The Flop House - The Flop House Movie Minute #25 - Remake Reuse Recycle

Episode Date: May 25, 2009

Elliott lists some terrible remake ideas, while Stu contributes a remake he'd like to see.

It's the flop house movie minute. So we're doing a movie minute here, Ellie you yeah, I'm not really setting up the premise So let me paint you a picture We're gonna make you make a movie minute for you We're gonna record a five-kiss. There's a cat falling asleep off to the side Fortrac mixing board talking into microphones But Ellie you really wanted to talk about this subject We're talking about the subject of movie remakes which most movies are these days it feels like or remakes of other movies and

Whatever stories are even told no but they don't tell them in this detail but it just it bugs me because it seems like for it seems like they're taking specifically the movies I really like and remaking them so like the day the Earth stood still they remade taking of Palomone 2-3 the remake comes out soon and these are movies that very much are of the time that they were made like they don't make sense nowadays a sold on precinct 13 when they read in that and I just found out the other day that apparently they're at least going to try to do a remake of video drone which it seems

insane to me because if ever there was a movie that relies on it being the product of David Cronenberg's brain it would be video drone. And if ever there was a movie that fit well into the 80s when people were kind of really understanding for the first time, how much you could, like television had been around long enough that you could see the effect it was having on society. But cable was just coming in, home video was really just coming in, like it seemed like you were on the edge

of video tape becoming more powerful than real life. So do you think that this is the result of like some studio head like watch video drama or drama is like this could be a great film without all the TV fucking me i just take that out nobody fucks a TV in it he sticks his head inside of television like okay any whips a TV let me uh... let me paint you a picture of Ryan Reynolds takes a video to stuff in his belly TV let me let me paint your picture Ryan Reynolds takes a video take stuff so that it is bell haha twenty million dollars please I think it's literally that there's a list of

movies that is circulating Hollywood that have not been remade yet and they just check them off as they go along and in the in the thing I read about this it mentioned that they were going to try to bring in nanotechnology and also expand it so it's more of a side large-scale sci-fi action film and video drama case much like the original which has maybe six characters and takes place almost entirely inside of James Woods head right and his science science fiction in in the way that maybe like I don't know like a vontagate book a science fiction but science fiction elements to it yeah but I've been using like science fiction elements like mainly as a

first huge like allegory. Yeah, I mean, a lot lots of science fiction is but it's a movie where he puts a tape he a slot opens up in his belly that he puts video tapes and hides a gun inside and You're never quite sure if he's insane or if this is actually happening If you introduce Nanot, I i'm sure someone saw that was like wait a minute what if we use nanotechnology so tiny robots are building a slot in his belly i i just want to get a crumb of the that you know in like turn his belly into a little

blue ray play then this scene would make sense they like i imagine it was someone watching it and not realizing that that is not supposed to be a logical development you know you was somebody walked through the criterion collection of the DVDs section of the virgin megastore near where they live and they're just going through the possible remake ideas well I can either redo closely watched trains or machine machine, a life and four chapters or a video drone. Video drone has a gun in it. I think I'll use that one. And the other, so that made me really mad

because these are movies that, video drone especially, these are movies that I, and taking a poem on two, three that I love. Like, they have something very special about them and they feel kind of singular. And to remake them, even if, you know, the old movie is still gonna exist, it's not going to disappear it's not like with stage coach where they remade it in the sixties and they bought up all the third prince

of the thirties version and tried to and destroy them except for one and that's why stage coach still exists today it was the copy in John Wayne's personal vault was the only one that they didn't destroy pretty much because they're like we don't want the thirties one around that's competition for a shitty version of this great movie anyway it's still diluted a little bit because every time now I'm gonna have to say you know in video drone the original that that that not the remake like that's just I don't like it you know that scene in the day the earth that

scene in the day when Michael Renny in the day of the earth so still whoa Keanu Reeves is in the day the the other still i mean the original not the remake and the other big news was that uh... apparently i guess they make a remake of uh... drop dead thread the the rick my all pb kates vehicle with uh... for many years my least favorite movie the news is apparently russell brand uh... in the rick my all all

and it's and pb kates and the Phoebe K-tron But it's like if ever there was a movie that it's one it's one thing great by the way Yeah, it's one thing to remake to remake a bad movie and be like I can make this into a good movie But there's no way to make dropped it Fred into a good movie. Probably dropped it Fred is such a good idea Her childhood friend comes back and he causes trouble yet to be smoothies where we're supposed to laugh at the fact that someone's life is being destroyed by by

basically by a monster there's no real there's no real difference between it and like poltergeist you know that's yeah and like they're like they are addressed that it could all actually be inside her head i don't think so it would be interesting it would be interesting the best case scenario is also the worst case in our right it would be great if the last they are interested the last shot of the movie was like i don't remember how it ends her hugging the romantic it lead or something and then the camera

pulls back and and pulls back out of the far ahead of pvk's drooling with her eyes staring off into the distance. Yeah, she's in a better place now, you know, or psycho or something. Or Brazil. Yeah, but it's a list a couple of movies. I'll listen to this. But it's, you know, it's just sad. It remind it brought back the pain of the fact that I think that's Rick Miles. The pain of dropped it.

The pain of dropped it. Fred, which I remember seeing in the theaters very clearly. of the fact that i think that's rick my own drafted for the pain of dropped it for a time i'm missing in the theaters very clearly and uh... and the fact that last week when it was revived it was part of rick miles retrospective of it and the fact that was really his only american work that i can think of and he is such a talented english comic actor yeah well i'm i actually uh... i'm all excited about this whole remake thing because, you know, I figure eventually they'll get around to remaking a movie that's very dear to my heart. And that's Patrick Dempsey's film, Love or Boy, where, you know, he plays a college-age

kid trying to figure out his life. He's getting kicked out of school and the only way he can go to school is by raising a bunch of money so he can get with the girl he loves and the only way he can do that is by being a male prostitute to women who have a husband's streets no he finds a way to go on the call now that would be star maps

yeah no he does it um... he does it through the pizza ria he works at when uh... when when when women order extra anchovies he knows that's a cue that he's going to be having sex with them for two hundred dollars and of course he's the only pizza boy who works there twenty four hours a day that's a they kind of address that is somehow like he fucks one chick and she tells all her friends and they're like there've got to be a lot of desperate women calling for extra anchovies and the guy showing up and then being like, and then then ripping off their robe, I don't know,

and then him just handing them the pizza. And then being stuck with paying for a pizza they didn't want to pay for. Also, I assume that there's some zany scene in the film where an anchovy lover just wants a pizza. Well, there's absolutely, and it happens to be like this beautiful woman in a bikini and a young two young children yeah I can't wait and she actually at the order for her her her kids who are the only kids in the universe who actually want extra inch of it but what

my hope is well they're their children are pregnant well what I what I hope is that I would point out that they've already remade this movie as the web porn site big sausage pizza. Okay. Well, I think it can go one step further because we all know of my love of the porn site big sausage pizza. But what I think needs to happen is this movie needs to be the whole my premise needs to be turned on its ear. Uh oh, how do we do that? Yep, shake it all up. I say female lead, female main character. Lover girl? Yeah, it'll be lover girl. She delivers pizzas still. I think pizzas, that's good. It's good stuff. Extra hand show. You see, don't want to lose that comic, old. And so she's, so she's basically the more common female prostitute in this situation. Yeah, and so she's having sex with desperate women who as husbands are cheating on them. That's not actually a bad idea. Initially, I was assuming it was going to be cuckolded men whose wives are cheating on them.

And their way to get rid of the cuckolds horns is by having sex with this young prostitute who's having sex with them to get money so that she can go to college and be with her boyfriend. Since the middle ages, no one has been more worried about Kekel's parents than you do Well, I think I think today's man. I think today's movie going man is concerned about being Cuckold and a movie like this like the field so is this still a lighthearted comedy because it sounds a lot grimmer There's a certain fantasy

Aspect to a young guy having sex with a lot of beautiful older women for money Yet when it's a young girl having sex with older men for money. It's a lot cedar. I have to say well I was a Russian immigrant that we're talking about. I mean, I was I was thinking yes, it's Eastern promises Yeah, well, I was thinking Cronenberg possibly or maybe Mike Lee for the the directing okay, so the two least funny directors There are I think both those guys would be great Like I think it's throwing a lot of comic who directed it irreversible. Maybe we could have him come in first I know it. Yeah, that's right Get one of those guys who did funny games maybe no that's some Germany. Yeah, I

Think any of those guys. I think they have a firm grasp on what the subject matter is, and I think they all love pizza. Who doesn't love pizza? Yeah, like the Ninja Turtles love pizza. I imagine you walking into the office, the production office to pitch this movie, you go, one word, pizza. Have I got your attention? I know I do. Anyway.

What's the title of this in with the Domino's extra anchovies, lover girls. I think that's it. It's not, that's the reminds, that sounds like the Gotham City Pizza. It's stripped of everything, but pepperoni's an anchovies. I think that that was how a hot dog the movie got sold, actually. Hot dogs. You're familiar with the delicious sausage, the hot dog, right? Let me show you one thing. Fools out, foil wrapped object. What is it?

Oh, it's a hot dog. Have I got your attention? great. Let's make a movie So yeah, so you have some films that you're scared of There's nothing that scares me more than the Then the drop dead Fred remake a plan but their movies that I'm unhappy that it was decided you know what there are no good original scripts in a hollywood that will make us money uh... or that we can advertise let's remake movies that other people haven't seen

and it's easy like they can make go-bots movies or thunder can't see the other thing about this is that a friend of mine who's a who's a silver hawks a friend of mine who's another comedy writer has told me the story of Her being being offered the job being offered the opportunity to pitch his version of a remake of mother jugs and speed So this studio wanted to remake mother jugs of speed a bill Cosby film about competing avial and strivers and Decided that they had no idea how to do it So they would give writers the chance

to pitch their versions of it and then buy the one they like the most. So like how creatively bankrupt do you have to be to choose such a dumb movie to remake, but not even have a specific way to do it? Like, there's some stew ahead who's choosing movies to remake based on their titles. So like, oh, I wanna remake Freebie and the Beam.

That sounds like a delightful romp. You can me. I was just gonna say, Meck and Me also. Yeah, it's, there's no... My stepmother is an alien. Yeah. Oh, Blue Steel, that's a good title. Let's remake a movie, whatever that's about.

Let's just redo that. Honey, I blew up the kid. Again. The moral of the story is nothing the moral of the story is get ready for more remakes of your favorite films were probably going to have a review of all yeah of course or ten thousand

night we're gonna have to review ten thousand bc was not really a remake of the well i'm not gonna ruin my prom night by by review of the fucking movie the turrets what's up talk about it later I'm not gonna ruin my prom night by by reviewing a fucking movie to be turned. We'll talk. We'll talk about it later.