The Frank Skinner Show - Catman

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

In this episode Frank has had a curious compliment about his autobiography. The team also discuss Top Cat, a celeb-filled curry house and SHC. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad

isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that, actually, they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer. But there's nothing to grill when the in-laws decide that, actually, they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. It's Fred off the radio, featuring him and that that Parsh radio and the one with the French name from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalanuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on 7457 417 769.

Okay. That was good. Oh, was it? It's better than last week. It's a bit more festival hall. If anyone wants to send in a musical composition based on our WhatsApp number, I'd be very happy to play it. If it's good enough, it'll be in your head forever, like daytime TV insurance phone numbers that I had no business memorising at the age of nine. Yeah, yeah, like my mum's co-op DV number, which I still remember, 386314. Careful, someone will get hold of that. Yeah, like my mum's co-op divi number, which I still remember. 386314. Careful, someone will get hold of that. Does it still work, co-op divi?

Anyway... We should do maybe, I think we could, like, a heavy metal composition. No, I think there was a time when we were on the radio when people used to send us musical things. Well they might still do, we haven't asked for it. Well I've asked. So look, I met a woman last weekend and she said to me, oh Frank Skinner, what joy to me. I said, oh that's nice of you. She said, I read your autobiography. She said, absolutely brilliant, very

moving. I said, oh thank you. She took, she grabbed my forearm and said, I was adopted as well. I said, I wasn't. She said, no you did, you rejected your biological mother. I said, I would remember that. Oh yeah. Hold on. Yes, you're right, I'm adopted. I thought you said adapted. I thought you meant I'd been abridged in some way for broadcasting. No, but yeah, I mean, what can you say to that? I dread to think what you said. No, but I had to do that.

I mean, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being adopted, but I was. But you weren't, as far as we know. And then she went, oh no, actually, I think I know. And then just that was it just trailed off. Who do you think it was? I don we know. And then she went, oh no, actually I think I know. And then just that was it just trialed off. Who do you think it was? I don't know. How can I possibly, would it be a comedian? Might not be. No, it might be another Frank. We need to Google adopted Franks. Adopted Franks. There's a few adopted comedians. Oh well. Let's not list adopted comedians, should we? No. They might want to keep it to themselves.

But there's a bundle of them. Although I'm sure they do Edinburgh shows about it, for certain. Well this is twinned with something else which happened to me about three weeks ago, where again a woman said to me, oh god I love your autobiography, that bit where the cat licked the wrong thing. Eh? I said what? The cat licked the wrong thing?

She said what was the cat called again? I said was it Chairman Miao? Because Chairman Miao was the cat that me and David Baddiel, it's his cat but we lived in the same house. But you named it. Yes. And she went no, no that wasn't it. What was it called?

Licked the wrong thing that bit, you know. No idea. Lick the wrong thing? I think people are just seeing me now as comedy. Just a generic representation of comedy. I think it's happening so often, you're just gonna have to keep going along with it. Oh no.

I would just go, I love that bit where the cat licked the wrong thing. I could try with the cat, but I wasn't gonna sound adopted. No. Felt disloyal to my parents. People come up to you and say, I loved that when you ran that hotel and you had that mustache. Yeah. You got all stressed.

I'd probably say yes. Then I got to start going on about my terrible divorce. Speaking of cats, I was driving through Camden Town, old Camden Town in London. Oh yes. And I went past Top Cots. What's that? Was that where you went to? Top Cots, yes.

It used to be my regular barber. Your barber? Seven pound for a haircut. Is it still just seven pounds, is it? Well, that's what it says on the thing. It looked close to me, but it was never a place that went big for interior design at seven quid a cot. Or haircuts. I don't mean it. Anyway so top cots. How long did it take them to think of that? Don't you think there's obviously a pawn involved? Because underneath it there is the cartoon figure.

Is there? But I only just noticed this week it's not Top Cat. Is it Boss Cat? It's Brain from Top Cat's gang. Hang on. So they've got the wrong, they're doing a Top Cat pawn. That's not the blue one, is it? He was a bit hippie.

That's Brain. Yeah, boss is it? He was a bit hippie. No, that's... He was Brain. Yeah, boss. A bit more like that here. No, Brain was stupid. Sure thing, boss. So they called him Brain, ironically. We didn't know then.

But he was the sure thing, boss. Hang on, hang on, guys. Who was the one who wore a white polo neck, 60s? Was that Fancy? Oh, good knowledge. That was obviously my favourite. Then there was Benny the Ball. Well good knowledge. That was obviously my favourite. Then there was Benny the Ball. Well I based the cats on.

Cruel nickname. I like the cat who looked most likely to come. Testicular cancer as a kitten. Can you name the cats? I've just, I've got them here. Let's see if you guys can name them. We've already had. Fancy Brain. Hang on, was fancy wearing the white polo neck and the sort of 60s aesthetic? Yes, I believe so. And he was blue. Benny the Ball. Benny the Ball, correct. Who was blue? Fancy. There was... There was one that had a name like Chachi.

Choo Choo. Choo Choo. I'll give you that. I mean it's ball pot. Benny the Ball. It's very borderline. Choo Choo, Fancy Brain and? I mean it's ball pot. Benny the Ball. It's very borderline. Choo-choo, fancy brain and? Ooh. The last one. Spook. Oh, spook.

And then they changed it to boss cat, Frank? I think there must have been a copyright thing because I remember even as a child when I knew naught of copyrights it used to go, top cat, the most conventional top cat. And then at the end it would go, a caption would come up, utterly silent, with just the drawing of it, but it went, the boss cat.

They didn't even say the boss cat, they just showed it. They obviously couldn't call it top cat, but they weren't going to change. So it was this guy on the sign, Brain. Yes, it was Brain. Oh, so Brain... This guy works great on a... Brain, we should say, had... If you're trying to remember him, he had most notable orange and then notable for the sort

of purple t-shirt. Purple t-shirt, orange fur. Nothing else. The expression of a dullard. It's a purple t-shirt, orange vert, exposed genitals. I mean, Top Cat wore a straw motor and a waistcoat. Nothing else. Can I ask a question? Did they all have exposed genitals?

Cats? Oh, sure. No, no. The Top Cat gang. I think Benny the Ball, for obvious reasons. Don't get me started. I think he just had, I think he might have had shorts, but you know the mind plays tricks. Okay. When you're thinking back, visualizing Top Cat's game. So they had a picture of, who do we think the top cat was? I think Brain was on, but they were obviously doing a top cat, and someone's got the wrong cat. They've just googled it and gone, yeah. Well, they've looked at the gang and thought,

that's why we've got purple. To be fair, Top Cat's wearing a hat, so that's a terrible advert for a haircut. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, I think all cats are quite a bad advert for a haircut. That's right. No one goes in and goes,

I really want to look like that tabby that lives down the road. With a photograph of a cat. I'd like to be like this, please. Could I please look like this Persian? What's that guy, Catman? Make me be like this, please Make me look like this Aluminium whiskers He's teeth sharpened in the points. Do you know... Folly enough, I saw him in our garden the other night. He's being attacked by a fox.

No, he's burying his own shit. Oh, my God. Every man need to bury his own shit metaphorically. It was Catman. Do you think he's still... He need to bury in the file of a counsellor. Is he still with us, Catman? I don't know, actually.

Well, you know what they like, they go missing for a few days. I think he's on life about number seven. He always lands on his feet, though. How about the car over... Imagine that would be quite a fun prank. Quite a fun prank. Missing cat. And then it's that photo. Put it up around the neighbourhood.

Have you seen our cat? He's about 6'1". Do not approach. No one else does. That would be good. You should do that. Photocopy post as a cat man. What does cat man do? He's probably fine. He's no longer with us. Well, he was ahead of his time with the... All the most interesting people to talk about on podcasts have died in the last 10 years well incident he was yes I believe he is he was actually called

stalking cat was he yeah that was his name yeah maybe was he American or was he British was he one of the Wiltshire stalking cats. No this if it's the man he had the surgical procedures towards the goal of looking like a cat yeah and um I believe yeah he's um he's met his maker. Oh sorry to hear that. Frank I can see you reaching. No no I'm not reaching for anything. I was thinking he could have been a good guest. It's one of those things where obviously... I didn't explain, we've got mice here in Spiritland. I think he said on his gravestone that a good mouse was the epitaph.

Oh man. oh what next? It's one of those things isn't it, because no matter how many, you know, I've got whiskers embedded in my face and all this surgery to have big long teeth and things and you think, yeah but you're so far from being, I'm not going, oh god I thought there was a cat over there. This is not winnable. He was pre-, before the furry community took off. That's what they're called. I know.

They wear outfits. They don't have tungsten implants. He was just a lot more enthusiastic. He couldn't get the outfits, so he had to make do with men. But he was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. Was he? Yeah. Oh, I didn't realise that.

Okay. He was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. But he was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. But he was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. But he was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. But he was a big, prominent member of the furry community, I think. But he was was a big prominent member of the furry community I think. Was he? Yeah.

Oh I didn't realise that. Well I'm reading his biography on wiki for her. Oh. Oh okay. So he's a bit of a legendary figure. I believe so yeah. I understand the local fire service got a bit fed up of him. Getting him out of trees on a regular basis.

Nice. Please. Enough. Can we say we're very sad that he's no longer with us? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes, definitely. Okay, Frank?

Okay, I'm all right now. Our paws are with his family. Frank, you did it last time. I don't know. You said about Gary Rhodes, hawks or with his family. You can't keep doing these disrespectful lines. That was three days ago. Don't forget that. Oh god, my stomach rumbled. Was that your stomach?

Yeah, I really hope so. Oh man, I thought it was the very foundations of Spiritland. Creaking under the weight. How do you think Spiritland feel about us these days? I feel we're getting a slightly more enthusiastic welcome. I've got, I think since I've said I'm going to stay here and not go to my overpriced management studio, they've warmed me somewhat. I think it's since you've more consistently gotten your sort of mid-20th century playwright

haircut. I think they've seen the effort you've put in. Yeah, that's it. And my beret. Yes. Exactly. I think you're right. I think you've had a sort of... I get it. I say hello to the staff now with a winning smile when I come in. Yeah they like you now they've turned. I think it's because of the rebrand I think you're right. What's the rebrand? My rebrand? Yeah just aesthetically I think you certainly the haircut has quite a dramatic difference

to you. Okay. And that's positive. It'll be very suspicious when you get compliments. I had my photo taken the other day for, you know AI dolls? Do you know that when you're made into a doll? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get costume and stuff. And so I, my sheik I put as Doctor Who and I thought I might get one of those lovely purple three quarter length jackets like Matt Smith used to wear. Anyway they went for Jodie Whittaker with the Doctor Who thing. They didn't get a jacket quite right, it was a bit more Darth Sidious. Oh was it all matron? It was you know flowing white robes actually not Darth Sidious he wouldn't wear white but yeah like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

So you were sort of a bit more Jedi-ish? Yeah I was sort of a Jedi Whittaker was the thing but my my face, Bozard took the photo and he caught me on my resting face. God, I look so miserable in my lovely dolly box. I'll put it on social. Oh, can we have a look? I'll show it you. I'd love to see this. I didn't know you did.

Did Buzz do this for you then? Yeah. Oh, he did it via chat. But actually I recommended it because I'd read about it somewhere. So I'm just getting someone to pass through my phone. We'll be back in three. If you're waiting, I can share something with you while we're waiting, Frank. I've got it. Don't panic. I've got it. So keep talking. Keep talking. If you can just

cover this hiatus. I've seen a lot of those dolphins. but that resting face of yours might be the reason as well why Spiritland like you more because you've come in looking, you know- Surly. Surly and Alouf. Yeah. One of my favorite double acts. Surly and Alouf. Yeah. Hello, I'm Dave Surly and I'm Martin Alouf.

And I decline to engage in this sort of thing. That's what Aloof would say. Did you get that picture? Oh, just give me a, keep them talking. I've got 4,000 wedding photos on my... Do you know, I'm so glad he took a lot of photos. Yeah. Well, I didn't.

I passed my phone to the registrar and she was like machine gun Kelly. She just took hot, she obviously knows that we wed in, if you get the thing wrong then it's wrong forever. I'm now going to show my colleagues my picture. Okay darling. But I will put this up so it's for everyone. It'll be on Instagram. So we're going to see Frank's AI action. This is extraordinary. Yes.

What would you say about it, Pierre? We're going to put it up. Let's have a look. Funky Paris. He looks like someone. It's like an American. You look very American. American.

As an American sort of character actor or comic that he looks like, or is it a news commentator? Yes. Our readers will be able to nail it. It is very, you look like an academic who's on the news because the incredibly specific area that you're the world expert in has finally come up in current affairs. That's the best reason for an academic to be on the news. And the head of the Arizona and petroglyph Department joins us now and you just think that this guy's not used to being on the news.

You definitely have loads of copies of your book behind you. Yeah, but I don't want to be, you know, when you get an academic on there's a better stance against pronouns. I don't want to be that guy. No, but you look like when people say things to you like, oh, and petroglyphs are like this, aren't they? Your answer to everything is, not quite. Exactly.

Every time someone tries to join you on your level, you say, well, not quite, but fine. Yes. It can happen. We've heard this. Nicola from Suffolk. Hmm. Firstly, congratulations to Frank and Cath. I have to say, every email begins this way. Lovely. Much love to you both. Long time reader here with a quick whatever happened to.

She wants to raise the topic of spontaneous human combustion. It used to be massive. It did. And it seems to have completely disappeared or been eradicated. I just thought I'd share this and see if yourself, Emily or Pierre, had heard of any incidents in recent years, or maybe they found a cure. Who knows? Praise redacted. Loyally yours, Nicola from Suffolk. Well Nicola, when I was at secondary school, spontaneous human combustion was, it was boom time. Dearie girl.

I mean, people read, you know, we read some of the books on the ceiling. Everybody was doing it. Yeah. But everybody read this book. Adam Percce's documentary. This book was called Fire From Heaven. Oh. And it was all about Spontaneity.

There was a whole book about it, wasn't there? Yeah, and he got passed around. Remember there was a pair of smoldering shoes was one of the photos. The idea, in case you don't know about SHC, was that people would just suddenly burst into flames for no apparent reason. It started off slow, so chapter one, there's a woman in America who occasionally just had a bit of a flare up on the dance floor and stuff, just a few, a lick of flame and smoke and then it would go back again and she'd be fine. But some people are incinerating in seconds. Oh yeah. We read that, we read Eric von Daniken's Chariter to the Gods which was

suggesting the aliens built the pyramid. Can I tell you what else you read? Skinhead escapes? Skinhead, skinhead escapes, swinehead. Skinhead escapes? Yeah, that was the sequel. Is that a sort of holiday service for the Nazis? Are you tired of living in a multicultural society? Skinhead escapes. Cruises to the whitest parts of the world. Yeah.

A very great escape route. If you don't get out of here a bunch of skinheads will burst in and kick you to death with Doc Martens. Oh god. Oh man. No, skinhead was, well, suedehead and then it became skinhead. Well, no, skinhead was the first one and then skinhead escapes. I think there might have been another skinhead one. Skinhead falls in love or something. What? I wasn't allowed to read those. They always had one sex scene in them which everyone talked about. Well we were reading Judy Blume and that had a lot of sex scenes. Did it? Oh yes, it was controversially. My best friend Jane's mum and they said are they

ready for forever? Because forever was very... For any of us ready for forever. As you asked yourself only the other day. Yes. And those mums would ring each other to debate. Oh, I thought they were. So were they the originators of YA? As they say in Newcastle. Who? Sorry. Can I say by the way, if you want to shoot someone down who's got a bit of cred, the current Doctor Who companion who I love, Virada Setu, is brilliant. She's really, really good. You spoke to her a while ago, I recall.

Well, she was in an earlier episode of Someone Else, but she was great. But I had to describe just casual throwaway. They said Doctor Who companion and former Miss Newcastle, Verada said, I thought you've done that, I thought you'd just slightly deflate the balloon, you swine. Yeah. Anyway, how did we get onto this? Yes, spontaneous human combustion. So, I've not heard, the only time I've ever heard of this was watching the film Spinal Tap, that was the first time I came across it. Yes. And then I just thought, but was it a thing people genuinely believed in? It was massive.

I was in that book. Everyone was reading that book at school. I had some version of this where it's like spooky things for nervous children. You know, the Osborne Book of Freaks or something. The Osborne Book of Ghosts. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Obviously, I would never have read that. Why? In a million years. Oh, because you don't like ghosts? No. OK. Yes, that's the thing. Obviously I would never have read that. Why? In a million years.

Oh because you don't like ghosts? No. Okay. Yes that sort of thing. I find them a bit mysterious. But spontaneous human combustion. You know I'm fine with that. Can warm your hands on it. Yeah. Yes I was aware of it as a kid and found it sort of freaky and strange. I mean what happens is when you discover it as a kid of course you start thinking about it and anytime you feel a bit hot, you think, here we go. Here we go. If you read through all the historical accounts of it, it's quite funny. I was like, another heavy drinking person on an artificial material couch who fell asleep smoking is somehow, somehow, in the middle of drinking their pint

of oil that they drink at night, they somewhat, God, it's such a mystery isn't it? Yeah. And let's face it, the 70s, the most flammable decade in history. Exactly. Exactly. The one that people were being incinerated. Constantly bursting into comets of flame. Lonely drunken man drinking methylated spirits next to a campfire on waste ground.

Suddenly burst. Wearing head to toe nylon fibres. Scientists are baffled. Yes, so it was big but I haven't heard of it for ages, she's right. It's a bit like prime. It was massive. Has that totally disappeared? No, what they've done, they've started blasting out a different flavour every week. It's like an arsenal flavour. What?

Yeah, they're trying anything they get. As in my team? As in the football team. It tastes like the football team. It tastes like the Emirates. It'll be red. Yeah. It tastes like the smell of sort of burger vans and a roundabout.

15 pound burgers. And that small Jamaican place. It's supposed to improve your sexual performance. Burgers? What? The Arsenal Prime. You always come second. Oh god. Anyway. arsenal prime. You always come second.

Anyway, I haven't done a football joke for a long time. I used to do them all the time. I wonder why that is? It was my life. You were, you were very good at them. 227 Frank has got in touch. Hi guys, I was thinking about an episode not long back and you've mentioned a sign being up about Frank eating a roast dinner in a pub. Do you remember this Frank? Yes, it was at the Bear Tavern in Bearwood. Correct, and there's a sort of blue plaque. Yes, even though as I said I did a gig there every Wednesday for about two years, that

doesn't mention that. Well, I don't know, you need to work out which curry house this is because 227 says I was out one Saturday for a few jars. I finished the night off with a curry and then I noticed this, literally printed on the back of the menu and it's a photograph of you. Okay. With who've all been here and I'm enjoying some of your restaurant mates, some of the fellow patrons, Frank. Okay. We have Les Dawson. Oh, yeah?

That's quite good. Alexandra O'Neill. Where was this restaurant? We don't know. We need to try, you need to do the work. Did I ever tell you about? Do you want to, wait, wait for Frank. Okay.

Blondie. Oh. Blondie. Debbie Harry, not Hitler's dog. No. Hitler's dog hated curry, famously. Yeah. Oh, Debbie Harry, not Hitler's dog. No. Hitler's dog hated Curry, famously.

Yeah. Do you know, he was ever so picky. Yeah. Didn't Hitler have spontaneous human combustion? Right conspiracy theories about him. He got so angry he burst into flames. Exactly. Right at the end.

It was coming. We all saw it coming. Do you want to know who else is eating in this curry restaurant? There's a grid, we'll show it to you, of maybe, I don't know, tender old face. Benny Hill. Brilliant. David Hasselhoff. Gosh, I can't imagine that.

Frank Skinner in the middle of all this. Howard Keel? Howard Keel? Wow! Do you know him? No. I'll give you a clue. Oh what a beautiful morning! No! Yeah, he's the star of Oklahoma. That's how old he is. And when was that film made, Frank? Like the third forties? No, no, it's not that old. I think it's early 61 or something like that. Really? Yeah. Gosh. It was in Dallas as well.

So this is a long running curry house. Edwina Curry, little and long. Not Edwina Curry. It is. There's a picture of her on this thing. Edwina Curry is on the, that's, that's. Frank, I've got the picture, I'm gonna show it to you. It's Damien Rice in Undead Miami Jets.

We heard about the plaque from none other than Stuart McHoney. No, this isn't the plaque. Oh, well he lives in Bearwood. This isn't the plaque, this is the curry house. No, no, I know, but just regarding the plaque and restaurants and things. I knew he lived in Bearwood. Anyway, do you want to know who else? I've told you who the main...

We don't have to go through the full list. That is the full list, but I'll tell you who else, lest we forget, Dr. Range. Okay. You had no idea who that is? No, I do. It's a guy on daytime television who helps people with their medical problems. That's such a great guess, unfortunately you're right. Okay. Okay.

Great work. I once went into an Italian restaurant in Edinburgh and they had photos of celebrities who'd been and they had Frankie Valli and I said to the guy, I better know what pizzeria he had. He said, I don't remember what. No, I said, no, but Frankie Valli. I said, I bet I know what pizzeria he said I don't remember what Frankie Valley I saw I bet I know what pizzeria okay I get that no I don't know but you know he was in like a band yeah I know he's very famous he's very but his band yeah I say I better

know what he said no I really I go oh I I gave up. Don't you hate it when you're... I mean when am I getting the chance to do that joke again? Well here we are. But also when your jokes don't land with the members of the hospitality... When the joke doesn't land... But I find this with the hospitality industry Frank. Do you? Oh yeah I had it in Morocco there was the... Did you? Yes the manager of the resort. Frank, the manager of the resort. He's a... those people who manage those resorts. Were you with Dr. Couscous? Frank, the manager of the resort, there are certain type of person, do you know what I mean by that? Very white lotus, you haven't seen white lotus. No, I've never seen a resort. Well, they're often German. Yes. South African. Oh really? Yes, a lot of the time. Very sort of

immaculately presented. German, South African. I'm getting a sense of very strict. Very earnest. Yeah. Very organized. Efficient one might say. But they're very, everything's immaculate and they're very calm and they're very nice. But I would say... A bit of high jinx around the pool. It's a rhino whip across the back of the legs. Well, I think this one was German because he looked much more animated when he was talking to the German people. Oh, okay. He was laughing and things, whereas he never laughed with us. It's so nice to welcome you here to Skinhead Escapes.

Morocco campus. We hope you have a nice time here. We did not go to Skinhead Escapes. Willkommen of Skinhead Escapes. Find your own version of paradise in Skinhead Escapes. We have a Doc Marten polishing service if you leave them outside your room. There are suspenders available in any colour. Red of course.

Oh God, anyway. Maybe join us in the Ben Sherman street. We have a barber on site obviously. I said to him when I was, because we were going back and you know I think what happens is you make silly pleasantries with these people. You wouldn't normally. Yes. So you end up thinking I'm going to say a sort of slightly cliched thing. I'm not going to really joke. I'm going to say kind of humor that I think will be appreciated by someone and it doesn't feel too offensive. It's just a bit bland.

But then it's not funny and then it gets misinterpreted. And I said he's... That sounded really Simon Cowell then. Oh did it? When you said, but then it's not funny. Oh no! Well I've got a Simon Cowell quote which I wrote down and he said on the show the other week.

But do carry on, I'll come back to it. So, I said it was the final day and he said, oh so it is your final day with us? And I said, oh yeah, you know, really sad to be exit and what a beautiful day it is. I said, yes and you're torturing us. Oh no! But you knew what I meant! Yes, but we're not German. You can't say that to a German. And he went like this, he went oh. There was like a weird

pause it was awful. I said I don't know what I meant to say is oh you're torturing us because it's so sunny and it's such a lovely day. And we have to go. And he went, okay. Oh no. No. And he never spoke to me again. Oh, he's upset. He would have thought, genuinely thought you were saying, and you're torturing us by talking to us about what a nice day it is, you boring old German. He chose not to get it. Would you tell me about Simon Cowell, please?

So there was a stand-up comedian on Britain's Got Talent. Is that still on Britain's Got Talent? Yeah. It's I think one semi-final and the grand finale. Who is it? Simon Cowell? Amanda Holden? Yeah, Alicia Dixon. Oh yeah, I like her. And well it alternates between Bruno and what's the letters? KSI. Oh yes, okay. And anyway who is the prime one of the prime movers? Yes, that's to ensure both watches. A prime mover. Okay so Simon Cowell said, I don't find most things funny. And I don't like it when people try to be funny.

Wow! Oh man. I thought, Simon, you weren't at the Stephen Wilson gig, were you? In a red wig. In a red wig. But what a thing to say, I don't find most things funny. I find most things funny. Yeah.

Yes. And I don't like it when people try to be funny. I don't like it when people don't try to be funny. Does this mean that you and you are the sort of perfect opposite of cowl? We're like two-faced from Batman. Yes. Yes. You're right.

Why? Batman, of course, wore a cow cowl I'm just saying that's a coincidence. Do you think it's difficult do you think business people he wore it like like Hannibal Lecter wore that bloke's face when he when he escaped remember he ripped someone's face off and wore it as a mask. The thing is Batman might have looked all glamorous. Yeah, no one will stare at me in the street in my human being mask. That's the Catman. Catman used it to get through customs. Oh, stop talking about Catman, Frank.

Oh, goodness me. Did Batman wear eyeliner under the mask? Catman. No, Batman now. Stop going on about Catman. Batman, Michael Keaton, when in those Batman films, did wear eyeliner because I think what they worked out, and I think even up to the current, who's the vampire guy? Robert Pattinson.

Yeah, Robert Pattinson also. He's eye lined up. Because I think what they realised is unlike the comics, you need quite a big eye hole to see out and then you see too much eye and you start seeing eyebrows and stuff so they they're they blacken their eyes and then wear the mask. Who's your favorite Batman out of those ones? Oh good question I quite like I quite like Patterson actually. I like, as Val Kilmer did it. Yeah, Kilmer was good.

Pattison was, you know, Batman. I don't know why they need to talk like that all the time. My name is Batman. That's the extent of their disguise, is sort of dog sausage's voice. Yeah, exactly. Have you seen the, actually, I think my favourite Batman might be the Lego Batman. It's really good. It's really, really good. I haven't seen the Lego Batman. It's a genuinely funny film.

It's an excellent film. It's Will Arnett doing the voice. Oh, is it? I didn't know that. Yes, he's so funny. Mainly because I don't know who they are. But... Would I like it? Maybe I would. I can't go, hello. No. One adult woman for Lego Batman, please.

No, but you can't tell me. I don't say it like that. No one goes to the cinema. That would be odd. Yeah. And that says, is that a human being mask you've got dripping onto your top? No pets. This is my friend.

Put on the mask. Oh, my goodness. Well, I might make some nice friends there, Pierre. Yeah. I trust you. We had friends that have going to do that. I think I went to go see it with my friend. Oh.

Because we're big fans of Will Arnett. He's very funny. Oh, that's so cute. I love that. Who is Will Arnett? He's in Arrested Development and a few sort of comedy films and things. Oh, that was one of the things I've never seen. Modern Family?

Oh, no, Arrested Development. Yeah. He's a Canadian-born American comic actor. Frank won't like that because it's American. I'll tell you what I watched this week, which I hadn't watched for about 40 years. Go on. Saturday Night Live. Oh, and?

It's absolutely hilarious. Oh, it's brilliant, isn't it? It's really, really funny. It was hosted by a black... We know what she called? Oh, um... I don't remember. Scarlett Johansson. Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, very remember... Scarlett Johansson.

Oh, okay. I wonder what you meant. I thought that literally was someone's widow then. Yes. It wasn't mostly by a black widow. That would have been a throwaway thing to say, wouldn't it? Mostly by some black widow. Her husband was killed in some bit. I was a little concerned.

Yes, she goes out with one of the men from Sussie Night Long, Colin Jost is her husband. I believe she didn't. She had a bit of a quick sexual activity with Puss in Boots in a lift. What's he called? Is it Antonia? Antonia Bandera. Yeah. No. I think she said she? Yeah. No. I think she said she didn't.

No, no. I don't think so. She thought it was Pussy Boots Cat. Man, you scoundrel. Finally, we've had adjustable boots all the time. Who cares about the genitals? It's the Top Cat. Top Cat approach. His approach was, if they're able to even notice my exposed genitals, I haven't made

my face odd enough. Of course, if he pisses on me, then it dies. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.

And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.