The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode Twelve - Awake

Episode Date: March 15, 2008

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.0:30 - 3:21 - We waste a fair amount of time talking about our new microphones.3:22 - 28:50 - Jessica Alba AND Hayden Christensen?  Is there any way the movie Awake CAN'T be good?28:51 - 37:20 Final judgements37:21 - 38:57 A brief intermission for a story about Dan in his pajamas.38:58 - 51:44 The sad bastards recommend51:45 - 56:26 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

In this episode of the Flop House, we do morrow to you. This is the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. My name is Elliot Kaelin. As you might be able to hear from your ears or unless there are problems with you hearing through something else or for some reason you're you're listening to the podcast in reverse order and you're

listening to the outtakes first you probably know by now that we have extra microphones so hopefully the please keep it please keep your excitement to a minimum. Well, no, but you can actually hear things. I'm like, say last episode, when you, Elliot, we're completely inaudible. I heard about that. Yeah. Oh, you don't listen to this. I

understand. That's fine. I know I rushed home to listen to my own voice. And then I as soon as I heard that I wasn't audible, I stopped. You're making you're making me feel kind of bad about listening to the podcast at work Yeah, the thing is that I hope your boss makes you feel bad about that

My so wait are you saying are you guys saying that when you listen to it? You don't just like put it on and like listen to your friends talking about stuff And I like oh, dude an alien Also, I don't know if you're aware of this, Ali. I'm not a segment producer on the daily show. I file things for the living. So I can pretty much do that while listening to a podcast. You're saying, you're telling me you can sit for more than five minutes at a time at your desk

without having to go do something. You kind of had carte blanche when it comes to what your lab will listen to. Yeah, that is is I would say One work of my job. Well, no Listen, listen, it's not a perfect job, but I can't control your ears. You listen to whatever you want to listen to I'm not the boss of your ears. I just the boss of you with boy. Yeah To sum up um if you work in an admissions office you spend a lot of time opening the mail and If you work in an admissions office you spend a lot of time opening the mail and

Putting that mail into Manila envelope So some microphones. Oh, I was gonna say I was gonna say that you're slowly painting a picture of who day and McCoy is In a new shoes office I have a cat I like movie. There's a Harvey P car element to this sure a little bit Tell us about your trip to the bank the other day. You know what? Let's just cut out the whole movie element of this podcast. Now that we've got three microphones, I feel like we can get a lot more intimate with colors. Sure.

The colors, I think I heard one coming. First time long time. I'm listening to your podcast right now. Can you hear me? No, we can't hear you. was recorded if you're calling a now i don't know who you're talking to show okay well i guess i'll call in next time don't it's gonna be recorded again i don't know how you know what this person is i don't know what you know what apparently called a dummy number somewhere

but with that's actually a more exciting movie than the movie was Yeah, wow, that's very true. We watched the movie awake starring Hayden Christensen and can't make a bad film Flophouse Now let's I have to say I'm not I just want to get it this might start controversy and give self-track I don't have the same blind worship for Jessica Alba that many have it seems I don't think she's all that attractive when it comes down to it. You know what about her acting ability?

She's an amazing actress. No, I mean, she's a Vanessa Redgrave type can play anything, but. You know, I don't have the blind worship that a lot of people seem to, but I have the same feeling. I think we discussed the little Jessica Beal before, not a woman that personally personally like I find attractive

But objectively I'm like that is an amazing body See Jessica Beal I do find attractive even with albots just I don't you know, it's it's not an issue of whether or not I find it really attractive or anything. It's that simply it's it's part it's one more step along my goal to see literally every woman alive naked at some point in my life so that is a lofty ambition you know i am a lot of shoot high yeah i'm doing i'm guessing you're doing infinitely poorly that's only if you're counting people who died before he had to start this quest i guess it was every woman a lot you're never good

that infinitely poor i'm probably in the billions poorly though. The problem is I have to admit a lot of the ones I've seen naked already dead. Wow that's these you're the kind of de blame. You're the voyeuristic gravedigger. It's so so much harder to keep this conversation on track when there are three microphones isn't it Dan? Editing this will be a nightmare now that you've instituted this three microphone system. It seems so good. What a what a constant. I'm so shocked that apparently stewards the heavy and a late night

cinematics film. Like the guy from kindergarten cop and get late night cinematics It was like kindergarten cop. I'm sending a bad guy in kindergarten cop who is the romantic lead in Tumun Junction, the Zomun King movie. Oh, okay. So, a lake, huh? Yes, a lake.

Shouldn't you be keeping us on track, then? I'll do any like summary or lead in. Of what, a lake? Yeah, yeah. I was trying to. You guys can go ahead and Christianen and Jessica Alba started it which chemistry a lot of chemistry yeah well it was the chemistry was just a little less powerful than like a baking soda and vinegar volcano sure let's fair but a little more powerful than Hayden Christiansen

and Natalie Portman in the Star Wars films. Yeah. Star Wars films. Oh, that's right. Oh, my. I forgot. You had that lobotomy. Yeah. Films. But do you want to go over what happens in this movie?

Or should we just get into talking about the most passive protagonist in film history? Oh, I think that my introduction will sort of sag into that because... Segway into that. Oh, Jesus. It's a dantic. All I'm saying you said Seg instead of Segway, the last time I watched movie, the guys you said, lo and instead of low hand, you have a way of pronouncing things all your own. Yeah. Well, anyway, let's keep moving. And I was going gonna say that the movie starts with there's some very serious text up on the screen saying this many people Get anesthesia every year some large number and out of those people who are anesthetized

Very nice this smaller number of them have this horrible thing happen where they are awake in mind and they can feel The pain, and they can feel the the pain but they can move and this is you know apparently i mean i i remember when this movie came out uh... what little attention there was about it focused on the fact that this is something that happens to people although uh... more rarely than the movie would suggest and you remember since the movie came out

there's been a huge increase in attention paid to this problem it's basically an issue film this is a this film was a flashpoint for social change just like all those movies that are about like you know killer crocodiles or something they open the movie with text that's like every year 10,000 people go into the bayou or hang out 2000 come back 2000 come back A bunch never come back. I know that after the John sales scripted alligator, the number of alligators that were flushed down the toilet went dramatically down.

Because they were afraid that they would go giant and Robert Forster would not be there to save them. I don't care for John sales. That's a conversation for another day. It is. Okay, yeah, that's the one we watch. Casa de los Babies on the flop. It didn't do that well, the answer, please.

So I think it might be a flop. Technically a flop. Silver City. But to go back to this movie, which apparently we have no interest in discussing. Well, that's the, here's, here's's this is of the times i've watched movies with you guys which i think is to now that i don't know all the times we've watched movies for other reason no yet but not count even even when we've watched bad movies to make fun of them

in the past like this is the least paying attention i think we've ever been to it like we just were not engaged in this film it was boring from start to finish with with with small moments of weirdness but for the most part it was shot in a very start in a static way it was acted in a static way the music was static the story was static in that the main character if you don't mind me going into the problem the main character is wealthy has is his mother disagrees with his choice of bride he goes in for a heart surgery

because he has a weak heart even those young man it turns out everyone in the world isn't conspiring to murder him his mother sacrifices her life to save him and he does basically nothing the entire movie except live their income plane and uh... does not help in any way or accomplished anything

what is he really have to live for me I mean, he doesn't have any friends. I mean, his best man is the doctor who tried to kill him and so is his fucking wife. And the only other friend we see of his, is very briefly a man dressed as Dracula at a costume party that he throws in his office. Who initially, in one of the deliad scenes, I think, recommends that they go out and look at strippers,

which obviously paints him as a negative influence and as well and and and and and before I wanted for it before I forget this is something that we brought up while you're watching the movie directors out there if you're making a movie that requires a scene with a lot of big exposition in it please don't set that scene at a hollowing costume party because as happen we were watching this uh... hidden christians talking about the business he's doing with these

japanese uh... business people and it's it seems like it's important to the movie it's not but it seems like it is and they're going to bear suit wanders by in the background and Dracula's there and it's you just can't help but what pay more attention to the bear seems like maybe they watch that scene in uh... indiana jones a literal monster man that the director watch that scene in Indiana Jones in the tip of doom Where Spielberg was like all right. I got to do a lot of exposition about the the tuggy cult

I'll have this dinner scene and exposition will happen and then also there be a bunch of Gags about crazy gross food But in that case you he went back and forth between the two rather than having like zany food being brought out rather than having like zany food being brought out rather than having two people having a very service conversation and then a monkey with its head top of its head shopped off just walked by in the background leading the audience to think oh what the heck what is that all about well I am I not well looking at that monkey's gonna come back in a place yeah story about that monkey as you're monkey with the top of its head call for the next one I know it's gonna go off in egg three monkey. As I see a monkey with the top of his headcoff in Act 1, I know it's going to go off in

Act 3. Is that monkey under anesthesia? I wonder. It's crime! You know! We're going to go too far ahead of ourselves, but the thing is, the thing about that anesthesia plot is, and we were discussing this, as my lovely wife pointed out, it has no bearing on anything.

Yeah, it's completely unrelated to the rest of the film. It's one of the most interesting ideas in the movie. This idea of it would be truly horrific if you were completely paralyzed. You could feel everything, but we're going under the knife for major heart surgery. However, that basically does not play into anything. There's only about six minutes of that in what is an 81 minute film. Right, and he doesn't even seem to be going through that much pain. He immediately goes into that sort of a Wesley and the Princess bride thing,

where he's like, I'm gonna put my brain in another happier place, and thus the pain will not affect me. And so you're not engaged at all. He seems really focused on astral projecting and running around, like he's fucking Dr. Stranger or something, trying to solve the mystery by going back in time uh... but that's a thing well he's he basically just goes back into his memories and either relives them or mobs around while he's dicking around in his subconscious his mom is uncovering a murder ring right and doing all sorts of exciting things his subconscious

dicking around as you say solves things for us the audience but it doesn't actually do anything to affect the action of the film basically not to spoil anything but Hayden Christensen is completely paralyzed for the movie and then he dies temporarily meanwhile his mom Lena Olin who we've who we've been the hot mom Lena Olin who we've been led to believe in the beginning is a monster basically right doesn't want her son to talk to anybody disapproves of his wife yeah exactly thank you but it's it's basically it's basically the mom of the Manchurian candidate like a monster yeah but then then we discover that she's just really passionate about her son

I think passionate is the right word with the weird vibe she get from it. But she also turns into this super detective. And she puts everything together in time to kill herself so that her son can have her heart. So she solves everything and saves him while he's completely just lying on the table. He's literally the most passive protagonist in a movie ever. But Fisher Stevens goes to jail at the end. Yeah. Yeah, that was spoiler alert. Yeah, in case anyone was watching it

just for Fisher Stevens as part. Probably just Fisher Stevens was lost at the end of the part. Well, Fisher Stevens is on lost recently? Well, yeah, one episode. One episode. Well, the thing was, they made it big. Spoiler alert, Fisher Stevens, if you're watching that episode of Lost, you die. Sorry if you're behind on Lost, you're one episode one episode. Well the thing was like they they made a alert Fisher Stevens if you're watching that episode of lost you died

You're behind on lost you're watching on DVD, but oh say how we died. I didn't say it was a true monster Something but it was funny because there was a lot of press around Fisher Stevens being on lost. I seem to have missed that This is you haven't been reading Big Bopper or this is talking to someone who spent a good amount of time today while I was working looking at Renee average one while Harry princes and last names web page and remembering that oh yeah He did play Odo in deep space 9. I forgot about that. I know he better from his work with Robert Altman I forgot he was on Benson, you know, but they but they they played up. Oh Fisher Stevens is gonna be on lost as if as if everyone was supposed to be like oh big name The name star Fisher Stevens is gonna be on lost and then everyone

You know to read all about and then you're disappointed that he dies in one episode and you know granted Oh, what a death. I was excited that Fisher Stevens was on lost But I think that's mainly because I remember him fondly has been from a short circuit and short circuit two I think that's mainly because I remember him fondly as Ben from a short circuit and short circuit two. Was it any, I remember him as the bad guy in the movie Hacker's? Yeah, he was bad. It was a skateboard I think. Oh, well that was back when people didn't know a lot about hackers. Unlike nowadays.

They were really trying to sell us on the whole cyberpunk concept. I bet these people are really good at computers. They're gonna be really cool too. They do a lot of extreme sports. I watched, I watched, I watched, live free die hard recently. Yeah. I still haven't seen that. There's a lot of hackers in that, so be prepared.

Okay, consider those who consider everybody warned. But unlike in short circuit, Fisher Stevens was not playing an Indian man. A likably caricatured Indian man. His head's getting bigger. And his neck's getting smaller. It's strange. He's like a turtle who's had his shell removed. That's pretty much Fisher Stevens out in a nutshell, but out of his shell.

He's weird if there's a movie where they need to cast someone who's a turtle. That's in the casting breakdown turtle with with shell removal. Like if there's a Ninja Turtles movie where there's an old turtle who shell has fallen apart over the years, Fisher Stevens is the guy that cast in that role. So Fisher Stevens, if you're listening and I know you are. Patchwork shell, like a, like a Ninja Turtle hobo character. I mean, he's been, you know, he's hundreds of years old.

Turtles live a long time. Now the thing is, is that, uh, is both Fisher Stevens and that character actor that played, uh, the, uh, the anesthesiaologist. Christopher McDonald. Yeah, the two of those guys have such iconic hairdoes. Like, do you think that they go to ones they've been going to the same barber for like years? Like I'm talking about fucking years just to keep that like I I don't know I mean they might just have a photo that they bring to the barber and are like make it look like this Which is what many people think they already have that photo like posted on the wall. It's like sign

Yeah, make it look like my autographed head So when people go to that like so on they're like oh shit fish or Stevens really So when people go to that like so on they're like oh shit Fisher Stevens really can I get can I get that no? No, no that's only part of mr. Stevens no no Hey, Gino has a good We gotta get sure right what you know so what I don't know that I don't I'm not I'm a guest at there Those do an Italian barber actually I've been actually in Canada and Italian barber outside of like a I've been actually in Canada and Italian barber outside of like a gangster film. I have to say I've had one Italian barber. This and uh, but I you you're right most of the barbers I've had have in Greek or my current one is Russian who hires his radios.

Yeah, I would say that I mean in New York. I will not get my hair cut by a native born American. They don't do a good job. This is this is a fascinating topic related to the movie away Sociological study of barbers in New York City. I uh, I cut my own hair guys. Yeah Well, it's fantastic. Thanks. I wish that this was a video podcast So we could see the hair. Yeah, just how good it looks. That's weird, but yeah I like this movie this movie was 80 minutes long and and felt padded at that. Yeah, I feel as They don't get into the action until like what 40 minutes in. Yeah, he doesn't go under the knife until yeah,

like 40, 45 minutes into the mouth. Like signing stuff before that, huh? Well, as not. Oh, well, I mean, as they do a lot of setting up how Hayden Christianton's company works, which is forgotten as soon as he gets to the hospital. There's really no reason for us to know. Isn't there a moment where the TV mentions something about mobsters, right?

There's a lot of red herrings at the beach. Well, as my friends, Matt and Jeff say, this was a handsome length for a movie. But as I get older, I find that I've got a little less tension span for movies and I appreciate older movies, for instance. A lot of older movies, 80 minutes long, a lot of the universal horror films. Yeah, less than 90 minutes. An hour maybe even.

And I appreciate that brevity. This film spent a half an hour setting up the idea that one, Hayden Christensen is rich. So he's gonna marry Jessica Alba, but he's keeping that from his mom. And three has a heart problem, and he's gonna go under the knife for it. Now, a talented screenwriter would be able to get

all this information out within the first scene of the film I feel like. Yeah. Pan from Heart Pills on Bedside Table. Pan to Hayden Christianson and Jessica Alba in bed. Maybe one is hugging the other one, and- She reaches over and turns down a picture of his mom. She went, no, or that's pretty economical.

I was thinking, they wake up and they kiss. Hey, how's it going? Only three more weeks until we're married. Ehh, oh no, that's my mom. You gotta get out of here. She doesn't approve of our relationship. Then a little bit of comedy, and she leaves through the fire escape. Exactly, then get him to the hospital. maybe tripping maybe tripping over a penguin

But then like this free ride the script. It felt like this was a movie right in a 30 minute episode I feel like I feel like if we did you ties this movie we could probably edit it down right now To 22 minutes with commercial breaks like a tight 22 could easily, like it felt like a throwback to an era of half hour anthology television shows. But they went, oh, someone dusted off, we're talking about, it felt like an Alfred Hitchcock presents that episode. I think it was like, it was cribbed from that, right?

Yeah. And then they're like, hey, let's take three murder mysteries and just smash it in here as well. Oh, yeah, it was like an old man in old TV, like Richard Matheson had this script lying around his home and blew some dust off it and went, oh, I meant this for Rod, Rod Sirling, of course. Rod Sirling, I was like,

you know what, I could probably bump this up into a feature if I throw some murder mystery in there. Then I'll write another book. It was the classic paralyzed guy. I can't tell people, you know, what's going on concept, but then also there's a whole Subplot very small subplot, but significant ultimately about his father who had died But he couldn't remember much about him except for like he died in Christmas

He'd fallen down off the stairs wearing like a Santa Claus suit and the end it turns out that his mom had killed him But because he was an abuse because he was an abusive husband and father Yeah, and again the Santa Claus like murder element feels like another Alpha Hitchcock presents that they just like they took 75% of one script and 25% of another and put them together I mean having recently rewatch silent night deadly night Which is also a movie about an abusive person dressed up in a Santa Claus outfit. A better movie, frankly. Yes. At least in that movie, the guy grows up to be a crazy murdering Santa Claus instead of

a crazy boring heart problem having guy. I gotta say, that costume party was the, which is probably a whim on the part of the screen or I'll just have to see the costume party. The moment you see Hane Grishon's dressed as an, as an admiral or as some part of the screen. I'll just set the scene a costume party. The moment you see Hayden Grishen dressed as an admiral or as some sort of soldier. I thought he was a Jedi. Or he's wearing a dress uniform with a, maybe he's a Marine actually.

And a ton of medals, you're like, this movie just got a little bit more interesting. Oh, it's a Halloween costume, never mind. Like the fact that the one Halloween costume where he wears has more plot potential than most of the film. I think we should institute by the way something on the flop house called like the Quark alert because I think off day it's good name. Do you have anything to back it up?

Is there a sound effect? It has to be something like boy I mean there's something like that. I'll work on it but the court I mean we've talked about in a lot of free episodes. So we're going to be watching Juno is what you're saying. No, I'm just saying that often in the end, I can read the two. No. No.

No. I, I, I, I, I. Often in these movies we call out something that clearly like the screenwriter through in is like, hmm, something interesting, some sort of interesting character trade or something wacky needs to be a part of this film and in this movie Hayden, Kriksen, and Terence Howard what they do together is they fish in the East River Mm-hmm. Yeah, go fishing in the East River together

Terence Howard was also an amateur photographer so he had a lot of hobbies. Yeah, this is this doctor. Well, it's cool You barely has time for all this doctor I wonder oh and that's the other thing he goes to the hospital this doctor well it's it's cool you barely has time for all's doctor uh... i wonder if oh and that's the other thing he goes to the hospital the choices of doctor for his heart surgery are his best friend and best man at the wedding another doctor he knows well and his mom's semi-boyfriend i guess who's a famous doctor who says

and it's the best line in the entire movie i've had my hands inside presidents uh... my hands have been inside. But like, what hospital let someone be, let's have a surgeon who knows the patient well, working on it, doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't actually know. I don't know, hospital procedure. I'm gonna assume you're right, though.

Well, you don't realize it. Gratitude, or anything? I mean, philanthropist, he built a hospital inside his house. So that's why they all know him. That makes more sense. That makes a lot of sense. The thing, as far as the fishing in the East River, it totally felt when I was watching that the screenwriter

director, Joeby, something or other. Yeah, that's called Joeby something or other. I think he was like, fuck. I don't know how to set the scene. What do I do? And then he's like, ring, ring, ring. Oh, who's that on the phone? Nicholas Cage And Nicholas Cage. What should I have these characters do? No, they're not the Kenny Skittles and talk about the Carmenders

Fish in the East River. Absolutely hot dog talk to later, buddy Yeah, yeah, we'll go to Buffalo Wild Wings later. Okay, peace. That's what it felt like. That's I just imagined that that scene That's the scene of the life of Joe B. What's his name? And Nicholas Cage scripted doctor The J. N. E. L. S. Cage is full of great ideas for it for character traits that are totally unrelated to the character or action of the film So I feel like we don't have a lot of juice to talk about this movie, but but if you want to, you know, before we start winding down another thing, it was kind of odd about this movie. It's one of these movies where while the guy

is dying or combatotes or whatever, you know, he does, as you say, he has his out-of-body experiences and he wanders around and he then has conversations Say with his he has a conversation with his mom who has killed herself So you know, so that he may live yeah, and at the end they're losing him He's he doesn't want to come back because he's talking to his mom and then once they finish that conversation He can come back I'm sorry. I'm hard for getting ch having a hard problem. I think it choked up. I think it choked up.

It was a sad scene. Suddenly the movie hit him. You could relate. Wait, I get it now. It was pretty beautiful. But no, once he decides to live again, obviously then, the heart monitor starts up again. And that always pisses me off in movies.

Because that's not the way Lime God was doing it. He's made the decision to live in this metaphysical conversation he may or may not be having now his heart starts beating again. The my my least favorite one of those is also from a Hayden another Hayden Christiansen movie Star Wars Episode three in which a robot a thing without emotions that it can only see it could should only be able to understand facts says as what's her name Luke and lay as mom padmaid Padmaid thank you I forgot her made up bullshit name the George Lucas came up with as as the real name of Luke

the those are real names the sky but as that and that's pretty done with you want to hide the most evil man in the universe's son, but you don't bother to change his last name from Skywalker. That's illegal in the future. The Skywalker must be like Smith in the, but they robot. Luke and his mother delivers the babies and then dies.

And the robot says, it's as if she lost the will to live. Really, nurse, many robot. Is that your professional opinion that she willed herself into dying? Well, like they understand medicine better in the past, with their many chlorines inside. But this was kind of like that where it's like K-Robots. The message seems to be like, listen dead people, you should a try it harder, or else you'd still be alive.

It's really weird now. Now, if in the future Hayden Christiansen's character in Awake, like later on, okay, this is, you know, years down the road, Jessica Albus in prison, later on he joins the new republic. He is fabricating stories. No, that was actually an okay movie. But that's the best thing that he's doing. Maybe he falls in love with a new girl. He has his mom's heart. Does that make it a lesbian romance? Dan answered. Wow. If I'm forced to imagine Hayden

Christensen having sex with a woman and Alina Olen having sex with a woman, I will go with a lesbian romance. I like the idea more that he has his mom's heart in him now. So out of nowhere, he starts drinking a lot of martini's, smoking Virginia slims, wearing support nose. He has a lot of hot flashes. He doesn't know what's going on. Reading red book all the time. I do whatever ever since I got my mom's heart.

I've been so much more interested in watching lifetime. I don't understand. He acts like weirdly possessed, maybe talks with a slight weird accent. We're not like to shoot for own, dude. I like your understanding, Elliot, of what middle age women is. They read red book and they have hot flashes and they drink it and they smoke Virginia slims. Sure. So they do. Yep. Maybe she tapes guiding light. Something like that. Watches it. Falls asleep watching TV. Oh, wait, that's my mom. Drunk in the recliner. That's my mom. Okay. So, awkward. My mom's listening. So, wake. Yeah, I guess it was pretty good. It was

pretty scary. Talk about it. He's on a terrible board he doesn't he like so wake thumbs up 10 added to it. Now we should throw the word masterpiece around while. This winter is it. We haven't we haven't done this in a while because you know last week we had our awards flopp tagular. Yeah. Last week but last full show and then for the good luck Chuck which was so bad that we totally discarded the idea of rating it But now we were turned to the panted flop house ratings. Oh, by the way I will say having listened to the podcast for good luck Chuck and you and everyone you were talking about how strangely explicit the sex scenes were

I said surely they weren't that bad and we did the trouble of looking on the internet for research photos of these scenes they were really surprising in the amount of explicit quality those in that film yeah so you guys were right so you know that we're right if for some reason you want to see a daincook having sex with a bunch of women I was blind for seven minutes. I tried to show all those pictures. Good luck, Chuck. On the internet, because that has everything. Like podcasts, such as popular bad movie podcasts, or unpopular ones, so we can show you.

But to get on to our final judgment on awake, so would you say that this is a movie that you didn't like at all? A movie that you thought was a good movie as a bad movie? Or a movie that you actually kind of liked a bit. So I'm gonna go to Elliot with this question. Because he's currently rubbing his nose with a picture. Now that I'm blowing my nose, I'm the best time to talk.

I will say that I guess it's so much of a non-movie that it almost falls outside of normal- the normal rating system. Like it- I didn't enjoy it at all, but it like almost wasn't bad enough to raise my eye, you know, if I was eating- It's like if- if I'm sitting down and eating Cheerios as a snack, it's like, alright, I mean this this is not really particularly that delicious, but I'm not, but- I can't believe my breath smell. Yeah, but it's not like it tastes terrible. It's like eating cardboard. And you know, this was- this was like watching a cardboard movie. Yeah, what do you think?

Yeah, that's a pretty good summary. Like, I didn't like it, and I don't want other people to watch it. But I don't- it's not to the point that I'm like a mad and I want a punch in the eyes so they can't Yeah, wait you would take that anger out on the person watching the movie not on the filmmaker That's a thing like I can't I can't do I can't stop them. They've already made the movie But I can't stop people from watching it Yeah, I yeah, we are in perfect agreement about the non-quality of this film because I don't think it's a bad, like it's nowhere near funny and it's badness. Can I just state that? That's right, true. I mean, I don't know how objective

we are right now. Right. But arguably, this podcast is either a longer than the movie or be significantly more interesting. There's been more twists in this fucking podcast than we're in the fucking movie. Yeah, I got there, you know, one thing I will say for, I mean, there's a good movie in there somewhere. Find the silver lining. Like when Lena Olin discovers what the plot was, I have to say, you know, I turned to you guys and I was like, you know what, the clues that she's putting together were scattered through the movie. They weren't like obvious. There's no point in which I'm like, that's going to become a significant later.

But then... That's true. The clues were well hidden and they made sense and they made sense But they were with the thing is like almost like to the point of oh, yeah, those were clues, huh? Well, it was there was no moment of like of course. I didn't even notice it was like, oh, yeah clues What are you gonna do? I guess you guys it happens. I don't know But there's like for a movie with a double twist, this is, but it did not raise the blood pressure. But also the idea of a woman killing herself, so her son who shares her rare blood type,

can receive a heart transplant is after she sheltered him to a certain extent, his whole life. Is an interesting one, but it was so like even considering how super melodramatic that is, but like even that kind of came off as there's something about woman kill self so son can have heart that should be like what? That's like that's really dramatic or that's insane, but here it's like yeah. Yeah that's what I would do. That's the that's the that's the the rational solution My favorite bit is nobody at no point addresses that she did that like that like the doctor looks like Ben Kingsley's weird Loer and her other shows up and he's like oh, I guess she's dead prep the surgery room Yeah, no one puts two and two together. Not like oh my god. She died to kill her

Wait, wait, wait, wait, I fuck that one up. She died to save her son. Mm-hmm Well apparently puts two new together enough that immediately, immediately after realizing that she's beyond recitation, he's like, well, better get this hard out and put it in the other side. Because I'll tell you, because that's a good doctor. His hands have been inside the president. Yeah, yeah, next surgeon general, I believe.

The next surgeon general, he says, oh boy. I want my surgeon general to be able to read those signs. It felt like it felt like that kind of stuff should have been exciting, but I can imagine the director doing 20, 25 takes to bleed the energy out of these actors, and like prep the surgery. We've only got so much time.

Whoa, whoa, okay, Ben's brother. Take it down a notch. Take it down a couple of notches. It was like if like Antonioni had made a medical thriller for television. Yeah. We're not getting the on-wee out of this murder situation. I said pretty damn classy of me to mention Antonioni.

Yeah, good job dude. I mean, I read a book. Raise the tenor of this podcast, significantly. But I would have liked it. I think I said during if Lena Olin had figured out what was going on and then decided to kill Jessica Alva and steal her heart That would have been awesome and exciting or if she killed herself just enough to turn into a ghost to talk to Hayden Christians and to find out the plan And then come back to you back

Like you need to bring me back from the dead in five minutes. That basically happens in the frighteners, doesn't it? Yeah, okay, what I'm trying to say is I'd rather watch the frighteners. Yeah, well, that's a sentiment, I think we can all agree with. Hey. Peter Jackson's best movie. Jake Beasy, she used her power cause to commune with Hayden Christiansons ghost and teach him how to kill Jessica. If there was a fucking like medicine man or something

There were doctors in the film yeah, but technically those are medicine men. No, but I mean of medicine Yeah, but you mean like a shaman or something. Yeah, I was uh playing um I was I was playing a cranium this weekend and You like this story the question was like something like Native American God or something and I'm looking at like the you know It's like filling the blanks or some shit. I'm like, wait does that say great spirit That's really a got like that's really stupid setting, but apparently I was right. So it was great spirit So medicine then great, but it was just a really weird situation and medicine man starring Sean

Not a weird situation. And Madison Mann starring Sean Conrad, Lauren Brackett, not a weird situation. I just covered the queue off of Cancer and then I lost it. It's the best line in that commercial. It's in the trailer. And then in the trailer. It's in the Amazon somewhere. The best thing goes, you're old like, like you lose your keys.

And it's like, he says this is a perfectly fine explanation for how it happened. That's the best movie about finally careful cancer that also involves swinging around from trees. I think you could just say best movie about finding a cure for cancer. I wonder when they pitched that movie if they're like, poster has Sean Connery with a ponytail on his shirt's open. Enough said. A hundred million.

I remember very well as a fifth grader at school my teacher coming in one day and saying so I'm medicine man this weekend it was very disappointing if they'd focused on the Amazonian tribes more and less on the plot it would be a better movie and as a kid saying how did why did you expect them to make a movie about Amazonian tribes. I want to I want to come I want to commend it though for a great taking a brave anti-defor station pro-curing cancer stance. A lot of movies are willing to go out on that ledge.

Yeah, tough call. Oh man, let's. That's a somewhat someone told mentioned an anti-war movie once to me. I figure which one was and they were like, wow, I can and it was like really. They took that brave stance. The person was really in all of this anti-war film. They came out against war. Okay. Well, it's like a, it's like a sappy rock song about why you shouldn't beat up your wife. How is bad? No shit. Really? Thanks. Third eye blonde or I don't know. I think that's a better man. I believe it's the same band with different names.

It's like Chris Gaines and Garth Brooks. That's Fox 20. That's a band, right? Yeah. It is, Dan. Good job. All right. It was about a band that's been around for about 13 years.

Let me check the internet. I'm just getting ready for being an old man. I think you're there. I know. I think you've gotten ready. You're someone. I think you're there. I know. I think you've gotten ready. You're someone I stopped by your house once when I was walking in the neighborhood. It was about 4-3 o'clock on Sunday and you were in your pajamas.

I don't know if that's old man. I mean like a responsible adult who would have been up since 6am accomplishing many things. Whereas I was busy putting CDs on my app. So, what's your medicine man? Oh, this is best work after Zardas. What about the Avengers? The Avengers, he does good work in also, and Lee of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Sure.

Yep. Those are all bad movies. With Sean Romney in them. We're getting listening bad Sean Romney films. Bad, in- all bad movies. With Sean Palmer in them. We're getting listening to bad Sean's favorite movies. Bad movies. Intrappment. Trappments. Attractments, one of the few movies that was sold on the, that are implying in the commercials, you'll get to see Catherine Zeta Jones' butt with

pants on. It was sold on one shot of her butt. I don't think they're implying that. I think they were expressly stating that were. But like it was never implied like She might get naked in this movie. It was just Look at this. See what you can see in the movie again But bigger She's gonna be- she's gonna be sneaking under a laser

She's gonna be sneaking under a laser She's gonna be sneaking under your laser, so huh? Hey, hey buddy Hey, that was a successful ad campaign It was a very successful ad campaign Intrappment, that's police talk. You should have said blackmail. No, in track, men is a term people use all the time.

You're going to get sued by whoever writes those Sean Connery movies. All right, come on. Let's talk about, let's talk about good movies, movies that we want to recommend. Zoom in more volunteer to talk about a good movie first, or I've got a I've got a couple this week actually. Maybe you should go first then I don't know. Well, one movie I saw and this was at the recommendation I'll I'll give a shout out this recommendation of Matt Bird. He was talking about how he discovered he discovered that he... ...stured and met often... ...spaired about movies that don't have the same taste.

I like it if you say, if you describe it as them sparring, I imagine at some point that's the phrase, A Vassie said during the... I think you would enjoy this movie, Stuart. He discovered that they have the Fox movie channel. It's good channel. Which is something that I had known for some time, but he was talking about...

That's a channel where you can say in the afternoon. You know what? I would like to see the ghost and Mrs. Murigan and then Porky's revenge. Oh, they're back to back. This is great And Porky's revenge is also back to back with Porky's to the next day That's the other thing you want to see two porkies movies in a row and then porky's to the next day is back to back with all quiet on the Western Fronts like oh, this is a great movie from the 30s. Oh, okay great. Just one of the guys is up next True enough, but I was watching I he recommended the laughing policemen starring Walter Mathau, you know, and Walter Mathau known

Millie for comedy, but during the 70s people were like like, let's put Walter Mathau in some thrillers. And you know, he made some great thrillers, the taking of Palem 1, 2, 3, which I know. Yeah, fantastic movie. That's a great favor for yours. I think one of the best, most awesomeist movies ever. I can't, what's the other one? The one where he was a like a thief, I.

Oh, you're thinking of Charlie Varick. Charlie Varick, another one. Which is, which is not as good, but it's still pretty good. Still very good. That's the one where he's like catnip to women. Women can't get enough of Walter Mathau and Charlie Varick, and it's so weird because he doesn't do anything different. He's the same guy, but women love him. Oh, he's a... The laughing policeman is a movie I've never seen that I've wanted to see.

Oh, it's very good. It's not as good, I think, as either of those two movies, but it's still very good. And it's funny. It's him and it's Bruce Dern. And it's one of these movies where you're like, when, but in the 1970s, would they be like, let's make a cop thriller. And let's make the two leads.

Walter Mathau and Bruce Dern. When X of the 70s would they make a movie and say, let's make the two leads Walter Mathau and Bruce Dern? Yeah, yeah, exactly. This was in an era when Elliot Gould could open a movie successfully. Yeah, and it's so, I mean, you know, and it's the director is the guy who did a cool hand Luke and it's long on atmosphere and long on sort of the mundane police procedural stuff. But it's also the most 1970s movie you can imagine.

It's got a Louis Gossett Jr. It recends the story of a newspaper and saying look at that date December 14, 1972 Aside from Math Out and an extravagant movie Who are you voting for? President Nixon? Really? I'm gonna vote for a govern Aside from Math Out and extravagantly, Mustacheo and Bruce Dern And as little as we till Stowards comes out. And I just say.

And I had Lewis Guzzat Jr. putting the smackdown on a jive talking pimp. There's a scene, there's like an inexplicable scene in the middle where they go to talk to the hell's angels who are there like connection for like weapons. I don't know, It's just really great. I mean not a great movie to watch if you are offended by the 1970s views on homosexuality. It won't win any glad awards, but if you can put your mind in it. So there's no there's only good uses of trash bags in the movie. I'm just saying that you know get it glad anyway. You were saying Anyway, you were saying. Oh, it's my aim material. I'm going to stop talking about this movie.

You've taken all the wind out of my sense. That's all right. But you're saying it's good. It's good. And also, I want to mention, I watched my wife bought a, her company had a, a sale where a bunch of, among other things, a bunch of really cheap DVDs were on sale and she picked up the Peter Sellers box set for like two bucks. And you know what? The Peter Sellers box set made up of not great Peter Sellers movies.

It's got a what's new pussycat and casino royale known for being not very good and very awful the two of those. The Pink Panther, probably actually one of the lesser Pink Panther films, the original Pink Panther. But also, I watched the party, which I enjoyed quite a lot, despite outside of Short Circuit, being maybe the most stereotypical portrayal

of an Indian person by a white actor. But it also had a lot of fun. It was a good sound era throwback to silent films, and it felt like the Laughing Policeman completely of its time like a totally 1960s film. Considering it involves a party at a Hollywood mansion which is broken up by hippies parading a painted elephant.

It's pretty 60s, yeah. Yeah, I use some footage from that today or. Also constant man-scene music you did? Yeah well because it for this thing about the orgy that uh that governor spitzer is gonna throw before we get to get side of all yeah this does not count as a daily show spoiler because daily show will have aired long before this podcast that bit will actually air in about six minutes maybe less well stop the podcast and watch it no let's let's

not let's not all right well let's go on anyone else have a recommendation I don't know if I'd say I'd super recommend either these but I watch two movies recently do tell earlier hey so I watched live free die hard and there was a lot of explosions and the internet was really important and daily life and the thing that I was obsessed with, the movie, the thing that I just couldn't get over is the fact that there's a point where Timothy Olyfond, the bad guy, star pit man.

Yeah, he like tells some like jet fighter, like F-16 jet fighter that like the semi truck that Bruce Willis is driving is a terrorist and so they should blow it up. And this fucking F-16 dude, like the guy driving this fucking jet fighter that like the semi truck that Bruce Willis is driving is a terrorist and so they should blow it up. And this fucking F-16 dude, like the guy driving this fucking jet fighter is the craziest hot dog I've ever seen. Like he's like going underneath fucking overpasses and shit on the highway and like he gets the whole, he gets this fucking jet exploded because he's like fucking like 10 feet away from the semi-trailer underneath an overpass. And a big chunk of concrete falls in the jet turbine and blows it up.

And I just can like imagine this guy thinking is he ejects like, oh, Michigan accomplished. That job will do. That's cool. Makes America's Air Force great. So, yeah, that was really good. And then last night I watched a movie that I'm not quite sure how I feel about and that was the William Friedkin, uh, the Rillard Bug. Oh, I've heard that, that's a movie that looked so stupid and then it got really good reviews and I was surprised by it. Yeah, it's, um, I wouldn't necessarily say it's stupid. It's also not like amazing. It's just kind of like, it's, it's got some atmosphere. It's kind of creepy and there's not a lot of like like actually

Judd doesn't look that hot and even though she's naked and I think you see your bush So they should have called the movie bush and it would have done a lot better business. You're always good for a nude scene Reports to her. Yeah, well, that's important. Oh, Lidfree die hard took me a while, but I figured out the girl who plays Oh, Lit Free Die Hard took me a while, but I figured out the girl who plays John McLean's daughter is One of the girls from the death proof segment of grinders. Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Which one is that? I the cute one and the cheerleader outfit as opposed to all the ugly ones as opposed to the hideous women And I like I've got a thing for like big-eyed dark-eyed I like I've got a thing for like big-eyed dark-eyed

Runets with bangs dress like cheerleaders. Yeah In critterntino Very specific. Yeah, well, that's why I have to pay $5500 for a prostitute Topical So I guess is ripped from last week's headlines As a as a summary then livery die hard and bug That's the best rating system ever we should switch up the whole the most new on

To that Noise inflection based rating system I completely Two words Noise inflection based rate existence Okay, I'll get fucking the pressure on the pressure is on let me tell you I've watched a ton of the problem is I watched so many movies that I forget them almost as soon as I watch them But I can name two that I watch recently that I liked that I can recommend to different type of people. One was the Barberstand with Henry Fonda, Murder Mystery Comedy, The Mad Miss Mantin, which is not as well known, I guess, as it should be, because I thought it was really funny. And there's one scene in particular that's very sexy and very intimate between the two

of them. In the middle of this really funny Just kind of slap sticky crazy movie or Barbara Stamick is a basically a rich airhead who gets into trouble and Witnesses murder are known believes her because she's famous for causing shenanigans as rich people did in the thirties and she and her Group of airhead rich women have to solve this murder and Henry fond is a reporter who first the thing it usually in these movies the woman is in love with the man the man's like get away from me you're crazy the woman wins him wins him over in this one Henry fond to hates her then abruptly turns and is like I love this woman I'm going to marry her and she wants nothing to do with him and there's just these great moments where he's

all about we're going to get married this is great I love you forever and she's like I don't even know you that well, but it just really it's funny the way they do it, but uh I'm not I'm not selling it really, but there's one scene where She's lying in bed in a hospital, I think and he's come to visit her and he lights a cigarette that's in her mouth And it's all very sweet and then he's looking at a window and they just have this conversation that has jokes in it But the way they deliver it is very natural and it's like this nice funny moment But it's not like funny like ah that's the way it happened But it's funny like oh these sounds like jokes that could be delivered from one person to another across a hospital room and the other movie I'm actually near the end right now of Robert Altman's Kansas City

I've been watching movies and pieces and I have to say that I'm not enjoying it as much as I would have liked. A Robert Altman movie set in the 30s, which involves gangsters and jazz music, and a kidnapping and Jennifer Jason Lee, talking like this. Yeah, hey, get over there, Paluka. Well, let's go.

You know, I thought this is gonna be great. And it's very much a movie that Robert Altman seems to be not interested in It's obviously wanted to make a movie about like the gingerbread man He wanted to make a movie about jazz musicians and was like I guess I need a plot for this movie about jazz musicians So I'll have a kidnapping but no one really seems to worry about it that much And then there's a lot of scenes of jazz musicians playing what struck me was that this came out I guess in the mid 90s And it's with tons of period cars, period outfits, all the buildings are from the period. So it's

like it was this the last big budget movie Robert Altman made like this is post the player and the other is the only movie movies I can think of after that besides Gingerbread Man or like cookies fortune or you know Doctor T and the women the company like very small scale films. Even a- As for part. Gossford part. Well, Gossford was a little bigger budget, I guess.

But even that, like, they don't need that many sets. It just takes place in the one house. Like Robert Altman, did you throw away your last big budget on this movie that you didn't seem to care that much about? I don't know. So the ghost of Robert Altman. So I'd have to say, using this new rating system, Kansas City. Eh, Mabius Manton

Eh, eh Alright, you're getting it That's pretty good Well, a couple more podcasts In the new week, right A couple more podcasts and this will sweep the nation Nice I want to play around the water cooler

You'll see movie reviews that's in big letters say eh Like friend sees in a good way The the the firehouse And the water cooler people will be like, did you see, I don't know, what's that game show with the briefcases? Do you have no deal? Yeah, they'll be like, did you see Dealer No Deal?

And just like that, they're like, why thought it was more of a, and you get it. Oh, I thought I'm in another movie, I'm sorry. I saw the movie Far From Heaven, the Todd Haines film. And I guess it gets across the point really well I thought I'm in another movie, I saw the movie Far from Heaven, the Todd Haines film. And I guess it gets across the point really well that the 1950s were not a great time for black people or gay people. So if you were under the impression that we're...

Another moral that we really needed to... Go see that movie. I'm glad I took a stand on that one. I'm boldly taking a stand against gay people and black people being oppressed in the 50s. I don't want us to go over time again because because last time it resulted in us losing some of our own joy. I'm on a show. Ironically, that was the good podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, if you could only have heard that. Oh. Me, me, me. I got to cut it out. It's reminded me too much of the home improvement sound of that. It's made by Tim Allen.

Quickly, I want to run down the business, and then we can get out of here. Get out of the internet. I wanna say visit theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com. Once you're there, you'll notice that we have a new logo, courtesy of my brother, John, who designed it. Thank you, John, for letting me take advantage of you and not pay you for it.

It's a lot of good, solid, American names in your family. Dan McCoy, John McCoy, Robert. Robert McCoy. These are the names I would expect to see on the sign like signs on small businesses. Well, I'll come in my parents when I see them next. Also, once you're there, there's a flop house forums that you can sign up for and discuss the shows or leave us a comment. Right, the Flaw House at gmail.com. If you have any feedback, we might address it on the air. That was the Flaw House podcast. The Flaw House podcast at gmail.com.

You're right. I screwed it up last time. The Flaw House podcast at gmail.com. So much fan mail that's just going by the wayside. I know. That's going to that flaccid penis fetish website. The Flaw House. Well, I don't know what I mean by talking about, our podcast has been so great.

We still can't get the podcast taken thing up. I guess they like pictures of flaccid penises. And lastly, I want to say, if you've enjoyed the show in the past, but the thing that's been holding you back from recommending it to your friends has been the shitty sound quality. Now that we have three microphones, I want you to go out and tell everyone you know, to listen to the podcast, and you know what else? Until Dan listens to this and realizes the three of us just have terrible voices.

Well, that could be it, but also, go to podcast, Ally, and vote for us, because I'll tell you what, I went there, I went there, and you can search, you can see what the top or the internet. No. You can go there, and you can see what the top podcasts are by category. And so in the comedy categories, the top podcasts for March, we're ranked at 101.

Oh, so close. Now, do you want to guess, do you want to hazard a guess for the number, the top number, the absolute highest number of podcasts that can be listed on one screen at a time is... I'm guessing 100. Yes, it is 100. What's the number, what's the number one highest rated podcast, just like the day-cook podcast or something?

We don't want to, we don't want to, we don't want to, because I want to listen to that one, it's probably great. You're losing the script, the point is, it's a bad movie podcast. If you get, if the guy, it's just a couple of people go there and vote for us. We can finally get bumped up to that one that 100 page. Maybe we'll be at number 88. Maybe number 87. Can we quit our jobs, then? Yeah, probably. That's how the internet works. If you have any listeners in Michigan or Florida, this is a chance for their vote to count. Yeah, the one chance this year. Topical. But they can vote in the general election.

Nope. Nope. I'm taking that power away just so they can vote for this. And the thing is, if you voted in the past, unlike the general election, you can vote a couple times. You can vote once a month. So I would recommend that if you enjoy the show, you go back every month and you vote.

That's all I'm saying. And send us emails with pictures. Yeah, since two or email's with pictures, the Flawpiles podcast at gmail.com. So anyway, it's the Flawpiles podcast. The Flawpiles podcast at gmail.com because I wanted it to be the longest and most ungainly email address.

The email people get tired of typing halfway through and decide they didn't want to send that letter all that much. Fuck it. The Flawp, how much more of this address is there? Typing halfway through and decide they didn't want to send that letter all that Fuck it Fuck those jerks Flop How much more of this address is there? I feel busy I fall in asleep

Oh, I'm walking around the hospital this time Anyway, on that note of tying it all together I'd like to say that I've been Dan McCoy I've been Stuart Wellington I continue to be Ellie, Kaelin. Thanks for listening to The Flopass. Good night. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh We got these extra microphones. Yeah. Number one. Check, check, check. Check.

Oh, it's like that one. Check. Siblins. Yeah. Check. Recommend that number one, putting your drink on the floor or some other place. Or in your belly. It's not that much harder to put up in the floor.

I'm fun, too. It'll be a little slower. I'm not too... ...to be a little sober.