The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Off The Radio: Best Of - Part 2

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Frank’s been unwell so we have some more Best Bits for you. There’s the price of a pint, Frank’s bust up at the opera and THOSE boys on the Thames Path. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit ...podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 With Amex platinum, almost every purchase made with your card can be covered with points, including new tastes, new fits, and virtually everything in between. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Local news is in decline across Canada, and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists. in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us, because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise.
Starting point is 00:00:43 CBC News. It's Frank. Frank's going to podcast, don't you know. So there's a Thames water are operating outside my house at the moment. We've got a burst water man in the middle of the street. And I had, right at the beginning of the street. beginning of this, I had a similar incident to this, which I told you about. This guy said to me, I went and asked if he's going to cut the water off and whether we should be filling our saucepans.
Starting point is 00:01:19 And he said, it won't be till after 9 o'clock. By the way, I listen to you every Saturday morning. Oh, what? I didn't react like that. What a liar. I don't think he means he listens to the podcast every Saturday morning, doesn't it? He means I heard your radio show. once four years ago. Oh, that's so embarrassing. Or he thinks John Richardson is me. Because he's replaced me, John Richardson.
Starting point is 00:01:48 He's saying, what if he said, you're a lot funnier since you've changed your accent? Much better. Shame to hear about all the OCD. Yeah, but the accent's brilliant. You look great in those cardigans. Yeah, if you said, oh, it's like when Jimmy Carr adopted that endearing giggle those years ago.
Starting point is 00:02:08 It's really work for you, the accent. And also, you've got rid of all that Doctor Who and patholuses of rubbish. It's a real makeover. What if John Richardson is just doing a frank Skinner voice? I don't think he is. No, I think this bloke definitely thought
Starting point is 00:02:25 I'd improved over the last few months. And I just let him believe it. Should I have said, actually, that wasn't me. I can't take the credit. Do you know, it's so much better now, the show. He's not going on about strange medieval monks. Exactly. It's, you know, it's...
Starting point is 00:02:45 But, you know. We wish them all well. Won't go so far as to say that. Apologies. My curse upon thee is the phrase that seems to be coming to mine. So then we finally started walking. And we was walking the Thames path, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:12 So we get on to the Thames. And these two kids come cycling towards us. Yeah. And I suppose they were, what, 12 maybe? Yeah. They looked a bit like they'd come out of a 1950s newsreel. One of them had got like bril-creamed hair straight back. Anyway, they both won bikes.
Starting point is 00:03:37 And they went, hello, hello. So I said, hello. And they went, shut up. Shut up And then Cycled away And I I didn't know what to
Starting point is 00:03:57 That was really pissed off about it I eventually started laughing It was the way they said It wasn't even like they were rough work Shut up So they didn't even swear And they weren't you confusing. I swear.
Starting point is 00:04:16 They'd let me into saying hello. That was a trap. You know what, Frank? They saw you coming. You fell right into that. They must have been doing that all along the path. You fell right into that hello shot up trap. That's a great prank.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Is that a prank? I think what they were doing. Because in a way what they're doing is just, you know, that's a lot of relationships condensed, isn't it? just into four seconds. It's a sort of performance off. We're a big of practice for that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:49 For their relationships in later life. Hello, shut up. Yeah. It is, yeah. Fast track. You were in the middle of a hovis advert and then suddenly. I think it's...
Starting point is 00:05:01 How many were there, Frank? Just two. I hired a car once. And I know when you first get in a hire car, it's a complication. And I have to, just getting used to it. And I had to reverse it off this thing. And I was struggling a bit, getting it in reverse and working out with a mirror.
Starting point is 00:05:23 And I heard, uh-uh. And I thought, there was an old couple sitting in this car. And I said, come past. They just sat there. So I turned around again to try and to reverse. And I was, fuck off. Fuck off. I'm trying to fuck it.
Starting point is 00:05:41 And they were just looking at me like, in like shock. Anyway, they did it a third time. I thought, if these weren't old people, I'd get out of the car and knock their grey heads together. Oh my God. So I said, fucking a pass, fucking a past. So anyway, they went past.
Starting point is 00:06:04 And then I went to reverse. And the horn went again. And I realised it was my elbow. It was my horn. was sounding. I got interviewed by the son this week, the son on Sunday. Is that what it's called or is it called Son Day? How are the 80s going?
Starting point is 00:06:32 Well, it's interesting you say that because she said to me the journalist. She said, so there must be things that you've said in the past that you really regret now. And I said, I think the same. could probably be said for the son. I don't know if I don't if I don't met the interview, but she said to me... Can I just... I want to picture the scene of the Sun interview. Were you on the phone?
Starting point is 00:07:03 We were in a sort of nearly empty pub. Oh, I don't like the pub. They didn't even get you there. It was quite a nice pub, and I chose it because it was near to my house. I was in picturing you in a fake shake hotel. I had a fake show. No idea that it's been recorded. Sam Allardyce style.
Starting point is 00:07:22 I can introduce you to some great people in Birmingham. Well, the reason, because the work, she said to me, so I think we should talk about the walk thing. What's that? And I thought, oh God, I must have like a weird walk that's been all over the internet, and I didn't know about it, and it's going to be embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:07:46 And I thought, you know, Peter Capaldi's running. You know, that's quite legendary, funny. I think who wrote the thick of it and those things? Oh, yeah. Armando, you need to. He said if ever they had a bit where they needed a visual, they'd just say to Peter, would you mind running in this?
Starting point is 00:08:08 They wouldn't tell him why. And I thought I was in that situation. But then I found out she was saying woke. She's from Yorkshire. The walk thing. So we, you know, we talked a bit about that. But two things. One of them was she began the interview by saying,
Starting point is 00:08:32 do you want a cockapoo? And I said, no, I've got a cavapoo. I don't want. And she just looked at me in like, what? And what she'd said was, do you want? Copy approval. And you said, I've got a cap. I said, I've got a caper poo.
Starting point is 00:08:55 I don't need copy approval. How can you hurt me? I've got a lovely therapy dog at home. So it started. That's interesting that she asks, do you want copy approval? I know, no one's ever said that. I thought it's quite nice. It's sort of like a two Ronnie's sketch in interview form.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Yeah. Yeah, poor candles. I was doing an exam and there was a kid sitting right next to me who kept looking over my shoulder. What did you say? Ultimately to the copy approval. I said I don't care. And my publicist who was there said, yes, yes, please.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Yeah. So it was a bit like that. She'd also jumped in to correct my, you know, help the aged. She jumped into, she said copy approval, Frank. Frank. What? I've got a cover.
Starting point is 00:09:41 I know you have, darling. But she said copy approval. Oh! I mean, I love the idea that a woman from the sun would turn, up and say, do you want to call them? They're not supposed to be gifts. Can I say that to our listeners?
Starting point is 00:09:56 Not unless there's fake shakes involved. You're not supposed to just give them away. I don't know if fake shakes any longer with us. I don't know. Anyway, we won't get into here. No, I'm not. No, I'm not bothered.
Starting point is 00:10:11 We'll leave him to it. Yeah, so the other thing was, she said, I don't know if you remember me, but I interviewed you. you about 30 years ago. 30 years of course. To be honest, I wouldn't have said this to her because it would have sound creepy, but she didn't look
Starting point is 00:10:28 old enough to have interviewed me 30 years ago. But she said, I was new and really nervous, and you said, right, what are we going to talk about? And she said, I said to you, I'll be honest. You're only like the second or third person I've interviewed. I feel really lost. And I said, I'll tell you what, I'll give you an
Starting point is 00:10:44 an exclusive and that'll keep the editor quiet. And she said, it's really lovely. You're sat and told me how you did a leucergenics on a boss. The gift that keeps on giving. I do think that's very lovely. But I gave that as a gift. I mean, I don't know if it's the story I'd have chosen to show it with the young reporter,
Starting point is 00:11:05 but I loved the gesture. But, you know, it needed to be something new. Did you remember the stories then? Imagine what it's like been interviewed 30 years on. Anyway, I said to this woman, so what's your name? And she said, I can't believe you've asked me that. And I thought, oh, oh. She said, I can't believe you've asked me that.
Starting point is 00:11:33 I stalked you for years. And I said to her, hold on, I got a little closer. Oh, yes, I recognize you. I said you've changed your hair. It looks great. What happened to your binoculars? Yeah, exactly. You've washed all that blood off and everything.
Starting point is 00:11:55 I don't recognise you without the camo. Yeah, so I said, how are you? And she said, you know, I'm good, I'm good. I said, what are you doing? What are you up to? This is on. You're on stage. I'm on stage.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Who's on the list these days? Yeah, I was just, well, I did ask you that. She said, I said, who are you, you stalking at someone else now? Well, probably a little sense of sadness in my voice. And she said, oh, I still follow you quite a bit. Then we had a long debate on the many semantic possibilities of the word follow. Yes. How extraordinary.
Starting point is 00:12:44 So she sounds like, was she quite a benign follower, we should call her. Well, the thing that I spoke to her about was I once, she was up at TV record or she was at every TV record for 80s and someone gave me a bottle of wine in some other context someone who hadn't done much research
Starting point is 00:13:05 and so I gave it to her I thought she comes to all these shows and then the next time I saw her she showed me a photo and she'd had the wine sort of mounted on a plinth in her house and I had like a special spotlight thing oh yeah gosh she's
Starting point is 00:13:23 handy. Yeah, exactly. Did a DIY? Yeah, exactly. What sort of like? Funny enough, she had a screwdriver in her, have that? No, I think she's out of me. Obviously, you're not supposed to talk about these sort of things in case you fire people up.
Starting point is 00:13:40 It's too dark even for a podcast. A podcast. Too dark for a podcast. No, but I think she was all right. But I'll tell you something. Why should I be upset about this? I said to her, so I never really had a conversation with you.
Starting point is 00:14:04 I feel safe in numbers, I thought, to myself. I said, what do you do for a living? Now, why did this make me feel low? I said, what do you do for a living? She said, oh, I'm retired now. I thought, when you're stalking. as retired, maybe it's time to pick up your ghetto blaster and leave the shopping sector.
Starting point is 00:14:31 That is very funny. When McDonald's partnered with Franks Redhot, they said they could put that shit on everything. So that's exactly what McDonald's did. They put it on your McChrispy. They put it in your hot honey McNuggets dip. They even put it in the creamy garlic sauce on your McMuffin. The McDonald's Frank's Red Hot menu.
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Starting point is 00:15:39 Bitcoin is sort of inevitable at this point. I think it would come down to precious metals. I hope we don't go cashless. I would say land is a safe investment. Technology companies. Solar energy. Robotic pollinators might be a thing. A wrestler to face a robot.
Starting point is 00:15:55 That will have to happen. So whatever you think is going to happen in the future, you can invest in it at WealthSimple. Start now at WealthSimple.com. So I went to see Partenope. Okay. Which is an opera by Handel. Oh, I didn't know Handel did operas.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Isn't that ignorant of me? Handle... Oh, no, I was going to say something so stupid. Go on. Go on, you do it. You do you. I... Okay, just... I've had a long week. And I... My first... A long...
Starting point is 00:16:29 A long... A long week, what? My first thought was Handel and Gretel. Oh, okay. No, not him. No, not him. And that's Hansel, isn't it? That'd be great.
Starting point is 00:16:42 If he'd gone into a double act with like Wolfgang Gretel, that would have been fantastic. He should have. He missed a trick there. He did. I don't know if there was any Gretel's in the music business at the time. Messing about with water. So tell us about the opera. Well, so the opera was about to begin. and the woman sitting next to me suddenly said,
Starting point is 00:17:06 can I have a selfie? Now the music by now was just beginning, but the curtains were still closed. And I thought, I don't want to say no to this woman. So I thought we'd do it quickly. What was she like the woman, young, old, demographic? Just a vague description. Injured.
Starting point is 00:17:24 God, that was what she was like. Okay. She explained to me later, she'd fallen off a bicycle. And so she had like a Some like plaster on the arm Okay So I said yeah okay
Starting point is 00:17:40 Obviously I was aware that the curtains were about to go But we are you know I find photography is fairly Quick In this day in it You don't hear anyone say Can I just get a slow photograph Never they always say quick
Starting point is 00:17:56 I just get a quick photo What of the sort you're going to fucking They didn't say, can I grab you? They all say, can I grab you for two minutes? They don't say, can I grab you for 44 minutes? No, yeah. So she wasn't, I knew she wasn't going to do a panoramic. So anyway, so I started, I smiled for the photo.
Starting point is 00:18:14 I felt someone really prodding my elbow. I mean, can I demonstrate this to our listeners? Ooh. Like that. And I thought that will be someone I know. Yeah. Because there was a bit of a slight opening. We're all gathered in the Ellis room,
Starting point is 00:18:32 which is where one goes for drinks at the year now. But it had a hellfellow well-meted, quite a question. Well, no, it didn't. It was misjudged. It's someone who knows me, and they're a bit, they've misjudged. They're over a bullion. Swash was my guess. Swash.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Joe Swash? Yeah, I thought it felt like Joe Swash thinking he's being funny, but actually hurting me. Because he's a big handle fan. Yeah, well, I don't know. I never, I don't judge. You know, Harriet Harmon said to me, don't tell me you like opera. And I thought, I said you're supposed to encourage social mobility. I encourage social mobility.
Starting point is 00:19:11 I don't believe Joe Swash would have been at that event. Well, I could be wrong. Anyway, I look round, it wasn't Joe Swash. It was this bald-headed guy who looked like a fucking Bond villain. And he said to me, put your phone away. Put your phone eye now. And I said, Merry Christmas, Mike. Because I thought he looked sort of late 60s.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Yeah. And I said, Merry Christmas, mate. How lovely, you must spread sunshine wherever you go. Oh, my God. I'll tell you. Put your phone away. So anyway, the opera started. And I thought to myself, hold on.
Starting point is 00:19:49 I'm thinking he's light 60s. I can't really say anything. I'm fucking late 60s. You wait to this first. interval. Oh my God, I feel ill. Oh, it is quite tense, isn't it? Just hearing.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Hang on, can I just establish were you in your seats when this happened? Yeah. Right. Was it her phone? Did she? Yeah, it wasn't my phone.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Yeah. We'll come to that. Okay. So anyway, the interval comes. So I turn round and I said, so you're ready with the apology?
Starting point is 00:20:17 Oh my God. Oh my God. You resumed it. Yes. You resumed it. No, but hear me out. I feel ill. Don't judge me.
Starting point is 00:20:26 I agree. I think, I think this is really brave and I'm first in line behind you. Don't judge it. Don't judge me yet. He said, I think you should apologise to everyone here getting your phone out. The opera. I said,
Starting point is 00:20:41 wasn't my phone. My phone was switched off and in my pocket about five minutes before. He said, well, it doesn't matter who's phone it was. I said, well, that's an interesting theory. Oh my God, I feel. I'll tell you what happened, mate. By now, everyone is getting gathered Sherry Blair. Richard Stilgo.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Oh, she's a K-C. She can intervene in media. Well, so everyone stopped. And I said... And the violins are like... No, no, they're off. They've gone. So I said, look...
Starting point is 00:21:15 Wrong music, but you know what I mean. This lady asked me for a selfie. The show had... He said, no, the music had started. The curtains hadn't opened. This is like 12-ang-grieved. This woman, understanding. She was nodding.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Yes, yes, that's what happened. And I said, you know what? I thought, I'm sort of wanted to be friendly and, you know, and nice. He asked me, and I thought, yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it quickly. It'll take seconds. I said, and then I felt this.
Starting point is 00:21:49 And I started prodding him on the shoulder. And he went, oh, dare you go. And I said, that's what you did to me. And he sort of went, Yeah. And I think it first occurred to him that he had done that to me. Wow. You got through to him. Is this story still going on because I can't speak? I've got my head in my...
Starting point is 00:22:09 So then I said, I said, look, I was just trying to be friendly and nice to someone. That's what I was trying to do. Whereas you were obviously a deeply unpleasant man. You did not say that. I did say that. Oh, my God. Wow. And I said, so you wouldn't really get he.
Starting point is 00:22:30 You called him a deeply unpleasant man. So then he started walking away. And I said, I think you should be banned. Oh my God. From this theatre anyway. You were shouting off to him. And I just established. Oh, no, I wasn't shouting.
Starting point is 00:22:46 He was still only like a couple of rows away. Oh, she rose away. Fine. A woman said to me, I think that's enough now. What? How was Kath? She must have that. Cass wouldn't get to an opera if I get her a million quid. So, and then Richard Stilgo said,
Starting point is 00:23:03 you're wasting your time, you won't change someone like that. I don't get advice. Do you know, you don't know Richard Stilgo? He writes comedy songs. He was massive. His son, by the way, it was in the horn section for a while. Oh, right. That's right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:18 His son is another like multi-style guy. Anyway. But he used to be very, very big time. He wrote topical and funny songs. And Starlight Express you just said, didn't you? He wrote The Lyrics for that. Okay. I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:23:33 He didn't work with Tim Rice for once, Andrew. And I've got to say, I do like the lyrics to Starlight Express. Starlight Express. Anyway. But anyway, so he said, you know. What did still go say? What still goes to take? He said, you won't change someone like that.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Why is wasting his time. And then the woman who was with Sherry Blair saying, Sherry Blair is getting involved in the audience. It's great for him to be a minor character in this. story. It's an amazing cast. Her mate. It's the greatest story ever told. Her mate. Which is so appropriate for Christmas time.
Starting point is 00:24:04 Her mate said to me, you're feeling better now? As if I I mean, I honestly, I know you think I'm an asshole, but I really think I was in the right in this case. I was just trying, I know the music
Starting point is 00:24:19 was starting, I was just trying to be nice. You know I struggle with that. And then when you try, you try. You get told off. Me and Emily both established, but I think Emily agreed with me, that me and Emily aren't actually what you would call nine. No.
Starting point is 00:24:35 No. And Cat always, my wife always says to me, you know, I mean, blah, blah. I mean, they're nice people. They're much nicer than ours. How much to pints cost, Pierre? In London. Yeah, or just in general. Is about £4?
Starting point is 00:24:51 No, £7.50 for Lager in London now. What is it? Seven pounds 50? That's brilliant. Seven per cent for a bite to lock. It's so much money. It's insane. That's very nearly a tenor.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Unless you go to one of the... Hey, ten pounds for a drink. If you go to one of the finer establishments such as Weather Spoons or Sam Smith, you can get a three-pound pint. Why do they pay so much to get drunk? Who? The people. The people out there.
Starting point is 00:25:26 I guess they want to be near a wooden wall. I suppose that's in a big stool. Are you shocked from that? These are the attractions. I'm trying to remember, but I don't think lager existed when I started drinking. But the first pint I think the first pint I had was one and eight. Pre-decimal pints. It was mild at pints of miles.
Starting point is 00:25:54 One and eight. I don't even know what that is. I was young. What is that? One and eight. A shilling, is it? It could be five. It'd be about 90.
Starting point is 00:26:08 That's insane. Yeah. You think that's insane, but 750 is all right. No, no, I didn't say it was all right. You intimated, it was all right. Your witness. I said it with a very mournful tone. I occasionally, not every day, but quite regular.
Starting point is 00:26:30 I wear contact lenses. I'm wearing them now. Disposables. So this is probably bad for the planet, but when I dispose of the disposables, I just drop them in the toilet. Yeah. Is that okay? Well, it can lead to fish having much better eyesight. That's a good thing. It's quite risky. You don't want them seeing what we're up to. I don't want them. If I'm a fish, I want to see that cheese coming. I don't like the idea of purvy fish either
Starting point is 00:27:01 looking at ladies' bikinis under the water. It's disgusting. Yeah. She's giving it a really good look going. I bet they do that as well. Oh, I bet they do. No one have they got their mouths open. Especially those ones with the really goggly eyes.
Starting point is 00:27:15 Oh, a lot of lovely ladies coming and their bikinis. It's disgusting. Yeah, and of course what's great for them is they forget seconds later. It's like having like, internet porn and it's just one person in the water. Just look. I tell you, I bet those trout looks sleazy.
Starting point is 00:27:34 Anyway. Yeah, so where was I? Oh yeah, so what I do is I just chuck it in the toilet. This is the contact lens. Yeah, and very often one or both of them don't actually make, you know that the pond at the bottom of the toilet where the water is. The well, yeah. Yeah, so they just sit on the side.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Oh, I see what you mean, on the slopes. Yeah. On the basin slopes. on the ski slopes. They sit on the slopes, the armatishware slopes. And when you get up the next morning, well, for the whole week,
Starting point is 00:28:06 I'm trying to piss them off. Oh, I see, and they're looking back up at you. Yeah, but it's great. Sorry, ladies. But I spend... We don't look in that area. I look forward to go into the toilet to have another go at that disposal.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Because when you finally get one off, it's really excited. It's like taking a... It must be like, The Nazis taking a Swiss mountaineer off or something. No, it's not, Frank. It really isn't. And I cannot relate to this.
Starting point is 00:28:35 This is why... Because I never stare directly into the toilet bowl, okay? Don't you? No, why would I? Well, no, I wouldn't probably if I... Relady. If I didn't you relate. You know, I can...
Starting point is 00:28:48 If I didn't, you know. I can really concentrate the jet, try and get onto where it's connected. You know, you develop a technique to remove her. Well, you see all methods. Imagine that you're sort of underwater welder. I sometimes imagine, I'll be absolutely, you know, I'm inclined to daydream that I've been brought in as a sort of red or dare figure.
Starting point is 00:29:08 And they said someone's, you know, clamp this bomb on the side of the summary. And I'm there. Gentlemen, we need someone to piss this bomb off. No, no, it's not, it's not piss, and it's me with some sort of laser. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Dr. Huthier. My wrinkly laser. I call it.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Really? Anyway, who needs an Xbox? Oh my God. Guess what? No one wants to buy your Winkley Laser. No, but if you're a man with disposable contacts, that's it. That's all the fun of the fair. Who needs call of duty when you can pace a little lens? You too can pretend to be red a dare.
Starting point is 00:29:54 But it'll hold on. With a stream of your urine. I've got one on there at the moment. It's been on there. I don't want to know because I don't want to know. Don't tell me what happens to that contact lens. How you put out the fire or whether Red Adair is involved. It's such a mad like be grateful sort of version of the be grateful speech at Christmas to some kid who's sad and he hasn't got an Xbox.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Well, you've got contact lens, don't you? You've got a piss? You know, there are children that would have run a mile To get hold of a contact lens and a toilet bowl Yeah Exactly Oh man I got in last night
Starting point is 00:30:37 I'd got the tube home Oh, how was it? And I like the tube It makes me feel like I'm a sophisticated Londoner Does it? Yeah I remember I used to When I first moved to London
Starting point is 00:30:50 I bought an evening standard And went on the tube and I really thought like I was in an old black and white evening gavna. It was that kind of thing. Of course, now if you go on the tube, it's actually upholstered in evening standards. They're free, so they're thrown everywhere. But yeah, so I sat on the tube, and have you ever done this? You sit on the tube and you think, am I imagining this,
Starting point is 00:31:16 or have I sat in something wet? Oh, I can't bear that. Yes. Yeah. I saw a man on the tube. the other week. God bless him, I'm sure he was a troubled song, but he was caked in shit.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Oh, it happens, Frank. You smell it first, don't you? I knew, but it was like nothing. There was people three carriages away going, fuck, what the... Because, I mean, he cleared the whole thing. But like I say, he was clearly, God bless him, he was a troubled man. But I did think, after,
Starting point is 00:31:47 someone else is going to sit on that. What if I sat on that? Yeah. There you go. Oh, they should have a special seat or something. Well, I don't think he'd have... I don't think he'd have worked at. Like for pregnant women?
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah. If you're caked and shit, you have the right to this special chair. You know those drawings? You know they have like a bloke with a walking stick and then like a woman carrying a baby? Yeah, a chair with someone just shitting themselves. And sort of stink lines above the stick man. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Then you can sit there. No, they should have that. It's not a bad idea. It should say. It should say if you have, issues with personal hygiene or please use these seats. Should we suggest a stinky carriage? If you're particularly revolting.
Starting point is 00:32:33 I don't think this man knew though. If you're particularly revolting person or mad. Anyway, so I got back and I said to Kath, is anything wet on the back of my trousers? She went, oh God, why did you ask me that? I said... Kath is a famous tolerance over poor hygiene. I said, what I told her that?
Starting point is 00:32:54 I said, I don't think there's anything, but I couldn't, you know. When I got up, I couldn't see anything on the chair. But, I mean, every seat on the tube has got some sort of stain in. Yeah. So she said, take them off now. She took me back. I was to turn off for the books. No, they weren't turned up.
Starting point is 00:33:15 And they, I said, no, I think they're fine. And Boz said, no, they're fine. And she said, take them off. I don't want you on my furniture. Sonny's her furniture. I don't you on my furniture. I said, well, otherwise I'm going to be sitting on the furniture in my pants, which swings around about, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:33:35 It's all like the single years again. She said I'm fine with your pants. So I had to take my trousers off. She didn't think it was an out-of-the-frying panes of the friar. Did she put the trousers in the washer or something? Well, they will go in the washer. I just took them off, put them on a chair, A bomb facing ops
Starting point is 00:33:52 So they didn't corrupt anything. Did they smell? And then she made me sit and they Watch the end of Get Queer Eye for a straight guy in my pants. How appropriate. Yeah. Did you have, can I just ask with the pants?
Starting point is 00:34:06 Yeah. How did you sort of navigate? Did you have your legs crossed? Were you squatting? I just tried. I was so angry that I'd been made to take my trousers off. Having established I hadn't sat in anything.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I just acted out. Why didn't you go and get a pair of track suit boxes? Well, upstairs. Have you got a track suit? It was late. You know what? The late that you get into the evening, you think I don't want to be going. I'm going to be going upstairs soon anyway.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I don't want to go up again. Yeah. You won't come back down. It's 71 steps from my room from our kitchen. Oh. Yes, I've counted them. Very exact. All right.
Starting point is 00:34:45 A sequel to 39. I was going to say, all right, Richard Hallet. And then they went to bed. I had to take the dog out to have a piece in my pants. I'm standing in the garden. You didn't. Yes. Imagine if a neighbour has seen you.
Starting point is 00:34:57 I know, what would they have thought? Oh, did you have a top on? Oh, I had a top on, yeah. What were the pants like? Were they wide fronts? Is that a bit rude? They've seen better days. I'll be straight with you.
Starting point is 00:35:08 Was it your Calvin Cassix from the market? No, not those. Have you still got those? Or my Kelvin clan, which is a set of pair, I put. It's a Frank Skinner. podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com.

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