The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #157 - The Legend of Hercules

Episode Date: July 26, 2014

With audiences primed to be disappointed by a new Hercules movie in theaters, why not be like the Peaches and be disappointed by The Legend of Hercules in the comfort of your own home. Meanwhile Elliott tells us the secrets of the ancient Greek hamburger, Dan has uncanny recall for old Disney cartoons, and Stuart tells sad tales of British totty.Movies recommended in this episode:SnowpiercerThe Lego MovieThe Hunger Games: Catching Fire12 Years a SlaveMuppets Most Wanted Jack Ryan: Shadow RecruitDogtoothZ

On this episode we discuss the legend of Hercules. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey. Hey, you're gonna say your name. Are you asshole? Hey, I'm steward well, like, and I am Elliott Kaelin. No need. No problems needed to get me to say my name Elliott Kaelin. I'll say whatever so I'll say Elliott Kaelin So I'm gonna go somewhere something out there in the audience. Elliott Kaelin. Yeah, it's like we never left But it's been a while since we've all been together. Yeah, we pre-we set up some episodes So that they could be released while we were

on Vakassio. Yeah. Uh, I think the Germans say that Japanese, they're in- In- In- In- In- In- In- In-

In- In- In- In- In- In- In- In- In- In- In-

In- In- In- In- In- In- In- because the weather in England was much better than it was in California. And the weather is all you care about? This guy. Culture. Yeah, come on. Shakespeare. I got you guys. Yeah, Shakespeare of California. Guys, I got you. Romeo and Juliet. I got you some gifts. Oh, that's nice.

You didn't do that, Dan. For you, Elliot, I got you the inexplicable British Cartoon magazine viz. Oh, thanks. Like this? Trying to figure out what's going on in these British comics. likable British cartoon magazine viz. Thanks like this. So I can figure out what's going on in these British comics. Well, I know it involves all my favorite characters according to the cover, Roger Mele 8 ACE, George B.

Steel. That doesn't sound very good. And other characters I've never heard of. Fats lags is also named here. And for Stuart, thanks, Dan. The copy of the Lad Mag Zoo. Oh, man, zoo. Advertises unbelievably busty brunettes.

Oh okay, well I'm up for that. Yeah. Dan, I also live accepted busty brunettes. Oh I know some of these. Well, England is the only nation who's lust for busty wands. So do it, you know we're being recorded, right? I don't know.

I recognize these things. But there's been a big hole in my life ever since Nuts magazine. My favorite British Lads mag just ended its run and featured a crying Lucy Pinder on its final cover all. How could you do that to Lucy? I know, and that's the thing. Thanks, Dan. This is a gift giving podcast. Give me podcast and I can't help but see, neither of you have gotten me anything.

Well, I would have gotten you to them from California, but apparently you think it's terrible. I'm just, wait, hold on, you predicted that I would think that? Yeah, because I know you. No, I love California. And just, you know, Dan loves all the states. Yeah, except for Montana. It knows what it did. But this is the movie podcast primarily.

It's a time-killing podcast. We're gonna talk about our vacation some more. I didn't go on one. So we're just trying to get her to that guy who was annoyed that we spent 15 minutes before we got into our life down. That comment really got under you. Got us in the end. Yeah.

It's stuck in the old crawl. You're gonna see a craw specialist. I've never moved. How is old craw, by the way? Well, I'm right here, Dan. Ask me to my face. How's your goiter on craw? It's kind of a private question, but which one?

The back one. Oh, well, it's coming along quite nicely. It's almost ripe enough to pop. Do you want to do that? Do you want to take some things in you? Well, that's what old craw cross here for. I have a stick I'm in. I have some cocktail toothpicks. Looks like a little sword. Sure, I have some space left in my arm. I have an actual sword. I have about that. Maybe put that in somewhere, it comes on the

else. Well, thanks for stopping by, little crows. No, I can stick around. No crows. Now, a lot of friends. How about some corn on the cobblers? It looks like little corn on the cobblers. You You got to, they come with corn, old crawls, a little hungry. No, I mean, a long time since old crawls could afford a hot meal. I want you to call a non-volunteering freaking. Do a lot of garbage scavenging. It's characteristic. It's like one of those characters from, like, from, like, lower where you would vote their name and then they won't leave That's right. Give me your first born stick it in me. Oh, Carl

Now wish of you has a wish I made grant Keep in mind. Oh at least he grants wishes those calling for an old croc and have very dangerous consequences Quick, dude. We got a smear yogurt on the floor, so we leave. That's the only way to appease me. Make sure it's a low-fat Greek yogurt. Getting to the point. Greek stuff, huh? Greek movies.

Well, I don't think he's a Greek movie. We watch an American movie tonight. So Dan, this podcast, we watch a bad movie then we talk about it. The movie we watch tonight, The Legend of Hercules, directed by One Reynolds Harlan. Now the last reny Harlan movie you forced us to watch was a total boring piece of junk. Where's that devil's past or something?

So look, it only go up from there. Yes, and boy did it ever for much of this movie. Here was a movie that I was expecting to be dumb. I didn't expect how dumb it would be. And let's just say one thing. Any movie that manages to give Hercules some kind of lightning whip, with which he can slash it as enemies, I'm okay with that movie, to a certain extent. Should we talk about this very loose rendition of the Hercules myths? Yeah,

and you guys are going to have to fill in the actual Hercules. No, it'll be our expert on Hercules. Yeah, Dan doesn't really know much about Hercules. You were saying you don't like Greek myths, you find them stupid? I don't find them stupid. I really want to like them. They're just so, and this is sense, based on how they sort of came about, and were passed down, but they're so disjointed that I can't enjoy them as narrative, I feel like. But I understand that many people, including yourselves, love the voice.

You like something a little more linear, well easier to follow. Yeah, like a naked lunch. Ugly Betty. Those are the two choices you have. Either the Greek myths or ugly Betty. That was the choice they had in ancient Greece too. They could have worship Zeus or Betty.

Yep, that's a desert island choice. That desert island being what? Creep. I guess so or Minos. One of the Minos birds. One of the Minos burger. The moon. That's good beef. It's half man half beef but still it has that Seiki sauce on it

Don't tell anyone secret It's to see we all know it and it served on a PETA bread instead of a bun Everyone knows your secret Minos burger. Yes, we was secret minos vices. No, you don't it's just always secret Minos burger. Yes, we was secret Minos spices. No, you don't. It's just all like a cheese. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. And olive oil. Okay. Well, we serve it to you nude. Oh, okay. Well, that's different. You're a suvelikey. Minos burger based on a stereotype. Now, in the ancient Greek myths, let's just to cue anybody else in. Hercules where the Greeks called him Heracles. And Stuart and I will talk a little bit about this just because both of us went through Greek myth phases when we are on the night and still

have affection for them. Yeah, it was like comic books, but before I start reading comic books. Exactly. Hercules or Heracles is a demigod the son of the every time he says uh... hirk ulyse's monster i should say he's a demigod the son of zooce and a mortal woman who has super strength and he mainly fights monsters yeah and of course

he was uh... in a fit of rage induced by her who is always trying to kill him uh... zooce is jealous that he's better than any of her children and that ends she doesn't like that is is was not faithful to her and it is is an away love his half half human half gods on more than the children he had with her because you love our children for their flaws sure now dwayne the rock johnson has told me he's the world's first super heroes

that correct no actually super man is the world's first superhero apocalypse was well going through real real world chronology or apocalypse but we're a comic book about chronology follows was the first mutant of course and seven or they called him in ancient Egypt so are we telling his story now we still telling her you started the beginning so anyway in the beginning there was a universe before our own gallon a scientist survived the collapse of that one being transformed into Galactus the world of our flash forward to 1961 when a ragged egg group of scientists went up into the air into

space and was hit with the air the space space is the eye-jump. They jumped out. They were hit with radiation, just turning them into the Beatles. This mocked-top for some of Liverpool Williams set the nation on fire on the Ed Sullivan Show whereas it was known in ancient Greece and who's Sullivan Oculops is, tragedy for them.

Now anyway, Hercules, his story is mainly about him killing people and monsters he gets driven mad by her a kills his family and as results to a tone Becomes the slave of this king and the king sends them on the 12 labors Yep, and anyway, that's hercules for you in a nutshell and try to put hercules in a nutshell He's not gonna fit. He's a big strong man wearing a lion's skin It's like the type of nut that would feed a rock bird. Yeah, that's true. It could be big.

And that's from that mysterious island from Journey 2, the mysterious island. It's not really what the mysterious island is from originally. You know that, right? It's just a bunch of big stuff on that island. It was called wrong size animal island. It's called a big island. But the Greek myths are basically about a world in which the gods exist. They are super powerful, but they aren't particularly more moral than humans.

They are powerful beings that you can curry favor with and to have their own petty passions and tempers and lusts. And this movie in trying to make a new Hercules legend transforms him into more of a Christ liberator figure in a way that is not totally successful. And by not totally, I mean, not at all, successful. But let's tell the story. So King Amphatryan of Tyres is invading Argos.

And he challenges the King of our ghost to single combat why should we let our armies kill each other when we can settle this and save hundreds if not thousands if not millions of lives uh... is actually a pretty good king in a way is it good king here he wins and uh... we're we're taking to this battle through a slow zoom that takes us almost like norbodies storming like through a like a beach invasion. Yeah, that gets to the heart of the town.

Yeah. This movie opens as if it is a first person spear thrower where you are a Greek soldier, which is a great, frankly, is a great idea for a give video game, you know. Without him imagining like, call it like call of hop light or something like that, you know. You find like more powerful spears as you're walking around like, oh, well, here's the semi automatic spear that I've got. Yeah, exactly. Powerups, my basic spear through that. Speaking of powerups, Hercules gets a pretty bitch in power up later when Zeus throws some lightning into a sword and it turns into electric whip. Hold on there. But we'll get

there slowly because this is the flop house and we're killing a lot of time much like Craculy's slew the ne' bein' lion ends the hydra but super fast which is the opposite of what we do now let's also say about this movie Craculys is confronted with very few challenges that he doesn't defeat in about 30 seconds and there's a lot of unnecessary slow-mo it's like Rene Harlan had someone describe the movie 300 to him and the movie gladiator and he was like and the movie brave heart and he was like I can turn those into a movie I'll have it star very good like maybe it's like I can turn those into a movie while reny those

all worth movies there are three hit movies I'll make them a movie though but no reny give me enough money that you would give to like give me the budget of two sci-fi channel original movies And enough CGI that I can always have confetti in the air in every scene and then I will create you a demigod baby of a movie Yeah, there's a lot of pollen floating around in every scene We can't make sense until we remembered that this was originally a 3d movie So there always has to be something floating Yeah, looks like a vlog. You're a fucking allergies It's an allegory commercial. Yeah.

I'd like to believe that the movie was trying to escape from us and was just throwing its ink and dust in our face. Sure, it's Jeff. The movie is constantly throwing handfuls of sand at the audience to hide its retreat. But anyway, the queen who's married to the king somehow doesn't like him for some reason. She worships.

He's like a conqueror. Yeah, and she worships the Greek gods who he does not believe in. So she goes to Hera and Hera says, just this once, I'll let Zeus have sex with you so that you can have a baby who will bring peace to the kingdom. So there's a prophecy in this too, which of course, you know, I love. Yeah. I love it whenever a character is not a victim of free will, but in fact has his events predestined.

Although that's more of a Greek thing anyway. And again, we flash back to the fact that there's no reason why Harry should care about the, whether there's peace in this kingdom of mortals. That's not a Greek god sort of thing to care about. No, or why the Queen should care. Yeah, and it's also strange that she's praying at a ruined temple because we're in ancient Greek

times, the temples aren't ruined yet. They should be new. Let's say that the king just pulled down the temples or something like that. Sure, okay. I don't think that's what it is. It's just that the filmmakers were like ancient Greek stuff. Everything's broken, got it. So this is a time where they should have opened with either a croat like an opening crawl

or with like text explaining what the fuck is going like. I'm usually against those, but this might have been a good one. If I'll need to explain that this king is rampaging through it through the ancient world destroying those local culture. Maybe they could have had those people. The princess explaining, you know, my mother told me that when I was growing up, there was this awesome. No, my mother always told me, never trust a demigod. And you better shop around. For other demigods. Yeah.

I think that what they could have shown us all this. They could have shown him being a bad conqueror rather than just showing him walking around. And the wife says, and the wife says, you didn't do this for me, you did this for the gold, but that's all, we never see him being a bad king until later in the movie, but it's the ancient times. It was all kingdoms with slaves and stuff anyway. It's not like there was it they sure any dude They talk a lot about freedom later in the movie where hercules is like they've taken our freedom

It's like I mean that concept almost didn't exist at all at the time It's for many many many many years. Yeah, it's it's a weird they but it's them trying to make a modern version of this story but anyway, so The baby is born but unfortunately the husband walks in on his wife having sex with Zeus, which is weird because I believe this is a story where Zeus came to her in the form of a bowl, right? But you just see flashes of lightning and then you hear a bowl while she's writhing around under the sheets. It's like a movie where like the ghost rapes the lady, do you know I'm talking about? Like it's a ghost rape. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a movie. No, I would say it's like a lady version of Dan. It's like the lady version of Dan Acroids, ghost blow job from ghost monsters. Except her eyes are never crossed. That would have been great. I actually didn't mind that style choice. No, no, I was not actually see. I mean, it would be a little man half bull.

It makes a lot of difference. I mean, considering like, Roes and Burke movie would have been great. But like Rosemary's Baby, which is a great movie The one misstep is when you see like this kind of devil figure over Rosemary. It's like, okay, that's a little silly You say that's do. I'm imagining like a seven minute blue is the warmest color style So many different positions between her and a bullman I don't even know if they'd do that one.

There she is. The way he manifests his bull parts is that he's a regular human who is hoofs instead of hands and feet. He's just, his horse has been talking to the Indian gods. So anyway, she gives birth to the boy and she's told that his name will be Elcides,

but secretly, his name is hercules i'm not sure why they went through that i think that's there's something in greek myth that that's rooted in but i don't know exactly what it is uh... then we cut to twenty years later hercules slash alcides is writing to the country side with his love he who is not jewish despite being named after a slayer uh... i think it's heebie, which sounds ridiculous.

Let's say that Hercules is like a very buff, slightly balding Sean William Scott. Look alike. He's more of a smirkie Lee's kind of a, he's like a smirkie Lee's. He looked face of the guy on it. I kept thinking, he reminded me a lot of the character Grunge from the old Gen 13 comics. Shrenny J. Scott Campbell fans out there. Are there any? Anyway, but Hercules has a brother.

He kind of looks like a non-clean, shaven, Neil McDonough. That actor with the really blue eyes. Yeah, maybe I was just thinking that later on when he's whipping chains around. And so Hercules is a princess from Crete and Hercules wins over by taking riding horses with her to a nice little pond and then rock diving off a cliff into the water.

After giving a little James Bond type smirk to the camera. And here is where this movie is pretty balls to the wall up until this point over the top. But it's almost like once Hercules enters the movie, the Hercules movie starts to get not very entertaining. Because Hercules himself is kind of a charisma suck. Well, every time there's no fight scene, it gets a lot slower and... And Dullard, we don't really care about these characters,

none of them are likeable. He has a brother, if a Cleese, who you can tell is bad because he has dark hair. And this is another one of those movies also where ancient Greece is represented by blonde Englishmen and English ladies who have blonde hair. Except for one guy. Except for one guy who talks with Greekish accent and is curly hair and the bad guys who are dark hair and not Greek. Yeah, instead of a much of really her suit people.

Except for Greek-looking people. Curly hair, yeah. hair all over Greek accents, all of these skin, like it's make a movie where they look Greek, you know, but anyway. The, the, if it fleas was sent to find Hebe, because they ran off together, Hebe and Hercules, and If it fleas wants to marry her. He is the heir to the kingdom, so he's,

he's going to, but she's in love with Hercules. And while Hercules and his brother are just kind of wandering around, they run into the Nami'u lion. Hercules kills him quickly by strangling him. And then this is the first scene where... That's one labor taking care of already. Right off the bat.

And if you're wondering when he's gonna take care of you, he's like, boom, checklist early. This will save me some time later on When we get these credits out of the way what later. It's like we have 12 labors feel like at 11 dude check the fucking list Is Nami and Lion on there on it? Let me see Janice up. He allows it Yeah, Janice said the two faced God has to look into it. Or it's just his reset. His assistant Janice, who assumes played by any mods. And that's when he kills the Nami and Lion and she goes, we got one. And they cross it off on the big black.

It's a real bad liver and a big little town cleaning. Clean it up the tables. Now, if you're wondering when he's gonna deal with the other labors in this movie, do not. He doesn't touch any of them. That was just, in much in the way that, in Marvel movies, suddenly like Carol Danvers will walk on screen for a second. As a little tip of the hat to the readers,

here it's like they threw in the Nami and Lion just as a wink to the Hercules fans in the audience. But here's the first scene where I really didn't understand what's happening. We've just seen Hercules kill the Namean lion. Into the castle struts Hercules and Ifakles. Ifakles is wearing the lion skin and starts bragging about how he killed the lion. He did it. And Hercules is just kind of smiling and watching him. And at no point takes credit for it, and then when the king is like, you're gonna marry Princess Hebe, Hercules is just like, but doesn't, doesn't rest, doesn't like object.

It's, Hercules is such a boastful, cock-shore person in the myths. And humility isn't a thing that like, the Greeks care about. Like humility in front of the gods. Yeah, I mean not to other human. But that's the thing even the heroes who show hubris are more glory and celebrated than anyone who's actually humble like in Greek myths it's like you're gonna screw up your destined to be destroyed. So I'm gonna admire you for the bravery and courage it took to do the things that were gonna destroy you even though you knew it. So like-

The YOLO is what you're saying. They invented YOLO. They kind of didn't invent YOLO so that they called it Yolopolis. But the idea that Hercules is like, I'll let him take the cred for this one. You know what, man? It's your moment.

You own it. Take it. I'll have Hercules has got to- No, you won't, yeah. Hercules has got plenty to be happy about. I have for you to have a chance in this spotlight. Treat yourself, fella. But anyway, the news is announced that if it is going to marry Hebe, the lovers, as Wikipedia

says, are devastated. And they run off together, but they are captured. Hebe almost drowns. Hercules saves her. And Hercules is taken back and exiled. He will join a military campaign to Egypt or Heliopolis as they call it to fight what appear to be the aliens from Stargate Yeah, the Guaul who Show up and fight and they kill everybody except Hercules and his soon-to-be best friend Sotiris and

He was kind of like a like a, like a poor man's Sean Bean. Yep, it was for, it was like the bean. And he doesn't die. So I guess he isn't a poor man's Sean Bean. I take it back. It would be just a race that part. It would be like if he was the bean and, uh, and was it making in the beanstalk that they cut into three little, the cutting tiny slivers, livers off because they're so poor. Okay. Is that making the beanstalk that happens? Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember as a kid that scene made me so sad. And then they then they sing the song to finiculae finiculae. I'm like, permed cakes, po, bo, to the root just like I got about that part.

I want to eat meat meat meat meat until I die. I think that's really funny. That line I want to eat and eat and eat until I die Funny that line I want to eat any eat any eat any eat until I die It's a it's a poor man's way of choosing his execution. I guess where they all on death row Is that way? Yeah, and they said to make you either fight this giant or we'll give you the chair What do you want for your final final meal? I want a bean. I want a time to slice a bean.

Now what crime did Mickey and Donald and Goofy pull that they're on death row now? Like did they kill a bunch of children? What was it like? I mean, maybe they just knew that there was intent to steal a giant's harp. That's not a capitol punishment offense. The Montana apparently.

Yeah, so you say Mickey the Bean stuck all the way to Montana. The state Dan Hage, they know what they did, sentenced to Mickey Mouse to death, and then fit Goofy Tilly died. Have you know heart Montana? Anyway, so Herculean Satiris are sent on this Egyptian mission they get captured the uh... the the leader of the Egyptian troops says leach's uh... leave those to alive and it's like we get splashed three hundred well yeah here's here's a moment so the movie goes into three hundred mode

and i guess it was in Troy mode before now it's in three hundred mode and it just like 300 They keep breaking formation. I mean, they're not Spartans. It doesn't make sense why they would use the Spartan What's it called phalanx? Yeah, but they do the thing where they lock shields and then immediately break and just spin around killing people as soon as the bad guys Charge and they're like they start doing their moves and there's a lot of slow motion and it is Let's say this about Zack Snyder. He overused a slow motion, but in 300, he uses it fairly effectively at times.

Yeah. And it was a new, relatively new thing that to be used that way, so it was exciting. Here, it's like, anytime anyone jumps or does anything, there's slow motion. But it's always like, I think you said it during the movie. It feels like Rene Harland picks the wrong couple seconds to do slow motion.

Yeah, when the ones who excite you fast. Like, right before they jump, and then they're like, oh yeah, fuck it, let's just speed it up. And at a certain point, it stops being to make it look cool and it starts being, we shot an hour and 20 minute movie. How are we gonna pad this thing out to an hour 39? We'll just put slow motion, a lot of it.

Slow it down, you know. Let's make, if they can make vertical run for 20, oh no, a psycho run for 24 hours by slowing it down. We can do that with this movie. It's an art piece. Anyway, the Egyptians sell hercules and Soterias to a slave gladiator guy. Here's where the movie becomes a little gladiatory,

where they fight in a big muddy pit. Who are they fighting? Are they fighting monster men? Are they fighting monster men? Are they fighting anyone interesting? No, just fighting dudes in mud. Hercules and Satiris managed to trick their owner. They say, hey, I thought they were making this stuff up, but apparently it's true.

They're like, there's a big tournament in Greece. The biggest fight is two men go up against six undefeated fighters. If they win, they get their freedom. And if they and the guy who and there's a lot of betting so you can make a lot of money on the betting. And he goes, I already have undefeated fighters half face and Harambo over there. And they're these two, these are finally when the monster men show up.

And they say, we'll fight them and the survivors will go to Greece. And so this is another gladiator moment where it's these, it's Hercules and his best buddy. And let me tell you this, his best buddy's job is to get injured during fights, thus making it harder for Hercules. So he is not very helpful. Yeah, to make it more challenging, add a handicap. Yeah, it's almost like,

his friend is their version of Schwarzenegger getting shot in the arm at the end of Commando so that it's not quite so, quite so lopsided when he's fighting Fat Vernon Wells. You gotta say, yeah, but Vernon Wells has that awesome chainmail like tank top. And a mustache, but that's not gonna help him in a fight. What do you talk? I mean, it doesn't stop a pipe from ramming through his body. No, the chainmail doesn't stop a pipe from literally going through him to the point that steam goes down.

And then, yeah, Steve starts shooting at us. And he says, Bennett, let off some steam, or let off some steam, Bennett, then remember. What a great movie commando is. Half-face though, for his name, I was expecting, he's a bit of a monster man, but I was expecting more of a two-faced level of half-face. Yeah, well, we're just getting out

of the little bit of scarring and then some counting crow's hair. And that's pretty much all that's going on. Yeah, they both had counting crow crout counting crows here. Both half face and humboblet turns out as I look at the face. Yeah, you know, I bet somebody just came up with that nickname real early on and just caught on. And you know, you probably didn't even have half a face at that point.

And you just kind of cut his face up afterwards just to keep the name. It reminds me of a, so it was about to expire. He's about to lose the rights to the half face. Really? His option on the name half face was running out. You better act on this name or it's about to expire. He's about to lose the rights of the app. His option on the name of half face was running out. You better act on this name or it's gonna go back in the public domain. Oh, it's this guy with like shit. I better cut my face out. He gets a skull. He super grows. If you look at it, they'll give some for man without a face. He has a face, but it's half a face. So we want to call him half face. I'll take it. I'll take it.

He was exercising the option. Yeah. Now, it reminded me of my disappointment when I finally saw an episode of the Game of Thrones TV show. Now, I came to the book's late. Long after Stewart had spent years recommending them to me. And complaining about the TV show. Yeah, and when I read them,

I imagined Sandor Clegane the hound had this totally screwed up face. Like, I imagined his jaw was not set right right you could see part of the skull of his bone and then in the movie in the show he's just kind of like a little scratched up it's not that impressive he's he actually doesn't look like he was in a fire just looks like he got beaten up once and it never totally healed you know in some ways I think that is a description of the entire show for me yeah you know what I'm gonna go the way for me too.

But anyway, half face kind of like that. But I will tell you this, having zero lines of dialogue, you don't see their faces too clearly. Half face and humbaba are instantly the most charismatic characters in the whole movie. Yeah. They are so incredibly like, it's, humbaba is like an old man's head on top of this huge, you know, strong man body and half face is half a face and like you said, counting grows hair. They're leaping around, fighting hercules and it was like- I was kind of hoping at that moment that it would take a strange narrative shift and it

would jump all the way back to the beginning of their lives. Yeah. And we could follow what half face and Humbaba had been doing. It would be like the great moment in the power broker. When Robert Carro takes like 12 pages to stop time at Robert Moses and start talking about the the governor of New York Old governor old governor. No Al what's his name now I can't remember it which is terrible. I'm not

But anyway not Jolson But I was all Smith and he uh he goes, he takes like 12 pages. That's Al Smith. You know what do you forget? The most generic name. That's why I forgot it. But he goes through 12 pages and you're like, this guy's really exciting.

And it gets so exciting that you kind of forget the books about Robert Moses. And then when it goes, and that's when he met Robert Moses. And it's like, holy shit, these two guys are going to meet now. Oh my god, it's amazing. I would have wanted to to be that you go back to the flashback of how have face and humbaba became friends Have faced lost his face movie grew up together and then you forget it's a hercules movie and then they finally get back to that scene And you're like oh yeah now those characters are gonna fight hercules But that doesn't happen hercules just kills them so they get back to Greece. Hercules goes into, but her, the Egyptians have sent

Hercules' helmet back to Greece. Yeah. Not realizing they've captured this prince. Everyone thinks Hercules is dead and he be is very sad. But this is also like where it really starts getting, uh, Jesusy, because he kind of like, he starts gathering followers, he rides back into his hometown. Let's first say he wins that tournament against the six undefeated people. Yeah, like two seconds.

Super easy. undefeated, they don't even get names. Now faces cackling from the underworld. Yeah. Well, he's gathering strength, Hercules. But that's the one piece of enjoyment half face we'll get as a shade in the 80s realm. Waiting for Hercules to arrive so we can serve him for

eternity because you know half faces are getting the alleysian fields there's no way they're going to take one look at his half a face and go whoa we let you in here we can't go this paradise no more but anyway meanwhile hercules's mom confronts the king reveals that Zeus is the father of hercules the king in a fit of right and she tries to stab the king and the king kills her which at the time i was like oh he just murder her but it's kind of self-defense she pulled a knife on him yeah i mean even uh kairon his advisor really doesn't try and stop i run stands there watching all this and as soon as the queen is dead he runs out and is like no way

tell it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's Yep, because the Queen's life is equal to all the citizens of London now. There were so many fewer people back then, that probably yeah. But anyway, Hercules leaves. He starts raising an army to fight for the freedom of Greece against the king. Kairon tells him his mother died, which is terrible. He be tries to kill herself. Kairon stops her, and he reunites her with Hercules. The two have a, let's call it a moment of tranquility. As they,

a pollen-crusted moment of as they have sex inside of a Hercules-made Hupa in the forest as pollen falls around them constantly. Yeah, it looks like a grown-up version of the Blue Lagoon. Like this, like the seashells threaded through. Yeah. What I can only imagine is like, intestinal. You be care.

What, like, leather straps? I was gonna say it's like a classy version of one of the tarpour, geez, at the end of the production, I'm sure. But anyway, because they're in the forest. Anyway, but there's also, anyway, let's just go, let's just skip through through much less little detail going in they rate

They raise an army if a cleases fighting he brings in the Egyptians to fight back Hercules is just picking up followers and but at then at one town He's taken captive by the king the king has him whipped This is the most Jesus. He part of it Well, but he's also taking captive because of the we're gonna say the betrayal This is the most G-S-C part of it. Well, but he's also taking captive, because we're gonna say the betrayal of his... He even cares.

No, I mean, just that there's another, like, there's like a Judas character, but I mean, like, he's sort of forced into the betrayal role. He's not doing it. Well, no, his, his, the, the life of his son is threatened. Yeah. So he gives away Hercules' location. But then, but then Hercules is whipped in a crucifix position.

He's whipped in front of a crowd as the king says, See, he's not a god. Small crowd. It's pretty position. He's whipped in front of a crowd as the king says, see, he's not a god. Small crowd. It's pretty small. There's not a lot of extras. It would not have been a glorious death for Hercules. Hercules, who has denied that he was the son of Zeus all along, looks up to the guy and says,

father, I believe in you and Zeus sends some lightning down, right? And Hercules, no, that's later, I guess. He sends like a shaft of sunlight that I guess empowers him. It powers him up. Yeah, he sends down like a regenerating beam or something. Yeah, I guess this is from the authority. This is where it's suddenly a lot less Jesus. Since Jesus didn't say, hey, yeah, give me a give me strict powers to fight off all these.

Yeah, you're saying Pharisees. Jesus didn't use the rocks he was chained to as a kind of giant whip morning star to then to kill people with. Yeah, I think it was stuck in my head. When the movie goes full on God of War mode, where literally the hero is using weapons attached to chains to do fucking combos on his end. And this is one of two scenes in which he turns into whiplash from Iron Man 2 But that's the thing is this the movie is crazy at the top Then it's very dull and then as soon as hercules admits his demigod hood

It becomes crazy again because he is constantly you just whipping guys with shit and fighting like killing tons of people. And they finally confront the king. The king, it gets lights things on fire to try to stop them. Yeah, it looks like the king's got him surrounded, but you're like, he don't have him surrounded. He's hurt. The king's gonna fight him with the power of his pull. Curriculars does a very...

It's all the legend of Anfetaira. That's a good point. Curriculars does a very lame version of the like St. Crispin's Day. They'll never take our freedom sort of speech that the hero gives to this to his army before their final battle. They go to the battle. It's to like six dudes. Yeah. Like just a few farmers. They, uh, but somehow somewhere in the process he managed to pick up an

to me and lion skin from I guess I fucking peer one. I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember how he got the lion skin. And also the other brother sold it to like a pawn shop. Because he needed a fast cash to take he be out on a date, try to win her over. And fear it.

His brother is just like buying chocolates for her. And he's running out of money. Oh my god. It was going to be better money. Oh my God. It really makes me better, chocolate. Oh you. But, and also along the way that group of farmers that's fighting for their freedom turns into like an elite fighting force, which shields an armor and helmets and everything. But anyway, I guess they're picking up Greek soldiers along the way.

But Hercules calls on his dad, his dad shoots lightning into Hercules's sword and it becomes kind of a electricity whip that he's just killing dozens of people with. Dozens of jackal mass Egyptian warriors. Yeah, because no true Greeks will fight for the king anymore. Only these heartless Egyptian mercenaries, I guess. It's so weird, because you kind of thought the Egyptians were busy taking over overthrowing the Greeks that had colonized them. Yeah.

But they still got time to like come over and help the king that they were fighting. It doesn't make sense. Well, they got invited back. I don't know for a feast and then he was like, no feast. You guys fucked up and didn't kill my son. Uh, you got to finish the job and I'm like, I guess we have to. Where was the whole mission that they sent Hercules on, a ploy to kill him?

And there's never, okay, then I missed that yeah it was all just the jimpsons were working for the king the whole time you probably lost it when he just started electrocuting everybody with when Zeus came to him in the form of like a laser whip when Zeus came to them in the form of the opening of he-man so anyway they fight and surprisingly we have herically versus his I guess adopted father yeah I tell you for herically is he sure got an edipus complex it's a Greek it's a Greek it's Greek it's Greece he's trying to kill his dad but it is not a sex with mom sure he does but she's dead it's too late okay

oh yeah this is a subject yeah the subjects the whole movies that are really is totally into his mom okay but uh it's good that's why this is that's why this is really called the legend of spanking the monkey they have an amazing fight totally they have a fight it was hercules doesn't do that much he kind of dodges a lot of amphiatronsatron's, what's his name? Amphatyrin. Amphatyrin. Amphiratron, I guess would be the transformer version.

Yeah, he's fighting Hercules and then turns into a car. And here's, wait, let me tell you the moment the movie almost could have totally won me over. And I mentioned this to you guys. You've been conquering all of Greece for energy on cubes. Yeah. And then Unicron shows up. Yeah, so there's a moment where Hercules is facing

over this dead. And his dead says, I have a surprise for you, Hercules. And at that point, I wanted if the king had pulled out like a revolver and shot Hercules, I would have been like, movie, you won me back. And suddenly people are driving cars around. And Hercules gets in a biplane and is firing at the Egyptians.

I would have loved that. If they were just like, you know what? Why are we even bothering to pretend that we already have all the Greeks. They can't get extra with anything. All the Greeks are played by English people. Why don't we just sucker punch this up and have them be in World War I trenches with mechs, you know?

But they didn't do that. Instead, they had a sword fight. He really puts the demi into demi god in this fight because he's having a hell of a time. This is one mortal. Now, Hercules is super strong. He's much younger and in better shape than the king. And he's wearing a lion's cloak that cannot be pierced by a blade. And yet he still is losing for a while.

I probably grew up watching his adopted father fight or was chosen. He knows his style. Yeah. Anyway, eventually he wins. His brother comes in with he be threatening her, but he be sacrifices herself seemingly to kill the brother by stabbing herself to the shoulder and killing him

because the sword goes all the way through and kills him. Hercules killed. We kill that die harding somebody. Yeah, because it's hard to die that way. Yeah, so that the old he be G. That's the golden age of grace. No, we're saying we say that when we do it all the time. Constantly. He kills the king with the same dagger that killed hercules's mother and then So they can be together for eternity and then it just fades to

Hercules in bed with he be as they have a newborn child. Yeah, there's no It's not even and there's no dialogue from that point on and then hercules is up on the roof And he sees the hercules You think that there you think I assume there was a voice over from Kairron or somebody explaining like but hercules survived and became king Yourself and that they cut it when did they kill him? Yeah, they killed a mastery. That's where I made him super mad Oh, that's right You can do a voiceover from beyond the grave. Okay, but then it does cut to the music is like Boba Boba

And if you go see hercules brooding on a castle top overlooking the kingdom He is sworn to keep safe from the Joker I guess He looks over his shoulder we see a night sky and then zooming out of the distance the credits Yeah, I filmed by Renny Harlan. So the implication is Hercules is watching the credits to his own movie Watching Artemis driver chair. I think I'll call this constellation the credits to his own movie. I think I'll call this constellation the credits. So this movie would have been better. So that's a Greek myth movie where out of the stars, the constellations form the credits. That over there is the is the winged horse and over there is Draco the dragon and of course the credits. It's just like four stars.

If you connect the lines right, it spells out the names of everyone who made the movie. Yeah. It's a bit... ...increasingly defeated, saw-bass and threw them into the sky. And that's why the credits is up there. Now, this is a movie that is very boring for most of it, that has some craziness on the bookends Yeah, which leads us we got to just move along into final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie

Kind of like Elliott. I think you're you're already kind of getting into it I you know what I'm gonna call this even though it gets a little dull in the middle I am gonna call this a good bad movie because there was enough stuff in it that I enjoyed making fun of while we were watching it. But I would say it's definitely good bad movie to watch the first 15 minutes and then the last 15 minutes. Yeah, fast forward. Yeah. I say good bad for the same reasons, basically. Like it never bored me as much as like the truly bad movies that we watched. It's not like a 10,000 BC or what was the one with what's where the woman, what's her name was in the artistic whiteout.

That was super dull. You know, that came back and say, It's largely fun. The thing is I was kind of assuming we're going to watch this movie for the flop house because if we weren't going to, I was going to watch it anyway because I love Scott ad-candles. Whose latest King Infirutron? Yeah, the robot King of Greece. Who begins the movie by Chokeslamming a guy

and then I guess cutting his helmet off? But not his head, which is... Yes, his helmet, he's that good with a blade. Yeah. And then the rest of the movie, he spends with a really fake beard. Did you explain to this actor? Scott Atkins is a...

Is it Ninja? Yeah, he's a white guy karate star. Yeah. Who's been in movies like Ninja Shadow of a Tier or Ninja 2 depending on which name. He's also been in a previous Stuart Welleven recommendation, Universal Soldier Day of Reckoning. He's just like a martial arts dude.

But he's a fight guy. And he brings, I felt he brought a lot more charisma to that role than most of the cast of this movie. According to Wikipedia, he shared the role of Deadpool with Ryan Reynolds. Oh, well. So he must have done the actual fighting stuff. Yeah, like the slow motion, like bullet slashing and things like that. Yeah, but according to Wikipedia, he's best known for playing Yuri Boyka in Undisputed 2,

Last Man Standing, and Undisputed 3, Redemption. So he gets Redemption in the acting. So you can tell from those titles we're kind of actors. So yeah, I guess I'll say it's a good bad movie. It's been better than some of the other swords and sandals we've seen in the past. But before we move on to letters, just a word from our sponsor, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform, making it fast and easy to create

your own professional website, portfolio and online store. You can get a free trial and 10% off by visiting squarespace.com and entering off our code, Flophouse at checkout, which also helps support this show, the Flophouse. Tell me more about Squarespace, Dan. Hey, who? Do you want a website, Elliot?

Yeah, I do. Elliot, Caitlin, one website. Yeah, I do. I've always wanted one. How do I do that? I don't know how. Well, you go to Squarespace. What they got?

Dotcom. Dotcom. I can go to Squarespace first. No, you go to Squarespace. So I'm like, So I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Everything is Squarespace. It's kind of like flatland. It's the nerdyest dimension. Squarespace. So I'm like, dimension, everything is squares. It's kind of like flatland.

It's the nerdyest dimension. Squarespace. No, squarespace.com though. That sounds like a web site that I can go to. Thank God, beautiful design, simple and easy template you can use. Drag and drop content for designing your website. Wait a minute. So you're saying I don't need to know how to code like a dork?

No. I mean, if you just have to drag and drop. Yeah. That's not dragons. It's dragging some because I don't think I could drop a dragon. I love it. You don't have to drag this thing with your hand. You're not like Hercules with like a chain and a big rock. I want to if only to drag it with your mouse. So what if I don't have a pet mouse? Do you need square space? Because it doesn't sound like you know anything about tech. But it sounds like even a guy like me who doesn't even know what a computer is could use square space.

Especially because they've got 24-7 support through live chat and email. Plans started just $8 a month, including a free domain name if you sign up for one year. And it's got responsive design. So your web site was podcast. $8 a month. I could afford that just by skipping one Popeye's meal, which I'm not doing. No, but I could. That's how cheap it is. Yeah. But so why don't you start a trial with no credit card required and start building your website. Just go to squarespace.com and use offer code Flophouse. Thank you to the Squarespace for continuing to support the flop house.

And viewers like you. It's a great one to set up a website selling bootleg flop house merchandise. No, don't do that. Maybe. Well, only if we get a cut. Which I guess makes it not bootleg. Yeah, it's not really.

It's not really a much of a revenue source for us, but if we approve it, I'll get a cut. And I'll approve it. I think I'll go there today to make my old time movie site. Stuart will go there to make his castle for excite and damn We'll go there to make a porno site It's called whose wife's butt is that Let's move on. It's a game where you get to his wife's side. I guess. Yeah, is that what you think?

Let's move on to letters This first let moving on to letters done with that other stuff. Let's move on We're done here. So go near but rather far to where the letters are. Let's move on Moving on letters. Let's move on We gotta move to those letters because those letters won't move on to us. Let's move on Letters was filmed before a live studio audience. City was sit. Good letter. So we

Wow, that was a really short show. When Greg we think something to the after. Yeah, well, and you know, it's Steven J. Cannell's pulling out of his typewriter at the end. A letter to the flop ass. Unfortunately, it doesn't get here because he just throws it in the air. This one's titled, is he think the fucking faithful? You're gonna bring it to us?

The kind art of the rules? The promised people of the forest. It turns into a letter C, so at that point we can't read it anyway. Yeah, well we can read the C part. So letters are poor Dan. That's good enough for me. So you're saying it was a Stephen J. Cookie production? Yeah, anyway, this first letter is titled Batman villains.

Okay, I like it. Hey, floppers. Hey, I just had to report on something of great importance to my test. Last night, my five-year-old daughter wanted to play Batgirl. She's a Batgirl costume Halloween and brings it out occasionally. Mainly, I suspect. Now, which Batgirl are we talking about here? Uh, Oracle?

She's not bad girl anymore. No, I'm just your Barbara Gordon before the... Pre-paralleled, okay. Yeah. Spoiler alert. Spoiler to anyone who's in red comics in 20 years? She brings it out occasionally mainly, I suspect, as an excuse to beat up on poor old dead. So as we were playing, I had the chance to be several Batman villains, but as I had no makeup, it was difficult to convey the Joker and two face.

Also, I'm about six feet tall and couldn't find a top hat in umbrella, so the penguin was out as well. What is a father? Descred to keep his daughter entertained to do. I was at a loss until the flop house popped in my mind. Clock King. Yes, calendar man. It was the emergence of several new Batman villains. I started with my favorites, the summarizer and the contest sprue and her, but as I was dealing with a 5 year old, the subtle nuances of the fairly abstract character. Yeah, they don't have the same kind of easy hooks. Yeah, but then I was a firebug.

Kill it for rock. I looked down to see that there was a 7 on my t-shirt. Yes, it was time for 7 pounds to terrorize Gotham City. I'm thrilled to report that seven pounds was a rousing success with her. She only looked at me like an idiot once or twice, far fewer times than what I get from my wife. Coise is spec'd with sniffing around trying to detect the scent of alcohol on me. There was, man. More importantly, adopting the seven pounds persona, doubled as a teachable moment as I worked in crimes and constitutive stealing things in multiples of seven. Sadly, I was eventually defeated, aka, hit in the nuts.

As Batman defeats the back row defeats most of her villains. And dragged off to Arkham Asylum, where I suspect I'll be serving five to seven years, or days considering on how escapable that place is. Yeah. So I'm happy to report. It's on the honor system. One of the three villains is ready for print, in my opinion. I suspect this is the green ride for Elliot

to make the jump from Marvel to DC and start his own storyline in Batman. I expect that when all the money comes in from the sales and myriad prizes, the story is likely to win. Pulitzer, Eisner, Amy, Oscar, and eventual Nobel, I will be fairly compensated for doing this proof of concept work for you. No, I think the biggest crime that he committed as the seven pounds character is giving all

of the copyright credit to L.A. K. Lund. Yeah, that was, he would have stolen seven copyrights. Yep. Well, the one time I tried to pitch back girl stories to DC, none of them were taken, but I have a new contact at DC, so who knows? Maybe. I would love to introduce seven pounds into that universe somehow. Is there a lot of Marvel distinguished competition crossover? Between staff? Yes. There's really only two games in town when it comes to comic books.

I mean, there are other companies, but for the most part, people bounce between Marvel and DC quite a bit. Yeah, I just didn't know. Actually, whether they lock people down or... My contact, I mean, you get contract, but I guess, but like my contact at DC, Katie Cuebert, now works at Marvel, and my longtime Marvel editor, Tom Brennan, is now DC. So... And who's your real untacted Friday? You're not really in contact with image so you can write some young blood.

Unfortunately I don't have any but I would love to write young blood or perhaps any image character there's blood wolf blood blood and of course stone blood blood face and let's not forget rocket butt. All the great Rob life-hills characters. Oh boy. Guess what his power is. It's not what you think. To let the thing. Oh you guessed it. Yeah. So also his butt is a rocket. Which I guess is a power. It's a power. It's more inconvenient than anything. Roger You do not want to use the bathroom after him because the toilet has been destroyed Rocket butt

So The missing is no one's guest to secret identity. Sure. He wears a trench coat He's a nerdy kid with really baggy pants. What is that lump in your butt? Who's buying all the zoo boughs in town? I've got hemorrhoids. You see Slater hasn't lived here in years. There's a zoo was so store and Slater have moved away so they were about to close down and then this kid walked in saved the store. Yeah, the store manager looking at like his bills he's like a kid. Hey, that's going to happen. Ever since Albert Clifford walked out of town.

His actual name, look it up. So this second letter is titled much nicer Flapphaus fanfic. And it begins page one feels like a trick. Okay. Page one start of book one page. Page one, the Flapp house was at a nice carnival. We're good things were happening. Then they fucked. Wait, what? Anyway, page one start start of book one, Stewart Wellington versus New York City. Okay, I like it so far. It was a rainy night in Dan's apartment when Elliott crashed in a terrified expression on his face. So the flat house house cat

jumped off of Stewart's lap, waking him from his drunken stupor. Wow, wow. Ask the house cat. As Elliot slammed the door behind him. Dan, Elliot began. Your downstairs neighbors have been murdered by a gang of street marauders. Like Deathwish III steward asked, wiping glitter off his face from a party thrown in Dan's apartment the night before. Exactly like Deathwish III replied Elliot. Enjoying this moment was shared. Was I not invited to this party?

Why am I walking in now? Steward and Elliot embraced, saddeninging Dan as no one had ever hugged him Not true at all. I've seen Dan hugs my people Thanks for the backup All that I'll get I'll provide you a hug. I'll buy Dan Well, you have felt the warmth of a human embrace just write the footnote in there and pen Well, I think we should stay here where it's safe. Said Dan ruining the situation for everyone. Dan, you're ruining this for everyone's Stewart replied picking up his 44 Magnum, which had been attached with his arm with a fuzzy

pink hand cuff. Let's take these fuckers down. This is not a bit. We're going to get them to Elliot. We're going to John get some. We're going to Tony Collettum. We're going to Robert Brasson's Moussetum. Elliott finished listening words It sound like other words much just to her still like Page 20093 end of book three Stuart Wellington versus Al Madrigal So Dan was the Casafrique all along ask Karlo Gino getting up off the valley It's lap to polish their shared key to the city. There's no reason why she has to get up off my lap Elliott Getting up off the belly, it's lap to polish their shared key to the city. There's no reason why she has to get up off my lap. Ellie to it. Ellie and his family just brings a key over.

There's a lot of luck. So is my relationship with color, you know similar to yours with the house cat. There's a lot of lap cities. Yeah. Anyway, continue. Ellie and Mayor Wellington looked around their newly acquired Popeye's franchise, taking the smell. Yeah, I guess he was, it's Stewart.

I'm amazed we got away from that burning castle and time, Ellie. It said, I guess you could say it was a million dollar getaway. Everyone laughed at Ellie. It's hilarious callback. And even the Floppy's house cat peaked up through the pile of fried chicken he was under to join in. Roar.

Roar. He said, little do they know that behind the walls of that very Popeyes, Dan set sat playing on his Phantom of the Paradise keyboard, which just just a mid-size plotting his revenge. PS, keep up with your stellar work guys. You consistently made my life richer as I dig through your back catalog. Much love Vincent lasting with health. Nice Vincent that was pretty good and an accurate rendition of Denofrio. Oh, wow. I saw you in you in the stage production and you were great in it. Name

droppers. Name droppings that I saw in a play. He was in a play with Ethan Hawke and the play was not so great but Vincent Nothreal was a force of nature in it. So thanks for listening Vincent. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for your literary contribution. And I'm just going to stick up for Dan. He's a great guy who I don't think would turn out to be a monster or a recluse in the wall. Thank you to be a monster or a recluse in the wall Thank you, but it'd be were recluse in the wall if any of us was gonna be a beater Yeah, and you know what Dan just to be on the record. I'm gonna hug you right now Hmm, you like that? Yeah

The magic hug sounds hug sounds Shane Meal Sound Effect. Shane Meal Sound Effect. The magic hug sounds, hug sounds. Squish. Yeah. Daniel, you're very squishy. I'm packing them mayonnaise in your bag. Why do you have a bunch of squid on your shirt?

My own reasons. So this last letter goes like this. Which duck is the best duck? Daffy, Donald, Howard, Scrooge, Destroyer, Darkwing, Huey. Is it baby Huey? Jacob last name with Bell. Well Jacob, I can tell you it's not baby Huey, the dumbest of the ducks.

This is pretty boring, but I would go with Scrooge. Well, what do you mean by best? My favorite of those would be Daffy, but he's not reliable in a situation. And I like Flynn Hartclom, gold lot. I would say that maybe. No, man, can I say, man, you can go sell. Yeah, I mean, she's originally her first story was like, she's like a Greek witch, right?

Like an aunt. Yeah, yeah, it's a sandwich with Greek dressing on it. Greek witch. I would destroy her duck, stood up for the right of Jack Kirby to have his art return to him by Marvel. So I like him, I guess, but uh, you know, I'm gonna go with Howard actually. Yeah, what about duck Dodgers in the 24th? See that's Duffy. That's just Duffy. I hate to break it. I thought he was. Duck Dodgers and Duffy duck are the same guy. And yeah, which one space jammed?

Now just Duffy. Stuart, super grover is also grover. No, no, Dan, we don't know. Neither of them is the monster at the end of the book, right? No, over it. It is the monster at the end of the book. Spoiler is so embarrassed about it. I'm sorry, Dan, when we just spoiled the end of the monster at the end of this book, for yeah, you would have found the answer within a minute. I mean, there is half of a spoiler in the title. Oh, only that there's a monster at the end of the book. And the book for. You would have found the answer within a minute. There is half of a spoiler in the title. Oh, only that there's a monster at the end of the book. And the book ends. Not the Oh Henry, that's true, that it's not the never-ending story.

Sure. That it's not Franz Kafka's the castle, which ends mid-sentence, because he died before finishing it. So I hope that answers your question. And anyway, were the Oh Henry the twist at the end of the monster at the end of this book. Let's close out with our usual final segment. Recommendation became the Cryptkeeper, right? Oh, yeah.

That's a like that backstory. The Cryptkeeper is the corpse of Oh Henry. Stuart, why don't you start us off with a recommendation, recommendation of a movie you actually liked? Um, okay, so I've been seeing a lot of movies lately, but I'm gonna recommend, uh, when I saw very recently at the Angelica theater in New York City. I mentioned the theater because, uh, it led to a very immersive experience. I went and saw a snowpiercer, a movie about a, uh, I'm planning to see that this Saturday. A future where the entire planet is frozen.

And all of a sudden... Like the movie Frozen. Is that a movie? Frozen, yeah it is. And all that's left of humanity lives on a super train. So in the Angelic Theatre, you can constantly hear subway sounds. And it was super freezing cold from the cranked vacies.

So it was a immersing immersive movie. So the things that usually make the Angelica a terrible place to go for movies? Perfect for snowpiercer. They should call snowpiercer super train to cold town. All aboard. Let me call. Let me call. Bring your Parker.

Let me call director Junho Bong. Of the host? Yes, of the host. Yes of the host and memories of murder another movie I recommend it actually like much more than this host. Yeah, I'm is a murder. Oh, you're that's crazy. You love monsters I do but I know I think maybe it just shows how great memories of murder is exactly there. So snowpiercer is great too It's in some ways I feel like it's a movie that would be much less good in the hands of a less skillful filmmaker. It's a great sci-fi movie. It gets a little bit heady and a little bit overly metaphorical near the end. In some ways it feels like if somebody were to make a movie of the BioShock video game with all the placements and shit

That's kind of how it feels like Kind of with some great wizard of ours references and everything, but I'm not gonna talk that much more about it It's great. You should go see it if you like sci-fi and or actions Well, and that was awesome as I referenced earlier in the show I Went to England recently and you know what that means. Country dropper. I saw a lot of movies on playing.

Oh, that's the thing. Oh, that's the thing. For Dan McCoy's Plain Corn. What's that in the sky? Who's that sire and guy? Dan McCoy. Flying so high. Up in the blue where the movies are new to you.

Plane corner. So I watched five movies. Wow. Well, going there and back. And you hate books. And you hate books. There's like, even sleeping. 14 hours worth of possible movie watching time.

So I watched, what, how do I watch? Wow, really made impression. No, no, I got solid recommended. So I watched I love trouble over and over again. I watched the Lego movie. I watched the Hunger Games catching fire. Sure. I watched 12 years of slave catch that kid. I watched Muppets most most wanted and Jack Ryan Shatter recruits. No, you're recommending all of this. You're recommending the last one over all the others. That I would watch any of these movies, not on a point. Wow. Oh, wow. Enjoy them all to one degree. So what you're saying is...

So recruit? Yeah, even Shatter recruits, which by the way, I wanted to mention, after we trashed three days to kill Kevin Costner is a sporting Actor the main like the second male lead in shadow recruit. I guess Ken from probably the second male lead, but Kevin Costner is like Chris Pine's handler at the CIA and He's very enjoyable in it and speaking of three days to kill. I noticed as I was going home Flying home that the guy in front of me who was wearing a black trench coat and had one of those stupid haircuts where it was very shaved on the

side and very long on top and had his sunglasses. Yeah, and he's also looked back and he had his sunglasses on the top of his head the entire time he was in the plane. Yeah, in case I got bright on the plane. And who put his chair all the way back, which basically makes you- Keep standing a word, picture a portrait about this man, Dan. You're like Charles Dickens. This guy put his chair all the way back in front of me, which basically makes you a human monster in my book.

He was watching three days to kill. That was what he decided to watch. He watched it all the way again. Yeah. Slow mo. No, I felt very valiantly in my hatred for this man. When I saw what then his over and over again. Yeah. Slow mo. No, I felt very balanced in it. In my hatred for this man, when I saw what then his movie choice had been. Wow.

So what you're saying, Dan, about the movies you saw was you think they should get these motherfucking movies off that motherfucking plane. And watch them. Yeah. On to their TVs. On to their eyeballs. So uh, uh, Stoellie, what do you have to do? You really could not remember my name for a moment.

Sure. We've known each other for almost 10 years. And you were looking directly at me. It's going to be right at me. There's only two other hosts besides you. And you see some words are well done. On your boss, Dan. Couldn't even remember my name.

Yeah. Just kidding. I'm just saying I'm boss. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm super cool. I'm a rude dude with two. You know, just how it is.

Anyway, I wanted to recommend a... The croods. Starves the croods. Yep. Sometimes nude in the shower. Occasionally booed on stage. And... And... And then join the music of Yahoo! Domino in. Sure.

But anyway, so so like says pork stew yep don't want to be good that's when goo was thrown at you but I love the art of Steve rude I used to but that was before I've word now it's a name anyway occasionally lured so I wanted to recommend a good Greek myth movie, because I haven't seen anything recently, I really liked. I watched, I watched on a plane, the first amazing Spider-Man movie, the first one of the ones with What's His Face.

Yeah. And I didn't like it very much, I was disappointed in it. So anyway, and so I wanted to recommend a classic Greek myth movie, but the only really good ones that come to mind are that are not just wild retellings of the story, So I wanted to recommend a classic Greek myth movie, but the only really good ones that come to mind are That are not just wild retellings of the story your You know orfius the poets and things like or a blood the poets and stuff like that is

The Ray Harry housing movies which I assume our listeners have seen or already aware of so instead. I'll recommend a Greek movie. How about that? Zorba the Greek. It's called Zorba the Greek, or rather, I think I'm gonna recommend a movie that people have probably already heard of, but they may have missed it when it came out. You guys have seen it called Dogtooth, which is now made for the Academy of War for Best Farm Film, and it's a weirdo movie about a mother and father who keep their kids in their house and teach them wrong things about the outside world including what different words mean and also are deciding which daughter to pair off with the son to have sex with. It's a totally crazy movie but in a way

I feel in embodies somewhat the morality you find in Greek myths in that the authority figures are not bound by what we consider goodness or justice and instead create a world in which the main characters, the kids, have to survive or figure out ways to free themselves even though the only probable fate is destruction because they really can't survive in the outside world when you think about it. So it's not a retelling of Greek myths but I feel like it embodies that sensibility in some ways. That's interesting, Elliot, that you say that because IMDB user Cliff Preset says,

not only is it one out of 10, but he was lured in by promises of an awesomely dysfunctional family in Sanleon depth, but where was the plot? Yeah. I mean, the plot? Yeah. I mean, the movie told through, isn't it? But for some reason, they decided to stretch it into an hour and a half of torture and not the good guys.

So, I guess you listeners are gonna have to decide who you're gonna believe, Elliot or Cliff Preset. I think I recommend a different movie too, I guess, but a one out of 10. You know what, if you don't like that one, I'll recommend a French movie, Set and Grease Z. How about that. Sure.

Loosely based on the, on the, on the, on the military coup that overthrew the Greek government, it's a really good kind of who done it, political thriller. So there you go. If you want plot, watch Z, if you want a weirdo creepsy movie, watch dog two. You beat my skills at all, and you make the reviews of movies that you recommend put it on the DVD case You want a weirdo crypti movie Ellie Caelin with Lafayse So guys that was that was pretty crazy episode of a lot of a lot of lot of ends But I had flooded zaniness I look forward to listing back to it and remembering what the hell we talked about I'll all our members that at one point Carl Gugino said on my lab I think yeah

Watch the Didn't like how little we talk about the movie or something We'll hate this episode if he's still listening he isn't no So all the talk he did about that was wasted. I'll tell you what let's end on a cheery note Flop house forever, right guys? The three flops, good tears. All for one and one for flops. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, there's two rows. Danos and Elia Tannion. The three flops, good tears. Wow. And the house cat. So it's four, the fours are the hardest. Yeah.

Yeah. House cat amus like dark Dirtanian isn't really one of the the three musketeers Tenian sounds awesome. Yeah, thank you. It's that's kind of like bifte It's it's a frost between a musketeer and a bully from from back to the from the 1950s So on that note of a word that sounded kind of like another word. But not really. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been steward Wellington.

And I remain to this day, Elliot Kaelin. Yeah, I'd everyone. Yep, hey to us. Hey, it's Miller time. Is it Miller time? Yeah, it's 10.05. Yeah. So it's... Is it Miller time?

It's a fast Miller time. So are we going to record this? It's Miller time, but it's Miller time. It's Miller time. No, it's just, let's try you know about the precise definition of Miller time. I mean, gonna record this or we just We don't know what you know. Tell us is let's tell you about the precise definition of Miller time. I mean, I'm not the right authority for this. 10 PM is Miller time, which is you think it would be earlier. Yeah, like a like a like a six or well, it's it's not really it's uh it's I

would think it's 10.05 because it runs on the TVS broadcast schedule. I guess they don't do that anymore. They're very funny. Anyway. 10.05 because it runs on the TBS broadcast schedule. I guess they don't do that anymore. They're very funny. Anyway.