The Frank Skinner Show - Flossing

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

This week Frank reveals a surprising beach-look he once sported and shares a possible new podcast idea. Plus, rating Dads, Finnish Duolingo and dentures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And you can watch every match for free on Dazone, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at Dazone.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash FIFA. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that Parsh radio, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. This is Frank off the radio, I'm joined by Emily Dean and Piena Veli, follow the podcast on X, still called that, and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio.avalonuk.com, you can WhatsApp us, I'm going to pick one at random. 07457, 4177, 69. What was that one? That one I wrote out randomly.

What a surprise. You landed on 69. Ah lovely. So I was at the Tube station this morning coming in. There's an underground system in London. Busy it is. And I think I might mention this before as a phenomenon, but I saw a particularly fine example today. It's busy obviously. You know, it was Tottenham Court Road. It's a busy station. So there's a woman turning a corner at the station and a bloke coming round the other way and they just walk straight into each other. She staggered backwards and he sort of went, ah.

Did he go a bit what I like to call these days Robert Powell? No, he didn't go that far. But it still amazes me that people approach a blind corner like that in a crowded thing. And then are aghast that there's someone coming in the opposite direction. That has never occurred to them until it happens. It's very strange. It's like they're trying to minimize their track time on a race course. Take every corner as tightly and as quickly as possible. Yeah, but on a race course they're all going in the same direction. That's what helps. And it is, you're right, it's this idea that the other person is necessarily

encroaching on their space. Yeah, what were they thinking of? Combarding around the corner like that. My corner. I'd like to know your reaction. How do you all react if that happens and you run into someone? What noise do you make? See, I don't because I'm always expecting someone to come round the corner, some loser to take the tight corner. Go on. Oh yeah, of course you do. Oh, maybe I should adopt that. What if a bloke walked into me and I went, aah! Is that like the bloke in La Cajou 4?

Yeah, that would be. But man, what, I know life can throw the odd curveball when you're not expecting it, but some things you are able to make allowances for in the future. True. Or learn, but they won't learn. My, my. We were singing before this podcast began and we were singing the thong song, which I don't remember much of it, but I do remember thong, thong, thong, thong. I also remember, let me see that thong. Oh, okay. That was all he asked. That was all he wanted. Simple request. I had a bit of a short revelation about the whole nature of thonging. I went on holiday

and I was all set on doing some sombathing. It was in the days when I tried to join in with the beach holiday thing, which I've now realized is an idiot's pastime. But it was something I thought maybe I should try and give it a go. And the woman I was going out with liked to get a tan. And I think it was sort of pre-fake tan. So it's when if you saw someone with a tan you'd say, oh have you been away? Which if you said that now they would, no I went to that shop down the road. Anyway, so I bought a thong to wear, you know, because I thought I might as well get everything as tanned as I can. I don't want to lie naked, but I might as well get my buttocks tanned. Sorry, you bought a thong for you?

Yeah, you can get men's thongs. Thanks, Skinner. Yeah. There's a famous picture of Peter Stringfellow, the owner of, well, Stringfellow's, turned out to be a Stringfellow. Oh, now you're really selling thongs to me. Anyway, so I just, I went, I forget where it was. Marks and Spencer. Near range of woollen men's thongs.

What colour was the thong? It was black. Oh, it's so sleazy. What colour would have been alright? At least white. It feels a bit... White is a risky. White would have been the most rash...

A white tail I see as a threat. Oh, I don't know. Black is a bit... But that's after I've washed. A black thong. Who do you think you are, Ronaldo? A white thong. I might as well carry shit on a plate ahead of me.

Anyway, so I was playing cricket post-holiday, I got home, and I was getting dressed and suddenly the whole dresser was... I mean, probably arguably the best laugh I've ever got. And I couldn't work out, it was the tan line of my thong. Of your thong, thong, thong, thong? Of my thong. So you had a kind of sexy ladies thin string tan line? Yeah, that thing. But it's the first time it had ever occurred to me, there was any stigma about the thong at all. And it came, like, there was no no stigma no one had said anything on the beach or anything a lot of them didn't speak English I suppose they might have

been saying it but so I had no idea I think they were saying why didn't he go for a nice white much more okay it's no blanco Blanco. Exactly. Is he afraid of shit? So I knew nothing about the stigma and then I knew everything in like 12 voices all raised together in derision. Did you feel more liberated and freer with it? No, because if someone laughs at your thong, then the next day you just don't wear a thong. Someone laughs at your thong tan line, you're sore to stop with it. You have to go and get some felt tips and line them up in the mirror next to your flesh and try and figure out which one. Pretty difficult, wouldn't it?

When you had, during your thong era, did you ever have the thong intentionally raised above the waistband? Which I seem to recall, do you remember that was a sort of look? When I wore, I didn't wear it, I only wore it to sombeys. When I put trousers on I went back to a normal. What's happened to the thong then? Where is it now? The museum on the Isle of Wight isn't it? No I use it for shaving. I use it as I've fitted it to a board and I use it to cut cheese. Oh man. So you know I learnt the hard way. You did? Simple as that. Well, you know, Cisco would have approved. Yeah, was that it saying that song? Cisco sung thong thong? Thong thong thong. For me it was thong thong thong. It went like that in the reaction to it. So it was Father's Day last week. Oh,

did you get treated well? Brand new thong? The, er, pardon? The pristine new thong. Oh, Cap would never buy him a thong. My thong days are way, way behind me. I don't know what it would look like. Some may argue you never had your thong days. It would look like an elephant in a rugby cap.

You shouldn't have invested in all those Father's Day thongs. I haven't seen a single one. Also, I can't find Tuesday. My Tuesday thong. Have you ever had days of the week pants? I don't know where you'd put an insignia on a thong. Have you ever had days of the week pants? Never.

Oh, I have. But I did, I remember being on a bus once and a woman brought a baby on that had a bib. She was feeding it from a bottle or something and it was the wrong day and it really pissed me off. I thought if you're gonna get day bibs, what are you teaching this kid? The days don't matter. And pretty soon you'll, you know, they'll be thinking people don't matter. Yeah you're raising a murderer. Yep. That's a fine line. Next thing you know you're a Netflix doc. So I got... Could you tell me about your father's day? Yeah so I got I got a card which was Mandalorian based you know Mandalorian. Is that Star Wars? It is Star Wars.

It's a Star Wars spin-off series. Good work. And it features what I like to call Baby Yoda. Oh, I love anything to do with the Yoda universe. Yeah, well... Who is Baby Yoda? So is Baby Yoda the child of Yoda? Well, it's complicated. Baby Yoda. What is it? Relationship on Facebook? It's complicated. Well, Baby Yoda. Everyone called him Baby Yoda because...

But no one puts him in the corner. It's a bit like if you called every Chinese child Baby Mao. You just get one famous representative of that race. It wasn't anything to do with the same race. You're basically saying, oh he looks like that other character who's a member of the same species. So it wasn't anything to do with Yoda apart from it was like his race. So it's actually called Grogu. Anyway, I was pleased with that. And then I got a, have you ever seen these things where they're sort of like, they're folded paper and they're sort of corrugated in such a way that you can put a picture on one side and

if you walk around the other side it's a different picture, have you seen those? So it's like a fan. So on one side it was William Hartnell, the first doctor and when I walked round a bit to the right it became Matt Smith, the 11th doctor and Boz had made it at school. Brilliantly. Very pleased with that. Let me think accordion players and this in a bit of a... I love that the young people still make things. It's a dying art Frank. It is. So I get special privileges on Father's Day. I do what I want in the day and on the night I

pick what's on telly and everyone has to watch it. We get reverse on Mother's Day and as you know on, I think I told you on Ghostbusters Day recently, we actually watched Ghostbusters 2016 which is the feminist version where the Ghostbusters are all women. It was brilliant in case you haven't seen it out there. Yeah. What does Kath pick for her day? She likes documentaries about sex workers. Yeah, she does. I try not. She won't mind me saying that. She does. Women's prison. She likes women's prison sex workers. She'll text me and go, I've seen a brilliant one.

Lighthearted mother's day. And I know there's going to be something terrible. It means I put the telly on and I go to the listings and it says, because you watched Grandmothers Who Kill. And then it's a list of other terrible, horrific things I'd never watched in a million years. You might enjoy Kentucky's top poisonings. Exactly. I'll sometimes make sure there sure anything good I can watch and I just think, oh God, let me go

into the darkest recesses of my brain. I said, oh, there was something about someone who conned everyone by pretending to be terminally ill. I love it. I'm in. Yeah, but so I, when I go out, when I take Buzz out, that's our 13 year old child, when I get back in, she'll say, I just watched the end of this, you know. Yeah, well, I took his head off with a car, it wasn't really a car or a knife, just sort

of a basic kitchen knife. It was tough, the spine was kind of tough, kind of tough. Oh God, help me switch this off, please. Terrified. It's all right, darling. Mummy's just watching her program. Oh no. Terrible drab. Oh God. Anyway, what's Frank's choice? It's always a very Walmart looking sort of guy with a mustache just going, well, then

I opened the case and about 20 heads. Yeah, but this was just lying there and looking at me. I've never seen anything like it. But this, the cat goes for women. She's quite feminist when it comes to murder. So- She's an equal opportunity. I think women have earned the right to kill as many people as men have been killing after

the years. So I spent the afternoon, this is going to make me, well I don't care what it makes me sound like, I spent the afternoon on a recliner in the garden reading John Dryden's translation of the Aeneid. That doesn't really match with Father's Day vibes. All the cards are like, have a beer if you can stop farting long enough. I didn't see the Dryden related cards. If you can stop rattling that thong. Can you imagine if you asked me, hello I'm looking for a Father's Day card with a Dryden

theme, ideally related to the translation of the NEA. I don't suppose you happen to have one. And in the evening we watched Forbidden Planet. Oh yes. Now do you know that, it's a 1950s sci-fi film which is regarded as a classic. So was the musical based on that then? Yes. The shop's based on it, everything, it's really seen as seminal. Anyway, I remembered it. The musical version of The Tempest. Right. I remembered it as being great. In fact, it was shit. Oh no. A sci-fi film. Yeah. But was it shit as in endearing?

No, it was shit as in I could see, I kept looking across at Kat's face and the fury, the suppressed fury. Oh, there's no one in Leggings saying, I shot them all. I guess I thought that's when it was time to poison my children. No, but I mean, I, you know, I accept that there's always going to be a little bit of, you know, dodgy political philosophy in an old film. Oh no. The sexism in it was absolutely on. I thought, I'm appalled by this.

There's like this, the young girl who's lived with a Morbius on this planet has never seen like men before. And the men arrive and literally say, well, have you ever heard of kissing? Let me, she's like about 17. And then another guy says, Hey, you need to go back a bit. Yeah, I bet I do. Remember who you're talking to. And he pulls rank and then he starts snogging. It's really disgusting. And it's a boring, I'm sorry, it's a boring film. I remembered it as being grey. And they thought I was loving it so they put up with it.

Oh, so they endured. Oh, and it's like when I went back to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, terrible, terrible rubbish. Most films are shit, right? They are though, aren't they? I mean, cut Frank, that is quite a big statement. If you think of how many films you've seen, if I asked you to put the ones you thought were really good into a category, it's gonna be a small percentage. Would you say, you're probably right in that I dislike more films than I love films. Everyone does, and you probably only watch the best films.

Oh, thank you. Remember when, you know when you go to a theatre and it says an actor's credits and it says like film, Sunday in a firefight, Methuselah backwards. I think what are these? I've never heard of any of these because they've been so terrible they've never been seen by anyone. Yeah. I think it depends on the era. No it doesn't. Oh my god you're so argumentative. 50 Marvel films a year it's sort of hard to pick through them and find.

Yeah but I can't watch those things. Well I can only watch those and DC. Well no wonder you don't like films if that's your diet. Terrible, terrible films. When you watch films do you think none of these characters are the Hulk at all? Well, no, watch, I think who likes this? Who did this and thought yeah we're pleased with this we'll put this out? No, they're thinking oh god we're gonna have to put it out anyway. I would love... We're not gonna put this out,

we've got to put it out, it's in the contra. Yeah, but it's... I know. But we're putting it out. Hey, Pierre, I would love a film podcast with Frank Skinner. Yeah. Who likes this? I'm not saying there are no good films. I'm saying there are tiny...

If there was any other genre where the percentage... Trading places. That's in my top five. Okay, but you're naming one film out of thousands. We don't just want this podcast to be me sitting here naming films. Naming films? There's plenty of those podcasts. No Frills delivers.

Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. Who is the best dad in the world? You often get that, to the best dad in the world, and you think there must be one bloke who absolutely deserves this. Yeah. It's a tough one isn't it? When I was growing up you used to get people called Super Dad in the paper, but they were blokes with like

16 kids living on benefit. Used to get a picture of Super Daddy having a beard and all these kids around him and he looked like monstrous. Super dad, doesn't know contraception. Does that American guy, the terminator, no the sperminator, the sperminator has had 176 kids. What? Yeah. Awful isn't it? Presumably.

He needs to keep it in that thong. Indirect means. He does, well someone, some indirect, I think he prefers actual insertion if it's... Frank, I don't want to know his method. That's on his rider. Isn't he, isn't he, there's something, he's a bit Robin Hood, the sperminator. I think, I don't think he charges... Rubbing Hood?

I don't... I don't think he charges... Oh God, that's made me feel ill. But he, I don't think he charges. Oh god, that's made me feel ill. But I don't think he charges. That's kind of him. I don't charge for mine either. I don't, but I haven't had a 176. Well that's good, because I wouldn't be paying for either of them. Well people don't contact me.

Just FYI. Is he particularly desirable? Is he sort of tall strapping Harvard graduate kind of thing? He is a bit that. Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Oh, is he a bit Winklevite-y? Yeah, I think he's a maths guy. Oh, now you're talking. He certainly can multiply.

Yeah, he can. I bet he can divide as well. But he has to. No, apparently sometimes he'll just, you know, he'll send a jar. And then other times, he'll actually do the act. Gosh. I wonder how far in did he think this is who I am now? I could get really good at the violin and it wouldn't be what people remembered me for. Exactly. It doesn't matter. Also I have to keep charging the strings. Does him doing the act then?

As I said with my thong. You ought to be able to change the string on a thong like you can on a guitar. Or tune it. Well I mean when it just becomes, you know, uncleanable. Can you please tell me when you stop both being sleazy? I think I'm talking about domestic matters like cleaning. What, a man sending a sperm in a jar, Frank? But it's the sperminator.

He does... Don't try and justify it and clean it up. He robs from the... I don't know what he robs from. His testicles. He robs from the poo. When you say sometimes he does the act, I don't like that. That's if they ask.

If they say, I'd rather have it. No, that's when he's seen a photo, isn't it? Let's be honest. No, I don't know. I get the impression he's all right. I could be wrong. I think he might have retired now, I don't know. I get the impression he's all right. I could be wrong. I think he might have retired now I read somewhere. He's building an army.

I think he's got a girlfriend, he's settled down, he's saving it. I think the costs of his retirement are pretty well covered. 176 earning kids. He's bred a lot of carers to look after him. Now what I remember is... Carried around like a con. He's getting sued by some of the women now for support. The sperminator in a shot. I might send them my...

I might send them my thong. Anyway, sorry, I don't know where we've gone onto the sperminator. Well, I think that'd be you two. Dad of the Year. Oh, Dad of the Year. Super dad. You know I'm always a bit suspicious when people have mugs saying number one dad. Yeah. I think no I don't think you are really. Well I could say who is. Do you need to buy the mug?

I'd like to know who is the world's best dad. Would it be fun to be given a mug that sort of said you know that sort of the hash you know number and then and then, you know, 784th best dad. I appreciate that. That's still quite high. I'd be happy with 794th. Yeah. I would, yeah. That's up there.

Okay. Now, if I may interrupt this talk of thongs and sperm in a jar. We're actually talking about writing dads. Okay, yes, of course you are. May I share some of our readers' delightful correspondence with you? You certainly... Well, you sound a bit hesitant. No, I wasn't. I wasn't hesitant. Go on. I'm not really... I want to hear what they've got to say. I miss them. Okay. We've had a number of people get in touch with us, Frank. Do

you remember you were recently talking about, there was a teeth-related incident you had, when you, a teeth-related incident, you were talking about a dental procedure you had? Yes, I had six teeth out and when I went to bed that night, my underpants were on the wrong way round. Not a thong? No. You couldn't do it with a thong, could you? No. It turns out you were lucky, because Matt says, hello to the three of you, Matt of several places, very long time listener, first time correspondent, I send praise, feel free to

redact. Okay. Now, nowadays, we're gathering as much as we can. Well, we may. Yeah, exactly. You were talking about tooth reduction. He says reduction. Do you think he means? Removal. Reduction? Extraction.

Yeah, extraction. In the West Midlands in days of yore. It brought to mind my grandparents, Darleston born and bred. Have you heard of that? Of course. Okay. In the interwar years... I think it was a big chain making place. Maybe nails. In the interwar years, my granddad's dentist said that his teeth were in a state that required removal, all 32 of them.

Nothing mentioned about cavities, just a precautionary measure. Over four sessions, he had all 32 teeth removed. My nan watched the prolonged distress he experienced over four sessions and decided her best option was to have all of her 32 healthy teeth removed. That was, yeah, I knew lots of people that did that. I don't think I knew anyone over 40 who had their own teeth. My sister-in-law got beautiful teeth. And my brother said to her, oh, you've got like vampire teeth at the side. So she had them all out. She was like 23. All of them? Yeah.

And now dentures done. Cause it was easier. You're getting drunk and just drop your teeth in a glass on the bedside table. Drop a Sterodent, a Everfest and tablet in. Got up in the morning, they were clean. But do you know, that's what they do now with veneers. You know, they file your teeth down. The stumps. You know these people who have veneers. They file them down to stumps. So you've got tiny little dagger teeth. The forefooters are horrible. Yeah. Horrible. Yeah.

Anyway, Matt continues, so that my nan had all 32 of her healthy teeth removed in one session even though there was nothing wrong with her teeth, the dentist agreed he whipped out all 32 over the course of a morning. I'm not sure what this says about the integrity of dentistry in Darleston in the 1930s or my nan's often acknowledged complete lack of rational thought. I think teeth were seen as an annoyance. They caused you pain, they were harder to clean, they gathered the tobacco yellowing quite badly. And so I'd just whip them out and get plastic ones.

It was a 21st birthday thing where Migraine grew up. Yeah, people would get it as a gift. What false teeth? To have all their teeth out. Well, Valerie on the subject... My dad just did it by arguing with people in pubs. She's cheaper. It was a piecemeal thing.

He's trying to get some really odd angled punches for the last few at the back. Valerie from East Sussex says, I was very interested to hear Frank's tale of modern dentistry during its most brutalist era. I too held from the West Midlands and had most of my milk teeth filled or removed in the 70s. The former procedure never seemed to involve enough anaesthetic. One of the things I found comforting was that the dentist kept his German Shepherd in the surgeries. And I would stroke it until the drugs took effect. Oh, early therapy dog idea. And I would stroke it until the drugs took effect. I was not aware that this was not the choice of most dentists.

Another hygiene issue, my mother once observed the shirt tail of the dentist hanging out over his trousers, having previously been nestled in his nether regions. Unfortunately it bore the marks of poor personal hygiene. His downfall came when he was struck off in the early 80s. What for that? No, unfortunately a patient passed away in his chair. Oh gosh. The dentist!

I'm not sure what happened to the dog but he was not implicated in negligence or disgraceful conduct. I wish we'd have had the dog. It might have stopped my pants coming off in a moment of defense. The dog is just here, not for you, but for the dentist. Yeah, the dog is just to stop me turning people's pants around. I've tried everything. It would be quite a good idiom. You'd say, you know, fit as a butcher's dog. He was as protective as a dentist's dog. I think it's a good idea having an Alsatian in the surgery. Yeah. That would worry me. I think once you're unconscious,

I think once you're unconscious that you're meat as far as that Alsatian's concerned. You know that French woman who went unconscious and the dog bit her face? Oh, Isabelle? Yeah, Isabelle something. They don't care. You become meat once you're asleep. Oh Frank, that puppy wouldn't see you as meat. They said it was running around the room with her face. I said at the time, they say you get to look like your dogs. Oh Frank. Anyway, I... What are we going to call

this podcast? A man with sperm in a jar and a dog eating your face? Well it's dentists and thongs, what are we going to call it? Dental floss. Flossing? Flossing. Very good Frank. Talking of dogs, we have, it was actually a picture we had in from Emily Jane Smith of, is it Henley or Henley? I'm not sure. Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, whilst visiting the beautiful Hathasageian Derbyshire, we noticed this brilliant example of nominative determinism at Dog Friendly Cafe run by a Mrs Bone. Oh, that is good. Real kids' book stuff. Yeah.

Also, Frank, you've been told off by 521. Re-contact lenses. Contact lenses shouldn't be flushed down the loo. The microplastics will get into the water system. You'll have to find something else to target your pee. Pain to target in your loo perhaps? Well maybe I can just piss in the bin. And the recycling. Can you imagine if Kath came down and saw your wing in the bin?

Oh, someone's almost spiling it. Microplastics, you know, the word micro suggests to me tiny, tiny difference. When you say spoiling it, what exactly are they spoiling for you? Well look, I don't have, you know, I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. I'm married. Pissing my disposable contact lenses off the side of the toilet is all I've got left. An Englishman's home is his castle. We heard from Paul about, we were discussing, Emily, you were saying you hated people with their pinkies up when they're sipping, when men do that. Not just men, women do it as well.

Yeah, I just don't like it. It used to be a sign of refinement. Well Paul gets in touch with an interesting potentially urban legend explanation. Okay. If Emily doesn't like it when a man has their pinky extended that's a good thing. This is from memory not Google so maybe an urban myth but I believe in the past to stick your little finger out whilst drinking at a social event meant that you had an STI. And it was code for, I've got an STI so if you have one as well that's fine. A lovely thoughtful gesture from Paul. Yeah, but wouldn't you need to have the same STI?

Well that's what I mean. They probably just thought it was all, it is all pox. But it was probably different nail varnish colours you could use. Like people, there used to be a thing that they said that men had different coloured handkerchiefs in their back pocket to suggest what kind of sex they were wearing. That was Polari, is it? Well, Polari is a language, isn't it? Oh, OK. It's a type of slang.

Do you speak it? No, but I know some of it, like legs are lallies and stuff like that. Oh, OK. There used to be, incredibly... Should we just say what was it about? Was it a 1960s thing before it was legal? There used to be a radio show called Round the Horn, which was on in like, I think maybe late 50s. And there were two characters on, somebody and Julian. They were gay men, it was never said that, because you couldn't have said it there.

And they talked in Polari on it. I mean, it's kind of really hiding in plain sight. Brilliant. So yeah, it used to be a sort of Soho gay secret language. I don't know if anyone still speaks it. It's a mixture of sort of Cockney rhyming slang, general English slang, Romani slang. Oh was it? Yeah, there's a sort of Romani dialect in there. It's a weird language So we start speaking it. Yeah, yeah from now on we're in so huh? Oh, it's not a duolingo That with an owl wearing sort of ball game. Yeah a sort of Motorcycle leatherman Grind You can learn Polari called Leatherman Owl. Looking like the village people. What if there was a Duolingo Grinder

copra? You can learn Polari. It's a good, it's got some really good... They should theme the duo, the duo I believe, duo the... It's called the Owl. That's the name of the Owl. Yes, the Owl duo. duo the... Lashuette? That's the name of the owl. Yes, the owl duo. And that's why a lot of the questions revolve, a lot of the exercises revolve around questions to duo. Like, duo, you look rather beautiful today. Well my son's away at camp so I'm having to continue his 453 day streak on Duolingo. Yes, he and I became friends on... But my Finnish is not great. Oh, how are you finding it, Frank? Well, it's incredibly difficult, so I have to write down the corrections and then do them next time around.

But Finnish, I've got nothing to hold on to at all. It sounds really, well, foreign is the word I'm after. But it's not related to any other European language, apart from sort of Estonian and Hungarian. Hungarian, I heard, it's got some connections, yeah. How's that going to help you? It's really heavy on the accents and envelopes. And the letter K. Oh, yeah. Do you want three letter Ks in a row? So yeah, so I'm keeping that going for him work. He can't have his phone with him.

I think that is so lovely. No phone camp. Isn't that? No phone camp. So that's what that was actually. That's my, uh, that's my avatar description on Grindr. Look, we've got, um, on that, we've got a guest next time. Oh yes.

I know. Why do you say that? It's Mark Watson actually. Oh yes, I like him. He's come, I've gone for a dog walk with him. Have you? You've gone for a dog walk with everyone. I've had them all, dear.

Yeah, Mark Watson, the comedian who I think might have been going longer than me. Really? Not many people can say that. I think so, but he doesn't look old and rancid like I do. I'm saying nothing. How do you account for that? Anyway, anyway. You're a very kind man. Yeah, that's it. So I'm basing it all on kindness. That's what George Rinder said to the man in Italy he didn't fancy he was set up on

a date with. And Ryan said, what was he like, babe? And do you know he was very kind. I was talking to a friend who went speed dating last night. How was it? She said she had a man who sat down and said, what kind of film you like? What's your favorite food? Where have you had good holiday? And it was like, oh dear, this is not how it works. And he did like, it was like a checklist. Yeah, but like, come on,

at the border. I'd have asked him to identify, I think, railway tracks on a grid or something. She said, I couldn't, I could just get the answer out and he was in with an, and it was real, that stuff, like, what's your favourite kind of food? She said, I never asked, I never got to ask anything at all. He doesn't do small talk. Some people don't understand. But she said after she could hear in the distance, yes, and what do, what if you have fish? What fish? Everyone got exactly

the same question. He's been told women like it when you ask questions. Yeah, papers please! Oh Frank, he's read a book, it's heartbreaking. Oh man, people shouldn't if they're not ready for it. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frank off the radio at avalonuk.com