The Flop House - The Flop House Movie Minute #33 - Writers Guild

Episode Date: December 6, 2009

Our most self-indulgent movie minute yet!

It's the Flop House Movie Minute. Dan, you recently joined the Writers Guild of America East. Yes, I do. So now that means two out of the three people on this podcaster, WJA East. WJA East members. So is Stuart a SCAB? Yeah, this might be a guild project now. What do I have to do to become a guild member we've got to be sponsored to join the guild or asked to join the guild

uh... then this paper was to fill out have you ever worked in guild capacity during a strike you cross picket lines say to work at a tv show film say it's the eighties and nineteen eighties strike is going on i didn't really want to write for the facts of life. Okay true story. Yeah, that's But you don't want to have to go through you know abide by the guild strike. Well, this is you see you figure this is your chance

There's a strike and I don't agree with unions, you know Yeah, well, you've always been a union buster. You remember the Pinkerton's for many years You really feel like you have Tudy's voice down. You actually, when you, I saw Norma Ray with you and you actually booed Norma Ray. And every scene you go, snipers, where are you? Sniper's! She's right there holding a sign up.

Stuart wants snipers in every movie. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'm a real big sniper fan. I remember this really great movie called... I can't remember, we've got Tom Baringer in it. Billy Zayn. Oh, Titanic. I think it's snipers. Substitutonic. At one point, one of the snipers shoots another dude through the little lens thingy. They do that saving Private Ryan too. Yeah, but this is a little bit more interesting because

the focus in this movie is on snipers. And I think Tom Barron's you did it. That's like the movie Sniper. I haven't seen that. It's a I have to assume from the title to TNA comedy from the 80s. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Are there snipers in it? No, but there is hunting. That sounds pretty good. Actually, this is a so Sniper. It's a bunch of teens like college kids uh... who go out in the woods i mean they're basically teenage college kids they were right i mean they're they're they're advanced for their age they're like

they're they're legal you know sure they're old to party nineteen and uh... they're old enough to party yeah and uh... they head up to the woods on a snipe hunt which is really just an excuse for the guys to get into the pants and their little hands. Yeah, and it stars Willie Ames. And an assortment of girls who seem less attractive now than they did in the 80s. Gretchen Mall. I don't know how Gretchen Mall got into this.

Is that who you think when you think 80s TNA comedies? No, I was just a name popped into my head. Oh, okay. It's like the stay post marshmallow man. Well, enough joviality. Are you gonna join the guild? Yeah, what do I have to do? Do I have to do like push ups or?

Yeah, perfect push ups and facts. Perfect push ups. I think I get that covered. Now do I have to be able to do soft shoe properly? Yes. Soft shoe, hard shoe, intermediate shoe. Okay. All many different kinds of shoes.

Sure. And what you had to do all this day when you... I was brought in by Amason. Okay. So the wheels were greased. Dan was grandfathered in. And that his grandson was already a member of the group. Okay, so my first step is what?

Usually is writing something. Okay. I have to write something. In my case, that was not part of the process. I mean, it's a favorite pencil, duh. Yeah, well, OK, what would you write if we gave you a favorite pencil? I don't know, like a grocery list or a list of my favorite movies.

Both good, OK. I mean, it's basically it's ice pirates just over and over. That's your grocery list. You have DVD of ice pirates. It's just over. That's your grocery list. You have DVD of ice pirates. They got blue ray of ice pirates. Go to the laser disk of ice pirates. Go to the closing blockbuster video down the street

and pick up a VHS copy of ice pirates. Yeah. Whatever. Well, how come ice pirates on ice never got off the ground? It seems like a natural. Yeah. I think with all the time travel stuff in the end. Hard to do in a rink. Through a loop.

Then you'd have to write an essay for us why I want to join the guild in 25 words or less. 25 words, okay, that's only a couple sentences. Yeah, well, you got to be good. We don't have a lot of time. Brevity is the soul of et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, not a lot of like big words or... You only get a 25 words. You know, the biggest words you can think of.

That makes sense, actually. Think of it as the opposite of tweeting. Okay. Yeah. I like this. In that, it's not that. Okay, is there a time limit on this or? Yeah, 25 seconds.

You get one word a second. Or less. Or a lot. Yeah, because I want to write for the guild or be part of it. You have to tell us why. Oh, yeah, yeah, duh. And also the first rule of dramatic writing is show not tell. So you got to really make it a scene.

Yeah, okay, really get across the impression that I'm going to be. In fact, it draws a picture. Oh, wait, I can draw. You didn't say I could do that. Well, there's been a lot of debate over this because the picture is worth a thousand words. You're only allowed 25 words. So this is roughly, you know what 400 times Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, but you know, no, but if I do it with my left hand does that hand you write with usually? No, then you get five extra words. It's the hand you use for other things isn't it? Yeah, well

It's it's traditionally the hand I use for Yeah, well, it's traditionally the hand I use for going to the bathroom. You use your hand because I have other parts in my body that do that. No, I scream under my finger dance. Really, that sounds terrible. The cleaning process must be disastrous. It's weird, I have to squeeze my hand like a tube of toothpaste until it spreads out my finger. So it's like when someone's, okay, well, this is...

Well, you know, Stuart doesn't... Stuart. What a horrible image. Stuart doesn't like unzipping things, so he's run a catheter up to his hand. Oh, I see, that makes sense. That way you just shoot it out. That's not true at all. I'm like a blob man. Do you have like a skeleton or organs or anything?

I do have an exo-scalant in here. Really an exo-scalant in, okay., most people assume that's just a really cool suit of armor Yeah, that's what I always thought yeah, but it's more of a carapace. Yeah, it will keeps all my like almost Jalatins organs Really well that my protects protects myself. I'm not gonna lie to you. That's not gonna help you with the guild at the moment They prefer humans, I guess yeah Just by default, but there are exceptions. OK. Are you doing like a weird Vulcan hand signal?

I was just gesturing with my hands. Weird, it's my mind. Just something my people do, by which I mean guild members. Sure. What else is there? And then there's just a $3,000 entry fee. OK, $3,000 space bucks or... Take space bucks? I don't think so since you made them up.

Really American currency would be best. Actually, English pounds would be great. They're a little stronger right now. Pound sterling pounds. Krugerrands. Krugerrands. I can use Krugerrands. Yeah, and if you could pay it in gold,

that'd be great. Gold has never been zero. So it's a really good investment. We'd actually set up website and gold for guild membership. No, okay. Dot com. Mm-hmm. What about space floors in numeral? I don't know what space gold would be it's gold And where would you get this gold? There's no I wear what are the sources of gold in space? Jupiter? No, Jupiter is a gas giant There's no ground Have you have you ever been there? I haven't got you giant. There's no ground.

Have you ever been there? I haven't. That's a good point. Is that where you're from? No, there's treasure chest all over the place. Really? So it's like the pirate planet. Treasure planet.

Oh, okay. Is that the treasure planet in the movie? Maybe. I didn't see it. I tried to avoid David Hyde Pierce. Sure. Is it homophobia? I don't like people't see it. I tried to avoid David hide Pierce. Sure. Is it homophobia? I don't like people with Pierce in their name. Okay. It sounds like puncturing. Okay. Or hide like Mr. Hide

He'd probably gonna go crazy. It's a very sharp name. Yeah. So you're a guild member now Congratulations. Thanks for joining you now get guaranteed guild health insurance Do I get a neck tattoo? if you want it'll be a barcode a la hit man oh that's pretty awesome you also have to shave your head and eyebrows do I do and you're Timothy all of that now do I get a sammy rise or a sammy rise or what sorry was that a story to get it a deli? No, it's a guy who wore this samurai would you? Samurai. A samurai.

I'm not familiar with that. No, the samurai. Don't know what it is. Japanese guys with a funny haircut. Samurai. Oh, oh, Beatles Japan. No, no, no, it's a samurai. It's like Beatle Mania, but they're all Japanese.

No, samurai. Sam my eyes. No, samurai. Samurai. What? I don't know what I, but if I do tomy eyes what I don't know what I'm I'm just gonna do to my eyes I don't understand sammy eyes I what is Samming and no that's what they're called there those those guys that fight ninjas and shit their Japanese guys find no daredevil no daredevil he does fight ninjas yeah he's got you there. Quite a lot. Quite a lot. Yeah, we fight some in court.

But you do always $1,500. I thought I'd paint that. Yeah, it turned out the checkmounts. Only half of it did, though. Well, you got to give me a couple of minutes. We will give you 40 seconds. Are you going to excrete it from out of your fingernails? No, I got to go to the ATM machine. That's redundant. The M stands for machine. You're out of really? Yes.

Wait, come on. That's the way the acronym is. What is the C stand for? Teller. Like what? Like telling somebody something? Well, well no like a bank teller or like pen and teller why don't they don't they don't speak and also uh... panials at them why why is it that the bank tellers are always the most attractive people the bank i don't know what banks you go to uh... has been my experience are there any is there anyone else at the bank besides the tellers yeah people wander around

you know the whole but it's like it's like uh... it's like the cantina most eyes like oh yeah you're right because dr. Evazons there in Ponda Bayba well they're wander around and the bank tellers are attractive so I guess the bank teller in this case would be what the band I don't know there's no one attractive in the most I think they like the bifband yeah they're called the Biff band. We're a Max Rebo fan myself. Yeah. So, is this it? Do you want to keep bullshitting?

You can. And that was Fluff House Follies. you