The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Radio Days: Embarrassing Injuries

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

The gang talk about dreams, embarrassing and unusual ways they have injured themselves and airports.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We've taken all by radio shows and've done a bit of editing and tidying. It's a walk-down memory lane. I know because people find new things quite frightening. I know we have a bit of a rule on this show that telling people your dreams is profoundly boring. But if I don't share this with someone, I'm going to bust. I know. Okay, I will allow you to tell the dream. Well, the great thing about this.

Can I have one? No, because you know why? It's like someone telling it, it's like your life being directed by the Mighty Boosh. Oh, okay. That's what a dream is like. Yeah, well, there's nothing wrong with that. This is a bit more, a bit more real. There's no, you know, also, can I find that I just managed to say bossed on absolute radio without anyone really noticing?

I'm quite excited about. Anyway, so. Okay, so tell us about when the shark ate the bubble going. No, it's nothing like that. It's, that's, my dreams aren't like that. Oh, it's always that, is that? No, no, my dreams are always, I'm in the supermarket buying cheese. It's always stuff like that.

Okay. Anyway, what it was, I was in a taxi cab with Adam Ricky. Hi, yeah. Do you remember him? He's from Coronation's, yeah. Musselbound, young man. Mossop bound, yeah. He was once naked in one of his pop videos.

Everybody had a pop career. I don't remember that. Oh, I do. You do? I met him at a rave once in the 90s. Did you? Genuinely. Wow.

Lovely. Well, that's quite a taping me back now. Did you, Ricky? Is that said? I spoke to him. I'm thinking what Andy Gray would have said if someone had said. Now, I only spoke to him for about five minutes. I don't want my new boyfriend to hear me saying this.

No. Spoke to Adam Rickett for five minutes. Congratulations. That's a bit like being on just a minute, the golden final. I don't know. You might be brilliant. But anyway, in this dream, we were sharing a cab. And I said, I've got to get out of here.

And he said, okay, we'll give me some money, you know, for your half of the fare. I said, okay, I said, what do you want? And he said, just give me some £20 notes. I said, are you kidding me? And he said, look, and he pointed at the metre, it was 260 good. Where did you come from, Birmingham? I don't know where we'd been, and I don't know where we were going. This is an anxiety dream, in it.

Have you had a big bill in that day? No, this is getting a cab driver to drive around while you're up to no good. So he said, give me some notes. I know, I've done that. Give me some notes, he said, and he took, basically he took all the money out of my wallet. I mean, I handed it to him. And then I got out and I was still a bit light, I think. Oh.

And I woke up then. And I woke up, it was like two in the morning. And honestly, I was genuinely shaken and upset. Like I had some terrible dream about, you know, death and stuff. Yeah. It's really upset. I don't know whether it was the money or the rickie. That dream's depressing.

Well, is it depressing? I mean, it suggests I'm living the high life, doesn't it? Oh, with Adam Ricketts and a minicab. No, I think it was a black cab. Was it a black cab? It's had a metre. That was extravagant. Yeah, it was...

Maybe it was an anxiety dream about that black cab strike that was on last week when they all drove into Trafalgar Square. You know, that was in the news. Could have been that. I think... If I had to bet, I would say it's to do with the flimsiness of fame. You know, I'd been... I'd used...

I'd taken Chico's name in vain on the last show. I believe you referred to him as poor devil. Yeah, and I think maybe... Suddenly I felt that in a way I was in the same black cab as Ricky. Why are you calling him Rickett? Like he's Madonna. His name's Adam Rickett. Okay. It's Rickett, not Ricketts, isn't it? Does it matter?

Well, it matters. Maddens to Rickettians everywhere. I bet he's got a fan club that's called something like, can you, Ricky, yes he can, or something like. I went to a Jerry Anderson. You know Jerry Anderson is in Thunderbirds? Oh, yeah. I went to a thing organized by his fan.

club and they're called Fanderson. Very good. Well, that's rather good. Excellent. Actually. Oh, yeah, so I... So I dreamt that I, um... Oh, that's what we're doing, in it.

No, but yours was going to be, and then the shark ate the bubble gum? It might be a bit. I dreamt that I was riding a lamberetta scooter with my daughter in the footwell of it. In the foot... You know, the footwell of a scooter, like a Vesper-style scooter. She was just sat there, no seatbelt on, and I'm a health and safety, dad. I wince, even, like, in the swing. Not strapped in or anything.

Not strapped in. And in keeping with her personality, she was loving that. Yeah, she's totally fine with it. But looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't done that. No. Anyway. But no harm came of it. Exactly.

It was only a dream. This is the joy of the dream. I feel one can be a bit haphazard with health and safety in a dream. What I hate about dreams is the narrative structure is just all over the place. And characters change, and I won't have characters changing. Doesn't that frustrate you? No. Does that not bother you about neighbours, John's true?

And your boyfriend turns into your accountant? Well, that can easily happen. That's what's happened. That's what's happened in my relationship. I have to say, to be fair, look, Ricky, it was pretty consistent through a home. Yeah. Oh, I'm glad to hear her.

He was so tender. He hasn't changed the bit, actually. But how could he have? I have no data to change him. Wasn't he famous for his bod? Yeah. Yes. He still looked pretty ripped.

In my dream. He looked ripped. Yeah. I mean, he might, for all I know, he might be clinically obese. He might. He was regularly the fittest fella in soap, I seem to recall. Was he? Okay. Well, let's, you know, let's look him up and find out.

Yeah. If you know anything interested about Adam Rickett, Dan text us, because we're not alive. Yeah. Also, back to the real world now, I was at Heathrow Airport. He threw. Airport? Airport. Sorry.

It's a wig transport. for Heathrow Airport. Yeah. I'm sorry, let me try that again. Heathrow Airport. Yeah. And, um,

I know, what do you think about? I was queuing up to go through, to the gate. So I had, you know, boarding pass and, uh, passport in hand. And cloak of celebrity?

Well, not really. I didn't feel that at all. Um, and there was a, there was a woman who was taking the passport. And she was going, thank you.

Can you? Can you? Can you? Can you? Thank you for it. And I thought, oh, she sounds awful. And it was like a real frog in the throat, dry throat. And it's so happened, I'd got a packet of tunes in my pocket.

Oh, lovely. And which I had, which I bought in the 1970s shop around the corner from Manora. So as I went through, I said, would you like one of these? And honestly, she looked as if I'd lowered my clothing. She went... You don't mean you're Thai. She said, I'm good. Have a good flight.

I really looked away from me. And I wanted to pull her up, obviously, on the repetition of good. Yeah. As in I'm good, have a good flight. I'm glad you didn't. I didn't seem right. Maybe she thought you were implying she had bad breath. Well, I said you sound like you've got...

But I could tell. She looked at the bloke who was next to her in a kind of a... I know when I walked off, she went, weirdo. I had, what was that, Hitler's dying words. Yeah. Some of you may know Hitler died in the arms of his Alsatian. Technically the legs. But it sounds less romantic, I always thought.

Um, I, um, speaking of, speaking of legs, I, uh, I had a, pains in my thighs, both thighs this week. I hadn't been doing any physical exercise. And I thought, I've had these pains before. And I think what? Is it possible to get growing pains into your 50s? Well, I'm not a doctor, but I would guess not. Are growing pains a real thing? Are they caused by growing?

I don't think so. No, what are? I think the pain is real. Oh. Oh, the pain's real enough. I don't know if the cause is definitely growing. I think it's just what we call them. I think they are a real thing.

but not at your age, if you don't mind me saying. Well, well, then if they're not, as the cockerel suggests, tied to growing, then sure you can get them at any age. You're making the rookie error of assuming that the cockerel's right. Yeah. Could there be a thing called the shrinking pains in which you get in later life when you're about to become stooped and wizened? That's going to be very difficult for the doctors.

What a double that they were. Hello, I'm stooped! And I'm wizened. Well, they're really... I mean, do kids still get them? I haven't heard of them for years. My little boy gets growing pains. What about the old, um... The voices still break, or is that gone?

I think voices still break. But it's only six. I never hear voices breaking. No, you never hear that mention. No, it's one of those 70s things that's disappeared. Yes, it's... You guys hang around with like 15-year-old boys a lot, Deanne, that this is coming up all of the time.

No, I would suggest not. But if you were... If you were high school teachers, I would imagine you'd imagine you'd... go, yeah, voices still brilliant. In a way, we are all high school teachers. Yeah. Can't you tell by how terrible breath? Can you tell by the age of my boyfriend?

I like the way the information is gradually being drip-fed to our readers. You said drip-fed. I would say boasted about. Oh, jealous much. That's what I do if anyone's a bit jealous. It's a bit from John Lennon's jealous guy. Oh, lovely. was the last whistling hit in the British charts.

Was it? Big fan of whistling on the recorded format, aren't you? One thing I'm going to say about the pains you're experiencing. I've always, one of the things I've always loved most about you is your tolerance for pain. Yes. Don't lose that. I think that comes from the community as a member of, you know. Yes.

That's so much not a tolerance of, as a hankering fore. Yes, certainly my S&M compatriots. obviously they feed on pain like a budger feeds on cuttlefish but this is different this is coming from the inside and that that ain't so good inner thigh pain inner thigh pain yes it's you did a lot of skateboarding on something like that is it maybe that

not not not much just the usual I bought a red and yellow triang scooter with white wheels which I've been going to the butcher's on oh that's pretty But that was 1968 I don't I'm just

Did you get me a birthday card while you're back there? It did make me realise that I've never heard anyone mention either growing pains or breaking voices And I did wonder if it's something You know like people don't have a lazy eye anymore

I just I wonder if it's a thing that's Don't they get lazy eyes then No no I don't it You can call them that anymore You started it It's politically incorrect You have to call it An unmotivated eye.

Disenfranchised eye. That's what I've got. So we should probably wrestle with the World Cup, which is... We should really discuss that. And the biggest story, I think, it's pretty much agreed universally.

The biggest story so far is Robbie Savage nearly not making it because he took his wife's passport to the airport by accident and then tweeted. He thanked British Airways. Thank at British Airways. Great staff for rushing me through as I turned up with my wife's passport,

just got it back in the nick of time. And then he said it's because they've got the same haircut. Well, have you seen her? I mean, it's an easy mistake. I mean, both blonde bobs, both seen a thousand of betas. Well, those faces. This happened with me in Oshah. Did it?

I grabbed this. I don't know if you remember. Our readers may remember that I did. a celebrity look-alike app and that was what they found as my look-like. It didn't quite work for me. I got Kate Garroway.

I took it. Yeah, that's pretty good. I had a friend who was obsessed with Kate Garroway. Oh. Really? Derek Draper. Then, dear reader, he married her. No, it wasn't.

It wasn't Derek Grape. You see, from bad men. Derek Grayton, that's Don Draper. That's an MP, love, turn psychologist. I need to sort of sounds out with the names. Sol themselves out? Yeah, are you?

The man taking a woman's passport because of the haircut thing, that must have happened to Brian May and Anita Dobson. Oh, yes. Every time he goes on to us. Oh, yes. I sounded like the woman at the checking desk. I mean, that's why British Airways have got a system in place for it because they've gone, oh, it's the Dobson May problem.

Come on, let's sort this out. It's like the Duckworth Lewis method. Dobson May problem. Crankies, maybe it happened. Yeah. Me and the Leetering of Europe, maybe? I've got to say, I think we should not. Let it pass, though, that a man having the same hair as his wife is not a good thing, in my opinion.

Okay. I mean, I once, I was living with a woman who used sonning on her hair, and it went yellow. Yeah. That was a sort of C's product, wasn't it? I thought, oh, I'll try this as well. We both had matching yellow hair. Mm-hmm. You had yellow hair?

Both of us, yeah. Oh. It really looked like we deliberately done it. Like when sometimes, I once saw it. Canadian tourists were both maple leaf leather jackets. Oh yeah, yeah, they love that. That was awful.

But I don't think men dying their hair is very acceptable. You think not? No, and I don't think we should be so forgiving. Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it all right that he's got long, yellow,

blondie hair like that? I don't think it is. If I had the choice between dying my hair and just dying, I'd go the latter. Oh, you know what? We're all God's children. It's different for the ladies. I think ladies dying... I don't want it for a bloke's got... That sentiment was brought you from 1953. No, I just think it's different for the ladies. It's a tradition for the ladies dying their hair. I accept that. But I don't know. We've seen Australian cricketers with the

blonde highlights. You're thinking of one specifically. He's got all sorts of problems. I don't think it's a good thing. If I was going to die my hair, I'd go sort of blue or red, something like that. That's disgusting. Red. But the idea, what I don't like is the idea that Robbie Savage thinks he's fooling us. He thinks that we're thinking, oh, he's very blonde. I wonder if he's got any Scandinavian. I don't like that.

I don't like the fact that he's snigging at my back as I leave the studio. That he's fooled me with his hair dyeing. He got through, though, didn't he? Yeah. How did he get through with his wife's passport? Well, just through it with his face, as I did. No, I think they must have let him get it couriered to him or something No, do you know he did?

That sounds suspicious to me. He offered one of the matures. Is that what happened? Well, he had more success than I did. Robbie Savage story, I told my wife it, I read it and went, Oh, Robbie Savage nearly didn't get to the Will Cooks. He turned up with his wife's passport because they've got the same hair. And I think it is the most she has laughed at anything I've said in about the last five years.

It really tickled her. Really? Like it's up there with the time that I did an impression of Duncan Bannetan and she got a bit of marmalade cake stuck in her tonsils. Oh, really? Three days, three days, yeah. I remember that. It's about the funniest she's ever found.

I think it was in the Express. Yeah, it was definitely the Express. Just under that picture of Princess Diana on the cover. Yeah. I think it was Scottish Express as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, what about Gary Lewin? Oh, yes.

That was the other, apart from Tieri's Cordigans, that's been the other big news. Yeah. So he's a physio, isn't he? He jumped up to celebrate. Yeah. And he dislocated his ankle. He trod on a water bottle. Well.

I'll tell you where his wife's put it. She said, he's broken the end of his tibia and fraction the end of his fibula. Yeah. Okay. I'm like Edward Leah. I think she might be in the business as well. Yeah. You can tell she goes out with a physiotherapist.

She's gone to the chart. That's where she's, because she's gone to that chart in his office. Yeah. And she's actually, she's named and shamed. You know what his daughter said, which I love? She might. That's what the daughter said. Oh, let's stick together.

She said. Obviously he's gutted. She actually said he's uttered. Brilliant. Sick as a parrot. Dad's as sick as a parrot. Yeah. We're over the moon to be getting him back, though.

I shouldn't think, if he's going to get injured every time England scoring a World Cup, he's not going to have too. It could have been all right. He could have been all right. We say this, of course, they might have won four in on Thursday. They might. Although why I was embarrassed. More likely they're out.

I was embarrassed for him, though, because it seemed a disproportionate, to have an injury like that. It wasn't like, you know, England, Germany, penalty shootout, was it? We didn't even win. No, but, you know, when we did win in 1966, Alph Ramsey, the England manager, didn't even applaud. He didn't get up out of his seat. He just sat there very calmly. Oh.

Because he knew that when you get to be a middle-aged man, you don't want to be running around the edge of the pitch. It's an uneven surface. Yeah. You're asking for trouble. But Gary Loon thinks he still, you know, thinks he's still one of the players. Let the players celebrate.

Yeah. I like it. They gather their belongings. They pick up their Lucas, I cry. And then they get into the dressing room and leave it to the players to celebrate. And they should be plotting the next assault. Well, you know that... When I say assault, I mean, assault on the World Cup.

Yes. I'm not suggesting the England team or... I just worry about the laddie... sport banter that he'll get now. Lady, you pronounce it. Lady, or really. I thought it was Maddie. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, I think they'll be like, oh, when he's, when they next see him, they'll be like, watch out, Gary, there's a bottle of water there, don't slip and hurt your foot on that. You won't be able to walk past the Butchers. Well, we found none had to apologise already. Yeah. He said my bad, didn't he?

He did say, my bad. What did he say? He didn't realize. He was laughing. He was, what did he He tweeted something like, oh, the physios hurt, what happened to run it off, lads or something, you know, like they would say run it off. Yeah. And then he had to tweet and how are they to say, just found out that the injury is quite serious. Sorry, my bad. It's fine. I think you have to apologize. That surely banter is the very life's blood of the world of football.

And also, is only a physio? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Come on. He's not one of the real stars, is he? No, I mean, I wasn't thinking, oh, no, how we're going to get on now. We've got no chance now in the world club without our. main physio. That wife, she's been speaking out again, she's quite pushy that physio wife,

Mrs Lewin. Why isn't it stopping her, Frank? She's probably, probably drinking embracation. Yes, what she said now. She said, she's got a conspiracy theory. Oh, no. She blamed the groundsman. She said they shouldn't have watered the astroturf in front of the dugout. Well, tell me about it. Well, they should, if they were going to do it, they should have took the water out the bottles first. Never blame the groundsman. That's a good adid for life. Speak, going back to bed and take it backwood step back. I always like to find things quite frightening. It's cool friends, twilight, as it's in the seventh of the weeks old, this is a take out a blue. I'm going back to Robbie Savage. I always like to. I flew at the weekend.

Did you? That's where I had my tunes incident. Yeah. This thing where you have to put your toiletries into a see-through plastic bag. What is the X-ray equipment, has it broken down at airports? Well, they just want absolute clarity. Absolute clarity is a station that they're working on, isn't it? Absolute clarity. Yeah.

They x-ray the rest of the bag. Why should the toiletries have to be in some of the se-thru? Why not have to have see-through luggage? You're looking at me quite searching, as if I am an aviation official. It doesn't make any sense to me, the see-through bag for the toiletries. No. I quite like it. Do you?

Yeah, I like the see-thru bag. I find it very... Especially if I'm travelling with a gentleman, I'd like to know what he's got up a sleeve. Oh, no. That's after surprise, I think. You can get into a hotel room. Anyway... Oh, speaking of injuries, what about...

I mean, this is... Oh, this is so embarrassing. If Harrison Ford is going to get injured, don't get injured by the Millennium Falcon. I mean, that is just wrong. He suffered chest and pelvic injuries, and he broke his ankle as well, just like Gary. I know, it's been a week for that. Gary Lewin's wife had something to say about Harrison Ford. Yeah, what did she say?

No, I'm sure she did, no. She said they shouldn't have watered the Millennium Falcon. Exactly. Yeah, it was out of control. It was, I'd tell you what I'd learn. though from the Harrison Ford story. A hydraulic door fell on him, we should say. Yeah.

Or clothes. It fell, didn't it? Yeah, it fell. From the fog. He had one of his falls, Frank. He did. He's got an interesting face, actually, Harrison Ford. He's a handsome man viewed through water, is what he looks like. Because he's got older, one eye's got a bit big, and the mouth's gone slightly, and it just looks like he's... I didn't know that he was married to Callista Flockhart.

Oh, I did? I did, but fairly recently. They've really passed me by for ages, that. Yeah. I can't work with you, people. Yeah. You know, nothing. We're up now.

It did strike me that their children. Oh, congratulations. I don't know if they've got children, but if they do. They've got adopted children, yeah. Well, their surnames will almost certainly be Ford Flokhart. And I bet at school they get teased because that sounds like Fort Boyard, the old Leslie Grantham game show. You remember where they think so?

Yeah, you remember where that... I'm not sure in Bel Air, if they're that aware of course. Fort Boyard. Oh, I don't know. Surely they remember. Remember that these... I mean, we remember it, but I don't think the kids in L.A.D. A dwarf used to run around the perimeter of the sea-bound citadel.

Absolute fall. I used to think, be careful for goodness sake. Was Melinda a messenger in that? Who else was in Fort Boyard? Was Messenger in it? A messenger? I don't know about that. I don't know if Messenger was in it, but certainly Grantham.

This was pre-Internet days, I think, of course, when things went a little bit wrong. Oh, we forgave him for shooting someone in a taxi car, but we couldn't forgive him for that. The thing about this Harrison Ford is they're currently having to shoot him from the waist up. They did that with Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show. Yeah, but I hope they don't write it into the script and it's all clumsy. Don't get up hands. That's what they're going to say.

No, no, honestly, you stay sitting. I like the idea of it being written in because the next film is 35 years after the last one. So in that time, he could have become quite a frail old band, couldn't. Well, they could put him in like a space-aid wheelchair, which is a look brilliant. Yeah, and say stuff like, oh. Or he could just be leaning on a stable door for the whole thing, with the bottom bit closed. They're going to have to give him one of those little alarms. You know, on the land yard they give the elderly.

Oh, yeah. Mr. Ford knows help is on its way. That's what it'll say. It's set in the future, though, isn't it? Oh, yeah. So I think a hover wheelchair would be fantastic. That'd be good. Yeah.

Well, and maybe just a more frail hand solo, like his drinking Oval team and he's got brittle bones and stuff, so he's got to be careful, that's fine, isn't it? Whose injury is less embarrassing than Gary Lewins, to be fair? But neither are as embarrassing as my friend Jane, who got up excitedly to dance to the theme tune to George and Mildred and broke her ankle. Wow. So does it go, the same tune to George and Mildred? I don't remember. I'm usually pretty good on those when I remember. I'm good you can dance to me

Yeah, there you can She couldn't She broke her ankle Are you right I once put myself in the eye With the corner of a duve And it was one of the most painful injuries I've ever had

Oh What are you doing down there I was jumping I was leaping out of bed I mean why I was that happy To greet the world It doesn't sound like me Licking out of bed

A leaps out of bed Do you sleep diagonally I sort of He's so starfish Licked the covers like that And kind of went Whoa This is making great video

I'm saying like that And I bounced. This is years ago, so I was much more jolly then, I imagine. If you can draw a diagram, we can put it on the website. Yeah, okay, no problem. We can look at while they're listening to this. We can probably make a vine of it if we knew what that was or how to do that. A vine?

That's what they're all about now. I can imagine you being very excitable and playing a bit of supergrass maybe. Yeah, maybe that's what it was. Can you imagine, Frank, back in the 90s? I bet. But he was trying to show off, show off to a girl going, ooh, flying carpet, fly, ow! Yeah, I can imagine that happening. What if you did it, one of those when the feathers stick it out a bit, you know?

Oh. Don't you hate a rogue feather in the bedroom? Oh. Pardon? Yes. Oh, I can't bear it. No, no, it's awful. They're quite pointed at one end.

Mm-hmm. That way. Yeah. Whereas at the other end? Yeah. Well, I think my most embarrassing, it's embarrassing, but it's been a, it's almost rickett-esque. Yeah. Is I got, I started to get real pains.

in my right shoulder. And I worked out, I'm not certain about this, I think it was, I had my photo taken so much in those days with my arm round people. But I got repetitive strain injury. Yeah. And fondly enough, in recent years it seems

to have healed up. Oh, funny. Now, what does that tell you about my career? Or is it just that more people are doing selfies and there's no need for your arm to go around? You know, that could be. I'm so kind of you, Alan.

Yeah, I try and bail out. You've helped him out. You've helped a brother out. Yes. You might be right. I'm a good guy. What about when I broke my toe on a wardrobe and Philip Schofield's driver had to take me to air knee? It's awful.

That's a good story. Was this white hair or black hair? Do you remember he had a period when he dyed his hair? Yeah. Silvery. Oh, we stuck with that. Okay. Fair enough.

I should say it was in a professional capacity. I wasn't at his house or anything. No, no. I assumed he was playing Mr. Timness. Long time reader, first-time writer. On the way back from a very rare visit to my local pub this evening... I know how it feels. I decided I must discover for myself a regular friend of the show

I've been meaning to search out for years. Bear with me. After a good ten minutes stumbling around the local graveyard... Oh dear. I'm less confident this is a rare visit. Accompanied only by two friends and dim lighting from our mobile phones, we finally managed to locate the... the grave of Peter the Wild Boy.

Ah. He's well hidden. Yes, that's it with burial. I find they tend not to leave. I don't only leave bits out. Hence the ten minute search, but next time you're in a north church, pop by and I'll show you where he is.

I live just over the road, and I'm considering becoming an official tour guide just for readers. Oh. That'll keep you busy most of the year. That would be a nice out of it for us. I'd love to go. I'd love to go.

We can sit around there and sing songs without words. eat onions. Yeah. They could leave an onion on the grave like they do with cigarettes on Jim Morrison's grave. Yeah. And we can stare into fires. Stare into fires, yeah.

It's not really good for your retina. Yeah, he loved that. That sounds like a great day out, guys. Where is it again? North Church. Where's that? Why are you asking me? Is it Buckinghamshire or something like that?

Oh, come on, you're guessing wildly. Yeah, I'm guessing wildly where Peter the Wild Boy is buried. I like a famous grave. I've been, I've visited many a, many a one in my time. Oh. I think we once had a text, didn't we? What's your favourite grave? Yeah, I like Karl Marx.

I stopped going to the dessert in my shoulder, I think my photo took with the headstone. You want a photo your arm round the headstone. That's what it's all about. That was one of my, um, that was my bogey man when I was growing up, Carl Marks. I was terrified of him. Really?

Oh, it was. Oh, it was, uh, Martin Luther in Harris. I wasn't. My dad used to say Martin Luther, I come and get you. It was an anti-prote. Child rearing. Oh, happy days. Any other emails now that we're truly cornered?

Let's carry on. Dear Alan, good start. Lovely, I'm waiting for the rest of the list. Sadly, absent. I think this is a direct-to-me email. Fair enough. I was re-listening to a podcast from April. The show when a listener corrected you

about your use of a word you use to say you are, for example, moving on to email corner. Do you remember this? Yes. Alan, you were right. I just thought I'd leave that as a pause there because I'm enjoying that. Alan, you were right. Take a look at the link below,

which shows the definition of sashay, which is to walk in an ostentatious yet casual manner, typically with exaggerated movements of the hips and shoulders. Not sashay, as the listener was inferring. They weren't inferring. They were claiming. They were, yeah, chastising me. Long-time listener, regular emailer, loyal subject, Kelly. Well, well done. You've dispelled all confusion there, Kelly.

In fact, it's a sort of a sasha dispell. Oh, love that. I love that. If you remember sasha dispelled, but he sang a raindrops keep falling on my head. They play a lot of his music in that shop where your Nora buys the cards. That is how we get to. He's very handsome, though. Maybe that's how we get to email.

corner, isn't it? We walk in an ostentatious yet casual manner, typically with exaggerated movements of the hips. And in fact, I think that might have been what has caused my back problem, which has reared its head since doing the show. And maybe my thigh pains. All that sashaying into email corner. And Emily's extra storage. I've got a theory we should be warming up before the show. I think you'll find my extra storage has a name. It's called I have an anterior pelvic tilt. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. And it's a beauty. There's a song about that, isn't there I have an anterior pelvic till? And I ride the main road.

I, um, let's do we sidle onto the next track. Oh, go on. We're not really going to do that. So don't, to get too exciting. You don't want to be worshipping false sidles. I just blew Anne a little kiss. I don't know what came over me. Not sure about that.

Different on pre-records, isn't it? I don't like it in the studio. I don't like it in the TARDIS. I don't like it in the studio. That's where I don't like flirting. Flirting? Me and the Cockerel. You're having a laugh.

The Tardis. Is that a rule of yours? You don't like it? Yeah, in recent years, there's been a bit of companion doctor... Right. ...staffed chemistry, which I'm not sure. Well, I would say...

No one here... ...the romance scenes in the musketeers, did it? That wasn't romance. That was smot. No one here get offended. I think there's the least sexual chemistry I've ever experienced in my whole life on this show.

There's no sexual tension at all. All right, that's a more bad nose of it. That's the problem. But I'm not sure. Sexual tension, yeah. Okay. Sound as it says that's a bad thing. No, I think it's...

No sexual tension, basically, in my life. You know, I'm of that sort of age. You know what George Mellie said when his sex drive went? He said he was like getting off a runaway horse. Really? Really. Makes you wonder about his sex life. Oh, I tell you what, I've got to tell you boys about.

I went on the tube. Oh, I'm ghastly. Here. Whoa. This is unacceptable. Do you want us to make some phone call? Thanks, God, on the floor. I've actually fallen off my chair.

Quite hard to fall off a chair, isn't it? Especially the one where you've got arms on there. Yeah. I want if I got my arms caught underneath and ripped them both and out the socket when I went down. It's all gone a bit, uh, pha-safry-and-a-dian. I was imagine they're joined by a... single string that goes right across the inside of the chest, but that could be wrong. The shoulders.

See, you're on the tube. Something of a harrowing experience, as you know. Yeah. I go through the automated gates. Yes. You're just learning these words. Well, when I go through the automated gates, it's like the woman from Star Trek. When I go through the ultimat.

From your eyes? That's what it's like, Frank. When I go through the automated gate, sounds like a spiritual. When I go through the automated gates. And meet the Lord must save you. Okay? Yeah. Okay.

So I dashed through, and there was a station attendant. Is that what they're called, Daisy? You just strike me as kind of palisive day. I don't know what they're called. She strikes me as someone who'd have experience. Anyway. Oh, dear. She was a cockney girl.

Okay. Right. She was lovely, but she was a cockney girl. Uh-huh. Yeah. She called me back suddenly. I thought my oyster thingies had worked. And she called me back.

She said, excuse me. Oh, how humiliating. Commuters looking. Excuse me, could you come here, please? Oh, dear. I went back. I clattered back in my laboutans. I said, can I help me with them?

Sorry, is everything okay? She went, yeah, could I ask you something, please? I said, watch. Where'd you get that skirt? Wow. Brilliant. Well, no, not brilliant. Oh, really?

Did you saw that? Apparently one had gone missing earlier in the day. She was asking me quite aggressively. She said, I just want that skirt. I need that because that would look good on me. Where's it from? Was she actually got an exterior posterior area. What is it called? Well, anterior pelvic tilt.

Well, we'll get on to that, my friend. Let's hope you don't. Can we shorten it? What's the abbreviation? APT? APT, yeah. Isn't that delivery service? That's certainly very suitable, though. Always deliver. Apped even. Oh, lovely, Frank.

Oh, I'm so proud of you. Oh, words. Oh. So then she said, How much do it cost and wears it from? What, are you sure you weren't going through a railway station and so over your Russia?

Blimey! Yeah, was his papers, please. Well, then it was difficult because what I couldn't tell her is it was a gift from the designer. Brilliant. And if you were to buy it, she'd have pulled a knife across your phone.

She'd have told her that. Don't worry about that. So how did you... One was. I didn't. feel it was the right situation to use the phrase one. No. But if one was to buy such an item,

it would cost in excess. There would be a G on it, I'm afraid. A G. Yeah. Be a G and a half. $1,500 quid for a scare. Yeah. I believe so. I didn't buy it.

Bicycle. Sorry, but I've had to come up ways of not swearing now. And I'm... I said, look, you know what I did? I did... You're not, don't adjust your brass strap when you're talking to me. My tilt's playing up. So what I did find.

You know what? I'll kill that typist. Oh, where was I? Oh, I was telling you about the, um, when I was on the two. Yeah, the 1500 quid skirt. And the station attendant. A novel by Beryl. And the station attendant.

And the station attendant. And she was asking me, quite aggressively cross-examining me, it all went a bit your witness. I mean, how much it cost and where's it from? What she said. So anyway. Was it a crowd guy? Catherine at this point to see how much the skirt cost. There were a couple of businessmen loitering with intent.

Yeah. But then there always are when I'm around. And so anyway. Did you go 20 quid, 2K Max? No, what I did, because I didn't want to say, A, it was a gift from a designer and B. No, that was a good idea. It's very expensive.

I said, do you know, there are some wonderful High Street ones? I did. Okay. I said you should go, I suggested some shops you should go to, and there are. I said there's some wonderful high street ones. street copies. Did she eventually stop hitting you? Or was it just... She looked at me.

She said, I don't want them, I want that one. Whoa. Don't I like that one? Was she similar in size? You didn't mean... Your actual one, did she? I don't know. So I said, where's that one from and how much it cost? I wonder if she was a sort of demented boxed face, enthusiasm.

Okay. So, um... So she carried on. I said, yeah, I said, I think they've got some in Topshop, which are quite similar. Oh, dear. So if you go there... But where's that from? Okay.

Then she said, I mean, what size are you? You're like me, like a 14 or something? What I say? And then you slashed her across the place with your knife. No, can I tell you what I did? I have no idea what size Emily. Can I tell you what I did? I pulled up my jacket to show her my waist, which is my best feature.

Okay. I said, no, look. And I pulled up the jacket. I actually pulled it up. I said, I'm an eight. Can you be absolutely certain she looked at your waist, which is your best feature? Is that? What do you mean?

You don't think she just got distracted when you lifted up your jacket up. I actually lift my jacket up. And the businessmen, presumably, passed out at that point. Can I say there was... Can I say, I think your soul is your best feature? Oh, very good. We've taken dollars and done a bit, it's a walk down, find new things, quite frankly.