The Frank Skinner Show - A Blue Whale At Harrods

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Frank and Emily are joined by Ania Magliano! Frank has been emotional at the cinema and Emily has had a sweet surprise at the garage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Nobody could ever see how much faith you have in me. Only fools would disagree that it's so. Everybody. Some people never know. So this is Frank Off the Radio. I think so. That was the idea.

I thought you'd join you. This is Frank Off the Radio, joined by Emily Dean and Anya Magliano. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com. And as for WhatsApp, 07457. 4-1-7-69 Always Always my finger

ends up in the 69 Oh God, frankly You literally just start Don't quite me on that Speaking of my finger Oh no I don't want to speak of your finger E-T I was walking to the tube station this morning

And this is the first part of my journey and I walk past the Royal Free Hospital and I look at the floor generally when I'm walking I don't really want to catch anyone's eye or any dog shoot I think that's because you appreciate pavement having worked on soil

so many years I've told us in the last part making the most of it no one loves a slab you can't believe it you can't believe your luck so anyway someone in front of me dropped their phone

so I picked the phone up and handed it to them. And then as I looked up, they were like pushing a drip on a stand. Oh, no. And the woman looked it unwell. She went, oh, thanks. And I thought, I've touched your fucking phone.

Now, what have you got? I really wanted to say, what have you got? Oh, no. I don't know she had another. The reason she dropped the phone is she had another phone. Okay. So maybe she had too many phones disease. Thank God she's from the drugs industry.

It's not, it's not. But I don't know that for certain, but I'm a man. I carried that left hand to work with me, like not using it for anything. I was reading on the tube, reading a book with one hand. Not easy. What did you, what you were in she would have? Surely she'd be isolated if she had anything. You've got quite old-fashioned.

She looked like she'd strayed out for a cigarette, one last cigarette. One last? Wow. They were lining up a firing squad at the side of the hospital. But maybe being touched by, maybe being touched by you by proxy will give her the life that she needs. It might bring her back from the brink. If she touched the hem of my garment, I think I could have, it's quite a short garment. I don't think she could have reached it. And then on the second part of my journey, I arrived in central London.

And we're recording in Soho today, which many of you will have. heard off for all its various reputations. But it's an exciting and vibrant area of London. I saw outside there's a musical called MJ the musical, which is the Michael

Jackson musical. And there was, they had the, the dot things open at the bat where you take. And there was two blugs taking what looked at me like an enormous sort of elephant suit. You know they wear like pantomime horse things. It's like a

panted my big elephant taking in there. And apparently... The elephant in the room in that musical way. That's what it does. It stands in the corner of the theatre throughout the second half, never referred to. That's so good. So...

Oh dear. Yeah, that's what happened. I wish they would have the actual elephant. I wouldn't it be great if they did. But never referred to as well, of course. Perfect. So, yeah, that happened. That musical always has a really long queue outside.

It's fascinating. It's doing so well. It's, you know, forgive and forget. What's wrong with our British nancy's? Why aren't they getting any musicals? Interesting, yeah. Why are we got to go to the American? Where's glitter?

Glitter the musical. Please don't take that out of context, producers. But it's just, you know, it could be a bit patriotic with it, surely. Yeah, absolutely. If you're going to platform any, keep it, British. Send them back. That's what I say, the American ones.

Your problem with Michael Jackson is that he's American? Yeah. Not any of the other ones. Look, I don't mind him having a musical as long as a couple of the UK guys have got one as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you know. A rising tide.

Glitter's screaming out for a musical. Thanks. Please stop talking about glitter. Okay. Please, I beg of you. Anyway. That happened. Can we talk instead about, we've talked a little bit about Dudley Zoo on this podcast.

Yeah. Do you remember him? I used to work with Peter Cook, Max. No, he's making it. I knew that was a joke. Can you explain Dudley Zoo, Frank? Dudley Zoo is where I grew up is a local zoo. And it was like a big posh London Zoo.

They took what they could. Yeah, sure. A lot of the stuff they just captured themselves locally. Well, a lot of it wasn't alive, no longer alive. Someone wrote in a rather tragic missile about a polar bear that used to slowly shake its head from one side to the other. Behind the bars. But it was just crossing the road, it turned out.

It's just very cautious crossing the road. Well, Andy has got in touch. It turned out it had been the Wimbledon Tennis Club, Palabere. Well, Andy has got in touch regarding Dudley Zoo. It seems like you've opened quite a rich vein with this Dudley Zoo chat. I'm just a few months younger than you, Frank. So your references resonate strongly with me. Well done for email, literally.

Don't spit that. I nearly, really, nearly went directly into the mic. You two possibly remember faintly, I think you would have been very young. Faitly was the name of the Paola Bex. Yes, faintly. The opening of the new Coventry Cathedral in 1962. Oh yes, yes.

Okay, my parents... With the big tapestry by... I can't remember his name. Sad. My parents were desperate to pay a visit and aware of the fact that a two-hour car journey followed by a visit to a cathedral... They had a car.

Yeah. Highty. Tighty. What age were you and your parents got a car? My parents never got a car. Oh, okay. Oh, no, that was it. No, my sister...

Your sister's boyfriend got one in the whole... Went out with a bloke who had a car. And when he parked it outside, it was like an eight-year-old mini. We all went out to have a look at it. The whole street came out to look at it. That's nice. It was well when Stevenson's rocket rolled into town in the 18th century. Anyway, a two-out car journey followed by a visit to a cathedral.

My parents were obviously aware this wouldn't be their five- and seven-year-old son's idea of a fun day out. No. So they offered us the carrot of a stop-off at... Dodley Zoo. On the way home. That's more than the animal stuff. Over 60 years later, my brother, who incidentally, frankly, Frank, is now a canon of a certain other 20th century cathedral. My brother and I, what's a canon? Sorry, I don't really understand.

A canon is a person who, I met the canon of St Paul's and he's sort of in charge. He's a religious figure, but he's sort of in charge of the cathedral specifically. Yes, I know they're in the church, but I never worked out where he came in the pecking order. So a canon is like... Well, it would be below... I think it would be below a bishop. Okay, got you. But above a vicar.

Lovely. I think, yeah, I met the cannon, but I think he got fired shortly afterwards. Oh, my God, for meeting you? No, it was a canon joke. Yeah, he's doing a canon joke. Oh, my God, so this is why your audience don't like me. He's doing a canon joke, Max. It wasn't one of her most elaborate jokes.

The canon got fired. I think I was just trying to take it to a dirty place Oh, okay. Well, don't stick around. There'll be plenty of time for that. Yeah. Anyway, Andy's brother is a canon. I never saw the cannons balls if that's what you're wondering. I've got to make a cannon joke now to redeem myself. No, stop talking about cannons because there's balls and all sorts.

We'll support you all the way. You've done the balls and you've done the firing and what else has left? That sums up your career. Man of the right calibre. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's less me doing the firing than me being fired. Okay. It'll be calm. Don't just think about that.

Yeah, okay. Don't, because you'll be, I know what comics are like. Can I be really honest with you both? It's one of the things that I always find with comics. You'll say something and I see their little eyes. And you think we're not aware of it, but we really are. We'll say something and they're so not focused

on what we're saying I'm sure you're aware of it I don't exactly hide it No you're worse at not hiding it I hold up my left hand palm first just to let them know that I'm in my office

They're in their office Until I've got the life About seven times a day with them So you just think okay I'm just going to leave you here Yeah The Cogs are wearing Yeah exactly

So are you still in your office Can I just establish I'm out of office I'm working from home. Sometimes someone, if I start to think of, I need a joke. Another joke to come from that. I'll just put up a big man at work sign in front of me. I've done it in restaurants.

Are you both in your office? No, no. We're working from a co-working space. I love it. I love it. We work. Oh, no, that didn't end well. Over 60 years later, my brother, this is the canon, Frank.

Thank you for explaining properly what that was. My brother and I still recall. the horror of our visit to... Doddly Zoo. And the sorry state of the animals in their drab 1960s living conditions. Perhaps this is why I like Hampstead Starbucks. Right, yes, it's bringing back.

It's nostalgia. And you're the animal. Yeah, I just shake my head from one side to the other in there. But I'm just looking for a stirring stick that hasn't been used. Oh, do you feel you've come home, Frank? I have. I can still picture the penguins. We've had the polar bear, now the penguins.

Paddling forlornly in a couple of inches of green water. That makes me so sad. For years afterwards. They love it. They love the green water. They're quite show-offs, the penguins, aren't they? Yeah. Who's more show-off, monkeys or penguins?

Oh, monkeys, I think. Are they? I know what you mean about penguins, but... I think penguins have got ideas above their station since. Madagascar too. No, Harry Stiles used the penguin enclosure at the British. Yeah, he did, didn't he? British, not the British Sioux, London Zoo for a video.

Now, this is a reference I can get. There you go. There we go. I'm in. Anyway, for years afterwards, on... He didn't do one at Dudley Zoo. Up to his knees at Greenwater. Sad polar bears.

You know that one with that video and he flew? He'd have to have done that. Didn't want to actually put his feet down in the enclosure. I don't think they let polar bears do they in zoos now? It was cool. It was very cruel, but they even had them. I think I saw one turned away recently from London. It queued for 10 minutes, I felt for it.

Anyway, for years afterwards, on car journeys, we would drive our parents nuts by endlessly daunting Ugly, Buggy, Ugly, Ugly Zoo. Oh, poor Dudley. I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for Dudley Zoo. No. They didn't know, Frank. I think it's the stop after the Southampton Ordnance Survey.

Yes. And we could get in touch. Maybe we could free the animals. Yeah. Justice for Dudley Polar Bears. Right. We can bury them, I guess. They're polar bears.

They live a long time, don't they? Polar bears. How long does a polar bear live? They live until the bit of iceberg cuts off. from the rest and then they just float out on their own and die.

Really? I don't, the thing is you don't know they're dead until you fall over one. The trouble with white animals

living in snow. Yeah, I thought it was an eagle or it's a fucking polar bears it turns out. They're very aggressive. That's the only thing. Are they?

Yeah, they're dangerous. They're really dangerous. They're dangerous. They're not like Paddington. No. No. They're the most aggressive of all the bears,

I believe. Well, I don't know about that grisly suggests a certain... Yeah, but they get bad PR because of the name, this always happens. Coalas are bears, are there? I don't think they are bears, are there? So there's grizzly koala Paddington. No, koalas doesn't count, does it?

Is it a koala a bear? I do. You're looking at me like, I know. Well, you look like a koala, that's why. That's how my lot it runs. It's called koala. And you live on eucalyptus, and you've got chlamydia, that's right, isn't it? Oh my God. Frank.

Okay, I said that was between us. I hope not. Okay. I'm bloody hope not. No, she means I'm giving her the eucalyptus. Please stop it, Frank. Okay. Well, yeah, I don't want to be too hard on...

No, do I? And I'm starting to feel... Yeah, but does it still? Yeah, does it still exist? That's the kind of... Because I'm doing this in the assumption that it doesn't. But if it does, please feel free... I thought someone sent in and said it still existed.

Oh my God. They are going to get in touch now. But it's on fire. but it exists. Please, Dudley Zoo. Feel free to get in touch with us. We're talking about the old days as well, Dudley Zoo. I don't.

They're listening to podcasts. Do you think not? Why not? Or they're fighting for their lives, the keepers. They're scaling walls with their bare hands to get irate starving giraffes chasing them. First penguins to wield a knife. Oh, ma.

Oh, sorry. I've lost it slightly. Is there another outside world? There is. I'm just calming down. Have you got tears? No, it's just, I like the animal humour is really up my spasa. Yeah, I know, completely. Me too. And angry animals is my absolute favourite. While we're on the animal subject,

we've heard from one of our readers I was listening to your podcast recently and had to reply to your conversation about animals being sold at Harrods. Do you remember this guys? We were talking about this? Yeah. I don't remember. Well I do remember because back in the day, in the 70s this would have been

a lot of my parents' friends, I remember my parents talking about this. It was quite common to buy exotic animals. Oh yes because we talked about the man who had an alligator and lion. And they would buy there was a ballet dancer friend of my parents who had monkeys. It was a And you'd go to Harrods.

That's where people would go. Because the idea, Harrod's prided itself on we can get you anything in the world. Oh, okay. There was a... Them and Dudley Zoo. Hand in hand. Yeah. Oh, that parity has slipped over the years.

You could get a parity if you wanted one. Green parity. Great parity. Wasn't an actual parrub, but it was parity. You know what I mean? If you squinted, it was parody. Exactly. And there were lots of sort of, you'll see videos if you look at them.

You know, you see those videos of owner gets reunited with lion. Love it, love those videos. Well, I do, but often I'm afraid it is based on... Is it Androcles? Well, it is based on the wealthy who bought these lions from places like Harrods. Oh, of course. It's not actually good that they own it. It's not really great that they bought it. In Androcles and the lion is he, he,

removes a thorn from the lion's foot and then afterwards he's thrown to the lions I think he becomes Christian and it was even less popular then than it is now and the lion protects him tells the other lions to back off okay because it was the one that he had the thorn removed from but I took my dog out yesterday oh yeah for and uh I didn't have much time and it was, I don't like taking her out in the dark on Hampstead Heath in case. We're both killed. Or worse till I get killed and she drags me home.

Oh, you don't want that. You don't want that. What's your cut off point? Not only dead, but covered in dark shit. Oh, God. What's your cut off point for taking her out then, time-wise? Probably six. Sundown.

Sundown, what are you, Gary Cooper? Well, if it's dark, I don't go on. the heath. Okay. Lest I should be ritually saddimized. Oh, don't. Frank, I think you're all right.

No offence. Well, it's dark, remember? Yeah, that's true. And the dog looks lovely. You're right. You're right. I had forgotten that. So, um, I took her out for about five minutes. And when she got back,

she went and lay down in the thing. Her response when we got back was exactly the same as when I take her for an hour. And I thought, is this it with animals? They don't really remember. So she remembers. leaving the house and coming back and everything's like a sort of grey in between. Is it any different for her to walk an hour

and walk five minutes? Well, I can tell you one thing. You need to take her on a snifferati because sniffing, dogs from 10 minutes sniffing, just a dedicated sniff walk, they will get as much stimulation out of that and they'll have an exhaustion

and they'll have as much gratitude as they would from, I think it's like a two or three mile walk. Just 10 minutes. What are they sniffing? I talk her on a two-minute walk around, longthric. You need to take Poppy on a dedicated sniff walk. Well, she loves a sniff. If I take her out late, what happens?

If I take her out at night, I don't mind going out late, but I only do the roads. I'm not going to go. And you're quite patient. You let her sniff. I do let her sniff. But if you go out at night, I think the foxes have been out. And then she's zigzagging like a man, imagine what. The man next door, you stood next door who was a scientist, told me

that if you had an Olympic, two Olympic swimming pools and you poured a cup of sugar into one of them, a dog would be able to smell the difference. And let's face it, shanty starbox has probably done that at one point. Yeah, I should think so. Yes, the smell is, their sense of smell is phenomenal. But I think I could do that. But she looked, really?

Yeah. Have you got a good... You saw me with the chocolate raisins. We've already done Tasmaster because that would have been a good one. It's a 50-50 guess. Yeah. But yeah, 10-minute sniff walks

I highly recommend. She'll be very grateful for that. Well, she loves a sniff. There's no question about her. Well, I used to. Can I finish this email, please? I remember the 90s. I'm just listening and had to reply.

Do you remember this, Frank, to the animals being sold at Harrods? This is how we got here. Yeah. My mum visited London in the early 80s and went into Harrods and they were genuinely carving up a whale in the food hall.

No, that's effed up. Yeah. That's a big food hall. Yeah. A big carving knife. It is a big food hall. Exactly. And a big chef.

And let me guess, an Old Testament prophet came out of the stomach. Oh, thanks for that, guys. Few. Are they for sale those cheaters? Oh, that's... Wow.

I think that's... I mean, that is extraordinary, isn't it? What do you think makes a distinction of, like, they could have surely sold that as a pet? The whale. It's quite unlucky for the whale. If it saw all the cheaters and the lions... Who's going to keep that?

I don't know. But if you saw all the lions and cheaters and you'd think, I'm the... I'm an animal, too. I shouldn't be being carved up. I think they generally die in... I remember reading they die in captivity. What, whales?

Oh, yeah, like the sort of sea life. I think eventually, the owner gets drunk and has sex with the airhole. And they perish. That's really upsetting. Please don't. It even manages to make that blue. Is that a wild joke?

Well done. Well done you. Oh, God. What's my canon joke? Oh, you've gone into the office. Something about the blowhole. There's a cannon in the blowhole. While you workshop this, you two, may I tell you something?

I want to know what you think of this. I went to my garage the other day. Charming gentleman called Thassos. Okay. Runs my garage. And I like my garage. Because while Thassos was looking under my bonnet, there was... Yeah, she dresses in Jane Austen type colour.

costumes most of the time. And I have little lamies on a string. And, no, while he was looking at examining... David Lammy on a string. And they give you a coffee, you know, which is standard, which is lovely. But, you know, normally you might get biscuits or chocolate. I just have to ask one question about your... About Passos?

About your garage you go to. Do they have a calendar with topless ladies on you? No. Okay. They've moved on. Okay. That used to be a thing, didn't it? In garages.

I mean, I've been in garages where there's just hardcore pornography, but not in on the desk, on the wall. People have actually put it up on the wall. What a deece if they use, I don't even want to guess. No, they're quite respectable. I'm glad they've gone. I think Moose and Thatchus and the boys were very respectful. Pirelli calendar was like a sort of upmarked.

but still really one of those calories. It's a bit Victoria's Secret, wasn't it? Right, Sports Illustrated. But Victoria's Secret was no more, let's put it that way. We all found out her secret. Exactly. So they give you a coffee, but what I like is instead of the traditional biscuit or maybe a Cadbury's Hero that you'd expect,

they give you with the coffee, red strawberry laces. You have those sweets. That is amazing. And I like it because it sums up the slight quirky. of this garage. Yeah. How many laces? You can take as many as you want.

They give you a packet? No, Thassos will offer you that he'll go strawberry. In his hands? He's got them balled up like a yarn. He's got them all in a big, like, you know, those old... In his hands, though.

Wait, it's all in. You know those old sweet sort of bottles that used to get? Oh, I'm with you. Yeah. So he'll, like a sweet caddy, so he'll offer you, he'll go strawberry lace. I thought it might be in an old...

He took the top of an old swore figure can. Wow. They should wrap them in the tires or something. Yeah. Anyway. He might need a musical written about him soon. Who, Thassos? Oh, I love Thassos.

So, they also... It's a difficult rive, though, isn't it? Oh, yeah, you've got to be so careful. It's going to have to be in Greek or something. Yeah, it's going to be difficult. The whole thing's got to be in Greek. Nigel Farage is back. This might be the thing that finally encourages me to learn to drive.

Well, if you can't... I'll introduce you. to Thassos, I think I'll take a shine to you. But I'll tell you, Thassos also plays... Why did you learn to drive? I really like those red laces that you get those. In the only world in which I'm learning to drive. But he has a driving playlist as well, which I think is very thoughtful.

So it only sort of strikes you while you're sitting. They think, oh, I drove all night. Oh, and that's going in the garage. And then you hear, Mustang, sell it. And you think, oh, I'm getting in it. That's great. Yeah. That is good, yeah. And then, Frank, I heard...

Viva, Las Vegas. Is that... What are you other driving songs? Oh, it's Vosal Viva. The Queen one? What's the Queen one? Jesus wants me for a zombie. Don't stop...

Don't stop me now, would sort of count as the driving song. No, no. I'm in love with my car. That one. That's a Queen song. Is there a love with my car? That's the bicycle song. I want to ride my bicycle. I think I'm actually right in this.

No, you might be right. I'm not sad. I'm in love with my car. No, driven by you. Driven by you? It's a completely different title from no one you were just championing. There's definitely driven by you

and I think there's I'm in love with my car as well. Okay, that if driven by you sounds right. Driven by you was using car adverts. Is that differently green? Was it? Yes, you're right. Yeah. Everything we do is driven by. Everything I do. I think it was like a Ford advert. Oh, I bet Fred used to sing that to his chauffeur. Well, they played also

ran along in my automobile. Oh, that's one of the great, Chalkberry, one of the great, driving songs. One of the great songs ever, in my opinion. Well, I only realised afterwards, think it's actually called No Particular Place to Go. Yeah. But I got a bit shocked when I was listening to the

lyrics. Because I always thought it made me re-evaluate Chuck Berry and think, what an intelligent articulate poetic man. Chuck Berry, I've said before, was the poet laureate of rock and roll. His lyrics are fantastic. Which is how I've always viewed him. And partly due to the fact that I've always

sung, it says, running along on my automobile, because he's with his baby. He says, I ventured to tell her. His girlfriend, yeah. Okay. Yeah, not that kind of thing. Right, right, right. I ventured to tell her the way I feel.

I thought, he's ventured. What is it about brilliant. He's not saying that. What he actually says is, oh, he's anxious. And I felt a bit let down because I thought it was ventured. And I liked beforehand, because he is your right, a brilliant songwriter and lyricist, Chuck Bell. Well, in that, he says, driving along in my calaboose, still trying to get the belt to loose. Because they stopped for a snobber.

and he can't get a safety belt on top. But Calaboose is not a word that you often heard. No, definitely not. We talked the other week and one of our previous incumbents was shocked. The word vestibule appeared in a chockberry song. Yeah. But I was shocked. I'd called it wrong.

And there was another man in Thassos's waiting room. And he was sort of middle-aged man in a Gile, you know. and I said out loud just because you know you do I sort of wanted to show I went oh my God I've been getting that lyric wrong all this time and he sort of looked at me

and I could tell he was irritated that I'd spoken and sort of like why are you talking to me and he just went I don't really know music or sleeves as it turns out

but I don't really know music it's because he heard the word record sleeves and he thinks I'm not having anything to do with that green sleeves. But I don't really know music. Was he sucking on the strawberry laces as well? Or was he above that? No, bitter lemons.

But no, do you know what? It just struck me when he said that. I thought, isn't that interesting? Some people are just closers. You get conversational openers. I'm a closer. You're not a closer. You two are openers.

You're a headliner. When I do, yeah, headliner, closer. Same thing. But you were both example of openers. If I'd have said that to you, you'd go, oh, where, what do you mean? But it was just the automatic closure. I'd have said, what are you doing after, darling?

That's what I'd just say. Let's venture back to my place. With no particular place to go. So I think it just struck me afterwards. It was weird. I thought, I wish I'd handle that. I wish I could tell you I'd said something brilliant and witty back to him. I didn't.

Because I was just. Well, you're upset. I was depressed by the closing. The idea of his life. Maybe he was too cold on his arms and he couldn't be open because he's shivering. So you know you're talking my kind of like.

I never knew this before, Mags and I have finally do have something in common. What's that? We feel the cold. Oh, to who you? Finally, we've managed to bridge our two warring factions. I wrote an autobiography. Well, it's sort of about an autobiography of a tour.

And I dedicated it to my now wife. and it said to Kath hot and cold under the coyote and that's because I had wily coyote stuck on the top of my headboard on the bed that we slept in

we weren't married but there we go what does your mum call it from under the brush over the brush yeah over the brush but I would have the duvet double

on me and she would have no duve on at all because she was so hot. That's hardcore. Yeah. Not even a sheet. Not even a fucking sheep. Wow.

That was from, what was that film where Ray Winston said, cocaine chem quarters, it was like ancient fucking role. What is that? Is it sexy beast? I might be sexy beast. Oh, speaking of films, I really cried in the cinema. last week. Did you?

I cried. I actually let a little noise out from the crying. It was a moment. Reminded me I had a friend who was shushed during on Golden Pond. That's so brutal. Because he really cried. But I cried at Wicked for Good. Wicked for Good.

Did you love it, Frank? There's a bit where Alphabet and a. Glenda. Yeah. Is it Glenda? Yeah. Galinda? Glinda.

Galinda. They say goodbye to each other. Having been friends and enemies. Yeah. Like so many of my relationships ended. She was green. And it was, I fucking sobbed. It really, oh man, it was too much for me.

Have you seen that? So I need to get involved with these. I've seen it. And is it worth seeing? I'm going to, Mike Lee, maybe I should watch it. Well, it's very different from the first one. The first one was... I haven't seen the first one.

The first one is properly funny. I honestly think that, as my wife called her, Ariandi Grandi. That's your Starbucks order, isn't it? You don't need a fucking... Okay, I'm off the hook. I'm off the hook. I think she's one of the great comic actors of the 21st century. I used to watch her in Sam and Cat, the thing that she did.

It was like a follow-up to the Icarly. She was fucking hilarious. And is she really good in it? So I need to watch the first wicket. But the first one is properly funny. It's much lighter. The second one is more tragic. Yeah.

Okay. But it's good. I think watch them both. I loved it. I love it. Jeff Goldblum's in it. My son, we were driving the other day. And he said to me.

I love him. No, me and my son were in the car. And driving along. He said to me, he's mad at bars. He's mad about Ghostbusters. I mean really obsessed with him. All the films. And I said to, he said to me,

do you know Bill Murray has given up acting? He's just in a band now. I said, oh God, they all do that, the bloody actors. I said, Jeff Goldblum brought an albumer. He said, Jeff Goldblum can do no wrong in my eyes. I thought, where the fuck did that come from? Apparently, apparently he's become a cult hero amongst the youth

Goldblum. I'm so pleased. He does TikTok dances and stuff like that. That's it. I mean, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Oh, I find him so...

That style that he's got, like as the Wizard of Oz. So I'm using stress patterns that don't normally feature in human speech. It's all like that. I think that's amazing acting, though. Yeah, I'm like, that's a good acting.

But you know who else? Christopher Walken is famous for that, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I could have been a great actor. I never thought it through. No, you couldn't really, funny. I'm not being rude. I could have been a great actor.

Don't be greedy. You've got comic, comic legend. To me, it sounds like when you phone something up, but they say, if you want the number, I thought, is this goblin? Goblin's on the line. Basel listen to this and it'll be devastating. Yeah, but you don't remember when he sung,

the only thing I didn't love was when he sung the Oscars tribute as time goes by. Oh, that was unbearable. I don't remember that. I was an unbearable, Frank. A cigarette beside an old French letter. It's a good impression, actually. He is good at impressions.

He, um... He's very good at his impressions. Yeah, I hate him as well in Wicked. He's really... The character? Yeah. Well, that's not his fault, Frank. No, but you don't normally hate the Wiss at the Vastity.

You know, in the original film, he's found out to be a weak and frightened. He's just a fucking bastard. Oh, is it? He's the leader of a genocide, essentially. Guys, I'm going to go home and rent it wicked tonight. Apparently he's the director of Dudley Zoo. Don't start me on Dudley Zoo. For the people who have seen Wicked and listen to this podcast, that's going to be the perfect joke.

That's going to literally be at the perfect. Just those people. But I, there's a bit where, who's the really handsome guy? Jonathan Bailey. Jonathan Bailey. Who are, yeah. Well, anyway, Jonathan Bailey is strikingly. Oh, he's so handsome.

I saw him as Richard II. Oh, yes. And I thought, how interesting this is one of those really good looking film stars who come properly fucking out. He was brilliant, as really. Richard the second. And he kisses Alphabar. And they have a proper...

Is that Cynthia? Yeah. Okay. And I was watching it. And I thought I would give 50 pounds to the maker of this film if he drew back and was just covered in green stuff.

And then he rinsed it off into a bowl and a Dudley Zoo penguin walked through it. Oh, I thought you were going to say I'd go 50 pounds if I could kiss him. So did I. Well, he's gay. He'd probably be all right. You know, if the 50 pounds went to save the children.

Well, to kiss you? You think he'd be all right with that? I'm just saying. For charity, yeah. For Dudley Zoo. I'm not so sure. Okay, £100. I think it might have to go a bit hot.

You used to be a thing, didn't it, that celebrities would sell kisses for charity. This is before COVID and all that stuff. Well, also it's before all sorts of things. because they'd have fares and ladies would stick their heads out and it was called the kissing gate and things. Yeah. And you'd pay the lady to kiss her.

I think you should bring that back, Frank. Yeah. With Jonathan Bailey. I don't know if there's some of the people I find at my stage door. I mean, I know I used to shag them in the old days, but... Oh, Frank, don't just remind us. But post-COVID, I don't want to be kissing those people. And they shouldn't be kissing me, even for charity.

No. The woman outside the Royal Free Hospital, for example. Yeah. You didn't react well to that. God bless her, but, you know, I don't want to catch anything this time of the year. I don't mind catching summer, but not just before Christmas. If I want to do that, I can go into my local Starbucks. Exactly.

Exactly. And lose a stone and a half. I don't know if we actually talked. I don't think that was unfair. I'm no bat referring to a joke I did off air. A friend told me she got dysentery in India and she said, guess what? I lost a stone and a half with excitement.

Anyway, Anya has been a joy. I've called you Anya because this is like you're leaving school and I'm the headmaster. We love you, Matt. Oh, thank you guys. I've had a nice time. And did you like, I got you a nice card? You got me a lovely card, padded envelope.

But you got me the best present. Anyone who's very observant. might have noticed, well done if you did, that the last two, this podcast and the one before, I opened singing songs from Wings' first album. And I think that's because Emily Dean has bought me a book, which I haven't dug into yet, but it's about Wings.

And I was a member of the Wings fan club. I'm not talking about the sanitary towels advertised by Claire Rainer. I'm a member of that fan club. Oh, well, good for you. We all were at one stage, love. I wish they flew to the bin. Wouldn't it be great? But, yeah, I was in the Wings fan club.

I love their stuff. Oh, good. So it's a very good. Oh, I'm so glad. Anyway, happy new year to you. Happy new year, everyone. And, you know, I don't know what I was going to say, but I will say happy new year.

I think Andrew now we should have ended on that. I don't go out, as you know, I don't go out New Year. don't love New Year. I worked out recently. The last time I went out on New Year, John Major was Prime Minister. I'm very comfortable with that. Wow. Okay. Over to you, Frank. Yeah, the last time I went out at New Year, William Ewe at Gladstone was the Prime Minister. Anyway, the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday. We're still in 2011. Well, I am. Look at if you'd seen these trousers. And this is, time we're talking about the wild

days of Alice Cooper that'll be good I love Alice Cooper oh and next time on this podcast we'll be joined by Johnny White Really Really Oh lovely Exactly no really He's so I look forward to that

It's the Frank Skinner podcast A new when a change is blowing It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.