The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #160 - God's Not Dead

Episode Date: September 6, 2014

The OP's are all back in action, celebrating the all-NEW made-up holiday of "Smallvember." First up, the Christsploitation film "God's Not Dead" filled with the straw-manniest straw men outside of a county fair.  Meanwhile Elliott and Detective Columbo disprove the flat Earth theory, Stuart reveals a surprising knowledge of the Christian rock genre, and Dan announces a new contest! Movies recommended in this episode:Jodorowsky's DuneThe Last of SheilaThe One I Love

Good news everyone. God's not dead house. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. Hey Buds, I'm Elliot Kaelin. Hey, it's actually legitimately been a while. You know, it has here. It's been a while. And those words are meaningless most of the time, but we banked a few because you and I, that's business lingerie. Yeah, that's business lego. They're in the can. That's toilets. But, but there was, there were vacations. You had a huge. I have been vacationing like crazy lately. Mm-hmm. Tell me about it.

It's been a lot of travel unrelated to the movie that we watched tonight and not worth getting into. Okay. Well, the suffice to say it's been a long time since the three of us went a room together talking a little bit. Trapped here. Trapped here.

Trapped here. Hot room because the air conditioner is off unlike previous episodes where the Sound was shitty and as many flop fountains are unaware We actually have been cursed so that once every two weeks We are trapped in a room by the Baba Yago or as Dan knows it the Stragon known Until we talk for roughly an hour about a bad movie, in which case the locks undo themselves, the door creaks open and a voice says,

hehehehe, until next time. Why about? Why about? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do So here's a thing. Okay, that's the biggest introduction in the history of anything. It's a great transition. Not even a transition. Next month is the holiest month of the flop-ass calendar, Shocktober.

Shocktober. Yeah. And what better way to celebrate Shocktober? Than to ease into it, with a little something we're calling Small Vemper, where we look at movies that are slightly smaller. I don't really would look at it here in the flop house. Small Vemper. Not to say much like Chuck Tober. You know, we watch LA movies at other times during the year,

and we watch smaller movies sometimes, at other times during the year, but now we're branding it. Do you remember the first time you heard about Small Vemper? Yes, it was when I said we can call it Small Vemper. And the email chain started two or three days ago. So small member is a story and long, long lived historical thing that we just made up now. What other months will we have to look forward to, Dan? Oh, there will be.

Perhaps porn you worry. The January when we just, hey, why not let's just watch hardcore porn. I don't know if it's a bunch of browsers videos thrown together or which are like a compilation tape yeah or Fred U Larry the movie the month where we only watch movies starring an actor named Fred yep yep Fred McMurray or Fred Fred Fred Bernard disease Rogers from Mr. Rogers neighborhood he probably made a movie right I don't think so early in his career like or Fred Fred, Fred Lard, Dizista Rodgers from Mr. Rodgers neighborhood. You probably made a movie, right?

I don't think so. I only know this career. Like I heard you're leaving New York style space. Yeah, the exploitation adventure film that Fred Rodgers made. And who can forget, dropped it Fred. But for the kickoff, Small Vembers movie,

you watch it all. First ever, Small Vembers screening. We watched the Christ. History in the making. This is the Rosa Parks of Small Budget Movies. Extra, Extra, Small Vembers movie names. We watched the Christ's exploitation film, God's Not Dead.

Yeah, all right. Oh, boy. God's Not Dead, you say. Starring. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights.

And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights.

And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. And this movie is called The Nights. Kevin Smurlow. Ripley's believer or not? You better believe it. This is the Superman Hercules crossover. Yeah, all the way to clamoring. They share no scenes. Superman Hercules Slash Fiction. Because that's right. Dean Crane is here too. Dean Crane. Old Crawl on Dean Crane. And I hope you like the Christian Pop band's news boys. Because they make an inexplicable appearance to the end. Yeah, because everybody likes them, including one of these Duck Dinosty Fellows. Oh, I hope you like Duck Dinosty because there's some of that in this movie too.

Yeah. It's like someone, it's like Dinosy. What with ducks? Just like did a random internet search for Christian interests and decided to put all those things into a movie. The Christian interests being newsboys, Deccanasty and Kevin Sorba. The one thing it's missing is if the characters stop a chick filet for lunch at some point. You're like, this is a divine sandwich.

This sandwich certainly is denying gay people their rights. Wealthics. Luckily, the marriage between taste buds and chicken is illegal. Yeah. In this state. It's adamant, delicious, not adamant to even. Hold on. So like Adam was with a golden delicious apple.

No, no, no. Her name was Eve Delicious. She was a stripper. She was delicious sounds like a... how could she be a stripper? They had no clothes because they had no knowledge of the name. It was kind of a burlesque routine She actually put her clothes back on which made it sexy even at the beginning of time burlesque was a waste of time Let me guess she had history's first ukulele too But the all the the serpent serpent thought it was so hip.

Yeah, yeah. They really loved the throwback nostalgia to an era that hadn't happened yet. So, what do we have here again? We want your movie to show that we call it. Yeah, that's what the pie got. Gods not dead. Bulleted art.

To the gods not hit. Not rated art for religious. Bulleted to the gods not head Read it all for Bulletin to the godhead. It's the sequel to bullets of the head So that's just alone Mercenary character Bobo has a bigger has a bigger target on his hands this time the divine godhead itself. Yeah The the big mob boss calls the man. He's like, I got a problem, the problem is God's not dead. Yeah. God's gonna testify against me.

And the big court case is coming up. I need you to take care of that. A Walter Hill Steve Ilett collaboration. Anybody? Steve Ilett. Ilett, maker of the Ilett song your shoes? No, no, no, Slotrmatic, anyway, forget it. Okay. So Kevin Sorbo stars. So Kevin Sorbo does not star.

Dr. Radisson. So the movie is here. He's sure of the Radisson hotel, right? Let's before we get to Dr. Radisson, the hotel. Radical. The man who has been by a radio active hotel and given all the powers of an atheistic philosophy professor, let's start at the beginning, shall we? As the big bang. You see billions of years ago, something happened. And that's true. And now controversy that God's not dead is hidden upon. It's all in the book, something

happened by Joseph Heller. Do you want to read 400 pages of basically the same four pages over and over again? Read something happened by Joseph Heller. Do you want to hope? pages of basically the same four pages over and over again read something happened by Joseph? Do you want to hope take that Joseph Heller's leased I don't know his least know, but maybe good as gold Do you want to hope that the lightning that struck with catch 22 strikes again read something happened? Don't read picture this it's much better book All right anyway, so God is dead or is it? We gonna talk about Joseph heller book some more. Yeah sure there's also God knows the story of King David told from his point of view. Yeah now I read the one so I

can't really get too deep in this. Okay well I'll just file it with Steve I'll it in authors I've read a bunch of that you guys are not that familiar with and we'll continue with the movie. So young college student Josh Wheaton, a... Josh Wheaton, the moon. No, and not... No, the atheist, Josh Wheaton. Not TV's, we'll Wheaton, Wesley Crusher. Okay. His name's just Josh, which is a different

in our class. Josh Wheaton, Joe Sweaton, the Wheaton, for two. No, no. The Jody Sweaton? Yeah. Full-house star Jody Sweaton Yeah, full house star Jody sweet stars as Joe's dad saying that makes you how rude You got it dude She's like we're gonna have a pants off dance off until where is innocent as Adam and even Garne of Eden

Exactly anyway Josh Wheaton a college student, he said for the fourth fucking time, this philosophy professor is about as welcome as Kimmy Gimler. He goes up to that college professor and he says, Hey, atheism cut it out. Yeah. I'll just go play with the beach boys. You're just... The mascot's a full house. They're like, you have summoned us. You have struck the other runes. You've got been there. You've got been there. It's though we will play Kokomo.

It really shows like the different like, the different worlds that those sitcoms were living in that like a full house head, the Beach Boys, the non-Brian Wilson Beach Boys, while Cosby was drawing upon an endless well of classic jazz and funk music. Yeah, in the least natural way possible. Yeah. Hey, you know, there was a plot in this episode, well, let's stop it so we can go hang out at Lena Horne's restaurant for a little bit.

Anyway, Josh Wheaton, a college student who's also a Christian, enrolls in a philosophy class that he needs for his pre-law major. Even though, as his puzzlingly said later in the movie, his nemesis, the professor, points out there is no pre-law major. Professor Radisson. Professor Radisson. There's no pre-law major at the college. A threat, kind of, which is never carried, never explained. Anyway, he takes it all that's been... It's also weird. the college, a threat kind of which is never carried, never

explained. Anyway, he takes it all out. It's also weird. It feels like you just kind of rode in in the other box or something. I mean, he's a freshman. He doesn't have to declare a major right away. I certainly didn't when I was a freshman in college. For a while, your major was to hence. Yeah. And then for a while, it was my major change. And then for a little bit was my major old pains and then for a little bit the major was a minor. Anyway, can I say the first thing that happened to the middle?

Not allowed to explain the college student who enrolls in a philosophy course. He's warned against taking this particular philosophy course, but in a very cryptic way and it turns out it's hosted by hosted by. He's hosted by hosted by He's hosted by your hidden mind professor reticent my guest tonight not got because I don't believe it hosted by Chuck Woolery So professor Jeffrey radicent played by Kevin Sorbo. Uh, who's not Sorbo TV's Kevin sorbo. It's two different weapons mashed together Kevin Sorbonne

TV's Kevin Sorbonne. It's two different weapons mashed together. Kevin Sorbonne. So Kevin Sorbonne, which would be, I guess, is born Mad Magazine name. Like if Penthouse Comics did a, did Ariglea's Verity, which is trying to strike Kevin Sorbonne. Pencils by Milo Manara.

For Mad Magazine? No, hustler comics. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it's just a lot of panels of Kevin Trouble that's butt up on the air for some reason. And he's got a, I have to point out, he's got a goatee, which is the most devilish form of facial hair one can have.

Yes, it did look like he was the evil twin and that the good version would show up later, Sam's, he's trapping some sort of mirror in the worst. And boy, was it, wait, what? It was a bit, come on. Anyway, and's, he's trapping some sort of mirror in the worst. And boy was it, wait what? It was a bit. Come on. Anyway, and boy is he evil because he went right through that whole bit. Because we have wasted a lot of time. That huge influx of new listeners that are going to see what movie we chose and are going

to be like, oh, great, another podcast talking about my favorite movie. So Kevin Sorbo starts his first class missing, Hey, let's cut to the chase and just admit there's no God. There never was one. Just to get the thing started and this is a third of your grade. I want everyone to write God is dead on a piece of paper. Sign their name and just hand it to me. And everyone in class is like, yeah, sure, I don't give a shit.

Whatever I'll do. Whatever it takes to get through this class with this idiot blow hard teaching it, but Josh Wheaton can't do it. He cannot deny his lord and so he says I can't do it I think there is a God and Professor Radisson says I'm gonna give you 20 minutes at the end of the first three lectures to make to make the case for God or do whatever you want Hey, you want to go up there and just beat box for a while? I don't care. I'm going to flunk you anyway. But if you can prove there's a God,

then I'll pass you in this class. Now, if you won't get mad at me for interrupting your synopsis yet again, I don't think we can pass over this. We need to get mad at you now quickly, because like, pass over Dan or your friend to my reliving. Yes. Well, I mean, we still use that part of the book. We just don't really focus on it

I might do you celebrate Passover? No, so they go. I mean we recognize it. We don't celebrate it I think it was walking down the street Yeah, I've seen you I know that holiday Don't tell me One with the candles Perseminz, right? No, but um patty chaiseminz, right? No, but um... Patty Tijewski, right? Tobaro, uh, from the good book, the premise of this...

That good book is not something happened by Joseph Heller. Look, I'm a big fan of Joseph Heller. Don't like that particular book. The premise of this movie is built on sand. This, uh, yeah. It does like the movie House of Sand and Pog, but they don't even have the fog to shore up the house. And I hate sand.

The idea of... The cave right everywhere. Not like Natalie Portman's skin. It gets me your butt. Whoa, you're misremembering that movie. It's so big. You're still, you're still, you're still. And it keeps going.

And it keeps going. It's running his hands over. Princess of Adolingh, he just goes, I hate sand. It gets me your butt. And she's like, whoa, what? Whoa, what did Waddo do to you? into some dollar he just goes I hate sand gets your butt. And she's like whoa, what? What did Watton do to you? He pointed it.

So damn it. This is a straw man movie. This is an straw man. Like the idea that any college professor with a straw man this big since Wizard of Oz. Boom, boom, you were gonna say what I mean? I'm even toasted. Put it in.

And Wicker Man also works. Put it in an inner entertainment week with his notable quadruples. Do they have that? They have like quotes from the week. I mean, it usually reads withers food saying something, but you could have been in. Podmas?

Q it up. Yeah. Yeah. But no, like the idea that any college professor anywhere in the US would be like, all right, for 30 or grade, you have to deny the fact that I'm going to give the movie the benefit of the doubt that there is some professor somewhere who is a big enough pompous ass that he would do that. But the idea that that professor, yeah, and the idea that

that was a 10 year is a, it's like diplomatic immunity, right? Yeah, and deep Romantic immunity until Danny Glover It says 10 you just got revoked. Yeah, shoots them in the head. Yeah, but I the idea that this is this is the threat that is Shaking the foundation of young people's minds is is goofballs. Well, yeah, that everybody in the class was immediately willing, just like, yeah, sure, God's dead, so I'm excited. It's up to the one guy who left early because it was, because he was a hard, yeah, that Timber Wolf's fan.

You gotta assume that that guy was like a really devout Christian. Yeah. If he'd stuck around, he would've made an even more convincing argument. He wanted a goofball class, but he was like, a genius. So he would have more, so he would have more time to pray. Yeah.

Oh, an easy class. 11 more time to just speak to the Lord. Work on this song I'm writing. Yeah. So anyway, I just wanted to. This alter piece, Triptych. Reiterate how stupid the basic premise of this movie is. This is a movie that is basically a Jack Chick track

in movie form. But anyway, so Josh takes the case. Josh Sweden takes the case. Josh has his feet up on his desk in his private eye office. God walks in, says people are trying to kill me. And he goes, I'll take the case. I work $25 a day plus indulgences. And then he makes that with God. Because God's got some sweet games. That's when a deity walked in who had stems all the way from here to heaven. They went all the way up. Yeah, a beard that just wouldn't quit.

She's good. Anyway, there's also, and there's a couple different- We're introduced to a panoply of characters. Much, I've used this as a description before with other movies, but it is much like a Dickens novel, and that there are a number of character strands that Well in Dickens novel they would come together beautifully or in a sign-failed episode Let's say but this is sub sign-feld structure

There are a bunch of strands that don't really come together and I think Dan you pointed out Mm-hmm. This was supposed to be like a crash Babel type. Yeah, lots of people cut like lives intersecting. Yeah, I heard God's plan man sometimes things just don't intersect and we learn how all these people's lives touch one another. It's a real everyone's live touch one in real life. It's a real Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day. Yeah, but imagine Valentine's Day was about the real St. Valentine a Christian marker. But we said we spend though much of the movie just watching these subplots wondering like

how were these connected and yelling at the Screen and so many of them are not so let's mark down off all the subplots can we there's a Chinese exchange student Okay, or just a Chinese student at American school who is there? Chinese that's his Yeah, and eventually he becomes a Christian and he's he's Where's our child letters? Yeah, there's Kevin Sorbo's girlfriend who is also a Christian and he belittles her. She has a senile mother and-

I mean, she's younger him. That's the only way he can keep her around. Yeah, and the senile, yeah, he negs her a lot. He's always nagging her faith. I think that's in the game. Go up to him and then nag her faith a lot. You an alternate compliments and blasphemy. Yeah, that's how you get a woman You're like, oh, Taoism. Yeah, okay. I'm an uncarved block. Whatever great

Hey, you're real beautiful, but maybe we reincarnate as someone who's not so fat. Anyway, I want to sleep with me. Yeah, it's like us Anyway, there's so she has a senile old mom who's in like two scenes But she also is her brother who never visits the mother played by Dean Kane TV's Superman TV's Ripley's believer Broken hearts club member himself yeah, Dean Kane Who is a from TV's Las Vegas as well? Yeah, yeah. Where the hero was named Danny McCoy. And all comes full circle. I know.

Yeah, that was God. That's proof of God. It's a miracle. Anyway, Dean Cain is a high powered executive of some kind. I think he's a lawyer. He just got made partner. Oh, that's right partner. So he's an asshole.

And he's a jerk to his girlfriend who is a reporter for an online website of We would have longers and good friends. Yeah. And she is ready, she is looking to take down the ductile honesty guy. Yeah, we, for one, they're being too religious and two, they're killing ducks. Yeah, we need to take a little moment

to go into this a little more depth. She ambushes, she walks out from behind a pillar and thrusts a recorder into their face. Take into the face ofiss of a duck dynasty Yeah, on the way to church and like how you've made a whole bunch of money off of Manufacturing things that allow you to learn ducks to their death. So she's blowing the lid off the idea that people hunt ducks She's finally someone's gonna someone's gonna take down the duck hunting industry after yeah Someone's gonna take down the duck hunting industry after he's always put on a cow's ear.

Oh, that was a secret. But my duck calls her just for entertainment purposes. If someone uses them for duck murder, I can't be held legally liable. Ah, ah, ah. No, but he actually, in this, he, of course, because it's all scripted, he owns it very charmingly and comes off

as a rational person where she comes off as a crazy person. I mean, she does her tears all crazy. She's the first time we see her, she oversleeps because her alarm clock isn't set right. She goes to her car and the window is wet. She's microwaving a takeout container of coffee. I don't know why her takeout container of coffee is not hot. Well, no, she's very cheap and so she just reuses the takeout container.

She's too impatient, so she just reuses the day I see her. She's too impatient so she stops the microwave. Everybody lies later on that character. Well, this is a character who, then this movie is so mean to this character. She is like a humanist, atheist. She has a bumper suit that says like, I heart evolution or something. And God is just constantly shitting on her. And it's like, I can understand if the movie was like, Hey, you have all these great things in your life.

And you don't recognize that they come from God. And she was like, I can understand if the movie was like, hey, you have all these great things in your life, and you don't recognize that they come from God, and she was like, oh, wait a minute. You know what, that makes sense. Instead, the movie is like, God is just kind of flicking her in the face constantly, and then he gives her cancer, while it may come from reusing a microwave to take out consciousness. Which explains over sleeping and being kind of messy all the time, right?

And the car being broken into. Because thieves can sense frailty. That's the other games that we can get some messiness. But like, you really wonder why this, like, what is this woman doing that in this unit? I guess, that later, for real, comes up. Maybe she's the example of someone who is finally chooses God after bad stuff happens to her. I don't know. She's a regular joke story.

But she goes out to dinner. She's a regular, she joke. She goes out to dinner. She's a regular Job. She goes out to dinner with the... The savage Job. You see what happened was... She's a lawyer by day. A lawyer? She's a Job by night.

Lawyer Jessica Walters got her... Jessica Walters from the rest of the building? You got it. She got a blood transfusion from her cousin Job, transforming her into She-Job. That was a mistake. Now when she gets mad, she has the power to lose everything she has and be covered in

boils. That's a terrible, terrible superhero. Hey, but at least free will is intact. And she got a blood transfusion out of the deal. You have free blood. Give a comment. She goes out to dinner with... The she haul is really Jennifer Wald.

Oh, okay. She goes out to dinner with Dean Kane. Gene. Gene Kane. She goes out to dinner with Jean Dean Kane. Jean. Jean. She's a lady. She's a lady. She's a lady. She's a she-job and she and she grew out on the town to see for super heroines. There's a band library. Jean Grey uses her telepathic and telekinetic powers to stop it while she job rides in pain. As the adversary makes an unfair deal with

God to test her faith. No, but she goes out to dinner with Dean Kane. Face front front, shoe believers. It's me, Stanley, but the newest Mighty Marvel sensation. She, Job, we know you love the incredible Job, but it's the 70s. Time to give women a shot at the breast ring. We're talking about how she suffers so much.

Like, Dean Kane comes in and is like, oh, I got a promotion at work. I'm gonna make partner. And she's like, I think I've got cancer. And he goes, we talked about this. I was like, you know what this was. Come on, he's like, can't this wait till tomorrow? Yeah. And this is the first point at which Stuart got up,

rubbed his eyes and started pacing around the room. We had a really tough time watching this movie. So come, like the villains are so comically bad and... They are one step away from twirling a mustache. Exactly. We're not even done with the subplots because in addition, there's another comically evil villain in the subplot of the Muslim girl.

Oh yeah. She's secretly flirting with Christianity but her very religious father does not know. Just listening to the audiobook of the Muslim girl. Oh yeah. Secretly flirting with Christianity, but her very religious father does not. She's listening to the audio book of the Bible. She's literally listening to Corinthians on her iPod. And so she's punished for being lazy, of course, right? Yeah. The Santa's slog.

God said to her, you to read that word. But I've got to admit, I meant you to listen to it. He would have invented iPods much early. One here's the thing, the first time we see them, she is in a car with, she, well, the first time we see her, she's getting out of a car that her dad drives her to school, and then she works in the cafeteria or without without her. And she's fixing her burka, right?

Well, it's a more of a hijab. Okay. But without, she's working without her job, her job, and here's Josh talking with his girlfriend, who does not approve of Josh's Religiacity because she sees him one day becoming a high-parallel. She thinks it's religious Yeah, it took out real more see I wonder if is there supposed to be some some Idea that if Josh goes down the path of a law degree instead of Christ he will become Dean Cain Like is that is this like a Don Draper becoming Roger Sterling,

while Pete Campbell becomes a man? I don't think there's ever a point where he, like, I don't think he changes his mind. I think he's still planning to get a lot of grief. Okay, but he'll just be in like Godcourt. Yeah, I'm, yeah, I mean, that's what it is. World do do do do do do do do do. Sorry.

Pope Harry Anderson. No, what if, what if, what if, what if it was called night papal court? It was like the Pope booking prostitutes and like purse thieves. And of course John Larkett was like the horny bishop. He's like, yeah, all the sentences are like venous sin or mortal sin. That's all it comes down to.

And of course the baylift, Paypal Bull. Mmm. And you would be terrifying. Yeah. Because he's half bull have hope. That's my new character, Paypal Bull. Sure. He's a Batman villain.

Anyway, so the, uh, he lives in a labyrinth with David Bowie. Bowie. Take a Bowie. BOWIE. Take a bowie. It's a McDonald's one. Anyway, so the what's up? Oh, yes. So she, there's a scene where so she fixes her head wrap. Anyway, she puts it on at one point and another girl shows up. She talks about faith. So of course, she's in love with her now. She fixes her head wrap and a girl tells her you're so beautiful. You shouldn't have to wear that. Then she gets into a car with her father

and there's a scene with her father where her father's like, I know it's hard being part of their world but also being a part from it. But I hope you understand that we have our faith and I love you and that's why I want you to stay faithful. And it was a moment where I was like, oh I'm surprised this overtly Christian movie is like seems to have a sympathetic moment for a Muslim character. Maybe they're just saying belief in any God is better than then unbelief. Spoken by a character who's played by an actor who has only four credits listed as terrorist. Yeah. So I was thinking, mate, you know, maybe I'll give this movie more of a doubt. Of course, I stopped that. And later he discovers she's listening to the Bible on her iPod and punches her.

And throws her out of the house. It's like, oh, no, wait, no, it's long bad. I get the idea. Okay. He sends up for his faith, I guess, and loses the daughter for it. Yeah, it's just like Fiddler on the roof. Except for punching. To return to the main thrust of the story. So plots that I missed, you talked about Alzheimer's mom. Yeah, Alzheimer's mom. I think that was she's been very radioactive Alzheimer's. That says I think that's it. So so Josh is continuing to continuing his debate with Kevin Sorbo. Yeah, seems to be mainly about them throwing quotes at each other from like Steven Hawking.

And PowerPoint presentations. And some of these are pretty professionally animated, these program presentations. And I have to say, they spent. Yeah, I mean, I think you should be going for like a computer design degree or something. Yeah, he's much better at that. Like a web designer or something. Or some kind of maybe he could go to Java Pixar or something. I mean, I don't know computers that well.

That could be something that just comes with basic windows now. I don't know. A PowerPoint animation of evolution as the Big Bang. Yeah, Charles Darwin and floating clouds behind his head. Yeah, it says Bazinga. That's what happens when the Big Bang happens. Oh, the Big Bang scene. Someone yells it.

Yeah, hate it so much. Anyway, that's my least favorite catch phrase of all time. It's the Kokomo of catch phrases. Yeah, but there's a series of three debates. There's a series of, but where Kevin Sorbo is revealed is pretty stupid college professor. Each debate is basically this. Kevin Sorbo goes. Because he had seemed so professional before.

Yeah, when he said, just sign God is that a piece of paper. But each debate basically goes like this. Make your check out too. God is dead. Kevin Sorbo for a million dollars. You spelled it sword bow. That's not my name. I see the problem here.

Kevin Sorbo. I don't, my bone is actually not sword at all. Sure. The funny joke though. Excellent stuff. Write me a real check, please. Mr. Newman, Mr. Alfredi Newman, you can leave now. Now, here's what happens.

Mr. Sylvester from Cracked. How did he get into college? He's a janitor. He's taking that class. Two words, will hunting. A genius janitor, He's taking that class. Two words, will hunting. A genius janitor, just like Sylvester. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

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Anyway, what we're talking about, a movie He just makes a vestra cry because instead of saying it's not your fault he's going what me worry What me worry what me worry? What me worry any cries on his shoulder? You know what I think here's the movie finally we have the mad cracked crossover that we need that scene is undercut by Alfred E. Newman's creepy smile when he's holding him. And the fact that his face is on Gizmo from Gremlins for some reason.

Because I guess that's what they're parodying in the issue. I don't know. Anyway, so here's how each debate goes in this class. Josh goes, hey, we have a universe who created it. God did. Kevin Stormbo goes, well, but Stephen Hawking said the universe created itself. And Josh is like, I'm stumped next week.

Hey, I found another quote that says Stephen Hawking's wrong. Really, you doubt Stephen Hawking, then who created the universe? God did. I disagree. That is the level they're on the entire time. Yeah. They're not titans of the debate.

This is not exactly the Lincoln Douglas debates. It's not been like. As the debates wear on, the professor becomes a little bit disturbed. He starts pacing around in the background. He starts cornering the kid outside the thing. It's threatening to happen. I wonder if that kid. around the background. He starts cornering the kid outside the thing and like wrapping it around. He takes out a little too much tension by belittling his girlfriend in front of all his colleagues at a dinner party and she breaks up with him. But there's like, here's the argument of the movie.

Science can't explain everything in the universe, at least it hasn't yet. So therefore, Jesus must be the Lord. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like there's a lot of steps in between there that you're not really getting. And he ends, and let's make it clear, as five guys toast, we're not necessarily a religious people. We've got, not at all, our different religious traditions certainly, but we're not denying.

You're a Christian, I'm Jewish, and Stuart Corsford worships crom yep he's a juggler college as well as that was these a juggler crom old gods uh... worshipper but um... yeah i was just that you're the

yeah i was a little bit of howard the dot who's sure really i mean that doesn't make any sense well that's how i said to myself by myself by practicing the art of Quack Food. But how are the duck is literally lost in a world he never made if he didn't make the world certainly only God did. But here's the argument is not necessarily with religion in particular. It's the shitty arguments that are being made in this film.

But also the whole idea, he should say the arguments movie should be. It's because it's barely a movie I think is wide-rooted. It is also barely a movie. It's like a pamphlet that is being like duck dynasty guys and what the news boys DC talk which one was in this one striper which the here's the thing his argument should be he says why don't you prove God exists and he should say I can't but I don't have to, because it's about faith and the ineffable. And the whole concept is that there are certain things in the universe that you can feel but not prove scientifically. They don't have a factual basis.

They have something deeper inside you that's metaphysical blah, blah, blah. Like, you can make that case in a movie, and I'd say, like, you know what? I can totally understand that. And I would like to live in a universe where there are things that cold hard science can't totally explain and that leaves a spark of the divine somewhere.

But if he takes on the case of, I'm gonna prove God exists. And his proof is just that Stephen Hawking was wrong when Stephen Hawking said a dumb thing. Like, I gotta say nobody wins this. Well, but also I mean like the, I think that part of the problem too is that is that the movie sets up such a straw man in the case of Kevin Sorbo like.

Yeah. Like I was in a straw man like that since returned to us. Okay. Oh, thanks to Skirtrow, isn't that? Maybe a big of TikTok and Clockwork man. Yeah. I remember is Frusa bulk getting a lot of shock therapy. Yeah. By watching lot of shock therapy. Yeah, by watching the movie, shock therapy.

Yeah. With what's her face from Susperia? Anyway, moving on. Vanessa Redgrave. Yeah. So anyway, at the end of the movie, it's basically revealed that Kevin Sorbo is mad at God because... Because his mother passed away when he was a kid. From cancer and he tried to deal with God

and God did not rescue his mom. Yeah, and this is dramatically revealed in front of the class. He goes, he goes, yes, I hate God. I hate God and he goes, how can you hate someone who doesn't exist? Ooh. Roasted.

But I fucking hate Gambit. And he doesn't exist. Like my hatred of Gambit doesn't prove that Gambit is real. But also, I don't like Phantom X. The another X-Men character is basically French Gambit, which is stupid because Gambit's already Cajun. But anyway. They doesn't mean they exist.

But him losing the case also was totally based on any number of shitty courtroom dramas where someone just needles into someone into being angry and then they admit something on the stand. I mean, the most clear antecedent was a few good men. You can't handle the truth, but it goes back to the beginning of courtroom. Well, hangry men kind of has that every episode of Iron Sides or Perry Mason. That was a little thing called hamlet, Dan. of iron sides or Perry Mason. So, but that was, that was.

And a little thing called hamlet, Dan. I think, I think Colombo does it. Yeah. Christopher Colombo. The, the, the, the, the, the, the cross-eyed detective, it just covered America. Yeah. Just one more thing, Queen Isabella.

I, I, if this is a root to the Indies, how come I, how come these guys aren are an Indian but in fact Native American? Oh, no, that makes a lot of sense. It's obviously Mr. Colombo. The point is that Spice is... Oh, we can't. Oh, Mr. Colombo. One more thing, one more thing, King Fernanand.

If the world is flat, how come my boat didn't fall off it? Well, maybe you went underneath the world. That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. I just want one more thing. Surely a flat surface is two sides, and you could travel on either. You know what? That makes a lot of sense.

So it makes a lot of sense. Anyways, so yeah, he gets comfortable, mad, which proves that God exists. Yep. The movie should be over, right Yeah, well, it's not What's gonna happen? Oh, we still have to have a big concert We got to have like the intersection of all things like he do in any There was a subplot we forgot which is the the pastor the

How do we forget the longest thing who is hosting an African missionary and they're gonna go to Disneyland and their car keeps breaking down. You can't spend the whole movie in traffic. You can spend the whole movie well not even getting into traffic. They just spend the whole movie going from one car to another as the batteries won't start. But it turns out it was all an act of God because if they had made it on their vacation

who would be there to help Kevin Sorbo find Christ when he is hit by a car in a rainstorm and on the verge of death. As he's hustling to make it to that newsboy's concert. That every other character's at also when Kevin Sorbo broke down all the students in class got up and said God is not dead and like literally all of them which means that this class is just looking they're just going to go with whoever's on top of the moment. Do you think the tour manager for the newsboys was like, holy shit, dude, I just heard this

story about this entire class deciding to be Christian all of a sudden. We need to book a show there tonight. Tonight, let's make this happen. Because they even address the entire college. Like, is that a Christian school? There's a video from the duck dynasty guy talking about this professor and he asks everybody audience to text God is not dead to everyone in their phones and One of those people is the dead Kevin Sorvo Which again feels like God is just pissing on the course

The only thing the way it could have been more in your face as if it said like God is not dead The only thing the way it could have been more in your face is if it said like God is not dead Boo yeah, like that was God just just wagon his wagon is dick in the face of a man. He just killed with a car Yeah, can you smell the God is cooking So we have we have that makes two of us lightning bolts. We have one movie villain dead then and one I'm guessing gonna die the cancer girl, the cancer girl has discovered faith now. She prays with the news. So the news boys suck the cancer out of her, like they're seeing eaters or something.

Like the Green Mile, yeah. I just fell it as a legion of locustine. I was just trying to sell her cancer into a flirt of pigs, which runs off a cliff. I also want to bring up another thing that happens at the end of this movie, which is Dean Kane goes to visit his Alzheimer's mom and Alzheimer's mom. I don't know where it was like mom's I'm sorry. Yeah, she's like, oh, now where she goes, sometimes the devil creates a

a jail that's like a gilded cage where everything is too comfortable and you would never leave like yeah, I know I saw Ibsen's the dollhouse. Yeah, but which was, my problem with this was like, she actually phrases in a much better way than I've reiterated here. Like it was actually a way to- Yeah, it really has all servers, Dan. Probably me, but it was in a way that like genuinely,

kind of was well written and I might find moving as a piece of sort of not philosophy but like a theological argument that something you might read in an essay except for the fact that this movie has put it into the mouth of this woman with dementia in a rare moment of clarity like like we're supposed to be oh, it's a miracle that this fictional character had this clear moment where she speaks God's truth. I'm like, no, it's not a miracle. You wrote it that way.

Like, you can't just be like, wow, it's pretty crazy. That this crazy lady said this awesome thing when you're like, no, you made it up. It's all made up. He's made up, guys. I got this great exposition, but I can't fit it into this movie. Oh, wait, let me invent this Alzheimer's mom.

Yeah, it's a, it's all for this. It's not, but it's never, a movie has to achieve such a high bar to have, to write a character doing something and then expect you to take it as like a, yeah, a meaningful, take it as God's wisdom that has been received somehow. I mean, it's once again, I mean, the sentiment itself is not terrible, it's just delivered terribly. Yeah. It's a poor medium for that message or for vessel for it.

So I think we've pretty much gone through the story. Oh, but everyone's happy at the end because God's around Yeah, and the newsboys sing a lot. We hear like 10 11 25 Every time you think the movies over they start singing another song It's almost like the newsboys thought they're making a concert film and they nobody told them or maybe they made a newsboi's concert Filming they were like the newsboys are not very good. We better had this thing out with some crazy story about college professors and bad boyfriends. Yeah, bad boyfriends in the movie.

Let's mark that right next to Bad Dad's Ockerede. We've run, we've run very long. Let's move on to final judgments. I'd like the movie. Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like? I'm gonna start off. I want to say that this is a good bad movie because it's so ridiculously bad, but it's too boring for that.

I'm gonna say it's a bad bad movie. What do you guys think? I'm gonna say that also. I mean, the thing is, for one of these types of movies, it's pretty professionally made. Yeah. Like, it doesn't look bad the sound doesn't The music is great the music is terrible But like the music is terrible just because it's cliche movie music. It's so like suspicious when Kevin's

was waiting in the shadows But there's all like the story is dumb and the writing is bad. And just the fact that they're like a bunch of multicultural characters who are brought in basically just to have them submit to the white American Christian will is kind of gross. I mean, Kevin should have just, give his it, it's all that. But the hero's probably going to end up with that middle eastern girl and she's better looking than his other girlfriend That's true. No look faith in God allowed him to trade up certainly

And she and she just has to deal with the fact that she had now is exiled from her family So yeah, she has nothing now. We're all very sweet boy friend bad bad. So I'm gonna say bad bad Don't put words in my mouth Dan. Okay. I'm gonna say this movie was strong bad So let's move on before we get on to a returne musician There's a master trip that was almost as good as your last transition. Hey, here's the thing Hey, guys, did you hear what they're talking about? I think I think that was one of Milton Burles. They fritted.

Milton Burle. Like the hot melting Milton Burle. He's a magma. He had a giant magma cock. That's what I know about that. Yeah, that's all you know is that. That's a classy dessert. Yeah, Uncle Multie, they used to call him.

He sold a lot of TVs because he was so hot he would melt them. Be whatever you want. He what have to get a new one molten burl Before we move on get his own cigars with the heat of his mouth Before we move on a couple pieces of it one of the great joke Steelers because he would throw lava at you if you All right sounds like a rival space gangster who battled pizza the first off first off an announcement I know how to deal with Hecklers. I just burst them into flames When you complain about how late you're getting back to your newborn child

You just remember the time you waste Just remember you should say words correctly the first time. All right, so anyway before you I want you like for dessert. I'll have the molten burl please That's gonna take 30 minutes I'll wait and then arrives the startling molten You just gave me someone else's decide they didn't want theirs So first off First off Waltz and two-time Academy Award-winning guy big announcement

We're having another Flop House Live event with our pals over at I Love Bed movies. We're screening the Lindsay Lohan thriller, Blurred Thriller, I know who killed me. Chiller. On Saturday, October 18th. Fill us dealer. October 18th.

Did it it it it it. Tsh. What now, what date is that Saturday? Saturday, October 18th. October 18th. October 18th. But you should get there about half an hour early to find your seat or to food and watch the pre-show.

It's at the Yonkers Alamo Drafthouse, where you can get food. I recommend the molten chocolate chip cookies made with real burl. That's at 25, 48 Central Park Avenue, Yonkers, New York. But this information is all at our website. LaPas podcast.com. It's too bad there.

It's too bad that you have to pay for an entire seat when you're only going to need the edge. But the payment is. The only going to need you to is the edge to sit on. It's $12 for the show, which features this. Whoa, $12.00. You'd pay that just to see a movie without commentary by your favorite podcast.

I'd pay $12 just to spend five moments basking in Dan McCoy's face light. Thank you. Thank you. Face light. But you get, in addition to watching the Lindsay Lohan, new classic, new Black bad movie classic, I know he killed me, a slideshow presentation by I Love, Bad Movies

and running commentary by us, the host of the Flop House. We will not shut up the whole time. And a special guest for Flop House fans. Stuart knows what I'm talking about. Wow, you made that into a threat. Are we allowed to say who the special guest is? I don't know. People are gonna think it's like Lindsay Lohan. Well, that'd be great. Oh, we allowed to say who the special guest is. I don't know. People are telling right next time.

People are gonna think it's like Lindsey Lohan. Well, that'd be great. It's not though. So, look, this is the last Flapphouse live performance of the year, I think, probably, right? Sure, I mean, Ryan, I did another one before January. October 18th will do another one, probably, January. What did you eat the podcast, guys?

Wait a while. But it's gonna be great. I know who killed me if you haven't seen it is hilariously stupid. And it'll be great, because that was the first if you haven't seen it, is hilariously stupid. And it'll be great, because that was the first episode you were ever on, I think. That's true. It'll be.

It's the homecoming. That's right. Perhaps I'll share a few flop memories with the audience. That's adorable. But again, adoricable. Before moving on to letters, one more piece of business.

What's that? Now, pizza business? Yeah, another pizza business. What's that? Get announced. Pizza business. Yeah, another pizza business. I lean. Ardo. It's called Dan knows pizza from the teenage meeting as turtles. Like a pizza delivered to me. So you're listening to this throw pizza through a time portal.

So go back to when we were recording this. I've probably seen turtles in time. I'd like. What I use to get back into? I'm not a romantic. I'm not a romantic thing either. Send me some Canadian bacon and some ooze on a pizza. So you can, what, make a Canadian bacon mutant?

Yeah. No, the, what I wanted to say, is that be buffered on a steady new contest? New contest guys. I'm okay. New contest. New contest. Be naked. As much as I would like to okay. Okay, new contest. Newd contest, be naked.

As much as I would like to go and add to newd contest, I feel like it would be frowned upon. I feel like you eventually get to a point where you're like, our new contest is, send me a picture of your boobs. I mean, if you want to, sure, but that's not the contest. Maybe. The contest is, song of the autumn.

We all remember last year, yeah. That the song of the autumn was, he's the house cat, parentheses and Arthur's theme. Yep. But we need it was on the tip of everybody's earballs. It's a new autumn and we need a new song for that autumn. Okay. So what I'm challenging you. Autumn Sonata, if you will.

I'm challenging you all to, you have so much audio from us, the Flop House co-host. You've got hours and hours of it over the last seven years. Take that audio, take what's available to you. Put it with a backing track. Autotune it, don't auto tune it. A fronting track. Loop it.

Whatever you need to do to turn it into a song. Loop it. Just make a song starring us, the flop house. The songs should have at least some vocals from all three of us. But beyond that, this guy's the limit. But the ideal. Use some guest hosts. Yeah.

Gospel, maybe tone. Gospel, Zydeco. Gospel, Zydeco, or Augustico. But I don't know. What you got to do is you got you're going to once you made your song, put it up on SoundCloud so we can embed it on our own site and then send us a link at flophousepodcast.gmail.com. at gmail.com with the subject line. Flop house song contest in all caps. Does it really have to be in all caps? Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be.

I'm not going to police that. It's easier for you to read. It's easier for me to see that this is a contest. Yeah, because you, you, you, great. I don't need to get my reading glasses. Again, I'm going to read the ancient Roman way of all capitals. Flop house podcast. This is a contest. Yeah, because you, you, great. I don't need to get my reading glasses again. I'm gonna read the ancient Roman way of all capitals. Flop has podcast.

Flop has podcast ad gmail.com. Jesus Christ. Twice in a row, I can't say. After the review of the movie you did today, Jesus Christ will not be helping you pronounce that name great. So, all right, here's the thing. Flop house podcast ad gmail.com.

Yeah. So the deadline to get those songs in is October 1st. And we will make the songs available on our website for folks to vote on. Voting period being October 2nd through October 13th. This has all been tied to our release schedule. I've looked at our calendar. Good, because I don't look at calendars. Yeah.

And then... For instance, calendar man tried to get me. And then on the podcast, episode dropping, October 18th, the second and last episode in October, and coincidentally, the same date as our live show. Listen to the episode where you drive up to the live show. Yeah, why not? The super fan. We will announce the winner on that episode

on October the 18th. And, uh, what we yet, well, the winning song will be played at the end of the episode that drops on November 1st, and the winner will get a t-shirt and get to pick a movie that we will, uh, talk about on the show. Please don't make it God's not dead. No, I mean, that would be weird. That would be... I'm about to have a whole new thing too. Walking with dinosaurs. Yeah. Don think that would be weird. That would be. I'm just kidding, you're watching the dinosaurs.

Yeah. Don't give them the idea of the bigger day. Or a later day. The same episodes over again. So that's so, Plop House Contest. Take our audio, make it into a song, music it up. You moat starts out there. Yeah.

Send it to us. We'll put it up on the site. It'll get voted on. And the winner of the vote decides the movie we watch and gets a shirt. A flop house shirt. Yeah. Not just like a nice polo. No, not just like a like a Jack Spade. I do. I do. No, no, no, not like like one of those enormous Johnson T shirts kids. Yeah. Yeah. They both exist. All three of them. There's more than one penis pun. But here's what I'll say. You're gonna co-ed naked flopping shirt. If you didn't get all of those rules, don't despair. Go to our website,

floppastpodcast.com. I will stick all of those rules up there. Yeah. Ideally, I want to be some kind of like mugs character from Cypress Hill. But I just repeat what you guys say in the background. And if you can make me sound like I'm like a hat. If you can make me sound like one of the guys from Sparks. I think it's time however to move on to letters from listeners. Letters, it's letters time but it's also pretty, so this is gonna be a pretty short letter song. Pretty late! Letter song!

It's late letters, letters, late letters after dark. Litters after dark, sexy letters. After dark! That's really deep. Really, I know this mug scarator, huh? Yeah, I know, yeah. Elliott and Mugs, reading the letters with Dan. After dark. It's so late.

Yeah, but dark. Watch out for Rewarewolf, because that's how dark and late it is. Rewarewolf. All right, well, show this first letter. Letter the first. First it up. First course in the letter meal. Eat up those letters, but this one first it's in a

Moose Boosh of letters abotusers thanks small plate okay well this is from Kathy last name with held she writes she writes dear fluff house my boyfriend Irving won't marry me. Act. Well, all this sweat flying off of my head. Chocolate. I have a dog. And that's all I know about Kathy. So, what she really writes is, you once read a letter about movie scenes that frightened you as children. You got me thinking about my own terrifying movie moments, and then I started thinking about scenes and movies I saw as a kid that made me deeply sad. Dan, I like to imagine that you two

were a somewhat depressive child. So maybe you could judge him by your adults' word, yes. So maybe you can identify with the feeling of becoming aware of this vast reservoir of sorrow and despair that existed in the world, which you didn't quite understand, but you felt, perhaps in the form of an invisible weight on your shoulders or a faint nausea in your stomach. For me, it was a scene in the never ending story when a treasurer's horse dies that made me feel the first twinges of awareness that the world is a terrible, unfair, miserable place. Not just

the world of the story, but this world. The world where I had to be in the room and watch this happening. The never ending story is a pretty obvious choice. The horses just did not give up, though, dude. Yeah, wow. It didn't. Didn't not get up. You gave up. Yeah.

The never ending story is a pretty obvious choice, as is old Yeller. What were some other scenes in movies that you guys saw as children that made you want to kill yourself? Steward and Elliott. I like to imagine that you are more on the happy-go-lucky scale than Dan, but there had to be something. Maybe there was a scene in Castle Freak Babies that made you a little whisperal Stewart. Thanks for all the laughs. I really love you guys. Kathy last name with hell. Thanks Kathy. Thanks for listening. We love you too. Oh boy. I'm gonna go first. The saddest thing I remember watching as a kid was in the animated Return of the King movie. When Golem dies, it's the saddest thing.

I remember going into my bedroom and just like sitting on my bed and crying this poor bastard had to die. Oh man. Mine was also animated. It was the scene in Dumbo where his mother has been locked up in the jail, Critt Wagon, and he's crying, and she sings baby mine to him and curls her trunk around him. And he's got these big, very like solid tears coming out

of his face as a little boy, like the saddest thing I could think of would be to be locked away from my mother. Basically, I have a locked away from me. It's really sad. It affects me even today, but as an adult, it takes very little to make me cry at a movie. I think, I've told you guys my story

about the Iron Giant, right? No. Every time I see the Iron Giant, I mean, every time I see the Iron Giant, I would always cry. It makes me cry. Every time I see it, I cry. And when I was first dating my wife, my now wife, I wish she a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid,

when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid,

when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, but I was in college when I arrived in China came out. So like I wasn't a kid. And that you know, Ellie, you genuinely like stole the one that I was like that was literally the thing. I'm sorry that no, I'm just gonna cry about you stealing it. Yeah. No, it's double said. But then when I was a kid, that was the saddest thing I think I'd ever seen. But no, I agree. I mean, I will confirm with Kathy that I was and remain in a sort of depressed. You can tell your story about Dumbo. confirmed with Kathy that I was and remain a sort of depress. You can tell your story about Tombow. Person. No, no, no, it's fine.

Whatever, it's, you know, it's not important. Sad. Now, as a grown man, basically if I see that Tom Hanks in the movie, I'm like, fuck dude, I might cry. This one. Really? The thing is, is Larry Crown? Well, no, but like, look at fucking Toy Story 3 and fucking the end of Captain Phillips. So it's gonna happen.

And Phillips, man, that's fucking Tor-Man's. That was brutal, yeah. Like that, that's a Toy Story 3. Yeah, Toy Story 3, yeah. This is holding each other's hands, man. It's crazy. That's it. That was, I think the saddest thing

about that moment in Toy Story 3 was that like, I saw that movie in the theater with Dan and we're both like crying with our wives. They're like, why are these guys crying seeing that and being like I could totally see the movie Ending this way and then like being melted down and becoming new toys, but like it would be the saddest thing in the world So just them sure some like what like Mobius strip where they're like oh, yeah, they can have a rest. There's souls of river wandering in the form of toys. Yeah, they're all holding hands

like as they go into the, as they're going to the flames, I was super sad. Yeah, I was crying that sure, but I wasn't like, who I was crying way harder to you. But I was like, Tom Hanks, you got me again. That's the thing you do is make me cry. It's easier for me to like, I mean, part of it is just like, it's been a while. It's easier for me to like I mean part of it is just like it's been a while it's easier for me to remember

Things as an adult that make me sad like or things that like have consistently made me sad when I watch movies that I like over and over again Like I always tear up at the end of raising Arizona when like oh sure Yeah, this cage has this long My blog or for whatever reason like most Wes Anderson movies have a moment that like make me like tear up, but like for some reason of all of them, the most consistent one might be actually the life aquatic where at the end when Bill Murray looks at the tiger shark and says, I wonder if he remembers me. Like like and that's one where it makes me sad because I just can't explain why it's affecting me so emotionally, but it Can't explain to me there is something

What a stinker. Yeah, I mean Yeah, no, we you know we the safe to assume that we're all you know we're all softies at heart We're all yeah, we our hearts are on our sleeves. Since we're all grown up man and children. Which is terrible. It's a terrible medical condition to have our hearts on our sleeves. We're not even part of our body.

Like it's like it's so super loneliness, dude. It means that our heart, if you bump into someone on the subway in the wrong way, it can kill you. We're like one of those monsters and one of those games where you have a gun and you're shooting at them and like all of a sudden the game pauses and it's like shoot that plays dude.

Yeah, we're like, why doesn't that arm on it? Yeah, it's exactly like the usual sleep shit part. Yeah. The next letter though. Just a bunch of sleeve hearts from letter number two. Charlie last thing with that. This would be the pasta course in an Italian letter segment. Sekundi you rights

Stuart don't worry. I've got your back good. Oh, we were looking for your back. This guy's got it First let me just say how weird it is the two major controversies that have risen in the long-stored history of the flop house Both revolve around stewards failure to accurately explain some factor regarding a monster's gym failure this is not about ding dong gate more me boner get a fifty per's boner gate this is about the recent controversy by the crypti per's penis and a recent someone chided to get wait making whiplash from the emotional content less

letter in this one the most high-end store for having uh having two different versions of morbid dong, but I can prove that not only is Stuart Wright both in both of his penis interpretations, but I can prove it within the continuity of tales from the thing we're gonna need at Kevin Sordbone to come in here and adjudicate this matter. That's like if the subtext of Conan the Barbarian was just like brought out a little too obviously, the character's sword bone.

Yep, some beautiful wench with alabaster skin, and black flowing hairs. Mm-hmm. Okay. We started the path. I'm going to kill this wizard with my dick, and then have sex with you. We started the path specifically during the Golden Age

of E.C. comics, and the collected, Taint the Meat, it's the Humanity. The collected Jack Davis, we see. We'll love it, yeah. About halfway through the book, the secret origin of the Cryptkeeper. I'll keep it short, but an Egyptian mummy escapes from a traveling side show, steals the pickled corpse of an in-bred zombie redneck, gets married to it, does the horizontal monster mash, and gives birth to a very much alive cryptkeeper.

Wait, so he was dead from birth? I guess. The cryptkeeper didn't become a zombie until much later in his career. What does all this have to do with the seaman's junk? Well, pigs are associated with the Egyptian god that set, said who cut off his brother Osiris' penis, Osiris was the Egyptian God of the afterlife. Story checks out.

I thought a new miss was the, oh no, Osiris I guess is King of the afterlife and a new miss is just the judge. Whose purview included month of multiplication. The judge in Egypt's night court, in which Harry, a new miss is the, you know, books prostitutes into the afterlife. So he's the jackal, had a god. Osiris has what, like, Falcon? No, the Falcon is his, his know, book's prostitutes into the afterlife. So he's the jackal head of God. Osiris has what, like, Falcon? No, the Falcon is his, his horse or raw, right?

Osiris, I don't remember what his, what his animal head is. Is it like a crane? No, it's like a crane, yeah, I think so. Okay, like a Harry crane. And what? It's, it's so back the, uh, the alligator head. Yeah, so back is the alligator.

Some, and what is, who's the cat, uh, that starts with a B, right? That's the house cat. Yeah, so back is the alligator. And what is, who's the cat starts with a B, right? Fast to house cat. Yeah. As a Cyrus, they're best. Fast. And of course, the best step are the where where cats in the world of darkness, role play game. You're welcome, guys.

Anyway, he continues. As a Cyrus, I'm pretty rough terms with set. It makes perfect sense that he would curse the blasphemous offspring of one is the mummies by mutilating its genitals. Why? Because when the mummy and the redneck got married, it was in a Christian church which spits in the face of the mummy's traditional Osiracen upbringing. It could have been a coptic Christian boom.

And as pigs reminded him of his traitorous brother, it would make sense he would use the pig's own tails as an inspiration for his cruelty. So while C.K. was a living being, he had a curly penis. When he died, however, his father, Zambi Redneck jeans kicked in and turned his penis into a slim gym.

One became- And it happened when you die your jeans kick in? One because he's a zombie. And two because Redneck's love slim gyms. If there's a flop house equivalent of a no prize, I'll gladly accept it. Charlie lasting with hell. I want to award you an honorary flop prize, which is an award for people who have wasted their entire time. Excellent work, doing that. What was the name, Charlie? Yeah. Thanks, Charlie, for writing in. and reminding me of that great tales from the crypt comic. Yeah, it's pretty good

So last letter of the evening Is from the last one so would this be the main course or the dessert? Are we not getting dessert? Is this preemie? This is this is a preemie is this our pre-theater prikes fix? Yeah, no, I think you're this is panic out You're having panic out of the online panic out. I'm sorry we got to have you're not gonna like this panic I even more in a second This been a panic. I think it's gonna be sure shadowing David Last name with hell Ali it's brother. Oh god. I wrote a letter into the show

We're going your abduction episode so many of his letters start with why didn't you answer my previous letter? Aliest brother. Oh God. The right. I wrote a letter into the show regarding your episode. So many of his letters start with why didn't you answer my previous letter? And where's my elephant? Where's my elephant? I wrote in about the abduction episode and the statues at PNC Park in Pittsburgh. Much of this centered around the bizarre statue of Hall of Fame slugger Ralph Kiner's hands holding a bat and nothing else Well, you may or may not know even though there was even though holding a bat and nothing else is not sexy The phrase and nothing else is burned into my mind with meaning like nudity Yeah, just anytime I read a long time reader first time writer

Yeah, you may or may not know that he passed away this February at the age of 91 after 72 years in baseball as both a player and as an announcer for several decades for my painfully beloved New York meds. I thought you might be interested to know. Nope. But kind of touching you, Luigi, on this jerk podcast about nonsense was quite the playboy in his day and among the women he is known to have dated in the 1950s and 60s were actresses Elizabeth Taylor and Janet Lee not to mention ambassador to the u.n. and former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt

I can only assume he was a more stable boyfriend for Lee than Captain Bennett Marco and the man sure I can't really get in the character in the actor mixed up there. Last name with the whole. That was the whole letter. You know what? I'm willing to bet that this professional ball player, yes, was not a brainwashed veteran, struggling with his memories of his comrades becoming at a murderous assassin.

So yeah. But thank you all to everyone who wrote in. It's a for maybe the last one. But we won't be over with the mid-June candidate reference now. I would say mid-June candidate restaurant. Which one gets late? Why don't you pass the time by having a little solitaire cake? I would imagine be like an Asian fusion restaurant, right? Asian fusion fused with like a

traditional American food. It would be like a Russian Asian style, the American traditional food, you know, farm to table, of course. Yeah, it looks like a Bob Evans and you go in and it's all Russian and Chinese food. Every table has a lot of hydrangeas on it. But the last segment, the waitress, the waitress always kisses you at the end of the meal, which is weird because she's your mom. Just like in the movie, what a great movie.

Damn, why don't we watch that? That's a genuinely great one outside of our purview. Sorry. But the last segment, you might like this. You want to talk about good movies? Okay, this is where we recommend good movies that we've seen So there's where people turn other people should watch them. Okay, so Ellie. What do you got it? What do you got? Well recently I watched a movie called God's Not Dead

Opened my eyes to the fact that et cetera anyway, I'd like to recommend them This is you know what I owe Dan an apology Anyway, I'd like to recommend, this is, you know what, I owe Dan an apology, because here I am about to recommend a movie I Saw Where in a theater in my own home. You guys are both gonna fucking recommend playing movies. No, it's a movie I saw on a plane. I mean, the best movie I saw on a plane was the movie that Alex about to recommend.

But this is a movie I wanted to see in the theaters and I just happened to miss it. And luckily it was on a plane when I was- On a tiny little screen. On a tiny little screen. And I made the screen smaller because I used one of those Brazil magnifying glasses but backwards.

So instead of making a little screen big, I got a big screen made little. But the movie I watched was Yoderoski's Dune, the documentary story of the ill-fated adaptation of Frank Herbert's Dune by Alejandro Yoderowski, long known as the craziest director that people have heard of. And they interviewed a lot of interesting people in it. They managed to talk to HR Geiger before he died.

And they have some audio recording from Dan O'Bannon, who of course passed away years ago. and they talk about, they have some audio recording from Dan O'Bannon, who of course passed away years ago, but they talk about the interesting story about how Alejandro Yodorowski, who at that point had a number of successful art films, El Topo and the Magic Mountain and whatnot. He decided he was going to make, there was Holy Mountain.

Oh yeah, Holy Mountain, sorry. He decided he was going to make, roasted, totally rectified. He was going to make an adaptation of the book Dune, but he wasn't just going to do roasted totally rectified he was going to make an adaptation of the of the book dune but he was just going to straight adaptation he was going to make a movie which in his words would raise the consciousness of a generation and he came up with all of that so he decided he traveled the world putting together the simple like the craziest greatest like team of people this team of what he called his

warriors which was like hr guyger and then oh bannon and pink floyd and the band magma and moebius and uh... and uh... and uh... and uh... and moebius or as he always does it moebius yeah that's on grot the grot the uh... the french comic artists and also this cast that was never going to be able to stick together which was made up of david caratine mick jager orson wells and salvador dolly, and Alejandro Yorovsky's own son and the part of Paula Trades.

And it's that like, this movie sounds crazy, it's bonkers all the way through, and of course it was never going to happen. But the story of how they almost got it put together and the amount of passion that he put into this work is really interesting. And they show you a number of shots of this book that they had printed and bound, which is the entire script and storyboard of what this movie would be. And the movie makes it sound like there's only a couple copies in existence.

They sent copies of this book to all the studios in Hollywood. And there are almost none left. And I haven't wanted to see a book this badly since I first learned about the Codex Seraphini Honest and since I now own the Codex Seraphini Honest, a copy of it, I'm gonna have to try to maybe own a copy this Dune book if it's even possible, which it probably isn't.

But it really made me think. After that movie came out, I was kinda like, why not, we find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. We find it. I was kind of like, why not, why not, why not, why not, why not, why not, why not, publish it? I mean, it's, I don't know what kind of niche market would, it would, the book would cost like 400 bucks,

just like, but they like, but it was just like, this great look at a movie that, I don't know if it really should have been made, it sounds like it would have been insane, and I love the book, Dune, and this movie would not have been Dune, but there's also a great moment where, to just a square one thing, where the movie is falling apart. Was it, Mick Jagger gonna play one of the shy hallude?

He was going to play. Yeah. Oh, why can't I remember? He was going to play Fade Ruther. Ruther. Oh, which is pretty good. That was pretty good casting. And Salvador Dali was going to be the emperor of the

universe and everything. Sure. But there's a moment where the movie is falling apart. And David Lynch's version has come out. And Alejandro Yoderovsky is so distraught because to him, David Lynch as to all of us, is a great artist. And he's like, oh no, he made this movie. What if he did it better than me, this great artist working with the same material.

And he doesn't want to see the movie and his family makes him go see it. And he watches it. And he's delighted to find that it is the shittiest movie. And the delight in Alejandro Yoderovsky's face is he remembers how bad the movie was. It's like His charisma is... He's such a charmer. He's so charmer. He's so charismatic and charming throughout the movie.

Even as he tells you, this crazy nonsense. And at one point talks about how it was his responsibility as the artist to rape the book of Dune in order to make his movie. Like, it'd be still charming and charismatic as he's... He's saying it is rape metaphor. As he is not crazy and saying nonsense Yeah, so Yoderovsky's doing is it's problem in many ways I think might have been more entertaining movie that if that version of doing it got made but I

Would like to recommend a movie I recommended a lot of movies a last week that We're Steven Sontai related and I'm going to continue this trend by recommending a movie called The Last of Sheila from 1973. It's on DVD now, right? Yeah, which is the only movie written by Stephen Sontheim and the only movie written by Anthony Perkins. And it's stars such in 1970s cast. It's got Richard Benjamin, James Coburn, James Mason, Diane Cannon, Joan Hackett, Ian McShane, and Raquel Welch. Ian McShane is not well. I mean, the guy had a great career in the search.

No, I'm sorry. I'm just saying, like the amount of the people. Oh, okay, I can see that. But this is an interesting movie. It's one of these sort of like puzzle box drawing room kind of mysteries, even though it's set sort of mostly on a boat, not a drawing room, where James Coburn's wife has died many years before, and he invites all these people to a party where he is going to play this game, where it becomes clear over time that maybe he's trying to sus out who murdered his wife years before. And it's just one of these sort of like very pleasurable like puzzle box films. And it's kind of interesting. I feel like there was this time in the 70s and early 80s where this kind of came back into fashion.

They're making movies of this much older type of like that you had sleuth. You had a death trap, which also starred Diane Cannon, who was in this movie. You had like the murder on the or any express film with Albert Finney. You had things making fun of that, like murdered by death. And it's kind of weird that like- And death trap to a certain extent. Yeah, but it's kind of, I think it's kind of funny that there was like this really like trend during that period towards like these very like puzzle box style drawing room mysteries

that was really like a type of entertainment that became popular decades before. But it's a, in addition to being that kind of film, it's also kind of a fun snapshot of 1970s Hollywood and a parody and Satya of 1970s Hollywood. And it's just an enjoyable film. So I've been seeing this. I've been seeing this. I've been seeing this Sheila. And you don't have to go on a plane to see that one. No, you do not. Awesome it small? Kind of.

It's called The Barrowers. I'm going to recommend a movie called The One I Love. Microcosmos. What was that? I don't know. I recommend The One I Love. It's a movie about a couple that is struggling. They have lost some of their spark.

The couple is played by Mark DuPlas and Elizabeth Moss. And on a, yeah, it's a theme for me, I guess. I guess. Yeah, I think anybody's lost. After on a little bit of a recommendation from their therapist, they go off on a weekend alone together. And then it starts to get a little bit weird. And it's in a way, it feels a little bit like

a Twilight Zone kind of made long, made movie lengths. And I guess for some folks, the like twist, what sling bling? What's that, dude? Sling bling. Sling bling, is that the, What's Link Blink? What's Link Blink? What's that, dude? It's Link Blink. Is that the Wands Brothers parody of Sling Blink? It's an offensively gay character. She likes sleeps in a sling.

Sling Blink. So I don't know, it's kind of a little movie. I feel like it's great because the performances are really impressive. Mark II Plyas is great and Elizabeth Moss is amazing. And I, if you'd like, little, like if you'd like Twilight Zone style twist, I totally recommend it.

Yeah, all right. I feel like that was a really solid group of the offbeat recommendation. Yeah, I think a big meaty selection of recommendations to go with their dessert, God's not dead. Yeah. So I'll leave you the listener to speculate wildly about what might come up in small timber next time.

And if you're one of those, if you're one of those poor listeners who signed on, because they, I don't know, love God's not dead and just listen to every podcast that talks about it. This doesn't exist. And you've made it this far. Wow, cool. You have blocked to the line. You have blocked to the line.

I've done it. Oh, you can unbuckle your seatbelt now? I know it's been a wild ride. Yeah. A little bit bumpy. Don't worry, we're all going to hell. It's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm here talked about Marvel comics D&D and shit

Why you're trying to win people over We've all been here hold comes. That's the twist. We've been here. So is it recording this? Is this the flop house version of like at the end of a TV show and over the credits, they show you stills from the episode you just got all of us laughing and high five on each other? Because if so, I'm in. This is the end of an SNL episode where it was just on stage hugging and having a great time. Somebody plays the saxophone and she's Smith whales in the guitar. And people awkwardly decide whether or not

they should hug the backup members of the band. Yeah. They can get very grabby. All right. Well, for the flop, I've been to Amacoi. I've been stored Wellington. And I'll continue to be elite Kaelin even when you stop listening.

Get out everyone. Nailed it. Okay, and then I guess I'll go home. No, wait, but- Having wasted two hours on God's not dead. This was a prank on you. Uh, roasted. We're not recording till next week.