The Frank Skinner Show - Fragrant Bear

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Frank has received a parcel this week that the team can't believe. Frank's had an unpleasant experience on the tube and we have correspondence about wearing glasses and The Runnymede Scoundrels. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. There you are, pushing your newborn baby in a stroller through the park. The first time out of the house in weeks.

You have your Starbucks, venty, because, you know, sleep deprivation. You meet your best friend, she asks you how it's going, you immediately begin to laugh, then cry, then laugh cry, that's totally normal, right? She smiles, you hug, there's no one else you'd rather share this with. You know, three and a half hour sleep is more than enough. Starbucks, it's never just coffee. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh ladyo and the one with the French name

from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets to rain, close brackets, today. Hi, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalon UK.com. Also, on the Instagram front, Now, despite the ending, I think that's got a cold play feel to it.

Oh, do you? Yeah. Yeah. When you say despite the ending... Well, obviously they wouldn't have dirty boggers wouldn't be said. Well, they have them at their concerts, it seems. Do that? Yes.

What makes you say that? Well, there was quite famously a couple caught on the cold play cam recently. Did you not hear about this? No. Oh, yeah. Over to you. So, they're doing a sort of kiss cam thing or couples are swaying together during one of the romantic songs. Which is a very cold play thing and they go around and they say

oh lovely. Well you say that but I'd say it's from the same family as Tommy Lee's titty cam that he uses of motley groovy. This is a little bit more sort of cold play energy so it's lovely and then what happened Pierre? Well they

found a couple really clinging together and swaying the romance. In an embrace? Well no when they saw the cam and everyone went hey they both looked horrified and she ducked. What kind of a gig was it? It was a stadium gig. In a big stadium.

Oh, okay. They both looked horrified. She ducked, put her hands over and he looked horrified and sort of run away. And it's now emerged that they were having an affair. Oh, it's that one. Yes. I thought you meant that it was full penetration. No, why would you think that? It's such a weird thing. To the song yellow or something. Sky full of stars. Anyway, so what I mean is

Fix you. Now you've named one more Coldplay title than I'm aware of. Yellow, I'm still okay. Oh, really? Yeah, but after that. Well, you went to, we went to Coldplay together. We did, yeah.

I loved it. Kath wasn't impressed. When we were radio stars, we used to get invited to gigs. We did, um... We did a few together. Oh, I loved Ed Sheareran. We mainly did gigs that I wouldn't go to

in normal circumstance. Yes. But they were both. you know, they're talented people, let's face it. That's so kind of you. Anyway, what I'm saying is Colplay would approve of the filthy buggers, I would imagine. That's very on brand.

The drummer could have muttered it. As the camera caught them, maybe. I think you should lend it to them. I was a drummer, so? I thought it's just one person. Frank, what do you mean it's one person? Can you name a second Coldplay member other than Chris Martin? Yes, Guy, Merriman.

It's struggle It was a struggle And it's only because his wife's an interior designer Who I'm familiar with is that Berryman, Guy Berryman Oh, it's Merriman, Barryman I think it's the best level of fame to be Right, if you're just the bassist from Coldplay

Because you have all the fame and fun Of Coldplay concerts and the money And then no one No one comes to a house and Brexit That is a myth put about by people who aren't very famed It's much better To be famous, I'm just taking it from me.

I've done both. He likes people shouting, legend. I mean, I'm out in the cold, cold winter now. But when I was by the roaring fire of celebrity, it was nice. Yeah. Just saying, so don't let anyone tell you that. It's nice to be in the background. Is it?

Anyway. Oh, we were just talking about my school days. Yes, we were. Because I was in, I always think of you. as someone who has a reasonable smattering of German, and it's one of the things I love about you. And it suddenly occurred to me... Das is talking blurtsin.

Oh, do you know, I love that. Okay. It makes you about 17% more attractive. Oh, this is like the Adams family when Mortisha speaks French. And Garmes goes, oh, I love it. But I was intrigued because I assumed all of us did French at school. No, we didn't do French.

Why did you not do French? I went to what was called it. I don't know how long this experiment last. But there was grammar schools where you had to pass an exam when you were 11 to get to. And then there were secondary modern schools where it was for the first level of failure. But there was another level of failure, which was called the technical school. And the idea was that we would end up as maybe foreman and that in factories. So not just labourers, but a little bit higher than that, not management,

but just below. And so if we learnt German, German is a more industrial. If you needed to buy some rivets, French is going to be no good to you at all. Yeah. So, yeah, so we didn't have French at all. We did German.

Interesting. How would I say interesting in German? I don't know. It's always a sort of, what I like about German is it sounds vaguely English. Yes. It sounds like a sort of. I think the Germans are vaguely English.

Are they? Yeah. Yeah. I think they're the closest in Europe. Yeah, they're like queuing and making dry remarks. And beer. So his German is not a romance language, is it? Oh, God.

I'm pulling out of this. I can hear people switch. If they're going to talk about romance languages. And I do like a romance language. It's not, yeah. Okay. Okay, it's all right, you know, each of their own. Well, it stood me in good stead.

I bought some rivets just the other week and I said excuse me and he said completely he didn't know what I thought about he said I think you want the tiny cakes shop next door this is a place of industry and heavy business if I wanted Petit Bois for example

that would have stopped but we didn't know what that was then we did know what rivets were yes so there you are I have news I had a parcel arrive yesterday Guess what was in it I see a Zempick here It's gone up in price

A Zempick You know the Mondearo No I disapprove of a Zampi Do you why You should read my column in the New Statesman Have you done one of this month I've read previous ones I believe Well this one is just about a Zempic

Why do you disapprove or do we have to read it It was one line I was particularly proud of Which I thought no one will get this And I talk about when people miss their stop on a Zen peak and they keep going and they lose too much weight. And I said, and as I read it, I thought this is just for me. No one else will like this. And I said, and they end up looking like a art school drapery exercise.

I enjoy that. Now, that is when you copy, you draw drapery, whether it's clothes, robes and the folds, endless folds it's that skill but I thought I really hope they don't pull me up on this but the new statesmen are very as you'd imagine quite free with their journalists

they don't say I'll change this and do that good on them okay I'm going to read that they didn't hold you back not at all so go on this parcel the parcel arrived so you can't guess what it was

the head of an enemy no the head of an anemone That's what it actually was. Now, you're getting into Chinese medicine. Well, it was the Loeb's legend. No. No, it's real. It's a row.

It lives. Now, when, roughly, ballpark figure, when was I awarded, actually? I want to say it was end of May is what I'm feeling? I think it was... Was it later than that? I think it was pre me being married. I could be wrong. That was 12th of May.

We will find out imminently. But anyway... You've been lobed. For any new readers... I don't want to watch that one. I worked out quite quickly. I turned up on the night. They were pleased.

I was there. So they invented an award. They gave me... What was the award they gave me? Can you remember? Yeah. Was it sort of Lifetime legend? No, no.

But the actual award they gave me Oh, scripted. Best scripted podcast. There's nothing to do with me. And they said, yeah, we'll put yours in the post. No explanation. And then I just worked it out

that they just thought I would just make one up because he's eaten. Yeah, and the guy who had best scripted lives in Wales and wasn't there, so we'll hand you that. And true enough, it did get, the publicity I saw for it

was all about me getting the Golden Club's Legend Award, so it worked. But I thought because I'd outed them that they wouldn't send me the award in a fit of people. But it turned up, it says on it, for services to funny audio. Yeah. Wow.

Well, that's quite good, isn't it? Did you like that? Yeah, well, I've, you know, I've done my bit for funny audio. Funny audio. I mean, it's a bit of a strange category. I was all right with it. What audio comedy, but funny audio. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, well, audio comedy isn't necessarily funny. So if they're going to be specific. They're removing artistic intent and going with results. Yeah. I mean, I did this week, we recorded the last episodes of do-gooders. Okay, yeah. Which is a sitcom I do on Radio 4, which is not written by me. It's written by Garrett Millerick, who's a good friend of P.S.

Okay. I see him in a sort of authoritarian figure and running over the sitcom. Wow. But he, I was really, something made me really happy, which you probably shouldn't. But there was a review of it in something. I think it was, actually, I'm not going to pretend it was in something grand. It was in something like Yahoo Entertainment, if that rings any bells. It's just to my homepage.

Yeah. How long with the New York Times? Where else would I go for my news? I love my Yahoo news. So it said Garrett Millerig's woke, skewering comedy of life in the UK charity sector returns for a second series. With Star Turns again from Frank Skinner, and then it has in brackets. This is like a quote from my character. I only talk to my mother a couple of times a year.

They're not cheap, though, spiritualists. And that's what they quote. And what I love about it was that that was a joke that I suggest. It's the only one from six episodes. And you've snuck it in. Oh, I love. I'm not one of those. I've probably suggested four or five lines in the whole thing.

Have you? How do you suggest it? Do you suggest it? I say, Garrett. Yeah. Is that what you're doing? Yeah. And he goes, yes.

He's like, yeah. Yes, yeah. And I say, yeah, he's quite big and bearded. And he does this thing of applying. cologne before the record which I don't get that no I love a fragrant bear oh no

I'm all over a fragrant bear I was having my sandwiches and he comes spraying bloody cologne careful of bears when you're eating those sandwiches I've got an appetite I put them up a tree anyways you know he's don't get me wrong

he's written a brilliant thing so I don't do I might say I have heard myself say I don't think my character would say this which is a shitty thing Frank, you have to say that. There's only one thing above that in the wanky actor-lead table.

What's my motivation? That's as an actor. Well, as an actor, but... Well, also above that, Frank, is what Peter Barkworth, Google him, who was my mother's acting tutor at Rada. Very first lesson, do you remember I told you what he said? He said, acting, is acting, is acting. So, someone got ripped off.

That's all I'm saying. I don't know if I agree with that. That's when you go back and check your student loan balance sheet and start to panic. Yeah. What about someone had gone in the next day and said, sorry, I might, I haven't got my notebook out. What is acting again?

I remember acting as acting, but what's acting as acting as acting as acting? Unbelievable. It had been working for some years. Anyway. But I don't, I don't. I mean, you know, he has sat in a room. for eight months and written this. I know he's sitting in a room for eight months.

I know a specific thing. Who's that there? Who's that? They'll say, I put eight fucking months of my life into this. But when you come up with what I'm going to call your little suggestions,

yes. Does he take them okay? The fragrant there? It depends. I mean, generally, they're a pretty high standards, you can imagine. Oh, Frank, it's so arrogant.

But, no, he's good about it. But that's because I sprinkle. I don't. I don't blanket bomb. No. Oh, you're clever, aren't you? Because most of the stuff is great. He's, you know, he's very good writer.

I'm not denying that for a second. Let's hope not, because it is his play. Of course, yeah. And as he says, he suffers for eight months. You need to do more of a grand... You're doing more of a grand vizier sort of suggestions. If I may. Yeah, that kind of...

Every now and then. That kind of thing. But he's pretty good with all that. Oh, hi, buddy, who's the best you are? I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers.

Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. When I found out my friends, got a great deal on a wool coat from winners, I started wondering. Is every fabulous item I see from winners? Like that woman over there with the designer jeans. Are those from winners?

Ooh, are those beautiful gold earrings? Did she pay full price? Or that leather tote? Or that cashmere sweater? Or those knee-high boots? That dress, that jacket, those shoes. Is anyone paying full price for anything? Stop wondering.

Start winning. Winners, find fabulous for less. Frank, can I just interrupt this messaging because we have some important news for you. You have a new admirer and it's an unexpected admirer. You know, remember you were talking, I think it was last week or you were talking about your glasses.

The fact that you're a glasses wearer, you have concerns about that. Well, I don't wear them for the podcast because we put visual clips out of the... I don't know if you can get the whole podcast visually, can you? I believe we're working on it. Not yet, but I think. People are keen.

That was Jenny Foote works on the production. But you, the point that you were making was that you feel you in glasses could be somewhat alienating to some of your hammers. My crowd, they don't want people in glasses. Okay. They want, I think you're worried that they might be from the probation office.

That's such a weird thing. I think microbe would like me to be, that, you know, that working class bloke, who obviously is part of me, but I don't think they want to explore my other regions. Well, someone here does, and her name is Jacques Kelly, and she says, dear Frank. She didn't get to our school. She says, Dear Frank, I'm a lesbian. And even I think you're really hot in glasses. Oh, well, that's good.

In this air cut, I probably look like a traditional. lesbian. That's a great compliment. There is something of the Lilith Festival about you, but that's a good thing. We've also... Can I say one of the great sources of heartbreak in my life has been lesbianism. I have fallen in love with at least four lesbian women that I've known. That's going to be in the Daily Mail. I know.

Picture of me next to a dead horse. Did you... Me eating it with a stick. Were these celebrity women or women with friends? No, no, no. I mean, I remember one woman I said, look, I've, I just need to tell you I've absolutely fallen. I had no idea she was gay.

Oh, it was so romantic, Frank. This was when gay was a bit more on the cover. And she said, look, I've got someone to tell you, I'm gay. And I was like, ah. But it wasn't as bad as saying, I really fancy Derek. Well, that's what I was going to say. So you say it's four. I don't know how to put this differently.

Do you think they genuinely were all lesbians? Oh, I see. Yeah, maybe not. Well, she definitely, if she was and she kept the hoax going for many years. But I did say something which I hope, is it Jacques? I hope Jacques will forgive me for, is that, and I say, there were simpler times. I was less informed.

Yeah. But she said, I've got to tell you something, I'm gay. And I said, oh, okay. Well, you know, keep me posted. What I was in love, it was hope. Put me on that mailing list. Jacques's not alone. It seems the glasses.

I hope Kath will be all right with this, but we've also... I'm surprised anyone's seen me in glasses. In stroll, Sam and Malvern. Okay. I'm a 55-year-old woman. Well, she's just below my catchment area, I would say. What am I, some sort of cradle snatcher? I've loved Frank since the late 80s,

quite specific, which I like them, serving the bar at the Hare and Hounds Kings. Oh God, that's where I used to do a gig every week. On a cabaret night with Frank M. Singh. Yeah. Oh, that was a great place. So that's a long-time fan. Frank looks great in glasses.

There you go. I'd also like to say, I think he'll find most of his fans wear glasses now. Well, yeah. There's a thought. Yeah, but they were... Love you, love the glasses. There were those ones with a sticking plaster over one lens.

Frank, you think it's like 1972. She must be a contender for longest fan. Salmon Malvin. Who is your longest-term fan, Frank? If it was back from the camera days. Longest fan, Peter Crouch. My longest-term fan, I don't know. I wish I could say my wife.

I was once doing a signing in Cheltenham, a book signing, with my wife and my mother-in-law. They weren't that then, but they were to be. And one of the women in the queue when she came up said, do you remember me? We had a one-night stand in 1997. I mean, it was clearly, I was standing with two. I mean, you would guess this must be his girlfriend.

What a weird thing to say. How did you respond from? I said, oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean, I didn't. I mean, that's not the place to be discussing. No, but we'd all grown considerably old. It's hard.

People change their hair and all that. Yeah. Extraordinary. Yeah. What's the motive there? Attention. I don't know. From the celebrity.

It was, as I always say about that period, is it wasn't as sordid as it sounds. I would have quite a laugh with me. women who came back, they were always like, you know, it would be like a nice evening. But it was just a... So I can understand, you know, a reminiscence,

but maybe not. In context. You've got to pick your moment. We've also... You know, you were talking about the boys on the Thames path last week. The boys on the Tim's Park? Oh, the boys who said the low

and then when I responded, said, shut up! The Rally Meets. Scoundrels. Exactly. They are the Runny Mead scoundrel. We've had a lot of people getting in touch about then. Sophie in Yardley.

Yardley Goeben it says, maybe. I don't know what that is. What's Yardley, Frank? Well, Yardley's an era in Birmingham. What's the second bit? It says Gobion. Yardley Gobion. Maybe it's a spelling error.

I don't know what that is. I don't know. But there is a Yardley. I thought that was one of your Birmingham phrases. The Swan Yardley used to be quite a famous Birmingham. Pob. Anyway, Sophie says, read the boys on the Temas path.

Do you think they might have been ghosts, hence the 1950s appearance? Well, that's a possibility. After all those years, I'm praying that I won't see here or have anything to do with a ghost. Well, Sophie's theory is, it's like if you ask someone in Moneymead,

they'd probably say, no boys have cycled on that path since 1957. Yeah, exactly. That might account for the shut up. They were so shocked that you'd seen and heard them. sort of six-cent style. They just flurted it out. I also, if they were around in the 50s,

their urchin credentials would be very much up-to-date, wouldn't they? So their whole thing would be like spiky indifference to authority. And mild but still quite funny pranks. Yeah, I wish now, as they drove off, I'd song, like an urchin. Don't sing the second bit. No, I won't.

I don't think it would have been the very first time. I don't think it would have been the very first time. They'd probably had many clips around the ear off judging by their behaviour. Yes, okay. We've also had, you pointed out, a great bit of correspondence we'd had from, this is also about,

are we going to call them the Ronnie Mead scoundrels now? I think it's a lot of syllables, isn't it? Yeah. Scummy Mead. You're a bright now. Scummy Meads. Yeah, the portmanteau words is better. This is from David Clements.

Yeah. Oh, God, he used to play for England. Oh, yeah? We'd carry on. Was that different to Ray, Frank? Yes. We love a ray. Go on.

Hi, Frank, Emily, and Pierre. Your Rennie Mead Youth's story reminded me of an incident years ago on a church youth group weekend. Right. Which I do think that's the level of prank it is. No one's actually hurt. It's normally shocking, but there's no swearing.

No, there was no swearing that. It's strange. We were saying in a whole. hostel in Newcastle County Down and one of the youth leaders was called to reception where he found an angry old man complaining that they were children shouting abuse at him from one of the windows in the building.

That's like you, Frank. When he asked what they'd shouted, he replied, Abuse. Turns out my little brother and his friends had found a traffic cone and were using it as a makeshift megaphone and they had been shouting the word abuse at passes by. That's good.

That's good like a caption from a comic. That's like I had a friend. I had a friend who would take out his handkerchief and go, PAP, and then put it back in his pocket. I love that. Abuse. What were they shouting? Abuse.

And it's sort of a difficult thing to, you can't really condemn them for it. Because they're not swearing or actually being abusive. They're just saying the word abuse. It's fabulously meta, isn't it? It creates a sort of who's on first style sketch as well for the complainant. Yeah. Abuse.

What abuse? Abuse. Yeah. What were they shouting? Yeah. Maybe I'm going to try to... I wish now I'd try chat up line just as a thing.

Chat up line. Pardon? I say, chat offline. Walking up to someone just saying, flirting. Yeah, exactly. Seeing what happens. I think those people who come up to you

asking you to sign up for charity you should have a system like that. Yes. Well, they just say money. Money? They should just point at you and say that. Identity theft. Is that what happens?

If they're not real. Oh, okay, fine. We don't want to put off anyone from giving to charity. No, that's true. I mean, I'm doing that enough with Garrett Millerick's woke, skewering, anti-charity comedy, do gooders. Critics trace in The Observer, though. It can't be too... Was it art?

Like I say, I take little or no credit for it. The youth leader found it so funny that it was all he could do not to burst out laughing in the face. of the furious old man. That's terrible when kids misbehave in a funny way and you lose your authority by laughing. Oh, I know.

It's not easy. If it's good stuff, then it's good stuff. There was kids throwing snowballs at my window once in Birmingham and I went out and I said, you just get out of here now, your little, whatever it was. And this one kid,

one guest was about nine, said, shut up you, your fart-ass farta. And I thought, As insults, God. How could you not laugh? Well, I did laugh, of course. But I said, look, of course, it completely ruined my serious adult.

That's a good answer. I've never heard it since, Fartas, Fartre. Well, you wouldn't. I mean, that's a one-off work of genius. It's a great tautology, yeah. I love that. My little nephew, who's started. school today, he managed to get away

with doing bad things by announcing them by saying, sorry to say, and then declaring his intention. Sorry to say, I'm going to throw water at you now. That's very hot. He's learned that from like a tube platform announcement or something. It's like no offence, but. It's like with sincere

apologies, this will happen. There's no way of avoiding it. Sorry to say. The only time is genuinely true is when people say I'm not being funny. As if the thought of me being funny It even entered my mind Well it's true

No good will ever come Of a sentence that begins I hope you won't take this the wrong way No You always will Yeah Especially if you're naked Oh Frank

You always have to ruin it Always Always that's my thing Oh man I got in I got in last night I'd got the tube home Oh, how was it?

And I like the tube. It makes me feel like I'm a sophisticated Londoner. Does it? Yeah. I remember I used to, when I first moved to London, I bought an evening standard and went on the tube. And I really thought like I was in an old black and white evening gavna. It was that kind of thing.

Of course, now if you go on the tube, it's actually upholstered in evening standards. They're free, so they're thrown everywhere. But yeah, so I sat on the tube and, you know, have you ever done this? You sit on the tube and you think, am I imagining this or have I sat in something wet? Oh, I can't bear that. Yes. Yeah.

I saw a man on the tube the other week. God bless him, I'm sure he was a troubled song, but he was caked in shit. Oh, it happens, Frank. You smell it first, don't you? I knew, but it was like nothing. There was people three carriages away going, fuck, what? Because he, I mean, he cleared the whole thing. But like I say, he's clearly a, God bless him, he was a troubled man.

But I did think after, oh, someone else is going to sit on that. What if one of, what if I sat on that? Yeah. There you go. They should have a special seat or something. Well, I don't think he'd have. I don't think he'd have worked out. Like for pregnant women?

Yeah. If you're caked and shit, you have the right to this special chair. You know those drawings. You know, they have like a bloat with. with a walking stick and then like a woman carrying a baby. Yeah, a chair with someone just shitting themselves. And sort of stink lines above the stick man. Yeah, exactly.

Then you can sit there. No, they should have that. It's not a bad idea. It should say if you have issues with personal hygiene or please take, please use these seats. Should we suggest a stinky carriage? If you're particularly revolting. I don't think this man knew, though. If you're particularly revolting person or man.

Anyway, so I got back and I said to Kath, there's anything wet on the back of my trousers? She went, oh God, why did you ask me that? I said... Kath is her famous tolerance over poor hygiene. I said, well, I told her that. I said, I don't think there's anything, but I couldn't, you know. When I got up, I couldn't see anything on the chair.

But, I mean, every seat on the tube is, you know, has got some sort of stain in. Yeah. So she said, take them off now She took me back Well, let's her turn up for the books No, they weren't turned up And they, I said no, I think they're fine

And Boz said, no, no, they're fine And she said, take them off, I don't I don't want you on my furniture Sonny's her furniture I don't you on my furniture I said, well otherwise I'm going to be sitting on the furniture in my pants which swings and roundabouts to be honest

It's all like the single year again. She said I'm fine with your pants but so I had to take my trousers off. She didn't think it was an out of the frying pan. Did she put the trousers in the washer or something or what? Well they will go in the washer. I just took them off put them on a chair

bomb facing op so they didn't corrupt anything. Did they smell? And then she made me sit there watched the end of get queer eye for a straight guy in my pants. How appropriate. Can I just ask with the pants?

Yeah. How did you sort of navigate? Did you have your legs crossed? Were you squatting? I was so angry that I'd been made to take my trousers off. Having established I hadn't sat in anything. I just acted as normal. Why didn't you go and get a pair of tracksuit bottles?

Well, upstairs. Have you got a taxi? It was late. You know what? The light that you get into the evening, you think I don't want to be going. I'm going to be going upstairs soon anyway. I don't want to go up again.

Yeah. You won't come back down. It's 71 steps. from my room, from our kitchen. Oh. Yes, I've counted them. Very exact. All right.

A sequel to 39. I was going to say, all right, Richard Hanna. And then they went to bed. I had to take the dog out to have a piece in my pants. I'm standing in the garden. You didn't. Yes. Imagine if a neighbour has seen you.

I know. What would they have thought? Oh, did you have a top on? Oh, I had a top on, yeah. What were the pants like? Were they white fronts? Is that a bit rude? seen better days, I'll be straight with you.

Was it your Calvin Cassix from the market? No, not those, no. Have you still got those? Or my Kelvin Clan, which was a set-up pair I bought. Do you know about these? Actually, someone sent them, I think. Do you know about... Yeah, no, but I got David Gandhi to give you some pants. I know, I still wear those. Imagine

what's out there in. Well, they were new, can I say, when you got them? Oh no, but that was, what, 15 years ago? We still got them? Oh, yeah. Do you wear pants for 15 years? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, I don't, but I understand the urge. I've got T-shirts that old. Yeah.

Well, T-shirts is one thing. David Gandy, the Vitamins Man. Yeah. He's not a vitamins man. He's an international supermodel in the face of Dolce and Gabana. He's the vitamins man on the train. Oh, please. He keeps telling me I need magnesium.

Yeah. That's all David Candy does. You might want to listen to him if you look at him. I could eat a lot of magnesium. At least you know he was him and not the Indian. And not Mahatham. Wise man. Mhandus.

His relative. less famous brother. Yeah. I just want to make it clear that my hatman never sent me only three pounds. No. Although it would have been

probably hand woven if you had which would have been lovely. Yeah, but we didn't our paths never crossed. That pants never crossed in. I saw a

summer's old. I saw a mouse. Did you? There on the stairs. Everybody, we're on the stairs. Come on. Right there. A little mouse with claws.

On will I declare Go in clip clippity clop on the stair Do you know that? I do now. Was it Danny Kay? No. No, I don't know. One of these been Crosby, Danny Kay. It's pretty. Everybody in the 60s is who it was.

You always think of the late 50s and early 60s in hindsight of pioneering rock and roll and early Bowie and things. Then you go back and the charts are all things like that and David Boe is saying about a little gnome in my garden that's true of every great era of music though is the rubbish

are always with us to paraphrase Jesus yes so there's always terrible terrible stuff summer's almost over but I saw a thing on the tube that made me happy in the last days of the heat wave the other week I saw a full

what I would call a full goth not just you know black jeans I mean I love a full goff Me too. It's my favourite youth subculture by a mile. Yeah, she'd gone all out. We're talking we're talking corpse bride level stuff. Standing in sort of

33 degree heat. Yeah, it's generally a warm outfit. 33 degree heat on one of the outdoor tube platforms with an actual little black haunted parasol. Oh, like Emily Strange. Yeah. How good is that?

I mean, I see lots of festivals who have developed a summer, a sort of lots of fish net and a sort of basque. Sometimes they do a white fishnet. Yeah, I always, whenever I see a fishnet, I always worry about

tan lines. Yes, yeah. You look like a Christmas ham. Yeah, exactly. See for yourself. Just a scorch mark. You look like a Tudor house. The window of a Tudor house is what you look like.

If a man came back from that period through time travel and saw fishnets he would be like looking through his window at someone's leg they do have you've worn fishnets once I've worn them a few times actually in a professional capacity

yeah it's okay if it wasn't professional I wish I'd been a goth is it too late you know I wrote a sitcom about a goth football manager what a brilliant idea yeah you say that it was rejected by every broadcaster in United Kingdom

what did this is a brilliant idea I love to Great, because it starts with like a post-match interview with him talking about, you know, the dark depths of man's lack of compassion or something like that. He's talking about a tackle. And he says, you know, that's my pie ready again. And all against us is up. Yeah, so he does this interview when he talks about, you know, the clouds of anxiety,

coming over his club and stuff and then you caught back to the match of the day team saying, what was that? It gets fucking weird. It's all that stuff, yeah. But everyone hated it. Yeah, but Frank, when you think, you know, and when was this sort of like taken around?

This was probably... It's football? It's Frank Skinner. 12 years ago. One of the biggest... I mean, one of the biggest comedians in the... I know. Well, I think that was the beginning of the end. I mean, I offered it to BBC 3.

Really? where I thought you could get on there just like with a leapfrog documentary but didn't work out anyway this is now time to me talk about my failed projects I'm about to I'm just I'm not going to plug anything at all I'll use the end with a plug but

oh do you all have our bedroom rituals I'm so glad you keep that one going oh yeah it is At my age, it's actually proved to be quite a boon, especially on the tube. I'm not going on that seat. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast.

Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.