The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #152 - Easy Rider: The Ride Back

Episode Date: May 17, 2014

We discuss Easy Rider: The Ride Back, an object lesson in why you should never let a movie's sequel rights lapse. Meanwhile Dan explains the Flop House fan caste system, Elliott puts the "bar" in barter, and Stuart knows nothing about robots.Movies recommended in this episode:Blade IIThe EastMy Dinner With Andre

For all those that wondered what happened decades after Easy Rider and decades before Easy Rider, there's Easy Rider, the right back. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flockhouse, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey there Dan McCoy, I am Stuart Wellington. Hey there Stuart Wellington robot, I'm Elliot Kalen. Wait, I can't do a robot impression. Go Dan. It goes like this. Beat boop, beat boop. Yeah, and then you're really tough like this in a monotone. Okay, so wait, is this like an improv class? Yeah, we're just gonna try to teach you how to be a this like an improv class. Yeah, look, we're just gonna try to teach you how to be a

real. Yes, I'm gonna give you a baby robot. Beat boop. I'm doing long trips. I'm doing good. Unbaby bot Stewart Wellington. I think it's one of those. We're just trying to teach you to do the one impression

anyone of any age knows how to do. Which is what? A robot. That's what. All right. Beat boop. Beat boop. Beat boop.

Beat boop. Here's how you do a robot. I'm Stewart Wellington. Beat boop. Here's how you do a robot. I'm Stuart Wellington beat boop. Here's you do an alien. I'm Stuart Wellington. Leap galore. It's easy. Yeah. For more like this, send in for all it's pamphlets. Easy. Easy impression. Even you can do. First you have to draw a turtle. And Elliot will teach you how to and if you don't draw the turtle well enough, then you have to draw pirate. Oh, okay. That's not bad. And if you don't draw the turtle well enough, then you have to draw pirate. Oh, okay. That's not bad. And if you don't draw the pirate well enough, I cannot help you.

No. So this is a movie. Wow. I did it. Wow. I did it. And we've done this over 150 times. No, right.

So this is a podcast. A podcast. You're hearing it in your ears. It's called the Flawpast. The Flawpast. Where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. And tonight, well, I want to say the one thing of my voice sounds a little off tonight and possibly more annoying because I'm getting over a cold. So maybe it sounds better or it sounds better. And everyone will keep infecting you. Sexier and very

whitish. But if you are hearing me wrong, it's not your headphones. It's my voice. Yeah, if it's not a normal I lay it sound just speed it up a little bit Yeah, I'm gonna get more high-pitched and chip monkey a little porky figure It's not the coffee. It's the bunk It's a Christmas in July reference. We watched a movie called did we watch a movie fan? I'm so sure I don't know what we want easy writer the ride back I can't write it the right back or the right home. It's easy writer the ride back. This is a and I would say I would say an

unauthorized sequel to easy writer except the guy who made it bought the rights to easy writer. So it is technically an authorized sequel by the owner of the rights to easy writers and I will say a large part of the credit for us during this movie comes from Nathan Rab Raven of the dissolved tweeting directly at us and suggesting that we do this movie Hey do this movie, which I double-dog dare you I'm super glad he did because this was awesome. Yeah, this was a Wow, and I just I just say if you're not if you're a normal fan out there or me You know like oh they didn't do the movie. I suggested well tough

Where budget star fuckers here if you're a minor internet celebrity, why is they? I know why you're so mad or a major normal celebrity Why do you mean to our listeners? Look, if you write for the dissolve and you recommend a movie for us. We'll watch it We're gonna prick up our ears man. We should have I Don't know what that means exactly but I don't like the sound of it. It's the same. It's the same. Anyway, Dick years McCoy. My point is if there are other, uh, send my famous to famous people out there who want to

tweet at us, maybe we'll have a starforkers month. Yeah sure. We're not. This is a contest. I recommend a movie. Yeah. It's a new contest we're doing. If you wait. So your sculari wants to write in with a move for us You got to verify yourself. You got to take a picture of yourself. You're scolari That day's new paper. Yeah, yeah, you're modern and a picture of you not a time We don't want maniac mansion Peter scolari. We want girls Peter scolari. That's right But the point is easy writer. Can you add maniac mansion?

Or anything of that? That's an interior game. No, he was in the direct to video, honey, we shrunk or somethings. I mean, I, it was a thing I'm not most from the new heart. TV show. That was the, that was the, that was the,

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Sweet mornation. It was him and his brother ghost that attacked that, attacked that Yeah, Scalari brothers. I gave him the chair. Then they attacked me as a judge when Lewis, what's his name? What's his name? Tony. Lewis Tully was defending the G-busters. The G-busters. Wow, it took me a long time to realize where it was going. That's Galari Ghost. You're saying that that's not the first thing you think, whenever you hear Peter Scalari's

name, because it is for me. Scalari Brothers. I gave him the chair. So you think he's the skinny one? That's more like Brother that, right? Of course, he's not the big fat one. Come on. You sound a lot more if a cabbie was a judge than the actual judge.

Yeah, I guess so. I remember seeing those puppets at, when I took the tour of Industrial Light and Magic, and it was very exciting to me. All this stuff from movie history, and you know what hit me the most was the Scalari Brothers puppets and the painting, the ego of Carpathia. Scalari Brothers, I realized I loved Ghostbusters 2 so much.

And you were like, no, no, no, David, don't get near that painting. Well, that's's I mean the sclery brothers were definitely the best effect in Ghostbusters 2 as far as I'm concerned what's charming effect yeah I don't know I have a soft spot for that minke coat that starts attacking its owner all right I was gonna say the bathtub ooze thing yeah well you like that it reaches for a topless to go any weaver yeah, anyway, the one who you're right, we watch it. We're right back. The right back, which is the Lager's saying it's it's almost so it's been a long time. So it's hot on the heels of the original. It's not. Yeah, it's only 40 years

after the original. And it may seem that we're killing a lot of time, but this movie defies this movie is about killing time. This is it is a long time. It's been a long time since we watched maybe ever such a low-budget amateurish movie for the thought pass even like What was that the movie we watched about how Patriot was destroying America was destroying patriotism in the church? Was it the last ounce occurred last ounce of current even that yeah looked more professional than this We might have to go back to the silent Fisher era and memory starting Bill Zane to find such a low budget film.

But this was, let's try to explain it. Episode two, yeah. So this is for everyone who saw. True believers. Everyone who saw Easy Rider, the movie about Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda riding on their motorcycles around dealing drugs, and are eventually, at the end, they are.

Getting shot. At the end, they're murdered by two guys in a truck and anyone who saw the movie was like, but what happened next? Yeah. After they were murdered. Not what happened next. What happened several years later? What happened next and what happened? What happened? 40 years later and also 25 years earlier. Well, yeah. Anybody who watched the original easy writer and you saw the guy driving around with a Captain America outfit and you're like, man America used to be great, wasn't it? Well, that's what this movie is. Where do we go wrong?

And what's so weird about this movie is that this movie, it's like the first movie, this movie saw the first movie, which I guess is about the American Dream shattered and we need a more hippie-ish view of freedom. This movie is like allows to correct that last movie. Actually the great times in America were the olden days. Yeah all that counterculture stuff and no thank you. Well we need or more veterans. Well we need is more Vietnam vets. But uh allow me more to vets. And we'll wear two vets. But I think easy writer

was not a veteran. I don't think the people in easy writer were against World War II. I would assume they were taking an anti-Vietnam stance. No, no, they hated the Jews. Peter fond a real anti-Jews in a minute. Wow, so you originally called the anti-Semitic writer. So anyway, let's explain what's going on. So the movie opens with a long video, a lot of motorcycle footage of Who the guy who is also the co-writer of the film playing Peter Fonda's character's brother was it went Morgan? William Morgan. Yeah, he's like a he's like a Peter Fonda like a look He is like a real like a look and that he would like it if you looked more like Peter Fonda

If you looked more like Peter Fonda This is what you want is hair black. If you want Peter Fonda to come to your child's birthday Yeah, but physically yellow pages, the like it looks section. Let's say your grandma's turning 90s, her eyesight's not that good. She loves Peter Fonda from like, you least gold or some shit. So she wants him to come to the her party.

You hire this guy and she can't tell that he kind of barely looks like Peter Fonda if you're squinting at him. And if he's wearing Peter Fonda's clothes. Yeah, which he is. Which he is. So he's right. He has a voice about how he's the brother of Peter Fonda's character. He doesn't like what happened to him. He got shot on a day with clear blue skies just like 9-11. Yeah, he mentions that the shot that killed his brother came out of the nowhere in the blue sky just like 9-11. I mean he mentions that the shot that killed his brother came out of the nowhere in the blue sky, just like 9-11. I mean, I can see that pair well. And what happened to America?

And he is living in Mexico, I guess, as a drug dealer. And his sister says, hey, our father is dying. You need to come, or it's his birthday. No, you know, it is not that. He's an old, it's his birthday. You need to come see him. And he's like, I don't want to I got problems with old man But meanwhile this this seems takes place in a shed full of motorcycle equipment that yeah motorcycle memorabilia's that all has a red iron

Cross yeah because their dad started a gang motorcycle gang that had to use the red iron cross as it's as it's symbol Anyway, they argue this okay. Here's a he's a rule about this movie. No dialogue scene is Allowing more than two and a half minutes long or if that two minutes long yet every motorcycle riding scene is roughly 75 to 85 minutes long. Yes, but the coral area that is even though the dialogue scenes are two minutes long each two-minute Line dialogue scene will mention 16 characters that you have not heard of. This is, we were talking about how every dialogue scene in this movie is like the Janet Lee pickup scene and the Manchurian candidate where the dialogue makes no sense and you're like, did I miss a scene? Like they must be talking in code. What is this?

Is there a subtext here that I'm not getting that explains everything? Every scene is like a matroish kada doll, like a Russian nesting doll filled with names that I don't know. Or a Rorschach test. Like let's let the audience figure out what's going on. If we have the key book, that is the key to this book, Cypher. So yeah, they should have sent us a coded message

that told us what page to start on in our Cypher code. Oh boy, then this would be like rules of the game. Oh yeah, it'll be the Godfather. So they go to what like a Mexican restaurant or something? They go to, it seems to be a Mexican restaurant. They get bottled not chef. They go to like a Mexican restaurant run by a drug baron. Yeah.

And the guy sells his drugs and comes back and the sister and he get into a fight. Over some kind of off-brand bottle of Patrona, I guess. Yeah, because he won't go see their dad and he's mad that his dad always liked his brother Virgil more. Virgil being another character who we never see in the present, but appears in a lot of flashbacks. Yeah.

The white, the sister goes back and argues with the dad and The got the main character Morgan tells his nude girlfriend in the probably I was at the best scene of the movie because there's a new Tell her he has to go totally new balls She is she is totally naked. Oh, yeah, she totally raises this guy's value like before like this is weird old dude but now we're like Yeah, there's gonna be something like 65 year old dude Walking jerky stick in a sleeveless shirt and Peter fond is jacket. Well, this nude lady seems to like him There's something he has a beautiful long black flowing hair That is discongruous with the rest of his hair with his with his narrowed tree trunk hair. Yeah. That is discongruous with the rest of his hair. With his, with his gnarled, tree trunk face.

Yeah. But the, the, the, here's the thing. Everyone in this movie is. Yeah, did you think he was leaving for like an ant-moot or something? My people have to help the forces of light fight Sora. And they move slow enough. Oh. Oh. Anyway, he decides he's gonna motorcycle back after all.

He's gonna take a long trip, but before he goes, the honor of his dead brother kind of, kind of, also to see his brother who died 45 years ago. But everyone is still getting over it. Wait, who's his brother? Peter, he's the first movie. Yeah, exactly. From the beginning of the movie, right? Peter Fonda. Oh, yeah, exactly. It's this is the beginning of the movie, right? Yeah, on the bus, too. Sorry. Come on. Directed by Spike Lee. Exactly. To the million man March. The bus that guy serves nachos are out of the

hour. We haven't gotten to the guy who served four people out of a bus that doesn't work anymore and gets a big money transaction. You can get transfusion from Peter Fonda brother. But anyway, we don't see him from from Peter Fonda baby he's like ponda baby from star word Peter Fonda he's a baby it's so weird that you made like it's like if they made a King Kong movie about King Kong's brother and dad like i know he died at the end of the first movie but this is about the rest of his family and i know that i know that he made son of

kong which is about King Kong's son. Sure. They could have made a movie about Peter Fonda son. It's about his brother and his dad as if he needed to fill in the backstory. Like most of this movie is prequel, which we'll get to. So before he's going to go on this trip, he decides to pick up his best friend. But beforehand, there's that great bit where he like makes a decision to go on the trip. Any, he stuffs that fucking tube full of money just like in the first movie, which has like they're only doing that because it's a call back to the first movie.

It has no like, it's no real point. It's not like at any point someone drives to rob him. And he's lonely because the money's the gas tank and he gets away, you know? Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, and I think that's the first point. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Or not that yet. He's still picking up his best friend at the dirt bike track. I do say I'm glad that I had you gone We had you in hand story because I would not have recognized that as called like I've seen the first movie

But I don't I don't like easy rider. I don't like the original like I recognize that Counter-Culture in times better than this square square But I'm not a fan of these easy riders. Well, I Those five pieces aren't so easy to me. I like five easy pieces, but easy rider. I feel like hair get it cut That's what I say I start in hair Yeah, I was gonna say Dan as one of my great moments in my college career was getting to see Dan McCoy Star in the musical performance of hair at Earlham College. Not all the naked people Dan was standing up on a platform gazing up on them. Well I'll only out of the corner of my eyes was like gazing

point. Who did you play in here? I played Claude. Okay so you did star in here. Yeah. Anyway I wasn't. So that's a pink behind I guess the curtain. So my high school is life. I know. But what I'm saying is you probably had to get deep into character. Yeah. So how does that? How does that affect your opinion of hippie culture? The closest I came to get into character was the stage manager Allison Kennis. You may remember her. Yeah, glad we dropped the name. Allison Kennes, you may remember her. I'm glad we dropped the name. What is this scene from easy right on the way back? Yeah, right now drop 17 more names.

She and Karen Florentine and I were going to get some shrooms and eat them on a pizza and then Allison dropped the ball. She never got the most rooms. Is that drugs running? Can we cut this? Can we cut this? That's a story out. I'm just a fact, the moment.

It was supposed to be research for the role. Because there's a lot of pizza in the hair. Were you doing it as ninja turtles? I was a long hair ninja turtle who did not want to be drafted into the fight against shredder. Claude Lee and Ardo. Things that it's groovy to go sit in the movie and be an ninja. Anyway, I was burning my size anyway.

So go on. Wow, Dan. Now, if Raphael had said that, I'd know he met the ninja weapon. But since you saw it sadly so often, I thought you were really protesting by burning your main mode of communication. If you could do that, it would be a powerful protest from you. Yeah, well, yeah, no, it'd be more of like taking control

of my own life. Yeah, yeah. It'd be a powerful like this moment of my own life. Yeah, powerful like This moment on I'm sad no more. I'm not the sides of the sides don't master me. I'm master them side guy no more So anyway, he decides to pick up his best friend. What are we talking about? Easy rider the ride back now here is the thing we mentioned there a lot of names I don't think we've hit hard enough. The fact that every scene, each character mentions a ton of other characters, and this must be what, like, it must feel like when my wife picks up one of my X-Men comics. And they're just mentioning Aurora Monroe and Spiral and Mojo, and she has no idea who

these people are. They sound pretty great though. Yeah, oh no, they're all great, yeah. It's like Forge. A Forge is a noun, not a, it's a thing, not a person. It's like forge. A forge is a noun. It's a thing, not a person. That's a problem. Everyone treats him like he's a thing and not a person, but he's a person.

He's a shaman and a mutant. Yeah, yeah. So, but he goes to pick up his best friend, Jeff Fahy, playing the character of Wes Coast, who is a dirt professional dirt bikerer turned fat bearded guy. He's Mr. Motocross. And he is kind of the dude LaBowski of this movie. If the dude LaBowski did nothing but ride a motorcycle and talk at such a low level

that you can barely hear what he's saying. And also have flashbacks to having sex with the main characters sister. On the back of a motorcycle. Which is the other major nude scene delivery system in this film. And this is a movie that is shot and scored like a Playboy video calendar. So it's all library music sound alike, some other songs. And this, anyway, it's...

So Jeff Faye's character is introduced in a some motocrossing, where the camera can not keep him from... Oh no, he's just too fast. he's the San Chopin of this film two Morgan's done Kote and They go to a bar where they watch some women dancing on a bar Jeff A. He gets into a fight and hits a bunch of people in the face with a Jack Daniels bottle so hard that Like a roadhouse. What was going on there? It was kind of a hockey-tank roadhouse Well, it was one of those strip clubs where most of the women are fully clothed. It's a for one lady

Yeah, well, they were all they're all fully clothed They're all covered up and they all had various degrees of boredom in their dancing Yeah, one woman was the largest robbing while padding her hip there was like the one topless lady and then there was a Much of the only top she took off was her cowboy hat I don't remember any topples ladies. What's that committee? This is it. This is your castle freak, Digniton ripoff.

Stuart and I both saw women in bikini tops, sure. Bikini tops and short skirts. I didn't see any tops. You don't have the radar that I do. One girl I had chaps on, is that what you're thinking? Yeah, do you think chaps and boobs and the same thing? What do you think chapstick is? In the theme of chaps, some chap gets rude with one of

the girls and Jeff Fahey clubs him with a ball he defends her honor by killing him with a bottle then they got a ski daddle they go I didn't think it was pretty funny when he was like it didn't break like in the movies yeah man that's the class yeah so then they ride all that whiskey inside. And there's one of about 20 scenes where they just ride their motorcycle in a shot. It was a good joke. It was a good joke.

He's right. That was a fine little chuckle. So then it's time to wipe them ride their motorcycles forever. They eventually stop at, I guess, a restaurant. It looks more like it's a bus. No, but, but, I guess it's after that. I can't remember. It's hard to keep the order of this movie.

There's a point where they stop that are all over. There's anything. No, but I'm loving watching you try to keep the order. They stop it. It's either a restaurant or it's the shanty town from Prince of Darkness. And a woman is their waitress and they ask her where they can get some reaper. She says, oh, here we call it. And Jeff A. He's like, pot, huh?

As if that's the craziest new fangled thing he's ever heard Keeping it what they've called it pot for what 50 years and then there's five minutes of this like young blonde lady Driving around in a motorcycle with like some shots of the other two of them following her and it's like a Country music television video from 1990 And I assume the point is just to see her boobs bouncing while she's riding a motorcycle Yes, and she was not even that she takes them to a place. She's not even wearing a helmet. No, she wore long pants If she fell off that bike or like she would be all toward the pieces Yeah, she would be like reddit like lettuce. I'm not in the good one. No, she'd be like Steve you send me in the woodchip with the inapharga

So they go to a place she walks out of building and hands them something and then they drive off and then she stares at them wistfully as if they've had a moment of some kind. Yeah. The movie moves on and she stays there. Yeah, the adventure of them getting some parts. This is like the this is their version of I guess it's like is it in vanishing point where the guy shows the Kiro shows up at a place where there's a nude woman riding a motorcycle. She offers sex to him and he says no and then he leaves and that's about it. I guess I mean like this movie is like you mentioned to dokeo before it's kind of like dokeo in that it's a pick a rest to go on where there it's it's a regular

little incidents that don't necessarily like all add up together to a big bigger narrative. Yeah so later on it turns into Trish Jam Sandi for a while where Flash is way back and leaves the main character. So the quest to find some reaper is a success. And they continue on their way. There's another scene where they meet a friend of theirs used to be West Coast's big biking rival.

Now he serves poor people meals out of an old unworking bus. And Peter Fonda look, gives him some money to fix the bus. So, and thus, the, the, the fable of the broken bus comes to its conclusion. So the money he had in his gas tank, within the first, I'm hoping third of the movie, he just gives it to the guy for his, like, it guys like, how much is in there? He's like, enough, and then just gives him all the money. It doesn't make any sense at all. So I guess they're living off the land, I guess,

to steal and chickens and pies off ledges. They don't need that cash dollars. But my favorite of these unconnected incidents is when they just stop on the beach for a while and a like slow shitty version of America of the beautiful plays over shots of like dead fish carcasses and ruined old buildings and at the end of the main character goes in voiceover we blew it man we really got to take better care

of the earth and that's it yeah yeah message received thanks buddy it is the least subtle environmental message since I think Godzilla versus the smog monster then there's also the scene where they bed down for the ninth or camping out. And the and Jeff A. He makes the point that they could just fly where they're going. They don't stay in a hotel. And Peter Fonda looked like we're Jeff A. He I forget which one talks about how, Hey, if it could be 150 years ago when men had more freedom and these bikes were, you're saying you wouldn't give up all these modern conveniences to go back to that freedom.

And he's like, yeah, I guess so. And I guess that's another one of the points to the movie about how to understand what they're talking about. I think they're too high on Reaper. Yeah. And then they start laughing at a cheeto that fell on the ground. But this is like it. But it's approximately here in this movie that the movie splits off into a whole different movie, right?

Like this is about where all of a sudden we go over to the main character's dad. Yep. Wild Bill. His name is Wild Bill and he is a contender of all music. I'm amazing. A constantly quivering lower lip. He always looks like he's either about to cry

or he's chewing like- He's working on a little peanut It's like trying to strip that acorn bear with just his rough little fucking kitty cat tongue He's got a tiny piece of gum that he wants to make last so he's just these tiny little chewing motions and I want to believe that's what he brought to the last and gopher It's like his mouth is always in one of those old-time workout machines that just shakes you. But anyway, he's mad at his daughter and the world. He hates his son Morgan, the main character.

He loves his son Virgil, who we never see in the present. And the reason for this is, he is a veteran of the North Africa campaign in World War 2, which he flashes back to a lot and apparently He was riding a motorcycle during a battle and his leg got blown up and his friend healed him. Yeah, by Rommel's Africa Corps Yeah, and that's and so the history so mo that's another thing This movie had to give it a family origin for why Peter Fonda rides a motorcycle in the first time It's like you know every it's something I didn't really buy it when I saw the first easy rider that he's always riding a motorcycle.

Yeah, no, it's the deal there. Like where do you get that from? Oh, you're like, I get the easy, but where does the rider come from? So many unanswered questions about how he got into motorcycles. It's like, it's such a, it's a George Lucas Star Wars prequel level of explaining shit. Sure. Oh, you're wondering how Han got that vest. Well

Here's what happens he was walking through the forest and a bunch of brambles ripped the sleeves off his jacket. Yeah I mean not to play to flash back to the aforementioned Nathan Raven. I really I read his Review of this and he talked about how like the movie came up as fanfiction and that is totally true It feels like easy writer family. Oh man. There's so many holes that I need to fill in except fan fiction from someone who does not care for the message of the original Easy writer it is it's a guy who loves motorcycles, but doesn't like hippies doesn't like hippies and so There's to make a very long convoluted story short the dad is mad I can honestly not imagine the order this stuff He's the dad is mad at his daughter. He has bad flashback dreams about World War 2 Then his friend who was the medic who healed him comes by and it's one the old men from Nebraska

Yeah, a character actor has been on a ton of stuff. Who is name in this is Stonewall Andrew Jackson, which is crazy, that it combines two different American Jackson's and he and Tito and over dinner one night. It's weird. The bottom. He got the nickname Stonewall completely unrelated. Yeah, yeah, it's because he was at the Stonewall riots that night. He was the first guy to throw a bunch at a cop. He shows up wearing chaps the first time we see him. Yeah, that's why they're so close. Yeah, yeah, they were lovers back when that love dared not speak. Yeah, it was like a five minute scene of him driving up to the house.

Now, so the daughter, this is a movie where everyone's decades long family problems are solved with one conversation each. So the daughter yells at the dead, hey, stop pushing me away. Suddenly everything's fine. Over dinner, he explains to her and his friend Stonewall, his entire life history, which you'd think they'd know by this point, how he was in World War II, then he came back. He had a farm, he had a baby. The kids grew up, he taught them racism was bad by talking about Jackie Robinson and his perseverance is good because that was meant America was good when kids listen to their fathers not realizing that he's also illustrating that America was super racist at the time during the

good old days but uh... then his sons grew up wrong one of them went to Vietnam and the other one and it became a celebrated sniper the other one totally forgot that I called the postpartum depression suicide oh yeah their mother also killed herself due to postpartum depression after the daughter was born when the the bad kid explained that his mom was sick with something after her sister was born the whole time with a cigarette dangling from his mouth in the faked cigarettes smoking see it's also ever seen where he is sketching and coloring in drawings of his American flag bike that he's gonna ride in the first easy rider Like he's fucking spider man designing his costume, but the smoking like imagine the scene from Ghostbusters

Where the cigarette is just dangling from Ray's lip the whole time and but imagine that that was played seriously as if Ray was still And as of that little kids doing that thing little kid he's like a teenager whatever. It's not like an eight-year-old I'm an old man now. Yeah, yeah, they all look the same to you So he's a kid racist. Okay So cases One brother becomes a dirty hippie and doesn't go to Vietnam the other one does But what we don't know is It turns out there's oh and also his the older brother Virgil who did go to Vietnam

had a crush on the rich girl in town but because they were a poor farm family her parents didn't approve anyway but it's revealed there's more backstory in this fucking I'm going I haven't even gotten to the dirty secret yet where this movie goes from bad to disgusting is when it's when Morgan reveals to his friend West Coast that this is after we find like we see scenes of this this awesome dude being a like a six sniper. He's like a super sniper in the well he's like sniping little Vietnamese kids. They drop him out of a helicopter in Vietnam. And this is where you know the budget. The movie's not super low because they rented a helicopter in Vietnam. And this is where you know the budget, the movie's not super low

because they rented a helicopter. And the board of a show is, because they keep, they hold on that shot of the helicopter for a good half. Yeah, and there's a ton of helicopter shots of the bikes going across this. Probably the same helicopter.

Yeah, the California scrub land landscape. Yeah. It has the same helicopter they used. The other one, the Huey or something. They go to the part of Vietnam that looks like big sir California and then it's got palm trees so it's Vietnam right they go he gets dropped in on helicopter then you see a unit of American soldiers who are moving through

the the jungle and they get caught in a trap super-tens by this sniper and then this and then Virgil who's all camoed up with plants on his head he finds the sniper who's a real yeah like a Tom Baringer and then this and then Virgil who's all camoed up with plants on his head. He finds the sniper who's a real like a Tom Barron. And then the Americans leave. Yeah, he shoots him through a scope, dude. He shoots him through the scope just like in Save a Prime Ryan or sniper. And the Americans, I guess their mission was to go there and leave. They come, they, I guess, they've like retrieved the bodies, the people that Smiper killed. They, the shows their helicopters flying away, and that's when Virgil gets up out of the vegetation

and goes to walk over to the corpse, which turns out to just be a game. He wants to do honor to his fallen foe. But it's weird, because you have to ask, okay, so did the other American troops, even no Virgil was there? Did they think that like the hand of god struck the sniper dead and is virgin just gonna walk home after that like a lot of crazy things happen

that's a bit of a guy's you want to ride home no it's okay cool we're gonna head out get let's get in the air cab you got you can just hang around the Vietnam jungle press long as you want but then it turns out he and he's been broken he is no reason to go well as thing he enlisted because of a dark secret he one night his rich girlfriend sn It's not kind of her home with him

They wrote on a motorcycle down together because everybody loves motorcycles and by the way I cut out the scene where the dad as a young man takes an amputee world We're too veteran on a ride in his motorcycle side car in exchange for a handmade flag Let's just cut out that part entirely Because America was a much better place back when we didn't have the medicine that allows to keep our legs And these are like we're waiting who made that flag I must have that flag that flag was so and so maculately and this and I've never seen a flag like that This is my dad's I gave his flag a double stitch anyway.

I mean, we're talking madman quality costume and period costume. Oh, yeah, beautiful. At no point does it look like a high school production of Greece? Never. Oh, God. So the point is we were talking about the most just tasteful. We're not talking about the Abbey. So we're like, so we're at this point.

We assume that the reason he went to Vietnam is because it's real broke his heart. And because he's a proud good American who is a patriot like his dad believes. At least he knows he's free. Yeah. He'll probably stand up next to you. And Defender still today. Yeah. Back then. So it turns out Virgil. So Morgan tells West Coast that Virgil had a dark secret. So one night his rich girlfriend snuck out and they motorcycle down to an abandoned Arboridom like I don't know what it was exactly some kind of it's like it's part of like a day camp. Okay, so it's like a three-sided house with a fireplace. Yeah like you see that little campgrounds all over the place. And they start making out and the girlfriend

starts taking off her shirt and he goes no no no no, no. And she's like, it's okay. And they start making out. And then who should show up with the bad side of motorcycles? A motorcycle gang. Wait, hold on. It's a great, a motorcycle has turned evil. Unlike the patriotic motorcycle riders we've been used to most of the movie, these are hoodlums who use motorcycles in a bad way. Yeah.

This is a motorcycle gang who looks like some community theater guys who are trying to be like street tuffs. Yeah, it's like, again, it's like, your dad decided to make a heavy metal music video. And these are the backup guys. It's a motorcycle gang from any which way you can. Yeah, cool worse. Yeah, and they're led by the the the highest motorcycle bandit I've ever seen

Yeah, the guy wants to intimidate somebody by like jumping over something or like giggling weirdly Yeah, he's like it's kind of a young William Sadler type. I can see that but he's only he's like only I'm gonna be in charitable on the young bar. He's only yeah, he looks like he's about 57 years old He's only a couple steps away from like Carmen Dia from the producers in terms of coded homosexuality But he's he decides to hey, hey, these these this young couple is trespassing and in the punch Virgil and knock him out and make him watch as he rapes his girlfriend and then as he's passing out goes Hey, and don't forget about that guy. Yeah, it's implied that he raped Virgil too? Yeah, both of them.

It is so distasteful. And look, it's stressful. It has none of the tacked of irreversible. And rape scenes are always horrible. I don't want to make light, but I have to say, this actor is making the most hilarious evil faces during this. He's like, he's looking over the guy like, Hey, hey, hey, you see what I'm doing?

Pretty horrible, no. I'm not really sure. He looks either happy or like super mad at the other stuff. Yeah, so there's a wonder is look at his face like, I hope he's appreciating this because I sure don't like it. I'm just doing this for your benefit. And so Virgil went to Vietnam and when he comes back, he's a changed man.

He's a kind of angel of vengeance if you will. Who wears a hood over his head? Yeah, he's like, uh, like one of those the crows. One of those crows or winchers soldiers. And he walks into a biker bar where the gang is and the gang orders them a bloody Mary as a show of disrespect, I guess. And this is when there's the best line of the death. There's the best, the bloody, enjoy your last brunch. And the 60 year old pirate bartender delivers it. And this is when the best line of the- My favorite character. He was by far the best character. This scene at all, Hong Kong's guitar pirate bartender

with a do-rag on his head. Now, he delivers it and this is the best line in the movie when the fake motorcycle bandit says, Hey, I don't drink this shit. You go sell to someone else and give me the money That's not how it works. That's stupid. No, that's not how bars work It's not like you now have ownership of the beer and you're gonna Like I can't handle this I can't handle the acid that tomato based drink you take it back

Maybe someone got such my Sconk I drink you take it back maybe someone got such my stomach I'm getting good I exchange this for stork bread and I'm big so do you have like a token I can use this okay just give me two free plays in the jing braks club club square okay tell you what you take back the drink and I'll

pay a dollar give me like a hot dog No exchanges sir it says it right over there and another guy walks up Yeah, I decided I don't want half this shot of whiskey. Can I get like a bucket of popcorn? We don't exchange sir no exchanges. I ate a quarter of this pickled egg It isn't as it was advertised I was expecting more pickle juice Okay, you're $22 like whoa wait a minute how much you try to make for pickled eggs Like, what, wait a minute. How much are you trying to pay for pickled eggs? $35 an egg.

They're totally organic. Look, it's far too big. It's very hard to pickle those chickens that lay the pickled eggs. It's a complex process. It's hard to feed pickles to a chicken, you understand? It's not tender. It's just you. Okay, I'll tell you what, Barkey.

I'll make you a deal. Instead of giving me the full refund for the pickle day, Gage will give me something in some kind of good. I noticed there's a paper towel dispenser in the bathroom. Can I roll a paper towel? Sure, whatever. I don't know, we're not getting your centauss delivery for another two weeks. He tears off four paper towels and gives it to him as a tip.

Hey, here's something for you to have a drink on me Sure, I don't need those paper towels. I'm already wearing a duar agon man Don't try yourself all in one place Well, not my hands. I don't understand. Yeah, your mouth, too. I don't know Well, if only he had those paper towels because he goes into the bathroom He does the best of facilities and he is incredible He has goes into the bathroom and not only does he not watch his hands doesn't even finish peeing because Virgil garrets him to death

but they start peeing blood does that happen when your throat gets cut? I thought his weener off. I thought this was a regular castle freak situation. Or maybe he stabbed him in the kidney. I think he just got rid of him and you were seeing arterial spray. But it like it like ramped off of his weener? I don't know. Yeah, it's like. It happened sometimes. It slowed down.

It slowed down his body and went off like a waterfall. Yeah. Yeah, it's like we're in the shower. And like, you know, like the water goes down and it looks like you're peeing because it's just like cascading off of the penis because that it, it, it, it, it, it, it,'re peeing to though no sure if you got a pee of course you are come on who's gonna stop you mr. bubble mr. clean maybe but not mr. bubble he'll say what can I have some of that he's a guy's in all sorts of things anyway so our

patriotic hero son is a dark angel angel of engines who has killed vigilante killed the man who raped the Virgil antif is the Virgil antif that's right we can't do officers we got to find the identity of this Virgil antif well we check the guy's name Virgil I don't think so we interrogated that Roman poet but he didn't seem to know anything you know the bloody Mary band at the bloody Mary killer yeah the Marty. We found all the suppliers of tomato juice. Now imagine somebody went into the bathroom, found the the biker guy's body, and then brought it to the bartender, was like, so could I get like half a bottle of duers for this?

Is this worth anything? I don't know. I mean, maybe take his clothes. I don't know. It's probably so much like a medical supply gun. Sellers still. Look, this is not. That's why you can't allow any kind of refunds. It's not a body snatcher's area. Yeah, can't you send it to a medical school? No. Boy along the skin and they can, I don't know,

look at his bones or something. I can't do it. All right. That's what they do. I guess stew out of the woman. Yeah, send it to the bodies exhibit. Full-send it to you. That's gotta be worth something.

I'll tell you what, give me a six pack of blood. Oh, give me a six pack of blood for you to leave me alone. And you'll take the body, right? No, I don't want it. No deal. Well, we have to assume that's what happened, because we don't see anything that happens afterwards. No, yeah.

I just suppose it's at the bottom. He does need his leaves it there now. I just met I just a generous problem. I want to see this guy the pond stars type show about this bartender a guy brings in like hey I've got three hats. What can I get for this? Well, these hats are in pretty good condition I'd say they're worth about One like a half a bottle of of course. Okay, sure you got it and then the graph is written or a course light. Of course light. Okay. And the graphics come up on screen. Hats three. Price stitching. Half a course light. I'll give you a lime slice in a cherry. Alright. Okay, I found this antique tin toy. This is pretty good shape.

This is pretty good shape. I'll tell you what here's a bottle of Jack Daniels. That great. Yeah So so that's it. That's the last we hear of this last we hear of Virgil until the end when okay, so finally Morgan makes it to the what is it the cave Creek Ranch? Oh, yeah, I think the main brother the Peter Fonda look alike. Okay to the cave Creek Ranch? Oh, yeah, uh, they're hanging out. The main brother, the Peter Fonda look alike. Oh, okay. To the cave Creek Ranch, which is, oh, and there's also, and there's also, there's the scene where the sister remembers.

Shane, sister Shane. Is that her name? Shane. When she remembers when her son enlisted to go to a rack, and who looks eerily like Jeff Fahey might I ask? And her husband shows up and is like, you're not going over there to get killed. No, you're not going.

And she's like, my dad served and my brother served proudly bravely. If he wants to make that choice, his choice. And the dad is like, ah, just go to Iraq already. End of scene. Immediately cut. Immediate cut. It's like they could not bother to spend any more time on it. Let's not let that moment sit.

Let's just when the guy throws up his hands and literally says, and just go to a rack then. Yeah, we got another five minutes worth of motorcycle footage. We need to immediately cut to you. So the sun finally shows up. He and his dad who have hated each other for decades talk for about 75 seconds a minute and a half, everything's patched up. It was tough for us to pay attention. We're laughing too hard. We literally could not hear what they were saying because partly the dialogue is just recorded very low.

But mainly because we were laughing so hard at the constant lip vibrating of the old man. Like he really amped up the old man face in this scene. Some defensive levels of old man face. You had just imagined he wasn't even listening to a son because he was trying to get this all defensive levels of old bad. You had just imagined he wasn't even listening to a son because he was trying to get this popcorn kernel out

of his team. The directors like, okay, imagine your Hagrid and Harry Potter just saved your job. The actor knew Alexander. Everybody OK, your lip is same with the same year. He was in a lot of stuff. And in the same year,

he was in August, so sage county. There are a bunch of actors in this. We're not big name actors. Been earning a lot of professional movies. Maybe you learn that trick from Meryl Streep. Maybe, yeah, like in silkwood when Meryl Streep is just that's their face and so many choice.

I think when she makes the choice. But it's like, it's like the director was like, okay, in this scene scene your lip is so cold It can't stop shivering. So I'm cold. No, no, no, just the lip. I don't see anybody shivers. Just lip shivers And then they rub ice on his lip like like putting peanut butter on a horse's teeth to make it look like it's so okay Yeah, anyway, they've patched everything up and next comes we were just laughing through this the most beautiful part of the movie Which is so hard to explain. It's hard to explain to the listener home.

Let's just say why it's so funny. We'll put it best when he said that they'd become unstuck in time. The dad is going to, so the son is going to take the dad back on his motorcycle on the ride back home. And then suddenly it cuts to scenes that must have happened before this. He's lying in bed having a nightmare. His daughter is shaving him while he's while he laughs. There's just a big shot of him flipping through an old photo album. And it's literally like shards of time have come loose.

It's like a montage for the like super boy prime punch the multiverse. And that we're experiencing things in non-linear order. It's the series finale of a ten-season running show, and we're seeing scenes from... It is the last episode of the any season of the wire. Yeah, it's the end of Akira, where Tetsuo and Kaneda are like going through time. They're reliving their memories. But they're also like the most like, model in scenes, like you say, it's like... Or, model in or just, or nothing. Monday.

You might have been a shot, like, there's a shot, I'm sitting in a chair. There's this great shot of him getting shaved by his daughter. He's just yucking it up. He's just laughing. It's the way which looks like. That's what he's using his lips for laughing, not quivering. It's one of those things that's where you're like,

is that a scene I miss? Like, is that a deleted scene? Is that something that's just, at least? It's a drag. Yeah, it's, it's just so strange to certainly have this non-chronological reminder of the guy's past couple days. But it's hard to impart the power level of the right. Especially coming after his master class lip quivering and they and they're driving back riding back and

Morgan's video comes back and goes, well, Virgil will be showing up soon. And so West Coast and every and West Coast says he's got a big surprise for the party and for the birthday party. And I still hate surprises because earlier in the movie said I hate surprises. That's it. The end. So like, we didn't even get to see the birthday party. We never got to meet Virgil. Why they why the character exists is that you're a total. Well, do you think do you think he got after murdering that one motorcyclist? He is like he got that out of his system and now he's like straight Nero. No, I think he's a Avenger of the night now. Well, by day. He's a Virgil Antique by day is a certified public accountant by night. He's the Vir. By day is a certified bubbleg accountant by night. He's the virgin lanity who has a camo hood and just goes into bathrooms and kills whoever's at the year and all at that moment. Assuming that they were rapist, Biker. Leaving Bloody

Mary's is a calling card. Yeah. The hard part is mixing the Bloody Mary and the bathroom before anyone comes in and sees him with the body. Sure, exactly. He's got a carry his whole kit. All the tomato juice. A little measuring, measuring cups. Yeah. He's got a whole bag of celery with them. But I don't have utility belt with just that stuff. Think of all the garnish he could, he could include. Why, sure. Why do you want going on with Worcestershire sauce? Don't buy it. Don't, don't, don't think about it. Don't worry. Is that, are you par-b? Can it are you putting bacon in that? Harvey deck. Can we trust you? Is that an oyster on top of it?

Well, I make it. Um, Colin, I call Colin a Chesapeake bloody Mary. It just seems so rich. I don't know how to hold. It's like a whole meal. I was a put doing with an egg in it. I called the good morning Mary. All right.

Wait, what? No, no, of course, there's my big easy Mary. That has chunks of cry alligator sausage and do we in there? It's a play, it's a play on and do we in Popeye meal, but in a bloody Mary. It's got a whole binier on this side. Of course, I'm also working on a disassembled bloody Mary. Of course, glass of tomato juice, glass of everything else, stick of celery. I think I'm gonna say, just a half of tomato that I've hollowed out and I poured vodka into it. What is it? Terrible. What is it? Is it the fifth of May? How about a bloody Maria? So, yeah, there you go. So, he's basically a vigilante and extremist radical mixologist. All right, we've got way over time. Quickly, is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie I'll go first for once.

I thought this was a good bad movie. We rarely see a movie that's truly bad when we do the flop house because we usually stick to bigger films. Wow. I don't know that that's a joke. We don't really want that so incredibly amateurish and in comp. Yeah, and the thing is, there's a certain magic to a truly incompetent movie because you don't know where it's going. You don't know where it's going and you have no idea why any of the choices that were made

are being made. A mediocre movie you can always predict. A really bad movie or like what the fuck is going on. Yeah, why are we watching Jeff Fahey riding a motorcycle through the same identical landscape for 10 minutes? I used to watch a lot of really bad horror, like, it was straight to VHS horror movies and you don't really, and that's what this movie feels like and you don't really get those as much anymore. A lot of like the super cheap movies are all like the, like, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

found footage types. Yeah. And you, and you don't really get that anymore. And so it's, it was great to kind of, I'll tell you this. If you fall back in love with a shitty movie again. If you want to see a bad sequel prequel to an old movie that resembles a softcore porno with no with almost no sex scenes in it. Then yes, watch this one, easy writer, the ride back. But I also

give it a good bad movie. All right, the coveted good bad. It's been a long time since we've given something good. A long time. Usually you have to bully me into saying that food fight is good bad. But before you get on to our letters, a quick word from our sponsor, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace, which is the all-in-one platform, making it fascinating to create your own professional website, portfolio, or online store for free trial, and a 10% off offer visit a 10% off 10 offer visit www.squarespace.com slash flop house and enter the offer code flop house at checkout then look guys it's

the modern world everybody I thought we were living in medieval times. It's derived here in your time machine. Yeah. But everyone's got a website. Everyone's got a website. Everybody. You got a business website. We have personal website.

If you are in business and you don't have a website, what do you are a fool? You are a fool. You are a fool. Maybe the fool killer should come get you. Maybe you got a flopphouse fan site. I hope you do. Why don't you have one? Build one. Get it, you. Maybe you got a flop house fan site. I hope you do. Why don't you have one?

Build one. Get the, you know where you can get the web stuff. Yeah. With Squarespace, because it's simple and easy. You got a beautiful design template to choose from. You got drag and drop content. Don't you said drag and then I was really drag and then I did. I said a little drag and comes and helps you with web design.

Well, but you don't have a drag, but you do have 24-7 support through live chat and email. And a plan start at $8 a month, including reasonable. Free domain name if you sign up for a year. But the domain name is buttstockcom. No, no, you got it. I think that's taken. But flop house buttstockcom is not taken.

You're okay. Well, that's going to be the first fan site flop house But's calm and here's the thing We know that you're reading websites on your phone We're mostly spending our time looking at our phone when we're watching these movies. You are I'm looking at my phone right now So you got your responsive design that changes Mobile contact based because people are looking at things at different platforms these days. Yeah. So just remember when you decide to sign up for Squarespace, use the offer code Flop House

to get 10% off your first purchase. And so show your support for us here with the Flop House. So enjoy Squarespace at www.squarespace.com slash Flop House. But now. Sounds like a real deal and steal. Let's move on to letters from listeners. Letters from listeners. Letters from who?

Letters from listeners. Letters from listeners who's been listening to us, who's been listening to things we do, who's listening to my phone calls, who's listening to my phone calls, who's listening to what I say in the shower, someone put a chip in my brain, and they're listening to the things that I say, and I do, let's get to the bottom of it. It's a conspiracy, Dan, did you do it?

Are you working with the government to listen in on me and send me letters from the listeners listening. I feel like that was like the whole plot of a like a season worth of television. Yeah, it's a show called Letters the Show. So this first letter is titled the Flip House. And it goes, you got the title wrong, buddy. Dear Flop Trons, there's an elephant in the room with a flop house where the podcast is made. That...

Ah! You're right, there is an elephant in the room! Get out of here! Oh man, it's like an episode of Who's One, yeah. Aside from cooking three young women alive. What? I think it's a reference to red-riding women. Oh, okay. Oh, that elephant that boils people down. Yeah. It's saying they're being an elephant in the room.

Do I need to spell it out? The elephant is, it's the golden age of television. People are always talking nowadays about how TV is where all the good story telling is happening, and that movies are lame. Would love to hear your takes on that, as well as some of your desert island favorite shows. Mine are the sopranos and Baila Starkalactica. On the flip side, how about the fluffs? The big swings and misses, like John from Cincinnati, the newsroom, aka the snooze room.

Good one. Nice weather magazine. Nice weather magazine. And Dustin Hoffman's Weird Horse Racing Show, wow, two David Miltmoves films. And finally, well, TV show stars. TV show stars. And finally, maybe you should reread the beginning of the letter, where he made clear the difference between television and film.

Thank you. And finally, a studio 60 the tank on cash-up television yours in flop Yes, Peter last name with now Peter I was a scholar you've got me wrote in my letters but your letters I'm sorry about your brother I know he's a ghost So Peter's Scalari was the brother of the Scalari brothers So one of them became a Hollywood actor and the other two became Peter Scalari was the brother of the Scalari brothers. So the Scalari truck? So one of them became a Hollywood actor

and the other two became criminals who were sent to the chair. All right, and then later haunted a courtroom. So here's, let me tell you this, Peter. I have issue with the people who say that TV rules while movies rules. I think there's a lot of great storytelling going on in movies. You just have to either look for it or go to more than fucking

Transformers movies. You know, it's, there's the idea that should I be writing this down to each? Yeah. And I would say that I think it's overblown. Like there's a lot of great television drama right now. But I think it's overblown the idea that movies are totally in the tank.

And it bugs me partly because there's some stories that are better served in a two to two and a half hour form than over a season. People keep saying and this bugs me as a writer because I have stories that I'd like to tell someday that do not lend themselves to a multi-season television series. They would be a movie and they would be made for a movie. So the idea that if you're a real writer or if you're really interested in good storytelling television is now where it's at and movies are over, I find in a way almost offensive. And it's also interesting that a lot of movies, I'm doing a lot of TV shows that get green lit these days are shows that seem like they would definitely be better served.

Are you talking about movies and shows being at least a mini series? Well, there's a lot of series now feel like they're straight out. Just like it's so premise-based that it's like there seems like a natural endpoint to this idea where they just have to keep like winding out new things. That being said, there are a lot of great shows out there and in terms of Desert Island shows, I'd say for me Mad Men because I just love spending time with those characters Yeah, and really existing with them and I've loved watching them change over the course of the number of years

But also like it a point where you could just kind of pair those characters up and it's just exciting to see them together You don't necessarily need plot to push it forward. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I like seeing them just interacting You know, but if I was on a desert island I'd probably want comedy shows to help distract me from how terrible my life is. I like scrubs or something, right? So like scrubsy Jones. So you'd either have to go with what? Simpsons?

Yeah. Or my all-time favorite television show of all time, Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Yeah, you know, I mean, like you already took, I mean, like the first eight episodes, first eight seasons of the Simpsons are tremendous. I, I'll take all of them. If I'm on a desert island, look, I'll take the mediocre episodes when my only other entertainment is praying for a boat to come save me. And maybe taking this too literally. Staring into a coconut. You know what? I can't just look at that.

So I'm still gonna do everything interesting. I can't watch staring and see. Also, I still be gillous over't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything.

I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything.

I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I can't do anything. I'm a I'm a great big The vampire The movie or the show They're very likable characters and to me like that mastered the serialized storytelling and that it was was, I feel like the best show I've seen at continuing a story but making each season

an individual story arc. Okay, which I feel like more serialized stories should, should take that model rather than trying to spin out the same story over multiple seasons, which always fails. Yeah. Well, and especially I'm tired of mystery stories. Yeah. Where are you supposed to keep watching to find out what the characters are doing? Yeah, I don't fucking care. I've just heard in point.

Which is one of the great things about Mad Men because it started with the mystery of Dick Whitman. And at a certain point, they solved that and then the show just kept going and got interesting. I almost forgot the fact that that was happening. Yeah. Yeah. What about you Stu? Uh, I like a lot of stuff, but I usually try and recommend a couple of British shows like Spaced or the League of Gentlemen because that kind of walks that like

Horror and funny line that I like and as far as shows that are flops I don't know if I'd say it was a flop, but a a Dan McCoy recommendation a one-season show, I really like Terriers. Yeah, that's a really good show. And that show, if you are tired of shows that spin out longer than they should, like the great thing about that show is, you know, it was canceled after one season, but it told one totally satisfying story within the confines of one season. Yeah, like get on that terrier's train. I will eventually.

Yeah, because I got a lot of time to watch TV. I mean, in terms of flops though, like I feel like the problem with like a flop TV show is you don't want to spend that much time. It's a lot of time. You're going to commit yourself to like, a flop movie is like two hours in a flop TV show is like eight to thirteen. Yeah, like you've all had to watch the pro never end. Like, six to six.

Six to six is the best. That's one I could watch to make fun of many times. And I always enjoyed like on a personal note at the show when, at art, the way we got to be mean. Yeah, when, okay, when we're, our former EP would make jokes about how they would have the characters

like the people standing outside waiting for signatures for the head writer from that show. The so the people behind the curtain. What's great about studio 60 is it takes place in the universe where a late night sketch comedy show is the biggest show on television. The writers are famous and their enemies are Christian conservatives who hate them. Yeah, who can't, you can't allow with the sketch called Crazy Christians to get on the air because that will totally unravel the fabric over a few day of Christian. Studio 60 is how old now, like 10 years. I don't know. It started the

same year 30 rock did. So it's like eight, nine years old. And we still talk about it at the show. We still do the thing where we'll take somebody's script and just glance at the front page glance at the second page You go this is good stuff like this is funny because that's what they did on studio 60 all the time They've never read the scripts. They just glance at them. We're like this is funny stuff Yeah, really because you don't know how the sketch develops over the course of the four or five pages So this next letter is titled can somebody tell that house cat to stop parting? Dear. So this is the pilot from the clubhouse. I've been going through a rough personal

time recently. Believe me when I say that you gentlemen are entirely to blame for this. Let me explain. And now I'm tracking you down to kill each. I regularly host Celebrity Meek Party. What a merry based murder. The inner part is attended only by the Krim-dele Krim. The last of these gatherings was fantastically ruined when your wretched feline mascot crashed it. By which he means he ramped his skateboard through a closed window, showering my guest with glass fragments.

Before I could pick my monocle off the floor. This so-called house cat was gobbling greedy polyphils of my caviar dancing provocatively with a mayor's wife and brazingly opining that the wealthy class pays less than its fair share in federal income taxes. Sounds like the house cat. He did a little occupier. He then sprayed my Chanel sofa and backflips to the infinity pool. This rampant rule-breaking rage dawn until the police dogs arrived. At that point, he definitely withdrew his sandpaper-y tongue from my daughter in law's mouth, howled lustily, and bailed over the fence. The house cats complete disregard for basic decency as resulted in my ostracism and utter humiliation. I'll make this simple flat-house, control your party animal or I'm going to revoke your charter. Charter.

I'll joke him up so you guys are great. Dan the man, Stuart the manly, and of course, fan favorite. The one with the nasally voice who works at the Daily Show, your friend and mine, Halley Haglyn. Oh, come on. Of course. Of course, I can't close without giving a shout out to the man who is endless stream of hilarious, pedantic rambling really keeps the show glued together.

Yes, keep writing in David Kaelin. Oh, God, he got me twice. Say again, middle name of hell, last name of hell. So does that mean we're still on double secret probation or triple secret probation? I think we're on quadruple secret. Oh, no kidding. I don't know why they keep it a secret at this point. Yeah. They just tell everyone about probation. We know why they keep it a secret at this point.

They just tell everyone around. We should be on like wanted posters. Call the newspapers. I kind of want more people to write in with tales of the house cat. Now the house cat has affected their life. Yeah. Oh, wow it.

OK. As the keeper of the house cat. Who's my burden? This next letter is titled Late Night Sex Noirs. Sex Noirs? Sex Noirs. Dear Dan, Stu, and Elliot Charles Kaelin. Oh, full name.

Thank you for some reason. But no, slie Dan. Discussions of the Keening movies are fine and all. But there's more to early 90s cinematics than car washes and Willie Talsalt. And not as far as I'm concerned. Have we forgotten the majesty of Shannon Worre? Have we lost our collective minds? Why no references to Anne Wine's things too?

Mirror images too. And other dark psychological tales of big brush to danger. I'm asking for a friend, Purvisoid Lasting with a friend. And let's not forget private obsession. The movie where Shannon Worre is kidnapped, it's really gross. I like, uh, I like it was consequence. Lake consequence, that's the Zalman King, dude. That's not really a private obsession. The movie where Shannon worry is kidnapped. Yeah. It's really gross.

Oh, my God. My favorite was Lake Consequence. Lake Consequence says it's all been king, dude. Where the... Where the hell? A young, really, a young man. What was the consequence of that, Lake? Uh, I think that's what I think.

Sex with some like, carny or something? I mean, I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. consequence. It sounds like a reward. Now, like reward. Shannon has a special place in the in the food chain because she was the poor man Shannon Tweed. Yeah, from sexual response.

Yes. And it's my favorite one of those. And I just think it's funny. They're like, she has a call and she'll call sexual harassment. We need another big boobed woman who's named Shannon to do these movies. Yeah, because they're expecting people to pick up the fucking VHS except start reading the names and stop after Shannon. They're like, oh, Shannon's in this. I'll take it. And Shannon worries other trademarks was that she always dressed really classy. She's she word. Yeah, I feel like she did it. She did a lot of like wearing hats with black veils and like gloves and and like sn like uh skirt suits you know. She always looks like she was getting dressed for sexy ladies tea at a social club. Sorry that terrible

that terrible pun led me to want to make a pun about a Joan Severance package. Really give me a compliment. I think that's fine. We'll fill in the rest. Your time here serving as black scorpion has been great Joan. I think you'll find this is more than adequate to take care of you for the next couple of months. I think what are we going to say, like, does he want us to cover every soft-core movie? I think it's impossible. What I wanted to say, but I think that we've covered this, to some degree in the past, where I know that you and I, at least, I don't know about Stewart, are on the same page

where, like, I'm not so much a fan of the like The Rodic thriller because they always seem to be like someone's out there killing strippers And I'm like, well, I don't want strippers to be killed There are those movies where you each care each stripper you have a strip scene on a sex scene and then they get killed And it's like, yeah, well, why can't they just strip and have sex and then go about their death? Yeah, like, can they have fun having sex? I don't understand what the... Yeah, we prefer the more lighthearted.

I don't know why it's punitive. I mean, like... If I'm gonna see girls boobs, I want the girls to be having fun. Yeah, well, and like those bikini movies, like say the bikini accidentally falls off, like they seem to be pretty okay with it. Like, even in those like situations just like oh

I'm gonna go with this. I'm having I'm having the life full time all the sudden you're getting it now You're getting a little too specific like you prefer the hand of God remove the time. Yeah Like were they praying to pray to some kind of At the end of the stand of uh... stand or something the what i'm trying to get across here

is like some could argue that there's like a sex in there too where it's just like uh... like there's like this like or there's a sexism off-screen reading women as obvio obviously there's a sexism but like the idea isn't just like oh it's horrible that this is happening It's like you can not to scare them the women seem to be in those movies delighted

Participants in what's going on movies where women are Objects used to sex objects, but then not victimized or exactly destroyed as penance for having done it exactly It's it's kind of like yeah, it's you'd rather see a movie where the women are You've not if anything rewarded were just like yeah, you want the point like it was happening rather than like okay She took off her clothes. I liked it, but I mean she's dirty. So strangler in the dark like it like it Tony Perkins come on Well, there's neither the Tony Perkins the the the Like Anthony Perkins. Well, I'm talking about Psycho.

Cause he, because Psycho was not a, like, there was no nudity in that. No, but the point was like, we're like, Xomin King, Psych, Red shoe Psycho. I, he was punishing a woman who was, Yes, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I think you could go more of the movie like,

like, lap dance or something like that. Mm-hmm. I was just gonna say in how in night of the demons to I just want to get this point across. Yes, that's very important a very important point about Night of the demons to the one the one female character who gets naked and has sex is the heroine of the movie and she survives the whole time She doesn't get punished at all. She punishes the demons. Yeah, although she has to go through the whole experience about fighting killing demons, so that's terrible. All right. Well, punch for fennel feminism, neither the demons, too. Yeah. But the last letter of the evening is titled Help. It goes like this. It says, do help. I need somebody. Help,

not just anybody. Last name withheld. Yeah help not just anybody last name with held. Yeah, Ringo last name with held. Dear crop house, my corn isn't growing and I will surely start from winter. What course of action might you recommend I take regards? Jeremiah last name with held. So you might have written into the wrong podcast. I don't like miracle grow. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, maybe if you try rotating your.

If you can get a boy, if you can get a step forming. If you can get a boy with leaves on his ankles, maybe that'll help some way. Then we can make a pin out of leaves. Yeah. Maybe get pumpkin head or the children of the corn involved? No.

Don't get a children of the corn involved. You think that that's gonna be helpful, but it is not. What about the band corn? Sure. What is about the band corn? Sure. What is it, the 90s? All right. But now it's time for the final segment.

Letters. No, we just did. We literally just finished that segment. Stuart sounded so happy. Let's just please him. OK, let's do letters again. OK. Let's do some more letters. Letters are coming in from all over the

night. Change my mind. You know what, that song wasn't so great. A little pitchy dog. All right. Well, so this is the final segment where we recommend movies that we actually enjoyed and then we actually enjoyed in a non-good bad way, unlike Easy Rider, the right back. So Stu, you've got your notebook open, you'll have your rarer to go. I'm not prepared because this is also important to me. Okay. And it's not night of the demons too,

although it kind of fits the subject that I want to cover. So I figure since we watched a sequel to a movie that probably did not need a sequel, I'm going to recommend a movie that was a sequel to another movie that you didn't expect. And that's Blade 2, directed by Guillermo Del Toro. It was a second vampire movie after Coronose. Coronose. Another movie I think I recommended.

And it followed Blade, which was a kind of mediocre action movie with some light horror elements, though it was financially successful. And I feel like Blade II kind of improved on every single element of the first one. It played up the horror element more. The action scenes were more varied. You swapped out a villain where the first one had Stephen Dorf as this kind of like smug,

like politicking vampire dude. You swapped him out for Luke Goss from the British boy band, Brose, who is more like a brooding and brutal bad guy. And got a better supporting cast with Ron Pearlman. And you really got like, it's, I wouldn't say an early Guillermo del Toro movie, but you still got, you have some really great little touches. The slow build up to the reveal of the Authority movie, but you still got some really great little touches, the slow build up to the reveal of the genuinely disturbing vampires on the monster creatures.

And I think it's a really effective action horror movie. And for me, it kind of came out of the time when I first started collecting DVDs. And yeah, I was a little... Yous and yeah I want to collect it every copy of Blake. I collected every copy in the world. Yeah, that's shit. And I'm sitting out of them. To appreciate. So, or a guy in the art of your plan. They're gonna patch and do it. And you guys got a DVD player writer. Yeah. I would like to recommend a movie called The East, which stars and was written by Britt Marling, who also wrote movies with the same director whose name I can't recall,

the sound of my voice and another Earth, both of which I have not seen, but I've heard good things about. No, I just, I think I appreciate the fact that she is generating kind of her own material for herself and by all reports, it's all interesting stuff, but the East is, a thriller about a woman who works in private security.

She used to be in the FBI, but now she just works in corporate security who infiltrates an eco-terrorism group called the East, whose members include Alan Page, plays one of the members. That's probably the biggest. No, but the majority. Yeah. That's what she's best known for. Yeah, but um It's a page of X-Men 2. It's not it was three

Makes me the last and whatever. It's not a super great movie. It kind of falls apart at the end. It kind of gets very sort of optimistic and unrealistic at the very end in a way that is sort of surprising because the rest of the movie seems devoted to trying to at least simulate a kind of realism even though the actual developments the movie aren't necessarily that realistic but as a stylish character-based thriller, I think it's a solid movie if you enjoy kind of low-key thrillers I think it's a solid movie. If you enjoy kind of low-key thrillers, so I recommend it.

So it's about low-key, okay. So it's brother. Yeah, so Thor and Thor too, and the Avengers, is what I'm recommending. So what movie are you recommending? The East. The East. Yeah, Elliot.

I'm gonna recommend, I haven't got to see too many movies lately, unfortunately. I'm gonna recommend one that I saw recently that I almost feel kind of bad about recommending because it's kind of the stereotypical like intellectual movie, I guess, that I've been filling in holes of movies that I had heard a lot about when I was younger and never saw and I recently watched my dinner with Andre and I totally thought that that was what you're going to say.

Yeah, and I actually feel very different. And like, it's a it feels like kind of stupid because it's almost like if you were gonna see this movie you'd have seen it, except I hadn't been, and I really enjoyed it. And maybe there's a bunch of people out there afraid to watch this movie. Well, it's a lot more joy for you. I find like, it's gotten so stereotyped as like, this is, oh, that's like a smart boring person's movie.

And I'm sure there's a lot of people who won, this is, oh, that's like a smart boring person's movie. And I'm sure there's a lot of people who won't like it, but the things that Andre, Gregory and Walshaw are talking about are so insane. And they are two men who are at a terribly bleak moment in their lives, sitting in this very fancy restaurant and like talking about these bizarre experiences that they've had and how almost semi-pointless life is in a way that was pretty funny a lot of the time also. Like I really enjoyed it and there was no point where,

and it's just two guys talking over dinner for the whole movie, but there was no point where I was like, oh, come on, boring. But so I really enjoyed it, but I feel like I'm falling into a trap almost or a stereotype by recommending it, so to balance that out, I'm going to recommend instead of easy rider, a sequel that I like better than the original and that like Stuart did and that's Evil Dead 2. So in the 80s double feature, my dinner with Andre and then Evil Dead 2.

What should you watch, man? Oh, end with Evil Dead 2. Come on. And but I think you'll find that maybe they have a similar sensibility more than, uh, and but I think you'll find that, uh, maybe they have a similar sensibility more than you think. I don't think you'll find that. No, but, uh, they're both great. But the S one I'm saying is just because you like Evil Dead 2 doesn't mean you might not like my dinner with Andre and you should give it a shot.

Alright, so my dinner with Andre 2. At the very least, it gives you a little snapshot of New York in the early 80s that is always interesting to see. Well, it's come of the time we're Stuart and he used to rev up his motorcycle. I need to crawl into a sidecar and Ellie needs to crawl into with other side cars. There's two side cars. Not really motorcycle so much as a car. Fantastic car. It balances out the motorcycle. It's like a motorcycle with big training wheels. Yeah, in the form of people.

Yeah, training wheels are made out of people. And we're going to. Soil and wheels. And we're going to drive off into the sun. I got a question about soil and green. Okay, what ad wizard thought soil and something that sounds like soils? It would be a good thing to put in your food product. But it sounds like soy But it's like I guess it also sounds like you hear people say like would you like some soy sauce?

You're like no thank you. That sounds like soiled sauce. Soil and sounds like soiled underpants Oh, that's like soiled lint. Yeah, you got out of the lint And I'm giving it that sounds delicious. And they were like soil and greens made out of people people like oh, thank God I thought it was made out of soiled lids. That turns green from mold. Also, why make it green? All right, well, we'll puzzle this out off air, but that's slimer.

For the flop house, I've been to a Joey boy. Wait, what? I've been Dan McCoy at home. I've been steward Wellington, you asshole. And I've been Elliot Kaelin Beav Boop. That's how you do a fucking robot impression steward. Call that. Good night. I watch big trouble on all charred again. What's the matter? Exactly. Black blood of the earth. It's such a good movie.

I mean, black blood of the earth. Basically, it boils down to a love story between a man and his truck. Mm-hmm. Aren't you going to kiss her? I got to get going. You know what old Jack Burton says at a time like this. Who? Jack Burton.

Me. I like hearing you guys talking about the movie so much more than I like watching the movie. Me! I like hearing you guys some of the movies so much more than I like watching the movie.