The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #161 - A Talking Cat!?!

Episode Date: September 20, 2014

Smalltember continues with perhaps the smallest movie we've ever covered, the bad movie new classic "A Talking Cat!?!" Meanwhile Stuart entertains the lizard representative of Harlem, Elliott gives helpful mnemonic devices for the major German directors, and Dan does some research into the pervy past of the movie's creative team. Movies recommended in this episode:Intimate LightingThe GuestEnemy

In this episode we discussed the exuberantly punctuated a talking cat. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy. Hey welcome to the flop house I'm Stuart Wellington. You've been suitably welcome to the flop house I'm Elliot Kaylen the rude one of the bunch. Full of toad. Full of toad and chicken. So you're going to be the bad boy today. Oh, yeah, I'm the original bad boy that ladies love. Dan, you want to be what the young cute one?

Sure. Okay. Just the Paul McCartney of the group. Okay. And that makes me like the kind of artsy one. What? The one that's good at math. Okay, the artsy math, yeah

You're regular I mean they're not mutually exclusive. I wear the you're the physics genius. Yeah, that's the other Yeah, every boy band has the bad boy the cute one in the physics genius So this is Just like the Beatles the the core group John Lennon Nate and Stephen Hawking. And young Stevie Hawking. I want to hold your hand. That's a great, unguly-

That was an offensive. That's how he talks. He's a computer. He's a computer. He's a computer that uses Armanic and to pretend he's a person. We all know the truth behind Stephen Hawking. Exactly, deep blue. No, he's very blue. He said, because he can never love being a computer. He'd like to hold your hand as Ellie just said. What is he exactly?

So, baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more. I know that I was one of him. I know something. Yeah, that song. D-Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. That was one of the songs that the Beatles wrote,

but for someone else. OK. Like that one for the mom's office. For someone else? Yeah, yeah. For someone else to watch a movie like we did tonight. Oh boy. What is this podcast about Dan?

Well, this is a podcast, Bro. We watch a bad movie and we talk about it. This is number two in small timber. Now there was some confusion. No, no, no, no, no, small timber. No, there was some confusion. There was some confusion. Whether it was small timber or small timber. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So now but the very idea of a small Vembers is absurd on its face Clearly, there was a small oneger like either be a small Vembers. Exactly. That's the month we watch small wonder You've got small timber only in that month. Yeah, there was small soldiers and that's crazy

Below a certain height of soldiers effectiveness is nil How can they know? They're taking on Phil Hartman. They took on Christian Dundts They took on that movie, they took it on Phil Hartman, they took it on Christian Dundts, they took it on a lot of people. They took on Phil Hartman, and I guess they did that a bad guy's. So, no, spoiler alert. So, small timber, small timber.

Obviously, followed by, shocked over, followed by, no-vimper, which means there's no theme in no-vimper. Okay, that's fair. So, but in, we only watched Dr. No. In small temper, we watch smaller movers here at the flop house. No good. No good.

The smallest movie boom. No good deeds movie. No what? Anyway, no good deed. The movie where Idris Elba plays a twist, I think. Yeah, it's that's I'm going to shock in twist that I don't know what it is. So small, remember is when we watch low budget movies. Yeah. Made for smaller by small people. Yeah, like the tear of Tiny Town? Yes, exactly. The only all-miget west turn. So, last

episode we watched God's Not Dead. Right. And it turned out that all the acting chops of Kevin Sorbo. Which was, I mean, depending on which critics you ask, not a flop really at all. I mean, it was a huge financial success. Oh, yeah.

If you ask God, he says it was the best movie ever. And a huge critical success, I assume among, I don't know, like church Bolton. Yeah, that was the surprising thing. There was a surprising number of critical church reviews of it. Yeah, because it was not Christian enough. And not a good movie. of it. Yeah, because it was not Christian enough. And not a good movie. That it.

But I saw someone posted on the Flophouse Facebook page like reviews. Join it today. That were negative about it because the argument that the kid makes acknowledges the fact of the big bang. Ah, I see. Yeah. And evolution.

So that was not Christian enough. Even though it was a mixed-up question. But today we're watching a different small movie It was called a talking cat Talking cat talking cat Here's the titles of talking cat exclamation point question mark exclamation point I suppose that's it. I don't know why your version of the title is so Jewish. That's my Charlie Ringo impression. Charlie Ringo. I guess I'm a lizard cowboy. I'm a lizard cowboy that represents Harlem in Congress.

Charlie Ringo. Not to be confused with Charlie Ringo. The congressman who is a spaghetti sauce. Charlie Ragu, the congressman who is a spaghetti sauce. Sounds a little bit like sauce, just alone, all of a sudden. Yeah, well, he's also got a spedis sauce in his veins, you know. So that's a spaghetti sauce. A spaghetti sauce. A talking cat with an in tarot bang with an extra bang. So in tarot bang, is that a porn movie about punctuation? Like the copy editors are checking the news

favorite articles late at night. And one thing leads to another. Yeah. Well, if there was a pornographic movie, it could have been shot on the set of a talking cat. Here's the thing. A talking cat is a movie that let's just say right at the top, every scene feels like it risks being that about to turn into a por O scene even the ones between family members there's just this weird porn tone and maybe it's just the awkwardness of the acting and the amateurs this of the shooting of the film well but we can't spells out porn we can't

ignore the fact that the director David de Cacto who here was... DeCo-to, I think it is. DeCocto, yeah, he directed a lot of a poem. Porfius. He was, what was the nom de plume? He directed in a Mary Crawford. Yeah, but this director had directed a bunch of softcore films, mostly gay softcore films. He did some straight stuff earlier in his career. Like the straight story? Well, he's not just a porn director he's a

sleaze director and that's the thing that I want to say about this movie is that it was made by a this is an incredibly amateurish movie that was made by a bunch of actual professionals like the director who's also the guy behind like 150 movies made sorority babes and slime bowl slime ball ball arama he made test tube teens from the year 2000 beach babes from beyond a lot of movies. Three history three he made puppet met retro puppet master the movie that readers of the disaster artists may recognize a starring room star Greg Cistero but like aside from him the two main adult leads this were played by

one of the former child stars of a a family affair, the TV show, and also an actress who was it who Kristen DeBel who was Dan was very excited to find was the star of the of Alison Wonderland an X-rated musical comedy from the 70s, but she was also in meatballs. She was in, you know, actual movie. She's had a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long's had a lot of your hands. I mean, it was a straight career. Did meatballs have, was that the one with the alien or was that meatballs too? No, those like meatballs, four.

That was like three years. Yeah, that was with one of the choreography. Or it happens to you later on. But also end the music, which we noticed was incredibly terrible, was composed supposedly by the same, according to the credits, where the same guy who did the music for the Friday the 13th series.

Oh, shit. Like, he's done a ton of movies, swamp thing. I can't believe that, because it all sounds like library music. It all sounds like midi library music. Some of which is like sound of likes for other things. One of Stuart's favorite movies, Wishmaster, he did this before.

That's easily one of my favorite movies. He's like, there's one piece of music in there that is clearly just, it's a small world after all tuned down like a step or two. Yeah, just for public domain purposes. I think this is a lot of people putting in as little time as possible. And no one put in less time. Eric Robert. This is a big name star Eric Robert.

It's the killer talking cat. So the talking cat. The talking cat. Unscreened. The talking cat is played by as the credits a special guest star squeaky is squeaky is a cat named squeaky who's playing Ken and Duffy special guest star his voices from his owner yeah he's normally starring and sitting around and cleaning himself everybody the star of the star of night court squeaky everybody we're very lucky to get,

look, you normally only see him in the litter box, squeaky, that he's voiced by Eric Roberts, who is a big name star, he was also my flop house, someone for the scene of his experiment. A big name star in the children's movie universe. But he does the voice of the cat in a way that has been described, I think, by others as a man sitting in the bathroom on the phone doing a first cold read of the script and occasionally just going off and doing whatever he wants. Yeah, he doesn't seem to necessarily I mean if the script didn't say it expressly several times I don't think that he would know that he was voicing a talking cat. No, but luckily the character points out to us the audience and to every single character I'm a talking cat.

With every line he reads, you can imagine the bathrobe he's wearing, the like reading glasses that lays, lays lying down his nose. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich he's preparing. You can almost hear the television that's on in the background. He's watching while he does this recording. Like you can almost see the board game he's playing with. I assume a nephew.

What does that mean? I imagine if it's Matt's forever because he's trying to get into care. You can hear the wind rush by the car window as he drives somewhere else. He's reading the options in the leisure suit Larry computer game is playing. He's just now getting around to playing leisure you. He's like, it's just like 10th playthrough. He loves those games.

I like it because it's dirty, but not too dirty. He's like, look, someday, I don't want to use a strategy guide. I'm going to unlock all the boobs myself. As long as there's a set of boobs I haven't seen in this game, I'm going to keep playing it. Thank you, Sierra, software. Oh, Sierra, what happened to you? Roberta Williams with her

R.I.M. I I'm gonna keep playing it. Thank you. Sierra softwear. Oh, Sierra. What happened to you? Roberta Williams with her with her art that Which may break question what happened to Sierra? Why is there not like an Xbox or PlayStation 4? These are super. I LucasArts Still makes games. No, they shut LucasArts down. Yeah So LucasArts still makes games. No, they shut LucasArts down. They shut LucasArts down.

Yeah. What? Sorry, dude. This isn't how it is like the one game company you can name. Oh my god. No more maniac mansion games. No more groomed fanding. For the wildest too, sorry, it's not happening.

But Monkey Island, right? I'm sorry. Monkey Island was bombed. It's been used as a nuke testing range. All the monkeys are dead. Anyway, so they're the cat. This movie is about, so this is the story of a bunch of stock footage of a forest,

and also a beach, and also the exterior of a house that is in-dricut with scenes involving a talking cat. Now, these are all supposed to be within walking distance of each other, but it appears to be Hawaii, that is the big Northwest, and the coast of California. And Southern California.

Southern California. Now, here's the thing. The movie never actually suggests that these places are where this movie's taking place. It merely does it. It could be anywhere. It's a real coolish of experiment, where it just presents you with a location

and then cuts to a scene. And it forces you the viewer to make the choice that this is where the scene is taking place. We're as complicit in the shitty filmmaking of this movie as anybody. So let's- It's a real indictment, too. Listen, when he's doing years really,

he's probably going into question the whole artifice of film. Hopefully, can't trust it talking cat, tell us the truth, Who can we trust? The slick Hollywood slixters. It's like a Michael Hanukkah movie. Yeah, Michael Hanukkah. There are eight nights of Michael Hanukkah. Well, there was funny games. Funny games too. They thought there was only- Funny air games. Funny games too. Funny air games. They thought there was only enough violence to fill up one piece the realistic shock filmmaking for one night, but no, no, there were eight nights.

Cache. I guess it's called cash. The white ribbon. Yeah, the more was that a little more? Yeah, Michael Hanukkah. Keep it going, guys. Wait, how do you say his name? Hanuki.

That's close enough. No, it is not at all. One sounds like Hanuki. One sounds like Hanukkah. I'm sorry to think that's the mnemonic I'll use to a I'm sure I'm in this movie. I'll use my hanky to wipe my eyes. Michael Hanukkah. I would never give this movie to my grandma on Hanukkah. Not Michael Hanukkah. That's how you look every German director. There's a there's a demonic device for their name Like burner yeah, it's like this would

heard a Sresley bear would totally hurt a hog and then it drive my Hurtzrenzelkar to I'm gonna drive my hurts rental car to on my caveman friend so we can watch Deeter needs to fly You don't say her song you don't say her Is that her wants the Zionist one world government you want to say her song that doesn't make sense next time I'm watching even dorf started small I remember that even dorf started small again Dan

please please please dorf he's always been small dude he's not he shows her on his knees where his knees would be he even was

for even dorf started so one hurt he's going to the one hurt so a common way collaboration you know because he was originally supposed to be in Fitzgerald door It's a one-hurt song. Thanks, you're welcome. The one-hurt song, Conway collaboration. You know, because he was originally supposed to be in Fitzgerald Dwarf.

But then instead, he sent it back out in the Utah's Kinski, and they lost the Dwarf angle. I gear in the wrath of Dwarf. Of course, Dwarfs for Rato. So many possible Tim Conway were in a heard song collaborations Dan your inability to pronounce things is the gift that keeps on giving It's like like Michael Hanakin. Yeah, yeah, that's right nights anyway

Anyway, so a talking cat. Let's talk about the characters. Shall we? There's two sets. There's two sets of characters in this movie. There is Phil, a wealthy computer programmer who just sold his company and lives in a crazy decorated house. He's like a blonde otho. He's like if there's a five versus five, he would be the white spy. And Otho would be the black sea is a blow though which is not a black oath though it's a blonde oath though yeah now is a fat elderly man it's basically with a soul it's a fact and a certain jua to viva

yeah grace that is belied by his portly figure yeah now he has a son who is probably gay but uh... instead he expresses that he certainly comes off his his son Chris expresses that he's working through his family comes off his his son chris expresses that by being a little awkward and also bookish yeah and when fanny no franny sorry when franny a girl who's in his school wants to be to her

deviam but really wants to go out with him i think she wants to go out with his swimming pool yet she has all her flirting seems to be centered around. Like let's go to the swimming pool. She goes to she's getting tutored in her hamlet class. Yeah. And she's just, and but each time she's like, hey, can we go swimming before we tutor? Hey, why don't we have today's tutoring session in the pool?

It does actually, you know what? It does feel like she's just using him for his pool. Yeah. And why not? He is, their chemistry doesn't exist. But there's another family. Down the road. Down the road. Down along walk into a forest preserve. There's a presumably yeah, presumably the completely walk for a temperate forest. A coniferous forest. In a walk from the modern family house to what appears to be like a wood

spot below falling water service and sort of yeah yeah so Frank would write masterpiece there's Susan who is a caterer who just can't make enough money shades of rats or enough cheese puffs she can't she's really has to single out of money into these cheese puffs on spec so that she can win a job catering there's no spec in those cheese puffs. On spec, so that she can win a job catering for a toy company. There's no spec in those cheese puffs. They're totally vegetarian.

Yeah, she wants to cater for a toy company. Now she has two children, Tina, a girl who's a computer whiz, but also kind of a couch potato, and she's mean to her brother Trent, whose main personality trait is that he thinks he lacks imagination, and he knows how to fix things like a fence which he fixes for a long time he fixes the same part of that fence over and over he's a good son and his mom tells him that a lot but he just doesn't know what

to do with his life and the fact that he's sixteen and doesn't really need to figure out what to do with his life doesn't seem to be a part doesn't seem to enter into his stupid head played by first-timer Daniel, Daniel Danes. Yeah, that was the thing. And introducing. He was Daniel Danes who played Trent was introduced as, and introducing as opposed to all the big stars where you know him. Like a thing not erupting from Zeus's skull.

The cat, who's sent end introducing, and then the thing and it just burst forth fully formed. Now the cat, somebody called for a goddess of victory in my knee-K for? Yeah, yeah. A fest is craft us up a fucking camera or something to take pictures. So moment, immortalize it for all of time. The cat got the character credit though. The cat was like and blank as blank.

Yeah, that's the cat had the good agents when it came to that. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so all these basically all these characters have problems that it takes a long time for the movie to communicate with us. Phil needs to find something to do with his retirement. His son, Chris. I have struggled, ladies. As trouble picking up signals from ladies.

He's a learn how to swim too. Susan needs to get this catering job over the cat. Doesn't really get into that at all. Not really. Tina needs to get this catering job over the cat doesn't really get into that at all. Tina needs to get hooked up with Phil so that he can help her with his computer software idea. Trent needs to learn he has an imagination so he can get an internship at a toy company. Yeah, I guess. Another lady wants to hook up with the kid. So they're, you know, wait, what?

The swimming lady. The swimming lady wants to hook up with the kid. So they're, you know, wait, what? The swimming lady. The swimming lady wants to hook up with the kid. He's tutoring students. So they're, you know, they're needs basically the same need. Now here's the thing. The cat. Here's the thing,

none of these needs are important. None of them are important and the characters are a lot of problems. Blondering around, there's a lot of filler in this movie. None more, none better than, Stuart and my, I think think favorite scene in the whole movie when the camera follows a white car driving down a road in multiple shots for an hour how

long do you think driving it up let's say leisurely pace like seven minutes it is it is the least suspenseful or exciting car car scene since the opening credits to Bredeemick at least that had like scary music over it now you're saying you like that padding uh... more than the padding later on in the movie where the app that the teenage girl uh... computer lady no all right is uh... the idea behind this app is that you scan all your clothes in the clothe in the app uh... suggest a combination of clothes you

can wear and so there's a scene where they are scanning all of their clothes. They're just scanning the tags on their clothes and it dissolves to somebody else scanning clothes, dissolves back to the first word. This is the dad the son, they scan clothes for, it's like a minute montage. At least in that montage,

the like subtle ruffling of the clothes kind of allows you to drift off to sleep kind of. Well, the thing is at least that- Achieve a trance state, where you can see the Godhead. That's what happened. If you would no ecstasy watch it talking cat. Now, here's the thing about that scene. It might have been easier to take if not for the clown circus music over it,

because that music is telling- Slime whistles and horns. Slime whistles and woo! And burp burp like you, you, ha ha ha. It was one step away from just random boy eye eye sound effects. But that music is telling me is, this is the zaniest, funniest thing you have ever seen. These people are scanning the tags on their clothes.

Has the world gone mad? Oh boy. It's like a fantasy wonderland, a candy colored playground, children of all ages. It's a philineous dreamscape. It's a true rump. It's meant to show the difference between the father and son's relationship at the beginning of the movie, guys, and their relationship now where they're having a ton of fun, scanning

and clothes, and finally joined together in an activity that both can ensure you're kind of fun. The scanning and clothes. Join together in an activity. They both can ensure you're kind of hanging out in a den area. In a hallway outside a door. Now we've gone a long way without talking about the talking cat. Yeah. Duffy who is a straight cat who wanders around and he's like the incredible Hulk in the TV show. He just wanders into people's lives and fixes them.

Here's the thing. Does he talk? Usually he just thinks out loud in a kind of Garfield way. But. And we hear it. And all the way to we hear it. So is internal model. We hear every soliloquy about how much he loves the woods

and hates what he calls beeping machines, which sometimes seem to mean phones and sometimes mean computers. Yeah. The thing is, Elliot, the line is blurred between those two things. That's true. More and more these days What is a phone with a computer in your pocket? And what is it? What is a book with a movie in your mind?

But it's a but all of this my log seem to be like a combination of pseudo poetic Dialogue that has been written for aircroppers and maybe aircroppers just improvising whatever he's thinking about at the time Yeah, or it's him having cryptic conversations with the people, like a regular, Confucius. But he is so he can't, here's the rules about being a talking cat. He can only talk out loud to each person once. I guess in their lifetime, you can have one conversation per person. So he's going to use it to help someone get an internship. And here's the thing also, when he talks, do they animate his mouth? Slop

place? So it looks like a black void is just opening on his face? Yes, they do. It's like flies from the pit of hell. Does it look like possibly we are staring into the abyss? Every time the cat opens his mouth and risking mad this? Everything we've learned about this world three dimensions everything goes out the wind The world is now flat and time and space is torn open He is a mouth for that mathematically should not exist It uses non-uclidean geometry from some horrible and speakable geometry from some horrible and speakable and thdimensional

and i want to say something about this cat uh... your podcast man who stopped you might think the cat is the one normally doing the talking that you might think that talking about the talking dan is the talking cat so they make a talking that they make a whole movie about a talking cat

uh... uh... Well, let's... Let's... Roughly... I think one movie is a question of all, but also, I think maybe a fifth of the film is about the cat. The rest is about characters finding things to do on a Sunday. They... They name what they... Charitablely call a movie about a talking cat after this talking cat.

And you would think that the titular talking cat, that must be some charming cat. Oh, man. He must be like a dapper or a wisecracker and got, you know. Here's what I'll say about this. Elliott, I know not a fan of cats. He's allergic to him. I understand. Well, it's not that I'm not a fan.

Biology is doomed me to find them on company. No, but you've got reasons to hold a grudge against cats Oh, do I ever? Stuart and I both cat I find them less than perfect Perfect. I like it I track there's a clause. Let's pause these interruptions Tail okay, go ahead. I'm just To cut you out that puns me sir

Catastrophe kept at the chase which is probably cat chasing a mouse. This cat is not a charming cat for you today. No, not at all. This is one of the least charismatic cats I've seen in the game. And you like cats. I love cats. I love cats. I love cats. Let's just say something about dance cat.

Dance cat is an asshole. Dance cat is a mean-spirited glaring cat. I mean, she loves me. She loves you. But otherwise, because you're, I guess, cramudgins across species lives. But she is a cat who is very unpolite. Let's just say that.

But you love her. You're willing to look past her. You're a bond. You love Garfield who, let's face it, also an asshole. I don't love Garfield. He's good. No good. Terrorizing the neighborhood. She loves him.

What about Riffraff? Riffraff, well, ironically, for a member of a junkyard gang is very polite and well behaved and clean. Now, moving on to some master. Are you complaining about squeaky the cat being... Chape's cat power, also, you know, fun. And cat dandings, you love. love anyway so let's just say this the cat

doesn't have Zaz it pal no glam cat Stevens noxy it doesn't have cat Stevens as well see this cat does not sing folk songs or convert to Islam no it is it is a unpleasant cat that is clearly just there because they have learned it with tuna and with laser pointers. And his steward pointed out, quick-eyed steward pointed out, slilock fox over there. He pointed out that. He pointed out. He pointed out.

He pointed out. Neutied out, steward over here. Yeah, you're Max Mouse, and I guess the explanation at the end, the tells you are the mystery one. You're sneaky weasel or whatever. Oh, thanks. Whatever the fucking thing is. Sneaky weasel, my second favorite Swedish sex position.

But Stuart pointed out that there's a scene where the cat is supposed to be hanging around some shoes, and you can clearly see the laser pointer they're using to keep the cat interested in shoes. Here's an example of the illogical movie. The mom, the key. What's illogical is that they didn't just fill those shoes with like tuners and see you can't love that stuff. They don't know how easy it is. Rub that kid those shoes that can't be if the camera got go right in the toe.

You don't have to see a laser zipping around there. Here's the thing. The catering mom is introduced to us looking for her shoes. She can't find them. She can't find them. Her son goes there they are and points there's a cutaway of shoes. Oh, as if they're in the same room that the rest of the market. They can be anywhere there my shoes. She walks outside where her shoes are and the cat is at them. They're like, who's that cat? I don't know.

And she walks away to work. Her shoes have never made it onto her feet. She's just walking to work in her stockings barefoot. I don't know. I have experience out of the shoes to have like a bellizard coming down around it. There's so many shots in this movie that don't like the shoes are flying around in outer space. So many shots don't appear to be happening in the same place. Even when you finally,

even when they are, even when you get finally get a two shot between two people, most of the scene will just be a shot with one character Then a reverse of the other character then another character like back and forth the best is the moment When two characters are supposed to shake hands and you can like almost feel the movie being like I don't know what to do Two characters in one shot. Can we do it? Let's say you know what I'm gonna give them I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt

I'm gonna give the director the benefit say this is no homage to Orson Welles' film of Athello, which because it was shot over a long period of time on multiple continents and with different actors at different times because of budget reasons and schedule reasons, often the scenes are done in one shot and don't quite match up. Perhaps he said, aha, I'll take the master's aesthetic and I'll apply it to my shitty movie about a talking cat.

Let's use the thing. I don't know why they made this movie. Yeah. I don't understand. This is a movie where you're watching. You're like, I can't fathom the reason. It goes to step beyond. Maybe it's for cat lovers. We, we, we, we've already covered that.

Cat lovers don't care for that. No, because they love cats. Not this, this rag-a-muffin. It's an unpleasant. This, this, this, round-g-beast that appears to like a cat. There's one shot of, of Duffy, the cat walking out of a sliding door that's just close up of his butthole.

Basically, and it's like, I think that it can't be done. I think you're going to have to look in a cat's rectum. Pretty sure you get that shot like, straight out of the bed. You seared the cat's butt, the cat's butt, steers into you. As Nietzsche said, anyway. And you think, is that a hot dog in no what's the bottom of a cat? Oh, it took it too far now. Here's the thing. I said here's the thing a bunch times When we saw food fight I said what's scary about this is that this makes sense to someone I don't even think that's true about a talking cat. Yeah, I don't know who pack is this deal

There's this who's like David do cocktail you Yeah, I don't know who packaged this deal. There's this. It was like David DeCocto. You, uh, you can't not be given his name way more credit. What do you think it is? I'll tell you what it is. I'm not even gonna think I'll look it up. His name is David DeCocto. There's no Cato, isn't it? DeCocto.

What we need is you, well, all right. What we're gonna do is we're gonna take you a Gate porn Top 4 director. We're gonna Thomas Leesmas. You're getting your Sleeze Master David D whatever We're gonna make a lot of credit here. He's basically the poor man Jim Warnarski Harold Blueberry We're gonna put you with a child star from the 70s TV show

We're gonna put you with a child star from the 70s TV show and a 60s TV show and a pornographic actress from the Alice film. We're gonna make a talking cat movie where the cat is Eric Roberts and kids are gonna eat this shit up. We're gonna toss it on in Netflix. Direct to DVD, direct to steam, streaming. Direct to steaming Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D. Dirk D.V.D.-D.-D.-Dirk D.V.D.-D.-D.-D.-D.-D.-D.-D.-D.-D. the idea of what a movie is. Yeah, this was, the hope was that this would destroy filmmaking forever. Because I guess the aliens are vulnerable to the magical, the movies. So this would destroy cinema and thus open,

pay it, pay the way for an alien to be. The aliens are all the bad guys from last action heroes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, as long as the people watch movies, their power is gone. So that's my only guess is that some kind of non-human intelligence edited and was behind this film. Now we haven't.

Maybe here's maybe a computer gain sentience and decided to make a movie and this was it. We haven't really gone through the plot of the movie, but the thing is we can't because the thing is like basically the plot of the movie is all these people did not really have problems and the cat came into the life and solved their non-problems. The cat had a cryptic conversation with them and gave them some pretty obvious advice. Their problem for solved, the cat gets hit by a car. Yeah, that's the big. The cat gets hit by a car.

The big finish, the cat gets hit by a car and they have to find his magic. And a terrifying scene where we see first a black car driving at a medium speed. And then the sound of screeching tires and a cat's, cat squeal. It's a squeak. It squeak you the cat. Yeah, the car driving fast was shot with the same skill as the many as Elliot pointed out day for night scenes where they just had like a weird. The day for night scenes. There's only shit. Those are, it's amazing. day for night scenes, where they just had like a weird, the day for night scenes. It's only shit. Those are, it's amazing.

So at night time, everything is bright blue and windows are fully like brightly lit. In some ways, bright, yeah. Like a nuclear bomb is outside of my- No, this is my alien theory all over because every room looks like at night, fire in the sky is going on right behind. The mothership is landing

and there's huge beams of light coming through. You know, there's- A little kid's gonna open a door like in close encounters and there's huge beams of light coming through. You know, there's a little kids going to open a door like in close encounters. There's to be light coming through. I recently, I recently watched Lawrence of Arabia. And there's some day for night scenes in the desert that, you know, look great. But yeah, that, you know, now on on day for night never looks totally convincing. But that, I'll, I need to give that movie credit again. I apologize, Lawrence of Arabia, for looking you slightly worse. I apologize, one of the best movies ever made.

Your day for night scenes are better than a talking cat. You know what, I think David Lean, maybe you're right. Maybe I owe you an apology, David Lean. You are better than the director of the, what was I thinking? Of the Canadian goddesses or what was some of the other ones that he made?

Hold on. I don't know. So we have a cat that gets hit by a car. They put him in like a mummy costume. This cat is clearly still totally fine. They've just thrown a couple of bandages at the shop. The best part is that they say the, you know, the veterinarians made them as comfortable as possible by dressing him like fucking dengar. He's a look.

He, how are you also going to show that a cat is dying then by lightly draping a bandage over his face and letting him roll around on a bed for a minute. As if the cat doesn't know where he's at. Well, the problem is they shot the film out of sequence. So the cat forgot he was supposed to be injured in that scene. So here's the thing. And so the people make a huge logical leap. They say, perhaps the only thing that can save them is his magic collar that he hid in a grove of trees somewhere.

So let's walk through the forest and groups looking for this collar. And your description sounds ridiculous, but that's literally as much time as the movie takes to describe this. Yeah, they're like might as well try it. We're gonna do it. They find the collar. They put it on the cat. There are some very cheap computer laser effects. Mm-hmm. And the cat's okay. Hooray everybody. And everyone's problems are solved. The little girls software makes a big lot of money. The...

Yeah, Eric Roberts explains all this. They get the caterer, gets the job catering for the toy company. Thanks to a new big investor in the toy company. It's Phil, the dad. The tutor. The mom answers his girlfriend and the pool. And I guess Trent gets that internship. They don't really show much of him at the end. Talk about Trent. There is a, you know, one

of the great things about that final montage is when they just show. Montages loosely. What the, the, the son I remember his name, uh, for all of a king in the pool with his pool girl, for a franny, uh, franny, the pool girl. And they're just like swimming back and forth without going underwater. And for some reason she just says, cannen ball, but at no point is anybody jumping to the pool. They never do. Oh, that was one of his problems.

I forgot. He didn't know how to swim. And so Trent had to teach him how to swim, which all again felt like a setup for a gay porn scene and that never happened. But yeah, she just she just says cannen ball. and then they keep just kind of dog paddling around. Which doesn't make any sense at all. That's not a cannonball. Maybe she's just a party animal. You're very upset about that. Here's my explanation.

I was hoping that the talking cat, the talking cat, would then do a cannonball into the water. Yeah, and go party. You were hoping it would end like that talking dog movie that Chevy Chase did the voice. Oh, and then and then. And then nobody does. No, but here's my explanation of Cannibal. We didn't see it in the scene because they cut into late, but the guy said, hey, what was the song that got cut out of the state DVDs because they couldn't get the music clearance rights? And she went, Cannibal? He's like, yeah, yeah, that's right. Cannibal. They had to cut it out of that sketch. That's probably what happened. Let me say that.

No, well, then I just wanted it. I didn't want us to pass over the fact that then when the credits happen, they do character shots for all the characters. And it's like three shots from the movie. But all of the shots of the different characters are the most boring shots of these characters. Just looking at something or reacting to something

or listening to something. I mean, all these shots. You're my favorite shots of the world. I'm like one of these areas. Looking at something or reacting to something, or listening to something. I mean, all these shots. You're my favorite shots of one of two buildings. So, and a couple, like one of them had just happened seconds before, where the woman was feeding the father, cheese puffs, and then padding is good. Well, I mean, he's an older guy.

I can only assume a widow were. Well, he says, not everyone gets fat. When they meet, I mean, he's an older guy. I can only assume a widower. Well, he says when they meet, he said, when they meet, he said, she goes, she goes, oh, I have two, I have twins. Oh, is your husband around? Oh, I'm not married. I never was. That goes without comments, which I guess is very cool. Yeah, they're fucking chlorine babies.

Oh, yeah, the Lord put them in me. And then he goes, oh, well, it's awkward. My wife left me with my son. And so his wife, I guess, got tired of being married to this goofball. This goofball. He's a workaholic, I think. We never even mentioned the cat somehow uses his magic

to put an article on the girl's computer about Phil's software company. And the blinking machine was gone. machine was going on the beeping machine. And it was like all caps like sand. So he understands the concept of a machine. But he doesn't know that what a computer is. He's kind of part caveman, but a cave cat. But the, which is what we're going to great hand of our very character.

But the article starts out. It's like a spear tooth basically. Yeah, exactly. The article starts out being about this guy selling his company and retiring. And then the next paragraph is the description of a classifying head. It's like, I don't understand.

If the cat just making this whole cloth at a nothing and he doesn't really understand how articles work. Because I buy it. A cat doesn't read a lot of magazines. Even cat fancies, not really for cats. Yeah, so we should skip to final judgments whether this was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie kind of like I'm going to go. I say this is a good bad movie. It gets it gets a little rough going, but if you're watching it with people like it is absurdly. It is an hour and 23 minutes and it starts to drag around the hour mark.

Yeah, but it is absurdly that. It is absurdly that. It's probably that. Yeah, like the Marvel movies. But then, but then writers. It doesn't. First second and the next. If you like the Marvel movies, you'll probably like this.

If you like the Avengers, you'll love a talking cat. Yeah, but then one right at the point where you might be getting tired, then the cat gets injured and all that craze that has happened. So I say it's a funny movie to watch. It's bad. You know what, Dan, I never thought we'd agree on anything. But I'm going to agree with you. This is the goodest of the bad movies. It is a delight most of the time in how stupid it was and bad.

Don't watch it alone because you'll feed wonder how your life came to this Watch it with a friend you'll find you'll be found dead in a pool of your own vomit. Yeah The rules adjustify suicide Who's gonna rule it judge fucking hearing? I judge death I guess Shhh. Just a bad guy from fucking Shedred. Bring up the next case, Mack.

And then just wheel in a body with a sheet over it. Oh, talking cat. Oh, okay. Oh, this body was found dead. Watching you talking cat. Well, there's no plaintiff for defending here, but it gets dismissed. Case dismissed. Bro, throw the boy in love of the key.

Bring in the next case. It's another body under a sheet, but it's Dan Fielding in a bay. Oh. Nightcore, still what he was saying. No, you guys are both right. It is a good bad movie. It is the type of thing that I would normally

hope to watch more of here. Yes, in this flop house of ours. If every flop house movie was like this one, this would be a joy as opposed to the grueling torture that it is. This is a fiend test. Yeah. Um, Stu, before we live in my ding dong. The Stuart Wellington story.

Before I move on. An AAD, like every game for my ding dong. No, that my ding dong. The castle rings tail. On an authorized, the ding dong story. Before we move on, Stuart, if you have a few words to say regarding our Yonkers live show on October the 18th. Dan, I'm bonkers over our Yonkers.

What does the words you need to say? What I'm going to say, guys, is that if you are listening to this, you should immediately go and check out our website, flopphousepodcast.com, where we have information about our upcoming live show on October 18th. October 18th. Saturday. Saturday. Shoptober, scared teens.

Okay. And that's at the Yonkers Draft House, up in the Yonkers, scared teens. Okay. And that's at the Yonkers draft house up in Yonkers, New York. Well, Alamo draft house. It's the Alamo draft house in Yonkers, New York.

Thank you, Elliott, for fixing what I just said. And the big information is that we are actually sending some party buses up there. Party buses there are going to be picking people up at Charlene's Bar at three five three Flavish Avenue in Brooklyn New York. And they are going to be picking people up at Charlene's bar at 353 Flavish Avenue in

Brooklyn, New York, and they're going to be taking people up to the show and then bringing people back and tickets are $25.26. Now this does not include a ticket to the show. Does not include a ticket to the show. More information because I am totally fucking this up because I've had a couple of beers. But so basically if you're looking for a more expensive way to get to Yonkers and don't want to see the show, just buy it, take it on the bus. I guess you could buy it, take it on the bus. It's good also to just operate as a bus.

I will say that, like, if you're coming to the show, if you've got tickets to the show, $26 back and forth from Yonkers is a pretty cheap thing. Much cheaper than a car with you, and probably cheaper than a train would be, or what were equivalent. So, and if you wanna see us in our like post show exhaustion where we don't wanna talk to anyone and we're dead to the world,

totally right on the bus with us. We're our free show prep mode, where we also don't wanna talk to anybody. Just kidding, we're gonna have fun on those buses. Yay! And guess what, you can get a drink at Charlene's before and after the best bar in Brooklyn, I think so. Yeah, and you can also get drinks and food at the LMO draft house

So we're gonna say all it as a state as a so Stewart. What was that again? So go to the Flophouse podcast website and The link is at the very bottom of the page and we accept PayPal for this the first bus sold out very fast so if you're listening to this early on, high the to the website, and maybe you'll get on the second bus. Get on the bus.

That's what the Spike Lee movie is about, right? Goanie Onkers to see us talk about, I know who killed me. Yeah. Speaking of which, October 18th, Alamo Draft House. I know who killed me. With us, the flop house gang.

And guests. Get on the bus. I also want to remind people about the song of the Autumn contest, I know who killed me with us, the Flop House gang. And guests. Give them us. I also want to remind people about the song of the autumn contest, where you take audio from previous episodes of the Flop House, turn them into a catchy tune. A catchy tune. Put your song up on SoundCloud, so we can embed it on our site, and then send us a link.

It's like YouTube for songs. Now, I think I may have given the wrong email address last time. I think I may have used the girls in the past. I think I may have said a FlophousePodcast.gmail.com when I think it actually might be the FlophousePodcast.gmail.com. Did you look this up? Even more of an I'm a bit of a genius. Did you double check this? I may be righted down. I see you can read it right now. of an I'm gamely thing did you did you double check this and maybe write it down?

I read it right now. I'm doing it now, but So if you send it to one I just thought it was pretty that you were like I think I did it wrong last time I think it's the flop house podcast Try me try flop house podcast number one if you said it to one try the other but the one way that I know The one way that I know that you'll get it to us is if you go to our Website Lophouse podcast podcast.com click on contact the contact that'll take you to dance favorite Jody Foster If you put it in that then I will get the message so the best way to submit a song for the song of the autumn contest is through the website, the flopphouse.com.

The flopphouse podcast.com. Yeah. When you're ready to make your song, it's basically all any who. Yeah. And so the deadline to get song. You just make ROCK in the USA. Sure. I did it.

It's going to win. A reminder that the deadline to get songs in is October the first. The winning song we've played at the end of the episode of our show that dropped November 1st and the winner will get a t-shirt and get to pick a movie for us to discuss. Full rules for the contest are also available on the aforementioned website, flophousepodcast.com.

So that ends the announcement. Go to the website. It's a good announcement. We've got the show in Yonkers, October 18th. Get on the web site. It's a good announcement. We've got the show in Yonkers, October 18th, get on the bus, sign up on the website, and while you're on the website, submit your song of the Adam contest entry.

Yeah. But now, it's the next segment, which is called Letters from listeners. Letters from listeners. Letters from listeners. Oh. Probably, were you gonna say that?

Yes, I do. I feel like we touched a magical skull and we switched bodies first. Oh, no, and then we touched the skull again. Yeah. So anyway, to continue, you both peed on a magical skull. And then the owner of the of the museum that the skull was in chase us out listeners listeners send some letters listeners listeners, listeners go and getters. I appreciate the ambition it took to write that letter and slip it in a book. Then you'd use it for as a bookmark for a while. You'd forget to mail it till you saw it and smiled. That's right. There's my letter as a listener and I'll mail it to the flop house.

So I'm not listening. I'm talking in text. What's next? It's a letter from you, the listener, the listener, who said, the letter. What's this letter gonna be? Oh, wow, he's scabbling.

That's the moment of maximum potential. Anything can happen. Maybe we should open the store, leave it as a mystery. Let's not collapse everything. So that all the events stop being possibilities. And instead, the waveform goes into one thing. Really, like, coding or whatever. At this moment, we have to assume that the letters

both pro and con love and hate says it all Maybe there's a letter Shrodinger's From the listeners to the flop house Did you intend on doing your shrodinger's letter box in the I talking cat? Oh, the same. Shrodinger had to assume that the cat was both talking and not talking and that at some point

There would be a podcast about garbage and his movie a talking cat. Now people rarely talk about the Schroeder's cat It's all got what you have to assume that the cat or Beethoven is in the box the Schroeder's cat is her. Oh god. What you have to assume that the cat or Beethoven is in the box. This letter. But that's a huge dog. How would he fit in the box? It's letters from this letters from chartex.

The father wasn't a family musician, Beethoven, but of the dog, Beethoven, totally different spin on the character. All the symphonies crafted by the dog, Beethoven. This letter is from Chartex last name withheld. Chartex? Yeah, I hope I haven't read it before. It goes like this. Ahoi floppers, I dearly adore the finely tuned comedic makeup of your podcast.

Stuart's salty charisma. Alli, it's brainy, hilarious interjections. Thank you. Damn. It seems to me that the, hilarious interjections. Thank you. Damn. It seems to me that the three of you are the most qualified professionals to put the finishing touch on my cinematic bell curve concept, allow me to explain if we were to visualize the entirety of movie history as an enormous

bell curve of quality, we'd see the vast majority of movies from really terrible to quite good, falling in the big swelling middle. At the right most tip, we'd place those few movies that managed to not just be great, but more than some of their parts, take the Godfather, director, cast, comprozer, cinematographer, et cetera, are somehow all simultaneously at their career best, thereby producing a 1-1 million instance

of cinematic perfection. All the way over the left most tip of our curve and movies like The Room and Bredimic, which transcended mere badness by suggesting a production which every single decision made bigger small was the wrong one. These movies stand out because failure this complete is statistically unlikely as the total across the board success the other end of the curve. Here's where you come in. What movie represents 5.0 on this scale? Their countless films clustered near the center of the bell curve, but only one can represent the absolute dead center. A movie with nothing whatsoever to

nest into the good or bad halves, but which instead stands as an avatar of perfect cinematic Bayesian-ish, all the firtier expertise, whichever film you anoint will be the example I forever replace at the center of the cinematic bell curve. See you on the flippity flop, Chartex. Before we answer that, I just want to say, Dan, you did a great job reading that. I think that the key is neither you interrupted. The vocal exercises that you did before the show were

probably really Yeah, I heard no stumbles no mumbles no jumbles no crumbles Thanks, you missed you get you you avoided all four of the bad umbles. I would say I would say Just on the outset to answer this question is gonna be tough because because it's gonna be the most bland thing So probably go out of my head. Yeah, it's probably a movie we didn't bother. It's probably a movie like I love trouble with Julia Roberts and Nick Noltsy,

that no one remembers. Cause why would you or like the paper, you know, or something like that? I like the paper. Okay, well then maybe that's a 5.3. Okay. Maybe it's maybe Beethoven. We mentioned it before.

That's a pretty mediocre kind of nothing bland movie. Or like a runaway bride, maybe. I mean, that was a huge movie. There's a huge hit, but like, it's not. Does anyone remember? Who's a huge hit because it was so great, right? Yeah, that's how it usually works. Yeah.

Or maybe like, I mean, Like in the old-fashioned. Multiple cities, a little bit. It's not a fine. That's less than that. This is speaking of someone who attended the New York premiere, Dan. Now the, the, uh, I, there was a lot. I was a Q&A after that premiere. Oh, there was none. Oh, that's terrible. Nobody wanted to be associated with the film.

I, there were probably, there are a lot of movies that fit this, but yeah, it's hard to think of them because they, like, one true thing with Merrill Street from New Zealander. Maybe that fits as a five, you know, I don't even remember that. That's one where Merrill Street is dying of cancer when L.A. Wicker is her daughter. It was shot in Maplewood, New Jersey. The time my dad lives in. The other sister.

No, again, that's less than a five. Milk money. Milk money, maybe. Yeah. I'm just like naming movies that just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, If you stare long enough at every little contemplating a bust of Homer and just unfix your eyes, a dolphin shows up. Yeah. Like a goofy fan there. So I don't know, like, brother bear maybe? Yeah.

A goofy fan. Yeah, Rembrandt was thinking of a pretty fruity fan. A pretty fan. It's a member of the Freddie fan club. That thing you do. Yeah, who can forget Rembrandt's portrait of Rembrandt? How about that thing you do? Freddie fan. It's a member of the Freddie fan club. Mm-hmm. That thing you do. Yeah, who can forget Rembrandt's portrait of that? How about that thing you do?

Yeah, that thing you do could be like a 5.1, you know? Yeah. Something objectionable about it, but I don't really particularly remember. Is there anyone whose favorite movie is that thing you do? No, of course not. Would you ever go out of your way to watch it? What about home fries?

Yeah, maybe. Maybe scale again, by the way, man. Or like fever pitch, maybe fever pitch, that could be one. Yeah, sure. What's that mess? Or you know what, trouble with the curve. Yeah, there you go.

I think I'd call that a number of five. Trouble with the curve. I think that's a movie where literally, I had no interest in seeing it particularly, but one day I was on vacation with my wife. We were really tired. She wanted to take a nap. It happened to be on TV. I started watching it roughly 40 minutes in. It just happened first time. I just finished watching it. And I just finished watching it. And I was like, you know what? I wasn't mad at that movie,

but did I particularly like it? Ironically trouble with the curve. Straight down the middle. Boom. My phone be broke. but did I particularly like it? No. Ironically, trouble with the curve, straight down the middle. Boom, I find me, bro. It's sports. It's sports. So now David, write in and tell us why that's an amazing movie. Okay, moving on. Dear flop team, on the morning of the wedding, it's getting on the movie of my wedding.

On the movie, it's called Rachel getting married. On the morning of the wedding, on the movie, on the morning, it's called Rachel getting married. On the morning of the wedding, it was my best wedding. It was. He and I and our other like-minded friends gathered in my basement to partake in something we had done numerous times of the course of our friendship. Shrooms. We watched a monster movie. Not just any monster movie.

You watched a monster movie, you weren't going to go for my wedding. Yeah, piranha 3D. Oh no, but rather we watched Head of the Family. This wasn't just a symbolic goodbye, but also a physical one as well. As that might, my friend, the groom, was hopping on a plane with his newly minted misses to fly to New Zealand to start their new life together. Wait, burritos. As hobbits.

We ate burritos and watched as the hero didn't heed the VHS clamp box warning and mess with the head. Oh, you know how you're going to end up. Yep. And if it wasn't for the recommendation of the team flop house, we would have probably not had this masterpiece to send my friend off on his new life. I think Stuart gets the credit. This leads me to my questions, what I've been waiting my whole life for.

On several episodes of your hilarious podcast, the figure of Joe Bob Briggs has repeatedly been referenced by the flappers. Joe Bob, specifically as hosting of TNT's Monster Vision, was the defining television personality in my childhood. He was the first person I can remember seeing on TV who I knew was on my side. If something sucked, he told me so. When the TNT sensor was so shameless, scissors at all the best parts of the movies I could feel his anger. Monster Vision side. If something sucked, he told me so. When the TNT sensors so shamefully scissored at all the best parts of the movies I could feel as anger. Monster Vision was a place I saw what would become my favorite movies. Phantasm 2. In the mouth of Madness, return to the living dead and many more. Do you feel the

flop house is the natural evolution of these late-night horror programs? Well, you don't exclusively cover horror films. I found several of my new favorite movies have either been recommendations or subjects of the flop house. Movies like Bratz and Castle Freak. The... The three flopper. Bratzel Freak.

Bratzel Freak. The guy loves German for a freak for Bratzel. Yeah. That's English for... Three for Bratzel too. The three floppers plus cat. It seems like Joe Bob's rib. Oh, it's great.

Thanks. Find the side of the movie going public. And without you guys, I wouldn't have such wonderful members to share with my closest friends. You said, Membranes. It's a wonderful membrane. Oh, boy. We used to pick membranes with my father. Like Mucous Membrane, John Cunercian.

That's close enough to end this. Well, that's really nice. Thank you for the credit. I would love to think that we're Joe Brock Briggs from the new generation I don't think we are but I would love again. That would be a huge honor I mean I'm more I'm more feel like we're USA up all night for the new generation I think we're more kept in video the new generation from the USA basically every time I see Christina from the from the Alamo Drafthouse up in Yonkers

She basically just tells me about different screenings that Joe Bob Briggs shows up to, and I feel bad about myself. I wish he, I was at any of those. But I, he, yeah, he was, I think he was a big influence on all of us, I assume. Yeah. And watching Monster Vision was definitely the closest I was going to ever going to get to like, getting to watch, like, Zachary or something, you know, the, the real classic Monster Movie Chiller host.

I mean, I think that we all appreciate the simultaneously ironic and genuine appreciation of track. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he really liked these things, but he could also make fun of them. And he, uh, and I think like through him, I was introduced to Joe Lanzdale, who I love. And then back to Don Cascarilly again. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I think similar to the writer of the letter, like there are a ton of movies that I saw for the first time on Monster Vision and was intrigued enough by them to then

go see them, not on Monster Vision and see the blood and the boobs and everything. And it's too bad because I'm really looked for other reviewers who are able to provide that same kind of viewpoint. And the closest I can get is like that the horror review site arrow in the head, which is even that is not quite good enough. It's like a weirdly like like fret boyish type. Yeah, I think and I feel like that gives things a pass a little bit too much sometimes. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, they're unique individuals in the history of the world and Joe Bob Briggs is one of them. Yeah. Good old JBB. Anyway, moving on. Congratulations to Elliott on the recent addition to the most noble and ancient house of flop. As it happens, my daughter, first name withheld, last name withheld, was born late January. I

proposed that to finally seal the house of flop with a venerable last name withheld plan, we can track now to marry these two sometime in early 2032. Maybe it could be a special episode of The Fruits. Still 30, but I was getting married. By way of a dowry, I can offer $350 and a DVD copy of Goodfellas that's so old, you have to flip it over halfway through the movie. I remember that edition.

Around the time Karen blows pain in the kitchen. It's not even long movie. Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon. PS, my wife doesn't know I'm doing this, so please try and keep it on the DL to the papers you signed, Ben lasting with her. Well, Ben, it's an intriguing offer and I'll take it under consideration.

I want my son to have a little bit of choice in his own bride, but also, if we're still doing this podcast in 2032, something's gonna belong. Yeah, I don't think so. So that money sounds pretty good. If I'm a 50 year old man And I'm sitting here with you two yobbos just watching crappy movies

At that point it'd be fucking space movies We're watching space movies in the Astro House. Yeah, we're like Doing this podcast that sounds kind of actually that'd be pretty great now I have a war me bone I have become I'm a job my desk we have keeper you have become that which we mocked actually that sounds pretty good I hope we are doing this in 18 years all right well quick final letter from Mark middle name with held Morris

come and he says ding dong, ding dong date is dead. The running argument of whether the ding dong date is dead, ding dong date, the ding dong date, yeah. The running argument of whether or not the Castle Creek Rips' own ding dong off has been answered. And I took the straightforward problem solving skills of my 15 year old son to do it. For new listeners, ding dong date started many episodes ago with Stuart's insistence that

there is a Ding Dong ripped off in his off-recommended movie, Castle Freak. Well, no, I mean, there is a Ding Dong ripped off. Your insistence was that the Castle Freak ripped his own Ding Dong off. I insisted that, yeah. Other listeners, including Dan, have stated that there is no ripping off of a Ding Dong in Castle Freak, even so the controversy continued. The steadily dispute, my 15-year-old son, Chase, sent this tweet to Stuart Gordon, the director of Casabreek. I have a question. Does the Casabreek rip his own ding-dong off? Yes or no?

Stuart Gordon replied, no. I love that Stuart Gordon dainsts surreflied on that. Stuart Wellington, when to reply to that. Stuart Wellington when presented with this answer. I can't read usually the word dig don. Stuart Wellington when presented with this answer replied only with God damn it. Thus ending ding dong gate forever.

In the future we should all take lessons from this young man. When we have a problem or question, go directly to the source. Now that ding dong date is settled, we can turn it over. We're interested. And it's now that it's worked on this earth is done, ding dong date can ascend to heaven.

Now that this long, natural mind mirrors over, we can turn our attention fully to answering this as old question. Does the crypt keeper have intact genitals? And what would happen if Penny met a dinosaur? Yeah. So I think that kid, if he doesn't want to pull it, sir, then the system is corrupt. Yeah.

Then I don't even know what to believe anymore. Is this some Robert Carroll level? This is the finest thing I've ever seen. It's just the woodward. It's an active killing style stuff. He is the woodward and Bernstein of Ding Dongate. Mm-hmm. And I'm just glad that he had this fine investigative reporting took place.

Thank you, Chase. Yeah, I'm kind of in a loss for words. It's been a very difficult day. This news broke this morning. My wife was frustrated because I kept ignoring her. Well, she tried to talk to me and I'm like, no, honey, I have to deal with it. Stuart Gordon has weighed in on a very important matter.

Stuart Gordon has betrayed me. It's been, it's been really difficult. You know, I feel like I've really supported Stuart Gordon. All right, that was a weird beeping, huh? Yeah, your beeping machine is going off. Sorry. So I've recommended a lot of his movies. You go on to Amazon.

His movies are often paired with head of the family. Is it visible, maybe? movies are often paired with ahead of the family. If it's paired with Invisible Maniac, I'll be shocked. Is that movie only exists on YouTube right now? No. Stewart, how are you going to handle this? Are you going to take some time to reflect? Maybe spend some time with your family? Are you going into a ding dong ripping off seeing rehab of some kind?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know about that. I don't think that exists. I feel like I need to go on some kind of a vision quest where instead of seeing a guy rip off his own ding dong, I just see a ding dong maybe grow back. I don't know. Your spirit animal is a healthy ding dong. Well, Stewart, uh, maybe I'll get that on a pendant around my neck. I just hope I hope you find solace in this time. Dark time. Maybe attach to you. Sure.

If you got a tattoo of the castle freak ripping his own ding dong off and then underneath it was tattooed, you're wrong Gordon. You took a picture of that and sent it to him. I guess he'd probably put a restraining order on you. Yeah. You took a picture that sent it to him. I guess he'd probably put a restraining order on you. Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel at this point I'm like all my all my attempts to edit in footage On my blue rake copy which doesn't seem to work because I keep putting in my my eye Mac and it's not working But footage of him ripping off his own ding dong. Now until the thing is until Brian Yuzna weighs in on this

I think that's the real key is Brian Yuzno I think is a little more in touch with the material. I just like the calm like like equanimity that like short-garden Just like responds and no to this question. I don't know. I mean to me it suggests that the I there's no wiggle room there like no Not a way of ding dong with wiggle For a ding dong to wiggle in the fact that he's not surprised the way a ding dong would wiggle. Not a random room for a ding dong to wiggle in. The fact that he's not surprised, suggested me.

It was no what? Of course not. Like, I feel like this is already filtered to do him somehow. I hope so. Much the same way that I hope Alan Ruck knows that we were talking about him before. Yeah.

And although I doubt it. But now it's the part in the movie, or in the movie. Now it's the part of the movie. We're in the movie. Now it's the part in the movie. We're in a movie. We have the part in the movie where the male and female leads get back together after having a misunderstanding earlier on. It's also the part in the podcast where we recommend a movie that we like. It's the part in the movie where we recommend a podcast.

So I'm going to say 99% invisible and then I'm going to go on a car chase. Yeah, and I'm going to say my brother, my brother and me. I'm going to say, uh, what's a podcast? Oh boy. Here we go again. You thought his friend fed his role. It's going to be a long green. You're going to imagine that I've been I've been taping these and putting them in a time. Yeah, so like prints. Yeah, why are you looking at me? Sorry. You both started looking at me like this was the moment where it turns out you're both cannibals that trick to me here.

And now you're looking at me just seeing a giant turkey. It's what we call a malign paradigm shift, Elliot. It's when you realize all the other travelers at the end you're staying are actually a werewolves. Not vampires. We're talking like in. I think that would happen in a Michael Hanukkah film. I was looking at you. Eight days of great movies. Because I was. I want to be there.

Yeah, why don't you recommend a movie? Okay. The movie I'd like to recommend is a film I just saw recently and I really enjoyed it. It's called Intimate Lighting, which sounds like it's a software pornography film, but it's not. It's actually a check new wave film. And I found over the years that I really like the films from the check new wave movement of the 60s. They're like a usually pretty down to earth, like kind of of funny but not like goofy silly just kind of like

either Black comedy deadpan or kind of offbeat quirky movies that Move at their own pace and or shot and usually in a kind of natural way and the and the acting is very natural I really like him a lot and so this is what I hadn't seen before, but it's directed by Ivan Paster, who's best known for like Cuttersway, and he directed Creator. But this was, I think it was his first film.

And so 1965, it's... Everyone remembers Creator, with Peter O'Toole, Maryl Hemingway. I'm guessing that a lot of people listening to the flop house know what Creator is. Or maybe they, like, come on, when the guy has no movies that are more famous than Cutters Way or creator.

But I know of. But this I think was his first movie. And it's a short, tight little movie about a two musicians. One is a guy in this kind of smallish town who's married and as a family and works with a local band orchestra that's mainly amateurs. And an old friend of his that he used to play with who is a single guy with this beautiful, sexy girlfriend who plays in the city comes to visit him so that they can both play at a concert together. And the movie is really just the two of them interacting after what seems like a long time apart and getting to know each other and kind of feeling out this new dynamic local characters and just kind of, you know, like

quirky situations. They go to a funeral that they play, music at that goes on for a very long time and they can't quite, they can't seem to leave. And there's a late night conversation between the two of them where they decide to go around the house listening to how the rest of their family members sound when they're snoring. And it's like, it just captured very well this feeling of like these two guys who used to be friends, they'd never falling out, but they've changed and there's something melancholy about that, but there's still something funny about

that. So I really enjoyed a lot, intimate lighting, I'll call it. Because that's the title. Yeah, I like to recommend a movie. I saw it just last night called The Guest, directed by Adam Wingart. Yeah, yeah. You're next guy. Now you better keep the shit light on spoilers, do you? Yeah, you're next, which I liked a lot, but I think that the guest is actually a hugely forward for him. Okay. I'm going to put my fingers in my ears. So there's not going to be spoilers. But so I saw what was it in advance screening at the time? It should be out by the time this

bike has comes out. The director was there, the writer was there, the star Dan Stevens was there who played Matthew Crowley on Down Abbey, but has slimmed down and bulked up and has gun. is slim down and bulked up and has gotten super hot and you can't do both of those. You can't slim down and bulk up. You can when it's muscle, you put on pure muscle, I'll hit you know. That's bulk. But this is a movie that they expressly described afterwards

as the Terminator meets Halloween and you can see that. Like it is, you can totally see that, but it's also its own thing. But it's a so- Well, like the Terminator puts a costume together in the district of trading. Yeah. The costume looks like William Schatner.

Dan Stevens plays a mysterious army guy who shows up at the house of, again, Stewart. I'm just saying anything that you would see in any review. Am I going to get it in the spoilers? He hasn't been written reviews. who shows up at the house of against her. I'm just saying anything that you would see in any review. Am I going to get it in the spoilers? He hasn't been reading reviews. So Dan Stevens shows up as an army guy

who was the friend of the dead son of this family. And he ingratiates himself into this family. But there's something a little off about him. And violence seems to follow him around. And it's a movie that totally, like, that seems to have cracked the code of how to be equal parts, action film, horror film and comedy without anything like overwhelming anything else.

And it's also one of these movies that is done in the style of sort of an older exploitation style. Like it is it joins drive or house of the devil in feeling like it's straight out of the 80s, but it doesn't feel like a pastiche or throwback. It feels like it's just using that style. Really, it's trying to hurt. Yeah, I mean, it just feels like some weird, a malgum of John Carpenter and James Cameron and like some like offbeat comedy film,

just like fell through a time warp and it showed up and it's awesome. Like, and it's just a, just like, it's a movie that only exists to be entertaining. It has a great score. I can check your brain at the door, but no. I mean, it's a smart movie that just only wants to make you feel happy. And especially if you grew up with the type of movies that I think Stewart and Elliot and I grew up enjoying, like it'll hit that sweet spot for you. It's movies.

But it also like a porno. But it also really worked for my my wife when saw it with me too. And she doesn't necessarily give a shit about like John Carpenter movies or love super violent stuff. But she really liked this movie. And no, it's part in a small part probably because Dan Stevens is so charming. And even though he's a total sociopath in the movie, he is also totally hot and funny. Bulked up and slimmed in. Yeah. Bulked down and slimmed up. I just really, really liked the guest.

Yeah. I can't wait to see it. So, Stu, wish I could have seen it with you. I have a relatively quick recommendation. I'm gonna recommend a total psychological mind-bender or meal thriller of a movie. I'm gonna recommend talking. Okay.

Well, it will break you down. Now, I am gonna recommend the movie enemy from last year uh... directed by a guy a i'm assuming french canadian guy whose name i'm not gonna try and pronounce who the guy who directed uh... that gentleman who directed prisoners on other movie i recommended uh... a movie i recommended in large part because of the atmosphere. I mean Yeah, not necessarily such a great not a great story story. Yeah, but no, but I'm asking in the directing is good. Yeah, yeah. So this movie kind of carries that on. It's kind of a passion project

for his passion project that he kind of made using the credibility he got from prisoners. And it does feature Jake Gyllenhaal. So if you like Jake Gyllenhaal, this movie features a metric fuck ton of Jake Gyllenhaal. Get your fill in hall. Of the Gyllenhaal. Thanks Dan. So I'm not going to go too into the plot of the movie.

It's a movie that I feel is going to either get a one star or a ten star review from folks. A real only God forgives. Yeah, in a way, I feel like it is to, what only God forgives is to drive. So it carries on a lot of the same atmosphere that you get out of prisoners and some great performances, but it makes it's a little bit out there, I guess. Or if you'll watch it, you'll be like, there's total garbage. I hate this. Stuart's more on, which is possible.

So, three solid recommendations. Some contentious recommendations. Stuart seemed to lose faith in his own recommendation about halfway through. I think it's great, but I'll understand if you don't. I can understand. It's kind of like from atheists. Yeah, I've felt that way,

but movies are recommended, where it's like, I love this, but I totally get why someone else would hate this. Yeah. But I'm not gonna fight you, bro, if you don't like it. Exactly. We can still be blood brothers. Look, Stewart's confidence and self-esteem are not resting on whether you like this fucking movie, okay?

Yeah. So just eat, eat, a dick. That's it, though. I mean, just one, because that's all your worth. I've often been, oh. Roasted, that's for grandma. This is in the audience. I've often found that when choosing a movie, like the most interesting movies that I've

seen have it often been ones that super split critics, like you get people who are absolutely adored or hated and that means that the movie is interesting. Going back to the earlier letter on the episode about talking about the middle ground versus the outlier. It's true, but every now and then there is a movie that everybody loves. What a solid episode of the podcast. It's not like, oh, everybody loves that movie. It must be a piece of crap.

No, it was beautiful. Yeah. Well, I've easily enjoyed Gardens of the Galaxy. Like everyone else in the fucking known universe. It's kind of like I'm gonna see it. Yeah, because you're a human. And you like things that touch you. I get two ears in a heart as Alex Baldwin said on 30 Rock.

But I feel like Snowpiercer on some level was that way. Like a lot of people were kind of divided on that. People could either buy into it and love it or they just couldn't buy into it. And the people that didn't like it just didn't seem to post on Rotten Tomatoes. So that's why I said that story. And they can eat 10 Warmey Boners.

10? They don't marry 10 of those, because Snowpiercer's why I said. And they need 10 warmy boners. 10, they don't marry 10 of those because no piercers, not that bad. Well, no, it's only because that's what those nutrient bars are made out of. Warmy boners? They're not just warmy boners. Yeah. Now, Ellie, what do those look like? I think that's the key question. Oh, boy, well, let me just make a new tree in bars, I mean. Let's get out of here. Anyway, another small timber comes from here.

Small damper. Sure. I met other as if there was ever another. As the elders sit around the heart. Thousands of years from now, they'll be telling the younglings about the first small timber to most raise a small timber. As for ages, I'm counted in millennia untold.

Men put small timber to rest in its cask of ancient winters. Not to be reopened for another year. Ah, the dance of small timber has gone on for more life. I'm the rise of the heart. It's the hardest move. It would take two more fingers than all the living men combined possess to count the years of small timber.

But some say a small timber predates humanity itself that the angels brought it down from heaven. But beware the howling of the winter wolf for that means a shock to bear is on the horizon and small members shall rest in a shallow grave. They say shock timber is the curse visited upon humanity for his humorous tempers the worst one. That's a year that has a Shok Tember. It's only those two things to get her leave years. All right, boy. I heard a story of a man who saw

a Shok Tember once who could believe him such a thing would be an abomination. All right. I, I'm telling us about Shock Timber old man and assistant old vibes tale. Ah, sure, I swear. I trust Small Timber and a Shocktober had a baby. Go up to that old cabin. You'll see a Shepherd Timber. They said it could survive in this world. We're going to have a party up there.

We're going to drink and have sex and probably put something in a lake. Well I'll see my Fouls. Chardema holds the lake sacred. Okay Well We gotta close the door on this thing sometime.

Me not you'll use condoms around Chardema's altar or a horrid cruise. You shall be used to agree with normal style birth control. All right. For the flop house I've been damn. You see a shocked timbers sterile. He's a shocked timber. This is a shock tumber hole.

This is a mighty thing. He's a shocked timber. He's a shocked timber. But the shocked timbers sterile. You know, and Elliot's the one is always talking about getting home to his baby, and yet he drags out the finish. So, I've been damn cool. That password-gressive response was from Dan McCoy.

I'm Stuart Wellington. And I am shamed and apologetic. Elliot Kaelin. Okay, can I have everyone a small temper? No, temper temper A proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee Topika bodega doing it and doing it and doing it well What's your man that got to do with me? I got to a man.

I ain't trying to hear that see. Makes me want to shoot a dup. Shoot a dup. A dup. A dup. They took my rings. They took my Rolex. a dup, a dup, a dup, a dup. They took my rings, they took my Rolex. I looked to my homies and said, damn, what's next?

Regulators round up. It was a clear black night, a bright, white moon. Thank you.