The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Anniversary

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

We’re in 2010 for the best bits and we’ve reached the 1st anniversary of the show. There’s chat about the Ernie Wise statue, card shops, the Sony Awards and Frank has been in a musical. Enjoy! L...earn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 With Amex Platinum, you have access to over 1,400 airport lounges worldwide. So your experience before takeoff is a taste of what's to come. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Where's your playlist taking you? Down the highway, to the mountains, or just into daydream mode while you're stuck in traffic. With over 4,000 hotels worldwide, Best Western is there to help you make the most of your getaway. wherever that is, because the only thing better than a great playlist is a great trip. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Book direct and save at bestwestern.com. We've taken all that radio show wasn't going to be a bit of editing and tightly. It feels like a backward step I know that people finding things quite frightening. Hello, welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Dau. some of the best bits from my old radio show were in 2010, I know, and this time Emily has disgraced herself in a works canteen. Enjoy. Anyway, as it's the first anniversary, I better at least play this. That's the day morning! I feel it's the signature of the whole piece.
Starting point is 00:01:17 We got cake, we got balloons. We got pig iron! We got all anniversary pig iron. Yeah, we have. My friend Robin sent in these purple and blue blue. balloons with a big number one on the top. That's the numeral. There isn't a big number one on the top.
Starting point is 00:01:36 I'd take that. I mean, that'd be on it, wouldn't it? And we've got a cake with a picture of me, Emily, and Gareth on it. We've got guests. Yeah, we've got everything. And it's only one year. It's almost as if people feeling that two's pushing it. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:01:55 Take a big deal of the big one. Yeah, celebrate while you can, right? So, anyway, it's lovely. And thanks for all your text messages and emails, congratulating us, of which there were none. Okay? I don't care. We're not sentimentally, Sonny.
Starting point is 00:02:13 So I'm going to play another. What a jingle we haven't played for ages. What about this one? So, yeah, I was walking through siren. this week. Do you know it? Gloucestershire? Oh yes, there's a very nice agricultural college near there. Is there? You go there if you've got land to manage, anyway.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Okay. Well, I didn't go there. And a man went past on a bicycle. Yeah. And he went, he started pointing at me at Laugh and Laughing, which I know is a nice thing for a comic, but he looked like he was in a state of shock. Right. And he was pointing at the side of his head and pointing at me.
Starting point is 00:03:00 Like, you know, when people say, you're mad, you are. And then I realised, he was pointing at, he's got his earpiece in, and he was listening to a podcast. Oh, I love that. So this bloke is cycling through sirencester of all places, listening to the podcast. He looks up, and there's me. Funny life could always be like that.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Oh, I'm pleased for him. It reminds me a bit, I said to party once, and with David Bediel, and the people put on... Some name drop in. Sorry, yeah. And people put on three lines really, really loudly So loudly that the neighbours came around to complain And me and Dave went to the door
Starting point is 00:03:36 And they look very, very confused I'm sure they didn't know who we were We've had a tweet in from a bona fide celebrity A tweak, I believe we now have 4,000 followers I mean we're right up there with Antia Turner And Dave Gorman Dave Gorman has 63,000 I think he beats us on this stage
Starting point is 00:03:58 Anyway, so what was tweeted? I mean, I'm anti-tweeters, many people know. Frank's anti-tweet. He doesn't understand technology, but you can tweet. No, I understand prying. That's what I understand. Do you want to hear this tweet? Terradactyl.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Do you know Duncan Balletine? Duncan Balletine from Dragon's Den? Oh no, yeah. The Scottish one. You are my Valentine. It's not Valentine, it's Bannetine. Bannertine, is it? Okay, right. Anyway, he's off of Dragon's Den.
Starting point is 00:04:30 He's the scary one. He goes, I'm out. I'm out, he says. Yeah. He sent a tweet saying, someone was suggesting that possibly that wasn't a real new on Twitter, our Twitter page. So Duncan said, I want to know if this is the real Frank.
Starting point is 00:04:44 If this is the real Frank, can you tell me where did we meet recently? Oh. So can you answer this place, please, please. Well, I can answer that because I was actually leaving my flat the other night. And who should be on the way in? but Duncan Ballanty What was going on? Who was he there to see? No, I think he...
Starting point is 00:05:02 Well, he had a key. He let himself in. What key? What's your flat? I think he was just out. No, I think he... I'll tell you something. He's a much more handsome man in the flesh. I don't say that in any seedy way. But he is, he's quite dashing looking. I like him, but then I do go for the Henry VIII bully,
Starting point is 00:05:18 so that's probably why. Yeah, it was one of those moments. When celebrities meet, let's call it that. I was once in a Birmingham public house and working behind the bar I think he actually might have let's say he owned it was Paul Henry
Starting point is 00:05:33 who used to play Benny in Crossroads Oh yeah And there was a bit where I walked in and I recognised him And he recognised me And we walked across the bar And we shook hands And it was a bit like
Starting point is 00:05:42 I think Bear in mind this was in Birmingham Yeah Everyone stopped instead It was a bit like You know on the 16 chapel ceiling Where Adam and God Are just touching their fingers
Starting point is 00:05:55 like that. By Birmingham standards, it was like that scene in Mephisto, the German art house movie, where the bloke playing the devil shake hands with the Nazi officer in the theatrical box and the whole audience look up. You know that bit. Yeah. Okay. I think Neil Francis did a whole thing on it this morning. Again, he's, oh God, I mean, I just can't get in before him. It's as simple as that. I disgraced myself this week, Frank, and Gerrith. Yeah. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:06:30 What happened? Well, you know, I work at InStyl magazine. And there is a canteen upstairs. I don't often go to the canteen. I won't lie. The intern goes for me. But... The intern.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Hold on. What is this? Doctor Kildare? What is the intern? Like the work experience person, you know, who's coming in to learn about magazines. Yes. And what kind of I like my tea.
Starting point is 00:06:53 So, I braved the country. canteen. I thought I'll mix myself amongst the canteen people, but I didn't really know the ways of the canteen people. I didn't know what to do. So I went to get... Great name for a ban, that was the canteen people. I went to get a baked potato. Yes, I eat carbohydrates sometimes.
Starting point is 00:07:10 And I put some salad. I'd say garnish, I'd call it. Not even salad. Just a little, like five pieces. Not even a full... I sort of an alf garnish. Yeah. Yeah. Put it in the pot. a polystyrene box at the canteen people favour went to pay and the woman looked at me and I suppose if I'm honest I half wondered about the salad I thought you know I did have a moment of thinking oh that's too good to be true it's free did you declare the salad I didn't frankly I went through the green channel if it was customs I'd have gone through the green channel okay because it was it a filling well I don't know well no salad is a salad I haven't been to be a garnish so anyway so the lady looked to
Starting point is 00:07:55 at me and she went, baked potato? I said, yeah. And she said, open box, please. Oh, oh. What? I said, what do you mean? Open the box, please. Oh, dear. It's like a, it's like a shake's wife in Harrens. It sounds a bit like I give me your papers crossing the board. It was all right. Well, there was about eight people behind me all looking, loving it, loving me being brought down. So I said, I styled it out. I opened it. I went, yes, there's a salad there. They're salad. And she said, that it'd be extra, please. 30p. And did you pay?
Starting point is 00:08:31 I had to. I had to get my coppers out. It was so disgraceful. She did the siren would have gone off if you had left with it. Salad siren. I won't be going there again. Mind you I'm not going to anyway. I'll see what I did read. I read that Ernie Wise, a statue of Ernie Wise has been unveiled in his hometown,
Starting point is 00:08:48 which I can't remember the name of it. It's in Morley. Morley. And his wife, apparently, when they took, you know, that moment, I mean, it must be a big moment for any sculptor when the old cover comes off and the audience and the audience go well apparently
Starting point is 00:09:03 the cover came off and they went and it looks, they say, I mean I saw a picture of it, I mean it looks like Max Headroom. It looks Google him, it looks nothing like Ernie Wise at all and God bless, he's widow Doreen and I think if you're
Starting point is 00:09:21 a British comedian from the 60s and 70s you've got to be married to someone called Doreen. I'm guessing the next answer. Got to do. Anyway, she said, and I love this from Doreen Wise, Ernie's widow. She says, no statue ever looks like the person, let's face it.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Well, what is it? Doreen has completely condemned the art of sculpture in one sweeping station. She comes after years in obscurity, following the sad death of her husband, she comes out and she's some sort of art critic.
Starting point is 00:09:52 I would like to see a series Sort of like Renaissance religious art with Doreen Wise. Oh, that'd be awesome. In which she comes and says things like, well, the baby Jesus has always looked like Mikhail Gorbachev. It just says like negative things about art. It'd be great.
Starting point is 00:10:10 So, yeah. She's got a point, though. Is she? Oh, I think so. Those Henry Moore sculptures, the figures are awful. Women look awful in them. I wish they'd unveiled the Bernie Wides. It'd have been, like, that's some weird amstra.
Starting point is 00:10:25 A stone with a hole through. That would have been brilliant. One local resident said, I've got a very local news reporter there, I'm getting into the news. One local resident said it looks as if he's falling over and he said it's frightening people. I like that if people are being frightened by the statue.
Starting point is 00:10:43 If you're out in Morley and you suddenly look up and there's a large Clive Max headroom apparently hurtling towards you, that's going to fright. That's fair enough that that would frighten. write than people welcome to the uh podcast midweek absolute frank skinner thing and um this is frank skinner i'm here with emily and gareth hello we just sit around chewing the fat you know it is chewing the chewing the fat as um where's my jingles during the cake we just be
Starting point is 00:11:20 i can't believe it my jingles on here i can't i can't work without my jingles a bit like Santa Claus in that respect. Is jingles your butler? Yeah, exactly. I like the idea about me. I can't go without my jingles. An extremely camp bottle called jingles. Jingles, can you warm my upper sheet? Speaking of campness, did you see that Danny Leroux's costumes were sold this week? I mean, loads of them, pantomime stuff and all these women's clothes and stuff. And they went for 40 grand, and I feel like I missed out. Well, you did? I would have liked a bit. of Danny. I can see you as a Panto dame. I was at a Shirley Bassie concert.
Starting point is 00:12:02 And she said, at Lays and gentlemen, we have some stars in the audience. Well, actually, she said, Lies and gentlemen, we have some great stars in the audience tonight. And she introduced Danny Leroux, and he stood up and took the applause of the audience, and I thought it doesn't get any camper than this. And I used to, suddenly this has become all theatrical anecdotes.
Starting point is 00:12:23 So then there was the time the producer said to me, I was at the City Varieties Theatre in Leeds and they used to have this picture of advertising theatrical digs and it was this bloke. It was something like Raymond Devonair, blah, blah, blah. And it had a picture of him and the picture advertising his theatrical digs was him and Danny LaRue both holding a glass of champagne
Starting point is 00:12:46 up to camera. I so wanted to stay there, even though there'd be a price to pay. I bet the glass as well was from one of those garages, where they used to do promotions in the 80s and give you a free champagne glass. Oh, I bet it was. I heard the story about he was going to do a gig, Danny Leroux,
Starting point is 00:13:04 and he said he has to bring his dog with him. He obviously had one of them little dog. Oh, of course he did. And so they said yes, and then when they found the hotel, the hotel said, sorry, we can't have dogs, we can't make exceptions for whoever. So some poor person who worked in the office
Starting point is 00:13:19 had to phone Danny Leroux and tell him. He couldn't bring the dog. And Danny Leroux just said, no dog no Danny and that was it as he didn't do the geek I've used variations on that many times
Starting point is 00:13:33 oh I enjoyed that a friend of mine has a birthday this week and I went into a well-known card shop to buy a card on the oh man how was it if ever you want to imagine
Starting point is 00:13:48 what hell would be like go into a card shop it really is I felt like I felt soiled that I was even taking part of the process of buying card. Well, there was a section called Funny. Now, bear in mind, if I had a shop... Did this card shop have orange writing on the... I'm not prepared to answer that.
Starting point is 00:14:10 But I went in two card shops. They're both... They're all things out of the same. And it said funny, right? Now, if I was... Say if I was selling sugar-free musely... And someone bought it, and then on the ingredients, It said sugar. They'd say, well, you can't, you're not allowed to do that.
Starting point is 00:14:28 So I had a look, I thought, funny, well, that'll be good. So I had a look at some of these cards. Well, I'm sorry. Edna always gets very excited on pension day. And then an old woman naked, dancing. I mean, some might see that beautiful. They might say something about the endurance of the human spirit. Well, I didn't laugh.
Starting point is 00:14:49 And who would laugh at that? Maybe if you had a friend called Edna. That's it. Yeah. And the whole, it wasn't just the cards. It was little badges you could get that glowed and said birthday boy. Horrible. Awful a pleke.
Starting point is 00:15:02 We were in a wicked willy calendar. I mean... Don't go into shops like that. They're for lottery winners. I've told you. Stick to nice places you buy your cards like Harrah's Harvey Nichols. That's where you get your cards. Well, I'm thinking I never buying another card as long as I live.
Starting point is 00:15:16 Why don't you make one for your friend? That'd be lovely. It was, honestly, I felt... It shouldn't have said funny. It should have said this section a celebration of the intellectual decay of a once great civilisation. That's what it should say.
Starting point is 00:15:32 I actually wrote on the card I sent, may I tell you that I had to suffer tremendous indignity and resulting self-loathing in the process of buying this piece of rubbish. I hope that goes down well. Well, yeah, I don't think we've had a Raymond Blanc candidate this week from, uh, Gareth, name drops a lot, but it's always the same name.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Do you have any Raymond Blanc, news? Well, I've only met Raymond Blanc the once, but I did remember something I have. Yeah, but don't let that stop you. Let's give this its proper, it's what it deserves. Well, I've only met Raymond Blanc the once. But I did remember something I hadn't told you about it yet. Oh, God, wait. Well, there were these, they were in the cafe, and it was a cafe.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Oh, I love an honor that begins in the cafe. God. The Maison Blanc, in Winchester. Nice. I'm sorting some sort of a sponsorship deal out. It's going to be big. There were two ladies. I think it would be petty per myself.
Starting point is 00:16:47 There was two ladies who must have been in their mid-20s. You told us this last time. No, that was the old ladies. half a clay oh okay this is the two slightly younger ladies and the lemon tart
Starting point is 00:16:58 well I don't know so there's three of them so like I got christie mysteries they've bought a lemon tart and they've got a whole one between them like you
Starting point is 00:17:09 you it's a garrath dad you shouldn't eat it you know or yourself and they were going oh oh oh no
Starting point is 00:17:21 we're eating all of this It's awful of us, isn't it? We're awful for doing this. But it's okay. It's lemon. You know, it's fruit. It's like probably one of five a day. And Raymond Blanc...
Starting point is 00:17:31 Hold it. Yes. Raymond Blanc led over and said, sorry, ladies. I could not help overhearring you. I have to tell you that the desserts here, none of them are good for you. They all have...
Starting point is 00:17:50 They all have... Raymond! They all have butter or they have cream. The lemon, it is just for taste. You are not getting a good supply of fruit here. But it is a treat. Brutely honest, right? Hang on.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Brutely honest. Oh, I respect him for that. Yeah, that's integrity. So what happened? Did he then, did he turn on his heel? Well, yeah, and then he just went back, and we went into the back room and got off with each other. How, um, I'm leaving that.
Starting point is 00:18:19 How big was this tart? I hope no one's. tuning at that moment. Well, I reckon that if you ordered a slice of tart, you would have got a sixth of it, if you imagine that. Right, and two of them were eating.
Starting point is 00:18:32 And two of them were wolfing it down like a... Blimey. Well, there'll be more tales from Raymond Blonde's cafe. Can we have an outro? Well, I don't know over-egged the pudding as Raymond would say if it was here. Well, I love that story.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I want to like, they're all from the same. visit. They're not even different Raymond Blanc anecdotes. You've broken it down. I may do an album. I may do a spoken word album. Garrett Richards, when I met him one block.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Garret Richard Richards in the Maison Blanc. Can't even say your name. Garth Wichens. Mon Blanc, if you call it. Yeah, Mon Blanc. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
Starting point is 00:19:20 No, we've all said that I'll do. Can we just leave it there? We're on 8, 12, 15, if you want to text us about absolutely anything at all. It's funny, you should say that, because we've had another text that I'd like to read out. Which, it was from Ken Kirkham, and he says... I like in him.
Starting point is 00:19:40 I like his name already. I'm liking Ken Kirkham. Ken Kirkham says, hey, Frank, great show, but please sort out that bin behind you. He's looking on the webcam, Ken Kirkham. I didn't think anyone looked at me. or Gareth on the webcast. Ken Kirkham does. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Ken, this is actually, Ken, that's actually Metal Mickey has been beheaded. Now, anyone who's not watching on the webcam, just trust me that that was funny. I'm going to do it now, Ken. Are you watching?
Starting point is 00:20:08 Ken. There we are. You see, I did it quite noisily so that people who were just listening on radio, you know, they still get a sense of being part of the whole... I reckon that was a Sony Award,
Starting point is 00:20:20 winning moment. I think it was as well. Yeah. When are the Sony Awards? I've forgotten about that. Will we get one? Oh, God. If we don't get at least three, I'm going to smash the studio. What's better than this? Have you ever listened to other stations? Absolutely rubbish. They are. I'm embarrassed by other radio stations. I actually text them up and say, close down. For all our sakes. Yeah. I might get to sit next to Tony Hadley again
Starting point is 00:20:53 I'm not going to be one of these people that I say oh no I don't suppose we're pretty no no I'm absolutely I'm dead set that we're how many we up for do you know Emma three or four three or four oh that'll do us I think the producer doesn't know how many awards are up for but yeah I'll settle for three is it like the Oscars though when you're supposed to like lobby and try and get you know ingratiate yourself with the industry
Starting point is 00:21:17 because you've just said you hate all other radio I didn't say I hated them. I didn't say I hated them. I said they were rubbish. Oh, all right. I'm able. I sympathise with them. You've got pity. Yeah. Anyway, there's enough for this. That was a good... We get a lot of camcorder, not camcorder, what's it called? Web cam. Oh, yeah. The webcam.
Starting point is 00:21:36 But they're all about, oh, you're looking good today, Emily. I don't like it. No, but that's why you start pointing it at the bin instead of me. And no one noticed. That's what I don't get. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something I did this week. I did a kind of a performance of a musical. Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:21:59 What was it? Well, some of you may know that Dave Gorman has a radio show on this channel, on this station, rather. Sorry, slipped back into the days. I used to be on television. Anyway, so, yeah. Wasn't that up until you? you said that you thought all other TV was rubbish? Yes, I think I did so.
Starting point is 00:22:20 But, so Dave has got, he works with Danielle and Martin on that show and Daniel and Martin have written a musical. Oh. Right? Oh. Yes. So look to yourselves. But what? I don't understand when you come into this.
Starting point is 00:22:36 No does he get Rogers and Hammerstein and I get the Chocco brothers? Who dealt that hand? So anyway, I went along. What do you mean you went along? I'm in it. You're in their musical, but they're not on our show. I don't have to be...
Starting point is 00:22:50 That's a different show. They're friends to do those. It's not a radio musical. Yeah, I don't care, but they're sniffing around our host. How would they like it if I start sniffing around their host? I bet they wouldn't like that. What if I put Dave Gorman in a magazine spread doing like a swimwear shoot or something? How would they like them, apples?
Starting point is 00:23:07 As long as he can combine it with a cardigan, I think that would work for Dave. Well, um... You've been seeing other co-presents. That's what you've been doing. I'm quite jealous. I feel like Cheryl Cole. Actually, you look like Cheryl Cole as well this morning. I was going to mention that earlier.
Starting point is 00:23:25 So, what am I doing now? I'm pressing the adverts. I'm sorry. I've been slacked off on the radio stations. I've never said, what am I doing now? I'm pressing the adverts, which to me spoils the whole mystery of it. Those of you were with us before we went into the adverts. I remember that I was talking about the fact that I went up to this.
Starting point is 00:23:45 I suppose it was a kind of, it was a public reading of the musical. So you hadn't learned the lines, though? No, I hadn't learned the lines. I had to do, I only had a song to do. Okay. Right. You had to sing? Oh, it's a musical.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Oh. That was the clue, you see. Yeah, but sometimes they get like Rex Harrison who can't sing. I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying. I've grown a custom to her face, like breathing out and breathing in. Rex Harrison wasn't it? But I got up anyway. So it was in a place.
Starting point is 00:24:15 called the Albany in Great Portland Street which is in London which is a large conurbation in the south-east of England and they were a very talented cast I mean I was watching
Starting point is 00:24:27 and been up before my bit and they were really good good singers harmonies great jokes I mean I was Oh you've been having a great time with these new friends
Starting point is 00:24:35 Sorry you stuck with the chuckle brothers Well just to make you feel a little bit better I went up and I got the words wrong I sang through the instrumental break so I started like I started the next thing
Starting point is 00:24:52 and it was a completely different instrumental break and it was one of those that I looked at the pianist and he looked like a man who was, he knew the plane was going down and I was singing it was like a duet so I was with this woman called Liz we just had one rehearsal on the stairs who is? Anyway
Starting point is 00:25:07 and it was oh man it went so wrong so the music was playing and people there was a bit where I turned to dance who was standing at the side of the stage and said, sorry, in the middle of the song. It was so bad. It was so bad.
Starting point is 00:25:23 And then to try and say, I had lived a gag at the end, which did get a big laugh, but I realised it was very similar to a gag that was later in the script that I hadn't read. So it killed that gag later on. So I was not only doing damage. I was putting damage in storage to be done later. It was, I can't tell you how I felt after.
Starting point is 00:25:44 I stepped off the stage. And there was no applause or anything. People were, they were in shock. And I stood there. And everyone was, you know, I couldn't escape. And I could feel waves going up and down me of horror. Right. You know, because it was public humiliation.
Starting point is 00:26:02 That's sort of embarrassment to be there. And then I thought, I thought, you know, I'd seen a documentary recently in which a man, do you know what a bullet ant is? No. I think it's the most poisonous ant in the world. It's called a bullet ant, because when it bites you, it's like you've been shot by a bully.
Starting point is 00:26:18 And this bloke put his hands in these gloves, which had been woven with these bullet ants. So he had about 300 bites on his hands, just to see what the pain would be like and feeling that it would be so intense, it would somehow purify him. And that's what it was like. That's what the evening was like.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Oh, wow. I felt that I'd been cleansed by my own humiliation. It was so bad that it took all the... dirty bits out of my bloodstream. So there you go. I'm pleased you didn't enjoy it. Yeah, I know you are. If you stray away from me and Gareth, this is what will happen.
Starting point is 00:26:55 Yeah, but I didn't mean to not enjoy it that much. It was, uh, it was, oh. Well, listen, we've had some advice, though, on how to get a Sony Award. Oh, okay. Um, this is from Steve at the Village Bakery in Birchinson. Oh, sorry, I'm still recoiling from that remembering that night. He says, Frank, to make sure you,
Starting point is 00:27:15 you get a Sony Award, make sure there's a Raymond Blanc tale each week. There's Radio Gold. Well, I hope there's no irony in that. No, I shouldn't think so. In case you don't know, Gareth's big mates with Raymond Blonde. He's not mates. He went into a tea shop once where he works
Starting point is 00:27:31 and saw him once and a strong out of that nine anecdotes out of this. Yeah, but you did speak to him, didn't you? Yeah, he came over. Hold it, hold it. Yeah, he came over and said, oh, you have a little one pointing to Ethan
Starting point is 00:27:47 And he says, oh, that's rather rude. I was going to say, he's very, what is he? Psychic. So, go on, what did Raymond say, hold it? Here he comes, here comes, Raymond. After he said, you have a little one. And he said, he came as though, you have a little one. What, um, he's not having souffle or ice cream?
Starting point is 00:28:08 And I said, no, he's a bit young for that. Sufley? Cheese souffle. Another, ladies and gentlemen, another, Raymond Blanc. Really, that trip to the tea shop really was the gift that kept on giving, wasn't it? Oh, I'm loving it so much. Oh, Blanc. Oh, Blanc.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Oh, I'd have some... That would have been the ideal point to go to music. I couldn't find the bottom. That's not going to win this to Sony. No. Story of my life. The midweek podcast, as we call it, a lot of people have said to me, I'm talking three, have said, oh, the midweek podcast, no, I haven't listened to that, because that's like the greatest hits of the Saturday podcast, isn't it? But it isn't, you see, it's completely different. They think it's just the best bits.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Yeah, but it's completely different. But it's because it's, what's it called? It's called the midi. You never know what it's called. You always just make it up on the spot. Yeah. The mini midweek podcast or something. Yeah. See, it needs to say, because it's got. minnie in it, it suggests that it's a shrunken version
Starting point is 00:29:17 of the large one. Yeah. So what we need, I think, is a new name for the midweek podcast to suggest that it's... But communicates it's like original. No, different material. I'm about original. I might be a couple of old vaudeville routines in there. We basically
Starting point is 00:29:33 want you to do the work that the producer should be doing. Yeah. If we're honest, that's not beat around the bush. But people like to feel part of things. That's what we're banking on. Yeah. And And then you can come to the Sonys with us if you get the right. If we choose your thing, that'd be all right, wouldn't it? You can, because there's only three of us, so you can get the fourth one.
Starting point is 00:29:54 You can go to the fourth one on your own. And you might get to sit next to Tony Hadley like we did. Yeah, well, you didn't sit next to Tony Hadley, you sat amongst him. Yeah. So anyway, so, yeah, so it's a, if it was core, for example, like when I was a kid, there used to be a weekly drama series called The Wednesday Play. Right. You see.
Starting point is 00:30:15 On the wireless? On the telet. Oh. Black and white. Our dog was, who I watched it with. So if it was called the Wednesday play, that would suggest it was, you could get it on Wednesdays, but also we were at play. Oh, okay. I'm not that happy with it.
Starting point is 00:30:34 My one's not great either. I've got. Oh, sell it. Why don't you? It's called, we got Wednesday. We got podcast. We got pig eyes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:30:42 It's long. It's a bit long. Lies on an in-joke. Yeah. Well, my other one is the Too Hot for Lamb podcast, which is quite an old in-joke. Yeah. Going back in that...
Starting point is 00:30:53 That lamb's off by now. So a nostalgic in-jerk... In other words, we can't think of a name. But if you... We can give... Can we give a prize of some kind, Emma? Yeah. What can we give?
Starting point is 00:31:03 80 quid. No. No. Oh, okay. Well, I always think, you know, I always think that when you... You don't want a t-shirt. You want 80 quid.
Starting point is 00:31:11 That's what I call a price. What can we give them some of the stationery... We could give them a mark. What about all the change in our pockets? What about... When it's right out. I've just got on my little dibber thing that gets you into the absolute studio. Hold on, I think...
Starting point is 00:31:27 I see you've got a little one. Let me do that again. I see you've got a little one. All petty. Why is your child not drinking wine? What is wrong with it? No moustache. Maybe he would like some cognac.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Give it a cigarette. it, for God's sake. Yeah, you've got your little diva. Well, maybe, yeah, we could just give them that, and then they can get in and out of absolute whenever they want. That'd be good. That's a great idea. Good luck getting past the security guard.
Starting point is 00:31:56 He wouldn't let us in. Yeah, I'm not for that. So the prize is 24-hour access to the absolute studio. We've had some suggestions in, Frank. Some suggestions for the name of our midweek podcast. Neil from Bar King has said, Hyle, why not rename the midweek podcast Frank Skinner's bit in the middle? I like it.
Starting point is 00:32:18 I like that, because there's a sense of sauciness as well to it. Yeah, we've got from Jerry, we've got, how about something like the program? Oh, I don't know what something to your throat? Sorry, I've got a bit Michael Winner. Yeah, I didn't like that at all. That's better. How about something like the program, not the 9 o'clock news and call it Not the Weekend Pod Show? So that's from Jerry, so not the weekend podcast.
Starting point is 00:32:39 That's from who? Say the name if they've bothered to me. From Jerry. Okay. OK. That's good, not the week, because that makes it clear that it's not the same thing, isn't it? Yeah. By saying not, by using the word not. And why didn't we think of them? Wendy's along the same line. She says, how about the I'm completely different from the other podcast podcast? Would we get that on the label?
Starting point is 00:32:59 No, there's no whim for that. How many characters are we allowed, Emma? 30? 30 characters. We better brush up on our impressions. I'll start off. I'll start off with the slightly command. modernly old caretaker. Hey, I want you not do there? What do you want to move on here? Get out and turn your own in, don't you?
Starting point is 00:33:19 That's one character. And I'll be David Mitchell. Now, why are you doing that? That's two. That's two. Okay, it could be a very long show if we're trying to 13 in this link. So let's leave that there. Okay, well, that's great. And remember, the winner gets a t-shirt. I thought they got 80 quid.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Yeah, well, no, they were going to get complete 24-access to. But we've been told we can't give that for some reason. Sniffy they are at times. I've been filming all week. Oh. What are you filming? I'm doing a documentary about George Formby. Oh, is that why we're not going to be here next week? Because we're going maybe up to Blackpool. Maybe, maybe. In case you don't know who George Formby is, he was a man from the north of England who used to sing stuff like, with me little stick of Blackpool Rock. And do you know what any of you watching on the webcam will realize I can't. sing that without imitating a ukulele it's impossible but anyway we are going to be on the radio aren't we
Starting point is 00:34:17 we're just going to be in a different studio that's it yes we'll next week we're going to blackpool so this week i've been filming i filmed um i filmed in a school where they're all learning ukulele and i introduced them to i told them about george formby and i said well i said well i'm going to go at the door and i'm going to come back in i said then we're going to film you've never seen me before and that you're really impressed really happy so imagine like say i'm aunt and deck so you're really excited. And this kid said, can we imagine your 50 cent? It's like a seven-year-old kid. And I said, no, you can't imagine that. And then this girl said, what about Rihanna? And I thought, hold on, I'm not taking suggestions. I don't know you could imagine I am. And they called me,
Starting point is 00:35:03 they called me, they'd obviously been told what my name was. When I walked in, they said, good morning, Frank Skinner. I said, good morning. And then a couple of kids. came up to me and they said, Frank Skinner, did you? I don't ever make George Ford. And then it says, Frank Skinner, how long do you've been playing to you? What is this? It's cold Frank Skinner's radio days. I don't mean days as a stupor.
Starting point is 00:35:27 A me days as in a seven for the weeks old. This is a take not a blooper.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.