The Frank Skinner Show - Dolls, wrestlers and reviews

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

Frank visited the Isle of Wight which led to a meeting with a wrestler and a dispute over a shooting star. There's also a review from The Tablet and some Isle of Man correspondence. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. Are we on Blue Sky? Not yet. I've just joined, one follower. Ooh, okay. okay. You can email the podcast via Frank of the Radio at AvalonUK.com Not even Pierre followed me back, nor did David Bedil. Have you followed me? Yeah. I'm Blue Sky. I have to check. Are you on Blue Sky Frank? No. Okay. I know the owner. Mr. Blue Sky. Yeah, I've

seen the owner. It is quite like a nice looking goth lady. The owner of blue sky. Or is that the sort of she's the CEO or something. It's the same guy who did Twitter. He sold Twitter to Elon Musk for loads and then just immediately went and started Twitter number two. Oh really? And it's doing quite well. I'm a little out of touch with that. I'm on knapsack. You still think X is a really lovely, fun,

creative, benign place. Well I like the way X is a bit like when the post office became Aviva. People just thought no I'm still calling it what I've always called it. Yeah sometimes the people do speak. X is basically Mar-a-Lago now isn't it? Yeah I guess so. I don't know, not really. No I know.

Was that the guy from Thunderball? No! Oh Mar-a-Lago! Thunderball. Oh, my lago. Oh, anyway, this is Frank of the Radio, and I quote, some of the banter is quite funny. Oh, quotes. Wow. That was from the Tablet, the International Roman Catholic Weekly. We got refused in a rather lukewarm fashion. I'm glad that they've come over to the podcast. I wonder if they've got their own podcast. Well, say that.

But yeah, I thought it was a bit, what's the phrase? Chat shaming. Oh, right. Well, they'll be happy. The last episode we brought up Thomas Aquinas and GK Chesterton. Well, no, it's going to take more than that. It's a man, I actually don't normally look at people who's like me off but it wasn't too bad but you know I need love I can't have

pride is a sin that's the problem yeah well I don't see it's a bit homophobic if you don't mind me saying. Pride is a sin. Let's not take that out as a quote. I didn't mean that. Send that to the tablet. If the right guy gets it. Anyway, this guy, DJ Taylor, I'm told is a novelist guy. DJ Taylor? Yeah. He thought it was alright. That's what he thought.

I don't know him. I know DJ Spoonie. Well. Should we review DJ Taylor's novels? I would like tit-for-tat. No, that's too big a price to pay He might be related to AJP Taylor who I believe is going into I'm a celebrity get me out He might be related to large spectacled Dennis Taylor won the snooker world championship. Yes, but I bet he isn't Anyway, I remember, I remember these things. I just want to say that. As St Paul said in his second letter

to Timothy, Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil. The Lord award him according to his words. It's never explained who Alexander the Coppersmith is or what he did, but I like that. I like St Paul going, yeah, he'll get his. Don't worry about that. Timothy presumably just shrugging. Anyway, you may recall on a lighter note, actually the beginning isn't that light I played the Isle of Man recently yes I I recall yes I think we might be aware of that you created something of a when it was a bit of a media storm well Pierre told me he's gonna bring me an Isle of Man themed presents to them. Oh god. Bloody hell. Didn't bring them. Oh really not. Men aren't very good at thoughtful things like that.

Putting a reminder in my diary now for the next recording. Do you know what I mean? They just don't... You know how, like, I'll always bring in a little thing with a bow and a purse. Do you know what I mean? It's all done. I'm writing the reminder in now. Well, I... This week, I did the Isle of Wight. And I was expecting... I'm doing all the isles. What's going on with you and the isles?

They're rolling in the isles, should have been the name of this tour. Except they weren't really rolling in the Isle of Man. You could have done it in the sink. They were lolling. But not lolling in the nuisance of laughing out loud. No. Lolling as it slowly slipped away to sleep. Anyway, so the Isle of Wight, I have to tell you, was quite a different kettle of fish from the Isle of Man.

I would say that the audience were positively enthusiastic. Were they, Frank? And it was a rather lovely gig. And at one point I referred to them. I said, I know what it must be like here on the Isle of Man. And there was a couple of, ooh, and I got it wrong. It happens all the time. That's quite, really?

I've had friends for four or five years where they've thought I'm from the Isle of Wight the whole time. And they've just found some of my stories extremely confusing. What would you say is the key difference between those places? I don't think you should say if you're ever planning to go back to the Isle of Man. The Isle of Man is better, that's a key difference. How about that? Is it? Yeah, that's a good safe thing.

It's not part of England either. What about this? My way of defending myself, I said, well, the thing is, I don't really think of the Isle of Man as the real thing because, and then I said, as John Donne said, no man is an island. What about that for a get out clause? They didn't buy it. But it was one of those kind of gigs. Because

they were so nice, I started to relax into it. And at one point I started talking about Valentine's Day. And no one seemed to know what I was talking about. Like it doesn't happen on the Isle of Wight. Yeah, they might not celebrate it then. And I said to them, I said, you do now Valentine's Day, do you not have it on the Isle of Wight? And there was a bit of a giggling. And I said, have I introduced Valentine's Day to the Isle of Wight like Gauguin introduced Gonorrhea to Tahiti?

And I really laughed. I don't think I've ever laughed in isolation so much at a gig. I was like Lon Pinkerton at the Isle of Mangeek. It really made me laugh. And there was a moment they were sort of looking at me laughing and I remember thinking, this is the sort of stuff I should be doing. And it's such a risky combination of names you've said. I know, I pushed them too far but they forgave me. Actually, Valentine's Day wouldn't be a bad euphemism for gonorrhea given its initials.

Oh yeah. So maybe I'll call it that in the future. No, don't do that. I beseech you, please don't do that. Well I've always said if you haven't had an STI you haven't lived. Oh please Frank. Get that on the back of your hoodie. Is it STI or STD? STI in the UK, STD in America. Oh it's different in America, is it like the way the water goes down the plug hole differently in Australia? Yes.

Fantastic. Anyway, it was a crack. I had been to the Isle of Wight before. I went to the Historical Doll Museum. Sure. Which was- On your own? You said you're afraid of ghosts. Why are you going to- Also, on his own. You didn't go on your own, did you?

What? The historical dolls? Historical? Don't worry, these dolls are very old and spooky. Yeah, but they were. They went after hours when it was all shot. Nice and quiet. They weren't those terrible China Victorian dolls.

They were very standard, like, eight for a pound off the market dolls. Like cloth? No. Just plastic off the market dolls. Like cloth? Why would you guess? No, just plastic, like baby dolls. And someone had knitted some historical costumes or made them out of felt. Can you explain what the Hell's Museum is? So there was a series of glass cases

with these dolls dressed in different period costumes. What, were they dressed specifically, was there like a Henry VIII baby plastic ball? There was actually a six wives of Henry VIII. It was him with six doll wives. I don't know if they had them then. Oh God. No, but it was him with them. And two of them had fallen and no one had taken the trouble to stand them up. But I wondered if it was symbolising.

Well, I think we know why. I thought it was symbolizing beheading. I mean did it happen? I think that had just been knocked. Did it happen to be Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard that had fallen? They all looked very, they were all the same doll. So you can't look at them and say oh yeah. He had a type. Not that I'd know if Anne Boleyn came in, if she ambled in here now. Well I would obviously. You'd know by sight.

100%. You know how obsessed I am with that period. I know. I've even watched. Why did she wear modern clothes? Well, I've watched. I do this very regularly. There's a brilliant person on YouTube who does modern day AI recreations of what all

the wives would look like now. I would recognize her instantly. Well I'd recognize Henry VIII if what he'd look like now. The Ben stuff. But wait, there was a moment where you thought, there's a chance that the owner thought, well of course I'll dress all these baby plastic dolls as Henry VIII's wives. But the two that were decapitated I'll sort of lay face down as a sign of solemn respect. They drop backwards actually, if I recall. Well that will happen when you get beheaded. I think they were probably looking up at the blade and lost their balance. So hang on, the dolls aren't historical, their costumes are.

I think someone had bought generic dolls. Like Tiny Tits? They look like off the market dolls. Like Chubby Babies? Yeah. And then they dressed them as various historical figures. So the museum aspect isn't cataloguing dolls through the ages. No, no, no.

It's sort of... It's cataloguing dolls through the ages. No, no, no. It's sort of... It's cataloguing doll through the ages. Is Henry VIII's wives the only historical baby? I asked the audience if it still existed and I never really got a proper answer. That's because none of them wanted to say why, Frank, that doll museum burned down a hundred years ago. Mary Fee-Long-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam-Tam Yes, I have as a child. My parents took me there and I do remember the sand animals the colored sand Do you know this? This is a very olive white thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah That's that that's the big thing you do there a lot of time on people's hands on the Isle of Wight is the impression

I'm getting animals out of sand You collect sand from the beach, I don't think you'd be allowed now All right, you know, but we would get you'd buy a glass animal from the beach, I don't think you'd be allowed now. But we would get, you'd buy a glass animal from the shop, so everyone did in the Isle of Wight, you'd come back and you'd fill it with all the coloured sand. I see. I think I've seen sort of hourglass things with different, yes. More of a test tube I've seen with the inlayers. I didn't do that okay I you know I

had a shop around and I went I'm always drawn in by anywhere that sells like merchandise from Marvel or Doctor Who or something like so it's a shop like that in oh me too oh no I'm not I find that very depressing anyway so they have nerds on the Isle of Wight. I'd rather send We've determined that so I went into this shop and To purchase a couple of what was it called the shop was it just merchandise? I think I should I name the shop okay? Oh, no, maybe not it was very nice to go in there Yeah, and they had some good stuff. It was was called arcade games I think he's mainly a gamer guy yeah but I'm not a gamer but he had some nice he had a lot of you know those pops those little figures yes I do he had a lot of

those do you know MP a you're looking confused like Funko pops yeah yeah not like Funko pops yeah and there's's sort of one of like Thor and... You know, you get Thor and then you'll get Robert Plant. Sure. Yeah, you get, they get musical heroes. That'd be an expensive one. Did you go in and say, that hair? Do you have a doll of Catherine of... That's next door. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'd ask for. Yeah, a little knitted. When you get there, the six Robert Plant, Fonko Pops, all dressed as the six wives. Plant-based wives, basically.

Anyway, so I got talking to the man in there, turned out that the man who runs the shop is, I said to him, I'm really impressed that you can make a living out of a shop like this, you know, in Shankly, and it doesn't seem like it would have loads of sort of, you know, cosplay types. And he said, well, I do a lot of online. He said, also, I wrestle on the mainland. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah. Did you make your excuses and leave? No, I was intrigued by this. He also wrestles on the island as they like to call him. Really? So he, it turns

out... What does he wrestle, bears? No, he wrestles other men. And his name is Dirty Dave Dennis. And he's quite, so I looked him up, I looked up Dirty Dave. Did you explain to Kath what you were doing before she does a search history? I've got to say, it was a really nice, we had quite a nice chat and I liked the shop. But I looked, you know, in wrestling now, they do these sort of boasting challenge videos. When they say stuff like, yeah, well, you come and get me, Picos Pete. And you won't last five minutes when I get, and it's all done like that. A lot of pointing down the lens.

And he said, he's saying, look, if you want to see a real man wrestle, come and see Dirty Dave Dennis. And he said, he said, you can see me on Friday. You can see me on Friday. I can't remember the exact name, but he said, you can see me, come and see some real wrestling on Friday at Bingham Primary School. But anyway, he did a challenge. This was his challenge.

I'm going to deck these kids. And he said, and who am I going to be fighting, you're asking? Who am I going to be fighting? I'll tell you who I'll be fighting? I'll tear or I'll be fighting anybody!" And then he said, I'll for any man here who dares to get in the ring with me, I will fight him. I'll fight the bring the hardest men from the Isle of Wight. Quite an unusual mixture trailer, you don't get Eddie Hearn doing that. No, anybody he said. And then he said, I'll sell you a Funko Puff. No, he didn't mention he's on the live. He keeps it separate.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know if he'd get away with that on the old pay-per-view tonight, 11pm, live from Vegas. Are we finding anybody? He said, yeah, he said, and I know all your things, he said, I'm saying I want to find a hard man on the Isle of Wight. Yeah, it's like throwing a deck chair off the Titanic. Oh. And I thought, I don't get this.

Dirty Dave, you've lost me with your simile. You may be a fine wrestler, David, but your rhetoric has left me cold. What do you mean, Dave? I'm not confused. Throwing a deckchair. No, that must mean something. No, he meant rearranging the deckchair, didn't he, on the Titanic? The phrase is rearranging the deckchair on the Titanic.

But then he's mixed that up with needle in a haystack. No, no, but he's saying that trying to find a hard man on the Isle of Wight is like throwing a dead chair off. Yes, exactly. It's silly. He's mixing it up with needle in a haystack. He's still not going to throw the dead chair off. A futile or, you know, not good enough.

Anti-social. Eccentric. enough. Excentric. Yeah I mean I assumed he meant an empty deck chair but I don't know he's a wrestler. Yes yeah. Yeah could have been some poor old pensioner going over the rail. Metaphors and that's not his world. No I know that. His world is fighting in primary school. Well I'll say again he was really not. We had a good chat about all the in primary school. Well I'll say again, he was really not, we had a good chat about all the, you know, about what was his best Doctor Who merch and he had some stuff. He had a, well I won't go into it because some of it might end up in the Christmas stocking. Oh God, I said it's not mine. Yes, I bought my son a deck chair.

It's not mine. He doesn't... Yes, I bought my sonodecture. He just has to go to a primary school and fight Dave and if he wins he can have it. Oh man. This episode is sponsored by Shopify. Do you ever feel like you're missing out because it seems like everyone is either starting a side hustle or becoming their own boss and you know what they're hearing a lot? It's the sound of another

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and can be done from the comfort of your own home. Having someone to talk to is truly a gift, especially during the holidays. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.help.com. I had a fabulous journey back from the Isle of Wight. It's one of the moments of the tour, I'll remember. We were on the ferry. Oh, I love the ferry. And there weren't many people on the 10.30 ferry because we went straight after the gig.

They were evacuating all the primary schools. So we went, we didn't stay indoors, we went out onto the and of course there's very little light pollution in between the Isle of Wight and Southampton. So the stars was thick in the sky and Omar, my tour manager, he of the pink Doc Martens, is a bit of a keen astronomer. So he was saying, oh look, there's, we saw Betelgeuse, the first one, and we saw Jupiter and Mars and he was pointing them all out. He told me he is in the International Space Station with the naked eye. That would be good, wouldn't it? Pretty much.

Anyway, Steve Hall was with us, my support actor. Oh yeah. Your gentleman companion. We saw two shooting stars, right? Well I did. And I saw, I went, that was a shooting star! You know when you see a shooting star, it's the most exciting thing. And then a bit later I saw another one and they didn't see it. And then I said, oh no you don't believe me, I've seen one and they didn't see it. And then I said, oh no, you don't believe me. I've seen two and you haven't seen any.

And Steve Hall said, no, no, I saw the first one. And I thought, well, there's two options here. Either you saw it and you thought, this is Frank's moment. I'm just the support actor. I'll let him get excited. I'll pretend I didn't see it. I just get the shooting act. I'll let him get excited. I'll pretend I didn't see. I just get the shooting star warmed up. He looks at it.

Exactly. Yeah. And then later when I said, oh, you guys haven't, he said, well, this is now where as the support act. I come in and say, no, no, I did see. Now that you've seen two. Oh, so were you feeling a bit, look a lane which one was it? Oh, yeah, I was thinking well What I was thinking is you did not see the first one Absolutely, no, so no is the difference, but I mean I wasn't okay. The thing is these when you get towards the end of the tour Things can get you know tempers can fry you've been with each other a lot I'd love it. Yeah, he never spoke again as a direct result of a shooting star.

I mean, I'll tell you. Frank. Why did you fall out with Steve? It's complicated. It was... He claimed he saw a shooting star. I clearly didn't say. Astronomy. No wonder, Frank. Astronomy, that's why.

Okay. Can I just say you're well... I don't often agree with you, Frank, but you're well within your rights. That's what people are well. It's a very early medieval reason to fall out with someone. I saw a flaming portent in the sky and he claimed to have seen the very same great comet. I'm probably shouldn't tell you this, but I'm gonna tell you. Oh. You know, I don't know if our regular listeners know.

Canterbury Tales beep. A great dragon. And he did climb. I tell you, I've really fallen out with the somn. Anyway, I probably shouldn't'm not going to tell you this, but I will. You know, every week we put out visual clips of this podcast as a sort of promotional item. And Jenny Foote, who Jenny Foote has been absent for a few podcasts because she fell off a bike. She's back today and can I say that's great news?

Yeah, we're most relieved. So that's good news. But anyway, she sends us these clips. Yeah, she does. And bear in mind, I'm in a dressing room before a gig. I think it's Liverpool Empire. The gigs arrive, the clips arrive on my phone and we don't have very long so I thought, well they're here, Omar and Steve's here so Steve's a

bit of a comedy, a student of comedy. Oh he directs as well people. Yeah he knows and he knows loads about, he's seen all the American comics and he knows all that stuff, much more than I do. So I thought what I'll do is I'll ask Steve which he thinks is the best one. And I suppose there was some part, if I'm going to be totally honest, there's some part of me thinking, well, it's my support act. He's in my pie.

He's going to be, you know. You went a bit Stalin. I think he's going to be, you know, he's not gonna be harsh. So I showed him these four clips and he said, I think we only got to three of them and he said, well, none of them are brilliant. I thought I didn't ask. I didn't ask if they were brilliant! I asked which was the best

one! I asked you what does the sign mean? I like the idea of you treating him like a court astrologer. Now what are you going to get him to study the end trials? How will the gig tonight go? You literally are treating him like a medieval god. Oh man, well I'm not treating him at all after that. God, if I want that sort of reaction I'd read the tablet.

The International Catholic Weekly. Why is Steve saying it? Why is Steve saying this to us? Well you know, I asked him, if you ask someone you leave yourself open you know. I was being needy and that's what happens to the needy. So yeah, that happened. Oh, man. We still, just because we're bringing up the Isle of Wight and the Isle of Man, we did get an email, another email about the Isle of Man gig. Oh, okay. Let's hear it. By way of an attempt to explain. Do you have it at your fingertips?

I do. Yes. Hi, Frank and the team. This is from Lee. Yeah. I was just listening to the podcast when you mentioned the lukewarm reaction that you got from a crowd on the Isle of Man. I was talking it up a bit if I used the word lukewarm. There's a really easy explanation for this. Just confident. I lived on the Isle of Man. I'm worried about this though. You're

Robbie I lived on the Isle of Man for a couple of years. I've seen all. PS and a great cloud will open and a ton of fire will Sinister Mars shall peep at thee from above the horizon and you shall be heckled in dorking. Oh man. Now go on, carry on. Lee says, I lived in the Isle of Man for a couple of years and you don't get that many opportunities to watch comedians or bands which are household names names which is true. Having grown up there, mostly grown up there, I can testify that it's better now but yeah it's not it's not a

stop-off for everyone it's getting better. So whenever anyone does a gig there people get tickets regardless of whether they like them or not just to have something to do. There's something there's something on. Yeah, yeah, this is getting a bit steep. Well, there's an example by way of an example. He says, when I lived there, about eight of us got tickets to watch Roy Chubby Brown. And when we were all discussing it before the show, it turned out that every single one of us thought that he was a well, it's a word that he uses in his act a lot. So they hope this helps to explain it anyway during the podcast, Lee.

But in other words, they were all sat there before the show going, how do we all hate and despise this man? Talked ourselves into going as a group of eight, purely to have something to do that doesn't go to one of the two nice pubs. And you think that happened to Nike? I think there's a risk. This is actually worse. Well, the trouble is that the Isle of Man- This is worse than what Steve Paul says.

No, no, no, no, no. The first time anyone bothered to do a comedy show on the Isle of Man of your scale was Dara O'Brien as a sort of display of Celtic solidarity, I don't know. They had to sell the tickets from the ferry terminal because the theater couldn't cope with the idea of selling that many tickets to anything. But I thought we all knew the rule, don't pay the ferry terminal because the theater couldn't cope with the idea of selling that many tickets. But I thought we all knew the rule.

Don't pay the ferry man. Yeah. No wonder you didn't sell any tickets. Who gets up super early in the morning to queue for tickets at a ferry terminal? It's the busybody class of audience member. I think they're the least fun. This isn't making me feel any better. No.

Don't pay the fairy man. Where have you been, madly? Where have you been? My early young boy! Can I share something else with you from the outside world, Frank? Yes, you can. Because it's from Ruth Jordan. Oh, these we have loved. She's still very much with us.

Ruth Jordan, can I say, say still sticking with X? Hmm? She's not afraid of Elon. Are you talking about a relationship? She wants to add something because she's been keeping up with our discussion. You know, we discussed the wheel a lot on this Well, we've discussed it. Well, I would say we discussed it a lot actually. Okay. I would say at least, I mean again it's getting up there with astronomy in terms of things to fall out over and well Emily said we discussed the wheel a lot. Alright I'm sorry I spoke. Okay, I like that. Well, it was that all rimming. I went clean.

Come on, what does Ruth say? So Ruth says, I just switched on the wheel. And we should say, in case anyone's unfamiliar with this, problem Frank has, his problem is that he loves the wheel. We all love the wheel, it's a brilliant joke. Frank has been asked on it, I think we're allowed to say that, aren't we? Yes. He can't do it because...

I can't. Frank don't dance. Frank don't dance. Just switched on the wheel and there's Kate Botley with cathedrals as her specialist subject, says Ruth. The Reverend Botley. Presumably, they already had the subject lined up for Frank, this is her theory, before they knew Frank don't dance and they gave it to the Rev instead. I think the Rev getting Cathedrals has got a certain logic. I watched that episode.

I mean I don't want to be crossing the Jordan. But it turned out the real expert on cathedrals was DJ Spoonie. Really? He said, I know a lot about cathedrals. I know how many there are in the UK and he did. Wow. I don't know that. Do you know that Pierre? How many cathedrals in the UK?

Only because it was mentioned earlier in casual conversation. 96. It was 97 or something, but it was specifically what type of the don't contradict. Okay. So no, I just want to remember You know what happened to the predo found? Found identifiable only by dental records Exactly. Found in the barn. No, Frank. It was a specific type of religion and I don't know what it would be, I do apologise. Church of England Cathedral? Anglican. Oh yeah, maybe it was that. Anyway, DJ Spoon knew that. Then it was what's the oldest cathedral? He knew it was Canterbury, I believe. Do you know that the editor of the British Medical Journal is having this exact conversation about me? And he knew what BMJ chased her for.

And he'd heard of The Lancet. And he had this great idea for a special bed. Yeah. It looks as if now that I thought The Lancet was a jousting magazine. Cover star next week, Steve Hall? Can I suggest? With predictions for results at the next tour. A look ahead. Oh man.

However, I was struck. I had a bit of a revelation watching The Wheel and the reason for that, I found a way you can get around the dance. It's really important to me that you go, because it's one of my favorite shows and I, every week I go on and I feel like a little disappointed that I'm not going to have that thrill of seeing you on it. I've seen, so Harry Hill did it and he found a way sort of round it. I can tell Harry Hill's the sort of I don't dance type. I think he might dance in the context of his performance. Well what he did was a sort of silly Billy dance instead.

I wondered about that. Sort of sarcastic almost. He did silly faces and he did, he just messed about a bit and was a bit silly, but he didn't actually dance. Could you not do that just for our sake? Well I wondered if I could lie back completely static in my seat, a la Dolls Museum deceased wife. Dolls Museum Frank will come on the wheel that's good news guys to the production team Yeah, but he'll only come on if he can stay completely still dressed it says here as Katherine of Argon As seen in the Dole Museum on the Isle of Wight. But Frank, could you not say to them, look, could that not be a thing that we can find

something for you to do during the dance? The thing is, you know what it is, once you let one person off the dancing, then loads of people. I mean some people obviously would want to dance but a lot of people. I think I saw GK Chesterton on there and he did little more than a hand jive. I'm relieved to hear it. Yeah. Very fine man though. Which I credit Ruth Jordan.

I feel bad about this because we didn't get to it at the time, but she sent in a very short line which made me laugh around Guy Fawkes night, which was, Remump, Remump, the fifth of Navump, in reference to you saying Remump instead of the word Remump. Oh wow. She's back big time. I should say Ruth was one of our loyalist readers in the radio days. Yes. And yes, it's good to hear from her again. She's very funny and I have a vacancy for a supporter at the moment. Oh, prime. Ruth, how are you with Scrying?

I should say it's this bit nowhere you can switch off. It's my poetry podcast this week, which lands on Wednesday. Would you say lands? Anyway, this week it's a bit of a poetic giant, Seamus Heaney, who I always get a bit annoyed when I hear him described as one of the great Irish poets, because you don't need Irish in that sentence. It's like when I found a friend and said that the Jeanette Cranky had heard her bat falling off a beanstalk in pantomime. My friend said, I don't think you needed the in pantomime part of that sentence. But one of the poems they're looking at is called Personal Helicon.

Now, Helicon is a mountain in Greece, which was supposed to be a great source of poetic inspiration when you read your classics. But his Personal Helicon, he says, when he was a child, this is poem, poem is about the fact that he was obsessed with wells. I mean, I don't mean awesome I mean ones with buckets and he went to what as a child they could not keep me from wells I think when you read that first line as a child They could not keep me from and you think what's this gonna be? And it's wells and All pumps with buckets and wind lasses. I love the dark drop, the trapped sky, the smells of water weed, fungus and dank moss. And it's really, it's all about

being in the land and all that stuff. And the other one I won't go into because it's a bit darker, but it's about the discovery of something very frightening in the water. But he is absolutely brilliant. And you'll back me up on this, Pierre. We went to Belfast to begin this tour that I'm completing in Completing in January and Pierre was the support and we had a brilliant day at the Seamus Heaney Centre. Yeah, and then his notes as well. We saw his handwritten notes for things and stuff. Can I ask a question? Are there any dolls of him?

I haven't seen. I would like, if anyone's selling Seamus Heaney action figures. Yeah. Good luck with them paying the mortgage. No, I would like, if anyone's selling Seamus Eany action figures. Yeah. Good luck with them paying the mortgage. But, um. No, I love Seamus. I think you've got me into Seamus.

I might ask dirty Dave Dennis if he's got any heenies. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com