The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #39 - Bride Wars

Episode Date: June 13, 2009

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 2:22 - We introduce our guest host: stand-up comedian and comedy writer Amanda Melson.2:23 - 31:20 - In Bride Wars, there are no winners.  Only bloodstained white tulle.31:21 - 34:23- Final judgments34:24 - 39:02 - Listener mail, and a revelation about Dan's slumlord background.39:03 - 45:40 - The sad bastards recommend45:41 - 47:24 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

In this special flag day episode, we honor those fallen in the bride wars. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Amanda Melson. Yeah, that's not a cast-rated Elliot. Yeah, that's not Elliot. That's Amanda. Please. How much higher is not Elliot. That's Amanda. Please. How much higher is my voice than Elliot's? No, I think it's probably an unparalleled nasal.

Yeah. Yeah. You have a warm quality of your voice. That's true. And I think what you're leading into is that we have a guest host this week, right? Amanda, tell us a little bit about yourself. Why are you here? right? I'm man, to tell us a little bit about yourself. Why are you here?

Well, I have done stand-up comedy, and I used to do comedy show with Dan called Sarah Shaffer is obsessed with you. I like how you were going to call it the Sarah Shaffer show. Yeah, I mean, I was going to. But the most important reason why I'm here is that I live two blocks away. That's not pull back the curtain. Yes. You also showed up in a limousine in the front of our personal screen room.

You're reading for some TV kind of thing. Oh, right. I've written for Greg Geraldo on Comedy Central and Best We Gever. This is a podcast, so we have to steal the TV glamour. Okay. If we can get some. Sure we have to steal the TV glamour. Okay. If we can get some. Sure. Wait, there's TV glamour. Like a TV show based on glamour magazine?

No, I just mean that there's no like red carpet for podcasts. It's stupid. Yeah, they're probably, I mean unless you're going to like the parties or whatever they're called, wait is that the name? I don't know. Streamies. Yeah, right, you're totally right. The streamies. You don't go to the streamies. That is, don't wear good shoes

to that. Well, don't go to the streamies in Vegas. Just check where they're being held. Yeah. Oh, okay, because there's a different thing out there. Sure. So, man, so we watched a movie tonight, didn't we? We did. It's called Bride Wars. It was. Well, this was Dan's choice, because Dan is a big and half-away freak. Simply not true, but I think it's true. You loved Rachel getting married.

It was your favorite movie of last year. And you were like, hey guys, let's watch Pride Wars and half ways my favorite. It's about another wedding. I own Havoc and I own that gay cowboy movie just so I can see her naked. Princess Diaries. Yeah and she's naked in that too right? Yeah. So you watch those movies all the time. I'm actually Andrews. Yeah so I have to leave now so and you're like I really need to see bride wars and I was like hey fool's gold is my favorite movie was overboard was she an overboard kid Hudson okay they look alike I think yeah so I was like I'm up for this bride war sounds great

and so that's why we start watching it I just like bride, I'm up for this, Broadway sounds great. And so that's why we started watching it. I just like bride violence. I'm just a big fan of the genre. I enjoyed that part of Kill Bill, wasn't there? When Uma Thurman just dressed up and just gets it. Yeah, and she's also pregnant, and that falls under my fetish. Prignant women being shut.

You're also always buying, you know, pay-per-view bride versus bride. Right, right. And rumbles. Which in a way, what we watched tonight was pay-per-view bride versus bride. It's true. And we also did the movie,

while Elliott wasn't here, because it really makes him sad to see his best friend in the whole world and half the way in the movies and to know that, you know, he's not going to see her anymore because of, she's, you know, in that Hollywood lifestyle, so their decades-long friendship can't be.

I think it's also because he knows that, as soon as we put a movie on, I can't stop myself from making dirty comments about every actress that comes on the screen. Why do you feel about that? I mean, I didn't notice any dirty comments about that. I mean I couldn't hear it over my own dirty comments about the actresses but. Yeah so there was he can't handle it like it drives him up the wall every time we watch Peranzo style reason what not. Every

time. Every time. Well we get together. We do a slumber party every month. We watch the Princess to Pride. We do each other's beards. And, uh, we do the beard. Is that like a dance? Yeah. Is that from Harris Bray or something? I've done that dance. Nice.

Um, so, Broadway's, what's a, uh, Dan, why don't you explain this movie to us? Sure, okay. There are these two young girls. And as young girls are want to do, they dream only of their wedding. Amanda, this is what happens, right? Yeah. You're going to be our springboard. Springboard?

Wait a minute, our spring break. You're going to be our springboard for all bride-related questions questions since I did get married less than a year ago Yeah, see so I should be an expert on what horrible jealous bitches apparently all women are when they become brides according to bride wars So in this movie these girls are obsessed with getting married. Yeah well it's the culmination of a woman's life. At one point Candace Bergen actually says that until you get married you're dead. Yeah you're like a... She does? She says you're dead and then you get married and you come alive. So women... The secret of eternal life. Yep, is generally. Yeah or just brides are a lot like the undead

Kind of both of them die if you shoot them in the head. It's true. So that's one similarity Wasn't uh wasn't Goldie Hawn and death becomes right? Immediately that's kind of like a bride war almost immediately abandoned the synopsis so anyway. I'm sorry. Sorry They grow up the best of friends Kate Hudson does things like buy expensive designer dresses for her friend sure secretly trying to pass it off is like one of her cast-offs Because she's so nice and they're such good friends and Kate Hudson is a lawyer a high-powered lawyer and Anne Hathaway is a and half the way is a slow-to-bearing, slow-to-teacher. Yeah, school teacher.

And so all is well in the fantasy and the bride world. They're both getting gauged around the same time. Yeah. And then they go to, they go in tandem to a bridal, what are they? We left out an important detail. Okay. Dan, which is that when they're dreaming about their weddings, when a bridal, what are they? We left out an important detail. Okay. Dan, which is that when they're dreaming about their weddings, when they're little girls, they dream exclusively about getting married in June at the Plaza.

Oh yeah. What's the Plaza? The Plaza Hotel. Okay, and that's a hotel in Chicago? No. I think it's in New York. New York, off Central Park. And that's a pretty nice well-known hotel, right?

Yeah. Yeah, no, that would have made the whole movie make more sense by the way. I'm glad to have that before. You're like, where's the Sears Tower at the time? But yeah, no, there's only one month when it's appropriate for a young lady to get married. And only at the Plaza.

So the two of them go to Candice Bergen, the wedding planner, not Jennifer Lopez, the wedding planner. So yeah, they go to this wedding planner together, which is, you know, we should have smelled like that that was going to cause a problem. That's disaster in the making. Mm-hmm. Because what happens, Dan?

Well, they... What happens here? They're leaving. They both get a date in June. Three months from now, miraculously, despite all this talk about how hard it is to get a date at the Plaza Hotel. And then as they're leaving, they tell SNL's Casey Wilson

that... Who wrote the movie, by the way? Who co-wrote the movie? That, you know she better uh... snap up the one remaining date in june and they leave and then later on canisberg and calls back and says oh low and behold the secretary screwed up and booked both of their weddings on one day

and gave the only other date to uh... case you will soon and well yeah problem trouble that's that's what we call the exciting event. How much time do they have before they're wedding? Three months. Yeah. Is that enough time? No, not enough time.

What would it be? They have to do some stuff like set out invitation. Yeah, and like vendors are all booked up. Bachelor of parties to schedule. You know, you can't just go into a bride war like that without a sound plan. It's gonna turn into like a rock. We usually don't get a political so quick. Oh sorry. Sorry. I was sure you got to know how to win the piece. Yeah you have to have an exit strategy. Yeah exit strategy which I think involved the wedding of some kind. I guess that was it was so at this point if you have seen a movie before in your life

They just have a joint wedding. Well, why don't they stagger the times? Yeah That's a good question. They could stagger the times on the same day That's that's not that hard not addressed by the film Why don't don't take that long now? Yeah, I mean they didn't it didn't look like it was a Catholic wedding. Kate Hudson is a bit of a, you know, she likes all the folks on herself. She's bossy. Like a, like a bridezilla.

Uh-huh. Yeah, both of her parents are dead, by the way. But we're not supposed to feel sorry for her at any point. Probably why she's so bossy is, because she grew up in Orphan. Yeah. Just like that little orphan Annie. I know. Her wedding must have

been a nightmare. To Sandy. Anyway, I'm sorry I'm distracted by the little orphan Annie. Slash dog wedding, but I just imagine. So great watching Daddy Warbucks walk her down the aisle towards Sandy. That she's come to such a pass. Yeah, that's what happens when you pick up girls on the street and raise them. Get serious problems. But the point is that an a half of the way is like no, for once I want something for myself. So they don't want to schedule at the same time and then due to a series of misunderstandings,

they both agreed to put it off until they can work it out but they think that they've both broken the bride war truce. Yeah. And so things escalate and they sabotage each other until that must have been fun. No, it was just disappearing and depressing and unpleasant. What do they do? Like shoot each other or stuff? Like what's going on? How do they sabotage each other? You know, they can't have way fatten's Kate Hudson up so she can't bend her dress. Yeah, because

apparently Kate Hudson, who's very thin, can't stop herself from eating anything that is placed in front of her. So the big plan to fatten up Kate Hudson is to make sure that food is placed near her. The food is available. Yes. I think probably the best joke in the entire movie being that she receives a package from what butters of your national butter. International Butter Club, which is actually what they were originally going to call last from what butters of you know international butter international butter

club which is actually what they were originally gonna call last tanko in Paris okay since Ellie it doesn't hear I have to do it R.O.C.K. in the USA R.O.C.K. in the USA so yeah so that's that was a good joke because she apparently ate a bunch of butter from, that she thought was from around the world. If you place butter, nearer, she will eat it. She doesn't, she loves butter. Maybe she smeared it on a cracker or just like eight slices?

What? On cookies, probably. Yeah, when you get good international butter stewers, you don't want to dilute that, but putting it on a cracker I want to go to the international house of butter You get like yeah, you just go in there. It's like a top-us place. I have sample Platters a little pieces of butter sounds pretty good actually But the point is just to finish up the synopsis, you know

Obviously they both get married on the same day and after a big brawl they come back and they realize that their friends again that they can't keep this up anymore. And kid hugs and gets married in half way it breaks it off with her fiance, but all as well because later on in half way it gets involved with kid hugs and his brother. That's pretty much it. So now that we've synopsized, we can focus more in depth. Yeah, and then there's that terrible twist ending.

I don't know what you're talking about. You know where you think the nightmare is over and then you find out that they're both pregnant. I don't know. I don't know if that all of us is a twist ending to it. I don't know if I would care. No, but like,

they're same due date. Yeah, you think that it's all over. You think like, Oh, man, they're going to be friends forever. And then you're like, Oh my God, they are both pregnant and going to have babies. They're going to become they're going to have a war over that. My mores or something. They're going to try and terminate each other's pregnancies. Possibly violent. Yeah. And then after it's over, like, we shouldn't have done

that. No, we're friends. Yeah, it's never to fill in So you're like water bottles with vodka and various other things Are you any what? Simba sending them on a tour of a coat hanger factory. Yeah, nice That's good joke So yeah, I kind of went into this movie expecting there to be a little more silliness and a little more like kind of wacky humor. Yeah.

It's almost a drama. It is almost a drama. It's just a bad drama. You wanted to be more like wedding crashers, except more nudity, obviously. Or like any film where there's a fight over like, you know, one thing. I mean, I compare it to like War of the Roses, but there's got to be a better version of that. But it just has to go bigger if it's going to work. There was no sabotaging that went on that made you feel like,

oh my god, this person is literally gone too far. Like, it's impossible for them to ever be friends again. Like, they didn't like kill somebody, one of their cats or like, set somebody's hair on fire. As a cat owner, I'm sort of, I'm scared that that's where your brain went to. So you're saying that when we, and I was looking at you cat, when I said it.

At the same day, the same time, are you gonna kill my cat? You're already married, Dan. Well, you were before the podcast, you were making plans for my eventual divorce and then you moved out. I have like an odd couple of any type of situation, sure. I don't think that's gonna happen, but if it did,

well, I would imagine Lulu would go with Sarah, not you. Who gets the podcast? Yeah, Sarah would probably get the podcast. Yeah, so it would be, that's her Alamoney payment. All the money we make off this podcast, it's going straight to her. Or just your Alamoney is that once a month you give her a podcast.

Here you go. I watched Righteous Kill. Yeah, I'm glad we didn't watch that, but maybe in the future, maybe in the future. So the one moment I did like in the movie was Anne Hathaway's character is really boring. And she's nice all the time. I mean, she shows a lot of cleavage, but whatever. She's a pupil, please. Yeah, absolutely. I think they describe her as a pupil.

But yeah, she sneaks into Kate Hudson's, like, Bachelor at party, which is held at an all-male review. And they get Kate Hudson's character up on stage, and she's, you know, they're trying to get her to dance. And then Anne Hathaway, you know, reveals that she's actually there, and she challenges Kate Hudson to a dance off. And, uh, dance off and dance off dance off. Yeah, basically. If anything, Anne Halfway at least looks like she's having fun while she's dancing and

doing silly dances in a tiny pair of shorts. Right. So I enjoyed that part of the movie, Dan. You say that very challengingly. Yeah, I'm waiting for you to say that that was your least favorite part of the movie. That probably, again, was also my favorite part of the movie because as you point out at least Anne Hathaway is committing to dancing really silly. It's true but also nice games Anne Hathaway. She's really a a leaky a bride warrior. Yep. Like a

war like an Amazon. There was another part where Anne Hathaway said F that or some. No mother F. Oh mother F That was their F. That was almost a Jew. Yeah. Yeah, and Kate Hudson kind of looks like an alien for a lot of the movie Uh-huh. I think part of it's her hair cut though her hair cut looks really weird Maybe that was a deleted subplot that she was an alien come to earth the ruin people's weddings like that was She was gonna stop the program. That would be a better move. It wasn't that her parents were dead.

It's that her parents were dead because they were on a planet that was extinguished because the star exploded. Exactly. And they shot an earth on a little rocket. And Kate hasn't get to power from the earth's yellow sun. Yeah, and they wrapped her in a blanket that would later become her hair cut.

So yeah, she was great, she looked wonderful, and she got super fat in this movie, right? I would not say that, you kept saying that. She couldn't offend her address, she was enormous. Uh-huh. She literally gained five pounds. Yeah, like a bullet like... You don't come back from something like that. Yeah, I mean, it was like Jared Leto in that movie where back from something like that. Yeah, I mean it was like Jared Leto in that movie where he gets really fat that I didn't see chapter 27 or something like that where he plays

Probably the guy killed John Lennon Mark David Chapman. I mean, I didn't see it I just heard the guy got really fat and that's kind of what Kate Hudson did here She did but you know it could all be solved by at least you know, just a week of having cookies placed slightly away from her. Sure. Just out of reach. She could keep all international butters Just a little bit away from her. She's put them in the fridge maybe

Instead of on her desk. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about these ladies' fiancés initially. Those dream boats. Yeah. Well, they're they're hulks. I mean, the heart throms. Let's talk about these ladies fiancees initially. Because you dream both. Well, they're hunks. I mean, the heart throbs. One of the guys was who seemed homosexual to the whole movie. Dan.

Yeah, I gotta say. Wait, did you say Dan seemed homosexual to the whole movie? Oh, I was. What were we talking about? I'm sorry. So, the one guy, you know, the guy that was from that reba show that I was talking about The one where we raise a show. Yeah, you mean Reba. Yeah, the one where she plays a single mom it works works really hard

Mac and Tire yeah, you know, it was called like tell it to Reba. No, it's just Reba tagline or Reba's house Who's house it's Reba's okay house who was house three bus okay so that guy one of the guys was on that right and the other guy was Chris Pratt who's now in parks and recreation as a once-for-face Rashida Jones's boyfriend oh he's so he's a professional Oaf actor that's the already put with doof doofy doofy though It was also on the OC, playing a doofy. Really? Yeah, he looks like he could be on the OC. So not now, now he's sort of puffy like Kate Hudson in this movie.

He's fat like Kate Hudson in this movie? Such a chunk. You know what, we've been busy, by the way, objectifying the females in this movie. Amanda, the males in this film, the fiancee, what do you think? Would you cast these as either of your fiancees in the movie you would make about your own ride wars? Wait a minute. Well, it is a, yeah, yeah. What kind of thing does she want to answer when I'm? I didn't have a bride war. Am I a Britson or a hair? At one point my wedding did occupy the Gaza Strip, but... What?

No, no. No war, that's just a conflict. Yeah, but you're right, you're right. Is it police action? Uh, so with the kid heads in fact, since fiancee, uh, who is gay? Let's face it. Probably. Pretty gay.

She was his beard. That's the tragic sequel to this movie is when she discovers that her hard-won wedding was a lie. How did she get pregnant? You think her her personal assistant like that probably you know or maybe she did it with so-and-so's fiance. I think she did it with John daily. Yeah. Yeah, we got it. We have to mention that there are several people from like the New York comedy world in small roles in this movie including one of them John Daly an improv actor and a completely straight jook-free role. Yes. One wonders what he was cast. You know, it's like a throwing him a bone

because the women who wrote this movie, June Raphael, something Carter wrote it was her name. And Casey Wilson, they do shows in New York and June's, I think fiancee is Paul Sheer who's a comedian. I want to say I hear good things about them. I haven't seen I hear good things about them. I haven't seen the show, but I don't. I saw their show. They're very funny. Yeah, I don't want to start a...

So a lot like comedy war. No, God no. As all this podcast, I would like to assume that this was a mishandled project. I would assume. Yeah. Well, Judge Mennon, right, Dan? I mean, he said they're funny, so they're probably a lot like the script they wrote for

bride wars. Oh, you were giving're funny, so they're probably a lot like the script they wrote for bride wars. Oh, you were giving no word in this bride war. No, I'm just saying that the movie's a comedy, right? Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, their work's probably just as good as, oh, God. They're script, right? See, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, you know,

I'm trying to create a detent here. I don't know. You're tearing it. They're in the movie too, right? They actually, so they most have been really proud of their script. Well, you know what? Kasey Wilson and very small roles, I can't judge it, but the other one I thought I was one of the funnier parts in the movie. Do you think that they had their fingers crossed for like a Juno style, like Diablo Cody? I thought I think they had their fingers crossed for like a Juno style like Diablo Cody I thought I think they had their fingers crossed for a fools gold style hit yeah I think they you know this is before they had you know before Casey

had Saturday and I live and so it was sort of like oh my god we sold a script and we're really making a movie yeah that's That's how it would go through my mind. It's like when the Muppets took my hand and they put on a show. Exactly. They're just excited about being in the business. Somebody's getting married. Yeah, they didn't realize that somebody's getting married. Song isn't very good. That's what I see that.

I'm like, this is what, this is like the culmination. This horrible like everyone, all the Muppets and this horrible like pink and white outfits and this pink and white set Somebody's getting married. Yeah anyway the muppet steak Manhattan My least favorite of the three original Jim Henson Muppet movies. I like it. It's good still But the muppet movies where it's at anyway, this isn't okay the month of movies where it's at anyway this is the okay so yeah the uh... the fellas

we're talking about their fiance's one of them turns out to be a snake snake in the grass kind of like and half a way splits up with her fellow right now because he uh... he makes a little comments about uh... wanting to control his wife and that kind of thing i'm thinking that uh... this character's probably been sleeping around.

That's the underlying current. That's why it's such a jerk. Yeah, it seems like a real jerk. Wow, you were just writing a movie in your name. I know. That was not apparent at all. I think that would add a little more tension if they had played up that part of it.

They him sleeping around part with one of the other female characters. I don't maybe Candace Bergen. Oh yeah, we haven't mentioned Candy. Yeah, well here's what I really want to address with this movie that makes me angry. First of all, everything can be traced back to Candace Bergen and the mistake that was made. So she accidentally books them both on the same date after assuring them that they have

separate dates and everything's fine. And then the date is given away to the next person who comes in by the secretary. And yet somehow, despite the fact that they had the appointment before and was a total mistake, Cancer Burger doesn't just go to the woman afterwards and say, I'm sorry, this is a mistake, we can't give you that date. You know, like instead she's like, oh you two friends have to fight it out with each other, right? My hands are chod. It was most secretary's fault. Candace Bergen just walks around creating plots. That's her whole thing. Uh, she's like the inciting incident fairy.

She appears. She's like the bad guy in the... You cannot tell a lie. Like what? Cand spurgon just dropped in a created a plot like the bad guy from that Stephen King needful things book and movie right but also they didn't even like come up with a clever reason why there was a mix up it was just like I'm sorry the secretary fucked it up yeah they didn't like have a bit where like like a fly flew in and her again somebody's eye and they accidentally swapped the thing,

and then something else happened, and then a lot of strength was to point in the date. Yeah, like something like that. Oh, sorry, I always scheduled you for the 1.5th of June. You can't do it anymore. Like, since that date doesn't actually exist, we pushed you off to the bride- bride war date. They didn't even

try anything like that and I would have appreciated that a little bit of an effort. You know, when I watch a movie, I want something that is airtight. You know, that's 100% plausible. I can't watch anything that has the least bit of fantasy in it and this movie didn't even try to appeal to me. It's almost as if the movie, Bride Wars, was not made for a viewer like me. Yeah. Huh. Which I think is why the movie,

those succeeds in fail. That's literally impossible. So I feel like we haven't used enough of the resource Amanda of having you here to represent your entire sex. Well, it's a lot of weight. Yeah, it's like atlas. It is. It is. You better do your sister's proud. No, Jesus. I mean, if Murphy Brown could let us down like this.

That's the other thing about Candace Bergen. She's like smuggling narrating the whole thing and at the end she's like, I guess the lesson we've learned is that, you know, friends can be just as important as spouses or whatever the fuck. And you're like, fuck you Candace Bergen. You've created like three months of misery for these women.

And now you're hanging around the wedding, like smiling like you're a fairy godmother. But what if, okay, follow me on this one. Sorry, sorry to jump in here Amanda. What if she had never fucked up in the first place? Mm-hmm. Okay, the one-and-a-half way would get married to Chris Pratt. Shoot, it got married to this dude who's a dick and Kate Hudson probably would never realize that she's kind of a bitch and that she looks stupid in that haircut.

She'd go around with a wig all the time. An-and-a-athaway would never have stood up to her drunk co-worker, Kristen Stewart, third rock from the Sun's Kristen Stewart. I think it's Kristen Johnson. You're confusing her with French Stewart. I can't believe it. Her cohort from third rock from the Sun.

Man, if that's the show where they play aliens, right? Yes. If Kristen Johnson and French Stewart were combined, think of like the comedy dynamo that that would be... I actually think Kristen Johnson is very funny. I do too. I think Kristen Stewart would be even funnier. Boom! I saw her in Shakespeare in the park once. She was very good. I did too. Was a lady Macbeth? No. It was in 12th night again. Okay, that would, then. They're already doing 12 minutes again? Anyway, let's talk about Shakespeare.

We'll talk about, excuse me, bride wars. The thing about, okay, there are a lot of flaws as far as wedding plausibility. I know you don't like to hear about this. Oh, that's what they should have called it. Implosible. Hit me with it, because despite being, I feel a

fairly like nice modern gentleman I had very little to do with the planning of our wedding. Well not you're my wedding man. First of all you don't you don't get married in three months like you don't just I mean you can but you can't do it at the plaza. And something important, even if your parents are dead, you've got two girls here, and no family member ever enters the scene until the wedding day. That is an alien world.

Those are two really busy New York ladies, right? They're too busy to talk to their families about these weddings at the plaza that they're paying for themselves. Yeah, they probably put money in a shoebox or something like that. Yeah, well, Anne-Hath always been saving since she was, what, 16 or something. Yeah, that's another thing, like, that's not wise. You're gonna save all your money since you're 16 and then spend it in one day. Yeah, especially because she didn't act She's the one who actually didn't get married She doesn't get married and she's but haven't you haven't you ever dated somebody that you'd be like man

I would be willing to give up my entire life savings to not be with or see this person ever again Well the lesson that we learn here is that until you become a raging crazy bitch who does incredibly stupid and hurtful things to her best friend, you don't know what kind of man you got. Yeah. You got to put him through the test of you being completely irrational at every turn. And then that's the guy that you're not going to marry. So that's a little... She was a lot more fun though when she was being mean. She was kind of pouring before. That's true.

She showed a lot of cleavage to her middle schoolers, but than that. But I was a middle schooler. What? I'd probably have had a middle schooler. What? I probably have had a fantasy about her. Alright. You know, like a fantasy where you guys, like we went on a date. Yeah.

I took her for ice cream games together. Yeah. You know, what middle schoolers like to do? Maybe second base. Okay. Wow. Yeah. I bet I'd imagine that

So you still imagine it Stuart you want to just not right now. Yeah, I mean I'm a little older I mean I probably imagine what's what I call that like a home run In the baseball parliaments. Yeah, I'd probably imagine that okay if I was managing it now What's uh what's wrapped us up and give our final judgments on the right wars. Okay, that's going to be tight. Now, Amanda, there are three official flop house categories. Number one, this is a good bad movie. A bad movie that provides enjoyment from being funny in its badness.

A bad bad movie that provides no enjoyment or a movie that you actually kind of liked in some way. So, uh, you go to Stuart first actually. Okay. What do you have to say? Well, I'm, uh, you know, I'm quietly reviewing the pros and cons of this movie in my head. I was kind of expecting a little more hijinks. And at least some swearing. That's what you look for in the movie. Hijinks swearing, yep. Yeah, it just wasn't, there weren't any jokes, it wasn't fun. I would have at least, like 27 dresses had more jokes in it than this did.

So I'm probably, I'm gonna have to say bad, bad movie. Like I did not really enjoy this movie at all. Yeah. Man, what do you have to say about it? I would sort of like to introduce a new category. Oh, wow. I know, I know. First time.

Well, this is a movie that you should really only watch on an airplane. It's kind of a bad, bad movie, but if you're on an airplane, it would pass the time or it would put you to sleep, which is why I recommended the Golden Compass as an airplane movie because it would be right to sleep. Oh yeah, I guess that's it, I guess that's my judgment. It's a bad, bad movie. You could watch while under an airline issued blanket.

Yeah, it's not too loud. There's not a lot of loud noises or shouting, really. It's true. And it mostly takes place in the plaza. Sure. It's like you're already at your hotel. It's kind of like a survival horror movie in a way, because it takes place all in one area,

like the house of the dead or something. Right? Right, Dan, we watch that together. I don't see the analogy. No, it's cool. It makes sense to me. OK. the house of the dead or something. Right? Right, Dan, we watched that together. I don't see the analogy, but... No, it's cool. It makes sense to me. Okay, so I'm gonna add, and I'm just gonna say, it's a bad, bad movie. It was just dispearating and unpleasant.

You know, seeing two people hurt each other for, well, an hour and a half, not in... Where's your sense of fun, Dan? Not in interesting ways, and then... I mean, war is in the title. Alright. Yeah, what were you expecting, Dan? I wasn't expecting, I don't know, like, dark for now.

Sure. I am terrible, by the way, very comparable. You know, it's just like a bunch of misery and then they tack on one minute of Sentiment at the end and you're supposed to forget everything that happened with that other bride crawling on the floor going shoot Yeah, that really was grim. Yeah, I actually kind of got off on it, but that's made choose pregnant So moving on what's the next part of this podcast? The next part is I'm gonna read a little, let's hear a male.

Oh, some more hate male? White the opposite, my friend. Oh wow, cool. The subject having here is Beverly Hills, Chi-haha. Oh, okay, sure. And this is from, I wonder which podcast do you think they want to try? This is from... I wonder which podcast do you think they will?

This is from Jeremiah last name with Held. And it says, Today I went for a run in the park, instead of listening to my usual mix of conspiracy and paranormal theme podcast, I decided to run with the flop house. And I must say it was a very enjoyable productive run. The belly laughs helped with my belly breaths. Not to mention, I ran for about 10 minutes more than I usually do. I finished off the run by sitting there as shimmering pond, teeming with thucks as you recommended movies and delighted in viewer

mail. If this email sounds a bit flowery, it's probably because I'm still coming down from the runners high that the flop house helped induce. Perhaps you'd benefit from marketing this flop house as a fitness podcast. If you do so, please call out when the listener should be finishing his or her first, second, and third miles. What do you think? You think we make a extra money? That's a good idea. Or any money? Repurposing it. I don't think there's much of a beat to the flop house to sort of keep pace to it. Yeah, but we're not trying. I bet we were pretty smart. If you could next time watch chariots of fire.

Yeah, we could just trade off so that like whenever someone's not talking, they could be humbling the chariots of fire theme as a background everyone who is talking and just like round robin. I always kind of imagine that like when I was growing up I watched Mr. Mom a lot. So I always tell mom a lot. No, I don't know what that movie is. It's a movie with Mr. Mom and Campbell lot. It's really weird.

No, what I was going to say is hey chill out here kid. What I was going to say is I watched the movie Mr. Mom often And there's the bit where there's like a sac race and they play the music from Cherry to fire So I always kind of like I was always like wow Why are they playing that music from Mr. Mom anytime people were like running around and later on then life I found out that It wasn't originally from Mr. Mom So Mr. Mom Michael Keaton to sum up Mr. Mom So, Mr. Mom, Michael Keaton, to sum up Mr. Mom. Anyway, continuing, he says, also I enjoyed your discussion of movie remakes

and encouraged me to check out the original assault on precinct 13 on that Netflix on demand thing. What a great movie exclamation point. It gave me a weird dream that I was in a house being attacked by gangs. Last night I had a dream that I was still in high school and my parents were moving to a new house. I don't know if that was related to the movie, but it was very powerful. This is an awesome letter. I don't know why I'm looking at you for reaction story.

Yeah, I don't know. It's pretty good. Lastly, he says, I just received my New York tour guide license. Did you know that back in the day there were actual flop houses in the Bowery? The flop house manager, maybe the equivalent of Dan, would draw a grid on the floor with chalk, patrons would pay a nickel to have one of the squares for a night. Dan does do that. Yeah. That's how I make money from Stuart. I draw square on the floor.

I give you a nickel for it. Weirdly enough prices have not gone up. You don't sleep on it, you just like seeing squares. Yeah, and you know what? I tried to haggle you down to only four cents, but you were having none of it. That would be like a- That's kind of why I respect you, Dan. That's one percent drop in income.

Yeah, well I mean we don't like have half cents or anything. We're not like another country. So, viewer mail mail that was great Was it through it really recharge my batteries. How do people find the flop house? Oh God the listeners would have to answer that I have no idea. I mean some people occasionally damn Starts people in the street and talk to them about it. I force an iPod into their hand and it's a very expensive way of getting Google listen to it. It is. Especially when you pick an incredibly fast New York City tour guide. Uh-huh. That guy is off. Three miles into my hour. That's not bad. Yeah. Plus time for ducks on a pond. What was his name? Jeremiah? Jeremiah. I if you're listening. Pick up the pace. Come on. You can do it. You can do four.

Consider us your coach. Just imagine you're running from an intense bride shoot out. Yeah, a bunch of brides chasing you. And if they all look like that Kate Hudson, I would be terrified. A monster face. Just summer holidays. Just summer holidays. Let it go.

I can't help it. She just got so big. Anyway, let's go on to recommendations. Like a win. This is the part where we prove that we're not miserable people who hate everything by recommending movies. Well, we don't hate all movies, right? You're saying that you do hate everything. Well, yeah, pretty much. I guess I guess because I don't hate certain movies. That would mean qualified that I don't hate everything. Okay, so but the point is, can be something we've seen recently?

It doesn't have to be. I'll go first. I recently saw a movie that Elliott recommended in the past, so I'm not recommending this. It was a Machima Life in Four Chapters, but I would like to recommend the other good Paul Schrader directed movie. He's written a lot of good movies, but I think that he's only really directed to really great movies, I think, and one of them is Blue Collar with Yaffekato or Kato. I don't even know how to say his last name. Harvey Kaitel and Richard

Prior, and probably his best role, which is odd because it's mainly a dramatic role, although he's still sort of funny in it. You know, it's a movie about Detroit auto-workers who, you know, union guys, and it's sort of depressing drama about how blue collar workers are sort of crushed. Is that like that movie with Michael Keaton? It's, yeah, it's exactly like Gung Ho. Yeah. Japanese Mr. Mom.

Exactly. Think of blue collar as a slightly funnier version of Gung Ho. Slightly funnier. I don't know if I should watch that then. Might hemorrhage from all the belly laughs. We have been a man a little time to think in case you didn't have something because we sprung this on her a little bit. So do you have anything?

I gotta go now. Yeah, you're looking at me as if we haven't done this podcast for nearly two years now. Okay, so I gotta recommend something. I think I might, I don't think I've ever recommended this before, but I'm gonna recommend it. I'm gonna recommend it, and if I've already recommended it, you should watch it again. It's a movie called Head of the Family. I don't know how you would be able to find this movie because I don't believe it's on DVD, which I think stands for Digital Video Disc.

Or Perversible. Yeah, but you might be able to find it on VHS. It's basically a movie about a small town shister and his kind of slutty girlfriend who try and pull a fast one on a local family that live kind of an exclusion known for being quite wealthy. You're telling it. There are like this is a library story time. Sure. They're a family of oddities.

I believe they might have some kind of ties to man science, perhaps. And the family is consists of three brothers and a sister. And each of them has their own special powers. You have one brother who can see and hear really well. You have one brother who's incredibly strong, but he's very stupid. You have a sister who's incredibly beautiful, but he's not very bright. And then that's to your kind of light each other.

Yeah, well, they're similar. I mean, they're related, for God's eggs. Okay and then they're all they're all held together by the head of the family who is this giant head with a tiny little body who is super smart because he's a giant head and he can control his brothers and his siblings telepathically. So this small town shister tries to pull a fast one on them and of course gets burned in the process. I don't know if I should classify it as like a horror movie or a thriller. It's just very strange. It's a real comedy. Yeah, kind of. Part of why you should watch it is there is a fair amount of nudity. Jack Lone Lavelle from the femaleian series is in it and

she's just very good at acting even when completely naked and tied to a Jack and Jacqueline Lavel from the female Ian series is in it and She's just very good at acting even one completely naked and tied to a stake that's on fire I think I can't say that the special skills on her head shot. Yeah, I can't I can't say that about a lot of actresses No, you can't say that about Kate Hudson. No or Kate Winslet if Kid Hudson is near a stake. She's gonna put that fire out So out of the family, better than Kate Hudson and Kate Winslet put together. Amanda, what do you have to recommend if anything? What do you mean if anything? What am I?

A cave woman? I'm just not gonna pressure you. Well, you know, anytime you ask me for a movie recommendation. And it's like a pressure woman. I went to school with him, I know. I sleep that way. Soap dish. I always recommend the movie soap dish.

If you haven't seen it, you should. Why are you recommending soap dish to us? Imagine you recommending it to someone who's like, I'm in the mood for real tear jerker. Soap dish. A real mood for real tearjerker. So dish. A real, I'm in the mood for an erotic thriller. Again, but I also, I saw, this isn't a new movie, I guess, but I saw it recently.

A French thriller called Tell No One. Yeah. That's a really good movie. Yeah. And I don't want to tell you anything about it, because I don't want to spoil anything. Yeah, you want to. Unlike Head of the family, spoilers, watch, and you want to, you know, honor the imperative statement. Yeah,

don't tell no one. If it matters, that's the most I've ever described a movie I've ever, I've ever recommended. Dan and Ellie and they're like, well, Ellie is very love. He tells the whole story. whole story. He talks for 15 minutes. Yeah. I usually go to the bathroom while he starts recommending to me. I think it's myself a sandwich. So I appreciate your lack of spoilers.

Thanks. The only thing Chris and Scott Thomas of the English patient is in this movie. And it's just, you know, like, oh, yeah. She turned French. I forgot about that I like I guess she started out in French movies and then I thought at first the way you were you were going about it was like you were just sort of warning you're like the only thing Kristin Satcock Thomas from the English

picture is in this movie so no it's you know she's perfectly good and you know she is acting in French so I could lose some nuances there But she seems fine. I could act in French. Could you steer I could actually I mean I have We'll talk about that back shouldn't talk too fear in yep, just mind count Sure I think this has been a delight. Yeah guys. Well, I mean bride wars wasn't us Bride bride wars wasn't a delight now that part of it wasn't yeah, don't watch that the fact that we all were brought together in a marriage Okay, a comedy podcast and there was no wars with us, that's true

Yeah, they smile on the box for broad wars, and I think that's that's false because They don't smile on this movie. You're saying that there wouldn't be a guaranteed entertainment sticker on the box to this like There was for the film don't tell her it's me starting Steve Gutenberg There's no guaranteed entertainment. They they couldn't make that claim Perhaps we should sign off. Yeah, I think it's probably. Thanks for having me on your podcast. Thanks for coming.

Thanks for being here. Hey, no problem. Thanks for moving two blocks away. Hey, that works out great for me. I can keep stop buying borrow a cup of sugar. Well, not for me. I wouldn't let him. That's true.

I can stop buying borrow a cup of splendid. That's right. That's right. And the moral of the story is, I'm Dan McCoy, I've been steward Wellington. And I'm still Amanda Melson. Good night. Yay! Made the exact same joke that Ellie and I always does. Really? What do you want me to sit back? Well the thing is, you hug the mic in the beginning and then you sit back and then we can't hear you going to... I'm not a robot man. Should I put my hands on my knees so I don't break in?

There was a lot of fuffing and I don't know if you're a pervert last month. Yeah, I did, yeah. Because I was like, man, that one was great and then I listened to him like, Whoa, I was just really drunk. Anyway. Well, I was just really drunk. Anyway.