The Frank Skinner Show - Best Day

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

Frank has had another car drama and has been to see The Importance of Being Earnest. There's also a baker bitterness in Outside World and Pierre's been ring shopping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ, built for breakthroughs with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton cross-training tread plus at OnePeloton.ca. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh radio and the one with the French name from South Africa came. They're all here open brackets array.

Close brackets today. WhatsApp Brain and the team That's good, isn't it? That's our new WhatsApp jingle. Very Elsa from Frozen. I absolutely love that one. That is a really nice...

It's so good we started with it. So in case you didn't catch that number by our WhatsApp number is 0757474-1776. Nine. Oh, it is. Yeah, this is Frank off the radio. by Emily Dean and Piano Valli. Followed the podcast on X and Instagram.

You can email the podcast for your, Frank Off the Radio, Avalon, UK.com. You know. All that stuff. So, I had my car stolen again this week. Did you? Yeah. Second time for that baby.

God. Where was it? Still from the Soho Car Park or wherever? From the Soho Car. Was that where it was found last time? It was found in a... It wasn't in Soho, it was... No, it was miles away, wasn't it?

It was a pretty park. Yeah. Now, this time it was quite... It was like 20 minute walk away. Oh, weird. And it's one of those. I've taken my son to school, came out of the house, and I said,

the car's gone. He said, no, I think you parked. I said, yeah, the car's gone. He said, no, honestly, I said the car's gone. I know where I parked it. When you park literally outside your gate, you feel like running up and down the road going, gosh, just get parking outside your own house.

It's such a privilege. Anyway, it was also a good opportunity for stealing it. So it went. So I did all the normal things. Did it happen, Frank? In the middle of the now. It did. But I wasn't walking in my sleep or I might have seen it.

to the river of doubt I think is where which I actually swim in the river of doubt on a regular basis yeah what's the next line in the one

you used to sing it the river of doubt whenever you used to sing it Frank you would always say I'll go walking in my sleeve and really extend the sleep for some reason didn't I tell you that my son

they had an entire less least one lesson about We Didn't Start the Fire, the Billy Joel song in which they went through every reference. I wholeheartedly approve as a big Joel head. He seems to be at the heart of the national curriculum. How did that happen? Well, he's their... The piano man. He's their equivalent of AJP Taylor. Every culture needs their own AJP Taylor. They have thought that the we didn't start the fire. Billy Joel's six-hour lecture on Watergate. We've all enjoyed it. Yeah, but who did, he said to me, you know, we've been listening to We didn't start the fight.

I love that. It's not a bad summary of mid-20th century history. No, it's as good as excuse for not actually teaching as many, many videos, films and all sorts of things that teachers used to just, I haven't done any prep. What's in the store cupboard is what I think. In the other hand, right. Imagine him coming in his car thinking, oh, shit, I haven't done any prep. the radio, we didn't start them. Ah!

Light bulb goes on and, of course, people think it's the police. That's the syllabus done. Do you know what? Be fair, Frank, though. How many other songs can you listen to? If you have an idea in your car, you're able to flag someone down and talk to them about speeding. Yeah? How many songs can you

listen to where you'll hear the lyric, Trouble in the Suez, and it rhymes and it scans like that? Trouble in the sewers, I think, was that that single that the ninja mutant turtles brought out. They should have. It was about Fatbergs. Yeah.

Oh, not Fatbergs. How dare he, Frank? Yeah. Anyway, back to you and your stolen car. Yeah, so I found the depolit sigh, and then I, you know, and all that stuff. Anyway, they found it. So I said to Kat, you want to come with me to get the car.

So you don't know what you're going to find. It could be upside down and on fire. Yeah. So we went and there was two very nice police officers. I made the mistake of calling the female one, WPC. And she said, we don't call that anymore. Sorry. Sorry.

It's PC gone. It's WPC gone. All stop. But at least you could call them like Jim Davidson, the PC brigade. Yeah, exactly. At least squad. Where in the world? Anyway, they were very, very nice.

And the car wasn't in too bad estate. Anyway, Kath, who, of course, is obsessed with true crime nowadays. She abs, and I couldn't get her away from them. She grilled them. I'll hear her say to the woman, I bet you see some terrible things. Oh, God, I don't want, I just want my car. I don't want to hear this.

She didn't start sharing theories about unsolved murders in the capital. No, but I don't want to. want those, I don't want those conversations, though. She said, when we got back, I said, man, you, that was a grilling of the police, you know, for a change. I said, you really was going. She said, oh, that was fantastic. She said, that's my best day of the year.

I said, we got married in May. And that was your best. She was so, she said to me, could you still, is it too? late for me to go into like forensics or something. I said you do a fair bit of it anyway with my life.

I think you'd be all right. Do you know it is mainly women that watch those true crime? Yes. Is it really? Yeah. The last majority. Yeah. How do you account for that? We like to know the enemy and what they're off. Yes, well, yeah, it's research. Yeah, it's research.

You can watch and go, ah, they're not using vams anymore. Oh, that's good. Cass prefers female felons. Oh, does she like a female felon? And what she most likes is things like big scam things where people are scam for millions. That's my favourite. Like romance scams.

I like a talented Mr. Ripley. That's very unhaastrasa. You know where some good-looking woman marries like a rattle old. Hold on a minute. Only on Netflix. Turned out, it was Resight. Anyway, I've got me car back, but no, he's had to go away to be mendix.

It's covered in. The coppers said to me... Has it got feces in it? When he found me up, not now. They stole my feces. The cobb said, I can't believe this in the back here. And I said, oh, no, what is he? He said, it's like a really rancid pineapple.

Oh, no. And I said... I wonder what happened to that. Pineapple. See, I don't go in the back of the car. They were bringing a pineapple home. And they just left it in the back of the bloody car. Who's there?

My family. Oh, I think you were the thieves. No, not the thieves. They don't eat pineapples. They carried a watermelon. Yeah, what? So he said to me, he said, The pineapple is a warning.

He found me up. He said, we've got your car. Why don't the thieves eat pineapple? Sorry, Frank. Only from tins. No, yeah, they. Not fresh. They're sandwich.

The big meat eaters, thieves. What? What? Yeah. I like the sort of like medieval phrenology. They've got to keep their testosterone. That's like something in an early Sherlock Holmes. I can tell it from your diet you to come and see you.

I can't believe that. What would Sherlock Holmes make of a decaying pineapple? That'd be a great ruse to put him off the set. Cut to him in the Bahamas. And it's just some bloke from. round the corner. She's like home sitting, doing as much opium as he can, going, like, pineapple?

Why? Have you got to tell you all drugs, by the way? Frank, I can't believe that you said thieves are great meat eaters. So anyway, he called me up. He said, when did you last drive your car? The police said. Yeah, and I said, well, not that long ago. I've had COVID, so I haven't been out much.

I thought I'd get that in as a brownie point, you know. He said, uh, he's got moss growing. on the inside of it. Moss. It's got what? He said all the dash and that's got moss growing on it. I said, this is definitely my car, is it?

It sounds like it's Senator Edward Kennedy. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Anyway, when I got there. Google it, young people, Google it. But when I, yeah, there's a book about it called Goldfish in my review mirror. Frank. So he couldn't obviously get into the car

because they'd... Because of the moss and the pineapple. Yeah. Yeah. Shave it out of room, it was in the back. You have sort of greenhouse on wheels. So... Growing exotic plants.

Your car is some sort of carnival or something. I bought it. I got it second. I'm from the Eden Project. It's a good. It's a good way to reduce your emissions, actually. You've grown enough plants inside the car. I don't have to reduce my emissions at my age.

Frank, how embarrassing when he said there's moss in your car? Anyway, but then, so when I got there, I looked through, I could open the door, obviously, so I had the key. Because they'd locked it up. They're very safety conscious, the thieves. Yeah. They'd left it locked. We don't want anyone nicking that pineapple.

Yeah. We don't want anyone nick in the stolen car. Less two wrongs should make a wrong. right? So when I said, that's not mass. He said, oh, no, I think it's marijuana. Marijuana dust. No. I said, well, I said, can I assure you, I have no idea what marijuana dust smells like, but it doesn't smell like marijuana dust to me. What it was, as it turned out, was I had a crut lock on the car. You know those things that locked the steering wheel? Oh, that was big yellow thing. Oh, yeah.

And they'd sawn it off. You're joking. And it was the dust from the yellow covering of the crook lock that had given this moss-like effect. It's sort of powdered yellow madness all over the front. But it sort of looked green when it was in powder form. They'd sawn it off. I mean, that's one way to excuse away drugs in your car.

Well done. Someone's been sawing beams. But Katz put it on the local WhatsApp thing. car's been stolen. Has anyone got any seats? I said, I don't put it on. So we've had 20 people say, well, you should have had a crook.

Yes, I was sold off! But no one heard coming from... No, but they've done it. Obviously, did it inside the car because that's one has dusted. You'd think you'd hear it, wouldn't you? Well, it's a great sign for how loud

you can get away with playing your music while you're driving around. Well, also, the king lives quite close to us, So they just said, uh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h in the night. They thought he was having a night of passion. Or need to eat more fibre. Exactly.

So, yeah. You're quite laid back, and I think, about having your car stolen. I think it's a good attitude to have. You haven't, you know, like, don't you think, you're quite calm about it. You're not sure. I will be calm about it when the insurance comes in. The last time it trebled overnight, Because I'd done the outrageous thing of having my car stolen.

And I damn well deserve, if you can't not have your car stolen, you deserve to buy three times the amount. They put up your premiums if it's stolen. Yeah. That feels unfair. Absolute bastards. They said to me, what you need is the crook. I said, that's right.

That'll solve all my problems. What does it give a mate fucking moss? Accusations of cars coated in weird. But the big news is, at least you're still got the pineapple. Yeah. I've got the pineapple, although it's in dust form. What's like a sort of scotch pineapple? It's basically a spiky black thing next to an oval of dust in a bag.

Haunting. Signifying nothing. Some of the things you see on the job as a copper. They didn't tape my... They didn't take my Philip Larkin poetry reading. No. They didn't take Elliot's The Waste Land. They left all those.

Who were these people? I said we can write our English graduates in your investigation. Did they laugh at the police? The police were nice. It's quite good sort of through the keyhole, you know. Who drives this car? Exactly. A rotten pineapple, a Philip Larkin poem, and some weed dust.

Who could drive this car? I've discovered a lot about thieves today. I didn't know. There were big meat eaters, apparently. Not big readers. Not big readers. Hate fruit. No.

But they are not without guile. Oh. I mean, they're very clever. I won't tell you how they got in, but they're very inventive. I mean, I wouldn't know how to start. I can barely start the bloody car with a key. They parked it pretty well as well.

I mean, they found a parking place in NW3. That was a thing in Italian, right? If they could let me know where that was, I'm always looking for a space near you. It's very scratched on one side, though. Well, if I now keep my... I've got my hair on the pineapple. Can I say I now keep my car keys in a box,

buried in a cupboard, and we'll leave it there? Mine's in a Faraday pouch. Is it really? Yeah. Yeah. You've got to keep it in a little Star Trek pouch. Yeah, but that's not how they did it. No.

Okay. Just saying. Well, you won't share their nefarious methods, obviously. No. But it's, you know, it's not nice when it happens. But I'll say the insurance will be. I might have to keep doing this. Just to keep yourself on the road.

Maybe it's just a phase you're going through. You'll get over it. I can't help you with that. The next appointment is. in six months. You're not alone. Finding mental health support shouldn't leave you feeling more lost.

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I had some encounters. So I don't have a car at the moment. That's a really weird feeling. Do you feel bereft? Is that being a poet? Yeah. You know, poets traditionally don't drive. Very poet.

You're right. I can't see a poet driving. It doesn't make sense. I interviewed Ella Frears, who's a fabulous poet. I'd recommend you check her out. And she doesn't drive. And she said it's a general thing. Most poets don't drive.

Really? Something's to do with the poetic sensibility. That's why I can't part. Oh, here we go. Too much natural. You're too busy thinking about different ways of phrasing things to buy. Exactly. Exactly.

But then they hide behind that, Mike. Pricing things like, all right, mate. I don't need the hand gestures. But then my mum would always say that about my father. If he wouldn't help you with basic tasks, she'd always say he's thinking about the cosmos. I always remember her. that as a child and I think, I don't know if that's good enough.

No. So what does I mean? Like, well, he hasn't driven us to school. You can't get a sick note from anything for thinking about the cosmos. Sorry, I didn't come into school. My father was thinking about the cosmos. If my mom had said that about my dad, I'd assume the cosmos was a local pub. Just nipping up the cosmos.

Anyway, sorry, Pia. Well, I had an encounter with anti-fief behavior in apparatus this week, because my fiancé and I finally went out and actually tried to just buy the rings, get the rings sort of. Oh, rings. Rings, uh, well. The Lord of the Rings. Yeah.

We were wondering around Hatton Garden. Oh, of course. Where else do you go for rings? Well, that's the thing. I sort of thought, well, I have to go to the place I've heard of from the news. Because I don't really know where else I'm going to find 20 in a row. It's interesting. They ought to the Voxpops a row hat and gone because there's couples.

looking in windows going, oh, I like that one and all that. Obviously, there's also elderly felon. What I liked about the Hat and Garden job is they were people who really should have been in watching Titchmarsh is Chats show. Instead, they were out being like proper crims. Do you know what I think it's fair to say? Hat and Garden is riddled with meat eaters. It really is.

Yes. I went to a gold person in, A gold person. A prospector? I don't mean someone from Strictly. I mean someone who made rings and things. And I went into his workshop. Was this to get Kath's ring?

No, she didn't have a ring. Oh, yes, of course. So he was caught in this gold. And gold dossed. He had like a leather, really old leather thing on the neat. What do you mean a leather thing? It was almost like a leather bowl. But it looks like it was from the 50s.

And the gold dust, and he said the thing is about it, he could get the gold dust off it easily. He said, because I have to scrape all the gold dust. He said, and at the end of the month, if I just chuck this away, I'm chucking away like six, seven hundred quince. Just a little bits of dust. Like the moss in your car? It was. It did look like golden moss.

Yeah, who I was a very good. good racing driver. I don't know if you're a good. So meanwhile, you're in Hatton Garden. How do you find the ring buying? Well, I mean, from my point of view, I'm just after the plain gold band, you know. Oh, yeah.

Which it means... Well, all right, free to pay. Well, it means that I'm the least good customer for everyone we're talking to. I know, but you have got massively fat fingers. So that's a lot... That's a lot of gold we're talking. They kept showing me to the...

The King Charles section of every jewel that we went to. It's just very well-built for it. Well, he's a big man. Yeah, but don't say it things. Big hands. Big man, big ring. That's what we used to say. Well, it wasn't.

Clubs. It's not what you were used to say. It was a problem because they would say, well, you know, you can choose the size of the ring and da-da-da. But there's a limited amount of choice, really, with what I wanted. But nevertheless, I couldn't really see how they looked. Because, as you say, I was wedging them onto my pinky, like I'm an aristocrat. going, well, I imagine this would look like this on a different finger. Oh, because none of the samples fit on your...

No. Did you have one of those cards? Do they still have those cards where you put your finger in the hole? Now they've got what looks like a sort of Doctor Who wand. And it's like a sort of long, gradually expanding sort of rod. Oh, yes. And they just sort of slide a ring that... They slide it on.

But it's all alphabet letters and things. They go, I think you're an H and a quarter. Well, they don't want people doing it out. hoe. No, no, no. That's half their business. They want to make it a secret law. Yeah.

But they wouldn't let you take photos in any of the jewelers of the rings. Don't you know, is they're all ex-cons? Yeah, I know this trick, mate. Don't you have any contacts underground in South Africa?

My those folks who live under the ground, they come over and they just live in old gold and diamond mines. And also, Frank, you must give Elon's dad a call. And he involved in that area. Emeralds.

Yeah, Emeralds. Emeralds. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of illegal gold mining in South African. They're called, I think, Zama Zamas. They will go to a shut down gold mine and dig their own mine. Yeah, well, I, there was a channel four documentary, no, a radio four documentary about it. And they, some of these blokes, they come over for a job in the mining industry.

And then they took them to a disused mine. And it says some of them have been down there for life. four months yeah living haven't come up at all yeah oh the chilians like the chilians

walking apart the chilian oh these we have loved do you know still forever in our hearts yeah well I was pleased to see in one of the jewelers

an enormous wild west heist style metal safe oh good two and a half meters high one and a half meters wide I mean huge

with a big like ship's wheel dial on the And I thought I hope they still use I didn't want to ask because they're not only going to take photos They thought the more questions I ask about the safe The shortest shrift I'm going to be given Well I had a job

Moving safes As it were And it's a tricky old job Even the little ones Way a ton And these factories that we were doing them at We would put the safe It would have it on a little truck

We'd put it in the lift When you put it in the lift, the lift dropped about eight inches. So we would press the floor, then we'd go down the stairs. No one would go down with the safe, because the safe is something of a misnomer. It's actually very on safe. I love that you had a job moving safes. The only time I've ever seen that is in a Benny Hill sketch. That's what we did.

We shifted loads of some massive safe, some smaller safe. I'll tell you what, that'd be quite an Ocean's 11. You and your mates. Were you moving them into premises that had bought them or out of where they were made? I think we were moving them that had been some new offices built and stuff and we were moving them into this new block.

But the main thing was to get them onto ground level, I think, so they could be moved about. They're just stupidly heavy. You wouldn't believe it. Yes. I mean, this thing looked like it could withstand a nuclear bomb. But did you get a ring? Yes.

Well, I've ordered one. But I was not the interesting customer because the thing is, I think if you're a man, anything more than a gold band, you have to have a good explanation. What do you mean? Well, you sort of go, if you saw a man whose wedding ring

had like a massive sapphire in the middle, what have you done that for? Who are you? Yeah. Thomas a Beckett. Exactly. Did you get that for the Crusades? I think he was a man who stole tropical fish.

I, um, what, Michael Bublo, of course, wore a men engagement ring. Did you? So, yeah, so he had a, he had that as well. I've never in the flesh seen a man in an engagement ring. No, it feels like, I think it's about ownership, isn't it? Is it? I think the woman has to wear it so the man can still shagged that woman at work. Oh, Frank, it's disgusting.

I think that's, I'm not saying it's right. Just don't say it. Don't shoot the messenger. I don't know if that's written inside the cards that they give me with the jewelry. If you look in the lid of the box, under that weird cushion. Exactly. They explain. No, I get it.

It's quite a sort of, you know. Well, why don't men wear them? Yeah. No, I think you're right. I think even if I'd sort of thought of wearing one, it would feel a bit like I was preempting the event itself. Which event? Well, they're wedding. Okay.

Where you go, well, I want that to be. Sharing an engagement ring, yes, is indeed pre-empting the wedding. But I want that to be a new feeling on my hand as opposed to, well, I've sort of got used to this now. What am I adding another one on? Well, of course, nowadays you get married. It's the only new feeling you're going to get. This is classic stuff. This is more like old sickle, old sickle.

No, but I didn't see a man in a wedding ring until I was about 30. Really? No, but no men wore wedding room. Did your dad wouldn't have worn one? No. Okay. No, nothing at all. Never in a thousand years.

No. Really? When did that start then? I think it started in the 80s. Maybe the late 70s. I think you're absolutely right. I was aware of... I think it rose with feminism and they thought,

why should I be the one who's obviously owned? Although when I was at Warritt University, because I was doing an M.A., I was there over the summer. working and they had the Open University summer camp I found out how it got its name oh dear everybody when you're at the bar men and women you could see where there's a white patch on their finger where they took their wedding rings off not everyone but I bet I saw eight people gosh who clearly took their wedding rings off for sex at the Open University

extracurriculars. Exactly. Oh, man. So you've ordered them now. We've ordered them. And I did my best when my fiancé was walking past the windows to sort of strategically stand in front some of the more ornate. So what did we?

Without giving to. Some of the more Francis Drake. Some of the more Montezuma-themed rings. You go, that's from a galleon, I think. Don't fucking trying to stand in the way. Those plain ones humble, religious even. I want one of those that when you're, it goes

woo that'd be great on the wedding day so what did I mean you don't give too much

why so your fiancé did she go for the playing gold band or did she

go a little more she went with something slightly more fiddly and fancy than plain

gold but not too crazy although even plain gold and I have to say you know

we blame him for a lot but they were more expensive than they normally are because of

Donald Trump what do you mean because of all the tariffs and stuff and because of his

slightly attitude to numbers and thoughts. What happens when the international markets get spooked is everyone invests in gold because it's nice and safe. But that means that gold is the most expensive it's been in history. So we've really timed this well.

Fabulously sort of 16th century thing to do. He does love gold, though, to be honest. Horde some florence. The king is mad. Yeah. What's that, you know, Volpony that starts with him going, all hail to the day and all this,

but first, my gold. It's like that. Of course, it aren't regularly advertised on the telly as well as we've discussed. It's really in now, gold. Gold is so hot right now. Yeah.

I'm amazed the South African is going to happen gone. So am I. You must have been able to get cheap. Real coal to Newcastle stuff. Is it really? Yeah. Well, of course, it was coal, wasn't it once?

The dog. Originally. Yeah. Well, I look forward to seeing these rings. Yeah. Well, if only I had some sort of sinister contact at De Beers or something, and I could have just done it. You know, you met me at the wrong time in my life

because there are a number of people I have sorted out with rings, engagement, right? Oh, Frank. I used to be very well connected in the jewellery and fine jewellery industry. Frank, we've heard from, can we move on to some outside world? Why, sure. Glenn Maker. Do you remember Glenn Maker? I don't know Glenn Maker.

That's it? Yeah. The very same. Hello, Emily, Piano, Billy, and Football Cock. Oh, dear. I'm so sorry, Frank. Football cuck. And where's your nickname? I don't have one.

I'm a lady, I'm above it, apparently. On the subject of Clive Myrie's autobiography being issued to every student at Sussex University as standard, there was a chap in Germany in the 1930s who did a similar thing with his book, Mindcamp. All the best, Glenn Maker. Wow. Wow. That must be the first time someone's compared Clive Murray to Hitler.

Oh, Clive. I hope so. Have you met his wife? Oh, my God. I haven't met his wife, can I say? I bet she's charming. I'm sure she is. If he's married, I think he, I don't know if he is, but yeah.

Well, I don't know. It turns out there's a lot we don't know. I know Google Myrie. I'd love it if you did. Google Myrie sounds like a surname in its own right, doesn't he? Yeah. Sir Geoffrey Google Myrie, FRI. Yeah.

Yeah, they're doing a retrospective of him. I've never heard of him. No, is he one of the Dev and Shogor Marys? We've heard from Chris Young. Yeah, yeah. Who opens with, hi. Oh, good. Is he in Glee?

Oh, I miss Glee. I used to enjoy Glee. Do you like Glee? No, no. Oh, okay. Never mind. We can still be friends. No, I didn't hate it.

Okay. It just wasn't your favourite. I hate when conversations go like that. It's so embarrassing when conversations are like that. I go, oh, did you like that? You go, no. And I always feel like it's taken 2% shine off the friendship. Yeah, but we can't all like everything each other like.

That's true. You have it with Doctor Who all the time when you meet people. What do you mean? Oh, God. I'll put my foot in it again. No, but you have it when you say, oh, I love Doctor Who. No, but I don't bring up Doctor Who from most people. No, you learn that lesson pretty early on, I think.

Oh no, carry on with this. Sorry, sorry, I interrupted. Chris says, in response to your bit last week about supermarket donuts being marketed as sugared in store, because every other step of the process takes place in a factory, we see it as part of the not-so-great British fake-off. Chris is throwing around some accusations of falsehood and misrepresentation. Is Chris a person who works in a bakery retail? Do you want to hear the title?

Chris actually works for... It's a campaign, isn't it? Oh, well, the... It's something like the Real Bread campaign. Yeah. Real bread. Something like that. He's a sort of whistleblowing baker.

Oh, wow. A lot of the, quote, freshly baked products in supermarket bakery sections are also prefabricated elsewhere. There are exceptions, which is nice of him to admit. But typically, and this is the damning list, pastries, cookies, et cetera,

equals dough made in a factory, frozen and then baked in store that seems fine to me is that a bad thing though it seems fine yeah still baked they're not you know a laser didn't make them but fine it doesn't worry me with super vet that he's not

making the prosthetic limbs on the premises well with the sort of jewel as eye piece flowing sawdust off the dog's leg exactly oh that moss again no do you know what he does have a I find it interesting he shows you the man who makes them though I think he does that

to show, yeah, the man, he goes, this is this is Geppetto. He makes all the dog legs. Ken, who's making Dudley's leg or whatever. Okay. It's nice of him to credit him. It's not stompie, is it?

The old activist. Loves, baguettes, etc. Made in a factory, then merely rebaked in the store's loaf tanning salon. Wow. Wow. I love, you never hear any

bakery bitterness. The baker's good. That's good. It's furious. The rage is coming through for a few minutes to brown and crisp the crust. Yeah, I ate that. Cornflake cakes, muffins, donuts, etc.

are known as Thor and Serve products. Can I hold and I won't hear a word against cornflake cakes. They are the best thing ever. Thor and serve is what the Valky is doing, Valhalla. Cornflakes for years have been saying, clearly, don't eat us just like this. Do something, give us a fire. Fucking chat. Do something. Enhance us. Enhance us. Don't just eat us like we're skin follicle.

And then you turn into a cornflake cake. They're fantastic. You're so right, Frank. They're just crying out for some inspiration. They are the least finished of all the breakfast cereal. And they love it. They're... You look for the other sachet of the thing to put on them. Anyway. Well, I'll finish Thorne'serve products

because that's all that happens in the store. They are defrusted and put on the shelf. Where does he work? It is something like the Real Bread campaign, I think. He's sent us a link to a sustainweb.org. Okay. Which has got some article about supermarket loaf tanning salon lies. Oh, wow.

Is the title. Yeah. And the Great British fake off, which they're really leaning on. I think that could do good numbers. Calling out the bakers at last. Yes, about time. We've done the butchers and the candlestick makers. Somebody stamped on that, that bullshit.

Oh, by the way, I went to see, last night, I went to see the importance of being earnest. Oh. With Ollie Alexander. Oh. And Stephen Frye's Lady Bracknell. Yes. Okay, how was that?

Well, Stephen Frye, I have to say, was brilliant, but... Handback? Exactly. Now, who was it, Dame? In the film, who was it? Oh, it was Dame Edith Evans, maybe. Yes, that sounds right. And who famously, when told that a man was found as a baby in a handbag,

so it's a very good impression. And it was, I mean, it's a... And ever since it's become such a... It's why you go to the play for some people. And so Froyo obviously thought, I'm not playing that game. So they said the thing and he went, a handbag, well, and then moved on. And I thought, and he was brilliant in all other aspects.

But I thought, I wish you hadn't made that decision. He didn't play the number one. You know, for some reason, the phrase crowd pleaser is seen as abuse. I know I've had it aimed at me before now. Just give us, oh, give us that. Do you know what? Sometimes you have to play, hit me baby one more time.

You just do. I remember seeing at Hamlet in Wolverhampton where they said, To me or not to be. Oh, come on. Don't fucking do it if you don't want to do it. Anyway, to be fair to him, he was very good.

Yeah. And there was a woman in it called Haley Carmichael, who I wasn't familiar with. And she was absolutely like just the servant who comes on and says, the dog cart. The dog cart is out. Oh, yeah.

So she's lying at the beginning, you know. Did you hear what I was playing, sir? I didn't think it'd polite to listen to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she absolutely stormed it. She was like just a tiny part at the end. Because when it went for the curtain call, she was like the second person to come out.

Everybody gave her a standing ovation. That's great. She was the servant. She's like, they call them grand larcenists, don't they? They're like Phillips Seymour Hoffman. Because they stole. Yeah. I love this.

She'd have a lot of meat. No, she's absolutely. But not in a really clever, not in a really, you know, outrageous. Oh, I might go and see this production. Where is it? Are we here? It's at the Noel Coward Theatre. How appropriate.

Someone has said to me, have you seen, the importance of being earnest before and I said I saw it 50 years ago at the Birmingham Wreck Oscar was there that night and they said

I don't know if you'll like what they've done with it and I thought no they haven't messed about the importance of being earnest one of the funniest plays I've ever seen and they haven't

I don't think they have I thought it was brilliant what they've done is it begins and ends with a gay page They've added a gay pageant, which was annoying because that's what I was planning to do on my next stand-up tour. Open and close to the gay pageant. I've met the phone calls, but I can't do it now.

But no, I would. To have one gay pageant, algernon. I love a gay pageant. Who doesn't? We love a gay pageant. But, yeah, I would recommend it. I'm going to go and see it. I think, you know, if you're listening to Stephen, have a thing about handbag.

I wish he would reconsider. I can imagine the director saying, you're doing it like that on the night? Do you think of the director, though, was going, yeah, brilliant, brilliant, undermine it. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you got that note. Yeah, don't, don't. Throw it away.

Oh. Yeah. Shame. Yeah, fuck Edith Evans. As I overheard at Arsenal once, keep it simple morrow. Yeah, I just think there are some things. Just give them. It's like, you know, the Bob Dylan thing?

I'm doing all your favourite songs, but I'm murdering them. Yeah. Yeah. But a handbag, I don't ask much in life. You do, but... What if I'd just stormed out? Oh, they would have been crying, it'd have been all the papers and they're screaming.

Not camp enough. Yeah, exactly. The most fabulous week camp reason. No one would have showed it. that at that production. Can I tell you? Anyway, the next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday. We're in 2010. If anyone has just switched on, it's going to scare a hell out of them. This time, we have a proper radio texting going. And it is, what's an old wife's tale you still live by?

Don't look at me when you say that. I'll ask my old wife. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.