The Frank Skinner Show - Frank likes Jazz?

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Comedians Rhys James and Cecily Hitchcock join Frank in Edinburgh. Rhys has a terrible massage experience, Cecily’s not happy about being called a “TikTok-infected Clapham girlie”, and Frank likes jazz!? If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. It's Frank off the radio It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know?

Granada, I've got you under my skin. This is the wrong piece of paper. This is Frank off the radio. And I'm joined by Reese James and Cecily Hitchcock. Follow the podcast, unless you work for Cecily's company, in which case. joined by Sarah Pasco Follow the podcast on Ex and Instagram

You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio Avalon UK.com WhatsApp Oh, it's this one I'm What's up? You should know the now

47747 716-6-9 I don't like that It's made me feel guilty I feel like I need to repent for something I don't even know what I'll be doing it in the WhatsApp At least I know the number to confess at now

Exactly Chargers may apply You can probably do phone up confessions I wouldn't be surprised There must be There's some guy on TikTok live Probably getting people to come up and confess their sins So I

This is what I did Do you ever record your shows Do you listen back to them? Very specific bits. Okay. I remember I was quite funny in that bit yesterday when I'm normally not as funny. What did I say?

Yeah. You listen back. You don't listen. I wasn't funny. Oh, okay. Yeah, sometimes it's like I know I had lived a line there that helped that bit and then I'll just try and find that bit. But I can't do the whole show.

Now that's my, yeah. I mean, I'm doing work in progress. Or I was doing work in progress up here. I've now switched to improvisation. Oh, wow. Is that real? So you've decided, I can't be bothered to write it. No, no, I already, I already. It was already planned ahead. Oh, I see. Right. Okay. It's worked out very nicely because I'm a hired hand on the improv show. Oh, right. Okay. You're a player. Which means someone else pays for my flat for this section of Edinburgh. Perfect. You know what I'm talking about? So, um, so, um, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, done the work in progress but I recorded it every night when I remembered most nights and I've

never listened back and then the other night I thought I thought the what like you said there was some bits tonight some new bits and stuff which I just made up which I think actually worked and I listened back and I pissed myself laughing oh no way it's the most I've laughed That's a comedian. Who would have thought that? I thought, thank God no one else is here. But then I thought, well, tell him that on the podcast. But yeah, there was bits I thought hadn't worked,

which had actually gone really well, especially in my flat where I was falling over. Come on. This is way funnier than the audience is giving it credit for. This is amazing. It was so odd. Well, I got caught doing this recently where I was sitting in an armchair in my living room

on my laptop with headphones in and my girlfriend said what are you watching you're staring so lovingly at the screen and I was editing scenes we'd like to see from Mock the Week

that I had done into reels for Instagram and just looking back like I was brilliant there the delivery is just perfect I would have to I had to quickly get some porn up on the screen

and turn it round and go just this I like the idea of looking loving yeah not even laughing just really proud just proud gorgeous

fella. At porn. I always sit one of the shortfalls of porn. There's no lovingly. The love is lacking. Yeah. But to look lovingly at porn. Oh, she's a really nice person.

She's all grown up. She got out of that washing machine eventually, didn't she? There used to be stuff in garages and motorway services, which is that audio cassettes of people like Jasper, and stuff. And it was quite a thing to listen to audio comedy.

I'm starting to think maybe I'm better on audio. You're going to bring back the comedy album? We know when your face goes. You don't. But there'll be a time when you look in the mirror.

I know it seems impossible and think maybe I'll go audio. That's what I'm doing a fucking part of it. And it's going very long. These cameras aren't on, are they? But there's some that's something special

about hearing comedy. and not being able to... I think that's how I really got into... When I first started doing stand-up when I was a teenager, I would every night, I would just listen to a comedy album while going to sleep.

Like of who? Americans, I know. Todd Barry, I remember listening to when I would go to sleep. Hannibal Burris. Because Americans are the ones who had the albums. But then recently,

I've been re-listened to all of Sean Locke's ones are on Spotify as albums. Okay. I've been re-listened to loads of them. See, I've listened to America. I'm not one of the people who thinks that American comics are like the gods.

and we are mere minions. I don't mean minions, as in. But I've listened to American stuff when they're talking about, you know, on Letterman and say things like, no, 10 reasons what, 10 reasons for not dating Jaime Winklestein, and it'll be things like I'm staying in, washing my grey hair. And you think, I don't know what any of these mean. Right, right.

but the audience is loving it and sometimes just the sound of comedy is great. Even if you don't know what it is. I also watch quite a lot of comedy shows with the sound turned down on the telly, which is great. Hang on.

What are you getting from that? Well, I'm getting the internal drama of the soap opera going on. Hate comes across really well through silence. You can see all the people struggling and you can see the spite and the resentment. What type of shows are you talking about? I'm talking about eight-tad of two cats. Oh, but like panel shows, yeah, yeah.

No, just that, actually. Not fake or fortune. Probably you could do it on Mark the way. So you can see people, they finish speaking and then you can see in their face that it didn't land. Yeah, which you weren't necessarily. It's the way they look at each other and interact. And sometimes you see, you know, genuine respect and kindness. and sometimes you see deep bitterness.

Yeah. You're almost like those lick readers that are really reading behind the seeds. Yeah, because language gets in the way of all that because we all cover up with language. What annoys me though is when I have to watch it back and mock the week I've been on and it cuts to me smiling and laughing

and I go, I didn't laugh at that. I don't find that funny at all. What they're claiming I laughed at there? They'd use that from another bit. I was laughing at one of my jokes. someone told me that the reason Paul Merton stopped laughing on have I got news for you. He never laughs on it. He looks off camera.

It's because they caught him laughing at a Tory politician or something that he hadn't laughed at and he was unable to forgive them. I don't know if that's true. An editor also told me that there was an addition of a program I can't remember now, but a panel show. and he said it didn't go that well so I used some of the laughs from your show that pissed me off

wow so they were getting my laughs wow yeah I got told once I was doing this thing with talk back years ago 15 years ago and they it was at the peak of them making celebrity juice and they told me there's a specific episode of celebrity juice that just had every reaction

that you need and every time they need like oh we need an ooh that goes into a laugh and then a clap they know exactly where it is in that episode of celebrity to just take it from there. Wow. So it became the sort of, yeah,

that was like the lynchmen. Well, I used to do a program at a studio where they did 15 to 1, before 15 to 1 became like a sort of comedy show when it used to be

a serious daytime quiz. And they had a show and they could not get it down to time. They just couldn't get it down to time because you can't take out a question or something, or the score obviously is affected. So they ran it.

slightly quicker than normal type. And nobody noticed. Yeah. Yeah, I had the opposite on a Radio 4 series where the producer told me he'd slowed me down to 0.75 speed. It wasn't enough. I was just delivering it.

I just deliver it so quickly. And he was like, the Radio 4 audience are not going to be able to understand what you're saying. Wow. And it worked in the room, but he was just like, people are half concentrating on Radio 4 because they're driving or cooking. or whatever and if you're going that quick.

Well, this is the theory that modern shows now are being made with someone looking at their phone in their minds. You don't pack in too many details. Or you repeat things in case they were. They forgot about them. Yeah.

God help us. So how long have you actually been in Edinburgh? Two days. This is, yeah, two days. I've done two shows. Everyone keeps saying, oh, you must be so fresh and energetic. And I keep saying,

Have you met me before? I'm a cynical, bitter, old hack, and I don't want to be here. Please come to the shows, obviously. The shows are great. It's just everything else around it. As soon as I got into the town and smelt the Edinburgh smell of like hops and popcorn.

Can I say it's a city? The town, the new town of Edinburgh. And had that smell, and I was just like, it was just, I just have so much sort of like anxiety trauma from being here when I was 20, that smell, I just, associate with being nervous and scared, even though when I'm doing the shows,

I don't feel like that at all, because it's a very low pressure fringe. The smell I associate with it was when I was 20s, mustard gas. And I assume that also brings you some anxiety and dread. It brings me a lot of anxiety. Takes me right back. I'm just looking for a trench. Any trench will do.

It can have pipes in the bottom of it, but I need to be, I need to feel this. But I knew I'd feel like this. So before Edinburgh, I booked a little sort of five-day holiday at like a relaxation wellness. Not the Arthur Cohen and Doyle Spa. Yeah, it was similar to that. It was in Crete and it was a wellness like getaway thing. And I was like, I'm going to go there.

And I'm not someone who finds it very easy to relax. Was it called Well, Well, I am? I wouldn't have booked it if it was. Not for that price. But you expect a little bit more highbrow stuff. But yeah, I did it. because I was, I don't find it easy to relax. I'll go there and I'll just sort of force myself.

I don't like to go on holiday and sit by a pool, but I was like, just go somewhere where you don't want to go anywhere, sit by the pool, get a bunch of massages. Day one, I got a massage. And the whole point is, don't think about comedy. Don't think about your show. Just wait to Edinburgh and then do that. I've already written it, etc.

10 a. First morning massage. I've booked a relaxation massage. Within five minutes, it's massage. She goes, your shoulders are way too tight. So I'm just going to do a sports massage, which is way more intense and painful. So he's pummeling me.

And then pretty quickly he establishes what I do for a job. I thought they weren't supposed to speak when they're giving you a massage. This guy's very chatty. I hate massages. Yeah, I generally don't like them. I've had two in my life and they both made me feel sick. Are they just doing the stomach? I am going to be sitting next to a pool, but it's going to be vomit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this guy, I'm there to escape comedy. he says, do you have a lot of stress in your life? He says, what do you do? I say, I'm a performer. And he goes, yeah, do you do comedy? And I said, yeah. And he was like panel shows.

And I said, yeah, sometimes, yeah. And then he proceeds to spend the next 50 minutes performing for me his favorite James A castor routines. And this is me trying to escape comedy and relax. And I've got a guy squeezing the muscles in my shoulders as hard as possible while telling me the Brexit tea bag analogy bit. And I'm going, yeah, great. And then he goes, I've been writing some standard.

This is a Greek man. He goes, I've been writing some standard for my own. and then he says two Eddie Isard routines to me and claims that they're his own bits and I just had to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, great. What this meant was that that had the opposite purpose of relaxing me so much that I needed to book another massage. But the only way I knew I could avoid this man again

was to request a female. Oh, no. So I had to say, you do it through an app at this hotel and I said, oh, can I book another massage afterwards? And they said, yeah, like, monsieur. is available at this hour and I had to say could I have a female massage therapist? And they replied saying, is it for you or your partner?

And I had to say, it is for me. Thank you. It is for me. And they did say, okay. And they booked it in and then I went into there and I had done it on. It was Jenny Eclare. I had got this message on the top floor where there was only two massage

rooms. So I assumed there was one man and one woman who did massages. And when I got there, me downstairs where there was about 20 and there was loads of other men working there. So it did just make me look like a creep who said, I would like to feel the touch of a woman, please, in order to relax. And she did have a look in her eye when she said, are you my next appointment? Like it, then a note had been left on the appointment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had someone watching you on CCTV. Dreadful, yeah. Chris Hansen's going to come back in there. And therefore, then I was really stressed about that the whole time thinking, please don't think I'm a per. Did you try and make conversation with her? No, God no.

God no. No, I really don't get the massage. Also, James has a routine about massages. And so when I eventually was like, I'll engage in conversation with this guy then. And I said, oh, do you like his massage routine? And he just went, not really. And then carried on. I thought, all right, there are some things that are too far, are they?

Well, at least, at least. I don't like my workout. At least you had the satisfaction of him being negative about another comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can be very relaxing. Yeah, I fight. Wow. Are you a massage person?

Do you know what? I'm going to go and have one while I'm here. Tell them you do a taxi driver or something. Oh, I always like, but to be honest, I'm one of those people that always lies about what I do. Normally I would, but I was in Greece. I thought this won't be an issue. I'm in Greece.

What's the Scottish massage? Like, did they dance? Yeah, they dance on the back of you. Yeah, they go right up your after seat. Oh, my. No, they, yeah, so I'm excited to have a Scottish massage. But yeah, I'm not impartial to a massage. I imagine there'll be quite a lot of saturated fat.

Yeah, regardless. Wow. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire. and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca. Across Canada in a Volvo. Destination, Vancouver, turn left to leave. Travel west through, approaching. Continue toward you've arrived. Adventure in comfort with Volvo. Whether you prefer gas, plug-in hybrid,

or fully-euvre. electric, there's a Volvo for everyone. Learn more at Volvocars.ca. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-meat products for always 375 and get life brand pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more. Can I read out something from outsidey worldie? As a long-term reader, I remember the many night moves Emily received in the past. A night's

move was what I came to call if someone sent in a message for Emily normally does this show and it was a bit, it would be nice to meet up. A bit like somebody asking for a female. That's fine. My one's fine. I think those ones are creepy. So I called it a night's move.

You know when a knight goes sort of forward and then around the corner. Oh, I see. Yeah, okay. So here's what I'm calling a Queen's move for Frank. Glad to hear you're an ab abstract top. Now this was a debate we had last time when Sarah Barron said me and her husband were both bottoms and that's why we didn't get on.

This is the gay technology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So this is from a guy called Jordan and he says, as a concrete bottom, but I like someone who knows what they like. Yeah, three words in. As a concrete bottom, but in a monogamous gay marriage. with a love of Doctor Who Eurovision,

a lover of Doctor Who Eurovision who speaks German and French. Sounds great. I'd love to take Frank out some time for no sex. And as I know, he's not fond of friends either, an awkward conversation or no conversation at all. I also have no sense of direction, so it'd be a miracle if we actually did meet

and would no doubt get lost coming out whatever venue we went to. Well, I might get lost coming out. it's a lovely it's a gay date but not one that involves any sex yeah a platonic you've got a platonic gay date

on the side yeah latonic would I feel there'd be emphasis on me as as representing tops to lead the conversation do you know what I mean wait so you would in this scenario

I feel I'd need to bring a list of subjects we're going to discuss you let me do one of these bring shrap around yeah yeah just take in some some other correspondence that you've Yeah, but that's very kind of.

Going back, you, I worry about this date now because the last time I was in Edinburgh, they gave me a complimentary decanter of whiskey. And I'm an alcoholic, so I didn't have any. But I started after a couple of days, going, taking the top off and just sniffing it. And I think a similar thing might happen on this date. The fact that I don't actually do it. but it's so there. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, yeah. I think it would draw me in. Yeah, you'd have to do it. Be like, who's contained certain the memories. Oh, yeah, be like a moth to a flight. You're like someone who says, I just can't have chocolate in the house. Exactly.

Because I'll just want to. I can't just have a date with a guy. I can't have a gay guy sat opposite me in a restaurant. I want to leave it alone. Because I'll have to kiss him. Yeah. Now I think that. So you had Sarah Barron on the podcast and immediately established that you don't like her

husband? Well, he had in, did I actually, did I say that? You said we didn't get on because we're both bottoms? Oh yeah. I know he interviewed me and at the end there was a long section and he said we've never got on halfway so this all went out on the radio. Wow. It's quite brazen of him to say that though to bring it up on. I thought I'd say it was honest. I like I like um honesty in all its most painful and awkward forms. On air forms. Yeah. So, yeah, that was, it was interesting. Oh, I tell you what, I did. I, how are you with jazz?

What are you about to do? By the way, that sounds like the kind of thing that you'd approach a woman in a bar and say, yeah. How are you with jazz? Oh, yeah. And then say, three hours later, I said, how are you with jig? And you said, no, you said jazz. No, I definitely said jiz. Honestly, you said jazz.

Look, I thought Scat was involved with jazz. How am I with jazz? I love jazz. I think jazz is great. Do you, really? I love disordered music. Why not? A little simile here.

A little piano of a da. I think it's like improvisational music, isn't it? Well, not necessarily, but it does certainly, it can feed it. What do you think? I only ask. I mind a bit of jazz. The reason I ask is I don't like jazz, but I went to a jazz concert last week.

Seems like a strange decision, given the first part of the sentence. If it's free, I'll do most things. You can tell by the date with the concrete bottom. The concrete bottom. Another good name for a band. Yeah, like a wrestler. The concrete bottom. He just lies there.

He may be a wrestler. Who knows? He's wearing the outfit. That would be great That's his Dr. Hugel's chair But this I got invited to a concert In you know the Parsh festival

You know there's like the fringe Oh yeah The International Yeah the international You know the programme's always got like a woman In a long dress singing Oh yeah yeah That I went to one of those

It was at the Oshar Hall Yes Which is very well organised crowdwork Yeah. Yeah, and it's one of those things. I don't think I've ever been to the proper festival before. And I sometimes think when I'm in Edinburgh, I should go into some other Edinburgh things.

Like, I've never been to the tattoo, have you? No. I've never been to have you. A tattoo, that's great. Yeah. Oh, to you what, put me off, I met the boss of Edinburgh Castle. I had a tour of the castle

And I asked about the tattoo I wasn't invited to the tattoo But I said I really loved the The ceremonial goats That's what I remember when it was on telly When I was a kid You know the ceremonial goats that are brought out And he said we don't do that

I was going to say are they surely they're not allowed to do that I think it's a health I think he said health and safety Oh right This is not an animal welfare thing No No The goats might attack us

Yeah they pick up You know what goats are like? So it's our us. We're not protecting the rights of these animals at all. It's human rights that we don't include goats. The post, the poster no, says the Edinburgh tattoo and no bots. Come on, come. Anyway, apparently they don't like being too long.

You know the sort of embroidered throw that they put over a ceremonial goat? You know the embroidered throat? No, I don't actually. I got an image in my head that the bottom of his right. I'm imagining a lamb with a jacket on because it's cold. No. I can't picture anything else. No, it's a goat and it wears, it's, I can only think of it as a throw.

It's a sort of a goat kaff tan, heavily embroidered because it has all the, all the, the platoons badge and all that on it, you know. And so it gets quite heavy for the goats because there's a lot. lot of cotton. Like weight on its shoulders, the tattoo. Yeah. You know what? If the goat collapses. Yeah.

That's pretty. What would happen is I think that the ceremonial throw would remain upright when it got to a set. And the goat would be hanging in it. Do you know what I mean? And that would be horrible to watch. That would, yeah. But at least they, you know, if they do have to, like you would after a horse fell,

yeah. They've got the guns at the tattoo. They can just do the process. immediately and then they've got the throat to go over the top of the goat it's all there i don't know what guns they've got i think the audience if a horse fell and you had to kill it was a cannon yeah yeah people just splattered like in those films bits a horse come on we look listen we said ourselves we've never actually bothered to buy a ticket and go to the tattoo if there was a chance a goat was getting shot with a cannon we'd all be there

we would all be there maybe the thing is to shoot it out of a cannon exactly yeah just this is ceremonial event we just, people don't want to deal with this. And, yeah, you could, you could be doing

an hour of stand-up at the pleasance and a horse could come through the ceiling. For me, it'd be a massive flashback to my double-glyzing houseman of the year.

Red, it's you. Oh my God, you're right. Shit. You're inside out. How does this happen? Oh,

anyway, I went to the, the gig and um it was are you familiar with a woman called brace yourself eugen wang that remarkably no yeah it's not stage name why ujai y ujai yu jay and then wang ujah yu jang that's an amazing name i wish that was my name well it could be if you want it to be i can have that name she is a classical pianist yeah is she is she the one that wears the big stiletto hitles and the sexy dresses and she's like the cool sexy girl of classical music I love her I didn't know that so I thought it's going to be the woman in the long dress singing

that's on the cover every year and then this woman walks out and I thought this is like a fucking Tamla Motown star from the sixth I mean she just looked oh my god she looked amazing yeah and she's with the Winton Marsalis sort of jazz orchestra thing. Do you know him, the trumpet player? Absolutely not. He's a really, he's a very famous jazz guy. But it was, what was brilliant, it was an hour and ten minutes, no interval. And I thought, when will people learn that that is, our longer show should be tops?

Oh God, yeah. And intervals, I've had periods of desolate loneliness in my life. And intervals are a terrible torture to them. the lonely. You just sit there in the chair and people come back in and what, oh, God, and realize you were lonely. You know, we've been having real fun in the interval. We had drinks and all that and you've just sat here looking at the closed curtains of life.

He sat in a pot of ice cream. Oh, man. It's horrible. I was imagining when you're referring to this, the intervals in your own show and then you just sat backstage. I didn't realize you meant in the audience there. Everyone claps and you just... Now, we're on back...

Please come back. We're on backstage, it's fine. And people... You have to get... People... You stand up and they're filing... You have to stand up to let them out and they're looking at you.

Like, what, you're not... You're not going anywhere. You're not using this wonderful opportunity to walk around. You're just staying sitting here. And I want to say, I'm fucking lonely. Go to the bar. Invite me to the toilet. No, I don't want...

It's not that I want to be with these people. I want them to just acknowledge, you know, my libel. I'm an abstract top. Yeah, exactly. Top bloke, that is. Can't hang out with me? Oh, why. So it is a torture.

I never, also, I never order interval drinks. So you're not a, you're not a... Just seeing one drink on its own at the interval. Also, I think I'll change my mind. I always think that's an hour's time. I don't know. So I've never had a tattoo. too.

By the time they finished the next day. I remember thinking one I considered was Cleopatra coming at you, which was a girl band from the 80s. It would have been a disaster. I would have loved you to get that. Yeah, well. So anyway, I went to the show and it was absolutely amazing. Wow.

And I thought I didn't like jazz. And she's a classical person who's sort of, you know, slomming it, slumming it with a jazz orchestra. But there's an incredible bit where Winton Marsalis, who's the big jazz legend guy, he sort of introduced each thing. And while he was doing it, she was miming playing the next piece. So you could see her fingers were going up and down about two inches above the keyboard, but like really fast.

They were like a fucking blur. And even that looked amazing. I do that on my laptop I'm thinking you're writing a shitty email I'd back myself to do that Yeah but the thing is that when they started She just lowered it all two inches So this incredible music now that's where you'd lose them

Yeah she did a boss and over Do you know her bossan over? Yeah yeah and used to be an old joke Didn't know about there was a woman with someone at work And they were dancing and someone said, are you doing the boss of over? And she said,

no, I'm doing the boss of favour. Do you remember that whole time? Anyway, they didn't use that. But it was the most incredible piano playing I've ever seen in my entire life. It was absolutely, so, you know, who knows? Who knows? So you can, yeah, there's good stuff you get,

if you don't watch a show in a porter cabin, there are good things to see in this town. Yeah. You're determined to make it a town. But it was, it's not why I at all associate Edinburgh with. What I associate Edinburgh with, I went to Monkey Barrel last night. And I saw Andrew O'Neill. Do you know Andrew O'Neill?

Yes. I thought they were doing a proper show, but it was a work in progress. So, and Andrew O'Neill is the most fearless work in progress person I've ever seen. Because I don't know, when I do work in progress, I've been working at it. I've learned it off by heart. I never take notes of it. I don't know what you guys are like. But Andrew was actually writing notes.

Wow. They would stop the show and say, oh, don't I just want to make a note of that. And I thought, when you do work in progress, are you that exposed? I've definitely done works and programs. and crossed out something that's crap on stage. I've gone that shit then, crossed that out. But you've always got notes and stuff. Not always.

It depends how new the material is. If I've just started writing a whip, I might bring my notes up, but surely if I've done it, three or four times I'd end up doing that and just listen to a recording back. I started taking, it would be notes, but I wouldn't really look at them.

No, yeah, they're there if you need. And also, the thing is, my style of performing is really slick, and I can't help that. But when I do a work in progress, it's still slick, it's just worse. So he doesn't really feel shambolic ever.

It's just not funny. But I'm delivering it like it's the best finished thing in the world because I can't not do that. What I love is the phrase, my, my performance is really slick, but I can't help that. I'd like it to be a bit more real feeling.

But every time I try to say anything, it's like, well, this is how I speak, unfortunately. I'm sorry, my lobster is too buttery and my steak is too juicy. Slick, I think, is conceit. a negative. I do think he's considered a negative. Audiences, don't mind it. I think critics hate slick. They want it to feel. Oh yeah, but critics hate performers. Really in the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't critics hate performers because they want to be performers? I think so. We

keep telling ourselves that. I think that makes sense. And we hate critics because we want to be critics. I'm desperate to be a critic. A critic called me, he saw my show the other day, and he called me a TikTok inflected clapham girly, which is insane if you actually see my show. And then I your whip where you talked about Ike's. That's what a Clapham Goli would talk about, I There you go, yeah. I love it if they called you a Cap'nagherly.

I don't mind being a call at a TikTok infected. Clapham Kelly. Yeah, I'm fine with that. That is the, that's what I dream of, is that? Yeah. You'll take that, you'll take abstract talk.

You and Grace Campbell, just do it. We're making a review. What do you think of this review of Reese James? Pea your pants. funny. I like it. Personally, I like it.

That's on your publicity. Yeah. I like that to be honest. Can I tell you a story, which was about a failed joke? I, a woman said to me after a gig, that was so funny, I released Sompi. And I said, are you a warder in a Chinese prison? Wow. I mean, it's very, but nothing.

It's very quick. But it got nothing, I mean nothing. And I thought, why did you release some pee when you watched me up there? That was a better joke than anything I did up there.

It got fuck off from you. And that's it with me. I have to just keep... Piss yourself. Don't get it. You know. Yeah. Why aren't you pissing now?

On the basis of that, you should be shitting now. Your thumbs in her bladder. That is so much funny. You should be giving me a shit. That's what I'm hopeful because that quote is from a previous show, Pee Your Pants Funny. So if that person comes back, they have to shit themselves now or I've not improved.

Yeah, exactly. That'd be terrible. If they piss themselves again, you're in stasis. It's also the consensus that if you piss yourself over something being funny, it's like hilarious. But if you were to shit yourself over something being funny, it'd be really worrying. Yeah, this is the worst show. Yeah. And also be awkward in them.

You know, some of the small spaces. One occupying. They already smell quite bad. You can get away with it in something. Yeah, well, obviously at my gigs, I mean, you can imagine the smell of shit. There's 40 or 50 people shit in themselves. Probably is a combination of me being hilarious and then being overacting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They've just sat down. Probably spoke like, hmm, haggis. Oh, God. Well, that's lovely. Not to spoil a part of my own show, but I have a story in my show, which Ania Magliano told me happened to you as well. which is that I left a stool sample on a train. And I have that story of my show,

and Ann Yurt said that you mentioned that on this show, that you also left a stool sample on a train. No, there's a story about a stool sample, but I didn't leave it on a train. There I was thinking I found a kindred spirit. I'm not worried about the material being the same. I think, you know, we'll take different approaches. No, I know it's a different shit sample story.

I had to take a shit sample to the doctors and she said you're supposed to bring two we gave you two tubes and I said I thought that was like if the first one if I messed off the first one she said no you're supposed to bring two I said okay and she said can you can you do the other one now

and I said well I've just done this one I wanted to bring it why it was fresh. I said, I can't, it's not ongoing. You know what I mean? It's complete. Yeah, couldn't they just split it and put it in two? What, you'd think so? But anyway, she gave me the tube and said,

can you go away and then bring that later and we'll just put them together? So I took it away. And when I got home, it was the shit one. Oh, wow. I mean. I mean. And that was where the idea for the wrong trousers came from. Okay, we come to the end.

It's been a joy having you guys on. It's been a pleasure. You don't need to plug your shows because they're sold out. But you can say what they are. My show is family recipe. It's at 10 past 8 every day at the pleasant cellar in the courtyard.

My show is called Chop Logic. It's also at 10 past 8, so you're going to have to pick one. Pick one. No, you could do one one day. You could do one. Yeah. I'm doing an extra one at 10.

something as well at some point. 10 something. PM, that is. There's 10 something. That's why you're not in marketing. 10 something. You're working out. You're going to have to Google it anyway.

You're going to have to search it anyway, aren't you? So you do the research. It's like a secret party. It's very Berlin. 10 something. And so we end with me plug in one of our other projects. The next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday. We're in 2014.

And I'm telling everyone about rats at the zoo. thrilling that's amazing it's the Frank Skinner podcast a new when a change is blowing it's the Frank Skinner podcast

I'm not totally sure how it's going thanks for listening to the podcast make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode and if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world for. free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca.