The Frank Skinner Show - Farewell Pierre

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

Frank has been to a Winter Light event and an unexpected character was a bit overfamiliar. Also, it's Pierre's final show with the gang! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh ladyo And the one with the French name We're from South Africa came They're all here open brackets to rain Close brackets today They just played that in spiritland We're trying to remember what we're trying to remember I think it's a jazz classic

Anyway this is Frank off the radio I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via, here we go, frank off the radio atavlonuK.com in the WhatsApp bracket. 07457-417-769. 07-457-417-769.

Lovely. We have a sandwich before the podcast. Yeah, a collective sandwich. It's not, I'll be honest with you, it's not a Spiritland sandwich we send out. No, that's why. What we do, it's one of the cheapest things I've ever done in my life. And I do it with you, with love, Frank.

We escape into the studio. so they can't see we're eating. I think we're allowed to eat in here because we've hired this space. It's like an embassy. Yeah, it's like when the Crown Prince of Yugoslavia was born at the Savoy, but Churchill allowed that room

to be Yugoslavian territory for two weeks in order that he could be born on Yugoslavian. I think they actually took some Yugoslavian soil. Do you know, I've forgotten all about that? Very, right. Very Dracula. Yeah, there's probably a Netflix thing about it. Oh, there will be.

There's a Netflix thing about everything now. Yeah. But I was looking at you, Emily Dean. This is what they say on radio for. So you, Emily Dean. Yes, why can they do? They like to remind them of the name. You had oak ham and cheddar cheese, I noticed.

I did. I keep it trad, call. And they all have sort of a slogan on the side. And the slogan, I thought, would be the perfect. You know how Labour Party now are trying to be a little bit reform to stop reform getting in at there? It's a bit of like we're a country of strangers. And let's keep it that way. It's my view.

But on the side of your ham, ham and cheese, and if you're ready. On the side of my ham? On the street where you live. This is the combo of trying to be a bit reformed but still be Labor. It actually says I wrote it down. Always British ham, always higher welfare. Oh, yeah.

It's perfect comfort. That's pleasing everyone. I get it, Kea. I get what you're trying to do now. I can hear him saying that. Yeah. Always British ham. Yeah.

And always. Very emphasis on the second always. It's like a union jack with compassion and empathy for all. A union jack being waved by an enthusiastic pig. always British ham Back and forth We never need a union jack That's a bit

Not Union Jack If you know what I mean Yes It needs a less than one I did that's the thing I saw a woman on the way here And she had a Union Jack bow In her hair

I mean it was a It was a sort of giant Seer type bow Oh What does that mean There's an artist called Sea Who for years would sort of hide her features Because she didn't buy into this off

Oh I remember Didn't she ever A sort of fringed hat. Fringed hat. And then a big bow she would wear as well. I thought if you parted that, you would see the rest of the Chinese family in their living quarters. That was the look of it.

He used to get it in Chinese take away. Separating the real world from the shop. But I saw this Union Jack, this outsized Union Jack, and I know it's wrong. There's nothing wrong with the Union Jack. No. But there is. Not if you like a... now there's nothing long with it in essence but it's been seized upon well this will happen

yeah but you know it is strange to live in a country where it's it's more it feels more acceptable to see a flag being waved by a zombie then there's something wrong with as long as the undead are waving it then everything's normal does every country have this with the flag or isn't it just no no it's just that you're in australia patriotism is seen as quite a nice and natural thing I think even though they've done even as much bad stuff as we're. Some might argue worse.

Yeah. If you can swim, it doesn't seem so bad. As long as you've got your thongs. It feels like you're staying there for your own reasons rather than staring at the sea and thinking, well, what else can I do? Anyway, are you familiar with the popular phrase that you hear, it's not a phrase, it's a trope.

People will say, well, it's like, It's like bozzies, it's like bozzies in it. You don't get one for ages and then two come at once. You know that, but that's often said. I was in late and buzzard at the weekend. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you know who. No.

I'm glad to hear you get on so well. Yeah, he's second on strict little thing. What, did he win it? Anyway, no, I was in late and bozzard. Where is that again? Roughly. I don't know. Okay.

Wilcher? No, no, now it's north. Is it? North of London, yeah. Okay. North of London. Yeah, I don't know. Do you know what, Frank?

Well, look, I was on the train. Welcome to our world, north of London. I don't think it's far away. But I wasn't driving. That's my point. Yeah. Sorry, Pierre. I just don't think Leighton Buzzard is far away enough from London

for me to have given it its own flavour. Nottingham is. Birmingham is. It's about 40 minutes on the train. That's like redding. That's like redding. No, it's nothing like Radin. Anyway, I was in there, and I was with Nick Beggs.

Oh, yes, therefore, Kajugu. He was the former bass player with Kajagugu. Right. And we were walking down the street. There was me and Kat, and Nick's wife and him, and a guy says, all right, Nick. And it was Steve Askew, the lead guitarist from Kajagugu. And I thought, you never hear the phrase.

It's like cacagoo-go-go-go, isn't it? You don't say a friday's. And then two of them come at once. Have they all sort of deliberately retired to Leighton Busset as a band? I think... They might be from, were they from there originally, frankly? Well, I think 80% of them were from Leighton Bussard. Strange statistic.

Yeah. Well, Lamar... What about, oh, I love Lamar? He wasn't from Leight and Busset. Is Lamar still friendly with them? I'm not prepared to have. I understand, and I'm sorry I asked. Moving on.

Wasn't there another Lamar? Like a black singer? Lamar. Lamar. If there's any justice in this world. He won Fame Academy or competed in it. You may recall. I don't recall.

But I remember his name. What do these people want? Yeah, so it was, yeah, so I enjoyed it anyway. Lovely. I quite like Leight and Bozzer. There was a fair on the high street. Was there? What did they have at the fair?

A good fair. You know fairs. No, mid-range fare. Well, there's Christmas medieval fairs and then there's the sort of sleazy. It wasn't one of the popular now German. Okay, it wasn't one. Forgive and forget. All it took was a few fairs.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. First they came with the fairs and I did nothing. All it took was to them to sell us sausages from a shed. Yeah? And we forgot. For £42 pounds? Yes.

Birmingham was the pioneer. Why do they sell wooden Pinocchioes as well? Is there the German in that? I find their Christmas markets. I say wooden Pinocchioes, I suppose. What are the kind of? As opposed to Blamage one. I find a Christmas market so depressing.

I can't do it, Frank. Well, my cholesterol ops are the last place. I want to walk around is a German Christmas market. Oh, Brat first. Well, just generally, it's... What would you miss the most or be tempted by the most in a German Christmas market? The sausages are the kind of mad gingerbread.

No, I like... Do they do... What's that stuff called Chiru or something? Oh, yeah. I really like that. Churros. Yeah, I like that. What would you be tempted by most in a German Christmas market?

A copy of Robert Harris's fatherland? I like Sure I like Do you like apples? I like sourcrow I've got through three large jars of sauerkraut in the last three weeks

Really? Just on my own Do you eat it on its own? Sometimes if there's no one around I'll just take a big fistful out and eat that What's happening to you? Sourcrowts and fistfuls? Ain't no cholesterol and sourcrow.

Eastern European pick and mix. Exactly. Sourcrow, you've got the pickled herring. It's all here. I had two. I had red sauerkraut, white sauerkraut, and children's sauerkraut. What is children? Less sauerkraut, it could be called.

It's got a bit of apple in it to take the edge of it. Oh, that'd be nice for me. No, it's still pretty much sourcrote. It's German children's sauerkraut, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're made of some sterner stuff. Yes, it's like a French idea of children. children's theme part where they put an ashtray which would genuinely happen to us in Disneyland, Paris.

There was a Mickey Mouse ashtray in the bedroom for the children. Lovely. A little patte booth for the children. I was in the Tinkerbell suite. Were you? Lovely. There's like, there's a wardrobe where she's inlaid.

She's wooden inlaid into the wardrobe door. Oh, right. Great. Like a shrine? I think that powder in the bathroom was magic dust. Who can say? I've always been team hook, to be fair.

Really? Yeah, something about him. Don't play the disciple card. I can't come back on that one now, can I? No, you have to say yes, he had his reasons. Yeah, he was fantastic, very misunderstood. Never got a real chance. He's constantly being harassed by those hudies.

I actually think he was all right. Yeah, that plank was just because he couldn't do the stairs. That's called Axe. Yes, exactly. If they'd have called him Captain Access, now he would be getting a bit more sympathy. Anyway. I met Captain Hook the other week, actually.

Did you? Was it in Leighton Buzzard? No, no. Too far from the ocean. No. No, I went to a sort of winter-themed... Oh, like winter wonderland. Don't say you went there.

No, I didn't go to... Winter Wonderland. It was called like a winter light event or something. A winter light event? Do you remember when I went to that Halloween one? Like Kenwood do one. It was at Kenwood. I know it well. This is aggressively secular sounding frankly. Yeah, I know. Ken Woodhouse do a big light thing. It's hamstered, you know. It's a big light display. Okay.

And there's a preview night a few weeks before it opens or something. Am I getting this right, I think? Is that what you went to? I went to the opening night certainly. But he called me Skinner. It's a Hello, Skinner. Captain Hook? Yeah, Captain Hook said to me. I'm a bit familiar, but you can't say anything, of course. If anyone should be a respecter of rank, it should be Captain Hook.

He's a naval man. He said to me. He said to his Skinner. That's so rude. I said, nice to meet you. He said, yes, I'm not very busy at the moment. And I said, well, tell me about it. It's hard for out-of-work actors.

Welcome to my World Hook. I mean, this sounds like one of my childhood dinner parties. I'm not very busy at the moment. No, I think he was being Captain Hook. Yeah, he was, but the sad truth is he also meant that. Oh, you think it was being a bit meta. How old was he the Captain Hook? I would say he was 40.

How old is Captain Hook in the book? Do you know, I think Captain Hook is one of those people who's probably a lot younger than we imagine. of 28. Yeah, I think he's probably 23 or something. Yeah, maybe. I've been unfairly portrayed. People did love, yeah.

He lost his hand when the desktop fell down. The casualty rate of the Navy, you know, he got promoted fast. Poor old captain. Did he say in character why he wasn't very busy? Because Captain Hook should be busy. I think he meant because he wasn't on his ship. Oh, okay. He was doing a lot of photos.

Oh, he was doing it in character. So he wasn't saying, ever since I murdered Pan. I finally killed that boy. You see, I was thinking, oh, not very busy, I'm between bloody agents at the moment. Equity won't get back to me. That's Penwood or Butts, really. The dog, the dog went fucking ballistic at Nana. They had a Nana.

Is the dog allowed there? Oh, I'm going to take way. It said those small well-behaved dogs on a lead is what it said. Oh, lovely. To be clear, Nana is the name of the dog in Peter Pan. But they had like a poppet, Nana. Oh, electronic. Poppy went fucking crazy.

Yeah. In dog language, she was saying, that's a robot. Don't trust it. It's not real. Yeah. I could hear her sound, Oh, fucking AI. It'll kill us off.

Now she was really upset by it. Uncanny Valley for dogs. Yeah. Yeah, it's like Westworld for dogs. Yeah. It was good. It's a good pop. Well, obviously, it's a good pop.

It's a good pop. Yeah. So, and who was, was there any of the other darlings there? I didn't see any other actory type. No, I meant the family. Oh, I took a... They're called the darlings. I thought you meant actors.

No. Yeah. That's an easy mistake to make. Yeah. Especially with Emily Dean, saying. There are any other darlings there. I know I don't think that why didn't see them, darling? They were, they were rest.

There's all mannequins apart from Hook. I meant the darling family. No, I didn't see any of it. So, no, Wendy. There was lovely illustrations of them and stuff. And there was like, what was there? There was what looked like light lamps growing in the ground. Oh, it sounds lovely.

It was really nice. So will Captain Hook be there every night? Oh, yeah, he's booked for now. Oh, that's nice. He's working over Christmas. That's good. Hook, he's booked. I'm going to go down, though, with Ray.

I think I'll enjoy that. I see what Ray makes of the puppet. Yeah, Ray, I don't think Ray will like Nana. I mean, you've lost him at Nana. He prefers Granny, thank you. It was, I liked it better than the Paddington experience. I'll be straight with you. Yeah?

Well, that's not saying much. No, I quite like the Paddington. You quite liked it. It was for kids, as I said. But this had got some beautiful use of lights. I'd rather hang out with Hook than Paddington. Would you? Paddington strikes me as a very insipid conversationalist.

He's very kind, but there's only so long you can enjoy that. He's also a bit at Jobsworth, I can imagine. Like you'd get quite angry with you if you did it wrong. Excuse me. You're suggesting the hook is not capable of anger. But it's all directed towards that flying boy. I think I'd be all right. So it's a criminal.

You know, it's a pirate. If he started getting angry, I'd say, none of this work talk. You'd say, you're right, you're right. Exactly, sorry. Sorry, sorry. And also, is there the reason you don't ever wear thin belts? Why do you wear such giant, thick belts all the time?

What are you hiding? I know he told me he got a hernia. Yeah, you missed his step in the rigging. And they just popped out like a balloon. Oh, dear. Poor hook. Poor hook. So if you cast a hook now, would it need to be a one-handed actor?

Good point. I'd never thought of that. Do you think it would? It would cut down on the embarrassing thing where you can see that someone's hooked hand is a good foot longer than their other arm. Yeah, I can... I bet there's probably in this country between 200 and 250 rep, local rep actors who would be prepared to have an amputation to get that part. If it was at a sort of Disney level. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe not for... Sitting in the next hospital bed to the guy who's playing Long John Silver in. In that, Cuckum. When you're flying Emirates Business Class, enjoying a good night's rest in your lie flat seat, you'll see that your vacation isn't really. really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates.

Fly better. You all saw the heiress tour. Now it's time to go backstage. Discover the story behind the phenomenal heiress tour in Taylor Swift, the end of an era, on Disney Plus. This illuminating docu-series lifts the curtain on Taylor's life as her tour made headlines and thrilled fans around the world. Experience never-before-seen footage in this streaming event for the eras,

including the final show in Vancouver. Taylor Swift, the end of an era. Streaming Friday only on Disney Plus. Pierre. Yes. What's new? Well, I'm very, very sad to say that this will be my final episode

of Frank Off the Radio. What? I've got a job as Captain Hook. You'd be a good Captain Hook, actually. I think if I could get stiff enough wax for the mustache because you need a big twizzily... Stop going on about Captain Hook.

You've just said you're leaving. I'm devastated. Yes, I'll be... I mean, we did have a heads off. Yes, yeah. This would be a hell of a hell of a thing to drop out of nowhere post Hook chat. Yes, I'm off.

I will be able to explain why next year it's to do with having more time to do lots and lots of writing. I can't officially say what. But next year I will be able to, if I meet my deadlines and it will make a lot more sense.

So for now, he's just going to say, I'm leaving to spend more time with my family. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, like a disgraced MP. What happens if you get disgraced and you don't have a family as an MP? You're just a single gentleman. So you're leaving for better work. Yeah. I'm leaving for more work on my own

as opposed to having fun in Spiritland with you guys. Well, I'm devastated. And I know we'll both massively miss you. I think of Sir Thomas Wyatt's. They flee. from me that some time did me seek. Oh, Frank, you always have to spoil things.

Well, I remember you're saying that on tour in the car after we'd sort of get back in from our services or something. It's his favourite phrase. It is true. Well, it's a phrase I use more and more often. I mean, it's either that I can, if anyone asked me how the podcast

going, I'll say, I'm afraid Pierre Novelli didn't renew my contract. My other catchphrase. I've got used to rejection. I'm fine with it now. That was the last, one of the last times you said, you quoted that poem was one of the last time

someone called you Skinner. It was that young man at the services in Cumbria when we were getting that Sunday roast at that very fancy services, you me and Omar. Was that around, was that when the day you'd chop that big sycamoree down? Well, you guys kept watch. Yeah, exactly. We didn't know what he was going to do.

He said, just hold my beard. it was one of those. Oh, yeah, I'm gutted or leaving. No, yeah. I have to say something. I genuinely think I'm maybe like 12% more intelligent just from having been in close proximity to you. I think you absorb it.

No, that's very kind. I think you mean 12% more pedantic. Oh, yeah, maybe I am more dantic. Yeah, crowboring facts. Fundamentally change me. Well, likewise. There you go. Likewise.

Well, we'll miss you. Where does this leave the wedding? What do you mean? Are we still invited? Of course. I did think that. You will be shot if you show up. I've got a man.

I just think you might want that table for your new friends. My new friends, my laptop. Do you think we'll go in there and there'll be like a table and it'll be like with the catering stuff and then it'll be like, shame. It'll be. It will be. You know, when Prince Harry invited four ex-girlfriends to his wedding. We're not ex-girlfriend this time. Well, we're thought of exes.

We're not. I always thought with Prince Harry, he should have gone up to these four women. It's Chelsea Davy and all, they've gone up to him and done that bullseye. Let's see what you would have won. Oh, God, Frank. And they've got into the gold tariff. It's not like that anymore. We do conscious uncoupling now.

Okay. So this is a conscious uncoupling. You won't come to the wedding. be sat at what I have termed in my head at the many weddings I've been to the goblin table. There's always a goblin table. Well, that sounds great. Is it slightly higher?

Frank will love it on the goblin table. Oh, well. Who you got? So this is going to be your last show then? Yes. I'm afraid so. I'm afraid so. Well, don't look at me. He's left of... I haven't sacked him. He's left of his own accord. I know.

I know. I'm just sad. I should spend more time staring in frustration at my Microsoft Word document. Can you imagine if we found out he says this, oh, I've got to go, and then we see he's doing a podcast with David Bedeal. Well, he does two other podcasts. I do.

In my shed. He looked at his three podcasts and thought, hmm, which one? Yeah. He's expendable. I keep doing the one that's in my shed. Yeah. Well, look, who we're going to get?

Yeah. You can't start saying that now, Frank. Yeah, well, no, as the search is on. It's Philip. Pierre's only here for another. 10 minutes. You have to learn to do endings nicely. Say goodbye and all this. How do you solve a problem like novelli? That's what it is now.

So are you going to write a novel? You can't say. I can't say a few things, but I can't say yet. So I think it'd be difficult, wouldn't it? What? If you saw a novel and the writer was called Pierre Novelli, you'd think this is like a joke thing, isn't it?

It's calling himself novelli because he's written a novel. I'm not buying this. He's just, he's taking the pace. I've toyed with pseudonyms. It's not a very Googlerable name, my name. It has, it's hard to spell. It comes with disadvantages in that sense.

Yeah. At least we don't have that worry anymore. Look on the bright side. I did a gig in Luxembourg once, and the guy really sold it to me on like, you know, it's like 100 capacity crowd. It's all expats because it's Luxembourg and people work here for finance and things

and, you know, paid well. And I went, and there were no British people, people in the crowd at all. Because I think my name is Europe-McEurope face. And even though it was advertised as English-language comedy, there are only two British people there out of the hundred. And one Irish guy and everyone else was there from Portugal and France and Germany. How did it go?

It's tough because I was hoping to use idioms and cultural references. And instead it was a sort of a halting kind of UN meeting. What do you want us to do with your post? If anyone sends in messages, would you like them past them? Oh, God. Yeah, I'm not driving you to university. That's what me and you are like, yeah. Bye.

Bye, well. Enjoy little. Got a bit of room now. It's like when they say when they end of relationship, have a nice life. I remember I said that to someone. I can believe that. What was the response?

I think I said enjoy the rest of your life. That sounds like a threat. This was before I got famous. It was less of a threat. Oh, yeah, that's true. It was less of a... Just, you know, I'm switching all the lights off now on your life. We have heard from the outside world, but I don't think it's appropriate,

given it the news you've just shown. It should be about you. No, I think it's appropriate. It's your Martine McCutcheon moment. No, the listeners. The readers must come first. What do we think? Well, I'm waiting for the producer to queue up the long compilation of his best bits. Oh, yeah.

Well, sort of the soaring orchestral music. Let's go over to it. Now. Uh-huh. Do-da-da-da. You're a big black-and-white photo of me fading in above the projector. If we just played that bit

when Pierre accused me being a joke thief with a bit of music under it. Do you know what? That was one of the worst moments in my life. I'm honestly not exaggerating. Not in your life, surely. No, I'm putting that above death. It was honestly all...

You haven't died yet, so you can't... But people close to me have, and that's up there. It was bad, Frank. Yeah, I won't miss that. No. It's, I don't know what we're going to do. Oh, Hank, you can't just say that on the podcast. People are listening.

You can't just go, you're going to call this podcast? I don't know what we're going to do. We have to sort this, on fair. What will become of us? You can't sound so despairing and hopeless. I have forgotten. No one lined up, though. Yeah, but Frank, don't say that to people.

Because we want to give... It used to be really good this podcast. I thought it was going to be... I thought we had some of Spankel going on. I felt like there was a real... But then, you know, this has happened to so many wives over the years. Suddenly they become cold and then they've got...

Oh, God. Yeah? If that doesn't win me X Factor, I don't know what will. We've got to win a golden lobe. This will be a lobe. Golden lobe. Yeah, I don't think I'm going next year. Why?

What are they going to invent this time? Because you went last year? I know. It'll be like... I felt very old at the lobe. I felt very old at the lobe. I felt very... The oldest I've ever felt at the lobes.

I feel pretty old now. I do. Our child's leaving us. Oh, yeah, our child's going. You're hulking brute of the sun. I mean, I have to say, there is, the overbearing feeling is got, it feels like a really bad review of this podcast.

Frank, you've got to stop taking everything about you. But you can't have a back. You know, an audience talks with his feet. What do you, are you enjoying? Oh, bye! Anyway. We're back on football cock now with the goodbye to the crowd. Talking of which, I got, I did something.

awful. I got Pierre a nice card. Because, you know, ladies do all these things, don't they? We do the little touches. I don't go, what are you doing that for? It's an odd thing to go to card, isn't it? When someone's leaving, no, that's normal, Frank. That's what you do. But if you got, if you got, if you got,

what do you do on someone's ladies? When I've been dumped in relationships... You haven't been dumped, Frank. I went out with a woman. Somebody, it's not dumped you. I went out with a woman and she said, I just want to tell you, for our entire relationship I've been seeing someone else.

I didn't say, oh no, I'll just nip into Clinton. You didn't say, could I get that in writing? Yeah, no, I'll get you a card. No, but other people have worked here in the left. I'm going to give you a card for dumping. Other people are leaving a job. Leaving a job is not dumping someone. This is not leaving a fucking legend.

Leaving a lifestyle. Yeah. Anyway, I got you a card. No, that was nice to get a card. Yeah, but I thought it was. Well done, you. I thought it was, frank, but now I'm panicked. and Pierre was polite about it

but it's from a very trendy sort of East London card shop and I don't understand the young... That's you saying we're not as old as you're washed up as you think we are. I wanted to... Just the final sting in the tail. I still got it. You misjudged me. So anyway, it's got a picture of what I thought was a cow with a chicken on the top

saying I love our weird friendship and why I liked it is it's this tiny chicken on top of the cow, you know, who would have thought? thought these two could be friends, but they are. I then look closer, and I'm worried it's a cock and a bull, and I think there might be something sexual. I don't know.

Something feels off to me, that I think there's a joke or something. You've got a sort of a card intended for the S&M community. I think it's a sex card, and I'm worried your partner's going to see it. What if his partner sees it? And also the weird friendship sounds like we... That'll take the awkwardness at the wedding, I think. Can you please reassure her? I thought that was a counter chicken.

Yes, I'll quote you directly. I didn't know it was a cop. I got him. I got him a car and it's just me as Miss Havisham. Gaze in every day in wedding cake. Cobbweb. With Frank off the radio logo. Where is he?

When's he coming back? I will say it to me. my fiancée, Emily says she didn't know it was a sex card. It's not, oh please, don't put that thought in her head. It wasn't. It was just a lovely innocent card, but these young people... You never know. They put a twist on things. I didn't know. I don't understand this new sex ways.

I don't know if they have cards that community yet. Yes, there's a lot of things you don't know about. No, I'm sure there is. I haven't done any field work for a long time. Well, you don't know about polyamory and stuff, do you? I mean, you know what it is. I've read Pollyanna. I don't think you can go into Clinton's cards

and get a card that says to a beloved gimp or something Well, you can't go into Clinton's cards full stop As you both well know these days No, no paper chess Because of me I had a tour manager Who constantly used to go on about Clinton's cars Being the hottest shop on the high street

He said I can't go in there It's too fucking hot They spent all that money on I thought you meant metaphorically I thought I don't think so No no he meant that they crank up the heat in there. Yes, yeah, to grandma heat levels.

That's who's buying the cards. Well, those furry bears holding a satin heart need to be kept warm, don't they? Less the mildew. No, I think that was in the Old Compton Street card shop, you, any. That's definitely more of the kind of card you were worried about, fairy bears. So, yeah. I think we should do a little bit outside world. The listeners need a look at it.

Okay, let's do a bit. Yeah, let's feel a bit of outside world. No. Someone from Pierre next week. Just a string of obscenities. Yeah, exactly. You'll be outside world. How dare you?

So we might as well bridge you. We might as well have a ramp. That's true. I just don't want to be tasteless. Go on. I don't want, as I believe it was said in Hamlet, the funeral meets to furnish forth the wedding table. I don't want to get this wrong.

I think it was also said a man can smile. and smile and be a villain. Thanks. Okay, sorry. Okay. This is from Liz. Dear Frank Emily and Pierre, listening to Frank recalling Dudley Zoo,

do you remember that, Frank? Yes. Brought back a childhood memory. It was quite a big deal to go on a day trip, and I can remember being so excited when my mum announced we were going to Dudley Zoo. I also remember being absolutely traumatised at the sight of a single polar bear

swaying its head back and forth as it stood on a concrete plinth. That was a... That was a mint, she saw. So just to confirm, Dudley Zoo did have exotic animals, but they were very, very sad. Yeah.

Well, I think that's... I was... You know, there's a story when I was still in a push chair that this... We went to the monkey house thing and this monkey was like did like a big egg shape fully extended arms and legs on the bars and pissed all over me I always said I still remember the sound of chimp urine against hand

knitted cardigan it's a very specific sound but I don't I think I might remember the The polar bear on the plinths? The polar bear with the slow shaking head. Well, it might not have been there that long. We don't know what. I remember my mind being blown. It was probably a bear when it arrived,

just an ordinary bear. Just phased it. They left it in the window a bit long. The Birmingham weather. The bear, the grizzly, faded in Birmingham. Oh, man. White from shock. I remember being harsh.

hearing about long leit and stuff and they're having lions and thinking the hell do they do with them in winter they can't put them all in jumpers what do they do with them? I don't know. Lock them in a... Frank, do you know what they do?

I don't know what they fucking do with them. Frank, that's such a horrible way to end Pierre's loss and tow with that. You just said such a horrible, I don't know what they're like that. Well, I don't know. You know what they've done to us over the years.

in all that poor old tarsen it's a constant battle anyway Maisie Adam is on our next show not as the new person as a as a guest I think it might be just me and you with Maisie Adam that's all right

yeah you know a short notice that's okay I'm a pro dear yeah I mean I haven't called the job centre yet who'd be good though Will you shut up? Who would you pick?

You know, Alex Ferguson picked his successor at Man United. Did he? Yeah? There's an absolute disaster. If you ask it, like if I was leaving and you said who you'd replace it with, I'd say someone who was good but not as good as me. Oh, yes, you would do that. Of course, that'd be anyone.

Oh, my God. Anyway, Pierre, good luck with your mysterious new life. My big project. Thank you. It's not a mysterious new life. He's just, he's going to... Well, he can't tell us what he's doing, because it's secret project.

No, but he will tell us next year. And then we'll see... And then we'll have an opportunity to listen to the podcast. He will tell... You'll be speaking to us next year. He will, Frank. Why is your objection sensitivity so high? Well, I never heard from that woman who was going out for some...

Actually, she did get... She did get in touch. Oh. Who did it? That woman who said I was going out with someone else for the whole relationship. Why did she get back in touch? I think she thought... You're leaving. Why are we talking about a woman?

I'm part, yeah. Yeah, the phrase short shrift springs to mind. Yeah, we'll miss you. I'll miss you guys. And so much. And it's been a joy. And I would call you a diamond, but I worry about that because you're South African, you might think that's blood diamond. And also, you're shaped like one.

Yes. Which makes it a bit awkward. I mean, an ethically sourced to diamond. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Attrackable diamond. Not one of those blood diamond. Not the name.

Campbell ones, you know. I don't, I think it was far. I don't really want to talk about that. We don't know enough about it. It's not our culture. We don't know about blood diamonds. No, exactly. I'm still apologising for a fucking polar bear probably died in the 70s. I'm not going into blood diamond.

Anyway, how long have you been with us, Pierre? If we count the radio show? Yeah. Oh, man. Don't bring that out. How long is it? Is it three years? Three?

Three and a bit? Three years, that's longer than most. Certainly longer than a woman who's seen someone else the whole time. I wonder what, yeah. Well, look, you've been very funny indeed. Thank you, likewise. It's weird. No, that's true, funny and interesting.

He has. It's been a pleasure. Which is good. And, you know, many hours in cars and backstage at theatres. Turns out it meant fucking nothing. It's free. Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know?

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.