The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #51 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Episode Date: December 12, 2009

0:00 - 0:32 - Introductions and Theme0:33 - 1:37 - We introduce our special guest, Flop House contest winner Dash.1:38 - 43:35 - As four comic book nerds, we find far too much to say about X-Men Origins: Wolverine.43:46 - 45:55 - Final Judgments45:56 - 51:55 - The sad bastards recommend.51:56 - 54:19 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We are the best at what we do and what we do is watch X-Men Origins Wolverine with our contest winner Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. My name is Elliot Kaylin and that is who I am. I'm Dash Cooms. That's right, our contest winner, Dash. Holy shit. Welcome, Dash, is here with us. Welcome, Dash. In my apartment.

Woo! It's great to play. I overcame my little fear that he was a crazy person who wanted to wear us as kids. You're really nervous. Yeah, you talked about that a lot. I think you kind of wanted it after a while. I'm inviting someone into my home. You guys aren't, this isn't your home.

I mean, I never underestating Elliot's physical prowess. Well, I go into what's called a berserker rage, in which I just see red when I wake up. There's bodies everywhere. Yeah, it's almost like you awaken a manimal inside of you. Yeah, the other side of the other within. Yeah, that makes sense. It's almost like a more beast than man at times.

Really, no shit. I don't know how. Can you smell better than a normal? Yeah, heightened smell hearing site touch taste balance. I have a sense of style. I have no idea how I'm gonna segue into the movie watch Thank you been saying There's absolutely no so I'm just just going to say that we're not. They probably know what movie it is. Watch it. It's written on the internet.

Yeah. It's on the internet. OK, fine. We watch X-Men Origins. Wolverine. Yeah. So that's which X-Men Origins. Cool and Wolverine.

So Elliott. Because you're executing the program file. Wolverine Go and blood back slash Wolverine EXE Ellie you were known to America as the man who explained and a vantium to John Stewart. I forgot about that So clearly this must be your favorite. Yeah, this is I forgot about this television This mash. Yes, this is my favorite movie for that reason. I will tell you that my explanation of what Adam Antium was,

which is literally just saying the name of it, felt more accurate to the character Wolverine than this film. Yeah, how so? It seems like they've taken some, not liberties as the wrong word. It's he feels they've condensed about 20 years of Wolverine stories into an hour and forty five minute film and then

added in a couple dashes of made up bullshit do we have to point out that like uh... uh... we've all read a shit load of wolverine comic books i think it is did point out i think that's important to their trap yeah for it so the reader the readers the listeners at home uh... we were all very familiar with this character before we saw the movie. Yeah, we didn't pick him up from the X-Men movies or from His late-night talk show I for one was disappointed that this was not an adaptation of the limited series Kitty pride and Wolverine Oh, you are the only one

Dash you actually saw a part of this movie before you said and you fell asleep in it. I did, yeah, which part did I fall asleep in? Yeah. Which part did I see? I fell asleep about 20 minutes in in a theater. Whoa, what would you do? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that this is a theater that's a converted sauna. It's just so muggy and creative.

I've got to see it for free so it didn't feel as bad about it. There's a cover in the box, bad about it. There's a carbon dioxide layer. It's cool. Yeah, you're sitting midway through. You're wearing a Captain America shirt. So we have to assume that you had a certain level of excitement to see this movie. A certain level of...

I mean, it's not like it was a Captain America movie. Oh, no, of course not. And the funny thing is, we all like comics guys. And yet, we waited this long to see this fucking movie the other night I was out with two virals Both of whom at the same time Stewart at the same time fellows and Needle I'm not gonna go into too much because of a gentleman But I do want to point out that at some point the the the the movie Wolverine, you know, X-Men origins or whatever

It was called that we watched that the subject came up and I was the only one of the three who hadn't seen it yet Hmm well, so ladies. Yeah, ladies like Well, we don't know that lady. Yeah, that Australian full W Let's just spread stereotypes about women. They don't read comics so Well, my experience. They don't that okay non-non-com comic book reading women were I with me. We have to assume There's a generally go out with comic book reading movement. Whoa, whoa now. Oh Whoa, I have to assume you're insulting a large contingent of our audience. I'm insulting myself. Okay, because I judge women not based on their reading preferences The content of the character. Yeah, I don't

the content of the character. Yeah, I don't. The content of their... What? Brossize, I don't imagine, is what you guys will buy. Uh, I think I should slap you, though, if you'd like. But no, we're all familiar with this character of Wolverine. Yeah. Logan, as well.

He's a Rogesh fellow. Patch. Patch is sometimes alias, when in Madrepoor. That country doesn't exist, right? No, it's not real. Yeah. Okay, isn't just like an old time, like, risked name of a country? It's a Chris Claremont fantasy country.

Okay. Yeah, well, it's like a hyper-advanced ninja populated country, right? No, it's not hyper-advanced. It's like the SAP 30 is backwater. You're going down like a whole of this very specific comic references that don't have to do. I'm not talking about like Lila Cheney or anything like that. Yeah we weren't talking about the trans-dimensional rock star from the over a little over a origins we all know him and love him or it's not just overing the the adamantium the skeleton clad uh... beclawed healing factor uh... mutants with the crazy hair mhm

the cigar and and a posh on for calling people bub ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha By far for years has been the most popular X-Men character in the movies he has played by Hugh Jackman He was very much the breakout character. He's a really charismatic character for a number of reasons All that was sucked out pretty much eliminated in this film this telling they're like people people love Wolverine so much If we give them a whole movie devoted Wolverine, they will just go crazy in the theaters they'll rip up the seats and start the most Dispired aversion don't buy four tickets for each person it'll destroy the economy We can't do it wait to that happen yes That's what caused it But the the problem is that Wolverine is like destroyed Dubai he is

He's a loner and a rebel and goes into rages. He does- Like he will be Herman. Exactly, yeah. Dottie. So in the X-Men comics, he is the rogue element. He's a good guy, but he is a trouble-toying line. He's a terrible character in the X-Men.

I'm using the word rogue, not the character rogue. He has trouble-toying the line. In the X-Men movies, he's that way what a lot of times in the comics they pair him with a young girl or an idealistic character so that he can play off of that so that she can be the kind of naive good-hearted person and he can kind of have trouble staying completely moral he's your he's your classic anti-hero exactly except in this movie they didn't go that way and instead had to make him the nicest of a group of jerks it's true yeah boring group of

very boring if you ever wanted to see it's well they it's like they flip through x-men comics and they just like just they're like mmm too interesting this character is too interesting this character is too interesting okay we'll pick the fat guy and the guy who Well, there's no one here who fits the descriptions we need so we'll just make up a guy who can teleport and Display by will I am and we'll have a guy who controls life like when they when they show off this team like this team Does a mission they make sure to let each guy do something completely by themselves for a while Okay, tag in it's turn, which seems completely unnecessary. Why don't they just send one guy to do everything?

Yeah. Or work as a team in tandem rather than like individually. Well, see. That's the thing, they're all bad guys. It was either that or some kind of danger room session scene where they like each show off their power. Yeah. That seems kind of like a staple of these kinds of movies.

Well, before that. It's like, there's Evan Dorkin once told me about a... Oh, God. This... The name profit. About the first... I met him too. I mean, I met him through you at your live talk show, but still.

That was a long time ago. That there's always the character who has to rush up to a monster for no reason so that the monster can show you what his power is. So it's like if there's a monster with like acid hands then a guy instead of like running away has to be like what and rush up at the acid hands monster so it can touch him and burn his face off. That guy's hands are totally weak. Oh no! I'll hit him in his most vulnerable point, his hands.

Yeah, this guy's. But so this hands so powerful and acidic so they have this scene where everyone uses their power to Like one at a time so you can see what their powers are But like one guy's just really good at shooting guns another guy is just a tough guy another guy controls machines So like they're in an elevator and the guy they're up against stops the elevator And this guy uses mutant powers to restart the elevator like it's the the really the most boring Possible powers at least one other character proves that he can climb up walls Oh, that was least one. Yeah all the characters also can do like crouching tiger wire food type stuff. Yeah

Yeah, by the way guys I'm still stuck on how you defeat acid hands and I'm betting it's baking soda But sure anyway, we need to eat baking soda gloves. It's it's it's tricking him to touch another part of his body with his acid. Oh, featherless. The old Medusa tech doctor. But, uh, Elliott, we should give a Medusa configuration. That's a good title for your spine, Aval. We should. The Medusausa configuration a Stuart Wellington adventure

Elliot we should both we should both give the audience the confused audience a break and Give dash the full flat-piles experience. He's already had Popeyes. He's already good. It's good some bear with Stuart And Emmy did he ever do it's the drink beer? Yeah and Emmy. Did he ever experience the drink beer? Yeah. It's like I was apple juice. I thought I was frothy apple juice. You just drink shardonnay but we should give him the full experience by having you explain the plot to this film. Sure. And also to our audience. Okay, it begins we're in Canada in the year 1845. This is not a uh... there's a young boy named james logon i guess

and uh... and his james will remain ten within minutes this sickly boy we see him watch his father get murdered then he kills the man who murdered his father finds out the man who murdered his father's as actual father it's by the way does not play into the film never and then he has and then he finds he has bone claws that come out of the backs of his hands the son of the man he just found his father victor creed uh...

is has like claw finger nails and he says we're brothers we got to work together and protect each other cut to the title opening titles which shows them fighting through the next hundred years of wars they fight title sequence to watchmen, except for only focused on wars. And not very good. It shows them fighting in the Civil War, World War I, World War II, Vietnam.

And it's never explained one why they went to the United States. I like to see them in a civil rights rally. Yeah. I like the big stock market crash. like one of them jumps out the window and then I'll fix them up. Waiting online to see Wizard of Oz, the theater. One of them on top of a flagpole. Yeah, dancing on the wing of a biplane. Yeah. Shooting out Capone with Elliott Ness. Oh, just see, I would have loved if X-Men Origins were in a taken place in the 60s, I think it would have been a better movie. But instead they're like, listen.

Like Mad Men style. Yeah, kind of. But listen, they did a lot of exciting stuff over the last 150 years. Let's not talk about it. Let's talk about this other thing. But it means that you just like, all right, I guess they enlisted in the US army and then the army never realized that these same two guys were there for over a hundred years because in Vietnam they have a falling out and They kill some regular rank and soldiers in a fight and they're

Firing squad tries to kill them, but they can't because they have their healing powers. They're impervious to bullets. That's never really a drug. A mysterious colonel or general or something named Striker, who is the villain from X-Men 2, you may remember. They're played by Danny Houston, best known for playing creepy middle aged men in everything. He shows up and says,

why don't you join my team of Ragtag mutant monsters? And they do basically I guess for the next 25 years although nobody seems to age from Vietnam until I guess the 80s I don't know but we don't really know when present day in this film is by the way they do their best to kind of fudge the time everything about it seems to say it's happening right now but then Cyclops is a young boy is it was like a teenager at one point so it seems to say it's happening right now, but then Cyclops is a young boy It was like a teenager at one point so it had to have been at least like 10 years ago But there's no there's just no historical markers whatsoever. They go out of their way to avoid them

Maybe they're going for a mythic timeless quality sure like in the movie legend exactly. Yeah Which could have taken place at any time in a world of govlin's and unicorns but so they What happens basically they they join this rag tag team of monsters There's the witches on the lookout for this metal called adamantium Which was discovered somewhere in Africa in the African village team goes, kill crazy and Wolverine says, I've had enough of this. I'm not gonna be a killer anymore.

Leaves becomes a hatchet man out in the woods or an ax man, I guess, is what you call him. Yeah, I love her Jack. I love her Jack, whatever. You know, he doesn't fire people. I'm not even there. This is not up in the air with George Clover. The next shot is Wolverine in the suit,

being like, we gotta cut your staff by 30% He's going bald in the front, but he has a ponytail in the back. So he's got to skill it. Yeah, yeah He's got to skill it and so anyway he goes He lives out with his girlfriend in the woods as a lumberjack Uh-oh. Striker and Sabertooth find him. Sabertooth kills his girlfriend. He wants revenge. So he says to Striker. Okay. The striker says Wolverine's uh, sorry, all these stupid names.

Striker says, Sabertooth, your brother Vector is on the loose. We can't stop him, but we can give you the tools to stop him. And Wolverine says, revenge just point me out of an alkylam so they fill his bones with adamantium so they're unbreakable that makes sense and uh but the logical first step but then they reveal that saber tooth was working well actually because he seems to know it but then he doesn't know it will bring runs away he seems to realize that obviously saberer Tooth is working with Striker, but then he runs away naked in the woods with his claws. And then he holds up with an old man and woman for about a day. They give him a leather jacket and a motorcycle because it's an origin story.

So we have to learn how every fucking piece of clothing he ever wore got into his wardrobe and his bag of tricks. We never learned why he smokes cigars, Ali. No, I wish. There's a bunch of miscellaneous things. I've never had one of these before. Interesting. Should have been hot cigars. They're like big cigarettes.

They're like, well, wait, so he should be inventing it? Like, oh, this cigarette isn't big enough for me. They went down to Cuba. That's the, he was like in the CIA. That's, you don't notice that. You don't know that story. This bay? It should be called the Bay of Pigs. Basically Wolverine tracks down his old allies, the blob, Fred J. Duke's, and Will I Am, the character of, what was his name? John Rath maybe. Rath, that's what it was. His teleportation powers. They tell him strikers kidnapping mutants and doing experiments on them on a secret island

Only one mutants ever escaped the island his name Remi lobo. They call him Gambit. Uh-oh The worst character next one history shows up. How can it be the worst character? Ellen he's a ninja cowboy pirate Who is Cajun and he's C kagen he's terrible in every way uh... purple body armor is the point of the

purple and pink body armor under a trench coat and some kind of headband with his hair flops over and the movie he doesn't have a heavy accent but in the comics he says like doting is moshery all like a robert's we cannot touch each other that's kind of a nerdy game Or a robot

Oh my god, there's a gambott I wish my whole Gambott Star of the Harry Potter films. He's the star He's not even the title character Dan Star of the star of seeing detective. He's not even the first one. He took over Richard Harris' role. I don't care about kids. I like going old guys.

I've heard this movie have been called Dumbledore in the Prisoner Vazka van. Anywho. The Gambit by the way played by Taylor Kirsch of the Cache of Friday Night Lights. Good show, good break-ups. I've never seen that show. I've heard radio things about it. Good show. Maybe I'll pick it up sometime.

One of many flopp house movies that features people from... From shows you like. Yeah, Friday Night Lights and the Wire people do not have good movie careers, despite being good at it. However they still have careers careers despite being good. How are they still have careers? That's good, yeah, that's true. They should be thankful. And this holiday season, they should be thankful. Absolutely. Things are tough, man.

Anywho, Gambit helps Wolverine after a fight because heroes always fight first. Which the two characters use their powers in incredibly ridiculous ways. They should write that on the cover of one of those like two heroes fighting issues, like heroes always fight first. They go, Gambit flies Wolverine into the secret island, Wolverine learns everything he knows is a lie, he fights a lot of things, it turns out strikers trying to combine all of these kids mutant powers into one unstoppable soldier who is a kind of very loose take on a character of Deadpool, the Merc with a mouth, and that's the call. He's got three titles.

And they fight on the lip of a cooling tower, Wolverine and Sabretooth kind of team up, but then they don't, and then Sabretooth leaves. There's very little closure there. And Striker manages to shoot Wolverine in the head with an adamantium bullet which doesn't kill him but does remove his memory a la gillian getting hit with a coconut yeah and uh... no one can bring tragedy does not remember his dead girlfriend at the end of the and Charles Xavier turns out his girlfriend is working for striker but only because striker had kidnapped the girlfriends sister who is kind of Emma Frost the white queen but not exactly.

And she's covered in diamonds. Well, you said what was the name? Sales should have been her name. She had her super power, David's sales because she's covered in diamonds. She's covered in diamonds. Yes, diamonds. White lingerie. No, no, they, they decided that being a super telepath was enough

so she also has diamond hard skin and she can't do both at the same time yeah i thought she was just a hot telepath no well they changed that she's a lot of sexual chemistry with and she well now she's actually with the site boring that dudes a door and fraction is writing him very well in the current run of my career. I don't believe that but we'll get into that later

We'll talk about that later, but and Charles Xavier stopped by and picks up all the kids. Yeah, and That's it And I like they look my special kids kids school I can hear you in my mind Can you add in my pants? I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird.

I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird.

I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. I'm a shillot of candy in this black bird. made him lose a dude that's well done yeah nice well done well done the worst harvors horrible joke ever well anyway now

we've talked about the big picture we want to end and after the credits oh by the way dead by the way deadpool's head gets cut off and after the credits he uh his hand reaches over and grabs his head and then his eyes open and he shushes the audience don't tell anyone. I'm leaving it open for a sequel. Keep quiet in the movie theater, please. Go to the concession stand. Now it's time for the 20.

now it's time for the 20 have some special Deadpool raisin heads so that's the movie so that's the film it is very boring and by the numbers and not very so if by the numbers you mean they don't explain a lot of things the plot is very wrote but it's yeah they expect you have seen all three x-men movies you've read the comics they really do a bad job even seen the pizza commercial featuring over and slashing a pizza they do very bad job of explaining who these

characters are and why you should be interested in them as you said during the movie the in action scene would start you'd say you know I was just thinking this was dancing I was just thinking there is a lot of action in this movie but now this action is kind of stupid that's my dad impression uh... yeah i know that actually this my dad impression uh... well the thing about the movie is yeah that's it always starts with a sigh

my uh... to to close here's a digression uh... my love to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to accurate I gotta say so uh so that anecdotes so let's more exciting than the movie yeah let's get back to the movie here so what do you want to say about it or dash you know no those calls were terrible yeah well let's talk about fucking special effects terrible effects you know I thought after X-Men 3 X-Men the stand. There wasn't a chance for an X-men-based movie to have shittier special effects than that movie. But X-Men Origins Wolverine, they're abysmal. Like, when his fucking claws come out, it looks like the singing sword from fucking who framed Roger Rap. It looks like... It looks like Cartoon Claus. Yeah, they're pastel blue.

It's fucking nuts. Like Robocop. It's a lot like Robocop and you know, I don't watch the pictures like expecting it to be exactly realistic. I mean, come on, this is a fantasy world. But I would like a little bit more adherence to reality. Well, just use like props instead of terrible CGI effects. Like maybe use the CGI for a second

when the clause come out of his hands, but like, well, can't he just have a couple of prop clause strapped to his hands? Yeah, or make not every single bullet hit in the ground the CGI. Like, you could, you could use squibs as a standpoint. Yeah, there's a part where Wolverine is riding a motorcycle through the woods while a helicopter gunship fires at him. Not as exciting. Sounds very exciting, very exciting but is not each of those elements that should be exciting Wolverine Moisturian piloted by you who's amazing at shooting guns his name is uh... agent zero which it seems to be agent guns a lot is his name well they should have called him like gunny you know shooter

uh... starting mark well yeah well there you go that would be a really long name though that's a good shooter starting mark well for it move out logon you're with uh... fred jadeo super-duty

you're with the studio starting walk well but like they all the all the hits of bullets on the grounds for most of them are very obvious computer effects like they don't even have yeah just explosives in the grounds blown up yeah yeah you know I also for a movie that's about like superpowers I have a lot of logical problems with the film I mean for instance really well when okay when they're bonding uh well I when they're squirting and full of that medium they for some reason number one that needs to have an underwater uh... well i've wrote when there's a quarter full of the full of anti-many of they for some reason number one that is to have an underwater which i don't

know because it looks good it did happen in and water in the comments okay but also like there's like shooting it in like via these uh... little news that go into his skin and i guess what's like how you put adamantium through uh... needles that immediately bombs to bone i don't know what like it apparently just spread that under his skin it's like when you put Adam Matty in through needles that immediately bombs to bone. I don't know what like it apparently just spread Like when you like when you when you plump up stuff crust pizza like the cheese goes let it go Yeah, you just leave it up to the cheese to figure out where to go. You trust the It is that's the first thing they teach us trust the cheese

TTC And Adam Matty I do not know that about stuff crust pizza technology. Oh yeah. Thank you so much. It's it's based on the force Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean Adam. I'm automatically clings to bone No, but you could say even level all over Yeah, it's it's fairly dumb and but also like everyone has set powers But they also have the ability to like run up walls and jump in the air really far. And it's like, it's the similar to Watch Man, where it's like, here's a real world about superheroes who don't have powers, except they can punch a guy through a wall and jump

like 30 feet. You know? And as soon as a fight starts, it's all slow motion. Yeah. Like they, they, you have to believe that everyone in the universe in the world of this film can do these amazing feats but they don't have claws you know

and when wolverine uses his claws on a fire scape it is doesn't just cut it up it shatters like someone but like with night because it was weird about it is he does that and then he uses claws on human bodies you know what doesn't cause a single drop of blood to spread out anyway. Well, it cauterizes the wound. Whoa, it's like a lightsaber. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that makes so much more sense. Imagine now imagine how cool it would be if you had lightsabers that came out of his hands. Someone has, I bet you someone has written that story. It's a Wolverine

Star Wars crossover. That sounds like my slash pick. It's called Luke Sky Wolverine and everyone can ever. It's called Luke Sky Wolverine. Well, they had a X-Men, a couple more than one X-Men Star Trek crossovers and I remember reate when I worked at Marginal. No, they've had the comic version and the novel version. That sounds awesome. And I remember when I worked at Marginal. Wait a minute. I should have bought

X. Jean-Luc Picard, like is it the same guy or is he like I'm too size Wait a minute. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it.

I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it.

I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. I should have bought it. next you learn the story of my glasses. Now I understand his power of having read books. You'll learn how I got the story of my shoes. But there's... Well, I went to pay less one, dude.

Pay less, huh? DSW had a sale. But the, no, I'm not going to spend a lot of money on shoes. Come on. I would think you'd go to Zappos, though. When I get my feet zapped, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna fall for that trap I'm just shooting for Zappos gift certificates be honest But anyway, yeah, because usually we mention a product on the pop-ups

We get a lot of free product like free Popeyes, right? I wish I would I my dream one day is to be famous enough to do an ad for Popeyes and have them pay me and chicken It's awesome like I'll do this, you'll do like a treasure bath, but with chicken. I'll do this ad for free if I can walk into any Popeyes anywhere and get- Not have to pay. For sure. So we're like, oh, Mr. Elliot, here you go. Yeah, but anyways, let me- I'm imagining that this horrible Twilight Zone twist though, or like-

Oh, right, do I have a heart attack? Yeah. Well, obviously, you're like, get hooked up to like this Popeyes chicken machine what it pop all the Popeyes you could eat Huh now you'll have to eat Popeyes forever. No Yeah, but the so like a Sisyphe type character. There's this novel Star Trek X-Men And it's probably called like deadly rebellion or something But the there's a scene where it's like we're having trouble in the transporter bay. Some kind of angry, hairy- like, hairy runt is in here and it's like, aw, centrophysor

X, that must be Logan. Like, what? Like the characters have met each other before and are having another adventure and there are all those moments where it's like, nightcrawler, my old friend. It's good to see you again, you know? Yeah, well that means speaking of which like That's the weird thing about the end of this movie I mean I guess that I guess that like cyclops doesn't meet Wolverine

But apparently he can see through like the weird bandana they've put over his head because of his Well, no, I think it the what they're supposed to be saying is that well, there's a part he's blindfolded Otherwise his eye beams will shoot and yeah, it's got like Ruby courts blindfolds on and he and he won't Ruby courts fibers into the blindfold into the nap you know the airline sleep mask but they're leaving through the tunnels of the base hit all the escaping mutants and they like we don't know which way to go left to right he goes and he's blindfolded left but how can you know you can't see i just know and i think what they're applying is i've been memorized the route or or maybe president's averse how it's a

president i thought it was that he memorized the route because he couldn't see uh... just remembered which way they turn but maybe it's a bit or the noris but then how to pursue professor davir fucking blueprints of the secret military based on governor's island yeah well which island it's one of those islands you know i was somewhere i don't know he's an incredibly powerful telepath alien

extensive resources to say i guess you're right well he does have a school for troubled mutant kids my point is he doesn't have a fighter jet too i guess my point is more than the movie is like self-honored. The movie goes to these weird contortions to like work all of these other mutants in, but also to have none of them interact directly with Wolverine. Well that's one of them. And for Wolverine to lose his memory so when they all meet up later on, they'll be like,

yeah, it won't be like, you know fucking Star Wars prequel through yeah, I'm I'm gonna see three pio now the Yeah, I expect him to run into a couple of droids Yeah, exactly well That's the thing is like they it's they wanted to be an origin with it tells a story But they've got to tie it into what happened in the first X-Men movies so like he can hate saber tooth But he can't kill him at the end because he's an X-Men

He can hate striker, but they can't kill him because he's an x-men to and it's really it's like a month when i saw like it was like harry potter in the order of the phoenix or some nonsense and the whole time like oh man this is going to be some fight at the end between him and Voldemort and they fought for a little bit and Voldemort's like uh will all be back potter and disappeared now is like oh that's right there's like two or three more movies. There's be there'll be no closure in this time. They just did such a bad job of making it feel like not a chapter in a longer story, which happened here too. Speaking of Saber Tooth, I was saying that I don't really understand his motivation

throughout the film. And I told you. The name of the actor leaves Shriver. I told you. I mean it's because it's probably a big, Spelidic-Pang movie. Yeah, I told you Saber to his motivation. big one of the public paying movie yeah i told you say that motivation is killing machine

okay well is a man well that's the thing he just he seems to kill for no reason he wants striker to give him adamantium bones why who knows i don't know what makes him better a bad one at that another logical problem i had with the film striker's reason for not giving saber to the adamantium bones

saber to the guy who's already on striker side he's like oh I got to go get Wolverine to put adamantium on it even though that involves like a huge conspiracy he says oh saber to you wouldn't be able to survive it saber to who has the same healing powers as Wolverine I mean they're not exactly the same I mean I bet I bet like if you pulled out their marvel cars and there's a like a power game and for feeling really good exactly sabertude might be a little lower but he's a little higher in sheer killing

ability but i i think it's psychotic rage he turns against his brother i guess to get adamant bones well you know they have a lot of relationships here uh... he's like uh... no one gets to kill you but me he says the line he says something like that and so they will see him up yeah saver to says nothing but like awesome cliches the whole new

the fia will bring in at the kills of the world will bring walks into the bar slash barn that uh... slash barrage that uh... saver and he goes look what the cat dragged in and it's like come on seriously like every line he has in the movie is like that though it's terrible the weirdest reading for this script I got wrote it someone wrote that somebody wrote that somebody got paid for that I'm trying to remember some of the other ones. It's a lot of like I'm surprised

There was an appointment. We went like didn't go me out Like when when not when we'll in the trailer when Wolverine like extensive computer clause He's like oh shiny He didn't say quite as quite as gay quite as Sean hazy is I What is your obsession with Sean? He's hilarious Dan hilarious, I don't understand why the people who make two and a half men don't just put him on that fucking show Solidol Every show should star Sean Hays if he's the half of a man that's on the show they take that fat kid off of there

I wish it was called million dollars about two and a half A million dollars to me is what the two and a half men It was the same exact show but instead of a kid it was like a veteran That is legs and beauty or like Jude laws character in Gatica who also lost his legs It's like these two guys having Xanian ventures and then this really sad guy Like I'm gonna go Sit out near the uh... strip mall and hold my son says I'm a war vet like that sort of thing. Alright I've got to convince these girls to sleep with me.

Alright Charlie Sheenwell. I'll be at the VFW. One of you will be the A-plot and one of you will be the B-plot. One of those plots will be depressing. But here's one thing that I just remember that really bothered me okay late on I'm there in the African village and they find the adamantia not the beginning. That's like 25 30 minutes in okay Well, they find the adamantia maybe it's maybe it's 15 and they go to the village and they're like Where did this stone come from and like guys like it came from the sky and everyone's like it came from like I told

The fucking truth guys. Shut the line. And Wolverine goes, no, he's telling the truth. Yeah. What is this is a universe where no one has ever heard of. It's no like the CR Empire. Like they could not believe. No one could believe that the stone could fall out of the sky.

It's that was dumb, but what's even dumber? And it goes along with what you were saying earlier about shoe horning these characters in is the deleted scene on the DVD where Wolverine has a falling out with his team of mercenaries and he says that's it I'm done and he leaves after they kill a bunch of people in this village in the deleted scene little girl storm a rural Monroe is there and is just standing mute while they just kept keep cutting to her looking at this and you can tell it's her because she has long white hair and because it starts raining behind her because she controls the

weather and it's they cut that out of the movie but it's on the deleted scenes and it shows that this philosophy of like we got to put in all these little hints to the real fans. They just feel really. They just feel really. They call destiny. It's like they don't pray or dame. They would all work together. They do a lot of comics now that take place in the past where it's like it'll be like Nick Fury having an adventure in World War 2 and He'll bump into Wolverine and then years later. They won't remember it's like oh Thanks for driving me over to this part of the battlefield. What's your name Logan? Well nice to meet you Logan You're a tough little guy. Hope we'll meet again sometime wink readers. You can heal anything

me to get some time, wink readers. You can heal anything. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, you seem the best at what you do. And that's driving. So you'll either vote. I hope someday to do something more important. Thanks.

I hope to do something less nice. I hope to kill a shellota scrolls with a huge piece out. It was a, this is a lot of spinning. Everybody spins in the action scenes. A lot of spinning an a lot of spinning everybody spins in the action scenes Spinning a lot of sorting There's tons of CGI backdrops like it's all I think the whole movie is shot on blue screen a lot of people scream like screaming No to the heavens. Yeah, I was actually expecting more of that. I'm all disappointed The trailers led me to believe that was like 70% of the moon the trailers led me to the trailers led me to believe that was like 70% of the movies. Hugh Jackman flexing and showing off his veins. There was a lot of him

showing off his veins. Yeah as soon as as soon as a fight's about to get started, he's like hmm shirts coming off just got to wear a white shirt. There was a scene where he was running outside with a coat and suddenly all the Sunday's like time to show up my Italian t-shirt. Oh yeah, and by the way ladies and gay men, partial nudity, we were promised partial nudity at the beginning of the DVD when we saw the rating. There was an introduction, Hugh Jackman walks on and goes, thanks for renting this DVD of X-Menolge's Wolverine. Just so you know this emotional nudity

People as we all the time Not you Princess of Maine And I was huge I cannot do an Australian accent. Yeah, it was huge. I mean Leaping out of the water going into Berserker rage and you know diving into a... A waterfall, but you know, a little Jackman-ass ladies, ladies? Yeah, if you're a Jack fan. I wish that he had... I wish that while running like with no pants on, it just flashed on the screen, something for your girlfriends.

Mm-hmm. Like, you know, you dragged them to the theater, like here's something for them. Now back to more people being killed as soon as they're introduced Yeah, there is kind of a funny scene where he gets picked up by this old man a woman who are basically mom pot Kent or Uncle Owen and Aunt Baru like any old people who take care of the hero hero hero and He gets to their house and he's using the bathroom in his claws come out for the first time and he doesn't know what to do He's cutting up the radiator and the sink and there was something very team wolf about it. Yeah And then the

Elderly kindly old man or one were immediately shot by They don't he doesn't even get to stay with them for a week I mean he had he had like claws. Well, like ever since he was like, he had claws for over a hundred years. They were pointed, what, they were pointy, but they weren't like, they weren't razor-sharp. Well, he did give them to kill people.

How did being squirted full of adamantium turn his like sausage-y little bone claws into like little razors? Yeah. Like super sharp razors, youors. Yeah, that's crazy They seem like there should have been a forge like someone a forge like some sort of like a forge. Yeah, the shaman inventor That's who he is always working on the blackbird. Yeah, you think that character should have been around to fix it Yeah, okay, that would have made more sense

been around to fix it. Yeah. Okay, that would have made more sense. Somebody like there should have been some fucking like we should have seen Striker with like a knife sharpener. Well, you're right. Well, now that we've done the basic laid out of the animatim, we're going to have a little finesse on this. You just stand there, we got to grind this down.

Yeah, a little English on. So we've all seen the X-Men movies, right? yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, introducing people and kind of showing their half powers that's what that's the thing it's the it's kind of there seems to be this rule That in superhero movies nowadays where when you introduce a villain in one movie He has to show up in the next one and maybe you'll throw in some other guys too like the Spider-Man movies not quite as much although that you know The Osborne during every fucking one but like Magneto's in the first one. Okay, we're gonna have Magneto with some more villains in the second one. Third one, gonna bring back Magneto, but we'll give him a bigger army of like

random mutants that just show up in the backgrounds. That really pissed me off. Well, the Hellfire Club, come on, let's get to... The Hellfire Club, Apocalypse, like you got all sorts of great... Sentals. Mr. Sinister, all sorts of weirdo villains you could put in there. The brood. The brood.

The Imperial Guard. The Star Jammer. Sure. Mojo. Mojo and Mojo to the sequel. Just haven't sucked into the Mojoverse. Come on, let's just do it. It's spiral.

And then you can have the ex babies. Yeah, Darth Vader, the Gremlin. Yeah, Mr. Root. Mr. Potter. Maybe haven't sucked into Asgard and they have to go I've been drogo Darth wait, did you already say Darth Vader? He's like what about dark helmet? Sure dark that that's also over. That's just waiting to be tapped. What's his name? Brits of pain of doing Let's just wait and to be tapped. What's his name?

Britch Bane of Germany. Molleram. Molleram, yeah. Yeah, man, why not? Jesus. Charles Foster Kane. Sam Spade. Jake Gitties.

The Fat Man. Guttman. The Fat Man. Yeah, the Fat Man. Solo from Runsicle. The Gunsle. The Zool Cairo. Scarlet O'Hara.

Glenda, the good witch of the North, baby Jane, Tor Johnson, now we're just naming things. Flash. Flash. The Gover from Kench. Flash, let's lose. Flash again. The Gover from Kench, I think, would be on Wolverine side.

I don't know. They'd fight first though. They first met up. They would have a fight and Wolverine's. I don't know. They'd fight first though. Yeah, they first met up. They'd have a fight. And Wolverine's like, wow, I want to catch you. Well, Bill Murray's kind of the Wolverine of that movie. It's true. Every most movies and TV shows have their Wolverine.

When I first started watching The Wire, one of the things that stuck with me was when you described Omar as being the Wires Wolverine. It's true. They all have that kind of character. All right. Well, I was a Jim Belosha. He's never wires Wolverine. It's true. Like they all have that kind of character, you know. All right. Well, I'm a said Jim Belushi.

He's never a Wolverine. No, except that. But Joe Belushi and Animal has totally the Wolverine. And he's the Wolverine. Well, we've been running a while. We need to really speed through our final judgments on this. Final judgments. And to reiterate the categories ours is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie that

you actually kind of like the most. You don't have special Wolverine ones for this? Oh, God. This is a big thing. Oh, God. Is it the best it is at what it does? Yeah. What is what it does, not very nice, or is it mutantly mediocre?

Sure. I would have to say what it does isn't very nice, because it's very boring. And I like this is a movie that I knew wasn't going to be good, but I'm still kind of looking forward to it, because as a comic fan there's the part of you that wants to see what they do with the characters to change them. And what they did was just not interesting or appealing. Yeah. Dash?

Yeah, there's nothing worthwhile in this movie at all, even seeing how bad the special effects are or how weird some of the stuff is. It's just a bad movie. Yeah. If I was not watching it with you gentlemen, I think I would have taken Dash's lead and fall asleep For a movie where someone uses the claws that come out of his hands to rip up a helicopter It is really boring Wait, which which one is really bad which is the what it does isn't very nice? Yeah, I don't like this wasn't a very good movie

It was really the thing is it was just really boring. Yeah, like that was the saddest thing about it It's like I mean, yeah, you know what you know what we're having some yucks right now But you know what during the movie it was snoresville It was we took the most last ticket to snoresville. Yeah, I spent most of the time like writing Texts and stuff and like You do that when you like the movies. Yeah, that's true. And like looking at internet pornography on my iPhone.

Whoa. Whoa. Were we in the room? Yeah, I wasn't like masturbating. Okay. But I was getting ready too. That's true. If the movie kept on going like that.

Yeah, I mean, it's a slow build. Like, I'm not ready to go at the drop of a like drop of the hat you know I got a word on romance you a little yeah I got to be romance with my internet for an RV so we're talking about we're talking about is recommendations Dan recommendation this is where you recommend a movie that you actually liked as opposed to this shit hole damn wow the spotlight's on you McCoy really a huge story drop it on us uh...

uh... you're move i saw the the brothers bloom which i have yeah i like them yeah i like a lot i haven't seen i was making a video i thought that maybe i wouldn't like it because i got a lot of mixed reviews but i liked Rick and uh and the thing about movies like that like there's like good whimsy and bad whimsy And I know that like and there's the last Mimsy And people and people you've been waiting even saving that fucking joke

Waiting for someone to say mimsy twice And people disagree on like what like what's good and what's bad like people have different tolerances for different things like I for instance I know a lot of people don't but I for instance like Wes Anderson movies, but I do not like Say omelie like I watch omelie and I'm like well This is visually stunning but this woman is crazy and she's making life difficult for herself and everyone around her to foreign. Um, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to watch Emily.

Yeah. The English language version. Yeah. But yeah, I thought I saw Brother's Bloom in the theaters, and I thought the opening where it all rhymes was a little too sweet. Yeah, I didn't like that. But after that, I enjoyed it a lot.

Well, and the thing is, it has a thematic reason. I mean, it's a movie about constructing stories, so for it to have this storybook quality makes sense. It doesn't just feel like affectation. And you see Rachel Weiss' butt. Yeah, probably, which only happens in 90% of the movies that Rachel Weiss' butt. I just saw the constant gardener recently

for the first time and I was like, there's a lot of Rachel Weiss to know clothes on of this. A beautiful, beautiful buttoned movie. But anyway, I think about Ralph Ralf, Ralf Ralf, Ralf Ralf, Ralf Ralf, Ralf Ralf, Ralf Finney's, but... It shows, I don't know why it's so indelibly connected, but whenever I hear the name Ralph, I assume Machio

is gonna follow it And I have not thought about him probably in eight years outside of here like hearing people say the word route I was just fill it in with the word king right before I sure king That's gonna happen to me guys like all of the all of the real family is gonna get together Photo and Ralph Machio is gonna have to step in and know what country it's called Karate King. You just sold your picture. That was so great.

They just installed the cobra Kaiser of Germany. And instead of world-fucking-leaving. Instead of world-world three they have a Karate Ma. it's a it's a it's a world worth three they have a karate ma the karate competition oh man it's like prime minister Miyagi it's like it's like the green conjunction of stupid Elliott jokes tonight well the planet so as anyone want to jump in with their recommendation anyone I saw a

movie from the thirties I enjoyed was a prize called don't call the don't tase inferno starting Spencer Tracy which has its slow parts but is basically about a man who uh... is about a volcano what no no it's about this guy is a kind of an amoral an amoral greedy guy who works his way up from being the stoker in a ship's boiler room to running this carnival concession called Dante's and Ferno that's like kind it's supposed to have a moral message but it's basically a haunted house based on Dante's work and Spencer Tracy you know hurts people on his way to

the top and then he has to pay for it later. And there's some neat scenes, especially one, there's about a 10 minute sequence in the middle that's the best known part of the film, where it's basically a wordless, just kind of, Fantasia of going through the inferno as described by Dante.

And these very like beautifully done, like black and white scenes with pretty good special effects and fire and people wailing and torment turning into trees and things like that. It's a very neat scene. So it's worth looking up that movie for that scene alone, but the whole movie is kind of fun in a overly melodramatic way. Alright, Stuart, what are you got?

I'm going to recommend a new Ze Zealand film called Once Were Warriors about Maori people in New Zealand. And it's kind of sad and pretty depressing and it's about a family just kind of falling apart. And it features a lot of kind of difficult scenes and a lot of difficult moments and it has some moments of revenge that feel so incredibly hollow that you don't really enjoy them at all. So yeah, once we're worried if you want to feel kind of depressed. Okay. And Dash, do you have anything with you? Oh yeah, and it real quick, it stars the dude who played Django fit in the Star Wars

pre-grease. Okay, now I'm so. Everyone's favorite actor. Everyone's favorite fit, Django. Yeah, I just moved and I found a DVD that I had been missing for a long time called It has two titles. It's either Spooky and counters or Close Encounters of the Spooky Conning. I like it.'s like it.

Chow-yum fat. Okay. From the 70s, it's just an awesome goofy kung fu movie with ghosts. If you can find it, check it out. That's pretty good. Based on the title, I think of it. Yeah, it's really funny.

And there's some sweet, sweet kung fu in it. That's pretty good. That's spooky though, right? Oh, definitely. Yeah. Kung fu and ghosts ghosts that sounds good. Kung fu ghost. You saw your second piece. I've seen so many screenplays. I knew so much better than Ziggy did. So guys, wow, we did it. I feel like we should have sat in a live type

music that plays now. Where we like hug each other and talk like it was really an experience. That's why they call it the blues. Oh man, we have to pay health insurance. That's funny, Phil. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'm losing the music. I got to imagine they play though.

Yeah. Well, another play that, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Well, we had a great show tonight. I'm James Franco. We're going to pay G Smith some of his money. Well, let's release some public domain tonight. I'm James Franco. We're gonna pay G Smith some Well, let's leave some public domain music happy birthday to you. All right. That's not public. Oh, no So we're what this is 51 right this is 51 oh six away from Heinz man We're we're officially deep in the middle age now on deep in the middle age.. I'm deep in the middle age. Well, I mean, you kind of are. Oh, yeah.

All right. Well, I'd like to thank Dash, our contest winner for coming. Thanks very much. Thanks very much. Thanks very much. I hope you enjoyed the flop house, the flop experience. Oh, it was a ton of flop house and... Welcome to the flop house, Dash. Hope you survive. That's an old X-Men thing.

And, uh, yeah. I guess we should sign off. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm steward Wellington. I will always be Elliot Kaelin. Thanks for having me. I'm Dash. Good night, guys. Do you think female porn stars ever wear merkins? Do you think they ever wear merkins when they have sex with non porn stars to like disguise their identity? I don't understand why they would want to do that you know like how like a famous person might wear a mustache

yeah I was a little hot yeah I'm nervous I thought you're this is a big podcast is over You know, or just haircut that you had I don't particularly Oh, I like it. I like it. But the girls like it so I'm not gonna do trying to keep it real I'm not sure in this context. Yeah If this is the movie flueless it would mean shaving your head, but that's yeah wait really well Cuz he's shaving his head and his explanations because he's keeping it real.

Oh, yeah, the guy from the scrubs, yeah, yeah, scrubsie. The funny guy, yeah, Faeson's stun. What do they call him that? I hope Stacey Dash isn't that.