The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #88 - Priest

Episode Date: October 1, 2011

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and theme.0:38 - 4:10 - We introduce our guest, Tom Silvestro, and gripe more about our ongoing technical problems.4:11 - 27:58 - Should you let this Priest touch you?27:59 - 31:40 - Some special SHOCKTOBER final judgments31:41 - 40:29 - Flop House Movie Mailbag40:30 - 53:39 - The sad bastards recommend53:38 - 55:27 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

It's the most magical time of the year, Shoktober, and we kick it off with Paul Bettany's Flophouse Follow-Up to Legion. Priest. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington and I'm Tom Silvestro. Yes, Elliot is taking the week off due to Judaism Judaism the huge holidays The Jews have a lot of holidays. I noticed this

Is this a bit or you know? I'm ripping their stuff. I mean they have quite a few. Yeah, yeah, I mean they get off work for a lot of Holy days The days All the days Mm-hmm. Okay, so that's a delicious bread But instead of Elliot we have another But instead of Elliot

We have another Gentlemen with black rimmed glasses sitting in mr. Tom Sylvestero. Hello. It's good to be here So you're gonna be our nerd for the night. I'll be the yeah, you'll be nerd the nerd standin That's cool Tom I know from doing comedy videos here in New York. He is one third of escape pod films, a comedy internet short collective. You should all check out. I like the sound of that. I mean, you can expat upon that while I try and drink some beer to keep myself in coughing. With escape pod films, it's me two other guys we men college classic their names are on board yeah uh no the Jerry Westfall Chris Prine and uh we reconnected down here

New York City and started making sketches web series and we met Dan actually through channel 101 so that was when you made that little uh internet thing that little cartoon thing, right? 9AM meeting. The internet sensation steward. Yeah. What, uh, what am I going to see that on TV? Actually, it's actually going to appear on television on September 30th. Okay, say the plugs for later guys. Actually, you know, this is going to drop after it's been a nice year, we got to actually, you know, this is going to drop after it's been on television and it's only going to be a local New York TV. So this is the flop house.

We watch a movie and then we talk about it. Yeah. For the second week in the row, I feel like I just need to apologize up top. Yeah. We're still using the internal microphone on my MacBook. I can only assume that someone opened a radio station downstairs because I covered my cables with ferrite chokes that I was assured would cut down on the radio interference. And it did so, but not to the degree that I was comfortable using the microphones. Yeah, we're really all about quality control here.

I mean, we run a pretty tight ship, right, Tom? Oh, I can tell, yeah, just by the lavish studio. It's very impressive. Yep, there's noise canceling tiles that we've stapled to the walls in my apartment. Yep, only the finest beers are consumed by all of the quietest beers, the least carbonated beers. If you leave our beers out for several weeks, so we don't get that popping on a microphone. Yep.

And sometimes the air conditioner is quiet enough that I can actually hear the dialogue in the movie This was not one of those times, but most of the time So to get to the movie we actually watched it was called Please Wait, this is the start of what Shocktober cuz it's a time-pire's or some stupid shit. Yeah, this is our first Shocktober entry Despite us watching a horror movie last month in shocktempor and I think that one was significantly more of a horror movie than the thing we just looked if I was a better Producer for this podcast. Yeah Don't you have a game plan? No, I have a five season storylines.

It will all be revealed. I think you'll be pretty happy with the day new month of the flop has. Everybody, thanks for the qualify. I'm pretty happy. Spoiler alert. So priest. Something about limbo. Wow.

All right. Well, that's nice because I already have set ideas of, you know, an afterlife. And I don't need to challenge my beliefs. Just preconceptions. Yeah. So just kind of make it big. Okay. And in some sort of church, there'll be a light. Some sort of blowing. Some sort of, but nothing to specifically. Not a nomenational church. Okay. With we speak the religious stuff the movie was called priest. Why was that, Dan? Well, it was not because it was that movie from some years back about Child abuse or some shit. I don't know it was because it was about priests fighting vampires, which is like I feel like that's their number two job Yeah, it's in the Bible what's the first one?

Preces pretty much it's they deal with the superman There they're like a there like a Legion of Van Halcings and I use the word Legion advisedly a Legion of Van Halcings. And I use the word Legion advisedly because this is this might as well have been a follow up to the movie Legion because it starred Mr. Paul Betany and was directed by the same guy who directed Legion named TK because I can't remember what it was. Yeah, Adam Post. So any brought up Van Halcings because you know how much I love that movie classic and They had about the same amount of special effects love CGI things jumping around yeah, yeah less swinging around on ropes Who's not I mean so they're they're like vampires, but they look like mold molded in mold people Yeah, they look more like monsters

Trials orcs or okay, yeah, but they did it like monsters, triangles, orcs. Orcs, okay. Tronlinites. Yeah, they're in the eyeballs, right? Yeah, I mean, they're kind of like, maybe the descent. Okay, yes. White blob. But instead of like having actual people with stuff on, they were just little super Mario's jumping around. Or I am legend, kind of all the other stuff.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, this is actually not a trend. jumping around or I am legend kind of all the Okay, yeah Yeah, this is actually not a trend. I'm a fan of by the way the vampire that looks more like just like a fucking like goo blob Yeah, the regular bug a boo Sure, I like that prefer the traditional vampire like the just the pale gentleman with things First First, I'm really kind of like the white eyes. Nice and extreme European suit. Maybe sparkles. Cable.

Maybe not. But Cakes. That seems newer. I don't know what I was thinking. Thought that was Hammerhaw. They were all sparkly. And just share the guy on the sun. And I sparkled like diamonds.

And the abs of Elliott, I feel like someone should somewhere. I want to summarize this one. I got this. Okay. I got this one guys. All right. You guys when I fuck up Just please throw out what I messed up. So the movie begins Paul Bettany and a bunch of other dudes with crosses tattooed on their foreheads They're in a giant mountain. Oh no, it's a trap a bunch of vampires attack him Paul Bettany and his buddy What's the guy the gay blade A humor Carl urban carl urban from you? You also played the new yeah the new doctor McCoy

On the Star Trek we're okay, so they were trying to escape and oh no the vampires got Carl urban and then Boom smash cut. We got the title priest And then an awesome cartoon. There's an awesome cartoon explaining the history of a world where vampires and humans are constantly at war with each other. They show crusaders with swords and knights and stuff fighting vampires, vampires usually winning.

And they show like World War I dudes and then I think some other stuff. And then they explain how humanity was always losing until they trained a bunch of dudes to be ultimate vampires killers. The priests. Okay. Yeah.

I'm good so far. Yeah. Okay. Then we cut to that jack off from true blood and his family, they live out in the, like there are farmers or something way out of way from the city. Yeah, my eyes don't be the old the, like there are farmers or something way out away from the city. Am I supposed to be the old west, but vampires are involved.

And then a bunch of vampires attack. And then that's the end of that for a while. Then we go, we cut to the city where Paul Bettany is just a regular dude. He's kind of wondering what he's doing because he used to be a priest, but now he has to just blend in with society. Yeah, the order of the priests has been somewhat disbanded now that the vampire problem has been dealt with. Okay, so like he's like a soldier trying to reintegrate into the world. I mean, he's a living weapon that now has to be just a regular deal.

And he doesn't get to do what he's trying. It's hard. I mean, you know how hard it is to when you're fists or lead the weapons and you're not quite you can't use them anymore. Yeah, I mean, I want to do what I'm trained for. My natural my body has become this kind of killing machine and I don't want it to lie. That your body is a wonderland. It's a wonderland machine. Careful of punching. So the puncher, Paul Bettany finds out that his brother, who was that dude from Trueblood, that his whole family was killed.

And which dude? There are Paul Bettany's. Yeah, Trueblood. OK, the dude who's a vampire. Steven Moyer. But in this, he's not a vampire. He gets killed by vampires. Spoiler alert.

Twist. Twist, yeah. So it's taking convention and putting it on its ear. So then Paul Betney's goes up to the guys in the church played by Christopher Plumber and some other old guys that all look like Dracula's and he goes, hey, can I go save my family? I'm sure they were vampires attacking him. And then Christopher Plumber's like, no way, you can't do it. There aren't vampires. That's bullshit. You can't leave if you go You're in trouble. Yeah, he's denying the existence of vampires despite the fact that he's the head of an order that

Was invented to fight Vanity really doesn't seem to make sense why he would be so dead set against Oh, no, there's no more vampires. We took 100% we got all of them. Yeah, and he doesn't let the people leave that city. Yeah, you're not supposed to leave, although he leaves fairly easily. Like he gets on his fucking crotch rocket and flies out of there and the doors are open.

Like it's not like he has to lie in his car. There's no big wall or anything, no Game of Thrones, you know. Well, there's a big wall, but the gates wide open, like the gates huge. And so we're watching this and we all look at each other and we're like, oh, okay, so the head of the church, he's probably in on it. We're gonna find out the end that he's all part of this big conspiracy. Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let you guys know ahead of time. Leave a head. No conspiracy at all. That really never gets solved. Yeah, he just, he was just,

he's just a dick. They're just looking at the ostrgeyner. Bearing his head in the sand. Well, vampires threatened him. So Paul Batney goes out of the wilderness to meet him meets up with Cam Gajandit or Cam Gijanday or now from such films as The Unborn. We'll go into the roommates, the roommate, and also for those of you who have seen the movie Burlesque, he's in that too. Cam Gagandit, most exciting for his weird name,

otherwise a complete block of wood on screen. If only his acting ability lived up to his odd name, an interesting name. He's like a less interesting Johnny Lee Miller. Imagine someone named Cam Gajandid. And then imagine someone named Fad Smith. And then Fad, why do you go with Fad? That's good interesting.

He's got that kind of like dickhead frat, like quality. Like a little over here. Kind over like a bro. Yeah, dude. Yeah, like fat is really the guy that that camgajand it is. Okay. He doesn't have the raw sexuality that you would associate with the camera. So Paul Bettany meets up with his dude. They ride around for a while. They're looking for vampires. Turns out that his brother's daughter with really big eyebrows has been captured by these vampires. He's trying to hunt her down. As we brothers daughter, you think you assume that turns out you should have known that because of her giant eyebrows that she is in fact Paul Bettany's daughter Paul Bettany known for the large eyebrows yeah I mean his mother had really large eyebrows gently back in the

day she had very large eyebrows yeah but she's not like genetically I mean they're not like related I mean I thought their brother and sister they got married I mean, they're not like related. I thought they were brother and sister. No, they got married. And I mean, she's not married to the priest in the movie, right? Right. I mean, we're not supposed to assume that. Yeah, that would be like extra textural information that you would have to like associate all of Betany and Jennifer Cowley. Although it's an interesting interpretation.

I'll go with that. Yeah, yeah. So they ride around, they go to some weird towns, they fight some vampires,c. Etc. Meanwhile the vampires are riding around in this giant train The lead the vampires are I guess being led by a Vampirized Carl urban from the beginning of the movie surprise not killed now He combines both the powers of a priest and the powers of a vampire dude

I Now he combines both the powers of a priest and the powers of a vampire dude. Um, I guess that allows him to fight and do karate shit and his cowboy hat never fails. And he's wanted to lure his buddy Paul Bettany into the world of vampirism by kidnapping his daughter. Which seems like a mistake. Well, like I would think that he would try and lure him by not doing a dick thing. Right. Like, just showing up at his house, maybe with some wine, be like, hey, vampires aren't so bad. Yeah, I want you.

I mean, it's cool. It's kind of a convoluted plan. The whole train thing, too. Is that the best motor transportation for vampires? Yeah, I mean, I mean, any way of getting there where you're out of the sun, I guess. But yeah, I mean, all you have to do is drive motorcycle, strap full of dynamite right at it and you're fucked.

Yeah, yeah, not, I mean, and of course that happens in this movie. So there's a big showdown on a train. Yeah, I mean, there's really not much to it. Basically the movie ends with Paul Bettany, the train exploding, Karl urban exploding with it you assume Paul Bettany saves his daughter, uh, came to jandit shows up he's happy uh then Paul Bettany goes back to uh Christopher Plummery

throws a vampire head at him and then he walks away and then he's like just what there's vampires bitch yeah see you in the sequel. I believe the last line of dialogue is No, it's just the beginning and then we're supposed to assume as he rides off on his Solar Power Crouch rocket that we're gonna be seeing more priest movies in the future So when's when's priest to come out Dan? Well, I mean, I don't know, whenever the Taiwanese funding comes through on this, why Taiwanese? I don't believe this was a...

Is it tied in with like a toy maker? Yeah, I'm just, I'm behind my implication is that this was not a success. I'd like to see a priest versus Legion. I think that, like an angel versus Legion? Pre-GEN, there you go. Or least. Please. This is one of those movies where there's a lot of

ignorance of the rules of physics or how things work. And like the way you're, for instance, you talk about the end of the movie where the train is blowing up like somehow the bad vampire blows up, but the people who leap off the train that is rocketing totally at like, you know, 150 miles an hour, they're okay. There's a scene in which, well, I think at that point, Carl Urban has realized his plan is in tatters. He might as well just explode. What else are you going to do? his plan is in tatters he might as well just explode what else he gonna do you

know Monday's my right guys Monday I think Garfield did that just exploded post office is the sun everywhere yeah post office stop sending normal to Abu Dhabi the final Gar the final Garfield. We tried to kick out of the counter, and it would be actually dodged, and he's like, fuck this. I'm gonna eat you. Normal, I think, drove him to... Yeah.

Pushed him over the brink. Yeah, I'm gonna bitch. By the time. Whoa, come on. Everyone loves nerling. He's really cute. Yeah, all right, it's adorable. No, but there's a scene earlier on where Maggie Q

I don't know whether we mentioned the seasons movie with Maggie. Yeah, there's there's other priests who were sent to hunt down Lady priest But she's like joins up. Mm-hmm. They don't even address whether or not. She's called a priestess or a priest That was my big question watching. She's got we an all agree though, she has a pre-stest boner for Paul Bettany. Yeah, well, I mean, he's pretty awesome. But, uh, he speaks an only cryptic tough guy phrases. He's got the Christian bail, kind of, Batman voice. Yeah, yeah, he's got the phony, phony-guly voice.

There's a scene where she throws a couple rocks in the air and Paul Bettany leaps in the air and stepping stone, like jumps off of those rocks in midair to boost his jumping power, which is what we all know is something that happens in life. Sounds perfect.

Yeah, I guess. If something's flying through there, you can leap onto that other thing that's flying in there, like you just like push off of it. Well, he's trained his body to such a point that I mean, he can jump off anything Dan. I think they covered the names. They kind of covered that in the initial cartoon where they're talking about the history of humans

and vampires fighting. Yeah, the laws of gravity don't apply to the priests, you know, in this world. Well, that was something else that Stewart Ua brought up when we were watching the cartoon introduction to priests, which really was like- The best part of the movie. It was when we were watching the cartoon introduction to priests, which really was like... The best part of the movie.

It was the best part of the movie. It also felt like an educational film. Here's the history of priests in cartoon form. But there were like, nothing could stop these vampires except the ultimate weapon which turned out to be humans who were trained at fight vampires. That's my favorite thing is they're like they found the ultimate weapon themselves. That's the only weakness of vampires.

Yeah, their only weakness is that they're not as good as human beings. They can't learn to fight themselves like humans can. Yeah, it's really, really weird. Yeah, they don't really state why priests are so good at fighting vampires. Well, at one point, he, Paul Bettany's explained at Cam Vijandé that the trick to shooting a vampire is planning out their trajectory when they jump.

So I think the secret of being a priest is physics. So yeah, just like a really like a salad grounding in math. Yeah, I mean, math skills, some geometry, a little bit of chins. Sure. All right. So I mean, I think that's a start from there. You just need to know how to throw Chinese stars at shit. You know how to throw Chinese stars at shit. Mm-hmm. You didn't know how to carve across in the point of a bullet. So then when you shoot that bullet, the amp part is explode, I guess.

Yep, this is one of those action movies where, well, you have a guy with a whole bunch of magical tricks and weapons and shit, and he uses each, like, fighting thing one time So you never really actually like you just have to assume. Oh, I guess he can do that, you know Like right. So I guess he has a Bible filled with like silver throwing stars or some shit Oh, use it once and then you'll never ever see it again I also like I mean like I would think it but works so well that first time

He'd use it all the fucking time. You'd have a bunch of them. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have like a million bibles filled with little shurikens. Yeah. I'm not arguing for like a more like hyper religious like vampire film, but it also like irritates me whenever there's one of these vampire movies where like just the presence of a cross on anything will kill vampires. So let's fucking notch some crosses into the bullets and then shoot vampires with them. Like, I don't think that's the way it works. I think that the idea is like the vampires some sort of like demonic force. And so we actually have to have an item that has legitimate power rather

than like, okay okay we're gonna paint a cross on something and now Vampar explodes if it touches like just like two things crossing each other is enough. Yeah we're gonna cross these hoagie sandwiches that will be enough too. This is pretty Vampar's. That sounds pretty awesome as long as somebody gets killed with a submarine sandwich. Your favorite things, dude. Invisible maniac.

Go see it. In theaters now. In theaters now. Well, I mean, clearly all the crosses and all the religious bullshit was thrown in there. I don't know to maybe remind people that vampire, I don't know. It just seems like a common my people We go to church to get vampires. I don't know. It's This movie is obviously a combination of a whole bunch of different bullshit Things they that somebody's seen in other movies like oh, I like a dude in a black castle doing karate

Like I I like seeing vampires jumping around an attack. Well, no, he talks about like there's like literal lines in it that are total steels from them. Like there's a scene that where like Paul Bettany is like looking at vampire prints on the ground, like in the dust. And it's literally like the alkenic scene from Star Wars where he's like, you know, like sand people walk single fire, file the hide their numbers.

Same fire monsters always walk single fire. Yeah. And you were saying, that's my best alley getting spelled out. Cowboy. Oh. And you were saying about like one thing. There's a couple scenes where they, they just, they take lines from unforgivin and then kind of mix them around, add some vampire shit and then you're supposed to

assume that Paul Bettany is just as awesome as Clint Eastwood was. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it, Dan. The other thing is, I don't know why Paul Bettany is constantly in these movies where he has no sense of humor, Dan. This movie, I don't think anyone smiled at all the entire movie except for maybe when Cam Goodjandit shot a vampire in the head Yeah, and then he said some kind of a sassy line there was no other smiles and What's the point? Well, there's one there's one point early in the movie like the fucking Miami vice-maving There's one movie your buddies who never make jokes

There's one point early in the movie where a mother She like kept her small There was one point early in the movie where a mother like kept her small male child away from Paul Bentley saying like We don't you don't talk never talk to priests as like okay, well I'm not I mean like I think that the movie knows that it's making a child Malastatio joke, but I'm not sure whether it knows what it's been easy. Yeah, yeah Like what's the I don't know what the author's intent is but it's kind of funny like like don't talk to priests, but

Yeah, there's no humor in it and I know we're yarring like Paul like Paul Bettany is best in movies like Master in Commander Where he has a bit of a like a humorous tank a night's tail Wimbledon and whatever. Yeah, he's he's he's stuff. He said charming, he's a charming fellow. Yeah, I don't want to seem grim at like fucking shooting up supernatural creatures, but he seems to be doing a lot of those. Yeah, it was just so joyless. And you think, you know, it's almost like a road movie for a lot of the movie. They're going from different to different locations. About a third of this movie, you're saying

we're riding around on a fucking motorcycle. Tooling around on a bike screen. Tooling around on a brake. It seems to be right for, you know, comedic material they could stop off at a, you know, gas station. Look at those rocks. It looks like a penis. Yeah, yeah. Look at those rocks. I look like boobs. Wait, that's, I don't know. It's a lyrist, dude. I don't know if that's rocks. It looks like boobs. That's like the 40 minutes of material right there. It's like the 40 minutes of material right there. It's all about the delivery, if he says it right. You could say in a brooding way. Those rocks look like boobs.

Yeah, and then they'll give each other a high five. Get on their fucking crash rocket to fly. You go to the Roy Rogers, off the highway. Yeah, that's it. You brought up Roy Rogers a couple times. You're getting the kick back. Yeah, I might begin a brought up Roy Rogers a couple times You get the kickback and yeah, maybe get a little money for Okay He owns Roy Rogers I believe

So There's a lump here All right, and In this I guess mythos you have a whole bunch of these Mollman vampires, but then you have a bunch of humans that are kind of like taking care of them or kind of want to be vampires, but I don't really get it because I mean the vampires are gross looking. Like it's not like, I don't know like true blood vampires where they're pretty people sexy vampires. Yeah,

they're, yeah, I don't understand the overall. vampires. Yeah, they're yeah, you know, I don't understand the Illusion. They're like 30 days of night, you know, vicious vampires or daybreakers. Yeah, I mean, like goorm vampires. Yeah, they don't They don't make any effort to explain why humans would find that alluring. Like they could have even tried to say, oh, like, you know, it's more natural or it's more free than this crazy church dominate side. You wouldn't even get into that idea of the judge dread riding around mortality or anything like that. It's like these are vampires.

Yeah, it needs to be worms, right? Yeah, everyone wants a chicken blower, whatever they're doing. It's hanging out in the desert. Yeah, but who were the, yeah, there were those... Don't tread on me, man. You brought up a stew or those ugly kind of the bald guys, right? Yeah, the Vin Diesel guys, the keepers, I guess, of vampires. Yeah, they're the familiars. Okay. All right, you know. So, like, I'm guessing like all vampire movies they probably are just humans are doing vampire blood And then like want to be vampires or something I don't think they're like they're like ring fields

They're like a shell out of red fields. Yeah. Yeah, there you go I'm boat loader in fields. Yeah, just hanging out in the desert ball loader red Spiders and drinking blood and just having a party. Yeah. So you could see that if you sell the movie preached, which I don't recommend. Spoiler alert. I feel like there's not a lot actually again.

So I'm going to call this two thousand. Anything you liked about the movie, Dan? No, well, we'll get into that with final judgments. Okay, let's find. Sure. because I get some letters to get to I Our shock tober final judgments hold on. Oh, man. You remember these hold on. I got to bring in a special guest Crib Caper was this movie Totally Crib Caper was this movie totally Scarefying was it totally Snowrefying or was it

Frighteningly funny What about spookily good bad Looking good Cryptkeeper Cryptkeeper thank you So I like I like the Hawaiian branch shirt, Cryptkeeper. Yeah. Trimkeeper. Trimkeeper. I've been to a new Owl. Don't you mean Gula? A good Owl. Yeah, you fucked up. You're gonna... You must be wasted or something. I didn't write any puns before I came here. I thought you were working with this phalanche.

Some puns. So I'll start it off. Yeah, I mean, I guess it moved along quickly, but yeah, I mean there isn't anything memorable. I'm sure I'll forget it, forget the majority of this movie on the walk home that I haven't already forgotten. Yeah I mean it's not really, I'm gonna read that it's totally snorifying. I... the best thing about it is that, as you said, like there's the look isn't terrible.

I mean, it's a look that's stitched together from a lot of other better movies, but it's not blind on a bunch of like CGI shit and are you talking about how there is the like the fight on the train and it made you think of beyond Thunderdome and how that was a better post-apocalyptic train fight movie and not specifically but there was some good sets in the movie. That's what I thought. Thanks for back at me. Yeah, I mean, a couple fights were okay, but in general, it just kind of bored me. And there was no reason to care about any of the characters. They did not put any work into developing any of the main people into someone that you might have sympathy with.

They have tattoos on their face, Dan. They have pretty cool, you know, cross face tattoos. Tom, I agree with you guys. It was snorfying. It was just so joyless and plotting. I don't, you know, I think if you expanded the premise a bit, if you knew more about the vampires or what exactly was going on between them and the humans, it would be more interesting. If you made it more fun too, but it's pretty boring. There's a lot better vampire movies that you could go to. What's it up to that? Yeah. All right, got Twilight Eclipse, right?

I'm right. I'm going to go to that. I was going to go to that. I was going to go to that. Yeah. OK, so 3 for 3. What a turn. It's not a category, right?

All right. So we're going to move on to letters from listeners. Well, letters, letters, we got letters. Yeah, it's pretty good. I mean, it's not like everyone, yeah. It's not exactly what Alie would have done with you here, but yeah, I mean, I'm just trying. I mean, you know, I say something. Fucking letters.

Right off the bat, I want to say thank you to Patrick K for his donation to the show. Thanks, Patrick. Thank you, Patrick. Throwing some money over here to try and block the hip-hop radio signals from our broadcasts did not work. So you should resort to vigilanteism. Yeah.

Get some pitchforks. If you come to Clinton Hill, find out if there's a radio station and, you know, just like a pirate radio station. Yeah, don't, like, pump up the volume. Don't hurt anyone, but wait till people are out of the station and burn the place down. Okay, what I would say.

But we're still working on the problem, but thank you, Patrick, for your donation. But let's move on to the first real letter of the evening This is from John last name with held okay, and he says Dear floppers I found out about your podcast at the AV Club and it's since become my very favorite podcast I've even stopped listening to other movie podcasts that actually focus on the movie The Review, turned off and part by their lack of discussions about Duckburg. Strategy is on exploiting monkey paws and the unsolvable problems of the penis in a box

of popcorn trick. But mostly with the absinthe... The butter would burn your penis, the problem. It's mostly by the absinthe of the honeyd howl of the flop house house cat. Oh man, I wish he showed up sometime. I'd love to meet that. He's a fucking lazy asshole. I've only one complaint of all the movies you guys have recommended. There is one that you've made me want to watch more than all others. The fabled, mysterious awe-inspiring, the great bikini off-road adventure, which is impossible to find in Brazil, but I now intensely covet. I failed to find any copies of the film in my local used video stores, and I've since discovered that it was never released in Brazil,

and the closest we have is a VHS release and in translation to the Spanish-speaking Latin American markets as la aventura del bikini I'm therefore requesting that you employ your high-power well-connected positions in the entertainment industry to pressure some movie distribution company perhaps the criterion collection It's gonna be an international new rail release of the great bikini off-road adventure preferably including a director's commentary interviews with the cast and Perhaps a mini documentary love John last name with health. Well, I agree that it is a great failing of the human race that you do not have access to the great Bikini off-road adventure in Brazil. I gotta say, I, I mean, it's not just Brazil.

I've seen a great number of bikini films. You didn't know this time, but I didn't know you had this kind of super-per-error. I really was the kind of series of the genre, but you steward and the absent Elliott have seen the great bikini off-word of literature. I have not seen it, and it is not available on DVD. Okay, then. Currently, you have a real to real. Get the radio play.

I mean, this may surprise you, Stuart, but I'm no longer a half of the H.S. player that has hooked up to anything. I thought you liked movies. Yeah, awkward. Well, the great Bikini Off Road venture is really awesome. There is a mystical Indian and there's all kinds of bikinis and topless chicks, so I totally recommend it. Again.

I don't know if you know what the point of the second one. I'm intrigued. I just want to bring it up again. But yeah, I guess we should make an effort to, you know, under the BHS copy. Maybe do a screening. One of those screenings you always do. Here's something maybe someone If there's someone out there who has access

both to a VHS copy of the grip beginning offer and adventure and the capabilities to transfer that to DVD they should get in touch with the flop house Yeah, both for the purposes of getting as a copy and the flop house. Yeah, both for the purposes of getting as a copy and getting this gentleman a copy. And for the purposes of copyright law, I never said what I just said. Yeah, this is a contest, right? This is this is this is a bit that I'm performing. Oh, yeah, classic bit. This is the contest that never was. But it really is. You should seriously send us that classic classic. I'm like Evan Costello. I said

I have a Costello great bikini off-road adventure bit. Yeah That you should totally do but seriously. So thank you John Those were kind words. So this is from Craig last name with held and he says hello and welcome to the recommendation portion of the letters I Don't I think I think think we should be in charge of this. I think this guy is in charge. Okay, well, he would like to recommend the trip to Dan, not the 1967 movie written by Jack Nicholson about the dangers slash grubby times one can expect from LSD, but instead the Steve Cooke and Rob Briden film, as the leads wander

around Northern England eating and more or less being themselves, they are much like Dan continually drawn to the voice of Michael Cain. I imagine as they argue over who is the better impression Dan could join in the discussion or possibly pick up a thing or two. Dan does a good Michael Cain. I've heard it. Yeah, from Jaws, Jaws Revenge. I'd be practice from specifically from Jaws Revenge. Oh, sure. I think that that's a good recommendation. I love Michael Winterbottom movies.

Both of them do significantly better Michael game than I do. OK. I do the baseline, Michael Kane,, that I think Steve Cooke and makes fun of at the beginning of the clip that kind of made the rounds on the internet. I've seen the TV series, it's really funny. I haven't seen the movie, but yeah, I think you definitely get a kick out of it.

Okay, well thanks Craig. That attempt to pimp me into doing the Michael Keane voice failed. Fail. But I have to do sure. Fail. I didn't even explore please. So this is this QFart sound effect. This next email is titled Flough House Benjamin Button Style.

Oh no, I hate this movie. Yes, and this gentleman says, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon your podcast this summer. We met Hute with the reference to the Batman Super villain, the contest rotor, and your back catalogs provided a great soundtrack to a boring internship. Listening to the shows in reverse offers a different level of enjoyment. As a trip

through time reveals the mysterious origins of running gags, you slowly become less committed to your respective romantic relationships, and Elliot offers increasing surprise at Stewart's recommendation of Castle Creek. Given your experience on commentary tracks, a flop house equivalent to the criterion collection surely must be in the works. What would each of you rescue from the grips of time to restore in beautiful Blu-ray? I, for one, can't wait to see the great bikini off-road adventure as the director intended. Keep up with the great work. Hand-class name withheld. Keep up with the great work, Hank Lastname would help. So this is a groundswell of support for the idea of great,

is that the only kind of questions you guys get? Just for that one movie. Yes. Tom, this is your first time on the show. This is actually a podcast. It is really a forum for talking about the great bikini art program. It's dedicated to getting the great bikini art photos that is dedicated to getting the great

bikini art for adventure. The release it deserves on all forms of media. Well, as you mentioned, the radio show, I agree with that. Yeah. TV streaming. Yeah. We got video game based on some kind of Intel 3D version of it.

Sure. puppet show. Maybe you can watch on your on your telephone as God intended. Some kind of Intel 3D version of it. Sure. Puppy show. You can watch on your telephone as God intended. Oh, it's bad to see. Race is a good question. That was there anything that you would like to see released on DVD that does not, I mean, probably exist.

I mean, I clearly have already mentioned a visible maniac and castle for Eek, which you can kind of find Castle for Eek But I want like a badass edition a ding dong rip an edition if you will and I don't know you know great Kenny off road adventure is cool head of the family is pretty amazing You can you can acquire head of the family on DVD Yeah, but I want like a really good one. Okay. Like a blue really good head. Yeah, well, I want to see Jack Lentobel but naked in sparkling crystal clear clarity. All right, Tom.

Do you have any? I would love to see a movie called Skate Town USA. Finally released. It's not available in DVD or Blu-ray. It's a fantastic roller rank movie from the 70s. Mr. Patrick Swazie. Mr. Patrick Swazie, he's the villain. He's part of this badass roller skating gang and it's got Scott Beo. Horshack is Patrick Swazie's number two. His kind of henchman and it's got Ruth Busy. It's got Flip Wilson. It's a fantastic

All the stars. Yeah, it's great. This guy was dark Stars, we're in Skate Town USA. I Got I saw it at the the band a couple months ago on the big England Academy of music here in Brooklyn And it was fantastic packed crowd so much fun Really great. Alright. I don't have one. I was just asking you guys. I saw a tank going cash at Bamboo.

Oh wow. Not a Pact House, but it was still amazing. This sweet sweet Bamboo. So this next letter says, Hey floppers, for us new listeners, you might consider pointing out what you think are your best podcasts. I would hardly suggest prom night as your riffs on incompetent police officers in the different ways of recognizing the serial killer without his beard were hilarious. Also, there were some talk about doing a movie in theaters, perhaps you should wait for

battleship, as the trailer alone is worth its un its own podcast the movie based off a story-less board game Alexander Skarsgard who is somehow both the youngest man to work his way from being enlisted to an officer but is yet still going to be kicked out of the service Liam Neeson as the rough captain who doesn't think Skarsgard is worthy worthy of his daughter and a transforming alien ship Seriously Brian last name is held well this sounds really awesome. I have no idea what you're talking about The trailer Fucking a board game of course. I mean it's a it's a it's a game about sinking balance. No, I'm what played that shit I know it now the beauty of the like that shit. I know it. Now the beauty of the

like the game, the movie based on the game, apparently they felt like they knew. It's like glue, right? Yes, there are three in. Okay. One of them has Howard Hesseman. Like that. Pretty awesome. No, they feel like they need to make it about aliens, so they can make the bombs that attach to the battleships look like the pegs in battleship. Like that's the only reason I can see. Oh, I didn't even pick up on that. I saw the trailer, I just, yeah, there's still like these like pegs that like magnetize

or whatever like shoot into these battleships. They look like the pegs in the in the board game. Do they have any in the trailer? Is there any any moment where an actor shows? No, you sunk my bachelor ship or something like that. I was waiting for that. I hope there is. I mean, if there is an I imagine some screenwriter has to get fired for that, right? I mean, there's probably it's a team.

A team effort effort I'm sure probably a low all-gance and babbole mandel yep I can make up words too Dan thanks were they also actors and priests so uh yep okay we'll uh all. Oh, best episodes, right? You were saying before the show, I was just listening to the old dogs episode. I was getting some chordles. I was getting some laughs. It's a good one.

Significantly more laughs than I got from actually watching the movie old dogs. Uh, Tom, you're a listener. Um, I love you. Yeah, what all the episodes that Stuart does not appear on I think are you fucking ass. They're a classic. Oh, so funny. Oh, man. White's an actor.

Oh, beautiful. Oh, man. Tom made a point of the story here. Wait, it's still in the beginning. Stuart, I'm not in the episode. Where white's an actor sat in for Stewart. That was the first one he dropped. Yeah.

Well, that's it. No, it's okay. I have no memory of what we do around the five cats. Well you you like I know who killed me. That was a good one. That was a good one. Yeah. Last airbender. Oh man. I don't even remember that one. I mean they're all hilarious as the thing. It's hard to pick. It's like trying to pick your favorite child. Yeah, it's like trying to pick which diamond is the prettiest. They're all amazingly beautiful diamonds.

That happens a lot. And they're all surrounded by diamonds. Yeah, they're all worth millions of dollars. They're all imaginative, painting a picture. So this last email for the evening, that are all worth millions of dollars. They're all imaginative. I'm painting a picture. So this last email for the evening is regarding our last episode. Okay.

My soul to take. Sure, this from the director of the movie. It's from, it's from. It's from, it's from Eric Zickerman. Okay. Awesome. Excellent. He said, just listen to the flap halves and thanks for all the shout outs. Although I was a little surprised that you didn't mention that I had actually guessed

it on the program once. But maybe both Sorority Row and I were that forgettable. Oh, I missed that episode. Yeah, and that's too work for that episode. It was all on missed that episode. Yeah, it was the steward for that episode. It was it was all on Elliot and me and I You know, I vaguely thought like okay, we had Eric on but as I said like these things go out of my head the moment they're on on tape and I apologize

I remember that being a great episode One that I think I would recommend to all right too. All right, I will, yeah. Any episode that's true or so on, is a good rule of thumb. Radical. No, but Eric Zuckerman is the light. And he goes on to say, I really have no quibble with any of your problems with the movie.

They change it so much in various drafts and with reshutes that is just not a coherent film, but I'm glad to have been part of the show. With a recent string of duds I was in, I figured it was only a matter of time for you guys picked one of them. Look, Eric, I feel I feel like you seem a little depressed. I think then we need to fly out to LA and tear our cap a little bit. And somehow we'll get trapped into some kind of like, what like a movie or we'll get trapped into some kind of game of espionage, some kind of game of thrones. Sure, maybe we'll be on the trip and somebody will think confused me for a spy.

But I'm not actually a spy, I'm just a kid. Yeah. And then I get wrapped up into this game of intrigue, right? And we're the hunts there. And there's like some kind of a kid. And then I get wrapped up into this game of intrigue, right? And when the hunt's there, and there's like some kind of a whip, it's going to be really awesome. The point is by the end, Eric will be the biggest star in Hollywood. He'll be the biggest star in Hollywood,

and I'm going to save the free world. But Eric goes on to say, also in case you haven't got the answer yet, Hots was the initials of the main girls in the sorority. Yes. I know the H was honey and the T probably should have been tits but it wasn't. Just looked at the honey ohera. Honey? Ohera.

Ohera. Ohera. Terilin and Sam. In the movie though, the rumor is that it stands for Hold On to Sex, but when confronted by the Dean, the girls say it stands for Help Out The Seals and introduce their seal mascot, Hilarity. I have it on VHS if you'd like to borrow it. Thank you for the offer. Dana want to borrow that. I mean, I would prefer if you had a copy of the great beginning off-road adventure. Sure. Because I've seen a couple times.

A couple times, yeah. I mean, it has a fantastic, tupless football scene at the end. Yep, the sexiest possible thing. It's a tuple football game. I've seen the trailer of Hots and it's very interesting. Oh my god. It does not live up to the entire film. No, no, the entire film is worth this word. You're talking. Yeah, there are

bad 70s and 80s Sex counties and they're great 70s and these sex crimes and Hots is one of the latter. I'm glad that that long set up led to you saying Hots was great And not bad. No, it is There's a scene with the formation seal and hot air balloon. Of course. Amazing. Yeah. I recommend hots. Sure. No, I think we get it. Which takes us into a

recommendation. I think you recommend hots before by the way. No, but we're going to go into a recommendation segment. Thank movies that other than priests that we would recommend. And because I haven't seen in a movie's recent, recently I'm gonna recommend Hotz. Oh, it's only LA was here to make fun of you for that. When it's just me on the only one who can make fun of you for recommending the same movie multiple times. No, are they are the hot slate? Are they cheerleaders? Because I'm well I like the cheerleaders members of a sorority They're kind of like the slabs of the girls. Yeah, I was very sure

Yeah, of course. Here's like this is a member of this is these are sorority girls Who are unapologetic about their fondness for sex and I'll say something but like this is like this is the closest that a like TNA comedy of that era came to feminism because the thing is, this is not a movie about a bunch of fucking slabs who sneak in and spy on negative ladies. These are women who genuinely like sex themselves and are enthusiastic about it and are the heroines of their own film.

And I mean, as far as this genre goes, I think that's about as good as it gets. Yeah, they're independent gals. It's like a story filled with touchy rosses. Yeah. Yeah. Staying up for women's kind. Oh, I get Tom do you have a movie to recommend this is the point where we recommend a movie we actually like so you would say priest for instance

All right, I wouldn't say okay. I was gonna see it Well for for vampire movies. I would I mean, I'm sure Everyone's seen it, but let the right one in is great and that's fairly recent Born film so check that out if you haven't but I just Just a drive which was fantastic really enjoy that really gritty Kind of noir kind of a throwback to 70s car chase movies Check that out as well

So two cell recommendations. I'm going to recommend... I'm going to recommend a movie that the first time I saw it, I actually didn't like it, but I watched it again recently. It's a minority report, Steven Spielberg movie with Tom Cruise in it, and Max Onside Out, of course. And Alki, forget Max Onside Out. I mean, it's kind of a longer movie. I remember watching it as a younger man being bored by the scene where Tom Cruise is running after his own eyeballs. Yep, calling it derisively my

snority report on more than one occasion might I add. But watching it again, it kind of reminds me that, like, before and mainly after that movie's been released, there haven't been that many good sci-fi movies that seem comfortable being sci-fi movies. That will throw in kind of weird sci-fi elements like the cars that go sideways or his eyeballs coming out and and actually enjoy it most of the time when there's big sci-fi two and a half hour sci-fi

movies there are giant robots being the shit out of other giant robots so are you making fun of real steel? I am not not yet I'm, I'm waiting to see if we get to watch it together. So my minority report, I liked it. The second done. So, you know, second done. I felt it, it should have ended much sooner than it did. There's a part of the movie where you know, spoiler alert, Tom Cruise is locked up in some cryogenic thing and Moot the camera kind of you know pants back and you think it's gonna end but then it keeps going and Yeah, I'm kind of Spielberg's the ending a bit. It's still it's very enjoyable. Are you making fun of my? So guys So it's been productive evening we watch We learned a lot about vampires and hearts. And what?

What letters and the hot. Yeah, for the letters and pre stands for. We learned that another listener likes us talking about duct tails. So I'm going to brush up on the duct tails stuff. And we renew our call for anyone who can send us a copy of the great bikini off-road adventure. Contact me privately. Get in touch. We can arrange something. Have a private lesson. A tomboy, if you will.

It's another one. Yeah, it's more of a period. But anyway, for now, your podcast buddies have to say goodbye. And thanks again to Tom for sitting in. Hey, it's great. Thanks for having me. Sorry to get about priest. Just Dan's call. I wanted to watch call pass probably. I would prefer nuns on the run. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm boss. I'm prefer nuns on the run. I sure am. It's a little old press, but sure. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm bossed.

I'm waiting for the reboot. Let's watch you. Let's watch nuns on the run. Yeah, let's do that now. For the flop has, I've been Dan McCoy. I'm still steward Wellington. And I am Tom Sylvestero. Goodnight everyone. You guys don't do spoiler warnings at the top.

Nope, you just assume. That would be a wee- Has that ever angered anyone? I think it ain't dick. A great big dick. A great big day.