The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #149 - Paranoia

Episode Date: April 5, 2014

Han Solo vs. Commissioner Gordon sounds awesome, until you realize the star of Paranoia is actually a Hemsworth brother. And not the good one. Meanwhile Elliott doubles down on the size of Gary Oldman...'s penis, Stuart disturbs us by talking about intimate times and Dan introduces the notion of a California Raisins fetish. A note: in this episode Dan confuses Baba Yaga with Strega Nona. Movies recommended in this episode:The Grand Budapest HotelThe VisitorThe Sweet Smell of Success

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 On this episode we discuss paranoia for no reason. What do you try to say? Why are you looking at me like that? Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. Chicken sound. I'm Elliot Gailer. Yeah. You got to learn how to brand yourself like this guy. I'm wearing my. Gailer. You got to learn how to brand yourself, like this guy. I'm going to measure myself and it hurt.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Not sexy. Not at all. Not like when cows get those sexy brands on them. Yeah. Come over here. Let me massage you like your Kobe beef. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Yeah, let me get some aquifor and smear it on that brand so it heals better. So Dan, you wouldn't know it from that intro. That was one of the shorter off topic intros recently, but Dan, what do we do here at the fluff house? We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. And tonight we watched a movie called Paranoia that's what it was called They it was shot it meets the minimum standard of having been shot with actors on some sort of film like substance And it was in a movie theater right? It was in a movie theater, right? It was in a movie theater, which Bob was in. It was in a movie theater. America was on fire with talk of,
Starting point is 00:01:51 what was the movie's name? Paranoia. It's easy to misplace that name in your brain, because it's so generic. Well, but also, I feel like, with a title like that, you expect you to be be like about paranoia. Yeah, like it's, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:02:08 Rowan Polansky, like the tenant repulsion style, like yeah, like a, like a G allo movie with like close-ups on the eyes constantly. We're like a shot quarter type, like 60s kind of, you know, cheapy thriller, you know, being movie type thing. And it was none of those things. It was a generic, it could have just been called movie and been just as appropriate.
Starting point is 00:02:33 It should have been called, let's not make this. And it would have been better. Sure. If they had called this movie off, that would have been the best thing. Yep. If it was paranoia, subtitle, do not make test script. And, but no, Liam Hemsworth needed his star making vehicle.
Starting point is 00:02:52 And unfortunately, this was not it. They're gonna make him a star. They're gonna have to shoot him into space and blow him off. So that his lights can warm a tiny planetoid. The light from his brony shoulders. His shoulders made of paper. from his brony shoulders. Shoulders made of paper. Brony oiled shoulders. So Dan drank a bunch of robotus in before recording this.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Yes, before recording this, Dan, I hit himself in the head of my giant drink of all robotus in the house. I finally got it. And then literally counted a thousand sheep. I'm distracted by the mixer on this thing. That's the problem with blinking lights,'s the problem with blinking light producer. Yeah, that's why we need a producer. Yeah Maybe we could get What's this face you're on fire stop? Evans to be our producer
Starting point is 00:03:40 Dan you don't lie down a little bit No, no, no, he lies down, he won't ever wake up. No, that's true. We've got to give him a wait. Walk him around the room, get him a black coffee. Put a bunch of peas under his mattress. Oh, he's a little bit. Like a shitload of him.
Starting point is 00:03:54 He's a fairy tale princess. Thank you for noticing, guys. He under his mattress. The smell will keep him awake. So we watched this movie and now we're about to talk about it. Elliot is about to give a plot summary. Go Elliot. And starting in three, two, one, Liam Hemsworth plays Adam Cassidy. A guy who we're supposed to believe is kind of a tech know-it-all who works as a on a project for a phone, a big multinational phone company called Wyatt Mobile.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Because what's an imposing rich guy's name? How about Wyatt? Yeah, Nick Wyatt. And played by Gary Oldman. Played by a Wyatt Sinek. They would have been great. They would have been great in that role. They would have made it so much better.
Starting point is 00:04:42 Instead we get Gary Oldman doing his fucking chimney sweep impression. I was doing what was Dan thought was supposed to be an Australian accent, but I wasn't sure. I thought it was more of a Mary Poppins-y Cockney thing. No, I came around. It was a Cockney accent, but it's too, I think it says a little something like Gary Oldman's voice work that it took a while to figure out what was going on. It says, I mean, Gary Oldman's devotion to the project. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Let's just say he gave better performance in red riding. Could it? Mm-hmm. Well, I mean, that's not even under debate. Yeah. He burns a guy alive inside of a giant iron elephant, right? And when someone asks, and when, uh, who is it? Uh, someone asked if they can touch his sword.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Josh, you kiss her somebody, ask if they can see, see, feel it touches his sword. He goes, no, it's perfect line reading. Anyway, uh, Liam Hemsworth and his friend who is supposed to be a nerd also, except he's also played by a handsome guy. And it's a sign of how glossy stupid this movie is that even the guy who's supposed to be like the nerdy girls don't want to date him like a computer geek guy is still just a handsome guy with a thick neck and a chin but he just has glasses on. Wait, he's got a chin butt?
Starting point is 00:05:56 I don't know, he has a cleft in his chin. It's not like he has a chin but he wears glasses. You can't do both usually, but he does. They work for Garrelman on a project. They try to get into an exclusive club that nobody else seems to be that interested in because there's no line to get in, but they can't get in because they're losers.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Well, like the nerdy friend would have been a better choice to be the star of the movie, because anyone would have been a better choice to be the star of the movie. Liam Hemsworth is terrible. Because Liam Hemsworth begins the movie looking like a preppy asshole. Yeah. They don't have to do like a movie opens on a voiceover while he is jogging.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Uh, the voiceover always assures sign that the movie's gonna be good. Yeah. Yeah. Any movie that starts with the voiceover is automatic box office gold. It's gonna be the best thing you ever saw. Murd tasted smell touched. Every sense will be glorified by this voiceover movie. But Liam Hemsworth has does a voiceover about how his generation was robbed, they were
Starting point is 00:06:52 supposed to have the success, and instead it was taken away from them, and it really feels like this video was just like put on as an afterthought to try to make it relevant in some way. Oh yeah, shit, there was a financial collapse. Can we stick something in there about that? Can we? Otherwise, what you have is not even a fantasy of rich person life, you know, kind of boilerplate,
Starting point is 00:07:16 two twists and the whole thing. Like Dan said, while you're watching it, it was like an episode of like a one hour CBS police procedural drama. Like it has that kind of plotting and twisting. But significantly longer. And I hour in 15 minutes. Almost twice the length and also half the charisma.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Now anyway, we're barely into this stupid movie that has almost no plot. But so he, they get fired from their job after he gives an impertinent presentation to Gary Oldman about a product that they're working on. But. It was shots of Gary Oldman naked in the Scarlet Letter. It was the presentation. There's called it. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:07:52 It was like that. It was looking for funding for a hall of fame of little penises. A not impressively sized penis hall of fame. Was it one Gary Oldman in the Scarlet Letter? Exhibit to Dan McCoy and these pictures that I took. What? But look, I was not aroused. I don't think you're getting a full impression of what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:08:12 It's probably force perspective like in the hobbit when they shoot all those guys. It's a good point. I shot it in force perspective and he's computer. Somebody looks small. So that a penis the size of John Riz Davies, it looks like a mission Anyway, so they get fired, but They're credit they still have their corporate credit cards. They take it and go to that club It's them and the two women who work with them. They drink shots after shots. They're just having crazy fun as young people
Starting point is 00:08:40 They are incredibly irritating. They're living life all I could think while watching you low I hate young people. I could be cleaning my son's diaper right now rather than watching this so but I but instead of my mom oh man your son is the youngest person though oh no you're right I can't hate young people because my son is younger than any of them you know what eventually he'll get to a point where I find him irritating. Anyway, so- He's not going to clubs here.
Starting point is 00:09:08 We've got it. No, he's only going to- I mean, you'd probably be pretty irritating in a club. He's going to Baby Clubs, Club Gugoo, Pants, Pants Oilers, Sorry, I still have this. I'm sorry I still have this. The teasing room.
Starting point is 00:09:20 And he has, has. He has. I see him. Now you know that's a big, a big, a big team club. Yeah, he just he has a regular table at fuzzy head, but not a lot of hair. Right to hair yet. The club. And that's a very descriptive long, man.
Starting point is 00:09:37 It sounds kind of like Harrison Ford in this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll get to that. Well, the club, Liam Hemensworth, lock size across the room with Amber herd, they dance together, cut to the next morning, they've had sex, and she's kicking him out of her apartment because she's a high-powered executive,
Starting point is 00:09:52 and he is just a virgin tunnel trash, and he goes, I don't even know your name, which means that they spent the whole night together without ever exchanging names. That's what Kate used to know. There was a lot of take-you. Take your clothes off you. Gurley, let's do this. You got it boy
Starting point is 00:10:07 You sex a good game boy, but now you leave He is Confronted by Gary oldman for Gary oldman sends his Kind of all around to hit man enforcer to pick him up. And Garo said, Julian McMahon, yeah, McMahon, yeah, McMahon, a terrible doctor doing himself. Yeah, and they say,
Starting point is 00:10:32 look, you just spent $16,000 at that club of our money, which is crazy, crazy. I think they bought some Swarovski crystal online while they were at the club. And then rented a car for a couple weeks. But they got bottle service, but it was just bottle service that they threw it up in the air and they practiced shooting it.
Starting point is 00:10:52 So they got a bunch of bottles. Okay, I mean, it's every way of service. $1.00 a bottle, we shot 16 bottles. Well, that's a bad idea. How many bottles did they throw out, like 24? No, I mean, it's, oh yeah, they threw 30 up in the air for the only shot of 16.
Starting point is 00:11:07 I mean, that's still pretty good. That's over half. But Gary Oldman says, here's what you're going to do. Either we press charges, or you're going to become our corporate spy. My assistant is going to train you to become the perfect corporate gentleman. You're going to infiltrate my old boss, Harrison Ford's company. Gary Oldman used to work for Harrison Ford in this.
Starting point is 00:11:29 His old boss, Jack Goddard, which is kind of a stupid name. Jack? Jack. And your job. It's not a Jack? No, not Jack. Jack.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Like, J-O-C-K. I'm the kind of guy who would beat me up. Okay. You're going to go and steal this new prototype phone from him so that we can use it, I guess. Yeah. Uh, and so Adam goes in, he meets with, it turns out Amber Hurd works for Jock Goddard, but he impresses this other guy, so this other guy even Lundgren, which made me wish I was
Starting point is 00:12:00 watching Rocky IV the whole time, even red scorpion, whatever. And uh, were universal soldier? Yeah, sure. Yeah. We're even, you know, at planetary soldier, he didn't get promoted to university. Yes. He impresses them enough that he weedles his way in. He's given an assignment. You have 72 hours to figure out how we can use this technology we developed that doesn't work.
Starting point is 00:12:23 And you know what he does? He talks to his nerdy friend at the bar that his girlfriend works at now, the nerdy friend's girlfriend. And he discovers that I guess soldiers can use it to keep tabs on each other. Yeah, well the problem was like it's a GPS thing for the phone, but it's too heavy and it drains too much battery.
Starting point is 00:12:41 So like actually regular phone users wouldn't want to use it. And it's too specific and it's too much battery, so like regular phone users wouldn't want to use it. And it's too powerful, right? Yeah, it's like, you can pinpoint where someone is like by floor on a building. Yeah, and the experience of someone with that is that. Yeah, it's kind of like a bat radar, basically. But it's perfect to give to the military to prevent friendly fire, so like all people in a unit know exactly where the other person is at the time. And as we all know technology usually goes
Starting point is 00:13:07 from the private industry into the military. Yeah, now you're making a joke because that's not true. It's actually not true, no. The military does not show up as a use of irony. The military does, yeah, not a joke at all in that it wasn't funny. There was no point in flying. It was sort of the, it was like a whim.
Starting point is 00:13:23 You can't do that on television, we do the opposite sketches where the joke was just, they said that the opposite of what's real. Exactly. And then somebody would get green slime on their head because they said, I don't know. Uh oh, I said it. Splorch, green slime on my head. That was way better than your chickens. Thanks, Canada.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Well, I learned how to do sound effects from Don Martin, cartoons. So, splorch, flip flop, all that stuff. I can do it pretty well. Flurred's a splarch flip flop, all that stuff. I can do pretty well. Flurred. Flurred, phone-bone, and so forth. You didn't do a lot of chicken-based cartoons. Anyway, they're so impressed that they give him like a billion dollar job or something.
Starting point is 00:13:56 And also, I should have mentioned that the entirety of training and turning this bridge and tunnel kind of rough-edged guy into a super slick corporate shark is giving a fancy watch a new suit a new apartment and telling him hey don't always say what you think and well i'm not you didn't even get a fucking haircut no some well cuz his hair looks great i mean he looks amazing dude and let's not lost over the fact that
Starting point is 00:14:22 uh... uh... gary oldman instead of getting a guy who you know knows a lot about uh... industrial espionage corporate espionage just was like oh well i have leverage over this guy so i guess he's my spine over this idiot douche bag who spent sixteen thousand yeah heroes coping with his father's imminent death now that's the other lever spends a shitload of money on booze instead of helping his father is he can't afford his dad's health insurance
Starting point is 00:14:51 Does it lost his job or got down cut back or something like that his dad played by Richard drapes so somehow So you get a slice of rice somehow this This small This small Jewish man hey, good births thanks to a Huge gentile. I don't know who his mom was he could have very been married to Bridget Neilsson That's true, but Richard Drifes. He's very charming and has baseball caps on He has a baseball cap with the presidential seal I wonder if he was in Richard Drifes's contract. I'm only gonna do two scenes from not sitting in a lazy boy
Starting point is 00:15:24 Because he's most of the movie just sitting in a lazy boy. And it's in front of it. It's going to be an outdoor scene. We're going to need to figure out a way to get a lazy boy out there. So, well, so Adam Infiltrates Jock's company, Harrison Ward's company, almost instantly. He is invited to a garden party at Harrison Ford's house and the two bond over that they both lost family members he and amber heard bond over having parents and
Starting point is 00:15:51 he's very handsome and so it's like within a day He is the golden boy of the company and amber heard as his girlfriend even though when she's taking a suspiciously long shower He steals some files from her computer and yeah she's got clean the musk off her and it was really it's your ham's worth musk yeah ham's musk you're seeing the the progress part of the computer and then it's cutting to the shower door back to the products were a shower door and then like shower water turns off she reaches out to get a towel pulls it into the shower at which point Dan
Starting point is 00:16:24 groans yeah because he thought this PG 13 movie might have some nudity in it She reaches out to get a towel, pulls it into the shower. At which point, Dan groans. Yeah, because he thought this PG-13 movie might have some nudity in it. I mean, it's not sexual. Maybe they could just... Look, if it was 1985, yeah, a PG-13 movie would have some nudity. It's like classic art work. She knows what would be bathing in a lake for like five minutes. Yep. But we live in Primmer times. No, but I was mostly... But like, it five minutes. Yep, but we live in Primer times.
Starting point is 00:16:45 No, but I was mostly, but like it is ridiculous. Like she pulls the, as you say, the towel into the shower to dry off. To buy some time. But she's got a dog off the fucking, the faucet. I started exiting into her own bathroom in front of the man. She just had sex. I would, I, like, I wish they had drawn it out more.
Starting point is 00:17:02 And it was like, you heard the shower turn off. Heard the shower door open and closed and him's was like you heard the fault the shower turn off heard the shower Door open and closed and him's was like, uh looks the progress parts still moving slowly then you hear peeing Looks the progress were still move slowly the peeing stops then it starts again progress Press it was look teeth brushing then the toilet flush. Oh God. Come on progress Mark. Oh, you know that toothbrushing and then come on privacy part pooping shower again And then she says you know what I'll just watch TV in my shower TV your TV in the shower I'll watch the last emperor. That's a nice fun movie Progress bars to the moosefully we dissolve to the final bars of the score for the last emperor
Starting point is 00:17:46 You know what there's I haven't seen 1900 either. That's another Bertilucci movie I should find I should really watch. I'm getting pretty pruny, but I'll stay here for a while. Yeah, I'm into that babe get super pruny You know I love old ladies. Yeah Prune chaser I'm kind of a you know, I like PBW prune beautiful. I think it was probably watching too many California raisins commercial as a kid. So I got in my head and screwed me all up. I know it's prunes. I can't drink prunes because it's like I'm pretty equal to a baby.
Starting point is 00:18:17 So I got to leave some for the parents and some sunglasses. You're funny most nowadays. Look, you know what really turn your eyes around. Because if you're wearing just gloves, high-top sneakers, sunglasses, and same size. Can you move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move and move Is there any way you can make your skin ripple as if fingers are manipulating your skin over processing several frames? Okay, now mention that you brought it brought to us by the Raisin Council. Oh, yeah, that's good stuff. I'm so hot. Come on, Bar, come on, speed up.
Starting point is 00:18:57 I'm almost done downloading these files. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Keep saying Motown hits. Yeah, yeah, heard it through the grapevine. That's good. Come on, progress Bar Barclad's go. It's a match that happened. It should have been called pruninoya.
Starting point is 00:19:12 And that should have been the main scene, the centerpiece, if you will. Yeah. Anyway, he'd ghost it. Let's do a real real short. Adam finds out he's being watched by cameras, by Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman, Gary Oldman
Starting point is 00:19:25 threatens his dad. There's a great team where we see Gary Oldman's been just watching Richard Dreyfus set an easy chair. On an iPad. He's just got his Dreyfus cam up, his 24 hour Dreyfus cam. From the San Diego to Zuz, Dreyfus existed. They in order to threaten him any even more, they run over his nerd friend with a car Right in the middle of the street. So Adam goes to steal this Phone using he doesn't have the right fingerprints to get into the vault where the prototype is kept so off of a spoon He steals amber herds fingerprint and makes a silicon Fingerprint mask. I don't know using an iPad or something Silicon fingerprint mask. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:20:02 Using an iPad or something. No, the fucking spipe has. He stole Tom Cruise's mask-making machine or whatever. What, from Mr. Boss' costume? The thing that makes masks and doves fly out of your coat? Yeah. Well, that was his David Copperfield machine. My doves fly out of his coat.
Starting point is 00:20:21 But he has, and there's a scene he's running through the building and the guards are snow it's him they're like it's adam cacity go get him go get him and there are endless scenes of two slightly out of shape guards running through red-lit it hallways just looking for him we he's not in here he's not in here yeah it's like the last episode of fucking twin peaks yeah yeah it's like there's one of the yet they're looking for Bob the whole time. Sure. But they have, but it's, they're two security guards in what must be like a 40 story building at least more than that.
Starting point is 00:20:51 I don't know. Well, and then we learn though, also that like there was no reason for the security arts to be chasing me anyway, because it was all the setup. It was all a trap. After he twice fails to get his fingerprint read by the scanner and then kind of presses the edges of his fingerprint mask a little bit more. He gets in he steals the phone and there's a message on it Once a thief always a thief he looks around Harrison forage right there. It was all the phone looks stupid I mean it looks like like a piece of paper and what we've been told is it's like a phone that you use for everything and it
Starting point is 00:21:24 even told is it's like a phone that you use for everything and it you have and you can fold it. It's a foldable phone. It's a phone. It's a like a flip phone. No shit. They make go still. This whole movie is about cutting edge phone technology, but it seems to not have seen a phone recently. So like when the guy who's supposed to be the biggest phone tech guy in the world, Adam Cassidy, when he gets text, he's supposed to say 10 text messages and they'll just pop up one on top of another in a random, tiling fashion. Yeah, like you're going on to some like crazy website and there's a lot of crazy website. I think you mean sensible website.
Starting point is 00:21:59 I mean, I think you mean sensual website. And so it's like, yeah, I guess all the old phones, you would just have the ability to scroll through text messages and read whatever you want. But in this weirdly cutting edge future phone, you have to close every message to get to the next one. Almost like a fucking story. Like a much rochka doll, series of text messages. Matruska, Matruska.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Matruska, Matruska, Matruska, Matruska, Matrouille's good. It's pronounced, it's a... It's a characteristic. A mattress ska, a doll. Okay. So Bobby Ageritis A letter and tell us how to say it, right? We're in a text message. Conceals another text message. And tell us again. Bobby Ageritis A letter made out of spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:22:38 What? Wait, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't need it, but I want to hear more about this Russian Folk Tale. It's probably a Russian attack. You're supposed to be getting it. It's spaghetti-based Russian Folk Tale. I mean, it wouldn't have been spaghetti. We all know the story of the great bear who lives in the sky and eats pizza.
Starting point is 00:22:59 It's an old Russian tale. You know, it's not forget that the old Russian story of the time Stalin was tricked by a meatball. It's all here in my book of Italian Russian photos. The trick was the meatball was made out of turkey instead of beef. And so it was helping. So he was tricked into having lower fat content. All right, it wasn't spaghettiaghetti because that obviously, but...
Starting point is 00:23:27 I have no idea what you're talking about. It wasn't the Bobby Young. One of the most famous tales, like, you feel like there's like noodles that wouldn't, like, stop coming out of her, like, noodle... Right, and... Yeah, so many noodle fans and if you're a fan of noodles which is noodle pots
Starting point is 00:23:53 or chicken leg houses if you're Russian, if you're Italian if you're names noodles and you're from the movie Once Upon a Time in America write in and tell Dan what are you talking about? Or we can have one of our contests. What am I talking about?
Starting point is 00:24:09 Not a contest. Look, it just makes me realize how much I wish the things called paranutals. There's about people trying to get the newest noodle technology. But a pair of them, because a single noodle is worth this. Oh, come on. Who would want to eat one noodle?
Starting point is 00:24:21 But two noodles, you got your way towards a meal. The idea that that hair time together Where is working on the new cutting edge noodle? It's a newtled can fold it's a shape no one's ever attempted before a noodle shaped noodle It's so it's a metanoodle Man when we found out that the NSA was collecting all of our metanoodles That was I can't believe that was doing that that the NSA was collecting all of our meta-noodles, that was, I can't believe what God was doing that. What the fuck was it?
Starting point is 00:24:50 Okay, so where were we? So Harrison, it was a trick. Harrison Portion, in front of him, he says, I've got all this evidence that you and Gary Oldman are doing this together. Now, you're gonna, and now either he's gonna go to jail or he's gonna sell me his company which he wants for some reason. And Adam Cassidy is, I'm in trouble. He goes to Gary Oldman and Gary Oldman tries to have him killed by Julie and McMahon.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Yeah, there's a chase scene that's not very good with her running through the alleyways of Philadelphia in lieu of New York. But he's going to turn the tables, right? Hey, this girlfriend gets mad because he was lying to her. Yeah, and so Adam recruits his old buddy the nerd to help him stop them and so what he does is he Has a meeting with the most obvious thing. There's a yeah He meets with first he meets with Gary Oldman and he records their conversation He just ambushes Gary Oldman right Gary Oldman is eating an egg at a restaurant with his assistant. He reveals the assistant has been working with us.
Starting point is 00:25:47 His assistant's played by M. Beth Davis. David. Yeah, from Army Darkness. Yeah, which, man, you know, when I first saw Army Darkness, I'm like, oh, I kind of feel bad that she's in this movie and she seems kind of serious about shit. And now I'm like, wow, Army Darkness was great. Yeah, we've talked in the podcast for about how Army of Darkness was a real ahead of its time in the original movie.
Starting point is 00:26:09 And it's so much better than this movie starring Han Solo and the naked guy from Scarletter. Yeah. Really, Commissioner Gordon was in the first thing that came to your mind, Sid Vicious. Any of those? Dracula. Dracula, yeah. Guy from Romeo's Bleeding from you know the guy from Gary Oldman the movie to one man show which Gary Oldman plays himself he
Starting point is 00:26:36 goes from old man to old man he starts out as Gary old baby he goes all the way to Gary old man not baby man no stopping in the way as Gary Old Baby. He goes all the way to Gary Old Man. Stopping Gary Old- Not baby, man. No, stopping in the way as Gary Old Boy. Which is an amazing hammer fight scene. And what a great twist, right? Yeah, and it turns out he was, well, let's not ruin it for our listeners.
Starting point is 00:27:00 They haven't seen Old Boy somehow. Anyway, he reveals that Gary Oldman's assistant has been working for Harrison Ford and he reveals this by taking her phone off the table, looking up for recent calls and they are all to Harrison Ford's character. She walks out and is never seen. And her reaction is just total shock. Yeah. Her reaction is surprise. Like, what was I doing? Why would you take my phone that I left in front of you?
Starting point is 00:27:29 Uh, it's crazy that they let them just walk up and talk to them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, not as crazy as the next thing that happens. Well, Gary Oldman, he then records Gary Oldman revealing that they were in on this corporate sabotage plot. Then Gary Oldman meets with Harrison Ford. Adam Cassidy is there for some reason. Well, that's the thing that baffles me. Like Adam Cassidy, yeah, like they record, again, it's just like the classic like, oh, I'm wearing a wire way of resolving everything that's wrong in a movie. What was the one with George Clooney? Michael Clayton. Michael Clayton,
Starting point is 00:28:03 yeah, where it's just like, how am I gonna get out of this predicament? I'll record them reveal it, confessing that they committed a crime. Yeah, but that'll be a big sense because like the real people who are acting in the conspiracy, we're talking to each other. Whereas in this case, our hero, there's no reason why he would still have access to these two people. You're a lot of the Gary Oldman and goes, you're going to be, you're complicit in this. And Gary Oldman goes, I paid you with money,
Starting point is 00:28:27 I never touched. No one's ever seen us together. There's no way you can, there's no way you can prove I did this because I did it so well to Highland that I did it. Like, okay, great. I mean, you could have just said, I don't know who you are. But also at this point in the movie,
Starting point is 00:28:41 like, or I could have like a goon keep you from even walking up to my table. Well, both Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford at this point in the movie are or I could have like a goon keep you from even walking up to my table Both Gary old men and hairs before at this point in the movie are just like don't you get it You've been upon this whole time like yeah, he has been upon so why the fuck is he still have access to you two people? Like just toss him away man. Yeah, it's that's what you use to do with a pawn. You throw it in the garbage It's a fuck you pawn. You could have been a queen. But no thanks. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:29:08 That's what I mean. That game works. I mean, they can become queens. They reach the other end of the board. Fuck you and your diagonal attacks. Well, shit. Wait, that's how that happens. That's how that happens.
Starting point is 00:29:18 You really hate Pawns. Weakness disgusts me, Elliot. I believe there are no Pawn stars. Pawns are losers. So, just to tie this movie up in a shitty boat, uh... weakness disgust me all you i believe there are no pond stars all pons losers so uh... just to to tie this movie up in a shitty boat shit the uh... similar to the boat i get rid of the war the game the movie as you said as it's people tithers ties in a fancy boat is if they're next our presence
Starting point is 00:29:41 uh... now Harrison Ford takes the phone that has the bug in it and throws it in a picture of water in a fit of peak, but then the nerd comes up with a different way to record him and they do. Well, it all relates back to the stupid thing. We're not even going to use it. The phone GPS thing. It's totally dumb. It's one of those things where it's like, if I plant something here, it'll, and it comes up later in the movie, that's
Starting point is 00:30:03 good writing, but it's so totally arbitrary and ridiculous that's not good writing. Gary Oldman is devastated, tricked into selling his company to Harrison Ford for 40 cents on the dollar as he makes clear more than once. Then the FBI arrest Gary Oldman. Josh Holloway comes in. He's like, I got a computer in my brain. You're on her. The FBI arrest Harrison Ford.
Starting point is 00:30:23 And in voiceover, it's revealed that he cut a deal with the feds uh... adam cacody uh... he has worth and he started a new company with all his friends uh... he took his dad first been in a fancy car that he rented yeah you know he's not gonna take things for granted is going to start from the bottom accompany just made i guess the company is founded with money he got i don't know where in a fancy building
Starting point is 00:30:44 and amber shirt just happens to show the movie is over the movie is over the movie is over before he took Richard dry this to see a ballgame in a fancy car that's true the movie is over he's he's beating the bad guys then he's over one the fucking fba busted and Harrison Ford gives like a spit-tagging that's the end of the movie he reestablished his his his bra a spit-tagging that's the end of the movie He reestablishes his... Yeah, he's on spit-tagging And then he goes... D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Why? It just ends like unbreakable with a little bunch of captions on the screen.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Yeah, like a fucking short story hits the screen at that point. So the movie is over, but now we've got to see him patch up his relationship with his dad. Great. Okay, movie is over, right? No, we got to see him start a company and hire all his old friends. Movies over, right? No, Amber heard walks in because we're supposed to give a shit whether their relationship continues. But no movies over, right? They patch it up and they kiss in the lobby. Movies over, right? No, we see them walking down a walkway forever. And you think they're making a long shot of them walking towards the camera? It's like the end of fucking the third man. You just watch it and walk down the street for a long time.
Starting point is 00:32:09 And then you see, you're like credits, did we forget some credits here? Like we're going to get to the credits. This is one of those movies. There's a lot of credits. You push the charts, the credits, and someone forgot to push that. Did this happen in real time? I don't know if you forget to edit this part of the movie. You're like, the editor is so in love with Amber Hersh. Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that?
Starting point is 00:32:26 Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that?
Starting point is 00:32:34 Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that?
Starting point is 00:32:42 Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that? Did you ever see that blessedly over. Oh, terrible. But so here, let's let's catalog the major philosophy. Liam Hemsworth, the the other characters are boring. Four, for a movie called Paranoia that's supposed to be a tense thriller, there are almost no twists or suspense scenes. And nobody is paranoid. Well, if the two villains were paranoid even a little bit,
Starting point is 00:33:17 they wouldn't have gotten caught up in a simple, like, like, a bug. Liam Hemsworth becomes paranoid when he realizes he's always being watched and he's in danger. And there's a scene where he is smashing up his house because he's trying to find all the hidden cameras. It's the shortest scene in this movie. And it also, and all it does did was make me think like, oh, remember the part at the end of the conversation when Jean Hackman is destroying his apartment, looking for bugs, and it's so tragic and painful because he realizes that the thing he does to other people that he's done. So Sami casually has been done to him and now he understands what it's like and
Starting point is 00:33:49 he sees the Virgin Mary statue at and he realizes there could be a bug in there. If I tear that thing apart, I'm letting my fear overcome my faith in God. Can I do that? And he has to. He's too afraid and he tears open the statue. And in that moment realizes that his own fear in paranoia has become his god And that he must worship at the ultra-added of it forever because his life is no longer his own And all he can do is sit sadly in the ruins of his own apartment trying to find some solace in playing the saxophone But even that which once soothed his troubled conscience is now Powerless powerless to save him from the world he created,
Starting point is 00:34:26 the world which is now destroyed him. And it's like, oh, what a good movie that was. Well, Paranoia is nothing like that. Yeah. I'm watching this thick-necked bald-chested idiot just breaking stuff for a couple of seconds while Richard Drifest sits in a lazy boy. And talk about the other flaw, like talk about a thin plot. Like, it's a movie about corporate espionage,
Starting point is 00:34:46 where I guess the twist is that both of the people engaging in our bed, which was not a surprise. I really thought they were going to be more twists and he was going to be playing the sides off each other more, like that there is going to be a real who can I trust throughout the film. I remember seeing the trailer and it felt like it was going to be a little bit of that where it's like two guys are waging war against each other, but this third guy, oh wow,
Starting point is 00:35:11 he's a player. Yeah, but no. It's like they wanted to make a like a luxury power fantasy about suddenly being picked to become like to enter this rich world. The firm. Kind of. Yeah, even that they like, they didn't go, they didn't bother to build this world of luxury that we were supposed to live in. Other than showing us like a fancy apartment,
Starting point is 00:35:31 a fancy house. I couldn't use like a montage or a fancy, a fancy, a fancy, ever heard. I could use like a montage or two of him, like, enjoying this new lifestyle to actually give you a reason to be like, oh, I could see why I wouldn't want to give all that I could see how you could so easily be seduced by the the ease and the deckness of power exactly But instead it's just like like what's that one with the alpichino and He's in punt break the Australian rules football movie And Johnny more soup on our soup you'll know Now there now this now let's talk about that for a minute How much more interesting would it be to see young areaves as a kangaroo in his own movies?
Starting point is 00:36:24 see young Reeves as a kangaroo in his own movies. Let's wait. Let's go to kangaroos on film. What is there so far? Kangaroo jacks. Kangaroo jacks. There's a movie that was sold on the lie that it was starting a rapping kangaroo. There's a tank girl. Yeah, sure. You got Waking Fry. They go hunting kangaroos. That's about it. Crocodile Dundee. But they're not letting kangaroo characters in that. I mean, they're me and any kangaroo characters in that.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I mean, they're being hunted. You're winning the poo. We've got Kanga and Roo. You've got Congo, which is a giant gorilla, not a kangaroo. Sure. So that's something different. So I guess what I'm saying is that kangaroo, the bug's bunny, bites. Yeah, hippity hopper.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Yeah. The one that's the best. I still best her because when his son goes, my own father, afraid of a mouse, oh, the shame. Now that I'm a dad, I really understand Sylvester's pain in those cartoons. When I know that my son will be ashamed that I can't beat up a kangaroo. We really need to go to final judgments, but I do want to say one thing, which is my sadness like Earlier today, I was legitimately kind of excited to watch Let me start to see and I was doing work. I had a very tight deadline Dan walks into my office and says hey
Starting point is 00:37:36 I'm thinking tonight And I like yeah, yes, what he's so excited to can barely get the words out and meanwhile TikTok I have a deadline because I have a job to do and Dan goes I'm thinking tonight. Well, why paranoia is like okay fine I think this one's gonna be really crazy and good Okay, first of all I saw that you were surfing the internet of that time I was researching something But no, I was excited bus.com Elliot. I was writing a headline about buses that I have banging on. Well, if I had seen you in our script software, I would not have done that.
Starting point is 00:38:10 But I was excited. But he was shaking with excitement. Basically, because- Yeah, you had a smile on space. You'd normally see only on a little child who's just heard the word balloon. But basically, I was excited about this for one reason. And that reason was Harrison Ford and you would think that at this late date You'd know that you would have been so many times But you got to remember that like when I was a kid Harrison Ford was my favorite actor the first time you saw what lies beneath
Starting point is 00:38:39 You will I was not under the illusion that you and Dan just watch regarding Henry over and over again as a kid You gotta stand when I first saw working Yeah, Dan what no, we all love terraces before we were kids. He was in Hannah Jones He's not so low. I was under no illusion that he was the best actor, but he was my favorite actor and then The last whereas when I was a kid my two decades of my life at least I think my favorite actor was a series of when I was a kid, I was married. Two decades of my life at least. I was a kid, I think my favorite actor was.
Starting point is 00:39:04 The series of good-summed brown ones. I couldn't get another guy. Why didn't you make it the other movies? Anyway, you've been- He had a cocaine problem. Oh, that's terrible. Sure. So you were obsessed with hair,
Starting point is 00:39:16 hair smore is your favorite. Oh, I just, and year after year, like every new movie comes out, I'm like, maybe this will be the one. No, because he doesn't care anymore. He stopped caring a lot. Well, here's the thing Harrison Ford and all his movies never cares And that's his charm, but it's certain when you're a young guy and you just don't care that's charming when you're an old man Doesn't care. It's lazy
Starting point is 00:39:36 All right, thanks. Still trying to think of my favorite actor as a kid. I think it's you vet from glue The sexy man. Oh, camp. Coating camp from Clue. So quickly, final judgment, this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like Stewart. Mm, the suspense. It's a real thing, though.
Starting point is 00:39:56 A real thing, yeah, this one. Let's hold on to your seats and your hats. No, this was a bad bad movie. Yeah, there was just not much there. I can't really say anything else about it. No, this was a bad, bad movie. Yeah, there was just not much there. I can't really say anything else about it. Yeah, when I started out, I thought it might be a movie I kind of liked because it's very glossy and I was still like, hey, there's a lot of people I like in this movie, but it's, yeah, it's just the drive. I to be like a limitless. I even like Amber Heard.
Starting point is 00:40:27 This should have been like limitless. I mean, that looked really stupid, but was like fun stupid. Yeah. It was like super high energy. That was a movie where you really believed, okay, this guy has gotten to enter a world of crazy privilege and fun. And now he's licking up blood to make himself a little bit less. Now he's a little drinking another man's blood so he can think of a way to escape killers. Yeah. And then at the end he wills himself not drug addict anymore.
Starting point is 00:40:53 I think that's a bad bad from you right? Certainly bad bad. All right. So moving on before we get to letters just a quick message from our friends at all things comedy. More than friends, Dan, they like family at this point. Just a note that Tom Segera's comedy special is now available on Netflix. It's a one hour special called Completely Normal. And the album of the same name is available for purchase on iTunes. So check that out if you're a fan of comedy, particularly of the standup variety.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Yeah. Sitting down, not so much for you. Stuart. Yeah, what like Bill Cosby shows? Like he sits down in this comedy. But moving on, I mean, he's great, but I'm sure he's. Stephen Hawking, Stephen Hawking does a comedy show. To letters. What? Moving on I mean he's great, but I'm sure he's even honking was even on he doesn't know when he's show To letters this what the two letters. I know it's ironic that I'm writing a letter to a letter
Starting point is 00:41:56 But still I we've gotten so much joy out of you letters But I thought it was time to recognize you and how great you've been and so letters take yourself out tonight on me To a fancy restaurant maybe just to a movie. Take a walk in the park, rent a car, and take a spin like in the movie, paranoia, rated PG-13. In theaters now, except it's not, it's on Netflix streaming. It's like a talk song or something. Anyway, letters, I guess I'm running a little long and I've gotta let you go. So just keep on lettering and and keep on keep it on.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Like a bit of spoken word. So that's a lot. You know, be the end servant Elliott Caelin. PS those are two letters. That's a letter that we do not receive, but I'm going to let it. It's a letter. It's okay. That's what I ended with my name. This one, Elliott last name without name. Yeah. This one comes from Chad last name with held. It starts off, dear flop house-yans. Wow, Elliot, great song there. I especially like the part where you scattered
Starting point is 00:42:50 the entire theme of the Brady Bunch. Wow, the one time he did not actually sing a song. You know, because I zig when people think I'm gonna zag. I zig, I mean Ziggy. When people think I'm gonna zaggy. Zaggy, like, is like, Zaggy the 90s attempt to have him wear his clothes backwards like Chris Cross. He was cool. He was a guy. Yeah. Anyway, Chad continue. Sadly, I have a few things I currently rent from Rintocenter and I go in every Saturday to pay my bill. Every Saturday
Starting point is 00:43:21 that I walk in, I'm greeted by Journey to the mysterious island playing some on all 30 Flasery TVs in the store. I always thought I was sort of funny and now I've seen that full movie probably three times from all the segments I've watched. This was all fine and dandy until three or four weeks ago when I walk in and on half the TVs Marma Duke was playing Coincidence I I think not. Someone there either loves your podcast or loves torturing customers. I just had to write in about this.
Starting point is 00:43:49 And since it's my first time writing, I wanted to say thank you for creating a superior podcast to all other bad movie podcasts. I can listen to past episodes over and over and they never get old. Dan, I've got some questions if you want to ask them on the podcast. Sure, why not?
Starting point is 00:44:03 Elliot, when are you going to be on TV again? Make it happen. I mean, I'll do my best. I have no idea. Dan, if you were able to choose to be one Ninja Turtle, which one will you choose? Oh, wow. I personally prefer Donatello. I too prefer Donatello. In the same way that can lame. If I was choosing a ghostbuster, you know, we all would love to be a minkman, but in my heart, I know I would have to be ego. How's that a gire? Thank you. Mike in the cartoon, Egon, where he's got the awesome hair and normal, her old Ramos,
Starting point is 00:44:34 Egon. Um, normal, normal, not a cartoon, Egon. Uh, Stuart, Egon, sheel, the art. I mean, he painted some beautiful, yet tortured figures. Stuart, do you currently have a mustache as an avid facial hair grower? I hope the answer is yes. I got a disappointure. I had a little bit of scruff earlier this week,
Starting point is 00:44:56 and I had to shave it off for intimate time with the Mrs. Wow. Wow, okay. You don't want to hear that. Well, she just likes to pet stewards on bear upper lip. Yeah, that's a thing. I had full mustache before. What do you do for intimate time? Well, I do not want to tell you, Dan.
Starting point is 00:45:13 I'll tell you after we're done recording. Sorry, I've been involved so tuning fork. And to portal to a dimension where there's little dwarf slaves. Sure. Because in bed, the guy bed is a good game boy Do a one episode now why doesn't five has driven this man? Why wasn't the tall man a spokesperson for Game Boy? That's what understands big visuals you play the game boy with Tetris super Mario Land and other package
Starting point is 00:45:43 Package cartridges Tetris super Mario Land and other package tweet package cartridges So moving on I mean that's an amazing question angus scream for game for Nintendo When he's promoting his latest movie line is scrimmage This next is Grimshaw It's his one minute show read as the best George March. I Thought it was a video game where you carve onto whale bones. Yeah, yeah, that's him. So this is Chris the last name we've held. He writes greetings, floppers.
Starting point is 00:46:15 I'll cut through the whole shit and cut right to the chase. Thank you. Finally Chris, I thought you'd never get to it. I'm a simple man with a simple request. Would any of you or if I dare to dream all of you sing Leslie Gores, it's my party and the guys of the Cryptkeeper. I know you guys don't do a ton of voices or syncing. But I figured it was worth asking. We don't live at your whim, Chris.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Yeah, come on. It's my party and the voice that Cryptkeeper, that's so specific that I have to assume you would be sexually reused by it at a very specific finish, so I'm gonna say no. Well, I appreciate that idea. Yeah, I don't know if I need a lyric sheet. I need a tuning fork and a planet with dwarfs. I mean, certainly, yes, it's an appropriate song. Leslie Gore, you do, it's my. And I die if I want to.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Probably the crypt keeper would be announcing it as a DJ. Yeah. The D stands for dead. A dead joggy. And it's a tiny radio station. W-R-I-P. In Skinson Eddie. Good also be the porno version of Cincinnati. Yeah, that's true. We WRP. That'd be WXXX and Skinson Eddie. So I hope that those that the word picture that was just painted softens some of the blow of our not one to do that thing. But moving on, this is from J. Last Name With Hell. It's titled An Invisible Mania.
Starting point is 00:47:50 Dear the Flop House. I think this one's for you, Elliot. I thought you would be pleased as I was to discover that as of this writing, the top two comments on the YouTube-ful movie upload of the Invisible Maniac are as follows. One, quote, there was this movie about a freak who lived in a castle. Anyone remember the name of it?
Starting point is 00:48:10 And two quote, is this the movie where someone's ding dong gets ripped off? Which suggests that the diddazins of Flop House Nation are out there wandering the highways and byways of the internet, leaving hobo-style markings for the delight of the initiated and the bafflement of the Hoy Paloie. Additionally, you will notice that I've written this entire message as a single sentence with a series of dependent clauses and the certainty that Dan will find it nearly impossible to read smoothly. He says in the certainty that Dan will find it nearly impossible to read smoothly. Meanwhile, I remain yours sincerely, Jay. Well, you've proved him wrong.
Starting point is 00:48:46 You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong.
Starting point is 00:48:54 You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong.
Starting point is 00:49:02 You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. You've proved him wrong. the uh... i that reminds me of the moment dan pointed out to me that uh... and this is when i knew the flop house had really become a taste maker when dan put out to me that when you looked up uh... castle freak on amazon dot com it said customers also bought head of the family so either it was just the one-time steward bought both of them
Starting point is 00:49:19 uh... the one time so i had to buy them on dvd of course and then later on when castles freak him out on blue ray i had to buy them on DVD of course. And then later on when Castle Freak came out on Blu-ray, I had to buy it from the full moon pictures of booth account. Yeah, that's they got you. They're always making you buy Castle Freak in the new more mess. You got the laser disc, the beta max. Yeah, I got to go frame by frame. I need the better transfer. And the A-Trader is got that 16 millimeter condensed version that they released in the 50s. I keep sending letters to Stewart Gordon and Jeffrey Gomes to find out for sure if georgio rips office home ding dong in any scene.
Starting point is 00:49:51 You got the hundred year old castle freak zoot rope. That's you spin it around and look through the slot and you see him ripping his ding dong. So damn, what are we doing next? I've got more letters. I've got one more letter, but I realize that for some reason I've got more letters. I've got one more letter but I realized that for some reason I've cut off the name of whoever sent this so I'm desperately trying to find out. Sintillating podcasting. Dan looking at his phone. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:50:18 You have Pete behind the curtain. Although, frankly, Dan looking at his phone is most of the preparation for the podcast and he doesn't pay attention to the movie. After wanting to watch paranoia so very very badly, he checked out almost instantly. Yeah, I can't find. So my apologies to whomever wrote this. Let's just say the name is Lorenzo Lomas. Sure. TV is renegade. I'll put it on the website if I recall, but this is it goes hey guys love the show So I'm looking for future tattoo ideas when I come across what may quite possibly Yes, like a computer you're like neon or some shit are they
Starting point is 00:51:05 But when I come across what may quite possibly be the most mind-beltingly ding dong tattoos of the master chief from Halo? Sorry. This guy says, I'm looking for future tattoo ideas when I come across what may quite possibly be the most mind-meltingly ding-dong dismemberingly, atrociously awesome tattoo that has ever existed. Not safe to work for work due to the tall man from Phantasm. He wring from a man's exploded chest cavity, unless you work in a mausoleum containing interplanetary portals, then possibly safe for work. I present this delicate snowflake to Stuart and solely Stuart
Starting point is 00:51:35 as a final arbiter in whether it deserves such a high distinction. The associates of paintings are wealth and, of course, however, I feel they lack the requisite background in ding dong this membrane to qualify as a judge in this area and so here's the picture of uh... you see the tall man yeah yeah i can get i can see quite clearly that's angus grim playing the character the tall man
Starting point is 00:51:57 looking out from somebody is a ripped open body the problem is i think in a way that movie uh movie that that tattoo is terrible because what it does is it invalidates the rest of the art form. Never again will there ever be a tattoo that ever reaches that quality. It's reached the pinnacle so why bother from now on yeah. Exactly. So I'm one like is is the tall man who's just like hanging out. He's got his body. He literally just killed him or maybe he's renting the place. Sure. Maybe open a portal inside that guy's body or maybe he's looking through somebody's body and the hole is so deep that it goes all the way through his body. He is, he lives in that guy's body. Okay, that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:52:34 But he went on vacation. He just, you don't even have to explain anymore. I totally believe you just came back to find that his house, this guy's body has been robbed and a hole left in the wall where the robber came in. And there's a much of raccoons inside that guy. Yeah, it's all just garbage everywhere because almost man's been living in there for a while. That's why he's making that face. All the car wiring for that guy's body is going. Well, it's stripped. It's totally stripped. So, yeah, pretty good tattoo. That's a good tattoo. Thanks for saying that Mr. question mark. Yeah, anonymous. He's the real. And we're Nigma. Yeah, Mr. He's the red alert. Edward Nygmah.
Starting point is 00:53:06 Yeah, Mr. Nygmah is the red alert. All right, thanks. So, and Mr. Smegma is Batman Villain. You don't see too much these days. More of a buttman villain, actually. Well, you're saying he's more of a silver age character? Yeah, I'd say, yeah, back when the... Back in the days when Batman would get caught in a space zoo. Occasionally, it had to fight Mr. Smegma, yeah back when the back in the days when Batman would get caught in the space zoo occasionally an after-piped Mr.
Starting point is 00:53:28 Smagman, yeah. So let's move on to the final Robert Canager of the days of Batman. Final segment of the podcast where we recommend movies that we've seen and enjoyed unlike paranoia. Elliot why don't you go first because I know that you're going to recommend a movie that I also saw and enjoyed. I have another option if you want to recommend it. No, I've got you'll chime in. I also have another option. I will recommend the other movie in addition. Okay, boy.
Starting point is 00:53:56 But my main recommendation is the Gran Budapest Hotel, West Anderson's new movie. It's possible a lot of FLOAT fans have seen it already, but I went to the extreme notion of have extreme length of having my mother come in from New Jersey to babysit my son so my wife and I could go see this movie and it was totally worth it It was really great. I enjoyed a lot. It's more of a fast paced paper adventure than Wes Anderson usually does and I found it not as emotionally rich as Moonrise Kingdom, but I really enjoyed a lot. It was from moment one to the last moment I was having fun and enjoyed it through the whole thing. But I think that the end is one of his most, like, obviously blatantly funny movies.
Starting point is 00:54:38 But that, I mean, that's true, but then I found that at the end, like, the actual, like, the very end of the movie hit me emotionally very hard. I think it hit me all the harder because it was so light-hearted through most of the movie. There's been a lot of discussion on the Flop House Facebook page. I know there are a lot of people out there who don't like Wes Anderson that much. They just don't connect with his style. I understand if a style doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you, but I kind of realize thinking about Wes Anderson's movies recently
Starting point is 00:55:10 that I think part of why he works so well for me is that all of his movies are about people who are very sensitive emotionally but aren't very good at expressing it, like are very like- I can do that. Like are holding everything inside themselves. So you guys sitting at this table right now.
Starting point is 00:55:28 What? Stuart Wellington. Yeah. Just like you do. No, I'm saying it connects with me because I feel like it's the same thing. Like I'm kind of an emotional live wire who deals with that by keeping the world at bay. But all of his movies have a moment of like catharsis at the end where a lot of emotions come out. Have you ever had a ski end where a lot of emotions come out.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Have you ever had a ski chase down a mountain mountain? I did. I was chasing a little bit of a down a mountain spoiler alert. This is one of those movies that would be a fantastic all ages adventure film if not for a couple moments of nudity and a ton of swearing. That Ray finds his character is like this very like classy, refined, elegant hotel concierge who also swears all the time. And there's some surprising violence in it for Wes Anderson movie. Yeah, that's true, but it's still kind of cartoony.
Starting point is 00:56:17 Yeah. But I have really enjoyed a lot. And I think, you know what? I'm gonna say this, every time we bring up Wes Anderson, one one of us feels the need to say now I know some people don't like him let's stop doing that he's just a movie director there's nothing special about his movies that's not like other movies some people don't like other movies that's fine you love Brian Dupalma I'm not such a huge fan but every time you bring it up you don't go you know some people don't like Brian Dupalma
Starting point is 00:56:42 but I think I think I think I'm recommending the Swiss Anderson movie because I liked it. No apologies, no defense. I just say that because when I say I like Brian DiPomel, the internet, and by that I mean our Facebook group, does not erupt with a bunch of people feeling the need to come out of the woodwork to make fun of Brian DiPomel. Well, I'll say to those guys who feel the need to erupt and come out against the Swiss Anderson, don't see his movies, dude. Yeah. Go watch some of you. I mean, we all like Prometheus and people in the world and explode or nothing. Exactly. Wes Anderson's Prometheus.
Starting point is 00:57:11 I love you, see. And I wanted to record. I would love to see Wes Anderson make a 3D movie. His movies are almost 3D already. Except he has such complete control and like narrow focus on the picture being a lot. I think I bet he could do something really cool 3D, but I feel like he might not want to. There's such a flatness, even with the three dimensions as movies. Yeah. He could close his movies a lot.
Starting point is 00:57:39 Like dioramas. Yeah, yeah. Now, another movie I want to mention real quick is one that might be a little harder to find than Graham from Blue to Best Hotel. I enjoyed it. It's called Repentance, and it is a Georgian film from the 80s about a Soviet dictator who dies, and mysteriously his body of each night is dug up and placed on the patio
Starting point is 00:58:01 of his old house. And it turns, and the person who's doing it is put on trial and tells the story of why she thinks this Soviet dictator's soul should never rest. And it's both very grim at times and also very goofy at times. And there's a scene where the dictator and his two henchmen stopped by an artist's apartment
Starting point is 00:58:21 to intimidate him through singing to him as guests at his house and putting on an impromptu like a capella concert that is very Terry Gilliamsque. So repentance, if you have an interest in seeing kind of a pre-end of the Cold War sat tire type movie. I'd like to recommend a movie that just happens to be the movie that the dissolve is talking about this week when we're recording this the website that was dissolved but I just watched it because I got the Blu-ray at Christmas and hadn't had a chance to see it and I wanted to show it to my wife which is the sweet
Starting point is 00:58:57 spell of success by Alexander McKindrick was written by Ernest Lehman and Clifford Odette. Ernest Lehman, you may know, possibly most famous as a screenwriter for writing North by Northwest, although this is a much more bitter movie than Northwest. Alexander McKendrick also directed Lady Killers. Yeah. It's a movie that stars Tony Curtis and Bert Lancaster, and it's a movie that stars uh, Tony Curtis and Bert Lancaster and it's about the uh, gossip columnist uh, sort of culture of the the 50s. I mean, it's uh, based on Walter Whitt Winshull pretty much um, and uh, it's just beautifully shot. Uh, it's got a great Elmer Bernstein-Jesse score. It's a film noir movie, but about the gossip calm business.
Starting point is 00:59:51 It's very funny, it's very bitter. It's really like every facet of it is super kind of dramatically presented, but in a wonderful way rather than an upper bearing way. And I quickly want to also say, Flop House book recommendations. I was on vacation last week and during that vacation I read a few. I read a couple books I think that Flop House listeners would particularly enjoy. There were both. Everybody boobs. Well, they're both linked in that they're both kind of called a shocking ending on that one.
Starting point is 01:00:30 I mean, straight to the title. To stay the last five pages of everyone boobs. To stay everyone boobs. Don't tell your friends the shocking surprise ending of everyone boobs. Surely some people don't poop. Don't tell a different the shocking surprise ending of everyone boo surely some people don't poop Tune in after the credits for a shocking twist for a teaser They fury will show up Initiative
Starting point is 01:01:02 We need you. It's called the Deficator's Initiative. No, the movies, the books I want to recommend, they're both linked and that they're kind of both cultural histories. One is called Five Came Back by Mark Harris and it's about five directors who are part of the war effort. John Ford, John Houston, George Stevens, William Wiler, and Frank Capra. Yes. And the other was Superman, the unauthorized biography by Glenn Weldon. What was it? Sort of traces Superman and all his incarnations from when he was invented to the present
Starting point is 01:01:42 and showing how he reflected the changing times. It was in, obviously, five came back dealing with the real events of World War II, carries a lot more emotional weight than the Superman book, but they're both very enjoyable. So I recommend those too. Stuart. I'm going to recommend a movie that I actually received as a gift from
Starting point is 01:02:08 Flapphouse listener Alex, last name with help. It's a movie from 1979. Ooh, that's Elliott and Dan territory. I don't know. It's old. The Friends of Eddie Quill in the last episode is a more recent movie or more modern movie is forty years old so uh... the movie i'm going to recommend is recently been released on blue ray it's a movie called the visitor it's a movie that was made in collaboration with the british and jinkins no nineteen seventy nine visitor q
Starting point is 01:02:39 no no i guess i'll recommend that a later episode uh... no this movie does the No, this movie does feature a hot young actor, Mr. Lance Hendrickson himself. Cover? Is Mollinium? Lance the pants, the lipstick. Cover of Tiger Beat. Lance Hendrickson. No, for most wrinkly.
Starting point is 01:03:00 The cover line is loopy over Lance. Before he lost that bet with a pumpkin head. And so this is a love is pottery now. We love his act. So this is a crazy movie and I'm recommending this is a movie to watch with friends. Maybe by yourself. According to its IMDB description and I guess like the back of the box too, it's basically about a little girl who has the soul of some kind of evil, intergalactic entity
Starting point is 01:03:36 named Satine, which is very much like Satan. Because you're off brand, generic store brand version of Satan. And she's in a struggle with this entity of good, this played by John Houston. And one of his later roles and Lance Hendricks in plays a shifty owner of a basketball team. It looks like Eddie with movie over. a basketball team. This is a movie that features a police detective getting his eyes plucked out by a crow or I guess eagle don't don't don't write it easy to tell a difference between the two. Yeah, I am the description the more you say about the movie the less I understand what it is. If you like
Starting point is 01:04:21 movie, this movie has all the elements of Italian cinema that I hate, which is lots of closeups on the eyes, lots of weird cuts, lots of weird like intermingling of shots, bad doving, exactly terrible doving. But at the same time, I found it weirdly charming in this case, and really interesting musical cues that do not relate to what's going on screen. So if you want to watch a really strange movie, so that policeman getting his eyes plugged out, it's like, boy. Oh, did it, did it, did it, did it,
Starting point is 01:04:55 whoops, whop, whop, whop. Pfft. So yeah, the visitor, check it out. And thanks again, Dale, like, the last name was held. All right guys well Once again, I feel like perhaps we've like Rumpest Filtskin We've spun water out of one Paranoia in the gold
Starting point is 01:05:26 It's still be quite a feat in Yyard and to go that's not the story. He's spongebobby yaga. No, no! So for the flop-ass, I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalen. Good night everyone. And this one was called, oh man, okay, let's just let's just dig into this fucking neat sandwich. Yeah, man. You'll make a mint. Let's do it guys.
Starting point is 01:06:07 Daniel, you are the worst warm-up comic. Hey! You're the only one I've ever seen. Oh, yeah, this guy. Where are you from? Oh, forget it. That place is probably not very good. Well, he knows what to do.
Starting point is 01:06:22 Daniel. Well, he knows.

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