The Frank Skinner Show - Bed Conspiracy

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Frank and the family took a trip to Goring where they stayed in George Michael's pool house and tried liquorice root. Frank explains his thoughts on 'beds' and why he'd never be seen walking with a yoga mat. All of this plus a very early appearance on GMB. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Farber Debt Solutions, licensed insolvency trustees. Get the truth about debt. It's Fred off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o. There was a time if one felt the world had kicked them around a bit that you would take yourself to the end of a bar alone Drink drink speaking to no one just wallowing in self-pity Nowadays people do podcasts Welcome. This is Frank off the radio the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. Can I say on that note, I think it was E-flat,

that you might think, well, I sent in a tremendous missile to the podcast and they still haven't mentioned it, that the moment moment because Pierre Novelli and myself are on tour and I'm sure also, Emily's very busy, she looked at me then like I'd done. I didn't. It just means that we're having to do the podcast in lumps so we're not ignoring, stick around and we will come to you. We will come to you. We will come to you. I apologize for that. We will come to you definitely Yeah, if you build it he will come. Okay Frank there's been something I've been wanting to discuss with you since I lost all you okay Because did you see this Pierre? Did you catch Frank on GMB?

I saw a Twitter or an X clip, but I didn't catch the entire. Oh that's nice. I love the things they have on it. You're one of those people who look up clips of X's. Yeah GMB we should say is Good Morning Britain. It sounds like some sort of acronym for a violent crime but it's not. Yes yeah five inside for GMB. Yeah I've got GMB mate and I saw you on GMB and I was so thrilled because I like watching GMB firstly and also you are with Ed I'm gonna go I'm gonna call him Ed Riz Balls oh yes why are you gonna call him that he's Riz up to the eyeballs oh my goodness He's got so much Riz. Riz of the Vols.

In case you don't know, Riz is a sex appeal kind of thing, isn't he? Yes, sort of charisma, seduction charm. Do you not think Riz of the Vols has Riz? Yeah, like Riz? He is so... Wow, that's interesting. He's Walt Rizny. He does have a name, Walt Rizny.

And he was on with Charlotte Hawkins. I like her as well. Yes. So, I got... Arrrr, Hawkins! Get me wrong, will ye? Please don't tell me you said that to her. I didn't say that to her now, I don't know if she'd get it.

Does she look like someone who's read Treasure Island? She might have. She does a lovely, I won't promote another station, I don't know if we should, but she does a lovely classical music show for pets around firework night time, so I like her. Does she really? A classical music show for pets. To calm them in Firework season. Their favorite composer is Bach. Oh, I say. Hello.

Yes. Well done, you. I'm taking the hands on to Ben. So, I'm sitting down, I'm'm so happy I'm in my robe. Can I say by the way when I went on and they said to me so you've got a podcast I said oh everybody's got a podcast. Well this is what I want to discuss with you. Yeah but the thing is I said I bet you've got a podcast haven't you? He looks slightly, he said yeah I have, yeah. Charlotte, have you got a podcast? And then I called out to the cameraman and he had one. I know, I couldn't bear it.

He had one. He had one as well. He did it. I sat down in my robe, I was so excited because I love watching you on those things and I thought well I know, quite apart from me knowing you, I think you're always good value, you'll be funny. Well I'm good value on there you don't get paid I go so far as to call you a very decent booking well I must say

you were up early because one thing you find on breakfast television is as your career declines you appear earlier and earlier because they save like the big showbiz one for the you know when it's got maximum so I was on at 735 it was anyway I mean you were great you did oh like great in italics I just had a couple of notes. Okay. So note number one is when you're going on primarily I presume to promote the podcast. It helps if you promote it. So what you did, Ed was really passing you that ball. There were so many assists from him and he was saying, oh yes and you've got this one of it's so exciting you're doing the new podcast." And you went, and then, as you say, you responded, yeah, but to be honest, everyone's got a podcast now.

Even the cameraman's got one. I think if I would have been straight, I was on a slight downer on this podcast on that morning. For reasons I won't go into, but and also it was early. And yes, you're probably right. I didn't do the best promotional job I'm sorry. No but then he pushed you and you did promote a podcast which is a podcast you did with David Baddiel in 2006. Yes. Which was lovely. Well I just I liked it because rather than think that I've been washed up on

the shores of podcast I just wanted to point out that I was doing a really before most people knew what they were. So that was my... You then were asked about Michael Parkinson's AI interview podcast. His son had been on, I would say it was nine minutes prior to you sitting in that seat. Well, there is a line in a song by The Fall where he just says over and over again, Michael Parkinson's son made from coal,

which I always read, that's all I could think of. Well, they asked you about that and they said, oh, we've just had, because Michael Parkinson's son, who, as I say, been sitting in your very seat Frank nine minutes before you What would you think would you like to be interviewed by Michael Parkinson on AI? What was your response? Do you recall what you said well? I just pointed out that when I did the real Michael Parkinson is quite rude They told me I know what you said was I'd rather have the AI version because he was horrible to me Yes, and it was so awkward and Charlotte Hawkins is a very nice woman doesn't have to deal with this complicated stuff

She went oh Yes, well, did you make a little upset noise? I did say to them that they should consider that their jobs were in danger You did say that as well. It was awful. But it's true isn't it? It's true. But to be fair, I did get a laugh because I said, she said, Frank, so what do you say to AI? And I said, actually it's what people call to me in Newcastle. And Ed Balls laughed and she went, very good. And I thought, oh no, I know what you're saying. It's the subtitle of Ed Balls Laugh.

But it was all right, I thought. There was one more error, I don't know if you noticed it. No, go on. At the end, Ed said, anyway, we've got a much more exciting interview coming up. Oh yes, you did say that. Which was Joel Dommy and... He was with my friend Richard Arnold.

Yes, he was. And also the man who won it last year. Sam from A Maiden Chelsea thing. Yeah, he was lovely, but blimey. The whole volume control's going to be on Sam. I was in make-up. I mean, I'm in make-up. It's like 4.38 obviously, because it's a long job and I'm on very early and

suddenly I thought someone had switched on an aeroplane propeller in the room. How does he talk? He's like, wow, oh yeah, and it's just a bit early. He was lovely I find to be a really nice man. But also I said to Ed something about, because the bodget was coming up when I was on, and I said, are you still Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ed? And he said, I never was, Frank. I know that was awful. Yeah. He was the Shadow Chancellor.

Why didn't you say, why did you say that? It was so awkward. I know that was awful. Yeah. He was the shadow Chancellor. Why did you say that? I remembered him being the Chancellor. I know but it was embarrassing Frank. Well. But. Anyway. Yeah it was a lovely morning that. But can I say something another actress once said to my mother when she'd been in the theatre thing. Well your hair looked very nice. Yeah exactly. You burst into the studio, your job's under threat. Well when I met him he was a prick. You still in the government. Anyway. It's an absolute massacre. Well don't put me on that early at my age. Yeah. I probably think I'm up at five o'clock trying to get the tops off jam Also, did you promote the poetry podcast because I thought that was one of the other points you going on there You know, I don't think it was bad by then Well, we need to do that today

But my former our former employers also got rid of the poetry podcast. It was a clean sweep It was um, it was very much the sort of thing you see in old films or cartoons of You getting thrown out by the big bouncer and then the poetry podcast was your hat. Yeah I was thinking it was that Oliver Hardy falling down the chimney us me getting sacked Yeah, we just brush it the dust and I look up and a house brick hits me on the head. That was the poetry podcast, go. But yes, but it's back. Adelicious have come in like the cavalry

and rescued it. So it actually starts, I'm gonna plug it. It starts on Wednesday, November the 13th and it features, the first one features Dylan Thomas, the Welsh poet, well just a great poet and it's, I talk of when me and Pierre and Omar Khan, Omar Khan, stayed at the birthplace of Dylan Thomas. Yes, we had a picture of you, which we put up on social media. I think Pierre slept in the room that Dylan Thomas was born, if I remember rightly. I did.

Strange blacks. And I slept in his teenage bedroom. Yes, you slept in the teenage bedroom and Omar slept in the parents' bedroom at the sort of back. And as I point out on the podcast, before they went to bed, they had to listen to me read two Dylan Thomas poems. Yeah. Did you give them a choice? This is the plus of hanging out with people in your employ.

Yes. I would like the listener to picture all three of us with sort of, you know, bed caps, sort of night caps on, one big bed like Batman and Robin. Or, uh... Yes, but no, we were in separate rooms. Bert and Ernie. Bert and Ernie, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Who is Bert and Ernie? From Sesame Street. Oh, I never... They didn't get that. I never watched that. He didn't watch it. Why didn't you watch that? I found reading and writing very easy.

You didn't need puppets to step in. Did you not watch... Did your parents not have Sesame Street on when you were a child? I don't think Sesame Street existed. Oh my god. I don't think so. I think we were watching party political broadcasts by Winston Churchill. This is television from Alexandra Palace. Exactly. That's what you were watching. So look, I've had a little holiday. It was half term and I went on a little holiday with my family little holiday. It was half term and I went on a little holiday with my family and we stayed in George Michael's pool house. Oh. Legally? You just stumble across it? Hang on, is this right? Yes. Wow. Well we rented it and we didn't know what we'd

rented and then and then Kath was looking up the details of how to get there and she said, Did you know it was George Michael's poor house? And I said, No. And when we got there, the lady who was Ruth who was looking after it, I have to say was very, very good to us, said, Oh, you're big George Michael fans. And I said, no, really. And she was shocked. The only people who stay there, I think, could go there as a sort of pilgrimage.

I'm going to go there now. I'll tell you what she said. She says, people leave a bottle of Tropicana and a club biscuit by the gate. Oh, I love that. Oh, you're kidding. What a fabulously tacky tribute. bottle of Tropicana and a club biscuit by the gate Fabulously tacky tribute. Well people left whisper bars you may recall on his car Did they yeah careless whisper he got involved in the chocolate. I was gonna say yeah I wonder if that was deliberate. Did he do reads? It was the world's first subliminal advertising. Exactly. So yeah, so he's just a little, it's, it's, it's, it was sort of his party house. Oh dear. Yeah. I don't like that. I think, I think he was on GMB. Oh Frank, stop it.

It's so silly. There were trays of it. Yeah, exactly. But it was very, very nice. And there was a pool. I was lured in mainly by the pool because there's no deep end in George Michael's pool. I've heard. Is it you, Kath, Buzz, any others? The dog. Oh, the dog, I love that. The dog as well, yeah. What was the, in my head, if you'd asked me to guess

what the interior of George Michael's pool house was like, I would have guessed pretty heavily themed. Well, it was maybe. Ancient Greece, maybe. There was a lot, no, there was a lot of glass, so there wasn't too much. Quite modernist. And this is outside of London? Yes, this is in Goring.

It's rentable. I didn't have any special treatment. I know exactly where that house is. It's yes, in Goring, named after of course the senior Nazi. Which I think I'd have thought they'd have it back again, but now they've stopped with it It's we had a little tour, you know and telling us others there's a bow would you call it a bear? It's a sort of one of those concrete structures that look sort of classical and you sit in there Is it called about a sort of folly?

Would you call it a folly? Well, there was one of those that was a gift from Elton John This is literally my dream this entire holiday anyway, they had an argument Elton and Elton and John. Elton and John. Elton and George. See, that's why I think they argue, because they've only got first names. Elton, John, George, Michael. Elton, John, George. How many for dinner? If you own it. But that's it. If you only have first names, nothing's ever completed, do you know what I mean? Nothing's ever resolved and that's always going to be, there's always going to be a sense of unfinished business between Elton John and George. If Cliff Richard had been there it would have been a nightmare. But anyway, so what George did was move the Bower

stroke folly right into the corner. Oh did he? I mean, really shoved in the corner out the way. And next to it, now I might be reading too much into this, but there was a tree which I hope George especially planted, or at least it has been trimmed to look exactly like Elton's hair, which is next to the bow.

If you parked a bike onto this tree, it would just look like Elton's hair, which is next to the bow. If you parked a bike onto this tree, it would just look like Elton's head. I'm going to show you pictures of it, but I think that that's been deliberately done. That's a sort of... Oh, it was a sort of slightly artistic act of revenge. That's my theory. Can't imagine having to shunt Elton's folly away from the

main area of your land. Oh no, I'm in so much of it. Was it a beautiful house then? I bet it was. Well it was a beach, it was a pool house, so it had been, you know, it wasn't meant for living in. People are living in the big house there. But we got a big chunk of the garden and there's all sorts of, there's like a sundial that was a present from Kenny, his boyf. Oh yes. And it's got all significant places in his life on it marked off. He was one of the most famous partners. So it's got like Los Angeles on it and Dallas I think and Hampstead, which is where I live. He's a Texan art collector Frank. Yeah I thought if the sat-nav goes we can use this. Was he a Texan? He's a Texan, he still is

Kenny Goss, Texan art collector. Oh is he still around? Oh did there was that a fall in it? Where is his bower I wonder? I suppose that was his thing that was probably in the middle of the garden before. No he was I think he was looked after well by the family Well, I'd say everyone I met there who knew George They just heap praise. I want a great bloke you. Yeah, I've ever heard is that he's the sort of most generous Well, I went into a shop. I went into Wallingford, which is a nearby large town. Near Goring. And a woman said, oh, Frank's, you know, and she said, where are you staying?

And we said, we're in Goring. She went, oh, George, I said, well, we're actually at his beach. She said, honestly, George Michael was my number one. And I'm thinking, what's it gonna be what's it gonna be and she said candle customer it's a wonder the place didn't burn down it's a Frank Skinner podcast the new winterin' It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's goin' This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines.

Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter Fairs include beer, wine and snacks and free fast-streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. I like pools that are non-threatening. I'm not very good out of my depth. I agree. I don't know where the mass of the public put up with it all the time. How deep was the pool? How deep was George Michael's pool? It was, it was about up to my nipples.

Oh Frank, please. Of those ends. Well that's alright, you can say nipples. I know but I'm a bit uncomfortable with it actually. Well I was uncomfortable, it was October. But I don't know why they have a deep end now in the modern age in a pool. Why? What do you mean? It costs a lot more. It's not good for the planet to heat a big load of water that most people never get.

I mean, let's face it, we tend to operate on the surface in a pool. That's true. I think it's about some people have more tiling required. Unless you're Tom Daley, you don't really have a need for it. Well, I mean, who dives exactly? If you dive into a pool, you do it at an angle. No one dives down. Do they like dropping a stone?

I think- Or by mistake, they do. Who out of the three of us would be the best diver, I think we know. Yeah, well I- Yeah, are you a good diver? I wouldn't dive. We're like a Tom, like off a big high thing. No, but you can dive well, can't you? I can swim. Yeah, I feel we know. Yeah, well I- Yeah, are you a good diver? I wouldn't dive. Like a ton, like off a big high thing?

No, but you can dive well, can't you? I can swim. Yeah, that you're quite good. Yeah, I can dive alright, but it gives me hiccups. Do you dive, Frank? No, I don't dive. I don't even jump in. Okay.

It was a bit cold as well, you know, so it's one of those when you have to get in and get- But isn't, but it's still an amazing achievement you're swimming. Yeah I swam in George Michael's pool. Yes it was yes it was lovely actually gore-ing was lovely we went in the shop and there was a box. I heard he was a real boss. Well you know I think we'll beg to differ on this. I know, but will you go on TripAdvisor? Yeah, exactly. Just agree to disagree. Yeah. Now, which one was Goring? Was he the big, the big, I don't want to fat-shame Goring.

Oh yeah, the very idea. That would be terrible. You mustn't fat shame senior Nazis. No, exactly. He was the head of the Luftwaffe. He was a Luftwaffe. Always wore some lovely uniforms. Oh, Frank, come on.

No, he did. He wore white uniforms. Yes, he was obsessed with dressing a bit like a sort of Italian naval hero. I don't think I should mention the designer actually. There is one designer very associated with him But he's still really that's it for both and to mention He think of the senior figure in an organization. I think I'd be allowed to say that He he was head Forrester of the right, but we'll probably look back on some of our advertising reads like that in 60 years time.

He was a head forester. Yeah, I think he was the head forester. Goering was? Goering and- Oh, sorry. Oh, did you notice what he did there, Frank? Yeah. You know, Jägermeister.

Yes. Jägermeister. Used to be nicknamed Göring Schnaps Okay Because it was such a popular, sort of old fashioned German drink It was a thing that old German grandpas sipped after meals It wasn't a fun shot to do at parties

Well I must have told you that I I imported an old fashioned beetle original type beetle from Mexico, which was the only place they were made on the planet. So I love, I don't like the modern beetle, but I love the old ones.

And I imported it, and I actually put it, you know, that was Hitler's car, basically. He was a big champion of that car, basically made it happen. And I put it in storage. I sort of had it hermetically sealed until I was ready to draw. I thought I'd wiped that whole Hitler thing blew over. Yes. And when I came back to it, they told me that they'd drained all the fluids and they hadn't

and it was all in a terrible, terrible state. Oh. Good night. So anyway, I, we... Meanwhile back in Michael's pool house. There's only one bedroom at the pool house. Oh, that's what they tell you. That's how they get you. And there is another room with a sofa bed in it, a nice sofa bed. But I'm going to be absolutely straight with you now. We started off with Kath and Boz and the dog sleeping

in the bedroom and me in the main room on the sofa bed. I got a bit anxious that I might see George Michael's ghost. Did you? I did. I actually did. I would feel a bit like that. Yeah, and I thought, oh. But you've got to have faith, right?

Yes, you have got to have faith. But yeah, so I was like, so in the end, I slept in the bedroom. I thought you'd gone to Elton John's folly. But I slept on... He wouldn't dare haunt me in here. Yeah. It's the only place you're safe from George Michael's ghost. But I slept on... He wouldn't dare haunt me in here!

It's the only place you're safe from George Michael's ghost! So, you know my thing with ghosts. I've got issues with the dead. I've never understood why you... You don't believe in ghosts though, do you? Well, I don't in daylight. What was your childhood birthday wish? Every time I made a wish it was that I would never see here or have anything to do with a ghost. But I can't be certain that that has still lasted. No. Because George, of all the things, did never wish it well in the garden.

Anyway, so I ended up sleeping on a yoga mat on the floor of the bedroom. Okay. And you know what? It's all right. I slept pretty well on it. Which has made me wonder if the whole mattress thing has been talked off. You know how people used to think that the only people who could run marathons were these super human beings.

Yeah. And then now look, it's an 84 year old woman dressed as Bifo the Bear. Yeah. I think it might be like that. I think there's no need for a... Can I just say how delighted I am that our podcast has its first conspiracy theory? Because that is what really drives online engagement. To say that we're all in the bucket of big bed.

We are though. We are. Memory foam. You don't get memory yoga mats. It was fine on the yoga mat. If you want to be tucked up sheeple in your little beds. You know sometimes people do

talk stuff up so they can make a living out of it. We thought. But when you say talk stuff up so they can make a living out of it. You know, we thought... But when you say talk stuff up, we're talking about beds, Fran. Yeah, but we don't need mattresses. What, you're saying beds are a rip-off? I'm saying we've been led to believe we need beds and we don't. This is like one of those spam things where I would see on like, you know, the independent newspaper website, there'd be a little spam advert for someone to click and it would be

Frank's going to be you Photoshop pointing at a bed and the caption would be you'll never believe the truth about beds. No it's, you know we thought like the teaspoons needed to be all finely shaped and polished and it sounds like wooden sticks work perfectly well. You know, going to Starbucks, you don't need a teaspoon, you just use a stick. I know, but beds, Frank. Anyway, that's what I'm saying. What do you sleep on? Can I ask a delicate question? What do you sleep on at home currently?

Is it, because you did experiment with a futon for a while. I'm on a futon. Are you currently still on the futon? Yeah. How long have you been on the futon for a while? I'm on a futon. You can't be still on the futon? Yeah. How long have you been on the futon? Not that long. I slept on a on-open sofa bed for ten years. Really? Yeah. What? Yeah I don't know, I've never told anyone that before. I wonder where the bed lobby are at to get you. This guy does perfectly well without us. Were you comfortable on the unopened sofa bed?

Yeah, I was comfortable on the yoga mat. Do you have a drape anything over yourself? Oh yeah, I have a do-va and all that. Oh yeah, nothing to see here. No, exactly. Do you sleep on your back? No. You're on your side on a yoga mat.. Do you sleep on your back? No. You're on your side on a yoga mat.

Yeah, who sleeps on their back? Some people sleep on their back. Dracula. What's about it? Various mummies. I never sleep on my back. You're not some goddam beetle. I'm not going to slide onto the bed on the yoga mat

like a quick fit fitter. No, I sleep on my side. The downstairs. People sleep on their back. I don't like it. Do you sleep on your back? No, I sleep on my side. The downstairs. People sleep on their back. I don't like, do you sleep on your back? No, I can't do it at all. I think it's mad. But people sleep on their back.

Some people sleep on their on their front. Yeah, I've been told to do it when I've had both. I've been worried about the ghost. Yeah. Frank, when you have both hawks, they ask you to sleep on your back. Do they? Yeah, really. Because...

Oh, now you might wake up stuck to me, Yelgama. You might wake up with a sort of smirk, kind of one-sided smirk. That's the idea, so you don't end up looking like the Queen. Frank Skinner's face himself, like trellis work. No, erm... You've constantly got a sort of wry expression now. It's a Frank Skinner, his face, himself, like trellis work on it. No. You've constantly got a sort of wry expression now. Can I say, by the way, there's no way,

you know, you sometimes see men in public carrying a yoga mat. Would you not do that? Oh no. Why not? Oh no, a yoga mat in public. This kind of shame, Frank, is what's keeping you from being the biggest anti-bed activist. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. If I had to, I think if I had to carry a yoga mat in public, I would have a special, massive dildo-shaped suitcase made that I could keep it in, so it would be less embarrassing to carry around You'd hide it in an enormous porn magazine Hinge dildo though The way you just hold it up and put it in there and people would say God I saw Frank Skinner Massive sex toy. I was so wondering

You never seen with a yoga mat. Which is a shame given the size of the thing he was carrying. He should really stretch before he... So would you recommend George Michael's pool house? Oh, definitely. If you're a George Michael fan, it's a must. And I am. It's an absolute must.

OK. And I like the local area. The Thames is right there, which is nice. I went into the inner Wallingford, which is nearby. They have one of these retro sweet shops, really old fashioned with big jars of sweets and stuff like that. Pair drops. Yeah, all that sort of stuff.

And I went in there and there was kids, it was a turning out time school. And there was a school girl in there, like Blazer type, you know, kind of, I don't know, operand school girl in there like blazer type you know kind of I don't know operand school girl it's probably about I don't know 10 or something 11 and she said you know our kids now really love sour stuff that's their favorite she said what's the sourest thing in the shop and the man said me what was great about it is, you know, and if you must have done this, Pierre, in the past, he waited. She didn't laugh. She just looked like she didn't get it at all.

She was a kid and he waited. We know that terrible optimism the comics have that she might get it in a minute. And he waited and she just looked at him and in the end he just picked up this jar and said probably these. Oh no, he was forced to compromise. But he was selling licorice roots. You're familiar with licorice roots? No, you know my views on licorice. Would you have ever chew of one though? Just a little chew. Do you know what? I would for you because I've done row for you.

Well, it's funny you say would for me because have you seen them? Oh, these are the actual plant roots. Yeah, they're the only sweets I know that sell like the first draft. You can go and buy that. I've always wanted to chew a marshmallow plant. Oh, I didn't know there was such a thing.

Because that's where the flavoring is from, I think didn't know the last flavoring is from I think yes Pack it out. Yes. It looks like two twigs. Yeah, be honest. Well when I was chewing it The dog was looking at me like hold on Stick it is my territory. Yeah, exactly It's the no copyrights on this can I just choose? I prefer this one. Oh, OK. OK. What proof?

You just bite it. It's basically a twig. You chew it and you'll taste the liquorice. Is it one of your practical jokes? No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. It doesn't smell of anything. No, but if you chew it for a bit.

God, that's hard. Yeah, well, you have to slowly just carry on chewing as we talk. And the liquorice will try to come through no but you don't have to run the mic out of. Somebody for our fellow miss if it's very hard Frank you must have strong teeth thanks very much you twig off. Have you ever had, you haven't had this before? No. Oh wow. You feel the liquorice coming through now? I do.

Oh. God, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Really, once you, once you start. Oh my gosh, I'm tasting it now, Frank. Yeah, how many liquorice wows do you get on podcasts? Bertie Bassett will be on the phone already

for me to do a read. Oh, do you know I love it? Pro-Lickerish, anti-bed. Slowly the manifesto is coming together. I'll tell you what happened as well. We was watching Ghostbusters on the telly in Goring. And gosh, that's strong. We heard these church bells outside.

I mean, absolutely filling the air. I thought the Queen had died again. And it was practice night for the local campanologists and they were absolutely giving it some. Oh is that right? Yeah it was amazing. If Cliff Richard had been there. I would assumed it was his car alarm But it's quite it's fabulous actually it's a fabulous thing to Bell I also love a bit of this liquorice. Is it growing on you? I knew it would you say cuz you thought I mean look to me It doesn't look much. I know it's been quite apothecary Yes, exactly. It's the sort of stuff that friar Lawrence might have bought to freshen Juliet's breath

Before a night with Romeo. Yes Yeah, before you two children go kiss I am going to give you a stick to chew Yeah you two children go kiss, I am going to give you a stick to chew. And it's going to be romantic. Before I return to my cell and lay upon my yoga mat. I mean my hinged dildo. Whatever gets you off, Friar Lawrence. Whatever you need. And then it ends.

The camera starts to slightly wobble and a voice says, So night night, Friar Lawrence. This is the Friar Lawrence spin-off series from Romeo and Juliet. Yes, travels Italy, getting children to marry each other, try not to let them die. Quite a dark series. He's quite a problematic character it turns out. No, I would, yes, he's not for a church money, he's devious. Check him out, Frye devious. Check him out, Friar Lawrence. Romeo and Juliet. And again, Frank Skinner's poetry podcast, November the 13th, Dylan Thomas. I'm doing

reads for myself. I tell you, you've done some great PR for Friar Lawrence today. And licorice root. I tell you, you've done some great PR for our Lawrence today. And licorice root. Maybe sell a few of George Michael records. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.