The Frank Skinner Show - A Couple of Ghostbuster Enthusiasts

Episode Date: January 2, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined this week by Johnny White Really Really! Frank has been irritated by TV adverts and had his Christmas made by our Nora. There's also how Johnny got his name, more Dudley Zoo intel and an argument on a wheel. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da. Yes, live orchestra today. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean, and Johnny White Really-Reely is with us today. You can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com. And when it comes to WhatsApp. If you want to talk about sonnets, a hyacuz, a free verse or bullets, if you've ever been giving someone else is a war trophy, then you should message 0745-741-7-6-9.

I'm seeing American singer-songwriter about 1974 on top of the pulse with a moustache. I'm enjoying watching. Johnny's reaction to that. I was trying to figure out if it was AI or not. I love AI. I love it.

I hope it was AI. I'm very codependent with chat GPT now. It solves a lot of emotional problems for me recently. My view is if there isn't more original thinking in society in general, it deserves AI. You might as well just put it into a computer and repeat it, put it on a loop. Okay.

Anyway, yes, we're with Johnny White really, really. Now, I like the idea of having what is someone who is virtually a complete fucking stranger to me on the podcast. My only knowledge of Johnny is that I was in Edinburgh and someone said to me, have you ever seen Johnny White really, really?

He's brilliant. And I thought, well, I've heard that before. And then I went and saw him and he was brilliant. Oh, that's a really? You really were. I told lots of people because not only did I believe, that you were brilliant but also it made me sound like I had my finger on the pulse of modern

comedy which I don't. No you don't. And we spoke outside, I don't need to remember. Absolutely. I don't have the confidence. I used to be a big moment for people but now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he, just, I just want to imagine, put my place myself there at the scene of the crime. Did you know Frank was coming? Did you? So what happened? And then someone said I was, I'm waiting for my friend Frank. And then you walked up. Yeah, and that was... Yeah, that was... Because I couldn't see you at all in there.

No, I try not to sit at the front run. I think that's unnecessarily cruel. No, brilliant. It was great. And so I thought, you know, maybe he's funny in conversation as well. Can't happen. That puts pressure on people. No, it doesn't.

You know what? You've been not funny in conversation. I think it's a motif, on me. show. How dare you? Anyway, I think one thing we have to address early on is that you're called Johnny White really, really. Yeah.

So, there was a long time, I never really wanted to do comedy under the name Johnny White. I find it kind of uninspiring. Is it your real name? That's my name, that's my idea. So I was kind of always trying to think of some sort of exciting alias. There was a time when I was doing comedy under the name Raisins, just that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, like Madonna, just one name only. I don't know what that was about. That was for like a year or so. Raisins? Yeah, yeah, ridiculous. I don't know what. I just didn't want to use my own name.

But on Facebook, I was always called Johnny White Really, Really, Really. Because if I liked something, it would say Johnny White really, really likes this. Oh, okay. It was just pleased me. But I sort of forgot that that was my Facebook name. And then a promoter in 2015 just thought that was my stage name. Put it on a poster. And I was like, oh, yeah, so that's it.

That's the only, that's it. You see, I thought there was a bogus Johnny White going around. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. You felt you had to point up your authenticity. It's like on the social media when they say the real Johnny White. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there was a Graham Green who toured the hotels of, the world, the fine hotels,

who wasn't Graham... You know Graham Green, the author? Yeah. There was a bogus Graham Green. Oh, really? And they never met, but he would always say, Mr. Green, you were here two weeks ago

and you've completely changed you. Yeah, so he went around being Graham Green. Ray Parker, Jr., who did the Ghostbusters. Oh, God. I know. It's worked very well. We're a Ghostbusters family. Yeah.

There's a guy called Ray Parker, who did the music for the animated Tintin series. Right. But the credit always... gets attributed to Ray Parker Jr. He's cleaning up. Ray Parker Jr. It's not the son of Ray Parker who did.

No, no, no, no. It's quite odd when you go for the junior when the dad isn't very high profile. See, all I remember from that series it began by going, Hurges and Ventures of Tin, Tin. Did he write that? I like to think that he'd imagine turning up

with the committee and saying, right, this is what I think the theme, too, should be, oh, dear, they're just looking at each other thinking, oh, God. My only issue with Ghostbusters is the line in it which says, I ain't afraid of no ghost. Okay, I'll let Ayn't go, even though I'm not a big fan of Aint, as a rule. But I don't like that little creepy, I hear he likes the girls. That always bothered me of it. I don't want the ghost creeping on me. When's, I'm afraid of old ghost. I who likes the girls.

I've never noticed that. Oh, well, that's why. Privilege. The bit that gets in my head, if ever I feel nauseous, sometimes my brain works against me and it will try and provide me with kind of unpleasant, like all grim things, almost to make me be seeing. And one of the ones that will loop, there's a bit in the Ghostbusters theme where he says,

Bustin makes me feel good, and it loops it, like a kind of, yeah, yeah. I have to say that it... I like that bit, it drifted by me at the Ghostbusters theme, And then I was in a club, which was called Strawberry Moons. They play Ghostbusters in the club. And they played the Ghostbusters. They played Ray Parker Jr. But Onoca really big, really blasted it out.

And it was an otter revelation. I suddenly thought, oh, my God, this is fantastic. But my son, I've got a 13-year-old son, Johnny. He is utterly obsessed with Ghostbusters. Well, does he think of the new ones? Oh, he loves the new ones as well. We went to Comic-Con recently and there was a couple of Ghostbusters

enthusiasts stalls there and we went up to this. This one got bloke and his wife both in the Ghostbusters outfit with the backpacks and everything on. And he's, you know, he obviously, he loved it. And I, it was great

because usually when Buzz talks to an adult about Ghostbusters or indeed another child, I have to rescue them after about, too. because he's really deep into it. But these guys, obviously, I could let him roam through. But this guy, he loved Ghostbusters. There's only been five movies, but he didn't like the last three. I mean, he's got such a tiny little, just a tiny little cannon to be working with.

And he's still, the one with the, because I said, I really like Ghostbusters 2016, which is a female Ghostbusters. Oh, my goodness. He didn't like that. I couldn't have said any worse, I don't think. Anyway, that was that. So that's how really, really happened. Oh, yeah.

And it's just sort of, every now and again, people will put me on posters just as Johnny White. And then I feel like I'm throwing a real kind of diva fits when I email them and say, can you amend it and put Johnny White really, really? But it just, I don't know, the idea of it just being my name makes it seem sort of. I don't know, I just don't like it.

I have to say, I do like really, really, but I'm also, I was always, I'm rather fond of raisins. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's ludicrous. How can you say that? Out of someone who does a dog base. Do you know raisins are kryptonite the dog? Yeah, they are.

I thought there was chocolate and raisins. But I like it, Frank, because it's like a 1940s gang, you know, and it's a year, get reasons. Oh, yeah, oh yeah. Don't you think it is? I've been so anxious this Christmas with mince pies and the dog.

I thought if I'd drop one section, the dog's dead. I didn't know that. I mean, you wouldn't buy someone tickets to a dog fight, would you, for Christmas? No further comment at this time. Mint's pies. Yeah, Johnny looks a bit unsure. Johnny was like, wouldn't you? Perhaps I've overstepped them off.

But mince pies, I bet have killed more dogs than dog fighting. Oh, Frank. I don't know about that. Come on, raisins. I feel like... Johnny, look round then. I'm just... I'm worried that in the past have given the dog a raisin.

Have you got a dog, Johnny? My mum's got a dog. He did have, but he gave it, right? And then there was that unfortunate dog fight he enlisted it for. Yeah, exactly. What's your mum's dog, please? Wolfie. Oh, I love a wolfie.

It's one of the mixture ones. It's a croc... Cocker Spaniel mixed with a poodle. Cocker poo. Horrible. I've got a cavapoo. Oh, what's that a mixture of... Goodland, the Cavalier, King Charles.

Oh, okay. Spaniel, yeah. I bet it has an optimistic nature. Yeah, it's very like you, Frank. I got, are you aware of the dog father? No, I don't think so. It's a TV show on, there's a thing called dogs behaving badly. Dogs behaving badly.

Dogs behaving open brackets, very close brackets. A bit of following your own thing. Dogs behaving badly, really, really. It could have been called. But anyway... Graham Hall, he's called. Yeah, but he's known as the dog father. And we had him around to give us a day's training when we got a dog.

Oh, is he, he's a kind of... Dog behaviourist. Ah, right, yeah, yeah. Get on their level. And he said, yeah, well, of course, because of the poodle, they're very intelligent dogs, he said, because you know, like the French are intellectuals. And I thought, this doesn't, does that work?

Well, he's like, Voltaire. Yeah, yeah. That's unbelievable. Well, that's why my dog is wise, because he's, that's where he grew up, he evolved. They evolved, you know, Shih Tzu, so I've got a Shih Tzu. Okay. And they were raised in Chinese royal palaces, but also with the Buddhist monks. Were they?

Yes. That's a fun. That's really not the life you want if you're a dog. They're not even going to throw a stick in case it's a beetle. So life's going to be pretty miserable. They do look quite, they've got quite serious expressions. Yeah. The contending...

The Shih Tzu. Yeah, yeah. Well, they do as well. Yeah, they do as well. My friend in the... Wallacey's got one in the Whirl. And it carries a very sort of somber. Maybe that's the reason.

David Badiel called my dog an intellectual. Yeah. Because they're devoid of desire. But it's the dog father calling your dog an intellectual. What does he do the dog father then? He makes you an offer you can't refuse. Yeah, he makes your dog an offer you can't refuse. Yeah.

He goes around. He might seem to have some offal. No, we don't give our dog awful. Can I make that clear in case as anyone who thinks that the inner organs of beings are sacred? Okay. Oh, you've got to be so careful nowadays, Johnny. You know who it is? Anyway, we have from the outsidey worldie?

We have. We've heard from Dan Butrus. Okay. Good name. Yeah, very medieval, cathedral. I hope he's got a pilot's license. It could be known as a flying buttress It's an architectural joke

Not enough of them I think I love an architectural joke Yeah Dan Batchez has got in touch because Johnny recently We've been talking about Dudley Zoo Johnny recently is another My favourite comedians

We couldn't get him today We've been talking about Dudley Zoo a lot On this podcast Dudley Zoo Oh is it a zoo in Dudley Yes Okay And Frank you remember it from your days

Don't you I do And most of the sort of reviews, late reviews we've had of it, is that there was some animal cruelty going on. No, we didn't. We shouldn't say that because I feel we've been a bit nagged. Look, it's closed and everyone involved in it is probably no longer with us. Is it close?

I believe so. I don't think it's around anymore. I'm going to find out. Do you think it's still going? Yeah. Well, it's a very... Well, it might be close after the bad publicity it's got on here. Thanks, Skidder Strikes again.

There was one mournful part. polar bear does not a bad zoo make. I think that's the same. Well, Dan Butrus says during your Dudley Zoo episode, you discuss the dangerousness of various bears. Are you aware there's a following quite helpful saying with regards to bears? If it's black fight back, if it's brown laid down, if it's white, good night. Because polar bears are the most dangerous of all. You want to avoid a polar bear? I do.

Don't organise any of your... animal fights with them. I thought of an invention, this is a long time ago. I never kind of marketed it or put it into production, but if you imagine luminous fabric

that is kind of velcro to the inside of your arms and these sides and it concertinas up into huge wings, you can use it to frighten bears if you're walking. I think that would,

I've got no proof of that. Why would that fight the person? Because if you make yourself look enormous, it scares them. Is that? If it's black fight back to black brat,

you would do that to their... Make a huge noise and bring out the bear wings. Brown, you have to lay down. I don't want it cuddling me or something. Is that right? If you make yourself big... I think so, yeah, yeah. They get frightened. See, the next time I'm in bear territory,

I'm going to take one of those inflatable sumo suits. Hold it's out of bear. I'm so disappointed that they're aggressive, because when they rub themselves up and down the tree, they look so cute, don't they? Who do? Bears. Well, they're not as aggressive.

as polar bears. They don't even have a tree to rub up again. Well, that's true. What do they do with their days? Well, no one knows. They're white. Can't see them. They are really, really white. My wife said, when's Johnny really white on the show? And I said, no. That is the stage name I would be very wary of it.

You'd get booked by reform for rallies. Not another reform. Comedy unleashed. Kath Frank's partner, she sometimes gets names wrong. Yes, quite a lot. So she called G.K. Barry when she was watching I'm a celebrity, Frank. She called her... She said, I hope G.K. Chesterton gets into every finals. We all did. In the way, we all did. Too late, I'm afraid for G.K. Poor G.K.

We've also heard from Jack Kelly, who's actually one of our regulars. Jack Kelly used to be in Maverick. Really? The popular Western TV series. This is Jacques. And they had an English cousin, the Maverick family. James Garner was Brett Maverick. And the English cousin was played by Roger Moore, would you believe?

Oh, in a Western. Anyway, carry on. Jack Kelly is Jacques. Oh. J-A-C-Q. Oh. Dear Frank Emily and friend It's not him there

It's not the Mavrevely I like And Friend Yes That's like you know when you go on the Universal Studios ride You go on the E.T ride Oh yeah and it says your name at the end And it says your name and at the beginning you queue up And you put your name in and it will say Hello

Eity and Emily or whatever And because so many people were abusing it With silly rude names And names of serial killers If you attempted to put a silly name in They would just say Hello friend in this slightly passive ground.

So have you heard someone getting friend, you knew they'd put Satan or something in. I went on a big wheel in Paris, you know, the big wheel. A ferris, I went on. Well, we're the girlfriend, and it was a difficult relationship. And even on the course of the wheel,

we had a massive, you know, I mean, a real screaming. What are you on the wheel? So when we got off, they've got to display a photo there was a photo with me really going and I wish I'd bought that photo

because that you know there's photos of us smiling together they ought to lie about the way but that one actually went to the truth of the thing how stupid I was not to buy you

should have bought that right anyway that would have caused another row if I'd bought it especially when I was in snappy snaps the next day getting the Hostess done.

D-shirts printed much. Exactly. Dear Frank Emily and friend. Listening to the recent tale of a man on a train, this is something we read out, who told off a fellow passenger for playing terrible music on his phone only to realise he himself was the culprit.

Yeah, imagine that. You'd have to just get off. You'd have to just get off. Even to pull the emergency stuff. Jack says, my guide dog, Hillary, recently retired. Before that, She'd been with...

They're retired. Do they decide on that themselves, the dogs? Do they just say, I'm done now? Yeah? I'll fight across the road. No, what, is there an age? You should know this. I don't actually know.

I'm a canine correspondent. But I didn't know there was presumably, I suppose, some elderly dogs. It's a young man's, a young dog's gay. It is, yeah. Before that... Who wants to be a fucking sat-in-ha-ha-ha-ha? Before that, she'd been with me for 10 years. and I loved and respected her very much.

Imagine then the rage that descended when I was in a grocery store and while packing my items away at the checkout I became aware of a man pointing down towards my guide dog shouting, get it back, get it back. I was furious that he was talking to my precious girl like this and I unleashed...

Was it, Paul McCartney? I hadn't quite gotten the lyrie. Yeah, nearly there. And I unleashed my most... Horstic, profane-laden Scottish abuse at the chap. Oh. He continued to shout and point, and I eventually realised that this kindly gentleman

was in fact saying, in a very noisy shop, to be fair to me, you've dropped your bag. One of my tots had fallen onto the floor next to my guide dog. I could not get out of that shop quickly enough, and this still comes up sometimes in my therapy sessions. That's from shout. Oh, that's a lovely ending. It would be mortifying.

So I suppose can you see how that would be mistaken? Get it back for you've dropped your bag. But if you need a guide dog and your guide dog retires, yes. Do you, sorry, I've just remembered of something else that happened to meet this. Let me remove that sort of. Oh, sorry. So I'm sick of your slapping.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You're going to do it again now. Oh, I don't know what's on the felt, on the balls. Yeah, put it on the base. Go on. So if it then retires, You need another guide dog. So do you keep your old guide dog

and then a new kid on the block comes in? That dog's going to be so upset. It's going to pine away and die that dog. No, it's not. They're not like comics. No, but imagine when the harness is picked up and you think, here we go, then we're going out and he goes on another dog.

And you hear it and you just see all that happening in front of your very honest. Oh, man. I mean, it's a bit like me looking at people like, Dewey car. Now, you know what it's more like? What, the harness is going on him now? It's a bit like Leonardo DiCaprio.

And I'm sitting dry, mottled in the corner. Do you know what it's like? It's like Leonardo DiCaprio is still letting you live in the house before the next 27-year-old moves in. Yeah, exactly. You just have to see the new one. Because if he lived in London, he'd have to. You wouldn't be able to get accommodation, that's all the short notice.

Oh, you don't want to be able to be a bit. at DiCaprio and the next one turns off. DiCaprio Heights. You get fair warning. It's about 18 months the cycle, I think. Is that right? Until the next birthday. Sorry.

What's that birthday's coming up? Are we back to guide dogs or Leonardo DiCaprio? No. We got off the subject of guide dogs. But that, yeah, it comes up in her therapy sessions. It's a lovely story. I was in the pub with my friend and we stood at the bar and there was a sort of pub man

like an older guy had come to a pub on his own was next to us A pub man Like yeah A bloke you can't imagine outside Yeah I know those Exactly those blooms you mean

And we moved to a table And I brought my bag And what I thought was was her bag And this guy was like What are you doing And then started reaching for it It was his bag

But I didn't realise it so I was just holding it above like he couldn't reach it because I thought he was trying to steal. Oh no you were taunted it with it. It was awful and then she was like what are you doing? I was like we're trying to take your bag and it's like that's his bag so I gave it back to him and he was like fury I mean understandably

and then he ended up getting thrown out of the pub I felt I still feel bad about that yeah I haven't brought it to therapy yet but perhaps I should that is I think you should I mean he hadn't done anything wrong and he got kicked out because it was but I mean all I'd done is teased him with his own bag and then it's an alvary

reaction to the raised bag now, isn't it? It was a little bit. I find myself thinking of Sir Walter Raleigh's wife who carried his severed head for years in a bag. Did she? Yeah, it makes you wonder what was in the old man's bag. Did you just have the head in the bag? She had a special head.

I don't really want to... He didn't mix it in with her other stuff. I don't want to think about the old man's bag or what's in it. Thank you very much. Okay. Well, severed head is my guess. That's what I'm saying.

You're all entitled to a guest. We couldn't have a contact. Anyway, Johnny, who are you? Are you a stranger to me? What you've been up to? What's your life like? Well, I mean, I don't know if it compromises my position that's coming in here as a comedian,

but professionally I'm also a receptionist. Oh. That's my time. Yeah. It's good for talking to strangers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you allowed to say what sort of place it is? I work in the place.

called the Royal Asiatic Society, which is next door to the Magic Circle building in Houston. Oh, I know the right. I've been to the Magic Circle a couple of times. Oh yeah, so the next door, I thought that was a restaurant. No, no, no, no. So, yeah, it's like a sort of founded by the East India Company, sort of. Wow. Wow. I mean, it's a hard place. The sort of. What does he do now? The East India Company was, I don't really have that much. I don't know if I look, they don't get much pop. No, no.

They basically became, they started as a company. You know, people talk about how Google and how massive they are. The East India Company became a sort of a country. It had its own army and everything, yeah. It was odd. But their powers were dwindled almost to nothing, apart from in this one corner of Houston. That's amazing.

Yeah. But what do they do? There's an archive obsessed with old, it's technically anything to do with kind of like Asia any academic studies or anything that's to do with sort of Asian stuff in general

it tends to focus around sort of Indians and stuff where Britain I suppose had a colonial interest I mean I don't really I only got the job sort of by accident eight years ago so I don't know about any of it eight years ago you think you'd have learned a bit more by now

in the basement there's an archive in the basement And there's also room downstairs where Because it's got a kind of mould on the stone There's a gravestone of the guy that colonised Malaysia It's called Stanford Raffles And we've got it but it's just in this room With all these broken chairs

Is that the famous Raffles then? Yeah, yeah. The Raffles Hotel Raffles. I thought he was a Victorian dual thief raffle. Was it? Raffles the gentleman thief. Yeah. Yeah, no, this is a bit of, as in Raffles Hotel.

It's not a surname you've come across what you know, is it? No, it's a good one. I think we should bring it back, like sexy. I love Raffles. Yeah. It's a good name. So Raffles is buried. Yeah, but it's just a gravestone.

In the Houston room. But the only person that visits it is me when I'm going to look for chairs. Do you know what? It's lovely that he still gets visitors, even if it's, you know, inadvertent. If his furniture is the main target, but Raffles gets a beer. He's probably a bloat we shouldn't approve of now. No, I don't think so. No, I suspect it's highly problematic.

Yeah, so in a way, it's good that it's gravestones in that. Well, you know, I think we can... You might have done a deathbed confession. It's true. Yeah. I have to... I mainly sort of just... I don't have a phone.

I let people in and out. You don't have a phone at the reception. No. It's kind of very basic receptioning. Do you have a line, you know, that can I help you? No, I say, what do I say? I say, have you signed in? That's why I normally say.

Could I ask you to sign in? Would you mind signing in? People never want to sign him. I like the idea of you extending your arms and saying, welcome to the Asia. Welcome, welcome. I do. So they haven't gone all high tech, haven't they? Not really.

They've got phones and stuff upstairs, but my little booth is very Spartan. But I had to take in the post. We have a postman that comes in. and he came in a while ago, and he had a package, I had to sign for it, so he asked for my name. So I said, Johnny, and the postman said, oh, my name's Johnny.

And I sort of, I was happy because I actually don't really meet many people called Johnny. Really? I mean, do you know many? No, probably not. I know me, and then, you know, in the postman. There's only a handful. Famous one.

Yeah, the depths of the world. Cash, right. Yeah. And then he came back in a few weeks later. and he said he had a package it was for the he said it's for the librarian but can you take it I said um yeah that's for Edward he works upstairs and the postman was like my name's Edward

what the same yeah and then he just looked at the floor and he just I was at what and then he just sort of looked down and it's just something he must be something he does and it's just a sort of way of kind of making a connection with people but I don't know him well enough to make it okay again when he comes in again, it's so incredibly uncomfortable. Does he know that, did you see him committing fraud? Does he know that you sort of, he...

Yeah, he knows that I know. But I can't be like, hey, listen, let's forget about that. It doesn't matter because I don't, this is, you know. It was brave of him to go to the Asiatic Society. Because I'd assume everyone who worked there was from Asia. Yeah. And if they're going to say, my name is Faroo. Yeah.

Oh, that's my name. Then suspicions are. Of course they're above us is the Japanese Society for the promotion of sports and science

I bet he doesn't try it on with them no because there will be questions and he hasn't got answers then he goes to the karate

place down he claims to be called Dan he's just going around London just staying it's a great thing to have

that of all the stuff to come up with that's my name as well. I love the pathological liar postman. Because he sort of did, it did make me warm, it made me feel like we were like bonded then.

And I feel like he feels he needs to have something like that or otherwise it won't work. Do you think he just tries it on with every single place he goes to? Yeah. Because it brings connection with people. That's great. I'm going to try it. I don't really want to steal his material.

No. Don't get me wrong. So I, I tell what I've been, watching is the, this time of the year they have a lot of a holiday adverts on. Oh yes. And I always look at them and think, oh, I'm fucking glad I'm not going on holiday. Do you? It's always a couple, a little bit younger than me, but you know, in their 50s. In their 50s. Yeah. And they're sitting outside in the evening, clinking a glass of, it's always white wine. I think they think red

wine might be a bit threatening. Red wine's a little bit cosmopolity. Yeah, it's a bit caravage. It's a bit, it's a bit Johnny Cash hurt video. It's a bit bacchanalia. Yeah, yeah. Let's keep it clean, everyone. And they, and they, and they clink, you see them clinking their glasses. And then I saw another one where they must have been arriving at the hotel.

They went out onto the balcony to admire the view. And there was, there was champagne. So they clink, they clink that. They do a lot of clinking, don't they? Yeah, exactly. You can't hear yourself thinking that was. You cannot hear yourself clink, that's what I'm. But champagne's even, there's something,

I fucking hate champagne and anyone who's ever dronky. Oh, Frank, that's quite hard. Well, no, not anyone who's ever drunk it, but anyone who from now, after this speech, there was a cricket competition, there was a test match thing, Johnny, and you could win a trip to a test match in, I think, in Australia. And it said, we fly you out in.

stay at this hotel and all that, you think, oh, free flies, free hotel, and you get to go to five days of a test match. And then when you arrive at the hotel, you get a complimentary glass of champagne. Why fucking bring that off? You know

what? I really want it in this price. No, I'm not entering it. $1,500 a flight. Yeah, who wants that? Eight pounds for champagne. Who on earth wants that, though? Yeah. And on the subject, while I'm on it, because I've been

watching a bit of telly, Christmas. Oh, yeah. Does it, have you seen this advert? There's a woman saying, oh, I've phoned up blah, blah, insurance about getting a loan for,

and it's always the same, feels like the same couple, a lot of beige. Oh, yeah, I know the couple. And a lot of pine furniture. And the bloke says, oh, we can't do that, what with my illness.

Oh. And she said, no, no. I checked on it and there's no restriction on even your illness is okay I thought shit what has this bloc got

he looks fine but also I don't twist the knife on it it's really even your fucking illness that's ruined our life even that even willing to make an exception

for medical freeth like him your illness that I too and manacled too even that is acceptable That's how low they'll go. The fact that it's the illness that cannot be named. And he's sort of talking about it like she's broke and he's resolved. There was a time when he thought, I don't want to go about my illness.

But she's battered him, battered the shit out of his bloke. And now he just knows that the illness is coming and he has to accept him. And also they're getting alone. It's not practical either, given his illness. I know we can't talk about the nature of his illness. Who knows? It's like a sci-fi film opening. Who's this?

Like, Toy-Fide Mary. He's got an elder that will wipe out an entire resort if he goes. Oh, man. And then to make me feel even worse, I got an email from my nephew, right? From my nephew. Oh, how lovely. And he said... Who is? How old?

Well, it is the thing. He's my nephew. And he said, some news. I'm retiring. Oh, man. Not as my nephew, you understand. He's still my nephew, but he's... My nephew is retired from work.

And I'm still fucking slogging it out. Oh, my God. That's terrifying. What's he retiring from? What was his line? Oh, I don't know. We can't talk about it. It's like the illness.

Never asked him, frankly. Oh, Frank. No, no. He was a chartered accountant. Oh, he did well for him so. I don't know what that means As opposed to an accountant. No, it's a very good.

He's a good job. So he's, yeah, accountant's always... But my nephew has... I know, it's depressing. It's really depressing. Just to end this on a bright now, something that really made me laugh that you might find. I phoned up Aynora.

Our Nora is my older sister. She's at 84. And I found her up and I said, have you got any news? She said, yeah, I'm expecting twins. It really, it really, I had to phone up my brother and tell him what she'd said. And he said, that's meant my fucking Christmas. Oh, I loved it. And it was, of course, there's always a bit of tension.

She thinks she's 84. She, she, she, it is a joke. She doesn't believe in it. But no, no, we established it was a, it was a joke. I was a bit tense. Well, do I play if she starts talking about it. You know, wearing pads and just, oh, man, I don't know where I would have got around. Happily didn't come to them.

Okay, I think we move now to the end. I think we do. Johnny, will you come back next week? Please, I'd love to. Even with your illness. That wasn't him. That was the advert, you got mixed off. Even in my condition.

Yeah, exactly. Even with your fucking killer illness. Jeff. Frank Skinner podcast A new winter change is blowing It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's going Thanks for listening to the podcast

Make sure to like and follow So you never miss an episode And if you want to get in touch You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio Atavonuk.com