The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #68 - Teen Witch

Episode Date: October 29, 2010

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 20.0px; font: 13.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; color: #010101} 0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme. 0:36 - 6:17 - Your regular co-hosts waste six minutes talking about how nice it is to all be in the same room again. 6:18 - 32:15 - We are all giddy, GIDDY, to be watching Teen Witch -- a classic bad movie -- rather than the usual modern, sub-mediocre Hollywood crap. 32:16- 37:15- Final judgments 37:16 - 49:44 Flop House Mailbag 49:45 - 54:39- The sad bastards recommend. 54:40 - 56:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

At the request of our contest winner, we discuss Teen Witch. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hello I'm Stuart Wellington. How are ya? I'm Elliot Kaelin. Holy crap. All the classic flavors together the original peaches you've used that one before I'll have I yeah the flavors things neither yeah that's true Elliott I'm glad that you were able to come down here at now that you're a celebrity yeah come

down off your pedestal yeah well it's tough. It's lonely at the top of Twitter. So Gaucker, identified you as a celebrity on Twitter. Yeah, I was surprised by that. Apparently on par with Shaquille O'Neill. Are you sure they did not think that you were the character Elliot from the film ET or they probably don't? Or perhaps Cato, Kaelin. I don't think so. All right. No. Neither are you spelled the same. You the same you've now do it's not what kato no kalen the way he spells is different from the way we spell it and kato

kato is spelled the same as the character kato when kato is his nickname it wasn't really his real name really? but why people call that i actually don't know how we got the niki but you have a you've now joined uh... errands or can as literally the only television writer who is also a celebrity uh... not no also listed by gochor was my office mate haley haggle also a television writer

and dick wolf i feel is has some celebrity ish things about him i guess so for a while steven j can all until he passed away that's true uh Stephen Batchco. Okay. Tom Fontana. Man, he's showing you up, Dan. So you're putting yourself on... I am above them.

I'm above all of those guys, yes. Now that you're a celebrity, are you going to start canoeing with people? Oh, I already have been. I've been sighted at the 21 club and the coconut club. I like the scarf you're wearing. Yeah. You're inside at the brown derby.

You're doing this. The scarf, thank you for noticing. I've had to accessorize a lot more as a celebrity. So the scarf, the denim jacket, the sunglasses. It's gonna be windy. It's gonna be where you're at. Well, that's part of being famous is there's always a slight breeze. Yeah, or you're just going places quickly.

It's true. Because you're so busy. Well, speaking of busy. Yeah, I somehow made it into onto that gocker page. And I don't quite know why or Ziggy, I think, you really, it's Ziggy that took me over the top three years later. How long ago is that? I'm just a meeting inside of here. And inside of this MP3 player, of course, casually referring to Ziggy,

we of course mean when you start in the adaptation of a Ziggy. Yeah, yeah, on Broadway. When you played Ziggy from the wire in that high school recreation of the second season of the wire. Well, I did. It was a one-man show in which I played

the comic's for character Ziggy, the wire character Ziggy and Ziggy Marley. Oh, okay. And at the end, there was a surprise appearance by Ziggy Stardust played by myself. That was really a surprise, I wasn't expecting that. And we played the audience out of the theater. Me and the spiders from Mars played by myself.

That was an amazing production. I was honored. I deserved that Tony, that I didn't win. Energy, one word Yeah, it's too bad. I couldn't bottle that yeah if you could straight to the moon Yep Well, um in honor of us all being together for the first time in over a decade I think Over a decade you look great though

Thank you you too. Yeah, you guys both look great, though. Thank you, you too. Yeah, you guys both look great. How would we have time to catch up, see? How are you? You're right, I was just finding you. The last time I was on the whole side. You've aged horribly. The last time we all saw each other,

I think, was when a flop house mania was in full swing. Oh, yeah. And we were at each other's throats. There was so much tension. Well, I wanted the flop house to go in this one direction. Living in the limelight like that. What direction did you want the flop-ass to go in? A lot more pornoes instead of normal movies,

and instead of recording a podcast, I wanted to masterbate as a group. We tried it once during our experimental phase. It was a little uncomfortable. I mean, even after we set up those Asian style screens between the three of us, well, I mean, those were less Asian style screens and more empty window frames.

I know glass in them. I would see right through. I was barely able to finish the completion. Oh, because for me, it was difficult controlling my ejaculate. Okay. You had to think of so much baseball. Yes.

All the stats, the players' abilities. The different uniforms and costumes. Sure. The ears, the mascots. A lot of Lenny Dykstra's face. Yeah, I find that to delay, I just think of the Utspotato chips ad at Yankee Stadium. And that helps me out a lot.

I thought you were gonna say you think of the UtspotHIP girl, the little cartoon. I'm not a pedophile. Come on. That's what I say to delay. I would horrify myself. Yeah, but if that's a lie, you'd say, no, no, no. He wants to do the logo.

He doesn't want to do it. I think of the UTSPATATOUSHIP logo. OK. And what it looks like when I'm at Yankee Stadium. I see. So yeah, we were fighting a lot. Yeah, if that doesn't work, there's the Ray Katina used car billboard uh, you see when you're driving into the city

That is very specific Well, I mean, I live uh in this in in the New York area and I still don't know what you're talking about well you can Go look for it. Okay, so it'll be a flop house. No, people know where we're at. Yeah, we haven't, we've never referenced recording this in here before. Sure. So, but we're all together and that meant we had to do something special. Yeah.

Or more accurately, we kept putting off doing something special until we could all get together. And that special thing is to talk about our contest winning a film. The, you probably watched the video. We watched a lot. You were blind at the film when a contest. Yeah, we watched Black Swan, right? Right?

All right, sorry. We watched the Saturn award-winning film. The sci-fi channel original. Nanticore. To re-sort us. To reset this for the audience. That has both forgotten that this ever happened and gotten confused by our stream of gibberish.

That's different than Croc diner. Come on, I'm trying to. The diner, were they sort of crocodiles? No, it's the one that crocodiles work at a diner. Oh yeah, it's putting the swamp after their ship. That's a real tough, successful, I see that take it off the apron, thrown it over the apron hook as they slither back into the swamp.

I mean, the problem with that place is once you get over the novelty of the crocodiles working there, the food isn't just not very good. No, they're not good at all. Sure. And they'll eat you. But what happened is we had a contest a while back and the prize was that the winner We get to choose a film Press to talk to talk about and it was a transparent ploy to

Allow us to watch a movie that wasn't new, perhaps a classic bad movie. Or a good movie. Or yeah. They could have chosen, have a life of a baby, a godfather, you know, any of those movies. Big money rustles. Anything.

Not anything. Not really anything. Any movie. Yeah. But the person chose Teen Witch. Teen Witch. Burl. Teen Witch?

Teen Witch. It Witch. Teen Witch. Teen Witch. It's a sandwich made out of teens. Okay. I like where you're going with this. I like one without mayo. Okay. Virginia mayo.

Nice. Okay, well, that's how it works this time. I don't think it is. I think it'll come back. Yeah, I don't think Dan's driving anymore. Oh, there is no drive. Yeah, we watched the movie. No, the driver's either missing or dead. Yeah, I think it's a movie about a teenager who you guys can correct me. Solid ground so far. She finds out she's a witch from Zelda Rubenstein yep or Stein. I don't know how it's pronounced and She uses her witch powers to give herself all of the things her heart desires. Let's let's talk about this We literally no problem. Her name is Louise Miller. Okay. She's played by Robin Lively who is somehow related to Lake Lively

Mm-hmm. I it's a piece of trivia. The Joined Twins, I believe. It's a piece of trivia that I know, but I don't know well. I've actually never seen them in the same room together, so I think they're the same person. Wow. So you're saying she used her Teen Witch powers to stay forever young.

That was a movie, Dan. Come on. What the fuck do you think we are? Like, are you going to go on for a movie? Do you think Alph is real? Like, what do you... No, forever young was a movie, but I'm saying the Robin lively user team Every young was a great movie based on the song of the same name

What wait the man without a face? No, no, no that was based on a different song. Okay So so wait, we're just gonna jump over the fact that Dan thinks this movie is real life. Dan thought it was a documentary about a real witch. No, it's American teen, which, right? Well, that's a teen which the American cheese on it. So, a teen which Louise Miller, she's very unpopular, she's got one friend who wears hats all the time, she has a brother. Oh, it's my finger now.

She has a younger brother who is some sort of ambisexual glutton. Yeah, he wore a lot of vests, a portly irritant with a lesbian mullet. With a flair for fashion. Yeah. And she has a crush. Kind of a Drew Barrymore like a look, if you ask me.

I think you're the only one who saw that in him. It's the. So she has a crush, kind of a Drew Barrymore like a look, if you ask me. I think you're the only one who saw that in him. It's the. So she has a crush on Brad, the, uh, the football player. Oh, that's that Brad. Yeah. And Brad from Rocky Horror. Yeah, Brad Bird, director of the Incredibles. Brad Garrett.

Brad Garrett from everybody loves Raymond. Yeah. Uh, and, but she can't, she can't get a break. The girl, the popular girl lives across the street from her. She's got that big ugly coat that she has to wear. She wears a lot of big ugly coats and ugly sweaters. Everyone in the movie wears ugly clothes. She's sitting still wearing it.

Yeah, and her hair is a hair. Well, it's a hair some version of her on type thing. Yeah. She has two beautiful shoulders. Yeah. So they would make her wear a giant coat. I'm trying to boxy coat. Mm-hmm, to hide them. She has caught in a. Yeah. So they would make her wear a giant coat. I'm trying to boxy coat.

Mm-hmm, to hide them. She has caught in a storm one night, right? Or maybe it's just night time. Zach Gallagher in that Harrison Bergeron movie. The one for Showtime? Yeah. For Cinemax? Showtime.

Yeah, one of them. I never saw it. She gets... I think there was a single lightning strike. So she runs for shelter at the haunted looking home of a fortune teller played by legend of Zelda Rubenstein. And she tells her you're a witch you'll turn 16 next week and your witch powers are gonna show up. She turns 16 for birthday party is ruined because there's another party that

night so none of her friends show up even her best friend who calls to tell her that the other party is going on. But she gets her witch powers. Bum, bum, bum. And she uses them to briefly turn her brother into a dog and make her, her, her, uh, mean English teacher strip in front of the class played by Shelley Berman. Yeah. Hilarie uses it to, uh, to win a rap battle. Well, to help her friend win a rap battle. said to win to win the heart of her her own crush in the already classic song top that and then she becomes really pot she makes herself those popular girl in school Brad loves her now she gets the lucky coat from the singer of

Never gonna be the same again. Yeah, so like she learns that popularity has a price. What price I'm not really clear on, because it doesn't seem that bad. A lack of privacy, I guess. And her one friend doesn't like her. She becomes so popular with your name. She becomes so popular, becomes almost like a worldwide celebrity thing. Yeah, I wish that they had just done a montage of

like the release of Postage Stand with her face on it. Time names her teen of the year. You know, she's a elected president briefly, then ambassador to the UN. But I mean, popularity hasn't something to do with two right? And about her, the team president. Team, but yeah, and then aliens land just want to meet her, shake her hand, then they leave. You know, what kind of aliens? Let's go. let's say, fymalians.

Wow, it's like this. Yeah. Well, there's a lot of legs in this movie. There's a lot of teen girls showing, or actresses who are supposed to be teens in the movie showing their legs off. Yeah, yeah, but we'll get back to that. Oh, will we, we'll creep you out, listen.

Oh, it wasn't all disadvantages though, right? No, no, no. It was all like a trailer tears. No, it had its moment. It wasn't all disadvantages though. No, no, no, like a trailer tears. No, it had its mouth. It was not the forced migration of Native Americans from their homes. By the Andrew Jackson administration. No. But so she she gets, I mean, she gets the love of her life. Yeah, Brad, they get they go to a band in house and make the shit out.

Yeah, they do a lot of They just make out or like it seems almost apply that they make love maybe I mean you never you they always have Their shirts on and you never see them do anything more than this red doesn't Brad takes a shirt off be still wearing a black I mean They're doing some serious tongue kissing though. There was real tongue kissing. That was not stunt kissing Yeah, his tongue you can, go into her mouth. Yeah, it was full penetration. He was looking for something in there.

Yeah, probably a hidden treasure or the secret to her witch powers. Or the secret of witch mountain. No, they went to escape from that. He wasn't able to, I don't think you were able to see a lot of those things though. I mean, he didn't come up with the DVD, the secret of which mountain.

Nor did he get any mental power. It's escape to which mountain. So which mountain is like a retreat you go to when life just gets a little too hectic? Yeah. Oh, I've got to escape to which mountain. The only thing about it is it's a lot like an abandoned house on the top of the hill surrounded by sunflowers.

Yeah, well, actually that's exactly what it is. So what does she do? She goes to Selden Rubenstein, who previously has used Louise's powers to turn a frog into a man that she, it's implied, rapes and. And she's used her powers to redo her house in a horrible ultra modern style. Yeah. Well Louise feels bad. She refuses to go to the dance with Brad. But then at the dance, she goes, she takes off her amulet, which was just stage costume re, but apparently has magic powers now.

And Brad dances with her role credits. Really doesn't. Everything resolved without being resolved. Nothing's resolved. And she has made, there's a whole subplot where her only real friend on the faculty is the theater teacher played by Marshall Wallace because of a wish that she-

You may know is the voice of Mrs. Craboppel on the Simpsons. Yes. Because of a witch that Louise made, the theater teacher. A witch. A witch. Because of a witch that Louise made uh... the theater teacher uh... which because of a which that she made yet to keep the witch hunters off her trail yeah

to stop vinson price the conqueror worm from burning her at the stake uh... devil rides out yep day of rath which movies uh... crucible there's no real which is in the Crucible. Whatever. Or are there? So

Arthur Miller originally wanted to end that play with the end or is it question Mark? But he then one of the one of the which just flies over the audience on a broom. Yeah just thrown candy and saying happy Halloween everybody. Anyway. We're going to have access to the salons. Get it? Get it? Smok them if you got them. And now you do.

Anyway, there's the theater teacher because of a wish that Louise makes. The theater teacher wins the lottery and an Argentinian baron. Count. Argentinian count. count Argentinian count. There's not a, not a bear. Sorry, lower nobility. Yeah. Sweeps her away.

And as a result, Louise has to direct the high school show, I guess, which is something, some kind of magic play. Oh, fucking no. And the star breaks. And Shakespeare, some sort of some sort of magic Shakespeare. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Shakespeare is the crucible. Yeah Now The thing about it is okay, but even that the play we never see a teenager right and this is a normal

A teen witch she's a teen witch, but in her world being a witch is kind of different right not everybody's a witch This isn't fucking Harry Potter, right? Yeah, how does she figure out? She's a witch again guys Zelda room is need tells her Okay, so it wasn't when she magicked away that dude who never showed up again oh yeah wait hold on I guess she wished him into the cornfield yeah that's right she she goes to a not a different dance the harvest dance sure she goes with the popular girls cousin who is a nerd who smokes pot and is really grope and grabby and says stuff like, hey baby come on. You're describing me from high school, really? It's top. It's the hell.

Okay, continue. So it's a couple different archetypes rolled into one. They're driving around in the bad part of town. Three for a week, all right. Three for a week. He's a triple threat and in that he is inappropriately grabbing her and that's the threat part. He's threatening. She says, well, doesn't she say leave me alone?

Yeah, I wish you would just leave me alone. Yeah, and he disappears except for his glasses which have to fall to the ground to show that he's not there anymore. Yeah, he pixelates for a moment. I don't know. Yeah, why did the the wish, you know, applied was clothes, men and glasses. That's what I want to know. It's a good question.

I think it's because glasses. That might be. Yeah, they might be the enchanted glasses of Gora Moore. I think it's because first of all, glasses are unnatural. They're not in God's design, unlike clothes, because we need to cover our body. That's true, modesty. So you're saying that God meant for some people

to just have bad eyesight. Yes. So me and All is what you are. And that we're tampering in God's domain by a fixing lenses to yon eyes, to with which to see the truth of reality. It's an opposite here. He's in version. You're a Christian scientist is what you're saying.

He's a Christian optometrist. So she sends this guy to the phantom zone. And he never returns. Never. No, we never see him again. He never calls us back. Oh, this is the prequel to Superman too. That is general. No shit. Yeah. Well, it's probably how we got such bad attitude. It was when he was still private first class is on. Okay. Uh, and but also she drives his car home.

Is that a commission position or? I mean, private's not, but he must have at some point. Do you have to go to Academy? Yeah. OK. Zod Academy. Zod Academy. That's how we got in family name. It's family name.

Yeah, I'm finally going to get into ZA. Hold Zah. Zah. It's not on my evil scholarship. But and also, no one ever comes looking around for his car. No. So she just leaves it. Yeah. There should have't there should have been a there should have been a scene where she pushes the car over Cliff.

To get rid of the evidence. Well, she should have pushed it over like later on like she switches on the radio. The search continues for a missing local team or like this described by Mary. Newspaper in the background is who walks by. What she should have done is push the the car off a cliff And then after it hit the bottom use magic to make that But I'm not the writer a teen witch, you know, if only if only I Think if I had I would have been like nine years old

So they probably would have been a little more boobs and a few more monsters. Well, there's the there's a scene in which All of the ladies in the movie Basically all the ladies. Yeah, all the teen ladies when they take a break from loving cool James There are they're in the locker room. Sure dancing around with their leotards on How much they like boys? Yeah to the camera though. Yeah to the camera. They're establishing to the audience that they like boys. Yeah. To the camera though, right? Yeah, to the camera. But they're establishing to the audience that they're straight. Yeah, okay. This is the 80s.

And everyone's in where a raw, as well as being as a rampant. Oh yeah, it was a, it was a national craze slash, like, slash crisis, yeah. And everyone's a raw, and lively, the American population fell drastically. Yeah, I mean,

there's women just stopped having sex with men. Yeah, there was no, there was no like populationulation and there was we almost reserved over uh... refer to cloning yeah reverted ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know if I'd say it was not because you also had the three-man rap group that was throughout the movie singing different songs Like the Terry brother rappers. Yeah, or something like that. Yeah, the Terry. Yeah, something like that You had that the girls the woman at the concert singing the never gonna be the same again song you had two different Dances where there were dances set to music one where it was a DJ one where it was a band playing

There were a couple of really long montages of her being popular. Yeah, I think this was a musical. I think it's a stealth musical or stu-sical or su-sical. It was the high school musical of its day. Uh, yes. But like those women, I don't point a reference on this. It was the Glee school su-sical of its day. The locker room leotards. I was actually fairly sk- they were all fairly scantly glad for the type of movie that this is. I was sort of surprised. There's that. There's a lot of leg. It was a veritable leg show. A lot of all girls in the 80s wore leotards everywhere basically. Yeah, even Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah. But then also Nancy Reagan. There were a couple of scenes about still getting about sex education. Clara Peller. There's one sex scene that didn't even... Rammoses. Oh God. There's one scene that if I recall did not even involve our lead actress. She was like, oh, now we're going to cut to the sex scene. A guy is going to say a lot of different words that mean penis.

And then there's going to be like, talk about a condom. And then the... And then an umbrella will open suggestively. Yeah, and then like later on there's the big sexy make out party. It just seemed like there's actually a fairly like eroticized film for a movie that seemed like it was like... It could have been a dizzy channel production for 12 year old girls. Well, they wanted to get that PG-13 rating. Yeah, I guess so.

Trying to ramp up the audience's excitement levels to I think they were this was this was gonna usher Both girls and men was the rare crossover film it was the rare crossover film where they were trying to get both the teen girl audience and the regular porn theater attendee audience Now those two quadrants. How long after Teen Wolf did this movie come out, Dan? Well, this was in 89. Teen Wolf was what? 84?

Because it was right before Back to the Future? I certainly hope the Teen Wolf was before Back to the Future. I know he shot it before Back to the Future. Because there were some countries where Teen Wolf was released after back to the future and so they retitled Teen Wolf the boy from the future really because T back future had been such a huge hit. See I was gonna say like oh they were titled it the time traveling where we'll put. There might have been somewhere they called it that but that's amazing but I think Teen Wolf was like right before

back to the future so. But this is along with the movie Wherewolf Party that you, you talked about in the last episode. Yeah, the uninvited. It's where you go to Elliot's wedding. Uh-huh. Okay. You're not on the guest list, right? Everybody there's a Wherewolf and they devour you.

Wow. Yeah. And then that'd be like the rock song Wherewolf Party plays over the credits. Sure. Or the song Wherewolf'll farm it's from 30 Right, yeah, I'm trying to avoid intellectual property Yeah, okay, so what you'll steal my wedding well, yeah, your wedding's in the public domain what doesn't mean 75 years

Feels like though, huh? Tell me about it away. You're touching that ring. Oh boy, yeah. If only I could tear it off my finger. It weighs heavily, right? I'm a soul. It's like Atlas holding up the world. Yeah, except worse. Mm-hmm. Kind of looking for that Heracles to hand that burden off to, huh?

But these are just going to trick me into taking it again. That's the thing. So you guys structure all eight. But I was going to say, you still had, I mean, teen supernatural movies are nothing new. Even Teen Wolf was not new. There was, I was a teenage wearer wolf years earlier. I was a teenage Frankenstein. So I don't know if that, and there was Sabrina the teenage

which would have been in the comics for years before this. The Fonies? In the Fonies. Yeah, in the funny papers. I would see you. If I was leaving. You're weird. But, um, so struct structurally I was going to say guys this is a oh a Robert McKee classic.

I mean the way that you know like the conflicts really come to a head you know like she really comes in she hits a real low point. More sarcasm. And the stuff that they bring up in the first act it's all pay off in the third act. Oh yeah. And at the end, all conflicts are resolved through a really heroic act of will, but our main character. Okay, now what about this?

Let me play Devil's Advocate here. Okay. What if this movie is... You weren't wearing a red shirt, so I think that's appropriate. Yeah, well, it's because I wore a Devil's Advocate at Target. That's because you're literally the Devil's advocate you're his lawyer your own call and i were red shirt instead of a suit for some reason

requires it uh... and he wears product anyway so i look terrible is that that's some way uh... but he had a lot of the starting and we'll get my buddy yeah and you guys take it or something no anyway what if buddy. You're pal. Yeah. You guys date or something. Nope. Anyway. What if there's something admirable about a movie that isn't a slave to structure in which it

isn't resolved at the end so cleanly because life isn't so cleanly resolved at the end. I'm listening. But the problem with this film is everything is resolved cleanly. It would but nothing is resolved. Like she's still popular. She didn't undo the popularity spell. She didn't do the popularity spell. Brad still into her. Her hair still looks great. Yeah, she just throws the amulet away, but as we pointed out, I don't know like to what

degree the amulet had anything to do with it because she was just a witch on her 16th day. It might have been like a dumbose feather type situation. Yeah, but because the fetish. The scene before this, Zeld Rub and sign said the real magic is believing in yourself. Yeah. And if you can do that, you can do anything. But she said, which I wanted her to say like Martin Luther King. He certainly believed in himself and look what he accomplished.

Now early on, she had to make an effort to wear the the frumpy clothing that her mother bought her. Yes. But then she switched over using magic to just wear super sexy clothes. And there was never any problem at all. Or a tool. Yeah. Like, you know, what? You should wear two twos, is what I'm saying. Oh, okay.

So it was never I mean, I'm never an IR straight. So we had trouble. Yeah. I was never really addressed that why she didn't just wear those clothes in the first place. She didn't believe in herself. Oh! She thought she's using the magic to be able to wear hot denim shirts. She was using the magic as a crutch to change herself, yeah.

To show off or get away, Stakes. She told Brad she couldn't go to the dance with him. Then she goes and talks to Zelda Roonstane, who doesn't really like... No, it doesn't really make any change or mind. It doesn't change anything. Is that the scene where she's sitting? And now the edge of the camera is in. Yes, where Zelda says,

sit down and Louise sits down on Zelda's lap, and then they laugh, and then they get up, and then Louise sits down and Zelda sits down on Louise's lap. It's a little bit of physical humor. Well, they're trying to lighten the mood, because that was a pretty tough scene.

By that point, the movie had become a tragedy This is this is the blue angel. This is the bleakest of German early sound film But you know she says that she can't go to the dance is diary that you go to the dance and then everything's fine and Her friend she changed her mind people can't change their minds come on Her friend, her friend, mad at her for being popular and then at the end of the movie, I guess her friend is still mad at her. Her friend finds love in the hands of the crazy rapping guy. And she doesn't need a friend anymore because she's found her best friend, her love.

And she realizes after getting laid, she's got a stop being so uptight, man. Yeah, that's true. She'll the fuck out, who cares? So I want to ask a question. What was the... Yeah, you can just ask it, I mean. Yeah, if not, I'm presenting it. I'm presenting it. I want to take a sip of water.

The audience at home, Ellie, is taking a sip of water. Thanks a lot, Rayder. We'll fully those sound effects in later. Um, shhh. Shhh. That's nice sip in water, son of a... Drink? I think we'll put we'll fully those sound effects in later That's nice sipping water sound drink Gluerp I want to I want to present it to the table though I want to like I want to really put this out what called a meeting to order. Okay, let's What were the modern equivalent of this movie be and by that? I mean this movie is so

This movie is so of its time this is movie is really it really revels in being a movie from 1989 like this might as well be like the wedding singer like they're making a joke out of the fact that this was made in 1989 except for it actually is made in 1989 and I have a hard time. And you're very more was in both movies. Right. No, well, she did not play the brother in this movie. They look a lot.

They don't look at all. I don't know how to check the IMDB page. I should have it to a hard time. This is a time capsules what you see. Yeah, but I also have a hard time. I'm more in this in time. Preclinton. I have a hard time imagining like a modern day like young person's film

that is also like this I think it totally bereft like this totally like of the moment, but also totally bereft of irony I think about anything if you look at high school musical 20 years from now I think you'll see the same thing Okay, Brad's movie or the Brad's movie for that matter Space Top that damn my. My dear you. Yeah.

I think you don't yet have the distance to see what people are going to remember the 90s for. Teen, which just happens to have a lot of the things that we remember the 80s for, which is the kind of clothes and the kind of dancing. Oh, it's amazing. It's just a real... There are plenty of movies that are very... I get a visual dictionary.

There are plenty, like a movie like You know gremlins is to also very much of the 80s But we don't think of it in the same way as an 80s time capsule because it's the things that are 80s about are not quite a monster time But also like monsters were like in the 80s. Yeah, part of it for me though is what I'm saying is like this is such an irony free Kids I think if you watch the high school musical movies, I don't think they have a developed sense of irony. Yeah. Those people are genuinely saying about how happy or sad they are. Yeah.

I did. There is something refreshing about the fact that it is irony free that like, there are relatively few moments where they feel like they have to like wink at the audience or you know, it's stupid. but what are you talking about? I'm not hilarious seeing where the Buddha doll gets thrown into the washing machine on the guy has to walk through the car wash. I forgot that part. Yeah it really has nothing to do with it. So you're saying there's like a certain naivete about it. Yes yes you could say that yeah. It's like folk art. It's unsophisticated. Sure

Okay, we all agree teen witch Resolved I guess we should resolve teen witch is a movie On to the next order of business make our final judgments. I'll run through this fast We all know what it is is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you actually liked don't we don't have any When is this episode gonna run this is technically still a shocktober episode yeah so yeah so isn't it scarily bad or frightfully good or spookily good bad this is frightfully funny was it totally scarifying or was it totally snorifying I think that's where the categories I don't know what they respond to. It really makes sense for this one. Yeah. Which one which one is closest to half a

wormy apple or two and a half boners? Wait, two and a half boners is half a wormy apple. Like two and a half boners is a lot of boners. Two and a half boners. If I get one boner from a movie that's a pretty sexy movie It's a scale And then you might as well just use stars because if I'm basing it exclusively on the single boner like yeah I'm a human being I only have a single boner. No, no I would like to base it on the different degrees I mean the I guess it depends on your refractory period

How many you can have during the movie? This was say like an episode say an issue of penthouse you would base it on the level of boner you wish that's what I'm saying I don't understand You're not agreeing with him. No, he doesn't I was talking about for good. So how many boners do you give it? You're not agreeing with him. No, he doesn't. He can't get it, Ellie. Don't worry. I was talking about all for good. I'm so silly.

So how many boners do you give it? They're big two boners. But it's out of a scale of a million. I'm not going to cheapen the experience by telling them how many boners it's out of. I'm going to let the audience decide how many boners it's out of. You can't let it snow frame of reference. They don you can that's no frame of reference they don't know how good or bad the movie is isn't it though no no but they have to compare how many

bonus I say to how many bonus they think I would say if it was an amazing movie that doesn't make sense though sure that so I would say it was totally scarifying. You know what? You heard a hear verse. Struel Ellington says Teen Witch is totally scared. So you can check the internet right now guys and it's already probably been updated. It's already on the DVD box. Yeah, no, it wasn't that boring. There was enough weird stuff going on. Drew Barrymore got turned into a doll. There's that voodoo doll sequence. Yeah, I thought it was okay. I enjoyed it. So totally terrifying bonus.

Elliot. Yeah, it was totally boner-fying. I wish you wouldn't just rip off what I did. That's cool. I would also say that it would. It's not a good movie, but there is a certain there's an enjoyableness in how Like at every time you think something's gonna happen a different thing happens and it usually involves a bad song or Dance number of some kind and I know this this movie holds a special place in the hearts of many that I know so I See a girl showed you this movie. Yeah, but a date. I'm not listen. I can't I'm not a tailteller. This ring on my finger is like a is a cone of silence. Luckily I am a tailteller. So I'll tell that story another time. You don't know it. You don't know it

He's been watching you for years But I would say it was What what not snorrifying? Okay, it's it's not a good movie, but it is it is a fun movie in a the way of it makes no sense and it's very 80's-ish For someone who grew up in the 80's it's a it's a special treat Yeah, I'll go with the I guess frighteningly funny is the good bad. Oh, I'll go with the, I guess, frighteningly funny is the good, bad, uh, I forgot about that one. Yeah, I'll go with that one. Because I was frightened by how funny I thought it was.

It is. It started to worry. Yeah, I mean, like this has like a certain amount of a bad movie cult behind it. And I think that, you know, it's no, you know, it's no, uh, it's no troll too. And like the annals of like recent To have the heavy hitters, bad movies, that have like a cult behind it.

But it's no the room. It's no the room certainly, but Of those of those like, it's no crash Sort of cannon of bad movies. No, not this. I thought I was pretty good. I you know, it's Moves long. It's funny. It does weird stuff. And it is amazing time capsule. Um, you know, back when girls dressed properly. Everyone, even the extras in the movie are dressed amazingly, just have the craziest out 80s outfits on. Yeah. Costuming was really well done. Yeah, they, it should have

won an Academy Award for costumes. Yeah, clearly. When the measure of a woman was her shoulder pads, shoulder pads, the shortness of her ruffled skirt. Yeah, whether there was a 2-2 on top of that skirt. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, I got some papers here.

Uh-oh, our annual evaluations. Yeah, then we would have if Dan just handed us subpoenas. Do it great. Elliot needs improvement. What? What? This place is a sham. It says Elliot, fart sound effect.

Weird. It says here, Elliot, wap wap. So this one says, this is from Alex last name with held. It says dear flop house. congratulations to Elliot on his wedding. Oh, thank you. What the best day of my life. Much more importantly, he says. I disagree.

He's already married, Elliot. She doesn't listen to this. Oh, I, I, I, I, lovely, lovely woman. I could not see her sitting through one of these. Nope. Much more importantly, what can he tell us about his experience writing for Age of Heroes number four? Oh, it was a dream.

That's what I can tell you. That all you can tell us? I mean, you're sitting on the sides of money as we speak. Oh, yeah. Well, if you want to high-paying gig, if you want to be set for life, an eight-page story in a marvel anthology story series is the way to go I imagine there's a certain amount of like confidentiality you need to maintain your behind I guess I mean it was a very

smooth process it was I I sold them the story idea and then I wrote the first draft asked for a little couple changes I wrote the second draft and then it went to the artist and Bern... burned a macerati worked as magic on it and everything came out great you know it was a very it was a very smooth experience act you could you try and come up with some backstage drama uh... well okay well they demanded changes and i said no way the story is my

baby i don't change nothing so then what i have, then they hire some hack to rewrite it, make the changes. Suddenly, it's not even my work, I demand that they take my name off it. The Antidefinmation League got involved. I'm surprised they didn't get involved. Well, they really have this audience, right, of Inuits.

They were up in arms. They showed the comic book to a test book. They painted an emotion comics form. They showed it. They shot a short film based on the story. You got motion comics so they could all read on their iPads. But it's on their Inuit pads. I stands for Inuit. A lot of people wanted it.

Yes, it's made out of the blubber and seal meat. But it was great and I'm actively trying to sell Marvel on more stories and there's one that I'm working on now that might go along with who knows. Well now you're a celebrity that should make it a lot easier. It should help that I'm a gocker celebrity with a huge Twitter following. Well I for one look forward to hearing more, Elliot. Thank you. I mean, reading, thank you for not the Marvel universe. Thank you.

I'm just doing it for it, pleasantly cutting me out of that. Well, Dan, what's your problem? Why don't you want to hear more? I know, I know. I just want to hear it. Stuart's such a supportive friend. And you're just sitting here, judging. I said I for one, because I'm the only one who cares about Elliot.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, thank you for finally showing me that. I've been, the scales have fallen off my eyes Dan all right. This one this email says hey guys. I got questions and some Joshua less Hey back off buddy Take a seat Hello, how are you that kind of thing? It's the email equivalent of pushing I was taking the familiar with us.

It's the email equivalent of pushing the door open and sticking his finger in our face. Shove in someone else out of the way. He says, first, where the hell is the review for Marmaduke? When that movie came out, all I can think of was, I can't wait till this film appears in the flop house. Please make this dream and the dream of countless listeners come true. We should make that dream come true.

Yeah. I think we could count our listeners. Yeah. Don't you do that? I think the listeners should help. They're countable. Oh, okay. I mean, they're less than infinite.

Yeah. I think our listeners should help us to remember big movies that get released that we forget sometimes. Robert Duke's a good one. Jonah Hacks, I was thinking of the other day. We should definitely do. I don't want to. It's only like 82 minutes long.

Oh, yeah, I do want to. But if you see a, if you see. Got your doppelganger, Josh, Rollin' a, I mean, although you're not hideously scarred like he is in that film. Yeah, and it's got my doppelganger, Megan Fox, in it. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say that. And Dan's doppelganger Megan Fox in it. I thought you were gonna say that. And Dan's doppelganger, a train exploding.

What? I'm a very unusual looking guy. Just very strange man. But if there's a movie that comes out in the theaters and you want to see us flop it, and then we forget, remind us. Yeah. Because we forget sometimes.

We do, we have lives. Second. And I'm implying that you don't I guess second one thing that has always fascinated me with bad movies is something that Stewart brought up before in regard to 40 days and 40 nights his favorite movie basically can you three floppers tell me about one movie that you absolutely cannot stand a film so bad that you could only show to people as a punishment and while Stewart is spoken on the subject in the past, I'm sure you

can talk about another movie that inspires him to want to punch holes in the wall. By the way, my pick would be anger management starring Adam Sandler. I had to leave my friends house after watching the film since the big reveal made me angry enough to hurt. Also, I totally dug the rotor reference that you made, Elliot. Awesome! Leave up the great work, work guys and have a beautiful Shocktober so I was just thinking about rotor earlier today and yesterday that is also a fantastic bad movie rotor yeah just as a side note. Oh, it's got the best robot. I think in movie history

The robot that talks like a like a like a pot head slacker what oh, yeah, I guess Forget for robot, brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, I mean, no, we're talking about movies we hate. Movies that we can't stay. No, we don't only show us punishment.

Like, let me just say, movies we don't like. Before we get into movies that we haven't covered by the flop house, I might put old dogs and Delgo is the films that I would want to show people if I just wanted to cause them pain. Sure. Yeah, although there's something about White Out or 10,000 BC that was boring.

Delgo and Old Hey, Dan, I watched your favorite movie the other night. I was favorite. I mean, the movie I liked the most. Yeah, I was gonna Brank you I was gonna bring up my own film, but you can bring up on my behalf and Yeah, I was watching nothing but trouble Just thinking about it. I hate it so much. Yeah, I don't know why it was it was on that Netflix instant watch cue and

Just couldn't stop my hand from doing it. I think The movie is so miscalculated as soon as Dan Acroid shows up as like is he both of the yes as both of the horribly a beast the world and John candy is one of them. He's not he's not both of them. No, no, no, it's some other actor because that was an important part of my viewing. He was leading out who played a little devil, I believe, with the characters. Yeah. Like the giant man baby. There's two giant man babies. Is there a girl played by a guy, though?

Yes. John Candy does play two. Oh, OK. That's why I was thinking of. OK. Yeah. I forgot about the man baby. It was two of the parts.

They're working like a smelterie. Now, I mean, like the movie's terrible before then, but by the time the man babies show us, everything of it's really. You realize that this is such a hideously mishacculated movie. It's a movie that's like a trap door and then you fall into quicksand and you fall through that onto spikes

and then the spikes blow up. Yeah, except less awesome than that. Scene after scene, like yeah, each scene is superseded by a more unpleasant scene to follow. I think the movie was written by either Dan Acroid or his brother. Oh, Dan Acroid wrote, he might have co-written it, but he wrote.

I mean, I think it was, I think it was originally a script for the Maustrat movie. Dan Acroid, one of the writers of Ghostbusters. And that ghost book that he, his dad wrote that he did the introduction for. Yeah. I saw him speak about, but anyway. Ghostbusters and and that ghost book that he his dad wrote that he did the introduction for yeah Just I'm speak about but anyway. Yeah, he well Dan agorade is hit and miss in that he has had a hit and many misses But like there is a character with a nose that looks like a penis though

That's true and and the digital underground does get chewed up viral He lets him go free whose bones gets fit. No, that's one of the bald wins in some other drug deals. Oh, I got to make sure. He's entertained by the hip hop music, so he lets them go. And the digital honor grants on him. He is the best part of the film. He kind of entertains them as well. He, Dan Acroid plays like the Oregon baller.

He's a bone worker. He doesn't do his blues brothers routine. He did a little bit, a little bit a little bit Now but like that I got to make stuff someone gets on a roller coaster and their bones gets bit Yes in a weird way if that was like if this was an art film it would be amazing because like it is really like Strangely like terrible movie a It's a valued attempt to make a comedy in the form of a horror movie like and by that I mean like a genuinely horrifying movie.

But that's what's wrong about it. Like this movie is much more horrifying than any horror movie. Yeah, because you're looking into Dan Ackwood's brain. And it's terrifying. Deeply unpleasant. Yeah, and I'm standing. And I'm standing.

And the darkness, that darkness stares right back. Oh yeah, New Hunt Monsters, they become a monster. I don't know what you're talking about. The only thing we have to fear. No. I just want to throw out there. I probably knocked this movie before, but a movie that I would subject people to as punishment

is, of course, Texas Chainsaw Masker, the next generation, in part because I think the last 40 minutes of that like 70 minute long movie is just Matthew McConaughey and the rest of the cast just screaming at each other minute long movie is just Matthew McConaughey and the rest of the cash just screaming at each other. It literally is just people screaming and dragging each other around the- You finally can see what happened if Leatherface and Picard met.

That's true, but it's terrible. Elliot, is there something that you- I'll mention- I just hate so much. The most recent movie that I had that I experienced with was Funny People where I was watching an D.V.D. and I could not bear to watch the second hour of it. You just have a real problem. So in hour and twenty minutes then I just stopped.

I'm not a huge fan of his, but this one in particular I found meaningless and pointless and irritating, but there are other movies like, but either even classic movies I don't like. Like some like it hot I can't watch, you know, I don't find that funny But these are just movies that you dislike these are movies that that but I don't like them But I well funny people I would show people as torture, okay And then of course there's a movie like slow bullet which is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life Which is a great which is painful to watch I mean funny people is competent to the degree no it is not that reasonable people can disagree funny people is an incompetent I

There are things that I enjoyed Incredibly It's not funny. It's not funny and there are no people in it. It's not an attempt It's less an attempt to make a comedy and more of an attempt to make a James L. Brooks film. Now, did he do that or was that a worthy goal? Those are questions that cannot be answered. I would say no to both. Anyway, but if you but if anyone is interested in seeing what I consider the worst film I've ever seen in terms of an unpleasant viewing experience that is also boring, then Bullet is the movie to watch. I assume never released on DVD since it's barely available on VHS.

It was a film that was produced by a Florida video chain, they call it a Florida video store called, I think, Big Mama's Home Video. And it is about a Vietnam veteran dealing with the trauma of his memories after returning to the United States. And is awful. It's one of these movies where you're like this is so bad like why like what there's nothing they can do now that would make this unpleasant. Oh okay well here's a sex scene where it's just the stars ass thrusting into something for a while. That's something is putting. It does it. It does have an all-original heavy metal

score. And there's one song where the refrain is like back in the numb, but it's a terrible movie. You spend roughly the first 400 hours of it just watching the main character sit around in his basement apartment moping and mumbling to himself and drinking. That sounds really good. So guys now that we've made our anti-recommendations we should do our recommendations. Uncle recommendations. Quickly we're running a little long time. I'll start four-shocktober make a horror movie recommendation.

Okay. I see your good boy. So. I see your move. Zelda Rubenstein, of course, of the film, Poltergeist, a movie. I'm going to, this is going to be a qualified recommendation. It's a movie that like is looked back on with great fondness by a lot of people. I watched it recently.

It's a little slow in the middle. In the middle, once the, the psych, the Paris psychologist come in, and there's all this nonsense talk about how spirits are just sad, lonely, confused, dead people who are hanging around. Which is totally in conflict with the rest of the movie where these poltergeists are horrible. And our just out-to-cause pain. That's a little slow and not very interesting other than the part where the guy pulls his face off. But-

Oh yeah, the movie Face Off. But the beginning of the film is a great, you know, Spielberg style. This is a suburbia slow build to crazy paranormal things happening and the end of the movie is a fun You know industrial like in light magic. Let's pull out all the stops crazy freak out and so I would say you know watch the first 45 minutes Skip a nice 20 and then watch the. And you'd have a good time.

They could have used a roller coaster, sending people into a bones-tripping machine. I don't know. They could have been better. It makes any movie better. What was it going to recommend, Elliot? The Visible Maniac. Oh, yeah. I recommend another horror movie that's totally scary about a high school science teacher to see naked ladies. A high school science teacher. Scary naked ladies. Somehow manages to make himself invisible and then he goes about killing a

whole bunch of high school students including a couple of topless chicks. Yes, Stan. A couple. like, and in the process, he's using his invisible powers to see naked teenage girls. And in the process, he does some scary things like he chokes somebody to death with a submarine sandwich. And another guy, he, another guy he knocks over and then jumps on their head, which explodes like a pumpkin. Yeah.

So totally terrifying. Directly by the same guy. Directly the hazing. Really? Yeah. Ralph Kaminsky. Man, that guy, nothing but that. Oh, Ralph the dog. Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys, let's do that take again.

I believe his ancestor was Ralph Genghama Doggus. It is a story lineage. What movie you recognize? I'm not as he walked away from the microphone. I think I will recommend another Shocktoberfest scare movie.

I don't remember if this one's been recommended on the show before. The movie Sandman. I recommended it last week. Oh, you did well forget it. Well, I'll double up that recommendation I was not here last week so I didn't hear I wasn't there for that one, but you didn't bother to listen to it either It wasn't up yet Listen, I'm a busy man. I've got Twitter followers to follow with ahead What's going on you Are you guys fighting? A little bit, yeah.

I'm Stuart Dan and I am breaking up. Is it because of me? Yes. It is. You don't love us enough. And you're a bad kid. I'm a bad kisser. That's the thing.

You're going to fucking say that. People can hear this shit, dude. I don't know, like, four people, maybe. But still, people. Well, I will second the recommendation for Sandman and then in addition I would recommend not exactly a scary movie but a fun movie for a shot over fest here's one you can watch with the kids if you want to movie called son of Frankenstein it's the third of the Frankenstein universal universal universal series with a basal

wrath bone came before cousin of Frankenstein for came for cousin of rangstein and frankenstein's creepy uncle uh... basal wrathbone as the son of frankenstein borers carloft in his final appearance as the monster and belagosi as an evil uh... kind of thief slash shepherd who was hung for his crimes but the hanging didn't take so his neck is just kind of bent in a weird way and it's a very fun creepy movie with a kind of irritating kid in it but otherwise it's very good like all kids are right guys yeah so on that unpopular note condoms wear them shit we say goodbye to the well that's the

interview community service do you. You did it. It's always a little sad when another Shacktober ends. We'll always have Shack Vember. I think you made the same joke last year. Did I? And then, sex, December. We're not going to watch any more sex exploitation films in December. We should make more themes.

Sure, we'll do more themes. Because that's what our V is probably like is it? Yeah, November the theme can be bad movies. Okay, okay guys Or turkeys Nice that should it's hilarious dude Well, you got a pat in that shit quick before I know what would I pat there? You pat what you just mentioned no, go. We'll listen to it again. You can just pat in what you said I don't think that's how it works.

For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I continue to be Elliot Kaylen. Good night. Yay. Man, I was on fire tonight. That's why I am a fan of the KC Royals because they will always be bad.

And I never really have to pay attention to them. Sure. And they are like the baseball equivalent of the Uncanny expert. Exactly. Yeah. Well Wolverine plays for them. They do a fastball special. Oh Jackson played for them, right? Yeah, he was like a mutant because he could play more than one sport. He was the best at every sport. He was actually mediocre at both. He knows the sports. The game never made any claims for them being good. He was the best at every sport. He was actually mediocre at both.

He knows the sports. The game never made any claims for him.