The Frank Skinner Show - Celebrity Look-alikes

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Ruth Husko joins Frank and Em. The conversation ranges from celebrity look-alikes to the German word for men who sit down to pee. If you want to message the show, email us on [e-mail] or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 We’re currently sponsored by BT - behind brilliant things! Search ‘Why BT’ to find out more or click on the following link: https://www.bt.com/broadband/why-bt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Any Tom, Jack or Walt, who likes the taste of malt will like the malt in a colt, 45. Extraordinary opening. Yeah. This is, oh, where's me bit of paper. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko.

Remember her? Sorry, Ruth. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalon UK.com. WhatsApp, WhatsApp, WhatsApp. [phone]. That was all right, that one. I seem to keep pressing the same ones over and over again.

Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? Maybe I should put the thing so I can reach it. Why don't you do that? Johnny Ridge, those two. That's your answer. That'll be it. You know when things just happen to and you think,

Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, that'll be it. That was like me when I should have moved closer to the mic. Move the mic close to me instead of leaning over. Ruth did a sound check in which he leaned in. Yeah. You know where Johnny Rotten used to lean into the microphone? And I thought you're going to sit like that for 35.

minutes. Oh, I could almost feel the pain in her shoulders. He was a big, really. I didn't feel her shoulders. Can I make that clear? No, we stopped you. No, we didn't have to do that. Frank, what do I would say about Frank? If I'd gone out with Ruth, I'm paying you a compliment. Can I just sat down? He's very safe to work with. I find him very safe. Well, that's helped me in this story. If I'd been out with Ruth, if I went out with Ruth in the past, I know part of it would have been because she looked like Elvis. Oh my God.

You know how Nick Cage married Lisa Marie Presley and that was just like me buying Elvis's shirt? Oh yeah, Nick Cage. You're absolutely right. Of course he did. She was married to Michael Jackson, wasn't she? And Nick Cage. She's just like memorabilia.

God bless her, God rest of her son. But she, but she, didn't even Priscilla looked a bit like Elvis as well. I do. Oh, yeah. I think she did. I know you're similar. But Ruth, it could be worse. But I'm on about Lisa Marie.

The daughter. Yeah, the daughter. Oh, yeah, sorry. She looked a bit like Elvis, but that's less surprise. Yeah, less macabre. I think mine was worse, though. When I was on holiday once in Greece and one of the boys there at the hotel with this day,

he said, do you know what you remind me of? Do you really remind me of, do you know, the tin man? Oh, yeah. I said, yes, I know him. Had he been in a Pilates class with you? I know him, but I don't know why you're saying I look like him. He said, no, you really do look like the tin man. But like in spirit or...

No, I think he thought I physically resembled the tin man. And my sister tried to... Was you wearing one of those Princess Leia metal one pieces? No, Frank. And I didn't have a little hat on either, made out of it. Did I? You didn't have the hat on either? But I said, my sister tried to make me feel better, Ruth. And she went, he has got quite good brows, the tin man.

Yeah. Anyway, Tin man, Elvis. What's yours, Frank? He didn't get his oil can out. He got nothing. He went away empty-handed. Good. What have you been compared to, Frank?

You've had Graham Norton? You had Alan Carr once as well. Yeah, that was. Yeah, that was. I was mistaken for Alan Carr at a hotel. I'd forgotten that. We looked so alike. Anyone else?

I mean, I had said, well, who lebs him, which might have been here. But, and I had a shorter, smaller, younger version of me with me,

my son. Oh, I'll tell you who Franks look a lot. Ruth. I don't know if you know this. Is Queen Marguerite the second of Denmark? Oh yes. I was going to say actually. Yeah. Yes. Can I ask you a question about being a professional writer? Of course. Do people fess up know about having professional writers? Because you know, it used to be a tradition that on the credits they were called program associates because people wanted everyone to think that they'd made up the jokes themselves. What you have now is additional material. Okay.

But program associate, I always remember seeing that, thinking, what does that mean? Yeah. It meant I'm ashamed of using writers. I always think when, because I don't write stand-up for people. It's more for shows on Radio 4 or BBC Saints audio and my own stuff. But I don't write for stand-ups, but I always think you've got one job and that's to be funny. If you can't write, you don't have a program associate, do you, Frank? I don't.

I use writers on my chat show for, um, uh, uh, a while. For the opening monologue, I like the idea that I was like Letterman and I had a team of writers. But, you know, and I may have told this before, but this is from the heart.

I'd go up and do that stand-up. And I do one of their jokes and it would get a massive laugh. And I felt nothing. Did you? And for someone to whom, I mean, it is like honey to the bee. That's probably not the right analogy.

whatever it is a bees. No, it was. Billy Piper used it. It's fine. They like necktore, you know. You know that tar? You know that tar you put on your neck? Like a boy George used to have.

We stopped doing that now. He put black paint on his neck. It was such a show. That's great. I've got a double chin. I don't want to do. I'll paint it black. You know, Alf, the decorator.

I'll give him a call. Can you do my double chin? Anyway, when you were doing these monologues, so you would feel a bit hollow. So I felt nothing. Really. Someone who laughed and means so much to me, I felt nothing on their jokes. So I thought I might as well do half cock jokes.

Actually, half my set is cock jokes. I'm thinking of it. All cock. Yeah, I think that was a... I'll kill that typist. Yeah, so I don't use writers anymore. But I respect... I say I don't use them.

I do a Radio 4 show, which has got a script already. So that's all done by writers. Yeah, it's more that sort of stuff really. You do the links and the monologues. Listen, you have our full respect. Thank you so much. So there. And can I ask, in the room then,

is it always that awkward thing? Because you've been in this a lot, Frank, as well. Is it always like who's going to speak first? Can I say, and again, I haven't been in a writer's room for a long time. The idea of you be, if I don't wish to patronise it, but I think some of the worst things I've ever heard said, I've heard said in writer's room, terrible. Really?

Yeah. Dark end of you. humanity suggested. So do you work in a writer's room? Not, no. It doesn't really need. They must have changed. So say for something like the news quiz,

there'll be, say, three writers on and we will sit in a room together, but we just tend to write our own, you know, you have stories of the day and we write our own jokes and then we put them all in a document. It's not like, not any writer's rooms that I've been in.

You're not batting around ideas in the way that you, I thought, when I was younger, you know, you'd see it on telling. I thought it was like a Saturday night, Live or something. Yeah, exactly. Which it might be for Saturday Night Live.

I think it is like that. Should they ever let me on it? But Saturday Night Live will not have the sort of jokes that people used to say in writer's room. Right. I mean, it really was. A dark place. Anyway, that's all, thought clean.

That's all for that, Bab. Sorry, do you mind explaining what that means with it? Bab is whom? Bab is anyone, really. You know, it's funny. Oh, Alison Hammond says it. Yeah. What is the direct?

of Blue Heavens listening to this son I told him not to go yo yo yo yo and you got Frank me and George four acres absolutely smashing it everyone's loving it he's not stealing my job

George you've got your own job is Bab so would you say that as a term of endearment like love yeah I like it Bab it's lovely what's funny is when you get younger women saying it in the supermarket a younger woman on the chequette saying it to

an older woman you know she'll go over that and there's your 50 turns you whatever bab to a 70-odd-year-old. No, it's lovely. It's just one of the things that we say. What I like is we can come around on Friday if you overmined to. Yeah. I love that.

If you overmined to. Anyway, look, we don't want to lose any more people who are thinking, what is this? Yum, yo, yo. Oh, man. We don't know anything about your life, Ruth. We don't know what you've done with your week. Now, we always talk about our weeks. Well, I don't want to yam-yo-yovi,

but I've just been back to the black country. Oh, okay. So while I was there, I went to the Wellington pub in Birmingham and played darts. I'm a keen darts player. Oh, you? Are you good? Well, I'm part of the City of London Darts Association.

Oh, okay. I love that for you. Yeah, thank you. Who we play at the Horseshoe Pub in Clark. And, well, if you know it, it's a darts-based pub. And I'm in the bottom. Like, there's different tiers of like, you know, you're either in tungsten or gold or I'm in development. Oh.

I played two. That's a very righter thing to be. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, it's very bottom. And I've finished last season right at the bottom as well. Because I'm still practicing. I only started in January. So I played some darts at the weekend.

I played two matches against two ladies in my. So let us play darts now. You know, they let us vote and everything. I wouldn't want to be sitting next to that board God you'll give them to the wife So yeah I've been doing

That's what I've mainly been doing Is trying to practice my dance Trying to get my score up By the way Your laugh If I can just have a sidebar I was on the train Overground train

Coming in this morning Yeah And there was a young woman Sitting opposite me I'd guess she was like at early 20s and she was listening to something

on her phone watching something actually and every day and again she'd go he really everyone was looking around like a terrible hand laugh

and she did it about three times in a minute she's going to tell me that I'm about to be thine of cordal one of my friends I was really loud as well cutting through you

Anyway sorry Ruth Oh no That's kind of like That's been Yes I went back to backcountry Saw my family They've got No in the black country

They've got a Popeye's chicken Do you know of Popeye You and these chicken shops You're obsessed Well they've got like It's like an American It's an American thing And they've got

Is it Popeye actually The Cartoon Sailor Man? No Oh, it's like an orange. It's the same colour as just up oil. And when they opened a Popeye's in... What's it cooked in? Butter.

When they opened a new one in Birmingham and there was a big queue outside and it was all orange and I thought, oh, bloody hell they're here again. And then I realised it was the chicken place. Oh, it's a chicken place. Popeye's chicken? Popeye's chicken is not going to stop the traffic and throw something at Van Gogh's sunflowers. So there's... Just a wing, just a wing stuff to the flow.

Oh, I see, Popeye's. Yeah, it's like the same colour. The branding is a little Hooters, I find. A little Hooters. Yeah. Yeah. Are you familiar with the work of Hooters, Frank? I've been to, I went out with a former Hooters employee.

Well, Catherine Ryan is a proud former Hooters employee. She said that some of the best, like, HR treatment she got was at Hooters. They were so looked after and so respected by the management. not necessarily by the customers, but the customers, if they got a bit to what we used to call fresh, were slapped down quite quickly. What is it that West Ham fan said to you, a little bit naughty.

Yeah, exactly. He said, did he say it? He wasn't a West Ham fan. He was talking about West Ham. What did he say? Who's the scariest club in London? He said, well, West Ham at home are naughty. Nauty.

That's cute. Nought you love that. He's using it in the Shakespeare. sense because it did used to mean sort of evil and... Oh, did it? Maybe. That's why he's... But anyway, I will be... I copy him now. Okay. It gives a whole new meaning to the naughties coach.

I was nearly on for the Jubilee. Could it be me and a load of like West Ham Ultras. Ruth, can you come to the dance with me then? Oh my God, absolutely will. But it's very difficult to get tickets to the Ali Pallino. since Lutlittler. Oh, Lou, oh, the Johnny can't. Lately.

Well, he's Frank's name. Well, yeah, that's it. You know, and with celebs now, so maybe you can get us in. I'll get us in. It's impossible to do it since he... Well, I told Frank, last time I liked it, do you remember, Frank,

when someone asked me to get them a drink, and I went to order a pint for this man, and they said, I'm afraid we do minimum four pints. It's a pitcher. Minimum! You weren't allowed to buy less than four pints. No, it's a great sport, and it is a sport. Oh, okay.

I don't think of it as a sport. No, a lot of people don't. No. Also, if I was called littler, I think I might have changed that. Oh, would you? I was in A&E once and a book, and they said, so Gary Blitter, and I thought I'd change that. I'd definitely changed that.

And if I was called Littler, I think I'd change that as well. Gary Blitter. Gary Blitter. I felt for him. I mean, it might have been mispronair. It might have been blighter or something, but, you know. You've got to change. Maybe he'd already changed it from something worse.

What could be worse than Gary Blitter? Well, we know. Yeah, we know what could be worse. Yeah. You know, anyway. I think he was called a Prince Mandrew. Oh, my God. before. That's like when people are writing books and they want to try and disguise the person,

they go, Welsh singer Tom Pones. Because it's really they're writing about a character like Tom Jones, but they don't want to actually get sued. What about my favourite ever tribute act name? John. Shania Twin. Oh, that's good. Really good, isn't he? That made me happy. I think we should probably go outside well because we only scratched the surface last time A bit like Ruth and the dark board Think of the money you could make up fares You could

What do you mean? You know when you can win with darts Burst in balloons and stuff at the fair I'm not very good I know but I'm trying to give you an incentive You can't go up to women and say think of the money You can make at fairs It sounds quite rude

I want you the bearded lady or something. The subtlest way I could bring up the beard. It's like Elvis, but in Charo, when he played a bearded cowlid one. That was your chat up line. Thinking of the money you could make a best. Oh God. Carl from Dublin. It's a terrible thing to say to someone.

But I like that the unusualness and the chat. Chat up lines are usually so basic, but that one. So specific. Slash rude. I might add the word travelling on the front of fares. Cole from Dublin. Ever been to Dublin, Ruth? No, I've been to Cork.

Is that case? No. Okay. Hi, Frank Emily. What was it like in Cork? Lovely. Was it? Biant, I was thinking.

Oh, what? I've been to Dublin. many times. I was once on the upper deck of a boss. Did you want the Premier League? No, there was a roof. What were you? Staff. There was a roof. I've never been on a celebratory boss.

Well, yes, you have. Oh, no, you didn't go on the bus. Frank, oh, I'm sorry, I got so excited about this story. Frank got invited to a Premier, and I feel like you and David were there and it was in Scotland and it was a celebrity tour. I know, but we weren't on a bus. That was...

You were walking. Ruth, this is awful. The thing is really. Ruth probably knows the story. Okay, fine. We were in Inverness for the premiere of Lottness. Okay. With Ted Danson. That was it.

I do remember. And when we arrived, we thought it was just, you know, a nice Jolene, Scotland. And we got to stay at Skibeau Castle and stuff like that. But when we got there, they said, right, I said, could I get a sandwich? She said, well, we're doing the celebrity parade first. Celebrity. And we literally had to walk through it.

Not walk. There's no boss for us. We had to fucking walk. But they had those metal barriers up that you get like it's like the Arsenal thing. There's people cheering going, we're waving. Not cheering, it's Scotland. But there's other celebrities there, apart from you and David. There was me.

Nicky Clark. Nicky Clark. It was. Because I woke up at Lampost who got like a number one crop. The producer, even the producer. has absolutely lost it in Nikki Clark. It's a blast from the past. Well, I went out with it.

How dare you? He's doing very well for himself. I went out with the woman who we split up, basically, and she went to Nikki Clark's that week, and Nikki Clark sailed in and said, oh, that was Frank, and she burst into tears. Now, this is Nikki Clark. It doesn't really operate in a world where people cry and stuff.

It's all, you know, glitter and loveliness. Yeah. And he obviously thought, I need to do something, but what does one do? So he went away and came back in with a glass of champagne. Do you know he did that when my entire family died? He could have brought a whole bottle. He could have. He was a bit tired.

Anna Anna Raece was there. And Brooke Shields. Do you know, Brooke Shields? No, but thanks for the tip. That was a great celebrity parade experience. I thought it was a plastic insert. Fine. Anyway.

Really? I brushed Brookshield's hair for her with a Victorian hand brush. Three months later, she was pregnant. You work it out. But was that as part of the parade? You brushed it out. No, no, this was back at Ski-Boh. The holes.

I was dressed. I was dressed as a medieval wizard. and I was just coming. Brooke Shields is there. Brooke Shields, I should say, went out with Prince Andrew. No. And Michael Jackson.

No, will you both calm down? Brooke Shields. Didn't she go out with Prince Andrew? No, that was Custark. Oh, I meant Custard. Sorry, it wasn't Brooke Shields. Let me read. Brooke Shields is entirely in the clear.

She's never been touched by you. I was a complete mistake. Yeah, Coostock. No, in easy. At least we got the diaphragm joking before she was corrected. Easy mistake to make. It was Coos dark.

Yes. Both. Less. Very attractive women. Both attractive, but one less, considerably less famous than the other. I agree. Okay. Okay. So it was her hair that I brushed.

I never touched Brook Shields. I hope that will be the trailer. I never touched Brooke Shields. I used to collect Green Shields, if that's any good. Do you both want to hear from Carl in Dublin? I do. Yes.

I forgot. So would I. Long time, reader. I heard the conversation about Steve's toilet habit. Steve Hall was on this podcast, I don't know if you heard it. Oh, yeah. And he sits down when he wheeze, is it that? Yeah.

How do you feel about that, by the way? I've seen people talking about this. Men, we should say, because it's not weird for us ladies to do it. No. No, I know that. Even I knew that. I, being someone who sits down to wee, I don't have a problem with it. I've never watched a man we.

You've never watched a man wee? Never. I love that admission. Never. I dated someone. I won't name. What is it with the Gen Zetas? It's because they don't drink.

They're not so desperate to we all the time. When do you think I'm going to watch a man wee? Well, I've watched a few men way. Yeah, but you've been in the urinals. But maybe with it. I had a boyfriend who would. No, I was pissing Billy. I used to sit at the side in a singlet and asking them to weigh off me. Oh, God.

Oh, God's sake. Sorry. You know, I've still got that singlet. No. I don't want to hear any more about pissing Billy or singlets or diaphragm. You know, it actually stands unassisted that singlet. Oh, my God. Ruth, I feel seen with you here. We said, my God at the same time. People think it's a carry-a-bag when they come in their house. Still going. He is still going.

Go on, carry on. Steve Horst. I had a boyfriend, by the way, he used to sit down to a week. It was a long time ago. And he used to sit down to a week and it put me off him a bit. I think it's lazy. Did you? I think it's lazy.

So you never sit down to wait? Never. Well, you know, unless I'm down already. Okay. Yeah, I see what you mean. It is an old thing when you see it. If it's an addendum. That's all right, but not for the main event.

This is what Steve does. You know, that's his choice. Carl says, I lived in Munich for three years and the Germans actually have a great word specifically for men who sit down to urinate. The Germans have a great word for everything. Do you know what it's called, guys? It is called.

Zetsetsen Pisson. You're not far off. It's called Sitzpinkler. S-I-T-Z-Pinkler. I know Frank learns some Deutsch at one point. One word, though, you probably won't get on duolingo. But I like Sitzpinkler. I think we need to start using this.

You absolute Sitzpinkler. I imagine that Munich men have like a flip lid on the end of their penises. Like they have on those big, big pints. Oh, God. They just have to press it back with their thumb to urinate. And then he gets all the drips. Very clever of the Germans. The Bavarian.

Anyway, this is Sitzpinkler. What do they call those things? Yes, are they flagons? No, they're not fine. What are they? Stein, I don't know. Stein sounds good. Oh, actually, Ruth, we're both passionate fans of Hofmeister Bear.

Does Hoffmeister Bear have one of those? I feel like he does. Does he have a Stein? Do you know Ruth got in touch with me via social media and just to talk about the Hoffmeister Bear, that's how we got to know each other. When was that? A few months ago.

A few months ago, yeah. No, need to sound suspicious. Yeah, it would have been after maybe Pierre or someone mentioned. I'm just thinking Root's a bit single, white female. No, she's... No, I know, really. This was the thing when I met you, I didn't want you to think that. No, I don't think that.

He doesn't. Not like that at all. I don't think that. No, good. Okay, do you want to hear something else from the outside world? Yes, please. Well, firstly, are you going to both you sit, Pinkler? I'm going to have to insist. I like it.

It's really good. Okay, I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like the way the Germans will take like eight words and put them all together. Why are they so good at that, Frank? Why are they so good at specificity Germans?

I think Versprung Dirk Technic, probably. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that explains it. Thank you so much for that. That's all right. You don't even get that anymore, do you? Don't ask me as Lutlittler.

What, Spitzpinkler? He should change his name to Spitzvigler. Do you think his autobiography will be mine, Kamp? Oh, Frank, don't say that. What if it did, what if it was her? Oh, man, no one get the joke. No. We've also heard from a couple of people.

I won't read them all. But I was talking, Ruth, recently, about an incident I had at Buckingham Palace, where I was chatting to this woman, she thought I'd queue jumped, I hadn't, I was talking to her husband, it turned out it was Annette Mason, the wife of Nick Mason of Pink Floyd.

Frank then said, and I had no idea it was him. Frank had exactly the same experience with him. Well, minus the wife, just me. And minus Buckingham Palace. I think if you, this is why I wish everybody wore name baddies with their professional. Because he doesn't look like a rock and roll drama. I don't even know what he looks like.

Well, he doesn't look. If he came in here now, you would probably think I was in the middle of a legal thing. And he'd come in because we had a meeting. Illegal. That's what you'd do. You wouldn't think where's his sticks. No, but you're right. Although he's probably of an age where you would think that.

He's done well to get here from his table, you'd have thought. He can stretch to a zimmer, surely. Birchie and Woking. What if he had to dream a zimmer but we'd like symbols and stuff on it? Branding. Branding on it. Birchie in Woking says, you mentioned Nick Mason, So I had to look him up straight away.

I agree. You'd never know who he was or pick his profession. No. Who else, Frank, would you put in that category? I'm thinking along the lines, Bertie says, of Raffa Benitez, who looks like a Spanish waiter. Keep up the good one. No, but that is just, I know.

I'm worried that he thinks everybody looks Spanish. Looks like a Spanish waiter. Well, that's true. I mean, I do think, Gara Southgate never looked like England manager to me. He looked like he's an area manager for John Lewis. Can I mean that in a very loving, don't you think, me? Can I tell you? It looks in retail.

Yes, he's in retail. Have you seen Dear England? Yes, Ruth, did you watch it? No, I'm just aware of the play. Well, I saw the play, I'll be honest with it, I didn't love the play. Okay. And one of the things I like least about it was they mock Harry Kane and make him sound like an idiot. Okay.

Oh, do they? And, you know, he's a national hero, at least. And also I spent some time in Munich. I wonder if he's had his lid fitted yet. Is he a spitzpinkler? We can ask him if we meet him. Harry, are you a spitzpinkler? He might know it, of course.

He's living there. I'd like to see him playing, and you'd just see, what's that on Harry's head? I don't you realise he's got a small feather, Tira Lear. Anyway, yes, Joseph Fines, who plays him,

it's one of the most remarkable. I mean, it is going to, at Southgate. I was going to say, I thought it was brilliant. He's got the little twitch and he's not, you know when his nose moves. But it's what my son says of my dog. He says, I like it when her nose goes for a little dance. You know how dog's noses are twitching all the time.

But it is an incredible, but it's, I'm loving it. Yeah, I'm absolutely loving it. Oh, I think, I think, I didn't see the play, but I absolutely love this. Oh, man. What's the difference during the play and the series? Well, they're not nasty to Harry Kane for the start off. But the other thing is... It's very emotional, Frank, isn't it?

I don't know if this has ever happened to me before. You know, when you think I'm going to cry in a minute and you think I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry, I'm not going to fight it, I'm going to cry. And then you think, obviously, I'll try and look as melodramatic as I can to get full mileage out of these tears. Even the most serious tears, you think, well, you know, if I'm going to cry, and I must have look cool with it. That didn't, I'd be watching Dear England, and it's like the bit when he talks about the penalty

and all that stuff. Well, the numbers on the player. No, but what happened was I just was aware of a tear just dropping off my chin, and I hadn't even felt, oh, I'm going to cry. You were like a Piero doll. Oh, I love that. And then it happened again when Marcus Rashford

talks about his dead grandmother. Oh, don't. And I just, it just, I thought, what's happened? I was very tearful. I tear what was interesting. In the play and slightly in the programme, I haven't seen it all yet, Garrett Southgate is a sort of a Messiah figure,

a man who brings goodness and compassion and caring into a brutal footballing world is the way he's kind of sold. But, very early on in the first episode, you see him get out of his car to go into Wembley, and he's parked across two bays. And I'm thinking, obviously we're going to find

there's a dark, selfish. And that's a hint early on, the writer's put in, don't be fooled. He's actually can be a real bastard at times. And I'm waiting for that to pay off the two bays. Do you think it's difficult for the actors when they get auditioned?

Because the guy who plays Wayne Rooney is actually quite good-looking and young. We want you to play Wayne Rooney. I think he was a bit offended. Yeah. Especially if it was in the Ascent of Man tabla at the British Museum.

He is a really young, attractive actor. I'd be so upset. I'm in it as well. You're in Dear England? Yeah. Oh, because of your four number one? There's footage of me looking

desperately upset in the stands after the penalty. I remember that. I know, but I get very, I feel very proud when I hear them. This is my new career. It's me being upset on television. They've written me off as a comedian. So I'm crying on Michael McIntyre. Did you see that really?

Yeah, I did. I'm desperately upset. I did a poetry thing about Wordsworth and there was one this poem called Michael and I said to the, now this is what I mean about knowing when you're going to cry. I said to the cameraman, you better get this in one shock because I don't think I've ever read this poem without crying.

So I got it. And the one everyone talked about All the reviews, well, when he reads Michael and Christ, tears have taken over from laughter in the popularity stakes on television. That's where the money is. Yeah. So my new show, Frank Skinner, cots onions. Well, do you know what, Frank, Pierce Morgan, caught on to this year ago, didn't it? It's the X-Factor stuff.

It's the sub story. Here's his tears. My YouTube thing, Frankskinner, have pulled. hairs out of his nose. It is. That's what kind of a world where tears are more popular than laughter? I'd that crying on Michael McIntyre.

It was like 23 million views. I think it's because people like to see, you know, the softness. No, they don't. What they like is this person's successful. I need to know that deep down they are heartbroken. Frank, you are so sinister. You're so suspicious to people.

what they want. It is not what they want. Ruth, look, we should listen to her. Yeah. She knows these. I'm a normal person. No, but also you're a younger generation and you understand this sensibility. I think they like the vulnerability. Is that what it is? I think so, because if you've ever watched Educate in Yorkshire or anything like that. My favourite show. I cry at that.

Yeah, so it's all, I think this generation is a lot more sensitive, you know. There you go. No, but no one is thinking, oh, poor old Mandelson. You know, he had everything. Of course they're not. He had everything and now it's all falling. No one's feeling for that. Have we seen him crying?

No, we've seen him now. He must have been crying. I don't think we've seen him crying. That's why he wears a robe. He's crying all the time. He needs to wear some at porous. Have you ever seen Donald Trump cry anyone? No.

Has he ever cried publicly, thanks? The trouble is you'd get two white lions running right down. No, that would be. That wouldn't be very good. He looked like a morrie mint. He must cry. Everybody cries, don't they? All right, R-E-M.

Everybody hurt sometime. Why is it when I sang that? You did an arthritic claw. I did an arthritic claw, and I imagine Steve Hall sitting on the toilet. Lovely image to end the podcast. Can I say? Just one image of fluid leaving the human body after the next.

This is how this has ended. It's ending awfully, but I've so loved having Ruth on. Me too. I want to apologise, Ruth. My hair looks a bit like Davidson Hubbins from Spinal Tap today, but that is because I got caught in the rain. You're apologising because your hair isn't good. I want Ruth to see the best of me because I like those.

No, and I wanted everyone to see the best of me, and I got caught in the rain as well. We all got caught in the rain today. We're all got. I didn't care about, as long as I was funny, I didn't care if I'd turn up with a major disfigurement. Yeah, I noticed. This is what it's like working.

with bloody women, eh? Oh, bloody. You know, can I just, when I arrived, yeah, when I arrived today, I thought, what is Ruth going to be like? Because I had only seen tiny clips of her.

And then she was fanning herself, because it was, I don't know, I thought she might be having, might be having a flush, I didn't ask. Excuse me. And then she was,

how old do you think I am? He's used to me, that's why. Apparently you can have it when you're a child. Is he? Yeah. All right, okay. Google it.

Anyway, She was fanning herself And I said, what is that your fan in? She said it's a large mirror. It's got a light on it as well. And I thought she can stay. I love her. Yeah, I mean.

But then Frank was talking about What's your brand? And when he saw the massive mirror, he said, well, I know what your brand is. And I thought, that's derogatory. A stage direction, derogatory. Do you know what? Do you know what?

You weren't wrong. Yeah, yeah. I know. No. Vane. No, but that was before I realized you looked like the Mississippi Flash. Okay.

That's enough. I'm going to go and cry now. It's like an old dead man. Well, people who love that. Can you do it on air? 28 million views. So listen, the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday

and we're discussing, I'm worried Ruth or remember all of these topics. Urinal etiquette, bloody hell. That's all we talk about. That's nothing. We're pathetic. Who was the other week? Said all you talk about is piss.

Can't remember. Did someone say that? You might have been at the Piss Convention. Yellow River, it's called. We all sing Yellow River. Yellow River. You will keep going to that convention. Yeah.

Yeah, I parked on a single yellow line. I realised that. Oh, God. No, never mind. Just read the thing. Yourinal etiquette. Dodgy texts. That'll be me.

Euroneletiquet is the name I'm going to use. Next time I check into a hotel. It's my student. Hugh. Hugh. Right. And Emily Tumbling down the stairs. Oh, that was awful.

Was it? Yeah. Well, we're now selling it as entertainment. Okay. So that's us, Don. Ruth, it was an absolute joy. Yeah, we love it. Oh, a joy to be here. Thank you so much. I love to.

Oh, I do mean it. It was great. Yeah, I do mean it too as well. All right, everyone. I won't have to pass that grammatically. I mean it too as well. I mean it too as well. Okay, I think two means as well. Okay, all right, here we go.

Can you not deconstruct, a lovely compliment? Can we just remember that I'm from Warsaw, okay? Okay. Thank you, everyone, for listening. And I really want to end with Merry Christmas. What's the point? No, no, it sounds depressing and weird. Yeah, it does.

I'm not doing it. Why would you do that? What's the next big thing coming up? Halloween. No, that's ages. Independence Day. Happy. Commonwealth Games.

It's a classic. It's in Glasgow. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.

And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.