The Frank Skinner Show - An Only Connect Round

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Milo Edwards! This time Frank has questions about hoodies, Milo's celebrated his birthday and Emily has some correspondence about James Bond. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you own a law firm, your bar for everything is high. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com slash business coverage. It's Frank. So Franks' going to podcast, don't you know? Life is a circus, a circus, a circus.

Actually, I'm not supposed to sing at the beginning. No, Kath doesn't like you to sing. And I hate circuses. It's the whole thing's a nightmare. You love bread, though. Yeah, I love. Yeah. I love circuses.

And I love an emperor. So we've got a Jack Spratt and his wife thing going on. I love circuses. You love bread. And he's a classicist. It's absolutely perfect. Okay, this is Frank Offs the Radio. That's like the name of the...

I don't know why it's such a negative when you think about it with defining myself on what I'm not it's like being a Protestant. It's passive aggressive. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Milo Edwards. Hello.

Emmy. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio tavalonukai.com. WhatsApp. Now that Frank's not on the podcast, away we go. So WhatsApp.

I'm not sure of it. about the concept of most people having what one might call valuable time. That's really your only thought. That was Dr Phil. I think it's very good. I like that one. I do as well. Do you like it, mine?

What, the chat show guy? No, he's come up before. Oh, okay. Is there a chat show guy? Yes, Dr. Phil, I've told you. He's going through some issues at the moment. What do you look like? He's bald with a moustache.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Did he used to be the bad guy in Thunderbird? I'd actually He looks a bit similar How would you describe dogs? He was called the hood Yes he was called the hood

Which was years ahead of his time Because I when I walk here from the railway station I walk down a road Which is there's always people walking straight at me Looking aggressive It's one of those roads And there was two guys Your enemies

Yeah The world is his enemy And there was two guys walking up today Two young guys With their hoods up You know off of their heads and I thought here comes trouble. I started looking around for anything I could use as an improv weapon.

And I thought to myself, when did the hood, we're having a hood up, when did that become a symbol of menace? Because, like, you know, it used to be monks. No real menace. Red riding hood would have gone down differently. Little red riding. Yes, you're right. It was seen as a symbol of sort of, I don't know, solitude.

Well, she was in constant. little Red Riding Hood. Didn't she chop a wolf's head off with an axe? Yeah, but it was different times, Frank. That was the lumberjohn. We didn't know about animal cruelty. Oh, wasn't it? She didn't kill anyone. No, I think she got rescued by a kindly...

Hang on. I'll tell you what, exactly what happened. Okay, all right. Were you there? You were there. There's a lot of misconceptions about what went down with Red Ridington. Can we just get something absolutely straight here? No, I think you're right. She ended up because the wolf attempted to eat her several times

while dressing up as the grandmother. Several times. I believe so, didn't he? Oh, do you think it just happened once? You might be right, fine. Well, I think he ate the grandmother, didn't he? And then he dressed in her clothes. I mean, it's a head of, well, way ahead of his time.

And then they cut her out of his stomach at the end. Yeah? Yeah. And then I think, am I right then that when the Lomba Jack... Am I right? So serious about that little way of riding her? When the Lombard jack chopped the wolf's head off, Grandma was still alive inside and came out like she'd just been wearing some sort of fancy dress.

Yes, that's why, which was slightly sinister. She was a grandma in wolf's clothing. You would get slightly sinister toys. Slightly sinister. When I was younger, which had a grandma at one end and the wolf at the other. And you could pull the grandma out of the wolf to show that she, the wolf almost gave birth. Sounds like one of those party games in the 70s. Pull the grandma out of the wolf.

Yeah. Or in Birmingham, it was pull the wolf out of the grandma. Oh. Frank, please. They were darker, darker times. Imagine cutting a live grandma out of a wolf, like one of those Roman feasts where they'd have live burns coming out of the baked pigs belly or whatever.

Culminated in a wren, small rain. I mean, the point is he swallows the grandma whole. Right. At least. But you wouldn't think his gastric juices would have seen off an old lady. But she does notice her. Right. He'd add a rennie earlier.

Do you remember that challenge of how many, um, Crackard, Jacob's crackers you could eat with that. They're very, very dry and you look and you think I can eat 10. You can only eat about three before you have literally no saliva in your mouth to make it operate. Eating a grandmother would be a similar thing, the level of dryness. I think they changed it. It's got to be a little juice in a grandmother. Do you think?

Yeah. If you're an older lady, you've got some juice left to texting. She identifies it's not the grandmother by saying, what's strange tea? you have. Yeah, whereas grandmother doesn't have any teeth. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A grandmother wolf would be completely safe to be around.

Yeah, and grandmother, how come your breath doesn't smell of holes, mentholuptus lozenges? You are the wolf. This wolf hasn't once brought rationing. But you haven't explained my point. When did the hood become a symbol of menace? Yes. Because Robin Hood, who I've seen, I love Robin Hood. I've seen every manifestation of Robin Hood

I can get my hands on. I don't think I've ever seen him in a fucking hood. Strange flags. Someone offering you a bag of Robin Hood VHS text. That was off there, that conversation. Milo, you've got to observe these frag privacy. Certain things that have to stay off. Yeah, there's off world.

I got them from Amsterdam. Illicit Robin Hood VHS. With hood? How often does Robin Hood wear a hood? Yeah. If anyone knows the answer to that, please get in touch. I would say, I remember the cultural shift around hoodies, well, do you remember there was hug a hoodie?

Was that David Cameron? It was, yes. And then the ASBO was associated with the hoodie. Was it? I believe so, yes. I know. I wear hooded tops, but I never put the hood up. But sometimes if it's cold or something or raining,

I'll put the hood up. And I do feel a bit tougher when it's up. But it's also, isn't it just hoods made out of, you know, track suits essentially out of leisure wear fabric. Made out of tracksuits? Yeah. So you mean it wouldn't work on a doffel coat? Well no, I'm saying that hoods are a little bit more

elegant and they still retain some of that mystique. I think if they're made a felt, for example. A felt hood? It's very medieval. Yes. Which is why I'd like it. Carrying bundles of sticks back from the woods. A felt hood is very rumpled silt hood. I can get on board with that.

It's the tracksooty hood, I don't like. Maybe, but I still don't I see why it should be scary. Okay. Do you like hoods? I'm not really a hood guy. I do find that there's a certain type of hood wearing that I find. Like there's guys at my gym who wear the hoods in the gym. And I find that because if you're not hot in the gym,

you're not really doing it right, I think. They think they look like boxes and things. It's terribly sad. No, but you're not like, you're not intimidating anyone at fitness for less. These are people who are already on the bottom rung of society. We're not in here because it's going well. Like, you know, if you're at fitness for less, the last thing you need is some guys...

Why do they call it that? That's terrible branding. With a number four as well. So you're a gym guy, are you? Can't you tell looking at him? I haven't really looked at him. Okay, fair enough. That's respectful. Hold on.

Audio listeners can tell from the resonance of my voice that sort of burly chest cavity I must have. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Hensch? Hedge. What does that mean? Good looking.

Ask Judy Dench. Well, there was a word, I think it was, I think it was lethal Bizzle. Yes. Mr. Bizzle, that's right. Well, there are some people called it Mr. Lethal if they're a bit less formal. But he would call things Dench. Yes. And then I, and this was while I was at university and I had a T-shirt with a black and white picture of Judy Densh.

And then just the words Densch underneath it that I made myself that people thought was very funny. But it's sadly disintegrated. The only time I've tried doing a t-shirt thing of my own was I had a picture of a wrestler called Steve Logan, who I used to watch when I was a kid. He wasn't one of those wrestlers that looks like a cross was in a bodybuilder and a heavy metal star. It was in the days when wrestlers on the telly

looked like the blokes you saw fighting on Pop Car Box. Oh, yeah, great. Like a big belly. We should bring that back. Oh, that was great wrestling. I love that. Oh, Frank, I've just looked off a picture of Steve Logan. Greg Dike, Greg Dike was the guy who took wrestling off ITV.

Really? Huh. Anyway. Was he called Iron Man Steve Logan? He might have been called. They all had the odd different nicknames. It's quite funny to call a guy with a beer got Iron Man. Yeah.

From all the Guinness he drinks. He didn't look like he'd have been anywhere in here in Ireland either. No picture of him. There's a picture I found of him and he pissed me wearing white fronts. He normally had longer hair. That's young Steve Logan. He looks like cheddar man. Okay.

Yeah. Because he doesn't look like the giant of Sir and Abbas. We're all right. Anyway. Yeah. So I had a picture of Steve Logan and then underneath it where you normally have the slogan, I just had slogan, the word slogan. Like Steve Logan.

I thought, well, it's funny to have a slogan, just say slogan. But also some people might get that it's air slogan. S Logan, I like that. No one ever fucking got it. Complete shit idea. You're too smart for the public. Not too smart. It's an idea I'd put with high-rise housing as just a disaster.

All right. Anyway. A guy looking at the barbican going, this is worse than that slogan t-shirt. I remember once seeing that Steve Logan, that overly subtle, Stephen Logan branded T-shirt Frank Skinner War. What's than that? It really reminded me of Trellick Tower.

I can't get my hood flat. So if I wear a hood with a jacket... I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah. It sits up behind me like I'm being shot against a mountain range. I would agree with you, Frank. I find a hood very Benedict cumbersome behind me in a coat. It lies absolutely flat on the...

shoulders. Perhaps if I had shoulders, this might work. You could get away with it, Mr. Jim. Old lethal Bizzle. They used to call Jimmy Savill that. No, they... I think they called him lethal Pizzle. Oh, will you two, please? I think you've got to wear the hood outside the jacket. You've got to... No, I know that. No, we've realised that. We may be old, we're not stupid. How dare you patronise us?

What I'm saying, is mine doesn't... We've still got our faculty. It stacks up behind my head. Okay. You look like you've got like a sort of 1930s convertible. It's sort of half folded down at the back. And I have too much going on. I like big hair. I'm too busy for a hood. There's a lot going on. There's all this Bufon dynasty hair. And you've got to accommodate the hood, which, you know, can sometimes bunch up. There's a lot of bunching. I can honestly say, no, if I'm wearing a hooded top and I'm going out and require a coat,

I take the hooded top off and put something else off. You just go naked. I can't accommodate the fucking hood. Have you ever worn a coat with nothing underneath it? I went to Jonathan Rossi's party as the Frankenstein Monster. I remember that. And also I did a film called Man in a Tour called Man in a Suit. And on the photos, I was Frankenstein Monster and I had nothing under the jacket and no shoes and socks with the suit.

That's one of Frank's favorite look, Frankenstein Monster, when he has no T-shirt and a suit. I'm utterly fascinated. by the Frankenstein monster. It's just great. I mean, and I think Professor Frankenstein would agree with you. Well, I don't know he changed his fucking mind about that. He was like, you know, it's like these blocs meet a woman. They're all over.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I've met this woman. And now I've just wanted to avoid her. Yeah. Because she's killing my family. Well, it turned out she was a monster. Yeah, unfortunately. That's the fucking monster.

Trouble is, it turned out she had a mind of her own. Yeah. There's one thing I would tolerate that. I thought this woman I'd assembled from cadaver parts would be sort of fun and sexy and enjoy watching the football. Well, there is. He does make a woman in the novel.

Oh, okay. Does he? And then... He does a dog and a cat first. Yeah, the... Was that weird science? Wow, good bat reference. Did you notice it?

There was a film in the 80s called Weird Science. Do you remember that, Frank? Did it have a bloke in it whose hair stuck up? Or was that young Einstein? No, I think there might have been, because Kelly LeBrock, they created, the perfect woman, or something. Yeah, well, in the novel,

Dr. Frankenstein is forced by the Frankenstein monster. And again, this is our relationships go with my experience, forced to create a wife for the Frankenstein monster. She looked the same.

It's a bit like the John Lennon, or the girlfriend triangle. The Frankenstein monster was the first in-cell. Yes, he was an insale. I've been on Reddit. What is it? They say it's not fair.

No women will date me. You must solve. Oh, insol. Insel? Yes, I get it. Oh, I hope he wasn't an in-sell. That's put me off him. But anyway, they have an argument.

Yeah, go on, Frank. If I remember right, they have an argument and Dr. Frankenstein pulls her to pieces and throws her away. Oh, I like that Franken cell still lives on. And the poor woman. But you can imagine. and he's fucking furious.

He's been nipping into the lab to see how she's coming along, you know, and he goes in one day and she's in the bin. Like a writer who's got the block and he's like, you're tearing off the page, off the tightrolet and screw him off of doing him in the bin. He's just doing it with a full woman that he's built. She's not just in the bin.

You can get the lid down the way he's because he's pulled her apart again. I'm interested to know what... When you put a jigsaw away? Yes. What would Frankenstein's wife? Let's call her wife. You know, let's be respectful. Yeah. Would she have had a similar issue with the no undergarment?

So would she just have an apron? She's in the films, the bride of her. And what does she wear? She's quite hot, I have to say. Yeah, but does she have underclothes or does she? She wears a sort of white, flimsy, almost like a ghost suit. Oh, where we go. Sexy ghost.

It's not that sexy. No, it's more made, isn't it? It's up at the throat. It's not like Elvira. I'm sorry, anyone who's ever dressed as Elvira, that's such a cop-out. But she's got a marvellous white... Do you remember the Malan streak? Yes.

A malon streak? Rocky Horror. I think of Rocky Horror show. Oh, no, I know it. It's like a white zigzad almost. It's like a white streak. It was that Scottish critic woman who covers all the fringe shows. Kate Copstick. Yeah, Kate Copstick's got one of those white streaks going down a hair.

I remember right. And also noodles from the offspring, I think. That's a real only connection around, isn't it? Kate Cups stick. Noodles from the offspring. I'm trying to think the malons. Also, noodles sounds like they've got to be the lookout in a gang. Hey, tell noodle.

The sports presenter. He had that. I always used to say, when I live with David Bedele, whenever Dickie Davis came on, I'd say, still painting that ceiling every time. Anyway, skunks, Dickie Davies, cake-opt-stick, badgers, noodles. We've got them all here. We've got them all. Yeah, this would really stump people.

It would. They can have it if they're listening. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, a lot of Googling. Get Googling. Where were we? I'm completely lost. Oh, please. Well, I'll tell you where we were. We all got onto this because you started questioning hoodies. No, I'm just, I don't know why they should be associated with menace and... you know, threat.

Because... Well, they're a form of disguise. Well, it's a rubbish disguise because it only covers the back of your head. I suppose they're viewed. If a barber is hunting you down. Exactly. They're viewed as potentially in the Balaclava family.

Well, that's a bit harsh. Oh, okay. Look, I'm not the defender of hudies, I should say. No. Well, no, the detractor. You're defending hoodies. Well, I don't have like an IRA reunion. They can only recognise each other.

in the balaclavas. Yeah, but they're not huddies, people, are they? Barclavas are different. They're a bit more serious than the atmosphere. I did a thing on a light-hearted comedy show where we went online to look at full-face balaclavas. I remember. I think it was from 101, wasn't it?

Probably. Yeah. And it said it had the full-face balaclava for sale and then it said people who bought this also bought and it was a baseball bat. It was so funny. Well, it can get awfully cold playing baseball. Yeah, just get that.

I like the idea of them assembling their materials before going out into the world. Get them on Amazon. They're a bit cheaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I feel that Milo hasn't told us about his life. Yes, what's happening in Milo. Oh, life. Oh, life.

It was my birthday. Oh, hello. Yeah. And so I had a party for some friends. Oh, thanks a lot. I think at least we know where we stand now. What's your guess on my last age? Oh, yeah, guess away.

I'm going to say 31. Oh, okay. I'm going to say 38. Wow, it's a wide range. I'm 33 now. I went safer. But I was 32 when we met. So there you go.

Okay. Okay, fair enough. I've not seen you since the previous year of my life. So tell us about the party we weren't invited to. Yeah. So, well, I had a party at a, it a pub where I do it every year. And I find that a lot of people's birthdays in London are a bit, they just get a table somewhere in the corner of a pub and there's no food. And I find it a bit

low, I find it a bit of low effort. And so I always get a room and I lay on a bit of food. And I always, I always get grief from people because I always, actually lay on quite, I'd spend quite a bit of money on the food, but it's like, it is snacks. It's like nice hot snacks from the pub. It's a nice pub. The food is good. It's like fancy scotch eggs, like chips, you know, kind of like, yeah, Good stuff. Anyway, whatever. And I always put in the group chat, I'm like, it's food, but it's not like dinner. So like, don't, because I know, if I turned up thinking it was dinner and then it was snacks, I'd be. And then people are like, you always clarify this.

And I'm like, it's good information. But what are they supposed to do then? Go from it to a full meal or. Well, it's at 8 o'clock. So I think you eat. Have something beforehand, maybe. Well, you have dinner and then you go and have fucking scotch eggs and shit. Calm down.

I mean, who are you? invited. Calm down, dear. People from the B-D-Hode. This is the England Football Supporters Club. Are you inviting the world's strongest men? I would have... Daniel Lambert is invited every year.

You know Daniel Lambert? No. He was even Lambert and Butler double-act. He used to be in Madam Two Swords as the world's fattest man, but he was like 18th century, wasn't it? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay.

But I think what I would do in that instance is I would have a transitional meal to keep me going. Very modern. Yeah. That's like the last meal you get on death row is sort of a transitional meal. Yeah. Okay. I love it enough. Very Catholic.

Scotch egg and chit for me, please, come. Very Catholic, Joe. He loves a Catholic joke. Oh, beautiful. But I would see that as maybe a rap with. Okay. Good night. Oh, sorry, I thought you were ending the show.

With some lettuce, some red pepper, something like that in it, very light salady bits. Red Pepper sounds like he was an American actor and never quite made it in the 60s. Sounds like he's going to write into this show. Oh, it sounds a bit like Ned Pepper, actually, from the true Greek. Actually, Red Pepper is the name of the man who does all those movie trailer voiceovers. Is it? Red Pepper. This summer.

That guy. The most talked about film of the year. Yeah, yeah. How interesting. Does he always talk like that? During sex. Oh, can you imagine? That's amazing.

You're going to come. Oh, please. To this movie. Anyway, you're welcome. It's a bit cleaner. We'd like to work clean here. There's no blue on the frank skin. When you're telling us about the party we weren't invited to.

I'm just thinking, so if I had been invited. Can I say, just to make you feel better, I wouldn't have gone. No. I think. Can I just. I'd assumed that. In case you got asked to do a charity kick. As far as I'm concerned, going to your birthday party is a fucking charity gig.

It's unpaid. Exactly, and I'll be expected to be the funny one if it's all young comics. I can't. I have slightly lower self-esteem, so I would have gone. Okay, yeah, great. Would you have eaten a Scotchette? Absolutely not. I've never eaten one.

I don't intend to start now. I should say that wasn't all there was. Those were just the first. Don't get me wrong. There was some, Somosos. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me. Scotch eggs.

They get me wrong about scotch eggs. What else was on offer? There were things like samosas. There were macaroni cheese bites. Samosa, I love samosa. What I can only describe as posh chicken nuggets. Macaroni cheese you mentioned, and that interested me a bit.

How was that presented? It was like a deep fried bread in macriese. They were more ingots. Well, you know, something between a nugget and a guzion. You know, that kind of, that hint to land. I avoid a guzion. Can I just find out then? So there was macaroni, anything else for the people?

There was really a lot of stuff. We're going to go through a lot of menu. If any listeners want to come next to here, this is the sort of food that's not offered. Well, you're taking more interest in this buffet than most of the guests. Oh, sorry. All of my city job having friends were all sort of like kind of,

I think a bit embarrassed to be seen eating a free buffet. You know how it is where people are too awkward to, and then... I've never been awkward to eat a free buffet. I've never been at any event. I remember a guy said to me as a mate of mine, I was at this wedding buffet. He said, I've just seen you when you're about 80, in a fabulous flash forward.

He said it was you going, where's the fork? Where's the fucking forks? He said, I could just see you as an old man. Food on your chin. Also, he still gets a rather touching thrill when it's free. If it's a free buffet, he likes it. When we went to Fort Laughan, when we, I say left Absolute Radio.

We didn't leave, Frank, but we were let go. We left Absolute Radio, the way Brad Pitt was left by Jennifer Arlestone. We were let go. And they gave us as a parting shot, gift. It was a nice gift, actually. They gave us all afternoon tea at Fortnham and Masons. And we had vouchers. And so the producer had the vouchers.

But when he came around, Frank shouted in Fortnham's in this quite loud voice, just so, you know, we've got vouchers. Well, I didn't want any confusion. We had wedding breakfast tea, which was the tea, which was, especially mixed by, especially picked, yeah, by Fortham and Masons for the William and Kate wedding. Oh, right. They have the equivalent of T E. Somelios there, don't they?

Yeah, T.E. Expert. Anyway, sorry, we've left the pub. Let's return to the plant. And then I had the Andrew Mountbatten Winters, Kish, which I found... A lot of very young cheeses. Aye. Quite sour. Left a nasty taste in the mouse. Absolutely.

Back to the pub. Yes. A lot of my friends were not eating it. And then a comedian friend of mine turned up with two quite young comedians in tow. And she's like, is it all right that I brought these people? Andrew L. Matt and Windsor. I was like, thankfully Andy's not here. So that'll be OK.

And then they, like true job in comedians who've not eaten a good meal in a week, absolutely decimated this buffet. And they were a bit embarrassed. But I was like, no, This is great because I was actually starting to get quite annoyed that no one was eating quite expensive. Would you have took it all home in a goodie bag? No, I'd have been too embarrassed to do that. That would have been me.

Really? Yeah. So would you describe the event as a success, be honest? Overall, yeah, it was quite good, but it just did the buffet or something. Did you do a speech? I thought you'd do at least like 12 to 15 minutes in Latin. Like a priest. I'm like incense, sweet.

I'm thinking more of an actual speech that was, you know, from... Okay. Well, the other peculiar thing that happened over my birthday was I've got an older sister, like much older, who lives in the States. Oh, it's all steadily unfolding, isn't it? Who Milo Edwards is. And... Are we allowed to know her name or she?

Her name's Lisa. But we call her Dixon, confusingly. Well, it's all got a bit Basmark. It's all got a bit Basmark, yeah. Or a Dixon. Yeah. It's a childhood nickname from, I think, her grandmother, but who's not my grandmother.

another. It's the blended family. Another piece in the Dixor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But our, well, sort of, she feels this kind of like semi-maternal role in my life. Because she's quite a lot older than me. And also, like, our parents are dead. So there's like a...

Got it. So she always does... I love Dixon. Hold on. Let me write that detail down as well. An orphan. Yeah. That's me. But you know what?

We're all orphans. And I love that about us. Yeah, I'm an orphan. I don't know. There must be an age cut off where I can't call myself. an orphan. I think it's probably... Probably when I try to check into an orphanage.

I would guess is where it gets. Anything for a free buffet. You're behind all of a twist going, move on, mate. As long as I'm just saying for the buffet. Oh dear. Anyway, Dixon. Yeah, so she always does a sort of birthday Facebook posts about me and then sort of all the sort of elderly relatives.

They love this. They're all over it. And a load of people that are like, I barely even know are all over. It's like a wedding speech, like jokes about you and stuff. Not even really, just sort of like a kind of. Morkish praise. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah.

And she included a picture of me doing stand-up. But it was... Very supportive, Dixon. She's very supportive, yes. And it was a picture of me from like 2019. The most recent file photo available. But then I was thinking at it. And I was like, I know this picture.

But it doesn't look right. And then I was looking at it closely and I'm like, she's Yassified me. She's put me through the AI. Oh, has she? What, do I know what yassified me? She's thought he looks like. She made you look like Yasser Arafat.

I've got a bit. I've got a kefier on. That Yasser Arafat filter you can put on. Ringo Starr has been using it for years. Why is your brother holding an AK-47? That's unusual for him. He's always got that scarf on that. I'll show you this picture in your,

you'll see what I'm in. Everyone wore that Scott. Yeah. Yeah, it's this picture. It's called. It's actually called the Yasser Akravat. If you look at it closely, you'll just see I'm eerily smooth. Yeah, you look.

Do you want to explain to Frank? Do you want to explain to Frank? It's like a beauty filter thing. It's a kind of, it's probably even a bit of an outdated reference now, but it's like a, it sort of, you've got a photo into it. You think that's outdated? I've just gone Yasser Arafat. Who hasn't been seen since about 1972?

Well, yeah, because he's been Yassified. No one will recognise him. No, because he's unlimited my spare room. Can I just say, you've got something of the young Harry Connick Jr. about you. Do you remember him, Frank? Oh, of course. Yeah. I remember Arikonic Senior.

Well, only in the Yassified photo, you should see the original. If you don't mind me saying, you look great, though. Well, this is the problem. All right. Yeah, but it's not him, Frank. This is a problem. I've been photoshopped. I'm catfishing, you know, my sister's middle-aged trends with this picture.

But against my will. We can put that picture up, see what people think? What do you think? Do you like how you look in that? It's a bit spooky. It's also it straightened my teeth. What does Frank think? Well, what I think is, when you do an affectionate speech about a sibling,

not that we've ever done any in our family, I don't think, but you are in. inclined to yassify their personality and all that. True. She's continued that into the image. So it kind of makes sense. Because then I replied and I said, have you yassified me? What is she said?

And she just said, you're very handsome. And I'm like, that's not an answer to the question. And she's your half sister. Yeah, but I'm wondering if she knows. Where does that fit legally? In what sense? How far. I'm allowed to marry her.

Frank. I'm not just wondering, where does that fit? Oh my God. stop wondering. Probably be hanged for that on the Isle of Man to this day. What for not marrying your sister? Only your half. It's disgusting.

You've got to keep it in the family, mate. Oh, people in the Ireland Man will be ringing in. The Angry Man. Or as they call it, a mixed marriage. I thought you were going to say what they call a telephone. I don't want to upset the Iron Man. Graham Bell's telegraph, as they call it on the island. They didn't like my gig.

review of the last one. We've managed to move on from Isle of Mangate and I think you would be welcome there should you choose to go again. I don't know if I would be welcome there. Really? It's a shame because I like the island. I just didn't like the geek. Oh, okay, fair enough.

Yeah. The Isle of Man's the bit of the supermarket where they keep all the shaving foam and stuff. Nothing for that? Okay. Absolutely nothing. No, absolutely. Can you just give me a second to Google? That was my Isle of Man. We're still really...

Right there. That was a live re-enactment. Frank's Islander. That's what it felt. And Frank, I wasn't there, but that was helpful for me and I really appreciate it because it allows me to experience

what you were feeling that night. Two people looking on in after incomprehension. And Frank, how many people did you have looking on in incomprehension? No, they were a lot. See, the thing is, Frank says it goes badly, but you still get a little bit of love in the room, don't you?

For being Frank's skinner. Well, no law. There was the sort of laughs that Elmore Leonard got when he told the pineapple pizza joke for the second time. That's how it went. That would have bombed on the Isle of Man that had been like, what's that? Yeah, pineapple. Anyway, beautiful place, can I just say that? Is it really?

It is, it's beautiful. What do you know what I've been considering? Some great statues. be the Bee Gees? I've been considering... Are the Isle of Man? Well, they're from the Isle of Man? Are they?

Aren't they Australian? That's why they don't have tails. I've been considering a holiday destination because I don't like to go abroad because I don't want to leave Ray at home. That is abroad. Well, it is. That's what I'm thinking, Frank.

And I'm thinking of like Isle of Man, Jersey, Silly, one of these. So maybe I'll go, Isle of Man. Try dogs. That's more you. Yeah. Yeah, you could always. Always do sort of Grimsby or Hull, perhaps. Anyway, would you like to hear something before we go?

I feel we should... A for you go. Should we hand over to our readers briefly? Yes, I always like to hear from there. A few weeks ago, this is the kind of stuff we cover on this weird show. A few weeks ago, we asked whether sandwiches ever featured in James Bond. I don't recall this. I don't remember.

Have they got the wrong podcast? No, the producer's nodding and so is the assistant producer. Sort of thing they come up with on the glue factory. That's my love. Now, let's hear about this is just two pieces of bread with hand inside. Now it may look simple to you. Well, that's sort of what happens. Because Rudy says, I'm currently rereading live and let die.

Well, that got my interest immediately re-reading. To read living and let die. Well, live and let die. I have to say, to be fair. Yes, you said about Fleming. When I read a James Bond, I thought it was really going to be very basic, you know, this happened and that happened.

They're actually, it's a weird thing, later review. It's actually quite well written, quite literary, the James Bond books. When it says like Dr. Annabella Titts or whatever. No, no, she's very well described. Well, I think Ian Fleming was, how can I put it? He was one of yours. Oh. He was saying he's a homosexual.

No. That felt very... Lord Chamberlain. He was very Cambridge and, you know. Do you know what for me? Probably did classics. He went to the gym a lot. Yeah.

Kim Filby. Kim Spire. He's lying for the Russians. I believe he was an orphan. An alcoholic. Yeah. Anyway, Rudy is currently rereading live and let die. Rudy.

Do you remember that? I do. A message to your own. Okay. It's a message from Rudy in this. case. Yeah. And I'm pleased to present to you the following passage from page 58.

Sam. I'm worried about this because there's some passages in the James 1 books. I wouldn't want to read it. I've read it. Don't worry. I did a appropriateness check. Of course, I think in Doctor No, one thing they do with him is they have a wicker chair where the wicker has been removed from the genital area.

They make him sit in it naked and then they whip his genitals from underneath through the wicker. Royale film. Oh yes, was that the Daniel Craig? Yeah, yeah. Yes, the interrogation scene. Yeah. Benicio? Yeah.

Sorry? Is it Benicio in that? Well, the guy, the pastor. Is that what they call? Is that what they call that Torto? No, it's Benichio del Toro, the actor. It's what's his face? It's Mads Mickelson.

Oh, oh. I thought it was a name. The Shifra. Do you know Baster Nardo? He looks like Jimmy. Yes. Bastinados is when you, when you beat the salt. of people's feet with sticks.

It's called Bastinardo. Yes. Because that's what you say when they do it. Yes. Well, you know Bastinardo, Lerman. Known to his friends and family. Only as real loved ones call it. See, there's a Byron poem when he's in prison

and he says bastinados for breakfast. Ooh. Yeah. Makes a change. So, meanwhile, back with Rudy. Yeah. Rudy is sharing with us the following passage from page 58. Sam, he called a waiter over.

Look after these, sorry, makes me laugh so much, Gemmums order, he moved away. Because that's a sort of old posh word for like gentlemen's, I think. Yeah. It's either Gemmums or Gemmems. I'm not sure how you pronounce it. Someone will tell us. Isn't that him writing in an accent?

No, that's a very posh person word because I do know that word. Gemens. I think it's a bit of a gentleman. It's like a, it's a bit of. It's a bit Petey Woodhousey or something. They ordered Scotch and soda and ham sandwiches. Ding, sandwich reference. Bond sniffed. Marijuana, he commented.

Why does Bond say marijuana? I don't know. I don't really understand that exchange, but from page 109, I love Rudy, just literally selected. Did he have explaining that he got the munches? That's why he needed ham sandwiches. Bond, damn. I didn't ask for Scotch and Soda.

I asked for a Scotch and soda. And on page 109, Bond ordered old fashions and stipulated old granddad bourbon chicken sandwiches and decaffeinated Sanker coffee. So their sleep would not be spoiled. Chicken sandwiches ploughed, not shaved. It's very funny, the idea of James Bond ordering a decaf coffee. Yes, that surprises me.

Does he have a decalcohol? He ordered in this a decafinated sancaf coffee. I don't want to spoil my sleep. A man who's 19 martini. It's not just that. A man who's broken up by tarantulas crawling on his bed and stuff. I don't want to sleep really solid. Do you know what?

If I don't get my full eight hours, I'm useless. I've got a lot of killings tomorrow. I'm terrible cute. Sorry, I left the pen behind, but honestly, I barely slept four hours. The kids were keeping me up. It's a nightmare. More like Dr. Noel around the house. Yeah.

That's what I call him. Very negative, Doctor Now I found. Negative guy to hang around with it. Ironically surrounded by yes men. Exactly. Well, they had to balance it somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days

is out on Wednesday. We're still in 2012. And this time, Emily has stayed at the Beatles Hotel. Oh. It's a Frank Skinner. podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com.