The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #58 - Twilight: New Moon

Episode Date: April 11, 2010

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme0:35 - 37:36 - Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Which gang? All of the supposedly-full-time Flop House co-hosts!  A podcast with all three floppers together comes along once in a blue moon.  Or in this case, a new moon.  A Twilight: New Moon.  ...Remind me never to hire myself as a copywriter.  37:37 - 39:33 - Final judgments39:34 - 43:31 - The long-awaited WINNERS of the "Give Dan a Hook" contest!43:32 - 51:19 - The sad bastards recommend.51:20 - 52:13 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

First vampires, now werewolves. Is there any monster they can't ruin by making it sexy? We discuss Twilight, New Moon. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington. Elliot Kalim as himself. Wow, we're all here. Yeah, it's been a while right the original pages. I'm long time it has been a long time getting from the Beatles. It's been a long long long time. Yeah, and I was quoting the

open the theme song from Enterprise starting Scott back. Well, nerdy or back. that's what we've learned tonight. Yeah, hey Backyard sounds like Dracula Lead is a segue Dr. Segway has a good transition for us. Well, I'm out of the alley. It's unwraching to that segue in the corner of the room I'm not quite done yet We'll talk about the film the we watched tonight, which was Twilight Colon. I thought it was the Twilight Saga Colon. I thought it was Twilight Tharp, the choreographer.

No, that's good. I like it. Now, we watched a film, one of the many films involving both Dracula's and where Wolf's. Dracula's and Larry Talbot's. Yeah, Wolfman's. Dracula's and where was that was in Larry Talbot's There's a lot of wolf man's in this movie. Oh so many wolf man. Oh, man. We should we Because this movie is kind of a big deal right like it made a bunch of money made a lot of money It was a huge. Oh, yeah, I wanted to clarify actually up top. No, thank about the flop house. I'm top sure the thing about the flop house. Sure.

It was high five. People often can confuse about the premise of the flop house because it's called the flop house. I think it very hung up on the idea of are we in a house? Do drifter? We're on there. We've got silk pancakes. That wasn't where I was going.

I was going with the idea of the flop and what it means to be a flop. And people like to point out on occasion that the movies we see are actually successful. Yeah, financially successful. And so just all the modern dogs, Asian dogs. And 10,000 DC. Well, no, not that one. But old dogs and Twilight, New Moon, which we watched tonight yeah there's a huge film big financial success a lot of buzz and what I say to that is a literal

blockbuster yeah the amount of money it made was enough to destroy a block of cement if you dropped it on top of it yeah probably yeah in panties yeah well I always say about that is that we watch movies that are Financial flops we also watch movies that were critical flops, but even more so than that in the words of Wayne's world It's just a clever name. It's a name that in fact I'm kind of angry in retrospect that we use because it's because it's caused so much grief It's a good name. What else we were gonna call it bad movie guys. Oh man. There's such a long list I mean why wasn't there during the during the founding stages of the show? I just call it so much grief. It's a good name. What else are we going to call it? Bad movie guys. Oh man, there's such a long list. I mean, when I wasn't there during the founding stages

of the show. Years ago, like my working title, it was really years ago. That's the fucking sad thing. My working title and my brain of the podcast was just simply Bad Movie Night, which is simple. It's clear. It's not a particularly clever name, but it gets it across. It's good. I mean, can we change it? No, it's clear, it's not a particularly clever name, but it gets it across. Yeah, that's good. I mean, can we, can we change it?

No, it's too late. There's a lot of brand identity. Can I get the flop house? Only when it turns out that podcasts cause lung cancer should we change the name? Yeah, but the point is, like I googled bad movie, and they're already, they were already a few things by that name, even so.

Well, there's stuff called the flop house really Probably I do know that if you if you Google can back them up If you Google flop house and podcast there's apparently like a podcast that does Jazz music out of Boston and call the flop house sessions as music out of Boston. And it's called the flop house sessions. Oh, they mean flop house in the old fashioned way of a house for a tenorant vagrants probably.

Right, well I just like to think I'm gonna say vagrants too, that's, we're really connected to the night. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. A must've been that sex you had earlier. I like to think that there are a bunch of Boston jazz fans who have found our podcast looking for that other show. Maybe because it's the movies we don't see.

Just like in jazz. Right. Yeah. A material. I think it might be important to address that at least I went into this movie without having seen the first movie. Me also. Or reading any of the books

movies are based on and I watched the first movie earlier this week as a research for this in my screening room or a theater yeah he rented out the Miramax screening room I watched it on my iPhone on the subway okay on the subway but at least one of us should have seen the first movie so you saw it in 20 minute chunks yep and you were wearing like, well no, I have a commute. I have a commute up to Harlem. Commute? Well that's why I call it what I want to subway with a lot of communists. I see. But probably you were distracted because while you're watching your playing the game of like

if this subway car was a desert island, which woman would I have sex with, who would we eat? You know, who would we kick off the island? I actually do play that game fairly. Yeah, well I'm sure everybody does. No, no, I watched it in about... What game? I watched it in about 35 minute chunks. And I was telling you this story, 35 minute chunks would have been a better name for a podcast. That's a good name.

Podcast has to be 35 minutes long. We never have one that short. That's like a vomit podcast, though, 35-minute chunks. Yeah, but, okay, fine. No, but I watched the, I watched Twilight on the Subway, and I was, I was saying before that, right before watching Twilight on my iPhone, I was listening to the Dan Savage,

Savage Love podcast on my iPhone, and I thought to the Dan Savage, Savage Love podcast on my iPhone. And I thought to myself, after doing these two things in close succession, when did I become gay? I don't know. I was looking at his watch. He was like, he was aware that the far I was. You're checking your watch and the answer is in years. He's a really fancy watch. He transformed in the words of a twilight I think yeah Transformers to rise of the fallen sure So Elliott yeah, let me tell you the 20 minutes of plot which encompasses the two-hour

Plus running time of Twilight new moon two hours and nine minutes Bella is a girl who's in love with a vampire named what Edward Cullen, is that his name? Yep, that's his name. And she knows he's a vampire. She knows he's a vampire. They're in high school. He still goes to high school, just by being a hundred-year-old vampire.

Does he get really good grades? I hope so. The one class we see them in, he knows Romeo and Juliet by heart. So he shows up the Smiley Professor. That's probably good for him, because like when I was a high schooler, I really couldn't

appreciate that like that class like it's better to go back as an older student. No I agree that's true. And they make a stab at like explaining this in the first movie like like okay we don't want to draw attention to ourselves but wouldn't an ageless senior. Does the idea like draw more attention? Some day you're going to graduate Edward. I don't know what your grades have been so bad. I mean you've been to the school for 50 years now. You should stop taking those AP

courses you know. But apparently in the previous film there was an evil vampire who came after Bella to get revenge at Edward for killing her boyfriend. The vampire's boyfriend. Wait what? Don't worry about it. So Edward says. It's what happens. If you're around me, you're going to get hurt. So instead, I'm going to tell you that I have to leave. And he leaves. He goes to Italy. He goes to Italy.

And she starts falling in. She becomes friends with an Native American boy who lives nearby. And with great hair, a really long hair. Long flowing locks. Jacob is his name. Jacob, I didn't get that. I never knew his name. But he, and at the same time, she's obsessed with get it. Apparently, whenever she's

in danger, she has visions of Edward. And so she's searching for greater and greater thrills. He has a real seeker. A thrill killer. Now it's real killer. With a thrill seeker. And it turns out Jacob has a crush on her. They start getting closer. Jacob's a werewolf. He, he, what? He falls in with a band of, werewolf he what he falls in with a band what yes he falls in with a band of skin walkers or whatever they're called sure other were will other with young werewolves and this is when my memory is hazy because by brain started shutting down at certain points well to be fair the movie started shutting down to. We watched it on streaming from Amazon and there was a

period from about 20 minutes where we were having trouble loading the film. And Elliot kept pitching the idea of us just doing a podcast on the first hour of the movie because Elliot is always keen on getting out of here as soon quickly as possible. I'm an old man I like to get home early. He's a street walk in Chida after this. Yes, with a high full of nae palm. So anyway Edward comes, no he doesn't come back. No, yeah like she finds out that he's going to like get himself killed by the vampire police. He loves her but he loves her but he can't live without her so he's gonna go sacrifice himself somehow no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no that they've at the end of the first movie which was just called twilight okay uh...

the one of them comes back to actually both of them both of the two remaining once come back but more importantly like the girl comes back uh... threatens bella like there's a big fight like bella goes off um... jumps off a cliff uh... concert head uh... jacob the werewolf pulls her out and uh... they they go back.

Now are you saving her from the evil vampire? They go back home and there's a phone call from Edward, which Jacob picks up on for some reason. He was really not his house. He was rude. And Edward, in fact, he grew up in a barn. Maybe he's not wearing his shirt most of the movie. Well, I forgot to mention that about the werewolves is that they don't almost never wear shirts. Where did he grow up in a barn? Maybe not when he was. Not when he was. Not when he was.

Maybe not when he was. Well, I forgot to mention that about the werewolves is that they don't almost never wear shirts. They're just walking around nice shirt on. The other weird thing is that they can transform into creatures covered completely in hair, and yet the werewolves have no discernible body hair other than the hair. Oh, that's because they're all like teen models. Oh, okay. They're all ripped. They're all ripped is all right yeah just cut the point is fucking that's a lot of when Edward calls just completely broke

with Edward when Edward calls totally squeeze code that would call just super blasted and finds that uh... rocked up that bella is not answering her own phone assumes that um... the vision that his uh... sister alice had of bella dying is true that bella is dead and bella is dead and he has no reason to live anymore he has no reason to live anymore so he's gonna kill himself and so uh...

alice and bella then have to race to Italy. Italy. And save him. It's probably a lot of babies with the name Bella nowadays. So, I think. Yeah, a lot of mushrooms. What? Oh, right.

It's type of baby Bella mushroom. Anyway, when they get there, there's a bunch of, you know, like there's a big vampire, you know, Pufram. But there's like a vampire court that they, like there's a big vampire, you know, a poof ram, there's. But there's like a vampire court that they go to and the vampires, they find out that Bella, all each of the vampires has their own special powers. Some can see the future, some are telekinetic.

Like the X-Men? Yes, exactly. They're basically the X-Men. And Bella is completely immune. Is there a team in between? Not would not yet, but probably at some point. Okay, cool. Bella is immune to their powers.

So they're fascinated by her. And she, okay, come on, let's, let's, let's, let, let, ends with an astale mate kind of a draw and with Bella saying that she'll become a because she's a liability to the vampires because she knows too much about them. She'll become a vampire and join them. And they solve. There's like 40 more minutes to the movie where they talk about this. And then at the end, there's a final stare down between Jacob the werewolf and Edward the vampire and then real love triangle. It's a real yeah. It's like a love scattered pieces of dust on the floor. There's no tension or romantic chemistry between any of them. What's the climax

of the movie? At the very end Edward says I'll turn says alternate with vampire but we got to be together for ever and she says that's what i want to go as that's what i would have been a girl and they says will you marry me and she goes and then it cuts to the credits and i assume twilight three picks up at that moment with her denying him you know that in fiend has more than two immediately jimson i mean i mean that's not that that that is not the climax the movie unless you mean climax in the sense

of like all the teenage girls coming to climax at that order as they fantasize about edward the vampire marion yet exactly the climax of the film sexy vampires have changed a lot since dark shadows they don't wear shirts is often the climax of the film i guess is bella rushing to keep Edward from committing suicide by revealing himself as a vampire which involves her running through a fountain and pushing them and uh... i believe this was the

this was the point of the movie in which i turned to alia and said is this movie shitting me because what the fuck kind of climax is that this point the poster for that uh... angels and demons movie starring com and john trovelled his hair uh... general played itself yeah the harry war and uh... in that

swordfish movie uh... john trovelled his hair had such an ostentatious trailer on the film uh... but it's a movie that's shown that it cannot handle action or excitement in the fact that it involves multiple fights between Werewolves and they are boring as I'll get out well, but also like we talked about a lot of plot in that Synopsis just now But most of that plot occurs in the first 20 and last 20 of the film and then in the meantime

There's a lot of meandering. There's a lot of hanging out. There's a lot of pop songs playing. It was seen as longer than it should be. They're all really long. The characters pause a lot while they're talking unnecessarily. And bullying a lot.

Yeah, well that's because they're all wearing vampire costumes. Well, you guys were in particular complaining about how difficult it was just to understand the time. Well, that's the thing. That yeah, the mumbley is fucking beep. Like I saw you guys turn into old men in front of my eyes it was redacted i felt old watching the movie not just because i didn't recognize any of the bands that played songs in it didn't understand the appeal of the movie or anything

like that but all these people why are they in my vision let's blend Miller but the the idea But the idea that all the characters are whispering or mumbling, I don't know, maybe it's your sound system. The audio recording sounded terrible. Yeah, Dan's sound system sounded really bad. All right, guys. The screen's so small. But it was really hard to fake understood,

like, their words were not legible often. I didn't think that one guy was speaking English for the first half of the movie. So it was honest. One with the boxers face. The boxers face. Yeah, like the smash and face. Which vampire, the main vampire?

Yeah, he's got like a little smushed face. Yeah. I was going to describe him, I'd be like the vampire with the stupid haircut Okay, I would call star of the film. Yeah, although he's not in a lot. He's not no He's in like 40 minutes of a Like 130 minute movie 120 minutes, let's say He's in a smoke a lot

He was in it as smoke He did appear as a vision. He did not ask you. Not as a night name, sir. Smoke all night. The night who was always last in getting to the adventure. No, yeah, that was the, that was a weird thing that, um, you know, Bella, as, uh, Elliot, you know, referred to, um, would see Edward, her vampire lover, whenever she was in danger. So she put herself in danger.

And we would see Edward as basically like these smoky apparitions that, yeah, if she ran her hand through, like he would disobey. They would dissolve into mist. So she got waiting to like, what auto-erotic spixiation there? No. Well, she got on the back of a motorcycle one. Yeah, she had some strange guy to hang around or a motorcycle ride.

How'd that end? She has to stop and then he did. Yeah. He was very accommodating cyclist. Yeah. And at one time she jumped off a cliff. OK, like into like a quarry or? Now I was cliff diving, she jumped in the water.

We had already seen people do it safely earlier in the film. One time she went to see a movie called Punch Fist or something like that. Fist Punch. Okay. And that apparently was a real adrenaline shot. Didn't do it, didn't do it.

It's having pretty good though, but I remember. Yeah, there's a moment where they're watching this movie Fist Punch and you just hear the soundtrack and it's supposed to be a joke, I guess. It's like, I'm going to blow your head off. You try it, I'm going to blow your head off. Why don't I blow both your heads off? Let's do this thing.

And then just you're shooting. It's like, I wish I was watching that movie. Fist Punch sounds so good right now. They took a lot of liberties with the life of Bella Bartok in this film Yeah, unless it was about the life of Bella Abzug. Was that a little bit of a go see mm-hmm. I don't think so why would he By the way, um, let's do let's take this moment to you know shout out to our mutual friend Stewart We have another Renew Stewart I'm I'm do you know the shout out is that i'm afraid it i'm making sure you're paying attention okay uh... our mutual friend bill looking for my phone actually

who would do it and impression of bell gocy which would be ham putting his coat over his head and then going i'm begging the gocy chasing you around the room putting his coat over his head and then going I'm very legacy! and chasing you around the room. It's a pretty good one. So, uh, Phil, that was a good impression.

Yeah, very accurate. Don't worry, audience, I'm as uninterested as you are. Ha ha ha ha! Let's get back to the movie, shall we? So it's a slow, meandering movie with not enough, not as much plot as it seems to think it has. And it's one of these movies where it's like, Meandering movie with not enough that not as much plot as it seems to think it has and It's it's one of these movies where it's like

It assumes that the audience I think is already emotionally invested in it So there's no reason to worry about getting you involved or making the characters seem interesting Well, I mean to be honest There is no one who's watching this movie that's not already emotionally invested Well, there might be people who are like I wonder what all the fuss is about this twilight. Yeah, but no, I like a werewolf, man. But I don't like the vampires. I like the underworld. Let's try this.

That's the only justification I can think of, sure, because no one's gonna just dip into this movie and be like, I'm curious about this twilight sensation, but I don't want to watch the first movie in this series. I like True Blood, but it's a little too blue for me. Cause they have vampires in that too. I gotta say, here's the thing. I mentioned that I watched the first Twilight movie.

Okay, and I have to say, and we didn't make money that much. No, a little bit. Well, you'll make fun of me here. Okay. Oh boy, let's get ready ready kind of enjoyed the first movie no you want to feel this one wouldn't recommend it would not recommend it necessarily but like for what it was i'm like okay yeah i see what this is

what this is doing i mean the first movie then you assume up signed up for subscription to seventeen or uh... young and i was gonna say i was gonna say i was gonna say r Ranger Rick, so I think I'm well. Ranger Rick is a little too young. They gotta bring it up, baby. They're gonna be with the first movie. Ranger Rick is one of the great magazines where I think they assume you're gonna grow

out of the magazines, so it's just a cycle of the same issues over and over again. I think they have about 24 issues, and I remember my land zoo books is cycle of the same issues over and over again. I think they have about 24 issues. And I remember my land zoo books is kind of the same way. But I remember my brother having a range of rigs subscription and being like, baby ducks. Again, I have baby ducks. So what did I come up with some new baby ducks? For 1983, this just in, baby does.

Kangaroos have pouches. The thing about the first movie, if nothing else, it had some actual... it actually had some beautiful cinematography, the first movie. But also, the first movie was directed by Katherine Hardwick, who directed 13, which is not a good movie, but it is the sort of movie that you would want someone to have on the resume if they're going to do a Twilight film. I mean, that's actually overwrought teenage melodrama, and it comes from such a female

perspective that you can see where they're like, okay, perfect for Twilight. This person can really plug into that just like amp up Teenage girl emotion quality. Yeah, and and this would be kind of like keeping a journal making a mixtape. Yeah, you know like a quilt They make quilts with that with other would make it a bridge quilt Yeah, I mean quilting bees are all the rage these days with the young kids. I'm not sure if the young Amish. But there's like a real intense sincerity to that film that almost like put it over.

Where's this movie? It was directed by Chris Weiss. What else did he do? Well, I mean, he started out well. I mean, he made American pie and a bad boy. Which are two like classics. Not, not why I'm not. I'm not arguing for this great movie.

Who's his Academy Award? I'm not arguing for them as great movies, but they wasn't at the movie where the guy is sex with a pie I say Neither are movies that I love I'm just that movie that was about a boy They're both solid like just entertainments and then he like took a wheel dipped down and made the golden compass, which was just boring. That was too bad. That was a wasted opportunity, golden compass. That was very boring. And this movie just like he just didn't seem to have any feel for it at all. Yeah. It felt like it was, yeah, it was directed by something that wasn't that interested in in making this movie. Or for shelling out a couple of claims to get

some good special effects. Yeah, it was also terrible special effects. Yeah, talking about, obviously, you know, those were wolves. Stuart, there's those wolf men were like, they're super phony looking like as you were saying, the monster in never ending story looks more realistic. Yeah, they look like cartoons. Like, I think one of them's gonna jump into a fucking drag racer and go driving around. Yeah. Just set in behind Javertjohn. Yeah, absolutely. They don't even look like they have any musculature.

They're just like, like, hair blocks. Well, they look like stuffed animals that are running around and biting each other, but like, cartoony. And slow motiony. Mm-hmm. Like, if, if, what's his name for Monsters Inc. had wandered in and joins the werewolf pack out, I out and like all right Okay, this makes sense to me. This doesn't seem out of place

Usually this makes sense to me I'd actually be very excited every like all right. This movie is going into a weird area It's a real crossover Empire's and were wills exist and also cartoony monsters now Now do you think part of the reason why they didn't seem to give a shit about their special effects is because they assume that the people who are the actually interested in this movie are generally female because I find that most women and females are like half blind but no what I'm saying about it like the visual a cute one saying is like it's really I'm saying

that most women that I talk to like I'll watch a movie and be like oh man that shitty computer graphic special effects. And they're like, what? Who cares? Like I'm paying attention to that story. Because they're sensible people. Yeah, and I'm like, I don't care for that computerized monster. Well, they're all just waiting for the moment when Pattinson takes his shirt off at the end.

Yeah. No, he doesn't, he never takes his shirt. When he's gonna walk off into the, into the sun to reveal himself. Wait, who's that? You know, the vampire. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's painfully skinny though when he does that. Yeah, but girls like that. They do. Yeah, it's called heroin chic.

That's very big now, the greedy look. They don't like the guys like the werewolves who've got musculature. Who the, like those werewolves. They were as brought up before. Oralped him. They were just sanded right in shirtless all the time. Look at the marble. When there's a big standoff, the werewolf in the vampire.

Like, it's just, there's a shirtless guy standing in the middle of the road. I was waiting here. I didn't have time to put on a shirt before I was waiting for you. I was waiting for him for him to, the car to get up to him and him to punch the car off the road. I was there really was a scene where the, when the one guy figured out he was a werewolf. He collected all of his shirts at all of his normal pants and like put him in a big garbage bag and then he filled all his, he filled all his drawers, collecting like old Navy cargo

shorts and jams. And Jams. And why is he wearing shoes? Because he's just gonna explode his shoes off. Why is he wearing those shoes? They're kind of expensive shoes. They walked around always, no shirt and just shorts. Then when they became wear wolves, you'd see scraps of clothes bursting off.

Like they burst out of their pants. And they just have to imagine that like hiding in the hiding in the woods as their friends go back to get them pants because they hurt they ripped the Larry could you come I wolfed out again could you just I really got I need some so they wait they say wolf out to you like do you always listen to and they dance that dance my pants are my they, there's no bottom drawer. Where did they get the cell phone from like, like, was it disguised in a tree? They've got cell phone stashed all over the world.

Sure, but why don't they just stash pants? That's what I was gonna say. Why don't they just stash the pants then? That's how stupid the movie is. They just don't get it. I was gonna say the movie would have been better if like, Teen Wolf, one of them was in a school play about the Civil War. Yeah. And that was a sub-flot. I think it would have been nice if they had a scene where one of these naked wolf man

like had like talk to an animal and the animal had to go like get him pants. Did it make sense? Yeah. I mean, within the mythology of this film, maybe because they all have special powers. Yeah, the way guys, it naked wolfman singing on Broadway right now so yeah the tics

the tics that's what they call tics now what for that show much of those tics don't buy you though dangerous and i use alligators as tickets now in broadway what in the he was the bite so much as the rolling you and drowning you. There was dangerous about them.

Sure. Alligators, I mean, yeah. Well, ticks can give you Lyme disease. That's the other problem. So why light sexy vampires? Stewart, what do you, what do you feel? I could have like, you know, I was kind of raised on, uh, on lost boys. So like to me, when I imagine the sexiest of vampires, I could have, I was kind of raised on lost boys. So like to me, when I imagine the sexy... The sexiest of vampires.

Yeah, when I imagine a sexy vampire. It's key for Sutherland. It's key for Sutherland, or the guy who played, what was it, Bill from Bill and Ted's, Bo, excellent adventure. Oh, no, it's Winter. Oh, it's Winter, yeah.

That's the sexy vampire. Really, he's got that, he's got that real Americaner, William Cat, Curls, and Jason Patrick when he starts becoming a vampire in that movie. He's really sexy. Maggots. So how did you feel about how to... You're even maggots. As someone who is hip-deep in the fantasy world.

Oh yeah, I love fantasy. How did the vampire mythology... As someone who lives in a fantasy world of your own creation? Well, I'm not going to say that it isn't weird to see these vampire dudes sparkling when the sun hits them. Like diamonds. Yeah, I don't know. They're really weird.

I don't know like the superheroes' ails. I guess they're worried that the sun is going to hit them because people will see them sparkling. But they could just make up that they're worried that the sun is gonna hit them because people will see them sparkling Yeah, but like what's the big thing? They could just make up that they're like fucking angels or something What the thing is like girls were so much sparkly makeup now anyway like to say I'm wearing a lot of makeup Yeah, I just hit Claire's boutique and loaded up on sparkle paint Well, but also the thing is like even in this universe the Twilight universe It's not like Twilight averse People see sparkles and think vampires. It's not like that's a stereotype about vampires.

So it seems like, you know, like no one who sees them sparkling is going, oh those guys are fucking vampires. Let's go stake them, you know? Let's go give them some stake them. You said that really sensual, Dan. Let's go love stakes, I love it, everybody. Let's stake them. Let's stake them. They're aching for a stake. said that really sensual that's good that's a little bit of that's a little bit of uh... they're

aching for a stake in the but the at the monsters all it's well the a lot of these movies i think at this point i don't know why monsters and movies keep themselves a secret if you if there's one vampire because about half of them are good anyway

well if there's one van if there's one vampire living in an area i can understand why he keeps itself a secret if there's one van, yeah, if there's one vampire living in an area, I can understand why he keeps himself a secret. If there's a whole society of vampires and half of them are good guys anyway, it's a vampire scene. Yeah, there's a whole subculture of werewolves, you know, why at that point, what do you got to lose? Yeah. Just true blood it. Yeah, just be open about it, man. Come out. Yeah. I hope that's his prime message to all the monsters out there listening to this the yeah the the the family don't understand

uh... the mean the werewolves were pretty straightforward uh... although it wasn't full moon based you know the title of the movie was new moon and they they they thought they apparently don't feel the cold like like wolves down or something which doesn't make any sense like in real life wolves don't get cold they don't that's why they live in space wow wait a minute yeah you've

just flipped my leg oh yeah space wolves because the cold doesn't bother them nice I have nothing more to add to this topic. Speed wolves. I don't care for that Taylor Lautner. No, what don't you like? I don't know. Every time he came on screen, I wanted to punch his stupid face. Is he the wolf?

He's got a slightly effeminate voice and is kind of blind. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, I don't, it's not that. Like, that makes you sound like I'm gay bashing all of a sudden. You're a homophobic. Anyway, so, so I mean the guy who was watching twilight and listening to Who you are sure well Hating is what you what you call it now. I just like he I don't know in the in the in medicine. It's called McCoy disease I the I don't know his that that's transmitted annually right by Dan McCoy

He just I no thank you. I don't want that know his that that's transmit it ain't really right by demicle he's i no thank you i don't want that his what he what's weird is that stupid muscular he starts out with and his he starts out with really long hair and then he cuts where great and it's he looks so ridiculous that it's like i believe him then is like an awkward teen because he's got this stupid hair you know and i don't i know stewart thinks it looks great looks also he's got this long hair and you know, and I know it's two or things that looks great. He looks awesome. He's got this long hair and he always looks a little befuddled and it's like, I buy him as a teen and then when he turns angry,

he cuts all his hair off and he stops wearing a shirt and it's like, oh, right now. He gets a tattoo. And he gets a tattoo. Now he's just like a muscle guy. Like, I don't buy him as a teen anymore. And you can, the hair is no longer covering up his thick neck the, the bothers dance so much. Just don't like mechs guys. Just kidding me. Like mechs. You shouldn't be a vampire because that's where they drink their blood from. Sometimes. What? Where else? I'll talk about that. But the other thing, this is one of those movies where a school is an option for students. They sometimes go to class, sometimes not.

The main character skip school. In the beginning, she's at school. She has a circle of friends that she sometimes hangs out with. Those characters disappear from the movie. Oh, like that up in the air chick. Yeah, the Anna Kendrick. Anna Kendrick from Up in the Air is one of them. And... academy award nominee

and is a really deservedly so yes for new moon i like to know from the air i thought she was good i thought she did a fine job in a fine film academy award-worthy you're the guy does not care for the academy wars in general no i'm still gonna save it. It's a worthwhile award at all then. But she at the certain point those characters disappear. She didn't win though, right? No, she didn't. Now she didn't win. She just stops going to school. It went to Monique.

Amazing. A post-prophy. Really? It was a giant step forward for women with a post-pours in their name. It was a giant step forward for women with apostrophes in their name. As I said, it's good stuff. I'm on a live blog. And it got about the response that you gave me right now. Yep. So yeah, they stopped going to school. That was kind of weird. Yeah, the movie just stops being tethered in any sort of reality.

And I mean, it's already got We're Wolves and Vampires, so it's a fantasy movie. Which seems weird that then they also made a point to have that scene where after her vampire boyfriend leaves she's like sitting in a chair looking out the window and the camera is painting around and it makes a point to like show the changing of seasons and to say the changing of the months. So it's the names of the months up in text on screen so like get it, idiots, time is passing well you don't realize that's value added. That's the twilight calendar.

Oh, I see. They are getting the twilight video camera calendar if you buy the DVD. Because there's only, but they only show like three months, right? Oh, well, it's not a good calendar. It's not a lot of value added. It was, it was grusted production at count. The bare minimum amount of value they could add to the product.

Yeah, like I could only remember three months. So it seems strange that they're gonna try and like ground a movie in reality like that. Yeah. But then completely disregard the fact that like, yeah, like she, you know, has to go to school because she's a normal person. Well, and then when it comes to normal person,

this thing that bothered me the most about the movie is, I know it's a movie, but in he's a hundred year old vampire Yeah, so if he falls in love with a woman, I kind of buy it because he's been around the block She is what probably like 16 Just put it in 17. She's 17 If you're 17 and you fall in love with a guy and you don't see him for three months like you're like really mad for three months and then get over it and then eventually you go to the guy.

There was like a werewolf friend. Yeah, there'll show how these moments of like being a crazy person and probably write these like long missives in her in her diary. Yeah, and then eventually but like I don't. Yeah, poetry that's kind of. I don't buy someone and I'm sure it I mean it happens to her hair. There are high school sweetheart to get married But I've trouble buying the idea that at age 17

She's emotionally mature enough to recognize that she's met the love of her life that she wants to be with for eternity And yeah, not only love of her life, but her afterlife That's good vampire related human now that's good vampire related humor. Now, it's also interesting that in her, you know, 16, 17 years of experience, she can provide enough interesting conversation to a 100 year old dude. That's, you'd think that the whole, every conversation would be like,

oh, you don't, you haven't heard about that? Oh, it's before you were born, I'm sorry. Or she'll be like, let's do that. And he'll be like, I did that like 400 years ago. And that's how that address like, yeah, I mean, he's not actually wait. He's not over 400 years. No, he should be a hundred years. He should be a lot more embarrassed when he introduces him, hurt to her, his friends. Yes. He was kind of embarrassed. Yeah, but I think that was more because she was human. less because like I difficulty reading this to 14-Ager.

I say that makes sense. It's not like she said anything. No, it was just that she they wanted to eat her blood. I also think that she gets beat up and bloody so often in this movie. And it's like I was telling these guys it feels like an 80s like TNA comedy where like the home movies just an excuse to get girls tops to fall off so that the main characters can see boobs this feels like every almost every see the movie is an excuse for her to cut herself so that the vampires can you know have to force themselves not to

kill her to kill her to run to lust over her blood but she gets battered. Yeah. And she bleeds so easily. She gets battered and fried. Wait. It's turned into a tails and the crit. Well, anyway, maybe we should move along. Yeah, I don't think there's much else to say. So twilight, new moon. Sure.

Final judgments. On that. Is this a movie that was a uh... good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie that you actually enjoyed elliott i'm going to say bad bad movie i actively didn't enjoy it and i felt bad about that because it i could like inside i was saying like is this just because i'm like a movie snobber i went into it not wanting to like it or old man because you were literally shaking

your fist and all men is literally shaking my cane at the screen, but I genuinely did not enjoy it and found it poorly made. So I'd say bad, bad movie. Yeah, I'm gonna agree. Like I said, I marginally enjoyed the first movie. Like, I don't know. I, the first movie for me was able to plug into a certain sort of teenage angst where I could kind of step outside of it and be like, all right, objectively I can see this is stupid.

But while I'm watching it, I'd be willing to be swept up into it. But this film had all of the bad qualities of the first movie with none of like the sincere intensity that kind of made that work. So it would just not have been boring. I'm gonna say a bad bad movie and that has nothing to do with my dislike of the werewolf V. Vampire genre, nor my dislike of teen romance. It's just, yeah, it was like every scene was a little bit too long. Yeah, it just didn't feel like there was any actual heart or soul in this movie. Yeah, it felt very mechanical.

Stuart hates teen romance because he hates teen romance. He does not like to see people be happy, especially not at age Because I know that they're just gonna get hurt down the road By me you know that the credits just come up to shield from us. What's gonna happen to those characters? Absolutely So we don't have a you got a misive there. Well, no, I don't I don't have letter Oh This is just like a note you wrote yourself No, really cool do cool, doodle. Says, dear Dan, you are great.

Have a great day. Feel powerful. Love Dan. I wish that it seems like it would make me feel empowered. Yeah, but- You drew a picture of you with Tiger Powers. No, this is like Tiger Woods? Yes, like Tiger Woods Powers.

Okay. Guys, don't you want to learn what it actually is? It's the results to it. I kind of like this bit we're doing. Oh, I've learned it. The results to the give down hook content. The results are in. Bated breath. And the winner is Mornful Sign. Oh, the old classic. Yeah, yeah. Winner and Champion. With 53.33% of the votes, it well outpaced the runner-up, which was Michael Cain impression at 15.56%. Michael Cain impression, huh? Yeah.

Who was, what came in third place? Third place was a tie between the classy one and hook for hand Come on if you people like them wrong the ball Dan would have had to pretend yet hoax for hands I'd like to thank you for Taking more full sign because that means it's something that I already do and so I don't have to pretend That I'm going to actually pay attention to the like, the chosen for me. Could we have done some kind of an alliance

and made it Michael Cain impression with hooks for hands? That would have been nice, a parliamentary thing. Yeah, I like it. Well, how many, how many, will you tell the actual vote to Ali? Yeah, actual vote to Ali. Well, I, two depressing. Well, I don't think it's, I think it's

a few depressing. Like if there's too low a number. Oh, I just said tuna pressing Yeah, if it was is that pressing too much tuna? I Didn't know that's like where I didn't know that's like a cool You guys in TV. I don't like killing dolphins Well comes from the old days of TV to make the videotape last longer. They would press it between layers of tuna The juices would see been in preserve the film uh... it's what that's that type of stuff that will be in the net that's tells of old tv

now i guess it's it's respectable enough with the top vote getter got twenty four votes okay it's not bad so uh... the point is that it's not exactly you know larry king and ashden kutcher you have to find for sure. You have to imagine that every vote cast represents 100 listeners.

We're doing great. We're doing bothers to vote. So the winner of course, a mournful sign is Ashley, the young lady who wrote in to assure me that I was as beloved as you or Stewart. That was nice of you to lie to him. So Ashley, you should write in with your address so we can get you that DVD of Stole with our commentary. And also I'm in a generous mood.

Since we have multiple DVDs of stole, I don't know why I just did. Ben, who came up with Michael Cain impression, you should write in with your address as well. And so the second place, I think we can give an award. Anything extra special for the first place, since the second place, we can sign it. Yeah, we'll sign yeah, we'll sign it first place. Maybe you could maybe you could include The doodle of him with tiger flowers. Yeah, that doodle you just did snow doodle you're pointing to and it would blank piece of paper

I will not play along with you. Yeah, it's the magic of radio theater. I'll play along that game. I'm fucking you long it's the magic of radio theater I'm quite a long game and fuck you No, we'll sign it Get me some cellophane we'll pretend we're in front of a roaring fire What's the next thing we do on this thing? The next thing we do It has been a long time since we've done it recording with you, huh? Is we recommend a movie

Okay, say someone's in the video store And the only two videos are Twilight New Moon And the video that you're about to recommend. I'd say two things. I like Netflix. I like Netflix. Netflix will save you trouble too.

It's not really switched to DVD. Yeah. Or Blue Ray Disc. Which is, which is CB. It's better definition. But it's, there's no, it's a different laser. It's not a different enough format that I will give it a different name But you can do like all kinds of video games and shit on there

So wait, yeah, what are you gonna write? Yeah, I'm in a role point. Let me let me try this um Okay, so you are in a movie theater. It's not a movie You're totally nude No, that would and it look like Stewart vlogs down the aisle. You're in a video rental store. It's not a blockbuster. It's like your local one. And all the movies except for two are rented out. Just like Dan said, one of them is Twilight Saga, Colonoo Moon. And you like vampires and werewolves, you know, you don't think you're into it And the other movie I'm gonna recommend is an old-time movie that I don't think I've recommended yet

It's a movie called Black Roses, okay? It's a where it's not a werewolf movie. It's a horror movie and One of the reasons why I saw it when I was a kid was because the box had like a puffy cover that had like skeleton hands holding a electric guitar and like roses wrapped around it. And it's about a it's about this like demon rock band that shows up to this like sleepy town. And all the kids in the town start going to see this rock band, shows up to this like sleepy town and all the kids in the town start going

to see this rock band which is like playing every night and they're slowly turning into demons and it's pretty awesome. So like maybe hard rock zombies. A little bit except hard rock zombies that bands turns into zombies. Yeah. Yeah, this is different. This in this movie and a Nazi demon eats itself. Yes. And it's very slowly.

In this movie the band are like demons and they turn people to demons. Because in hard rock zombies they're regular rock band and they're turned into zombies by Nazis. Okay. Yeah that's not the movie I'm recommend. Yeah your movie is probably much better than hard rock zombies. It's actually really good. So or LA what other movie might they want to rent if it was available? Hmm, I'm going to recommend a non-hawar film. That's weird. I'm going to say, let's say, you're looking, it's your Twilight New Moon is the other option. You're looking for a movie you can watch with you and your lady friend, or if you're a lady, a movie you can watch with your lady friend since it's my fantasy, so that's the way it's's gonna work. And I would say the other movie is a classic that you

may have seen before. I've seen it many times and I've watched again recently. A little thing called Singing in the Rain which is the greatest musical ever made on film. I watched it again recently because I read a book about it and made me excited to see it again and it is impossible to watch without enjoying it into some extent i would say unless you hate musicals in which case uh... you screwed because you're not going to watch why light new moon probably

either but saying the rains a lot of fun so you're saying the person who like a musical would probably like twilight newman i think so uh... but you'd like saying the rain more because it's a better movie but it's a lot of fun. So you're saying a person who would like a musical would probably like Twilight Newman? I think so. Okay. But you'd like seeing in the rain more because it's a better movie. Okay. But it's a lot of fun. And one of the things that I was watching about it this past time was in a way, seeing in the rain is the hot tub time machine of its day because it was made in the 50s. But much of it is about like, Hey, remember in the 20s how funny we dressed? Like, remember all the stupid things we did in the 20s? Like, those same way that Hot Top Time Machine is about

people from today saying, remember how the dumb things we did in the 80s? So it's kind of neat to look at it from that angle as an nostalgia movie for a time that we are nostalgic for now. Yeah. We're farther from it now than it was from the time that it is nostalgic for and making fun of. And that's kind of a neat way to a new angle to look at it if you've seen it before.

I've been sitting here for this entire time while you've been recommending things. Thank you to myself. What am I going to recommend? Because even though we've been doing this for two and a half years, if not longer. Apparently, I haven't learned to come up with a recommendation for we start taping. But yeah, you should. I should have expected that this segment of the show would come up, especially because I introduced it.

And I have nothing. Wow, so Twilight, Numoon is the only movie in the store. You're stuck watching that, or I guess talking to whoever you live with. I mean, you don't want to do that. And maybe, I mean, the fact that I talk about, I, nothing. I don't know. The fact that I, you know, during my nose surgery period, I didn't have any drinks, then I had some drinks tonight and may have

Wused me up a little don't put me out the whole haze it up a little I'm surgery, but I This is a part of it is I have an op-op in watching a lot of movies lately, but what I have watched I watched TV writing bad you watch I'm gonna break the rules and because it's the only thing I think of I'm gonna recommend breaking bad. You're breaking the rules bad Now people

I Know there's some big Mad men proponents out there. I like that. It's called the television Academy I think it's an enjoyable show. I think it's a I think it's a good show. I think it's fun But I but I'm here to say, F Mad Men. What? I think Breaking Bad is a

superior drama program. So, Early, it's Hop and Mad over there. And literally Hop and Mad Men. Like a Chinese Hop and Vampire. Don't throw any rice on the ground. I'll take up every grain I avoided it for a long time because I watched weeds and I did not enjoy weeds. I thought okay Weeds you know like this will be fun. Then I watched them like okay. Well, this is just the usual

Oh, Suburbia has a dark side sort of satire thing and then and so I Avoided breaking back because I thought okay this is gonna be another mix of weeds and Malcolm in the middle. Oh this middle class guy is gonna turn out dealing drugs. That's gonna be wacky but then I watched it and it was so much more realistic and darker than I expected. Like Malcolm the Middle. Yeah. Like that mom is such a bitch. That's that show right there.

Underrated guest. Yeah. Am I thinking of Bernie Mac? No, Bernie Mac. You think you're Bernie man. You think of the weaker man. That mom was a bitch. So does I'm up breaking bad.

Okay, so we're gonna couple movies and uh... i guess the blockbuster i guess has season one of breaking bad and twilight newman on blue rate this sure uh... so yeah i guess there's also one of those knockoff sports like treasure chase for it's a knockoff of national treasure you know okay trains morpher's

he had trans morpher's or uh... snakes on the train. Snakes on the train. Any of those movies, yeah. Surrogates. Surrogates. Surrogates. It was a major motion picture.

Okay. It's a movie called Surrogates Surrogates. Surrogates Surrogate. Sweet, okay. So now what do we do then? Now we sign off, Stuart. I thought of another knockoff movie. hands that rocks the dreidel that's pretty good i like it

uh... for the fallout house i've been steward wellington i've been dan McCoy and i will continue to be eliet calen because i'm a vampire you know that's what so that's the only reason you're going to be a yeah vampires likes to be a little bit more... Yeah, this vampire's like stability, status quo. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Anybody who likes these books, I should make them feel terrible for their things they like. Yeah, exactly. Things that they care about and which touch them.