The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #20 - 10,000 B.C.

Episode Date: July 21, 2008

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:47 - We have our usual difficulty getting down to business.2:48 - 30:30 - Would 10,000 B.C. have been better if it had starred Ringo Starr and Shelly Long?  Yes.  Yes it would.30:31 - 34:13 - Final judgments.34:14 - 36:45 - A brief digression about the films of Brendan Fraser.36:46 - 46:13 - The sad bastards recommend. 46:14 - 52:57 - A greater explication of the Flop House contest, surveys, podcasty business, and goodbyes.52:58 - 53:39 - Theme and outtakes.

On this special, unedited podcast, The Flop House. Yay! Ow! Ow! I bet you didn't know who's your favorite podcast, but I told you so they know now they know now It certainly is there's a bunch of other podcasts out there, right? I don't think well, like a two or three Yeah, there's at least This American morning and sound of a young American nation and then cooking shit

Dane cooks podsie in the morning and pod and around asking in you how to cook Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bet you know, that sounds funny ninjas are funny, right? No in the morning and potten around. Ask an injured how to cook. Yeah. Cast pot, that's a fish pot. That sounds funny, ninjas are funny, right? No. They're not played out. No, they're on the played out list. No, they're.

They're right on the played out list with monkeys, cheese, pirates. What about cyborg bears? Cheese. I love bears are going to be there. They're close. Yeah. I can't have cheese anymore. No, no, cheese has a comedy idea.

Oh, yeah, okay, I'll write that down so Well now that we're what is that is that what they talk about in the in like the the daily show If this is what we talk about all day all day long is things we can play it out jokes that we can't use anymore when you're having Wrap sessions. That's what they call it When we're talking about modern-day issues the teens care about 20 minutes before the show, you're like, oh shit. We better write this really precise comedy.

We got 20 minutes. Oh, Ellie just got really defensive all of a sudden. Yeah, I don't want to influence any Emmy voters to not vote for us. Don't vote for him. Yeah, Ellie. No, if any voters, any Nielsen families, all of you, all of you should forget what Elliot has to say. What's that, what's that, what's that show with,

with Holly Hunter, where she's like, battling ghosts or something? Second site, is that it? Same in grace, same in grace. Watch that instead of the daily show. I think you're gonna fill the same need at all. At least I get on my roots. That's a few things. Watch that instead of the Daily Show. No, they're not going to fill the same need at all. At least I get all my views of you.

Apparently America is having a lot of issues with angels. Do you think saving grace in the Ghost Whisperer have really die hard fans that hate each other? Which song, which show do you think has a better country song as a lead-in? I bet saving grace. I would say Walker, Texas Ranger. As you can probably guess from our discussion thus far, we watched the film 10,000 BC tonight. Okay, yeah, we did. Yeah.

I'm gonna have to rely heavily on YouTube guys to explain the movie to me, because honestly, I have never been subored in my entire life. It's your basic? I haven't been subored in my entire life. It's your basic. I've been subored in 10,000 BC years 1000 BC years I had a clear bike. This is actually 12,000 years ago. That's true BC years are the years that Johnny Hart Measures 10,000 BC for anyone who hasn't seen it. I don't know who hasn't, because it was a huge hit.

Everyone remembers the 10,000 BC backpack, slunch boxes, the hit song. The 10,000 BC dance. It's gonna take you back. And then in parentheses to 10,000 BC. Yeah, but it's your basic cave rasta gets his girlfriend stolen by four like a demon, which are men on horseback, turns out as he travels through the prehistoric world

he lives in that he's the prophesied chosen one of every tribe in the world. They go to this place that where slaves are building pyramids for the sake of a very poorly defined cult church that worships Nell Bino and then they revolt and overthrow the bad guys and the girlfriend is almost killed but saved with magic and their mammoths in it also. Well, you've explained the entire film. I don't know that we need to speak about it.

Sounds like they've all loved at the end. But no, they were pretty much in love the whole time. That explains it. That's why we're so obsessed with it. They were in an arranged marriage from childhood and unlike most arranged marriages around 10,000 BC, this one was based on true love and it really worked out and it's a success story. Okay, it wasn't like an economic base, or range of huge, like,

and they didn't have probably, they didn't need the best selling book of the time, men are from Lemuria, women are from the lost continent of Mou. That joke is terrible. It is awful. It is an awful joke. You put your finger on the nub of my gist regarding this film. What?

It's a good thing they can't. It's a radio podcast, and they can't see that in out of video. Well, but isn't it enough that our lead characters, our lead caveman, if you will? Sure. I will. Not played by a ringo star. Isn't it enough that his girlfriend gets kidnapped, and he has get her back isn't that enough to motivate the action of no

No, no, you needs to have a prophecy. There needs to be magic There needs to be some sort of made-up religion There's got to be a lot of legends and tales and people who talk about the great mountains and the river like a snake and the sky rain and so forth But I just want to see a drama of our ancestor of Elliot. How are you going to make a movie out of that? We were talking about people love mythologies and very thick legends and stuff. That's what made Pirates of Caribbean 2 and 3 so much better than the first one. People want to watch a movie like, oh my god, they're following him because he was able

to talk to the spew team. That's right. The reason they know he's the chosen one is because he was able to talk to the spirit to that's right The reason they know he's the chosen one is because he saved a saver to the tiger from a trap And so it defended him later and they just like normal animals Just like in real life when an animal will remember that you helped it and right return the favor Well, that's how I'm possibly giving you a high five is it leaves after Explaining explain the situation of the tribes and that's how I got my pet cat to love me. My pet cat actually, you know, I brought some flowers home for my wife

and my cat stepped on one of the roses, got a thorn in its foot and I pulled it out and ever since then we've been the best of friends. That similar thing happened to a guy I know where he found a lion in the jungle with a thorn in its paw and it was a great pain. It couldn't walk and he pulled the thorn out and it jumped on him and ate him. So, hey, and then this other thing happened to a guy I knew who had to try and save the spear tooth and then he did and then it showed up and helped him

oh wait, that was in this movie. That was the movie we saw. So that wasn't a guy knew that was that was take take. You're called a spear tooth. Well, well yes this is a point that I made um you're making a movie about olden times and ancient time let's call ancient times olden times sounds like the 14 cents yeah the Renaissance fair yeah ancient time time is that's fair the olden times was last weekend that the Renaissance fair, but Everyone talks this is literally this is literally prehistory. There is no written history the closest we come to it is

Legends and a painting of a man Cowing a spear tooth. There are no real words. So we can make up whatever fucking rules we want to so I Assume that in this case, as a screenwriter, you're like, okay, basically because I don't know what the language is, whatever I put forth to the audience, whatever people say, it's just, we're just gonna speak in English. Not slang English, not modern English,

not gonna call each other a dog, they're not gonna say dude. What up, hoons? Yeah, but it's just gonna be straight up English. However, I saw you job owning with that spirit tooth. What's, what's his deal? What's it? Every once in a while.

What's the dealio? They do one of these things where they throw in an extra word. They're like, okay, not a saber tooth. A spirit tooth. Not a mammoth. What would they call it? The mammoth was called a manic for some reason. Yeah, I don't get it.

And also rain was sky water, I think, or sky tiers. What else did they have? Just like any movie where it's set in another country and they're speaking English, we can accept that as an audience. We're not like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this in America or something?

Like I feel like we go to see a movie that's 10,000 BC. If someone says saber tooth rather than spear tooth, I'm not gonna be like, hold on. Well, they didn't have savers though, they had spears. You're pulling me out of the story. Listen, I'm watching a story about a bunch of cavemen with dreadlocks and one of them has a magical white spear and there's a magical lady who has psychic links to people

and if someone says the word saber tooth it's gonna bother me. You're saying it was sponsored by National Geographic. I'm saying there should have been like time travelers or dinosaurs or aliens or something that makes you move. Well time traveling cowboys who battle dinosaurs. That would have been great. It would have been like the Valley of Gu of guanjeebo time travel so many dreadlocks in this film so many dreadblock i on it

everyone's bald or has dreadlocks steward you and i went to the same college not white guys with red locks yeah it's kinda gross it seemed like we i was watching this movie well i was confused by the lack of hackie's act that was not any hack not any hacky second that's just a these were necessarily white guys this is a very multi-ethnic prehistory that was pretty crazy there were there were very obviously black tribes were people who seem sort of arab or metatronian or some way they were the bad guys because that's where bad people come from is that part of the world but then their heroes seem to be some kind of

either like cultural dusky-skinned white people or maybe light skinned African Americans but not with America. Like real hard-to-art heroes. Yeah. Our heroes were like the American dream. Yes. The American dream of owning your own manic. There was our Caucasian hero. There was our Middle Eastern hero. There was our sort of there was a Blazian hero. Asian was our Middle Eastern hero. There was our sort of there was a black hero Asian probably a Irasion kind of Asian-ish characters. Yeah, maybe a Pacific Islander. Maybe maybe a couple of Couple like a Inuits couple in the house. I was under the impression that at that time in history

You know everyone was pretty much the same race. Yeah, well, the race is sort of like there were different races for different areas because there wasn't a lot of travel say between vastly different. They had boats. They had boats and they had discovered the wheel yet, but there was a double four-legged demons. Yeah, those were horses. Yeah, they didn't know how to ride. Oh my God. There's a prophecy about a four they're gonna their village is gonna be destroyed by four legged demons And we know it's man on horseback because there's a flash to an image of men Oh, that's what that was but then when the men on horseback arrive everyone's like four legged demons Oh, but there's no sense of all like I've never seen this before just like oh, yeah

These are the four legged demons that we got told about. Well, let's go. There's no like no characters falling to place. Stop getting murdered. The only time the characters ever really seem to be impressed by anything is when they see boats. And that's, you know, not that. I guess if you've never seen one before. Yeah, it's a boat, dude, with a big, with a big creation.

A minute or a minute, people are drawn to the sea. Oh, that's true. But I was going to say that there was, it was like this weird multi-ethnic prehistory to the point where I was kind of expecting a character with a French or an Italian accent to come in as the comic relief and be like, like, you know, the men who have taken our women

and children, they are there in the large village with the stone mountains and then someone be like Sure like a wise craze Oh We got a jump on the giant turtles I was expecting there were no giant turtles unfortunately I was expecting like a Frenchman to join the battle again and stab someone with a spear and go Oh Do it again. That sounds like Roll of Emmerick movie.

I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish.

I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I not. And from what I can see, Devlin was the talent in that group.

Oh yeah, because the stuff they made together was brilliant. No, I'm just saying. This was a real Powell and Pressburger team, you know. No. This was Stanley and Jack Kirby. And together they captured a magic that neither could recap. You misunderstand my point entirely, Elliot. I'm saying the the movies made before that

the so i think that we're not a shitty is this is a real bar the day that you know the team of the good stuff whatever good stuff was in that earlier film has been wiped out by this point i would say must have been responsible for whatever i would say your coloring your memory of those movies is colored by the fact that you just said that in thousand bc and not through that's illa or the patriot i would rather watch independence day one hundred times before saying ten thousand bc again i

would rather watch uh... the patriot ten thousand bc times the one ten thousand bc time and not even a joke but i mean it is interesting that I don't know what caused the rift in the Devlin-Emerick relationship, but I don't know what Devlin has up his sleeve, but Emoryk is bad. I'm curious.

He whiffed with this one. I do imagine it was like a weird like, like, you know, like late night TNA comedy or TNA thriller thrill air type situation where like one guy slept with the other guys wife and he thought he killed him but he didn't so came back from the grave to make ten thousand bc i think that uh... the lever back story for this film

and it sounds good right i think that the sucker abrum zucker break up should figure into this somehow and like devlin and abrums are off somewhere making a film together making some sort of big budget parody CGI movie. parody of 10,000 BC. We can only hope. Yeah, which I, you know, just probably just be called caveman movie or something like that.

Caveman, starting to start. But here's the thing. They make these big action movies. They made Godzilla, which has a fair share of action, although it's all bad. They made the Patriot, which has some ludicrous action, but you know independence day Which is things blowing up all over the place for like a bit this movie promised big action its commercial It promised nothing but

Mammoth stand non-stop animal fighting, but when you watch it There's so much of people just wandering around in deserts or mountains There's so much walking in the movie. That's the way life was dude Well apparent but we didn't need to see all of it they could have got to lied that the fact that oh I guess you're right like in Independence day it gets here that's not what like I was waiting a minute all those other good movies I see I don't see a bunch of shots of people walking to cars and driving places you know I was boring you know not... what was that movie or Wesley snipes

kills the president uh... sixteen hundred that's a thing to have a new uh... murder at sixteen hundred that's one of my that's one of i wanted always want to do a double feature where denis miller plays the jokie sidekick in a thriller and it would be that in the net in a

i've never seen that movie but my brother did like like told me the most hilarious Sort of summation of that film where wherein Wesley Snipes in order to clear his name Sneaks into the White House and the way he does it is to pretend that he's a janner and puts his head down and Whistles as he like questions his thing a lot like oh, that's not suspicious Putting his head whistling Oh, he must be part of the union. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great movie.

But what I was saying is in that movie, there was a spate of presidential murderer movies for murder 1600 absolute power. Yeah, that was Gene Hackman. Yep, that was Gene Hackman and Clint Eastwood. We're in no passenger 57. That's right. Yes. Well We're in a passenger 57, that's right. Yes.

Well the thing about passenger 57 is that I learned a really important lesson and that's that I should always bet on black. But once you go black, you don't go back, so just be prepared to do. Wait, did you learn that in that movie or was that just you... I don't know, I was in a... I think I learned that in the school of life. Oh yeah, yeah. No kidding.

It's not the one where the bad guy gets a, it's like plastic surgery, so Wesley Snipes doesn't know who he is. I don't remember that part. I think so. I mean, they're on a plane. Let's construct that film in our brains. Yeah, roll it out of the nose. I just remember this parody.

I think it was on Mad TV in one of their earlier videos. That sounds great. It's a message 227. and it was what's your name from two to seven jack A as in the Wesley Snipes roll That sounds pretty funny mad TV. You know, that's good for a laugh a Larf Anyway, so 2000 b's 10,000 bc I didn't remember what year took place in I Sorry, but it's like they took they they obviously did no research whatsoever 2000 bees, 10,000 bees a year. I didn't remember what year it took place in. Oh, God. Sorry. But it's like they took, they obviously did no research,

whatsoever, except to just make sure that dinosaurs were dead by then. And they were like, oh, really? Well, will this make a mammoth or something? Let's just make a predatory bird. Yeah, let's have John Eamoo's. Well, I believe they were diatrimas, or diatrimas. I don't know what the plural is, but these kind of flightless

birds that were not that tall, but they were pretty tall, and they would eat miniature horses, because that was the kind of mammal that was around. Miniature horses sound pretty cool, but we didn't see any of those, right? No, we didn't. We saw regular sized horses. That's the other thing though,

is it's like they're implying that these people have not discovered agriculture yet, or that they've invented boats, like they've tamed horses, and they can construct these giant buildings. Yet they don't have the wheel and they barely have fire. Like it's all these societies at very different levels of development, all living within about a square mile of each other. Like this one group is basically African nomadic tribesmen,

but they have like brick buildings that look like, you know, English Hobbit Village type places. African nomadic tribesmen, but they have like brick buildings that look like, you know, English Hobbit Village type places. It's really slap-dash throwny. Like they didn't think this world through it all. Now, you know, I'm watching a movie where you got a bunch of people living around in 10,000 BC. I would expect more nudity.

Ellie, how much nudity was in this movie? There was zero nudity. That's a real downer, right? I mean, I guess so. I mean, everybody wore a lot of clothes and makeup, so I don't know. Yeah, you would think less clothes more nudity. But nope, Merle and Emory disappointed me. Zero hundred percent.

It is rated PG-13. Yeah, but the thing is like, as you were talking, you were watching on the cave bear. You can't get away with a full frontal woman in a PG 13 movie like you once could one one of the children yeah like yeah the thing about the movies that it like you said yourself like it probably played way better in foreign markets this foreign people they don't give a shit about naked people they prefer it well they just see naked people all the time though is if you ever seen a European movie you

know that people just have sex all over the place. If you're a kid, you stumble on people having sex, constantly. Like in Europe, they're like, they're strutting about in the nude. If they see a movie without nudity, they go, oh, how, what a relief, how refreshing. Say it in more of the European accent.

They go, oh, these things, oh, what a fancy sea. I can't escape on to you. I am so sick of genitalia. I don't know if It's like a vaguely French with Canadian in a little bit. They put their bag at the side. They put the bag at they brought it to the theater with them down. They have just straight in their brain. They take a simple line in the theater and then straight in their brain. Yeah, spread a little more brain. And then ride their giant front wheel bicycle home. Wait, it's old time. Yeah. Oh, by the way, it also, it's 1887. Oh, I get that. Well, that's fine. We're traveling through time tonight. Yeah. That's the thing. Like,

watching this movie is totally like, like, if I had some kind of, like, a looking glass or like a weird, like, mirror or like, like mirror or like a thing of water that if I looked into I could see the past. That's what watching this movie was like. It was like looking way back in time and being like, oh my god, I can see what people are like back then right then. Yeah, exactly. I felt like it was like watching a mall security video of the past where it's like, I can't fast forward this, but it's so boring. So much of it is just people walking around. There's only so little shoplifting but there's so much just people browsing. Where are there so many dreadlocks? Oh yeah it's a little must've been in the college. Were there any surprises at the

end? Let's speak for one. There was a woman who was the love interest was killed by an arrow and then brought back through magic. Because, because they had magic in the past. Yeah, the biggest surprise for me was that Omar Sharif was the narrator of the movie. Yeah, I would have learned during the credits. There is a lot of narration on this movie. This is a movie that is read to you. It is like... Well, you feel like you're a little kid being read to by your Jewish father, like, grand

father. Yeah, but he's telling you a really terrible story about like, you know, how about, we didn't have a lot of turnips in the old country But sometimes here's how we found extra turnips and like we would buy a turn up But it wasn't that good so we'd have to find ways to make the turn up eatable edible like assault or maybe like with wrapped in Herring like that kind of and you that's a good play by Fred Savage in my imagination You are pretending to be asleep. You're like playing a game. Yeah, I'm a leaf so I can play my wizard video game

Yep, where I use the power glove to defeat more Where I have a sneak preview of Super Mario 3. Oh my god. The trick is getting the raccoon tail. Yeah, by the way In retrospect, I guess the reason that By the way in retrospect, I guess the reason that The wizard won in the wizard is that the evil kid was using the power glove to play which is a terrible Yeah, you might have been using you force It's like let's look at this I got my special I got my spare got some not my sleeve and he just sticks rob down With the stackable discs that he came with. He's got a gyroscope and looks like he's got this competition in his pocket.

But he's not even playing the robot play. It's like, he goes, he goes, I got, you're just playing with a bad boy now. Let me get my virtual boy and sticks his head in that giant heavy headset. Well that's a thing like, how do connect that the power glove to an arcade machine? Because he did at least once or twice. Well, I mean, he probably played around with the circuit. Probably at a USB port. Ultimately, the point is that the girl and that grew up to be a

Janie Lewis, the singer for Ryleau Kylie. So those are things, names I've I guess I've heard that name. Yeah I'm Riley Ace spies I've heard of sure Sharp's rifles. Yeah, well you just ain't just cute because she's a redhead cuz that's too common Tell you what they didn't have a lot of redheads in this movie 10,000. Yeah, that's true They're a lot of people dreadlocks a lot of you with dreadlocks not a lot of blondes have a lot of redheads in this movie 10,000 BC. That's true. They had a lot of people with dreadlocks. A lot of people with dreadlocks, not a lot of blondes, not a lot of redheads. I think there's only one female character other than the weird old-

That's why everyone wanted her. Oh, cool! Oh, there's a big fight! There's a big art fight over the woman. Everybody wanted the girl. It was a shortage of women because they didn't know how to make them yet. Yeah, exactly. They just kept making dudes.

They didn't figure out the secret formula. That's why all the dudes looked weird like they're sculpting on real life. They didn't realize that. Yeah, exactly. Women, the girl has to be on top when you have sex. That's just science, but they didn't have science back then. Yeah, they had magic and magic doesn't make girls. It makes dead old ladies.

Yeah. Oh Jesus Christ. 10,000 BC. Magic and magic doesn't make girls. It makes dead old ladies. Yeah This Christ 10,000 BC. I've never I thought after premonition we could never or we could never be less interested in a movie while watching it Yeah, but this one really almost instantly we were just not let's just skip to the end Let's skip to the end. We were we were just kept just captured by this spell of Disinterest. Yeah, now we are we're we've talked plenty about this movie, I believe. We could bring up a couple more. We're gonna talk about some more shit like. Oh, Jesus. How bad does the computer effects were?

Oh, they're really bad. Those mammoths around people? Manics. Well, mammoths see it. What's a manic? It's a mammoth. Manics, the 1970s. Not manics.

No, the other thing was anytime they'd be like running across like the hills when it was daytime, it totally looked like they were running in front of a big fake painting. Yeah, so they probably, that's the, it did, the first couple scenes did look like they were shot on location at the Museum of Natural History in New York. And like you were worried that like someone would walk too far

and they'd bump into the painted sky that was inches away from them. And then they'd like knock over a stuffed rhinoceros that Teddy Roosevelt shot or something. Yeah, that would be better. That would be a better movie, especially if they like walked into another die around. Well, especially since- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no museum the exterior is very clearly the museum in natural history but the interior looks nothing like it and there's no room in section at the museum of natural history what's that come on there's early peoples exhibits and a few foreign countries and my family are easily gone to the hall of asian peoples or that were you know best I can recall the museum of natural history it's a lot of

taxidermy animals well among other it's an amazing place i'm just saying the movie doesn't do a justice. There's no hall of miniatures or something like that. A hall of little and who no one will see. So wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that Ben Stiller was in a bad film? I'm not saying that makes it bad. I'm just saying it makes it inaccurate in a way that I can't.

It happens all the time when you live in a city like New York where there's a lot of locations that are used for movie It's where it's like they'll show you the exterior of Grand Central Station and then you know Josiah in In Shreveport what a bum fuck doesn't know what that Talking man or a audience He doesn't know what the inside of that building was like They just shoot it on I'm sorry Josiah and

Bumpfuck is a beautiful is a beautiful county But they just they shoot like any old place, but they show you the serious bomb fuck It's the same it's irritating in the same way that Woody Allen movies irritating where it's like oh I just quit my job as a typist to become an actor. I my savings are over. I'll just walk through my 10,000 square foot loft. And you're a reset with two levels, you know, and then go to the opera tomorrow night. And then I'll have dinner at Elaine's a restaurant for old people. Usually not on the out of work actor salary.

Okay. Thanks, Ellen. So, uh, when you whisper into it and it suddenly becomes like a that usually not on the out of work actor salary okay thanks so uh... when you whisper into it suddenly becomes like a psychiatrist psychology like so so guys i don't know if you need us but we're done talking about ten thousand bc okay so happy with that let's uh... move on to uh... modern day okay so wait

okay so we're in the process of traveling. We're going to wait. One last thing before as we're on the go. No one in the movie ever said the year is 10,000 BC and I wanted them to say that to someone just because like it's so inaccurate, you kind of have to do it at that point that they've got a 50%. If they can't even do that. Yeah. I remember 10,000 years before Christ. Mm-hmm. I wish actually I wish the movie opened with young Jesus Christ being taught Being told a story by Joseph and and it goes Dad, when did this story take place? It took place 10,000 years before you were born And then the end-framing sequence as it comes back with Jesus on the cross and he's like, should I listen to my dad's story? I probably wouldn't be in this jail right now.

All the lessons I needed to learn. I had only paid attention to those plucky cavemen. Well, yeah, they learned a lot about brotherhood and how magic and say their girl. They were just a drive home that it was 10,000 BC. They should open it and then just 10,000 years earlier. 10,000 years before this joke. Or this should like an episode of fucking aliens. It starts out with a teaser. It's like 24 hours before. Or just like it shows a guy getting late.

Like this movie I want to make now. We're like a guy wakes up late and he's like struggling to get ready for work and brushing his teeth He runs out while pulling his jacket on just misses the train and goes like oh damn it and then it just says 5,000 years earlier and the movie is about cave people We're about like ancient Semitic tribes or something like that. That would be so great because people forget that it happened in the same world, you know that would be so great because people forget that it happened in the same world, you know? Yeah, no, I got it. Guys late for a train in, you know, 2008. And another guy's late for attacking a spear team.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, sure. No, we don't even draw that close to parallel. And then at the end, it says 17,000 years later, and it's like just a wasteland or something like that. Just leave them depressed at the end. You know, nuclear weapon went off or something. Yeah, you're acting best.

You got mutants or cyborgs or something or cyborg dinosaurs. That would have been great if it said, if like the movie abruptly stopped, and then it said, Like the Brad's film. Yeah, it said 13,000 years later, and it's like cyborgs fighting people and basically it becomes the terminator movie. Be-be- say right now this is a prequel to terminator no i would

imagine roll emerald probably direct no mic g directed the new to the new to the new really yeah that's what it's gonna be really good i know these angels can be awful uh... tors lines mictimum no no that's not a right that's what to say torque. He was going to direct Superman, but it didn't happen. That's too bad.

That's the one where Lex Luthor is a government agent investigating this spaceship that landed years before. And then at the end, he goes, there was another spaceship that landed. You know, who was it? It me and flies up into space. And then Superman, Lex Luthor was supposed to have a flying Kung Fu battle. Oh, this was the Mick G version of Superman. Like Luther was gonna turn out to be it. Yeah, according to, you know, ain't it cool news or something. That sounds like it had been pretty good. Better than the movie that came

out. Well, we're gonna have fighting in it at least. Let's, so, uh, 10,000 BC. It sounds like. Okay, we're done talking about it now. we gonna say I'm just gonna say it sounds like we got a pretty positive review No, no, you're not a spoiler alert. Let me tell you the fact that every movie we've seen since the Bratz movie has not been as good or fun as the Bratz movie is Insane I don't know. Yeah, no the Bratz movie for me has probably been the pinnacle of this the brats movie for me has probably been the pinnacle of this yeah I like everything on the scale of as good or breath were worse than brats from one to brats yeah from zero to one because brats is like a zero point five so like zero to brats yeah this is a minus zero point twelve that's a very specific way that's

nowhere even close to the normal ratings we give movies. Yeah, we can't wait to see when you start reviewing movies for the New York Post. It's like, I give this movie 1.249 stars. I give this movie Pi Stars to the 4th power. I give this movie to the 4th place. 0.33 repeating stars. Okay, so Dan, what are the ratings? So I the ratings are is this a a a bad movie that you would not recommend for anyone

Okay a bad movie that's a funny bad movie or a movie that you kind of like in some way Likely at this point so Stewart you seem to have a strong opinion. What would you say about this movie? The first one was one that I didn't like it all. Yeah, this movie is terrible, dude. I'm so bored. I almost I almost fell asleep. You got up and we're dancing at one point. I did I didn't get a dance when the movie ended. I got it. It was there were still 15 minutes left. Right when the magic saved the girl. Okay. Of course I dance, because the magic's on. I'll tell you this. The one great thing about the movie was Dan read the time, the running time, somewhere it said 109 minutes.

And so at an hour, 37 minutes, I was like, oh, there's still 12 minutes left. And then the credits came up and it was like, yay! This is great. It's shorter than we thought. There's one Dan read the time and it was like about 50 minutes in. We're like, what the fuck? There's another hour of this.

We're not even halfway through this fucking thing. It turned out we were. Yeah, and that's not how it feels like. What do we like four hours into this film? What's going on? Yeah, that was witty. Anyway, what? I'm going to touch you in the ear. Okay, so my review, I didn't like it very much, sorry.

Elliot. I would recommend this movie to people who are trying to get off the couch and like motivate themselves to clean out they're a garage. After a couple of minutes, you're like, there's some things I need to do right now, aren't there? Maybe I should go get the lens out from behind the dryer. Go hunt down a manic.

You start thinking like, I don't know if I need all those old magazines in the basement. Maybe I'll go through them now and see which ones I'll keep. Sure, they're a fire hazard, so better get ready. Well, maybe it's time to repay the drive. I think I'll do that now. Wow, that's pretty easy. It's a terrible movie. Yeah.

No, I gotta agree. My main problem with this movie is it seems hard to fuck up i mean like it seems easy to fuck up but it seems there've been a lot of bad cavemen no no why let me let me finish it seems easy to fuck up but it seems easy to fuck up in an entertaining way yeah true like you imagine okay all right it's a it's a bad movie about prehistory i mean it's not really a caveman movies will pass that but still let's say it's a caveman movie. You think of a caveman movie. You think of a movie with woolly mammoths in it.

And you're like, all right, as stupid as it's going to be, it's going to be pretty funny. Like, there's going to be zany woolly mammoth hunting antics in it. Someone's going to wear a fur bikini. No, it's going to be fun. From the original teenage caveman, with Robert Va our bond to Larry clay Clark's teenage caveman remake those movies are hilariously bad yeah yeah yeah what I like about in

senior man is that I want Brendan Frazier to complete the trilogy of man out of time movies in senior man blast from the past where's his one where he's a guy from the future who comes back and where he's a guy from the future who comes back and doesn't understand brinden balls in your court get out of the center of the earth but my point is just that you know i was expressing but expecting some cheesy fun

certainly based on the trailer i thought i would just be like oh there's just gonna be a bunch of cgi prehistoric monsters attacking no it's uh... all No, it's all prophecies, it's all walking around, it's all slave children, it's all your chosen one. And it's just incredibly dull. Yeah, it's very boring. So don't watch us, we please.

Learn from our mistake. Yeah. Yeah, that was terrible. Speaking of which Brennan Frazier, we better do the mummy tomb of the dragon I'm oh when it's on you better believe it. It has the line in it. I hate mummies, which is So perfect. Well, it's it's tough in a trailer because you're making the audience be like, you know what? I don't like mummies that much either

Wait, why would I go see this movie? The characters who says it is his comedy sidekick who in the first mommy movie didn't believe in mummies So when I saw that line I was like this character's had a real character are throughout this series of not believing in mummies through being so Experience with them that he knows he doesn't like to be fair. You watch the trailer and you're like that That line was meant to be tongue in cheek. However, it's delivered in such a way. Yeah, that it's not that any However, it's delivered in such a way that it's not that any like a humorist audience remember this character hates movies remember remember the series is about mummies it's in the title of the series remember even though it looks like they're just fighting Terracotta warriors and Charlie and Charlie doesn't look anything like a moment remember the mummy and then the mummy returned

and the mummy tuned of the dragon warrior. And the scorpion king. Oh yeah. The scorpion king. I love that the mummy movies they felt were strong enough to spin off the kind of semi-villain of one of them into the hero of his own Conan the Barbarian. And that Dwayne Johnson was such a huge star that he was gonna pull this off.

Like, why would Clark Duncan was in that too? Ellie, he can raise one eye by independent of the other. Basically Tony in the barbarian. Michael Clark Duncan was James Rol Jones. Yeah, sure. Both large African American men. And so he was Tholsa Dume. Yes. I didn't watch.

I didn't watch score. I remember if he was a hero or villain in score. So that would be difficult to relieve the Tholsa Dume because he was pretty much a villain in that. It's true. Yeah. Well, let's talk. Let's not talk about spin offs pretty much a villain. It's true. Yeah. Well, let's talk about spin-offs that no one watched. Let's talk about movies that we actually want to recommend if people...

Okay. Elliot, have you seen a movie of late that you would actually recommend in contrast to 10,000 BC? I haven't actually seen too many movies lately, unfortunately, due to various movies around things. But I'll tell you one movie I saw that was great. I want to step on your guys' toes if you're going to suggest this. But Pixar's latest film, Wally, everyone seems to know by now is amazing.

So, you know. Not an underrated story. Not this is no way an underrated gem that no one over there has overlooked. I would agree. I thought it was really great. I thought it was fantastic. Thank you you I don't know why I said I didn't make it yeah thank you for backing up my recommendation of an amazing we've got to move we've got Andrew Stanton on here we call the Mellie Cullen but

it's director Wally so but other than that I watched a movie I watched vanishing point recently but I was kind of disappointed by the original yeah, yeah, it's a little disappointing Slow it's also well, it's one of those movies We're like I've an naked woman riding around on a motorcycle for a very very very long time. Yeah, to the point where it becomes boring All right, get off the motorcycle and put some put it like a robot Please put something on so that I can I can imagine what you look like and that'll be hotter But there's something up there's one of those movies also that was made in the late 60s early 70s kind of through the late 70s early 80s where it's like This guy plays by his own rules. He's the spirit of freedom like the man's trying to put him down

But he's trying to live his life, but he's a reckless driver who endagers dozens if not hundreds of people. There's only particularly sympathetic about the movie opens with him About with him about to drive through you know a roadblock and then it flashes back to him picking up some speed pills So that he can zoom around and on the public highways and you know screw up family vacations and stuff It was I was hard for me to find and be sympathetic. That was his main goal Scooping up family. They just look in for station wagon But you can knock off the road get word of the sure not anymore Also, I don't know why he's supposed to deliver a white challenger from Denver to San Francisco and the car Can you get it really dirty and banged up during the trip and I don't I just kept thinking The kind of bought that challenger isn't gonna want to take it. It's so dirty now and it's so banged up from all his

that challenger isn't going to want to take it. It's so dirty now and it's so banged up from all his. Yeah, we're all the effort is what you're saying. Yes, pretty much. But I mean, the movie had some good scenes in it. And it's a very much a capsule of its time. And you can hear the lyrics to Mississippi Queen very clearly. So, you know, you ever wanted to know what those are? Sure. But Walla, you was great. Stewart, do you have anything? Yeah, I don't know. I watched people under the stairs recently and that was really good

it was really weird I'd seen him go over with it you watched the movie the people under the stairs? yeah I didn't watch the people under the stairs like eat a human or something they got them and weird the people in your apartment who live under the stairs? yeah that had been fucking crazy and I don't know, I watched the

show Dexter recently and that kind of sucked. And then, uh, I watched the movie. Again, you don't really understand the content. I'm trying to do some movies. I watched, uh, I watched the tripper, uh, the movie where the, uh, there's David R.K. The guy in the Ronald Reagan mask. Yeah. And, well, kind of, it's got, uh, it seems more than just a mask. I mean, it's pretty, it's pretty. I just saw the questions. Where Thomas Jane with a mustache beats up a guy and we're out in Ronald Reagan makeup.

And, I don't know, I guess that was okay. So, you said the tripper, is that you're recommending? Yeah, I was hanging out with, if we're gonna take one thing away from what you say. Well, yeah, I mean, I like Hellboy too, but I don't think that's like underrated anyway, so I'm gonna go with Yeah, if you feel like watching the trip or yeah, you can do it. I did it Stuart gives you permission to watch the trip. Yeah, you can imagine you're me hanging out with my dog Rusty who has three legs

Yeah, Stuart has a dog that has three legs everyone. Yeah, that's a piece of news for you. Pretty amazing, I guess. Kind of. Yeah, that's science. You know, I'm also going to recommend the Life and Death of Colonel Blimp. There you go. That's a movie a lot of people probably haven't seen. So done. Sure. You might have, you've probably seen Wally, you might have seen Vanishing Point. Yeah. I don't think you've seen the Life and Death of Colonel Blimp. It's very good. Yeah, I'm, um, I watch recently. we laugh, I know, I know Colonel Blamp. I know, I'm just trying to think of a movie I actually saw recently that people have wouldn't have heard of that they would like, but.

I watched Sunshine recently. The Science Fiction One or the Three Generations of a European Jewish family. The Science Fiction, the Danny Boyle film. the science fiction one or the three generations of a european jewish family science fiction the the the uh... dandy boyle film that was with his other one was a vester slowness that day that's it that's a movie by getting trapped in the tunnel

uh... i'm talking about the one about restarting the sun with a new glir bomb starring uh... killing murphy so so vester slowne isn't in that one now and i get and that's like the the the ship the voice of the ship, and I didn't realize that's not the John sales movie about the sheriff, right? Oh, that's loans. Oh, okay. I was thinking of, I got mixed up with Loan star, the cartoon about the space cowboy from a movie with kids. I was just thinking of space. Sure. Now, when I watched some, I watched Sunshine, a movie that was not, you

know, a forgotten movie by any means, but I don't think it was a big hit either. It kind of, it was, it kind of passed under the radar. It came in and I really liked it. I really liked it, honestly. Is it a, was this what I got from the advertisements? Was that it was a more positive version of Event Horizon? It was, it was a more positive version of event horizon. It was a version that sounds great. Tell me more. It was a version of event horizon that made much more sense. Like my problem with event horizon is like,

same deal. No, same deal opposite zone eyes out. That's amazing. I've said this before. I don't think he actually says that. He says that I think. I think he's just quoting back to the future then. Because it's really weird.

My problem with inventorizing, I've said this before, is like, all right, fine. Haunted house, movie, and space, fine, whatever. Oh my god, I, whatever, chill out. Stop with the scares. All right, movie, let it go. I understand your friend. A horror movie has to have some internal logic to it to like not if it's an Argento film

Well, I hate fucking our to move now if it's in outer space good point my logic doesn't work in space My point is like if a movie is just like you know what's why all those this is a scary image You know what here's another scary image. You know what this This is scary too. And they have no connection to each other I'm like, that's not scary. That's you've never been into space, I think. All right. That's true. Yeah, I'm in there. Everything happens like crazy all the time. But no, sunshine, you know, like it's a movie that actually does not start out. I mean it basically just starts out as a science fiction movie and sort of like a a meditative science fiction movie, but ultimately actually kind of becomes a horror movie.

It's more than just a horror movie, but it becomes one. But it has one thing in common with one of my favorite horror movies of recent years, which is the Descent, which is that before the real horror of the film starts, the setup is already scary. Like in the dissents where, you know, like, okay, we're trapped in a cave in, in these uncharted caves and then troglonites come out, like, before you add the troglonites, it's pretty already,

it's a scary scenario. Yeah, but when you add drugs in there, that should get scary, man. Yeah, and this he had drugs in there, that shit gets scary, man. Yeah, and this movie, you know, it's like, okay, more in a ship that's going to the sun, and if we screw up at all, and don't have like the sun shields in front of us, we're gonna burn up, that's already like a very thin

situation, and then add like this, like sort of wild card, like loved one for us, I don't wanna, you know, like, spoil too much of it. It's like Saturn, but yeah, no, it's creepy. It's like Stanley Donnan's sci-fi horror toward a force Saturn 3. Yeah, I'm, I'm a plug lever con for lever con in space. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Oh, because he jumps into someone's dick through their pee.

Yeah, I think he does. Just like a lever con for. Exactly like Jason X. What other movies are in space? A couple of critters face chips. Yeah, that one face The second like space camp there are two There are two CGI like like computer animated films coming out one after the other space chimps and fly boys About animals who are astronauts animated films coming out one after the other space chimps and flyboys about

animals who are astronauts. Well they come in pairs. Space chimps are space chimps obviously and then flyboys are apparently flies who hit you right on the space shuttle. I can't imagine a more boring movie than flies on a space shuttle. Or potentially disgusting. Unless there's like a creepy like Twilight Zone ending where they just like all of it and just slap the flies dead. Well, there goes our heroes. That's why they call them buzz or something.

But no, because flies are so small that it's not like they're going to unbalance the oxygen on the ship or anything. They're going to rescue everybody by hitting a dial or some shit. It's probably what happens They have to jump really hard on a button. Oh Right that sounds that sounds good. Let me yeah, we should watch that man. Yeah, let me try this up a little bit No, this this show this umbilical cord of a podcast. Yeah, and say this one's been bad. Whoa Whoa, I mean 10,000 BC was bad. was bad get down here. So hey

Hey, you guys hey guys Alright, hey speaking of which did we get any responses for watching movie with the flop that we got? Oh my god. That was exactly what I was gonna get into we got absolutely no responses and I think the fun part of the problem is We were they don't know who we're to shamefully vague about this Contest so part of the problem is we don't know who we're shamefully vague about this. What are the rules of the contest? So, here's the thing. You have to be 18 or older. Yeah, sure, yeah.

All expenses paid by you. Unless you're young. Okay, paid by you, the contestant. Contestants. But the expenses are not much. It's just getting to Brooklyn, New York. Stewards apartment in Brooklyn. Oh yeah, it's gonna be my place.

Basically, the prize is, is watch movie the flop house Get to be part of the podcast. Oh wow It will be like sign up at Stewart's apartment you get free beers that we buy also probably snacks And all you have to do is you got to send in an email and here's what I'm gonna I'm gonna say more specifically Put in the subject heading of the email Flop house contest. That's good. So I shouldn't say like free dick enlargement or something. Yeah, no That'll go straight to the spam filter. Oh, that's too bad. Well if they spell free fr33

That's all right then okay, so dick enlarger people if you want to get through Dan's spam filter, free should be FR33. Yeah. But, um. And you should probably spell penis pen 15. And there's a very vague, um, very great rules for this podcast. Okay, so yeah, they, uh, yeah, maybe. Plophouse podcast contest or something. And in the subject line,

flop house contest. And then in the body of the email, what do they do? Just explain in a hundred words or less why they love the flop house. I thought that they were supposed to do something awesome for the flop house. Oh, that's right.

To bring attention to the flop house. Bring attention to us. I thought they should just write about the worst movie they've ever seen in a while. It's known as 40 days and 49. All right. You can do any of those. Everyone. Freeform contest. What Flophouse podcast or Flophouse contest. As long as it's Flophouse contest in the seventh time. You're entered. Do something. Get us new listeners. We prefer that one. Send us a drawing or a picture, write a poem or a song, write Stuart a love letter.

Right, I want to play. Right, I want to play about like it's like a dwarf in Nazi Germany, like that book. The tin drum. What? The tin drum? The stone's from the river, whatever it's called. The tin drum also works. Wait. What are you gonna say?

Deblech trouble. That's the chairman. Oh, sorry Do any of this is a met this is America. We speak English now. I believe in perestroika Says tango and cash anyway. I believe oh, I thought you were doing the guy from the Godfather No, I was doing it so we're done. You know in cash We gotta go see can you in cash tomorrow right? No, it's not tomorrow. It's August 23rd is July 23rd Okay, okay Listeners you can move and do free to the flop house podcast At gmail.com the flop house podcast at gmail.com

Okay, yeah, the flop house podcast at gmail.com the flop house podcast at gmail.com Okay, yeah, the flop house podcast at gmail.com subject line flop house contest and body will will be things like Jake possible. Yep, possibly attachments of Topos photos who knows Constituents to send constituents. Yeah, we're not elected officials, Dan. We appointed ourselves. Yes, it says you. Anyway, there's one more thing that I wanted to say. And that's there.

If you go to the flop house podcast.blogspot.com, on the sidebar there's a button there that says, take a survey. And the reason that that's there is if you click that button you'll be directed to a short survey that gives us sort of like demographic information about you as a listener and the reason that that that we have that button there is because we're hooked up with a company. We can maybe get a little... It's called Evil Core.

Yeah, Evil Core Incorporated. And we can get a little sponsorship. And I know that people think that sponsorship is evil, but I promise you that we will not make any money off of this podcast ever. Basically, if we get any sort of sponsorship, it will just cover our basic operating costs. And also, the bandwidth. Why would you say sponsorship is evil?

All the great painters have had patrons who took care of them. You think Shakespeare didn't have sponsors? He told me to. Make a land, Jelou. Make a land, Jelou had sponsored by the choich among other things, and I turned into a bowry boy briefly and You know who I'll Greco. I'm sure you know, but

Other painters sure I'm I'm fucking going into a days. I can't even remember You tell you about us sponsorship so people should check that shit out if they should money for sponsorship you know that covers the uh... the bandwidth covers the equipment it covers the course light that we need to give to Stewart to make just a way to what but i think i'm enjoying life uh... so that's a good thing too so but we've talked for a long time and this is been a shitty movie so we

should sign off uh... so i don't want to and that's a busy it fucking sucks who's our sponsor oh no it's ten thousand bc on dvd all of the yeah yeah

well as short face his own use it out i'll just say that's how he leaves rooms. Yeah, you guys need anything in the kitchen because I'm gonna get something. Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So hey, for the flop house, I've been steward Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy. I remain Elliott Kaelin. Can I have everyone? Bye K-men are boring. I guess that's what we learned from this What's a man? It's a mammoth.

Oh, okay. It's like calling little kids younglings. That was the dumbest younglings. Annie, did you kill a shitload of younglings? Like, I don't know. I think so. Wait, are those children you mean? Because I killed some of them.

Because you could just call them that. Call them children next to them. Because like we use the same word for food or space or moon or clothing or you or person or we don't need a different word for children, do we? Except poo-doo means poo.