The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Aftershave

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

We’re approaching the end of 2012 with Frank, Emily and Alun for our best bits. This time there’s a James Bond Anniversary, Frank has judged a baking competition and the text-in is who on TV looks like they might smell of aftershave. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days. We're nearing the end of 2012, and this time I've been judging a baking competition. Yum. Oh, this is Frank Skinner. I'm on Absolute. No, I'm playing... No, no, I can't... Midlige Man doing that, terrible.

Oh, Richard... Richard Maylitt. Emily Dean. We're talking good, and we're talking clean. You can text us on 8, 12, 15. That's our scene. You know what I mean? Follow us on Twitter using Frank on Absolute. What?

Don't shoot. That's cute. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so embarrassing. I could feel my hat turning round. So the peak was facing the back, as I spoke. You know, there's a bit where we do really funny bits on this show, and Daisy the producer immediately scribbles it down for the trailer.

I think that's just happened, with your little top of the hour rap there. Oh, very embarrassing. So I'll look forward to hearing that on Absolute All Week. I find people who rap for a living quite embarrassing. So, yeah, I don't know if it made any sense, but you can do all those things. You get the idea. we used to do is used to give you, like, fun questions to answer so that people texted in and we had, like, a sense of interactivity.

You know, we just talk. So this week, I've been doing a bit of team writing. Oh, lovely. Writing, sort of... For West Brom? Yeah. Yeah, we've already written an entire midfield. Oh.

Now, sort of writing jokes as a team with some other guys for television. So of the writing room. Yeah, it's a strange. experience. I'm a bit of a lone wolf when it comes to writing jokes normally, so it can be quite tense. I can imagine. You know, you come up with a joke, you think it's the best idea you've ever had in your life, and there's just a terrible silence. Oh, that's not good. It is awful, and then you just have to go, so, or we could, oh, God. I see, I have a method, which not everyone finds less worrying. I always, if they say a joke, I'm not that keen, and I'll say, yeah, it's a bit of an Elton

John. And which means it's a little bit funny. Oh. Do you explain this to them before? The first time I do it, actually. No, no, I say it, well, I wait until the first time I say it, so that's a bit of an Elton John. They say, what do you mean? And I'll say, it's a little bit funny. A little bit. And then there's not a terrible awkwardness.

And on we move. There was one brilliant moment. You know, there's a recurring joke that I do, that if someone, And like if you said to me, do you know Vanessa May? I'd say no, but thanks for the two. Well, it doesn't work with everyone that. No, but it works with anyone called May. Okay. And also, there are other versions.

Also, Brian and Vanessa? Yeah, Brian and Vanessa and Teresa. Oh, yeah. And do you know Victoria Wood? No, but thanks for the two. Yeah, there's a lot of people that have got those surnames. Yeah, so we were sitting in the writing room and who should walk past. but James May from...

Oh, Frank. And I just turned to the back next to me and said, no, but thanks for the tip. And he got it. Oh. Because I've done that joke so many times. And how marvellous! James May is a walking punchline.

Well, not a punchline. He's a feed. Anyway. So what I did is I judged a bake-off. But I thought you said judge you not. Well, yeah, I know that. I went against the advice. of the New Testament.

A bake-off? Yeah, because bake-offs are the big thing, though, everybody's baking. Because the Great British Bake-O is a hot. It's a hot show. Oh, not for me, it's not. A lot of baking happening. Yeah, it is a hot show with all them ovens on. You're with me?

Mm. So I used hot, in both in its form of meaning popular and also like a temperature reference. Yeah. So, yeah, I was at this, it was a charity bake-off, and I had to judge the best cake. You don't mind me saying you're a curious choice of judge. Really?

Hmm. I just wouldn't associate you with cakes necessarily. No, but I've got quite a delicate palate. Not many people know that. Oh, you must have got that from those years growing up in Birmingham. I didn't have a pallet at all for years. Did you see that sign on? Used to be on my house, pallets wanted.

No, but I did. I've got quite a deli. Anyway, I had to eat. You don't have to eat a lot, but you have to eat enough to get a proper taste. So you think, well, I'll just have a little slice. But when there's like 20 cakes more than that, it's a lot, a little slice. Especially when you imagine that cake altogether, it's basically a cake, like a big. I just basically ate a big cake, but in variety. Yeah.

And also, when you think of it in the... the abstract, you're thinking of your experience of cake, which is cake available in the commercial sector, which is... As opposed to what? Well, because that cake is in the main quite nice. Oh, I see where we're going with this. What you're doing is you're also eating quite a lot of nasty cake. And that opts the ante somewhere.

You're not just eating a lot of cake, but some of it is... There was one that tastes, honestly, it was... There's not a charred egg, I can't bear a charred egg. It's had fruit on. top, but it tasted very much of robber, as if something might have fallen in. And of course, you have to, you have to eat it with marigold cake. Oh, you have to eat it with Ju Gosto. So it's, I never like that, I think. It's not gusto ju. And also, the, um, the sugar content of eating that much cake in a go is, you know, I bet you're off the scale.

Oh, well, it's like the first 12 tastes like Kate, the second ones just tastes of spinal fluid as your entire system just breaks down under the onslaught. Yeah. But, and then there was a bit of, well, I'll tell you in a minute, but we had a... Was there an incident? Oh, God, there was an incident. Oh, God. First of all, I had a fellow judge and, who I didn't know,

because there was so much cake that one person couldn't try it. Who was it? I don't know. Cheryl Baker. No, I do know. Oh, very good. Cheryl Baker would have been good. That would have been good, yeah. Or better still, um, Cheryl Baker is nearly Cherry Bakewell, isn't it? John Berkwell.

John Bakewell? John Baker. Friend of the family, I could have got her on board for you. Yeah. That would have been, um, good. Roger Kipling. Yeah, very good. So, um, he was there, actually.

I heard he was. Yeah. Go on. So over at the cake stand... He was complaining about some upside down cake about the juicy bit and the sponge. Something about near the twine shall meet, he said. So, first of all, there was one that was a beautiful...

It was in the shape of a rabbit. Oh. Yeah. And my fellow judge just started by cutting the head straight off it. Oh, I was going to say, did you do that? That sounds... No, I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. What do you do to do to a jelly baby, though? You take the head right off, don't. I don't, I take it, I can't bite into a jelly baby. I'll take it like a lozenge.

I can't, there's something, I've always saw anyone who could, I might have said this before, but I stand by, anyone who could knock a nail into a teddy bear's face could do it to a human being. There's something, you know, it's our kindness to, um, I'm. humanoids to inanimate humanoids, I think reflects how we are we true people. He's gone a bit Doctor Who again. But no, I was shocked by it. This is absolutely true. I've still got a teddy bear from my childhood. Little Ted.

I'll be in a right state now. Yeah, and he's balding. Would he belong to our Nora originally? So, you know, he's getting on. Anyway, and I actually, he's on my bookcase in the living room. And I actually, he was on the third shelf up. And I moved him recently to the fifth shelf.

Because I thought, he's not going to see much from there. Oh, fine. And I still think, I know, I know that if I opened him up, there'd be sore dust. But I can't, anyone who can. Also, you want to keep him on side. He's seen some sights with our keys. Oh. Well, so, yeah, I didn't like, I wasn't happy with the decapitation of the robbery.

But then we had what I can only. or a Terry Wogan moment, which is basically when the winner was announced, they said Cindy instead of scooch, if you know what I'm saying. Oh. Do you remember when the song for Eurovision and he said it was Cindy that had won and in fact it was Scoot. Yeah, I do, I totally remember that. And Cindy was absolutely, you know, punching the air with delighting.

And then he said, oh no, sorry, it isn't you, it's Scoot. Well, that's what happened at the end of the bake-off. that it was given to the apple pie turned out to be the cookies. Oh, Frank. Well, there was tears before bedtime, that's all I'm saying. There's no fault of mine. No? No.

But it was... Well, that'll serve them right for dealing with carbs. That's what will happen, I'm afraid. Yeah, and I... I once baked... I only ever bake once in my life. I made lemon meringue pie. Mm-hmm.

I made lemon meringue pie and two lobes of bread the same afternoon all three items, utterly perfect. I mean, brilliant. Wow. I use whole meal pastry for the lemon meringue pie. Still brilliant. And I've never baked since. Because, you know, when you do it, and it's right,

you think, don't do it again, you'll spoil it. Really? Yeah. If only Mike Myers, listen to that advice. I, speaking of aftershave. I, my segues, I don't know as good as they used to be. No.

You know people's scope for Hilt. I, um, I was looking through my bathroom. Oh, God. I was right in the back, right in the back of the cupboard. Oh, yeah. Right past the, you know, the little hotel bottles and the magazine sachets. Oh, yeah. Right past there.

And the Emery boards. Right past there. That body shaver, they sent me free. That was that. Still in the package. and I found some vintage aftershave. No, I've always been a bit of an anti-aftershave, man. You're not big on smellies, are you?

Not at all. I've just having a memory of you saying on this very short, people should smell how they smell. Yes, I agree with that. I'm surprised by this. Well, there are people on tell you, you look at you can almost smell the aftershave. More thoughts from the Pilgrim fathers later. I'm sorry, I think there's, what's he doing?

I think it's perfectly fine to enhance your natural odour. Yeah. Yeah, but is it all right if it's stuff from the 70s? Oh, what are we talking here? Well, Old Spice I wore on Tuesday. Wow, sir. I have to say, I think that's actually, you'll be surprised to hear this, but I think you're on trend.

Really? Is it back? I've got a bottle of Old Spice recently. I think it's back. What more evidence do you need? Can I just find out? bottle. If there's anyone listening from Old Spice, don't send me any, this will last me. Well, I would say the size of the bottle.

I'm of an age there where I can look at a bottle and think that will last me the rest of my life. So don't bother. Anyway, I put that on. I'll tell you what I've forgot. Yeah. So I was doing a TV show and I thought, no, I'll put a bit of old spot.

My dad used to use Old Spice. It was a bit of a Noste. Mani, he also used to just put his fingers in the bottom bowl and put that on his hair. Oh. Yeah. He was a man who used, he used his natural environment, my dad. He was like a plane crash survivor

eating squirrels and living on berries. Yeah, so he'd look in the mirror, just finger in the bottle, straight on. I used to live with a bloke who had very curly hair and he put olive oil in there. Is that common? Yes, we were staying with some family friends in Glasgow and the dad put the comb in the chip fat. That's, honestly,

that's true. I think That was quite common. I'm just a mouse that you knew anyone who had chip for it? I'm not that it's gone that far down there. So Old Spice, Frank. So is it just the Old Spice? Well, no, I started with you. That was Tuesday.

And something I forgot. High karate. Wednesday. No, no, I didn't have any high karate. Oh. I, um, yeah, I'm still pre-links. No, I didn't have any links. I'll get around to it. So what I'd forgotten is with your old aftershouse,

it's not like, you know, you're modern. day smellies. They're like soothing balms and stuff like that. But yet, the old one, you put it on, and it's very rare one does any grooming accompanied by the sand. And it was, the second

time I put aftershave on this week, I went, the hands went towards the throat and I hesitated. I slightly lost my nerve. I've forgotten it was, it's quite, I believe the word is astringent. Yeah, it was, Oh, it's very, very male.

So that was Tuesday. On Thursday, because I did some, I don't like to talk about my other work. You've had a lot of TV work on, though, let's be honest. So Tuesday I was Old Spice. And on, and it was that bubble. You know that bubble where you, it's, it's, which one is that? It's me interviewing Jerry Halleyball. Oh, good. There we go.

And he's done it. I've done, I've done the old spice joke. Relax. Okay, we threw it. And then on Thursday, I went for Brute. Oh, Frank. Brut 33 on the 25th. No, it wasn't 33. That's what the ad campaign said. I know, but 33, I don't know if you're aware of this. First of all, there was Brute or... Oh, it's a pre-33.

Yeah, Henry Cooper used to act. The Great Smell of Brute, he used to say. I love that. And then they bought out Brut 33. It's a cheaper version. of Brute. Oh. And they advertised. It was called 33. Because, get this.

The reason it was cheaper as well is it had a third of the fragrance of the irritants. Wow. And I like the idea, you know, an all working class scene. I'm sorry, Mary, but times are hard now. I'm afraid I've lost job at Mill. We're all going to have to smell a little bit less nice than we get. I say a little bit. Two-thirds less.

nice nice than we used to in order to save funds. Yeah, so they made a cheaper and less nice. They could have called it Brute Less Nice. Yeah. But instead, well, that would have been quite the 70s ad campaign because they were quite basic the ad campaigns then. Well, the ad campaign for Brut, I looked this up. Yeah.

The original slogan was the essence of man. Which I like the idea of that. Yeah, I've explained it. A line between that and B.O., though, in it feels like... Oh, God. What's wrong with you? I was thinking like Neil Armstrong could have. Oh, right, yeah.

He could have snuck it in when he put his foot on the moon. People weren't so sponsorship aware in those days. No. I like those old fragrances, though. That little whiff of nostalgia. Mm-hmm. It just takes you. But I remember our butcher used to wear that, Brute 33,

when you come around to the house. Really? I haven't. I've still got, because we're recording next week, I've still got Blue Stratos. I've never even heard of that. Well, that's Tuesdays already lined up. We've had such a big response to who on TV looks like they might smell of aftershay.

It's extraordinary. We have... It turns out that's the question that's been waiting to be asked. Yeah, all these years. Ben and Birmingham, Peter Stringfellow, spicy yet floral. We've also had... I think they'll actually say what, they smelled off. Oh, yes.

They've opted it. I bet Timothy Dalton smells of leather and wealth from Ben the plumber. Less wealth than he used to smell. Timothy Dalton. Who knows? He knows. That's what he's done. Extraordinary reference.

109. David Dickinson, Paco Raban. What is here? Paco Raban. I don't know what that is. Paco Raban's a scent. Yeah. Oh.

It's a certain type of man. When I'm doing my documentary series, Frank and Sense. Exploring it. things. Packer of bam. You rummaging at the back

could be the perfect starting scene for Frank and scents the... Yes. Oh wow. I tell that the blue stratos

is as yet on corked. I don't know that. That could smell of anything. I hope it hasn't corked. Can it do that? I don't think so.

I think it's slightly net for me having used it. Frank, Karen says Frank I reckon Vernon Kay reeks of links. Mm. is what Karen thinks.

I'd basically calling him immature though, isn't it? I mean, that is sort of saying he's a bit teenage boy-like. Is he? I think so. No, I mean, I think that's what she's saying. I'm not saying that. Okay. Is Link still available? Oh, I think so.

Wively. Widely. Okay. It's a long time since you've perused the aisles of a chemist. I've actually bought an old spice deodorant because I like the after shave. And I know I realized I've got a couple of roll on deodorants that I had the odour de toilette of. Do you know what I mean?

The same scent, matching. Yeah. I've never worked at the difference between an odoured toilette and a aftershed. Well, we talked about it, and Emily told me that it just smells stronger, they have to shave. Oh, you put it in the same place.

There's more essence. Yes, you put it in the same place. Where do you think you put there? The bathroom cabinet. Is that what you meant? I'm looking for a weaker version of... Of links. I'm looking for the weakest links.

Oh. I'm terribly sorry, but it was in my head, and if you don't let him out, that I get a pain in my... I know you do. Just below my ears. It's like the pain David Badell says he gets me. He doesn't happen.

He's not allowed to chocolate or something. He says, I actually feel ill. If he wants a dessert, he gets pain in his jaw. He goes, no, I have to eat it. He has to have a dessert, otherwise he's in agony. Yeah. Where are my gloves? Come on, heat.

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Have it all with 3 on Disney Plus. It's a very special anniversary, of course, this week. What is it? 50 years? Of? As the rest of the country celebrates the Bond anniversary. Yeah, as we're celebrating 50 years since the Second Vatican Council met. Oh, that's lovely.

My name's 23rd. John, the 23rd. How do you celebrate that if everyone else is having Bond theme parties? What are you doing? Just sitting about having a council? We're talking about the major reformations that took place at that time. And whether they've been fully instigated or whether the Conservatives in the Church of somewhere sort to quash that instigation.

Kathy's loving it. But I like Bond as well. Bond mania. Bond, Bond, Bond. everywhere. Sky have you see Sky I've got a new channel called... Is it Just Bond? It's called Sky O-O-7 HD. Oh.

It's a lot of letters. Actually, that wouldn't be a bad number plate. Oh, yeah. It's a bit internet password that one, isn't it? It is, yeah? I'll stick with that one. I'm getting a bit fed up a password one. I know if someone breaks in.

Password one. I've had to change one. I was using Dr. Buck for a while from one. one of the four. Oh, was you really? Yeah. Yeah. So I thought no one would ever guess that. Frank.

That's interesting. There's some, what I like... It's cold in it, but I've become very clenched, I realised. I've turned up the heating now. Frank, what I like about all this... I've contracted into light. You know when you get, when you take an elastic band off something and it's, it's, you can't separate it. It goes into a tight.

I'm like that. So I've got the heating under the control. Okay. You leave it alone. This is the sort of. thing we could do during the songs, I'm sure. I know, I'm sorry. You're probably right talking about. I'm sure of it. Can we get back to Bond, please?

Okay. What I like is that there's sort of 1960s gossip coming out as well, very late in the day. Like this woman who is in the original Bond film has been talking Eunice Gason, is that? Oh, yeah, Eunice Gason. She played Sylvia Trench. I used to have her on a card. I used to collect James Bond cards. Oh. Did you? Which were bobble gum cards,

but which were really quite saucy. And it was really exciting because I used to go and buy this and I wanted you know my parents didn't know there was lots of um low cut tops and leggy girls on them and I was like I was about nine I was oh man it was the most exciting thing that ever happened and then

they did an expose on um that's life or whatever it was called on the bubble gum cards yeah what was the expose that it was these very saucy pictures were on children's cards and our Nora said that you collect those cards don't you well of course I was shamefaced

I remember there was a trap She set up a trap The family was there My mom and dad had Nora And she said So which which card do you like best And I thought I know what they're after

What did you say? I think it's a nice picture of odd job Is there a nice picture of odd job And then Nora said No no which one with a lady on do you like best And I thought this is leading the witness Tratement Yeah so I went for Honour Blackman in a roll neck sweater

That's smart Oh always Wiley for Frank, I love that about you. Anyway... That's what the roadrunner was saying to me just the other day. That's what Joe was saying. Sylvia Trench,

she was talking about Sean Connery's first day on set. She said he was so nervous. He couldn't even say the lines, the name's Bond James Bond, and he kept saying the name's Sean Bond James Connery. Do you believe that? I do not believe this.

These people, they try to insert themselves in history, don't they? And I said to Martin Luther King, why don't you tell people about that dream? I think it's quite interesting. You know what I mean? I don't believe that for a second. She claims that the director then suggested he went to have a drink,

Sean Connery. He should go and have a drink to... I read about this. And even then, she said, so I took him to a bar and said, I think you need to have it. It's all me, me. No. You turned up, you did a bit of acting, you went out.

Did you know what, Frankster Langry about the card that he was forced to relinquish? That thing about... An actor, Shouley, one thing that would be had to have... is, I tell you what, when I'm doing acting, I'm not called my normal name. I sometimes have to adopt the name of the character. It's like day one of acting school, isn't it? You know, I went, and they say to you, you know,

when you're acting, you're probably going to need a different name. Yeah, exactly. That's one of the things you can grab straight away. Fair enough, yeah. With the old acting. I'm going to talk chili peppers in the house. No, I think of that Johnny Cash one. I want the line starts there.

I just assumed that an hour into the show you were doing a little physical and vocal warm-up. Perhaps that's what Johnny Cashie's doing. I don't want to go straight into this. I keep... Anyway... Do you think if they started the recording like ten seconds earlier, he'd be going, Papa's got a head like a ping-bong ball.

I hope so. Like a ping-pong ball. Buzz says that all the time, and I'm starting to wonder if he may... means it. You know, we were talking about the James Bonds. We've had a text in, what time is Sean Conner going to Wimbledon?

Tenish. See, that's my kind of gag. That's a good gag. Yeah, that's also... That's also a canon and balls kind of gag. Well, it's such a good gag. It makes me wonder that somebody's texted in a Tim Vine joke or something like that. Maybe it is...

Oh, yeah, that's a worry. It is a worry. But let's look for the positive in 753 and hope that they've just made it. But what's good about it? It wasn't Sean Connery actually... at the US Open that was one way and he was. Yeah, but he was all wrapped up on a blanket which I found a bit depressing.

Hank, can we get back to Bond? A poll they did this week. Sean Connery has come out on top. He always wins. He always does. Number, well, Daniel Craig was third. No, he was second. I do apologise. But third was Pierce Brosnan.

Now, I was shot because there's a glaring omission to me. There is, yeah. And he's my favourite. I don't know how you two feel, but it's Roger A, I have to say, is mine. Yes. Is he yours? I love Roger Moore. Oh, good boy.

I don't know why he gets that stick for his bondness. No one rocks a safari suit like him. He's a bit comical and stuff like out. But then the moments when it's almost like he's been playing the part of a buffoon in the film, but when it comes down to it and he's got a bit of dirt on his face and a black roll next sweater and he's maybe climbing onto a submarine, then you see the real man. and the handsomeness of the face.

Daniel Craig's little swimming trunks got sold last night. Did you know that? I'm glad that was the end of that sentence. For about 45, I don't know if you listen to the news when Tony you'll raise it out. But yeah, about 45 grand they went for. And unwashed it said. Now, as you know, Daniel Craig poached my cling. So it sounds like the whole thing's exploded in his face

because he must have wore them in Casino Royale. what, seven or eight years ago? They've still been in the basket all that time. I love that you can't let the anger go towards Daniel Craig. Anyway, I agree. I think Roger Moore is sadly underestimated. He also, I went to see him live. You know, he does a sort of a, he does a touring show

where he talks about being Roger Moore. Oh, does he do? Is it on the same of Dave Allen's stall? I like the sound of this. Yeah, and, no, I think it's been cleaned. Oh, okay. And he told a story when I saw him. I saw him in Cheltenham.

He was on about David Niven. You were a David Niven, the actor. When he died, he went to the house of David Niven. And he said David Niven's wife was there. And the press was outside. There's lots of flashing cameras. And Roger Moore arrived. And the wife came out and was screaming and shouting at,

You said she was, you know, she'd been drinking and she was shouting at me and saying, you know, he never liked you and all this kind of stuff. He said, and I said to her, get inside or I'll kill you. And I don't know about you, but I'm a bit more sort of tentative around the bereaved. Generally, I couldn't quite believe it. Well, I have a little recollection that I'd like to. That was a second of tension there. I wanted to ask Emily Dean's verdict on a story. Oh, lovely.

I worked on television's mock. I don't want your verdict on that. Mock the week the other night. Lovely. On my way out. So proud. Do you know what I am? It's like when you watch your son shave for the first time, when Alan says stuff like that.

Don't do this. I've been on it five times in five years. I'm a Mock the Week regular. the same way as Santa is a regular visitor to my house. But I bumped into TV's Frank Skinner in the car park as I was about to get into a taxi. It was very odd because it was a really busy car park. Can I just picture the scene? Are we at TV centre?

We are. We are at TV centre. It was very glamorous indeed. We were at TV centre. We bumped it. It was a bit like Roger and Cobby Broccoli playing backgammon. Oh, you didn't say I will kill you, get back inside. You had a suit bag as well. That's so glamorous. Yes, I did.

I had a suit bag. Did you have it over your forearm like Roy Hodgson? No. Okay. I think you had it slung over your bag, didn't it? No, it was a suitcase time. Oh, I get it. I get it.

Anyway, let's not get distracted. Okay. I want to know your verdict on what took place, because I suspect you will be mortified. I bump into Frank and... I'm already a bit mortified. He's with two gentlemen. Okay, I don't know the way this is going.

One of them holding a big bunch of flowers. He said, oh, these are the guys from Room 101. And I've just done that. I said, yeah, hello, I'm shaking their hands. And he went, I keep telling him that they should book you for it, but they won't have you. Oh, my God. I don't know what I've brought that up.

They went, oh, cheers, Frank. That's a way to start a conversation. I start laughing and say, yeah, yeah, I'm aware of that. Cheers. You said I am aware of the food. chain. I said I'm very aware of where I'm in the food chain. Worst conversation two human beings have ever had. I don't know why I even brought that off. Well, they were absolutely mortified, I felt. Well, after you left, one of them seemed fine with

it. Yeah, after you left, one of them turned to me and said, that went well. Oh, no, it was. I don't know, I went a bit name and shame. It really felt like I saw a flicker of delight in your eyes before you said it as well. I'm sure. Maybe I've been replaying it. Whenever I introduce two people, I like to weld them together, the fact. I'm speechless. I feel so sickened.

Oh, I had an even worse thing that night. Worse than that? Oh, no. What did you do? No, I felt terrible. So you've got to tell us what you did. I might tell you all fair. Is that fair?

Oh, well, I'm, hold on. You know, sometimes you say something and afterwards you think, no, I shouldn't have said that. and you beat yourself off. So I was on a show with Clive Anderson. And he said something to me, which was just a bit of a leg pull thing. And he was on Room 101, and he was putting in people who buy tickets for things in advance.

You know, he's a champion of spontaneity. And I just felt bad, I don't even tell it this. But anyway, and I said to him, he said something to me, that's sort of a leg pull. And I said, yeah, well, I buy tickets so far. in advance, I've actually got tickets for your next TV appearance. And the audience, no one laughed, the audience just went, oh, what did he do?

He, um... Did he raise his neck out of his... No, no, he actually, he said something like, well, I'm on tomorrow night. And... Oh, yeah, but which channel? Well, anyway. Let's be honest about this. No, he's on Channel 4, it's all, but I just felt, but, you know, sometimes you say,

they come out. these things. I think it's that they were getting old. You know, older people, like Michael Parkinson, they just start criticising. I think you're being hard on yourself. If he gave you a leg pull, you can give him a leg pull and so it continues. I thought mine was, I thought it was too much. Anyway, I felt bad. I lay awake thinking about it. That's not your fault you're a superior marksman.

No, but. Why did I even reach for my weapon? That's what I said to the boom. I think as you get older, it's like a very, very, very, A very slow version of the alien coming out of John Hurt. Yes. Is that this slight grumpy, old, spiteful, nasty monster starts to climb out of your grey in concave chest. Shall we talk about something else?

Well, actually, we've just had a text in, which is rather confusing, Frank. Okay. This is from Martin, Ashman. He says, hi, Phil. Just found your show on my computer. Might I say, what a show. Keep it up. Thanks very much.

Thanks for the praise. It's not be held out by details. The irony that we refuse to read out lots of praise on this show, but the bit that we have read out is addressed to somebody else. Well, I don't mind reading it out of a bit of price for Phil. It's cold, franks, great, and radio days, I don't mean days as a stupor, and me days as in the seven-for-a-week-old, this is a take-not a glooper.