The Frank Skinner Show - Eye Biscuits

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Frank has been on a boating holiday with his family and got lured in by a Sky News teaser. There's also chat about Crossroads, ketchup and The Traitors transition songs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Peramount Woose. Check out the big stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony, and Ziva. We'd like to make up for own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition.

The substance. This balance is not working. And the naked gun. That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh radio, and the one with the French name were from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets to rain, close brackets, today. And in the evening, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And in the morning, do-da-da-da-da.

You know those songs where you know bits, but not other bits. Like I never got the second bit of Frosty the Snowman Frosty of the Snowman Oh yeah, what was he? A very something Yeah, very. Very naughty man Very, crispy bloke He certainly had an intensifying adverb But I don't know what his noun was

Certainly contributing to the obesity crisis Anyway, was he? Well, he's mad, they're big snowmen They've got a big gut, but on them It's all water attention I sort of forgot he was a snowman actually I was thinking, I pictured him as a crystal. Oh, yes, yeah.

But he's actually a snowman. You're right. Oh, well, they come and they go. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. I just spat some bread on the table. It's good luck.

You can email the podcast via Frank Offer Radio at Avalonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us, a bit like this. You know what's seven, four, one, seven, six, nine. Oh, seven, four, five, seven, seven, seven, six nine. You know what that is to me? That's the transition music from one scene to another of traitors. Oh, they always do a slow, mournful version of a mainstream hit. Yeah, but what they do, they are like those top of the pops albums from way back,

They're all covers, aren't they? They're all covers. Yes, but you're right. They do a slow down. So like, here we are now. Entertain us. Like a slightly spooky version. I don't want to pay up for the real thing.

Money they must be making on traitors. It's like strictly, you know. I'll be some other people to sing, living on a prayer. There'll be a mournful piano and a breathy English woman singing, shake that ass, shake it. It's getting hard in here. As you see...

What's that coming over the hill of the monster? As you see Stephen Fry frowning in an armchair. Stephen Fry, not anymore, he's gone. Good night, sweet prince. Yeah? Yeah. No, that's all right. He was one of the big dogs, apparently.

Yeah. Wow, you know what happens to dogs. Yeah, they don't last long either. Enough with a pound. That's spicy. So look. I was watching Sky News. Everything right at home.

Trying to find out the latest about Singapore, are we? My family was away. No, it's not so worldly sky news. You know, no offence, but that makes sense. It is quite bachelor behaviour. Yeah, well, it's the one I have as a backdrop when I'm looking at recordings.

So that's just running underneath when the recording ends. You don't want to sit and watch Sky News for ages. It's good, you know, it tells you the news. But who cares? You should put that on TripAdvisor, good little review. Anyway, they came on. They hooked me with a teaser because they said, we've got the first interview with Lord Mandelson since his resignation.

Wow. And I thought, wow, that's a big, and that's brave of him. So they built it up and went on about it. And then they went into a commercial. break. And I think, you know, they do. And then anyway, I stopped with it. And then it came back on. And they said, right now we go to our exclusive interview with Lord Mandelson. And he's in the street, walk into a car. And there's his bloke saying, so, so Lord Mandelson, did you, did you tell Kea Starma everything, and he's nothing, he says nothing at all? And he says, will you be, um,

Will you be releasing the correspondence relating to the... He says nothing, he says nothing at all. He keeps asking him these questions. He gets in his car along. You either, as he's walking along where he's opened his car. He gets in his car and he drives off. He never says a fucking word. You're kidding?

No. I can't say. Never says a fucking word, an exclusive interview. They're just quoting the car. Beep, beep. So it comes back and they bought it in there. political correspondent. To discuss the interview.

Yeah. Exactly. And he says, well, he said that was pretty pathetic, wasn't it? And I thought I was thinking that. But then he lays in

to Mandelson. He says, Lord Mandelson, Mandy, as we used to call him, although he always said that was homophobic. Well, maybe stop using it, mate. Are you sure it wasn't G.B. News?

No, no. It was definitely sky. It was sky. regular correspondent. Anyway, he said... It's a real scorned lover tone coming from this guy. Yeah, and he said,

what a pathetic way to deal with being doorstepped. I thought, yeah. He said he could have at least said hello and I'd rather not speak if you don't mind. I thought, what? You're condemning him.

And then he said, and also he said, he said when he started his car, That engine sounded a bit dodging. And then he said, how the mighty have fallen. What? What has it got a mechanic now, reviewing the exclusive? And then they caught to a panel of two other people to discuss...

To discuss the car? To discuss the interview. We're joined here by Darren from Autofix. He's got a lot to say about the sound of record. Sadly, our quick-credit correspondent dropped out at the last minute. George Bellworth. The street lighting technician. And John Tudor, who's an expert in car at Holmes.

So that was it. That was the interview. That was the interview. That was the whole thing that they'd built on. I know that because they're on a looping 24-hour new schedule. They have to make... I know, but here's footage of a man walking to his car. Ignoring us.

But what I like is them criticising him for... You could have at least said hello. I mean, what would that have given you? Exactly. Then you could have analysed the way in which he said hello. He also, when he come back, he said pretty tight-lipped there, Lord Mandelso. No, he didn't say anything. I don't call that tight-lipped.

Silent is what I would call it. But yeah, even if he'd said hello, they would have said, we'd go to our panel now. Do you think that's the way he would have said hello to Jeffrey Epstein? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, probably a very similar type of hello. At least you were saying hello to one of our decent, respectable journalist, not some monster. Oh, man. Well, I fell for it,

Hutt line and sink. Well, it worked. This is the problem, Frank. Yeah. Well, don't get me wrong. I'm glad I saw it. Oh, so am I. Because we wouldn't be sitting here.

I like that he got slightly petty and laid into the car. Well, I thought that the main guy then slightly apologise for the political correspondent for being a bit too. When it sounded like they'd got previous, definitely. Everyone's got previous with Mandy. Listen to that engine. You're on top gear You want to get your oil check made Yeah, exactly

Yeah Your fan belt's going back And also how the mighty Have Fallen as though Well of course Lord Mandelson famously boasted about the quality of his engines Nobody said Not so long ago

He would have been driven By someone Wow How the mighty Have fallen They love it though. They're doing this when it goes wrong. Yeah.

They live for it. Probably refused him an interview in about 1994 or something like that. And he's carried that now his moments has come. Once he's at that car start, he thinks at last. Revenge is a dish best serve cold. A bit like that engine. He's finally a vulnerability. Anyway, so this week.

Oh, no, never mind. Let's see what other people have to say. It's enough of me going on. Well, Meg has got in touch. What, from Crossroads? Yeah. No, do you know, can I just say some old episodes of Crossroads? I thought of you, Frank.

I was going to invite myself round to do some Crossroads viewing. They've all gone up on ITV player. Because Tony Adams died. Oh, is that why it is? Not the football, by the way. The Tony Adams, who played Adam Chance. And I treated myself to an episode. Yeah.

Oh, it's good, Frank. It's correct. Did anyone in the background come in to get their keys from reception? There's a lot of elderly raider actors who look a bit confused. There's a lot of extras who say stuff like, they've been told that they can't speak, but they can't resist making a bit of a noise. They also had the episode of the Crossroads Fire, and it's one of my favourite cliffhangers is Noel Gordon, obviously.

She's on the phone, and she went, Darling, I've taken a tranquiliser. And then it goes, no, nil, nil, nil. You know, Paul McCartney and Wings did a version on one of their album tracks of a mournful, a sort of a traitor's version of the Crossroads thing. Did they? And they started using that if it was a sad ending. They used the Paul McCartney version.

May I recommend, even if you're young people, do watch it. And look out for a character called David Hunter. Do you remember him from? Oh, we're Ronald Allen. You don't get actors like that anymore. Fantastic. No. And also, of course, that was my favourite review ever of any television program

when someone said it was like pornography without the sex. That's so pretty. It's exactly what it is. Anyway, Meg has got in touch. And she was writing in reference to, do you remember you were telling us about how your mum had said her one ambition was to pour a kettle down the back of your TV. And Meg said, as a child, I had a similar feeling to Frank's mum.

I was annoyed with the volume of the cassette recorder. So I poured my orange squash directly into the speaker. Sadly, it did not explode or anything exciting like that. It just immediately ground to a halt, which was a triumph of sorts, I suppose. So that's, you know, your mum would, I think she would be up there, hopefully, listening to this. That's what happens. There's going to be a big aftermath to doing that if you're a kid now, isn't it? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. This was pre the days, I'm guessing, when you could get your orange juice with bits. Oh, yeah. Actually, after I know, with bits. This was orange squash, wasn't, which we weren't allowed. Oh, squash. We weren't allowed orange squash. Why?

Because we were only allowed juices. Oh. Well, we called it. Oh. We called it cordiores. Well, we didn't call it, it squash. Oh, did you? It's a southern thing.

Adorable. Orange, cordial. They don't make it sound very appealing. Make it sound like something you'd put in Peter Mandelson's engine. My mom used to, like, sterilised milk with lemonade. Did she now? Sort of a bobbly white drink. Huh?

Rather strange. What? What? What's the odd about that? Sterilised the milk with lemonade? No, sterilised milk was a little. kind of milk you could get. Oh, sorry. I thought you went, it's like, why does adding lemonade make the milk any better?

What? Sterilised milk was the sort of... It's like U.H.T, right? Well, it was... It sort of broke the ground for U.H.T. I don't think they'd quite developed it right, but it lasted a long time. It was like white water. It's one of the weird things about France, because France is such like a cheese country,

but all their milk is, like, disgusting U.H.T. milk. They have no respect for milk as a... a drink in itself. That's because they don't drink tea so their milk doesn't need to be nice. I like, yeah, getting on his sire horse. They have no respect for milk. I don't know what they use milk for. They don't put it in coffee and they don't drink tea. You'll no

respect it pe lae. They do not respect the milk. Thanks for that translation. Some milk. Excuse me, would you like to hear from Carl in Brighton? Sure. Who wouldn't? Previously, Chelmsley would. Oh, okay. Is he saying that?

Oh, right, that's right. Can you ask Frank, what's his favourite bit of summit on a piece? It's a brummy working class like a sandwich. Did he ever eat sugar pieces or ketchup brown sauce pieces? When we were kids, a custard piece was thought to be a superior piece. Maybe the piece of choice for the middle classes. So a piece is a sandwich, there's a piece of bread and butter. So this is like Esperanto.

What is a piece then? So that's what it would be. So we would have a tomato sauce piece, as we called it, was ketchup. The word ketchup hadn't reached the West Midlands in the 70s. What did you call it? So that was we call it tomato sauce piece. So it was like a tomato sauce sandwich.

Yeah. Peace. Tomato sauce in some Africa as well. Is that right? More than ketchup, yeah. What is this ketchup thing? It's Americans. I don't know where they got it from.

Dodge Pickles. What is this ketchup? Playing ketchup. Anyway, Cole continues. I think my mum, thought I was getting above my station when I suggested a custard piece for tea on a Friday night.

He then goes on to say, is Emily aware of a bit of summit on a piece? Obviously not cold. My dad had fruitcake sandwiches. That was his. So that would be fruit cake on a piece if you wanted to go to home. And the piece referred to the bread, did it?

Yeah, a piece of bread. But would it be like a piece of bread one piece or two? Well, my dad had it on a proper sandwich. Yeah. He thought he liked fruit. But he thought it was too rich. Oh, that's why he had some on a piece.

He also said only rich people have meals without bread. So we'd have bread. If we had Sunday lunch, bread on the size, you had to fill up. Or before you knew, he needed more expensive food. So, yeah, so everything was accompanied by bread. Well, if the bread was a stick instead of a loaf, you'd have been very continental.

But I remember being drunk in a chip shop and saying, ordering fish and chips and saying, have you got any bread and butter with some chip shops at? And they said, no, we don't have. And I said, well, it's only rich people. I've just, you know, you become your dad. It's only rich people that eat pills and have bread.

Hmm. We have a query for you from Paolo. Paolo. Hi, Frank, Emily, and Pia. I was just sitting watching the TV when famed Japanese inventor, Dr. Nakamatsu, dropped into mind. Don't ask me why.

I then recalled him being interviewed by Frank on his chat show many years ago. That's correct. Oh, wow, this is the thing. I'm really sorry. I don't know who that is, will you? Some sort of famous inventor? I searched online to see if I could find this interview,

and to my annoyance, I could find no reference to it. I asked AI in the hope that. that it would do some digging. And again, nothing. Can Frank confirm that he met Dr. Nakamatsu? Have I invented it? No, I, have you invented it? It's a good end in to that.

He wasn't, I wasn't completely convinced by him. For example, he invented circular biscuits with a hole in. Right. Which were very nutritious, he told me. But also, if you watch the telly through the hole, It would improve your eye health. Okay, I'm starting to get a picture of what a lot of horseshit. No, no, but he also claimed it invented some major technology,

which is used in computers and stuff. Right. So he thought, next step, eye biscuits. Yeah, exactly. There was a lot of stuff like that. Natural progression for any inventor. And I remember I had six. Every and again the BBC duty log,

if they had more than two complaints. There was a person who sat and answered the phone and had to write down any complaints all raised. This was before sort of forum as an online culture. If it was more than two, or I think if there was two, they had to call the program and tell them that these complaints. There was people on the switchboard. I had, I think, five saying,

I can't understand why you interviewed this man. And I thought, well, fair enough, he was, you know, ridiculous. but then after what they did to us in the prisoner of war camp Oh my God Oh I see So that's why I shouldn't have interviewed you We always used to get my parents' friends When they would say I'm in a Doctor Who love

They'd make us ring the duty log So there were enough different people And we'd say hello I'd just like to say that Bruce Purchase Who played, what did he play Frank? He played the captain Let's say for example, I don't know if I did it Let's say who played the pirate captain in Doctor Who, it was superb.

Really? Great performance. And they'd say, really? And can I take your name? And then you'd say, yeah, I'd just like to say, and all the actors would be looking at you smoking sex, say more. And you said, you know, honestly, this was my childhood. We used to do this all the time, ring the duty log.

And my sister and I would argue, she'd go, I don't want to ring the duty log. And she'd say that he's been very kind to you. And he got some work in a Sherlock Holmes. You just have to ring up. Wow. That's what we would say. we'd say, I just think this show would be so much better.

Isn't that what happens on X, no, and stuff like that? I think it's less powerful because you can just do that from your phone, whereas like a little tweet or whatever it is, whereas I think sitting and ringing and talking. Speaking to an individual. Barrier of entry was higher back then. So that's probably why they thought two complaints, we should tell the producer.

Now, you'd have to put the bar at what, 200, 2,000 for it to matter. Yeah, probably. Yeah. But you used to have to say, I think they should, be a regular character, as if, I mean, it was so obvious that the actor had told us to ring. But that must happen, a lot. So listen, I've been boating this week. What?

Yeah, we went on a boating holiday on the Thames. Did you? Me and my wife and child and my sister-in-law and her child, my nephew. Your brother-in-law as well? And grandma. No, he couldn't. making, he's writing another. He's a busy man.

I, and the dog. Is he torturing Stephen Graham again? What's the awful situation has he put him in? What I realised was the pluses of hotels staying in a hotel is you don't have to drive them. That is a very under. And they don't crash into other hotels. That's an extremely understated advantage. You didn't have to drive.

the boat? Yeah, it's just, we didn't have a captain, it was us. What? I thought you had a captain. So none of us had ever been on a boat without someone just, you know, driving the boat. Who's this like a narrow boat? No, like, I don't know what kind of boat you thought it. An ocean boat.

Well, we didn't get that far. How do you know how to drive the boat? Did you have lessons? Man says, this is how you drive the boat. The man says? Yeah, man gave us about a half hour lesson. Oh, that sounds really responsible. Yeah.

Well, and then he says, this is how to drive the boat. He says, good luck, and he sails away? Yeah, so then you sail away. Oh, he waves you off. So my 13-year-old son. He waves goodbyes to the two miners who have been left in charge. And there's helpful hints like, oh, by the way, you drive on the right on the river. Oh.

Yeah. I said, why do you drive? He said, oh, that's how it works. You drive on the right. And I thought, is that in case you go all the way down the temps to the continent? And there isn't an accident black spot where you have to have to change your thing, a big pile of boats.

A bit like the old Bermuda Triangle. So hang on, did you do all the driving? No, Buzz did all the driving. Oh, I love Buzz. 13 year old. And he had, he'd done a mixtape for the voyage. Really? So he had like, in the bits where it was like, you know,

open thing and now, we had Sabbath on and some 41 and stuff, Lincoln Park. fucking blasting out of the boat. And I thought that, I'm not very much like the countryside. I thought all the countryside needs are good sound system. It'd be so much better. They just put speakers on, you know, trees, intermittent place. Yeah. Just constant music.

But wow, it was, we were in a boat called the Lady Pamela. Oh, was that a Mountbatten reference or a Churchill family? Those are the famous Pamela. I work with a boat. Well, Pam. I worked with a woman called Pam, who told me she'd been married. This is in a factory we worked here.

She said she'd been married 18 years and her husband had never seen her without makeup. 18 years. Now, the logistics of that, we spoke, we gathered in small groups and discussed that behind her back for many, many weeks. Well, it was quite common, I think,

my mum used to get up at set the alarm for six to put her false lashes on and make up before my dad woke up. Dedication. What you need. Oh, dedication.

Every day like you're on set and you're playing a Star Trek character. Yeah, exactly. Full chair. That was bad. It's easier if her husband slept with an eye mask on then as long as he's asleep. What you want ideally is for them to get

some sort of eye condition. That's what I prayed for. I know it's cruel. No. But, no, I know it's cruel, but it just saves so much time. I met a woman who'd got her lippy and her eye shadow tattooed on. Yes, that saves time. So she, yeah, and saves, of course, the pillowcase.

Yes, yeah. Doesn't it go green, though, tattoos, like, slowly they... They can go slightly bluey green. Only if you leave her in the window. Oh, fine. I think generally she'd have been okay. So did you have any collisions, or was it fairly... Well, I mean, we had some collisions within the crew.

Oh. Me and Kath, it was quite a tense atmosphere on the boat. Well, it will be below deck. Because things like mooring and stuff like, they sound really straightforward. You know, it's not quite like parking a car. You had to get it by the back, where there's somewhat to tight, and then two of you had to jump off with ropes and do all that. Oh, it's so HMS Pinafore.

Yeah. And also, we'd already had an argument. I am not a big fan. I don't know how you feel about this, Emily. I don't like dogs in harnesses. I like them in collars. Okay. And she said we need a high-vis harness

if the dog's going to be on the boat. Yeah. You know, he looked like a motorway worker. She, right? She looked like a traffic warden. So litter picking is part of a kind of legal punishment. She said the problem is if the dog falls in the water

and we take her out with a hook we'll just hang her. This is true. She'll be hanged by the time. Can I ask a question? What is your... Is it purely aesthetic your objection to the harness? Yeah, I don't like it. It looks too surgical for my liking.

Okay. So as in the dogs we're going to receive surgery or perform? I mean, they are much more... It looks like to support, you know what I mean? Well, what do you mean? What do you mean? ashamed of your dog needing support?

But the dog doesn't need support? Does he it's fine with a collar? Well, it does if it's in the water. I don't want this argument again. Same to the dog as a brown. Also, we got a life belt for the dog, which I really wanted to put on the dog. Can I just say that is so adorable.

That's fun. Yeah, but I never actually saw that. And then the dog was running around with nothing on. Disgusting. Yeah. What is this? So I said to Kath, we had this bloody argument about the harness and now she's not in, if she falls in there, what are we pulling her out by?

Then we had quite a nasty row. Oh. So that caused a terrible atmosphere on the bar. And also, I feel sorry for your sister-in-law and your mother-in-law because they can't get away from this. No, nobody could. We were all trapped. This is like that Jean-Paul Sartre play, no way out.

Hell is other people. No, but what you say, hell is other people. Hell is a naked dog on a boat. I didn't mention the others. No, but let me... Hell is one other person. But let me tell you this, that our boat in all its terrible atmosphere and tension

was not representative of the river community in any way. What do you mean? You know, I read a survey I told you about that said in the United Kingdom, 61% of people are on Pleist. Yes. That is not true on the river Thames. Is it all very much badger and mole and raties?

We got to a lock, you know, there's locks. And, of course, we had no fucking idea what to do. And this bloke came and says, oh, don't worry, I'll get the sluice gate. And I'll be in Scotland, hot. So he did that and got us through and said, no, stop there. He always wanted to stop a bit further back, really lots of helpful advice. then we got through and then anyway

we ran a drift so it's a bit dramatic fact I know but suddenly boss said hold on it's not going forward

anymore we couldn't work it out so we checked the oil and all that we had to phone the boat people not the boat people not those boat people

the engine we know river cops and they said look you might have no the people who hired us they said

we think you've on a drift. What does it actually mean? Well, the boat hits a bank or something. And there was a boy, or as my old American girlfriend used to call it, a buoy.

Yeah, buoy. But you've got to give them a really wide berth, which we didn't. So we were stock on a sort of sandbank. And we just, we tried reversing on that. How did you get out? Well, there was a pleasure cruise.

A thing that people took people down the river. Got of it, Captain Concordia. Called French brothers. He said, you're right, this is not a safe place to stop. I said, well, we haven't actually. We didn't really stop. God has stopped us. And he said, chuck us a rope.

We'll tow you out to there. So even though they were a pleasure thing, they came over and we chucked him a rope and they pulled us off the sandbank and off we went. I love the idea of a pleasure cruise. I mean, I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, run by the French brothers. Yeah, the French brothers.

But then we got to another lock and I said to a woman, I've got to get home now. I've got a jump ship because I've got a gig tonight. And she said, oh, I'll write you, hold on, I'll write down instructions and I'll write down some numbers of local cab firms and that, the woman at the lock. And I thought this is the place to be. It's on the river.

Maybe it's being on land that makes us arseholes. It's just got it's got to be something. I written when the Titanic was going down, people saying to the captain, look, don't worry about it. Could happen to anyone. You did your best. If we can help it any way. I think you're absolutely right.

Polar bear shouting from the iceberg, just chucked us a rope. No, Frank, I genuinely think there's truth in this. Honestly, everyone we encountered on the river were so helpful, not ripping. I mean, they might have seen their dog's harness and thought we were all blind. And that's why they were helping. No wonder you got stuck on the bank. Exactly. Do you know what I think it is?

I think it's because there's a sense of being temporarily rootless when you're on the river. It's like being on a plane. And I think a large proportion of the dispute. people have are territory-based. So you don't get that territorial hostility. That's interesting idea. Well, I've just thought of it. It might be rubbish.

Yeah, I love that. I like the idea that you're on the river. It's like there's enough space. We're all welcome here. Some friends of mine live on houseboats, and they're saying that, yeah, when you start it as a lifestyle, because it's sort of like a, it's such an unusual way to live. Yeah.

That when you have your mooring, everyone comes around and says, oh, yeah, you know, you want to fix that. and oh, this is the best kind of boiler. You have to have a boiler attached to your boat because you're living on it and, oh, there'll be ice and this is how to de-ice the whole thing. Did you sleep on the boat then?

I didn't because I've had gigs this week. I didn't because I've got international representation. They were. I'd love to have slept on it. Did they sleep on it? They have loved a little cozy cabins. I quite like the idea of it now. Yeah. Yeah, but it is stressful.

Is it? Because, you know, there's all the crowsy. coming up the other way, don't want to hit any of them? The pleasure cruise would worry me, Frank. How big was the river? It's the Thames. But which bit of it? Like, you know, you're not passing Tower Bridge.

No, no, we weren't. Sorry, but I would laugh. Can you imagine Sky News and in other news? Frank, the comedian Frank Skinner, ran adrift. Nigel Farage has sunk the boat of the comedian Frank Skinner with a torpedo. No, mind Mandelson's engine. The three lion singer.

Yeah, exactly. It would say that. Yeah, exactly. That was desperate one sentence ways of describing people. So would you do it again, Frank? The Pleasure Cruise. Well, I don't know. I'm not sure my wife would do it again.

I don't know. She might have liked it, but I felt extreme tension between. Did you? Yeah. You've got, you don't, you know. What you're doing? Did you say to you, you know the best thing that Kath ever said to you? I hope you don't want.

She said to you once when you had an argument at a gig because you'd been asked to mind the seats and you were across. And she said to you, you've ruined lives. Which is one of the best things Kath has ever said. Anyone has ever said. You ruin lives. Yeah. Not just.

Yeah. Did, was there a sense of... I think she could have put a number on it. Was there a, acting like, you're a dictator? Otherwise, people are going to think it's thousands, rather tens. Kim Jong-un, you literally ruin lives. I doubt his wife's ever said that to him. If they did it, would have been in a sort of upwards inflected approving,

you ruined lives. Very cool. Well done, darling. You're brilliant at this. No, I think if she'd have said it, it would have been very much in the very cruel mate of things. But Frank, was it sort of, did you, was it that kind of energy you were getting that she felt you ruined lives? I think one of the problems on a boat is that because there's things to do, if you're going to more, you need two people on the ropes. If your 13-year-old son is driving, he was brilliant.

You have to have an adult standing there as well. What about you? Well, I was doing that. Oh, okay. But I think what you do, it's a bit like having children. You spend a lot of time looking around to make sure you're all doing an equal amount of work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if anyone looks like they're on a pleasure cruise and your crew,

it's that moment when it starts to split into passengers and crew. Because were we passengers or were we crew, it's complicated, isn't it? Yeah. I think you've hit upon why so many of those pirate ships eventually just they had to end. Do you think that's why they fell out? Yeah, black beard are they going, hang on. They're lighting fireworks in your beard having a great time.

I think there was more demarcation on the pirate ships. Yeah. Well, it's what they do. It's the ultimate social experiment. It's what they do to cause dissent in the Big Brother House, the producers do. As soon as you introduce some sort of status in there, I would never be crew.

But there is no point. where everyone on the boat can relax. No. Because I wasn't on there. Trust me. I wouldn't have done anything but that. No, but that's one person. But you can't have everyone relax.

There's always someone who's thinking, oh, there's three arches on this bridge. Which one? Do we go in the middle or do we go in the right? You know, there's always someone who's in that. Hold on. And we'd be saying things up, I need everyone.

I would say this. I need everyone on deck now because we've got to make a group decision. He didn't say that. And then someone downstairs saying, I'm just having a sandwich. No, I'm on a sandwich. I said all hands on deck, sir.

Yeah, I'm getting the impression he did ruin some lives. I just think what's missing here is a bosun. You should have hired a boson. Well, we could have hired a captain, but we were very keen on... You do have the option of hiring a captain. Yeah, but we didn't...

We didn't want strangers on my boat. It's nicer to be shouted out by your own family, I find. Yeah, I find you. What we did, we created our own strangers. We didn't need to take them with us. We turned family members into distrusted strangers. And that saved us a lot of time.

But I'd recommend it. I'd recommend it as a challenge. It's Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. It's the Frank's going to. a podcast, don't you know. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via

Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.