah.

Well, that was definitely Dan McCoy and I am probably steward Wellington. And I know for a fact I'm Ellie Kaelin because I'm looking at my driver's license. Or easy. Bum bum bum bum. He is unless the little guy is driver's license. I'm sorry. I apologize to all that we're sitting further away from each other. Yeah, how much was to touch it appropriately? What's going on? What's crack a lot? It's with the new table, Dan. What's at the same old table though? The way we're doing these days. Just doing a weird style. He did it so that we can't give each other a high five.

I can't reach. I can't reach. You're so far away. Just fingertip touches. Sometimes you want a strange touch. There's people like that. I didn't like that. Dan McCullough is talking strange touch.

Please take your glasses and fleece on and a beer in your hand. You were basically a Stephen King protagonist just now when you said that. Take your glasses and fleece on and to beer your hand. You were basically a Stephen King protagonist just now when you said that.