The Frank Skinner Show - A Hot Drink In A Hot Shower

Episode Date: December 26, 2025

This time Frank and Emily are joined by Ania Magliano! Frank has been playing Sims with Buzz, Ania is feeling cold and Emily has a coffee-related game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? You are my song, you are my one melody, you are my song, I am your singer. This is Frank Skinner. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Anya Magliano is with us today. What a mouthful that is. It can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio Tavallon UK.com. You can WhatsApp us on, oh, here we go. Have we got a jingle?

Yeah. I know there is a reference to golden time in that. Is there? My son used to have there at school. What was golden time? So in the afternoon. I used to have that. They'd have often had.

They could just do what, not do what they liked us in, like, touch the teachers' buttocks. But I mean, like, you know, they could read a comic, read a comic. Well, that's all you're thinking of when you're at school. Will my chance ever? God, that's all I've thought about at school. Can I say I never thought about that? Yeah, I never did. Miss Page, my first ever teacher, was one of those.

This was obviously long before. It's time for you to turn it. Before her Mags was born. But she wore one of those very, very pointy bras that, you know, like really pointy. Like Madonna type. Yeah, but in the 60s, bras were kind of made. They were like that. I believe they were actually called torpedo bras.

Were there? Wow. Miss Page. Jane Russell wore them originally. Oh, that sounds right. I met Jane Russell. I went to Liza Manelli's first wedding anniversary party, and Jane Russell was there. Don't you love that he went to Liza Minnelli's first wedding anniversary?

It's like a sort of AI-generated, famous story. It's up to you know. She didn't sing there, sadly. Yes, because you got up close and personal with David Guest, didn't you? Of course. Yeah. Yeah, he was there as well. he'd married her that seemed fair yes i was just um talking off air about a friend of mine went to

the national theatre she's a um a a little woman a sort of older woman and she went to the theatre at the national theatre with a friend of hers and this friend is very like devout feminist and has been like part of that world for about 50 years probably yeah And they said, the thing, will you please turn off your phones? And she said that the feminist woman said, I'm not turning my fucking phone. I mean, who are they to tell us? And my friend said, no, please turn it off.

I will not turn it off. I do not like people telling me what to do. And so she kept it on it. And my friend said, it's the most anxiety-ridden theatre performance I've ever. It didn't go off as it turned down. Really? She said at the interval, I had it not go, please. No, I will not.

I kind of like that woman, though, because she doesn't have Zero Foxgiven era. Yeah. She just doesn't care anymore. And what's the point of feminism if you can't use it to support every women fancy that you have in your own personal life? It's a big question. Yeah. And that's this week's texting. What is the point of feminism if you can't be an absolute asshole at the theatre?

Yeah, I stand by that. I do as well. Oh, gosh. What are you two going to? and be like when you're an old. Bad. We're finding out currently with me. And I'm not dissimilar to that woman in the theatre.

Frank, can I ask you in Anya something briefly? I bought, can I mention a brand? Oh, yeah. Okay. I bought a Starbucks. I pretty much only buy one once a year. I bought it these days, because the prices have gone up, Max. I bought a Starbucks earlier.

It's a bit basic. I've got a gingerbread latte. It's quite a big. What size is that grande? No, that's medium. Yeah, that's medium. So there's small, medium. There's four sizes.

Well, this tall is small. Yeah, very good, Frank. Grante, you're probably right. This is grande medium. It's the one bigger than grande. Yeah, there is one. There's two bigger than Grande. Extra Grande.

The top one is just called, look out. Run! I think you'll find it's called... Hold on, hold on. It's getting tippin. I think you're kind. It's called venti. Oh, Venti.

Venti vici. Anyway. Venti was that. I went. That was when I worked in the air conditioning business, there was a guy that worked in our gang called Vente. Oh. Anya, I love that.

I love you. Re-adjust it. Look it at me. Anya's face was thinking, oh, so he worked in the air conditioning business. That wasn't in the autobiography. I've never read. I used to think I was quite good at high.

what I was thinking, but you just read me like a book. Yeah, well, it's quite cramped in here. We're close than we normally would be. So? It's a bit at Tenco, I find this studio. We all need to be a bit. Tenco was a sweaty woman program about prisoners. It wasn't a sweaty woman program.

It was about women and Japanese prisoner of war camp. They were all very, that's what I remember most. I realised when I went into tell you, they'd all been sprayed before every shot. I just thought, you know, they were in Japan and it was hot. Oh, okay. It was very prominent.

I worked with a couple of those actresses when I was a child actresses. Yes, she was in it. She was in it. Stephanie Cole I worked with. Lovely women. But yeah, it was about a Japanese... Lovely women, but sweaty. Frank.

I wasn't a takeaway. Talking of takeaway, can we get back to my cup? Yes. Not that kind of cup. So I got this. Gingerbread latte. And I even apologise. Is that a Christmas?

special. And I even apologise to the barista. I said sorry it's a bit basic. Oh. And he went, it's okay. I don't think he didn't. He didn't be charmed by it. He said, whip cream? I said no, because I know that pushes it over the edge price-wise.

So he said whipped. Does it? I think so, yeah, it might be extra. I don't know that for certain. That's odd. I was in Starbucks last night. Not in Shanty Town, Starbucks near you. No, I was Starbucks. You wouldn't believe it, Anya. It's the most ronda.

I don't know how it's happened, but it's like a halfway house Starbucks. What? Yeah. It's the dirtiest Starbucks I've ever been in in my life. But I like it. It's less threatening to me. And more like being at home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my dog fucking loves a popatino. Oh, right. And the reason I mention that, I got her a popatino. last night and oh man Pappuccinos are free yeah they're free yeah wow exactly they're free

before we go into their pricing criticism and that is whipped cream so white should be extra for whipped cream just get a a popatino and put it on top and just drop it on top yeah say Sarns whipped cream but I'll have a are you allowed to order a Pappuccino

without a dog present well that's the only thing Frank well it's a high counter you can just go down darling I just have a couple All right, darling. And, uh... Or you could say it, and I'm the bitch. Oh, you could say that.

See, I don't think I can say that. The B word. I think women can make it. They can say that and leave their phones on at the theatre. That's what they're thought for. In fact, that's very much... That's why they change themselves to the fucking railings. That's very much what that woman would have said.

And I'm the bitch. Yeah. Okay. Back to the pricing. Okay, yeah. So, uh, so it's grande. It's grand. No whipped cream, no accoutrema, nothing else, purely gingerbread larta.

What do you say gingerbread? They weren't sitting there crumbling the gingerbread. No, no, but there's the essence of gingerbread is in there. What sort of price are you going for? I'm going to guess £6.40? I'm going to say £3.95. Okay. Well, I've now got that thing where I really...

Your thing is, Mags, I don't need to go low. She's gone too hot. She's gone too high. Well, that's ruined the whole line. Max, you've gone too high. If someone goes too high on a guest. Do you want me to go, I'll go low and we'll edit it out. It's done. It's done, Max. We don't have the facility to Eddie.

I'm afraid we stop with it. Max isn't far off. It was £7. What? Oh, that's still higher than. I think seven is a shocker. 7 pounds dot zero. No, it was just shy of it. I think it was $6.90. If you'd have bought anything in there that was £7 on the nose, I'd be

I think it's 690. So I round that opt. Yeah, definitely. That's not worth it. Seven pounds is a lot for a coffee. Would we not agree? Yes. I had the tea when the dog was having a popatina and it was seven and six.

That's how neglected this starboxes. No one's been in since decimalisation. He calls it the shanty Starbucks. It is incredible, honestly. It's, uh, if, If you'd imagine there'd been an atomic war. Yeah. And we'd been in there, for some reason, it'd been left.

It's like that. It's very... You know, Star Wars, where everyone wears like bandages. It's like that. And it's interesting that they've gone for a very dark colour scheme at Starbucks. It's very black. I don't know if they went for a dark colour scheme or if Grime as redecorated.

Is there a different coffee shop that has kind of... Is it like, has Gail's... sort of pushed Starbucks into the background. Well, I think, but it was, it was operating on this kind of wild west town thing before Gales. Oh, right. You're quite right. Gales has been, barter for the coffee. Yeah, Gales has become a dominant force on the high street.

Well, what about when Paul starts moving in? Because Paul's is a whole thing altogether at Paul. Paul, I think is, I think it's Blank Street coffee now. Oh yeah, they've changed it now. You're right, they've changed it. Yeah, that's modern. It's a lot, though. Is it nice?

It's all right, but seven pounds. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. That's a glass of champagne. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of money. I was with my brother-in-law and his sister, both of people, both people I love. And we were out on his birthday celebration. and they said should we go for a...

The restaurant we were in said we don't do hot drinks. I thought, oh, really? So they said, should we go somewhere else for coffee? And I said, what about Starbucks? And they both went... And I think it's a... Is there something politically wrong with Starbucks? I think it's dodgy.

I wouldn't go to Starbucks. No, that's why I felt guilty going there. It's very unacceptable now, isn't it? What have they done wrong? What have they done, Max? pretty sure they're, I don't, oh, I feel a bit, I feel a bit uneasy having to know the D-Cows on air. You know what, live and let live, that's me.

They're definitely, they're definitely, I think, on the list, on stuff I see on Instagram of like stuff you should boycott. Yes, you should boycott. Starbucks is always there. I feel really ashamed that I've admitted that I've bought a drink. I only bought one this year. Can you let me off? Oh, absolutely. I'm not, look, I'm not judging. Well, I'll tell you what, here's a deal. I just find Costa a bit, Alan Partridge.

I'll keep going to start. box but I'll go back off the South African fruit because when I was a student South African fruit that was the worst thing you could do because you were supporting apartheid what was what is the South African fruit what comes from South Africa oranges a lot of oranges did stickers on that said

product of South Africa I was imagining like a specific special fruit that comes from South Africa that's like like a guava yeah there might be a specific one but oranges were asking in the wrong bloke. Because you went off them? We're in London, just asked the cockney

about fruit. They're the experts. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rees's peanut. You and Santa? Best rappers out there. Three cups of creamy peanut butter and smooth chocolate per pack.

You get your practice in. Experiencing that sweet and salty satisfaction again and again and again. Santa gets cookies. You get Rhesus. Nothing else is Rhesus. So, what is new, Max? I think I've... Well, okay, I'm conscious that last time or two times,

ago when I was on this podcast I spoke about beef, my beef situation. You did. This is not, this is different from that. Mag's got a beef hamper, was it? Yeah, it was a meat box. And then I made a beef

beef sort of sandwich of two steaks and mint. With one live chicken and mix the dead. That was what we established. Yeah. And so I'm, I basically, this is another food-based thing. I think this food-based area might be my calling.

Oh. So, a bit of context. I want to be as hot as possible at all times in my house. Don't we all dear? No, I think this is something that, not to stereotype, but I think a lot of men are happy to be cold, happy to not have the heating on. Can I say it's exactly the opposite? Yes, in your house, is it? I'm cold all the time. And we were

once in the car together, I remember. And we tried this thing of her putting the heating up on her. side, eating off on us on my side, and I putting the heating up high on my side. You know, you get separate, but the idea that we could sit next to each other and that would stop in the middle. Where did we even believe that for a second? You know, I don't know if you've ever been to the fat dock at Heston Blumenthal. I actually have one for my birthday. There's a thing where you can have hot and cold tea. Yes. And it doesn't mix up. I don't know how they do it. I think it's to do with.

osmosis and density of fluid. But you can, so you have one mouthful and it's cold and the next one might be hot. It's all mixed up. What? Oh my God, that's amazing. It's a kind of magic. So this is my path, I think, is I'm going to become someone like Heston Blumenthal. I do something like that. Because in my...

What you should do is a podcast where people say what their favourite menu food. Oh, that's a good idea. I think that could go really well. And dessert. Yeah. And they could be like a genie involved, maybe. So I in my quest to be hot at all, times. I've recently bought an electric

blanket. I've got one of those. I could have got you one for nothing. What do you mean? Why? My brother is a very good angler. Do you know what that is? Fish. Fishing? Yeah, fishing. He's not a fish. He's a fish. Is this Arquith?

And so he's won lots of competitions and it used to be either a leg of lamb or an electric blanket. For both your anecdotes. Wow, I need to become an angler. You need to become a friend. with our Keith. Yeah, it sounds like I do.

I think Keith was just thinking of lag in his entire living room in electric blankets. That would be my dream. Wow, if he has any spare. A sort of a hot, soft play centre. Oh God, that actually sounds amazing. That sounds so nice. I'm always cold a lot of the time.

So, I had a brainwave this week. The hottest place in my house is in the shower. Temperature up to full. I always have a shower with absolute hottest shower. And then I thought, When you're in the shower, your outside is hot, but your inside stays the same. Body temperature, I'm guessing. So then I had the idea, what if I have a hot drink in the shower and drink it whilst I'm showing?

This has turned out a lot better than I thought it was going. I thought if the word probe had come up, I was going to stop the show. I drank a hot cup of chicken stock in the shower. It's chicken stock? Why is it always me? Meat, meat, meat with you. My dad just have a thing called beef tea. Oxo, in it, can't do it.

It was like, I think it was like the stuff that came off the meat. He had hot water to it and drink it. They sell something called beef tea in fancy markets now. See, all the things that we... It comes back. All the working, like bubble and squeak and that. Yeah. They're all, they've become middle-class things.

Well, when you have a colonoscopy, you can only... When? only have. Am I having one? Probably in about... Sorry, you haven't read the small friends on your contract. It's like a TikTok thing we're doing

a celebrity colonoscopist. Everyone has to have one. You will probably in about 10, 15 years. I'll have to start having a baby. They go out as soon it's up, it's up your bum. It is up your bum. It is up your bum. But warm, it's so warm.

Okay, yeah, if we can tie that to an electric blanket, that would be ideal. They give you a food list. Hair curlers. And they tell you what you can eat and drink beforehand, which is nothing. But the only thing is that your dad's beef tea is in there. Is it? It's not actually described as beef tea, but it's sort of...

Frank Skinner's dad's beef tea. What is called? Meat juice. Bracket's hot. It's oxo cubes dissolved in water you're allowed. You live off those for about 24 hours. We used to eat oxfam cubes. Oxo. We just eat oxo. Like not oxfam cubes.

That'd be terrible. Just really... So old clones made into cubes, which you then chew on. Oh, then I've got a bionic woman t-shirt. Went into a small cube. No, we used to just chew on ox oxo cubes. Are they chewy? I think they're quite crumbly.

Yeah, but, you know, you could just bite bits off, yeah. Do you think that's, is that nice? I remember it as being nice Maybe I'll try that But have you ever had a hot drink in the shower Has anyone, have you ever tried this? I spoke recently on Radio 4 about the fact that I have a cup of tea on the toilet

Okay, that I can imagine Not you specifically My wife was appalled when I said I did it I mean I'm not thrilled by it It's not ideal I wouldn't describe it as ideal What I said on Radio 4 was But I put my hand over the cup

for the high-velocity stuff. No. I don't even take a handbag in there. I worry about that. Well, I wouldn't take a handbag in there. Is it because you're worried that there's like the air particles are getting mixed up? Well, I'm not worried. I know this. It's fact?

Yes. There are things get places. I'm all right with that. Is that the scientific terms? Yes, that's what I read. There's a website called things get places. Yeah. Dot com.

Use me called zooplop. I don't worry about that stuff. Like, I'm, you know, the toothbrush and stuff's in there. That's very true, actually. It's my shit. Yeah. Okay. If you can't enjoy your own, then.

I'm going to get my shit together. Yeah. But I'm going to get it on my toothbrush. I tell you what, a cup of tea in the bath is nice, though. The cup, exactly. So this is an extension of that. It's like if you're on the go. But I see the bath.

But doesn't the water from the shower get into your stock? Exactly. So you've got to imagine, I live in, like, we have a very cramped tiny shower, so I can be facing away. I'm facing away. The shower is going on to the back of my head and I'm drinking.

Okay. With the front of myself out of the shower. Okay. And I have a very small shower head. Is it a walk-in affair? God no. Okay. It's a sort of balance, balance in the bath.

Got it. The bath is so narrow that the sides go. So you're basically in a V, you're in a valley. So your feet are sort of sideways on the edges of the bath. Can I say, I'm so proud of myself. I imagine you, in the show and you were just a head,

just a floating head, drinking from a cop. That's what I'm like. Some deep moral code in me. Good. Kept it just like a severed head. I'm pleased. Oh, lovely. Our theatre friend would be very impressed.

Yes, that is the deepest respect anyone's ever shown me. I read on the toilet and I always read the tablet, which is a Roman Catholic weekly journal. Well, that's it. What do you think that's about? I don't know, but I always read. always read the tablet. It's very good. I find the tablet gets, it comes every Friday and how many of us can say that?

And it just, I'm just finishing it off Thursday night. I don't want to know about that. The last article. Yeah. And then I'm ready for the new tablet on, maybe it's a cleansing ritual for you. You're cleansing your soul and you're excavating your bow. You're making more room for the God to come in. Maybe. With a A cleansed colon. God loves a cleansed colon. He's always said it. St. Augustine said that you should empty yourself.

Like if you emptied a cop and then God will fill it off again. So maybe it is something going on like that. Yeah. Talk on about two girls. I'm not going to mention this to the parish priest. Let's put it this way. I think that would be bad. I heard my wife talking to my child.

last week. And I, you know, when you hear a thing and you think, what could possibly be the context for this? She said, my boobs are definitely bigger than that. And I thought, son. Oh my God. What is, what are they discussing?

And what it was is my son does, my son does Sims, Are you familiar with Sims? Yes. Oh my God. It's sick big with kids now again. That's really exciting. So we've got our entire family on Sims. Wow. And has he made everyone?

He's made everyone. And we all live in the same house. And what's your character like then? Are you pleased with yours? I am quite pleased. Oh, good. Mine's in pretty good shape, I would say. The only mistake he's made,

can you believe he's done me with grey hair? What? What? Anyway, she was pointing out that she thought he'd flattened her out of it in the chest. Oh, interesting. Oh, she wasn't happy. God, Fadity, thy name is woman. But we stayed up late, me and, me and Boz, making our dog.

Oh. Because it's quite a process. You can lengthen the muzzles and she's got slightly different coloured ears. So we were doing it. And Boz is brilliant. We made our dog It was like being Dr Frankenstein

Do you get to decorate your house In The Sims? Well, Buzz has taken all the walls down Because he says it's more It's more interesting You can see someone in one room Doing one thing and then As soon as we made the dog

It went straight into our swimming pool We've got a swimming pool On the ceiling Congratulations You might as well It went straight in and started swimming lens in the swimming pool. I'm so relieved.

I thought you're going to say it die. Yeah. Well, we'd only just made it, you know. I mean, imagine if the Frankenstein monster had just got straight into the pool that have been arms and horrible blood and stuff everywhere. Disgusting. I think the best part of Sims is the making of the people.

And I think that's so fun. Well, that's the first time I've done it. Making the dog was great. It's so fun. And the house, because my sister-in-law lives. there is much tidier than our house. So that's worked out. And with Sims, sorry, Frank.

I'm going to ask you a question now as a man who's not really that O-Fay with the modern trends on the internet. Of course. Do people use Sims for sexual reasons? I don't know specifically Sims, but do they use... You know, could you get people to have sex on Sims? Oh, you can get them to those called woo-wooing, or at least it was in my day.

Called? So basically you can... Sorry, I thought it was an owl in the skylight. They don't call it sex, they call it woo-woo. Woo-woo, okay. But you have to like, you can't do it straight away with the sim. The two sims have to, you know, you have to flirt with them for a bit. Oh, okay.

You have to, it teaches chivalry, some might say. Oh, I love that. And it's very more doth. We liked that a bit, weren't there? I think there are different... Yeah. They'd meet Royal World of Warcraft, they'd court online, and then they'd have a wedding in World of Warcraft. But I think that's, if you're meeting people on the internet, you caught in Sims, when I played it at least, it was like, you've made all the characters, I've made me, I've made the boy I fancied at school, then I'm in control, and I can make us get married.

Oh, people did that. Yeah, that's what I would use it for, is for like, I was quite a shy. Marrying the boy from school? Yeah. See, I wouldn't use it for marrying the girl. girl from school because why she'd be my age oh and she's not going to be the girl from school anymore let's facey sorry I'm just going to have a moment where I think about that but anyway I think I'm probably no longer with us well I never know a lot of let's be honest but also all my courting

you know my days my courting days were done before pre-technology so analog courting yeah did you have a phone at home at your mom and dad's? Well, I, we eventually, we got on us about 15, but you know, you can't, you can't do phone sex on a landline. You can, but you have to have a very open attitude.

You have to literally straddle a landline. Especially not one of those Alexander Graham Bell. Hello, Birmingham 238. Yeah, that's what we call phone sex. You just use the receiver. Oh, no. No, but I never,

I don't know what people do know. I mean, FaceTime, if FaceTime had been around then, I don't think I'd have met any of my girlfriends in person. You'd have just kept it on the line. Just done, yeah. So I genuinely don't know what people do with technology. It's probably best. I'm not asking.

No, I think it's best you don't know. I also think that's, people who also say, like, Gen Z are meeting less in real life and doing stuff like that. But now there's gone the other way, and I think a lot of people are sick of it. And so there's been a resurgence in chess club and paddle ball and all these kind of more old school activities. Are these grime artists?

I love chess club. Yes, me give us some noise and all that stuff. Yeah, that was beautiful. So old school activities are back. Meets, running clubs, that's how people meet is going to a running club. But then if you go to a running club, club you have to go out with someone who runs which I think not worth it. And is Tinder

considered sleazy hookups and things like that? No I wouldn't say sleazy but just like I just don't think it's how people want to meet I think people want to meet in real life. When I was at school most of the girls I was attracted to started running. Away? Yeah. I don't I mean I can't

tell you how utterly frightened of girls I was at school and so embarrassed and I never people were going out with with girls when they were like 14 and stuff. I was at work. I was working in a factory. And even

there. Did you have a girl from and you were in the factory? Air conditioning factory. No, I wouldn't. Yeah, it was meant it. Just so you know, it was a glass factory. Was it a glass factory? That was one of them. Oh, he worked in many. I worked in, the first one I worked in had a soil floor. That's how

that we're going. The floor was soil. What? Not concrete. It was actually soil. And everything else about it was indoors. Frank, was just medieval Britain. Well, like I say, it was, it was smethic.

So it was, you know, it was different times. Was that like, well, the things on the floor. I remember a bloke. A delivery man came down from London and he said, soil floor. Fucking, see. He said, now, all you need here is free cornerettes. You should be wearing fucking three-cornered hats.

That was his sense of history. The three-cornered hats. Generic historical garb. But yeah. So you didn't have a girlfriend when you were out of the factory. Oh, no. I can't. By the time I was shaving before I was having sex. Okay.

What does that mean? It was late. Okay. Yeah. And as you can tell from looking to me, I shaked quite late. I mean, I'm almost a lady. I was very nervous. I was also nervous about it.

I think I've never met anyone, or at least maybe not in this sort of industry, who was confident sexually as a teenager. I don't think you become that funny or that interesting if you're... If you're... Oh, that's an interesting thing. Well, I don't know, that's a bit of a sweeping statement. No, I think you could be right. I say this to my son, because sometimes he'll say, you know,

he talks about the pop. kids at school. And I said, yeah, but when we watch films and stuff on the telly, it's always about the nerdy kids who get picked on and bullied and stuff. I said, why do you think that is? He said, I don't know. I said, that's because those films are written by the nerdy kids. The popular kids have all died of heroin addiction.

Really? Yeah, they're in prison for killing four people in McDonald's. Or they work in sales. Just as bad. I don't know what's worse. I think the sales edge is it. No, but, you know, it's true. I don't know if the bullies do that well later.

They might get to be president of the United States. That's true. But the smart. I said don't think of it as popular and popular. Think of it as obvious. and interesting. Oh, that's really, that's good advice, I think. Yeah, that's what's got me through.

Anyway, have we had any outside world contacts? I don't like to leave the readers out. Well, I feel we need to share this because I feel like... Can I say she's holding up a hypodermic needle? For goodness sake, I don't use those anymore. Oh, okay. Simon Navin has got in touch. I feel I personally

I'm in an apology, Frank Okay, well you get that out the way I'm going to make a cup of two Dear Frank Emily and Mags I made it into an email You got a special one Oh my god

I'll actually listen for this then Oh okay I love that admission Of the narcissism Well no it's usually I just go Well this is probably not They don't want this is for you

The last one we did It was never addressed to I It was awful They didn't even They didn't even bother With the end No. It was awful.

I listened with both joy and dismay at your recent discussion about what three words, which was when you were on, Matt. Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. I have the distinct pleasure of working for Ordnance Survey. Britain's National Mapping Agency. I'm picturing his face now, and he's like the wooden creature in garden to the universe with those lines on his face were not closer together at the end of the nose, flattened out, more distant on the cheek.

The mapping agency who have the utter privilege of creating and maintaining the National Map Database. Wow, fantastic. Listening to you three discuss a geospatial, as we'd like to call it, application. Geospatial. Was a joy. Cartography, the unstoppable sex machine. Very good. Was a joy.

But then, oh, guys. Oh, did we make an error? You didn't. Emily's dismissive approach to maths and map types left me rather cold those lines Emily are rather important however We never mention Emily's lines

I pay a lot of money I cannot have those lines However I wish to extend the contour of peace to you all Oh lovely I'm loving the contour Can I say if you spilt Botox on an ordnance survey map

would you be unable to tell the steepness of your journey? The scream would freeze and personally invite you all to visit Ordnance Survey's headquarters Oh, I'd love to do that On the weather we can find it

Well, he says To learn all about us maths and map types Including seeing our wonderful cartographers in action Where is it? I hope, well I'll get to this bit I hope this will help build a bridge between us maths and map types. Let me guess it's 17 degrees east. He says, and those poets who use the wonderful what three words for its fantastic qualities,

we would happily give you all a what's three words locator in order to help you find us. So get in touch any time. That's from Simon Navin, head of geospatial services at Ordnance Survey. Wow, what a title. Yeah, me too. Okay. And also, like, I don't know if Mags is going to be back on the show, but it'll be, we could have... Oh, I hope so. Have I been that bad in this episode?

Well, I need to talk to Emily about it on her own. No, but it would be a nice reunion. We'll like a class reunion. We'll go to OS. Yes, please. I will sort that out with Simon. I can, now might be the time to tell you that it's, I can exclusively reveal it's in Southampton. That's fine.

I love a trip. I'm fine with Southampton. I love a naval trip. That's where Creeper come from, one of my son's favourite bands. Okay, well maybe we can work something out with Creeper and the head of geospatial services at Ordnance Service. That's a party. It's the mash-up. No one knew they wanted. No, that would be. What a cocktail, that would be. Well, I'm very excited about that. We must make sure that happens.

Thank you, Simon. Thank you, Simon. Can I have to say as a slight in brackets afterwards, I've been walking now the highways and byways of Britain for about 10 years, like long 20 miles a day type walks. I've never fucking worked out the Ordnance Survey maps. I just go from signposts and stuff. This could change it for you.

It could. I'd love. We once got so lost in the late district. The mist came down. Cat started crying. He's not a crier. And a man came out of the mist. And he looked very sort of military.

And he was just walking with a little backpack and stuff. And we said we're totally lost. And I always remember he got out his ordnance survey map. And he plopped a blade of grass and used it as a pointer to show us the wild. Wow. That's who I want to be. That's modern masculinity. Exactly.

And then he disappeared into the mist again. And you later discovered He died some 48 year ago Exactly No not Jeff He died in the war It's the Frank Skinner Podcast

A new winter change is blowing It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure How it's going Thanks for listening to the podcast Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.