The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Americanisms

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

It's the last instalment of 2011 best bits with Frank, Emily and Alun. This time the team discuss what makes MP's cry, a Frank-related conundrum and Christmas curveballs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Frank Skinner's Radio Days, it could go one of two ways. Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days. We're at the end of 2011, and this time Emily has seen a tweet that says Frank Skinner, Dermott O'Leary, Martin Sheen. But what's the connection? So Frank, I was reading The Economist the other day. What? Hold on. This show's changing.

Let's get back on my chair. I'm not just a pick-me-up slash-chat kind of girl. No, I wonder where you were going with that one. I said, yeah. No. No, but I came across a very... You're a fiercely intelligent woman. Thank you.

I came across a very interesting article, Cockrell, about Americanisms. And it was to do with... Because I'm quite fond of the odd Americanism. I added the ism in there. You're going to say the other American. But it had a poll asking what were the kind of British people's top Americanisms

that they'd incorporated into their speech. Yeah. So, side of... I've never heard any British person say that ever. No, me neither. Apartment instead of flat, I do that. I have to say I have moved to apartment from flat. Because apartment, I live on the 11th floor apart from those below in a way.

So apartment feels right for me. Flat has never worked for me. The whole thing about flat, it's the very opposite. I find flats, if anything, they protrude. They're not flat at all. at all. Bongolo should be called a flat. Yeah. Some people also admitted to saying, I'm good over I'm well.

So if you say, how are you? I'm good. Can you do that, guys? Well, you see, if someone says to me, how are you? I always say, what, am I a doctor? And then it gets a bit awkward. So, yes, yeah, I never say I'm good. I'll tell you what I do say. Instead of coterie, I say eating irons,

which is something I heard in a cowboy, Phil. It's extraordinary. My brother-in-law says that. Have you got any eating ions? Well, you know another human being that says that. Yeah, yeah. Eating irons. I do say hey instead of hello.

Oh, do you? I know, I'm sorry, Alan, but I think it sounds a bit more friends and like I'm sort of pleasantly extrovert. Do you ever say yo? No. Oh, I say yo. I say you in email and text form quite often. Do you, ironically?

I think it starts ironically, and then before you know it, you're just doing it. I think that's the problem. I also still say, What's up! I do. I genuinely do. I'm afraid you'll find. I think you can only work on Capitol Radio if you say it was. Well, I hear there's a gap.

There is. Yes. Flat sounds so common compared to apartments someone has texted in. The latter is elegant. The former is inhabited by peasants. I am not a peasant. From 754. Oh, done, 754.

Isn't that your number? Don't sneak of me in on. On the side. One of my favorite, I mean, this was said by an American, I don't know if it actually qualifies as Americanism, but I interviewed Patrick Stewart, you know.

From Murfield, West Yorkshire, Patrick Stewart. That wasn't how I was going to describe him. I was going to say Captain Picard. Jean-Luc Picard. Yeah. But anyway, I said, are you going to do any more Star Trek films? And he said, no, he said,

we had a meeting with the guy from the film company. And he said that he felt that Star Trek had franchise fatigue. Which, let's face it, we all get in the end. I've had it since about 2002. Yeah, about then I think it set in. Yeah, I'm fine with it, though. Yeah. I don't care.

It's brought me here where I'm very happy. So, is there any Americanisms our listeners like or dislike? Matt says, Hi, Frank and Co. Oh, a little bit American. I utterly despise folk who insert the word like after like every word for like emphasis Like you know Is that American though?

Yes it is very American That's Matt Richmond from work at Like the Natural History Museum Oh okay Well you did a mat We've got another one One Americanism people should be hung drawn and quartered for saying Is step up to the plate Or any sentence including that phrase

Hung drawn and quartered is nice It's been very British That's from Oliver Cromwell It's a baseball to step up to the plate. Yeah. It is. Yeah. That was from 829.

And there's another one... I wonder how he is with touch bass. Yes. Oh, 186 has texted. I hate it when people at the bar say, can I get a drink? Yeah, that does annoy me, actually. Does it? Does it?

Does it? Does it? Can I get that? You think, no, what you say is, please may I have? Okay. Old school English manners, isn't it? Fair enough. So, Alan?

Yes. Is it true that you might be purchasing something that's quite dear to Frank's heart? I have a rumour. Oh God, are you buying West Frontierreve you? No, but I am a bit concerned, Frank. I'm going to air this to you. I know since I've been working with you, I've caught myself more and more having Frank-style moments, as I would say. I keep getting lost, which is a very frank skinner trait.

Is that new to you? It is new to me, yeah. That's weird. I never had a brilliant sense of direction, but I never really noticed the absence of one, and now I'm starting to notice the absence of one. Have you been drinking out of my cop? Because there will be some poison traces.

Some residual poison from the poison. Can you stop making oblique references to the fact that Saurra is trying to poison you? I think it's good to up front it, because it's going to take nerves of steel to continue this regime of steady poisoning, even though I'm making it very public. Yes, you baked cookies for us last week. How did they go down? Well, I've eaten one actually just before this show.

Been walking sour. Everything's gone orange. To be fair, it was a Jaffa cake. But I've caught myself for appreciating trees more. Really? You often say you love a tree. I've always liked a tree, but now I'm on the train so much

because I come to London sometimes twice, three times a week. So the train goes past a lot of trees, and I occasionally see a tree on its own in a field and think, that is a nice tree. Beautiful. And occasionally think Frank would like that. And obviously, I do a lot of sound checks in my other job as a touring comedian.

Tickets still available. That's my masai name, Alan Tick is still available, Gagrin. But I've sometimes caught myself performing a little poem or a soliloquy as part of the sound check, which is a definite Frank Skinner trait. What do you opt for? Well, I occasionally go with a quote from dejection and ode. That's very frank.

A grief without a pang, void, dark and drear, a stifled, drowsy, unimpassioned grief. And sometimes I do the balcony speech from Romeo and Juliet. Right. But... Frank is something of a... I describe you as a social architect, if you don't mind. A social architect.

Oh, that's what there's no songs about. Well, I guess, I mean, I suppose if you hang around with someone, there's a mutual. I was going to put a ukulele on the Christmas list. Well, this is what I was referring to. Can I say, I very much recommend that. Really? How much can you get one for, Frank? You can get a decent one for about 20 quid.

Can you believe that? Really, and they're not rubbish, the 20 quid ones. No, well, you've got to try them out, really, in the shop. but you can get 20 quid ones that are good. Wow. The thing to do is to try the machine heads and make sure that they tune the string. So when you twist them,

does the sound of that string change, or is it just the same if it is? You need another one. Or go to the shop at the George Formby Convention. I say shop. It's actually seven old men around a table. That's a bigger investment. I think we all,

anyone who you hang around with has a sort of influence. I mean, you've had quite a dietary influence. I did wonder if you were catching yourself savouring food. No, no, not someone savouring food, but a little couple of maxims you've come out, which have really stopped with me. I was talking about having knots, I said, but I think they're quite fat, and you said,

no, that knots are the right kind of fat. And that's really stopped with me. I thought you've ever done an impression of me in my company before. I said to my girlfriend, apparently they're the right kind of fat. You can eat those. So now she has the odd knot as well. It's changed. Oh, yeah, they are.

Good fat. The other one you said the other week is often when you think you're hungry, you're often thirsty. And that's also stuck in my mind. That is not an Alan Cochran phrase. That was me quoting a friend of mine who had said that. And I think he's right. I mean, quite often I eat when I should probably have some water. And also, I suppose the ultimate influence you've had on me is airplane mode.

Oh, yeah. Which I'd seen on my phone but never touched before. That's where we cross over. We're all on... Airplane mode, exactly the same frame. Airplane setting, I've never looked back. We should explain that we all put our phones on airplane mode so that we can't be contacted during the show.

See, I used to just have it on silent occasionally. I'd read a text, you know. We would just be at it. You've actually rendered me uncontactable. Yeah. I pop my phone on airplane mode for when I'm recording gigs because there's quite a good voice memo recorder on the phone that I have.

And if you put it on airplane modes, then nobody's going to ring you while it's recording. Oh, clever. Yeah, I think Imogen Thomas used that when she was recording gigs. Yeah. Oh, God. Very similar. Yeah. No, so it's interesting.

We're talking about Americanisms on the show on Saturday. And it only just struck me that even us talk about this, that it isn't aeroplane mode, is it? Oh, no. It's airplane. Oh, you're right. So is that what Americans said? Did they say airplane instead of aeroplane? They certainly did in the film title.

They did, it's a good point. Well, I never really noticed that before. And I caught myself the other day thinking I might get some checked trousers. There was some checked trousers. I think this is a... I'm worried at the end of all this, I might believe in a beneficent deity. Where's it all left? I think I could also get you done for identity theft.

If this goes any further. A man who interviewed me this week, can you believe this? It's finally happened. Yeah. Suggested I was a National Treasure. Oh. And I rejected it out of hand. I just think National Treasures are such terrible people, generally speaking.

Do I want to be in the same Venn diagram as Dame Betty Boothroyd? National Treasure. I've seen her described as that. Whereas she should just be described as a fool. A fool. So anyway, here I sit on airplane mode, thanks to the cockerel. I am uncontactable. His role in my life is a bit like Annie Wilkes in misery.

He is rendered me uncontactable. Frank, we've also... I spotted a tweet this week. It said... This is what I'm going to read the tweet to you. It said, Frank Skinner, Dermat O'Leary, Martin Sheen. well it was something of a mystery a toy of Wilcox mystery

I couldn't work out what it was and do you know what I held back which I don't often do and I held back because I wanted to find out I thought what do these three people one of whom I love dearly have in common and I couldn't for the life of me think do you know what it is

I think I know you love one of them dearly yes is it dermot is it dermot because he wouldn't give a giant middle miss a lift back from live eight. Is that true? Yes. Has this come up before here now?

I shouldn't even... Don't go there. I'm not going to go there. I think she just said, you go to Mr. and he said, yeah. And she said, oh, she'd give us a lift, and he said no. She's probably, no. Yeah, I think that's probably, you know. He walked past me in the street the other day,

Dermott O'Leary. He's a great bloat. He looked very well turned out. He had some nice, cloblin. No, but he's nice. He's very nice. Oh, yeah. There'll be a reason.

It is nice. There'll be a reason for that incident. Well, never mind any of that, people being nice. What does Frank got in common with Martin Sheen? I'm pretty confident. Do you know what it is? I'm pretty confident. I thought, I've been racking my brains.

I wondered whether they too had been propositioned by Jane Couch, the former female boxer. I doubt if they have. You never know. Be a bit of a shot in the dark. I doubt it. And... Can you working at?

I can't begin to guess what... You know what I thought briefly it might have something to do with the Central Reservation years? Just because I know Martin Sheen had problems in apocalypse now. I don't think Dermot has, though. No, no, it's not that. Is it not?

I think... Do you know it? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's probably famous Catholics. Oh, it's Catholic. Oh, it's Catholics? Dermott? Dermott.

Yeah. Oh, really? Is he Catholic? Yeah. When Dermot was on celebrity, who wants to be a millionaire, the money went to Cathod, a Catholic overseas development thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, that makes perfect.

That's a bit like an idiotic eureka moment that it took me so long to get that. The three of us have a pact, actually, that when Catherine Jenkins goes into chrysalis form, that we have to gather the forces of good in anticipation for the battle. that we'll bring about arm again. I presume Martin's still up for it. He used to call me occasionally just for general tactical talks. But all I'm saying is when Catherine finally bangs the wooden staff across the floor and the demons rise up, let's hope it's not in the middle of X-Factor.

Yeah, just turn it'll be busy. One X-Factor was delayed at the beginning. I thought, oh my God, she's emerged. No one's called me, but no, we're still waiting. It'll be a right old to do. I'll tell you what, can I start before we go any further back? You know, we've been talking about, for the last few weeks, about TV shows and the like,

that were only made because people come up with the title that they thought was a cleft of pawn. Having talked about it for three weeks, I got an offer this week to present a show to show, as it said, the way people who work in football have got more refined tastes than people might think that's the kind of strap line. It's called footballers wines.

Oh. Fawler's wines. It which people from football sample fine wines and offer their comments. That sounds nice, yeah. Oh, man, I was tempted to do it just for the part of it. But, um, we've had a lot of. An email in from, oh, I can't see his name, Tom.

An email from Tom saying, hello Frank, Emily and Alan. My wife and I went on our first date four years ago to see Frank do stand up in Barnstable. Four years on, we've got married, emigrated to Australia. I'm sure it was better than that. Yeah, it's quite a show. I said that was the get out of this country, yeah. Tour. Or was it?

And we are expecting our first child in January. Congratulations. I was a January, babe. me myself. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I've always been a fan of Franks and listen to the podcasts every week. I would like Frank and the team, that's us, Emily, to help me with a little problem. Oh dear. With six weeks to go, we have no idea what to call our baby. With our surname being light, all I can seem to do is find completely unsuitable yet comical ones. My favourite so far is Angel D. Light.

Good. Good. I really love that. We'll come back to that. Or boys, either light and Noah light. Please help me by exhaust. Noah light. Noa light as in Noah. Noah. Noah as in the arc, but Noah light. I think it's either light and no light. No light. I'm not happy with that.

You can strike that strict frang. You can strike that one off Tom, I think. Let's get it down to a manageable amount. Strike that light. There are. Nice. The lady did a pun. Oh, God, that's the second strike joke of the week.

Doesn't go so bad. I think people that make strike jokes should be taken outside and shot. That's what I think. They should be taken outside and then take them back inside again. All right, yeah, yeah. Perhaps giving a hot drink. I'm a pacifist. Yeah, I'm not.

Please help me by exhausting all the silly ones so that I can move on and actually find a name that works before my wife loses patience with me. Hope you can help Tom. Well, we'll try Tom. We'll certainly try. Tom Light. Tom Light.

Tom Light. A year. That doesn't work either. No. What's your parents thinking of? If it's a girl, you could go Flora. Flora light? Yeah. As a boy.

Oh, yeah, Flora Light. I want to just go. That's good. That's very good. Eugenic Eureka moment. What's that cheese you like, Frank? Philadelphia. No, Leer Damer Light.

Oh, but then you'd need life in brackets. That's called Leodamma Light Life, though. Unless she marries someone called Life, but let's face it, it's a million to one shop. I think for a boy, Ed, Edlight. What? Headlight.

Oh, headlight. Oh, that's good. She could maybe name it. If it was a boy, they could name it after Akkabilk. Yeah. Ackleilite? Acolyte. Ackolite.

It's a lovely word for her follower, you see. And I was also thinking Magie, Mag for short. Maglite. Do you know Maglite? You don't have me told you. It's a boy's joke. It's a boy's joke. stage managers have on their belts.

That would work as an industry-based one. Yeah. Theodore, for the surveyors. Theodore light. Theodalite? Theodalite. Theoddolite? You know the other light?

There's things on tripods that men with hard hats look through in the middle of the street. What's he looking at? That's that what they're doing. That's theodalite. Yeah, they're surveying those people. Oh, good. I'm going to know that next time. past them go on.

But they're living in Australia so they need to make it environment friendly. Yeah. Skylight. Sky. Sky. Sky. Sky.

It's a nice name for a girl, isn't it? But not if you're serving. Miller as well. You can get Millil. Miller. That's a good one. Yeah. Good for Australians as well.

You can name it after Flash Gordon. Oh, that's... Flash is a terrible name. Flashlight. You could name it after Razorodic. Well, we've already had some suggestions in. I think we might need to open us to the floor. Really? Are we going to ask people?

What about Saeed? Side life. Oh, this is, this will take us a couple of hours. Yeah, yeah. Tune at 5 to 10 and we're still doing this. Yeah, exactly. So I went to the, what's it called, the Indigo, is it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. At the O2 centre. The O2, yes.

That's the little one, isn't it? Yes, the one that is at the Big O2. And at the Big O2 was some indoor tennis tour. It would be indoor, I suppose. Yeah, massive big tennis tournament. And I was watching... The ATP, is it? I don't know.

Okay. I'm not interested in all that. So I'm watching the fall in a small adjoining bar, basically. Fall, in case you don't know, the greatest band ever. Although their singer, Mark King Smith doesn't like them being called a band. No. He likes them being called a group. Oh.

Yeah, he's very, very touching. Why doesn't that surprise me? Very touchy about that. And the one thing when you go and see the fall is you never know quite what the support act's going to be. Because I think sometimes he books support acts just to get on the crowd's nerves. And there's been a few down the years, I won't name them. But there was a real cool DJ when I got there. This guy just had sort of very young, thin white guy.

And he had his big cans on and he's doing all his stuff. And his girlfriend was in the wings there looking very, very young, thin, white guy. lovingly and dancing along and some terrible people from the music business in baseball caps and a man of about 50 in clothes of a 20 year old. Planet Hollywood, bomber jackets. Oh, I was finding very entertaining because I was blown out at the last minute, so I was on my own. Oh, fine. But I was sitting down.

I was in the balcony, so it was like being Caligula at the Coliseum. And I think he went to the Coliseum. Oh, yeah, he loved a big man. He loved musical. Anyway, so this guy was really doing it, and I saw someone in the wings giving him the wind-up thing, because where I was sitting, I could sit straight into the... I was basically leaning on the speaker,

which is why my right ear is still going, even now. Oh, I like that, though. Anyway, so he carried on playing. He was really in the zone, and then two of the Falls Roadies came on stage, and they just sort of went to either side of his table, and just wheeled it off while he was still playing.

This poor chaffer was so cool. And his manager tried to save it by coming out and saying, he had like a trench coat on, the manager, and he came out and saying, one of the hottest young DJs, as if it was a deliberate exit. And the poor guy, he was still doing his decks. It was like, you know, say if you see a young woman

rushed into an operating hospital, operate in theatre. And her husband is still talking to her on the way, and it was like that. He was walking at the side of the poor. Oh, man, it was one of the best things I've ever seen. And did Marky Smith, he likes to do the washing up or something, doesn't he? Well, he turns his back a lot, doesn't he?

And he looks like he's doing the washing up. He's spinning with knobs. He sat down quite a lot. He had a chair at the back, and he sits and reads his lyrics sometimes. But also, people throw a lot of stuff at Ford gigs, which he never seems to mind. What sort of stuff? Well, they threw a newspaper on stage.

So there was a newspaper, but sort of just bits of newspaper. It looked like a sort of 1980s student play about urban decay. I love that even the abuse is quite 80s, a newspaper. I haven't been to a fall gig. That would make me think that they were saying, improvise a topical song for us, Osloz. It's a suggestion from the crowd. What they also threw, quite a lot of carrots.

Yeah. Not complete carrots, but diced... Sliced... Sliced... M&S carrots. Yeah, sort of carrots that you dip. Julian carrots in a fork in it. Yeah, that's what it was.

Julian carrots. Was there a massive vat of hummus behind them? If there was, I didn't see it. But, yeah, they'd quite... I'd say at one point there was a newspaper and about eight carrot pieces. On stage. Carrot pieces, not carapaces.

They weren't throwing... the shells of tortoise. It's obviously that'd be horrible. But it was, they were brilliant, absolutely brilliant. They always are. They are. Frankly, we've had a strange text in.

Hi, guys, yet again, we seem to have only one webcam working. I saw that. A sort of disgruntled employee. That'd be one of your fans. If you care of that much about the visuals, put the tell you on. We've been having some idiotic eureka moments in.

We've just had one in discovering what the HP stood for on the source bottle, even though the answer stares at you from the label. It only took me 39 years to find out. Oh, yes, houses of Parliament. Yeah, I like that little insight into our demographic there as well with the 39 years. People around the country going, oh, yeah, the radio now, I hope. That's what I hope. We've had another text in Pride Always Comes Before the Fall, which is a rather fine pun.

Oh, yes, on the... the cocky young DJ. Yeah. I don't know if he was that cocky. He just seemed very into it. But it's a great point. I'm loving it. I was so excited about the fall.

I was saying that I went to see the fall at the O2. Fall at the O2. I'll never say that again in my life or that small place in there. And as I said, there was tennis on at the night. When I left there, all the tennis crowd were coming out. And I thought, oh, God, I hope anyone doesn't see me and thinks I've been to the tennis. Did you?

In a list of things to be at bad. embarrassed about the idea that anyone thinks I go to indoor tennis. Indoor tennis, surely, Henry the 8th should have been in that tournament. Well, exactly. Yeah. He was the one that used to banging up the walls and all they'd be looking at me very... He certainly was the one... He used to bang it up the walls.

No, my meant he's... I've been playing real tennis. Oh, don't, please. You're hanging out with Marky Smith too much. So anyway, I was so euphoric after the gig. Oh, completely euphoric, that I got into... You should have seen Markey Smith. Yeah, euphoric.

I knew him a ratio. I got into this car, not any car, I got into a cab, although I will buy any car, if anyone's done on. And he had smooth FM on. And I didn't object. I was in such a good mood. And what should come on but the Bengals doing Eternal Flame? Oh, I love that.

So I started singing along, and I close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. And I said to the guy, come on, sing up. And he seemed genuinely disturbed. And I was really blasting it out, and I kept saying, you know, here we go. On the chorus. And he didn't speak to me again for the entire journey. Did he leave it on, though?

You did call it darling. He was too frightened to switch it off. Awful if you just turned it to talk, really. I'm awesome. Oh, yeah, that would have been while I was mid. That bit that goes hurt. When you think she's going to go, An eternal,

and then she's only going to go, Flame, if I'd just gone for the high bit, and he'd turn the idea. That's what I call a truck driver's gear change, that. Yes, that's not what you call a truck driver's gear change. Do you know, David Biddell was a very fine rendition of that song on the piano.

We've had another idiotic eureka moment, Frank. My eureka moment was after watching Wacky races as a child. I later found out why one of the races was called Pat Pending. That's Jeremy from Watford. Yes, and for those of you don't get it, it used to get things that said Pat Pending. It meant that the patent was still pending. It's an educational program this morning.

Isn't it? In so many ways. Speaking of education, Yeah, oh. Ed Balls... I'm just marvelling at your link. Ed Balls cries at the antiques roacher. Apparently so.

Yeah? And I can understand that. I often cry when I'm confronted by human greed. I thought it is that he cries at the greed It's the other way around for him, isn't it? When they're told, oh, this clock's worth 50,000 pounds And they go, I'd never sell it, it was my granddad's, that sets him off apparently. But they never say that, do they?

Sometimes. They only say, I'll never sell it when they say it's worth 17 quid. Yeah, and they think it's not worth selling it. They say it means more to me than money, which means, oh, no, that's not going to pay for the extension. No, that's not why you, the people who turn up for those things would sell their granddad. Never mind their granddad to watch. they're there thinking that they're going to have the 50,000 pound heirloon that's been knocking around the house that meant the world to their family, but they don't care as long as they can get the money.

That's the kind of people that go to Antiques Road Show. That makes me cry. I'll go further. It makes me vomit. The people that turn up to that, they all look a little bit like they'd be in the crime section of the Daily Mail, those people, don't you think? Well, maybe. I don't know if I'm prepared to go along all the way with this. Who else was that? I like the one. Rory Stewart. You know, Rory Stewart, he's a Tory, he's a Welsh Tory MP.

Oh, they do exist. Yeah, he, um, his thing that he cries out is anything where a dog dies. Oh, really? That's what he said. Now, I don't know if he's seen it under the Baskervilles. But I was, I cheered when it finally went down. You see loads of fun. And it's great when a dog dies, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Fine. No, but like, when they're, you know, when they're not. turn up with their with their shepherd dogs and the escape prisoner has to shoot them down you know

the Nazis turn up with their shepherd that had to be done my famous scene do you not know it yeah it's a it's a strange list things that make them cry well Ed Balls yeah he cries at Sound of Music as well

specifically when they sing the sound of music which made me doubt whether he'd seen it yeah he's seen what he's done he's seen that bit where they sing the sound of music If you're going to cry at anything, you're going to cry out lonely goat herd? Obviously. Um, well, I don't know. I think it's when the young boy is revealed as a Nazi.

Because I hate it when you're going out for someone, and you suddenly discover they're a Nazi. Discover their Nazis. Yeah, it's really, it's a real, how do I handle this? You know what I mean? I'm suggesting it's a deal breaker. Well, not necessarily. But, um...

It could lead to awkwardness. So, Frank, I've been coming a bit of a Roy Cropper recently. And you know I don't like it when that happens. No, when you come a cropper, no. It's to do with the Christmas build-up. I've been experiencing what I call a few Christmas curveballs. Can I explain to you in the Cockrell what that is? So it's essentially, you know, Christmas just seems to,

it's so fraught with kind of social disasters and faux paths. And I've been having a lot of them. I'd like to draw your attention to the EDG, which is the early doors gift. I hate an EDG. That's when someone calls you up and says, oh, should we meet on the 15th in exchange presents? Oh, yeah.

No, I don't want to meet on the 15th in exchange presents. No, I'm hoping to get away without giving you a present, if I'm honest. Yeah, yeah. I've had a call from David Badeel. He wanted me to go around on Saturday. I know his game. Why would you ask me around the week before Christmas? He wants a gift.

He's after a gift. so unkind. I'm sure he just wants to see you. People get very touchy about early Christmases in general, I think. Yeah, I can't matter. People will say, can you believe, I was in the supermarket. They've only got two, they've only got Christmas puddings. Yeah.

In November. Already. And people say, it spoils it, doesn't he? Does he? Have you ever said, have a nice Christmas? Well, To be honest, it was absolutely ruined by a box of crack as I saw in Debenhams. Wait for it. Wait for it, November.

No one's ever said that. So I, people do get touchy about the early things. I've had three Christmas dinners already. Have you? Yeah. If you count a turkey and cranberry pasty from the Cornwall pasty shop. I'm not sure. This is an insight into how Aiman Holmes lives every week.

Yes. But I love a Christmas dinner and I've had two. proper ones and I hope to squeeze another one in before I'll create. What I'd really like is a Christmas dinner Advent calendar, but I open it every day and there's a Christmas dinner really. I have to eat before I go. You know, it's one of the... I'm one of those people who thinks I'm going to have like turkey and cranberry stuff and that on a regular basis.

It's throughout the fourth coming year. Yeah. And then I don't do it again until the next Christmas. They do sell mince pies all year round, don't they? But you'd never eat one, would you add to them? No, nobody ever does. But I think they're there. Who's buying them? No, because I had one at the filming of the BBC one Christmas advert, and it felt wrong. Did it? And that wasn't so long ago.

Did you have a Christmas jumper on? Oh, God, yes. That's the one. Nice. You see, also, I worry about gifts as well, Frank, because essentially there can be a disproportionate gift exchange. I found, I mean, I was relieved this morning. We exchange cards. The cockerel, very plain about it, don't do anything.

I don't do cards. I would have done gifts. If I'd been warned last week that we were... I've done gifts, I'd have done gifts, but I'm not bothered for cards. No. And in fact, a mate of mine texted me the other day saying, what's your address, Al, and I just haven't replied. I'm not going to say you one.

You could have texted back, I don't do cards. Not just deep. All right. Dave, if you're listening, just don't bother. It's not a problem. I imagine all the cockerels might have to call Dave. Only about three quarters of them. Well, I've tried to get rid of press. Actually, no, I've tried to remove presents.

I don't buy my girlfriend present. I don't buy, yeah, and I don't want presents, I don't give presents. My manager is the one person who will not give in on it. Really? I said, let's not do presents this year. It's so hard to buy for. And he said, oh, no, I like presents. I love buying presents.

No, I like presents. And I thought, love buying presents. He's there an earna. I said, what about receiving them? Is that as good? You said, oh, I love that too. And I thought, oh, I was worth a try. In the end, I just got in vouchers, which I know is always the last resort.

Where from, W.X. Smith? No, I got theatre vouchers. But, you know, vouchers I mean, I love getting vouchers is my favourite thing Really? Yeah, God, I love vouchers Because, you know,

to me it's them saying, acknowledging that my taste is superior to their That's a funny way of looking at vouchers. Oh, thanks very much. I'm going to use that as the trailer. That's a funny way of looking at it, isn't it? Yeah. And he bought me an enormous pocket watch.

Oh, but I mean... Sort of Matt Hatter's tea party. I mean two feet across. And it's not actually for the pocket. It is to hang on the wall. That's what you get people when they retire, isn't it? Yeah, do you think he's trying to tell me something? It sounds like there isn't going to be another Frank Skinner's opinion.

It's called Frankskinners, radio days. I don't mean days. There's a stupid. Many days as in the same for the weeks old this is a take not a blooper