The Frank Skinner Show - Frank at the Theatre
Episode Date: July 13, 2026Frank, Em and Ruth are back. Frank’s been enjoying the theatre, Em’s cracking up at the idea of Rob Brydon playing Jesus, and Ruth is left stunned by a story about witchcraft. If you want to mess...age the show email us on FrankOffTheRadio@AvalonUK.com or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 We’re currently sponsored by BT - behind brilliant things! Search ‘Why BT’ to find out more or click on the following link: https://www.bt.com/broadband/why-bt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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It's Frank off the radio.
It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know?
Today is going to be the day.
Going to throw it back to you.
Is that the words?
Yes.
Just say anything you like.
It's making it different.
Bye now.
Is that because it's got throw it back to you.
People think that'll be a good football song.
And today you're going to save me.
That's like the ball talking to Jordan Pigtford.
A literal interpretation.
Anyway, this is Frank off the radio.
I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko.
Follow the podcast on X and Instagram.
can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio, Avalon, UK.com and WhatsApp.
Get up.
Oh, 7457749.
Leave a voice, no trouble line.
It's Frank off the radio gold every time.
Laf so strong they should be a crime.
Sweet.
I don't like sweet.
No?
It's like some weird builder I once had.
I like the early stuff.
It's like the builder who told me he was going to get.
rid of my ivory.
I thought you're, oh yeah.
Do you remember him?
He called Ivy Ivory.
It's a sweet song, I think.
It's got a sort of a,
I can't remember his name.
I'm curious.
Anyway.
So, what's been going on with you, Skinner?
I, um,
I talk to the trees.
Yes, that happens with age.
But they don't listen to me.
Do you know who sang that in a musical?
Was it Tommy Steele?
It was Clint Eastwood.
Are you joking?
I am not joking.
It's one of those rare moments when I'm not joking.
Canis would sing?
I didn't know he could carry it in.
Not especially, but in the same film, Pat you wagon,
Lee Marvin, sang,
I was born under a one.
Yeah, that's what Harry Kane should have said in his sore throat interview.
I'm snotting.
So, no, I'll give you a clue.
I arrived at a theatre.
a well-known London theatre.
Yes.
I went to my seat in Roe C.
Lovely.
That's a good seat.
Roecey Stores.
Lovely.
Great.
You still got it, Frank, on the celebrity booking front.
And on the stage, someone had left the tambourine.
Just lying there.
What, before this started?
Yeah.
And I thought, well, maybe that's to suggest
the sort of post-coital extravalval
There was a party last night on stage, you know, in the world of...
Oh, yeah.
And then I realised, this is the clue.
It wasn't a tambourine.
It was a crown of thorns.
Got it yet?
Yes.
Yes.
So it was Jesus Christ Superstar.
Oh, which shocked me.
I've never seen it before.
Have you not?
No.
Okay.
The actual...
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Uh, it's about like 30.
30 seconds in the whole show.
Yeah.
It says Jesus Christ Superstar.
Who are you?
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.
And then it says,
and then it says Jesus Christ Superstine, it's done.
Who are you?
What do you think you are?
Yeah.
That was where they got the idea, apparently,
for who do you think you are.
Then he refused to do it.
He's got a bit big now.
They said if he did it,
that would be a two-parter.
He had to ask his dad.
So,
and I believe Di Bedeal
was there. Did you see him? Yeah, I didn't know
he was there. I saw him post-about it
this morning. He came over to us
and I also, there are still things I don't know about David
the deal, despite the shortness of his
dressing girl.
It's his favourite
musical. Is it really? I think he said that was the fifth or
six time he's seen it on stage.
Wow. Yeah.
So, um, yeah.
And you have, you haven't seen it?
No, this was my first.
first time. I'll be straight from the off. I sort of like my musicals to be two people
talking in a cafe and the guy to say something like, you know, you're, you know, you're really
special. You mean a lot to me. And she says, do I really? And he goes, oh, my life, I've waited
for. I get it. I like that. You like, I'm going to say, sparkling book. I'm going to say guys and
dolls you would like for that reason. Yeah, I like sparkling dialogue.
And then the song.
Whereas Andrew Lloydweber is song, song, song, song.
It is like a...
But even that, as it rest is the tea.
But there's not even a rest of the tea.
My slight problem sometimes with operetta is
when mundane things have to be set to music.
So take him away.
And I think really was that worth writing music?
Well, there's a bit in Phantom where it goes,
it's the Phantom of the Opera.
And you think, yeah, it's gone now.
We could have caught him if you had said it.
Anyway, it was, I enjoyed it.
And this was Sam Ryder.
Sam Ryder was Jesus.
Was he good enough for your Jesus?
Because you're a big Jesus fan.
I am a big, I've thought I'm a Jesus fan.
Something I hadn't anticipated was when Jesus gets killed,
I cried.
And I knew it was coming.
But I was really upset about it.
And they don't exactly play up the resurrection, if you know or me.
Oh, do they know?
They sort of think, oh, yeah, that's the main bit.
So I did, I was really upset that Jesus had died.
And then I had to get up and do a standing ovation.
A special bitchie for Judas.
I was thinking, fuck off, Judas.
Right?
Oh, yeah, do you not get a bit of boo?
None of that.
Get off.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
You know, people booed Baron Hardup.
When he's going to clean that up a bit when he comes on.
But no, massive cheers.
I mean, that's the way the world's changed, I suppose.
I guess not the way the world's changed.
I mean, it's a musical.
Someone is playing Judas O'Scariot.
No one.
It's not the actor's fault.
They don't care about it.
And Jesus is covered, I mean, at the end of it,
He's got tattoos, Sam, as well, hasn't he?
Oh, God, he's got a lot of tattoos,
but I think they sold it as bruising.
Oh, did they?
Post-skirgin at the pillar.
So, um...
Pract, you see, what I like,
Frank knows all the technical terms.
Yeah, yeah.
The biblical terms.
Or he looked like he might have been sleeping on magazines.
That's the thing about Jesus.
He loved a magazine.
Well, you know, he slept on his take a break.
He did sleep rough.
He slept his taker breaks.
He said that, you know,
the fox has gone his toll in one of our eyes.
got nothing. So, you know, that worked. But at the end of it, he's literally covered in open wounds,
blood, he's covered in blood. It's a shame. And he's laughing his head off at the curtain call.
And I thought, no, I don't want, I don't want this. I mean, I had enough of it in the S&M clubs in the 80s.
But remember I told you someone, when I saw Sadie Sink play Juliet, when she was still emotional, still crying in the curtain call,
a woman said, well, she could have smiled for the bloody curtain core.
Really?
And I felt, but he was brilliant.
He did a song, I don't know the musical.
I don't know if you guys know it.
Did you meet my parents?
I think I do.
The bit in, um, the thing, I don't, yes.
See, I told you I know.
It's in the garden of Getseminia.
And when he says, look, I'd rather not get crucified if you don't mind.
That is what he said.
It's the big, it says, it's Jesus's big number.
So he prays and he says, look, I know,
agreed to this but you know if there's a if there's a loophole i'll do it don't get me wrong i'll do it but i
don't want to do it fucking out i mean is it good sam rider doing that was i've seen many many
musicals and that is just that song is one of the greatest musical songs i've seen live it was
absolutely astonishing.
Yes.
I'm thinking of another one now
and it was that son-dimes thing
where the gay man doesn't want to get married.
It's a very different song.
It's one of the harder songs as well to say.
But anyway, that, oh man, that was unbelievable.
It's one of these things when people give a stand innovation
in the middle of the production, they don't wait till the end.
He's got the pipe, Sam, hasn't it?
But you really felt he really didn't want to be crucified.
The thing I want to get away with it.
The thing I would say about that musical I noticed,
I think my parents used to tell me this,
is that Jesus,
it doesn't really take off, as I remember,
until the second half.
You do, there is part of you wandering.
Yeah.
I don't know where he's getting the crowds.
It's one of the flaws of the musical, I think,
is that his big moments all come in the second half.
Is that fair enough?
That is true.
Well, I saw her Ania Magliano.
Oh, did you?
She texted me and said,
I'm in the balcony with the minor celebrities,
but I can see you from where we are.
I love to know who she was with.
But I said,
she said I thought there'd be more about the life of Jesus,
but it's quite,
she said it's all really the big weekend, isn't it?
Jesus' big weekend.
But it was nice, and Buzz was very excited to see you.
Did Buzz enjoy it? Does Buzz like Sam?
He likes Sam, doesn't it?
Buzz loves Sam.
Oh, good.
He absolutely, I mean, I think we both think Sam forget about musical theatre and that.
and join, you know, maiden or something like that.
I really want to see him as the head of a major.
You know, I love it when the redheads bond as well.
I think of Sam as blonde.
I think of him as redhead.
Okay.
Anyway, there was supposed to be a primitive, unenlightened people
who didn't appreciate, you know, that the Messiah was with them.
But they weren't that primitive on unenlightened.
Because when King Herod comes out, he's as camp as Christmas.
And this is, before Christmas really caught on, to be fair.
But he couldn't have played it much more gay than he played.
Yes.
Now, he's a, I don't know that actor, but he's a thing.
He's called Jesse Tyler, and he's in Modern Family.
Yes, I've never seen.
He plays one of the gay parents in Modern Family, and he's absolutely brilliant.
I've never seen Modern Family.
And weirdly one of Cat Dili's best friends.
Is that right?
Yes.
I think when she was in L.A., he did so you think you can dance.
He's very musical theatre.
Was he good as Herod?
He was, yeah.
And they're going to be rotating that part, Frank.
Yes, because boy George was in the bar.
He's got there early.
He's not needed for three months.
No, you've obviously come to see,
to have a look how other people was doing it.
Because Leighton Williams, who you know from Strictly,
who's fabulous.
Oh, yeah, he's doing it.
And then Rob Bryden.
Rob Bryden's doing it?
I believe so.
That's what I've heard.
Playing Jesus?
No, Bob Bryden's not playing Jesus.
Can you imagine?
Oh, King Herod.
Jesus started, but he?
33.
I don't have he came back, but he didn't stay another 30 years.
Sometimes you've got a suspension.
He said, oh.
Right.
Right.
Why have you forsaken me?
I don't understand him.
Oh, I can hear a little man in a box.
Oh, father.
Oh, father.
Why am I for second?
Robbrien.
Robbryden has G.
Although he's quite hench.
So he could get away with it, I think.
But he doesn't have...
What does Hensch mean?
Musculane.
Yeah, he's worked out.
I thought he meant hunched.
No, he's worked out and things.
He's out.
He's holding out for Notre Dame, the musical.
I'm still laughing at Rob Price in the season.
See, I could see him as Cosimo.
Oh, Frank, that's so rude.
You can't say that.
He's a lovely bloke.
I'm with eye shadow, but other than that.
Oh, my God.
Please.
The bells.
the bells
Esmerelle
oh Esmirella
Those DVD extras were out of this one
That's very good
So yeah
But when they crucified him
They didn't use nails
What did they use
Do you ever remember on bicycles
If you were carrying a package of some kind
There was those stretchy things with hooks on the end
Yes, I do remember those.
Well, that's what I secured him with as far as I could see.
Oh, that's a bit of a cheat.
Yeah.
Because I think you'd sag, wouldn't you?
You'd sag in the elasticity.
Well, I would.
Ruth would be okay.
Can I give you some more people who are playing it?
Yes.
It's Julian Clary.
Yes.
There's a theme.
They're obviously deviating from the camp theme.
Yeah, exactly.
And then also Frank Rishir-Smith.
Oh, God, they've really gone through the...
Yeah, I believe.
I'm a Jewelie.
Everybody's playing except me.
They knew I wouldn't do Herod.
David Badeel?
David Badeel is that?
No.
No, he's.
Too Jewish, they said for Herod.
Oh, God.
Is Herod meant to be...
No, it's not going to work, Frank.
Is Herod what, Don?
Is he meant to be gay?
No.
No.
Okay.
I don't think so.
Why is he being played so camp then?
Because that was the tradition in that musical.
I've seen the film.
No, I haven't.
Right, okay.
There's a guy in it, did it.
Because he's all, it's sort of...
When I saw it on Sky, Alice Cooper was...
Yeah.
It's traditionally always been a sort of non-singer, who's fabulously camp.
It's this very camp surreal bit in the movie.
And in the musical, it's always played by a sort of Julian Clary.
But I had a terrible faux par on the way back,
because I'd been talking to Alan Davis and his daughter,
me and Boz were talking to them.
Alan Davis, obviously, the comedian.
and we got the tube back together.
And then me and Dave,
I thought we'd maybe share a cab home
as we live in the same road.
But then he didn't reply to my text,
so I got the tube.
And then he texted me and said,
I'm on the tube.
And I thought this is even more confusing.
He said, I've parked,
you know when people park at the tube station?
That's very David.
Yeah, so he did that.
So he said, do you want a lift from Chalk Farm?
And I said, yeah.
And then I thought,
He went with two people, so I thought they'll be in the car.
So I won't say to Alan Davis, or you can probably get a lift home from Dave.
And then when we got there, it was just Dave in the car.
And I felt like I'd.
That's all right.
You weren't to know.
I know, but I've not guilty than the fucking people who crucified Jesus did in the play.
That's what I live with in my life.
This is what happens if you're Catholic.
I know.
Well, I'm Catholic.
Oh, she's Catholic as well.
You're Catholic?
Yeah.
Oh, Frank.
My dad's side of the family Catholic.
That's why I felt so guilty.
Ruth, were you always Catholic, be honest, or was this about four weeks ago?
I've always been Catholic.
Yeah.
I've been told I've got a transition.
Yes, it'd be.
I remember Ron Atkinson, when he was for the Manchester United job,
they said, you know, there's only ever been Catholic managers of Man United.
He said, I'm happy to convert.
Wow.
Fair enough.
Anyway, it was...
So would you recommend?
Because I might go and see it.
Yes, I'd recommend it.
It's very spectacular.
There's a lot of people in it.
And there's audience on stage.
Honey Guardian Review.
There's a lot of people in it.
I've never heard.
What about Leserabla?
A lot of people in it.
No, but I like a coded stage.
Do you know what I mean?
Just not why I'd go and see a musical.
Oh, yeah.
I like it.
Do you like Leserabla then?
No, not much.
But I...
That's crowded, more crowded than you get.
Yeah.
For me, theft is.
theft. But anyway...
The Catholic
Review of Les Miserables.
Exactly.
Oh dear. Oh dear.
The Pope.
I don't like that musical.
I don't approve of it.
But anyway...
You would recommend.
Okay.
Yes, I would...
I enjoyed it.
I was very, very upset by the ending,
which I didn't expect.
Because I didn't think it'd be like real.
It didn't expect?
Well, I just...
I thought it would be lighter.
I thought they might have the resurrection at the end, which is, you know.
Do you know, it is very visceral.
I can remember my parents would take us to incredibly inappropriate things
when we were about four and things.
But I remember that stayed with me for years, how visceral that crucifixion scene is.
It's very bleak and sad.
You know, it's not nice.
They weren't nice to him, Frank.
They weren't nice to him.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry that happened.
But they knew not what they did.
Yeah.
Apparently.
All right, Yoda.
He was in it.
Rob Bryden.
Rob Bryden's understood you.
Dot dot, dot, Yoda.
And as himself.
So, beware of the force.
He gets everywhere, Bryden.
Boy, hear that small voice a little bit.
Yeah, all right, Yoda.
Yoda, stop it.
Risha Smith as well.
Is her a richardier.
Keep saying,
Yeah, why do I keep saying with him?
I don't mention ITER.
Isn't that the new...
I think you could get a Rishir Smith from the bloke who did the Dyson.
The new Dyson Reeshearsmith.
Just to all, man.
It works with sheep as well.
What is his relatives then?
Would they have been sheep shearers?
Was the Shea Smith would have met Shears, presumably.
Oh, would they?
It was like Shearing Shee.
Yeah, but if he was a Smith, he would have made the actual...
actual shea.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Like, um, Aeros, as you know, were made by Aerosmith.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
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My name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man.
This July, we're faced with a threat.
I can be anyone.
The world may have forgotten Peter Parker.
I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor.
But he hasn't forgotten them.
Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing.
That's my responsibility.
Talk to Banner?
I didn't know you could get that big.
Spider-Man, brand-new day in theaters July 31st.
Anyway, so we get to the outside world?
Honestly, okay, let's get to the outside world.
We've had this in from Nikki of Brighton.
Hi Frank Emily and Ruth.
Nikki female or Nikki?
Not sure at this point.
I know they are male and female are essentially bourgeois constructs.
Lovely. You've come up.
a lot. I like this. Well, you know, I try to keep up. You know what? You do the work and you're an ally. It's spelled N-I-K-K-I.
That'd be a theme. I feel maybe, yeah. First time, Texter, I was listening to some previous shows from 2018 where you mentioned that you had a monthly subscription, Frank, of the very popular Anglo-Saxon magazine Bindweed.
Yes.
And you were member number 89. This led me to wondering whether you are still receiving these members.
magazines and whether you did actually attend any conventions with the other 88.
I actually didn't.
We had vineweed cleared.
We got many because it was the taco tasty in the water.
The bindweed.
It's like the knotweed.
You know there are Japanese knotweed sniffer dogs now?
My friend had them recently.
Oh, really?
She said we had to get in.
We were trying to sell the house and we had to get in a Japanese not weed sniffer dog
which will come into properties just to check.
if there's Japanese knotweed
because it's a big thing this apparently, isn't it?
You must know.
That means that they have to go
and wear dogs have not weed
so they can smell the actual
follyage.
Right, Rob Ryden is the odour.
Isn't that the thing?
Doesn't it like drive people insane?
Like literally... Japanese not weed?
Frank, you've heard of it, haven't you?
It doesn't drive people insane.
No, but it makes a property
unsellable. It takes over
your entire everything.
Yeah. It's like some relationships.
They are?
Once it starts,
guess his clutches in.
That's true.
There's a couple of women I've had to get
sniff the dogs in for.
But I found all my belongings
at the end.
You had to call in the police display team.
What about that woman who said to me
I could make you love me
for the rest of my life
because I've got your fingernails.
She said, I took your fingernails.
What the hell?
Do you not know this?
She took his fingernails.
What do you mean?
She sniffed them off.
She found my fingernails.
They were in her ass cheeks.
And they...
No, Frank.
Absolutely not. I am absolutely not okay with that. Okay. Okay. Okay.
She found them in an...
Absolutely hate that. She found them in an ashtray.
Okay. That's what's going out.
Not going out, you're going to call that bit.
Lee Mack, he's playing... He's playing...
He's playing... He's there, right now. I don't know.
Yeah. I think he's Simon of Stylite. He's...
who's a bloke who sits on top of a long high pole, you know, in Greece.
Oh, yeah. So go on.
So the fingernails, tell Ruth what happens.
She needs to know.
So, yeah, she said I can use them in a spell.
And you'll love me for the rest of our lives.
Oh, I thought she was keeping him like, I can clone you.
If anything happened.
I wouldn't mind them in.
Like Barbara Streisand in their dogs.
Maybe she didn't mean that.
Maybe my clown is still banging away somewhere in the West Midlands.
Good luck to him, my son.
Quite right.
I don't have no hard feelings.
That's why I'm not doing it.
But she'd so, okay, so she could, I can do a spell with them.
Yeah.
What did you say?
Go on.
Did you ever call her again after that?
No.
Oh yeah, I think so.
You know what it's like.
After, she said she was going to do witchcraft on you.
I know.
I know.
But they don't.
Do they not?
She was attractive.
If they're attractive.
Really?
They can do anything, yeah.
Look at, you know.
It's so shallow, isn't it?
It's awful.
I'm not like it now.
You could not be further from that, which is why sometimes.
sometimes I'm surprised because you're so different now.
But this is what we do when we're young.
Get out of your system.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay?
I got as much out of my system as I could.
This is when it gets awful when you say things like that.
It became arid.
I got so much out of my system.
Anyway, what else have we heard from the outside world?
Or did Nikki have more to add to her buying weed, an inquiry?
No, what do you want?
I say, inquiry.
What do you want from her crime and punishment?
She's just given you...
Well, there was a time.
I've got an outsidey worldie.
Oh, okay.
My...
You've written it in yourself.
No, well, my friend messaged me.
Lovely.
Showing off.
Yeah, yeah.
She's got friends, Frank.
We used to have those.
Do you remember?
We were young.
So...
Ha.
No.
She had seen one of the clips
which you hate on Instagram
and said,
Oh, I can't believe...
My oldest girlfriend is,
I can't believe your...
on the Frank Skinner Pod.
Can you pass this on to him?
Can you please tell Frank, I'm sorry.
I once pinched his bum at the M&M Anger Management Tour
at the Milton Keynes Bowl in 2002.
He turned around immediately and did an oomatron face.
Please pass this on as I've regretted it ever since.
It's all right when they do, isn't it?
It's all right when they do.
And also the idea that, and what's really weird is when I pinched his bum,
he turned around immediately.
What would I just...
What else he could...
Yeah.
As anyone, I wasn't like a 70s female office worker
where it was an everyday occurrence I had to learn to put up with.
Yeah, it's not like that was a Tuesday then for us.
No.
But this is...
So you don't remember this incident.
It must have happened to...
Well, I...
He went very wrong.
He went very wrong.
Emma and Emmett Milton King's Bar went very wrong indeed.
Oh, well, what happened?
I just...
I got, it's the most mobbed, like a Beatles type mobbed.
I remember Kath was just physically shoved out the way.
Do you know what?
They did a Cynthia Lennon on her.
I couldn't even see her.
It was horrible.
We still occasionally mention that.
It was really too much and quite scary.
So I don't know if she was part of that.
The mob.
The gropeying.
Yeah.
The baying mob.
Walter Gropius, he was there.
Well, I'm sorry to bring up a triggering memory.
No, no.
I mean, if you remember, we went to Millie Bobby Brown.
What was the name of that restaurant?
There was something like Millie Bob.
Bob Rickard.
Yeah, Bob Robb.
Well, you had to press for champagne.
And a woman, a woman pinched my bomb there.
Yes, I do remember that.
And it was.
I was a bit horrified, if I'm honest.
Well, I was.
It wasn't as clean as I'd like to have been.
Frank.
And I thought, yeah, eat your bread.
That's your fault.
Your own fault.
Do you know what I think it is with you?
I think people are still the rear of the year.
It never leaves.
Just in case anyone doesn't realise, Frank, one of the year of the year, Frank, one rear of the year alongside Camel, Carol Smiley, joint winners, I believe.
Camel Smiley.
That was a different award.
What sort of year are we talking about?
98, I'm going to get.
98 sounds right to me.
And he had a lot, in the picture, he did something great, which was he pulled down.
his trousers. Wait, it was asked for. And he had sort of long johns. And do you know they were so
flattering on the rear? Well, they wanted me to wear the ones with Pretty Polly on, who were the
sponsors. Do you remember Pretty Polly? Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Yeah. But I said, no, I'm already gone
fairly low, is that I've won rear of the year and I'm pulling my trousers down to showy. To have
pretty Polly on my butt. It would be too much. Did you get paid for rear of the rear of the year? I'm
the year, Frank.
No, only in
indignity.
Indignity.
Previous year it was one by
Chris,
obviously.
Who was that?
Chris Rear.
Oh, yeah.
There we go.
Frank Skinner,
the wear of the year
and his white
long johns.
I don't know.
I was young enough then
to risk
showing the back of
white long johns.
Okay.
Or what if I'd had
dysentery?
Stop it.
That has done it in post.
Cleared it off in post.
No, it. It's just absolutely gross.
What else have we heard?
Okay, we've heard, do you remember, and I think we need to share this,
do you remember Eddie from Colston?
Yes.
Right, I thought you might, because Eddie has said,
Hi, Frank, Emily and Ruth,
I heard you mention Frank Sterling attempts to get Colesden into common usage.
We back-wrest it recently on this,
and you were wondering how,
long ago the campaign started.
Well, obviously Eddie from Colston
is in a great position
to be able to confirm this.
Yes. A quick look in my centbox
because Eddie sent us the original
missive which prompted Colston
Frank's attempt to get Colston trending.
Unearth the email that started it all.
I thought his centbox was what he called
the thing where he kept his pooh-poorie.
I can't believe where that went.
It was sent on
September the 12th
2020. So it's been just under six years since Colston.
Oh my God. Seeing as you've already managed to get onto a jingle, I think it's only a matter of time before national usage is coming. Keep up the fine work, Frank. We're all rooting for you.
Yeah, well, that's lovely.
Six years you've been trying to make Colston happen. It's not...
Well, I was inspired by in Pulp Fiction, if you remember Samuel L Jackson used his cool and the gang as a call.
It does.
Which to me is a much more combesome phrase than Colston.
No, but Cool and the gang is a bit cooler than Coolston, Frank.
Do you know, Colston?
Thanks, we're here.
Do you know? Have you been there?
I have been there. Do you know why?
I used to drive through it a lot, as you will know, to Brighton.
Yeah.
You drive through that part of town.
Well, I used to drive through Cool and the Gang quite a lot.
They used to pick it at recording studio in Smedic.
I like the he thinks.
Trying to make Coolston happen is comparable to Samuel O Jackson, one of the coolest men in the world,
and one of the coolest films talking about cool and the gang.
Colston, Frank.
Well, I wanted to anglicise it a bit, because I like to think that the best of English cool is not that cool, if you know what I mean.
Yes, that's true.
What about this? Can you explain this to me?
Neil Sturchley in Birmingham?
Neil Sturchley, did you say?
Yeah.
He's given his full name.
Has he taken the name of an area of Birmingham?
No, I've got it wrong.
I think I've got it wrong.
David Essex.
Listen, I don't understand Birmingham.
Em's not going to know.
I don't know this.
Okay.
So I think you're right.
He said, Neil, and then there should be Sturchley, comma, Birmingham.
Is it an area in Birmingham?
I think I used to go bowling in Sturchley.
Does that ring any bells to you?
Sturgeley Bowl.
No, I can only think of the Acox Green bowl.
Keep it clean.
Oh, I don't know any of these places.
I'm so left out.
I don't even know Acox Green.
They're all horrible.
I don't know anywhere.
I don't know anywhere in Birmingham.
I do actually.
I went to a lovely street.
I can't remember what it was called, but it was ever so nice.
Wasn't where they filmed Benefit Street.
No.
Oh, God.
No, that's where Frank grew up, I think.
I can't remember.
No, it's not.
Benefit Street.
I'm trying to think where that was.
But where did you go in, sorry.
Frank took me to a lovely place.
Was it?
It was the main street.
To see the star?
Yeah, well, it was near, what's that main street?
Broad Street.
Yeah, Broad Street.
You were by that restaurant, right?
We went to Flair's Nightclub.
Yes.
And it was charming.
We went to Flares nightclub where the ceremony was held.
Yeah.
And then we went to a lovely, no, I genuinely loved it there.
I do want to go back.
I love them.
Is it called Akbar's?
There's a restaurant there.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I hear the cracking of thin ice.
Do you want to hear about Neil,
comma,
Sturchley,
comma,
Birmingham?
Yes.
I just wanted to add
to the ongoing list
of names of tribute band.
Now,
I thought I'd seen this advertised somewhere,
however,
cannot find any trace of it,
and I'm starting to think I made it up.
I am convinced
that I once sort of take that tribute band
based in the West Midlands
called Ave This.
What does Frank think of this for a name?
Well,
the fries have this.
used to be classified as foreplay
when I lived in the West Midlands.
So I hope that wasn't a deliberate reference.
Honestly, if there isn't a tribute band
called of this, there should be.
Take that of this,
but I think it requires some intelligence
because it's a second thought,
it's not a first thought, is it?
And if you were intelligent,
of course, you wouldn't want to be in a tape that tribute band.
So it's a bit of a bit of.
catch 22.
Oh, I don't like the idea of that big four play.
I really don't.
This.
Oh, God.
The voice makes it much worse.
I know. I always thought that.
What do you think?
Be honest.
Be honest.
If I'd have met you, let's say in 1982, what do we have got on?
Because I think if you get on with people, you get on.
full stop. Do you know what I mean?
Well, in that case, we would have got on.
Oh, good. I love that.
I would have been frightened to death of you, I think.
Why?
I'm a bit frightened now, but I'd be a lot more frightened then.
Why would you be frightened?
Because, you know, you'd have been like from a, you'd have been too exotic for me.
Oh, last I'm Godham Parrot.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Godham Parakeet.
Pretty folious, I like to call.
My sponsor.
I think we would have got on.
Well, in 1982, I wouldn't have been born.
You weren't born in 82.
No, I was born in 82.
But it would have been, I would have been a glint in the Milken's eye.
Okay.
Okay.
But I still think we'd have gone on.
Yeah.
It was a very, it was a very funny baby.
And also, I think people are more flexible when they're in liquid form.
I find them to be so.
In fact, I prefer, I infinitely prefer them that way.
Yes, yes.
Serum.
When you were just serum.
Oh, man.
So we go one more outsidey world.
Do you want to go more?
A four-e-go.
A four-y-go.
Oh, poor Johnny in his breeches.
We gave him a really hard time last week.
And you know what?
You could have something wrong with him as well.
We don't know why his legs are parted like that.
No, he could actually have a disease.
That would be terrible if he has to walk like that.
He could have a disease.
Yeah, if you can't help you.
Yeah.
Have you got an outside world then?
Ruth, I'm going to leave it in your hands.
Oh, it's so mean.
Okay, so dear Frank Etal,
I have just listened to your 3rd July episode
while washing the car and you were talking about the Pope.
Do you know that you can buy the socks that the Pope wears?
They're available from Gamarelli,
who have been the tailor of popes in Rome since 1798.
I'm not a follower of the Nazarene myself,
but can't let the opportunity of a PayPal
PayPal? Not PayPal.
Paypal. Do you have to go
PayPal? Paypal.
Papal. Talking
Point. Strap to my legs go begging.
Praise you'd acted as normal. Daniel Knight of Somerset.
Night Rider.
That company, yeah, I've heard that before that they do all the Pope's stuff.
Because Benedict famously used to have...
The Red Goochies, was it?
Prada.
Red Prada.
Like moccasins.
Prada made them customised for him.
It's hard because he was...
Get her.
He was probably the strictest.
Sorry, Frank.
That's very disrespectful.
I'm so sorry.
I do apologise.
I'm fine with that.
Okay.
He was the strictest of the popes, really.
I mean, in recent times.
He was my favourite.
Just because of the shoes.
You wouldn't think the strictest one would go for Red Pradas, would you?
You'd think he'd be barefoot.
Who's the current Pope?
He's quite a kind pope, isn't he?
We don't know.
Yeah, it's a bit new.
for Leo. We're still sossing him out.
One of his first encyclicals.
What does that mean?
Sort of he puts out like something he's written
that he's got strong feelings about.
And it's AI. It's an attack on AI.
Oh, Leo, you're getting left behind, love.
Oh, I mean.
Can I ask one question before we go?
Before you go? Before you go?
Oh, my leg's stuck.
The Anglican Church did an advert to try to try.
plug the Anglican church to get young people in.
And their first calls, the bloc had hit the Gap adverts.
That was like, this is cot in edge, youth.
Can I ask one question, please.
Do the popes have certain names that they have to choose from?
When you choose your Pope name, is it like your ex or Instagram sort of profile name?
They never mention their ex.
No.
No.
Did they, except in Conclave.
Do you have a certain name?
Because they always choose these names feel quite Roman.
They feel Roman these names.
They usually, they've got some sort of historical reference to them.
But it's always sort of Leo, you know, Benedictus, etc.
They don't go for modern names, the popes, do they?
No.
Well, John Paul sounds fairly modern until you, you know.
Okay, it's been around a while.
Until you remember that it was, you know.
But they don't go Casper, do they?
No, or Craig.
No, Pope Craig.
No, that's never happened.
Okay.
But I don't think there's a, I don't know what would happen if they came up with, you know.
Billy.
Pope Billy's too Protestant, they wouldn't like that.
So look, the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday.
We're chatting about how we can be a bit more like Emily.
is one of the things we talk about.
Apologies, everyone.
And cheerleaders suing their parents.
That sounds a good topic.
I love that.
I wonder what that's about.
Falling from the third tier of a human pyramid
on the encouragement of a theatrical mother.
That's my guess.
That's my next book.
It's a Frank Skinner podcast.
A new winter change is blowing
It's the Frank Skinner podcast
I'm not totally sure how it's going
Thanks for listening to the podcast
Make sure to like and follow
So you never miss an episode
And if you want to get in touch
You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio
Atavonuk.com
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