The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Cuckoo Clock

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Frank, Emily and dear Gareth are still in 2010 for the best bits. An annoyance has led Frank to an idea for his new Edinburgh show. Also, the team talk about the books they are embarrassed that they��ve read. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Frank Skinner's Radio Days, it could go one of two ways. Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days. We're in 2010 for our best bits, and we're discussing books. We're embarrassed that we've read. Enjoy. Oh, that's me. That was me, that big. People are people.

People will think, well, that I thought that was. some fabulous vocalists that came in at the end. He did do well on celebrity styles in their eyes. Oh, didn't I? Didn't I just twice? Yes, twice. And this is Frank Skin on Absolute Radio. I'm with Emily and I'm with Gareth.

So, yes, so it's lovely to be here today. And I must have been, I'm on the very edge of my seat with excitement. Why? Well, because many people have spoken about these things you get in the... You know the magazines that you get in the tabloids? Yeah, because I've just seen you holding a magazine with coffee time on the... the page. Yes, that's right.

Well, it's, this magazine, I don't even know what it's from. It's from the song. It's today's magazine. Now, you know you always get these plates with stuff like the close Barbie celebratory plate, that kind of thing. Well, I've always looked at them and thought, oh, you know, embarrassingly rubbish. Today, for the first time in my life, I've thought, I'm having that when I've seen one of these things.

And it's the John Wayne, American icon, illuminating cuckoo clock. Oh, you can't have that. I'm not talking about buying it, ironically. I'm not talking about buying it so people snigger when they come round. I'm talking about buying it because it's great. How big is it? It's, hold on, it's 24 inches. That's massive.

That's five inches of dangling, whatever they call them, on the bottom of a cuckoo. Oh, okay. It says here, actually, it says, and underneath a brass-toned pendulum swings gently alongside two decorative pine cones. I don't think you can have that in your apartment. It's awful. No, well, I have an office that I work.

I think it would have to go in there. I don't think the girlfriend would tolerate it. Honestly, I am buying you. But this is my dilemma. Now, I come to look at the price, which I've never really looked at these things. It says, you don't be left in the dust or are yours now. I'm liking that.

And so I looked through it. It says five installments of only 2999. Oh, that's a lot, isn't it? Well, yeah. It could be worse. It could be 30. 20. But I don't want to, obviously, I don't want to buy it on the Never Never. I want to just, I want to pay cash. Them days are gone.

150 pounds, though, for John Wayne Clair. But I'm wondering if anyone has ever paid cash for one of these things, ever, because there's no suggestion that one can pay cash. And the total price is 149.95. Now, I think that should be cheaper than that if you pay cash, surely. Right. You know when a builder comes around and he says cash, that'll be a lot. Well, is there any discount if you go. get them in bulk.

I only want one, though. You only want, well, you know, we could all have one. Maybe Christmas presents. I don't think you'd take it seriously. You see, I love John Wayne. He's one of my great. The thing is that when the cuckoo doors open, John Wayne doesn't come out.

His horse dollar comes out, on mounted. Which is a strange. Why not have John Wend? They've got a little model of John Wayne. Why not have him come out? Obviously, would be the thing to do. Or just a hand with a gun. That would be good.

But no. Dollar comes out on his own. if he's escaped from the corral. So is this a hint? Do Gareth and I have to club together? No, no. I'm going to buy it myself. I can't hang around.

I'm genuinely. This is not a joke. I'm definitely, definitely buying it. But I want to, I'll get my PA to see if I can pay cash and there'll be some sort of reduced. Oh, God. That's a man of the people. Yeah, well, you know. These times are show.

This is a John Wayne illuminated cuckoo-cook. I can't mess around with my men of the people, jiggery-pokery. I'll tell you what, I was, I was queuing up at a soup kitchen in the 1980s. Things weren't doing so well at the time. No, I was queuing up at Kings Cross Station. Oh. They have all the queues now, these women. And, no, I was queuing for my ticket, and a guy came up to me.

And he had a young woman with him, and he said, oh. He said, I'm Andrew Gordon, Ray's son. Oh. Ray Gordon? Yeah. No, nothing. No. That's what I thought, but I thought.

And I went, oh, hello. And, because you can't be rude to people. He said, can I say, thank, just say thanks? Because I thought your reading was the best one of the lot. I said, oh, thanks, cheers. And then he went away. Reading? I have no idea.

Wow. Tarot card reading? Well, I was a parmist. I might be what it was. Yeah, I was Gypsy Ned. Did you work for British Gas? Oh, I did. I was a gas man in the 70s.

I've still got the Mac. Oh, we came round of our house once. Ever such a good reading he gave us. But we remember that. My first thought was funeral. That's what I would have thought. A narration. But I can't remember ever doing a reading at a funeral.

It's not the kind of thing you've done. forget. Well, the fact that he says I'm Ray Gordon, or do you say it was Ray's son? No, he's Andrew, Ray's son. He's not Ray Gordon. One assumes that Ray Gordon is no longer with us. I'm Andrew Gordon, Ray's son. Did you say it like you should know?

Well, he said, and I reacted as if I virtually said, of course, with my eyes. I don't wish to be indelicate, but was it at a time, which I will call a slightly dark period in your life, when perhaps you might not remember what happened? Do you know what I mean, Frank? It's the drinking

I don't think they'd have let me do a reading because it would have ended with a song and people don't like it at a funeral probably some dancing somewhat I took to be like traditional folk dancing but which wasn't no this I got the feeling that this was part of my celebrity life that I'd done

a reading you know and it was a bit of I was a sort of a novel to you I was a trophy reader at some I see but I have no idea no idea I'm going to Google Ray Gordon I thought about that But it's a very common name, isn't it, Ray Gordon? I don't know

I also went to a show, a very fabulous show by a bloke called Dr Brown Oh yeah Not Doc Brown The comedy rapper Who's the brother of Zadie Smith Not him

But this is an American guy And he's very good But his assistant Who was like his lighting man And come and helped him on off stage Yeah Was an enormous man with a massive moustache who wore a wasp outfit.

I've been a big wasp outfit. It's like a six-foot-six man in a wasp outfit. And he had curly black hair. It could have been a wig, actually, and the moustache. And he was quite terrified, looking. As I left, he just leaned across and said, can I say you were a childhood idol of mine. The star's wasp man.

Exactly. I was really quite moved. I must have been a big moment for you. Oh, I can't tell you. Well, I've googled Ray Gordon. Have you? And it says, Ray Gordon, free erotic stories. Audio erotic stories.

Oh, God, I didn't read one. Did I ever read an erotic story? Does it honestly say that? Yes, it does. It says audio erotica, Ray Gordon. Oh, you did a reading. Oh, dear. And I'm just reading what it says, you know, it says the title,

blue on. Don't read anything rude. Don't anyone go on it. Oh. If you're young. Oh. Of a sensitive disposition. Because it looks well rude. I'm going to go off it in fact because probably fourth radio are going to not like this sort of thing. Oh dear. Also, I had a really, I'd say one of the happiest things

of my life happened to me. You know, people talk about the birth of a child or something you asked him what's the best thing you've ever I had this conversation when I was at the World Cup and I um we talked with you know amongst Emma if I had our producer was there should I say Emma what your answer was I said to Emma what's the best thing you've ever because she was saying her auntie had gone

on a holiday around the Cape Town area and her auntie said it was the best thing they'd ever done and I said what's the best thing you've ever done and Emma said marry Mike oh isn't that lovely Mike Newman or is it a previous mic A husband's called Jeff She's got the name wrong

And I think David Badele There's some DVD Anyway So we were talking about And this If someone said to me know What's the best thing

Not that I've done That's ever happened to you This would be in the list You may not know this But I write a column for the London Times Oh yes I'm familiar with it And it's a weekly column

And what they do You send the column in, and then sometimes they'll phone up and say, this is, the grammar's wrong on this, or actually he wasn't Prime Minister for seven years, his Prime Minister for eight years. I bet that's a difficult phone call. Yeah, it is difficult phone call, but I mean, often it's factual, and then it's okay, but sometimes there's a debate. We had a debate just a couple of weeks ago,

whether it was to hell in a handcart or to hell on a handcart. Oh, inner, surely? Yeah, well, it is inner, but the joke involved me saying, an honour about something else and I was keen to bend the rules but they wouldn't have it. Anyway this week this guy phoned up I wrote an article about

they're closing, they're going to close a lot of public libraries they think in England. Right. You know, local local libraries. Well, Sarah Milliken will be in business. Did she say that on air that she used to have a fantasy library? She did? That's what I'm making reference to for people who on last Saturday show. Are you back referring? I'm back referring. Well, I believe

that's called intertextuality. You won't go any further. Rich tapestry. So anyway, he founds me up, and he said, you've, he said, I think this is a spelling error, but it's actually also a very clever joke. And I said, I mean, I'd heard the word error, I'd heard the word joke, I was, I was in turmoil.

That's what my English teachers always used to say to me. Yeah, well, this is what, he said, I'd said that when I, I had an idealized image of local libraries, I said I had an idea of probably in black and white the image of working class people going and soaking up knowledge from borrowed books they wouldn't have been able to have bought because they'd have the money and I said

that thought makes me Dewey eyed you know Dewey I and I'd spell Dewey D-E-W-E-Y and apparently there's no E in Dewey as in like Morning 2 and the classification system that librarians call Is it called Jewie?

It's the Dewey system. Oh, my God. So, I think I might have proved the existence of God. Yeah. That God, not only has written a joke through me, but also it was a pawn. And I said, what I love about this joke, best of all, it's my dream joke. It's a pawn, and also it's incredibly obscure, right? But what I love about this joke is if it had been left in,

I would be one of the people who hadn't got it. It is brilliant. And he said, well, shall I cut it out? I said, no, put a capital on. it because it should be Dewey with the capital D so that's what we did but how marvelous I was so and then I thought hold on a minute though or have I disproved the existence of God oh I see because does that suggest that something very complex and beautiful could in fact happen just like that with no intervention at all well well no just without your intervention so you just

proved you're not God oh dear it could just be random that was a bad day for everyone Yeah. Obviously, I'm going to dispute that. Obviously, you haven't seen my CV. Well, I was... Oh, Frank, what a lovely moment. Oh, man, I can't tell you. I put the phone down. I just got on the train then to Edinburgh after it.

I was beaming. I was so... Do you know that Johnny Matthews song, when a child is born? Oh, yeah. Well, this was when a joke is born. And I actually caught myself on the train going... Mm-hmm.

Which I must say I've done a lot more just likely. I found myself homing in public and whistling. And it was born all of its own accord. It was like the Immaculate Conception, really. Yeah, we're back to the... Honestly, it's honestly one of the best things that's ever happened to me. It's such a fine, fine joke. And it came from the ether.

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You've changed since you've had your nomination. Oh, your nomination. Yes, I've mentioned it. Yeah. That's what he's been going on about. I should say that Gareth has been nominated for Best Newcomer at the Edinburgh Festival in the comedy world, which is, congratulations.

Thank you. Congratulations. And I'd like to point out... I'd just like to say thank you to... Shut up! Shut up! He's already started botting on Everland. I'd like to say to point out that I think you've got better looking post-nomination.

Really? Yeah. I confess to Frank. I said, oh, quite fancy Gareth now he's got that nomination. Oh, it's a celebrity element. That's what it is. It's a glow of success. Now the stench of failure's gone.

I wouldn't say it's gone. Is that right? Yes, he has gone. He's got a bit more dashing. He has, isn't he? He's saying to me this morning, he's starting to think his marriage was perhaps a little hasty.

No, he didn't. Laura, if you're listening, he didn't say that. But you know, this is what happens, is that you marry a nice, you know, a little cock comedian, you know, doing well, and all suddenly, that gets a nomination, a bit of TV, and...

Next thing you know, it's happy Clancy. Exactly. Exactly. Tom Plants, his wife. Who's she? So, and I like your, this is what Carreth told us,

that he had an idea he might get a nomination because a strange omen had a curate. This is someone who's looking for an omen. You know when you're looking for an omen? I don't think so. I think it was, I don't,

well, I couldn't work out. So what happened is on the morning when the nominations were announced. No, imagine Garrett's mood on that morning, And he was, everything was nomination-based. I was fast asleep. And Laura, the night before, we'd been out to Al-Marie's pub quiz. Oh, yeah.

And she had very badly banned. Did she have a fruit-based drink? Yeah, we did. We had cider. Oh, you had one as well? No, that's not what they mean, I don't think. No, when I got there, I had a pint taken off me. Oh, blood. Yeah.

To give you a biscuit in a cup of tea. So go on? And she very badly banged her elbow. And you know when it kind of shockwaves go throughout your body? Oh, yeah. And she felt it in her teeth, she said. Did she? And the next morning, so she woke up, picked up Ethan,

and the pain was so terrible. Ethan's your son, not a friend or anything. Yeah, not a type. Not a little bloke. And she said she felt so much pain, she felt sick. So she went to A&E. Her mom was there. So her mom looked after Ethan.

So she went to A&E. She was in age, isn't he? Do you remember? remember H&E? No, you wouldn't do. When I was a kid, when I was a young, what a teenager, H&E was a, it was a natureist magazine. This is a time when

rude magazines were, they weren't common. Yeah. But it was nature, naturism, you know. What did it sound for? Health and efficiency. Efficiency. I don't know where the efficiency What was the efficiency for? Some of them look wholly inefficient.

Well, it's more efficient. Anyway. And so she had to have x-ray and the doctor said that she had very nearly broken her funny bone and to damage the nerves right in the elbow and they had to x-ray the funny bone to see if it was broken. How weird is that? So you took that?

Because it was the funny bone. That was an omen you're going to get a... Oh, thank goodness. Well, no, I didn't know if it was a good omen or a bad omen, really. If only she'd been omitted, then you'd have thought, oh good, she's going to be on A-Word. Yes, aye. On A-Word, you'd have been thinking...

to yourself. God. Let me tell you something about nominations and honors, something that might put you in your place, right? It's in the newspapers in the West Midlands and in the national newspaper, The Daily Star. Don't look at me like that. There is a new, there's a, what they're going to, there's a hospital going to open in Smedic, right?

And let me get this right, because the money's quite important on this. It costs 400 and, 494-84 million pounds And they're going to have a vote on what to call it And the three leading nominees so far Are Prince William The Prince William Hospital

Oh, I like that Florence Nightingale No, not so keen on that And Frank Skinner Don't lie No, it's true Don't lie It's in the papers

The Frank Skinner The Frank Skinner Hospital For the criminally insane And they had a quote from someone saying Well it's nice Because winning in hospital, it can be a bit depressing. But, you know, I suppose that would cheer you up. Oh, my God.

That is amazing. You're going to be a hobby. I mean, I've got tough competition. Is it like X-Factor? Can we vote in? I think if it was Harry, I'd be in trouble. But William, no, he's gone bald. He's not so popular.

Oh, yeah. And Florence Nightingale is sort of linked to hospitals and that. She's made, people could argue she's done more for the healthcare profession than you have. Maybe. But, you know, she's a bit yesterday, hospitals. This is not about the past, it's about the future. What, someone's going to come in with a candle at 1 o'clock in the morning into a hospital? Is that going to get rid of MRSA and E. coli?

I don't think so. Maybe, because frame can be quite, um... If nothing else, they should call the Grafts Ward, the Skinner Ward. Truly, that is the joke of the winner. Of the newcomer, diddley, diddley. You were talking about things that had been annoying you, being a bit grumpy, and lots of things have been annoying you this week, you were telling me. Well, I'll tell you it next year.

I've worked out my Edinburgh show. Oh. What I'm going to do is I'm going to sit on stage very, very still in silence. Sounds brilliant. For an hour. Right. Because I've discovered that that is a skill which almost no one has anymore.

I went to see Daniel Kitson's rather excellent one-man. I love that. Didn't talk all the way through, did he? No, he did. But someone behind me took out a bag of... sweets and started. And nobody, people just can't, they can't keep quiet. They have to say, I like this be when it's, just shut up. It's an hour. I knew we shouldn't have bought those sweets days, yeah, I told you. I know, but it's an, and I tears, but new, this is a new thing

now that's coming in. People who wouldn't make a noise, and this is what I've noticed, I'm sitting, and this happened to me and that, but it also happened to me at the cinema last week, you're sitting there and you're aware of a light at the corner of. of your eye and it's someone checking their text. Oh, I can't bear it. Because it's silent, they think, oh, that's okay. And you don't, you can't shush someone. You can't shush someone for light.

I just put my hand over their phone, with the light up, that's what I'd do. What I'd love to be able to do is have a phone where I could text them. Put that light out, the old ARP warden thing. But what can you, it's a difficult, how do you approach her? Because you don't want, you can't shush someone

who's put a light on. I'll tell you exactly what you do. you do what some woman did to me in the quiet carriage. Yes, I sat in the quiet carriage, I know. What, kiss them full on the lip? No. On the way up to Edinburgh. And I was trying to be quiet, but it's hard for me.

And also, I didn't realize, in the quiet carriage, apparently it means total silence. You're very strict in the quiet house. It's so silent. You get a robber knife and fork. It's like being the children in the sound of music, hiding in that little chapel bit. That's how quiet you have to be. Isn't that out of Frank's diary? Oh.

Okay. So anyway, so I'm in the quiet carriage, and literally there was a woman trying to sleep. And I got some, you did anything, I open my bag, and just went, with a zip. And she went, like that. Every time I did anything, I got some ice for a drink, and she kept sighing. She went, oh, so that's what you do. That's what you do. You just sigh.

Well, you should say, sorry, this is the quiet carriage, and I'm trying to sit here, and you're sighing is just a racket. Yeah, but this would only really work if I was in the dark carriage. Do you want to sit in the dark? Carriage. Because it's, I can't, if I say, if I go, oh, that's going to annoy more people than they like that. So you're going to put on an Edinburgh show, you're going to sit there in silence.

It's a rare gift. And when someone says, so why is he just in? I tell you why I'm sitting there. No. I'm going to go, ah, shh. How much did that? So listen, guys, I had a bit of an incident this week.

I was humiliated. on the tube. What again? Well, I was forced to go on it as if that's not bad enough. Yeah, I'm surprised you recovered from that. I know. Whilst you were still reeling, something else happened.

I have a change of outfit, though. I wear different clothes for the tube. Overalls. Disposable overalls that you burn at the station. Go on, so what happened? Anyway, so I'm sitting on the tube and you know, I got my book out and it didn't even occur to me,

but you know, sometimes you have a book and it's a little bit embarrassing. I mean, I didn't think it was embarrassing. until I got it out. Anyway, you be the judge. And it's called the Midlife Manual. Now, the only reason I'm reading that... No, but it's because I'm not quite at that stage yet.

Is it the autobiography of Andrew Sachs? You've mispronounced the whole... No, come on, carry on. So what is he? It's sort of what it sounds like. Oh, it's joking? Yeah, it's a bit Lubbock. It's a bit sort of...

I mean, it's not quite moilsy in. I wouldn't go that far. It's a bit more broadsheet, but it's very, you know, it's not the Men Commandments. No, well, I'll have you, you know, that's the OC. I know that. That's his magnum opus. How dare you? Well. Anyway, so I started reading it, the Midlife Manual,

and it's sort of you know you're about to have your midlife crisis when, dot, dot, dot, dot. So I was relating to it, and I think, oh, this is quite interesting. Suddenly, as I got it out with the spinal kind of, you know, erect in front of me, the guy opposite. I thought the spine on the Midlife Manual would be slightly stooped. There's a guy opposite me And there was no subtlety about it Or ambiguity

He looked at the title of the book He looked at me And then he went Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It was awful Now you're sure you're not being paranoid Frank I'm honestly not being paranoid I saw the man laughing

I saw the whites of his eyes They were slightly yellowy actually And so then I looked down I was so depressed And he was about 23 as well How rude Well yeah but midlife is is a funny thing when you're 23.

Just the idea that anyone could live that long, I used to find absolutely uproaries. Well, there's nothing funny on the back of the book, there's not a funny remark that you might have read. No, just as a 23-year-olds, they can read from one solo tube train to another. I don't know how they'd do it. It's like Superman.

It might have had a sort of how to cope, you know, like a series of questions, like getting old, you know, all that sort of stuff. Well, I decided once I was going to read the Harry Potter books. Oh, God. And I got the first one, and I was reading it on the tube. And I suddenly, it was like it hit me, like this terrible realisation. First of all, upon reading it, I discovered it was a children's book.

I thought it would be one of those books that worked on several levels. It doesn't. It works on a very low, stupid children, kind of. They get gradually more complex. For you, they do, Garret. Well, I'm doing it off the first chapter of the first book. Yeah, the first one is quite basic. But then I thought, oh my God, I'm really.

a children's book on public transport. And I felt profoundly as a shame as I've ever felt. I mean, really, oh, and I couldn't put it away. I thought if I put it away now, it would be obvious I'm embarrassed by it. I would judge someone if they're reading Harry Potter. Oh, God. If I had to see me on there, I would have completely written me off as a human being for reading. Anyone over, what, 11 who reads it, you've got to worry about. I agree. Although, Gary, you quite like them, I reckon, don't you?

Yeah, I cried at the end of the point. Well, people in glasses. He cried. You cried at Harry Potter. Because a wizard got ill or something. What happened? Yeah, because an owl got fowl pest. Some stupid thing like that.

There was a quiddick injury. I mean, come on. Quidditch. Yes. Self-help books, though, Frank. You have to avoid those as well. Like, stop getting dumped. I read that.

I read that. I wouldn't read that in the tube. No, I wouldn't read that in public. I read, I was reading Fabio Capello's biography. And I took that on the tube to read. And I suddenly. Not autobiography, that way. It was very bad.

It was in Italian. Yeah, all right. No, but I was reading it, and I suddenly thought, now, if I saw me on the tube reading a football book, I'd think, oh, trying a bit too hard. Look at me, Mr. Football. Neen, yeah, I would think that. So that, you know, it can work both.

It's like when I sat at the side of a pool on a holiday in the south of France, reading Maloy by Samuel Beckett. Oh, one of my favourites. And I, I, everyone else is reading. reading, you know, a year in Provence and stuff like that. And I felt people looking at me, like, thinking that I was reading it just so people tell people, oh, clever, clever, clever.

But is that a play, that's a play? No, it's a novel. Oh, dear. It's not a... There's plays you can get through quite quickly. Yeah, but you don't really reading plays by the pool. If I started reading plays by the pool, I wouldn't be able to resist saying to a couple of people. Excuse me, can you...

Do you mind reading the part of Locky in this? It's one big speech, but mainly it's a lot of mine. I don't like that either. It's a bit Stephen Fry to do that, isn't it? Well, to read a play? I'd only read a play if I'd been offered to play. And if I'd been offered a play, I wouldn't read it in public. You know what I'm saying? You can't read much in public. I guess it must be difficult being a public figure.

Yes, it is. What's new with you, Gareth? I got the train here. That's not new. I do that every week. Okay. I met a man. Because I've just got back from Edinburgh. You met a man, that's new.

Come on, let's hear it. What's new? What kind of introduction is that? I was on the platform, well, actually I was in the cafe, just off the platform of Bournemouth station. Well, that's the geography, something. Yeah. And I was mind of my own business.

I'd ordered a bacon and cheese melt. Are we in a local, law court. Are you reading this from a notepad? Were you proceeding in a northerly direction by any chance? Okay, you'd ordered... What was it? Do you have bacon and cheese melt? Any drinks to accompany the melt?

I had a bottle of water in my bag. Oh, okay. So I sat down to... Oh, I ordered a cup of tea. I don't know I. I ordered a cup of tea. So what? Come on. And a man came up to me and said... A Siegman fried used to say to me.

cocked to the chaise. Oh, I like that, Frank. I've got a man came out to me, and he pointed at my Omnichord case. How dare he? And he said, I've got one of those. I didn't know there was only one. No, we should say to our listeners that an Omnicord is an instrument that Gareth plays on on stage, and you will have heard him playing the Fridge song on our show at some point. But you can watch YouTube on YouTube, Dave the Fridges on YouTube. Is it? And, which ties in nicely to the end of the story.

So just a little bit of a teaser. Meanwhile, that with the bacon and cheese melt over on the east side. You're approached by a man. He said, I've got one of those. And he was a train man, a train conductor. Had he eaten his, or was he in the process of eating? No, he kept his at home. Girl, what's a train man?

You find? I like the train man. He was a train man. Choo-choo! He was either a conductor. or a driver. I hope he wasn't a driver wandering around the carriages.

He wasn't. I wasn't on the train yet. And he said he used to have an Omnicord and he got his at the 1984 Ideal Home Exhibition. Blimey. I like the sound of the 1984 Ideal Home Exhibition.

Was there actually a 1984 Ideal Home Exhibition because it became the Ideal Home show didn't it? But I'm not sure when. our listeners on that. The problem is, it's the ideal home show, but it's actually at the Earl's Court exhibition centre.

So you can imagine the confusion that ensued. I'm very impressed by your knowledge of the event, though. Well, I used to be a bit fascinated by the ideal homes exhibition because I've always wanted an ideal home, I think we all have. Well, I like the idea that in 1984, their idea of the ideal home had an omnicord in it. Yeah, I mean, that is bizarre. Every home should have an omni court. They really thought it was going to take.

the world by so he's been playing it for yeah well 20 he plays the accordion in a band what the train man he was very chatty the train man I find them usually not that friendly quite reticent I find them the omnicord brings people together I've heard that um he plays the accordion in a band and he says every now and then he brings his omnicords along to show to show them off because people haven't seen them before yeah and it's true and he said that one day he was walking along the train and he saw a young man trying to play an omnic chord and trying to work it out. And he said, oh, I've got one of those.

It's his opening line. Sounds a bit like grooming, though. I don't like the way he says it to young men all the time. It's a bit creepy. Yeah, no, in a urinal, it doesn't work at all. And he said, he showed the guy how to play it. On the train. Yeah, and he showed him by playing when you're smiling,

the song When You're Smiling. it well. And he said, and I started with the first four bars, and I thought, oh dear, I'm going to have to sing here. So he started singing it. And he sang all of When You're Smiling. When You're Smiling. A rail employee, he sang When You're Smiling. I'm glad our money's going to being wisely spent. Well, I think there should be more of that on the track. Actually, we don't pay them anymore, anyway. No, but it would have probably been to the, when you're smiling, when you're smiling, when the whole, to smiles with you've got to go

with the rhythm of the train I mean you can't fight now I don't know I love that so yeah it was really nice and I told him my email address my website address well you swap numbers

with the train man no I gave him my website address and told him that that David Fridge was on YouTube and he was gone on it and he put a comment on it and we're going to meet

you're going to meet the train man we're going to meet in the underpass at 3 o'clock tomorrow it sounds like that it was a good Not a bit... What was his comment?

Robbish. Yeah. Never speak to me again. No, he said he really liked it. That's absolutely fabulous. Wait, I've got the actual... I can tell you the actual comment. He said, loved video and song, Gareth.

It was great to meet you on Bournemouth station this morning. Graham. Lovely. No, I... like it because I think people it's bring, I once got in a cab and the bloke, suddenly the driver suddenly brought up the subject of

Scalex trick. Is it Scalectricks or Scalletrics? Skeletrics. Does it end with an X or a CX? I think it's an X. I've called it Scale X trick for years. Yes. What a fool I've been. And he said to me, he's not talking, it just forced it into the, he shoehorned it

into the conversation, Sky Electric's. We were talking I think I was talking about Buddhism And He said Oh yeah I do I do the

Grand Prix All right I said Oh what do you mean He said Well when there's a grand prix In a country We all travel

At the Sky Electric's enthusiasts And we have a company In Sky Electric's Grand Prix And I said Wow That's you know Brilliant

I never heard of that before He said Did you have a I said yeah It's a bit of a different business and he hand you know there's like a little hole where you pay them the change he handed me a scale x-tricks toy you said have a look at the brush on that so i looked at there's like a metal brush on the bottom he said you see how we narrow it for greater speed so not only was he

talking about it as a cat he had props with him it was he had visual aids i mean he gave me the whole thing and i i i there isn't enough of that people don't talk to each other on public transport at all i love it it's cold friends go radio days i don't mean days as a stupor and me days as in a seventh of a week so this is a take not a blooper