The Frank Skinner Show - Dench

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Frank and Emily are joined by Steve Hall! This week Frank has been thrilled by tech, met royalty and felt intense love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. It's Fred off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o. And the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Hi, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Steve Hall is with us today.

It's been a long time. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. Instagram. Instagram is this new thing that it's about out to, it's for hoarders. Steve Cramm has got his own branded version. Well that would be good as well. That's two possible things it could be. He should call his Instagram, Instagram. Instagram, fantastic. Anyway, back to Frank in the studio. What about Instaclam? I worry about where this is going. Yeah's a fishmonger's thing. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769.

That number again 07457 417 769. Oh that's lovely the way you did that. I'm going to speak to a receptionist, press 1. No don't, don't press 1. Okay we've arrived, we're here. Can I just say I do, I'm enjoying the sports jacket you're rocking. Oh thank you very much. Is that a Prince of Wales check? I'll tell you what it reminds me of. That's what it isn't. No. It looks like the sort of jacket, and I mean this in an entirely complimentary way, which I hope will be obvious when you find out what it reminds me of. In The Graduate, one of the fathers who approaches

Ben, he's sort of a businessman and he's wearing his Saturday leisure wear in the 60s, and he says, have you ever thought about getting into plastics, Ben? He wears a jacket like that. Okay, well this is great for the listeners who can't see this jacket. Well they will, because we'll be posting evidence of it. I think it's a perfectly stock garment. By the way, I went in Uni-Glo today. I've never been in Uni-Glo before. That's what it's called, isn't it? You're looking at me like it's... I'd hit the Q more personally. Uni-Clo.

Clo? Isn't it a Q? I would say... Isn't it Uni-Glo as in glowworm? Do you know what? It's awful that now you've raised this subject. I don't actually know the answer. Well you recommended I went there. I did. I thought it was more unique. What I did when I recommended... A unique low. That's a great way of drawing people in. You've had lows before but not like this one. And that's exactly what I experienced. I went in there looking for shorts and they were terrible. What were they like? They were golf shorts is what they were. You know, those sort of tailored. Oh.

If I don't get a good chunky side pocket on shorts, they're no good to me at all. Where am I gonna put my things in the summer? What's that noise? That was my phone. Okay, it's the least professional thing that's ever happened. Well, I didn't know about that. It was actually my daily art alert. Okay, so these shorts?

Yeah, they're horrible. I tried a pair on. How tight were they? The reason they were tight is that they were all neat and smart. Well, what are you after exactly? I want ones that have got big side pockets I can put my wallet in. The Unqlo shareholders are in panic at this moment. Not only is there disagreement about how to pronounce their name but their product is terrible. I think that's much more in fashion. The cabana boy look. Do you know what I mean by that? Well I'm putting... Do you know?

Yeah I think... The boy who works at the cabana with a polo shirt. At the Copa. It's like lining up for White Lotus Series 4. Frank would be good in White Lotus. Anyway, I'm putting it on the same, in the same section of my spreadsheet as the Isle of Man as places I'll never go again.

Really? Yep. I've enjoyed listening to the Isle of Man coverage. That's, that's, Is that your phone now? You just condemned me and now your phone! Yeah, but guess what? What? My nectar points have gone up.

Well that's why you're so waspish, Charlie. Actually a wasp's involved with nectar, is that more of a bee thing? No, I think that's just Steve will know. He went to Oxford think it's I think wasps are the bad guys and bees are the next that they do nectar I don't think so what have wasps got going for them they're slimmer than bees oh yeah bees if you got insect modeling for the yellow and black hoops you call a wasp every time bees have got terrible bodies. If you've got insect modelling for the yellow and black hoops, you call a wasp every time. Bees have got no definition. No, bees have.

It's all gone a bit pear-shaped. They're more apple-like. They're the Uni-Clo of the flying insect. We should say that Pierre is away, by the way, because we haven't said that. No, Pierre is in Melbourne at the Melbourne Festival. He's not done a runner or something. No, well he might have done, but she hasn Melbourne at the Melbourne Festival. He's not done a runner or something.

No, well he might have done, but she hasn't spoken up about it. My friend saw his show in Melbourne the other night and said it was absolutely magnificent. Really? I know we're not supposed to retweet praise. Yeah, I think you told that anecdote more to get across that you've got a friend than to actually praise Pierre. Pierre sent me a series of photographs of Melbourne Cathedral yesterday, which he was out with George who plays... plays George Foraker. Yeah, George Foraker. I wish you would marry Sarah Miles. Yeah, George Foraker and him went to Melbourne Cathedral and sent me some photographs. George is out there doing One Man Musical which I reviewed on this

show quite recently. Reviewed you say? Well, we'll call it that. Frank, did we go and see George Foraker in, we to See the Shakespeare, didn't we? Yes, we did. I'm sure he's Fouracres. I'm sure there's an S at the end of his name. God, are you going to correct us on everything we said? If I was George Fouracres, because you said Fouracre about 13 times, I felt like each one would be a stab to his ear. Well, we said it 14 times thus the plural.

Yeah. So with the S was inferred. Fantastic. God just keep, I didn't know we were bringing him in as a pronunciation coach. Anyway speaking of pronunciation, when did Skoda become Shkoda? Have you seen the recent ad for it? Oh is it Shkoda? The new Shkoda. I thought it's Nestle all over again. Oh really? Do you remember Nestle was Nestle for years? Yes I do remember. But now yes Skoda has become Shkoda.

And also with people, Hyundai is it, were very happy and comfortable with people mispronouncing it now they're clamping down on it and they say as part of the ad campaign it's not Hyundai because people got that wrong for years and I'm looking the way you're looking at me suggests you might have been one of them Frank I think I said I on die yeah I I don't. I don't give anything the H if I can avoid it. Skoda. I don't want to be danced in a merry dance with Lady H. Sorry, Steve, you were saying. So it's a bit like jalapeno though, the way they're saying Skoda. You've got to show how fancy you are by leaning into the Skoda.

Look, you know, things just change. No one tells us how it happened. For years we're all eating chicken Kiev and suddenly we're eating chicken Keev. That's true. No one explains. When they were a fine happy country, it was Kiev. Now suddenly, they're in trouble. Not only have we taken away their peace of mind, we've taken away their fillable. Well that was because Kiev was the Russian pronunciation, so Kiev is the Ukrainian, so it was like solidarity has been abreast.

At last the Oxford education that we paid for. We did, and he's still correcting us on the pronunciation. Yes he is, he is.. Anyway that happened. Can I tell you a slightly sad thing? My dog has been a bit unwell. Oh no. Or popping. She's had a tail tocked for about two days. Now I thought that just meant I'm a bit frightened but when I took her to the vet, the vet said that means that's pain, often holding that pain. So to help her with this pain, she really squeezed her belly and made her scream and

then injected her and then put a thermometer up her bottom. None of which calmed her. But anyway, when we got up on the morning, she's four years old now, our dog, there was two pools of wee on the floor and she has a weed in the house since she was a tiny, tiny puppy. We were really upset about it and then we started saying, oh, could it be vomit? Could it be like watery vomit? And then eventually our child, Barz, said, actually, I put colouring in water and put it on the floor. April Fool's.

Oh my God. I was genuinely distressed by it. Do you know what? I'd like to say, well done, Buzz. That is karmic recompense for that time when you did an April Fool on Buzz. I've never forgotten this. He came downstairs one morning, Frank Frank and you pretended to be on the phone and you went oh gosh Yes, well, I'll let him know he said that was the school the schools burnt down I know and he was and he burst into tears

This is revenge served very cold and then you felt bad so you said it's alright They managed to save the guinea pigs and the artwork And then you felt bad, so you said it's alright, they managed to save the guinea pigs and the artwork. Yeah. Like the firemen. I was trying to work out what he was upset about. I mean the pupils, that was about 17th on the list, but I didn't have to get that far. Well that's criminal genius though to think of. I mean any April Fool joke that involves vegetable colouring, that's high, high on.

Did you see who, there was a Doctor Who related April Fool's prank. There was a few actually. There was one of the Doctor Who websites declared that there was a new Doctor Who being unveiled. Oh yeah. And it was Harry Styles and I felt they'd maybe been listening to this show. Oh yes. Well if they got Harry Styles on Doctor Who they would take it because the ratings would probably treble. What are the Doctor Who... And you'd never blank him on hamster teeth again.

No, indeed. What are the Doctor Who and April Fools like? Of course it wasn't a Zoltan, it was a Zygote. A bit like that. There was one that the that Russell T Davies was being replaced by a producer from the 1970s. It's quite niche. It's on a Doctor Who website. It's going to be niche.

Do you still get the Who Alerts Steve? No, I've slightly, I was always a little bit of a pretender. Did you know this? My knowledge was not that good. They were proper hardcore fans. Steve, you used to talk about a man called Dick Fiddy. Who is that? He's the sort of head of television at the British Film Institute. It was because I used to go to these, they would do these missing believed wiped things at the BFI where things that had been previously lost were rediscovered and I happened to be there where they'd found some old Doctor Who episodes that they thought were gone forever.

Okay. And so I was the first, you know, I was one of the first people to see that. Oh thank God they found them again. There's plenty more missing. Don't worry about that. You know I'm a man who gets very thrilled by technology at times. Things like when I'm watching cricket on the telly and I'm thinking, this is happening somewhere else now and I'm watching it. She's in India and I'm watching it in color in my living room

and I'm just blown away by that achievement. And most people I think take it for granted. One of my big, big thrills is like on Sunday morning I get up and look at my phone and it's put an hour on the time without me doing it. It's just done that. I was sleeping. I wasn't even helping. And it's done that in the night on its own Perfectly accurately and I know very well that when we get to water middle take an hour off. I mean Are we not blessed? Have you ever stayed up to see this changeover because I have it's really exciting

I've stayed up to see the changeover. I saw it. I stayed up and watched it on Now just watching your laptop is what I'm saying. No, I'm on about when I lived opposite Big Ben. Oh! I stayed up and watched it at Big Ben and then about an hour before the thing happens Big Ben goes dark so you can barely see the hands moving. Not allowed to see, I mean what do people... What is the logic behind that? That people will become afraid. It'll be like Orson Welles' War of the Worlds. Big Ben's like, no, I don't want you to see me naked. No, don't look. Hold it. Look at

the hands of Big Ben. They're going back. I think people know, don't they? No, they don't want you to see the workings out. Also, now that we've got someone who's Oxford educated on the show. Well, Pierre's Cambridge. Yeah, well he's not here, he's in Melbourne as we've established. Why, when I have zero reception on my phone, does my clock still work? I presume just because that's the internal workings of the phone. Well, if it's the internal workings of the phone, how does it change on New Year's? Something must be coming in externally, surely?

Good question. I'm going to put it down to magic. Oh, it's a can. Magic. By the way, did you know we've been nominated for an award? Yes, I heard about this. What award is it? It's the funniest podcast award. Oh, isn't that good? I love that for us. It's an award, it's called Podlife. Okay. The Podlife Awards and we've also been nominated for funniest tangent. That's pretty special. Is that the ADHD awards? That's people I think study podcasts so hard that they recognize sometimes in the conversation

on a podcast there's a very sudden turnaround which is comic in its ridiculousness. So is that one particular tangent that you went off on that has been picked? How else could they award a voltage tangent? I went off on that has been picked? Or how else? How could they have wanted a voltage tangent for both? I like the idea that they could just go, we like the way you tangent. Oh, I see. Well, as you know. That's tangential.

As you know, it takes two to tangent. So I'm not taking all the credit. Three, in fact. The tangent they've gone for. Which one? I don't remember this, but it's what my... Off and the way with tangents. What our executive producer calls, Daisy, calls the afterlife tangent. Oh yes I remember the afterlife. Do you? Yes. Not many people, you never hear anyone say that.

They lie. But I do remember it and I'm honest about it. We were talking about Derek Acora I believe. That's not a tangent. Derek Acora to the afterlife. What kind of a tangent is that? That's a Roman road. You want to know where the gear shift happened? Where the this morning gear change happened? Yeah, I don't know how we got... I mean, it's done now, you know what I mean? I was interested that we won Best Tank. We haven't won it, can I just say that was a terrible moment? I don't think we will. Are there other tangents you thought more deserving?

I can't remember what happened yesterday, Steve. Never ask me any memory-based quiz questions again. I don't think we'll win. Well who knows? Who knows what the tangent competition is like? I mean what are the tangent community looking for in their tangents? Well, comedy I suspect. I mean it might not, there might be some interesting tangents on the rest is classified

There is one called the rest is classified There is, they'll keep looking at me like I'm making stuff up. Steve is there an art? What? Like Exchange? A podcast called the rest is classified. Like Exchange and Marta ads classified? I don't know, I've never listened to it obviously. I don't listen to podcasts. I think there are now as many The Rest Is podcasts for there are proper nouns in the universe. Can you just back me up that there is a The Rest Is classified? Yes. Thank you. And does that mean information that is sensitive like political information? Is that what they mean classified in that context rather than it's just

very very Politicians have been nominated for best tentative Because they say things so something happened in government We can't exactly say what it's just yeah It's a pracy of all the super injunctions that different celebrities have come up with. Oh, I'd like to hear that, I must say. Um, Frank, I'll tell you what you'd also like to hear is this missive from Danny in Blackpool. Oh, yeah. Hi, Frank and the rest. Hi Frank and the rest. I quite enjoy the rest.

I think it's reasonable. Well, I think you'll find the rest is history. All classified. We could call it. That's why he didn't name us because the rest is classified. Regarding a recent discussion

on your Praise Redacted podcast around rolling and more specifically the last time one did it. Do you remember this, Frank? Yes, I was talking about rolling down Grassy Banks for example. Oh yes, yes, you raised the nolls. I don't know if you know Grassy Banks but she's a fine woman. It took me back to my last roll, which I think was in a nightclub in St Anne's on Sea. I used to enjoy rolling across dance floors in the mid 90s. Lengthways that is to challenge others to jump over me whilst they were having a good time. Some sort

of evil Knievel type. I loved it, others didn't and to be honest I'm quite surprised I'm still here. That's from Danny in Blackpool. That's an insane person. No I love that. I think he could be a sort of undercover carpet thing. You'll recognise him, he's the guy covered in spilt beer and glass wounds. I like the sound of Danny because it sounds like he likes to be sort of involved whilst extroverts are having a good time but he doesn't really want to be dancing. Well I think there is a full song called Rollin' Danny as well. Oh really? Okay.

I don't know that. Off of This Nation's Saving Grace I think. Oh okay, I can't remember it. Rollin' Danny. I don't remember much. Can I also share this from... Sorry this is... You're going to win best sound effect from that.

Jenny's got in touch. I was talking to my friend Reese yesterday and I believe he's coined a term which is cravatitude. Which with reference to the charisma of an illustrated dog wearing a cravat

in a Julia Donaldson book. It's Julia Donaldson the Gruffalo I believe. I think this is the best word I've heard this year. This led us to consider... What's the word again? Cravatitude. Okay. So presumably a portmanteau of gratitude and cravat. This led us to consider... No I I think it's attitude. Oh, is it attitude? I thought it was gratitude. Okay. Oh, how embarrassing. Oh, okay. That can work as well. This led us to consider where we would find our nearest cravat wearer. Mine was the Black Country Museum and Reese's was Leeds Art College. Where would yours be? Where is the nearest cravat wearer? I'm just looking out into Spiritland now

I wouldn't be surprised to find someone too young for a cravat wearing one. I think I'd have to stop at the Wurzels Is that the last cravat wearer you encountered? I can't remember. I've got two. I remember presenting at the Chortle Awards. Right. I remember presenting at the Chortle Awards. Right. I remember presenting, I'm sorry I haven't a clue. Oh, that was absolutely teeming with Cravats. Not that, just the minute he was. And Donald and...

Ned Sheeran would have worn one, he got Nicholas Parsons. Nicholas Parsons, he was wearing one. I think as you get older, it's just to keep your throat from flapping open like saloon doors. Well then that would explain why my two favourite cravat wearers ever are, well they're no longer with us, Alan Wicker. He loved a cravat and do you remember that guy, I think he was in carry-on movies, he had like a gap in his teeth. Terry Thomas. What about the meerkat guy? He wears one doesn't he? He's bringing cravatitude back. What about Lenny Cravats? I'm sure Chris Eubanks wore a cravat. Hey why doesn't Lenny Kravitz call his album Cravatitude? Why doesn't he open a shop called Lenny Kravatz in which you buy Cravat?

I went to see a doctor once for a TV medical. He sat over medical before a TV show and his bloke was one of the poshest people. He was in Sloan Square. He's not the one who said, when you complimented his handwriting. He's the one who said, yes, when I did handwriting at school I rather tried and then said he was taught by traitor Blunt. But also, so I arrived and him and Ronnie Corbett were standing in the corridor arguing about where was the best place to buy pocket handkerchiefs in London. I mean, shut your face.

Taught handwriting by the traitor Blunt. Traitor Blunt. Oh, I met the King by the way. I don't know who that man is, but that is definitely my kink. I met the King the other day. Are you joking? Well Well I'm always joking. You met the actual King? Well I met the King from Merlin. Oh thank, that is so... To me that's more exciting than the royal. That's the most disappointing information you've ever shared with me. Have you ever met Bradley James who played Arthur

Pendragon? What are you still on about this Merlin thing? Is it still on? My, you know my son, one of my son's best friends at school, they were talking about going to the Forest of Dean to view Merlin locations. Really? Yeah and they're like you know 12 13. Okay. Is it still going? Well it's still on but it's not you know it's in series has ended but it's on it's in the Dr. Pimple popper that it's always seems to be on. Can I just establish was Merlin was it on Channel 5 was it on TV? No no it was BBC. Okay calm down you get so sensitive about Merlin. It was sort Channel 5? Was it on TV? No, no, it was BBC. Okay, calm down. You get so sensitive about Merlin. It was sort of in what used to be the Doctor Who slot. And was it just one series around?

No, it was, I think, five series. Really? Mm-hmm, very popular, very, very good. Don't knock it till you've tried it. So the actor is called Bradley James. Yes. How did you come to meet him? He was at Dear England. He's a big football

fan apparently. Dear England is the play about Gareth Southgate. I was very excited. I've got a selfie. Don't worry, I asked him for a selfie. You weren't taking more? No, he knew I was. It wasn't a secret photo. A's secret selfies quite difficult to pull off. You'd have to have one hand over their eyes and the other one in the... Frankly, I wouldn't put anything past you at the moment. After Lloyd Webber the previous episode. After Lloyd Webbergate. Oh, by the way, thinking, speaking of awards, I went to an award ceremony on Sunday.

I was nominated for, in the BBC Audio Awards. What for? I was nominated for Best Comedy Performance. What about that? Were you? Oh, I know it's hard to believe. For Garrett's sitcom? Don't call him Garrett like everyone knows who he is. For Garrett Millarick, the excellent comedian and writer of sitcom.

Yes, for a sitcom called Do Gooders. Okay. Congrats you're well done. Yeah, well I didn't win it. Oh, how embarrassing. Just getting that out of the way. Who did win? Rosie Cavaliero.

Okay. Did you go, but you went to the ceremony? I went to the ceremony like a fool. You don't normally go unless you know you've won. No, but people don't tell me like they used to. They were so keen to get me to go. What happens normally? Do you ring them up and say, look have I won or not? Well I don't. I have people that do that. Oh my God.

I remember once that... I have people! The boss of Absolute... I interviewed Al Gore and I said, should I go to the ceremony? He said no you haven't won. I said okay. Then I won. So I wasn't there. It's almost like he didn't want you there. I think he had Al Gore picking it up. He said I'll be there, depends what the weather's like. I think Al Gore was, Al Gore's note. So anyway I went, Miles Job hosted. Oh yes, he's a nice boy. Very funny. Very funny. Brilliant. Really funny. He'd have

made a good king. Good king? What do you mean, king? Good king. What, in Merlin? No, in the Royal Family. That's not how it works Frank, you can't just pick people and say he'd been a good king. No, he looks like... He had a good wave when he was Archie in Balamore. Archie the inventor in Balamore. Yeah. Wave from his house and he had a very good regal wave. Well not only that but I'd say he's slightly posher than King Charles III.

It's, you know, it was, it was Bibi, it was, and I love him, he's funny, but I wish he'd worn a complete evening suit, because it was like the BBC. This is the BBC from London. But there was lots of jokes about how the BBC was on its knees, and how no one listened to audio drama on the BBC. Jokes, I say. It was a bit as if there was an award ceremony on the Titanic the night it was going down. It was really a bit bleak, I think. Did they give you food?

There was crisps. Crisps? I'll tell you something happened to me, actually. Funny you should say that. So can I just establish, was there literally just crisps? I tell you something happened to me actually, funny you should say that. So can I just establish, was there literally just crisps? There was silver, I don't know, there were all sorts of things one might put a bottle of champagne with ice in. Silver what? Silver almonds?

Well what would you call those things? Those silver things that you put, listen carefully. Yes, okay. Silver things that you put, I just think you're being a bit dense. Silver things that you put... bottle of champagne with ice. Bucket. Oh yes, that sounds right.

They're a bit grander than buckets, so they're all-night. Bouquet. Anyway, there was that, but they were full of crisps. Oh, okay. Thanks for establishing that. But, I was eating a packet of these crisps. Oh, okay. Thanks for establishing that. But I was eating a packet of these crisps whilst talking to someone. And I had, you know agape when you suddenly feel intense love?

Yes. I felt that for these crisps. Did you? I said to this, this is absolutely true, I said to this person, hold on, I said, oh man, Omri, I love crisps. Gosh. Don't you love crisps? But that's good, because agape, that's unconditional love. So that's what God feels for the world is unconditional.

Yeah, it's a very pure form of love. Divine, unconditional love for a percentage of it. Some believe that it's what we will all feel for each other in heaven. And you've had a glimpse of it in potato form. So anyway, that happened and I didn't win. But at least you had the encounter with the crisps. I did have that. Do you know what?

You can always have that Frank. And that's more than any award. Well it was an award in its own right. I've got to say not many people have experienced a profound moment with crisps. But you know when you go to an award, we've been to award ceremonies together when we haven't won. Yeah. Oh ever so many.

It's worse than not getting nominated. Yes You what you want to what brand of crisp you could get you could take over from Lineker Now no one could take over from me. I am When you left there was envelopes on the Signing table where you could take away the fact that you'd been nominated on a certificate. Obviously I didn't pick that. I would have only picked it up to have blown my nose in front of the people. But it was all right if you like losing. Do you remember when we, I remember us winning one which I thought we'd lost.

What was that? I remember when they read out a sort of a, before they give you the award, they give a sort of a thing that the judges have written about why they gave it. I hate it when they do that because they read out the sort of the judges said. Yes. And then. This was a full hearted blart. I thought that.

And you think, is this me? Is this me? And remember they used the word selfless early on. And you think, is this me, is this me? And remember they used the word selfless early on. And we said it's not us. It's not us, it can't be us. But it was about how generous I was to my co-hosts. Oh yes, it was.

It's very left field. I was a bit less dense then, to be fair. Well, you are only very, very rarely dense, you're dense less than anyone I know. Oh I love that, it was worth it for that. I'm not Dench. No one says Dench anymore Frank. What is Dench? Don't you remember that? I said Dame Judith. Yes do you remember that? It came and it went. What was it? It was popular, was it someone like Lethal Bizzle? Lethal Bizzle, popularised Dench. But as in referring to Judy Dench?

Referring to Judy Dench. But what was it? It was like one summer only, wasn't it? It meant something was cool. Yeah, because she's so great. He applied Judy Dench's magnificence to everything. So it became a thing, and it was like, that's so Dench. Man, your train is his Dench man. Wow. The Dench Palsy bike, Dench was huge but it was kind of a Dench

summer. Oh fantastic. I can see now the words Dench in that slightly blurred. It was and then it was a Dench summer and then I don't think we had a Dench autumn I think we just it was so brief wasn't it and then Charlie XCX appeared on the scene and yeah, bye bye Dame Judy. Well Who knew? I mean if someone I would totally embrace a Dench summer Over a brat summer. By the way, it was Mother's Day. Oh yes did you take did you buy Kath flowers? I may have. But Buzz got her, he said to me I've spent 15 quid on a card and I said wow that's a lot! That's insane! Does he get pocket money then? He gets pocket money, no. But I said, what kind of a cottage have we got? It's a Christmas card. I said, I don't...

And it was a Christmas card that folded into a tiny cottage. Cottage? Yeah. With snow on the Eaves. Why did he get a Christmas card? Well, exactly. But then he gave it to Kat and Kat said, oh man, I love this. Because she loves little ornate, carboardy building things. Well that's because that's cottagecore. It's very fashionable now.

Is it? Post-Dench. It's nothing to do with Dench, but lovely effort. It's that sort of whimsical, do you know what I mean, that sort of look of those cute little teapots? Oh, yeah. It's called cottagecore, it's the whole thing.

Okay. Well, I thought in a way it was brilliant because he thought what card would she really like and once he decided she'd like that, which she did, she said to me after, I really love that card, it's so cute. He didn't let the Christmas element get in the way at all. He just went for the best card and that we can learn from that. I agree. I thought it's arguably the best tangent. He should win best tangent for that card. We also, I had to go to Marks and Spencer's to get us some bits.

I like that you call it Marks and Spencer's because a lot of people will still call it Marksies. Oh I've never heard it called that. Did your mother not call it that? Marks and Sparks. I don't think my mother knew it existed. Oh okay. I think she calls it the co-op. The extent of it.

Pod it. Marks and Sparks or Spencer and Mensah. Yes but you're Jewish so you've got a bit more width on what you can call it. We have to be more careful. Did your mum not go to M&S then? There was no M&S to go to. Okay, alright. Who's going to go from our area? I don't know what the shops are like around there. Well anyway... Someone sent us a picture of your childhood home by the way. Oh lovely. Found it very moving. That's why we moved.

The front garden looks nice Frank. Well my dad looked after the garden. Anyway let me tell you this. I was buying some CBD drinks. What? A catalogue of CBD drinks. Oh. And I was... She's a goddam strong out. She's getting strong out.

So I was on audio checkout. You're not an audio checkout. What do they call auto checkout? Yeah, auto checkout. I did that. Like the self service one. And suddenly a red light came on and it all stopped and I thought what's happened? And a woman came up and said sorry, I have to look at your face. I thought well, go for it. No wonder she was apologising. Yeah exactly. Didn't take her too long to work out I was 18, let's put it that way. But what about that?

You have to be 18 to buy. The alarm is sounded when you buy CBD products. It's called the trip, the drink. Oh I'm familiar with trip. I didn't know Kath had gone down that road. Oh God very much so. And then we have one last thing that we have on Father's Day or Mother's Day or somebody's birthday. It's a nice joint. What's happened to you? You're a lovely family. Trips getting involved, alarms are going off and drugs purchases. Oh come on, it was Christmas. It's buzz I feel sorry for. Anyway, so we have a thing at the Golden Remote where you get to choose one program. Ant and Dek show. The whole family has to watch a program chosen by you. What does he go for?

It can't be on their phones. So it was Mother's Day, so she chose Abba the movie. Oh, I thought she'd, I'm glad she, I thought she would have gone for Goodfellas or Scarface. No, no. The way things are going around your place. Breaking Bad, she chose. Yeah, so we had to watch that.

And what did you think? Well, I saw it when it was at the cinemas many years ago. Was it like 1974 or like years ago? I forgot there was a conceit involved. Is there a conceit? There's a journalist who is trying to get an interview and you see him arriving at gigs late and doors closing just as he's about to go into the press conference and he keeps

phoning his editor and saying, no, no, honestly, I'm very close to this interview, if you can just send me to Adelaide. Oh, it was sort of chaotic but fundamentally good-natured. But then they go on and on and then eventually does the interview which we don't see. Oh that's a terrible ending. I listened on Kath's recommendation, I listened to Abba's last album The Visitors which is considered sort of weird, it wasn't very successful. Was that their drug period? It's absolutely brilliant. Wow!

But there's also a song on it called Two for the Price of One. And it's like a punchline song. It's got the final line is a joke reveal. But I associate ABBA with relatively palatable pop and a little bit of cheese, not in a bad way. But Two for the Price of One is about a lonely bloke who sees advertised on like a dating site two women and they're saying you can have two for the price of one. You can have a menage a trois. And I find it a bit creepy you like that song. And then the reveal at the end is that it's the woman and her mother. And that's the reveal. It's the least aber.

You say that like that's a bad thing. You say that with an element of disappointment in your chest. The way it's sung. And the song, they sampled the theme from the generation. And I wanna play the game with you and your mother. Wow. Well that's a... I like a punchline song. Well I'll tell you where else, you get it? Pina Colada song. Yeah. What's the punchline? It turns out it was my own lovely lady. So it was her that had put the ad out. I think we should put that out.

Yes! To our listeners, punchline songs. I'm thinking of another one now, because we have to do one each. Although you're only three. Couldn't do it now of course, but kisses for me. So all the kisses. And that same punchline is used by Gilbert Osler and Eklare. Yes, which I, can I say I love that song. So it's all about this passionate love song and then at the end she says I want to marry you. He's the babysitter and she's... Aww. I'm saying there were lawsuits and it all went wrong but anyway. I wouldn't want to try that now. Anyway. No, you're right. I love Gilbert. Underrated.

It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.