The Frank Skinner Show - Beautifully Prepared

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Frank shares something he's done this week that he's very embarrassed about. Also there's a foam Takis, chewy toothbrushes and Emily's had an unusual compliment during a medical procedure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh radio, and the one with the French name who from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets to rain, close brackets, today. Pretty little girl, pretty little girl in a blue dress. Oh dear. Pretty little girl in a blue dress looking at me, what do you see? an elderly man I don't know that song What is that song?

I don't know That's one of those ones That's in my memory back I've got no idea I've got to be honest I've never ever heard About the pretty little girl In the blue dress

No No I've got a feeling Backerack Anyway Look This is How old are baccarat

This is Frank This is Frank off the radio That's what it's called I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonukk.com. When it comes to WhatsApp, however... Oh, 7457-417-769.

Oh, 7457, 417-769. It's like being in New Orleans bar. New Orleans, is that the right reference for that? Yes. Somewhere south. Georgia. Mason Georgia. That takes me back to your line dancing days.

Didn't you have a bit of an interest in that briefly? Yeah, I used to go to Hendon. a lady wearing what we used to call a Madonna microphone. Yes. What I believe young people call a microphone. Yes. And a cowboy hat. And she would be on the stage.

But what about the dance classes? Yeah. This was after relax. Now so it would be, yeah, me with a complete, I didn't even go with other people. I just went on my own. To line dancing in Hendon. Yeah, I was taught to line dance by Lionel Blair.

who was, you're looking blankly at me, Pierre, but he was a big TV dance guy. He was the TV dance guy, pretty strictly, wasn't he? Sorry, any Gordino fans? But if it was pretty strictly, what was he dancing on? He wasn't really. He was on a show called To Give Us a Clue. That was his...

No, he danced. He did dance on a lot of things. We had variety shows back then on Saturday night. So he called the line dancing was very new then. it had really just arrived and he brought out a I think it was VHS which was called Lionel dancing in which he explained now to line dance

very clever I interviewed him I remember on some sort of thing a thing he was very well liked in the business I know what he was a very nice man I'd have thought a fancy dancer would sort of look down on line dancing

is a bit simple Well, that's kind of We're not like ballroom dancing or all this Like they was trying to be as elaborate as possible on it Is he still alive if Lionel Blair? He is, I'm sure he is Okay There would have been a state funeral

Look what, he was big time Blair Do you know what? Whenever I see people like that I'm just always going to... Blyer I call him Lionel Blyer As I was saying I'm very envious

Before you laid into poor Lionel Of how a dancer always keeps their body They do keep their physique the dancer They do, they do I met Sid Chorice Wow Do you know who that is? No

She was she Her legs were famously insured It was one of those things Oh no one's legs are insured That's absolute bowels It always was but you'd always hear These sort of urban myths about A million

Chinaya twin Betty Grable Yeah Legs insured for a million Right Yeah Yeah Anyway what was Sid Churice like It's only barred

Only Douglas Barter didn't get in shoe and he lost his at a bikeer. That must have been a sicker coming down on the parachute thinking, what, Betty Grable and not me? Anyway, God bless him. Old tin legs, they called him in the RAF,

different times. That was very empathetic of them. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure they called him worst off, but that's what's been handed down. Yeah. So, yeah, what was I on a bit? You were talking about when you interviewed Sid Chiris.

No, I didn't interview. was doing this, I was on this morning, and a sort of 12-year-old researcher came in to ask me some questions off a clipboard. And I said, who else is on? And she said, oh, you know, about three people I had nerd off. And then Sid, Cherise, I said, what? You are, I said, I've got to meet Sid's, and I never do this. I said, you're going to introduce me. She said, well, I'll go and ask. I said, I've got to meet her. She danced with, like, you know, There's a very famous American in Paris dance that she did with Gene Kelly and all. She was really absolute pure classic Hollywood.

She was 80. And anyway. Is your demographic? Yeah, not so much then, but no, yeah. Cid shere, she wouldn't say, niet, as Putin once said to me. So I, she said yes, Miss Cirrus, we'll see you. And in a way, and she was lovely. But my point was, which is what you said earlier,

she was 80, her back was like an ironing board. Her posture was just fantastic. I said to her, I went in and said, wow, you've got amazing posture. She said, well, when you're a dancer. And I said, you know, I really love that dance you did in blah, blah. And she said, I can't watch that. They left the sticker on the bottom of my shoe.

Oh. That would really be. Oh, when you've watched it for the 400th time at a film festival or something. I'm glad to hear that it's not just comedians who see the one problem in the audience, the one not laughing face. They're all the same.

God. Can I tell you something? Sure, you're in a safe space. I've had... You're not Douglas Bader and his comrades. Is this a safe space? Yeah, I like to think of it. We're surrounded by insulation. It's safer than Bada.

Well, I want to tell you something then that I wouldn't tell most people because I still feel a bit embarrassed and ashamed about it. Gather around the fireside. I've been watching the rider cop this last weekend. Right. Okay. A fucking rider cop. And I don't mean just watching.

I've been absolutely hooked by it. Really? Yeah. You know what the rider cop is? Yeah. Big golf. A golf tournament between Europe, those of the days, and the US.

say. And it's in America, in New York State. And they take my saucer away, but you're allowed to keep yours. They. Who will the listeners think they are? And I realised that. There's some institution. But mine, I picked up my cop just before we started. When it put it down, the saucer had gone. Frank, you did sound. You know how old people are bullied in homes?

then it's on panorama. It's like that. You did make it sound like we were in prison together. Like you were the angry inmate because I was getting perks from the screws. Oh, you know. Somebody going,

get in, get in the bed. Get in that fucking wheel off me. It's like that here. Hidden camera footage of Frank Skinner being denied crockery. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Where's my saucer?

I can shut up, y'all. Anyway. Well, I'm living it up like an arrester cat. Yeah. So, um, I said, Yes, I said. Arrista Cap. Yeah. Anyway, Frank.

I remember the Aristot. It's a great movie. I aspired to be them. Anyway, back to you with your pants, watching the rider car. So, yeah, so I was really been watching it. I realised I can't really take to a sport unless the competitors are being verbally abused by the crowd. Oh, that's Sardin Freud.

They were like shouts. They were really, like, they were doing obscene chance against the European. Yeah. What were they saying, or can we not say? Well, I mean, some of the, like, The lesser stuff was they started doing that thing, which I thought even in the Ryder Cup, which is famously raucous.

When they go to it the ball, someone going, whoa! Really that, you're not supposed to do that. And Rory McElroy backed off. One of them showed, Can you take it, Rory? And then they started squeezing Thai docks making them. I mean, compared to English football,

it's baby steps of verbal abuse. It's still for them. It's still things. It's a long learning. I don't think they have the wanker sign in America. No. No, they don't. I mean, that's really limited to your competitor of you.

It's like missing a vowel in your alphabet. Oh, man, it is, though. I mean, if you're into abuse to not have the wanker sign at your fingertips, so to speak. Do you think there's a sort of group of American sports fans doing a sort of lab, sitting there's got to be a way we can imply masturbation. Yeah, exactly. God, if only you had a hand gesture. I never really like doing that because I always think...

You're right. Yeah, no, I just choked on the... Because you swore and you used an expletive. But I never liked doing that sign, Frank, because I felt that people were perhaps secretly judging me on my technique. Yeah, I... I must have me. I did, I think, well, they look at me and think she's rubbish.

I didn't do it because it felt like rank hypocrisy. But anyway, I was there. I was whooping. I was watching it on my own. Obviously, my family don't want to watch the rider cop. So I'm there. I'm whooping. A very intelligent people.

When a European podcast, I'm staying up till, you know, late at night, watching it. And really, so anyway, Europe won on the Sunday. They got the trophy. And they held up the trophy. And I thought, what earth did I see in this? The spell was broken. Have I watched this? And honestly, fell away from me.

Oh, shit, it's fucking golf. I switched it off. I haven't read a report. I haven't looked. It's absolutely gone. I just thought, what on earth did I see? So it's midnight back into a pumpkin. Exactly.

Gone. Frank, why do you think you had this sudden vault fast? Yes, I said vault fast. Watching it was a vault fast because I've never been into I took my son to the driving range I think I told you recently I don't know if that triggered anything

I thought you were entering your golf here but honestly as soon as the trophy went up I was disgusted with it and with myself I'd been obsessed I've been talking to people I've been to the rider cop last night are you going to have to go

apologising to everyone you've spoken to about I think you should release a statement through your PR saying, thanks Skinner would just like it. It doesn't represent him. Well, it's, it's, all the American fans went as soon as it was apparent that they couldn't win. They all went home.

Maybe it was as soon as the abuse stopped. I was going to say, is you in a football fan just think, if Americans are shouting and being rowdy in a crowd against a team, I'm in, and I'm supporting that team against them. No, I know what it is. I think maybe it was that. I know what it is.

I know this old code. I think it's because you liked being the underdog and you liked, I think you were disappointed when you're at one. That's what I think you didn't like. You didn't want to be on the winning side. It was a bit Man United. I really didn't want America to win. I mean, it was people dressed as Uncle Sam in the crowd.

Literally dressed as Uncle Sam. And they were being rude. Do they sing Sweet Home Alabama? I just made a noise. Just because you've got a saucer. Don't rob my bloody nose in it. I don't mean to listen to my cop going down there you go apologies fired from the Foley studio too soft exactly but the Foley guys who do special

effects on audio stuff yeah they don't they wouldn't put a cup on a saucer for the sound of a cup it's in a saucer it'd be some other weird yeah it's always some weird trick where they go well actually you have to um like ice ice cubes they put glass marbles into a glass. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, no, you have to put a shot glass on an iPhone. People try to make it feel like it's, you know, it's a clever job that you have to think about.

It was really you put ice cubes in and be absolutely fine. So no more golf then, that's it. Well, I don't mind, you know, I don't mind the driving range, but staying up late and whooping at the rider cop, I still think it's... You know, when you were in love with someone for about three days, obsess. And you wake up one morning and think, oh, why am I here? I hate this person. It was like that. If you checked your house for sort of carbon monoxide mix or other sort of personality-changing incidents.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe someone's been, it's that new wallpaper I bought from Napoleon's cell. Smelt a bit leady, I thought. A little bit leady. I'm very relieved that this last... Good for you. What's going on? Now, it was a weird thing, but, you know, it was fervent. But as I say, as infatuation is. Yes.

We need to run an experiment during the next Olympics or international event. We find a niche event and plant a load of abuse of Americans and see if it triggers you again, like the Manchurian candidate. Don't get me wrong, I love Americans. but they were not very American. They were very English. Yeah. As you say,

their level of sports abuse, they don't have songs, they're not very good at it. They tried some songs, but it was really rubbish. Until there's a coin embedded in the back of Rory McElroy's head, they haven't learned to do what we've learned to do here.

There was a great bit, because you know that, say if West Bromwich Albion are winning a, a game and someone who they hate well they'll say say if let's say the less manager carlos corbaren who they don't hate but if they was winning there would go oh you watching corber and oh in other words you know um it's uh it's like um nicol kidman shows urban what he's missing yeah in this bikini yes yes um anyway it was they did this uh thing when they be America, the European team started singing,

are you watching Donald Trump? Are you watching? And Rory McElroyd got a text from Donald Trump said, yes, I am watching. Congratulations. That's the only person who's ever texted back to, are you watching? I must have me, I like that.

Turns out he's a great bloke. It's probably the most succinct message he's ever delivered in his life. Exactly. Exactly. And he didn't sort of slag anyone off on the way. Yeah. He's losing it. He's put 100% tariff on golf clubs coming from the UK. Maybe we've got a redacted version of the text. Redacted. I don't believe that someone wasn't thrown under the bus and abused in that message in some way.

I think this one is... I know you're a Trump apologist. I really am not. But I did like him responding to that. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot trackside. So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and vary by race.

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Explore the new Peloton Cross-Draining Treadplus at OnePeloton.ca. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Have we heard from Al Frisco? We have. Frank, I have some news for you.

I don't know how you're going to take this. It's from Hannah, who, just to give you a little taster, signs off yours regrettably. Yeah. Oh, oh. Hey, Frank Emily and Pierre. He's not mine. You'll get no money from me, it's not mine! Sorry about that, everyone.

Little kitchen sink drama there. I regret to inform you that I met Frank at the book launch he discussed going to recently. Oh, yeah. I was the artist who came and introduced myself. Oh, it's hand, yeah. The flash dance artist that makes stuff out of metal, as discussed.

Anyway, the reason why I regret to inform you is because that evening I didn't know it yet but I had COVID. So extremely sorry to say. Oh wow! I think I was the super spreader. I think you might be right

because I spoke to Hannah for 10 minutes. Well Hannah continues. One good thing to come out of this terrible situation. Also I can remember a spit hitting the back of my roof of my mouth. We don't need that element. Because I'd speak into an ornamental. fountain. We don't need that element. One good thing to...

You know what, if I'm going to get COVID, I'm proud to get it from an artist like her. What about that? She can use that quote now. One good thing to come out of this terrible situation is that Frank did introduce me to the lovely Kath. She's put Kath in caps with an exclamation mark.

Big fan. She's using in caps. She is. Thankfully, I wasn't standing near enough to Kath to spread it on. No. Yours regrettably, Hannah. And obviously I wasn't. Well, that's lovely, though. I'm very happy to.

Hannah Perry. Yes. Rare to know where you got it from, I think. Well, I know the last time I got it, I got it from my manager. We went to watch Operation Minsmith the first time I saw it. And it was a fantastic night out.

But he did give me the fully blown Verruce. Do they say that of COVID? Full-blown COVID? Yeah. I haven't heard it yet, but we can popularise that. The fully blown Varus used to be a thing, didn't me? Yes. Maybe I'm going down a dark, cold, he said.

Yeah, let's not go down that, cold a start. But that's, I'm going to tell everyone now that I got my COVID from Hannah Perry, the artist. That's great. We've heard from... She should do a massive bronze... image of the COVID thing, you remember that like a spiky ball thing? Oh, were they trying to sort of personify it? No, it looked like, no, when they showed you the virus, it looked like one of those things.

If you have a one-night stand, you know, when you get a chewy toothpaste ball from the gun machine thing. Yeah, from the services. It looked like one of those. Well, that was my first thought. Yeah, I have never indulged in one of those. They're spiky. Are they? Well, they have to get in your, you know, your crevices.

Sure. Obviously, with my teeth. I'll find them a bit sleazy. I could chew a tennis ball and they'd get to all the right parts. Well, regarding... My dog choose many a tennis ball. Clean teeth? Oh, Ray can't get them in his mouth, as you can imagine.

Well, my dog brings them back from Hampstead Heath and anyway. She will find that... If I walked on Hampstead Heath with... a police party of, say, 60 police and local villagers helping out looking for a tennis ball. I bet we wouldn't find one. I would say my dog finds one in three times

we go for a walk on there. It's incredible. She brings them home also brings sticks. Yeah. And I think I've said to you before, we call it the dog's library. Yeah. Because there it is.

It's just 18 tennis balls and 12 sticks. To use at any time. sorry pierre well speaking of tennis balls and chewable toothbrushes and so on sort of toy machines we've heard from john from west sussex good morning all so not quite morning all morning they're close okay having been a long time listener i'm a first time WhatsApp I've always been curious about the much-mentioned tackies could you imagine my surprise when on a weekend trip to swanage I spotted the aforementioned heavily spiced snack inside a grabber machine

Oh, that would be tantalising. Yeah, but guess what it was? This was a foam-formed replica of the snack. So it was a sort of foam toy tachies. Like, you remember when they used to shrink crisp packets, Frank? It's that sort of thing. They used to put them in the oven and then wear them as badges. I had a what-s-it badge.

What are you saying? Oh, did you not know about shrinking crisp-pacters? I put in the oven so we can wear them as clothes. No, you put an empty crisp-packy and it shrinks and it's... quite sturdy, and you can hear it as a man. You put it on a very low setting. My mum would always say, girls, make sure the oven's off,

we'll just warm it up nicely before the crisp packets go in, and we'd lay out what's it, all sorts. And then you could make bracelets, necklaces. Frank, this is true. It really happened. It would be a shit lie. Yeah, maybe a very elaborate.

What do we gain from it? Trying to get me to set up my own fire alarm in my kitchen. That's why I'm saying. Smoke billowing out of my oven. Looking back, we couldn't use sweet packets, but we never did. It was a savoury only thing, taboo to use sweets. Yeah, it's very hard. Why was it safer?

There's no rules on that kind of thing. You can bake sweet things in the oven? Sure you can. Sure. So it's a foam-formed replica. No, no, but someday. But clearly, Frank has had a major influence within the grab machine filling community. Yeah, I'd like a wish.

Because I have played, I would say, let's not exaggerate, but I'd say I've had over 100 games on seaside grabbing machines. I've never got a damn thing ever. Never. Oh, no. It's almost like they're rigged. Well, people, I've met people. I've asked people about it.

And they've said, oh yeah, I got a sort of a rubber dandelion out of one in Barry Island. A nylon bear. That kind of thing. Yeah. But I've never managed. I get it, you know, it's over the hole. But it either won't let go or it just hit the post. Have you seen those videos of people who are sort of incredible at them?

No. Yeah, they're online. You can just watch people who've, you know, they've trained. How much does it cost, though, to get to that level of grabber control? They must just buy it. Oh, I'm so good at grabbing machines. So I've won a bag of Chris. It costs me a hundred and eighty quid.

But get the oven. Oh, boys, I need to tell you about my colonoscopy. I had it last week. It sounds a bit like a misspelling of my little pony. Do you know what? I don't know what a colonoscopy is. Oh, do you not? Pierre, you know, I'm sure you do.

So it's an examination. Don't keep it from me. Oh, no, you're going to find out in full detail. You may regret asking that question. I do hope so. Is it? A colonoscopy is. is when they insert a camera into, what's a good word to use?

Your colon. Yeah, your colon, sort of that general area. Okay. Just to check that everything says it should be. You're meant to have one every 10 years. I have them all regularly. I would imagine you've had one. I can't stand it for one.

I have to have the semicolon. Can you imagine if they had to put up? Look, I hadn't heard of the bloody thing 30 seconds ago, and here I am doing gags about it. Don't judge me. But you need to have your colonoscopy, you have to have a spotless colon. It has to be absolutely clean before him. Can I be honest?

I don't really know what the colon is or where it is. It's part of the digestive tract. I don't want to be too graphic. Why is it, in what way does it differ from the intestine? It's closer towards the bot bot. Yes. Oh, so it's just like the nozzle of the intestine. Yeah?

More like the tube before the nozzle. the tube before the nozzle the sort of collar the nozzle collar and then even further before as well the pipe oh it's way back in there I like the idea of a collar

I'm going to call it that from now on maybe that's colon and collar they come from the same what about calling yeah so they put a camera in there yeah it's a camera so you have to clean your system

for a few days beforehand which is why when I last saw you I hadn't eaten for 24 hours it took me back to Paris Fashion Week in my fashion days. All the cameras as well. I felt so there was cameras. All those cameras up the back side.

Wow, we lived a wildlife in the fashion world. Yeah, all those cameras, no solids for 24 hours. It was great. But I'd ordered, and I got a good review for my colonoscopy, by the way. The nurse said to me... You get reviewed. Well, I wasn't expecting it. She'd given me the fendombs.

And that's the Prince one, not the Michael Jackson. And she said, well, this is looking great. Can I just say beautifully prepared? Well, that's a. Five-star review. Well done. Good notices. Yeah, exactly.

The Times loved it. The Guardian was the one-star. I'm going to put it on... But I suppose. I know what they mean. I'm going to put it on my Instabio. Yeah. Beautifully prepared colon.

And it's just not eating, that's how you prepare it. Yeah, oh no, you have to take some laxatives. You don't have to swallow those. They're chewing things from the one-note stam machines. It's a 10 or 11 of those. You have to have eight of those on a string. And just as you pull them up again, they're like, use them as love beads. Oh, please.

Do you know. Oh, please, was the right response. Frank. But they must get... Frank, you have to... No, you have to take very powerful laxatives for two days beforehand, which they attempt to give a nice flavour like mango punch. It's not great.

You have to drink about 16 glasses. Anyway, on my way to the hospital, I ordered a cab, thought I'd treat myself. Yeah. And I know you've been having a few run-ins with cab drivers, Frank. And I felt you might relate to this. Because the first thing he did, as he was driving along, every house we drove past, not far from you, actually, he would say, how the other half lives, eh?

Yeah. And I went, yeah, okay. Then we carried on driving, he said, imagine, imagine how much money you'd have to earn to live there. He said, never mind, one day it'll be us. I didn't like us. You were better off with us than us and them in that circle. You were thinking, this man's colon's probably woefully prepared.

But it was just this idea that how did we get to us, when all I've done is ordered a cab with you, why is it, there is no ass? I don't know you. I have to say, in my, when I was piss, pooter, I definitely wouldn't have got a cab anyway. I mean, I wouldn't assume that someone in a cab didn't have money. Oh, contrary.

It just got my goat. Oh, contrary. Yeah. It just got my goat a bit. But then, this wasn't his only crime. He starts singing, he liked to sing very loudly. Did it whilst driving? Yeah, which I've not really come across that in a cab.

I think they play the music and they accept, well, this is for all our enjoyment. But he starts singing, no woman, no cry. Oh, yeah. He starts singing it very loudly. Was he in the government gardens of Trench Town? He said, Frank. He suddenly went, oh, there you.

go, there's Robert. I said, Robert. He said, yeah, Robert Marley. I said, I've never really thought of him as a Robert. No, once you call him Robert Marley, I'm seeing screwed cowardice in his fireplace. Yeah. That's what I thought. I said, I don't think, and I said it very infassadly,

I said, I don't really think of Bob Marley as of Robert Marley. And guess what he said? No, yeah, yeah, Robert Marley. Just because you keep saying it. It's very clever, though. He's only Robert Marley when he's in trouble. He's very clever. He's looked at the word Bob, and he's had a good old think of him.

I think this man's hiding his real name. And that is not a normal cigarette. I'd have liked it in Christmas Carol. I and I come to tell you about the other one. Who are you? Did we work together? Bob Marley. I have no dealings with you in my life.

What chains did you forge? Anyway, this went on And he told me Superstitious came on And he went, oh, Stevie I mean, thank God he didn't go Stephen Has anyone ever called him Stephen Wonder?

That's a magician's name. I wish he was called Stephen Wonder It would be so much better So he's happy with some abbreviations Yeah, he was fine with Stevie I thought he probably His gas bill probably says to Mr Stephen

Wanda, they're not going to call him Stevie on his gas bill No Do you think when he goes out to the vet as well You know when they call out the dog's name I don't like that When they go Raymond Dean It sounds a bit ridiculous

It's all stupid I love my dog But I went to the vet And they said are you poppies daddy Oh I said no I think he's shitting On the pavement outside Do you mean of my pop

How do you imagine I did that I'm not Poppy's daddy. I'm paid good money for Poppy. I own that job. I bought her from a stranger. Yeah. Would you ask me if I was this jacket, daddy? No.

I probably would, and I think you're a lovely daddy to that jacket. It's a black leather jacket, so I think the word daddy's been thrown around for those kind of clothes more than any other. Yeah, maybe, but I worry about the word daddy generally. You've been very loyal to you. son, I'd like to say. Anyway, the good news is, Frank,

I was exhausted. By the time I got to the hospital, I was crying out for fentanyl. But the colon... Well, you're not the only one, according to Donald Trump. But everything went brilliantly and... Good. It was beautifully prepared.

And I will be taking that with me. You know, that is... That's tremendous. You could eat your dinner off, Emily's Colon. Please don't. No, okay, I won't. They must get a lot of chances, that poor nurse. What do you mean? People who are like, well, you know, I'll still have lunch.

Like, people who just don't follow the advice. Oh, yeah, they must have to plow throw some colons. Yes, you're right. There was one woman in the cubicle next to me. It must be like a mud guard. You know, he took a mud guard off a bike and it's thick caked. It'd be like that. You're right.

There was one woman in the cubicle next to me. I was so proud of saying, when did you last eat? and when did you last see your trousers? I was like, oh, 10 a.m. yesterday morning. And then I heard a woman saying, it was about 10.30 last night. And the man went 10.30 last night. Oh, well, you see, that's no discipline.

I think she probably... Only since COVID. People have changed. Yeah. What I've heard. Yeah. That mud guard thing, did you do this thing when you had a bike as a kid?

I didn't have a bike, but I saw others. And people used to put... So sad. People used to put like these... It's a sticky plastic on the spokes so that when you drove, it went, Yes. If you stick a playing card in it, it's made a... It sounded a bit like a bike.

Yeah, but you grew up with a lot of magicians on your estate. Stephen Wander. Cycling magicians, yes, Stephen Wander. Yeah, exactly. Derringer Brown. All the magicians. That's the RuPaul Drag Race version of him. Yes.

Derringer Brown. Derringer Brown. Yeah, what were those spokes for, Frank, that thing? Was it just to make a noise? It was just noise. Why did children like to make noise? Well, we didn't have Netflix. Oh, yeah.

We had to make us own entertainment mechanical sound. You didn't have toothbrushes. They existed, but we didn't have access. I'll give you that. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm glad everything's all right. I tried to make a joke, but it didn't go down very well. What did you go for?

I said to the nurse, because they give you pants. You know those sort of Stanley Matthews big shorts? Do they? Yeah, they give you massive, like with a hole in the back to wear. And I said to the male nurse. Well, that's seven Christmas presents you've just sorted in one guy. The sound of Googling across the land. You can get those in the service station vending machine maybe.

Yeah, you probably can. And I said, I tried to make a joke. Because I, you know, I always like to do a bit of material. It brightens their day, Frank. I think if you're at a colonoscopy, the opportunities for... Yeah, it's an endless. Yeah. So I did say something like, I said, oh, dear, I'm asking for a refund.

These have got a giant hole in the bomb area. Very good. I thought it was all right. And? He said, no, I'm afraid they're designed like that for the procedure. Come on. Yeah. Come on, Robert. I've got a feeling that him and his flow.

family come to all my geek. I'm very clear that kind of response. Oh, shut up. The end of that story was different to what I thought it would be. Exactly. You won't fool me with your misdirection. Okay, well, good news all round. Yeah, five stars.

Five stars? Five stars. Okay, well done. And, yeah. I'm trying to think of an ending any ideas I've had enough of my endings being analysed

for this week am I supposed to plug anything Sarah? Okay I've got nothing to plug okay again it's something they often say at the colonoscopy oh my God

look it's the plug all the bat was short I can't in my mind though what did I get you last year It's Frank off the radio Frank off the radio It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know Thanks for listening to the podcast

Make sure to like and follow So you never miss an episode And if you want to get in touch You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com