The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #74 - Valentine's Day

Episode Date: February 5, 2011

0:00 - 0:39 - SEXY Introduction and theme0:40 - 3:27 - We work ourselves up into discussing the movie with some of our usual gibberish.0:28 - 36:41- Cuddle up tight with your loved one and share your most romantic pair of earbuds for this discussion of Valentine's Day.36:42 - 39:37- Final judgments39:38 - 52:41 - An epic Flop House Movie Mailbag52:42 - 57:33- The sad bastards recommend 57:34 - 59:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Turn the lights down low. Grab a bottle of wine and cuddle up to your marital sex $8 Stuart Wellington. Because tonight the flop house is I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kalin. Yay! We're back here. Yep, we're back again. The original three-some except not the original three-some. The two-some-three-some. Yep, the original peaches. Three guys named Mo. Tony, Tony, Tony. So we watched the movie, so we filmed it today. Nika Gunn 33 and a third. Tony. So we watched the movie. It's all you said tonight.

Nick had gotten 33 and a third. The three. Crucks. The two. Yeah, there you go. What's going on? Tracey brace. Tracey Morgan. Oh, man, no, I'm not going to.

I'm not going to help you guys out with your riffing. Three P.O. Three P. So, three p.o. three p. triple threat. we're here recording in my apartment on a Friday. thanks for setting the byline. sure. my wife's out of town. so anything that means anything goes. this is a bachelor weekend for me. so what do you guys gonna do for my bachelor party? No, you don't get a bachelor party. I'm pretty sure I have that words. Yeah. Did you like for the last week? I was going to accidentally give a horse. There's no strings attached. I know that. Yeah.

I don't know about a hall pass, but what about the roommate? Yes. Yes. She agreed that if I could convince either Layton, M.E. or M.K. Kelly to become my roommate that I could sleep with them. Okay. So how's that going so far? I don't know, not well, but Layton or M.K. If you're out there, Dan, I'm sorry. No, I'm for open. My diagnosis is that you have a latent Meister.

This should have, this should have come into play when you were young. And for whatever reason, it just didn't develop. I know it's a big news to. I know you were saying Stuart. Dan Vassel weekend. Oh, yeah, you know, I was going to I was going to trick a bunch of women into going to a an all male review and accidentally have a dude put his wiener and a hot dog gun. There would be a docky show for some reason and no one would think that was all that weird. No, that's normal. And there'd be a punch out in front of a 3D movie.

Is that okay if we do that in your apartment? Sure. And years later you would win two back-to-back best actor academy awards. Amazing. Sounds great. Let's do it, guys. Okay. All right, well. That's been the farthest moment. I'll get on the horn. This is perhaps in the silliest opening that we've had. Yeah, we've got to exercise our hatred for what we just watched. Exercise, yeah, or size or exercise. Yeah, I mean, you could

exercise. I think it's a good to the gym. Get a perfect push up or perfect set up, set up. Patent pending Valentine's Day. That's what we watched. We watched a movie called Valentine's Day. Now normally knowing the flop house, you'd think this was a horror movie based around Valentine's Day. Yeah, what I was kind of led to believe to be like my bloody Valentine. Yes. But now, yeah, or April Fools day. Oh, yeah, no, but that's not that would be scary. If I had the ability to separate the

tracks, okay, wait, should we say it again, but no, it doesn't help. Or our day, the movie. Yeah. That's that harm will be secretaries day. At horror movie secretariat. Anyway, so this was a star-studded film. Oh, everyone in it was a star. There were no extras or bit players. Everyone was a star from Kathy Bates. To Kristen Shaw. to Kristen Shaw to a mention of Frank Zappa. Everyone from Jessica A to Z Jessica Alba to a brief reference to Frank Zappa. Hector Alazandro to L. Lopez. Yeah, ran the gamut from Ashton Kuchner to Jessica Meals. Everyone from Jamie Foxx.

Jamie Foxx is to Queen Latefka. To Anne Halfway. Anne Halfway to Shirley McCrains. From Christopher Grake to Brad, what's his name Garrett Brad Garrett was Garrett Bradley Tom Garrett. No, it wasn't that ironically we pronounce to for graces name Correctly, but no this was this was movie this movie had a lot of Flophouse alums. Yeah, that's right. Ashton Kuchner. Ashton Kuchner. To the two Jessica's, Bill and Alba were in it. Power out. Together they become Albee. Your buddy and half away.

Yep. As mentioned, my best friend from high school and half. My actual friend, Kristen Shaw, was in it in one scene. Oh, who else is in it? Taylor Swift. A few non-paying full things. Taylor Swift and Taylor Werewolf from Twilight Movies. Taylor Lotner, yeah, another alum. And also, we managed to get both Jamie Foxx and Jessica Beale to reprise their characters from stealth. You think that they're the same character?

Yeah, of course. Yes, stealth was a prequel or sequel to Valentine's Day. It was happening at the same time. They didn't mention their past as members of the military soldiers, so I think they probably listed it. Did you think it's a prequel? Yeah. Well, also, there was no indication that there was sentient aircraft technology in this film,

so that probably was a big deal. Yeah, that's a good one. People take it for granted. Oh, also Jennifer Garber and Patrick Dumpsey was in this film so that probably was it's a big people taking for granted also Jennifer Garber and Patrick dumpsy was in this There were a lot of stars in this movie it's a mix dreamy and mix teamy were both in it both of the Both of the mix seems like they would have found room for me Stewart. Oh and Julia Slauberts Oh, and Julia Slabert's. Okay.

Now it's just, now it's just man-nagging. And the guy who looked like Tim Conway, but wasn't. Just because I can't pronounce. I'm like, Trial, a Zondro. Not a Zondro, but no, Aaron is name. A Zondro. Okay. Oh.

And George Lopez. I was also in it. Oh, that's funny. Jorge Lopez. And some kids guy who looked like him Conway, but wasn't. It was actually how they list them in the credits, especially. That's his name he's listed as not as a character. That's his actor's name. And then of course, there was Romeo, whatever.

Well, there was a there was a radio personality named Romeo midnight, who runs the drive time through late night shift he is on air all day yeah he's like jimmy fox who's apparently broadcasting all valentine's day related news all day yeah and there's a guy looked like map fruit work i'd have but it wasn't wasn't do you think that uh... might have been do you think Romeo midnight was

well well i don't know because the thing is there's this movie so l.a. there's so much l.a. in it you're constantly seeing l.a. sites like all its ugly buildings and it's terrible places that tourists go to you see cars i was at l.a. this ever striving there's all these all these all these all these are stars Hollywood agents are't listening, Dan If anyone would like me to move out there and write for their television show, I would love it

Well, I would love it, but I have to say that the roughly a Mike and Molly type vehicle There's something like a panic camera I have something with heart I do have a lot of fat jokes that I've been looking for Fat jokes, not cool, dude Yeah, come on, they can't control the Normal-sized people can can have a romance now that you get it

everyone at the toothpick with boobs on them no but that if there's one thing i actually enjoyed about this movie it was revisiting my trip to l.a. it's a lot of those are places that i have been this does feel like a travel log of l.a. it like very martial was like well if i've seen it on a drive sometime it's got to be in the movie so there's no I think I'll be fine and uh oh sorry well this is very Marshall I'm making my movie very long time today it is it Elias mom is a big fan of my movies okay well I mean it's

a really not a fan of her son's podcast no doesn't listen to it doesn't know it exists okay I'll try to do another Gary Marshall hold on DC Gary Marshall. Yeah, I thought that one That's more of a like an Igor Okay, what about this? Yeah Gary Marshall saying yeah, I'd be Rob and yeah, I co-created happy days No, I like that one. I thought that was pretty pretty accurate. Okay. I don't have anything to base it on but all right I mean he is more of like What about this is a Gary Marshall here? Oh born in London. That's more of a James Mason sort of I was going for Ronald Coleman

Okay Okay, you know what time it is guys Mason would be more like this I suspect I Would think that this is more of a James Mason. He always sounds tired Joseph a Bames must we mr. Kaplan okay, so You know we've been doing some great Today boys work some great boys hilarious. This is. This is our real, we're trying to... Cowabunga, dude, I'm Gary Marshall.

How about that? Radical pizza, Gary Marshall. You got it. That's who, Crystal? I love Michelangelo. Oh, Michelangelo. Michelangelo. The painter and sculptor.

Yeah. I love Gary Marshall movies. Yeah, who? He was known for his Gary Marshall impression. So, you know, I think our audience. Gorgeous. I'm Gary Marshall. Right now our audience is like,

what's this movie about, Elliot? Summarize it. Well, Valentine's Day is in the new tradition that I have to tell in chronological order. I cannot tell it in chronological order. Valentine's Day is in the new tradition of omnibus movies of interweaving storylines. So you've got a bunch of.

You're crashes, you're shortcuts. You're shortcuts, babel. Nashville. Nashville, except where. It's an older one. We're like a Robert Altman. Magnolia. Whenever Robert Altman would do it very well,

Gary Marshall fails to pull it off properly love Actually, you love actual you love's actually Yeah, it's like attorneys general's good sure the There's a lot of different leading stories. They'll take place on Valentine's Day 2010 And I've seen a sexiest day of the year right? Yep, the day when everyone feels the pressure to do something and to have a Valentine, but what do the single people do? Well, we'll see, right? We saw in the movie. We saw in the movie, yeah. So you have about 400,000 different characters. They all know each other in different ways. They all are still getting introduced in the movie about

40 days in. Every time you think you figured out who the characters are, there's a scene with another new character in it and The thing about this movie is like usually your crashes or your babbles. They're all about how people Who don't know each other it's battle? Bat your babbles. Yeah, you're gonna be pronouncing right? That's bad boy. I think every anytime you're Elisandros These movies are always about how people who don't know each other Crash was the one about having sex with car crash victims, right?

That's the first crash. I'm talking about the second crash. The one everyone hated that one best picture. It is a sequel to that crash movie. It was called Crash 2 Crash in it. Okay. And it was about James Spader decides he wants to have sex with a plane. Okay.

He's doing his cars. Cars, he's lost the thrill. He builds an Iron Man suit. It's pretty good unfortunately good In one best picture right? Yeah, unfortunately crash three underwater crash where he falls over the submarine has yet to be made It's the screenplay is great. They've not produced it yet a lot of hard trouble getting James Spader on board Sure, because he's so busy doing whatever mgm's having trouble. He's too busy slowly bloating Anyway, anyway, the thing about those movies is usually it's

about people who don't know each other and the way that like strange ways that lives intersect people from different strata of society coming into contact with each other, the strange similarities or differences that people have. No, this is about people who all know each other. They're all related in different ways or friends and it's still incredibly coincidental and unbelievable that they all happen to meet up with each other on Valentine's Day in different ways. That's the thing, you know, like even in a big town like LA, like, yeah, it's such a small world. You keep running into all the same folks.

They all know each other. Now, it opens with... Information age, I think. Yeah, social network. Yeah, you just gotta take a little side trip from LA to Burbank Go into Disneyland and what you learn is it's a small world after all Even though it is a yeah, LA is a small town where everyone knows each other even though a cab ride between neighborhoods Will cost you about $75 on average. Yeah, well, so anyway the firm like Tokyo or something?

Yeah, well, so anyway, the firm film like Tokyo or something? Yes, the film opens with a little introductory voice over by Romeo midnight radio star to explain to us that it is Valentine's Day because the title was not enough context Ashton picture then wakes up and campaign. I mean people know what they're getting No, people don't, you would buy a ticket with a big question mark on it. Sure. The ticket shaped like a heart though, right? No. Well, it is, but it's shaped like an anatomical heart. Okay.

Actually, people think it's a bar. A lot of people thought it was one of the song movies. Yeah. Okay. People will actually ordering tickets for that movie would go to the ticket tager and be like, I would like one for that movie with all of those stars that are marginally successful, but you put them all together and it creates such a driving like gravitational force. Marjony successful stars like Julia Roberts.

She is. But can't it be award winner Jamie Foxx or Jamie Foxx? And recording star. All right. A lot of double threat triple threats in here. Jamie Foxx, Taylor Swift, Jessica Beow, who's hilarious and beautiful. Yes, it's a double threat right there.

She's a modern day Carol Lombard. That's for the elderly listeners. Like all of you. So action could your wakes up his girlfriend, Jessica Alba, by proposing to her. She says, yes, who wouldn't, he's a dreamboat. He also is a successful florist running a Sienna flower shop. That's the name of it. Okay. Then there, I don't, don't try to get me to explain the order because that you're intersecting stories. It's very complicated, but you've got Jamie Foxx

as a sports reporter for the local news who also somehow has been hit with the assignment to cover Valentine's Day for the day. His boss is his boss is Kathy Bates. She has two scenes He also works with Jessica Biel and Queen Latifa, right? No, Jessica Biel is the personal assistant of a football player played by McSteemy I don't know his real name. No one does and and and and and steamy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Garith McStee me Yeah, yeah, yeah, Garith MacSteamy. I'm a Scottish Thessian. Yeah, clan Kellogg. And he, uh,

and Queen Latifa is McSteamy as agent. McSteamy is a professional football player who wants, whose team wants to get rid of him for some reason. I don't remember what it is. And who puts off the advances of his sexy neighbors, three sexy ladies, I'm sure would have sex with him. Should I reveal what it is?

Yeah, why not? Later, he announces he's gay. Oh, that's what I'm like. He's a gay professional football player, which I'm sure will have no impact on his career later on. Very brave. Anyway, who else is in it? Anne Hathaway is a part-time,

she's Queen Latifa's new assistant, or who she's a tenth maybe, who's filling in for Queen Latifa's new assistant or who she's a temp maybe who's filling in for Queen Latifa's assistant I don't know but she's also Moonlight's as a phone sex operator who gets calls on her personal cell phone and the office phone at all hours at all hours of the day and every call has a personalized ringtone and gets a different accent for man-hathaway allowing your cow to just show off her full range well yeah it's like a bit of sellers type it's like if June for a ran a sex line she that's for all you baby boomers out there that June for a reference well I figured if you can do it

the June for a ran a phone six line the only voices would be old grandma or flying squirrels. Hey, baby boy. I can't do that. Or talking Tina, the doll from that Twilight Zone episode. She and Hathaway has been living out for a couple weeks with Tofer Grace, who works in the mail room of a building. The same building that everybody else works in. This is like saved by the bell where everyone lived in the school and didn't have homes. Everyone kind of lives in their offices.

Tofer Grace does- Put a whole new spin on save by the Belgrade by the way. The magic of the like- The like- The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The

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The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The the The the The The the The the The the The the The and rewatch that series, because I missed so much the first time. There's a lot of subtext there. Anyway. Does that what happened to Miss Bliss? Listen, I have 80 more characters to introduce.

Good morning, Miss Bliss. Hits her with a giant wrench. So Tofe Grace has to find something to do for Valentine's Day with Anne Hathaway. He doesn't know she's a phone sex operator. Meanwhile, Ayrton Kutcher's best friend is Jennifer Garner, who is going out with Patrick Dempsey, McTremey from Raising Animate, but she doesn't know Patrick Dempsey is married. Ashden Kutcher, to a non celebrity.

To a non celebrity blonde lady. Ashden Kutcher has finds this out because Patrick Dempsey comes to Ashden Kutcher's Floreshop because Ashden Kutcher was interviewed on the news by Jamie Foxx and he has to figure out whether he's going to tell his friends that she is dating a married guy. Spasely the whole plot to the whole film the dilemma uh... shut it off to a one-eighth one-fifteen one-fifteen yeah, founds on the day. meanwhile there's a man was clearly a really rich vein of comedy that could have

been mine. there's a little kid a young boy who buys flowers for his teacher, Jennifer Garner, because he has a crushener. Where does he buy the flowers? Ashton Kutcher's flower shop. Meanwhile, that kid's grandparents were taking care of him because his mother is off somewhere. Shirley Maclean and actor Elizandro.

Don't do anything for a while until they find out that years ago she'll McLean had an affair, Hector Elizondo takes this badly, meanwhile the girl's babysitter is is she a high school senior? I don't know. She's either a high school senior or a college president. She's Emma Roberts. She's old enough to party is what Julia Roberts is niece and you may remember her as Nancy Drew. I'm gonna say clone. I'm gonna say clone i'm gonna say her clone that is accidentally let out just for i think she's slightly prettier than july arabis was as it as a young lady well well there goes us weekly coverage of this podcast

there's no i'm not i mean i'm not i don't i'm not july arabis is i don't find july arabis is an unusual looking woman she has a smile that takes up roughly five-sixth of her head and which is odd because I do find Anne Hathaway attractive. Who also has a... well her smile only takes up three-fifths of her head. Okay. Anyway, I'm still got a lot of plots together. Boob's are big. Well, Anne Hathaway's, but they have faces. So this kid's babysitter Emma Roberts has decided that this is the day she's gonna have sex with her boyfriend for the first time Hygiene since Sue the kids cut when he shows up in her bedroom naked playing guitar and her mother walks in on him

That is the end of that plot line until the end of the movie when she reveals she's not ready to have sex yet But her best friend Taylor Swift, who's with Taylor Lautner, the movie as she was in life. They don't really have a plot. They just kind of make out and I think that they are. Yeah, there's no actual story there. There's no conflict like they start the movie. Meanwhile, what are the characters are that later on? Okay, Tofer Grace.

We briefly see George Lopez's wife. Oh, George Lopez. He's mean. He's made George Lopez works for Ashton Kutcher. He's just there to you know, he would be the gay best friend in another film. He's the comic relief. If there was a if they're if they're could have been away for his voice to come out of it. Chihuahua's body. They would have done it. Have I left? Oh, and meanwhile, there's an airplane,

Rajuya Roberts and Bradley Cooper are sitting, are sitting next to each other. She's a soldier on leave from Iraq hard to believe, but yes, he is somebody, somebody wearing a vest, somebody wear somebody dressed very well. This should be a clue for everyone. And you think, are they going to hit it off?

Are they not? He lets her use his chauffeur because she has flown 14 hours from a racquet stand war zone to LA. Do something on Valentine's Day. We don't know what it is. Some lucky guy. It turns out at the end, the kid who had the crush on his teacher and then finds romance with an Indian girl that it's her mom. It's his mom. It's like a slum dog millionaire. The very end of the like. The end of the movie is Ashton Kutcher, finally getting together with Jennifer Garner, who for some reason flies to San Francisco and then back to LA.

It doesn't make any sense. It's basically just an excuse to have a joke about airport security. And Bradley Cooper, it turns out is mcsteemious boyfriend and also a believable gate a mcsteemy couple also jessica bill is throwing an anti-valentine state party for people hate valentine state like her because she single she cuts he's on how she's single and she loves candy uh... and that's why she can't get a man when she is gorgeous.

But anyway, she- And in pretty good shape. Not a chocoholic's body. I can tell you that. Yeah, and at the end, everyone comes to her party, even people who we saw as like side characters, everyone comes to ricks. Everyone comes to ricks, which is an Indian restaurant

with an anti-valentine state party in it. And Jamie Foxx shows up. Jamie Foxx and up. Jamie Foxx and her had a moment together when they fell over and a box of chocolates spilled all over them. Exploded basically. That's one of because she's holding a box of chocolates. It's probably like three rows of chocolates by five rows of chocolates. And when it spills like three thousand chocolates, come at it. It's like the end of goonies when like the dad tears up the contract and throws it up in the air

And then you can clearly see like people throwing extra paper on from the two sides My favorite one of those is the end of the movie rookie of the year where he pitches the ball to the Picture and the to the batter the batter hits it really high And they go to a shot of the ball flying through the air and you could see at the bottom of the screen the hand throwing the ball in the air for this shot just very so poorly framed they didn't care it's rookie of the year and so Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx fallen love totally the only people who don't fall in love in this movie are Kathy Bates sure and George George Lopez is already in love he He's married with

children Queen Latifa intercepts no yeah phone sex call and falls in love presumably at Mcdreamy goes to bat alone because he's a cheating badger that's right and Jennifer Garner gets her revenge on Mcdreamy by being a waitress she pretends to be a waitress when he's out at dinner with his wife and gives a long monologue about a dish that involves cutting off of pigs testicles and chopping them up and shoving them up The pigs ass. Yeah, and And there are a lot of wacky reactions shots from other diners Everyone in the restaurant would not like to have that dish every time every time she says something people in the restaurant

Turn in gas but her but it's like just stopping shocked after the first time. This is and how did she how did she pull off this ruse? It's really well too. Like I probably thought it was like like one of those restaurants where wacky stuff happens like like a jekyll and hide club. No, her her the son of the host of the restaurant is a student in her class. So that's how she would be able to do that. So he let her fuck over his restaurant a little bit. Basically, in order to help her with her revenge plot, he convinced everyone in LA because they're all eating at that restaurant that he is restaurant specializes in pick-destical

dishes. Yeah. Oh, it is exhausting trying to, I think I left out seven or eight hotlines. You've done amazing, by the way. Yeah. Oh, it is exhausting trying to I think I left out seven or eight months. You've done amazing, by the way. We're almost to the end of the time while I did just just explaining the plot of this terrible movie. And it's so fake and dull and it's like dull and exhausting. It's exhausting keeping up with it and boring.

There's no reward for paying attention to it. Okay. There's one funny joke. Yeah, what this movie is basically just a collection of scenes that are basically unrelated. But were there any scenes at all that were memorable? Well, what's the one funny joke that you were thinking? The one funny joke I was thinking of is that Jamie Foxx is delivering his new story live on the air about McSteeney being a gay football player, Jamie Foxx's supportive. And he, Jessica Beale is in the studio somehow. I don't know. And when he finishes talking, she starts clapping. And then Kathy Bates looks at her and she stops because there's a live television

show still going on. Because the idea of someone thinking it's okay to clap and then it turns out not to be okay. That's all right. I thought there was a funny joke. Yeah, her reaction was okay. I kind of... Listen, explaining it doesn't sound very... I was vaguely amused by when Tofer Grace reconciled with Anne Hathaway and then after the fact, after him reconciling with her. Oh, that's right. He broke up with her when he found that she was a phone-sex operator. Yeah, but then when he's watching a movie in a graveyard with Hector Elisando, he finds out that he should forgive her.

It sounds weird. You can say it that way. Well, they're in a cemetery watching a movie. Which is something that happens in LA, I actually went to it, but anyway. Yeah, because they desecrate the dead. Sure. But no respect for the people who made the town what it is. But yeah, after they've reconciled a three-piece band including a guy with an accordion pop

in the door behind Anne Hathaway. Who's embracing Tofer Grace? Yeah, and Tofer Grace gives him the cut it motion. Guys get out of here. And like they all look very disappointed and leave again. And something about that kind of made me get old. That was a funny joke. Stuart, is there anything I was like a joke you would see in a muffin movie yeah no you didn't like any of the different

phone sex voices yeah there's okay there were the part with the part with the teen gets caught naked I like that that's more of my animal though to be honest I was kind of expecting him to have sex with the mother. If this I was maybe it's because of the amount of... Not private lessons. It might be because of course it is not sir. It might be because the amount of softcore porn I know that all three of us have seen, but there was part of me that was like, oh well in that kind of movie this is the part

where he'd have sex with the mother. Yeah, it's like Valley girl. But also like his... Valley girl is... His response to her walking on him is not to say, Yeah, it's like Valley girl, but also like his Valley girls His friends, but there's a sequence like that Valley girl His response to her walking on on him is not to say get out of the room So I can put my clothes back on it is to keep approaching the mother who then yells at him to not come near her Then he runs out of the room covered only by a guitar and then jumps in the conveniently passing car after a tug of war with a

Pug with a pug named pushkin who wants to take his boxers shorts he just and he jumps into conveniently passing car of his girlfriend so now he is in his girlfriend's car nude holding a guitar what's gonna happen next nothing that's the end of the scene everything's fine you're gonna take him down to Hollywood where he's going to take pictures of tourists. He's a new naked cowboy. Yeah Man, yeah, this was and his girlfriend is not shocked by seeing him naked So I have to assume that they haven't had sex, but maybe they've been getting each other hand jobs Yeah, of course. That's what the kids do

They beat each other hand job. It's very rushed more of you. Yeah, we give each other hand job Yeah, I was in a car. Maybe you like dry-humping or something, you know? No, but you dry-humping, you usually have some clothes on. Well, no, maybe she's clothes and he isn't. Maybe, you know what? She's got like a catcher's. I think, you know what it is, is they like to reenact the,

they like to reenact the cover of the double fantasy album, where she's fully clothed and he's just naked hanging. She's not clothed but she is wearing like a full like fur suit to give him more pleasure when she's he's something on her. Oh and also Taylor Swift carries an enormous stuffed bear with her everywhere and there's no scene in the movie that couldn't be made better by that bear getting up and walking around. I'm out of here. This is enough for me. It's a living. Oh, it's not if everyone's bad in the movie except Christian Shal, who's very funny in her one

scene. And I delight. She's a delight, as always. And everyone else is not that good. And the movie is not very good. I would say, you know, I'd give your pal Anne Hathaway a pass. I think she wasn't that bad. She at least seemed to have some fun with the voices. Actually, when I say everyone's bad, I'm being very unfair. There are a few, there are a few okay performances. She does the void. Her timing is really good with the voices, especially.

Yeah. I think actually, Han Hathaway comes out very well in this movie. I can't say the same thing about this action Kutcher fellow though. He comes every scene sounds like he does not know his lines And he's just making them up all the top of his head I don't think he's like sort of an ill-conceived character in the sense that like I think he's supposed to be like the Valentine's Day Fairy like he loves romance and he's yeah, he's Mr. Valentine's Day fairy like he loves romance and he's Mr. Valentine's day. Yeah, then he gets sad midway through The kids in the have to remind him what Valentine's day. I mentioned that the fiance leaves him I

Never forgot it Jessica. I'll believe him because she's not ready to get married Yeah, I mean he's pretty intense. She says I love you, but I'm not ready for this kind of commitment The answer then is not for them to say okay, let's put on the brakes and wait a little bit. It is for them to break up. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Well deep down he wants to get married. He wants to get engaged that day and if she can't get for him. Oh, Larry Miller is in it too. And once he, yeah, he comes off, okay. Here's the, here's another thing. Larry Miller is, is a recalcitrant. He is, or what's the word? He's a reluctant, irassable, irassable guy at an airport ticket counter. I just can put your needs a ticket so that he can get to the gate to stop Jennifer Garner from

getting on a plane to San Francisco that she's getting on for some reason. Because Mick Dreamy, her boyfriend who's married, works at a hospital in San Francisco even though he lives in LA. It doesn't make lives in LA, doesn't make sense. The geography doesn't make sense. He's going off to Grey's Anatomy. He's a wooden idiot. I guess so. So, Ashton Kutcher needs a ticket.

Larimiller won't sell it to him because that's the desk for oversized luggage, which exists somehow. I don't know. Larim, but he wins Larimiller over by telling him that Jennifer Garner is like sunshine. Yeah. And then. But he wins Lion Miller over by telling him that Jennifer Garner is like sunshine. Yeah, then Larry Miller Imagine the typical Larry Miller character and then imagine that character. It does a 180 turn As long as he doesn't get raped by a giant hamster like he did in nutty professor to the clumps. That's okay The

That was a family film in which a man is raped by a giant hamster That was a family film in which a man is raped by a giant hamster. It's also moving which the character is a chemistry teacher who manages to turn an animal gigantic and Does not become famous or make any money off of this discovery? Really you can make a chicken big enough to feed an entire village like why would you? He'sweight Elliott no overweight scientist there's never been ever been ever this is a great just in grandma's to doesn't a guy get raped by a grandma he actually seems to he gives in he likes it so

it's like a right thing in a she is she's very it's like the end of a very proactive some like it's like nobody's perfect like very proactive Some like it hot it is like I'm not nobody's perfect What would you say like don't you fucking say it's like the end of 40 days and 40 nights Don't you fucking say it okay, and here's what here's the thing and this is just a personal note for my life sure Ashton Kutcher he's too. Oh, he can't wait to go through security. It's taken too long He took his shoes off already so he just runs from security to the gate with no shoes on. I actually did this once in an airport because I was late for a flight, not, and so I didn't have time to put my shoes on. I was running through

JFK and I had blisters on my feet for days afterwards. So for him to just... I had blisters on my fingers. So for him to just be unscathed, running to to a gate I found very unrealistic. Also the fact that he runs a florist on Valentine's Day and he manages to deliver no flowers for the next day. Now they just opened the new Hot Coles Concourse when you did that, O'Halley. It's different. It was one of the most depressing moments because I'd get to the end of a hallway and

be like, okay, the gate has to be at the end of this hallway. I'd turn just more hallway. That airport is enormous. But anyway. This is actually like a nightmare that you had. I don't know. It was and then we missed the flight. It was terrible.

That was the first Thanksgiving that I went to meet my now wife then girlfriends, parents. I had met them before. This first time I was going to visit them for Thanksgiving. Valentine's Day. Air travel, Mariah Carey. Anyway, but Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day.

What I'm saying is it's an unrealistic movie. and normally it wouldn't great on me that the characters who have the very specific job are not doing that job but this time action could you keep talking about how he's a florist he has all these florist jobs he's got to live all these flowers never delivered one of his employees even calls from the best boss in the world yes which maybe is based on the fact that he's never doing his job all he endured so we we let everyone goof off. It's just him and George Lopez just running errands. It's like an empire record sort of thing. Yes.

This enormous record store where no one does any worker sells any records. Just the amount of maintenance and back stock they must go through in the stock room is enormous, but they just don't do that. Yep. It's the Empire Records is the kind of they just don't do that. Yep. It's the, Empire Records is the kind of record store where it's enormous. There's lots of customers, but everyone in the store can go hang out in the back room for 15 minutes to talk about it. That's why they're going out of business.

I mean, they can go out, they can go put on, put on aprons without any clothes, they can go shave their heads. Yeah. You know, having a rough and tini. Hang out on the roof and take their bras off. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember the money.

I don't want to get glue quarters to the ground. Take all the, take all the money from the till and take it to Vegas. I don't know. Is it all things that happen in a fair rate? It's a nice to make me relive it. All from movie. Awesome. Yeah, I'd much rather just be watching the great bikini off-road adventure. Who wants the great bikini off-road adventure?

There's a hilarious Japanese tourist character. Number one is Trey salt. Number one has the girl who K-keeper top on she keeps losing it Yeah, that's awesome. That's a dumb. It's it takes a real genius to say you they've made topples bikini movies They've made movies about mystic Indians have there ever been a topples bikini movie with a mystic Indian in it I guess what we're saying is all you couples out there if you want to romance this Valentine's day a little movie is all you couples out there. You want all the romance this Valentine's Day. There's a little movie. There's a movie called the straight bikini off-road

and there's no off-road adventure in the movie. Yes, that's what. They're just giving off-road tours. Yeah, it should be called the great bikini tour company. But what they're trying to do is- The bikini tour guides, the name is right there. They're trying to draw more like the people who are off-road adventure enthusiasts

and potentially watching it. And then, you know, because they might not be the like off-road adventure enthusiasts and potentially watching it and then you know because they might not be like off-road adventure because you're saying that that there isn't enough of a Lauren Hayes fan community sure to support that movie yeah that's what I'm saying what did I tell you audience a lot of software viewing in this okay well let's wrap this segment up with our final judgments. Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you actually kind of like Stewart?

You're looking at me weird. Coming on to you, those mountains. It's not Valentine's Day. No it is, because they're gonna listen to it on Valentine's Day, right? That's what it is. I mean, it means you would have a lot of... Probably gonna be released tomorrow.

You would have held it this recording for like 10 days. Oh, that's weird. Just what would drop on the right day. Yeah, you need maximum exposure. That's a good news. This is a maximum exposure. This movie was. I make it as ladies on film.

This movie was a bad, bad movie. There was, I mean, yeah, there was so many people on it and so many stupid little storylines. So many people. Yeah, just wasn't. I hate movies with so many people on it and so many stupid little storylines Yeah, just wasn't I hate movies with so many people I mean I will give a credit that it went pretty quickly and theoretically like Give me a movie like secret honor now. There's a perfect movie just one guy or bug Just two people So I mean three or four in bug that's true some minor characters I mean, I guess if you're one of those guys who's like,

oh my girl, I always want to watch these stupid movies. I guess this isn't that bad because it moves along pretty quickly. Although it is over two hours long. Yeah, but that gives you plenty of time to try and, you know, cut a hole in the bottom of your popcorn thing to put your wiener through it. Or a yarn and put your armor on your shoulder. Yep. Or try and sneak your hand up or sweater.

Okay. And then when you put it in, I just feel like, baby, I'm kidding. I actually, I actually said to Danielle today when I told her that, uh, uh, that we were seeing this, I said, why is it that I've seen no, the person who's supposed to make me see cheesy romance movies doesn't make me see any of them, but Dan and Stuart make me see so many of them. Yep, I hold you down I thought this was on you. I thought this is a good movie. I really enjoy it I thought it was a bad bad movie. It's this is one of those movies where the the whole time I'm watching it

I cannot help but think about the money that went into making it and how much of a waste that they could have made eight good movies for the price of this one movie probably. Yeah yeah you've you've said it all there's nothing else I think it's a bad bad movie I don't I don't need to justify it to you people. Wow Wow are you okay? Seems like you really took that one to heart. Well, Sarah's Valentine's Day heart You heard Dan it's hard for him when his wife's so towns if anyone wants to call him just keep him company Sure have some private lessons. I know of a sex phone number you can call Where they have anyone wants to ski school to me? They have a southern woman a Russian woman and a What other voices does she do in this movie? It was a southern Russian She at one point she's talking about being a cat. No, that's not that's not that's not that was the Southern voice.

Okay. No cats and nationality. All right. Well, I have a lot of letters. Huh? I have a bursting. I'm bursting flop house movie man movie movie mailbag. It's night and so there was a there were a lot of responses to the issue of staying on topic versus. Tangents tangents and well be stayed on topic for a lot of this one. How did everybody like it? Tangents we got a. There's too much to get into detail, but I'm gonna run down. Yeah, give us a summary. I'll give you a bunch of them at once here. I know it's talking so hard that I knocked my microphone aside, just through peer-talking.

Wow. I'm sure you've already voiced. It probably picked me up. I'm pretty loud. So, okay, we got one that says, the last few shows have been great. You should not stick to discussing these shitty films. The pop culture culture free associations what makes the show. Also, please keep the flop house cat around. Cheers. It's cool flop house ass cat. Cheers, my favorite max power, Palmer Stan Eastern Europe. That's obviously the pseudonym. No, it sounds like a real name.

the pseudonym. No, it sounds like a real name. My hobble opinion that the off topic shatter is a staple flop house. It can pose as the heart and soul of the program. And without it, although it would be left as a desiccated husk, please keep making funny hook references. That's from Sean. My references to the movie hook are to dance hook agents. I don't want to think. We got one one who says if anyone doesn't like the rambling tangents, they should go listen to a serious podcast about bad movies, which is a podcast that should in no way exist. Besides it's very judgment. If not for the fun filler lists, cat noises and size and celebrity name dropping. Discussions, lists, accusations of dance homophobia, please. That's a key, boy. Descicated Husband without that.

Recommendations for invisible werewolf movies. And lists of the podcast for movies like 1,000 BC would last five boring minutes. Yeah. So the brine. The only. No mention of, I realize no rent mention of rocket crocodile in the world tomorrow.

Well, that was pretty recent. That's true. That's a new thing. The viewers still trying to wrap their brain. It's like inception. Yeah. The one the one sort of the iffy responses from John last name withheld who says you guys suck. While listening to a flop-out episode last year. It occurred to me that the domain. episode last year, it occurred to me that the domain word sound like each other .com is available and maybe more appropriate home for your show. I think that I deserve that. We did a long bit at the beginning of this where we were deliberately mispronouncing the names of the actors. That's a very fair slam. Well, I think that it's incumbent upon the fans of the Flop House, someone to buy the domain words sound like each other.com and make that into a fan site.

Do it. I think that's a great idea. So, uh, balls in your court, Flop House Nation. And if Flop House Fan.com is not taking, you should probably take that too. Yep, Swim Fan. Aqua Fan. Aqua Fan was taken. Turned out it was. is not taking you should probably take that to yep swim fan aqua fan aqua fan was taken turn that it was a water sex website with one posting that said under water sex anyone tried this so we have some other ones here oh more letters I love it I got one from Andrew last name with help you're just writing these right no this your actual human being No, this is a real letter. Do you dad you're the best? I think you're great. Your voice sounds like you're well and down in the penis department

Love dad. I mean someone else love Dan McCoy last name with hell. Yes, when you read my letter. You're a stupid voice my letter. You're a stupid voice. Is this from Andrew last name withheld? It says, you're doing it now. It says, Dearest Dan Stewart and Elliott. Dearest. I only discovered the flop house around last August or so and have been slowly going back through earlier episodes as my busy schedule allows. Lately though, I've run into a problem.

Since the introduction of the flop house cat I keep I keep anticipating his trade his trademark yeah by skin goose pimpley with anticipation at that faulty catarroll my brown moist with anxious sweat it is eventual bursting onto the scene. See, do you write this letter, Dan? I don't know. This is a fan. Fucking floppy house cats writing his letters. Made with a floppy house. My problem, I now find though, is that this Pavlovian response you have so carelessly instilled in me can never be sated by these earlier episodes.

No matter how jockey- You're saying we need to deal with fans in here. It's a floppy house special edition where we insert hold on I'm constantly on the listen for that patterned how and constantly disappointed when it never arrives I propose a simple task in your part go back and re-edit the 60 some odd episodes the flop house a previous to the Flop house house cats invention including the movie minutes so that his presence may be known within them I expect this to be accomplished no later than March 1st of this year. Wow, not a lot of time. Thank you for your time, you consider it.

Well, Dan, the golden is not allowed down. I will see if the house cat is available. I have no fully session. If I recall, he's currently unemployed, but he's got some prospects. We got to do, it's got to be like the Star of Special editions where it's just as fake and irritating as possible. Doesn't make sense. The house cat is just interrupting people.

Or like the farting track on Whit-Hot American Summer. Yes. Just a bunch of fart noises. Glad the Flapp Houseett is taking off so much. Yeah, I mean, he'll be really happy. When you tell him. When you realize that. Yeah, I mean, he's he went in the other room, and we're not watching the movie.

It's weird. Stuart, you and he have a kind of Bruce Wayne Batman relationship. You're the only one who can get in touch with him. Yeah, it's kind of strange. Yeah, it's like, it's like a spider-man taking a million photos. Yeah, it's a Peter Parker also a Spider-Man taking a million photos Yeah, it's a Peter Parker take photos of Peter Parker What a great story that the you know world where Peter Parker is famous and spider-man is just trying to make a living and Just selling lots of pictures of Peter Parker. Oh, man, and no one knows the two are the same Man You've got an an-

You've got an an- Yeah, I'm working on something for them right now. Oh man. I'll pitch them that story. Sounds great. That's like such a 1950s DC storyline. We're a world where Spider-Man and Pre-Deparker are flipped. Yeah.

Everyone loves Peter Parker. But what about me, Spider-Man? You heard it here first, man. This could be a classic story in years to come Yeah, yep when kids are riding around on hoverboard I remember when they heard about the flop. I remember Dan McCoy miss speaking and Elliott being better spinning it into comic goals So this is a long letter. So let's okay. Let's all right I'll try to get over the best letter ever written which we just read. So this is this is more than any of the letters that

make up the original Old Testament. I'm just trying New Testament. Wow. That's right I said it. This one is from Ainsley last name with help. That was our flop house is bigger than Jesus moment so. And and Ainsley says allow me to begin by saying that I love your work, long time listener, first time emailer, I'm writing to strongly suggest a film for review by your esteemed podcast. In episode 38, dated Saturday, May 28, 2009, you tackled the Disney release, Beverly Hills, Chihuahua.

At the urging of one, so we're wellington. I commend you for approaching the film with your usual grace, poison, forthrightness. But as our nation stands on the precipice of valuable social change, I urge you to take the risk and make the sequel, Beverly Hills, Shawala, to the subject of an upcoming episode. With the tagline, the family just got bigger. It's clear that this film is a subversive nuanced attempt

to investigate one of the more inflammatory issues that are countries facing. Dog marriage. While both Republicans and Democrats contest the pros, cons, and ultimate long-term results of gay marriage, one thing conservatives have always made clear is that legalizing marriage between same-sex couples will lead to the disintegration of the traditional family dynamic with its bed death resentment and 50% forced rate. As attorney and noted conservative, David Gibbs III expressed that in mind. Not David Gibbs III, but David Gibbs III who is a clone or a robot of some kind.

As noted conservative, it's just a lawyer robot. Well, you said the gay marriage would lead to total interspecies, matrimonial anarchy, resulting in the question, maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots. I'm not addressing the robot issue, I feel that Wal-E is superb film by Pixar adequately dispel any myths about the love between robots being repugnant. Mr. Gibbs statement has been smashed up by the rabid right and uses their shield to fill up the arrows of progress. A dog's right to marry may it be another dog or an interspecies union with a human isn't something to be used as mere fodder for bigoted rhetoric. Beverly Hills Chihuahua, two director Alex Zam, whose previous

releases include Dr. Too Little, Million Dollar Muts, and the pooch in the pauper. So he's typecast as a dog director? Has evidently been a long time closet supporter of Animal Love, be it Aros or Agape. I hope that you three will do the right thing and pick up the same mantle as Mr. Zam by confronting the Hayshew head on. Review Beverly Hills, Shwawa 2, and allow your Mr. Suggest from themselves is dog marriage so wrong? And anchor babies. They have anchor babies, right? I'm from Mexico.

Yeah, anchor puppies. Anchor puppies. I'm gonna average a little bit of human baby though. Wouldn't that be fucking crazy? That's not how things work. No, but what if it happened? Can two dogs take care of a human baby? It would be like a movie. But Mugley was a cast off. He didn't end in. Wait, he wasn't.

It wasn't a blue's child. I thought blue and King Louis had a baby. That's weird. I want to be like you. But just skip the end here. If you feel that this film is an unendurable message, it's purple rain in its place, chances are, it's more or less the same would be anyway.

Respectfully the ears. And she says, allow this to sway your opinion, aren't they cute? And she includes a picture, which I'm now showing to the other members of the flop house. Okay, this is Elliot's expression. Imagine sexual confusion. I mean, what is it? How would you? Intensity. If you first described what the photo was

Two dogs, yeah, one is dressed up very nice They're two dogs getting married. Yeah, there's a dog that appears to be black tie and there's a dog You know in a wedding dress and they they seem to be very happy. Oh, yeah, I think they'll have a very happy life together I mean, I'm not sure if they understand the commitment that they're making. Who don't trust? Who really does? Yeah. But yeah I mean like if adorableness is any indication of a successful marriage then it isn't. All right. Well that was a well reason and well thought out letter. Yeah as to why we well reason and well thought out letter. Yeah, as to why we should watch Beverly Hills 12 or two.

Put more work into that than we put into our podcast. So I thank you. Well, that's a better argument than what we usually do, which is Elliot eats chicken and I shout and give thumbs up or thumbs down. I usually chicken and say where were we? We're making boners up or down. I do talk about wormy boners too, but yeah, no, yeah. We usually just picked the shortest movie that's available.

Not tonight. No, tonight we picked the longest. That was the longest, yeah. I'm trying to be a little more topical or seasonal, if you will. So we couldn't watch like Roundhog Day? It's a great movie. It doesn't fit within the purview of the club. I just like watching it.

Oh, good. Well, we can do that, but we shouldn't do a podcast. And let's say at a future date, we may watch Beverly Hills, Chihuahua too. Who knows? Yeah. We need to watch this. Unlike those dogs, I'm not ready for the commitment.

Yeah. Yeah, man. Dude, would the clubhouse house have a problem with us watching another dog based movie? It would be I mean I'd have to ask him once again he's not here. It's really strange. You got you got you were really cheesy. So many so many fan letters and you will not relapse. Okay, so what's the next part of the week? We need to look at we need to find a cat based Okay, so what's the next part of that? We need to look at, we need to find a cat-based flop house movie though. Yeah.

Well, we could watch the record of Pussy Galar. Mm-hmm. The short-term kitty Galar. Kitty Galar. The dogs and cats too. Mm-hmm. They're turning kitty Galar. They're like real spies, only furrier.

Only, yes. Only furriers. Yeah, they're in the furries. They work in furriers. Yeah. So what were you now at this point? We talked about the movie and listen to the letters. Recommendations.

Now we recommend movies that we actually saw and enjoyed. Whoa! Whoa! Love how's that? Yeah, he likes this part. So does anyone want to kick it off? Anyone rare? I can if you want me to.

I mean, it sounds like you got these literally raring. No, Ellie can go. I will quickly I'm recommending two movies as one unit as one unit Johnny Toe's Series election and election two or as it was released in the United States election and triad election two movies about Triad gang they're electing a new chairman trouble in the ranks

uh... taken at each movie by itself is okay uh... and together they make one kind of like nicer longer saga uh... gangster stuff and there's a little bit of violence and uh... a lot of uh... conniving awesome well i'm thinking conniving sounds great.

I saw several movies that I actually really thought to am it. No, briefly, briefly I saw I liked me in Orson Wells. I think that it suffered from having Zach Efron as the main character, but it had a good actor as Orson Wells and if you like Orson Wells or

the history of the American stage. You might enjoy me and Orson. I also watched what we call an infestation which was a surprisingly good movie about Giant Bugs. But the movie I'm going to recommend is EZA which I, you know, I have a weakness for both horror films and teen comedies. And what they have in common is many of them are terrible.

But EZA, I enjoyed, it suffers a little bit from Diablo Coding disease where everyone's a little too clever, they sound a little too much like each other. But it's generally pretty good. And the stone is very good funny in it. Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson are very good as her parents. And she's the one from Zombie Land. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

And it has a, like I kind of liked it. It had a better, it had a more nuanced sort of view of teen sex and sexuality and then like a lot of these comedies do where it's either like so it's either something like not to be worried about it all or it's like really chased and moralized. Like American Pie 8 naked in the class or something like that. Yeah, it's neither, it's neither, that's actually 100% accurate there, it's. It's naked by 10 head in the class. It's neither treated as nothing or like the most important thing in the world.

Oh yeah. And so I liked it for that. It's true, what do you have to say? So it's like a movie version of the TV show Skins. It's like a movie version. It's like a meditating look at life as a team. It's like a movie version of a real life rational human beings. I don't know.

I want to recommend a little movie that's I would say a good bad movie. A movie called Frozen. It's a movie directed by Adam Green, director of another movie I recommended Hatchet. I can't get behind that recommendation. I didn't get on your case for recommended stupid shit So Lawless so you know finish him I Will finish him with the rest of my recommendation 150 point zinc combo

Frozen is a movie about three college kids who get stuck on a real bad list and they get stuck on a chairlift at a Connecticut ski resort and that closes down on a Sunday night and then won't reopen until the following Friday for some reason and they get stuck up there and it's like there's this chairlift is super fucking high and you know Well, I mean, there's also it's all wolves for some reason. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. It's hilarious Yeah, I don't spoil I think but yeah, it's hilarious. There's the most aggressive man eating wolves just roaming around I guess they're the security force of this fucking ski resort. It is a Nazi ski resort. And yeah, it's it's hilarious. And there's some good gross outbits and yeah, it's pretty stupid. I should I should mention in

the second of the election movies a man does chop up another man with a meat cleaver. So okay, so that makes people more want to watch it. So Elliott gets second best for the recommendation of the now that we're keeping track Okay, so what do we do now? Now we sign off guys. Okay, we sign off guys Sign off on guys good idea good idea everyone sounds like a teen sex comedy sign off guys sign off on guys. Good idea. Good idea everyone. That sounds like a teen sex comedy. Sign off guys. Sign off on guys. Sign off on guys. I want to wish everyone out there in Floppyos land. Yep. A very happy Valentine's Day. Yep. Better than the movie Valentine's Day for me, Stuart. Very scary.

All right, well, good night everyone. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stuart. And I am still Elliott, Kaelin. See ya. Happy Valentine's Day. It was like this movie is a giant Valentine to my penis. A giant Valentine to Valentine's. Oh yeah, that's better.

A race mine. I'll take that in. You know what? Put that quote on the poster. Not a giant Valentine's, my penis, a Stuart Wellington, the Flawhouse. My favorite poster. My favorite poster quote lately, when I opened up the DVD box of Dead Heat that I own. And the liner notes as a poster and it says I opened up the box for a collision course So in Jion

So these two cops have to solve the biggest murder case of their careers Their own Oh Cause they die Cause there's some big cops Roger Mortis is one of the characters name Is there some big hop? Yeah, it's Roger Mordus is one of the characters names.