The Flop House - The Master of Disguise LIVE

Episode Date: July 25, 2026

Way back in the winter we stopped by SF Sketchfest to discuss the film that gave us the mental image of Dana Carvey in a turtle suit, solemnly remembering the victims of 9/11 -- THE MASTER OF DISGUISE. Join us as we discuss the astounding/sometimes racist adventures of Pistachio Disguisey! And thank you to the wonderful folks at Cobb's Comedy Club for hosting us yet again! Paste https://feeds.simplecast.com/EOAFriME into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they’re released. Wikipedia page for Master of Disguise Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinflop

On this episode, we discuss the Master of Disguise. Live from San Francisco Sketchfest. You guys sound ready to rumble, I think. I'm so glad you guys remembered your line. Yeah, it was woo. But they did it better than you just. Yeah, no, no, no. I mean, they're professionals.

Yeah, hello, we're the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kalen. And we're the Plop House. Yeah, if you hear no applause on the podcast, it's because they did it already. They did it already, guys.

It's not because we're hated. Yeah. It's not because they're disappointed in the show so far. Surely not. They may very well be, but this is a polite San Francisco audience, and they would applaud should they feel like it was deserved or needed. No, no. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm not fishing for it. it. But I mean, it's great. It's been a rough week. You could use a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So, for the show, of course,

we wanted to do a legendary flop. Yeah. A bad movie of renown. Of course, we chose famed 9-11 film. The Master of Disguise. I'm sure we'll talk about that at some point. I mean, the movie was filmed during 9-11, but it does not comment on that event.

Maybe we'll talk about the story of whether or not They received the news of that event when Dana Carvey was dressed as a giant turtle. But, yeah, this is a film starring one, Dana Carvey. Of course, you may remember him from Saturday Night Live in the 90s, Wayne's World. When I was a kid growing up, he was like, hands down my favorite cast member of Saturday Night Live. Oh, me too, for sure. Before I got older and realized it was Phil Harvey. No offense to Dana Carvey.

When you're a kid you love Dana Carvey, when you get older, it's Phil Harmon. When you get really old, it's Buck Henry from the episodes that he hosted. specific. I'm not that old yet, though. But Elliot, Stuart. Stuart. Wait, Dan, are you okay? Well, I, you know,

I had some conveyor belt sushi that, I won't get into that. You realize this is how I'm off my game. I should have turned that into a master of disguise joke where I say, no, it's me, Elliot. I just look like Stewart. And then I would move my mouth while you're talking. Yeah, yeah.

Stuart, now you're going to take us through the plot such as it is of Master of Disguised. Okay. Yeah, it's like two cards. So this movie, I do want to point out that this movie, I think the original cut was an hour and 45 minutes. The version that is available for all normal people to see is 80 minutes long, including two minutes of credits and nine minutes of bloopers. This is a sign that your movie has not worked out. When you are cutting scenes from the movie because they are not. not as funny as you hope they would be.

You look at the runtime of the movie and you say, this is too short to release in theaters. During the credits, we will run the scenes that we cut out of the movie because they were not funny enough to include in the movie. Yeah, and I'm not gonna... It's like if you made dinner for somebody

and it didn't come out right the first time, so you made it again, but you didn't make enough. So you had to serve the first one that wasn't good enough. Yeah. And the people you're serving it to get food poisoning. Now you've got to pay the medical bills. You can't afford it.

Now you've got to be their butler until they feel like they pay at all. Yeah. This is your spec script? Yeah, it's called Food Boisning Butler. And I'm not going to lay this at the feet of the director. There's plenty of blame to go around.

But the director of this, this was his first movie. He was the production designer for a bunch of comedies before this. And it was also his last movie, his director. And this was a Happy Madison production, right? Yes. And I think technically it wasn't financially a flop. I think it made well over its budget, yeah. I think it was the number one movie at the box office.

that year. Yeah, yeah. Stand up and cheer moment. The movie opens in 1979. When the master's guys entered the speed force, it was a big stand of a cheer moment, yeah. 1979 Palermo. We are introduced to...

Oh, what a car. We are introduced to Fabrizio Disguise, a master of disguise secret agent who is breaking up a international smuggling operation run by Devlin Bowman. Now, Fabrizio is played by Jameson. James Brolin. Father of Josh.

Yep. Thank you. And husband of Barbara. Yeah. And played peewee. And the smuggling operations run by this guy, Devlin Bowman, who is played, of course, by Brett Spiner. Yeah.

I want to, Brent. I want to, uh, Branch Spiner. Which one is Spiner. His name is Branch Spider. Right off the bat, I want to just say something about, like, the premise of like, oh, there's a master of disguise. This is a job. This is like, a man.

master of skies. Inherently, like, I mean, I feel like this is the sort of thing that's catnept to a certain type of comedian. It was like, oh, you know, I always wanted to be Peter Sellers when I was a kid. I'm going to, you know, get to go out and do a bunch of voices, some of them racist, and I will, you know, this is really happening those? Yeah.

But I do think that there's something like funny about the notion, like, oh, this is a job that you can have. Like, you're not a detective, you're not a spy. You're a master of disguise. And you don't work for anybody in particular. Like, it's just a family. It's a family tradition to put on disguises and stop criminals? They're like the Kingsmen or something. Yeah. But the movie does not

deliver on this. Do they? Yeah, the Kingsmen are... I think it's what they're called the Kingsmen. When I watch one of those movies, I'm always really drunk. I don't think you can blame the movie for that. It reminds me of when I was in high school, there's a friend of mine that I kept talking about 2001 of Space Odyssey.

A friend of mine said, I'll watch that, so I lent her my copy of it. She goes, this movie's boring. I keep falling asleep while I'm watching it. I'm like, that's fair, when are you watching it? I usually start around 1145, I'm like, well, this, I think you're halfway, you know, to blame for this. But, yeah, so I think you're right, Dan, that this is an attempt to make a Peter Sellers-type comedy. Was this before or after Austin Powers come out? I think it was after.

This is after. This movie came out, I think, shortly either before or after Gold Member. Okay, so because the first Austin Powers is a successful version of, I want to do a Peter Sellers-type movie. Yeah. And this is in, well, is it a successful version of it? We'll find out. Okay. Tell us more.

Okay. I do want to point out that Fabrizio Disguise does do this stunt while disguised as Bo Derek from 10. Playing herself. Bo Derek playing herself. And I believe that she got a Razzie nomination for this, which is crazy because she's just in the movie. It's a cameo.

For half a second diving out a window as Bo Derek. Do you think it's that shit where they're like nominating her in hopes that she's going to show up to the Razzie Awards? Almost certainly. And fall in love with the nominators. Yeah. The nominators? You don't want to fall in love with one of the denominators.

Those guys are evil. Dan, why are you not writing this fucking romance novel? Yeah. Now, this is, watching this, I did not see this movie when it came out. I apologize. Mia culpa. Mea culpa. I didn't, I wasn't in the theater going, finally,

the disguising family is on, as on the screen. But watching this, I was like, oh, yeah. This was during that period when people thought that children would get references to 10. The movie about how Dudley Moore really wants to fuck Bo Derek. And the same way there was a period when they were like, you know what kids love? Jokes about Scarface. Kids love that.

And this movie has those. Yeah, this movie does also have those, yeah. So Fabrizio realizes his life is too dangerous. He does not want to pass this on to his son as his father passed down to him. It's time to retire. Fast forward, 23 years later, the Bone Temple. JKK, JK, it's just on my mind.

So 23 years later, Fabrizio now owns an Italian restaurant that's located on the street in the Universal Studio lot. It is one of the fakesst cities in the world. It's great because later on there's a scene where Dana Carvey spends a crazy amount of time

doing a quint impression from Jaws. And the reason is, because they shot this shit on the Universal Studios lot and it's right there. I think he's in the Jaws Lake. And I'm sure that Dana Carver's like, yeah, I can do a quint impression from Jaws. Like, that's a thing I do.

Let's put it in the movie. Okay, so Fabrizio now owns an Italian restaurant. Wait, no, Dan, I disagree with you. I don't think that's the case. Because, as we'll mention later, at the end of the movie, he does a President Bush impression, but it's the wrong President Bush, everybody. He's doing the second one,

not the first one that he was famous for doing an impression of. I didn't even notice that because it was just the same impression. The two bushes sound exactly the same. No, they don't, Dan. What are you talking about? One's like a nerdy Connecticut guy, and the other's like a fast-talking Texan guy, you know. Do you think Dana Carvey was like, like,

I can do that shit too. I can do that better than Wilfair. I assume, yeah. I got to show that I'm the master of bushes. So, 23 years later. Which, yes, one of the lesser-known Metallica albums. It's two hands, and they're like got puppet strings going to a bunch of shrubs.

But Bushmaster is like a top-tier snake, right? Yeah, it is a top-tier snake, that's true. So welcome to the snake house where we talk about Stewart's favorite snakes. Number one is Bushmaster. Okay, we're done. Okay. So 23 years later, Fabrizio now owns an Italian restaurant. We've seen some scenes from it.

Which is great. Yeah. And one of the new server, Rex, is, of course, played by Dan's favorite actor Jay Johnston. He doesn't like Jay Jones to be so much as his ability to do. His interest in overthrowing government. Yeah, his political... This is a former cast member of Mr. Show who was at Congress on January 6th. And it was a, and it ran, it was rippled through the comedy community.

Wait, is that Jay Johnson? Same bad. Mr. Show in those pictures? I mean, it makes the trivia section of IMDB of this movie, which is funny. Okay. I mean, there's not a lot of trivia otherwise to say about the movie. So at this point he now run, Fabrizio has this Italian restaurant and his son, Pistachio Disguise, the main character of our movie, played by Dana Carver. Who does not know of his master of disguise heritage, but he has this, like, yes.

this need to be a master of disguise. He has an obsessive need to mimic other people, which gets him into a little bit of hot water, which is okay because an Italian restaurant you need a lot of hot water. There's a lot of boiling of pasta, yeah. No, and this mostly... Don't serve a lot of cold pasta.

His desire to disguise himself mostly manifest by him putting underwear on his head for some reason. Yeah, that was not clear why that was the case. Now, how would you describe this pistachio disguising? character. How would you... Irritating. Okay.

It is on a scale from... Childlike. On a scale from not irritating, which... Which fictional character would you say is not irritating? You know, um... I mean, most of them, I don't know.

Any of them? Just pick the least irritating fictional characters. The least irritating fictional character. Let's say, okay, let's say Gregory Peckon's spellbound. Okay, so... To the most... Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's your face line.

To your most irritating... fictional character, Little Nicky. This is closer on the Little Nicky end of the spectrum, you know. I would not believe it if Ingrid Bergman had a romance with Pistachio Disguisey, but in Spellbound with Gregory Peck, it's very believable. Now, she's his therapist,

which is weird that they're having a romance, but again, it's a movie. Don't worry about it, you know? Wait, this happens in Master Disguise? Yes. You did find it very believable, though, when Jennifer Esposito had a romance with Pistachio Disgazy, though. I also found that not quite believable.

Not compelling? Okay. If only because it is unclear how old pistachio disguised he is supposed to be. I don't know if he is 15 or 55. He has the mind of a child, but he is the body of adult Dana Carvey. And so it's unclear what he is. And it's one of those things where,

no offense to Dana Carvey, but is... Who I should say, again, I should say, I'm a big fan of. Again, growing up, Dana Carvey was my favorite member of Destinel cast. But this is not his best one. In this movie, he has like a child's bowl cut that, like, on another actor,

I'd be like, this is a specific choice to look childlike, but Dana Carvey has always kind of had that haircut. So I don't know. Yeah, it's a little Ken Burnsy, Danny Carvey's hair. Yeah, Dan, thank you for choosing an example. We're all very familiar with. Unlike my spouse out of example. You're not familiar with Ken Burns.

Of all the people that cast stones, Elliot. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, when you walk by the hair salon, and there's a like the picture of all the haircuts. Well, I say, give me the Burns. They point to his brother Rick Burns. No, no, no, I want the Ken Burns.

Point to Ed Burns. Why is he there? He's a man with hair. Why not? Ed Burns, yeah. What is it? If Cojack was up here, you're like, why is he there? If you walked into a hair place and it was like, Vin Diesel, Telly Savalas.

I'd be like, I don't understand. Charles S. Dutton. Why are these people up on the wall? I don't understand. Professor X. I don't understand. Why are they on the wall of the barbershop? Oh, they all came here. I see, that's why, yeah. These are autographed photos.

Yeah, thanks. Best head shaven town, X. Thanks for the shine. That's how Badrick Stewart signs. This is the character, Professor X. Oh, cool. It was very awkward, Professor X and Malcolm X both had a reservation at the same restaurant.

The tables got mixed up, yeah. Okay, so Pistachio's parents are kidnapped. They are kidnapped by... Thank you, sir for continuing before I could try to do that scene. Yeah. So his parents are kidnapped by... what we will learn to be the henchmen of a recently released from prison, Devlin Bowman, again, played by...

Brett? Brent. Brent. Brent. No, Brent. Okay, if you say so. You would remember him best from the movie Out to Sea with Walter Matho and Jack Lemon.

I would remember that. So, his spirits are kidnapped. He is, his life is turned upside down. And he is... When he goes to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Yeah, his home is also turned upside down as well. ransacked, and he doesn't know what to do with himself. Luckily, his grandfather arrives and explains to him that he has, as part of this long lineage of

masters of disguise. This grandfather starts to teach him the ways. He explains the legacy that they are this line of secret agents who don't, again, work for anyone and mainly use their disguise powers to stop people from stealing things. Yes, as they have done throughout history. We see some, what's the historical example we see? I kind of don't remember. It's like somebody stealing the Mona Lisa or something.

Because there's one in the credits too that clearly they shot for the film. Like somebody dressed up like a fake statue or something. It's unclear how, you know, ability to disguise would be the best way to like keep people from stealing things rather than like... And also like, I don't know,

being the world's best lockmaker or something. That was in master lock of disguise. Yeah, yeah. So he explains a lot of this using the disguise. That's one for the beauty. Lou know brands of Locke. He explains a lot of this using the design. Name another one.

Lock, buddy. Probably. Oh, phew. That's close. Every time I can't answer a question, Dan asked me, I lose an hour of life. So a weird deal we made. Yeah.

But every time I get one right, I get one French fry. Which, which, which Dan feeds to him baby bird style. Yep. Dan would like to demonstrate that right now. So he explained, the grandfather explains,

who's the grandfather playing by? I don't know. I'll look it up. He's an actor. He's in a lot of things. You know, he looks like, you in the audience or at home

can do this work. He looks like a less nutty version of the guy from, you know, Tim Robinson, I think he should leave, like the wheel shouldn't fly out the...

That guy is crushing it by him. He's not the actor plays Uncle Leo on Seinfeld but he has a lot in common with the actor plays Uncle Leo on Seinfeld. Yeah, if you squint, you think it's Uncle Leo. Yeah, okay.

So he explains a lot of this using this pop-up book that will explain the Pistachio legacy. They start their training. He shows them the magical like Heidi hole that his father used

to hide all his disguise stuff. They call it with a nest. It's like this is his nest. Yep. They start training. There's a training dummy that's this wooden, like, fight dummy that they slap a lot. There's a lot of slapping. Yeah, and their main weapon, they don't punch.

They slap instead. They slap and say, Who's your Daddy? Yes. That's because it is dispiriting to the enemy to have Who's Your Daddy said to you as you were being slapped. Unless you're from Indiana, in which case, a who's your daddy is either what you are or what you have, yeah. Is that true, Stuart? Is that true? Yeah.

Can we fact check this in real time? Is that true? Yeah, no, you're wrong. Yeah, I'm from Indiana. I get it. Because that's what they call them there. Yeah. Yeah, because of the love of whoosh. Actually, nobody really knows where the name comes from.

I mean, it's... Yeah, there's some apocryphal stories. So grandpa's got to leave. What's one of them, Dan? Well, it's like, it's like, who's there? Like, if you go to the door... I mean, you're from Illinois. I don't know how you know.

I find it hard to believe that there is a region where people's way of saying who's there is so distinctive that it becomes the word used to describe the people from that region. I'm not making any claims for its veracity. You said to me, and I quote, and once read back the record, you said, if this is not true, I will swallow an entire ghost pepper.

Feels kind of weird. Yeah, it's fair. I'll do it after the show. So grandpa leaves. And I said, dot, dot, dot, dot, in front of everybody at the show. All right, we'll do it during the questions. We'll do it during the questions.

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, before the questions. Oh, no. So Grandpa leaves because the Papa book says Grandpa has to leave. But first they have to hire him an assistant because every master of disguise has an assistant who often falls in love with him, which feels like a sentence in this case. In walks, Jennifer Esposito,

playing a character named Jennifer, luckily. And she is the mother of a little boy who a pistachio has already met earlier in the film. And this little boy's only characteristic is he is bad at skateboarding and was constantly falling off. off of his skateboard. Well, he's just there so, like,

a pistachier disguise that he can show some positive trait in that he is good with the child. Yeah. But, uh, because in many ways he is a child himself. Yeah. But now that Jennifer Esposito showed up,

I want to say, like... Oh, is she here? Jennifer, come on up. Hey! Jennifer. Hey, Jenny. Espo. The seat.

Come on up. Jay. Um, no, I, like, faint praise. There are a couple of people in this movie that I at least enjoy what they're trying to do. Jennifer Esposito, I think,

succeeds by being the character in this movie filled with irritating people who, like, is a normal human being. Like, why is this happening? But, like, with a certain pleasantness and joy. I think she is, she's very charismatic in the movie. And aside from the scene where she's supposed to show

sexual interest in pistachio-disci, which I think would stretch the limits of any Thespian's abilities. Sir Larry Olivier himself, I think, would struggle with the scene. Dame Judy Dench, I think, would have trouble communicating that. I think she does come off really likable. Yeah, she's likable, and I want to give Laurels as well to Brent Spiner,

who I think, despite being saddled with, like, a joke where he has to fart all the time. I'll give me this. The first time that joke happened, I laughed at it. His characteristic is that when he laughs maniacally at something, it causes him to fart, and then he gets a look on his face like he's really upset that that happens, And he's annoyed by it. They always allow this fart to hang in the air. Yes.

A pregnant pause. The first time it happened, I genuinely didn't expect it. And I laughed at it. But it happens every single scene. It happens like seven or eight more time. But the level of commitment and dignity, Brent Spider brings to this farting villain, I respect a great deal.

Only, I mean, I have to assume that he was just so happy to play a character who can pass gas after playing a robot for so many years. incapable of reading. Who famously have to hold him. Yeah, yeah, to hold it, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's that song you want to know when to hold it. That's about playing data.

Being an android. Meanwhile. Brett Spiner makes... Brent. Wait. I'll call him by his character name. Devlin Bowman makes Fabrizio Disguisee become a master of disguise again to steal him rare items

using his wife, his wife's safety as to hold it over his head. He has put Fabrizio's wife in a... He has drugged her and put her in a kitchen to make her think that she's making Italian food and he keeps threatening to have somebody kill her, I guess. And he keeps giving her drugs to make her think she's in this world, which I'm like, that sounds great.

It's like Carmel popcorn or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yes, it makes... I mean, the villain... He's a bad guy. I don't think we have to like what he's doing. And he's... No, I'm pro.

I'm pro trapping, E.D. Craping, Eadley McLaurigan. But, I mean, she just thinks she's cooking, you know. Yeah. Okay, so we find, Jennifer Esposito finds, she does all the work here, by the way. Yes, she does all the detective work. So she finds a clue. She finds a one of DeBlin's cigars, and it leads her to the Turtle Club, a famous cigar club.

That's located again, I'm guessing, in the Universal Studio lot. Yes. Now. So this is the Turtle Club. This, of course, was the moment where I didn't need the entire seat anymore. I was only on the edge. If you know anything about Master of Disguise, then you know about the turtle scene. Yeah, and this is the one now.

Because the only thing I knew about Master of Disguise before watching it was the turtle scene. The legend about it is this was being shot. Well, that Curly had some gold. Shelly had to go get it. Oh, the legend of Curley's Guild. We don't have time to get into that. I think I just told it. The legend is that this was shot,

the scene was shot on 9-11. The movie Master of Disguise was in pre-production on 9-11. What actually happened, and this is confirmed by Dan DeKarvey, is that there was a moment of silence for the victims of 9-11, like about a week later,

while he was in the turtle costume. Yes. And he's just like, he was kind of taken off guard, oh, we're doing this now? Well, I'm a turtle, okay. So he was in that. So imagine that. Dana Carvey as a turtle man.

Bowing his head in mournful silence after the greatest tragedy in American history. So at this point we see... Even greater than an American tragedy by Theodore Dreiser. And that's an American... Anyway, forget it. I instantly heard the lack of interest in the work of Theodore Dreiser. I'm not going to make any jokes about Sister Carrey. Don't worry about it.

So this is where we kind of learned... I'm not going to make any jokes about Jenny Earhart. I'm not just not going to talk about him. No, we're not going to... So this is kind of where we learn the limits of Pistachio's understanding of his role because they're going to the Turtle Club. Because he realizes he can't stop 9-11. Using the powers of disguise.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having this secret master's disguise organization if they can't stop it? It reminds me of there's the one issue of Amazing Spider-Man that was their 9-11 tribute issue. And it was one of those things, their hearts were in the right place. that they're going to do a tribute issue. It was one of those things where it's like, well, don't the heroes of the Marvel Universe

stop this kind of stuff all the time? They do this all the time, and they have Dr. Doom show up, and he's crying. And it was like, you do worse stuff than this, Dr. Doom. Yeah. Yeah, it's like finding out that the Transformers were running around during World War II, and you're like, what the fuck were they doing?

Oh, I'm really busy with it. Or the Eternal. Stop, yeah, stop disguising yourself, guys. What were they disguised themselves as during World War II? Because, like, we didn't have big rig trucks or VW. And by the way, they're the true, man. Masters of disguise. The transformers.

Tell me about it. You think it's a normal car. You get in it. Suddenly you're inside a robot. Whoa. What the fuck? You think you're getting in a car, but it's just some guy you can talk to you. But he's like a big guy. He can still carry you where you want to go.

Yeah, this is pretty cool, but I got to be at work. Could you? But like, are you inside his body? Is he, like, curled up around? Do you get smashed when he transforms? Yeah. I mean, I have to. Yeah.

Can you see his first? food while you're in there? What is he eating? What does a Transformer eat? Okay. Do they ever seen in any... I haven't seen all the Transformers movies. They have one where a guy thinks he's just bought a car

and that turns into a robot walks away and he goes, that's going to affect the blue book value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Hollywood, if that scene doesn't exist, sign me up. Yeah, it's called... It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad transformer. Dan, do not tempt me with the greatest assignment I could ever receive as a writer.

No, you were talking about a turtlers and all the biggest comedy stars of the era in one movie, finally. Don Nott's gets into a car, starts driving away, it turns into a robot. Oh, what's going on here? I've heard of a man turn it into a fish, but a car and a Rupert?

So that was Don Nott's losing his faith in the line. Yeah, I've got to talk to whoever wrote this. It's not the best I've ever done. That was Don Lats, losing his voice. Yeah, yeah. Of course. Because he was walking off stage. It's like, now I can drop the...

Do you think when he get off stage, he'd be like, oh, no, I'm Mr. Chicken. All right, quitting time. No, yeah, I'm imagining it's like a nutty professor sort of situation where it becomes very suave. A Nazi professor. Because it's on knots. Wait a minute.

Hold on a second. But he's fighting the Nazis in the incredible Mr. Lumpit as a fish. Yeah, but okay, hold on. Let's... I think we're going to have to parse this a little bit. Stewart Turtles, you're talking about... What? Oh, yeah.

So he goes to the Turtle Club. What's the disguise? Sorry, I was thinking about Warhammer guys. Okay, so they're in the Turtle Club. So this is a high society cigar smoking club. What is the disguise he chooses? It's just named the Turtle Club. Yeah, it's called the Turtle Club, but he takes it literally and he shows up as like a half-man, half-human turtle hybrid.

Yes. He probably... He says the word Turtle a lot. He probably knows ninjitsu. And I remember as a child... We don't know his stance on pizza. Yeah. You're like seeing this, like, this was heavily featured in the commercials.

As a child? Because they knew... Dan, you were not a child when this movie came out. I think you were in college when this movie came out. I don't know. Time is lost all meaning. When I was younger, you weren't even in college. You had graduated college at that point.

2002? Oh, this is 2002? Dan, you were applying for social security at that way. Cats in the cradle in the silver. Now, you know, there's all a montage of scenes from Master's in the Sky as Cats of the Cradle. There's so much movie less. Okay, so we get you said. I just remember seeing this in the ads.

I love that Stuart bragged about how few note cards he had to go through. Yes. So you saw the turtle man in the ads. You saw the ads and like, I think that I was not alone and being like, oh, chuckling at the turtle man. The turtle man, they knew that that was what they had. Yes. Was like him acting like a turtle man, you know, saying like, am I not turtled enough for the turtle club? Turtle, turtle, that kind of stuff.

But not since Kangaroo Jack has an advertisement. advertising campaign so misidentified the main thing the movie it was about. Yeah. There's not a lot of plots, true. We can do it. No, of course not. So meanwhile, Bowman is having, Devlin Bowman is having Fabrizio Steel Things. This is a great opportunity to feature a bunch of celebrity cameos.

You have like Jessica Simpson. You have Governor Jesse Ventura. You have someone else who's a third person. Michael Johnson, right, the fastest man in the world at the time. Yes, yes, that's true. And they're mainly situations where these celebrities, show up and people just give them rare items and they run away with them.

They're not the most intricate skeefs. Yeah. Okay, so at the Turnal Club, they have a lead on Bowman. They realize he's going to be an antique fair, so they go to an antique fair. This is where Bowman meets Jennifer and falls in love and invites her to a house party

at his house. Meanwhile, Pistachio is doing different disguises and basically being annoying, but that doesn't matter to all. Every disguise he puts on is an active obstacle to their plan. And it feels kind of Mark's brother-see where they're like, here's what we have to do.

So what can we do to screw up our own plan as best as possible? That's what he's doing, yeah. So then we go to this house party, but I feel like this is where he starts to come to get, like, Pistachio's thing starts to work because his job is to be a disruption to... Yeah, he's going to distract while Esposito goes around.

So he decides to show up as Tony Montana. As Tony Montana for the kids. And he does a lot of yelling, and then he does a lot of dancing. which is kind of great. You know, there's some good dancing in there. Jennifer Esposito sneaks into the house and, like, I don't know, find some stuff. I'm quite remember.

I'm just realizing now, because I think my memory had erased it. We didn't talk at all about in his training how he successfully becomes master's guys by doing a racist kind of Indian accent for a long time. Oh, yeah. Weird that I didn't bring that. Well, I mean, I do think it's a... My word is that the listeners will hear this and be like, oh, they didn't mention that.

I guess they think it's okay. Oh, you're right. Or the listeners will think, like, oh, this sounds like a wacky romp. I like bad movies. I'll watch this. There's nothing very racist in it, I'm sure. Yeah, it's really bad. And, yeah, so during his...

I guess we'll talk about it. No, we don't have to talk about it. During his first chance to, like, the way, when he finally crystallized, when everything works out, he transforms... What's the name of the special energy that they have, that they tap into the... Energyco, yeah.

Yeah. It's in my brain forever now. Energyco, so he taps into it. He becomes... a racist caricature of an Indian man playing a snake charming flute A snake charming flute And he plays like a Kenny G song And then he and the fake snake like kiss and hug

The snake doesn't do much hug I mean you can't have a hug I guess you can constrict as a snake Yeah that's a hug Yeah But that was a cobra which is not a constrictor No that's a venomous snake Yeah

Okay Also uh So I guess the I guess the implication is that We're back at the fucking snake house If you're looking for things to avoid in master of disguise, there's also gay panic as a... A movie from 2002, Desccio, of course, loves big butts on women. There's a lot of unfunny stuff where he's like,

oh, Jennifer S. Boat isn't big enough. For Dan, big butts are deadly serious business. Well, it's all because, like, E.D. McClurg has a big butt, so it's all tied into his mom adoration. But there's a part where... I mean, that's what Sigmund Freud would say. I mean, it's expressly said in this movie. It's part where Pistachio and his grandfather are ogling a big butt on the street

and are so alarmed that it turns out to be a man's butt that their ice cream cones fly into their mouths. And then the scene stops, as if the movie for once realized, like, oh, we shouldn't be doing this. The thing is, all of this big butt stuff is setting up an important climactic scene that was cut from the movie and then inserted into the end credits as a blooper scene. That's what you're writing, Dan. There's a plot.

Yeah, so somewhere in there, like, Pistachio does more disguises. He rescues Jennifer briefly by being, like, a suave English gentleman character. And, you know, they figure, they follow all the clues, they figure out what's going on. Jennifer gets kidnapped again,

so Pistachio has to speak to his grandfather in a magic crystal ball. Which is a very weird scene, because I'm like, could they not get this actor back in the same space as... So one of the producers on this movie is, Dino Stamatopoulos, who's a really good comedy writer.

And there are times when the movie gets weird suddenly, and I'm like, I bet this was a Dina Stamatoplas, too. Yeah. So I think the idea of him having a magic crystal ball that his grandfather projects out of like a hologram, and it's just like, let's do something weird at this moment. So Pistachio figures out he can sneak into Devlin's home as a giant cherry pie, and he runs around

as a cherry pie man. This is one of the most frightening visuals you ever see in any movie. I feel like the flip side of the Turtle Man is this him as like an ambulatory inside of a cherry pie. And it is terrifying. It looks like all of his skin has been pulled off of his body. It's horrifying. Yeah, he looks like there's a character in,

and what was that horror TV show that was just covered in teeth? It's kind of like that. Oh, the Channel Zero show. Toothbody. Yeah, Toothbody's his name. Dr. Teeth from the Elkjumanus. You know, you know when you're sitting alone at night and you're staring off into the, you know,

maybe staring into the moon, making a wish, and you're like, I wish I could just meet a guy made out of cherries. Well, that's kind of what it looks like. Wait, so hold on. I'm just saying what everybody else is thinking. I feel like that. That description didn't really get across anything other than what it is. All right.

It's horrifying. It's really horrifying. You know, when you're thinking about the Fruit of the Loom gang and you're like, why is the cherry guy like one big cherry? Shouldn't he just be a bunch of little cherries? Yeah, like, you know, like, you're thinking about the fruit of loom gang. Yeah. Yeah, like cherry goo.

A bunch of grapes is a bunch of grapes, so that makes sense, yeah. Okay. Whatever happened to the Fruit of the Loom guys? Somebody, I don't see him on TV anymore. They got work on a hat. Now they're all on a hat together. Oh, that's great. That's great.

Okay, so he sneaks in as a pot. That's good. That's good, yeah. So he sneaks in as a pie, and then he tries to disguise himself to find his dad, and then they catch him, and then he does a bunch of martial arts moves, and he fights a bunch of evil martial artists. Very briefly. He mainly does some flip.

and then he has a showdown with what he initially thinks is the bad guy, Bowman, played by Brett Spiner. But it turns out that that's actually his dad with a Brett Spiner masks. Brent. And then they have like a fight kind of until he convinces his dad to like rip the mask off. He puts underwear on his head, which reminds his dad about what he was like as a kid. Meanwhile, he breaks out of his programming. It's just like in the Manchurian candidate. It's exactly like that.

Meanwhile, their mom reveals that she has not been actually taking the drugs and she could free herself at any point and defeats the guy who was going to kill her, which is like, cool, I guess. Why didn't she do that earlier? And then Pistachio marries Jennifer Esposito. Sentence to a life of being Pistachios. Yeah. And then all three disguises go to Costa Rica,

disguises George W. Bush. and you're like falling into depression as you describe what happened in this movie The George W. Bush thing is like What the fuck? It was topical at the time He was president at the time

Yes it would be like crazy If he just showed up to a pool party But it I mean like this I mean the movie It's also like a suit He's wearing a suit yeah Not a bathing suit suit.

It also is like the movie got tired You sound like you're tired It's also like the movie got tired Because it ends and it's like oh yeah we didn't quite like tie everything up let's have like an extra scene where we just like do it really fast so like all the disguises are there and they're like in costumes yeah push him in a pool and I'm like I guess that's a and he farts from below the water he does fart below the that's that's a that's a great that's his character trait that's a great thriller suspense movie fart below the water

and Stuart what uh yeah I got some notes here what are the credits like what are the credits of this movie like before I get to the credits I do want to mention that there are like three different theme songs to this movie talking about specific plot points. This is the most bespoke soundtrack outside of a musical I have ever seen. There are so many songs about the master disguise in different

styles. They thought this was going to be the single most successful character in the history of fictional anything. Storytelling. We're going to need a shit ton of songs because there's a... On the Hot Fun 100, we'll need 100 songs to fill it up. But like none good.

They're all like, he's a master of disguise. Master of disguise. I mean, this podcast doesn't review music dance. Sorry, I'm straight from... I did notice there was a trivia point that because Dana Carvey says some of the lyrics from Papa Dope preach,

they had to pay Madame $17,000. I mean, that's not... Half the budget, I assume. That's pretty standard, yeah. But like, it was a net... It's not like it furthered the plot. That's true. But it was a...

A hilarious joke. A reference to things that kids of 2002 knew and loved. But, uh... Don't preach. Okay, so the movie wraps up and you're like, I guess it's time to get out of here. It's only...

We've been at this for 71 minutes already. Oh, no, no, you've got nine minutes of bloopers. Time to pour lie into my eyes and ears to cleanse them. Yeah. So you get to see like James Rowland dancing a little. That's cool. No, it is not. Yeah.

Some of it is my least favorite thing in the history of cinema. End credits were all the cast dances to the song that's playing, don't like it. Don't like it. Don't like it. Don't like it. But most of it is scenes that were cut from the movie. Clearly cut from the longer version of the movie. You start seeing scenes where he's in a different disguise

that you didn't see the movie. And I was like, what is this? Yeah. But he's talking to Brent Spiner. I'm like, well, I don't understand. This didn't happen. Did I black out? And then it ends with him, like, fighting the guy.

Fighting a little man. Yeah. The guy who was hiding inside the wooden sparring dummy the whole time. Yeah. And he just keeps saying slap over and over and slapping Dana Carvey and then they chase each other around. They run around the Hill style.

And then later on they're just like enjoying a little drink together. Just sitting and talking to the camera. But like this character just showed up. It really... No, it was our favorite character, Stuart. It means kind of this point. Yeah. He does have a charisma

the rest of the characters don't have. He's dressed like Super Mario, right? You know? Yeah, because he's like a little bald guy with a mustache. And it's, it is so clear that they are... Which Mario, if he takes a charisma. his hat off is bald, right? Is that the... I mean, let's go to the barbershop and see his pictures up there.

It is so clear that they are running out the clock on this movie and they're like, all right, how much have we gone? Oh, okay, need another 45 seconds? Just sit and talk, Dana. It's all right. This is a case where, like, because this is all stuff that clearly, like, okay, we didn't use... We cut this whole scene. We cut this whole scene, but we got to put something in there. Like, it really makes you sit and think, like, okay, so the stuff they kept was the good stuff. Yeah.

Some of it is, some of it is Dana Carvey doing other impressions. Like, he does an impression of Russell Crow in Gladiator, and all those impressions clearly have the same background. So it feels like they were like, we got to just shoot some extra stuff. Like, we got to just put on different costumes and say different things. And it's like not even that good of Russell Crow and Gladiator impression. It's like, I mean, the Quint stuff goes on way too long.

Oh, yeah, there is a part where he also, he escapes by being disguised as Quint from Jaws. That does go on for a long. But also, like, with no jokes, he's just doing straight line. that Quint has in Jaws. But then the joke is, it's the reference, and then he just starts kind of making gibberish sounds, right? Yeah. New England gibberish.

The thing that everyone knows about Quint from Jaws, which is that he is incomprehensible and you cannot understand what that. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Just like in Jaws. He's like, Arder Shahr, Ragh, Rosh. So I think... I think times running out on the old master of disguise here.

Why don't we do final judgments? Whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie. I think Dan's gonna surprise us all of them. A movie we kind of like, you know what? Dan, how many times did you cry during the movie? He's my second time seeing Master of Disguise. What?

To me, Bear, the first time was at his Bachelor Party. I'm a bad movie sicko. I didn't think we were gonna cover it on the show ever. So I watched it in the past. I do want to point out, like, of the three of us, Dan is the one who watches the most bad movies just for fun, which is crazy. He will sometimes...

He's in it for the love of the game, guys. He'll sometimes send me a text that just has a little clip of video of whatever he's watching in the moment and I'll be like, what is going on? Why are you choosing to do this? Why? I'm very busy. I have two children. Oh, hold on. Dan just texted me.

I hope he's okay. What's going on? Oh, he's watching some kind of Italian softcore movie. Okay. Anyway, yeah, I'll finish reading this book to you before you go to bed. Let me just see what Dan's tell me. Some kind of soft core animated movie. Sometimes.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me finish giving the eulogy at this funeral. Oh, what's saying watching? I'm pushing someone's chest down, giving them seafarer. One, two, three, oh, my phone buzz. Let me check, but Dan's got to tell me. Oh, okay, he's just watching the color night.

Okay, only half of them are some kind of softcore nonsense. But, um, no, I was shocked to look at my letterbox and be like, wow, I was generous because I was giving it... You gave it four stars? No, I was generous. I was... Another whiff by the Oscars. In my review, I warned of the racism,

but I was generous on a, like, this is inexplicable. If you like bad movies, you might enjoy this level of, like, this is truly bizarre that this movie was made. Yeah. And I can only assume I was drunk or stoned. Watching it again, I'm like,

this is awful. I'm having such a bad time. It's a bad, bad movie. That's what I wanted to say. What are you... It's really bad. I was, you know, I was looking forward to this one. I think Turtle reasons and also a love of Dana Carvey,

but I remember the time I was like, this feels like it's, unfortunately he had a big gap in his career due to health reasons, which sucks. And I just wish he had been given, he had something better, but, oh, man, it's just, it's brutal. It's a movie. Well, I don't want to go out on a limb here. Yeah.

Yeah. But I... Master of disguise, the movie that you are. Yeah. But I also. think it was a bad, bad movie. Okay. I will say,

if you ask me, did you laugh zero times during this movie? I cannot honestly say no, that I laughed zero times. Yeah, but I feel like, hook him up to the lie detector. Yeah, hook me up.

All right, okay. But I think, the overall feeling you get while you're watching it is, it should, the ideal way to watch this movie, the ideal feeling should be like, this is a bunch of silly nonsense,

it's just really funny and goofy. It doesn't mean anything, but I'm laughing. And instead of while you're watching it, you are baffled. Yeah, you're just like, why is this happening? Like, what's going on here?

And there's such a intensity of like, they're really trying to sell it really hard, you know? Yeah. No, it's for children. I would like to leave you with the story I read when I was researching this movie. That the cast of the Nickelodeon show, all that, that they apparently were in one of the scenes in the movie

as themselves, playing cameos themselves, and they were invited to the premiere of the movie. It was not until attending the premiere and watching the movie that they learned that their scene had been cut from the movie. So it's like in a dish And then the worst part of it's They gotta sit and watch the whole movie So like it's not like

Imagine taking like a date or something To be like I can't wait to impress this person by Well We have somehow My grandma out of this And she had to watch the whole thing I brought my parents I brought my

I think this is really what's gonna save my relationship With my dad I think this is when he sees me up there on the screen You know We have some How to go with your parents? I'm out of the will Why'd they say, why?

Mas for a disguise. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, my name is Brea Grant, and I host Reading Glasses and Reading Smut, and I'm here with Max Fund member of the month, Nick Roy. Thank you so much. What episode would you recommend to a new listener who's just jumping in for the first time? Definitely the one where it's like, let's talk about reading lessons. Because as someone who started listening, what, seven years in?

I even, I was like, oh, that's why we say that. Oh, my God. Mallory's going to love that you said that because she really was like, we got to tell people more about ourselves. I'm like, we just talk about ourselves every week. What would you say to other people who are considering supporting maximum fun shows? I would say if you want to keep listening to content that you enjoy and you want to support the creators, oh no, I just won't get a Starbucks once a week and I give you guys 10 bucks a month. Sounds good to me. I love that. And listen to Nick. Nick's a librarian. He knows what he's talking about.

Support the shows you love, including this one. Show notes for a link or go to maximum fun.org slash join. Hi there. Sorry to interrupt your podcast listening time. I know you're doing the dishes right now. That's okay. I don't worry about it. You might not know me, but I'm Brenda, and I'm here to tell you about the podcast I host with my good friend Austin. It's called Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries and we cover all kinds of pop culture topics. Like, did you know that there was a real life replica of the Simpsons House in Las Vegas, Nevada? Or that Flint, Michigan was once home to an indoor amusement park themed around the automobile? If those things,

Sound interesting. You should definitely check us out every Tuesday on maximum fun or wherever you get podcasts. Goodbye. You can get back to your dishes now. It's fine. Hey, it's Dan here. Breaking in just a moment on this live show. I hope you're enjoying it.

We had a lot of fun at San Francisco Sketchfest, as we always do. Thank you to them for having us. But there's some messages. And the first is that this podcast has sponsors. Oh, boy, does it have sponsors? Of course, in large part, the podcast is brought to you, by you, the listeners of the flop house who go to maximum fund.org, become a member. Thank you to all of our supporting members. We can't do it without you.

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That is at Whirling Tiger. And we're going to have an intro, some opening from Howell Doughty. You may recognize that name. That is producer Alex. producer, a brilliant and funny man in his own right. And once he's done, we're going to be discussing the movie Glitter. You know, it's described as a romantic musical drama. Getting a lot of genres in there.

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If you go to Flophousepodcast.com and click on the events tab, you'll find the information there and a link to buy tickets. That is courtesy of our webmaster, Jeff, who is kind enough to put our upcoming events on the calendar, even when I forget to do it personally. It's right there. I checked. Thank you, Jeff. So we hope to see you there live. And now, let us return fake live to us live in San Francisco.

We have somehow talked a while about this movie, Master of Disguise, so we don't have all that much time, but we will talk to folks a little bit if you want to. There's a microphone here for any... questions or such. Do you have a question, whether about Master of Disguise or other, we will be happy to answer it. I was going to say don't ask Master of Disguise questions, please.

This is where you and I disagree. We're going to be moving quickly through the questions because we're running somewhat low on time, but we want to hear from you, and I will stop wasting time. First question, yes, hello. Yeah, Jason, last name withheld. Hey, Jason. We watched sinners last night, and I'm watching...

You're supposed to watch Master of Disguise. My mistake. They're like the same movie. There's an amazing mid-credit sequence that really sort of changes how you've used some of the endings of sinners. And I can't watch mid-credit sequences anymore without thinking, boy, it's really sad

that Stu didn't see this. Yeah. Stu, what is your policy about end-credit, mid-credit sequence? Is it literally the moment you see somebody credited for anything? It's just off right there, or is there more to it? Well, that's a thing. I mean, yeah, as soon as a credit rolls, I'm out of there.

I'd close my eyes. I put it, popping the headphones. You said to me it was a prince. thing that you do not want to give any sort of credit to anyone who worked on a movie. Best boy, I'll be the downside of that. It breaks the fucking illusion of the movie that people made it? Impossible.

I thought they were really sinning. Yeah. I do, I find it very, I was watching sinners and I find it very funny that that is in the middle because I'm like, oh, well, it's an insane choice. This is the end of the movie. Of a great movie, it's an insane choice. Yeah.

Why did you see it? But Stu, what? I did see that one. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to ruin everybody's... In the theater, do you get up and just leave right away, or is it only at home that you refuse to do?

It's only at home when I immediately turn it off and then I go back to scrolling on my phone. Yeah. I don't want to... Yeah, woo, phone scrolling. I don't want to speak for Stewart, but I think that the... Not untrue...

I'll speak for Stewart. Hey, everybody, there's this game of that player. Oh, you guys read these Gene Wolfe books. This image of Stewart of never watching... watching the mid-credit or credit sequences that, like, four Flop House movies. He's, like, so angry at the point that the credit starts. He's like, well, I've done my job. Click.

Yeah. Versus like good movies. I'm on parole. And it's impossible to scroll ahead to check if there's anything in the credit. They just don't know the technology for it. Thank you for your question. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Hi, Elizabeth. Last Name Withheld. Hello. I saw a master of disguise as a young person in the theater. Oh, boy. And it's the first time I remember looking at my dad and saying, can we leave?

And he said, no, we paid for the tickets. Whoa, what a classic dad. He thinks the money is worth more than the time. There's only one thing you get more of and it's not time. But maybe it was time with his daughter. Cats in the cradle and the zoo. I feel like it's also like a good lesson, though, too. Yeah, that's true.

You're going to eat the whole master disguise. You wanted me to take you this. You're going to smoke the whole box of master disguise. But yes, anyway, so, yes, you had to stay. So what is the first movie you remember thinking, I'd rather not be watching this? I have a very, I think I've talked about this before on the podcast. I have very strong memory of seeing National Ampoon's Christmas vacation in the theaters

and being like, I don't like this. Am I doing something wrong? Am I watching the movie wrong? Because I like movies, but I don't like this one. And my family being like, that was fine. I was like, I don't understand. So, but that's the one for me. I will say that movie, having watched it somewhat recent,

or at least parts of it. Like, I sympathize with the yuppie characters who live next door so much. Yeah. They're just trying to have a pleasant Christmas. They're stylish. They have glass bricks inside their home. You instantly love them then, yeah.

Mine's a weird one because it's not that it was a bad movie at all. It was just like on my... What? Sinners? It was like one of... Just kidding. It's a great one. That's why I was saying that, yeah.

One of my birthdays, you know, I like going to see a movie on my birthday there wasn't anything like that really like stood out to me, but I'm like, oh, the eye, this Korean horror movie, I hear good things about it. And then we went in and we were watching it. And almost immediately I'm like, you know what? I don't feel like doing this.

And it was more just like, my emotions are not movie right now. Let us go, you know. That was the situation I had when I went to see Jeepers Creepers on September 12th. Yeah. When the movie theater in Union Square, where I was then living as a college student. You were living in Union Square?

Yeah, I was living in a tent in Union Square. No, I was in a dorm on Union Square. They put these signs up on the door that said, we would like to make this a day at the movies, take your mind off what happened. Everything's free all day, free popcorn, whatever. And this friend of mine was like, yeah, I heard Jeepers, creepers is like a good throwback

to old-fashioned, you know, creepy movies. And we went and started watching it, we got big things of popcorn. And within about 10 minutes, I was like, yeah, I don't think I'm in the right mindset for this. Yeah. Yeah, I just, for my father-in-law's birthday, we took him to Man of Steel,

and I spent so much time in the bathroom. He was worried about you. Thank you. Thank you for the question. All right, next question, please. Can't wait to hear it. All right, first name Craig, last name withheld. Hello.

So imagine that NASA is going to make another set of those golden records that they send out into space. Cool. But these ones are going to be bigger. So there's space for a good, bad movie. And they decide that they want to hire you guys to figure out which one it's going to be.

So they want a good, bad movie, not the best good bad movie, but one that would teach aliens what a good bad movie is. What one would you pick? Gotta be cats, right? Cats. Yeah. I'd be like... Gotta be cats. I'd be like, I would... Because I want aliens to be like, to experience the feeling of

watching cats, which is like, what is, what? What? What is this? What? But then they can't get the songs out of their head, and they don't like those songs. They can't get... They're like, by the end, they'll explain what shellicle means. Yeah. But they actually explain in the opening song. Now, aliens are going to be like, should we invade? I don't know. This kind of is making me scared

and confused, but scramble shakes is cool. Cole off the invasion. We thought we understood how big or small cats are. But they seem to be able to change their size at will. Emperor Clark talk. We cannot invade Earth.

Yeah. Got to me. Yeah, we should do that right now. Can we do that? Yep. Okay. No one's stopping us. Thank you. Thank you for your question. Five minutes. Oh, okay. Oh, right. This is a lightning round. Oh, Vince, last thing, withheld.

I recently watched the Toxic Avenger remake reboot. Thoroughly enjoyed it. It's surprisingly tasteful. Curious, what trauma film would you choose to remake and what contemporary director would you choose to remake it? Ooh. Do you guys have an answer? You don't know, like, Tromeo and Juliet,

Julie Di Carno or something? I want to do a Class of Newcomb High, but I don't know who the director would be. Yeah. I'm not, like, the biggest trauma fan. You know, Von Trier. But it's class of Newcomb high. I really want to get in the mind of those teenagers, yeah.

Losing it. Was that a trauma movie? I think it was. I don't know. I don't think so. I think they released it. There's a bunch of sex comedies that they just acquired and released. I don't know. And then just added a scene where someone's head explodes.

Yeah, exactly. All right, there you go. That's your answer. Lightning Round. Okay, thank you. Robert last name withheld. In middle school, I had some friends over for a sleepover, and we went to Blockbuster, and I picked out. Master of Disguise and The Shining. Oh, God.

Whiplash. Has there ever been a double feature, whether accidental or not, where they've been thrown into even starker contrast by the juxtaposition. Jeez. That's crazy. I mean, not, I mean, there was,

I don't think it's in, I'm trying to think what movie I saw, the same day I saw Wallace and Grom and Curse of the Wear Rabbit. Because I saw two movies that day, and one of the, was a grown-up movie, and the other was curse the way or bad, but I can't remember which one it was. I, you know, I'm going to pull a politician trick and answer a question that I can answer rather

than the one that was given and say, like, it's not about whiplash between double feature so much as just like, just a, what was I thinking sort of situation in terms of tones. There was an afternoon in which Audrey was, like, out of the house, and I'm like, you know what, I'm going to watch a movie, but I'm going to watch a good movie for once. I'm not going to watch some garbage. I'm going to watch something on the Criterion Channel. I'm going to have a great artistic experience. I chose to watch Lynn Ramsey's Ratcatcher,

which is a terrific movie. I love Lynn Ramsey, but it starts with child death and does not get more pleasant from there. I'm like, why did I choose this for my afternoon? I remember my girlfriend took a trip out of town, left me home alone, and the double feature I did was irreversible and Eachie the killer.

by myself. I'll tell you when I almost did, but didn't. When I went to see a simple plan in the theaters, my dad left the theater, and I didn't know why, and he came back and he goes, hey, a bug's life is just starting in the other theater. And I was like, I know that I'm in the right mood for a bug's life. All right, great, thank you.

Next question. Appreciate it. Thanks for coming. Thanks, everybody. I know we're going to go over a little bit. I apologize. Peter, last name withheld. Congratulations to Elliot on the Ghostbusters gig.

Oh, thanks very much, yeah. I can't wait to see what you do with it. part of my childhood. So my question is for... I'm gonna ruin it. It'll be great. I'm gonna love it. My question is for Dan and Stuart. When and if... When...

Yeah, I love Ghostbusters, too, I guess. When and if you get your Ghostbusters cameo, can you describe your ghost and its personality? Thank you. Okay, I'm gonna be an old-timey cowboy who got shot while taking a dump in an outhouse. So the character in Unforgiven. That happens. Yeah. I'm going to be haunting like an old locker room,

but like no one, no one, no one, no one. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a cartoon for, you know, like, no one's going to be there. It's going to be abandoned. Like, it's just going to be like a sad man being like, you're like moaning Myrtle. I thought this was, I thought this was the joy of being a ghost. And then it's going to be.

So you're a ghost that's trying to be a pervy creak. Yeah, yeah, but cannot because he's incompetent. He's incompetent at being pervy. All right. Brands. All right, thank you. Awesome. Thanks guys. Hi, my name's Matt. Last Name Withheld. Are you guys going to make it out to Atlanta

any point? We've been talking about it for years, but I don't know why. We don't have plans yet, but we would like to do that. All right, thank you. And what is the bad movie that you've watched that you've had the most fun watching? Cats. Hate to answer the same thing? No, it's true.

Yeah, it was incredible. I think I've said this before, but like, you know, we saw it in the theater together. I look over at Stewart, like 10 minutes in, and it was like the scene and the producers where springtime for Hitler is sung, and they cut to the audience just with their jaws dropped, not saying anything.

I think runner-up for me when I was in the audience at the New York premiere of Burdemic, which was also a great experience. So, yeah, thank you. Adam, last name withheld. So evidently, in the director's commentary for this movie, the director states

that Pistachio's big butt fetish was put in the movie as an anti-anorexia message, which is either an extreme lie or someone convincing themselves that made a bad decision for a very good reason. So what other time has a filmmaker tried to excuse a bad decision

with either an extreme lie or, you know, just a bunch of bullshit? I mean, I remember early on we watched a sucker punch, which I feel like... Yeah. They're trying, like, it purports to be trying to be making this anti-exploitation message

and be like, this is like the vision of a dumb guy's idea of, like, these girls. And it's like, yeah, but you just kind of made it, man. Like, you did the thing. It's like, you can't do the thing in the movie and then just go, not at the end to be like, that's my message. Yeah, yeah, I think it's a good answer. Thank you. Hello, Matthew Greve, last name withheld.

Since there's a new Star Wars movie coming out this year, man... What? You wouldn't like it. It's called Star Wars Cantina. It's about running a bar in the Star Wars world. You wouldn't like it. But I would like that the most. Yeah, and I think the hero of it is like a big gamer.

You wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like it. So, yeah, Mandolarian Grugu, obviously a young wolf and cub movie. So I was wondering, what other Star Wars or what other Japanese cinema classic would you like to see turned into a Star Wars movie? What, high low? High low. High and low. High and low.

I mean, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, in Ozu, one of Ozu. Yeah. Something about, like, um, oh, yeah, House, would be an amazing one. Yeah, yeah. Happiness in the Cat of Carey. Fireworks. But yeah, yeah, I think something about a family. Something about a family.

Yeah. Yeah. No, you know what? Drive my car. Is it Tale of Floating Weeds? That's those who want about the actors, right? I would like to see something about an acting troupe in the Star Wars world. Oh, that would be great.

Or a band. It's about Max Rebo's band and life on the road, you know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, thank you. All right, let's go. Let's go. Super fast, super fast. Hello there. Eric, last name withheld. When I was a child, I went to a test screening of Masters of Disguise.

Whoa. So I... You're not blind. And you were like, love it, love it, love it. Turn that dial all the way. More or less. As a child, what would you guys... What movie would you have liked to have been in a test screening for?

And what notes would you have possibly given? I think I'd be in a test screening for Gremlin's two and I think I'd be in a test screening for. I would say no notes. Like Bill and Ted's bogus journey, put more robot Bill and Ted's in it. I don't know. What about Bob? Take it easy on him, okay? Why is everyone so upsetting and anxiety provoking?

I'm not equipped for this. Doesn't answer the question. That's whatever your note. Yeah. What about Bob? Yeah. I'm afraid, yeah, we do have only time for one more. I'm sorry.

We talked too much about Master of Disguise. Somehow we managed to do that. So I apologize to everyone who is not on the line. Email your answers to Dan McCoy at Dan's real email address.com. Hi, Nick, last name withheld. My favorite movie growing up was Wizard of Oz. Loved it, watched it incessantly. It's amazing.

And my wonderful wife, Caroline Ney, last name withheld. Also, we were talking about movies as a child, and Master of Disguise came up. She loved it. I mean, they're kind of the same movie, Master's Guys and Wizard of Vives. Any super weird or classic favorite movies that you guys had growing up as kids? I mean like Ski Patrol.

Ski Patrol featuring director Paul Feig in an acting role, yeah. That's what you liked about it as a kid. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, this kid's going places. They're not in front of the camera. I just remember that my brother, John, insists, insist that I loved this animated movie, Water Babies,

because he, like, he's like, you love that shit. You watch it all the time. I'm like, John, you don't understand. He said this at your wedding. That was his toast. You love that shit. Fuck you.

Have a good wedding. No, no, I mean, I was like, John, you don't understand. I was a child. I watched it because it was on television. I didn't like it. But do you have a... I don't know.

I mean, when I was a kid, I was all about the dark crystal. but that's not like a weird choice, that's great, you know? It's got like, because I was like, finally a movie where it's all monsters know people, and I'll accept two gelflings, which are kind of like people, when I have that many monsters. And like any movie, any movie where there's a scene

where the creature characters are just hanging out, eating or drinking, I love it. Star Wars, Gremlin, Star Crystal, give me two straight hours of just kind of monsters sitting at a table, just eating stuff and hanging out. It's like food is life, you know? Yeah, so... And they ate real messy.

They eat super messy. They got their own little silverware that they put on their fingertips. amazing. That thing tries to run away. Uh-oh, I don't think you're getting away. That's, that's going to eat you. What a movie. I want to watch it now. Okay. Okay. Well, let's get offstage and watch it now.

You've all been great. I'm going to do that, Dan. Thank you for enduring the tale of of Pistachio Disgazy. Thank you to Cobbs. Thank you to San Francisco Sketchfest. And for the Flop House. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Sher Willington.

I've been Ellie Kalen. Thank you so much for joining us. Good night. Appreciate it. What is that? I was popping my booty. That's the move that Stuart calls the sexy stinker. It's good to see you all. I mean, although eagle-eyed viewers might have noticed

a certain stealthy man turned his screensaver off. But let's pretend that didn't happen. We're the flop house. Hello. Why are you telling me? We're the flop house. Hello. I'm Dan McCoy.

I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kalin, the star of the fuck. Whoa! That's right. It's 2026. It's a coup. I'm in charge now. The hell is going to be so upset. This is a podcast about dinosaurs and dinosaur-adjacent topics. Fuck.

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