The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #35 - Fireproof

Episode Date: April 16, 2009

0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and theme.0:36 - 29:03 - We are way, way too soft on Fireproof, in order to avoid ticking off our vast, yet nonexistent, audience of evangelical listeners.29:04 - 35:26 - Final judgments. 35:27 - 44:39 - A letter from a listener illuminates important Flop House guidelines.44:40 - 55:09 - The sad bastards recommend.55:10 - 57:34 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

On this episode of the flop house we discuss Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron, America's number one religious star if you don't count Mel Gibson. So ladies and gentlemen, there are no ladies here. Welcome to the Flockhouse. Oh, you meant the listeners. Hey, what's up? The podcast where we watch a bad movie and then chat about it a little bit. You said it. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kaylen. What do you know?

Not much. I was rhetorical question. Yes, that was what we like to call Red or Rickle. Sure. So it's been a while. Yeah. Are we going to tell the story of last week's failed attempt? No, let's just pretend like it never happened. Okay. It keeps the mystique up. Can we at least just give a quick summary that so people don't watch that movie, right? Yeah, all right, fine. Stuart, don't watch Babylon AD.

Starting Vin Diesel. Yeah, starting Vin Diesel. Somehow it was so bad that it managed to Fuck up our recording that we recorded the computer refused to accept a sound file of us talking about it I think it's the entire Babylon ID and the computer just Howled it out. It wasn't just religious observance that kept us from putting out an episode last week. That helped. That's your fourth. It's an episode, Babylon ID, and it disappeared. And so, in an effort to placate the gods. Speaking of religious observance.

Yeah, this week we watched Fireproof. Yeah. I mean, hot on the heels of me spending an entire Sunday watching Easter themed porn. Fireproof hot on the heels. Well, Easter themed porn house so. so you know like Easter bunnies. Oh, it wasn't like Jesus. He's poor Jesus is resurrected And he's got morning wood. I wouldn't say this place for a porn It was pretty traditional except you know at some point somebody had a Easter bunny costume You know when we were deciding on this film we were deciding to do fireproof

Elliot was like, I don't know if I want to do it i want to get caught in that trap of uh... same things about religion or whatever and now he's making warning would jesus not saying things about religion i didn't want to get caught in the trap of up crook camera crazy because he's really religious let's make fun of how devout he is because there's something admirable that someone who's very devoted to their faith this is a terrible movie that is true that's what I wanted to be it's

terrible because it's poorly made not terrible because it has a Christian message yes before the listeners out there the religious listeners out there turn off their iPods and then throw them in the sewers with it yep we just like back Satan with the rest of the trash that we're not we're not making fun of this podcast deserves to be with the St with the trash in the sewers. Yeah, they're like why did I download this podcast and a bunch of slayer albums? Yeah, we don't have any houses has no new episodes this week. I guess I'll try flop house It's close enough No, it's not the religion that we object to it's the lousy

It's close enough. No, it's not the religion that we object to. It's the lousy production. They're all to bad movie. It's maybe how much actual story time do you think in this movie, like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and it's stretched out to about two hours? Yeah, there's a maybe a touching short film in this. Yeah, why don't you guys spin me a tale, okay?

Tell me of this fire proof. Well, it's the story of a fire man named Calib and his wife whose name I don't remember Caleb Okay, Caleb. It's the same name Calib Caleb named Calib doesn't man My name Calib he's the head of the Muslim Caliphate Man named Caleb. He's a fire. He's a heroic firefighter who doesn't treat his wife very well But it's not like he doesn't abuse her He's just just not nice to each other and he of a hasn't it's implied an addiction to internet porn and he really wants to buy a boat

yeah there's two things allie what allie talks about buying a boat do you think the internet porn he looks at is like boat related maybe the love I think it's probably all like bikini girls it's not really hardcore porn yeah well the the christian uh... movie wave implying internet born was to have a pop-up appear after he had been on a website already for flick really so that about both it would have been a little like a website just look like a like a jpeg of a boat yeah and what just staring at the wallpaper on his monitor.

Yeah, exactly. Some day I'm gonna have a boat like that. And like this headshot of a woman pops up with the legend, wanna see beneath it? And then click here. And there's some hearts. And some animated hearts. But the woman is not even particularly attractive

or porny looking. Right, yeah, it's just like a headshot. Like something from a social net. Well, it's like an amateur website. Yeah, that's yeah that's possible like wife stuff it's an idea of internet porn that can do it with my wife life stuff life stuff sounds like an advice webpage for for yeah for new wives yeah exactly where do I find detergent yeah go to wife stuff dot com now it's it's it's internet porn as you through the uh lens of either a Christian film or say like a five

year old what they might think internet pornography is like like a plural want to see or like if I'm like an episode like saved by the bell or the Hannah Montana show they want to show somebody looking at yeah anyway so he doesn't treat his wife so well. Sorry, he had a Montana, I was just, she's not so come kill me or anything. She's not so nice to him. And basically, to sell the story as quickly as possible, to get avoid the parts where they fight like a hundred fires in the small town of Albany, Georgia.

Yeah, there's a shell of fires, right? Yeah, basically, they're unhappy in their marriage. She is tempted by a doctor at work who's very charming and by charming, I mean like presentable and not gross. Where's the tie? Yes, and Kirk Cameron's father, Kirk Cameron playing Call of, gives him a diary, which is what's he called a love diary or love the love dare. The love dare. Doctor, Doctor, love dare. Mike Myers. The Love Dare. The Love Dare. The Love Dare. The Love Dare. Mike Myers. The Love Dare. The Love Dare.

And he said, The Love Dare. All these cows are just giving us love. No milk. He gives them a 40 day. That sounds like a lactating movie. Yeah, that sounds like pornography. He gives them a manual for a 40 day program

where you use that manual. He gives him a manual for a 40 day program where you play the manual He gives him a copy of a manual in space I don't know that a space one. Yeah, what's a series? But he gives him a this manual like this handwritten love manual that said it's a 40 day program for Basically showing your wife that you care and then about halfway through it becomes about accepting the love of Christ as an example for the love to show your wife. Yeah, the classic marriage can't have something bad in Sweden. Pretty much, yeah. And then her camera does it. His wife learns that he is not a bad guy. Maybe the doctor she's she cares about is not as great as she thought he was and they make up.

Mm-hmm. And this is a swell. I cut out the comic relief about the other firemen. One of them is overweight. Like 40 men say it's a long way. There's that climax where he and his dad have this like touching moment where he finally realizes that he needs to give all his faith to God and everything. But then afterwards, like there's no real conflict.

Like you're pretty sure she's gonna get with it right now. They could have cut to the last scene at that point. Yeah. And also they, and like I said, they fight like eight fires. And we'd like to point out, this is an hour and 58 minutes, I believe, was the runtime, absolutely. To tell a kitchen sink story about a marriage and trouble, sort of trouble, then the husband decides to treat his

wife nice for a change, and then things turn out all right. I mean, there are maybe let's say seven characters in the movie, and four of them are necessary for the plot. There are like three locations not counting the fires. It's, you know, there's not a lot going on. I'm counting the fires. Wait, it's fire a location. There's see yes It is both a location and a character

It's it seems like there's a subplot in this movie that is not I not just explored at all Which is this arsonist that's running around this small town lighting fires because they answer I mean I'm exaggerating with eight but the answer at least four fires in the course of the film Yeah, and this you know, you're like to believe that this spans like a month Yeah, it's like a 30-day program what I was disappointed by was it's a 40-day program the first actual call that the firefighters Respond to we get a little bit of like a lead into it by seeing the like you know the southern teens getting in like a like a car Race or something and, you know, the southern teens getting in like a car race or something and then, you know, I've got them being wrecked on the train tracks.

Really that was supposed to be connected because it seemed like it could be unconnected. I thought those were going to be characters that came up later, but. Yeah, you thought those were characters of like them when they were kids? No, no, no, I thought maybe those kids would play cards. Because if they had been a flashback, they would have said flashback. I guess so. Or like, ten years ago. kids because it had been a flashback they would have said flashback I guess so or like well that this is also moving during the opening credits you would you just hear a mother telling her daughter

someday you'll find a guy who loves you as much as your dad loves you and that'll be true love and then it cuts to the firehouse and the and this is like Brett's just the legend present day comes up on screen which makes you think like wait minute, are they going to go back in time? Like are we gonna jump ahead to the year 2527? No. Like present day. That framing device is never referenced again. I don't even know who's talking to who.

Yeah. Well, the whole opening was, you know, was the setup like the dad, the dad that they talk about in that opening is God, of course, right? I guess so, you know, once you've figured it out, but yeah, I mean once you unlock the code It's also sort of creepy Subtext of the movie by which I mean the text it's one of these scenes where you hear the little girl being like Can I marry daddy's like no? I'm already married to daddy's like okay? Can I marry daddy after you're done with him and and you're like oh well, this is supposed to be heartwarming, but it's kind of creepy. What I'm saying is, your time is limited.

And I have a sexual attraction to my father. Not your back, mom. Mormons? Is that a... No, that's not Mormons. No. You're thinking of edifice wreck. Oh, yeah.

I am thinking about that. You're thinking of edifice Rex. Yeah. Oh yeah. I am thinking about that. So, um, yeah, there's a lot of, they respond to a lot of fires. There's a lot of fires, there's a lot of joshing at the firehouse. Yeah, so I would like to see a little more lead into the fires, like seeing what happened. We'll cause them to. Kind of like a final destination thing where, you know, like a Roob Goldberg thing where like shit falls apart and then catches them fun. I assume that every shot would just be a guy wearing a ski mask running away with a butt with a thing of

motor oil and a you know like a detain later. No, I was hoping it'd be more kind of like wacky with more like comic relief like people accidentally putting things in the microwave. And like like accidentally getting in like spring gasoline on each other and then something. They're having a gas fight in there. Yeah, like in the zoo land or movie. Or even if they were like, oh man, this drought is really affecting the town. Yeah, one more. All this tinder is really dry.

Yeah, well then, that would clearly need a four hour movie to explore all of that. Well, the story of out of albony Georgia Goes back to the 19th century there's been more fires here than anywhere else They say it's on a on a dormant volcano, but is it dormant after all? Who knows ancient Indian fire ground? Or or Stewart you suggested that it was built on a hell mouth. Yeah fireground right or store you suggested that it was built on a hellmouth it maybe it's like it's over one of those coal fires that burns underground for a thousand years

this is an exciting movie it's coming alive before my own fire parts were instead i mean the movie we were talking about right now is an exciting movie coal land so there's there's a couple montages. Uh-huh. It's set to a Creed-style rock and roll music. Yeah. Where it would be like the husband and the wife,

just not C&I'd eye, not get along. Not eating dinner at the same time. Or as Elliot pointed out, there was one late in the movie that was just a weird mixture of Kurt Cameron doing good things for his wife. And then just training scenes down at the firehouse and you can like uh... there are parallel being

supposed to draw some sort of similarity between this but it really doesn't make any sense yeah it's sort of felt like that uh... montage and rock sand where they're training at the firehouse there are there is one great running gag in the movie though which is that Kurt Cameron gets mad and like throws this garbage can or he gets mad and hits the garbage can with a baseball bat and each time he looks over in his creepy old man neighbor is just staring at him apparently bewildered at Kurt Cameron's violence and he's trying to say what's the guy's name is mr.

Griff or something like that played by a academy award nominee Richard Jenkins right no did not was not Richard Jenkins. It was a man probably 20 years older than Richard Jenkins. OK. But each time it was like, hey, Mr. Griff, and then just like dead pan stare and the old man turning around and walking away. And it was like, I wanted to learn more.

And you see his wife later. And I wanted to know more about the marriage between these two withered old people who think their neighbors are crazy. Yeah. Speaking of marriage, this movie was about it. are crazy. Yeah. Speaking of marriage. This movie was about it. There's a ton of stuff about marriage.

And it's all about marriage. You're the only one of us who's married, Dan, so you're gonna have to give us the inside trash. Yeah, so I assume that you went through this at one point and your dad gave you the love, Dan. Sure. And then found out later on, we're both promised keepers.

We're both promised keepers. Yeah, spoil it for, spoil the twist that comes out of nowhere and affects nothing. The best twist at the very end. Everything's happy, everybody's in love. They've accepted Jesus. There's this scene where Kurt Cameron's walking with his dad in a scene that shot very

similarly to a woman's hygiene commercial. His dad reveals that the love-d dare diary that he gave his son was actually written by his or by the kid's mom by the dude's wife. Wait, how can I I didn't explain that very well. I was right. It's like Cameron's mom. Yes. Was the one who wrote instead of his dad. But does that mean that she had to go through the love dare or that she gave the love dare to his father? Either way it doesn't, I mean it doesn't change. It doesn't matter. Basically it was like a weird twist that did nobody care. And at the end and Craig Cameron walks into his mother and they're both crying and he's like, I didn't know. Forgive me. Of course I forgive you. I love you. What? Yeah, that was the thing. I don't

know what happened. No, I think that like the father was the one who was going to leave because he's being mistreated like he talked about I wanted to go but then why was he so why did why did Kurt Cameron run in and apologize to his mom? Mom you were a He'd been were abusive Motherly short with her I believe when he was growing up Okay, we don't see all that he was growing up. I see. Okay, well, we don't see any of that. He was experiencing growing. You know when he was at, yeah. And she was the bad one in this relationship.

And on the end, the current camera goes in and apologizes. Yep. When he was at Fireman's University. FU. Yeah, he would get really drunk and he complained to all his buddies. He's like, I want such a man. You see, the key is to the school, fire truck and ram it into the house. Yeah, exactly. While he was on double-sea probation, right?

Yeah, exactly. He's like, mom, I'm sorry that you were married to such an emasculated pussy. Yeah. Sorry that my dad was such a woozy who wouldn't stand up for himself. Exactly. What a dork.

The reason that we're thinking, speaking of standing up for yourself, marriage is couched in the whole time in words like respect or honor Like her camera and his complaint against me. We still get us wrong important. No, no, but mutual respect is important But really it's too it's making it. I don't know face. I would imagine on a bedrock of say love that but uh that whole open is curriculum He doesn't give me the respect i deserve there needs to be respect and it's such it like

weird sopranos type thing for him to be complaining about well here's what i want to know that it's like all now we both love jesus we can really respect each other i agree i saw a lot of parallels between the movie fireproof and the television program the sopranos that they don't think about what you want to most of of the most notable, the others being, you know, the... The unhappy of marriage. Also, you do, yeah, there's marriage in both. All those scenes with her camera and is like,

ah, little mozzarella, some pursuit, oh! Yeah, that, the Italian guys, and there's some, there's some, the guys, the fireman. Oh, by the way, there was a whole subplot where he was the head of a mob family and he has to keep everything under control, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Two basically the same thing. What are we gonna say, Dan?

I was just gonna say that like this movie sort of doesn't work. It doesn't work unless there's a bedrock of the idea that oh, this marriage is really failing. You know, like that's, that's what we have to buy up top to go through everything else. We have to, we have to buy two things, I feel like. Number one, like that's what we have to buy up top to go through everything else. We have to buy two things, I feel like. Number one, there's some sort of spark of a lot of the tools. That they love each other at some point. Yeah, exactly.

Would you never get from that? You don't get that. And number two, there's a compelling reason why this marriage is breaking up. Now, all right. I think that it's probably true that divorces probably largely come from a million small things rather than one big thing. Speaking of personal experience with my own divorce, now I was never married, with my parents are divorced and really it was a matter of years of small things and eventually them drifting apart and just failed emotional. It wasn't like, there was no giant event right caused a rift. But in this case that the movie dramatizes that as Kirk Cameron really loves

thinking about buying a boat. Hell yeah. And here they're complaints about each other aside from the respect. Yeah. When Kirk Cameron gets home from work there's no food on the table and Kirk Cameron Cameron refuses, and his wife says, you refuse to use the money you're saving for a boat to buy my crippled mother a new wheelchair and hospital bed. Well, she specifically says things around the house. And things around the house. It's a nice house. Yeah, guys, I'm pretty clean. We've got granite countertops. Yeah, like, and she's like, I got it for red plates on the wall. For a garage. And she makes a comment like, the back door needs painting. Like a boat cost more than a fucking painted door. Okay. And then eventually it comes out that her mother had a stroke. It needs

a new wheelchair and a hospital. It's the things left unsaid is what you're saying. Exactly. Yes. But it seems like they, this, this is a couple that has drifted into marriage and is drifting apart but there's no you know there's no reason to be married there's no reason to get married originally like a pregnancy scare I think that had to have been it he got her knocked up then turn it was just hysterical and then sure maybe they loved each other when they were young and then they had to break the upbringing brainwashed or got amnesia Yeah, that makes sense or like aliens or aliens. Yeah They really they the thing is they never refer from a fire

Yeah, but they never refer to any event in their past like you would think it would be pretty standard from movie about a married couple They did at least acknowledge how they met things they used to, like what life used to be like when they were married, instead you never hear about it. It's like they live in a vacuum. Yeah, exactly. Well, like the entire earth came into existence when the movie started and they were already married. Well, yeah, like it's like, as Kurt Cameron's character opens his eyes in that first shot, that the entire world is like

the big bang. Maybe Kurt Cameron is God in it and he's rediscovering his own love. It's similar to like the God Asothoth and that all of our existence is but a dream and see like sleeping somewhere. Or the Theodore Sturgeon book story of the ultimate egoist. Yeah, absolutely. I just feel like from a dramatic standpoint or like as a father that we need more as an audience like like uh... to hold together to our film yes we can't carcamer gets angry and he goes outside

and he throws the plastic uh... trash can against the wall and that's supposed to indicate that they have a terrible mario that's also and that's the height of anger him throwing the trash can around is the of a plastic trash can against the wall and that's supposed to indicate that they have a terrible marriage that's us and that's the height of anger him throwing the trash can around is the a plastic trash can the height of anger like all that you want him to do like set a hobo on fire like it's very reasonable though like he's like oh I'm taking my anger outside I'm letting it out on something completely inanimate like if I'm if I'm taking out the garbage and I get like water from the garbage on me

and scrolls on me, then I'll get mad and hit and throw the garbage can. Like it takes very little to get to that level of anger where you hit in an inanimate object that you can't really hurt. I've been meaning to talk to you guys but you're angry at your shoes. Look, we just hate trash cans, right?

It didn't have the cliché scene though, when you were in it. What is it in with trash cans? Next step is small animals. No, I think there's a lot of steps between trash cans. It's very, very, very, very fine line. At least toaster is in the middle there somewhere. You have a toaster? No, I don't have a toaster oven.

Okay, fine. You don't have a toaster oven. And I guess I have to try. Right about everything else. I guess I do have a toaster of it and i i guess i have to write about everything else i guess i know i do have a toaster of that we that would be the don't i guess we have to applaud the film for not including a scene where they have an argument and Kirk Cameron raises his hand at her and she flinches and he realizes what he's done in prison down that would be going to hand and he's like oh my god that would be going too far it's like it is

realistic to say there are bad marriages when there isn't necessarily abuse. It's just two people who are not getting along. Yeah, I just said, I neither feel of that love, nor do I feel like the deep seated hate. No. It just seems like a couple of people who are kind of cranky with each other

and then the movie jumps to divorce and then the movie jumps to a couple of roommates that are just kind of annoyed. Yeah, and even when he gives himself up to God, which should be the height of spiritual ecstasy, you would think. Like, he has learned to get to love God with all his heart. He can now repent of his sins, he can see how the world is, he can let reality wash over him. Even that is kind of like, ah, this is great.

It isn't a fine. You know how I like it. Well, I got some friends, I got some friends that are Christian too. You know what, I believe in God and heaven and hell in the entire cosmology of the church. All right.

It's pretty good, I smile a lot more. Hey, let's get a hot sauce drink contest, guys. Well, he does that before he discovers God. Oh, I'll leave it. He does? But he does, what's the brand of hot sauce it's rather God yeah wait a minute the guy who drank it and burned his mouth was really prideful yeah see oh it's all fallen into place a lot of lessons in this film a lot of lessons story structure wise I sort of felt too like it's terrible well yeah i mean all

the significant things sort of happened right in the middle of the movie like as you said him like uh... coming to god and then also like the big fire in the film isn't the middle yet comes in the middle there's no big climax where all there's a big fire and the wife rushes to the side is like oh no he's stuck in the building but i've realized i love him

nothing nothing like that you know it was great was right after that big fire and he's at the hospital everything the the doctor gives him some advice about he's like yeah you probably shouldn't put your wedding ring back on you should let your hand have some time to heal because he'd been burned and he's like uh... i don't think so uh... i'm gonna put this ring back on my handle have to heal because he'd been burned and he's like, I don't think so. I'm gonna put this ring back on. Which my handle have to heal around my ring.

It's like, you know, it's horrific. Yeah, and now it's embedded in the skin. Yeah, it's like that chunk of moon rock that John Jameson, yeah, the tournament to Man Wolf. Yeah, and they'd rip it out of his skin. So, yeah, it was just really well-liked. We're like the Dark Hawk's Mystic amulet. Yeah, exactly like the dark Yeah, they had to pull out of his chest, but the thing about it. We're like the guy's heart and temple of doom

That that's one of my problems. I like if you get a splinter that too it's In no way it's it's just an all-purpose Religious type thing is when somebody's like like is this person this person's like, I'm clearly going to disregard the advice of somebody whose profession is healing, okay? I'm going to disregard this doctor's advice. Well, there was a doctor who was trying to get his wife to cheat on him. Yeah, but did he know that at that point?

No, he didn't. See, that's a thing. I guess we the audience should just agree with him. Well, I mean, people also don't listen to doctors a lot of time. I have a standard. But why would the doctor have him suggest, like, even if he was an evil doctor? Why would he want him not to wear his wedding ring? Does he know that's like the source of his powers?

Maybe. Yeah. He's like Green Lantern. OK. I was going to say like John Jameson and Manuel. Yeah. Or maybe John Jameson and Wemble. Yeah.

Or Splinto. The Splintor Sprayer. Oh, yeah. Splinto. I need a ability to make splints really fast yeah what a okay so yeah so that was my little tangent about ignoring doctors advice yeah apparently apparently you don't have to listen to doctors when you're when you're on the love dare well you only supposed to listen to the love day manual. Oh, okay, not doctors. His dad is so even keeled about the entire film.

Like I was waiting for the scene where he pops some sort of antidepressant or mood-altering pill. Yeah, like I imagine this guy poops maybe once a week. Oh no, I once a day very regular because he takes care of his system. I said, it's a little like owl pellet like turd You can pull it apart and find the bones sure yeah, that's that makes sense like oh look what I made It's a perfectly spheroid ball kind of like an old muskets ball it

Wonders the woods and his cable and it's wet Leading a Kirk Cameron to a cross that he didn't realize That's what they've excited, but he everyone messed up with the cross Yeah, cuz when they first find that place isn't Kirk Cameron like hey That must be from that old summer camp. They love the dad kind of pretends. He doesn't know it's there He's like oh Funny we ended up over here. I guess didn't realize this cross was on the grounds of my estate. Yeah.

Maybe they never explain where that location is. Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, that's weird. There's a lot of vagueness about the film. I guess that's fair. Very generic. Including in the wage shot. Yes.

Everything about it, it's like in repo man, when they would drink beer and it would just be a can that said beer on the side Or the just boxes that said food. This that's this movie in a lot of ways So you guys have anything you want to say about the shenanigans down at the station house or no, they were stupid Yeah, they they tried to add some comedy, right? Yeah, but it was so drawing it was like it was like oh well Let's take a little trip and see what Horatio Sands is doing at the firehouse

Well, and then there's that all the world's fattest firemen are up to There's the word they have they deal with so many fires and yet all their firemen are so out of shape Yeah, I mean well, they're so busy fighting fires. They don't have time to exercise or thing And there but they do have time to eat submarine sandwiches. I would imagine they just eat them in the truck on the way to the fire the other weird character was that the one uh... the one fireman who gives current camera advice exclusively through metaphors his bag of ants if you will yeah it's an african american who also has had his marriage problems it has already accepted jesus as his lord and saviour and he gives him advice through metaphors like the salt and pepper shakers yet gluing salt and pepper shakers together equals a marriage

I mean in some ancient Christian cultures. That's how you symbolize the marriage ceremony. Yeah, exactly then you shatter the salt and pepper shakers and the mixing of the salt and pepper represents all of life. Yeah, after you're married, you have to have both salt and pepper on everything. Exactly. It doesn't matter what it is. Maybe you just want salt. No, peppers there too. Yeah. It's the way it works. You can help us. That's a marriage. Listen, when you're married, you don't get to control how your food is seasoned because your wife cooks the way she likes it. That's marriage. The people at Reese's were trying to go for a slightly different metaphor, but

Kerr Cameron wasn't having it. Can't we say that marriage is like a bag of M&Ms? That's a polyamorous marriage with all the different types of iminins and that doesn't fit the kind of thing. No, no, no. Well, it was a very well-meaning film poorly made. Yeah, I think we can get on to final judgments. Okay, final judgment. So this is where we decide whether the movie was a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie that we actually liked. So Stuart, what do you have to say?

Well, I think it's pretty clear the type of things I like in a movie and this movie didn't have any of those be like blood You know like some violence some boobs, um, you know some yucks like a wrapping grandma. Yeah, or a while foul mouth wrapping grandma Where will at least one fart? Where will yeah, absolutely this movie was particularly fartless. Yeah, that's also a werewolf Man, don't get away with a screenplay ID. Okay, so all obviously President by day This movie had none of those things So I'm gonna have to say and it wasn't very enjoyable. It was a bad bad movie. However, you know once again

I think it is well-intentioned. Yeah, No it's certainly sweet and ancient but that doesn't change the fact that it's terrible. So it was 10,000 BC you know. No that was not sweet. That was crass and just in horrible. Yeah what I would say about this movie is. So it was the invasion. No again, crass mercenary. If this film was an hour long

i would say that it was a good bad movie because it is ineptly made in a way that could often be very funny however the fact that it was padded to such an extraordinary length ultimately just made it dull so it's a that on that level to bad bad movie i'm gonna have to agree with you guys uh...

it was it's a rock in the boat on this one no i don't think so it's a you look like you can't want to know because i didn't enjoy it but it's not i guess i would okay i'll say it's a good bad movie but not in the way of like this is a movie that's hilarious to sit down and make fun of which it has kind of the reputation of a little bit right now well you know i do like a drinking game where every time somebody does something stupid. I don't know. Well, whenever somebody, yeah, you get really drunk.

I've never actually participated in a drinking game. But you have to give it credit, I mean, I will give it credit for being a movie that was made. I assumed we shown in churches to married couples who are having problems. Actually, a family big financial success Yeah, was it in theaters was it religious film like specifically like Little think all the ten commandments well okay What I'd buy like a company that specializes in religious films I'm talking Little thing called I don't know

Yeah, it was a that That, the Rankin Bass Christmas specials? It was a big enough thing that it definitely charted when it was released and may have been actually number one for whatever weekend, like whatever, like... I don't think that happened. Deep winter weekend. Maybe that was the weekend that all the other movie theaters in the country were closed. I might just be thinking that it would open in the top five, which is still a big triumph, but it was not unsuccessful.

You know, no, but at the same time, they're, I don't think when they made it, they were setting out to make a number one. They were making a, trying to make a hit film. I think they were trying to make, they had a message they wanted to get across, and they did it in the most gentle, boring way possible. And if in the process, they made a little bit of money,

all the better. Fireproof to and frankly Kirk Cameron wins me over with knowing that he believes what he's saying in the movie. Sure. Like as much as I don't believe what he believes, there is a lot of people make fun of him about it. Like there is something genuine and his almost maniacal faith in in Christianity. So fireproof to what's the setup? something genuine in his almost maniacal faith in Christianity. So far proof two, what's the setup? Okay. It's a financial success, we need to build on that.

Okay, we thought all their marriage problems were solved. Uh oh, there's a hotter doctor in town. Oh man. And at the same time, a sexy firehouse inspector from the government comes by and she's got her eyes said on calibre and she's a bonus i'm going to be on the boat she lives on a house but a whole new show at the same time what's this the arsonist from fireproof is back a rash of fires hits the small town of

alvin ejorja and only calibre can put them to rest for good maybe calibre's mom and dad have a dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dov wars think about it that would throw it was a world in determined. Maybe the maybe the love dare doesn't work. Does he have to reconsider his relationship with what's her name? Yeah. What if like fireproof to proof in it? Maybe it's years down the road and the love dare is spread kind of like in in the ring. Uh huh. In like the ring too, and somehow all the love Dare is creating some kind of weird like just all consciousness.

Maybe. That's going to devour all humans. Is that what happens in the ring too whenever saw it? I don't remember. I just remember that a much of CGI deer attacked a car. And I remember when we saw in the theater this lady got really mad at another lady for spilling nachos on her. I'll remember that one. I'll look up for that scene when I watch it on DVD.

It's gonna be hard to catch. I just gonna tell you, it's gonna be hard for you to spot anyone out there listening. It's a good game for you. You can imagine which scene it might have occurred during. There was a fight between two women in the movie theater right behind me and Dan and somebody spilled nachos on somebody else there reminds me of a story a friend of mine went with her then boyfriend to see I think the hollow man and she really didn't enjoy it so she was she was leaving the theater and someone she didn't know a stranger Saw her walking out and yelled to her hey, where you going movie's not over Like what do you care buddy?

It was Kevin Bacon Kevin Bacon bit of mustache movie's not over. That's awesome. Like, what do you care, buddy? It was Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon bit of mustache. Someone's so, like, I can see yelling that, if I, you know, when I went to see the prestige, if someone had walked out, because I really liked that movie a lot. Or like, like, shit, there's lists or something. Well, yeah, it was a movie that, you know,

had a message or something. Or something I particularly cared deeply about. But I think anyone feels the way that the whole of them is certainly not a first viewing. It's one of the lesser verhovens of the many lesser verhovens. Like flesh and blood or something. Yeah.

So, although, hey, let's not say many lesser verhovens, cause it's a little rough. Sorry, okay, sorry. He's got some great movies too. Let's, but that's, you know, story for another day. Okay.

Dan, you look like you want to talk about something. I may have a letter. I may have a letter for you. I may have a letter for all of this. It's me, Dan McCoy. Ha, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. Horser toa, what a thief. I almost got to meet your parents today, Dan,

and I'm sorry I didn't, because I imagine they have a very heavy Irish accent. It's not true at all. A pleasure to meet you, Elliot. I'm sorry I didn't because I imagine they have very heavy Irish accents. It's not true at all. A pleasure to meet you, Elliot. I missed her. Master McCoy. We may actually be Scottish although I've never seen any evidence. Pleasure to meet you.

There you go. That's good. I'm like in the room. You're a friend of me of Miss Sundaniel's. Mm-hmm. It's so worth. It's Mike Myers in the room with us. Well, they're very nice to meet a friend of my son Daniel

McRae. Dana Carve is here too. Go to have a crazy direction there. Oh, I'm all done. Totally all about you. Okay. Okay. Yes, Daniel. I have a letter here and it's from Fed last name with held and it says dear floppers Ivan Fred yeah Fed okay, Fed no are I've been following your podcast since the beginning and I'm happy to report that it has become my favorite Wasn't your favorite yeah, I don't like that at all But uh, I guess when Ellie it can't join the crew. That's when I reach the top. It's one faith house move to I was the third kind of heat But it says

Every week I think of movies that I would like to suggest you see but have refrain from doing so Mainly because I don't want to waste your time with films you would never accept being so far out of the range of what you consider flop houseable. Thank you Don't waste our time. I appreciate your restraint. We don't have the time to read the title of a movie Could you provide we the listeners with some guidelines for film genres Types periods or styles that you consider worthy of watching in discussion, or should we look at the list of already reviewed films

and make our conclusions? Thanks. I like that he adds that option as if we're too lazy. Just look what we did already. Draw your own fucking conclusions. Why don't you? I am low to codify our method method of thinking our modus operandi. There are some There are some guidelines yes if you want to create your own flop house

Take an ordinary cardboard box Yeah, you're right. Well, yeah, Dan. How would you describe the movies we what what are the guidelines? We give us our at least one guideline. Yeah, I'll take it from there like we always do right Stuart uh... well it would be a dan how would you describe the movies we want what what the guy that is a release one guy that yeah uh... like we always do right Stuart that's not so that's not a good will knock it out of the park uh... it should be a movie that yet for such a be a movie and go

was good okay could go that exit stage the uh... it should be a film that is... Oh, a film now, guys, putting on airs. No, the movie's not good enough for them. That is relatively new to DVD or premium cable. It was in the theater not too long ago.

I had to give it some sort of air of relevance or currency. And, you know, the older bad films have been picked to get picked to death by your mystery science theater, three thousands and such. And, you know, they've done a much better job at it than we could probably so. Because part of what this podcast is is a service. Yeah.

For giving people advice, mainly not to rent the specific shitty movies because they're not very good yet and if you enjoy yourself along the way that's great yeah okay gravy really really we're soaking in our own gravy okay so that's rule number one gotta be somewhat current relatively recent right not still in theaters though because we actually don't make very much we're not gonna speak for yourself uh we are not gonna talk about it. We are not millionaires. They shouldn't always be horror movies because I've been yelled at in the past for always.

No, that's not why we just have one of a variety. Oh! But horror movies often work best. Okay, it's kind of horror thriller. That's true. If you are contemplating suggesting a movie that stars Nicholas Cage as opposed to one that doesn't recommend the one with Nicholas Cage in it I think it's less than 20 or maybe yes but you bring up a girl because

that doesn't fit the first rule now does a good point you bring up something good with the horror thing though in that horror films thrillers uh dramas suspense action action, adventure. Usually much more... Thriller minute. There's more ground to till than with comedies, because a bad comedy is just unpleasant. Although we've done comedies, but there's been a reason.

They're less one for us to do. And also, it's like a suspense or a thriller or an action or a harm movie you kind of know what you're expecting going in. So seeing how it fails to provide that or provide something different is kind of interesting. Yeah, sure. I didn't think any thoughts. I would say it should be, I mean, fireproof doesn't quite fit this, but in theory, or maybe it does, it should be a mean fireproof doesn't quite fit this but in theory or maybe it does it should be a fairly high profile film in some way right like it should not be we're not here to shit on people's dreams like some guy scraped together fifteen thousand dollars and made a movie and it's terrible that's no

fun to make fun of the movie memory starring Billy's a I didn't see that one I wasn't in the group then but the but like it like last week we tried to watch Babylon AD, that kind of thing is perfect because it's a big budget movie, starring a movie, starred and got a big release and it's total shit. Like something that...

What a star. And what a star, Mr. Vincent D's Eloids. I don't know. But something like mirrors with key for Sutherland or the Brad's movie because it's a big tie-in with a merchandising thing. Like something that was supposed to be a release of some note or they were hoping to get their money back, you know.

Not something where someone like staked his whole, you know, future on this and didn't know what it was going to have. Well, something that at least you might have seen a poster for at a bus stop. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, something you would have seen advertised near you. I don't wanna fucking see that movie. And then, you know, down the line, somebody talks bad about it.

I have begun to almost like salivate when I see posters for, like when I first saw the billboard for swing vote, I was like, oh, that we're gonna watch that for flop house. It's gonna be great. And it was okay. I kind of feel that way about the current angels and demons posters. I don't know, that one, I, it's gonna be great and it was okay. I kind of feel that way about the current angels and demons posters

I don't know that one I It's gonna be good. It looks so boring The idea the idea that all of history rather than being like this crazy Confluence of events that happened almost at random with different people who all have their own motives like budding heads and strange things happening That instead of that history is like is a puzzle game that you need to use to find a treasure. Yeah it's really as an amateur historian it kind of takes a lot of fun out of the the existence of human civilization. I had a guy line in my head but I totally lost it. I had two and I can only remember one. And the one that I can remember

is someone on the Facebook page where you can... When you said page, I was like, oh thank goodness because I thought you were about to say on the Facebook, like an old man with. Someone on the Facebook recommended, you know, tossed out an idea for a movie to do and it was black sheep and that movie is you know clearly you know tongue-cheek it's campy you know it's about killer sheep think I recommend it at one point for some reason yeah I mean it's a movie that trades in you know certain like it's joky yeah it's not supposed to be bad yeah there should be a certain amount of sincerity of purpose is what you're saying. Right.

You can't make fun of something that's already taking the piss out of itself. So. Unless it doesn't very poorly, but it's not worth it. And because I can't think of the other one, maybe we should move on. Do you have any thoughts? Last time. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,. Yeah. Okay. So it's got to be, it's got to be somewhat current. It shouldn't be like a small budget thing. It should be something people know about. Big stars help. Big stars help. If possible, you know, a nice variety of like topics, though, they should, comedies are best left alone. And and thriller and you're pretty I'm pretty safe ground with horror thriller type things

um and wait I think that was I lost track what we're talking about and not and no campiness no campy yeah absolutely okay shrimp scampy maybe so I like the rhyme I love this. Like many people with mental disabilities, I enjoy for some reason rhyming words. The meanings are not connected to each other. Okay, so can't be scampy. What's the next thing we do? We're recommending movies. That's cool.

We've exhausted our reservoirs of hate. Are we? Are we is there any sort of prize for someone who chooses who recommends a movie and then we actually do it? Aside from our dulcet tones talking about the movie they recommended they can Bragging bragging rights. I don't like okay someone did a recommend far-proof. Okay, why was something that came in? They were worried about our marriage. I don't know. Oh my God, I can't answer that question.

Was it your wife that recommended it? The person who recommended it could write in and say why they recommended it. Yeah, please do. The email address again is the FlophousePodcastatgmail.com. I gotta say, i'm about fire proof it was not it didn't live up to the it was not good but didn't live up through reputation of uh...

hilariously awful if only because i don't find crack americans religious faith immediately laughable yet that's fair it wasn't really it was a row on you yeah i get all right it wasn't the room is what i'm saying if you guys have if you i don't know if you guys have seen that yet that that's a that's a hilariously bad movie uh... but one we wouldn't watch here

because it's until it became famous for being bad it was a tiny thing that i made and it's not that relevant anymore it's been out for a couple years yeah so uh... who wants uh okay, I'll get started. I have hearted offerings to others. Hey, so a movie that I saw recently

that I do recommend is a little Spanish thriller called Time Crimes. It's a- That rhymes. Yeah, I love it already. You know, it's a little low budget. It's a little low budget movie. It takes place in a relatively small area

and over a shorter period of time in a way. And it's just great because it's really tightly written. And yeah, it's cool. It's called Time Crimes. Time Crimes. It's easy to remember because it rhymes. Yeah, time rhymes. Yeah, it's cool. So it's called time crimes time crimes It's easy to remember because it rhymes. Yeah time rhymes. Yeah, that's time We're on you see that movie crime time. It's got I mean, it's got a fair amount of good good reviews And but I still recommend it put it in your little net go over to your internet and go over to your queue for your Netflix

And just drag point and click drag it over. It's not on Netflix, where it's just. Put it into the bin and then the top of queue. Top of queue. Okay, and then hit refresh. All right, so, okay. You can look at it sitting there with the top of your queue. Now, now log off. Log off. Then shut off the computer and hit it with a baseball bat

as in fire proof. All right, so Stuart recommends Nightline. So, it's called Nightline. Nightline. I thought it was called Fight Night. Right night. I do recommend Fight Night. If you're not going to watch Time Crimes watch Fight Night. You got it. You got it. I'd recommend that as well. Sight Bite. I was like, I'm like, for the good of you.

I recommend that too. Price right you got it. The best part about excited is when you can make your own course and you just make it course of all the notes of all the biggest rants. It never works right. And you're all space and I was like hey dude check out this awesome course I made and it was always just like the biggest rants like that's a boring. Like you're trying to make your bike go into outer space or something. That's why that's where that old saying comes from, which is growing older is the process of learning how to make better excite bike for you. Yeah.

There's Robert Frost who said that. Yeah. I want to recommend Trans Siberian, starring Emily Mortimer and Woody Allen. Woody house, didn't you mean? Yeah. I mean Woody Allen would be an interesting job. Right.

This train is in trouble and there's a train and we've been kingsly why you want it? It's Siberian. Kika God once said that it reminds me of a joke about a train going through Siberia. Max, we got to go through Siberia. I'm glad I'm, because initially your impression said a lot more like Snagelposts. So I'm glad you did. So I'm glad you did. So I'm glad you did.

I'm glad you kind of stayed up there. Why do you like this movie, Dan? I like it because it's a, like it because it's a solid thriller. It's done by the guy who did session nine in the machinist, which are both good movies, not great movies, in my opinion. But this movie has a lot of the style of those earlier movies with a better script, stronger acting.

And it's a movie that's well within traditional thriller outlines, but when watching it, I never quite knew where I was headed next, so it was good at surprising you, which is what a good suspense film should do. There's Woody Harrelson's in it. Woody Harrelson's in it, not Woody Allen. He's on a comeback. I mean, the trans Siberian is probably not the Woody Allen. He's on a comeback. I mean, the Transliberian is probably not the right vehicle for him to make his comeback.

He's in an asshole play and then, yeah, it disappeared from theaters almost immediately. So, is that, can I go to my queue? He's been, he's been, he's been, he's been, he's been, he's been, he's had an instant view. It is an instant view. Oh man, a heck. You don't need to drag your deer.

You guys could start watching the right branch. Just put It is an instant view. Yeah, man, a heck. You don't need to drag your beer. Yes, you're watching the right brown. Just put that into your instant queue. Why are you listening to the flop house? You could be watching Transliverian right now. Well, go over it on Xbox Live and go to Netflix Watch Insilvy and hit Play. OK, cool. Now, finish listening to this, though.

So that was slightly more accurate in the way the Netflix works so What's Alex Denjani? I got sorry. I was you know, I figured you would edit that out I Accord see him head it off to Costa Rica. Oh, yeah escaping the Johnny laws on his trail On the land from Johnny Law. I thought it was because of the worldwide surfing championships during Costa Rica.

Yeah, I'm neat to save your car wash. I'm a restaurant. With the guinea. I'm appearing in the film, Surf's Up, that is that that penguin surfing film? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that's me. I'm one of those surfing penguins. No, it's a computer generation. No, I think so. Yeah, that's me.

One of those surfing penguins. No, it's a computer generation. No, but I mean, is this a live-action version? Or are you going back into that? It's people who surf with penguin costumes on. Yes. I think of that. You can either dress up as a penguin

or as Danny DeVito in Batman Returns. What character can he play in that? I was one, as well, a cobble- well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, well, as well, as well, as well, as well, well, as well, well, as well, as well, as well, well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as yes okay i'll check it out it's okay uh... i'm going to recommend to movies very quickly the first is an italian crime-filled call crime-filled called gomora uh... which is about the neapolitan crime organization that's delicious yeah it's a crime organization that's vanilla chocolate and and what's

strawberry yeah they shouldn't taste good together but they do it's all about it's about a couple different characters who are living in Naples each of them deals with I think it's called the Camora the crime the crime organization there in different ways it affects their lives But it's not like you're never dealing with the head of the family or It's not like the godfather where they kind of lead you through it and there's a romantic aspect to it It's a very grim movie that is just about like, well, the place these characters live,

there's no way to avoid your life being touched for organized crime. It's somewhere in the background, but occasionally, they get killed because that's the way organized crime works. And it's just very like, it's almost like watching a war movie that's about people who are not on the front lines, but are just kind of living either behind the lines or in a town somewhere maybe. And the war is right outside the town and occasionally affects them, but not always. It's just an interesting way to take a look at that without making it kind of like Godfather or goodfellas kind of like romantic. I have a sense I was a kid.

I wanted to be a gangster, a rise in fall of an inept tale of American, whatever. You know, this is Naples, just the way things happen. Organized crime is almost like a fact of like a natural force there, the way the movie puts it across. And the other movie is, that's a new movie that's in a few theaters right now. And the other movie, the other movie is an old movie that I saw just this weekend called the Devil and Daniel Webster, which is like... Is this the version that has Alec Baldwin?

No, this is not the unreleased version with Alec Baldwin, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Anthony Hopkins. This is the version from the early 40s originally released under the title, All That Money Can Buy, which is fucking stupid, because the Devil and Daniel Webster is a great title. I don't know why you would change it. And plus it was released at a time when ordinary people knew who Daniel Webster was, so it's doubly a good title. But about a man who sells his, in the early 1840s, sells his soul to devil played by Walter

Houston. And when the time comes that the devil is going to take his soul and creepy shit is going on all over the place he gets the great order of american history daniel webster to come and defend him before a jury of the damned to get his soul back and it's like funny at times and kind of very poetic at times in the way it's shot but overall it's just like a really good classic fantasy story with some creepy horror elements and some genuinely kind of spooky scenes and Walter Houston who plays the devil is fantastic.

He's like the quietest devil in the world. This very like New England rural traveler devil and he's just really good in it. I highly recommend it. In the score for it won ancar for best score for Bernard herman who of course would go on to do most of hitchcock's american movies as well citizen came so that's a safe bet i i'd yeah

what comes to scores that's a safe bet that i thought that i watched it night uh... this weekend i really liked a lot and so much that i uh... yesterday went in order the d the DVD for it after I watched none TV. Oh, wow. That's what I'm gonna want to revisit Hey, I thought of another good thing that movie should be okay for the flop house sure 90 minutes long Yeah, that would be 90 minutes or less. Yeah, especially cuz Elliot really likes to get home and get to sleep cuz he has a demanding It's not get it's not even get to sleep. I like to go home and get to sleep because he has a demanding job. It's not even get to sleep. I like to go home and see my girlfriend

before I go to sleep. It's always been. I'm like someone doesn't need a love dare. Ooh, wait. No, I don't. Thank you. Yes, we have a very strong relationship. I need to go back to my house and pound a couple beers

and then pass out. So it's like someone doesn't need a beer dare. Pass out next to my three-legged dog. I wish there was a metaphor for something. It's not he has a three-legged dog under under the image of a of a kind of some sort of Arctic barbarian Riding a sled pulled by polar bears. Yes, hung in the window So I think that we've learned a lot tonight about Stewart and marriage about ourselves No shit This is it so do we need to say anything else or just what it

Think we should say goodbye. Let's just enjoy the moment. She's taking mom in here. Just trust her bodies Let's just do what our bodies want. Yeah, it's a little feel it You know just let go our bodies want. Feel it. Let's just, you know, just let go. So excited, just getting hired at. And you, and you, listener, you're gonna enjoy us in your ears. In your ears? That's what I thought you said too.

I was waiting for to come or years ahead or something. Yeah, look, years ahead, you can think back in the times, you, with the flop house, your launch when you got fire back when pop podcasts are beam directly into your brain unit yeah you're you're a unit well goodbye everybody yeah exactly I've been Dan McCoy I'm Stuart Wellington and I will always be Elliot Kalen I'm trying to be funny. I haven't been drinking to my guys. Maybe I'll remember what the movie is about. Oh, up top. Yeah. Well, not that.

I have to play my steward character who is Ed's am minded and loves a nigga. I listen to that probably three times. Just wait what? Come on guys He's in the mirror