The Frank Skinner Show - Crystal Warnings

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Frank has been to Hadrian's Wall and and tries to get to the bottom of a mistaken identify incident. The team also discuss captioning and trigger warnings and Frank reveals as odd headline relating to... him and a foot spa. Email the team FrankOffTheRadio@avalonuk.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Interior Chinatown is an all-new series based on the best-selling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown. Now streaming only on Disney+. You destroy me, you destroy yourself. Unlike you, I keep my promises. The wait is over. Yellowstone, new episodes now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o. And the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray!
Starting point is 00:00:44 Close brackets today. Okay. No, I think I prefer, hey, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. I don't know, can I join? You sound like you're my guests for the week. You know, well, I'm not joining. We all arrive together. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio, tavelonyuk.com. I'm not sure about hey, Frank. Today's hey was more, hey! Yeah, last week...
Starting point is 00:01:16 What are you doing in my garden? It was less that I prefer it to that, hey, my name's Dave, let's do the lessons outside, I smoke weed. It's one of those teachers and I don't think you were a teacher. I was a teacher but I didn't, well actually, I didn't smoke weed with them. I actually wanted to know, were you quite a strict teacher, Frank? No, I was a funny teacher. Were you liked? I was loved.
Starting point is 00:01:42 I think I was loved by many. Okay. Can you do a YouTuber introduction? Hi guys! Is that what they do? Yeah, they go, Hey guys, I'm a talk about. They say, I'm a talk about. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:02:00 It's dismal. Wait till Stephen Sackur is doing his podcast and is saying, I'm a hard talker, and then talk about what he's going to talk about. I'm a hard talker, but today guys, Robert Mugabe, we're doing a collab with Robert Mugabe. I know he's no longer with us. As he's totes, they say in Germany. Which means he's in the bag. He's moved on. Where he's gone? Listen, I have an anecdote. Will you not gather round for my anecdote?
Starting point is 00:02:33 Oh, it begins. Okay. I was in the north, I mean really very north, I was just this side of Hadrian's Wall, which is lovely. I don't know if you've been to Hadrian's Wall. No. They've got these tourist things, you know, Wally, the animated robot from the film. That's a Steven Spielberg film. Never seen it, but yeah. Do you know it? Wally, the kind of last surviving robot on some planet. Yeah. 3D. Okay yeah well he they got I don't know how many they've got but they go up and down the wall answering questions from tourists. What do you mean? Robots? Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. What is this you're talking about?
Starting point is 00:03:27 And then you ask them questions. Is this a dream you had? No, they patrol Hadrian's Wall sections of it. Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, they're like, it's not true. Why do you tell me these things? I just thought wall-y. Wall-y, yeah. They all make sense. Yeah. It's a strange thing to do. The tourism board has gone bankrupt because they've bought a lot of robots to patrol.
Starting point is 00:03:55 I'm just saying. Just in case of independence. No, no. They can be sent to death mode. No, they answer questions. Shoot people. The questions about the wall. You know, there's a little... It's nice. I like the wall. There's forts. You can get
Starting point is 00:04:07 to museums. I like the wall. They've got gold coins, you know, Roman coins. The Romans, I don't know if... Like the Romans? Those skirts they wore. The pockets were, I mean, hit and miss. They dropped so many coins, the Romans. I wonder they ever bought anything. That's all they were doing was dropping coins. You're so right. Anyway, I'm in a restaurant near the wall and I'm with Omar, my tour manager, and Steve Hall. People who've come here from the radio show will remember Steve Hall used to sit in, he was a regular standby presenter.
Starting point is 00:04:57 He's a friend of the show. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, this waitress comes over and does one of those double-take looks and goes, hold on a minute, are you Frank Skinner? And which happened, which does happen when I'm on tour, except she was talking to Steve Hall. Who's quite, I think he can, can you still say swarthy? Yeah. Swarthy, perspective. We'll soon find out. Who's quite, I think he can, can you still say swarthy?
Starting point is 00:05:25 Yeah. Swarthy, Well soon find out. Perspectacle guy with a beard. I'm gonna say thin of hair. I'm gonna say looks nothing like you. No, yes. That's the primary takeaway here.
Starting point is 00:05:41 And we all thought somewhat different. My thought was someone has said to this woman, Frank Skinner's sitting over there and she thought the way to play this is to do a spontaneous, oh, hold on a minute, aren't you Frank Skinner? And she's got the wrong bloke of the three of us. Omar said, well, this is a real weird coincidence because Frank Skinner's sitting here and I thought that's an optimistic interpretation of what's happened. Yes. And Steve Hall, who will do anything to make someone not feel awkward or embarrassed said, well I think that I look quite like David Baddiel, so you've probably seen me and thought David Baddiel and then you've
Starting point is 00:06:25 got the name wrong. He's so kind Steve. But I really wanted to say, no no, I think we all know what happened here, but anyway, we never got to the absolute bottom of it. I mean maybe Omar Khan did book it in your name. No no, it's always booked as Omar Khan. Oh is it? Okay. Because you know, there are parts of England where when they see Omar Khan they all get a bit excited.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Someone exotic is coming to the thing. So we play on that quite a bit. Do you think that she'd somehow visually confused seeing Steve Hall open for you and seeing him on stage? She hadn't seen us live. We hadn't done the gig at that point. I don't think she'd have travelled to see me, seeing as she didn't know who I was. And you couldn't dissect what had happened? No, I think it's definitely that. Someone else has told her to go over there.
Starting point is 00:07:23 And she has confidently thought, I'm'm gonna pretend I've recognized him. Yeah. Well, let's hope so and it's not Steve Hall and some identity theft scam. Yeah. Because you know people can, people get desperate Frank. That's an interest and thought of that. Yeah, I heard. But, um, yeah, it was, it made me feel a bit awkward. I didn't like it, simple as that. Okay. No. I just thought I'd tell you I didn't like it.
Starting point is 00:07:50 Oh, it's my stomach. Listen to that. Is it your stomach? Yeah. I applaud you. I should say that Emily worked in the fashion industry where if someone's stomach rolled, the whole office would applaud. We didn't know. I can only apologise. No, no, different time. What a phenomenon. What about this, I was doing a gig in
Starting point is 00:08:08 Stevenage and the first guy I spoke to in the front row I said what's your name It wasn't. But I said if you could, if you were going to be a stand-up comedian yourself, for example, that would be such a brilliant stage name. Yeah. One of those old school pseudonymous ones like, uh, uh, uh, Stephen Edge. Yeah. Yeah. Stephen Itch maybe. Remember the magician I was talking about the other week? Who was that? Andy Clockwise. Let us not forget one of the greats. So here's a strange story, here is a strange story. I was playing the Brighton Dome. Lovely venue. The other week and
Starting point is 00:09:03 there was a few strange things happen first of all they came up and they said you do know you've got captioning tonight okay and I I didn't know what that meant are you familiar with captioning no but I'm assuming I had a caption show at the the Fringe this year. Did you? But I was aware in advance, crucially. I think they did run it by me, but I forgot. What is this? Is this for people with hearing difficulties?
Starting point is 00:09:32 Yeah, instead of someone... Because I had someone, I did... I think it was one of the festivals. Okay. It's called something like Backpack. It wasn't. Latitude. It was called Latitude. So nothing like Backpack. Yeah, Backpack. It was the French Gay Festival. Latitude. And they had a signing person on the stage. And they had a signing person in
Starting point is 00:10:03 the stage. And there was one person in the audience who had hearing difficulties and I think that's fine, one person, but then the one person didn't like me much. How do you know? Well, because they left. So she started signing to the signer, obviously saying, I've had enough of this. I don't know if you could do that. That feels like an abuse of the system. But what if she was just signing, I have to go to the toilet? Well, maybe, but she didn't come back to the toilet. And I know why it wasn't that,
Starting point is 00:10:37 because the signer, I looked around at the signer to see why the woman was talking about, I thought, am I getting heckled here? I've got to wait for the signer to tell me what it is. And the signer was having a look like, the look on her face. I mean, I'm guessing I don't do sign language sadly, but the look on her face was very much, I'm sorry I put you through this. As if she'd somehow been solid by my thing. And then she just walked off stage because obviously if that woman had gone there was no need for her. So it was very apparent to everyone that any need for a signing had ended. So there was an example of access being rejected.
Starting point is 00:11:19 I do not wish for access to that. I want access but not to that was the point. But anyway, this is a different thing. A lady, and I'm going to name her because she came to see me, her name is Clare Hill. And Clare Hill, I have to tell you, was an impressive woman. So Clare Hill is, you know the court stenographers? Yes, yes. Have you ever seen them? I'm trying to demonstrate.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Careful, it's looking a bit Donald Trump. When he looks at that impression. It's just titling. Yeah, it's sort of, if you imagine very sort of reckless typing, combined with a sort of bongos, playing the bongos is what it looks like. But they're not like keys, it's not a QWERTY board like that so she came back to me and asked me any proper names or any unusual phrases I'd got so that she can put them onto a key it's very I don't really understand it but there was a great moment she just
Starting point is 00:12:23 said look whatever I'll don't, I'll deal with it. I said, how do you do it so quickly? She said, look, I've been doing it a long time. And she said a brilliant, I said, do you do plays and stuff? I hope Claire Hill won't mind me telling this. She wasn't said in any kind. She said, well, someone said to me that askingare Hill to do a play is like asking a brain surgeon to be a GP.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Because you get a script and that with a play, so it's easy. Feed it in, yeah. But she didn't say it in any kind of arrogant way. It was just like she was just captioning what someone else had said. I wonder how many of these people there are. Do you think she would know the one who did the fringe? She's obviously the David Beckham in the industry. But she has done...
Starting point is 00:13:12 That's as good for you that you got the best one. Well I think it was very hard talk because when she talked about the other stuff she'd done, it was like international conferences and stuff like that. She'd done the G7, who are you doing next week? Frank Skinner. Exactly. And Brighton Doane. Gaddafi's six hour speeches to the UN.
Starting point is 00:13:30 But it was so impressive. She says, I was doing Putin last week. Claire Hill. This week, Isle of Man with Frank Skinner. Bucket of Ice next to the, shh, steam, back on the keys. That was her hands going into the Bucket of Ice. Oh yes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:43 For those of you listening in an audio form, but she was so impressive that on the radio the next day There's a Chuck Berry track came on and I said people don't realize that Chuck Berry was the poet laureate of rock and roll He was just amazing. I said he was like he was like the Clare Hill of rock and roll I said he was like the Clare Hill of rock and roll. Did that go down well? Well they remembered who she was of course. Now that, it was brilliant. But I'll tell you what happened while we were there. Steve Hall had performed at the Brighton Dome.
Starting point is 00:14:18 A mentionnitus. He played at the Brighton Dome before with the popular comedian Russell Howard and he said they had to talk them out of putting up trigger warnings in the foyer. Why? About the act. Just because he said, he just talked about some things that were slightly controversial. What, life? Yeah. Life is a trigger warning. And death, I think.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Oh. Oh. Okay. And they had to talk them out of it. Yeah, they had to talk, because they had all the signs ready to put up saying, you know, warning this act contains. Watch out. I mean, if they did mind.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Can you imagine Frank? Oh no. Have you ever, well no actually it's a silly question because Omar is there to insulate you from this but I have been asked directly at some venues they come to you and they go okay Fire Escape is here and sign this that you swear that it's not our fault if you trip and hit your head or whatever and then they say do you have any trigger warnings for us to tell the people queuing up for? Anything
Starting point is 00:15:25 we should watch out for? My answer I've decided on is I don't know what people will be upset by so I can't predict it so no. Also you know spoiler alert, that's the problem with these trigger warnings. A lot of the time they are spoiled. Yes, yeah they are spoiled. Because you know they were requesting for a lot of Shakespeare plays that they had to be warned. Well what about Nottingham University?
Starting point is 00:15:46 Nottingham University did you read this? No. I've put a trigger warning on Chaucer's Canterbury Tales And I quote because may contain rebel tribes may contain partners I mean they they do have lots of room. Depictions of pilgrimages. We're not far off. Mentions of that April.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Well, does that thing, you know when... Scenes of harvest. What possible trigger warning? You know what? I'm here for the Canterbury Tales. Honestly, shall I say what it said? Crystal warning? That's the New Age version.
Starting point is 00:16:36 She was involved with Donald Trump probably at some point. Trigger warning. It said this book includes, and I quote, expressions of Christian faith. No, you're kidding. I'm not kidding. This is Thomas Brickhead. Expressions of Christian faith has got to trigger. I mean, this is a book where, do you remember when poor Nicholas is tricked into kissing
Starting point is 00:17:03 the bomb hole of another... Yeah. Actually, it's Absalom who kisses Nicholas's hairy bomb hole. I thought it would... But as he does it, as he does it, Chaucer says... Lovely. Sorry to any children. Chaucer says as he does it, he says Nicholas, let's flee a fire like a thunder clop. Do you know it sounds so much more plausible in Middle English.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Yeah, but that's all right. But I suppose that's standard Rag Week behaviour. Yeah, yes. Because Rag Week still exists. Freshers Week, Rag Week, yeah. Is Rag Week just for the doctors? No, no. Rag Week used to be when students did stunts and kidnapped celebrities.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Oh yeah, it was always doctors though that went round with the buckets, wasn't it? Doctors used to push the bed round the town with somebody on it. I haven't heard of Rag Week thing. Used to get like Rag Magazine, all these students know non-platforming or whatever they call him people. Is that the right phrase? No platforming. You're not allowed to speak. No platforming. Honestly, the jokes in the rag magazines were the most horrendous. I mean, every ism you
Starting point is 00:18:17 can think of, an obia. Pat with them. Now... What was the trigger warning again? What was the phrasing? What for the Chaucer? No, yeah. It says includes expressions of Christian fights. The people affected by that, traumatized by that, must be terrified to sneeze in public. Exactly. Exactly. Could be another God or something. Yeah. Bless you. Some things require a lot of work to grow, like plants, hair, babies, or your savings.
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Starting point is 00:20:09 Drive your ambition. Mitsubishi Motors. I'm all for, you know, there's been many mighty and important changes in recent years. Of course. I mean, for example, well, I'll give you a for example, I was with with our former producer who I think is coming back in January, Sarah Spracklin and Matt and their new baby on Hampstead teeth and Matt said look there's some long tailed tits in that tree and nobody smirked there was no giggling nothing we just carried on
Starting point is 00:20:54 that's how far we've come in recent years. There was a moment of anticipation I thought I heard us like crackle in the air and then we all breathed out and moved on. So you know. Congratulations Frank. No I was, I think we're all pretty, we had a bit of a group hug after that we hadn't referred to it. I hope you were careful and respectful. Actually I'll tell you about that meeting in a minute.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Meeting? About meeting with Sarah and Matt. But what happened on the Canterbury Tales thing reminded me of, there's a film called Song of the Sea. Did you remember that? And I was going to take my child, so I looked at the parental guide and this was the three things that it said about Song of the Sea. Yeah. A boy puts his sister on a leash. A girl's body slowly wastes away.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Okay. And wait for it. Some pipe smoking. That could be such a great found poem. Yeah. Something really nice about that. Lovely hyping. What? You're going to take off?
Starting point is 00:22:11 No way. I actually got a massive laugh at a parent meeting recently because they're worried about the kids smoking vapes. Oh yeah. And they said in this public, are you worried? And I said, no, we're older parents, boss smokes a pipe. Did they laugh? Big laughs.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Oh, well that's good. Very. Apparently they were quoting it in the school yard the next day. So those warnings were there so that you could make sure that Buzz doesn't go to school and try to slowly waste away. Exactly. Like he saw in the film. But honestly, some pipes smoking. So yes I've
Starting point is 00:22:46 been captioned now it all went very well and she was a very impressive woman. What did you... I haven't always had much luck with captions do you remember? No. I was in a tabloid paper photograph with a young lady and I had a bag and you could see through the plastic bag and it was a foot spa. Oh God, how sleazy. I bought a foot spa. It's actually a gift. It's so sleazy.
Starting point is 00:23:10 It's actually a gift for someone else. Why did you turn up the premiere with a foot spa? What are you doing? So it's me and this woman. Me and this woman have got this foot spa. Why? The caption. The caption was, what's going on here? I bought a foot spa. Pumbo to Footspot! When did that get sinister? Oh no.
Starting point is 00:23:48 They didn't even bother with a pun. They obviously had some image of a beautiful, manicured feet and my gnarled, you know when you see pigeons, pigeons with a clenched fist and a foot they can't walk on. I love that. They dispensed with the puns. They thought, no, no, no, there's actually something genuinely sinister going on here. Don't make light of this. What's going on? We've got a not suitably grave tone. I think they imagined my terrible gnarled foot on the foot spa.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Like you know when you get a cocktail they put like a slice of orange, if you replace that with a pulp scratching, that was the image. I can't believe they had the temerity to just write what's going on here. What do you think is going on here? What do you think is going on? This is me, a woman and a foot spa. What do you think we're going to do with it? Those pigeons. Make instant rice. Those pigeons. I used to do a bit about those pigeons. Never got laughs, but I'll tell you what it was. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:00 I used to say they looked, do you know what I mean? The horrible gnarled foot on the pigeon. I know exactly what you mean. say they looked the horrible gnarled horse on the pit. They always look like they've been taking night nurse and have completely ignored the warning about going on to operate the sheep room. Someone once told me I had a slight pigeon claw on my little toe. Really? Well, it didn't last long. No. No. That's not what you want
Starting point is 00:25:26 on a Valentine's Day card. I've never gone on to operate machinery ever. Have to take your knightness. Have you not? No. Not since Thatcher. There is no machinery. Anyway. So Anyway, so yes, hold on, I want to tell you that I saw Sarah and Matt. It was really nice because they had a baby and so they can't... Buzz my son, I thought, did a really good joke. He said, so he's Daisy the producer now, has Sarah gone forever? I said, no, no, she's on, she's had a baby. That's why she's not doing it at the moment. And he said, ah, so she's on maternity leave,
Starting point is 00:26:14 not eternity leave. I thought, my boy, my boy. What about this one? I've run into a- Good, it's slightly awkward joke. Can I run, why? I've run into a... Good, it's a slightly awkward joke. Can I run a what? I thought it was a good one. No, I'm just saying, it's always awkward
Starting point is 00:26:30 joking with maternity leave, isn't it? Is it? Yes. I don't know. Well you're not meant to discuss it as the boss. Oh, aren't you? No. Ah. They have to raise the subject, you can't raise the subject. OK. OK, but it sounds like you didn't raise the subject okay okay but it sounds
Starting point is 00:26:45 like you didn't so it's fine anyway Daisy's point in saying I'm the boss yeah okay yeah but anyway this what do you think of this joke I like this but it shows me in a bad light because I did a Robby's. Buzz was on about the dog and being addicted to or whatever it was we were feeding her. Space. I think it was space. No it wasn't. And something she's eating. And he says I think she might be getting addicted. And I said yeah but she hasn't got addicted. It was a really poor joke. Yeah. She hasn't got addicted. And he said to me, that joke would only work if I was called Ted. You're editing me now. You're editing my jokes to be proved.
Starting point is 00:27:42 He's done well then. No, he's, you No, he's the best. He's the only person in the world I'm happy to be funnier than me. Luckily, I'm not confronted with that much. Oh my God. So anyway, we went for a lovely walk together. And I didn't know that our former producer Sarah and Matt Spracklin do a podcast. Did you know that? Called the Rock and Roll Bird. Have you heard it?
Starting point is 00:28:17 I haven't listened to it. I'm aware of its existence. I have yet to listen. Yeah. So he goes around and points out birds. Because he's a bird, isn't he? He's a proper bird. He's big into it, hence the long-haired tits that he spotted. Exactly, no, long-tailed. Long-tailed. I know what we're talking about.
Starting point is 00:28:34 I'm still deeply uncomfortable with this. You see, now, I got through long-tailed tits, but don't push me over the edge. Yeah, absolutely. Red rack to a bull. Yeah. Okay. But at the end of it, I out there beautiful little baby and I was doing that. Oh, little baby, little baby. You know, that little baby things that you do little baby. everybody's staring, I totally feel he's crying, I'm a terrible person.
Starting point is 00:29:17 It didn't work, she carried on crying out a hand of mine. Oh, do you know, I'm always so embarrassed when that happens. I had that with me. It's alright for you because you're a parent,. You get less judgement when you're not a parent. I mean, to be fair, I was pinching that bit at the back of her knee just to see what would happen. You get less judgement when you're a parent now. I think when you're childless and someone hands you the baby and it cries, there are
Starting point is 00:29:36 looks like, see, I knew that was going to happen. Yeah, you've probably got his neck long enough as well. Yeah, that's what they think. Yeah. And I support the muscles, stretch like elastic. I had that with the first time I met my niece. The first time ever I met my niece. What did you do?
Starting point is 00:29:56 I just greeted her as she awoke on my sister's lap. She just opened her eyes and I was in her eye line. She opened her eyes. I know. I saw my sister's eyes. But it was like, you know, in like a horror movie or like Jurassic Park or something, that someone, a character sort of slowly wakes up and their eyes kind of flutter open. And the first thing they see is, you know, whatever the horse's head in their bed or the
Starting point is 00:30:19 demon or whatever. It was like that level of horror and terror. And she was only two months old. And both my sister and my brother-in-law were going, we have never seen this. So It was like that level of horror and terror and she was only two months old. And both my sister and my brother-in-law were going, we have never seen this. So it was like a precedent setting level of terror. Yeah, but you're shaking. You're a big unit. But normally I'm good with kids. That was unit, not eunuch.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Big eunuch. Anyone who's listening on a bad line. Anyone who's listening from medieval China. We've got a few actually. Yeah. I bet we do. God, they need a laugh. Yeah, absolute shaking terror.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Bizarre. Really strange. Yeah. It is. It's a terrible feeling when you make a baby cry. Okay. Frank, will you allow me to share with you something from the outside world? You will. I don't want to neglect our readers.
Starting point is 00:31:10 You will wasn't actually an answer to that question. I will. Okay. This is from 532 and I like 532 because they're going back to the original form we had. I can't remember how that first started, the number, but I quite like it. The radio. Yeah, the prisoner. I think what happened is people didn't always put their name. That was it, yeah. Anyway, dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, Pierre's story about the tour guide, do you remember when Pierre was telling us about that? Yeah. Thank God for that, I thought it was going to be Lord Pridot. Get me started!
Starting point is 00:31:51 Just to give you some background, just to give you some behind the scenes, some BTS content as I believe they call it. What does that mean? Behind the scenes. That's what people call it. Just to give you some BTS content. Pierre, he hasn't stopped. Ever since we did that, had that old Pridot thing, on the last podcast there was something about Pierre being wrong. It's fair to say he's not let it go. Oh God. I'll be on my deathbed.
Starting point is 00:32:15 I mean what you need to do is watch Frozen and you might get some very helpful advice. Anyway, Pierre's story about the tour guide, it was someone who had a constant phrase... In Verona she had a cat race where she would say some astonishing fact about the history of the street we're on and she would say, how do you feel about it? But always in that intonation. Regardless of, let's face it, in some cases, this startling seriousness of the fact. Something about World War Two. This is where they shot all the partisans. How do you feel about it?
Starting point is 00:32:52 And on we'd go. Well, we've had a couple of our readers have enjoyed this and had similar experiences, so they've got in touch. Pierre's story about the tour guide reminded me of the time I took an English literature night school class in Macclesfield. The teacher would often punctuate very long high brow discussions such as Shakespeare's use of nature as metaphor with the jaunty catchphrase booby-doo. I always thought it was a lovely way of bringing us all back down to earth before embarking on the next literary hillock. Yeah. Booby-doo.
Starting point is 00:33:28 How's that spelled? As one would imagine. Okay. Booby-doo. We've also heard on that subject, this is from Christian. I think it's the Latin name of the long-tailed toot. Yeah. Booby-doo.
Starting point is 00:33:43 Christian has got in touch. Oh. Ahoy-oh.. Oh God is there a trigger warning? Ahoy ahoy. Oh that was John Logie Baird. Is that how he started? I think it started. Logie Baird was television. Who was Alexander? Or was it Marconi? He can't remember, he's very young. It's the original telephone greeting. Oh, it's so disappointing. Is that Marconi? No, that's Graham Bell. Alexander Graham Bell, he says, hello.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Oh, God. I'm just rattling off inventors. So, Christopher Cockerill? So, Christian, no, Christian says, ahoy ahoy. I very much enjoyed Pierre's anecdote following his trip to Verona. He's getting a lot of time isn't he? Which Frank followed with a terrific tale of his trip to an Elvis Presley memorabilia store. I was reminded of a trip to Berlin my fiancée and I enjoyed earlier this year. We found the German's use of English to be impeccable, yet one strange feature became apparent – a misplaced stock phrase. We first noticed it in a restaurant that was a bit too cool for school. It was all very
Starting point is 00:34:55 lardy-dar and tightly clenched, but our waiter had his phrase and he was sticking to it. He'd explain each plate and would then spread his hands and say, as promised. Full of Eastern promise? We had eight courses with wine pairings. He stuck to it throughout. That's great. So as he put them down, as promised. Well, he'd be German, so how would he say it? As promised.
Starting point is 00:35:23 A little bit more sinister. As promised. What about when I went for dinner with Dame Diana Rigg and she ordered wine and it took ages and another waiter went past and she grabbed his arm as he went past. I saw him winch. She held it so tightly and she said, I ordered a bottle of wine from one of your waiters and I think he may have fallen. Oh my, oh my. I, uh, I love a sort of slight misunderstanding of an English phrase on a different trip abroad.
Starting point is 00:36:02 I heard a Tanoy announcer who began every announcement in English with ladies and gentle. He's probably been told you can't say ladies and gentlemen anymore. He's come with some terrible compromise. There will be some pipe smoking, I'm afraid. My oh my, can I take this opportunity to plug my poetry podcast? There's been some complaints apparently about it going into their feed. I think it's going into the same feed as this and someone compared it to when you two sent their album into people's. I'm just trying to help you out, you fool. Alright. Anyway, so this week it's Frank Ohara and it's a book called Lunch Poems and this book,
Starting point is 00:36:57 it's a small book, I'm holding it in my hand now, I kept it in my pocket for ages, I just read it all the time and I also had an audiobook of it and it was constantly playing in my pocket for ages. I just read it all the time and I also had an audiobook of it and it was constantly playing in my head. I bathed in Ohara and Ohara was a sort of super cool gay New York, worked at the Museum of Modern Art, everybody wanted to know him type bloke. I just want to give you a tiny, tiny bit, just one line and a bit. I want to stay drunk many days on the poetry of a new friend. Now it might be that his new friend wrote poetry, but I think we both know he means the poetry of a new friend when you meet someone. And the poetry, like someone with a new sound, new rhythms and something special and also
Starting point is 00:37:47 where everyone else seems like pros except the person you're obsessed with. And that's the quality of Frank O'Hara. Listen to the podcast and man I just salivate over him. And he just bangs out these poems. They're like, there was I saying that in the podcast that if they had mobile phones then he might never have written a poem he might just have called someone up and said something like that but check him out we come to the end of this podcast I'm still waiting for the phone call. But apparently at the moment they still want more.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Oh my. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.
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