The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #33 - An American Carol

Episode Date: March 15, 2009

No time for show notes this week, but enjoy the episode.

In this unedited edition of the Flop House, we'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kaylen. I don't need to say a before my name. No, you don't but I didn't sure But I like this. I'm Elliott Kaelin's that it sounded like I was saying I am yeah, no, that's pretty good Tonight we watched a little film very little film. Yeah, sure is 80 minutes 82 minute 82 minutes probably that include the country 78 minutes with credits. Yeah If I'm called an American Carol probably the country was a minute's with credits uh... from cold and american carol as opposed to the french carol and the german carol Egyptian carol

yeah japanese carol or my carol lives in jersy no no kid it was uh... takeoff of the charles dickens christmas story take quick papers. In America.

In America. In American Great Expectations. So it was an homage to, what do you say, homage? What, the Christmas Carol? Yeah. It did the same thing that- So you wouldn't say homage? The same way that sitcoms used to every year around Christmas

do their Christmas Carol episode would be like what if Erkel was never born i guess you know we'll have to find out and that's a good buy for ghost that's a wonderful life thing yeah yeah hercules is in the three ghosts one of them played by out and now every year the republicans are going to do their version of a Christmas Carol an american carol and their version of its wonderful life. And what else? And their American life's way with that word.

It's an American life. Yeah. Well, there's already this American life. Well, that's different enough. Okay, I'll give you that. We're life in these United States. Wait, wait, wait, wait, this American life thing, that's pretty Republican, right? No. Huh. Okay. states that that this american life thing that's pretty republican right now

okay like like all npr programming it is a heavy conservative event so uh... you want to kick us off the end give us what's the what's the back what should we talk about what the plot of it is or talk about why we watch this in the first place i'm not sure there was a plot but well there was a clear plot michael malone a thinly veiled michael more parity hate america and everything about america just the same way that everybody is liberal hates america and hates wars and hates everything that makes america

great i.e. wars and so and he's also mean to his family and he's not really mean he's just kind of negligent to his distant to his nephew yeah actually it's just not even a strange they just don't talk that often to his nephew who's in the navy and his nephew has a ton of disabled kids because he said that he's always shooting like half-blanks uh... in the sack but that's how that happens right because there's something wrong with his

seem well his sperm probably at a bent tail okay that was the subtle thing that was the subtlety of this movie that they're saying that republicans are right all the time however they give birth to defective children yeah which is why they're still democrats yeah but anyway he wants to outlaw the fourth of july uh... and so the good you if you're a democrat sure the ghost of john f kennedy played by very bad john f kennedy impersonator set through a tv and tells him you're gonna be visited by spirit or he doesn't even say that he just says like you got to learn a lesson guy and so the times back into the flat

screen yes the ghost Samara from the ring the ghost of George Patton I like the bad guy from brain scan or like every character and stay tuned the or like video drone oh it's and James Woods is this too, and the whole time he was on screen, which is only about a minute. I kept thinking like, oh, you were in video drone. That's one of my favorite movies. Like, come on. But, uh, and he was also in, um, you know, a good episode of The Simpsons.

But anyway, those, and that's the only things James Woods has ever been in. Absolutely. Uh, so, and then the ghost of George Patton played by Kelsey Grammer. Basically, like, and George Washington played by John Voitt and a judge played by Dennis Hopper, they basically like show him that all of America's good things come from the wars it's fought, and to be against war is to be anti-American, and to be, there are only two things and Bill O'Reilly's in it too. And there's only one, you can only be like a very unquestioning American

patriot or you can be this Michael Moore parody who hates everything about America and at the same time Robert Davy is a terrorist who somehow they're like pretending to fund Michael Moore's Michael Moore's was a thought it was a columbian drug lord who you think of license to kill uh... i was watching the wrong movie i think somehow like your head he had i think well the right thing to do watching this movie is to imagine a different movie in your head was like i would not have had to listen to kill was like to get the right word puts itself that i felt the pain

so license to kill was that the one where the guy gets put in like the pressurization chamber and then he explodes inside there i don't remember that i remember uh... linda hunt with a whip uh... necklace i think you're thinking of you know you have a little with good people to kill which is uh... which is a much better if looks could kill who's talking now and he is the movie you're thinking of yeah that's where it was linda hunt

the talking dog uh... or you could see you could hear the dogs were thinking. I never understood how that worked. But anyway, so in the end, he learns his lesson. Yeah. We'll let one to. And the look who's talking now, because the baby, can you hear the baby will they get the babies and the dogs? They talk on the same frequency. It was like, you know, a sitcom that has been on the air for several seasons. They're like, just to add other things at times. If it was like, take away things at times.

Like, like, like, plants? Yeah, well, this thing, if they had made the fourth one, guess who's look who's talking? Then they would have been a fourth curly line. Curse analysis, ficus tree. So, were they like that? And then, and look who's what? They're talking now. They'd be like, they'd press down the toaster thing

and it would go, it's a living and then toaster papa. Wait, so the toaster is like a turtle or some kind of dinosaur? Yeah, like in the Flintstones. But they also forgot the ghost of America future played by some countries. Well, he was the angel of death, he said. And Toby Keats.

This is a movie that it wasn that was it was it it looked like to be this is a this is a movie where george washington takes michael morth with dusty church and he says all it's pretty dusty no one's cleaned in here about george was says look this is why and opens the door on the work the wreckage of the world trade center and says this is the dust of three thousand dead men and then michael moron falls forward and hits his head on a liberty bell about and says this is the dust of 3,000 dead men. And then Michael Moore and False Ford

and hits his head on a Liberty Bell about two or three times and then falls over. That's the movie in a nutshell. I have expected that scene to be punctuated with a loud fart. You expected a fart or George Washington to break into a rap or something. It didn't happen.

David Zucker respects those who fell on nine eleven so much that you're uh... made a goofy comedy which is fine it's just get your get you like you the it would be a whole thing had very crossed wires it was like we're gonna make a ton of like silly jokes about this thing but there are other things that you don't make jokes about me maybe they shot that scene and then they're like that's like we uh... they're like We don't I'm going jokes in this scene. There are so many other scenes with no jokes in the know Yeah, I guess you're right. So aliens to it. You're both you're both pretty liberal guys. Um, I can only

economically I can I'm slightly to the left of What like Lenin? I don't know. Sure, but I can only assume that after this film. I'm very socially conservative. I can only assume that after this film, you've seen the air of your ways. Actually, no, Dan. I agree that we shouldn't allow the ACLU zombies, which this movie showed us the ACLU zombies.

We shouldn't allow them to pull down the ten mommies in a courthouse for a while i was like are they trying to pull down the bill of rights i guess i guess i defend that they shouldn't know there's ten commandments but yeah the ten commandments this is weird scene where Dennis hopper and and uh... and kelsie grammar are shooting and killing zombies but the zombies aren't eating people they're just trying to take down a cart like the ten commandments from a courtroom well this this as much as you believe in having those ten commandments up you really doesn't give you the license to

shoot people in the back well yeah this is the thing that disturbed me probably the most in the movie was um a scene where they're shooting members of the ACLU who in the words of Aaron Sorkins film the American president, an organization simply devoted to upholding the first amendment. Whether or not you agree with some of their... And you're the fourth and fifth amendment.

But you also heard... Did you or did you not hear Kelsey Grammer say after he shot a terrorist in the back, enjoy your civil liberties in hell? Oh no, it was, enjoy your right to privacy. Enjoy your right to privacy in hell. I know it was it. You're right to privacy. Enjoy your right to privacy in hell. Yeah, I think you're I think you're focusing too much on the word in joy.

I'm focusing last on the fact that Kelsey Grammar shot him. No, well, he was a terrorist. First of all, do we know he was a terrorist? He just got shot and exploded. He saw just been an explosive. He was about he was about to have his bag checked by the NYPD in the subway, who usually just watch people walk by and don't check anyone's bag. And then the ACLU's homies said you can't do that and they went, what are we gonna do?

And then the one terrorist said to the other like, thank Allah and then he was gonna, and then he blew up when he got shot. That was a really small bomb if he would have exploded like, the bombs in this either take out an entire building or just one person clearly have timers on them Robert at driver dovey walks into what messes regarding the bomb structure but it has a time around it so he goes death to America but he's still got like a minute left on the bomb yeah I got a vamp a little so he has to run away like it doesn't make sense i'm gonna i'm gonna'm gonna do my staged reading of my play while you. No, but... Interior.

That's the square guard. A lone terrorist stands by himself in a spotlight. Handsome. And they're staged right. But no, clearly, David's... Windblown. Handsome, the word used to describe Robert Dobby. Slyly facially scarred.

Clearly, David Zucker just wanted to put a scene in this film word used to describe Robert slide slightly facially scar clearly exactly just wanted to put a scene in this film where members of the ACLU get shot and he was like after the fact it's like okay this is a little harsh there's zombies alright that the one thing about those zombies is they're fucking like talking like it's not like they're lucid

it's like it's like if a dog starts like it's like a fucking bear starts talking to you you probably won't like shoot it with a flame through not quite as quickly you are obsessed with shooting bears and playing throwers no one does that yeah let's pull back the flopphouse curtain a little bit and talk about how we were discussing bachelor parties before this and stewards ideal bachelor party involves shooting a bear with a flame thrower well yeah i mean that's not that weird. Members of, you know, the American society

to be a truly for animals, against animals, Peter, right? Well, where would you do this, though? No, Peter's the crazy one. Well, where would you do this, though? In Eastern Europe. So the ASPCA has no jurisdiction? They wouldn't give a shit.

It would just be the SPC. They'd rather me do that in Eastern Europe than here on the table. I don't think that's no worse. I would draw, my bachelor party involves give a shit. It would just be the SPC. They'd rather me do that in Eastern Europe than here on the market. I don't think that's how it works. I would draw, my bachelor party involves driving a tank, shooting bears with flame throwers, maybe, you know, probably naked girls. So ladies, if you want to take this guy off the market

and make this bachelor party happen. If you think there's one too many bears in this world. Right. So wait, so wait so wait I'm gonna she wants to marry me simply so a bear will die like maybe this bear killed her family And she's like oh you have to kill old smokey the greatest bear that killed my family you kill him my maddie you maybe You'll marry us even first bear I'd I'd want to marry that woman if like She's got that sexy accent. Oh, yeah, she's a court. She's got like a revenge scenario.

Yeah, it sounds awesome. You've got everything I've always loved. An accent of endetta. Possibly an eye patch, because one of her eyes got clawed out by a pair. Oh, now she's just Molotov cocktails from venture brothers. Yeah, that's probably right.

Okay, but in American carols, this is a good movie. Okay, so who's more than like, he's shooting like talking zombies. Well, because the idea was that- They're not really zombies anymore. The metaphor and it's kind of, it's not a bad movie. Okay, so who's not like he's shooting like talking. Well, because the idea was that they're not really zombies anymore. The metaphor and it's kind of it's not a bad joke. The metaphor is that the ACLU are like zombies because they're constant, non-stoppable and unseasing and applicable. I don't know. I think that is a bad metaphor because that's not where I think of where I think of these. But it isn't what, but that's their point of view with it about the ACLU. That I can understand that one as you, if you see the ACLU. I can understand that one as if you see the ACLU as an organization

that exists to stand in the way of police and the government, which it's not, but you may think that way. Then this is a good metaphor for that. It's one of the few things of creativity in the movie that I thought was like kind of clever, even though I disagreed with it. More so that say that they're a rational hatred of Columbia University. That was weird. They just they keep all the all of the student protests and teacher and and and crappy professors who hate America are at Columbia yeah Columbia the real center of leftist descent in America and you know granted as we were talking about you know the 1968

protests which I think were being obliquely referenced in this movie. And they have a very obliquely. I'm a dindish. But I don't know. They have these parent figures come in and being like, what? This is what you're teaching on children.

This is where our college money is going to. And it's like, whoa. Yes, it's a lot of ghost you have been paying to send your child to an ivy league university oh my god they might get a good job after school it'll look good on their transcripts nobody's getting a good job after school these days no no listeners yeah dan you know

chimney sweeps oh well this uh good job after school these days. No, no. Listeners. Yeah, Dan, you know. Stay at home. Chimney Sweeps. Oh, well, this is, that was another, that was one of many unnecessary song and dance numbers. Mm-hmm. Or was there, I feel like there were a time, but now I can't really remember any besides that. And the country song at the end that said America's the best country in the world, which is true.

And then to back that up, it said, we've got the army, the Marines, this Navy, and the Air Force, which are good things that we have even though the marines are technically the navy i mean like that's like they can they can maybe just put that into keep this balance they become kind of their own branch in a lot of ways but the like that's not the reason a mere like america has a very strong great military but that's not

that's the reason that's what makes it great all you know as we as an american carol proves at the end when michael mullon is looking out of the audience and he sees soldiers from every generation going back uh... to the minute men and i thought oh i get it where were those doors that's what they were i'm not sure if they're a ghost where he was just seeing things like i have to like as someone who i've met i have never served in the military and I never will because I'm deathly afraid of it.

But the like so strapping and and that's why they wouldn't take me because my eyesight is terrible and I'm way about a hundred pounds. But the like I have an incredible respect for the military and I you know I've teared up reading books about the Civil War World War II or the Vietnam War because of the things these men have gone through to protect America. But if that, them fighting to protect America is not the basis for America's great. Like they're fighting to protect a great country that's great for several reasons. They're not fighting because it's great to be fighting for this country because they are

great fighters or something. Exactly. Well, the reason America is great is not the same reason that Rome was great. Like Rome was great because it conquered a bunch of places. Like America is great because we're saying military, it's a great system of government. You're saying that this, you know, this movie is basically the same philosophy

as the film 300. Yeah, very much so. Which is weird because 300 is basically about the Iraqi insurgency fighting off the United States. This giant multi-cultural force comes in and these guys go, oh we got to protect everybody and kill everybody. I thought it was about dudes with really good bodies battling. Well, it's about guys cutting off the heads of giants in slow motion and shooting spears

into rhinoceros eyes and things like that. Yeah, that's great. It's about the visionary director Zack Snyder. Yeah, really, really, really wet pecs. They should have called the movie Wet Pecs. I don't know if you can see it. Gather ye round and listen to the story of Wet Pecs. Now guys, we'll talk about Wet Pecs a little later. Oh, I want to wet pecs! What up? That's what I was like. You know, I know you guys know me. You know how much I like a movie with a bunch of ghosts and zombies and shit.

The thing that's weird is that- That's too good for you. The weird thing about this movie is there were a lot of scenes where they're ghosts doing shit. Yeah. And like, and you have your main character, the Michael Moore guy, who was- Michael Malone.

Michael Malone, who could play- Like Kevin Farley. But the Farley's brother. No way, wait, was that? Now Chris Farley, a guy that I was not a huge fan of in life But I have so much respect for him after seeing his brother's performance in this film now is he named Kevin Farley as like a parody of Chris Farley No, that's actually actually Yeah, he's also in rental car commercials so

Okay, so you clearly the main character can see the ghosts because they're talking and shit like that. Well, they're coming to visit. But there's a couple weird scenes where all of a sudden, other people can see the ghosts. And the ghosts are shooting people in a subway and people are like, oh wow, okay, I guess there's that terror scotch at by the ghost. Maybe it's like Ghost Town, the movie and with Ricky Jervais, but there were a couple people who were in ricky java is a situation okay and there they what kind of like name would be called like transfers

or ghosters i would call them uh... second-siders okay second-siders so there's a number of these second-siders around the world yeah they have a loose network which keeps a marriage keeps her the earth safe with the space ghost now is there is there the jangler cat brought in pincere film that's second-site absolutely now is there a organization possibly quasi catholic that is dedicated to the eradication of second ciders yeah let's call them uh... ex cathedrals ex cathedrals and they battle the second ciders for the fate of the souls of the earth not realizing

that the greater threat lies outside man this movie was great yeah yeah it will call it wet pecs wet pecs too the greece an adventure pecs through time uh... and uh... i was just glad to see kevin sorboh got a paycheck from this

yeah a long time since Andrew Ahmed I got canceled Yeah, and call the conqueror was there some guys. Yeah, it was wasn't this was directed by David Zucker one third of Zucker Abram Zucker Yeah, and it was 30% of that yeah, where do I know that name well Dan? I'm a listener at home Kentucky fried movie Kentucky fried movie okay? Oh, okay, I like hot secret police squad naked gun from the files of police squad uh... at one point if it's not that's not uh... hot shots was at least two of them what about jane austin's mafia uh... i think that was not maybe one i don't know that that was the thing like they want to start with a split apart

the all of the other own. What about Scary Movie 3? Which one did they do? They did one of these 3. Yes, it was a Zucker production. They took over after the segment. Which one was the one with Chris Rallye in it? The second one. Yeah.

You're thinking of Cabin Boy. I am thinking of Cabin Boy, that was great. But the point is, a funny guy, but has been overcome with just like everything on his movie is this on the nose like hilarious But also for a guy who's made so many movies like this is a really poorly produced poorly made movie Well, it's just a polemic and the thing is like David Zucker's one of these guys. I've read an interview you know Interviews with him and he's one of these guys Who became a Republican after 9-11. Like Dennis Miller, he's like, all right.

George Del Viblish. I'm gonna become a Republican now. However, that always baffles me because- And Tony the Tiger. Number one, it's not like Democrats weren't angered by the terrorist attacks. It seems like they were just looking for an excuse to be assholes and they're like, oh came along this is our chance but also like after

this movie was made in the waning days of the book should administration like after all that happened to still cling to this like strain that's when you need it the most when you know the country is turned against that way of thinking like that's when you re-double your efforts to you don't make a movie like an american carol when people agree with you you make it when people disagree with this the other thing like the the vulture maybe it's an act of bravery to produce this terrible film maybe it's terrible unfunny film but that's the other thing like the version of

liberalism presented in this movie is such a crazy straw man and I said I'm an Elliott who like works in Who deals with crazy straw man all day one of no, but like at least You're you know like the daily show traffic in sort of left-wending political satire Yeah, you guys do some political stuff right every now and then yeah But yeah, but it hangs people by their own word we kind of well It's different when it's a show than a movie because like we can show people saying things But it's true like we I mean we try to do as much as possible Things that are grounded in reality as opposed to ghosts

I wish we didn't really do But as opposed to caricatures like they have they have Rosie O'Donnell they have a Rosie O'Donnell character in this called hilariously Rosie O'Donnell I think oh she was supposed to be Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah and they have Rosie O'Donnell talking about her documentary film about how evil Christians are and it's like I don't Rosie O'Donnell doesn't make documentaries. I don't remember her specifically coming out against Christians maybe when they maybe it involved her lesbian. If it was a failed Broadway musical about me awful crazy stuff. At least that would like, she has a connection with that. I mean I know she's a bitch, but no. But it just like, You guys get real cool.

I'm saying. But it was just, it was just, That was when you were gonna slip under the radar. Yeah, see what's calling out Rosie O'Donnell on our podcast. Yeah, let's battle. But it's just weird, because it's like, why are you, like, I guess she says, she said literal things when,

I guess this must've been made when she was still on the view. And she was like, the hardcore liberal opposite Elizabeth Haselback, but it's just weird to attack her as a liberal documentarian attacking Christians when I like, I don't really think of her that way. I mean, I think of her as an irritating one's funny comedian. Do you think they either picked a name out of a hat or they had an actress selected and were like, who does this kind of overweight actress look like? I think they said we need to have a Rosio Donald character,

but that we need to figure out something for her to do in the lot. Yeah, Daily Brewery put out a call for a Rosio Donald types. Yeah, maybe, maybe it was a brain, or like, you know what? Must brain, or what? You know what? You know what, for some reason.

You know who I think is stupid and hilarious looking Rosio Donald? Let's get somebody that we can, that looks like that, so I have to say that. And the same way that they had like, a guy playing Jimmy Carter talking about, and like, we're talking about how great it is that America's gonna surrender to terrorists,

and like, not only did they not get someone who looked or sounded anything like Jimmy Carter, because again, they only hired shitty celebrity impersonators, but like, to have, to attack me. It can use a fucking cartoon. Like they could use a CGI character that would have been more realistic. Yes, they could have used the like archival footage of Jimmy Carter and just dubbed it

in. Well, to attack him for being not a very good president, to attack him for not, you know, solving the Iranian hostage crisis magically or to attack him for, you know, his liberal out like you can do those things, but to exaggerate it to that degree invalidates what you're saying. Like it's crazy. And speaking of the terrorists taking over, the movie's version of what would happen is if we lost the war on terror is that apparently, I guess the terrorists invade America and take it over.

And it's basically the same except for instead of like gaps around There's a bunch of Berkestores and but they still have a space level pizza place says New York style pizza in big neon letters Yeah, there's like Coca-Cola songs like everywhere Ultimately fucking life didn't seem to change so I guess I'm okay They changed the Hollywood science would say Alu Akbar Yeah, that wouldn't bother me that much if that's all takes to end the war on terror that maybe we should just let them invade which is apparently according to David's that what's gonna happen that the other and I don't want to get off on too many political rants because this is a movie podcast but like the I the thing that

would bother me so much in the two thousand eight presidential race was this this is something that rame used to say more than other guys but the idea that like these people want to come in and establish a caliphate over America and take it over and we're not going to let that happen. It's like how that's that you could there are no amount of cities in America that you could blow up that Americans will be like, I guess we're just going to have to submit to this, you know, extreme Islamic law that it's going to be like red don or something. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's an insult to this to this. Colorado, you're not sure. It's an insult. It's an insult to the strength of will of the American people that after a certain point they'll be like, I can't take any more of this. I better just convert to Islam and do what these guys tell me. Well, and Ellie,

there can't be more, like, let's say there are numbers. Let's say there are a hundred thousand terrorists. You would need 10 to a hundred two I don't know you know many more times that many people to conquer the United States of America like it's an enormous it's the strongest country in the world it's enormous yeah where they're gonna do like breed with alien DNA so they have like tons of babies or something that's exfiles the move the fight the future do or don't say that they're gonna get ideas from the podcast it's just so insulting like babies we've you know that there has of babies or something? That's expires the move to fight the future. Stuart don't say that. They're going to get ideas from the podcast.

It's just so insulting. It's like we've you know that there hasn't been you know a full-scale war in our soil since. Oh the subject of alien babies. I watched species to the other day. And please that was great. A lot of alien babies in that. What was great was that basically the premise is there's an alien guy who's you know This astronaut gets alien DNA mixed in his own stuff So he's like part alien or something and they just goes around having sex with women and they immediately erupt with a baby out of their stomach and die Like it's just it's a It's a male view of a pregnancy. I think a child. Yeah, I think that's what it is

It was was have sex with this woman all of a sudden there's a baby exploding out of a stomach all I did was put in for a second now aliens are gonna destroy the world what a great movie I'll never forget that there's a same in max cartoon that showed where they were like did you know and it's like women and like men think of babies as parasites living inside a woman's stomach and just max as a babies as parasites living inside a woman stomach and just uh... max as a as a fetus inside a woman uh... gleefully slamming on the parasite on a parasite

is the idea of uh... babies as parasites feeding off their hosts i don't know what's strange about that all you have a lot of but um... so before we so i have a all you have as the flopped-house historian uh... which i think you are i believe you had a lot of the problems with the other sessions are junior distinguished share of history of the flop-up but the the movie's view of history and you had a few issues it was just

fair they seem to be saying they were well it was like we have to fight this war if we hadn't fought in world war two Hitler would have taken over if we hadn't fought in World War II Hitler would have taken over if we hadn't fought the Civil War there'd still be slaves that's why we got to fight this war and it did this idea that all wars are equal and you know we have to obviously wars what what everything good in America came out of war which is crazy we got Velcro from the space program hello and Tang you it's just it was this very ridiculous thing of like and I

We did the space program for war boots in theory. It was more of a and moon in moon boots. Yes And ceramics, but it was like just the idea that that like this war what's different between this war and the Civil War and or the World War two Nothing Guys are shooting that's more same thing. Come on, let's do this, everybody. You don't want the Iraqis to be slaves to Southern landowners or killed by Hitler done. It was just very, you know. Yeah, and there, I mean, I think to more critique the movie rather than the crazy ideology.

Yeah, my God. It's like their way of presenting Hitler is as this like kind of silly guy hanging out with Mussolini in here, Aheado like dancing. Yeah it was just it was they were trying to shoehorn jokes into an ideological structure and the jokes they picked were like not because they were hamstrung they couldn't they were kind of hemmed in by the by the story they couldn't put in funny jokes a lot of it. Yeah like let's throw a banjo in the scene that's funny.

Hey let's have this guy the scene that's funny hey let's have this guy fall over that's funny like it's these these dealing with slaves let's get Gary Coleman is one of his slaves like that would be hilarious there's no it's not there's no there's no more overused celebrity cameo than Gary Coleman except for Paris Hilton who I believe is also in the movie unless she's a personator Gary Coleman's really really short, though. He is very, well, then you could also get, you know, manual Lewis or something, you know. That's not quite as funny. Well, what about the late Hurray Velaches?

That's funny. If you had the corpse of Hurray Velaches, like a mummy? Yeah, yeah. It's a mummy for, the return of Hurray Velaches. Wait, he's in the mummy, they're like, there's a fourth mummy movie.

There will be what I make it. Okay, is Bren and Frazier gonna be back again? Yeah, but he's a mummy. Oh, he's in the mummy. There's a fourth mummy movie. There will be what I make it. Okay. Is Brennan Frazier going to be back again? Yeah, but he's a mummy. Oh, wow. This is a new kind of mummy where if you get bitten you turn into a mummy. Okay, is this one going to be in 3D? It's called mummy 4D. 4D. Okay, what's the fourth dimension? Time. All movies are three-dimensional. Okay. So wait, what time... wait, it's gonna be an hour and a half, right? Wait, what time of my scenes movie? Yes. The movie will be a trim 74 minutes. Are there gonna be yetis in this one too?

Yes, well when it goes, that's like what yetis. Yeah, but wait, there's a name. There's a name. And they're cannibals. Yeah, they're cannibals. That's too bad. And there's gonna be a lot of... And I know you're going to want to see

it Stewart. So I'm putting Christina Hendrix in with no top on. That's I do want to see it now. Or wait, I did before when there are yeties and dummies. Well, it's like my favorite things in your place. You're spending several millions of investors dollars just designing a film that Stewart wants to see.

It's going to see it multiple times. So I still don't think it's a good return. I mean, even if you saw it every day in the theater. I've got a hunch on this one. Okay. I think a lot like the rest of America. And I think America's gonna wanna see this movie. You're the most perfect focus group we've found.

I know. All right, let's go. It's called an American mummy in Paris. Whoa! Excuse me for a second, okay? I'm just getting over the title. It's great. It ends in a lengthy mummy in Paris. Whoa! Excuse me for a second, okay? I'm just getting over the title, it's great. It ends in a lengthy mummy ballet number. It's called an American mummy in Paris, the quickening.

Oh, interesting. I didn't realize that mummies could obtain the quickening. Yeah, they can in this movie, yeah. Okay. Yeah, and Mad Max isn't it too. Mad Max, is it just gonna be like, they're gonna like use Photoshop or something to cut them out of the scenes from the road warrior and just like stick him in there Or is it just gonna be milgips and we got a time machine or going back to 1981 to get that milgips in okay?

We're gonna bring him in that's cool. I don't think that's the best use of time machine tech It's the only use of time machine technology Everyone knows that time machine technology should only be used to hunt dinosaur What do you think the sequel is gonna have in American mummy in the mesozoic? That's what it's called And you have fights a dinosaur. Okay, so American Carol. Yeah, I think we should wrap this up Yeah, very bad with our final judgments on American carol judgment is it a Bad bad movie a movie that's not worth anything a good bad movie a movie that's sort of funny and it's badness or a movie that you kind of like that some way Stuart Yeah, Dan. There's nothing good about this movie

The only thing that was good was when it was over and I didn't have to watch it anymore It felt like an 80-minute long man TV sketch except with worse celebrity impersonators. And worse production values. Yeah, terrible. There were very, very rare segments where I'm like, oh, that's a good Zucker Aburn, Zucker Joke. Like, when Robert Davies is pretending to be a, like a caterer at a party and his terrorists compatriots don't recognize him. And so he pulls down his fake beard to reveal a real beard beneath it.

They look exactly the same and suddenly they recognize him. That was fun. Oh, that's a good gag. However. And there was one point where the time when they were eating at a diner and for no reason there was sign-failed music in and out of the scene. Yeah, that was more strange than funny. It made me laugh because of the complete randomness of the joke.

Like, I guess they're in a diner, so that's why Seinfeld. But other than like those very rare occasions, this may be the worst movie we've watched. I mean, it's not boring in the way that 10,000 BC or at dangerous was bad and x however just in terms of making me like angry and check my watch uh... this might be the worst i would say yeah even putting aside politics just in terms of like uh... joke level and also just as a mood like as a movie this might be the worst thing that we watch in terms of production values story structure

the fact that the movie like even for this kind of movie don't expect like a strong three-act structure but it's kept lurching forward you never knew what part of the movie there were two or three times we were like movie still going like is there any more to do in this movie like you didn't know you were 82 minutes long you didn't know if you were 20 minutes in or if you were 70 minutes well I was watching this movie I kind of wish that I was the character that Nicholas Cage played in the movie next where I could see what happens next and I can see how shitty

this movie was and then not watch it and instead have somebody else watch this one with you guys yeah it was uh you can go hang out with your buddy uh... just a little uh... peter focus of that a plus i thought for second that you knew peter focus on the news my he's my weird old uncle and by weird i mean i think he's got some kind of disease or at a stroke or something

that's weird about uh... but yeah i think i would agree this is a bad bad movie terrible even putting a side politics it's just not even made a public and i That's what's weird about them. Uh, but yeah, I think I would agree this is a bad, bad movie. Terrible. Even putting aside politics. Yeah, it's not even made to... It's not even made to... If I was a Republican, I would say this is a poorly made movie in every restaurant. I don't know about that. I was looking on the... I mean, granted, only idiots post on the IMDB message wards.

Even if I was like on MedVed, I would think this was a bad movie. And like, there were plenty of people who were like, finally a movie for us. And I cried. Well, I just feel bad to my bad person. The movie that's finally for them is made really poor. Yeah, it's really bad. And yeah. I also wonder what movies they're seeing that are.

Because like the thing is, most Hollywood movies are not liberal, but people in Hollywood are liberal. Like they're outspokenly liberal in their private life. But like you don't see that many movies that are so outwardly, unless it's like but people in the Hollywood liberal like they're outspokenly liberal in their private life but you don't see that many movies that are so outwardly unless it's like racism is bad well i mean we can all agree on that particularly like most action films are sort of inherently uh... i don't know

well-couple but conservative in the because they fall in the idea of good evil and force being the way to defeat evil right and uh And certainly as a fairly liberal guy, like I enjoy that shit, I watch the, I watched fucking 24, which is like almost camp for like a liberal watch. And I was like, this is ridiculous. Oh, how can Jack Bauer torture another person? But I still enjoy it. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing about it is like, this movie is made by a bunch of Hollywood types, right, who were tired of, you know,

the literal Hollywood. Basically every Republican in Hollywood. Yeah, so it's in this movie. Is that why you're still ever wasn't in it? What I think is weird is how the focus is on like New York being really liberal, when like fucking right across the street, the same Francisco and like,

I would think that like, I would think they'd be more frustrated with like San Francisco types and shit. I think it's almost more like, because New York is where the World Trade Center attacks took place except for the attack on the Pentagon. It's like, And Columbia, those assholes in Columbia.

But it's like, if any place should get it, New York is, and but also maybe maybe like they went to Vancouver and it looked more like New York than Hollywood. They need to knock us down a few notches, most New Yorkers. But I will say that their portrayal of the basement of Madison Square Garden is not that off. All right. Well, we end on a positive note. Although I don't remember any pizza boxes with pizza and rats in them as the movie portrays. I'm going to read one email here from uh... andrew last name with held

and so many people are in the same family the last name with held straight into the show both of the so large family they breathe a lot and they give everyone iPods uh... and the title of it is best original screenplay is confusing period period and this is mainly directed to you Elliott it says gulp since you guys have a member of the esteemed wga on

your podcast i hope to finally get a damn answer to a question that plagues me every award season whoa whoa whoa buddy hey sell down shopping where i am already maybe not even gonna answer this letter letter. That's only their tone. How is something like milk considered an original screenplay? It's still an adaptation, but from a real life and not another work. I mean, the character of Harvey Milk did not spring out of the head of Zeus for the screenwriter. He got the idea from an outside source and then adapted it into a screenplay. It just seems weird that a Charlie Kaufman script is in the same category as a bio-pick. Here's the difference.

It's not whether it's a wholly original idea that came from only your brain, but the fact that if it's adapted from a specific pre-existing written source, if milk had been adapted from one specific biography of Harvey Milk, it would have been adaptation. But the idea is that even though you have all of Harvey Milk's life to deal with, the structure is yours, what things you choose to talk about are yours, what things you choose to highlight in the movie. The movie starts in what, 1960, when Harvey Milk is already 40 years old, we see nothing of his life before the age of 40 when he moves to San Francisco.

It was the screenwriter chose to, or somebody involved in the creation of the screenplay chose to start it there, end it with right after his death, and to deal with specific things in between. He focuses in a lot of detail on the individual races, Harvey Milk ran in and lost before he won the City Council seat, and relatively little time on when he was on the council. He deals with certain aspects of Harvey Mokes personal life, but not very much with say Harvey Mokes family or, you know, like I was saying his pastor is upbringing. It's all and some of the characters in it, I'm sure are fictionalized versions of people that Harvey Mokes knew. Or in some cases like James Franco's

character, I don't remember if he was a real person or if he was a combination of figures to Represent that person in Harvey Milk's life. So all these are considered original screenplay. What's it now? What if the screenwriter had adapted it from the food item milk Well, the thing you drink In that case It would be more interesting film in some ways, but it would be considered flat land. It's a good question. I don't think they've ever had anything that was adapted

from a product as opposed to it. But for instance, like a character arc, like American gangster was adapted from a magazine article. So even though that was based on a true story, if it had been nominated for best screenplay, which it wasn't because it was a terrible script, it would have been, I think it was, and't because of terrible script it would have been i think it was not remember it would have been best adapted screenplay i mean however right or is he the the the writer is not uh... crazy in that this does lend itself to some really weird distinctions and that um... say or brother where art thou was a best adapted screenplay nominee

because it was based on the Odyssey by Homer. When it wasn't really based on the Odyssey by Homer. Well, that's the cone brothers kind of paying the price a little bit for choosing to refer to it as an adaptation of the Odyssey. Instead of just writing it, saying it's an original screenplay, and then saying like, we took elements from the Odyssey and put it in. It's partly based on how it's listed in the credits for the film.

The same way that the people who are nominated for the award are the people who are officially credited with the film, which doesn't always represent everyone who worked on the movie. But for instance, I'm working on a project right now in my own spare time, which is none, so it's going to take me years to do this. This is like a look behind the curtain of LA. Which is a biography of, which is a stage production, or a stage play about a real person's life. And I'm gonna read all the biographies written about this person, because it only

been about three or four of them. And, but I'm not gonna, I'm not taking so long, Elliot. I haven't started the reading yet. I mean, I've read one of them before and I have to reread it. But I'm not gonna be, it's about me, isn't it?

Yes, it's about Stuart Wellington. There's only been three books written about you. It's called Stuart with Stuart. And I didn't approve that. But I'm focusing on only two specific years in this person's life. I'm not going to adapt it directly from the biographies. I'm not going to use any phrases from the biographies.

I'm just using them for background information. And maybe I'll quote primary documents if I want to. But it's not your angling for the best original script, Tony award. Exactly. This will be an OB if anything. What's not coming abroad? Hugh Jackman hands it to you at the few. Yeah, he could very well. And I'm going to be like, whoa, I don't want your clothes to hit me over him. But that's the difference. But that's what it ultimately, it really is, is whether it's credited as an adaptation or not, but what it is is, even if it's based on a real person's life,

the screenwriter's still choosing how to present it. And all of the dialogue might be completely invented. Yeah. So I hope that this member of the WGA East has cleared that up for you. That was a burn. That was a burn. That's been an member of the WGA East has cleared that up for you. That was a burn. That's a burn. This has been another episode of the

past. It was completely factual. It was a waste. I have to make it clear because they are technically two brother unions who are affiliated, but not the same organization. And that was the only letter. However, Stuart, I wanted to open this up to you. There's the only letter we need more right in people. I wanted to open this up to you. There's the only letter we need more, right in people.

I wanted to open this up to you though. We did letters when you were gone. Oh, okay. One of the questions was about superheroes. And because of that, I thought that you needed to be included in this. Okay, there was a question of if we were super here was the flop house crew what are powers would be what are what are costume would look like

uh... you know how the the public would react to us and you weren't here so i want to open up those questions to you like what your super here would be um... i see myself at wait is this like what i would like to be or what what you would be what you would be as a member of the flop house super you're not you're not kept in dark raven uh... okay you're you're real self i don't have like really cool long hair and i don't see your star

uh... demon wolf or something i would do i have to come up with a name to off you like uh... man like i would imagine that my superpower my superpower would be similar to that one guy in the Hellfire Club that could increase his body mass. Okay, I remember him. He had any fell on top of Wolverine. Yeah, that'd be me. I could increase fell on top of Wolverine. Really proactive groups.

He's a big fat guy. Yeah, not a bad a few notches. on I mean like Wolverine fuck that guy And then yeah, so I think I can do that like I make myself really dense Mm-hmm and just be really immobile kind of like the blob like nothing would move me I just kind of sit there and people put your a fat superhero But I'm like a no nonsense kind of guy too. I you know, and and maybe I'm really smart, or maybe telepathic. No, wait, I have X-ray vision too. Wait, I think that you should have some sort of mustache superpower. Well, I have a mustache.

It doesn't have to be necessary. Well, when we answered this for you, you would call the stash. That's pretty, oh nice. Okay, now. Well, it's a superhero name. You're just reimagining, okay? I'm just an own name. You're just a reimagining, okay? I'm just an average everyday guy. This is Tim Burton's version, okay?

This is the Tim Burton version. Yep, and okay, so the watcher is watching me, okay? And in this version of reality, instead of getting that power that makes me really dense, I'm just an average everyday high school kid, and then an alien an alien mustache attaches itself to my face, okay? So it's like green lantern a little bit. Well, I like green lantern. I can't make stuff that's green colors don't matter that much. The mustache is always kind of getting me into trouble and That's about it. Okay

Baron up. Okay, and I wear a domino when I'm fighting crime. Like a domino mask. Yeah. That's not much of a disguise. I guess you can't cover it. I was imagining an actual domino. Like just like a tiny domino. Like a pen-din. If anyone was like like it was like you had like a movie blank, you know, like a next-eutical, like a tank top. And what's your name and what's your superhero name? Uh, let's see the Widowmaker. Okay, the Widowmaker. The, I, I want people to write in if they know the name of that Hellfire Club character.

I think it was Leland, but I don't remember. No, Leland, but he else. Yeah, it's Leland, the whole world. No. All the way from the town of Twin Beaks to join the Hellfire Club. All the, all the, of Twin Beaks to join the Hellfire Club. All the white bishops. All the white bishops. All those characters have names like Fitzroy or Leland or Tolliver or Shaw.

Yeah, there's nothing more scary than sort of a fopish British. A vaguely UK fop, yeah, man. Yeah, they wear like old-timey revolutionary outfits. Like they're on the set of Johnny Dermain the movie Love Johnny Dermain. Yeah, and I love the Hellfire Club I wish they put those assholes in a fucking X-Men movie. I don't want to find out about shit that turns meetings into non-means See much weird Five doors to be the bad guy in all because it's easier. It's easier. They want the Hellfire club

Crappy CGI. Where were the shia? Where were the star jamers? Come on. Where were the brood? Where was Chad? Yeah, Chad? Where was ma'am's El Hebsava? There Cyclops day name the character after the Pogo character. She's like a giant lady. It was Corsair Cyclops is dead. Yes, okay All right, yeah, we should do that. Where's Gazaar, whatever his name is? It's not the Marvel cast. Let's move on.

OK, so what else is going on? Oh, we've only done 30 some of these podcasts. We should do the recommendation. Right, recommendation of the movies. Oh, right, right. Why don't you go and do it again? I've watched a lot of great movies lately, Dan. I watched Species 2, as I was just talking.

I saw some movies I didn't like so much, like the foot fist way, which is really outrageous. I still haven't seen that, but I've heard it's really outrageous. I liked it, but I thought it was overrated. It was overrated and really poorly acted. Like, I thought it had some of the worst acting I've seen in the coming a long time. But I've seen some really great stuff, like a rewatched hard target, where Dan Paul Van Dam plays the character Chance Boudreau. I do have it on my Roku right now.

Yeah, that's awesome. But actually the movie I'm going to recommend this time is I'm going to recommend Guy Richie's Rock and Rolla. Really, recommending a Guy Richie fell. This is very unlike you unlikely it's weird rave uh... the thing is like it and initially i was kind of like man as i was watching it but as i as it went on i was going on i went uh... like it uh... it definitely grew on me as the movie went on

uh... drawer butler who is in that great movie what wet pecs wet pecs yet butler butler butler great great wet pecs wet pecs yeah Yeah, he was great in wet pecs Um, and yeah, I mean by I was I was definitely into the movie midway through and Like it it kind of felt like an hour and a half long episode of the guy Richie show And you know, I'm guy Richie. Yeah, like I'd watch another Everybody welcome to the goal Then get your shoot as boys

Yeah, so it's great and Tom Wilkinson was in it and I love Tom Wilkinson like if I had to make a movie where somebody had to be my dad It'd be Tom Wilkinson. Mm-hmm. So Tom Wilkinson you're out there No, he'd be like a weird like goblin's dad He would be lovable. I'd love to cast Herring Stanton as my grandfather. That would be awesome. That would be cool. Alright, I want to recommend Swimming to Cambodia.

Oh, a new film. Well, you know. I'm going to recommend older movies, so don't worry. Yeah, close the praise. Very bilingual podcasting. You know, it's very hard to make a film of a stage production and make it engaging, like, consistently engaging. I mean, anyone who's been in a play and has then, like, seen that play on video,

like, someone's like, I'm going to take a video of this and like it's always disappointing uh... but johnathan demmy is very good at doing it i mean i i believe that stop making sense is probably the best constant movie ever made i would say also the best johnathan demmy movie it's possible i mean i i really like him as a director but uh... swimming to can body of despite just being uh... spulding gray similar talking for night in is extremely dynamic and engaging and uh... i just enjoyed it uh... heck of a lot i don't really have much more to say about it

uh... i'm gonna recommend two films uh... for the kiddies in the audience uh... this past saturday yeah for the for the cats in this audience uh... and i by that i mean cool jazz people uh... i recommend the movie called them up at movie Which I watched again recently with Dan and my girlfriend who had never seen it before and I'm the same person Nope not the same person and that's why there was an end in between the two notifiers I thought you were the first and

Just as funny as I remember it. Yeah, and the And just as funny as I remember it. You've heard some more names. Yes. And the, Jen, just as touching as I remember, it's a movie that I remember as a kid. I really loved and it always choked me up as a kid at the end of it. But watching it again, it was like, this is a movie about people who wanted to be performers as kids and then grew up to be performers. Like it's very much, it feels very much like

as the muppets are grouping together that it almost feels like Jim Hansen's story of putting together his, the people he worked with so closely over years, and so it was very moving to me. It's like meet the feebles. Yeah, exactly. It's just like meet the feebles. And the other one for the adults in the audience who like Kung Fu, a movie called Karate Bullfighter. It's a movie called Kung Fu anal.

It tells you the movie. Little movie called Volume 4. Karate Bull Fighter, which is a movie about a karate master who he does fight a bull in one scene, but overall he's just trying to figure out what the power of Karate is for. Is it just for fighting? Does there need to be force behind it? In the hands of the wrong person is that a deadly weapon, more deadly than a gun.

And there's also a scene where he fights a black American and the American to show off how strong he is. He puts a Coke bottle, a glass Coke bottle in his elbow on the inside, and then he just flexes his muscles until he breaks the Coke bottle. And there's a scene where he fights the black Russian. He just cuts his hand on the glass. That's pretty awesome.

No, nobody does fight a bull with his bare hands. The look of pain on both of your faces after I made that joke was worth it. But I haven't seen the sea. Do you get that one from David Zucker? You're right in the right sum of your material tonight? Michael Mone. I haven't seen the sea while the karate bullfighter, the karate bear fighter yet, but I'm looking forward to it. And he does not use a flame thrower.

He's doing it. He's a player in that. I hope so. You better. Maybe Hadookins the Bear. Like, like, Ryu. So we learned a lot tonight, guys. We learned the error of our ways politically.

And we learned that you don't need to match up shots when you're making a movie. Or time your jokes out so that people understand the jokes. You learned that the brother of a dead comedian is just as good as having that comedian? I think the Blues your brothers taught us that. Yeah. You know, I learned that- And also Chester Keaton. Buster Keaton's brother.

I learned that there's some things worse than people that have a different ideology than me. It's people who are really bad at making movies. Yeah. Hmm. In a way, that's the lesson of the flop house. Yep. So we should sign off. My name is Dan McCoy, and I'm Stuart Wellington.

What if it's the Mark's Brothers and like Harpo and Chico are dead, the Groucho is still alive? It's not your fault. Okay, I'm Elliot Kaelin. Gotta go everybody. Get in the eye. Bye. Zing! great movie but it was okay. It's not a great movie but you know I liked it. As far as tales from the crypt movies go. There's some boobs better than

Bordello blood. Because there were boobs in that I think. In Bordello blood. I think there was a shockingly... Diminite has a lot of Billy Zane in it. That's true. you