The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast: Scott McKendry

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

Frank joins a secret society with Pebbles Flintstone and the poet, Scott McKendry. The poems referenced are ‘Keepers of the Pedigree’ and ‘Hi-Vis’. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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one of which was a Irish poet, a Northern Irish poet, called Scott McKendry. On that day, Scott gave me his collection, Gob, which is spelled G-U-B, and he signed it, actually, in a comical way. He began for Dennis the Beast of Bolsover, as if he'd mistaken me for Dennis Skinner, the left-wing Labour MP,

And then he crossed that out and wrote, Thanks for the laughs, hop the baggies, which is a bit more bespoke Frank Skinner, as far as dedications go. Anyway, I was thrilled to get the book. He gave me a badge as well, a gob badge. He defines gobb, by the way, as a bit like gob would be in English slang, mouth. Or someone who's very mouty is a bit of a gob. or if you hit someone in the mouth you gobb them yeah so anyway he gave me a copy of gob

and i read it started reading it in my hotel room that night took it on tour with me doing my stand-up tour and just loved it so i want to share it with you today not all of it but i would happily share all of it it's been quite hard deciding what poems not to tell you about there's so much good stuff anyway a poem that I chose is called keepers of the pedigree now Scott McKendry I'm going to call Scott for the rest of this podcast because three extra syllables at my age is quite a lot of calories so Scott is a belfast poet and he writes a lot about belfast he writes about his childhood and growing up and the present day and some of it is mythological and it seeps popular culture and of course yes he

writes about i hate to say i don't like to hear it said in an english accent but the troubles which I think is unavoidable. He grew up during the troubles. And I'm talking, of course, about the sectarian violence, which I grew up with also, but only from afar where a Scot was right in there. So I speak of these poems with some weariness because there will be references to things that happened,

perhaps in Northern Ireland during that period that I don't really understand but I think I'm getting the key bits and the stuff is too good to avoid for sensitive political reasons so I'm going to do my best and also the way Scott talks about political or religious issues

is always funny and colourful not always funny but always very rich often funny and you'll see what I mean. For example, this poem, Keepers of the Pedigree, already you're getting an idea of someone protecting the purity of the breed, which you could see might be applicable to a situation where a religious difference is very important to a lot of people.

Okay, so Keepers of the Pedigree. I don't normally dwell on dedications of poems much in these podcasts, but I am going to dwell on the dedication for keepers of the pedigree. It says beneath that title, for Mr. Tato and the other Mr. Taito. Now, there might be some amongst you thinking, oh, it's respect to some Japanese poets or something of that nature. If you've ever been to Ireland, there's a very popular brand of Crisps called Taitos. And they exist both in the North and the South, but independently.

I think they began in the South, and then a guy in the North thought, that's a good name for Crisps, and he adopted it as well. I don't know how the copyright worked out, but there are two types of Tato, North and South. So already they're representing the divide. There are two Mr. Tatos who are the representatives, the brand, if you like, of these crisps, a bit like Bertie Bassett with licorice, all sorts. And Mr. Peanut, I think, for Plantus, guy with the Monocle. The two Mr. Tatos dress slightly differently, but not massively different.

I have seen some analysis of the different Mr Tato's. They're on the crisp packet. They're on most of the packaging, but also they exist in sort of mascot form. The Northern Irish Mr. Tato, as I understand it, it's basically got a potato head and then a normal body, suggesting that the north is the most important thing, whereas the southern Mr. Tato is a complete potato.

thus suggesting some sara of desire for unification. I don't know if there's any truth in that. The truth is they look quite similar, and I think that's almost as important as their difference, the idea that maybe the North-South divide has got a lot in common as well as a lot of difference. When I say the North-South divide, I include the Catholic-Protestant divide as sort of that symbolically.

you can see the dangerous areas I'm getting into but I shall persevere because I love these poems Keepers of the pedigree I'm going to blast a bit out for you which I don't normally do because I think too much poetry in a lump can frighten people away I've been to poetry readings where you get lost in the second stanza

and then they read another 17 and it can be difficult to find your way back but don't worry because I'm going to go through this I just want to blast it out because I find that when I read Scott's poems in this book, I read them aloud and fast. It's a bit like being on a fairground ride for a poetry fan. I won't read it all, but I'll read most of it, just at a pace.

Fred runs home in his car from Rockhead and Quarry. Friday nights his raptor stew, up to high dough, he speaks in tongues. You know this one. Yabadaboo, this is no one. This is no ordinary Friday though. Tonight young pebbles rides the chimpanzee, a short ritual for to get her horns her first degree. In the loyal order of water buffalo with the left leg of her terminator pig, pelt trues, hitched at the knee. She hops the antediluvian jig, hop till the primo cuts her palm, carotty blood upon the book of Methusler, as she obliges herself to god the crown and the lodge grand poobar.

Right. You can hear the rhymes in that. It is, the whole poem is five. I'm actually counting them. Yes, as we speak. Five stanzas, each one, two lines, quite long lines, often overlapping onto the next line. And rhyming couplets, I would call them. So, first stanza, Fred runs home in his car from Rockhead. and quarry, Friday nights is wrapped as stew, up to high dough, he speaks in tongues, you know this one, yabber dabber do. In case you haven't picked up on it, this is about Fred Flintstone. On one level, it's about Fred Flintstone, and you'll see where else it goes. Fred runs home in his car from Rockhead and Quarry. In case you don't know Fred Flintstone, other people out there who don't know Fred Flintstone. Anyway, he's a car to... character caveman, but they live in a more sophisticated society than one imagines the actual cave dwellers did. Fred runs home in his car from Rockhead and Quarry. Fred Flintstone works

in a quarry in the cartoon show and he runs home in his car. That sounds contradictory. But Fred Flintstone has no engine in his car and so he uses his feet to propel it. Fred runs home in his car from Rocket and Quarry. Friday nights is raptor stew. So he imagines, well, he's racing home because it's raptor stew, raptor being a dinosaur, but it sounds like a nice Friday night meal. Opta high doe, he speaks in tongs. Doe is DOH. So he's singing as he rides. opta high doe, as in dore me so far, Tila, do. He's hitting some notes. He speaks in tongues.

Already we're getting an idea of a sort of religious fervour involved in Fred's enthusiasm as he ron stroke drives home. You'll see why in a minute you may know that some religions have. speaking in tongues where people seem to be just babbling strange sounds it's when they are at the height of their religious passion where our language becomes almost irrelevant so up to high dough it in that high note he speaks in tongues you know this one he's put you know this one in brackets I love brackets in poems as regular listeners will know and I think he's saying this one

because we're heading towards Fred Flintstone's catchphrase yabba-dabba-do and I like the idea of that catchphrase which we've known since our childhood many of us now being reinterpreted by Scott McKendry Scott as I'm calling him as speaking in tongues a passionate religious slightly mystical, weird activity, rewriting Yabadabadu as something a bit more significant. Okay, so Fred in some sort of religious fervour heads home from the quarry. This is no ordinary Friday though. Tonight young pebbles rides the chimpanzee a short ritual for to get her horns,

her first degree. Right. Now, now, Now, so this is no ordinary Friday. It's not just the raptor stew tonight. Tonight, Young Pebbles rides the chimpanzee. A short ritual for to get her horns, her first degree. Young Pebbles is Fred Flintstone's daughter, and tonight she rides the chimpanzee. Now, we're getting into secret society talk here.

getting into initiation ceremony to join some sort of fraternity. There is a theory that certain fraternities, for example, the Freemasons, and also the Orange Lodges, the Protestant organisations of Northern Ireland, have initiation ceremonies, some of which, include a thing called riding the goat. Now, I'm not going to pretend I know what that entails. The imagination does run a bit rampant on it. I don't know if anyone actually rides a goat or if it's symbolic or whatever or if it even exists. Anyway, tonight, Young Pebbles rides the chimpanzee. So he's made it a bit more comical and it feels like he's made it a bit safer by not referring

directly to this weird ritual that the Orange Order might practice. But then he says a short ritual for to get her horns, her first degree. So in introducing horns, he's sort of making it clear that he is sort of referring to riding the goat, I think. A short ritual for to get her horns. And the use of that syntax, for to get her horns, sounds formal. It sounds ritualistic and ceremonial and religious and not every day. A short ritual for to get her horns her first degree. Okay, so she is joining something which involves initiation ceremonies into the next dancer.

So we've got her first degree in the loyal order of water buffalo with the left leg of her terminated. her pig pelt trues hitched at the knee she hops the antediluvian jig so she's going to get her first degree in the loyal order of water buffalo two things going on there one in the flintstones fred flinstone and his best friend barney rob are members of a fraternity called the order of water buffaloes. So that's a direct reference to the Flintstones. There is also actually a real life fraternity called, I believe, the anti-deluvian order of the water buffaloes. I know about it because my dad joined it and he had to buy some sort of robe stroke banner type things in order to join. And then he went to one session he didn't like it and they lived in a cupboard

for a long time. And they stood out at the jumble sale. I'll tell you that much. So anyway, there is a real order of water buffalo, but there is one in the Flintstones as well. This is what Pebbles is going to join. And then we get a bit of an insight into what the ceremony might be like. With the left leg of a Terminator pig pelt trues hitched at the knee, she hops the anted Deluvian gig. Right. The left leg of a Terminator pig pelt trues. I presume this is a reference to Terminator,

the Arnold Schwarzenegger film. For some of the time, he wears leather. I think they might be faux leather trousers. Pebbles is wearing pig pelt trues. So pig pelt skin of the pig. And with the left leg of her Terminator pig pelt trues, hitched at the knee. So she's rolled up one leg. This is part of the odd ritual.

She hops the antediluvian jig. As I said, the proper, the real order of water buffaloes is called the antediluvian order. So he's bringing that in. He's bringing in the flintstones and also, I think, the orange order is always there. this keepers of the pedigree, the idea of not mixing the religions. And Mr. Tato and the other Mr. Tato reminding us of the separation of Ireland early on. So that is part of the ceremony. Nextanza, let me just run into it.

So with the left leg of her Terminator pig pelt trues hitched at the knee, she hops the antediluvian jig. till the Primo-Cotser-Palm, carotty blood upon the book of Methusler, and she obliges herself to God the Crown and the Lodge Grand Poo-Bah. So, hop, she's doing that jig, till the Primo-Cotser Palm. It might be Primo. The water buffaloes, the anti-deluvian order of water buffaloes, have a Primo or Primo. that's their boss, like the prime figure, like we use the word prime minister.

So she dances the Anteluvian jig, she hops it, in fact, hop till the Primo cuts her palm, that's another part of the ritual, carotty blood upon the book of Methuslas, a sort of orangey cartoon blood coming from pebbles. The book of Methuselah, Methus is a figure from the old ten, So another way, I guess, of saying the Bible, but it might be some even stranger offshoot of the Bible that they're using in this ceremony. She obliges herself to God the Crown and the Lodge Grand Puba. I know people who join the Orange Order in Northern Ireland, they pledge their allegiance to the God, the Crown and I believe to the Protestant Church.

here guard the crown and the Lodge Grand Poo Bar we're back to the Flintstones that's what the head of the water buffaloes is called in the Flintstones the Grand Poo Bar I think it comes from a Gilbert and Sullivan character

who was very self-important and pompous and it's used generally to suggest people who are a bit full of themselves there is one stanza to go and it is the oath taken by Pebbles Flintstone. I Pebbles Flintstone of my own free will in the presence of the Lord Almighty will have no truck with Donald Duck nor Looney Tune no Tom nor Jerry. Okay so that's a oath. There's a dot dot dot dot so suggestion it's going to go on. I pebbles Flintstone of my own free will in the presence of the Lord Almighty. So it's dead.

Definitely, it's the Flintstones, but it's got a religious profundity to it. We'll have no truck with Donald Dock, and obviously there's a rhyme there, but we'll have no truck. To have no truck is to have nothing to do with. It's again about separation of the breed, the keepers of the pedigree, remember. We'll have no truck with Donald Dock, no luny tune, no Tom nor Jerry. She's talking about rival cartoon franchises here. Donald Doc is Disney, so we can't mix with him.

There's a divide, not religious, but cartoonish. Looney Tunes is Warner Brothers. And Tom and Jerry, worst of all, was Hannah Barbera the same as the Flintstones. But the brand left Hannah Barbera about three times, but he's still separated from them. So that is even worse, someone who has sort of changed religions. No, Tom. Nor Jerry. Of course, when you read Scott McKendry,

you're sort of looking for references to the troubles and all that all the time. And no Tom nor Jerry suggests you can't have anything to do with those characters because they work for a different company. Now they're different. They're not one of ours. But also you do think Jerry is quite an Irish Catholic name. Jerry Adams. Is that in it as well?

I don't know. You start looking at. for too much. I think it basically is saying, in the presence of the Lord Almighty, I will have no truck with Donald Doc, no lunaticune, no Tom nor Jerry. I won't mix with anyone who we might define as the others because we want to keep the breed pure. That is what's being said. I think it's just fantastic. It rips along and I probably should end there. I'm very tempted to do another Scott. Maybe I could do one, but not in such depth because I just want to share. There's lots of stuff in here about characters from Belfast that Scott or the speaker

knew in his childhood. They may be real people, they may be made up, they may be amalgams of several people, the way the poets often use. Anyway, I'm going to, no idea how long I've been talking, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to do this poem because I like it. No, because I love it. It's called High Viz. And it's one of these poems about someone from Scots or from The Poets' Childhood. Since I was a lad, McCoy Esmahon swung a sign rolled over bonnets, put windscreens in to save the lives and limbs of untold.

school children. So McCoy S. Mahon, I think that's how you say, Mahon. I'm English, give me a break. Sounds like an action hero, since I was a lad. McCoy as Mahon swung a sign, rolled over bonnets, put windscreens in, in other words, smashed windscreens to save the lives and limbs of untold school children. Who is this superhero McCoy Esmohan that we haven't heard of before we get a bit of an insight

now they put a pelican up the road in 99 now McCoy wakes on school nights yamering about Belisha beacon balls Tukens and Pegasai fantastic

just that line Belisha beacon balls Tukens and Pegasai. This is a guy who really loves language and he also really loves just saying what's in him without feeling a need to bring us in and explain. There are notes in the back of this book, but I actually know quite a lot about traffic crossings. So I'm at home here. I won't explain why. So this is a hint into what's going on with McCoy Es Mahon. I'm sure I'm saying that wrong, and I keep saying this action hero is less of an action hero than we might think.

They put a pelican up the road in 99. Now McCoy wakes on school nights, yamering about Belisha Beacon, Ballesia Beacon, Balls, Tukens and Pegasai. They put a pelican up the road. A pelican is the type of traffic crossing. and it's the one where there's a green man or a red man on the other side of the road. I don't know why they're men, I don't ask. It comes from, you might be interested to know,

pedestrian light controlled, perlicon. I know it should be perlicon really for controlled, but they messed about with it. It's an acronym which is used for it. So pedestrian light controlled. Take the first two letters of pedestrian, the first two of light, and nearly the first three of controlled, and you get Pelican. I mean, as I say, you get Pelican, but, you know, it's all right as an acronym.

They put a pelican up the road in 99. Now McCoy wakes on school nights, yammering, sort of complaining loudly about Belicia beacon balls. Lovely to say, beautiful alliteration. Belisha beacons are the things that you get standing at the end of zebra crossings with these big orange balls on top. I believe they were named after Hall Belisha, the politician who invented them. So this guy, McCoy, wakes on school nights yamering about Belisha beacon balls,

toucans and Pegasai. Tukens and Pegasai are other forms of cross. He's enjoying this. I'll tell you what I think he's enjoying. The poetry of the every day. The fact that these traffic crossings have got acronyms and weird animal names. There's a zebra and a pelican and now a toucan and Pegasai being the plural of Pegasus, the flying horse. I know a mythological animal. all that's been brought in by the traffic people. Tukens, you're fully expecting this to be another acronym like pedestrian light controlled. But the two can cross in is actually a pawn. It's because two can cross at the same time, i.e. a pedestrian and a cyclist.

That's what it's aimed at. So, you know, it was going all right with the nearly correct acronym, but someone thought, let's do a pawn. Again, I think, Scott, I'm sure if Scott McKendra's aware of these things, and I bet he is, you will love it. Pegasai, the fact that in discussion of traffic crossings, you can talk about mythological flying horses is great. that the Pegasus crossing in singular is so that horses can cross the road as well I know there's one guess where yes outside Buckingham palace where there's a lot of people on horses knocking around and then you get a green horse and a red horse which must have cost more money when they already had the red man and the green man I mean aside from its sexism they'd already got the template would have been cheaper to just use that but instead they use a green horse. Did they worry that if they use the green man, the horse would look back at its rider and say,

I think this is you, isn't it, and not move? I don't know, but yes, Pegasai are for horse riders. So why is this guy, McCoy, why is he so angry and shouting about Belisha, Beacon, Balletia, Beacon, twos, and Pegasai? Well, the answer comes in the next answer. did I say by the way I don't know if this is a coincidence

but there is four blocks of three lines that's what the poem looks like on the page so four stanzas three lines in each to me it looks like a zebra crossing block of black writing

white space black writing I don't know if that's the deliberate thing but that's how it feels to me penultimate stanza last monday morning a suit turned up from the dFI a suit being you know someone in a suit you know what a suit is some sort of formal officey type guy corporate uh the dfi in northern ireland is the department for infrastructure to do loads of stuff but including road safety last monday a suit turned up from the DFI to seize his portable stop sign. I think we've got it now, haven't we?

Yes, McCoy was one of those lollipop men who saw kids across the road. So now that action hero thing, since I was a lad, McCoy S. Mahan swung a sign, rolled over bonnets, put windscreens in to save the lives and limbs of untold school children. and he was an extremely enthusiastic lollipop man and that's why he's angry about the pelican going in up the road in 99 because he put him out of a job and that's why he yammers complains about Belicia beacon balls, toucans and Pegaside. He's lost his job,

which he clearly did with tremendous passion. Last Monday morning a suit turned up from the DFI to seize his portals. stop sign. Oh, no, the actual lollipop itself. McCoy, watch the workman come and put in a puffin. A puffin is another type of crossing, and you'll know this one. It's a bit like the pelican, except the green and red figures are at the side of you. They're on your side of the road. And you want to know why it's called a poffin. You won't be happy with it. I'll tell you there. It's pedestrian, user-friendly, intelligent crossing. P for pedestrian, U for user, F for friendly,

and the I-N of intelligent, saying Poffing with one F. I mean, yeah, they haven't done great with the acronyms. It has to be said. So McCoy watched the workman come and put in a puffing, another nail in his lollipop man grave. And now the last stanza, it is classical Scott McKendry to move you almost the tears and then pull the rug away at the last second with something coarse and or comical. This is the last stanza of high viz, a poem about a man who I'm sure wore a lot of high viz.

McCoy Esmohon, the lollipop man, who's no out of work, and this is how it ends. Call off those crafting with ungloved hands, snowballs to clod at the lollipop man, taking aim as best they humanly can for his bollocks. So call off those. There's no place for them now because there's no lollipop man. left. Call off those crafting with un-gloved hands snowballs to clod at the lollipop man. So these kids who are ungloved suggests, I don't know, poverty or not caring, not caring about it being a bit cold. Crafting with on-gloved hands, I haven't taken my gloves off to make snowballs more hard and compressed.

Maybe they're doing that. But this is the final call. Call off those crafting with on-gloved hand snowballs to clod at the lollipop man to throw at him. In other words, taking aim as best they humanly can. I think that man and can is working out there. Snowballs to clod at the lollipop man, taking aim as best they humanly can for his bollocks. So we need to call off those kids

who were determined to try and hit McCoy in the balls with their snowballs. because he's not there anymore. He's gone. His time is over. It's a nostalgic, crude, funny poem. There's so much going on in Gob by Scott McKendry. I'm not kidding you.

It is really fabulous. And if you're not sure about poetry, maybe, you think it's a bit formal or that everyone's dead or you've got a friend who's not sure about poetry, This is like going to an M&M gig. It's a fabulous, exciting, exhilarating use of language and form. And Gob by Scott McKendry is special. So thank you for listening to Frank Skinner's Poetry podcast.

Don't forget to follow so you never miss an episode. that. See you next week.